Time to move on

Hey dad, look I got 100 in all of my exams! You promised me that whenever I aced all my
exams youll treat me at Star City, just you, me, and mom. Remember? Remember? I said
merrily with my ever beautiful puppy eyes as I hand him all my test papers.
I never said that, Tracey. I cant recall anything about that. Stop making stories ok! he said,
laughing. By the way, very good for acing your exams, my genes within you are really strong!
he brags.
Mom interrupted our conversation Its not your gene that made her intelligent! Its my gene!
She came from my womb so basically she inherited my intelligence! Right Tracy? mom said
cheerfully.
Okay, here we go again mom and dad were arguing to where did I get my intelligence. I really
dont know where I got it. Lets just settle with the thought that mom and dads genes were
really compatible that they produced a gorgeous and intelligent offspring, thats me! Of course,
they dont want to accept defeat, I just told them that they are both great and of course
intelligent. Mom left and went to the kitchen to cook.
Going back to dad, dad is playing his very own I never said that game but I know hell never
win against me! I can feel it! I did my best to help dad recall our conversation last week. Its
really difficult to help someone recall something if they really dont have anything to recall
because they didnt really forgot about it. Eventually he said yes and whats great about it is that
well go to Star City right now! As in right now!
Well theyre my parents. Arent they great? Theyre like the best parents in the world. If we only
have an adjective higher than the superlative of good then thats my mom and dad. I really
couldnt ask for more, I have a great family. Frankly, thats the only thing I can recall about my
mom and dad and I cant remember anything else. Though its just that, deep within me I can
feel how they loved me and through the help of the pictures that my brother kept. But then,
pictures arent enough for the longing I feel especially when I cant recall anything even if I look
at it. All I have left is the living memory of my mom and dad in my older brother who is always
by my side.
Wake up Tracey! Wake up! Andre says while shaking my shoulders. Youre crying again
dont worry kuya is here he embraced me.
I was just weeping and carefully catching my breath. I know my kuya is right there beside me
and he wont leave me. I hugged him back and said while sobbing Dont ever leave me. I dont
know how my life would be without you.
Yes dear, dont worry I wont leave you, he said assuring me. You had a nightmare again?
Still sobbing, I retell my dream to him Yes, I can still vividly see what happened back then. I
saw them, Dad was on the drivers seat and mom was on his side. They were staring at each
other once in a while, I can see their love. Then there was I sitting on the back seat eating
chocolates. We were singing and sharing stories happily on our way home from the theme park.
Then, all of a sudden I saw a very bright light intensely illuminating my vision. When I opened
my eyes blood were splashed everywhere, mom and dad were thereand its my fault I cant
continue my sentence and all I did was sob. Kuya just hugged me tighter. I can feel the tension in
him by the way he hugged me. I know its more difficult for him because he was left with a
younger sister to raise yet he is still as strong as steel to make both ends meet for us.
Dont cry baby, its not your fault. Maybe its already their appointed time. Dont you dare
blame yourself again, it has never been your fault and it will never be ok? he said while slowly
patting my back.
He reassured me that everything that had happened was not my fault and everything happens for
a reason. I really admire him for catching me whenever I fall and for being my shoulder when
Im being a cry baby, just like now. Hes the only person who can comfort me. I really dont
know if I can live without him.
I stopped sobbing. I faced him and said thanks for everything, good thing you didnt come with
us when we went to Star City, maybe you arent with me now too.
Drop all the drama AC. You know you scared the hell out of me when I heard you screamed,
he said as he mess my hair. Its almost 4am, you still have time to go back to sleep. Better sleep
now so youll have enough energy for school, he said calmly and then leaned forward to kiss
my forehead.
He went out and silence filled every space of my room. Its deafening! All I can hear is my
breathing and my heartbeat. Its really strange, it has been 8 years but the memory of the
accident is still haunting me. Its the accident that weve been through that gives me constant
nightmares. That accident stole the lives of my parents and my very own life, my memory. All it
left me was this huge scar on my left arm that serves as a memento of what had happened to my
parents. I cant help it, I feel very vulnerable.
