The Ultimate Choice

The room was loud with chatter and gossip. The voices all melted together
into a protruding and ominous hum that only reminded her of the fateful choice that
was approaching. Every so often she would pick out an individual voice that
presented a trivial statement, to which she mentally scoffed. She was annoyed at
the casual attitudes of those around her in light of the ultimatum that was creeping
up on every one of them. How could they converse about topics that were so
irrelevant at a time like this? She liked to think that she was thoughtful and careful
rather than indecisive, but the air of the room was thick with cavalier and ease,
while her mind raced with worry. Maybe she was breathing a different air than they
were, she thought. Their air gave the ability to make brash decisions in the heat of
the moment, while hers forced critical and analytical thought. She shook the
thought out of her head and commanded herself to ignore the pandemonium
around her and focus on making the right decision.
The right decision; now that, was something that deserved discussion. She
wondered how one could make the rightas opposed to the wrongdecision
without knowing what its consequences would be. The definitions of right and wrong
were so vague; she wondered if these notions even existed. Some would say that
there was no right or wrong in the world; that any given idea or behavior was of
complete and utter neutrality. These individuals would most likely assert that right
and wrong are constructs that we must break down and that the idea of rightness or
wrongness had to depend on the person and situation. Using this philosophy, there
was virtually no distinction between the two decisions she was faced with, unless of
course, she herself identified one as right and the other as wrong. However, if there
was indeed, a distinction between right and wrong how would she arrive upon the
right decision? In terms of morality, the choice was morally neutral. In terms of
norms, either decision would allow her to follow the narrative. Then, comes the
notion of equitability: the idea that one decision would help her in the long-run more
so than the other. She determined that either decision would benefit her indefinitely
and equally, as far as she could tell. But how could one make a decision based on
an outcome that was merely guessed? According to the consequentialist theories
egoism, utilitarianism, etc., one must guess the outcome of a decision and then
determine its rightness. That is, if the preconceived result of the decision is
favorable, then it must be the right decision. But she didnt think she was a
consequentialist; the future was too rugged and immeasurable for her to merely
guess what it would hold. On the other hand, there were the non-consequentialists;
philosophers, such as Kant, who outlined the notion that decisions had intrinsic
moralities, separate from their consequences. She identified more with them, but at
the same time wondered how one could navigate decisions in which either choice
proved to be morally neutral. She pondered the notion for a while and finally
decided that one could never know the rightness or wrongness of a decision until he
or she was presented with the result of its adversary. Going off of this conclusion,
she wondered, how was one to make a decision in the present?

Contrary to the rightness and wrongness of a decision, there was the

argument of passion versus comfort. Ultimately, her decision would come down to
two choices: the one she was passionate about and the one she was comfortable
with. If she chose passion, she would be choosing what she loved and would be
arguably happier with her decision. However, when one chose passion the chance of
failure would exponentially increase. On the other hand, she could choose comfort.
She wouldnt be as happy and would most likely wonder what couldve been had
she taken the risk, but at least she had the guarantee of not failing. In accordance
with this notion, many individuals made decisions based on whether they valued
passion or comfort. Robert Frost must have valued passion and originality when he
risked failure by taking the path less traveled by. But she wasnt like Frost; to her,
passion and comfort were both important. To choose one or the other was to betray
herself.
Her mind spun with the possibilities and consequences. She was confused
and bewildered with the ultimatum that was expediently approaching her. Right or
wrong made no difference to her and she was perpetually unable to decide between
passion and comfort; so where did that leave her? In the movies, when characters
seemed to be existentially confused and had exhausted all other resources, they sat
in the pews of a church. Whether they spoke with an individual who claimed to know
God or just sat in silence, the mere act of seeking a higher, all knowing deity
seemed to give the character peace of mind.
At that thought, she wondered what choice God wanted her to make. To her,
it seemed arbitrary to even ask an omniscient deity what to do. If she had the
correct understanding of the holy books, He already knew what choice she would
make, regardless of what she asked. If this was true, then was any decision she
made even hers to begin with? She imagined herself as a robot, mechanically
navigating through life with the mechanism God had given her, unable to deviate
from the plan. What was the mechanism telling her to do now? She couldnt decide.
Sheas well as most of humanityliked to think that she had the ability to decide
and she feared the idea that free will was just an illusion. Of course, the existential
struggle of free will and human autonomy against the omniscience of the
metaphysical deity was among the issues that had plagued human existence since
the day it began. It took a lifetime and definite death to see beyond the objectives
of human thought and questions such as these, but she only had approximately five
minutes to decide her fate.
Her mind decided to play the devils advocate and she started to wonder why
decisions even mattered. Ultimately, we live and then die; what we do in between is
meaningless. Unless, of course, there was something that gave an individual
meaninga reason to live, if you will. Her meaning was success. To answer the
previous question, her decisions mattered because they would define her journey to
success. The career and recognition that she had always dreamed of would drive
her to make decisions and to give her life meaning. Likewise, if her decisions didnt
lead her to success than her life would be void of meaning. The pressure to make
decisions that would lend meaning to her otherwise arbitrary life was always
standing over her, like a dark cloud. Sometimes she thought the darkness could

