Showing posts with label Turtles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Turtles. Show all posts

Sunday, 3 March 2024

Snapshots #333: A Top Ten Nut Songs


As Johnny Cash memorably put it - Everybody Loves A Nut!

Some years ago now, C asked me if I fancied having a go at a Top Ten songs about different types of nuts. We got there in the end...



10. Trust Ethel with your jumble.


"Trust Ethel", unjumbled, becomes...


9. Brown, Gate, Earring... and Callahan.


Golden Brown, Golden Gate, Golden Earring... and Bill Callahan's band, which was called Smog. A different Smog to these guys...


8. Burnt offerings... though they paid Gary Lineker to be a fan.


If they're burnt, they're Crispy... but Gary was paid by the Company to promote them.


A UK Top 30 hit in 1975, if anyone remembers it.

7. As big as two thirds of the Earth.


The earth is 70% (so, more than 2/3rds, in case any Maths teachers are reading) ocean.


6. Simon changes his name at Midday.


In the Bible, Simon changed his name to Peter. Not sure if it was at 12 noon or not.


5. Short Simpson meets Buffy's Alyson.


Lisa was a short Simpson. Alyson Hannigan played Willow in Buffy The Vampire Slayer (as I'm sure our own Alyson could tell you).


4. Morrissey is very good at worrying. 


Stephen frets very well.


3. Harrison plus Caine.


George Harrison plus Michael Caine =


(Technically speaking, the monkey nut, aka the peanut, is not actually a nut. It's a legume. But I couldn't find any decent Cashew songs, so it sneaked it, just pushing out Harry Nilsson's Coconut, which is a fruit.)

2. Rung to warn us of an Iron Lady approaching...


That would be the sound of the Maggie Bell.


(And yes, hazelnuts only have one L. But this Hazell was a TV detective, for whom Maggie sang the theme tune. And it's a cracking tune, so it was shoe-horned in.) 

1. Tyts.


Tits would be birds. What else were you thinking of...?

The Byrds - Chestnut Mare

 
Snapshots will be back next Saturday. You'd be nuts to miss it!


Monday, 3 October 2022

Celebrity Jukebox #39: Henry Miller


As an English teacher, I'm often called upon to pretend I know more about famous writers than I actual do. So what do I know about Henry Miller? Erm... he wrote some mucky books? Oh, wait, no, the U.S. Supreme Court cleared him of obscenity and declared his novels "literature" in 1964, so he wasn't just another sex-obsessed scribe. He did get through five wives though, and spent most of his 80s writing pen pal letters to a Playboy model called Brenda Venus. Make of that what you will. On his death in 1980, the Grauniad declared, "As chief literary anarchist of his day, Miller was a kind of low priest celebrating the last rites of what he regarded as a doomed civilisation"... which might almost persuade me to give his books a go, if someone would be willing to cover my eyes when I got to the mucky bits.

In truth, most of what I know about Henry Miller has been garnered from these songs. Then again, most rock 'n' rolls stars are a bunch of sex-obsessed narcissists too, so no wonder they dig this "low priest of a doomed civilisation".

I'd love it if Doris Day was singing about our Henry Miller in The Deadwood Stage, but as that's set some time before the author was born, it's unlikely. Still, the Henry Miller in question is the owner of The Golden Garter saloon, so he was probably a bit of a perv too...

Introducing Henry Miller
Just as busy as a fizzy Sarsparilla
Ain't a showman any smarter 
Operates the Golden Garter


Jewel is undoubtably referring to the correct Henry though...

My, you remind me of a man I used to sleep with
That's a face I'd never forget
And you can be Henry Miller and I'll be Anaïs Nin
Except this time it'll be even better
We'll stay together in the end
Come on darlin', let's go back to bed


Anaïs Nin and Henry Miller were, of course, lovers. Nin financed the publication of Miller's first book, Tropic of Cancer, in 1934. You might be surprised to learn that I have read some Anaïs Nin. There was a copy on a bookshelf I used to frequent as a boy. E knows what I'm talking about...

She hides in the library reading Henry Miller books
'Til they flash the lights, it's time to go
When she was a little kid she said
"Dad, I don't know why I feel so penniless inside"


Still in the library (or not), here's a surprising dose of social commentary from The Turtles...

Nobody is ever un-American in Suburbia, ha!
Nobody is ever un-American in Suburbia
Everybody has a list
Of Negroes, Jews and communists
And checks it off before their daughter marries
Ginsberg is a socialist
He can't write poems like Edgar Guest
And Henry Miller's not in their library (too bad)


Followed by a little literary criticism from Of Montreal, who are not from Canada, but Athens, Georgia.

I have the sense you wanna be the female Henry Miller
Cynically referring to your lovers as your pricks
And exploiting other people's madness


For an actual Canadian band, look no further than The Lowest of the Low. This is from an album called Shakespeare My Butt, which apparently is one of "the ten greatest albums in Canadian music history". I'm not sure what Neil Young and Joni Mitchell have to say about that.

