RAIDO

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths. The pair proposed to do a non-linear short story that follows the plot of Socorro Villanuevas We Wont Cry About This. The short story will allow the reader to choose whose characters point of view will be followed. The story will be presented in the perspective of the chosen character and the reader will be taking the shoes of the character. At certain points in the story, the reader will be prompted to make a decision which will affect the plot. The reader can opt to follow the original plots narrative, but some decisions can lead to entirely new plot progressions, which could ultimately lead to an entirely different plot. All four of the major characters in the short story can be chosen as the point of view person: Squeak, Tyke, the mother and the father. The mother and the father will be named Eula and Eddie respectively, for the sake of the pairs short storys characterization. The short story will be presented through a Portable Document Format, with hyperlinks that can be clicked to reflect decisions made by the reader. Clicking the hyperlinks will lead the reader to a different part of the file, where he or she will continue reading.

Destiny, change and life lessons by Neil Cruda and Franz Christian Irorita

Characters:
Tyke We Wont Cry About This Squeak Baseball Caps Eula White Christmas Eddie A Husband and Father

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

We Wont Cry About This

She stays in bed with Ralph Waldo Emerson, his book close to her chest like a lover. And she has conversations with this man, dead a century, because, she says, his words are alive for talking-to and true, and she likes truth and true men, whatever she means by that. She takes to books because she doesn't have a man otherwise is what I think. She dated for a while- Roque, this longhaired commercial director who was like eight years her junior. But now hes gone, thank God. Lately she talks to books and is outrageously lazy. She has her recent favorites, like Thoreau and the Buddhist, Thich Nhat Hanh, and Gary Zukav, the soul geek. The Bible, even. But she and Emerson, woooh, theyre tight. You have a problem with that? she asks me without looking up from the page. She looks pale. I think, Ma, you're going psycho, I say, and she laughs, says she suspects she was born nuts and may have passed it on to me along with her nose and skin color. Its child abuse, what you do. Raising us crazy by example, I say. Her room is a mess. The sheets are falling off the sides of her bed and an altar of bottles stands on her night table-Coke, water, wine- like the Holy Trinity. The whole room is gloomy with the curtains drawn and the walls dim into hepatitis-yellow. Books, books, books. Hey" she says. Who says Im raising who here? I'm just reading a book, for Christ's sake! My sister, her name is Squeak, marks her page on The Celestin Prophecy (also from my Mother's library) and comes to lie between Ma and me on the bed. Ma's bedroom couch is Squeaks house. She lives there like a mindless, faithful mongrel, and there are nights when she stares out the window into the big sky and sees UFOs. Day after Ma first heard about this, she got up on the roof to see if it were possible for a Peeping Tom with a flashlight to get near that window. Impossible, from any angle. There was no access, unless Peeping Tom could fly, she said. One night I saw them both looking out, almost midnight it was, and my Ma-my Ma!-told me they were waiting for aliens to swing by the block that night. Look at you, I tell Squeak, youre sixteen, you should be on the phone with boys, not reading a book about prophets!" This is so not about prophets, dork! she squeaks. In March-nothing good happens in March-Ma comes home with her hair all gone, and head shaved to a shine. She zooms into the dining room and goes: Ta-da! Top Next page

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

Squeak and I shriek. A freaking Sinead O'Connor! She is forty-three, for crying out loud! Then she breaks the news, breaks us. She says she better get at the hair before the chemo does. She says the word- khee-moe- like it was a detergent bar she'd picked up at Unimart. I feel like I'd been stabbed. Right here, between the ribs. I fly out of there, leaving a trail of curses behind me and go straight to my bedroom. I whack my pillows until the seams come off and the white fluff flies about me like dry snow. She struts around the house like she was healthy, like she had hair. How come your friends dont come around anymore?" she asks me on my way out to school one morning while I struggle balancing my history book and my gym bag and my stuff bag. I tell her something, like the guys are busy- college now, you know, crap like that. She winks at me. She winks at me! What you winking at me for, Ma? Its a blessing I got hit in the lungs. At least I get to keep the boobs, she says. Right, like your A-cups were something to die for! Ah like dem," she says. Ill keep them or die. She is at the door, with the sun on her face. Something about her makes me want to say, Wanna come? But if I ask her, she will come. Her head is a blinding orb in the light. Ever consider wearing a wig? I ask as I get into the car. She goes: But I feel hip this way!" I get used to it after a while. Her Royal Baldness. The Hairless Wonder. Life with Ma is a series of getting-used-tos anyway. Outrage after outrage. Like the time she painted the living room purple when Pa began to spend weekends away at conferences. Not just purple but two-day-old-bruise purple. I refused to have a birthday party at home with our black-eye walls and yellow couch. Pa was livid. Hes a very quiet man, very proper, and the new colors made him go like, What the hell? We were having breakfast that day, and Ma smiled and said, Just so you know how we feel around here. I buy her a beret from a thrift shop, black and stinking like hell, who knows where that beret came from? Maybe some scruffy artist who doesnt know shampoo from snot. She wears it to breakfast: Ooh-la-la, she says, ver is zee pat-tey dey fwa? I want to cry into my coffee. Previous Page Next page

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

Squeak takes out our old baseball caps, some of them Pas-from the old days when there was a Pa. Pa flew to Miami five years ago in March, a day after I graduated from Grade 7-on a business trip with Marge, his executive assistant, and never came back. We were at the airport to pick him up, what. three times? Those days when we wondered about Pa, we invented a color game. Ma would start by saying, Blue lagoon, and we all took turns finding blue: objects to add to the list. Blue tsinelas. Blue sky. Blue dress. The one who ran out of blue was a rotten egg. One day Ma said, Lets look for Pa in the den. Only Squeak followed her there. Because I was like, Yeah, right, like he sneaked in last night and decided to play peek-a-boo. But they found his goodbye note and affidavits of this and that, giving Ma sole right to everything-the house the cars, the membership to Valle Verde Country Club- all neatly tiled in his briefcase. Most possibly filed by Margethe-slut, too. It was like a time bomb. I 'm sorry. honey. . . KAPOW! Jesus, I am a rich woman! Ma exclaimed then. Yipee? Her face was white as a zombie and her mouth curled as if a string was holding it down and she was struggling to keep it up. Then her amigas, them ad agency freakazoids, Nabby and Anna and Bambina, came most nights and we all got drunk together. Yes, even me and Squeak, we downed Asti Spumanti like fish. It was summer vacation. and some evenings we watched cartoons from Squeaks video library, and everything was funny; The Little Mermaid was funny and The Lion King??we laughed louder than the hyenas, even at the stampede scene where Mufasa was trampled to death. Someone said, Wildebeests! and we all burst out laughing. I dont know now what for. Our late-night binges went on until my grandmother treated Ma to an extended tour of Europe, and we had to hole up with Tita Lanie in her Makati apartment. When she came back, Ma sold our big house in Pasig (yes, the one with the purple sala) and we moved to a townhouse where Pa became a private thing, no longer talked about in the open. I hang the baseball caps on a wire, color-coded, across her dressing mirror. Ma says she likes it. Gives me a clear view of my life options, she says. Ha!

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Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

Previous Page One Sunday, she was feeling good and the three of us, we troop to the Glorietta mall like we were some baseball cap patrol. I drive; do that all the time now, but never the BMW, which belongs to Ignatio et Lamina but we still get to keep, Ma being on indefinite leave-she says, humanitarian leave,they're so kind, yada yada-on full pay and benefits. I think: Ad agency president on mortal leave. Beat that! Let her drive to heaven in the Bee-Em! Squeak and I hide our hair in buns under our caps and we walk around half-blind, our chins raised to see under the brims of our caps. Ma is wearing my jeans. She likes it that she fits into twentyfour inches of Guess, but I watch her browse at the bookstore-self-help, how-to-go-to-heaven rip-offsand she is frail and sad and I want to hold her like Squeak holds her. Mas hair grows back by November, so she looks human again, decent and respectable, the way a mother should. We are out to dinner to celebrate her hair, and she is wearing Squeaks clothes-a white tiny-tee with Roxy printed on the chest. Her belly button peeks out of the space between Squeaks shirt and my pants. She glues a red bead on her forehead and uses half a bottle of extra-hold gel to spike her hair up front like a screwed-up crown of thorns. She looks like a teenager with laugh lines.

>But Ma keeps on getting worse so I escaped to the school. >I wanted to quit school for a while, just take a break while all this is happening.

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

But Ma keeps on getting worse so I escaped to the school. The classes were horrible, but they were a good distraction, a way to forget about Ma. The worse Mas condition becomes, the more interested I am in to school. My friends in school I mean. In no time, I was attending parties every day, drunk every night. But I guess it goes with the territory, After all I am a college student. Hi sweaty you look wonderful a stranger approaches Why thank you My names Dino Gutirrez, you? Katrina, no last names please sure Thats when I met Dino. He was handsome, polite, a quiet and proper man. I guess we hit it off and started dating. He promised me a lot of things and dreamed of places where he would go. Hes perfect. One day after five days of not going back home, I decided to give the family a visit. Everything was good when someone slaps me in the face as soon as I step through the door. Fuck! I scream and I get hit again. It's my stupid sister. How could you mess up at a time like this? We're counting days, practically, and you have the nerve to distress her! She is twisting her words, like her speech can't catch up with the boiling bile inside of her. Oh yeah? I scream back. Like I can't live while she's busy dying? She hits me again, right across the face, and I grab her head and hurl it, like a football, except maybe lighter, and her body flies with her head and lands on the floor. I kick her in the butt. Don't you ever dare hit me again, I hiss and just then a flood of anger comes over me and I get down on my knees to pull her up by the hair. She turns around and kicks me in the shin. Her fingers dig into wherever she finds my flesh, drawing bloody stripes on me. I don't let go of her hair, her head now looking up at the ceiling. Her face is like crumpled and twisted-I don't know if I'll ever forget how she looks. Tita Lanie, Mas younger sister, comes to break us up. You should be sorry for yourselves, she screams. God! I can't be sorrier for myself! I yell like I am hawking self-pity to all of Valle Verde Townhomes. God! I am the sorriest person alive!

