If this is published
it must mean that no-one else wants to write for Rol. So the poor bloke has
three choices: (1) accept more drivel from me, (2) not post anything leaving Thursday
blank (just as Len Shackleton did in the chapter of his autobiography devoted
to football directors’ knowledge of football), or (3) write something himself.
I am titling this My
Top Ten “Mary Magdalene” Songs. My partner informed me that my belief about
Mary Magdalene is incorrect, so I am rather scurrilously repeating, well,
implying, a falsehood. Anyway, maybe after this Top Ten you will be able work
out what they all have in common.
1. Iron Maiden - Charlotte The Harlot
First, from the only
album I’ve ever had autographed by a member of the band. Actually, that’s not
true, the one I got signed, I then swapped with my friend Euan. He wanted that
signature. He was more into his Metal For Muthas thing than I was, I think I
just got caught up in the hysteria in I&N’s record shop in Dundee and
bought the album. I’ve just pulled the album out, next to Iron Butterfly,
and it’s signed by the author (Dave Murray) of the song
2. O.C. Smith - The Son of Hickory Holler's Tramp
Some songs have a very
off-putting title. For me the title suggests some sort of crappy nursery rhyme
song. Well, once I got beyond the (idiotic) title, I discovered a great soul
song, when sung by O. C. Smith.
It’s also a country
song, in the hands of, amongst others Sanford Clark.
3. Queen - Killer Queen
I bought this single in Woolies in Broughty Ferry, after a visit to the
dentist (whose surgery was literally across the road). About 27 years later I
bought the album, which I’ve played no more than 5 times, I suspect three
times, and the third was due to this article.
(I've played it enough for both of us. - Rol.)
4. David Bowie - Cracked Actor
I was thinking of including the version from David Live, but on hearing
again I’ve changed my mind.
5. Morrissey - Piccadilly Palare
I had no idea what
this song was about before my brief research for this piece. No idea what
the second word of the title meant. I do now.
(How bona to vada, George. - Rol.)
6. PJ Harvey - The Whore's Hustle & The Hustler's Whore
On reading the lyrics
to this one I suspect it’s an off-topic song.
(Like that's ever stopped me. - Rol.)
7. The Velvet Underground - There She Goes Again
Lou Reed sneers his
way through song very effectively. It’s a bit too realistically delivered.
8. Tubeway Army - Our Friends Electric
And from an album
that easily meets that fine category of Second Is Better Than First. I got it
for £1. And that was £1 better spent than on the atrocious Pictures At An
Exhibition. It was a great song in 1979 and it still sounds great
(I had no idea what this song was actually about. - Rol.)
9. Jethro Tull - Cross-Eyed Mary
And where would a Top
Ten list be without The Tull. Every collection should have one of their albums.
From a concept album about the distinction between religion and god. They just
don’t make records like this anymore. Well, they do, Big Big Train (fronted by
a lovely bloke, ex-colleague of mine) are into prog. concept albums in a big
big way.
10. Status Quo - Mystery Song
Best ‘til last. It’s
the only song of The Quo’s I like. And I really like this. In some places I
believe it’s illegal to not play this loudly.
The allegedly hardest
boy in my year group in secondary school was a big Quo fan. So he
scratched the band name on a desk. Well, he actually scratched Status Que.
We (i.e. my group of friends) were too scared of him to take the piss to
his face.
And here’s Mary
Magdalene in action!
(That's the second time George has inflicted Jesus Christ, Superstar on us. I blame Charity Chic for this.)
Songs that came close
were two offerings by Elton John. When he was good, namely Island Girl and
Sweet Painted Ladies. I also considered Trick Of The Light by The Who, which
came very close to replacing Morrissey. And NO! Nothing by The Police, it’s a
terrible song.
(When George asked me about doing this Top Ten, I encourage him to take the piss out of Sting more than that, Then again, Sting does a good enough job of that himself, I guess. And these guys do an even better job... right down to the cod-reggae.)
Thanks to Rol for
posting this. I suppose you all know what the theme was, but I did not want to
use any risque words for those of you doing what you should be doing, i.e. reading
this at work. And now I’m feeling slightly foolish as song number 6 blows that
out of the water.