Fearlessly Communicating and Talking with Confidence

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Fearlessly Communicating and Talking with Confidence

By Joshua Uebergang [Link]

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Fearlessly Communicating and Talking with Confidence

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COPYRI !" I#$OR%&"IO# You are welcome to give others a copy of this report, have a copy on your website, and print it offline in a publication. However, you may not distribute the report through any illegal means such as Spam. No part of this report may be altered in any form whatsoever without e pressed permission from the author. !opyright "arthling![Link] 'I(C)&I%*R &#'/OR )* &) #O"IC*( #his report is for informational purposes only and the author does not accept any responsibilities for any liabilities resulting from the use of this information. #he report is not intended to be $professional advice%. &hile every attempt has been made to verify the information provided here, the author and his affiliates cannot assume any responsibility for errors, inaccuracies or omissions. 'ny slights of people or organi(ations are unintentional.

Joshua tackles a key element of conflict resolution: fear and how it results in conflict a oidance. !e ad ises to reality check our fears and see the alue of speaking up and his comments on self-talk are bang-on with respect to communicating effecti ely in conflict." )ary Harper http:**www.+[Link] ,rofessional trainer, writer, and speaker and recent author of '#he -oy of !onflict .esolution'.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS
/ntroduction 1irth of 2ear ,erceptual ,rocess .eal or 2ake #hreat 1eing Needy and Seeking 'pproval !larity 2orms !onfidence !onfident Non67erbal !ommunication 89 :oving "ye !ontact <9 &eak #ouch =9 Stay 'way 09 !arry Yourself &hat are You Saying to Yourself? "nsuring You 1ecome !onfident ,ractice, ,ractice, and ,ractice !ommunication :ust be !ontinually Aearned .ecommended !onfidence .esources 0 0 3 3 4 5 5 ; ; ; > > 8@ 88 88 80

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Fearlessly Communicating and Talking with Confidence

Introduction
Im going to start off by telling you about the problems I had in communicating confidently. I havent seen much variation between people who lack confidence when talking with others so if youre short in the confidence department or just want to have more confidence in your conversations youll definitely be able to relate and learn from my e!perience. "ou do not need to go through life lacking confidence and feeling dominated by others and situations. From an early age I was always the #uiet boy. Id sit in school knowing the answers to a #uestion but would be too afraid to answer. I couldnt talk to someone new. I wouldnt look someone in the eyes if they looked back at me and Id hardly argue with anyone. "es arguing is a bad thing but I avoided arguing not because it was the right thing to do but because I was too afraid to speak up and voice my opinion. I was passive and unconfident letting people verbally trample over me. $eing so passively accepting like I was is dangerous for your mental health. "ou can probably see that talking with confidence is strongly related to assertive communication. Ill try to stick to the confidence side of things as you can read more about assertion in the assertive skills section. Theres a difference with not engaging in an argument for the sake of the relationship and not engaging in an argument because youre afraid. %hen you have an unhealthy fear youll avoid communicating yourself become emotionally hurt and nothing good will result. "oull know the truth in side of you if an unhealthy fear and a lack of confidence e!ists. "oull be unhappy e!tremely frustrated scared and feel like you want to e!plode. "oull hardly voice your opinions and emotions in conversations because of fear. That was me. I was miles from communicating confidently. I didnt have confidence in myself even though I knew I had something interesting useful or helpful to say. It wasnt safe to do so. There was a hidden psychological barrier that kept pushing me away from communicating confidently. If youre lacking or have lacked confidence you know what it feels like. It is a cage in your mind that has you trapped. "our mind tells you youre not allowed to leave the cage because its unsafe. $ecoming confident is far more about working on your inner self then what you verbally e!press. &erbal and non'verbal messages that e!press your confidence will be created once you develop confidence with your inner self. Ill teach you later on how your inside becomes your outside.

Birth of Fear
The hidden psychological barrier Im talking about is fear. The primary attribute in you that is stopping you from communicating confidently is fear. (ike kryptonite to superman as fear is to communicate confidently. Fear is the acid that eats away confidence. Fear is the one tonne bolder that holds back a person from being confident. Fear is the

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)chilles of self'confidence.
The primary attribute in you that is stopping you from communicating confi ently is fear.

