HAIRSPRAY MUSICAL PLAY

ACT1,SCENE1

In this scene, the girls are watching a teenage dance programme on television. Tracy and Penny are
particularly struck by images of cool, young people, how they dress and how they appear, illustrating the
ways in which these icons are encouraged to appeal to the young TV audience.

EDNA: Turn that racket down. I’m trying to iron in here.

CORNY: SO, IF EVERY NIGHT YOU’RE SHAKING, AS YOU LIE IN BED

AND THE BASS AND DRUMS, ARE POUNDING IN YOUR HEAD

WHO CARES ABOUT SLEEP, WHEN YOU CAN SNOOZE IN SCHOOL

THEY’LL NEVER GET TO COLLEGE, BUT THEY SURE LOOK COOL

DON’T NEED A CAP AND A GOWN, ’CAUSE THEY’RE THE

NICEST KIDS IN TOWN, THEY’RE THE NICEST, NICEST

THEY’RE THE NICEST, NICEST, THEY’RE THE SUGAR AND SPICE-EST,

NICEST KIDS IN TOWN

CORNY: And that was our new dance of the week — the “Stricken Chicken.” We’ll be right back.

(Lights shift in the TV studio.)

VELMA: And we’re off! All right, people, how many times do I have to tell you — we do NOT touch
ourselves — anywhere — while on camera. Tammy, lose the padding. You, too, Fender.

(the kids sheepishly turn away to remove their padding)

And Link, stop hogging the camera; you’re not Elvis yet. Amber...hog the camera.

AMBER: Yes, mother.

VELMA: And YOU, Mr. Collins! None of that Detroit sound today. You have something against Connie
Francis?

CORNY: The kids are just over the moon for rhythm and blues, Velma. They can’t get enough.

VELMA: They’re kids, Corny. That’s why we have to steer them in the white direction...I mean...

you know what I mean.

ACT1,SCENE1

Conflicting ideas concerning conformity and work ethic affected families in the 1950s and 1960s just as
they do today. The teenagers in Hairspray begin to think that hard work and staying in school is not
necessarily their only option, and certainly not the most glamorous answer to life. In this excerpt, we see
Tracy’s growing interest in leaving school and auditioning for The Corny Collins Show, and what it might
mean for her family.

TRACEY: Mother, you are so fifties. Even our first lady, Jackie B. Kennedy, rats her hair.

EDNA: Yeah? Well, you ain’t no first lady, are ya? She’s a hair hopper — that’s what got her put in

detention again. (taking Wilbur aside) Wilbur, talk to her. Girls like Tracy...People like us...You know
what I’m saying. They don’t put people like us on TV — except to be laughed at.

WILBUR: (to Tracy) This TV thing... You really want it?

TRACY: It’s my dream, Daddy.

WILBUR: Then you go for it. This is America, babe. You gotta think big to be big.

EDNA: Being big enough is not the problem, Wilbur.

WILBUR: When I was your age my parents begged me to run away with the circus, but I said, “No. That’s
what you want. I have dreams of my own.” I dreamt of opening a chain of joke shops worldwide. So,
okay, I’ve still only got one, but some day, if I can figure out how to keep the air from leaking out of my
sofa-sized Whoopee Cushion, I’m going to make a noise heard ‘round the world!

(Edna screams with delight!)

You follow your dream, baby. I’m grabbin’ an Orange Crush and heading back down to the

Har-Dee-Har Hut. I’ve got my dream... And I wuv it!

EDNA: (laughing again) You’re not helping, Wilbur!

(Wilbur exits and Tracy follows.)

TRACY: Thanks, Daddy.

EDNA: Tracy, come back up here. I’ve got hampers of laundry and my diet pill is wearing off!

TRACY: But, Mama I want to be famous.

EDNA: You want to be famous? Learn how to get blood out of car upholstery. Now there’s a skill you

could take to the bank. You think I wanted to spend my life washing and ironing other people’s
unmentionables? No, I wanted to design them. I thought I would be the biggest thing in brassieres. Well,
you deal with what life gives you. Now start folding.

TRACY: Ugh.

ACT1,SCENE3

Tracy is auditioning to be part of the Council. All of the conflicts she will be facing are presented here

dramatically.