I want to take a streetcar downtown
Read Henry Miller and wander around
And drink some Guinness from a tin


Still in Canada, this is Raine Maida, lead singer of the band Our Lady Peace.

Her bedroom is her temple
The books and the stereo her muse
She feels humbled by this equation
And sets fire to all her shoes
Not because of Henry Miller
She's just not leaving anytime soon
And as the smoke pours out her window
An image forms behind the moon
And it looks like the face of Jesus
But if it's Jesus she needs proof
At the heart of the matter, and a matter of fact
The science of matter
She hopes that it's true


Back to the literary criticism with Jason Gots, who I know nothing about. I mean, he might be Canadian, but the internet has let me down on that. I like his song though... 

The city's sleeping, I can't sleep, it feels like I won't ever sleep again
A sense of urgency so keen, unknown to science and to medicine
I thought that this was settled, that I'd settled into some kind of routine
That I gave up all that Henry Miller bullshit for Joseph Goldstein

But now something's happening to me
Oh, something new is happening

I guess I'm not a novelist I never could sit still for very long
And I guess there's supposed to be a verse, a chorus and a bridge in every song
And I only ever had one thing to say but you get bored so easily F
I said it fifteen hundred ways in hopes that one would make it through eventually


Meanwhile, here's another artist I'm hearing for the first time, even though he's made a shedload of records and has at one time or another collaborated with Bruce Springsteen, Billy Joel, David Johansen and the Violent Femmes.

I was in Sicily reading Henry Miller
You were in New York City you were getting thinner
I was in discos I was listening to Madonna
You were in sweat clothes looking like Jane Fonda

If you're wondering why I do such long posts for this feature (and you're really not, because nobody reads this far), it's because I get to unearth gems like these...

Some say my songs are long and over complicated
But they're very personal I say they're underrated
This is the last thing I expected to be
A broken-hearted troubadour in sunny Sicily 


Oh look, here's an artist I have heard of. David Lee Roth. Fancy seeing you here, David!

How 'bout a little Henry Miller
With your Huckleberry Finn
Assume the position, honey
Let's begin


And in the "even less surprising" category, here's Jane Birkin...

Amour pervers
Me susurre Henry Miller
Dans son Tropique du Cancer
Du Cancer

In case you're wondering, "Amour pervers" means exactly what you think. That clip's worth watching just to hear the way Jane pronounces "'Enri Millay" though.


From France to Mexico, and a song that actually mentions Henry Miller in its title. A very cool slice of Guadalajaran garage punk...

Your gums
On wind of
Dirty feathers
My death
Asphyxiates your
Golden matter
Henry Miller
Goes in deeper
Deep like a scab


And here's another titular win... although as with Doris Day, this might well be a different Henry Miller...

And I know that he feels bad
’Cause he is my best friend
And I know that in the end
Henry Miller is dead

And I hope he’s not
And I prey he’s not my best friend


As might this... although 1891 is the year our Henry was born.


Phew. This could go on all night.

Let's take a 13 minute break for this week's token Mark Kozelek stream-of-consciousness ramble...

I don't know what to read now. 
I'm going to open Henry Miller's Moloch, see how it makes me feel. 
But nothing makes me laugh like John Fante 
I don't have any of his other books here with me right now
I just watched a little news. 
There were fires today. 
One in Gilroy. One in Fairfield. 
And one right under the George Miller bridge at 2 pm.


If you're interested, Henry Miller gets name-dropped in a bunch of other Kozelek rambles. Email me and I'll send a list.

Speaking of lists, I'm going to have to stop there... but the list of songs that name-check Mr. Miller certainly doesn't stop there. I just picked out a bunch of the ones I liked. 

To be honest, when I chose him for the 39th edition of this feature, there was only one song I had in mind, so here it is. 

Dan Bern has a fantasy that if Marilyn Monroe had married Henry Miller rather than Arthur Miller, she'd have lived a happier life. I'll let him explain in detail why he believe this to be the case. He is, however, at pains to point out that...

This is not a knock against Arthur Miller
Death of a Salesman is my favorite play
But Marilyn Monroe
Should have married Henry Miller
And if she did
She might be alive

This is taken from Dan Bern's 1997 debut album, which I'd really recommend checking out, especially for the song Jerusalem in which he proclaims himself the second coming of Jesus Christ. (He's right about Death of a Salesman too.)



Sunday, 10 January 2021

Saturday Snapshots #171: Top Ten Happy Songs


Because there are never enough cat pictures on the interweb.

Answers to yesterday's questions.

A Top Ten Happy Songs


That was the link. These are the songs...

10. Sober skipper.



9. Winking dishes answer.


"Winking dishes answer" was an anagram. D'oh.


8. Airbrushed.


That's Claire Grogan, of course. All grown up.


Or


7. Humming tip.


Humming is a buzz.