Its 4am and I cant go back to sleep anymore. I tried to sleep on my side, stomach, back, and all
the position for sleeping but I cant feel the spirit of sleep anymore. Fine! Theres no way I can
go back to sleep. I took my laptop and started scribbling some thoughts for my blog. Well thats
the only thing where I put all my thoughts and dreams, whether good or bad. Writing is my
escape route. Writing makes me feel good, Im free to write anything thats inside my head and
no one will ever care why I am writing those. Also, it will serve as a memory, a memory that Im
afraid to lose again.
Haunted Dreams
My awesome slumber was again ruined by a bizarre nightmare. I cant
recall the last time I had a fairytale dream. I vividly saw my parents bathing in
their own blood. I was just there crying and did nothing to help them. Was it my
fault? They could have lived if i did not insist our trip. We could have been a
happy family until now. My brother could have not been suffering from their
untimely death. If only i did not insist, my memory could have been intact until
now...
Every time I dream about it, it feels like Im being stabbed a hundred times
in my chest. Tears would automatically stream down my face, breathing would be
difficult as if Ive ran in a hundred meter race, and my heart would pound as if it
wanted to get out of my chest. There are times that I wished that I just died
during that time so I wont be feeling this agony right now. On the other hand, if I
died how will my brother pursue lifewho will he hold on to? I really am confused
right now, a part of me wanted to die and a part of me wanted to stay. If only i
could turn back to time, I'll do everything to change our fate.

Time check its 7:15 in the morning and Im stuck in a heavy traffic here in Bacoor. Ive been
here for 30 minutes now and a snail is even faster than this bus Im riding on. If only I could fly
from Bacoor to Dasma Ill do it now. It really sucks when youre in a hurry then youre in a
middle of a traffic jam just because the water companys machines are in the middle of the road
even if the construction wasnt going on.
Thank God! After a 2 hour travel I finally reached DLSU-D. Oh great, I hope I wont miss my
first class! I exclaimed while walking down the aisle. I walked as fast as I could, taking big
steps trying not to bump into anyone. I reached the classroom, everybody is seated in their proper
places and I was there standing in front of the door attempting to enter the classroom silently and
unrecognizable. I slowly tip toed in the room as my professor in Translation was writing on the
board when my very best friend Mike saw me. He waved is hand and was about to say
something when I signaled him to zip his mouth. I continued walking until I reached my seat.
Good heavens! My professor didnt saw me or even recognize my presence as he faced the class.
Mike put his hand on my shoulder and loudly exclaimed Why are you late Tracy? I missed you
I removed his heavy arm on my shoulder and told him Shut up Mike! He might hear us!
To my surprise, my professor was looking straight to my eye, his eyebrows met, and his forehead
wrinkled in anger. Oh shit! Im busted I whispered to Mike.
Yes you are, he whispered to me smiling sheepishly.
I hit Mikes side using my elbow so he would stop teasing me. I know Im busted. For sure he
will let me stay after the class. Then, what I just thought happened. I was left in the classroom
and a series on lecture about coming on time struck me, he told me that as a future teacher you
should come on time blah blah blah I wasnt really paying attention to what my professor was
saying I just nodded, said sorry, and promised I wont do it again just for the sake of ending our
conversation. Well thats what students usually do when theyre in trouble.
When I got out of the room Mike wasnt in the hallway, I didnt bother to look for him instead I
went straight to the canteen where we usually stay after class. To my surprise he wasnt there so
I just went to our usual place and started scribbling some thoughts on my notebook for my blog.
Strict punctuality is perhaps the cheapest virtue which can give force to
an otherwise utterly insignificant character, my professor said. It sucks! I should
not be late after all. It wasnt really my fault. Its the water companys fault and the
governments fault, if they were really concerned with the welfare of the citizen
they should have even tried to put their stupid machineries on the side way.
Havent they realized how much time they stole from us, the precious time we
should spend learning and working are spent waiting for the traffic to flow
smoothly. Theyre morons! Didnt they know that I hate being late and thats
the first time I was marked late
Hey what are you doing? asked Mike.
Shocked by his presence, I immediately closed my notebook and I wasnt able to finish what Im
writing. Nothing really important, where have you been? I said.
Somewhere, lets not talk about it! Okay. Why were you late earlier? For the record it was your
first late in our four years here in the university! It calls for a celebration! said Mike smiling
wide as if his smile would reach his ears.
