Quick rundown of this year: I got a summer job, changed my name, repeatedly used no❤️ as a response to conflict, got three campus jobs and ended up woQuick rundown of this year: I got a summer job, changed my name, repeatedly used no❤️ as a response to conflict, got three campus jobs and ended up working 17 hours per week, became a staff editor for my school's newspaper, started a mini clique, started a second mini clique, survived, survived some more, asked three girls on dates and mutually friendzoned one of them, became a ridiculous amount less insecure, and still managed to pass all of my classes. Neat!
2020 was... a year. It's the first year since 2015 that I haven't read at least 100 books, and generally, reading has been way less of a priority for me. Because strangely enough, I have been so busy this year? Every day I have been both locked in my house unable to hug my friends, AND I have been doing more things than any other year. Strangely enough... the last few months have been some of the best of my life. (Granted, the bar is a bit messed up.) As this year ends, I'm looking to the future and feeling hopeful.
Here are my top ten books of 2020: 10. Maurice by E.M. Forster There are two love stories here, one between Maurice and his school partner, and one between him and a garden worker. In one of these, his class colleague asks for their relationship to never go beyond kissing; he is always at arms’ length, until he is discarded altogether. In one of these, he is free to love as he is, freed from the bounds of false intellectualism and performance. When this book was written, in 1913 and 1914, this seemed almost ridiculous, that two men could fall in love, and not marry, and be happy. Forster wrote this novel almost to challenge that idea. This book could not even published until after his death, in 1971, and was then incredibly controversial.
9. The Greek Plays by Aeschylus, Sophocles, & Euripides Bernard Knox said that in a Greek tragedy, a hero makes a decision rooted in personal nature, and follows it to personal destruction. (This is especially relevant to Sophoclean drama.) The Greeks did not admire every hero; rather, they thought of heroes as a way to explore both the benefits & the drawbacks of certain traits. At the heart of every Greek tragedy comes a moment of 'recognition' and 'reversal'. In the best, according to him, these are the same: this is where catharsis comes. Catharsis, by his definition, is a type of cleaning: "we experience, then expurgate these emotions". Tragedy can attempt to make the worst experiences consumable. It is not the ending, but the process. My favorite plays in this collection are Medea by Euripides; Libation Bearers by Aeschylus; Hippolytus by Euripides; Agamemnon by Aeschylus; and Antigone by Sophocles.
8. Come Tumbling Down (#5) by Seanan McGuire As I've read through more of this series, I find that I keep getting more invested in the arc of this home and the characters. Usually, these novellas thrive of off themes, and this is no exception: here, we focus on bodily autonomy, redemption, identity, and when death is the right choice. I enjoyed seeing the culmination to the conflict between the siblings: Down Among the Sticks and Bones never felt like the end of this story, and seeing more is intensely interesting. I love this series so very much.
7. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle The appeal in these stories comes in their brief nature. They’re easy to read before bedtime, each night, if you want to be incredibly cheesy (I did). Each one sets up and interesting premise, and builds to an ending that you hardly ever see coming, but always find satisfying. I really loved these stories. My favorites were A Scandal in Bohemia, The Speckled Band, and The Adventure of the Copper Beeches.
6. Crier's War (#1) by Nina Varela I am deeply obsessed with this book. Could it be that it plays with every single trope I love, but plays around with said tropes? Could it be the commentary on power dynamics? Could it be the rounded, compelling characters? Could it be the incredibly tense romance? Could it be the plot twists that I genuinely did not see coming? Personally, I think it is all of the above. Worth reading for characters who are unhuman in some way falling in love with character who are more human, and stories where one character is a weapon of some kind and thinks they're flawed because they have feelings.
5. The Likeness (#2) by Tana French It’s been such a long time since I read a detective novel that had me so thoroughly engaged from the beginning and so invested. This book was claustrophobic, and got inside my skin —it made me feel as though I were as trapped as Cassie. What works so well about The Likeness is that it gets you to invest in characters you must also suspect—gets you invested in the idea that the perpetrator was not a certain character, or group of characters. You sympathize with those you suspect. You sense the true stakes of this death having occurred. I loved this book, as well as the other Tana French I read this year, and am so excited for more.
4. Jade City (#1) by Fonda Lee This book… messed me up. Genuinely. It’s been a long time since I’ve read a fantasy book that had me so engrossed, and I am extremely excited to pick up the sequel. An excellent book to read for fantasy city politics, power plays, sibling dynamics, and characters who are pushed to their limits and must consider which codes they are willing to break.