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Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

Previous Page Ma appeared with a disappointed face. She was miserable and dejected. She stared at me, but I dare not look at here. Shes the one who made this entire ruckus.

>How could they do this to me? I leave them for Dino >I care about them and this is what they give me?

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

I ran away but they started following me. Tyke! Tyke! I think it was squeak TYKE! Please Ma was sobbing But I was quick to get a cab to find Dino. He was surprised when he saw me. Kat, why are you here? I ran away from home, didnt you say that you will marry me? but this is all too fast its a yes or no question why do you want an answer right now? his face was now full of doubt but I dont want to go back now because Im pregnant I made that up wait! what? Ok fine but lets talk about this first He let me in the house. I guess he assumed that Ma learned about this thats why he didnt ask me a lot of questions, but needless to say I was comfortable with Dino. I feel that I can do everything with him. Who would have known that I was actually pregnant! Ma died after a month. I heard from Squeak, ten years after I married Dino. I have made amends with her but I dont care anymore, that was the past my future lies with Dino. But things started to take a downturn, I heard gossips that he was cheating, smelled a different perfume from what everyone in the house has, saw less and less of him. I feel something wrong. I hired an investigator to find out what is happening. He really was cheating. But before I can confront him, He left. He left all his properties and money. I tasted the bitter feeling of irony, and then I collapsed. It was cancer. I have to tell you that I do not regret my choice. I am the master of my fate not my Tita, Squeak, Ma, Dino, or even Pa. I do not regret being angry at Ma and Squeak, or trying to escape reality by marrying Dino, I do not regret because those were not my actions. I have to tell you that I wont cry over this. End Previous Page

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

I ran out of the house. I saw that it has started raining, but I still ran. It was dark and raining, and it was hard for me to run, but I kept up, running in the road. "Tyke!" Tita Lanie called after me. "Come back! Don't run!" And running, and running, until I tripped and fell on the asphalt road. "Tyke" And then I heard a loud screeech! Two orbs of light were gleaming in front of me. I saw the life flashing before my eyes or so they say, I saw Pa and Ma happy together, Squeak and I playing, I remember Dinos sweet kisses, then I remember the bruised pink room, waiting at the airport, Ma crying, Ma bald. I was thrown away and I blacked out. I heard voices Tyke! Tyke! I think it was squeak TYKE! Please live Ma was sobbing Im sorry maam nothing can be done anymore I guess I died, but I have to tell you that I do not regret my choice. I am the master of my fate not my Tita, Squeak, Ma, or even Pa. I do not regret being angry at Ma and Squeak, or trying to escape reality by hanging out with my friends, I do not regret because those were not my actions. I have to tell you that I wont cry over this. End Previous Page

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

Were good with each other again after our wild tiff in October, when I said I wanted to quit school for a while, just take a break while all this is happening, and I was such a pea brain that I asked her. She considered it dropping altogether out. I had told her I wanted to clean up the house. Ma did not mind clutter, and with her at home all the time, the clutter was near burying us alive. Pa was a tidy man, and he wouldnt put up with a messy house. Yikes! If he were here he'd die first. I thought if I tidied up- and I needed months to tidy up!everything would be fine. Maybe. I hoped. What? Leave school so you can clean up the house? What the Hell's the matter with you, Katrina? She calls me by that name only when she's all fired up, and it sounds ugly to me every time she says it. She calls me Tyke" normally, or its variations: Tykee, Tyke-won-der, Tyke-coon. And what is that compared to the fucking matter with you? You don't even have hair, Mama! I don't remember the rest of it. I just said fuck, fuck, fuck. But now were good again, in a way. We don't talk beyond hi-wassup-bye, therefore we don't argue, and thats as good as it can get, for now. Im in school. As in, all the time, I hardly go home before dinner anymore, and I wonder if she knows I hang out with the gang at the billiard hall like I lived there. You never know what Ma thinks. She has headaches and pains bigger than the house, Squeak says, though I dont know how she knows. Ma never speaks of pain. We wont cry about this, she's been saying for as long as I can remember. The times we fell from our bikes, when we cancelled a beach trip because Squeak got the pox, when our dog Bruno died; and that's what she said when she announced she had cancer. We won't cry about this. Like when Pa left, there was no pain to talk about, and I wonder where the pain goes when you just keep it in. Maybe they become cancer cells that eat you alive. Metastatic whatever. Who knows? The doctor says its Stage Five, and so near the end, but we're not crying about it, at least not in the open. Squeak has eye bags like puffballs and her guidance counselor has been here for a chitchat with Ma. Her grades are on a spin dive. Ma talks to the books still, and to the bromeliads in the garden. And to Squeak, of course. A lot of the time she talks Emerson stuff to herself while she sits, lotus-style, on a mat, visualizing a golden healing light flowing into a hole in her head and running through her sick body, downing her mutated cells like duck pins. A Buddha thing, I think. I struggle with my books and barely turn out the papers. Middle-of term papers, reflection papers, critique papers, hey-its-Tuesday-lets-write-a paper papers. God, these Jesuits are suckers for papers-one five-pager every frigging day, almost! It's raining Cs and D's in my life. But, heck, who's going to cry about it? Previous Page Next page

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

Previous Page All sorts of people come over to the house like it was some tourist stop. Ma's friends party here like the world was going to end, -and, in many ways, it will, for Ma and Squeak and me. Yeah, right. Something to party for, Mas friends, gosh! I feel like drowning in a sea of stupid red wine and Sergio Mendes and his freaky brazils. On weekends my grandmother has this busload of geeks-these JesusJesus people, stretching their arms over Ma's head like they were advertising roll-on antiperspirants, Amen, Amen. Christ! They come for the pastries, I tell Squeak. We have no pastries and you're so stupid, Tyke! >Shrug it off >Be angry

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

Squeak has become so deadpan and thin, too, like her cheekbones are going to pop out of her skin any minute. I could have been angry with her but I shrugged it off. What, little sister Squeak doesnt get a joke? She did what I didnt expect her to do. She cried. At first it was full of angry at me then it changed, it became fear and sadness like the bottled up emotions broke free. She tried to calm down before talking. I don't know what to do. Mom is slowly dying and I love her and she will soon be gone but I can't do anything about it and I can't just watch her die. If I can only turn back time, when we were all happy- but her words were drowned in her cries. And there we were, alone; me and Squeak, alone in the sea of devout trying to heal Ma. And they were looking at her, with eyes of pity and sorrow. I was shocked by Squeaks action, she never showed weakness before. I felt ashamed of my actions; I felt ashamed of trying to leave the responsibility of taking care of Ma to Squeak. Its okay Squeak, you can cry now I broke the golden rule, I let her cry despite what Ma said, that We wont cry about this. But its okay, the damage to our pride is lesser than the damage this sickness has caused us. She fell asleep while holding me. I carried her to her room to hide ourselves from the visitors. As I walk, I realized that I havent been to her room for the past years. I realized that I neglected my sister. I never knew her as a person; I only knew that she is my sister that she is the second-born offspring of Ma and Pa. Other than that I knew nothing. What colour she likes, who she likes at school, how Mas condition is for her, what he felt when Pa felt. I think thats what happened. Pa happened. I closed myself from the family when Pa left. I felt devastated. Here is my sister who is of sixteen years of age yet I do not know her. I felt tears coming down my eyes. I think I cried for hours because when I stopped I cannot hear the devout anymore. I looked at her and grasped her hand trying to affirm our sisterly status to confirm the existence of my sister. It was replied with shouts and fits, she was having a nightmare. shhhh Squek everything is alright the screams continued. Im here for you, I wont leave the sobbing were deafening . Its me Squeak, Its Tyke your sister she calmed down. I know she was uncomfortable so I carried her again, back to Mas room. I was careful not to wake Ma but she noticed. She looked at me and smiled, it was the smile that I yearned for all this years. I lay Squeak beside her and tried to go to my room. Tyke Ma said. Her voice is weak and painful to my ears. Ma? I asked Previous Page Next page

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

Sleep beside me she said, moving slightly to make some space for me. I knew better than to argue, so I lay down on the opposite side where Squeak sleeps. I went closer beside Ma and kissed her. What had I done all this years? I had this family yet I only notice them when theyre almost gone. Ma is dying and Squeak is becoming a stranger to me. I cried again first loud then getting then getting more silent and I was starting to sleep. Before I succumbed to it, I heard cries but it is not mine, its Mas. Take care of your sister Those were the last words I heard. End Previous Page

