YOUR GUIDE TO BUILDING CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF

Natural Confidence

By Marius Panzarella
2002, All Rights Reserved

It is illegal to copy, steal, or distribute all or any part of this book or web page without the authors permission. By purchasing this
book, you agree to the following: You understand that the information presented contained on this book is for personal
entertainment purpose only. It is not to be considered legal or personal advice. The author is not responsible for any actions or
results from the use of this book.

Introduction
In my main manual, I gave you a simple exercise on how to get used to
rejection, as well instructions on how to use body language to fake confidence
until you really have it.
But since confidence is such a big issue when it comes to dating women,
Ive decided to write a further guide on how to overcome whatever fears you may
have and build up the natural self-confidence within you.
Preparation
Before we go any further, I would like you to take a few minutes to think
about why you would like to become more confident. Please take the time to think
about the following questions:
1) How would being more confident help you in life?
2) In what situations do you need more confidence?
3) Where and when do you already have confidence? (In small groups?
When youre with your best friend?) And where and when do you not
have it? (At a podium? With a girl?)
Understand that you will need motivation to change yourself. You cannot
just say, I want to be less nervous around women and then not doing anything
about it. You will need to know WHY you want to change. You will need to know
where you come from and where you want to go.
You should now come up with a list of things about your life you want to
change. Start your sentences with I want and I dont want, and come up with
as many of them as possible. Write them all down on a piece of paper.
Some examples are:
- I want to be able to talk to a woman without sweating too heavily

- I dont want to be afraid of women

- I want to get a girlfriend
- And so on
Next, I would like you to visualize how confidence could help you to change
these things.
Start by sitting down in a comfortable position where you cannot be
disturbed for the next 15 minutes or so. Then relax your body by first tensing
your muscles and then releasing them. Start with your toes, then up to your ankles
and thighs and then up to your waist and chest. Do the same thing with your
arms. Just tense your fingers real hard and then release. Move up to your forearms
and to your arms until you finally reach your shoulders. Do the same thing with
your neck.
Dont forget to breath in and out while youre doing this. Gradually slow
down your breath until you feel your whole body is relaxed completely.
Next, close your eyes and think of a person you know or somebody on TV
who is very confident around people including women. Focus on the way they
walk, the way they interact with people, the way they stand or sit, the way they talk,
the way they gesture and the way they use their facial expressions to communicate,
etc.
Think about that person for a few minutes, until you have a clear picture of
him in your mind. Once youre got a good image in your head, imagine yourself
drifting into his body. Imagine what it would be like to be that person. Imagine
how others would look at you, how they would talk to you, how they would
admire you, how they would interact with you, and generally how good it would
feel to be that person.
Visualize what it would be like to walk around as that person. How would
you walk? How would you talk? How would you stand? How would you sit? Take
a few minutes to visualize yourself walking down the street as him.
3

Once youve got a good idea, open your eyes and BECOME that person.
Slowly stand up and BE that person. Imagine youve just wakened up in the
morning as him. How would you walk or talk now? And how would you
approach the situations that used to be problematic for you? What is your body
image now to other people? How would you act around women now? Notice all
the details. Then look at your list of things again, and try to think about how your
new character would response to those situations.
You should take half an hour to do this exercise everyday. In time, you will
see a dramatic change in your body. The point of this exercise is to fool your body
into thinking that youre a confident person. I have put this exercise as a shortcut
to give you a sense of what it is like to be confident. We will now go back to the
beginning and learn other ways to improve your confidence.
I am going to start by telling you what confidence really is.
What Confidence Really Is
Confidence is an attitude which allows people to have positive yet realistic
views of themselves and their situations. Confident people trust their own abilities
and have a great sense of control in life.
People with a high confidence are usually very positive when interpretating
their own performances. Their goals are usually very realistic and achievable. And
even when they do not meet their expectations they will only see it as a small
setback or obstacle, but never as a complete failure. They dont believe they
need to be approved by anyone, and they are willing to take risks because they
dont fear failure.
In contrary, people with low confidence are always insecure about their own
abilities. They tend to avoid any kind of risks because they are afraid of failure.
They usually depend on the approval of others in order to feel good. They also
expect negative outcomes in whatever they do. Even when they are mildly
successful at something they usually still see it as a failure because they are so
negative about themselves. They expect to fail, and so they do. (This is called a
4