speak to her, but maybe it was just her subconscious. Either way, it told her not to
waste her decisions or her life.
She was ripped from her thoughts when she found herself next in line to
make the ultimate choice.
Hot dog or hamburger? asked the lunch lady.

Choice and meaning

Like the character in the storywho is a metaphor of myself, we make
decisions every day that will affect the outcome of our lives. The why question that
this milestone focuses on is why do we make decisions?. Meaning and worldview
become very relevant as we navigate through this question. Ones worldview and
foundation for meaning are upon the most deciding factors in the choices he/she
will make. Although the choice in the story was as trivial as deciding what to eat for
lunch, the same decision making process is used to make larger decisions such as
what college to go to or what to major inwhich were two decisions that I made
somewhat recently.
The content for this milestone was inspired by my recent decision to change
my major. The decision process that the character in the story went through is very
similar to the one I went through. Concepts such as rightness vs. wrongness,
passion vs. comfort, and the intuition of an all-knowing deity were significant
aspects of my decision. As I went through this process my father repeatedly told
me, Dont make the wrong decision. As I was thinking through this statement, I
wondered if there was such a thing as a wrong decision; how can we know what
decision is right if we are unable to foresee the outcome of either decision?
Although my father was very vague in the terms of right and wrong, his
definition of the right decision was the decision in which would be most equitable
for me in the long run. Therefore, the only way to make a decision in this context
would be to guess which decision will ultimately be better in terms of income and
job satisfaction. On the other hand, I also took into account the distinction between
passion and comfort. I had been comfortable with my previous major; it was
relatively easy and I knew I would be able to get a satisfactory job even if it wasnt
in what I love. However, I didnt want to live my life in this way. I decided to choose
the major in which I would have to work hardernot only in school but in the job
search as wellhowever, because I am passionate about this field I felt as if it was
worth going the extra mile. Lastly, I sought the omniscience of the metaphysical
deity in my decision making process. In order to feel in touch with this deity I
meditated often and spent time in prayer until I felt at peace with the major I had
chosen. This was the main factor in my decision, however, I also took into account

the previous factors. The concepts that Ias well as the characterwent through in
order to make my decision are very characteristic of my worldview. I make decisions
based on what is most equitable, what I am most passionate about, and if I feel in
unison with the transcendent realm.
For this milestone, I used the format of a short story so that I would be able to
convey the thoughts of the character as she went through the decision making
process. I think this format was effective in that it allowed me to explore the process
of decision making on a deeper level as well as describe the role of worldview in this
process. In other words, I was able to get into the characters head, read her
thoughts, and decipher her worldview. Although most of us do not put this amount
of philosophical thought into what we will eat for lunch, we nevertheless make
almost all of our decisions based off of our worldview. The triviality of the
characters choice puts emphasis on the idea that worldview is the main
determinant of the choices we make, whether we acknowledge it or not. Therefore,
ones worldview proves to be significant not just in how he/she interprets the world,
but in how he/she responds to it as well. Furthermore, the story is cut off before the
character is able to make her choice so that the reader is able to incorporate his/her
worldview into the story. For example, a postmodernist may deny either choice and
ask for a vegetarian option while an individual embodying the archetype of the hero
or savior may simply give their lunch to the needy. This cliff hanger begs the
question, what would you do?