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

Squeak has become so deadpan and thin, too, like her cheekbones are going to pop out of her skin any minute. What a geek. And where's the respect? I'm two years older, for crying out loud. Calls me stupid as if I'm stupid. I'll show her yet. Tita Lanie has come to stay in the house, for good, looks like. Tita Lanie is Ma's younger sister, a big-time lawyer who is such a fussy bitch that she is unable to get a man. Who will want to marry her, anyway? Shes got this bulldozer kind of grit. Sometimes I wonder if she knows, but of course I know she knows. But it's like she doesn't know! She just hangs out here and cooks and fiddles with her laptop. While Ma dies. Slowly. Happily. Squeak has moved permanently to Ma's room-has attached herself to Ma's body, like Velcro. It's almost Christmas and me and the gang, we go out for a big weekend gimmick in Subic, all of us stoned on booze and doobies, and Dino takes me home on the third day, just before dawn, I think it is. Someone slaps me in the face as soon as I step through the door. Fuck! I scream and I get hit again. It's my stupid sister. How could you mess up at a time like this? We're counting days, practically, and you have the nerve to distress her! She is twisting her words, like her speech can't catch up with the boiling bile inside of her. Oh yeah? I scream back. Like I can't live while she's busy dying? She hits me again, right across the face, and I grab her head and hurl it, like a football, except maybe lighter, and her body flies with her head and lands on the floor. I kick her in the butt. Don't you ever dare hit me again, I hiss and just then a flood of anger comes over me and I get down on my knees to pull her up by the hair. She turns around and kicks me in the shin. Her fingers dig into wherever she finds my flesh, drawing bloody stripes on me. I don't let go of her hair, her head now looking up at the ceiling. Her face is like crumpled and twisted-I don't know if I'll ever forget how she looks. Tita Lanie, her hair a mass of tangles around her fat face, comes to break us up. You should be sorry for yourselves, she screams. God! I can't be sorrier for myself! I yell like I am hawking self-pity to all of Valle Verde Townhomes. God! I am the sorriest person alive! I don't remember what else. There are details that sink so deeply and so instantly, and I wonder where they go; I wonder if they will ever come back. I hear phrases like, It's okay to be angry," Go ahead, cry." She is full of conversation -lawyer that she is!-and I am just swimming in my own grief and I am crying like a baby, curled up on the floor like a fuzz ball.

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Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

I wake up the next morning, still on the floor, and Ma is on the couch, stroking my hair with her toes. I was such a stupid, gross-out kid, I used to take off her shoes when she got home from work and sniff her feet. That smell. The comforting stink of Mama being home, and all was well. Rottweiler, she tells me. She is slumped on the couch, and her head, it is falling to the side, like her neck couldn't hold it up. I feel like I swallowed the sofa, and it was stuck in my throat. I put her cold feet on my face and sayYuck. But I hold it there. We spend Christmas in the hospital. She won't eat anymore, and her face twists in pain all the time, even in her sleep. Cough cough cough. Coughing that goes on and on, I can't breathe. Please, please let it stop stop stop. Squeak is banging her head on the oxygen tank. Room 410. Everybody-I mean, everybody in the world who has any little thing to do with us is outside at the lobby. Only three of us are in the room, my choice, but I lied and said Ma said so. White Christmas," Ma says, faintly now, pointing to her white sheets. Squeak laughs like she was Santa who hasnt eaten for a year. I point to my shirt which is white and new, a gift from Dino. Squeak points to the bracelet of white beads, the one I put in a pink wrapper, my present. Ma takes Squeaks hand and points it to her lips, which are whiter than anything I can imagine. We stop playing. I am suddenly very tired. I'm the rotten egg. I want to lay down with Ma but with Squeak already beside her and all these contraptions tacked on her body, I only manage to sit at the foot of the bed and play with the buttons that swing me, slowly, slowly, up, then down. I think of Christmases past-there have been many happy times, but is that all we fucking get? Ma's eyes close and I close mine, too, fighting to shut out images of Christmases up ahead. End Previous Page

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

Baseball Caps
I see her by the bed. Ma is with Emerson today; yesterday its some Buddhist monk, everyday a different person. I could never guess why she wanted them. Sometimes Im jealous that she as more time with them than me. Sometimes I feel like she is abandoning us. She looks up from the book and sees me. Ma smiles and everything is alright. I grab The Celestin Prophesy by the back and join her. It was just magical here together with Ma in her room. It feels like my own paradise island. The silence, the comfort, it was almost like waiting for the storm to pass. Tyke breaks the silence. She walks into the room and scowls at the scene. You can sense her by her footsteps, slow and loud but not trying to be loud. She starts to talk and I block her words as I try to read. She then talks to Ma, something trivial I guess. I hear some yelling and realize that she is talking to me. Youre sixteen; you should be on the phone with boys, not reading a book about prophets!" This is so not about prophets, dork I squeaked She leaves the room. I look at Ma, she notices my stare and looks up and smiles. Despite her pale face, such smile never fails to calm me. Here is Ma, she is happy, I should be happy. Everything is fine. March came and despite the season, I feel like it is going to rain. Tyke ,who is always angry, is sad. Something is about to happen I can feel it. The storm is about to fall on my island. Ma comes home with her head shaved. Ta-da she says as she greets us. We shrieked as a greeting back. I know Ma is a bit impulsive but not like this. Something is wrong. I wait for an explanation. This is Ma; she always knows what to do. I then catch a word that breaks me, chemo, or as mom says it Khee-moe. I dont know what to do. I felt numb as the realization start to sink in. Here is my only family in front of me, bald and dying. Tyke is angry; she storms off to her bed trying to lash it out. Ma just smiles weakly and unsure. I walk to her and hug her. I need all the Ma I can get from now on. I feel her hug me back. We wont cry about this she said. Everything will be alright. Tyke finally calms down. She buys Ma a beret; its dirty and feels like its from a garbage can. I guess Tyke is still kina angry but at least shes not ballistic. Ma however likes it; she wears it to breakfast and makes French impression like ver is zee pat-tey dey fwa? Tyke looks like crying on her coffee. I laugh at her antics as I try to eat my breakfast. Ma is back again. Top Next page

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

As I finish my breakfast I walk around trying to search for the book that I am trying to read. I then notice the baseball caps. A lot of them were of Dads. Dad is a private thing in the family, we never talk about him. Just when he left, I think Tyke changed, she is never the same again, but I think Ma knows. Tyke was the one closes to him. I remember the day when we were supposed to pick him up, he didnt come back. We tried to go back trice but I guess Ma knew something was up and gave up. But I being young that time wanted to find Dad, I continuously bugged her about it but all she said was that he is busy. Your father is just too dumb to remember the way back! Her face betrayed her words. During those times we invented a color game Ma would start by saying, Blue lagoon, and we all took turns finding blue objects to add to the list. Blue tsinelas. Blue sky. Blue dress. The one who ran out of blue was a rotten egg. Tyke always lose, she was always the rotten egg. One day tired of my questions Ma said, Lets look for Pa in the den. I followed her. Ma, I think, was trying to make me happy instead of actually finding dad because when she looked at the Dads desk, she wore an expression I never saw before. Jesus, I am a rich woman! Ma exclaimed then, her face struggling to be both happy and sad. The next few days were a blur as we were drunk every night, including me. I vaguely remember running away from wildebeests and fun nights involving Little Mermaid and drinking Asti Spumanti and Ma alone as everyone is asleep trying to sing me to sleep when all it did was wake me up with her cries. I realize that I am day dreaming because Ma put a cap on my head. Wanna go to the mall on Sunday? Dad was gone and so was the family. Everything was alright.

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Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

Previous Page I wont cry about this, I wont. I recite my mantra as I see Ma in pain. The chemo is obviously not working. The doctors say its stage five. But I wont cry about this. Ma never speaks of pain. We wont cry about this, she's been saying for as long as I can remember. The times we fell from our bikes, when we cancelled a beach trip because Squeak got the pox, when our dog Bruno died; and that's what she said when she announced she had cancer. We won't cry about this. The whispers of pain stop. I entered her room and saw her. She is asleep, peacefully, trying to rest for another battle. I snuggled beside her, I shall be with her. That night I dream of the old house, I was playing with Tyke, and Ma called us to have some snacks. The both of us ran and Pa caught us, she lifted us as we made our way inside the house. He then put us to our chairs as we grabbed some food. We were smiling, we were happy. Me, Tyke, Ma and Pa. The next morning Ma is smiling, but each day breaks my heart as I see her weaker. Each day the whispers become louder. I try my best but it is only delaying the inevitable. We wont cry about this, but Im tired.

>I am tired of this entire charade of all this pretending that is happening. >I am tired, but I need to be strong for Ma. I know better than surrender.

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

Previous Page After class, my guidance counsellor wants to have a talk with me and Ma. I am failing my classes. I know that it is hard for you but just try to not let it affect you. She says. I looked at Ma, she was sick and dying, the only family I have is in pain and my counsellor want me to not let my emotions into me. I was mad, but Ma squeezed my hand. Just repeat the year if you fail! Ma said like a joke. Im fine. Okay? I try to hold back my tears in surprise to what Ma said. The doctor said that the cancer is on stage five and here you are saying youre fine. Youre dying and here you are saying youre fine. No Ma! Its not fine its not okay. I pull myself together. Okay. Tyke is a totally different case, she sometimes is a hard head but this time she is becoming a whole lot more annoying and stupid. It started when Mas friends party at the house like the world will end tomorrow. And there is Tyke enjoying herself. She is enjoying every little bit of time till Ma will be gone. >But I ignore it; it must be her way of coping up. >I try to ignore it but the last straw is when she went to Subic with her friends.