"ou will build more confidence once you remove the *kryptonite acid or one tonne bolder+ that is fear. To become confident you need to have little or ultimately no fear. To remove your fears the first step is to look at your fears and understand their *birth+ to see what created them. (ets look at what fear is first then we can analy,e their creation. Fear is defined as an unlikable emotion towards a perceived real or fake threat. -ead that out loud again. It is a perceived real or fake threat.

Perceptual Process
(ets look at the first italici,ed point of fear. .erception has three stages. "ou are firstly e!posed to the information. %hen in a conversation e!posure is being ne!t to the person whom you can hear. E!posure is just a matter of coming within range of the stimulus. /econdly is attention. It occurs when a stimulus activates one or more of our human senses. In our conversational e!ample you have attention to the person when you think about what is said. If the person begins to bore you or you are afraid of what the person is thinking of you you are not thinking about the e!posure and so the perceptual process would stop at this stage as you are not paying attention. The third stage of perception is interpretation. It is the process of adding meaning to the stimulus through your thinking or feelings. The thinking often analyses the stimulus against past e!periences. 0sing the conversational e!ample if the other person recently abused you you will interpret what he is saying differently to someone who is a great friend to the other person. "ou can see how interpretation and e!periences can affect your confidence in situations. "ou are better e#uipped in becoming more confident by identifying what e!periences and thinking is affecting your interpretation of the situation. It is analy,ing the situation as to why you are not confident. )lso if you are feeling unhappy or other *negative+ emotions when interpreting the situation with your feelings you are more likely to e!perience negative actions such as poor confidence. "oull learn more about negativity and its effect on your confidence later on. It is the interpretation stage of the perceptual process which is the major focus in overcoming fear and building confidence.

Real or Fake Threat

The perceptual stage of interpretation leads us nicely into the second italici,ed point in the definition of fear which is a *real or fake threat+. %e fear because threats are damaging to our mental and physical well'being. Fear is a safety barrier used to protect us psychologically and

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physically. If it wasnt for fear wed all walk into a pit of snakes without a concern for safety. Fear protects us but too often it holds us back from reality and e!celling in performance with whatever we do. %e are especially held back when a psychological fear is present. The interpretation stage in perception tells us that different messages and understandings can be drawn from the same situation. /ay there is a car accident with many witnesses whom are asked to recall the event. Each witness will most likely have a different recollection of the event to each other because of interpretation. %hile some interpretations of the situation will be true most interpretations will be fake. %hat this means for building your confidence is a fake understanding is holding you back. "ou are psychologically erecting an invisible barrier to the situation which instills poor confidence within you. The psychological barrier doesnt e!ist. It is completely given birth based on your wrong interpretation or perception of the situation. %hen you have feared something and have ignored the fear how often have you found it to be the truth1 It hardly ever is2 Franklin -oosevelt in the 3455 first Inaugural )ddress said *we have nothing to fear but fear itself.+ %e all subconsciously make'up garbage. That is the main point I want you to take out of the perceptual process. )s feelings thinking and e!periences are used in interpreting the situation it makes perceptions a very shaky and unreliable source for reality and the truth. %hat you interpret from a situation is not necessarily reality and will most likely be no more then an invisible psychological barrier you are giving birth to inside of yourself in developing confidence to communicate. Its a common characteristic in those who are stubborn or righteous to lack self'confidence. "ou may perceive these stubborn people as being overly confident but they actually lack the confidence to welcome others point of views. These people shield themselves from others opinions by failing to listen. They lack the confidence in their own perspectives to welcome other peoples input continuing with their stubborn ways. Confident people are welcoming and not fearful of others.

