Explore Others Paths Role Plays
When others become angry, share ugly stories, or go to silence, it often helps if you can encourage them to retrace their Path to Action and share their original observationsthe facts. To do so, use your AMPP skills. Ask to get things rolling Paraphrase to acknowledge the story Mirror to conrm feelings Prime when youre getting nowhere
Role Play 1Your Irate Neighbor.
Your next-door neighbor pounds on your door. When you open it, he appears to be boiling mad. Sure enough, when he opens his mouth he says: Im so mad at you I could spit nails. Ask. (State aloud a question that will encourage him to say exactly whats going on.) He comes back with. Never mind, I guess Im okay, and turns to walk away. Mirror. (Describe his apparent anger and explain that it suggests that maybe he isnt okay.) To this he says: Now that I think about it, Im not sure I want to bring this up. Sometimes its best to leave things unsaid. Paraphrase. (Restate in your own words what he said in order to keep the conversation alive.) He responds with: Its just that your stupid mutt . . . oh never mind. I dont want to cause trouble. You wonder if your dog got into his yard and dug up his owers again. Prime. (Take a guess at what you think has him so angry.)
Role Play 2The Disgusted
Coworker. Youre sitting at your desk reviewing your e-mail when a woman who works in your ofce walks up to you and says. Im up to your tricks. One more time and Im submitting a complaint. You dont know what shes talking about. Ask. She comes back with. You dont know, or dont care? Well if you dont care, I dont care. Mirror. To this she says: How come Im the one who does all the dirty work? Paraphrase. She responds with: Exactly. You have seniority, so I have to do the tedious parts of your job! You asked her to write the weekly newsletter a couple of times (a job everyone hates) and wonder if this has her upset. Prime.
Role Play 3Mix and Match. Use
the AMPP skill or skills of your choice in response to the following statements. You come prancing in here like you own the place. Never mind; if you think the white one looks better, I guess you know whats best. Youre not going to actually send out that letter are you? (Looking upset and discouraged.) Dont worry. Im just ne. What in the name of Aunt Hildas goat were you thinking? One more stunt like that and Im going to the boss.
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Contrasting Role Plays
Contrasting is a dont/do statement that: Addresses others conclusions that you dont respect them or that you have a malicious purpose (the dont part). Conrms your respect or claries your real purpose (the do part).
Role Play 1The Raw Meat: You just
told your spouse that the meat he or she just prepared on the grill is a bit too rare for your taste. Your spouse comes back sharply with: Sounds like you think youre the big cooking expert now! Reply with a Contrasting statement. This time your spouse says: I do my best and its never good enough for you! Reply with a Contrasting statement. This time your spouse says with a look of pain: I thought you liked the way I cook. Reply with a Contrasting statement.
Example: I dont want you to think Im saying that I cant count on you. I nd you to be quite reliable. I do, however, have concerns over what happened with yesterdays deadline.
Role Play 2The Messy Cubicle.
Youve just told a person who shares an ofce cubicle with you that youd rather she not leave her pizza boxes, Chinese food containers, and other lunch materials on your desk. She abruptly responds: Oh I get it, now that youve been awarded employee of the month you think you can boss me around. Reply with a Contrasting statement. This time your coworker says with a hurt expression: I thought we were a team. I thought that we worked really well together. What happened? Reply with a Contrasting statement. This time, prepare a Contrasting statement that you might say before you mention anything about the lunch mess. What would you say to avoid any misunderstanding? Offer an up-front Contrasting statement.
Role Play 3The Joking Boss.
Your boss often teases you about your weight by calling you chubby, hefty, and the like. This is supposed to be ironic because youre actually very thin. Hes good natured about it and you dont think he means any harm, but you dont like it. Finally you mustered up the nerve and suggested that youd prefer he not refer to your weight. He comes back with: What, you cant take a joke? Reply with a Contrasting statement. This time your boss says: Im sorry. I didnt realize I was such an awful boss. Reply with a Contrasting statement. This time your boss says: I guess I need to be hiring a lawyer. Reply with a Contrasting statement.
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STATE Role Plays
The ve skills for effectively sharing or stating your views (particularly controversial, touchy, or unpopular views) can be easily remembered with the acronym STATE: Share your facts The What Skills Tell your story
Ask for others paths Talk tentatively Encourage testing
Role Play 1The Nasty Hints. Your
spouse is a high-energy workaholic who gets more done in one day than most people get done in two. Youre a decent worker but dont see the need to always work at light speed. Over the last few weeks your spouse has been dropping hints that sound as if maybe he or she thinks you dont have very good work habits. Way to go pokey! or So you nally made it out of bed, or Maybe I should do it if I want to see it done right. When you asked what he or she meant by the snide remarks, your spouse said it was just a joke. It doesnt seem like a joke to you. Its time to say something. STATE your path. Share your facts (Heres what youve said and done . . .) Tell your story (This is what Im beginning to conclude. . .) Ask for your bosss path ** M ake sure you Talk tentatively & Encourage testing.
The How Skills
Role Play 3The Unwanted
Promotion. Your boss Chris keeps telling you that youd make a great supervisor. You dont want the promotion. You like what you do. Period. Chris said team players take promotions. Period. Youve heard that Chris is submitting the paperwork to have you promoted. Yesterday Chris said youd soon be getting a big surprise. This morning he asked you to be sure to go to the afternoon team meeting. You dont want him to spring the announcement in the meeting and pressure you. Youve decided to STATE your path. Share your facts (Heres what youve said and done . . .) Tell your story (This is what Im beginning to conclude. . .) Ask for your bosss path ** Make sure you Talk tentatively & Encourage testing.
Role Play 2The Backup Cover-up.
Hannah, one of your computer experts at work, is responsible for backing up your network les each day. That way if your equipment crashes, you never lose more than a days work. This is an important but moderately annoying task. You think she may not actually be doing it all of the time. Heres your evidence. Twice when you asked Hannah if she had backed up the system, she said she would do it later on, only you never saw her do it. You only saw her go home. The last time you asked her if shes doing the job she said, sort of, but when you asked her what that meant, she told you not to worry. When she was sick last week you have no evidence that she asked someone to ll in for her. Youve decided to say something but dont want to make a false accusation. STATE your path. Share your facts (Heres what youve said and done . . .) Tell your story (This is what Im beginning to conclude. . .) Ask for your bosss path ** Make sure you Talk tentatively & Encourage testing.
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