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

But I ignore it; it must be her way of coping up. It was during History class when I collapsed. The number of sick people at the house just got up. I wonder what Ma will think about me. I am hospitalized because I suddenly collapsed due to anemia. The doctor says that its ulcerative colitis and it caused the anemia. She also said that the stress and unusual diet was behind it all. I laughed because it was most probably the coke bottles that made me sick. I laughed because I was stupid enough to be sick while Ma was dying. I laughed at the bitter irony: that the person helping Ma the most, now needs help. Then I cried. I cried because I was stupid enough to be sick while Ma was dying. I cry at the bitter irony: that the person helping Ma the most, now needs help. I cry because I was the same as Tyke, my body was yearning for luxury while Ma is dying. I went home that evening; Tyke went to Subic with her friends and will arrive tomorrow. Ma is still sick. So no one greeted me when I arrived with Tita Lanie, Mas younger sister. I went to Mas room and there she is. I lay beside her and kiss her. I had a dreamless sleep. I soon wake up in the bed, my bed, not Mas. I cry, I want to go back to the time that we were alright, to the time when Ma was alright, to the time that Tyke was Tyke and not that angry bitch. I want to wake up from this illusion so I cried myself to sleep. I wake up afternoon the next day. I go to Mas room, the baseball caps were still there. We spend Christmas in the hospital. Ma won't eat anymore, and her face twists in pain all the time, even in her sleep. She never stops coughing. I start to bang my head on the oxygen tank. Please wake me up, Please wake up. White Christmas," Ma says, faintly now, pointing to her white sheets. I laugh as I think that this is a ridiculous prank and that Ma will stand and laugh at us for thinking that she is dying. And everything will be fine. Tyke points to her shirt which is white and new. I try to play along still thinking this all part of t so I point to the bracelet of white beads, the one in a pink wrapper, Tykes present. Ma takes my hand and points it to her lips, which are whiter than anything I can imagine. We stop playing. This is a bad joke. This cant be happening. Please stop. No you cant die. I lay down beside her trying to hold her down wishfully thinking that she will be alright. But the baseball cap is still on Mas room. This is real. Nothing is okay. Nothing is alright. End Previous Page

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

But I ignore it; it must be her way of coping up. It was during History class when I collapsed. The number of sick people at the house just got up. I wonder what Ma will think about me. I am hospitalized because I suddenly collapsed due to anemia. The doctor says that its ulcerative colitis and it caused the anemia. She also said that the stress and unusual diet was behind it all. I laughed because it was most probably the coke bottles that made me sick. I laughed because I was stupid enough to be sick while Ma was dying. I laughed at the bitter irony: that the person helping Ma the most, now needs help. Then I cried. I cried because I was stupid enough to be sick while Ma was dying. I cry at the bitter irony: that the person helping Ma the most, now needs help. I cry because I was the same as Tyke, my body was yearning for luxury while Ma is dying. I went home that evening; Tyke went to Subic with her friends and will arrive tomorrow. Ma is still sick. So no one greeted me when I arrived with Tita Lanie, Mas younger sister. I went to Mas room and there she is. I lay beside her and kiss her. I had a dreamless sleep. I soon wake up in the bed, my bed, not Mas. I cry, I want to go back to the time that we were alright, to the time when Ma was alright, to the time that Tyke was Tyke and not that angry bitch. I want to wake up from this illusion so I cried myself to sleep. I wake up afternoon the next day. I go to Mas room, the baseball caps were still there. We spend Christmas in the hospital. Ma won't eat anymore, and her face twists in pain all the time, even in her sleep. She never stops coughing. I start to bang my head on the oxygen tank. Please wake me up, Please wake up. White Christmas," Ma says, faintly now, pointing to her white sheets. I laugh as I think that this is a ridiculous prank and that Ma will stand and laugh at us for thinking that she is dying. And everything will be fine. Tyke points to her shirt which is white and new. I try to play along still thinking this all part of t so I point to the bracelet of white beads, the one in a pink wrapper, Tykes present. Ma takes my hand and points it to her lips, which are whiter than anything I can imagine. We stop playing. This is a bad joke. This cant be happening. Please stop. No you cant die. I lay down beside her trying to hold her down wishfully thinking that she will be alright. But the baseball cap is still on Mas room. This is real. Nothing is okay. Nothing is alright. End Previous Page

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

I try to ignore it but the last straw is when she went to Subic with her friends. Ill let her know what I think. I slap her on the face as she steps through the door. Fuck she said. And I hit her again. How could you mess up at a time like this? We're counting days, practically, and you have the nerve to distress her! my bottled up emotions trying to break free. Oh yeah? she screams back. Like I can't live while she's busy dying? I hit her again, right across the face, and she grabs my head and hurls it, I fly land on the floor. She kicks me in the butt. Don't you ever dare hit me again, she hisses and gets down on my knees to pull me up by the hair. I turn around and kick her in the shin. My fingers dig into wherever I find her flesh, drawing bloody stripes on me. She don't let go of her hair, soon I pass out. I soon wake up in the bed, my bed, not Mas. I cry, I want to go back to the time that we were alright, to the time when Ma was alright, to the time that Tyke was Tyke and not that angry bitch. I want to wake up from this illusion so I cried myself to sleep. I wake up afternoon the next day. I go to Mas room, the baseball caps were still there. We spend Christmas in the hospital. Ma won't eat anymore, and her face twists in pain all the time, even in her sleep. She never stops coughing. I start to bang my head on the oxygen tank. Please wake me up, Please wake up. White Christmas," Ma says, faintly now, pointing to her white sheets. I laugh as I think that this is a ridiculous prank and that Ma will stand and laugh at us for thinking that she is dying. And everything will be fine. Tyke points to her shirt which is white and new. I try to play along still thinking this all part of t so I point to the bracelet of white beads, the one in a pink wrapper, Tykes present. Ma takes my hand and points it to her lips, which are whiter than anything I can imagine. We stop playing. This is a bad joke. This cant be happening. Please stop. No you cant die. I lay down beside her trying to hold her down wishfully thinking that she will be alright. But the baseball cap is still on Mas room. This is real. Nothing is okay. Nothing is alright. End Previous Page

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

I try to ignore it but the last straw is when she went to Subic with her friends. Ill let her know what I think. I slap her on the face as she steps through the door. Fuck she said. And I hit her again. How could you mess up at a time like this? We're counting days, practically, and you have the nerve to distress her! my bottled up emotions trying to break free. Oh yeah? she screams back. Like I can't live while she's busy dying? I hit her again, right across the face, and she grabs my head and hurls it, I fly land on the floor. She kicks me in the butt. Don't you ever dare hit me again, she hisses and gets down on my knees to pull me up by the hair. I turn around and kick her in the shin. My fingers dig into wherever I find her flesh, drawing bloody stripes on me. She don't let go of her hair, soon I pass out. I soon wake up in the bed, my bed, not Mas. I cry, I want to go back to the time that we were alright, to the time when Ma was alright, to the time that Tyke was Tyke and not that angry bitch. I want to wake up from this illusion so I cried myself to sleep. I wake up afternoon the next day. I go to Mas room, the baseball caps were still there. We spend Christmas in the hospital. Ma won't eat anymore, and her face twists in pain all the time, even in her sleep. She never stops coughing. I start to bang my head on the oxygen tank. Please wake me up, Please wake up. White Christmas," Ma says, faintly now, pointing to her white sheets. I laugh as I think that this is a ridiculous prank and that Ma will stand and laugh at us for thinking that she is dying. And everything will be fine. Tyke points to her shirt which is white and new. I try to play along still thinking this all part of t so I point to the bracelet of white beads, the one in a pink wrapper, Tykes present. Ma takes my hand and points it to her lips, which are whiter than anything I can imagine. We stop playing. This is a bad joke. This cant be happening. Please stop. No you cant die. I lay down beside her trying to hold her down wishfully thinking that she will be alright. But the baseball cap is still on Mas room. This is real. Nothing is okay. Nothing is alright. End Previous Page

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

Previous Page After class, my guidance counsellor wants to have a talk with me and Ma. I am failing my classes. I know that it is hard for you but just try to not let it affect you. She says. I looked at Ma, she was sick and dying, the only family I have is in pain and my counsellor want me to not let my emotions into me. I was mad, but Ma squeezed my hand. Just repeat the year if you fail! Ma said like a joke. Im fine. Okay? I try to hold back my tears in surprise to what Ma said. The doctor said that the cancer is on stage five and here you are saying youre fine. Youre dying and here you are saying youre fine. No Ma! Its not fine its not okay. I finally snapped. No Ma! Youre not ok, Im not ok, tykes ok. Everyone not ok ever since dad left. Youve become emotionally damaged, crazy even. Tyke has become a rebel of some sort. And I have to pull myself together just to help you. Yes ma, we wont cry about this but that doesnt mean the pain doesnt exist. I love you Ma but you will soon be gone and I can't do anything about it but I can't just watch you die. Please Ma, let me help. I tried to run but she caught me. Ma, held me closer. The pain is real and killing us, but we wont cry about this, because we know better than to surrender. Tyke is a totally different case, she sometimes is a hard head but this time she is becoming a whole lot more annoying and stupid. It started when Mas friends party at the house like the world will end tomorrow. And there is Tyke enjoying herself. She is enjoying every little bit of time till Ma will be gone. >But I ignore it; it must be her way of coping up. >I try to ignore it but the last straw is when she went to Subic with her friends.