Being Needy and Seeking Approval

Id say the most common fear unconfident people have is the need for others approval. %hen you give out the need for approval people will sense that you are needy and unconfident. 6o one likes to be around these needy people. This is determined through the unconfident persons perception so what may seem like reality is in fact unreal. "ou think you need another persons approval but confident people dont need this. %hen you rise above the need to be approved by other people your confidence will soar. "our uncertainty will stop your worrying will stop and your fear of acceptance will stop once you do not need others approval. ) confident woman is her own woman. If the people she is engaging with have nothing that she wants she is then able to be herself and not worry about what others think. The same is for us guys e!cept we have an e!tra source of motivation for not caring what others think. )ttraction e!pert 7avid 7e)ngelo sees a primary mistake guys make when trying to attract women in their lives and even once they do attract women is the guys clinginess and desire to
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have the womans approval. 7avid e!plains thoroughly how big of a turn'off this is for women. /urely this awakens a guys desire to not want others approval and especially amongst women. /urprisingly once you do not need approval from others they will actually approve of you2 Its all about your inner game creating your outer game. ) person who knows they do not need others approval will give out the message that they are confident and happy with who they are. 6ow thats something other people will like2

Clarity Forms Confidence

)n interesting characteristic youll notice in people who lack confidence is when they do talk just by listening you are able to tell they lack confidence. Theyll often talk #uietly and mumble. To many times people had to ask me to repeat what little things I did say because of my soft and unclear voice. %hen youre asked to repeat yourself you develop frustration thinking *ah why dont they just listen1+ but the problem lies in you and not them. )cknowledge that youre responsible otherwise youll never solve your problem. 8eres how I solved poor voice clarity and volume. I didnt learn this from anywhere else. This is from pure e!perience. 9nce you learn you do talk softly or with an unclear voice and once you desire to solve the problem whenever you talk do so with clarity and good volume. "ou may not do so successfully every time but you must try. 6othing revolutionary there. The true tip is making 3::; effort and no e!cuses when doing this. %hen youre tired or unhappy youll want to revert back to your old ways but you must not if you want to improve. "ou must have ,ero tolerance for la,iness and always put in your fullest effort to communicate confidently.
!ou must have "ero tolerance for la"iness an always put in your fullest effort to communicate confi ently.

%hen youre relentless and make every effort to talk confidently youre practicing good habits. %hen you practice good habits the behavior is reinforced and youre more likely to repeat the good habit. This rule is true for any habit whether good or bad. The communication learning process will rapidly increase if you make every effort to talk confidently and practice good habits. %hen you let others overrule you when you forgo your personal needs continuously and when you have to repeat yourself because you mumbled all because of low confidence levels you subconsciously condition yourself to talk less confidently. /o when you talk less confidently others begin to overrule you more you forgo more personal needs and you lose <9-E confidence2 It becomes tougher. Its a downhill spiral that can easily take you all the way to the bottom.

Confident Non !er"al Communication

9nce you develop verbal clarity you can take the ne!t step in developing fearless communication which is looking at your body language. "ou need to have high self'awareness in order to be aware of your body language. Its a matter of knowing what you do in certain situations. %hen you have