AMBER: DO YOU DANCE LIKE YOU DRESS?

LINK: GIRLS, THERE’S NO NEED TO BE CRUEL!

VELMA: Would you swim in an integrated pool?

(The music stops dead and the COUNCIL gasps in shock)

TRACY: I’m sure I would. I’m all for integration. It’s the New Frontier?

VELMA: Not in Baltimore it isn’t.

TRACY: Um, where’s Corny? I’d love to dance for him.

VELMA: I’m the producer and may I be frank?

(Music back in, ominously building, building)

VELMA: FIRST IMPRESSIONS CAN BE TOUGH AND WHEN I SAW YOU, I KNEW IT, IF YOUR SIZE

WEREN’T ENOUGH THE LAST ANSWER JUST BLEW IT! AND SO, MY DEAR, SO SHORT AND

STOUT, YOU’LL NEVER BE "IN" VELMA AND THE

COUNCIL MEMBERS: SO WE’RE KICKING YOU OUT!

VELMA: WITH YOUR FORM AND YOUR FACE WELL, ISN’T YOUR FAULT YOU’RE JUST CAUGHT IN

A CASE OF "MISS…

VELMA AND THE

COUNCIL MEMBERS: BALTIMORE…

VELMA: …CRABS!" You’re free to go.

COUNCIL MEMBERS: OOH’S

ACT1,SCENE4

Tracy’s been put in detention again for wearing a “monumental hairdo.” When she gets there, she
meets Seaweed, whose mother is the host of The Corny Collins Show’s monthly “Negro Day” broadcast.
An immediate camaraderie is established.

PRINCIPAL: Tracy Turnblad, once again your monumental hair-don’t has seriously obstructed everyone’s
view of the blackboard. As Principal of Patterson Park High I condemn you to three more days of
detention!

(Lights up on TRACY in detention. Around her are SEAWEED, LORRAINE, GILBERT, THAD, DUANE and
another

student asleep at his desk. LORRAINE is at the blackboard writing repeatedly, "I will not talk in speech
class"),

TRACY: Detention! Is there no pity for a teen just trying to fit in?

SEAWEED: Maybe you oughtn’t try so hard?

TRACY: Excuse me, but why are you always so happy? You get detention just about every time I do, and
I’ve never seen you complain.

SEAWEED: Oh but I do. This is my way of complaining.

(SEAWEED turns on a small transistor radio. MUSIC starts and he does a soulful little dance.)

It’s how I use my blues.

DUANE: Use them blues, brother. Use ’em to lose ’em.

TRACY: Hey, that move’s swift.

SEAWEED: The man can dine on a diet of detention so long as he don’t starve me of my tunes.

(another step)

Here’s a little something–something signified to say, "Hello, my name’s Seaweed J. Stubbs, and what’s
yours."

TRACY: That’s unbelievable. Can I do that?

SEAWEED: I don’t know. Can you?

(TRACY & SEAWEED dance together)

TRACY: Hello. My name is Tracy Turnblad.

GILBERT: Not bad for a white girl.

SEAWEED: Ain’t no black and white in here. Detention is a rainbow experience.

(SEAWEED does another step)

LADYS CHOICE BY LINK

Hey little girl with the cash to burn

Well, I'm selling something you won't return
Hey little girl, take me off the shelf
'Cause it's hard having fun playing with yourself
Once you browse through the whole selection
Shake those hips in my direction

Bring it back if she never did see

Take me home and then unwrap me
Shop around with every dollar, I've got to be
The ladies' choice, ladies' choice, the ladies' choice

Hey little girl looking for a sale

Hey little girl looking for a sale
And test drive this American male
Test drive this American male

It's gonna take cash to fill my tank

Gonna take cash to fill my tank
So let's crack open your piggy bank
Let's crack open your piggy bank
Hey little girl, you're window shopping
I got somethings traffic stopping

Hey…

ACT1,SCENE6

Tracy Turnblad is a dynamic young woman and not about to stand for anyone putting her down. With
integrity and optimism, she forges ahead in spite of the criticism she receives of her mission to integrate
Baltimore and on her weight.

CORNY: Yeah! And that was our dance of the week – “Peyton Place After Midnight,” – introduced to you
by our brand new Council member, Miss Tracy Turnblad.

