The United Kingdom Of Song #45: Northumberland

Our family holiday this year took us to Northumberland, a place I haven't been since I was a teenager when my parents took me to Seahouses on what would be our last family holiday together. I wasn't all that impressed, and after that I chose to stay home with my sister when they went away. Suffice it to say that Seahouses holds more appeal to a fifty-something... though fortunately there was enough to keep Sam entertained to. How long before he no longer wants to go on holiday with his parents.

When I lyric-searched Seahouses, I kept getting these guys... but no relation. 

The Seahorses - Blinded By The Sun

Although the song title at least is appropriate, thanks to us (for once) choosing the best week of the summer to be away... a little too hot for me on a couple of the days.

Jon Langford & The Bright Shiners - Seahouses

We stayed in Beadnell, a lovely quiet village just down the coast from Seahouses, and one that clearly means a lot to Geordie prog-folk bloke Richard Dawson...

She asks why we spend precious time
Crafting our sheaves by hand
When we could acquire all we need
From the bastle at Beadnell
Or one of the abundant caskets of parting cloud
Which every sundown
Float to ground on their dark balloons

Richard Dawson - The Tip Of An Arrow

Slow is the black dog in the sky
Who pisses and slobbers all over the world
From Belford to Wooler, to Beadnell and Ford
He slowly devours the land

Richard Dawson - Black Dog In The Sky

A little further up the coast and you arrive at the awesome site of Bamburgh Castle. Here's Richard to tell us a little more about that.

Richard Dawson - The Bamburgh Beast

And now a history lesson from Jack The Lad...

There was a king in Bamburgh
And a better king you could not find
He had no wife but children two
Fair Margaret and bold Childe Wynd

Jack The Lad - The Wurm

Although Jon Pertwee would be my choice...

Jon Pertwee And Tom Matthews - Pride Of Bamburgh

Now if you're wondering if the house at the top of the page was our holiday accommodation... sadly not. That's actually the former home of William Armstrong, the Tony Stark of Victorian England, a "scientist, inventor and philanthropist" who I suspect made most of his fortune from arms dealing. That house, Cragside, was once described as "truly the palace of a modern magician". It was probably the most impressive place we visited, though the ostentatious display of wealth left a sour taste too.

 On then to Alnwick, home of a far more wholesome magician. In the grounds of Alnwick Castle, we fought dragons and learned how to fly a broomstick just like Harry Potter and his chums. 

Blyth Power - Alnwick & Tyne

Martin Simpson - Lads Of Alnwick

One final treat came with a boat trip around the Farne Islands to visit some grey seals (sadly, the puffins had all left for their winter holidays). The lighthouse on the photo is the one where local legend Grace Darling made her dramatic rescue back in 1838...

The Strawbs - Grace Darling

Talkshow Boy - Grace Darling

Sadly, we didn't get as far as Lindisfarne on that trip... we're saving the Holy Island till our next visit.

Anyone who's ever made it across those steps
At Lindisfarne, that Lindisfarne
Where the tide comes in early and leaves us stranded
Without our family until the morning

James Blake - Mulholland

Lindisfarne - Meet Me On The Corner

Northumberland - definitely a place I'd like to visit again. But it's bye for now...

Snapshots #346: A Top Ten Exercise Songs

Here's Cindy Crawford: another celebrity who's made a packet out of her exercise videos.

And here are ten songs to exercise to...

10. That's a cheep demo, Ed... and it's badly mixed, too.

Remix "cheep demo, Ed" and you get...

Depeche Mode - Get the Balance Right

Ask someone who goes to the gym (like CC) to explain balance exercises, if you're unsure.

9. There's definitely one in Mississippi... and it sounds like there's another four.

Mississippi has quite a big delta... 

Delta 5 - Circuit

8. Whirlwind.

Curved Air - Stretch

7. Stop fannying about.

The Front Bottoms - Push Ups

6. Nothing too garish.

The Pastels - Yoga

It was either that, or this...

Elvis Presley - Yoga Is As Yoga Does

5. Layla twists cat into a different shape.

"Layla twists cat" was an anagram...

Stacy Lattisaw - Jump To The Beat

Aerobics, zumba, dancercise... all rolled into one.

4. A Dick, like Les.

Richard Dawson - Jogging

(Worth a click if you've never heard that before.)

3. Imagine if there was more than one Charity Chic!

Imagine a whole world of CCs!

CCS - Walking

Walking is very good exercise, I'll have you know.

2. There's a bin in My Way.

The Trash Can Sinatras - Weightlifting

1. Wow.

Wow was, of course, a song by the lady below. And our general reaction to her...

Kate Bush - Running Up That Hill

If you've got any energy left, try these...

Morning Runner - Burning Benches

Underworld - Push Upstairs

Cracker - I Ride My Bike

The Associates - Skipping

Slightly more sedentary Snapshots next Saturday...