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

White Christmas
I spend my nights reading the works of Ralph Waldo Emerson. I sleep with him like a lover, talking to him because his words are loving and true. I love truth and true men, whose words they cannot change anymore, beyond the grave. I'd rather talk to him than living man, who is untrue to his words and betrays me every time. I was once married to this bastard, a fool. One night he went home smelling of women's perfume. I asked him where he was, but he answered just like any other man caught cheating. "I came from work, Eula. I want to rest." I checked his phone when he was fast asleep, and I saw messages from his secretary about things not related to work. It felt like him punching me all over my body, leaving bruises everywhere. But I didn't say anything as I went to sleep. That weekend, he didn't come home, and said that he's going to stay over for a conference. I wanted to ask him what kind of conference has only two participants, a boss and his secretary? Is it called an affair or what? But I kept myself quiet. Another weekend after that, and then another. I said to myself, this affair has gone too far! I went to the hardware store one day and bought paint. I thought, maybe it would show him what I feel if I paint our walls with different colors! I painted the walls with purple, the purple shade that didn't show in my skin but I felt the bruises form anyway. When he went home, he was so surprised! "What the hell?" he was like, when he went home from his conferences one Monday morning. "Just so you know how we feel around here." is all I said to him. But I think I may have gone too far. My eldest daughter, Katrina, or Tyke as I would like to call her, was so outraged that she refused to celebrate her birthday at home. "I don't want to have a birthday party at home with our black-eye walls and yellow couch!" she said. She also was surprised when I came home one day, with my head devoid of hair. It was March, and I just came home from the salon. I found her and her sister Squeak eating dinner in our dining table, presented myself as gleefully as I can, and said "Ta-da!" They didn't appreciate the optimism, as evidenced by their shrieking. Well, I just thought that it would be better to cut my hair off myself instead of letting the chemotherapy get it off first. I told them that, and Tyke was so hurt that she left the dining table for his room, locked herself up, and screamed her lungs out. Squeak? Squeak just sat there quietly.

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Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

After that, Tyke seemed to distance herself more from me. "How come your friends don't come around anymore?" I asked her on her way out to school one morning. She tells me that they have all been busy because of college, but I know that she just doesn't want them to see me like this. I wink at her to tease her. "What are you winking at me for, Ma?" "It's a blessing I got hit in the lungs. At least I get to keep the boobs," I said, jokingly. "Right. Like your A-cups are something to die for!" "Ah like dem, I'll keep them or die." She turned to leave, but hesitated for a moment, like she wanted to tell me something. She turned when she gets into the car and said, "Ever consider wearing a wig?" "But I feel hip this way!" Squeak is so different from her sister. She likes reading my books, particularly The Celestine Prophecy, and sleeping in my room's couch. She also likes sleeping in between me and her Tyke at times. One night, she was looking outside the window and tells me that she's seeing UFOs. I got up the next day and checked every corner, from every angle of the window to see if it's possible for a Peeping Tom to get that near to our window. It was impossible, unless if that Peeping Tom can fly. I tried to see for myself what it was she was seeing, so I came with her one night and looked at the sky too. When Tyke arrived and went to my room, she was surprised when I told her that we were looking for UFOs. "Look at you," she tells Squeak, "you're sixteen, you should be on the phone with boys, not reading a book about prophets!" "This is not about prophets, dork!" Squeak replied. Tyke brought home a beret one day, in an effort to hide my baldness. I take it from her and pretend that I'm French. "Ooh-la-la, ver us zee pat-tey dey fwa?" She just rolls her eyes thinking I'm crazy. Squeak, on the other hand, brought out old baseball caps. Some of those were their father's, and seeing them reminded me of him. It was a day after Tyke's graduation from Grade 7 five years ago when he left for Miami for another one of his business trips with his secretary. He'd send us a letter to tell us he's coming home, and we went to wait for him at the airport three times, but he never came back. I tried to keep their minds off their father then and we invented a game. I would start by saying a color and a word, like "Blue lagoon," and we all took turns finding objects of the same color to add to the list.

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Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

Previous Page Blue tsinelas. Blue sky. Blue dress. The one who ran out of blue loses. One day I remembered about a briefcase their father left behind in our attic. "Let's look for Pa in the den." I said, but Tyke was all like, "Yeah, right, like he sneaked in last night and decided to play peeka-boo." Squeak followed me, and there we found his good-bye note and affidavits that gave me sole right to everything - the house, the cars, the membership to Valle Verde Country Club- all neatly filed in that briefcase. It was like a time bomb. I'm sorry, honey . . . KAPOW! "Jesus, I am a rich woman!" was all I said. I did not want them to hate their father. He did leave us, but at least the bastard had the decency to leave all his things behind for us. I would call over my friends from the ad agency I was working for and we would get drunk all night. Yes, including Tyke and Squeak, and they even downed Asti Spumanti like fish. It was summer vacation, and we would spent some evenings we would watch cartoons that Squeak likes, and Tyke seemed to enjoy everything. She found everything to be funy; The Little Mermaid was funny and The Lion King- she was laughing more than the hyenas when Mufasa was trampled to death by the Wildebeests. Someone just shouted "Wildebeests!" and we all burst out laughing. My mother then thought that she'd like to treat me an extended tour of Europe, because, you know, I have less days left to live. The sisters were left behind with their Tita Lanie in an apartment in Makati. When I came back, I sold our old house in Pasig, the one with purple walls, and moved to a townhouse. Tyke hang the baseball caps across my dressing mirror in our new house. I joked her, "Gives me a clear view of my life options!" One day all three of us went to Glorietta mall and went to the bookstore. I could not help but to check on self-help books about my condition - I saw Tyke look at me with pity. I was wearing her jeans and they were wearing my caps. I'm just happy that I still fit into twenty-four inches of jeans! On October, Tyke told me that she was planning to quit school just to clean up the house. I did not actually mind clutter, and so I did not cleaning up at home. Their father was a tidy man and he wouldn't have let this happen, but since we moved I have not arranged the house anymore. >Ask about her decision >Ridicule her about her decision

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

"What? Leave school so you can clean up the house? What the hell's the matter with you, Katrina?" "And what is that compared to the fucking matter with you? You don't even have hair, Mama!" She shouted back at me. She began sobbing and crying and just shouting fuck everywhere. By November, I have had my hair grown again, and we went out to dinner to celebrate. I was wearing Squeak's clothes - a white tiny-tee with Roxy printed on the chest. My belly button was showing between Squeak's shirt and Tyke's pants, and I glued a red bead on my forehead and used a bottle of extra-hold gel to spike my hair up front. At that time we we're good together. We don't talk beyond greetings and therefore we don't argue. Tyke started hanging out with her friends at the billiard hall and rarely went home before dinner anymore, but I let it slip. I started to feel pains and headaches because of my sickness, but I try to look as strong as I can for the sisters. I always tell them, "We won't cry about this," so that they'll learn to be strong in the face of adversary. That's what I told them when they fell from their bikes, when Squeak got the pox and cancelled our trip to the beach, when Bruno died, and when I told them I had cancer. We won't cry about this. We went to the doctor one day, and I wish we didn't. She told us that it's Stage Five, and after that, Squeak suffered drastically. She won't stop crying, and at some point her guidance counselor stopped by at home to tell me that Squeak's not doing well in school anymore. She has become so deadpan and thin, too, like her cheekbones are going to pop out of her skin any minute. I get my head off my sickness by reading even more books, and by tending to our garden. I would sit on a mat and discuss with myself Emerson's works. I would see Tyke watching me, and I let her watch and pretend I don't see her. She needs her space, I know. She also hasn't been doing well in her studies. I wouldn't want her to waste her opportunity to study in such a prestigious school, but I know that it's a tough life going on her right now, so I let her be. When my mother learned about what the doctor said, she started bringing her prayer group to our house and have them pray over me, for a miracle. I also asked their Tita Lanie to stay with us at home. With my sickness, I can barely take care of house duties anymore, so I asked her to come live with us. Squeak has spent even more time in my room, too, and rarely leaves. She has been very concerned of me, and one time it led to a very dreadful confrontation between her and her sister.

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Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

Previous Page It was during their Christmas break when Tyke suddenly disappeared one weekend without a trace. I got worried sick when she wasn't answering my phone calls and texts. On the third day, she was brought home by one of her boyfriends, stoned and drunk. The moment she stepped in our doorway, her sister was on her. >Let them be >Just watch for now

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

"Fuck!" She screamed, and her sister slapped her again. "How could you mess up at a time like this? We're counting days, practically, and you have the nerve to distress her!" Squeak was twisting her words, like her speech can't catch up with the boiling bile inside her. "Oh yeah?" Tyke screamed back. "Like I can't live while she's busy dying?" Squeak hits her again, but now Tyke retaliated and grabbed her sister's head and threw her across the floor. "Don't you ever dare hit me again." Tyke said. They fought each other like cats and wouldn't have stopped until their Tita Lanie came to break them up. "You should be sorry for yourselves!" she screamed. "God! I can't be sorrier for myself!" She yelled. "God! I am the sorriest person alive!" The sisters just started crying there, curled up in balls and sobbing and mixing tears and snot on their faces. They fell asleep on the floor, and I went there to watch over them while they sleep, even if sleeping on a couch sitting upright hurts so much. The next day, Tyke woke up as I was stroking her hair with my toes. I was sitting on the couch, stretching my legs and playing with her hair with my toes. As a child, Tyke would sniff at my feet when I get back home from work. I smiled at the memory. "Rottweiler," I said to her. She took my feet to her face and say, "Yuck," but she hold it there anyway. As my condition worsened, we were forced to spend the rest of the Christmas break in the hospital. I can't eat anymore, and my face can't hide the pain I'm feeling. I can barely sleep, and in the times that I can, I would still feel the pains. I started coughing endlessly. I saw Squeak bang her head on the oxygen tank, Tyke looking sorry as ever. I tried to lift their spirits up, and with all the power left in my body, I pointed to my white sheets and whispered, "White Christmas". I smiled when I heard Squeak laugh. White shirt, said Tyke. White beads, said Squeak, pointing at her bracelet. White lips, as I took Squeak's hand and pointed to my lips. Then silence. Previous Page Next page

