Snapshots #438: Euphemisms For... S-E-X... Songs

This is Chubby Checker. In 2013, he was forced to sue a leading IT company for promoting an app that used his name as a euphemism for measuring the size of one's manhood. The app was withdrawn.

Here are 15 songs that could well be euphemisms for nookie.

15. Danced for Patrick Hernandez.

Before she became famous, she was a backing singer and dancer for the French disco star.

Madonna - Hanky Panky

14. Scotland bar vandal gets his comeuppance.

"Scotland bar vandal" was an anagram.

Starland Vocal Band - Afternoon Delight

If you've never seen the video before, I urge you to give it a click. These days, we're so used to seeing pop stars singing about sex... but these guys look so wholesome, surely they were waiting till they were married?

13. Dustbin Wagon Americano.

Dustin Wagons are made by Dennis. An Americano is a coffee.

Dennis Coffey - Congress Six

12. Slow horse is such a sweetie.

Have you watched Slow Horses yet? If not, you don't know what you're missing. Gary Oldman plays Jackson Lamb... and he's luscious!

Luscious Jackson - Deep Shag

That might be a song about carpets. I'm not sure.

11. That time Elton came back and stayed.

(Elton) John and Paul Young, who sang Come Back And Stay.

John Paul Young - I Wanna Do It With You

10. Droopy-nosed flock.

Flight of the Conchords - Business Time

9. Live with Mr. Las Vegas, on the loo.

Liv' is short for Olivia. Mr. Las Vegas was Wayne Newton. A loo is a John.

Olivia Newton-John - Physical

8. We're all lost inside Grampa's Telstar obsession. 

Grampa's Telstar obsession

The Pastels - Ride

7. Needs an A to boogie.

DNCE - Cake By The Ocean

That's what the young people are calling it these days, apparently.

6. Sounds like a video game, second prize on the Golden Shot.

The video game would be Sega. Second prize on the Golden Shot might be the Silver Bullet.

Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band - Night Moves 

Worth watching that video for an early appearance by Joey from Friends.

Or, a little less subtle...

Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band - The Horizontal Bop

5. Rebel Without A Chris.

James Dean was a Rebel Without A Cause. Chris Martin, without the Chris, would be...

Dean Martin - Wham! Bam! Thank You, Ma'am!

4. Nike, round the bend.

Nike Air, but curved.

Curved Air - Screw

3. Wayne.

Rooney - Jump In My Bed

2. Found washed up on Liberty Shores.

"Liberty Shores" was an anagram.

Isley Brothers - Between The Sheets

1. Henry, Wendy, Skip.

Henry James, Wendy James, Skip James.

James - Laid

Get your minds out of the gutter next Saturday morning for something far more wholesome.

Snapshots #346: A Top Ten Exercise Songs

Here's Cindy Crawford: another celebrity who's made a packet out of her exercise videos.

And here are ten songs to exercise to...

10. That's a cheep demo, Ed... and it's badly mixed, too.

Remix "cheep demo, Ed" and you get...

Depeche Mode - Get the Balance Right

Ask someone who goes to the gym (like CC) to explain balance exercises, if you're unsure.

9. There's definitely one in Mississippi... and it sounds like there's another four.

Mississippi has quite a big delta... 

Delta 5 - Circuit

8. Whirlwind.

Curved Air - Stretch

7. Stop fannying about.

The Front Bottoms - Push Ups

6. Nothing too garish.

The Pastels - Yoga

It was either that, or this...

Elvis Presley - Yoga Is As Yoga Does

5. Layla twists cat into a different shape.

"Layla twists cat" was an anagram...

Stacy Lattisaw - Jump To The Beat

Aerobics, zumba, dancercise... all rolled into one.

4. A Dick, like Les.

Richard Dawson - Jogging

(Worth a click if you've never heard that before.)

3. Imagine if there was more than one Charity Chic!

Imagine a whole world of CCs!

CCS - Walking

Walking is very good exercise, I'll have you know.

2. There's a bin in My Way.

The Trash Can Sinatras - Weightlifting

1. Wow.

Wow was, of course, a song by the lady below. And our general reaction to her...

Kate Bush - Running Up That Hill

If you've got any energy left, try these...

Morning Runner - Burning Benches

Underworld - Push Upstairs

Cracker - I Ride My Bike

The Associates - Skipping

Slightly more sedentary Snapshots next Saturday...

Saturday Snapshots #143 - The Answers

Welcome to the Hunger Games... because you're all hungry for the answers! So let's get going...



10. Where mustangs work out, near Coben's home.

(Ford) Mustangs work out at the gym.

The Coben was Harlan Coben. (I couldn't think of any other Harlans.)

Jim Ford - Harlan County

9. Wall, Hill & Baker. Power fantasies.

Wall, Hill and Baker are all famous streets.

The Streets - Weak Become Heroes

8. Dracos bread.

Dracos are flying lizards.

Bread is money.

The Flying Lizards - Money

7. When Bridget Jones leaves, via the sinister slope.

Bridget Jones was played by Renee Zellweger.

Sinister is left in Latin.

The Left Banke - Walk Away, Renee

6. Milo O'Shea isn't in 2D... but he could eat a horse.

Milo O'Shea played the character Dr. Durand Durand in Barbarella. Take two Ds away and you get...

Duran Duran - Hungry Like The Wolf

5. Beware - women with javelins live here! Winners drive home in their sports cars.

Fatima Whitbread was a champion javelin thrower.

Fatima Mansions - Only Losers Take The Bus

4. One notch in on the belt for Riverdale campanologist and doctors from hell.

Tighten that belt!

Riverdale is the home of Archie.

Campanologists ring bells.

Dr-Hell... "Dr'ell".

Archie Bell & The Drells - Tighten Up

3. Cyclone where the Boys meet the Boss, darling.

A cyclone is air curving round and round and round really fast. (Trust me, I'm a scientist.)

Backstreet Boys.

Bruce also sang about the Backstreets.

Curved Air - Backstreet Luv

2. Bloke who drives a modern taxi downs gin with a cherry.

A modern taxi is an Uber. (Don't ask me, I never liked taxis... you're not going to get me in a taxi driven by an amateur!)

Gin blossoms. Cherry blossoms.

Downs = falls.

Ooberman - Blossoms Falling

1. Aretha Bee Chesspiece... Graham Greene.

Aretha was the queen of soul.

Queen bee. 

Chess.

Graeme Greene wrote Brighton Rock.

More Joy... and a great deal of Mystique... next Saturday.