Bertie Fridays #6: Albert Hammond

We're back to flipping through Bertie The Dog's record collection. He only buys discs by people with Bert in their name...

My father is a doctor, he's a family man

My mother works for charity whenever she can

And they're both good clean Americans who abide by the law

And they both stick up for liberty and they both support the war

My happiness was paid for when they laid their money down

For summers in a summer camp and winters in the town

My future in the system was talked about and planned

But I gave it up for music and The Free Electric Band

Despite the lyrics of his only UK hit, Albert Hammond was born in London in 1944, shortly after his parents had been evacuated from Gibraltar.

Albert began his musical career aged just 16 with Gibraltarian band The Diamond Boys, but his first chart success came 6 years later, in 1966, with a Top Ten hit as part of...

The Family Dogg - A Way Of Life

He went on to enjoy a successful career as a solo musician, but I'm guessing he made most of his money as a songwriter. He's the writer or co-writer of a surprising range of hits from across the decades...

The Hollies - The Air That I Breathe

The Pipkins - Gimme Dat Ding

Blue Mink - Good Morning Freedom

The Fortunes - Freedom Come, Freedom Go

Leo Sayer - When I Need You

Starship - Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now

Whitney Houston - One Moment In Time

Willie Nelson & Julio Iglesias - To All The Girls I've Loved Before

Diana Ross - When You Tell Me That You Love Me

Quite a list. A great songwriter... though I'd argue he's not much cop as a weather man...

This Bertie's got an OBE, an Emmy, an Ivor Novello award and he's been inducted into the Songwriter's Hall of Fame. Though surely his greatest claim to fame is being mentioned in a Half Man Half Biscuit song...

Dragging my guitar round maternity ward

I was in search of the umbilical chord

But it was all in vain so I jumped on a train

And when I reached my home the kids were on the patio

Looking quite upset, so I asked them what was wrong

And they said: “Beware, there’s an Albert Hammond bootleg in the house in there

An Albert Hammond bootleg in the house

Some man who introduced himself as Stanley Rous came in

And left this Albert Hammond bootleg in the house”

No clues as to next week's Bertie. Those of you who are paying attention should be able to guess him.

Snapshots #282: A Top Ten Southern Songs

I feel like a New Man this morning.

Now we've got that joke out of the way, here are ten songs for southerners...

10. His son's on the lash again. 

This is Albert Hammond. His son is Albert Hammond Jr. He's in The Strokes.

Albert Hammond - It Never Rains In Southern California

9. Cold as ice.

Freeez - Southern Freeez

8. Performed by a bargain basement magician.

Cheap Trick - Southern Girls

7. Rude, tricky verbs.

Anagram!

Drive-By Trickers - The Southern Thing

6. Mia's devilish offspring.

Mia Farrow starred in Rosemary's Baby.

Rosemary's Children - Southern Fields

5. There's a messed up guy online.

"Guy online" is a messed up anagram of...

Neil Young - Southern Man

4. Formerly an influential film director.

He used to be an Auteur. Now he's just...

Luke Haines - English Southern Man

3. Use it to buy the office supplies.

Time to raid the Petty Cash.

Tom Petty - Southern Accents

Johnny Cash - Southern Accents

2. Bebop chops.

The Jazz Butcher - Southern Mark Smith

Classic!

1. Ringing tents in the narrow valley.

Ringing tents would have camp-bells. A narrow valley is a glen.

Glen Campbell - Southern Nights

More Snapshots - direct from the north of England - next Saturday.

Random Play: California Snow

If, when you see the picture above, your first thought is Gram Parsons... congratulations, you have passed the test. Feel free to keep reading. If you thought of someone else... shame.

Albert Hammond told us that It Never Rains In Southern California. It does, however, snow. At least that's according to Tom Russell and Dave Alvin who co-wrote today's song, one that's kept popping up on mixes of mine over the past few months. Russell explains over on Facebook that he wrote the song "in an attempt to get inside the head and conflicted feelings of a border patrolman. At the time a lot of folks were dying up in the border mountains because the weather changed so drastically up there." Unlike a lot of issue-based songs, this is a beautiful piece of music too, one that really sticks in your head, reminding me of both Tom Joad era Springsteen (lyrically) and the glorious Willin' by Little Feat (musically and lyrically).