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

Squeak squeezes herself beside me on my hospital bed, while Tyke sits at the foot of the bed. I think of the past Christmases we had together as I close my eyes, and remember all the happy times. I try not to think of the next Christmases they'll be having, the first without me. End Previous Page

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

"Fuck!" She screamed, and her sister slapped her again. "How could you mess up at a time like this? We're counting days, practically, and you have the nerve to distress her!" Squeak was twisting her words, like her speech can't catch up with the boiling bile inside her. "Oh yeah?" Tyke screamed back. "Like I can't live while she's busy dying?" Squeak hits her again, but now Tyke retaliated and grabbed her sister's head and threw her across the floor. "Don't you ever dare hit me again." Tyke said. They fought each other like cats and wouldn't have stopped until their Tita Lanie came to break them up. "You should be sorry for yourselves!" she screamed. "God! I can't be sorrier for myself!" She yelled. "God! I am the sorriest person alive!" The sisters just started crying there, curled up in balls and sobbing and mixing tears and snot on their faces. They fell asleep on the floor, and I went there to watch over them while they sleep, even if sleeping on a couch sitting upright hurts so much. The next day, Tyke woke up as I was stroking her hair with my toes. I was sitting on the couch, stretching my legs and playing with her hair with my toes. As a child, Tyke would sniff at my feet when I get back home from work. I smiled at the memory. "Rottweiler," I said to her. She took my feet to her face and say, "Yuck," but she hold it there anyway. As my condition worsened, we were forced to spend the rest of the Christmas break in the hospital. I can't eat anymore, and my face can't hide the pain I'm feeling. I can barely sleep, and in the times that I can, I would still feel the pains. I started coughing endlessly. I saw Squeak bang her head on the oxygen tank, Tyke looking sorry as ever. I tried to lift their spirits up, and with all the power left in my body, I pointed to my white sheets and whispered, "White Christmas". I smiled when I heard Squeak laugh. White shirt, said Tyke. White beads, said Squeak, pointing at her bracelet. White lips, as I took Squeak's hand and pointed to my lips. Then silence. Previous Page Next page

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

Squeak squeezes herself beside me on my hospital bed, while Tyke sits at the foot of the bed. I think of the past Christmases we had together as I close my eyes, and remember all the happy times. I try not to think of the next Christmases they'll be having, the first without me. End Previous Page

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

Previous Page "Are you sure about this, Tyke?" I asked her. "Yes mom. I'm not even doing well in school anyway." And that was it. She quit school just like that, and I let her. What kind of mother am I? When Squeak heard about it, she asked to quit school too. I let her. By November, I have had my hair grown again, and we went out to dinner to celebrate. I was wearing Squeak's clothes - a white tiny-tee with Roxy printed on the chest. My belly button was showing between Squeak's shirt and Tyke's pants, and I glued a red bead on my forehead and used a bottle of extra-hold gel to spike my hair up front. At that time we we're good together. We don't talk beyond greetings and therefore we don't argue. Tyke started hanging out with her friends at the billiard hall and rarely went home before dinner anymore, but I let it slip. I started to feel pains and headaches because of my sickness, but I try to look as strong as I can for the sisters. I always tell them, "We won't cry about this," so that they'll learn to be strong in the face of adversary. That's what I told them when they fell from their bikes, when Squeak got the pox and cancelled our trip to the beach, when Bruno died, and when I told them I had cancer. We won't cry about this. We went to the doctor one day, and I wish we didn't. She told us that it's Stage Five, and after that, Squeak suffered drastically. She won't stop crying, and at some point her guidance counselor stopped by at home to tell me that Squeak's not doing well in school anymore. She has become so deadpan and thin, too, like her cheekbones are going to pop out of her skin any minute. I get my head off my sickness by reading even more books, and by tending to our garden. I would sit on a mat and discuss with myself Emerson's works. I would see Tyke watching me, and I let her watch and pretend I don't see her. She needs her space, I know. When my mother learned about what the doctor said, she started bringing her prayer group to our house and have them pray over me, for a miracle. It was during their Christmas break when Tyke suddenly disappeared one weekend without a trace. I got worried sick when she wasn't answering my phone calls and texts. On the third day, she was brought home by one of her boyfriends, stoned and drunk. The moment she stepped in our doorway, her sister was on her. >Let them be >Just watch for now

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

"Fuck!" She screamed, and her sister slapped her again. "How could you mess up at a time like this? We're counting days, practically, and you have the nerve to distress her!" Squeak was twisting her words, like her speech can't catch up with the boiling bile inside her. "Oh yeah?" Tyke screamed back. "Like I can't live while she's busy dying?" Upon hearing that, my heart was torn into pieces. "Katrina? Would you mind saying that again to me?" She avoided my eyes. She avoided me, and instead run out of the house. I saw that it has started raining, but we still run after her. It was dark and raining, and it was hard for me to run, but I kept up, running after Tyke in the road. "Tyke!" I called after her. "Come back! Don't run!" And running, and running, until I tripped and fell on the asphalt road. Squeak fell beside me, and checked on me. "Mom!" "I'm all right, but your -" And then we heard a loud screeech! I looked at Squeak in disbelief, and we shouted at the same time, "Tyke!" We reached Tyke just when the car that had hit her has left her lying in the asphalt road, wet both from the rain and from her own blood. "Tyke!" Me and her sister are both frantic. I made Squeak go call the ambulance, while I stayed there holding on to my eldest daughter. Her head was bleeding, and I was crying so hard. "Tyke! Wake up! Mom's here. Everything's all right. Mom's not angry anymore. Tyke, wake up!" I cried and I cried and I cried, until after what seemed like an eternity, the ambulance arrived and took us to the hospital.

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Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

She survived the accident and was confined. But I myself got even weaker, thanks to being exposed to the rain, I was chilling when we arrived at the hospital. They admitted me too, and so Squeak was switching between me and her sister every now and then. "How's your sister?" I asked Squeak. "She's doing fine now, mom. She's out of danger." She said. I sighed in relief. Squeak would always be there for me most of the time, visiting her sister only a handful of times in a day. Squeak would sleep beside me. She tells me that her sister would just watch television all day in her room, but she also tells me how empty her sister looked like. I would go and visit her room if only I could, but given my condition, I was confined to my own bed, and it looked like it would be the case for the rest of my life. So I just asked the doctor if she could allow my daughter to see me, one last time. After a moment's hesitation, she complied, saying that Tyke was out of danger, and she only needs to get the proper clearances. That night, Tyke entered the room, with her sister carrying her IV behind her. As she entered, no words were said, as she started crying and walked towards me, and hugged me, sitting on the bed. She began to speak, in between heavy sobs, "Mom, I'm so sorry." "Hush, hush, my daughter. It's okay. Don't cry. Mom's not angry anymore." That night, Tyke fell asleep at the foot of my bed, and Squeak was beside me. I was wide awake, thinking of all the happy memories we had as a family, and how everything seemed to be a dream now. I lay awake, thinking how this might be the last night we will all be together. I closed my eyes, even though I feared that I won't wake up anymore once I did. I fall asleep, thinking how different things will be, come the next day. End Previous Page

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

"Fuck!" She screamed, and her sister slapped her again. "How could you mess up at a time like this? We're counting days, practically, and you have the nerve to distress her!" Squeak was twisting her words, like her speech can't catch up with the boiling bile inside her. "Oh yeah?" Tyke screamed back. "Like I can't live while she's busy dying?" Upon hearing that, my heart was torn into pieces. "Katrina? Would you mind saying that again to me?" She avoided my eyes. She avoided me, and instead run out of the house. I saw that it has started raining, but we still run after her. It was dark and raining, and it was hard for me to run, but I kept up, running after Tyke in the road. "Tyke!" I called after her. "Come back! Don't run!" And running, and running, until I tripped and fell on the asphalt road. Squeak fell beside me, and checked on me. "Mom!" "I'm all right, but your -" And then we heard a loud screeech! I looked at Squeak in disbelief, and we shouted at the same time, "Tyke!" We reached Tyke just when the car that had hit her has left her lying in the asphalt road, wet both from the rain and from her own blood. "Tyke!" Me and her sister are both frantic. I made Squeak go call the ambulance, while I stayed there holding on to my eldest daughter. Her head was bleeding, and I was crying so hard. "Tyke! Wake up! Mom's here. Everything's all right. Mom's not angry anymore. Tyke, wake up!" I cried and I cried and I cried, until after what seemed like an eternity, the ambulance arrived and took us to the hospital.