EDNA: Oh, my word! Tracy! Live in our own living room!

WILBUR: I think I’ve seen her here before.

PENNY: And she’s going to be a regular.

EDNA: Imagine, my little girl, regular at last.

PENNY: Hi, Tracy. It’s me, Penny!

EDNA: She can’t hear you.

(The phone rings and SHE answers it.)

Hello?... Yes. This is...her childhood home. No, I’m not her father.

(Back to the show...)

So let’s wave a wistful bye-bye to Brenda — see you next year.

COUNCIL MEMBERS:

(waving to BRENDA as SHE exits)

Awww...

CORNY: ...and inaugurate the newest member of our Council, Tracy Turnblad! Cozy up to old Corny and

tell us about yourself, Trrrrace.

TRACY: Well, I go to Patterson Park High, I watch your show, and I do absolutely nothing else.

(ALL applaud and cheer)

But someday I hope to be the first woman president of the world or a Rockette. You’ve got to

think big to be big!

CORNY: And if you were president, what would your first official act be?

TRACY: I’d make every day Negro Day!

VELMA &

SPRITZER: Aaaaiiiieeeee!!!!!

(SPRITZER runs off in horror, VELMA follows.)

ACT1,SCENE7

Tracy, a new teen idol, has her phone ringing off the hook. Her mother, Edna, is also celebrated as the
popular mother of her popular daughter. Both Tracy and Edna quickly adapt to their newly forming
"glam" images and roles in the popular culture.

ALL: YOUR MAMA’S WELCOMING THE SIXTIES, OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

YOUR MAMA’S WELCOMING THE SIXTIES, OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

GO MAMA, GO, GO, GO!

(FANS besiege TRACY for photos and autographs.)

DYNAMITES: WELCOME TO THE RHYTHM OF A BRAND NEW DAY

TRACY: TAKE YOUR OLD-FASHIONED FEARS

DYNAMITES: AND JUST THROW THEM AWAY

MR. PINKY’S STAFF: YOU SHOULD ADD SOME COLOR AND A FRESH NEW “DO”

DYNAMITES: ’CAUSE IT’S TIME FOR A STAR WHO LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU!

JUDINE: DONCHA LET NOBODY TRY TO STEAL YOUR FUN ’CAUSE A LITTLE TOUCH OF LIPSTICK NEVER
HURT NO ONE

KAMILAH: THE FUTURE’S GOT A MILLION ROADS FOR YOU TO CHOOSE BUT YOU’LL WALK A LITTLE
TALLER IN SOME HIGH-HEEL SHOES

SHAYNA: AND ONCE YOU FIND THE STYLE THAT MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE YOU’RE SOMETHING FRESH AND
NEW

DYNAMITES: STEP ON OUT

HEAR US SHOUT

TRACY &

DYNAMITES: MAMA, THAT’S YOUR CUE!!!

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH

(EDNA emerges from the shop looking resplendent.)

ACT1,SCENE8

The Turnblads, Motormouth Maybelle’s family, and all the people who have been marginalised become
idols of

teen culture. With confidence, strength of character, and enthusiasm, they accept and relish their new
positions.

However, the group that has been overshadowed by Tracy and Seaweed’s success takes a spiteful
revenge as

expressed in this scene.

AMBER: Well, well, well, Tracy Tugboat, you finally found a title you could win:
Miss Special Ed!

LINK: Knock it off, Amber

TRACY: Amber Von Tussle, you have acne of the soul.

GYM TEACHER: Students…Commence!

(And with a shrill whistle the game begins. AMBER gets the ball and throws it at TRACY.)

AMBER: Hey, thunder thighs, dodge this!

TRACY: You throw like a girl!

SEAWEED: Hey, no fair throwing at the head.

GYM TEACHER: That’s right, go for his nuts!

(The ball barely misses his head)

LINK: Everybody take it easy. This isn’t World War Three.

(AMBER gets the ball away from LINK and takes dead aim at TRACY’S head.)

AMBER: Says you! Eat dodge ball, Trampy Ton-olard!

(She viciously snaps the ball right into TRACY’s head. TRACY crumples to

the ground, knocked out. A whistle blows.)