3. Court of Lions (#2) by Somaiya Daud dynamic and complex female characters? yes. arc around colonialism? yes. focus on a friendship between two women? yes. the concept of love under colonialism played out with two romances, one in which they’re both girls? yes. villain-to-hero arc for secondary female protagonist? yes. ending that made me start crying for no reason? yes. best ya series I’ve read in at least two years? absolutely
2. This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone A novel about time that does not try to ground itself or stick to a place and a setting, this was the first and one of the best of the year for me. I have not stopped thinking about this gorgeous book. What does it actually mean to hunger as a crafted, manufactured creature? What does it mean to love as such? What does it mean when to desire is painful, and has consequences for both you and the other person? Maybe it's on two time travelers, both women, from opposite sides of a cosmic war, to figure it out.
1. In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado This is, genuinely, my favorite book I read in the entirety of 2020, and maybe one of my favorite books ever. Carmen Maria Machado’s memoir about a queer abusive relationship blends reality with media and its mirrors. As this wonderful New Yorker article tells it, “In the Dream House is primarily about the quandary of constructing In the Dream House.” It’s a story about the telling of stories that are not told, a going-through of every possible medium with which you can articulate abuse. It flurries between grandeur and media and the simple, the human, varies between detailed tales and hypothetical quandaries to tell the story of a relationship. I doubt I will stop thinking about this for a very long time.
Here is my entire 2020 favorites shelf. Cheers to a very bad year that featured a lot of personal growth, and to the friends who helped me get through it.
[TW for sexual assault & domestic abuse.] Meredith Russo has been credibly accused of raping and abusing her spouse, a crime she has seemingly confess[TW for sexual assault & domestic abuse.] Meredith Russo has been credibly accused of raping and abusing her spouse, a crime she has seemingly confessed to over email yet publicly denied. Here are twosources (both strike fairly bad tones). You can also find her booking information. She has stated this is all a lie by her ex on twitter. It should be noted that her ex identifies as nonbinary and seems to indicate in the first one they do not want this information weaponized by terfs. Here is their go fund me. I do not think rape and domestic abuse are forgivable crimes, generally believe in believing the victim, and would encourage all of you to think about who you are supporting. ...more
First year of college and so many excellent books read already! This was only updated as of August 1st, 2019, but here are a few books I loved in 2019First year of college and so many excellent books read already! This was only updated as of August 1st, 2019, but here are a few books I loved in 2019!
I know we all had a lot of questions about this, so I was so grateful when my favorite Reviewer of Bad Things, Jenny Nicholson, posted her review. andI know we all had a lot of questions about this, so I was so grateful when my favorite Reviewer of Bad Things, Jenny Nicholson, posted her review. and it was wild, of course, but then it dropped the biggest twist of my entire life into our laps? Guys. I'm not joking, watch this. ...more
A romcom about fake dating, no matter how many times I may have read it before, is the height of romantic perfection and I can and will read it again A romcom about fake dating, no matter how many times I may have read it before, is the height of romantic perfection and I can and will read it again thanks...more
This book is part of a rhetorical category I like to call "attempting to make people blur labels and boundaries, but failing to realize and unlearn myThis book is part of a rhetorical category I like to call "attempting to make people blur labels and boundaries, but failing to realize and unlearn my own biases."
So there’s this quote from a lesbian lead in this book that just fucking haunts me, in which she implies that she thinks about men to finish while having sex.
‘Okay, here I go.’ Iris takes a deep breath, ‘When Stacy and I. . . when she would be, doing . . . down there . . .’ She lowered her eyes towards her lap. ‘I got it.’ ‘She was great at it, she broke my heart, but she was great at that . . . but I couldn’t finish, you know . . .’ ‘I got it.’ ‘. . . I couldn’t finish unless I imagined a boy was . . .’ Iris did this tiny thrust, with her tiny giggle, ‘ . . .you know . . .” ‘I know.’
May I just ask, why, as a 30-something man, you would decide it was appropriate to write about the teen lesbian character in your book only finding sexual pleasure through fantasizing about a man? May I also ask why it is so hard to accept that some girls possibly just... don't like men? (Iris, as may not be surprising to any sapphics in the audience, is the only lesbian character in the novel, so this can very easily be seen as a representation of all lesbians, and thus enforce an already-existing stereotype.) We could also talk about the gender binary of this. And probably at some point ask, why?