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Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

She survived the accident and was confined. But I myself got even weaker, thanks to being exposed to the rain, I was chilling when we arrived at the hospital. They admitted me too, and so Squeak was switching between me and her sister every now and then. "How's your sister?" I asked Squeak. "She's doing fine now, mom. She's out of danger." She said. I sighed in relief. Squeak would always be there for me most of the time, visiting her sister only a handful of times in a day. Squeak would sleep beside me. She tells me that her sister would just watch television all day in her room, but she also tells me how empty her sister looked like. I would go and visit her room if only I could, but given my condition, I was confined to my own bed, and it looked like it would be the case for the rest of my life. So I just asked the doctor if she could allow my daughter to see me, one last time. After a moment's hesitation, she complied, saying that Tyke was out of danger, and she only needs to get the proper clearances. That night, Tyke entered the room, with her sister carrying her IV behind her. As she entered, no words were said, as she started crying and walked towards me, and hugged me, sitting on the bed. She began to speak, in between heavy sobs, "Mom, I'm so sorry." "Hush, hush, my daughter. It's okay. Don't cry. Mom's not angry anymore." That night, Tyke fell asleep at the foot of my bed, and Squeak was beside me. I was wide awake, thinking of all the happy memories we had as a family, and how everything seemed to be a dream now. I lay awake, thinking how this might be the last night we will all be together. I closed my eyes, even though I feared that I won't wake up anymore once I did. I fall asleep, thinking how different things will be, come the next day. End Previous Page

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

A Husband and Father

She has always liked her books. Sometimes I'd think that Eula loves her books more than me. I think the books she has been reading have been doing her no good. It has affected her too much. Sometimes, I'd talk to her about something important, but she'd start blabbering out nonsense. When we argue, she would quote this person or that person, and decides that it's the right thing to do. Like I care about what a dead man thinks! But I try to make do. I thought, when I married her, that it was just a phase of her youth, and that it will come to pass after she becomes my wife. I thought she'll mature later on. But even when she got pregnant of our first child and became the mother of our eldest, Katrina, she was still her old self. She's so childish even in important things. "We don't need an insurance, we just have to be careful!" And that time when I told her that I was taking the kids to the doctor to have them vaccinated, she refused to let them go because it would just be a waste of money. "Just live healthily!" Not to mention how unruly she is with her things. It was always me who would fix the house. She doesn't care if the house is in mess! Can't she be any more responsible? What kind of woman have I married! Top > But regardless of what she was, I was still a good husband. > These made me question my faith in our marriage, and I started doubting my ability to keep it up with her in these conditions.

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

Previous Page But regardless of what she was, I was still a good husband. Bringing in money for the family, taking care of the kids, taking care of her, managing our assets. In fact, I did love her and the kids. It just didn't show much, but I cared a lot for their welfare. It just got into me too much that it seemed like she didn't care about my efforts. She even insisted on working in an ad agency, even if I was bringing home enough money to sustain the family! "Gives me enough money to buy the things that I want," she says. I let her do what she wanted, in the condition that our two daughters won't be neglected. Not that they were. She was good with the kids, especially in handling troubles with them. She wouldn't let them cry about anything. She'd always show them how to be strong and how to face adversity. I believed that it will help them in the future and it was just practical for her to teach it to them. "We won't cry about this," she says a lot. When our second daughter was born, we decided that our old house wasn't big enough for a family of four, so we moved to a larger home in Pasig. I kept my job and she as well, but one day when my daughters were both in grade school, I started getting bigger opportunities at work and started going to business conferences over the weekend. I got promoted, and got my own secretary. I am a boss now, and so my salary increased, and so did the workload. I started working overtime and started spending more time in the office than at home. In those times that I was working hard in the office, I was kept company by my secretary. She has been very diligent and helpful, staying in the office as long as I would. We became friends, and soon we would start talking about things other than business. Things became personal, and one thing led to another. "Eddie, I think I'm in love with you," she said. >"I love you too" > But I love my wife

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

In those times that I was working hard in the office, I was kept company by my secretary. She has been very diligent and helpful, staying in the office as long as I would. We became friends, and soon we would start talking about things other than business. Things became personal, and one thing led to another. "Eddie, I think I'm in love with you," she said. "I love you, too," was the foolish answer that I gave. I didn't know when she caught wind of it and how, but Eula started showing signs that she knew. I was waiting for her to confront me, but she never did. She showed her emotions in crazy different ways, however, like the time she painted the walls of our living room in some kind of violet. I came home that day and saw the walls. "What the hell?" I was like. "So that you know how we feel around here." Was what she said. I started feeling guilty of what I'm doing to her and to our family. I wanted to end the affair, but I wanted it to be a sincere thing for me to do, not something that she just forced me to do. So I waited for the best opportunity to break it off with Marge, my secretary. I waited for Eula to confront me, to shout at me and tell me to leave. When that day comes, I told myself, I would end my affair and put things back to the right place. But that day never came, and my conscience told me that I have done too much damage that I should just leave them and never come back. I felt so shameful of my conduct and felt the need to go away. I was so ashamed of myself that I can't look at the eyes of my children without feeling the pangs of guilt. I felt like things will never come back to the way they used to be, so when the opportunity presented itself, I hopped on the plane. I left a day after our eldest's graduation. I went to Miami for a business trip, but I brought only what I needed. I left behind everything else; the title to the house, the registration of the car, everything. I did not want to leave them with nothing, I still want to think of myself as a decent man. In the hotel at Florida, Marge came into my room and talked to me. "Run away with me. This is our chance! Live with me!" she told me. "I know. I am." I told her. I left my family and never came back. End Previous Page

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

But I love my wife. I love her more than anything, and I can't make myself cheat on her. I turned down my secretary and quit my job. Eula seemed fine with it and she didn't even ask why I quit. She was even optimistic when she said, "You'll be able to find a new one in no time!" But I knew it would be tough to get a new job in within months, what with the strong competition; there are a lot of new professionals graduating just around the next month. For a few months it was my wife who was the breadwinner of the family and I felt happy for the first time that she took her job in the ad agency. I took small jobs when I could to help, but most of the time I was a house husband. Soon, I gave up on looking for a job when she told me that she got promoted and that her new salary is way larger than her old one. I then took up the mantle of being the resident house husband for life. It would seem like all was well, and I could say the same thing, actually, because we lived a quiet life for a few years after that. But this peace was destroyed when she went home with her head shaved. We were all surprised, and even more surprised when she break the news to us, that she had cancer and that she shaved her hair to get ahead of the chemotherapy. I felt sick inside, was it because of stress at work? Was it because of how I've been dealing with her? Was it because of my lack of faith? I didn't know how to react. Our daughters just stared at her dumbfounded and confused on what to do. The following days proved that nothing changed in her except for her hair, as she was as happy and as upbeat as she was before. She even joked that she was happy about her cancer. "What for?" I asked her. "I just think that it's better that the cancer hit my lungs. At least I get to keep my boobs!" she replied. "Eula..." "Ah like dem, I'll keep them or die." Our daughters, then in their teens, got the idea of giving their mother various headdresses to hide her baldness. Squeak gave her an old baseball cap while Katrina gave her a beret. She was happy with the beret. One morning, she even pretended to be French. The girls were happy with their mother's optimism, and it may have helped them forget at times about her real condition. But I never did. It was always haunting me that she got her sickness because of me, and I can't do anything about it. Not that I could do anything about it, I was getting ahead of my years already. I did my best to comfort our daughters, but it seemed more like they were the ones comforting me. "Dad, you look sad," Squeak said one day. Previous Page Next page

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

"I'm just a bit tired from cleaning the roof, is all." I lied. "Don't be sad, dad. Mom will be fine." She said. But it would always be heartbreaking for a daughter to see their own mother slowly die off, especially now that she's become so weak that her ad agency allowed her to have an indefinite leave. Her own mother was so worried that she began visiting often, most of the time with a troupe of devout who would pray for her noisily in our living room. Katrina, who was then in college, started leaving the house early and getting home very late. She shows a happy exterior, but when I look in her eyes, I know that she wasn't really happy. I called her to talk once, "Tyke," her mom's affectionate nickname of her, "is there anything bothering you?" "Nothing, dad," she told me, looking at the floor. "It's okay, you can tell me." "Dad, it really is nothing. I'm just... tired from school, is all." "Is that really the only thing bothering you." I looked at her intently in her eyes, but she looked down. After a short pause, she answered, "Yes." I let a long pause pass, before saying, "I know you must be really upset about your mom. But we have to be strong for her now more than ever." At the mention of her mom, she started sobbing. "I don't know that, " she said, wiping her eyes with her hand. "I don't know what to do. Mom is slowly dying and I love her and she will soon be gone but I can't do anything about it and I can't just watch her die..." Her words just kept flowing until her words became inaudible and mixed up in between sobs and sniffs. I hugged her and let her cry on my chest, comforting her, stroking the back of her and her head. I let her stay like that, whispering, "It's okay. It's okay." She fell asleep in my arms, and I carried her to her room. Kissing her forehead as I left. After that night, she started arriving home before dinner, and has shown a much more happy attitude. She was still crying inside, I'm sure, but she won't show it in front of their mother. Squeak, too, seemed to show a stronger face despite their mother's ailment. And that made Eula feel happy, too, as she would tell me at night. "I'm happy that Tyke and Squeak are happy," she told me. Previous Page Next page

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

"Me too," I said. "You know, I'd always tell them to be strong. I'd always tell them that whatever happens, we won't cry about it. And there's nothing different about this. We won't cry about this," she said. "I know." "I hope when I'm gone they won't change." After a long pause, she continued, "Eddie, promise me you would take care of them." "I won't." "I wish I could see Squeak graduate from college. I wish I could see them marry and have their own little daughters. I wish-" "Eula." I looked at her. There was a tear on her face but a smile in her lips. As the tear fall from her eyes, following the shape of her nose and then down to her chin, she looked at me intently. We shared a very deep moment that night, and we communicated without words. The looks in our faces said the words that we can't tell with our lips. She knew that I won't leave our daughters behind. "They're lucky you're their father," she said, as she fell asleep. I didn't know what to answer. That may have been the last conversation we had. The next few days proved to be taxing for her body, and we needed to bring her to the hospital. She was getting weak and frail, and the doctor told me, and to me alone, that she won't last very long. In the hospital room, I would sit at the couch while the two girls would sleep beside their mother. They would talk to her and she would answer only with nods and smiles. They never showed any weakness, but I don't know how long it would last. One night, I saw Squeak stand up from the bed and go out of the room, thinking that all of us were asleep. I followed her, out to the hospital's chapel. I saw her prostrated in front of the altar, and I proceeded to position myself beside her. "Dad?" "Hey Squeak. Didn't know you were the prayerful type." "I'm not... But I have to try at the very least." I nodded. Previous Page Next page