I'm not sure which I prefer, Alvin's version or Russell's... so here are both of them. Enjoy.




And if that's not enough California Snow for you today, here's Weezer with a song of the same title from 2019's The Black Album. Very different to the tracks above, but it's fun if you like Weezer. Which I do. We are a broad church here at My Top Ten, embracing many different musical genres... except, probably, those of you who didn't think immediately of Gram Parsons at the top of the page. But stick around long enough and we will wash away the sins of your past...

My Top Ten 'Being In A Band' Songs

Dipping my toe tentatively into Top Tens again, lest this blog get done under the Trade Descriptions Act. One of the main reasons I quit was because I always ended up with too many options for whatever topic I picked and I hated leaving anything out. So I'm just going to go with the first ten songs I think of and call this Volume 1 of Songs About Being In A Band. When I think of more, or you do, I might run a second post.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, I did think of The Moody Blues - I'm Just A Singer In A Rock 'n' Roll Band, but then I listened to it again and decided it was actually rubbish.



10. Frank Hamilton - We Started A Band

It's a metaphor for a bad relationship. Aren't they all!

It feels like we started a band

But it didn't work out

Didn't work out how we planned

There's a tear in my eye

And maybe our songs were no good

Or maybe we just fought too much

9. Boston - Rock 'n' Roll Band

Much better than The Moody Blues.

Well, we were just another band out of Boston

On the road and tryin' to make ends meet

Playin' all the bars, sleepin' in our cars

And we practiced right on out in the street

No, we didn't have much money

We barely made enough to survive

But when we got up on stage and got ready to play, people came alive

8. Amy MacDonald - Let's Start A Band

It's not just the lads who want to do it.

Give me a stage and I'll be your rock and roll queen

Your 20th century cover of a magazine

Rolling Stones here I come, watch out everyone, I'm singing

I'm singing my song

Give me a festival and I'll be your Glastonbury star

The lights are shining everyone knows who you are

Singing songs about dreams about hopes about schemes

Oh, they just came true

7.  Grand Funk Railroad - We're An American Band

Yes they were.

Booze and ladies, keep me right

As long as we can make it to the show tonight

6. Del Amitri - Drunk In A Band

More grim honesty from Mr. Currie.

Danny puts the cones on the motorway

And Donna dances tables in her lingere

And Jerry, Dave, and Billy, man, they're putting on a play

But I'm just a drunk in a band

5. Creedence Clearwater Revival - Travelin' Band

Listen to the radio,

Talkin' 'bout the last show.

Someone got excited,

Had to call the state militia.

I wanna move.

Playin' in a travelin' band, yeah!

4. Albert Hammond - Free Electric Band

Well, they used to sit and speculate upon their son's career,

A lawyer or a doctor or a civil engineer,

Just give me bread and water, put a guitar in my hand,

'Cause all I need is music and the free electric band

I don't suppose Albert had much to say about his own son's choice of career...

3. Jason Isbell - To A Band That I Loved

I always thought this was about his years as a member of the Drive By Truckers, but the interweb tells me he actually wrote about a band they went on tour with called Centro-Matic.

Though everyone tried to ignore us

We'd scared them all off by the chorus

2. Felt - Ballad of the Band

The downside of being in a band... and not doing as well as you'd hoped.

It's all my fault

Yes I'm to blame

Ain't got no money

Ain't got no fame

1. Art Brut - Formed A Band

Surely the most joyous expression of what it must be like to start your own band after dreaming about it for so long. I can never understand why Art Brut weren't bigger than The Beatles. (Please don't answer that.)

And yes, that is his singing voice. It's not irony, and it's not rock 'n' roll... he's just talking... to the kids.

Saturday Snapshots #107 - The Answers

Nobody puts Baby in the corner on a Sunday morning. Baby wants her answers! And here they are...

Did you have a Ghost of a chance of getting them all right?

Regardless, every track's a belter this week...



10. A wee vacuum riddle torments and teases.

Jimmy Riddle?

Jimmy The Hoover - Tantalise

9. Still a child at heart, secretly famous.

Forever young...