I punched his arm and said Shut up Mike, being late is not a joke for me! What if hell deduct
ten points from my grade or maybe even more? What if that would be the reason for me not to
graduate with flying colors? Oh God! What if my brother wont be
He put his hand on my mouth for me to stop blabbering and said Shut up! For heavens sake
thats the lamest reason I heard for you not to graduate with honors, for just 1 late? Hello!
Youre the most intelligent in the class. End of conversation!
But what if? I asked.
I said! End of conversation! Definitely youll be on top! he exclaimed. Seriously, what
happened to you? Why were you late? he asked.
Traffic, I said.
Just traffic? I dont believe you. Something else happened I can see it on your eyes. He said
while looking at my baggy eyes. I remove my stare at him and put on my eyeglasses to conceal
it.
I really cant hide anything from you. You know me so well. I admitted. I stared at him
blankly nightmare again, i whispered.
The same nightmare again? he took a deep breath and continued what hes saying You know
Tracey you should not live in the past, just accept what had happened and try looking forward to
future. You should not encapsulate yourself in that memory. Try living your life to the fullest and
learn to value what you have now. Remember we only live once, he said looking straight to my
eyes.
Tears fell from my eyes. I cant stare at him, what he said was true. For the past 8 years I was
living in the past, I never learned to free myself from that thought. I never let myself to enjoy. I
didnt respond to what he told me instead I stood up gathered my stuff and ran away. He didnt
follow me. I know he wanted me to think about what he said. I ran fast. I ran not knowing where
my feet would lead me. I found myself standing in the botanical garden. I cant contain whats
inside me so what I did is that I shouted my heart out. I shouted as loud as my lungs could go. I
dont care if someone looks at me badly. I dont really care. All I want to do was to shout and cry
the hell out of me. Im completely blank. I dont know myself. I cant blame Mike for he was
right. I wanted to move on but I also want to remember every memory I had before the accident.
I want to remember the moment that we were still whole, I am still whole.
I took my laptop and started making another blog post. Writing makes me feel better, if others
have their imaginary friend whom they can talk to all the time, me I have my own blog site.
Nobody knows me better than my blog site and those who follow my posts.
Help! Im drowning in tears
If only tears turn into diamonds,
then I wont stop forever.
If only tears were exits to
happiness,
then I wont stop forever.
The sad part is that it isnt,
and it will never be!
So help me Im drowning in
tears

I want to live for the future,
yet I want to dig into the
past.
All I want is a peaceful slumber,
but the accident is
haunting me.
I want to live, love, and laugh
Somebody please help
me!
I want someone who could
understand
and patch things up for
me

I was about to exit the internet browser when someone commented on my post haunted dreams
saying Want to turn back time? I could help. The person who responded on my post doesnt
have a picture or anything on his profile, well his name was [Link]. What kind of a name is
that? Mr. Ree as in mystery, well it suits him since his identity is a mystery to me. I got bothered
with his comment and thought that maybe he could really help. Theres nothing to lose though,
our only connection would be the cyber space so I decided to give it a try. Out of curiosity, I
responded to him Seriously? How on earth can you help me? I waited for a couple of
minutes for Mr. Ree to respond but time had elapsed still theres no response from him. I closed
my laptop, wiped the tears left on my face, and fixed myself before going on through the day. I
dont want them to see that I cried but my eyes are still swollen so its still obvious, theres
nothing I can do to hide it.
The day went through and I feel like Im standing on a cliff waiting for the wind to blow hard for
me to fall. I was not paying attention to my classes. All Im thinking was Mr. Rees comment
and Im hoping that he could really give me a hand. I really hope hes not a scammer, serial
killer, or whatever.
Mike wasnt around in all our classes and Im really worried about him, maybe he got mad when
I left him in the canteen earlier without saying a thing. I tried texting him thrice but he was not
responding. I asked some of our classmates if they saw and they said he went home already. I did
not bother texting or calling him again for he might be busy, I just hope that we can patch things
up.
I arrived at our home and my brother was still at work so I didnt bother preparing some food for
sure he already ate. I went straight to my bedroom and I switched my laptop on to check whether
Mr. Ree has replied. Oh my gosh! He replied!
Tracey,
I am very much willing to help you. I know what youve been through and I
think I am the best person who can help you sort things up. When I saw you
crying at the botanical garden earlier my heart was crashed into pieces. It really
hurts whenever I see you cry.