Product Placement #26: WH Smith

It's a sad day for Huddersfield with the announcement that our local WH Smith is closing down. The Piazza Shopping Centre, a wonderfully 70s concrete carbuncle (built two years before I was born) is to be demolished and replaced with some shiny space age Jetson's promenade... and Smiths has elected not to seek an alternative location in the town. 

There are those who argue (quite vocally on local areas of the book of faces) that Huddersfield town centre has been dying slowly for years now, and that this is another nail in its coffin. I'd rather not be drawn into such debates. The town centre where I spent many a happy Saturday morning with my mum, stopping off at all the local newsagents (including Smiths) to see what new comics I cold find... that place is long gone. But so is the culture that fed it. Back then, in the pre-internet era, I could buy four comics for a pound. Nowadays I'd be lucky to buy one and get change from a fiver. You can't turn back the hands of time.

Here are a few songs in honour of WH Smith. You may have won the battle with John Menzies, but nothing lasts forever...

Let's start not in Yorkshire, but over t'other side o' Pennines...

I kissed my girl, by PC World

I dropped me crisps, outside WHSmiths

They chopped down that tree, to build a KFC

Good!

The Lancashire Hotpots - This Lancashire Town

Even further West, they still get their comics from WH Smiths... but I'm not sure they're paying for them...

Then on W.H. Smiths, I steal some books, some graphic novels and some comics

And I spend the afternoon in Maccy D's

Drinking milk shake, reading Spiderman and Tank Girl

Akira The Don - Liverpool

Meanwhile, up in the North East, Richard Dawson pops into Smiths during this autobiographical epic...

I'm starting a BTEC in Engineering at Tynemouth College

My thermos flask leaks parsnip soup on the metro

Clogging up the keys of my MacBook

Carrot pennies steam amidst a pyre of pencils

Ruck-sack dripping up the steps of WH Smith's

To buy a fresh pad of paper

Richard Dawson - The Vile Stuff

The next track is also a very personal tune, from a collection written during lockdown. I can't find out much about the artist, but he's definitely a Slow Burner...

Slow Burner - Week 34: WH Smith

More autobiography to close, from a Southerner - the wonderful Eddie Argos...

Another time I'd overheard you saying you were going into town

And at the time I lived right in between two towns, but I wasn't quite sure which one you meant

So I bought a bus pass, I went to both of them, and frantically looked for you everywhere

And when I finally saw you at WH Smith's, I got scared

  

The United Kingdom Of Song #41: Leeds

"Could life ever be sane again?"

The Leeds side streets that you slip down

I wonder to myself

The Smiths - Panic

Leeds was the first city I knew. My dad worked in Leeds when I was a kid, back in the days when getting there from Huddersfield was a much shorter journey. As I grew older, Mum used to take me to Leeds Comic Marts every other month, and when I started work, I'd often catch the train from Bradford to Leeds to spend my wage in the city's many record shops. It was later that I discovered Manchester (too big and scary for a little Yorkshire lad) and later still, Sheffield (Leeds without the pretentions). Nowadays I work in Leeds myself, or close enough, but the only reason I have to visit the city centre is the occasional gig. I don't feel as welcome there as I once did... it's all too new and shiny and ever-expanding... but then, I've never been a city boy. 

Still, I was encouraged to breath life into this old blog series after listening to the wonderful Cherry Red compilation, Where Were You: Independent Music From Leeds (1978-1989). Not only does that collection feature some of the best bands to ever call Leeds home, including The Wedding Present, The Sisters of Mercy, Cud, The Mekons and The Sinister Cleaners... but it also features quite a few songs about Leeds. Like this one!

Named after an Eddie Cochran song, Pink Peg Slax were a Leeds rockabilly band who scored quite a few sessions with John Peel and Andy Kershaw in the 80s, though they never broke through to the big time. They were also responsible for this little beauty...

Pink Peg Slax - Self Pitying Stan

Next, I want you to imagine that Grandmaster Flash grew up in Leeds, rather than on the mean streets of The Bronx. Get ready to meet...

The Legendary Len Liggins - Life In Leeds City

Mandi and Debi Laek are two sisters from Leeds whose quirky tales of life in Leeds have drawn comparisons to The Kinks, The Jam, Brian Wilson and Syd Barrett.

The Rhythm Sisters - Saturday/ Sunday Lazy Leeds Afternoons

Moving beyond the Cherry Red compilation, here are a few more Leeds-centric tunes I found in the hard drive...

The Spanish Amanda - Leeds or Karatsu

The Who - Summertime Blues (Live At Leeds)

The Parachute Men - Leeds Station

And another Leeds band... one whose most famous song is immortalised in big neon letters on the wall of Leeds theatre, The West Yorkshire Playhouse...

Eat, sleep and crap

For it to prey on your needs

Down a dark street

In backwater Leeds

Chumbawamba - Drip Drip Drip

Of course, Leeds has a darker side. Back in the 80s, it was known as the home of the Yorkshire Ripper, and one notorious football team...