Neil Young - Unknown Legend

Still sends shivers down my spine, this track. Written about his former wife, Pegi, who sadly died earlier this year.

8. Melon twisting dancer gets an A for running over southern states.

Bez was the Melon Twisting dancer. Add an A and you get Baez.

Joan Baez - The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down

7. Save the earth in 2009? If not then, how about...

If not in 2009, how about...?

Ten Years After - I'd Love To Change The World

6. I refuse to accept a brother of York can go beyond sanity.

Thom Yorke's brother was in this band.

(Bonus clue - Hal Hartley made a film called The Unbelievable Truth, David Mitchell hosts a Radio 4 quiz show with the same name.)

Unbelievable Truth - Higher Than Reason

5. Town that died, but not long ago, meets French weirdo.

The Night Chicago Died. Take away ago.

A French weirdo would be Le Freak.

Chic - Le Freak

4. No charge for pierced organ ring.

(That's my favourite clue ever.)

No charge is free. Electricity also comes with a charge. Hammond make organs. A pierced organ is a Prince Albert. A ring is sometimes called a (wedding) band.

I thank you.

Albert Hammond - The Free Electric Band

3. Rubbing out, occasionally.

Erasure - Sometimes

2. Melted Pac Man puts gas in your tank.

If the arcade was on fire, Pac Man might melt.

Arcade Fire - Keep The Car Running

1. Michael Caine and James Brown hit the Martini, relentlessly.

Michael Caine was Carter. James Brown was a Sex Machine. Relentlessly is unstoppable.

Ride a Point Break back here again next Saturday morning for more of the same...

My Top Ten Southern Songs

I'm a proud Northerner through and through, but I don't have anything against any Soft Southern Jessies who might be reading this blog. And to prove it, here's ten songs just for you...


10. The Lucksmiths - Southernmost

You can't get much further south than the Lucksmiths, from Melbourne, Australia. This is a beautiful short story song of southern summer nights, swimming pools and falling asleep to the sound of a walkman.

9. John Murry - Southern Skies

The devil's paintbrush
Holds just one color

John Murry is one scary dude.

8. Crosby, Stills & Nash - Southern Cross

CSN sail south to Tahiti, perhaps searching for their erstwhile fourth member. (A clue: you'll find him higher up this chart.)

7. Albert Hammond - It Never Rains In Southern California

Albert Hammond's greatest creation... if you don't count his son, Jr., that guy in the Strokes. Despite all that, Al Sr.'s actually a Brit. He also co-wrote When I Need You for Leo Sayer. Is there anything he can't do?

6. Brad Paisley - Southern Comfort Zone

Never one to shy away from a cheesy pun or a comedy video, here Brad uses a tractor for percussion before running around the world in a single T-shirt, only to conclude "there's no place like Tennessee". Still my favourite contemporary country singer.

5. Glen Campbell - Southern Nights


Allen Toussaint's tribute to Louisiana. Not every classic Glen Campbell song was written by Jimmy Webb...

4. Boy & Bear - Southern Sun

More Aussies, from a little further north than the Lucksmiths. One of my best new musical discoveries of 2014 (so far), I'm currently saving up for their latest album, Harlequin Dream. (Money's pretty tight this month or I'd have already bought it.)

3. Tom Petty - Southern Accents

Florida's Tom Petty sings a romantic ode to the Orlando orange groves of his youth.

2. Luke Haines - English Southern Man

Oddly, the only Southern song in my list actually dedicated to the south of England. Luke Haines has spent a good part of his career taking good-natured swipes at us Thick Northerners, but I'll let him off... even if God's Own Country could never be on the south coast, Luke.

Luke's title, of course, was inspired by this...

1. Neil Young - Southern Man

Neil's vitriolic attack on Deep South racism, which may (or may not*) have inspired Lynyrd Skynyrd to fire back with Sweet Home Alabama. That surely earns it a Number One placing in any Southern chart.

(*Young himself claims that despite the reference to both himself and "Southern Man" in Sweet Home Alabama, Skynyrd were actually responding to the lyrics of another song, Alabama... which he no longer stands behind, anyway. So Neil & the Skynyrd boys ended up pals after all.)




Which is your Southern Superman?