-Mr. Ree
Hes quite serious in helping me. Who the hell is this guy? Yes, He may know what had
happened to me by simply reading my blog posts but he saw me crying and thats kind of
strange. Maybe hes a killer or a robber spying my every move. Oh no! If this is a prank it will
be the best prank of all time. I replied to him...
Mr. Ree,
I know you have read all my blog posts and most probably you already
know what had happened to my family and I and my experiences for the past
couple of years. I really appreciate if you will tell me who you really are and how
come you saw me earlier. Do I know you? If you are planting a prank on me I
suggest that you drop it.
Its really scary to think that someone might be watching your every move. Then all of a sudden
someone will sneak in your bedroom window holding a knife. Gosh! This is really creepy and
Im home alone. Then all my scary thoughts flew away when he replied.
Maybe you are thinking that Im a robber, rapist, or any other bad guy, I
tell you Im not any of those. Just relax okay! I wont inflict any harm on you and
this is not a prank. Im just here to help. I cant tell you who I am, just trust me. I
am a person who really knows you by heart, in the right time youll know who I
really am.
Wow! He knows whats on my mind. Ok! Hes not a bad guy after all; I think I can trust him.
But he doesnt want to reveal his real identity yet! Oh well! Sooner or later Ill get to know the
real man behind Mr. Ree but for now I just want to know how he could help me. I replied to his
post briefly.
Now, tell me how can I turn back time?
Hours have past still Mr. Ree hasnt replied. Im anxiously waiting for his reply. I lazed on my
bed facing the ceiling. I recalled what Mike told me a while ago. Several questions suddenly
popped on my mind. Why was he so concerned about me? Does he have any feelings toward
me? Just like what my classmates always say which I used to ignore. Mike is kind of special to
me for he is my best friend. I just dont know how I will classify my feelings for him. I just cant
take it whenever hes not talking to me, just like now. I texted him but he didnt replied. I called
him but he was just rejecting my calls. Was he really that mad at me or hes intentionally giving
me this space for me to think things over.
The long wait is over. Finally Mr. Ree replied. Excitement and nervousness filled me as I look at
the screen of my laptop and read his message.
Frankly, I can never turn back to time. Hello! Time machines dont exist.
But I can help you forget the past and of course move on I have here a list of
the things you should do. All you have to do is to do each task whole-heartedly
and everything will be great! Do not cheat okay!
1. Read the novel Slammed.
2. Spend a day with your friends.
After doing every task you need to make a blog post so I could check if
you really did it. If you will do everything on the list I promise that Ill meet with
you. DEAL!
I was really expecting that he has this time machine thingy but yes that thing doesnt exist. Oh
well Thats it! That all Im going to do! Thats quite easy. I immediately replied to him saying
DEAL!
Ok! This is really strange. Im going to follow the orders of a mysterious guy. But who cares,
nobody will know that I did such thing out of desperation. Like what Ive thought before, theres
nothing to lose if Ill try. I didnt waste time. I immediately downloaded an ebook of slammed.
While waiting for the download to finish, I heard my phone rang. Im not expecting any call
from anyone in this wee hour of the night. I took my phone and I was surprised to see that it was
Mike whos calling. I pressed the answer key and I was so glad to talk to him.
Hey Mike! I said gladly. I didnt wait for him to respond instead I continued speaking Im
really sorry if I was too subtle earlier thats why I just left you without saying a word. Are you
mad at me? Im really sorry, I said softly.
Ahm Tracey, you dont need to apologize. Im the one who should apologize because I left
you at school. I just felt sick all of a sudden thats why I went home early, he explained.
Oh, is that so. I thought you were really mad at me. I was so worried because you didnt reply
to my messages and answer my calls.
My phone was in silent mode so I didnt notice your calls and texts.
Oh well, I really thought my best friend in the whole wide world is mad at me. So are you
feeling better now? I asked.
Yes a lot better, now that I heard your voice, he said softly.
Thats crazy! I exclaimed.
Its true! Anyway, what are you doing right now? he asked.
Aside from talking to you, Im currently downloading an ebook.
Let me guess Slammed?
How did you know? I asked in a suspicious voice.
Its a wild guess! I just saw it on your Goodreads update, he said.