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poor body language others can see fear in you. E!amples of body language that is counter' productive in developing confidence and how to solve them are= #$ %oving eye contact ' people with low confidence levels rarely make eye contact and when they do as soon as the other person returns that eye contact the person looks away. "ou do not look silly looking the other person in the eyes. In fact you look weirder and would be annoying the other person more so when you do not make eye contact. >ood eye contact will show the person you are listening and that you are interested in what they have to say. 8owever you can have too much of a good thing. E!cessive eye contact is non'verbal aggression. 7r. .eter )ndersen author of The Complete Idiots >uide to $ody (anguage says you will make the other person feel comfortable with about ?:; eye contact. %ith practice I found that you will develop an intuition or @gut'feeling when you make the other person uncomfortable. )s an e!ample when you make to much eye contact theyll begin to not make eye contact with you or maybe fidget. )t the moment too much eye contact probably isnt your concern as youre trying to develop confident body language but you still should be aware of the problems with e!cessive eye contact. &$ 'eak touch ' otherwise known as haptics touch involves bodily contact. %hat haptics we are interested in to develop confident non'verbal communication is mostly the handshake. "ou will rarely use any other haptics other then a handshake in a normal social situation. Its not as if you normally go around patting people on the back or stroking their arm. Thats just strange2 %hat did you feel when someone shook youre hand with a soft handshake1 I bet you wondered if they cared about you at all or if they lacked confidence to show this concern. This is a @girly touch. ) good handshake depends on the receiving person. <ost of the time you want a firm handshake but occasionally with say the elderly you dont want to be crushing their hand2 %hen greeting ladies be aware that they dont have gigantic and hard hands like many men so just go a little less firm. ) firm handshake shows you care and is an initial way of communicating confidence when meeting someone. ($ Stay a)ay ' looking at body positions relative to one another now otherwise known as pro!emics. %hat I mean by *relative to one another+ is the distance between you and the other person. "ou are most comfortable with an intimate or well known person being close to you as opposed to someone you just met. 8owever people with low confidence will have a much wider radius of comfort. ) more confident person will not show fear when someone *breaks+ their comfortable pro!emics. This doesnt mean they are comfortable with the closeness it just means they dont show the uncomfortably. They desire the other person to stay away but they cope with the situation. )n e!cellent e!ample of this that I can remember is two )ustralian .oliticians on 9ctober A the eve of the B::C federal election. Dohn 8oward was greeted by opposition leader <ark (atham aggressively. %hile <ark (atham did pull Dohn 8oward towards him when shaking hands Eaggressive hapticsF (atham made his body position aggressive by being e!tremely close and towering over the shorter Dohn 8oward. 7espite this <r. 8oward non'verbally stood his ground in confidence by continuing the handshake and smiling towards the cameras. Im sure Dohn 8oward would have felt uncomfortable but he still gave out signs of confidence. It was said (atham attempted to get revenge for 8oward s#uee,ing his wifes hand too hard at a press function which I found to be funny2 If only they were both able to read this2

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*$ Carry yourself ' the last non'verbal communication techni#ue I feel is valuable in developing confidence is kinesics. It involves body movement. .ossibly the most important kinesics in confidence is posture. ) slouched posture not only screams an unconfident person but it has a physical and psychological effect on the person with the poor posture. The physical effect of slouching your shoulders forward is it causes your chest to compress inwards. "our chest compressing simulates e!pelling air causing you to breathe shallowly. This means if you have poor posture you will have poor breathing. The psychological effect of poor posture is poorer confidence. 0sing arguably the worlds best golfer Tiger %oods as an e!ample hes taught to maintain good posture as he approaches each shot. $y having good posture he is able to breathe correctly and physically get his body into the right state of confidence. From this his mind is able to focus on the shot ahead. I know once golfers lose this state of confidence through poor posture the affects are surprisingly strong. The golfers chest begins to tighten and everything heightens. They then lose their state of control calmness and confidence causing poor performance. The same relates to everyday life. To practice a confident posture roll your shoulders forward upwards and then back down to almost complete a circle. %atch your shoulders as you rotate them and if they are behind to what they were prior to doing the activity and you are comfortable youve done the activity correctly.

'hat Are +ou Saying to +ourself,

9therwise known as self'talk your thoughts play a large role in determining your confidence level. %hen you are afraid of stuffing something up in a conversation for e!ample you have a million thoughts rushing through your mind *%hat if he doesnt like me1+ *%hat if I dont know what to say1+ *%hat if I stuff up1+ "oure blowing your an!iety and stress levels to high levels by using this dangerous self'talk. Its damaging to your confidence and how you perform. /top worrying live in the present and dont talk negatively to yourself. Its as simple as that. 7ont beat yourself up with negative self'talk and criticism. "ou dont verbally bash your best friend so dont do it to yourself. %hen verbally beating yourself up you feed your subconscious mind bad *mental food+. "our mind deserves nutritious positive thoughts. The effects of negative self'talk are damaging to your confidence esteem and overall success. 8ow can you e!pect to win against the world if youre the only person on your team and youre against yourself1 "ou cant do that. Its impossible. "ou cant e!pect to develop unstoppable confidence and self'esteem fighting yourself. .ersonal development coach /teve .avlina made an e!cellent analogy with negative self'talk and you wanting to become fearlessly confident. .icture yourself driving in your car towards your goal. Think of negative self'talk as the brake and positive self'talk and imagery as the accelerator. %hen you begin to doubt yourself and let fear enter you are pressing the brakes slowing yourself down and when you use positive self'talk you accelerate closer to becoming unstoppably confident. 8eres the main point with the analogy. <ost people are pressing the accelerator down by being positive but they do not build in confidence because they are also pressing the brakes by using
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negativity2 It doesnt really matter if youve positive self'talk imagery and visuali,ation because the negativity will stop you from becoming confident regardless.
How can you e#pect to win against the worl if you$re the only person on your team an you$re against yourself%