Because I think the point of this conversation is to say that no one is truly fully gay. Which, even if true, is besides the point when we’re talking about queer identity. Why is it so bothersome about certain people only dating people of the same gender? Even if you deeply believe all women are attracted to men on some level, how exactly is it hurting you for them to find happiness with women?
The other point of this book seems to be that labels are false gods. With the understanding that I do think sometimes within the community certain people can get too hung up on labeling our sexuality down to the smallest point and more importantly, we often fail to recognize that being a broad community with different experiences is actually what binds us, I don’t agree with how this book does it.
For me, labeling myself as a lesbian, or as sapphic, or as a dyke, is empowering. It’s saying that I don’t conform to norms in a certain way; it’s acknowledging that I look at the world differently because I am attracted to women, and it’s finding solidarity with other people who feel the same way. For others, labeling themselves as bisexual, or as nonbinary, or as trans, is exactly the same thing. It’s finding a way of putting into words something about ourselves that society as a whole at times alienates.
I think this is what people fail to understand. Labels are used by some people as restrictions on identity. They are used by most queer / lgbtq people as a way of finding community and identity in a world that desperately wants to take that away.
And it’s so sad to me that a book about two mga and (possibly) nonbinary characters falling in love was written with this in mind. Because love between queer people is so fundamentally about finding love with someone who sees you the way you are, and that is so wonderful, and I deeply resent that a book which tries to lean into that instead leans away.
“We were gender and sexually fluid before it was cool because we didn’t do it to be cool – we did it to be who we truly are.”
Here’s an edited version. “We were gender and sexually fluid before it was cool because we didn’t do it to be cool – we did it to be who we truly are it’s quite literally never been cool and I, as a man who apparently believes that queer kids are doing it to be cool, should not have written a book about two mga and/or nonbinary teens falling in love before realizing the dehumanizing nature with which I conceptualize other mga, nonbinary people, and the way in which I perceive the modern-day queer community as evil demons forcing everyone into boxes, which I am not aware will enforce the tendency of many, many straight people to perceive all queer people as such.”
TL;DR: If I never again read a man trying to be deep by criticizing the exclusivity of the lgbtq community for an hour straight, but actually just enforcing an “everybody’s-secretly-bi-but-the-bi-label-is-bad, lesbians are fake because every woman wants to fuck men, The Gays Are Such Evil Regressive Label Policers, labels are awful and restrict you so I’ll erase nonbinary labels and mga labels to fit my narrative of how there are no labels for the in-between” view of things, I will feel a lot better about the world.
this cover is the gayest thing i've ever seen in my life, it even perfectly represents the fashion style of 97% of the sapphics I know Including Myselthis cover is the gayest thing i've ever seen in my life, it even perfectly represents the fashion style of 97% of the sapphics I know Including Myself...more
most publishers currently: oh well I guess we can start including lgbtq characters in our books, occasionally, maybe Tor.com, intellectuals: they’re almost publishers currently: oh well I guess we can start including lgbtq characters in our books, occasionally, maybe Tor.com, intellectuals: they’re all gay. they’re all gay and we don’t make the rules...more
"...follows two rival overachievers who realize they may actually love each other over the course of 24 hours on the last day of senior year." what's "...follows two rival overachievers who realize they may actually love each other over the course of 24 hours on the last day of senior year." what's really ironic is this will be coming out... after my senior year. I won't be in high school anymore. that's terrifying. I hate it....more
this book led an arrest to be made in a thirty-year cold case!! congratulations, Michelle McNamara. you solved a serial killer case from beyond the grthis book led an arrest to be made in a thirty-year cold case!! congratulations, Michelle McNamara. you solved a serial killer case from beyond the grave. and if I’m not wrong, you just made yourself a future legend!...more
So this book apparently has not been announced yet, but it's being pitched as Wonder Woman in a West-African inspired world. also, it's about a girl wSo this book apparently has not been announced yet, but it's being pitched as Wonder Woman in a West-African inspired world. also, it's about a girl with no power trying to defeat her sister with power. sign me up....more
things that happened in the hour before I bought this beautiful paperback: → I met my friend [now girlfriend] who I'd been following on Twitter for monthings that happened in the hour before I bought this beautiful paperback: → I met my friend [now girlfriend] who I'd been following on Twitter for months and months → I overheard a girl telling her friend that a book had "surprise lesbians" → an author that I'm obsessed with recognized me and guessed my fucking blog name...more
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