Ah. Goodreads? Well, Ill hung up now ok. I still have a book to finish. Bye! I love you best
friend, I said then I immediately pressed the end button not waiting for Mikes answer.
Oh yes! I just updated my Goodreads account but does Mike have an account there too. Oh well,
never mind. I spent the whole night reading Slammed and its great. I even did not notice that my
brother has arrived. I didnt sleep until I finished reading it. I never thought reading would be so
much fun. The moment I finished the book its already 3am and I spent another 30 minutes in
creating my blog post. Voila! Here it is
THE DAY I LEARNED TO SLAM
Slammed is terrible!!!
It made me smile, cry, mad,
And made me fall in love a thousand times
It made me crazy that I didnt stop reading.
Slammed is terribly good but its too good to be true
Though there are tons of things that touched me that made me say ahhh
Will* taught me acceptance
In the only thing inevitable in life: death.
He continued to breathe and to be strong
For the only person left to him, Caulder*.
He didnt give up and stayed strong
For all he has is his brother for him to raise.
Julia* taught me to push boundaries,
Where head and heart should be balanced.
In every decision a person makes,
Crying is alright but never regret
Because its a regular part of life.
Kel* and Caulder* taught me not to take life too seriously
They played all day and laughed at various stuff.
They cried when their parents died
But they stood up and live life as normal as it can be.
I admire their courage to face lifes new beginnings.
Lake* taught me to live and accept life,
She showed me how to love genuinely.
She accepted the fact that her mom is dying
And stayed by her side until the last.
She lived with Kel* and stayed firm for all she have was him.
She fell truly in love with Will*
She pushed her boundaries,
And tried her best to balance her head and heart
To tell the world how she love him thru a slam.
SLAMMED taught me how to slam
To write what I feel in a scratch
I thought it was lame
But when I started it, Im ashamed
Because its really fun and not lame

The day I learned to slam
Is the day I read SLAMMED
I will jot down my butterflying thoughts
Just like Will* and Lake*
There will definitely be no POINT OF RETREAT
*characters in the novel
Task number one is officially done! The following day I planned to go out with my friends. I
texted Mike and invited him to go to the mall with me but he refused me and told me that he has
a lot of chores to do. Doing chores is so not him! I just texted my other classmates and we settled
to meet at SM Pala-Pala after lunch.
The day went really well. I had so much fun with my friends. Its actually the first time that I
invited them to stroll around and it feels really good. I got home late and my brother was asleep.
I went straight to my room and started scribbling some thoughts for my blog. It only took me a
day to finish what Mr. Ree told me to do. So Ill be meeting him really soon. Its so exciting. Im
really looking forward to meet him and to know his real identity.
If you have crazy friends you have everything Today, I realized that this
quotation is true. I had a great time with my friends today though a part of me
was sad because my very best friend wasnt around. The people I used to take
for granted made me laugh the whole day. Im so stupid because I should have
asked them out before. I should have experienced this happiness long time ago.
Now, I promise that I will spend more quality time with my friends
An hour after posting my blog Mr. Ree posted a comment on it. I eagerly read his post.
So it seems that you really enjoyed reading Slammed and going out with
your friends. As promised you will know who I really am. Lets meet tomorrow at
Enchanted Kingdom at 4pm. Ill be wearing a blue polo shirt. See you! You just
dont know how I miss you Tracey
This is crazy! He misses me? Who the hell is this guy for him to miss me? Whoah! Maybe he is
someone I really know. Maybe hes just my brother or Mike. Oh well, tomorrow will be the
grand revelation. The agony is killing me, I cant sleep, and Im so excited for tomorrow.

Today is the grand revelation of Mr. Ree. I will finally know his real identity. I just hope that
hes handsome! Kidding! I want to know his real reason of helping me and why did he let me do
those things.
Im in my usual get up, shirt, jeans, and sneakers. I arrived at Enchanted Kingdom earlier than
expected. Its just 3:30 so I just waited outside the theme park waiting for a man wearing a blue
polo shirt to arrive. This is insane! There are about ten guys wearing blue polo shirt. Who the
hell is Mr. Ree among them? Maybe hell just approach me since he knows who I am.
The sun is too bright and I failed to bring my sun glasses. I can see someone approaching me
wearing a blue polo shirt but I cant recognize his face since the suns too bright. I cant open my
eyes wide but I know hes coming near me and I can hear him saying Hi repeatedly. I can
recognize his voice, he sounds like Mike. The man stopped in front of me and said Hi again.
