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Humorous Quotes on Life and Crime

The document provides a collection of humorous quotes by various authors. It includes quotes about life, relationships, wisdom, and observations on everyday things. Some key quotes mention making the best of difficult situations, not taking life too seriously, and how perspectives can change based on circumstances. The quotes offer amusing insights and perspectives on different topics.

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arpitmatlab
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573 views2 pages

Humorous Quotes on Life and Crime

The document provides a collection of humorous quotes by various authors. It includes quotes about life, relationships, wisdom, and observations on everyday things. Some key quotes mention making the best of difficult situations, not taking life too seriously, and how perspectives can change based on circumstances. The quotes offer amusing insights and perspectives on different topics.

Uploaded by

arpitmatlab
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
  • Quotes by Various Authors
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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Lana Turner

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
Ron White

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Bill Cosby

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.


Jim Carrey

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Albert Einstein

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
Elbert Hubbard

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
Benjamin Franklin

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.


Buddy Hackett

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.


Mark Twain

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.


Steve Martin

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeneres

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Mark Twain

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.


Oliver Herford

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Isaac Asimov

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Mae West

If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.


Albert Einstein

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.


Mitch Hedberg

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Elayne Boosler

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?


Phyllis Diller

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Steven Wright

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
Hedy Lamarr

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.


George Carlin

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
Jerry Seinfeld

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