Assertiveness
Assertiveness is the quality of being self-assured and
condent without being aggressive. In the eld of
psychology and psychotherapy, it is a learnable skill and
mode of communication. Dorlands Medical Dictionary
denes assertiveness as:
As a communication style and strategy, assertiveness is
thus distinguished from both aggression and passivity.
How people deal with personal boundaries, their own and
those of other people, helps to distinguish between these
three concepts. Passive communicators do not defend
their own personal boundaries and thus allow aggressive
people to abuse or manipulate them through fear. Passive communicators are also typically not likely to risk
trying to inuence anyone else. Aggressive people do not
respect the personal boundaries of others and thus are liable to harm others while trying to inuence them. A
person communicates assertively by overcoming fear of
speaking his or her mind or trying to inuence others, but
doing so in a way that respects the personal boundaries of
others. Assertive people are also willing to defend themselves against aggressive people.
a form of behavior characterized by a condent declaration or armation of a statement
without need of proof; this arms the persons rights or point of view without either
aggressively threatening the rights of another
(assuming a position of dominance) or submissively permitting another to ignore or deny
ones rights or point of view.[1]
During the second half of the 20th century, assertiveness
was increasingly singled out as a behavioral skill taught
by many personal development experts, behavior therapists, and cognitive behavioral therapists. Assertiveness
is often linked to self-esteem. The term and concept was
popularized to the general public by books such as Your
Perfect Right: A Guide to Assertive Behavior (1970) by 2 Communication
Robert E. Alberti and Michael L. Emmons and When I
Say No, I Feel Guilty: How To Cope Using the Skills of Systematic Assertiveness Therapy (1975) by Manuel J. Smith. Assertive communication involves respect for the boundaries of oneself and others. It also presumes an interest in
the fulllment of needs and wants through cooperation.[5]
Training
According to the textbook Cognitive Behavior Therapy
(2008), Assertive communication of personal opinions,
needs, and boundaries has been ... conceptualized as the
behavioral middle ground, lying between ineective passive and aggressive responses.[6] Such communication
emphasizes expressing feelings forthrightly, but in a way
that will not spiral into aggression.[7]
Joseph Wolpe originally explored the use of assertiveness as a means of "reciprocal inhibition" of anxiety,
in his 1958 book on treating neurosis; and it has since
been commonly employed as an intervention in behavior
therapy.[2] Assertiveness Training (AT) was introduced
by Andrew Salter (1961) and popularized by Joseph
Wolpe.[3] Wolpes belief was that a person could not be
both assertive and anxious at the same time, and thus
being assertive would inhibit anxiety. The goals of assertiveness training include:[4]
If others actions threaten ones boundaries, one communicates this to prevent escalation.[8]
In contrast, aggressive communication judges, threatens, lies, breaks condences, stonewalls, and violates others boundaries.
At the opposite end of the dialectic is passive communication. Victims may passively permit others to violate
their boundaries. At a later time, they may come back and
attack with a sense of impunity or righteous indignation.
increased awareness of personal rights
dierentiation between non-assertiveness and assertiveness
dierentiation between passiveaggressiveness and Assertive communication attempts to transcend these extremes by appealing to the shared interest of all parties;
aggressiveness
it focuses on the issue, not the person.[9] Aggressive
learning both verbal and non-verbal assertiveness and/or passive communication, on the other hand, may
skills.
mark a relationships end,[10] and reduce self-respect.
1
6 CRITICISM
Assertive people
4.3 Negative inquiry
[14]
consists of requesting further, more
Assertive people tend to have the following characteris- Negative inquiry
specic
criticism.
tics:
They feel free to express their feelings, thoughts, and 4.4 Negative assertion
desires.
Negative assertion[14] is agreement with criticism without
They are also able to initiate and maintain comfort- letting up demand.
able relationships with [other] people[11]
They know their rights.
4.5 I-statements
They have control over their anger. This does not
mean that they repress this feeling; it means that they
control anger and talk about it in a reasoning manner.
I-statements can be used to voice ones feelings and
wishes from a personal position without expressing a
judgment about the other person or blaming ones feelings on them.
Assertive people ... are willing to compromise with
others, rather than always wanting their own way ...
and tend to have good self-esteem.[12]
5 Applications
Several research studies have identied assertiveness
Assertive people enter friendships from an 'I count training as a useful tool in the prevention of alcoholmy needs. I count your needs position.[13]
use disorders.[16] Psychological skills in general including assertiveness and social skills have been posed as intervention for a variety of disorders with some empirical
support.[17]
4 Techniques
In connection with gender theory, "Tannen argues that
Techniques of assertiveness can vary widely. Manuel men and women would both benet from learning to use
Smith, in his 1975 book When I Say No, I Feel Guilty, the others style. ... So, women would benet from assertiveness training just as men might benet from sensioered some of the following behaviors:
tivity training.[18][19]
4.1
Broken record
The broken record technique[14] consists of simply repeating your requests or your refusals every time you are
met with resistance. The term comes from vinyl records,
the surface of which when scratched would lead the needle of a record player to loop over the same few seconds
of the recording indenitely. As with a broken record,
the key to this approach is repetition ... where your partner will not take no for an answer.[15]
6 Criticism
Assertiveness may be practiced in an unbalanced way, especially by those new to the process: "[One] problem with
the concept of assertiveness is that it is both complex and
situation-specic. ... Behaviors that are assertive in one
circumstance may not be so in another.[20] More particularly, while unassertiveness courts one set of problems, over-assertiveness creates another.[21] AssertiveA disadvantage with this technique is that when resistance ness manuals recognize that many people, when trying
continues, your requests may lose power every time you out assertive behaviour for the rst time, nd that they go
[22]
have to repeat them. If the requests are repeated too of- too far and become aggressive.