Top professional athletes are completely aware of their self'talk. Take Tiger %oods for e!ample again. The guys roaring with confidence. 8ow can he sink a putt on the 3Ath to win a major if hes saying to himself *9h Tiger. This looks hard. "oure not going to able to get this+1 8e doesnt do that2 If he did hed then miss the putt and will verbally bash himself further hurting his confidence to putt well. 8e doesnt negative self'talk which is a contributor to his confidence and success. Talk and think positively by using affirmations that are congruent with your communication and self goals. Continually say to yourself *I am confident+ and by simply thinking and saying this to yourself you become a more confident person. Its a self'fulfilling prophecy. This techni#ue is actually very helpful in becoming happier. If you want to be happier anytime just simply tell yourself youre happy and do happy things. "ou become happier2 "ou will become more confident by affirming that you are confident regardless of if you are. "our thoughts become your actions and your actions become your reality. (ike Ive repeatedly said what goes on inside of you will be seen outside of you. )s corny and weird as this may sound love yourself. "ou dont need to be a jerk that is up himselfGherself but you do need to treat yourself like a champion. "oull create a higher self' perception and people will treat you better because of this. Treat yourself like rubbish and so will people. "ou need to be a cheerleader for yourself as others will most likely not be. "ou are the only person on your team. ) lot of these things Ive e!plained such as healthy self'talk will develop once you see and respect yourself like a champion.

-nsuring +ou Become Confident

I didnt and you certainly wont make a giant leap to becoming unstoppably confident. "ou wont wake up one morning feeling transformed. Its a progressive journey that takes time. "ou will stuff up but you can actually enjoy it if youre aware that you will make mistakes. Dust like the need to be aware that a marriage will not be perfect before entering into it you will enjoy progressively becoming more confident and the likelihood of you achieving unstoppable confidence will increase if you accept mistakes. /crew ups are a part of life. )n e!tremely powerful message that will reassure you that youre developing and becoming more confident deals with your thoughts. Ive repeatedly e!plained how your outer game is reflected with what goes on inside of you. To know if youll become confident in the future look at your mind today. To see who you are today look at your thoughts in the past. In general your future is created from your present against the backdrop of the past. If you are not confident today it was because of your thoughts in the past. If you are changing your thinking processes today you can project your mindset onto who you will become in the future. This means in the future who you become will be because of your thoughts now.

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!our future is create from your present against the bac& rop of the past.

It may seem obvious that working on your confidence now will mean you become more confident in the future but there are two usual problems. The first problem is motivation. It can be e!tremely demotivating and depressing to be unconfident now so you can easily e!pect to not be confident in the future. ) second problem is people often dont reali,e that who they are today is because of their past. I actually encourage you to memori,e *your future is created from your present against the backdrop of the past+ as it will provide a great source of inspiration to keep developing yourself.