If you tip your hat, you cock it.


6. On their heads.


On their heads are tam o'shanters, from which they took their name.


5. AKA Karloff & Willis.


Boris Karloff was born William Pratt.

Bruce Willis played John McClane. 


4. Touché, Leonardo.



They're both turtles.



3. Jetty offspring blinks a lot.


A jetty offspring would be a pier-son. Blinking a lot would involve rapid eye movement.


2. Hell is a Wil Marr LP.


Anagram. But the hat was the clue.


1. Parliament swallows.


Parliament is the House of Commons... or the White House... or...

House Martins are a type of swallow.



We're back next Saturday.


Sunday, 24 September 2017

Saturday Snapshots #1 - The Answers



Well, that didn't take long, did it?

As you've guessed all the answers, I figured I might as well play the tunes now rather than wait another week...

Points were awarded in the comments. Totting them up here would take too long, but you're all winners in my book. I might have to make it a little harder next week...


10. Coke really is addictive.


The Real Thing - Can't Get By Without You

Pretty self explanatory that one, I hope.

9. These guys certainly take it... for old blue eyes.


Cake - Frank Sinatra

Well, they certainly take the cake.

8. A could-be tennis sister complains that her man's no good with his hands...


Lucinda Williams - Come On

Venus, she ain't. Lucinda explains all in the song.

7. Two guys who should have been MUCH bigger update Turkey.


They Might Be Giants - Istanbul (Not Constantinople)

That's nobody's business but the Turks.

6. Partners who don't like social gatherings... twice.


The Associates - Party Fears Two

Within the hour, they'll smash another cup.

5. Set firm in their Supreme admiration...


Definitely the hardest one this week. Well done to The Swede & Alyson for tag-teaming the win.

The Concretes - Diana Ross

4. Always shelling out, never picking up rice in the church.


Yes, I did change the clue. Originally I'd put "always winning the race", until I remembered that it was the tortoise that won the race, not the turtle. D'oh. The new clue wasn't as good, I admit. As for picking up rice in the church - well, Eleanor Rigby did that. But this was definitely a different girl. She didn't even spell her name the same way.

The Turtles - Elenore

3. Here are the headlines: We Sued Ghostbusters.


Huey Lewis & The News - I Want A New Drug

Huey sued Ray Parker Jr. when he heard the Ghostbusters theme. There are some similarities. They settled out of court and signed a condfidentiality agreement to never speak about it in public. A few years later, Huey did an interview with VH1 in which he mentioned it. Ray sued him back.

2. After the cremation, there was hardly anything left.


Ash - Burn, Baby, Burn

Who knew there were so many Ash songs that would have fit this clue. And I thought I'd chosen the most obvious!

1. A bunch of absolute good-for-nothings who hate sleeping policemen.


What did Edwin Starr say War was good for?

Yes, I boo-booed with the inclusion of Eric Burdon, who it seems wasn't in War when they recorded this track. But this was the best photo of the band I could find on t'internet.

War - Low Rider



More snapshots next Saturday.


Sunday, 16 September 2012

My Top Ten 'Getting Better' Songs





Because every day, in every way, we're all trying to get better...

10. The Turtles - Can I Get To Know You Better?

Or "the Toitles" as they're introduced here.

9. Booth & The Bad Angel - Life Gets Better

That's Tim Booth and Angelo Badalamenti, from their odd, creepy 1996 collaboration album.

8. Fun. - It Gets Better

Not as good as many of the other tracks on their debut album (eg. Some Nights, We Are Young etc.), but still better than most other bands troubling the singles chart this year.

7. The Beatles - Getting Better

Too obvious to ignore. But the Wedding Present cover is far more to my liking these days. And the Ultrasound cover's a belter too.

6. Prefab Sprout - When You Get To Know Me Better
 
If ever you wonder why I write this blog, it's because it makes me dig through my record collection and rediscover lost gems such as this one...


I can tell you'd like to love me,
But you haven't known me long
And you don't yet know the ways I'll find
To hurt and do you wrong
I'm a man with one small weakness,
Any woman in a dress
When you get to know me better
You'll learn to love me less

5. Mull Historical Society - You Can Get Better

Good to see Colin MacIntyre back in action with the first MHS album in eight years.

Check out lead single The Lights and recent follow-up Must You Get Low to hear more.

4. D:Ream - Things Can Only Get Better

You may be surprised to find this get such a high place on my chart. But as disposable 90s pop goes, this is way better than 95% of its rivals. Plus: Professor Brian Cox on keyboards! What else do you need?

3. Shed Seven - Getting Better

Much better than Oasis.

2. Mama Cass - It's Getting Better

Timeless. As is the Kevin Rowland version. Sadly, I can't find that online.

1. Dan Le Sac Vs. Scroobius Pip - Get Better

Should you have access to a teenager, I suggest locking them in a room with this song until they're at least 21.



Those were mine... can you get better?







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