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

"Sometimes, " I said, "It's all right to feel sad. It's all right to feel bad about the world. It's all right to feel angry at the world. But at the end of the day, we all have to stay strong. We have to be able to face the adversities we will meet. We have to have the strength to fight." I turned to Squeak. "And I am very proud of you, and of your sister, of the strength that you are showing in facing your mother's sickness." She nodded and smiled weakly. "Dad..." She hugged me, and I hugged her back. "We won't cry about this," she whispered, as I felt her tears wet my shoulder. End Previous Page

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

Previous Page These made me question my faith in our marriage, and I started doubting my ability to keep it up with her in these conditions. I felt trapped in our marriage, unable to get away. I wanted to break free and to be free. I let the family be and they let me be. It seemed to me that they know how I feel about them. I don't know whether it had something to do with my decision to keep myself away from them, but Eula suddenly started looking for a job. She found one in an ad agency. I didn't confront her about it, and I just let them be. When our second daughter, Squeak, was born, Eula and Katrina seemed to have become happier in their lives. I stayed even farther away. For some odd reason, I did not feel any love for the baby, and I when I carried her in my arms, I wanted to put her down more than anything else. The house seemed small for four people, but it didn't matter since I spent most of my time away anyway. They grew up, and my daughters started asking, me and her both, why we seemed cold to each other. She would quickly dismiss their questions and laugh, and say, "What are you talking about? Me and your father are all right!" I would dismiss them by saying that I am busy at work. From then on, I started spending most of my time in the office than at home. This led to a boost to my performance, and because of this, I got promoted. A young, beautiful secretary named Marge came with the promotion, and I found myself alone with her most of the time. Soon, our conversations would expand from topics in business to personal topics, and we became friends. In those times that I was working hard in the office, I was kept company by my secretary. She has been very diligent and helpful, staying in the office as long as I would. We became friends, and soon we would start talking about things other than business. Things became personal, and one thing led to another. "Eddie, I think I'm in love with you," she said. >"I love you too" > But I can't make myself cheat on my wife

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

In those times that I was working hard in the office, I was kept company by my secretary. She has been very diligent and helpful, staying in the office as long as I would. We became friends, and soon we would start talking about things other than business. Things became personal, and one thing led to another. "Eddie, I think I'm in love with you," she said. "I love you, too," was the foolish answer that I gave. I didn't know when she caught wind of it and how, but Eula started showing signs that she knew. I was waiting for her to confront me, but she never did. She showed her emotions in crazy different ways, however, like the time she painted the walls of our living room in some kind of violet. I came home that day and saw the walls. "What the hell?" I was like. "So that you know how we feel around here." Was what she said. I was so angry at what she did to the house that I never came back to the house again. I kept up with my affair with my secretary, while I stayed in a hotel, spending my free time talking to my lawyer about selling the house, the car, and everything else that I own so that I could leave the country with the most amount of money than I could. Once everything was settled and all my assets liquefied, I talked to Marge about my plans of leaving the country, and she was happy to follow me wherever I go. We left the country for another, and lived happily together. I left my old family and never looked back. Sometimes I would wonder how they are doing, losing a house and breadwinner at the same time. They probably think that I am evil, but who cares? It's not as if they'll be able to follow me and haunt me. No, I am happy now, and they couldn't do anything but to just cry about this. End Previous Page

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

In those times that I was working hard in the office, I was kept company by my secretary. She has been very diligent and helpful, staying in the office as long as I would. We became friends, and soon we would start talking about things other than business. Things became personal, and one thing led to another. "Eddie, I think I'm in love with you," she said. But I can't make myself cheat on my wife. Despite all her shortcomings, I still respected her, and I honor the vows that we have made. I turned down my secretary and quit my job. Eula seemed fine with it and she didn't even ask why I quit. She was even optimistic when she said, "You'll be able to find a new one in no time!" But I knew it would be tough to get a new job in within months, what with the strong competition; there are a lot of new professionals graduating just around the next month. For a few months it was my wife who was the breadwinner of the family and I felt happy for the first time that she took her job in the ad agency. I took small jobs when I could to help, but most of the time I was a house husband. Soon, I gave up on looking for a job when she told me that she got promoted and that her new salary is way larger than her old one. I then took up the mantle of being the resident house husband for life. It would seem like all was well, and I could say the same thing, actually, because we lived a quiet life for a few years after that. But this peace was destroyed when she went home with her head shaved. We were all surprised, and even more surprised when she break the news to us, that she had cancer and that she shaved her hair to get ahead of the chemotherapy. I felt sick inside, was it because of stress at work? Was it because of how I've been dealing with her? Was it because of my lack of faith? I didn't know how to react. Our daughters just stared at her dumbfounded and confused on what to do. The following days proved that nothing changed in her except for her hair, as she was as happy and as upbeat as she was before. She even joked that she was happy about her cancer. "What for?" I asked her. "I just think that it's better that the cancer hit my lungs. At least I get to keep my boobs!" she replied. "Eula..." "Ah like dem, I'll keep them or die."

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Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

Our daughters, then in their teens, got the idea of giving their mother various headdresses to hide her baldness. Squeak gave her an old baseball cap while Katrina gave her a beret. She was happy with the beret. One morning, she even pretended to be French. The girls were happy with their mother's optimism, and it may have helped them forget at times about her real condition. But I never did. It was always haunting me that she got her sickness because of me, and I can't do anything about it. Not that I could do anything about it, I was getting ahead of my years already. I did my best to comfort our daughters, but it seemed more like they were the ones comforting me. "Dad, you look sad," Squeak said one day. "I'm just a bit tired from cleaning the roof, is all." I lied. "Don't be sad, dad. Mom will be fine." She said. But it would always be heartbreaking for a daughter to see their own mother slowly die off, especially now that she's become so weak that her ad agency allowed her to have an indefinite leave. Her own mother was so worried that she began visiting often, most of the time with a troupe of devout who would pray for her noisily in our living room. Katrina, who was then in college, started leaving the house early and getting home very late. She shows a happy exterior, but when I look in her eyes, I know that she wasn't really happy. I called her to talk once, "Tyke," was her mom's affectionate nickname of her, "is there anything bothering you?" "Nothing, dad," she told me, looking at the floor. "It's okay, you can tell me." "Dad, it really is nothing. I'm just... tired from school, is all." "Is that really the only thing bothering you." I looked at her intently in her eyes, but she looked down. After a short pause, she answered, "Yes." I let a long pause pass, before saying, "I know you must be really upset about your mom. But we have to be strong for her now more than ever." At the mention of her mom, she started sobbing.

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Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

"I don't know that, " she said, wiping her eyes with her hand. "I don't know what to do. Mom is slowly dying and I love her and she will soon be gone but I can't do anything about it and I can't just watch her die..." Her words just kept flowing until her words became inaudible and mixed up in between sobs and sniffs. I hugged her and let her cry on my chest, comforting her, stroking the back of her and her head. I let her stay like that, whispering, "It's okay. It's okay." She fell asleep in my arms, and I carried her to her room. Kissing her forehead as I left. After that night, she started arriving home before dinner, and has shown a much more happy attitude. She was still crying inside, I'm sure, but she won't show it in front of their mother. Squeak, too, seemed to show a stronger face despite their mother's ailment. And that made Eula feel happy, too, as she would tell me at night. "I'm happy that Tyke and Squeak are happy," she told me. "Me too," I said. "You know, I'd always tell them to be strong. I'd always tell them that whatever happens, we won't cry about it. And there's nothing different about this. We won't cry about this," she said. "I know." "I hope when I'm gone they won't change." After a long pause, she continued, "Eddie, promise me you would take care of them." "I won't." "I wish I could see Squeak graduate from college. I wish I could see them marry and have their own little daughters. I wish-" "Eula." I looked at her. There was a tear on her face but a smile in her lips. As the tear fall from her eyes, following the shape of her nose and then down to her chin, she looked at me intently. We shared a very deep moment that night, and we communicated without words. The looks in our faces said the words that we can't tell with our lips. She knew that I won't leave our daughters behind. "They're lucky you're their father," she said, as she fell asleep. I didn't know what to answer. That may have been the last conversation we had. The next few days proved to be taxing for her body, and we needed to bring her to the hospital. She was getting weak and frail, and the doctor told me, and to me alone, that she won't last very long.

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Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.

In the hospital room, I would sit at the couch while the two girls would sleep beside their mother. They would talk to her and she would answer only with nods and smiles. They never showed any weakness, but I don't know how long it would last. One night, I saw Squeak stand up from the bed and go out of the room, thinking that all of us were asleep. I followed her, out to the hospital's chapel. I saw her prostrated in front of the altar, and I proceeded to position myself beside her. "Dad?" "Hey Squeak. Didn't know you were the prayerful type." "I'm not... But I have to try at the very least." I nodded. "Sometimes, " I said, "It's all right to feel sad. It's all right to feel bad about the world. It's all right to feel angry at the world. But at the end of the day, we all have to stay strong. We have to be able to face the adversities we will meet. We have to have the strength to fight." I turned to Squeak. "And I am very proud of you, and of your sister, of the strength that you are showing in facing your mother's sickness." She nodded and smiled weakly. "Dad..." She hugged me, and I hugged her back. "We won't cry about this," she whispered, as I felt her tears wet my shoulder. End Previous Page

Raido is a rune from the Proto-Germanic language meaning ride or journey. It represents the path of a person's life and how it intersects and interacts with other paths.