Practice. Practice. and Practice

The last point I want to make is encouraging you to go out and practice what youve learned today. 7ale Carnegie said= *Inaction breeds do bt and fear! "ction breeds confidence and co ra#e! If $o %ant to con& er fear' do not sit ho(e and think abo t it! )o o t and #et b s$!* I cannot emphasi,e enough that you need to practice. If you have shyness problems you will never overcome the problem thinking about it. The best con#ueror of fear negative emotions and uncertainty is action. "oull remove any doubts you have and in the process develop valuable e!perience. "ouve learned all about your fears and how to communicate confidently so do not let them re'enter with inaction. "ouve got the knowledge now and all you have to do is apply learn from your mistakes and reapply2 >o out and practice what youve learned here today and you will be well on your way to becoming a more confident person. >o on2 >et out and get busy2

Communication %ust Continually Be /earned

%hen putting these skills to use do not e!pect perfection. Communication is a skill like any other and so do not think the techni#ues do not work or that you cannot communicate well. %hen a professional golfer makes a swing change he knows that the change is difficult to implement. 8e knows that he wont start swinging perfectly when correcting his swing. The good golfer persists following his coachs advice and works towards his goal of swinging the golf club better. Communication is a progressive effort that needs constant focus. %hen practicing these techni#ues you need to ask yourself= *%hat worked well1+ *%hat could have been done better1+ *%hat have I learned for ne!t time1+ -eali,e communication is a skill that must be learned to have fulfilling relationships and that to

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successfully communicate you need to keep learning and improving these skills. ) golfer doesnt practice H: hours one week and not practice the rest of the year2
Ta&e a vantage of every opportunity to practice your communication s&ills so that when important occasions arise, you will have the gift, the style, the sharpness, the clarity, an the emotions to affect other people. - 'im (ohn

If you want to keep learning effective communication skills to enhance your life and if you havent done so youre invited to sign up to my free communication and self development newsletter by clicking the link or you can copy and paste the address= http=[Link]'[Link] to sign up and join other *Earthlings+ as we improve our communication skills and develop ourselves. $y signing up you will receive= Free communication and self development courses and reports jammed packed with powerful information <ust read articles that will amp up your communication skills and self development IIll answer the biggest problems you and other Earthlings are e!periencing or would just like to know more about (essons on real'life e!amples so you can learn and grow faster. "ou donIt have to reinvent fire2 -eviews of products and yes when I come across garbage IIll let you know so you donIt waste your time with what wonIt be a great help to you /tuff learning from boring information when you are e!periencing enough problems already2 and more... I hope you have gotten a lot out of this free report and donIt forget to pass a copy onto someone you know simply by emailing this report you have or send them this link
[Link] where they can view this ebook so they too can fearlessly communicate and talk

with confidence. )lso you can print out as many copies as youId like and give them away. ItIs a great gift that can help others improve problems they have with confidence in talking to you or others. I wish you the best in your communication and hope to hear from you soon

Doshua 0ebergang [Link] /elf 7evelopment E!pert "t the ti(e of %ritin# this report' +osh a is at the ver$ $o n# a#e of 21 $ears old! ,avin# overco(e his confidence proble(s' he is no% teachin# others ho% to co(( nicate and live in p re confidence! ,e has alread$ helped tho sands of people in all areas of co(( nication develop the(selves and co(( nicate effectivel$! ,e has helped people overco(e relationship conflict and develop interpersonal relationships and others in individ al related areas s ch as re(ovin# self-

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li(itin# beliefs and endin# nhappiness to na(e a fe% areas! -.here is al(ost nothin# as liberatin# as destro$in# a fear or proble( that has been ha ntin# $o $o r entire life! It/s e(otional freedo(! ,o%ever' be$ond o r kno%n fears and proble(s e0ist o r darkest holes! It is the nkno%n' the concealed' and the hidden areas of o r lives that li(it s fro( livin# to o r f llest! 1o(( nication is the #reatest and nfort natel$ the (ost nkno%n skill %e have co(plete control over to achieve s ccess and personal satisfaction! ,o% %e think and interact %ith others controls the & alit$ of o r lives!* - +osh a 2eber#an#! If you have any #uestions comments media in#uiries etc. you are welcomed to contact Dosh by visiting= http=[Link]

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Recommended Confidence Resources

Earthling Communication confidence section http=[Link] Earthling Communication blog confidence section http=[Link] >uide to communicating and living with confidence http=[Link]'[Link]

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.lease leave a donation for Dosh by clicking here so you too can enjoy giving like he has by providing this free report.

/ign up now by clicking here

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