Thats the only time that I opened my eyes wide and saw his face. I was right, hes Mike and
hes wearing a blue polo shirt. Is he Mr. Ree? Thats the question repeatedly playing on my
mind. Is Mike and Mr. Ree the same person?
I was in a state of shock. I was just staring to his face blankly when he started talking again.
Hey Tracey, what are you doing here? he asked while waving his hands in front of my face
trying to catch my attention.
What? I asked.
I said. What are you doing here alone?
Im waiting for someone?
You have a date huh? he asked suspiciously.
I dont have a date. Ill just meet a friend in here, I explained. So what are you doing here,
alone? I asked.
I just want to enjoy. Stop asking questions alright! Come on lets go buy some tickets, he said
holding my hand and dragging me towards the ticket booth.
Wait, Im waiting for someone! I yelled.
He wont come! Lets go. Lets just enjoy the day! he exclaimed.
I didnt argue with him. I just seized the moment with my best friend Mike. We rode all the fun
rides there. We ate till our stomachs are bloated. We shared stories and laughed out loud. I really
enjoyed our Enchanted Kingdom trip. This is indeed one of the best days of my life.
After a long tiring day, we decided to sit on a bench. I almost forgot about Mr. Ree. I took a deep
breath and gathered all my might to ask Mike if he was in any way related to Mr. Ree. Questions
are popping on my mind which makes me confuse. Is it just a coincidence that Mike is here at
Enchanted Kingdom wearing a blue polo shirt? Is it just a coincidence that he knew the book that
I was about to read? Is it just all coincidence? I was just sitting beside him silently. I just cant
start the conversation because there are chances that what Im thinking is wrong.
Mike broke the silence. I know there are many questions on your mind right now. You are
bothered. I can see it on your face, he said softly.
No Im not, I said briefly.
Yes you are. He said.
Can I ask you something? I asked.
Whatever your question is the answer is yes, he whispered
So does that mean Mr. Ree and you are one? I asked
He nodded and looked straight to my eye. Im sorry if I had to keep it as a secret. All I want to
do is to make you realize how fun life is. You cannot live in the past forever Tracey. When I
asked you to read Slammed, I was really amazed by your blog it seems that Slammed really
touched you. I want you to be just like Lake and Kel, their parents died yet they tried and learned
to live happily and normally. I want you to realize that there are people around you that are
caring for you, if Lake has Will then you have me. It is very easy Tracey, just open your eyes
and there are a lot of people out there loving you. Remember when you had a day out with our
friends; you were extremely happy that time. He explained.
Im speechless. All he said was true. I actually envy Will and Lake, both of them suffered from
losing their loved ones but they were able to stand up and live life again. Yes! The day out with
our friends was great. All he said was right, there are people around me who love me so much.
Im the one who has a problem because all these years Ive been alienating myself. I didnt
respond instead I hugged him.
We can never turn back Tracey. All you need to do is move on. This may take time but Im
willing to help you. Just analyze this, when I asked you to read Slammed and go out with our
friends did you have that nightmare again? he asked still hugging me.
I detach myself from his hug and said Oh yes! I never had a nightmare since then.
See! If you will just make yourself busy you wont have a nightmare. Again, just enjoy the
simple things in life. Remember we only live once so make the most of it. Dont enclose yourself
in a box, he said
Thank you Mr. Ree. Youre not a mystery anymore. You are my best friend, I said.
Youre very much welcome. Remember the day when I didnt attend classes? I wasnt sick that
day. I was just so sad that I cant bear to see you depressed. I actually followed you silently in
the botanical garden; I saw everything that you did. I contemplated on how I will help you. Then
I came up with the idea of Mr. Ree.
Im overwhelmed by what he told me. Tears slowly fell from my eyes. Words are not enough to
express how thankful I am to have a person as good as Mike. I just hugged him tightly. I know
by this act he would feel how much I love him. I need not to hear his explanation because
everything is clear to me now. Its time to move on! Theres no reason for me to live in the past
because I already found someone who taught me and will continually teach me how to live, love,
and laugh. I may not remember the past at least Im rest assured that whatever I have now will
suffice my longing for my parents.
-end-