self-defeating pattern.) They also tend to take criticism from others too seriously
while ignoring the compliments they get.
The Roots Of Confidence
While some studies show that biology does play a small part in how
confident a person is, confidence is generally accepted as a result of a persons
childhood. It seems that parents who are too demanding, overprotective or critical
may cause children to feel inferior or incapable when they grow up. But if their
parents offer unconditional support and love to their children even when they
make mistakes, the children will be more likely to accept themselves as who they
are when they grow up.
Think about it. If you get punished every time you try to do something but
fail, soon you are not going to want to try anymore.
Lets summarize what we have mentioned about people with low
confidence so far.
A Summary of Characteristics of People With Low Confidence:
1) They seek approval from every person they come across.
2) They have unrealistic goals that they cannot possibly achieve.
3) They have self-defeating patterns.
Now, lets look at each of these characteristics and find ways to defeat them!
Seeking Approval
This is a big one. It travels way back to a boys childhood when the poor kid
is always trying to seek approval of his parents, hoping they wont punish him for
doing anything wrong. And as he grows up, he begins to fear failure because he
doesnt want to be punished or criticized. He simply gives up trying. After all, you
cant do anything bad if you are not doing anything at all.
5

There is only one-way to defeat this: by not seeking approval from others
anymore. Try to put on an I dont need you but you need me attitude. It really
helps. Remember that the whole world evolves around YOU as long as you
believe it. YOU are the center of the universe in your perspective. If somebody
doesnt like you, too bad for them. There are billions of other human beings here
on earth.
Yes, this may be harder then said, but if you try hard enough, it is possible to
break out of this pattern.
Unrealistic Goals
A lot of people are all-or-nothing perfectionists who try to set up goals so
high that they will never be able to achieve them. And guess what? They then
blame themselves for not being able to do something that simply cannot be done.
Dont make the same mistake.
Keep your goals small and realistic. You will feel a lot better already.
Self-Defeating Patterns
I personally think this is the one that screws up most people. When I say
self-defeating patterns, I am referring to ANY harmful assumptions that can mess
up your confidence. They usually go around and around in circles and can lower a
persons self-esteem more and more as time passes on. Here are a few examples of
self-defeating patterns and ways you can counter them:
Being Too Damn Negative
Most people with low self-esteem are so negative about life that they
generally talk themselves into failure.
Here is a good remedy: STOP as soon as you begin to think negatively. You
may want to do the introductory exercise as a quick boost of energy.

Magnification of the Negative/Minimization of the Positive

This is another big one. People who are not confident are usually
oversensitive about failure and under sensitive about success. In short, good things
simply arent as important as bad things to them.
To stop this, next time you fail, just remind yourself of the
accomplishments you have achieved.
Being Too Modest
Some people with low self-esteems hate compliments. If you fall under this
category, just learn to love them from now on. As a matter of fact, you may try
praising yourself and start being just a bit cockier. If youre worried about being
too cocky, simply remember the following rules:
1) Share your achievements with people who helped you to achieve them.
(Share the credits.)
2) Find the right audience.
3) Admit your mistakes if you make any. Then immediately continue to
praise yourself (about other things).
4) Keep the things you boost about fresh. Praise yourself on something you
did yesterday, but dont talk about the soccer match you won when you
were eleven.
Not Giving Themselves Enough Credits
People with little or no self-esteem often see failure as their own inability
while seeing success as a result of luck or other external factors. For example, if
they fail an exam, they tell themselves it is because they are dumb. But when they
get an A, they tell themselves its because the test was easy.
To start giving yourself a bit more credits, just remember my golden line,
In my experience, there is no thing such as luck except bad luck.

Ways To Build Up Confidence

To build up your confidence, simply be more positive about things and start
giving yourself credits. Call me arrogant, but I personally do not care what others
think of me. Remember that there are lots of people in the world, and not
everybody will like you. I like to see the people who dislike me as being jealous of
me.
Start setting up more small realistic goals that you can accomplish, and give
yourself a small prize every time you accomplish one. In the long run, this will
really build up your self-confidence.
Also, remember that you are usually more confident in your own special
field. This is because you are generally more prepared for whatever may come
your way. So what does this tell you? Experience can make you more confident in
an area! If youre afraid of women, then practice the techniques Ive taught you in
my books and you should feel conform table around women knowing that you
will know what to do. A lot of players are only confident because they are
experienced and know what to do. If you start practicing now, pretty soon you will
be just as confident as they are.
One last thing. Dont be afraid to fail. Go out and take risks. Do the get
yourself rejected exercise in my main manual. Here is a good idea: Do the
introductory exercise at the beginning of this manual. Then change into a
costume. Just wear something you dont usually wear. Put on your sunshades and
take on a new persona. BECOME the person in your visualization. Then drive to
the other side of town and get off. Strike up conversations with strangers, and get
yourself rejected over and over.
In a few hours, you will learn that rejection isnt such a big deal at all. That is
when you should take off your sunshades, put on your best smile, walk as tall as
you can, and approach the girl of your dream.
If you have any questions, suggestions or comments, please email me at
mariuspanzarella@[Link]. I would love to hear from ya!