ten, it can backre on the authority of your words. In In the late 1970s and early 1980s, in the heyday of asthese cases, it is necessary to have some sanctions on sertiveness training, some so-called assertiveness training
hand.
techniques were distorted and people were told to do
some pretty obnoxious things in the name of assertiveness. Like blankly repeating some request over and over
4.2 Fogging
until you got your way.[23] Divorced from respect for the
rights of others, so-called assertiveness techniques could
Fogging[14] consists of nding some limited truth to agree be psychological tools that might be readily abused: The
with in what an antagonist is saying. More specically, line between repeatedly demanding with sanctions (broone can agree in part or agree in principle.
ken record) versus coercive nagging, emotional black-
3
mail, or bullying, could be a ne one, and the caricature [19] Tannen, Deborah (1990). Gossip. In Tannen, Deborah.
You just don't understand: women and men in conversaof assertiveness training as training in how to get your
tion. New York: Ballantine Books. pp. 121122. ISBN
own way ... or how to become as aggressive as the next
[24]
9780345372055
person was perpetuated.
[20] Michael Argyle, Social Situations (Cambridge 1981) p. 50
References
[21] Deborah J. Swiss, The Male Mind at Work (2001) p. 20
[1] assertiveness in Dorlands Medical Dictionary
[22] Assert Yourself (A&C Black Publishers Ltd, London
2009) p. 8
[2] Wolpe, J. (1958) Psychotherapy by Reciprocal Inhibition,
(California: Stanford University Press, 1958), 5362
[23] Mark Mark Eisenstadt, Freedom from Agoraphobia
(2003) p. 203
[3] W. Eduard Craighead/Charles B. Nemero eds., The
Corsini Encyclopedia of Psychology and Behavioral Science: Volume I (2002) p. 142
[24] Sue Bishop, Develop Your Assertiveness (2006) p. 13
[4] Craighead/Nemero eds., p. 142
8 Further reading
[5] Driven by Research on hundreds of families: The Seven
Principles for Making Marriage Work; by John Gottman,
PhD, Randomhouse, May 16, 2000; coined the Four
Horsemen of the Apocalypse, four patterns of communicating which end including criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling
[6] William T. O'Donohue/Jane E. Fisher eds., Cognitive Behavior Therapy (2008)
[7] Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence (London 1996) p.
266
Alberti, Robert E. & Emmons, Michael L. Your Perfect Right: Assertiveness and Equality in Your Life
and Relationships. 2001
Bower, S.A. & Bower, G.H. Asserting Yourself: A
Practical Guide for Positive Change. 1991
Davidson, Je. The Complete Idiots Guide to Assertiveness. 1997
Dyer, Wayne W. Pulling Your Own Strings. 1978
[8] Facing Co-dependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from,
How It Sabotages Our Lives by Pia Mellody, Andrea Wells
Miller, and J. Keith Miller
Lloyd, Sam R. Developing Positive Assertiveness:
Practical Techniques for Personal Success. 2001
[9] Paul Gilbert, Overcoming Depression (London 1998) p.
219
Milne Pamela E. The People Skills Revolution: A
Step-by-Step Approach to Developing Sophisticated
People Skills, Global Professional Publishing 2011
[10] from DBT as researched by Marsha M. Linehan, Professor, Department of Psychology, Director, Behavioral Research & Therapy Clinics at the University of Washington
[11] Henry Virkler, Speaking the Truth with Love (2009) p. 48
[12] Marie Reid/Richard Hammersley, Communicating Successfully in Groups (Psychology Press, 2000) p. 49
[13] Virkler, p. 74
[14] Smith, M.J. When I say no, I feel guilty 1975
[15] Rich Pfeier, Relationships: Assertiveness Skills (2010) p.
28
[16] [Link] Assertiveness training in addiction Check |url= value (help). [Link].
Drug Alcohol Rehab Now. Retrieved 2 June 2015.
[17] O'Donohue, William (2003).
Psychological skills
training: Issues and controversies.
The Behavior
Analyst Today.
J.D. Cautilli.
4 (3): 331335.
doi:10.1037/h0100021. Pdf.
[18] Speer, Susan (2005). Gender and language: 'sex dierence' perspectives. In Speer, Susan A. Gender talk: feminism, discourse and conversation analysis. London New
York: Routledge. p. 31. ISBN 9780415246446.
Paterson, Randy J. The Assertiveness Workbook:
How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships. 2000
Smith, M. J. When I Say No, I Feel Guilty. 1975
9 External links
Assertiveness Denition and Elements
Relationship Problems: Assertiveness
Assertiveness and Assertiveness Training
Assertiveness Training Modules
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