Amanda Palmer - Leeds United

Lyrically, Leeds also pops up in some quite unexpected places...

She'd spent 35 pounds on one pack of ciggies

Running an errand for him indoors

Then she kept running straight down to Leeds Central

Took Intercity and left her remorse

Hue & Cry - Looking For Linda

Mark Knopfler wrote the following tune about Harry Phillips, a Leeds sculptor who never got the respect he deserved... because he wasn't from a trendy town.

He was ignored by all the trendy boys in London

Yes, and in Leeds

He might as well have been making toys

Or strings of beads

Dire Straits - In The Gallery

Here's a contemporary American band that 30-something hipsters like Ben are into, despite the fact that they're named after that old sitcom about growing up in the 60s. The song is all about being on tour, mostly in Leeds, but far away from home...

Last night in Leeds

Ad and I found ourselves wandering the city

Looking for pizza

All we found was complacency and somewhere to sleep

I'm still waiting for the map to say home's a week away

The Wonder Years - Hostels & Brothels

Another band getting homesick is Atlanta's The Indigo Girls...

It's dark at 4 pm in Leeds

The steeples pierce the skylight 'til the last of it bleeds

The absent sound of another day as it recedes

Into the shadows

Until it's nothing

The Indigo Girls - Leeds

Also from Georgia is the band Of Montreal. Turns out they've been to the capital of West Yorkshire too...

Eating at Welcome Breaks daily

We danced in Leeds with Brit Pop Haley

Of Montreal - My British Tour Diary

Back in the UK, Geordie folkster Richard Dawson is someone I've been listening to quite a bit lately since Michel Faber sang his praises in Listen. Here, Richard talks about missing his daughter after driving her away to University...

Waving me goodbye from the steps of her building

She  shrinks into the shudders of the rearview

Tears  begin to fall on the outskirts of Leeds

I am missing her already

Richard Dawson - Fresher's Ball

Meanwhile, Sheffield lad Jarvis Cocker suggest they're not that welcoming to outsiders in Leeds...

We came across the North Sea with our carriers on our knees

Wound up in some holding camp somewhere outside Leeds.

Because we do not care to fight, my friends - we are the weeds.

Because we got no homes they call us smelly refugees.

Pulp - Weeds

Kevin Rowland is even less of a fan...

Lord have mercy on me, keep me away from Leeds

I've been before, it's not what I'm looking for

Dexys Midnight Runners - Thankfully Not Living in Yorkshire, It Doesn't Apply

But my favourite song about Leeds is still this one, from Californian songwriter John Darnielle. It's a song dedicated to Goth God and "Leeds lad" Andrew Eldritch... although he was actually born in Cambridgeshire. Nevertheless, it always makes me smile...

 

Product Placement Friday #11: Ready Brek

I honestly thought they'd given up making Ready Brek, so I was surprised to see that it's still being churned out by the Weetabix people. Clearly they've changed the recipe to make it less radioactive, but us kids of the 70s and 80s were happy to down a bowl of nuclear slag if it kept us warm on our way to school. Kids nowadays are too soft by far.

Rapper Example (real name Elliot John Gleave) was born in 1982. His guest on the track below, Doc Brown (not the one with a Delorean, the one who recorded Equality Street with David Brent), was born in the 70s. So they're just about old enough to wax lyrical about the good old days...

I knew Elliot in the days of Ready Brek and Teletext

Never knew where we'd be shellin' next

Nowadays it's a brave new environment

Just for Example, I came out of retirement

Example & Doc Brown - Eye To Eye

Carl Barât from the Libertines was born one year after Doc Brown (1978, for those of you who're trying not to feel too old). Here he is with his other band, the one not fronted by an obnoxious junkie...

I used to have a future 

But now I don't know 

Just dependence and repentance and a Ready Brek glow

Dirty Pretty Things - You Fucking Love It

Next, how do you fancy some Scottish hip hop? You know you do...

I react like a bull to a red rag

'Til I glow around the edges like the Ready Brek man

With the heavyset slang to make many heads bang

And yi can chase yirsel for that bed tax

Stanley Odd - Chase Yirsel 

And then there's this...

The Weathermonger - Ready Brek Kid

Answers on a postcard.

Finally, here's a song from Richard Dawson about working in the civil service. It might ring a few bells for some of you...

Open your eyes, time to wake up

Shit, shower, brush your teeth, drain your cup

Wolf down a bowl of Ready Brek

Fasten a tie around your neck

All over the city we arise, arise

For a job we despise, despise, despise

I don't want to go into work this morning

I don't think I can deal with the wrath of the general public

And I don't have the heart to explain to another poor soul

Why it is their Disability Living Allowance will be stopping shortly

Little bit of politics to enjoy with your Ready Brek. That'll give you a warm glow...