#13: Don’t Want to Hate Bihar

Hello World (sic)! Here I am with yet another summary of my life. Is it fun? Haha, of course it is! It’s my life.

So, I did end up doing even more open source contributions. It was a really fun process. I got to learn so much about coding and myself. I came to the astonishing realization that clean coding and consistency in style isn’t common, which is why it is often very frustrating and tiresome to read code. At least on a project level, it is better to stick to one style of coding, just for the sake of consistency. Also, it always helps, especially if the project is open source with dozens of people wanting to contribute.

I have found a special place in my heart for React. I’m saying this because I feel like it is a really beautiful framework that I personally like to work with. The joy of working with JavaScript eXtended (JSX) can’t be explained. Combining HTML and JavaScript in such a beautiful way… I wonder how the creators of React came up with the idea! I never Reacted before the way I did to React. 😊

I don’t restrict myself either. I continue to explore new technologies and frameworks as time passes. I learn newer and newer things everyday. React might be one of my favourites, but I do understand its weaknesses too. At the same time, I understand how other frameworks might be better depending on the needs of the application.

I am hoping I could take out some time to study PHP again. It was the oldest back-end web scripting language I learnt. Also, I realized later, that it is used as a programming language too. What a beautiful language! There is a new PHP framework named Laravel out in the news these days. I am planning to check it out sometime.

I love experimenting with music and recreating sounds. I covered several music tracks from popular songs. It turns out that now I hear music better too. I can break it down into all the components that otherwise can’t be separated: The bass, sub-bass, lead, taal, kick, snare, hats, everything. And not just Western musical components, Indian too. The terminology might be different, but their are counterparts to everything. Since in India, we use abstract sounds to represent different beat sounds, it is even easier and more comprehensible than semantic-naming of sounds.

I covered Out of my Mind by Monsune. It was mostly falsetto, and I earned myself a chance to try it out with my own voice. And the music, ah. I tried my best to recreate it. To an extent, I did, but still not perfect the same. That again, shows me how much I need to learn. It was a fun process, though. Also, why am I not covering any Bihari songs? I should totally do that too!

Talking of Bihar, I’m really not impressed by the condition of people here. They need to grow up (socially). In the last few months that I and my parents spent here, we’ve suffered a lot, mostly financially. In such conditions, you can’t expect anyone to help you financially, not even relatives (who are supposed to be family), and that makes sense. The universe works this way. What doesn’t make sense is they are overjoyed by our pain. People here hate to see others happy.

When I say people of Bihar, of course I don’t mean everyone. I understand Bihar has its own population comprising kind folks, but what I’ve encountered so far hasn’t been impressive. I now understand why the first option a successful Bihari has is to flee Bihar. The superstitions, the pointless convictions, the blame-game, the property issues, hatred, selfishness, never inspires a person right. एक बिहारी सबपे भारी is such a powerful quote, but in almost all such cases, the Bihari has lived outside Bihar for a long time, enough to learn about their true potential and escape the stereotypical Bihari ideology.

I don’t want to hate Bihar. I really don’t. It is a beautiful place, but the social environment definitely needs to change. I can’t imagine being a girl born here and achieving all that I could as a boy.

On the new year, my mom cooked so many amazing dishes! ❤ Fried pulao, chholey, kheer and naan-puri. My mouth starts watering just by the thought of it. You can say it was a tasty start to 2021. I did a hat-trick of achievements: Second position in a Codeathon, Second position in a web development competition, and the getting selected in an internship (more on that later). For the web development contest, I developed a fully-functional food shop website (except the food part, of course). I made it in one-day, and it helped me realize how much pressure I can handle.

I am less concerned by how it has affected me in the past few months, but living in Bihar has had a horrible impact on my mom. She has grown intolerant to a single word that goes against her. I love her, we all do, and we feel really sad about it. The truth is that in the past few months, she has been targeted and tortured so much, that she tends to feel vulnerable and targeted by our words too. Sometimes, out of care, and even as a family, we say things that clearly doesn’t intend hatred. However, she misunderstands us now. She assumes that we are also blaming her for everything, and her OCD makes her feel worse. I’m trying my best to keep things in control.

I’ve made new friends. I’ve met new people, who are kind and nice to me. I am gaining more and more confidence in myself. I am feeling happier about learning how to enjoy life better. In this cruel world, cute conversations with people I admire keep me going.

Just wait for me to grow up and start earning. Hopefully one day, our problems will be over. By the way, that reminds me, I got my first ever internship! And it is a paid internship. I started around a week ago and it has been a really amazing experience. Initially, I felt very scared and intimidated. It was my first time working on such a big and actual project. A large part of the last week was consumed in studying the project and understanding what it does. With time, I feel more and more confident.

Trust in myself is exactly what I need. I can do anything. I have done everything I ever believed myself incapable of. I can achieve this too. I can shine here too. And, I too can earn with my hardwork. I will prove to my parents that I can support them. I will certainly do it, within a few years. :)

Shoutout to Node.js, Python and React. Anyway, the next post is going to be all about my experience as a participant of Kharagpur Winter of Code (KWoC). It will be 100% technical, so you have been warned. :) Enjoy!

Love, Param.