GYM TEACHER: Game over.

(School bell rings)

Class dismissed! All right girls, who wants to take a shower? Extra credit!

(The GIRLS and GYM TEACHER exit)

ACT2,SCENE1

There has been a raucous demonstration to integrate The Corny Collins Show. The efforts to open
images of black and white teens dancing together get proponents and opponents alike thrown in jail
together, and a new character, the matron of the prison, is introduced to heighten the intensity of an
already thickening plot.

SEAWEED’S MOTHER: There has been a raucous demonstration to integrate The Corny Collins Show.
The efforts to open images of black and white teens dancing together get proponents and opponents
alike thrown in jail together

ALL: WHAT
TRACY: But you can have your own show
ALL FACES DISAGREE
TRACY: If we can’t dance we can MARCH

AMBER’S MOTHER WENT TO TRACY’S HOUSE AND FLIRT WITH TRACY’S DAD AFTERALL EDNA TRACY’S
MOTHER CAUGHT THEM!
TRACY’S DAD APOLOGIZE ( TIMELESS TO ME)

Wilbur: styles keepa changin

the worlds rearranging but edna you're timeless to me hemlines are shorter a beer costs a quarter

but time cannot take what comes free you're like a stinky old cheese babe just gettin riper with age

you're like a fatal disease babe but theres no cure so let this fever rage

some folks can't stand it say time is like a bandit but I take the opposite view

cause when I need a lift time brings a gift another day with you a twist or a waltz it's all the same

schmaltz with just a change in the scenery you'll never be old hat that's that!

you're timeless to me

Edna:

Oh Wilbur, I love you! fads keep a fadin' Castro's invading

but Wilber you're timeless to me hairdos are higher mine feels like barbed wire

but you say I'm chic as can be! you're like a rare vintage ripple a vintage they'll never forget

so pour me a teeny weenie triple and we can toast the fact we ain't dead yet!

I cant stop eating you're hairline's receding and soon you'll have nothing at all
so you'll wear a wig while I roast a pig hey! pass the geritol! Glenn Miller had brass

that chubby checker's a gas but they all pass eventually you'll never be passe

hip horray! you're timeless to me!

(Musical Interlude)

Wiblur:

you're like a broken down Chevy

Edna:

all I need is a fresh coat of paint

Wilbur: and Edna,

you got me goin hot and heavy you're fat and old but baby boring you ain't!

Both:

some folks don't get it but we never fret it cause we know that time is our friend

yeah, it's plain to see that you're stuck with me until the bitter end and we got a kid

who's blowin the lid off the Turnblad family tree

Edna: you'll always hit the spot BIG SHOT! you're timeless to me

Wilbur: you'll always be du jour mon amour you're timeless to me

Edna: you'll always be first string

Wilbur: Ring-a-ding-ding!

Both: you're timeless to me

Edna: you're timeless to me

Wilbur: you're timeless to me

Both: you're timeless to me.

A DAY OF PROTEST!

"I Know Where I've Been"

There's a light in the darkness

Though the night is black as my skin

There's a light, burning bright, showing me the way

But I know where I've been

There's a cry in the distance

It's a voice that comes from deep within

There's a cry asking why, I pray the answer's up ahead, yeah

'Cause I know where I've been

There's a road we've been travelin'

Lost so many on the way

But the riches will be plenty

Worth the price, the price we had to pay

There's a dream in the future

There's a struggle that we have yet to win

And there's pride in my heart

'Cause I know where I'm going, yes I do

And I know where I've been, yeah

There's a road we must travel

There's a promise we must make

Oh, but the riches, the riches will be plenty

Worth the risks and the chances that we take

There's a dream, yeah, in the future

There's a struggle that we have yet to win

Use that pride in our hearts to lift us up to tomorrow

'Cause just to sit still would be a sin

I know it, I know it, I know where I'm going

Lord knows I know where I've been

Oh, when we win, I'll give thanks to my God

'Cause I know where I've been

SEAWEED’S MOTHER: CAN WE JUST PASSED WITH PEACE (to police)

Police stop the burning candle

POLICE: IM STRONGLY SUGGEST THAT YOU AND YOUR LITTLE FRIEND GO BACK ON WHEN YOU CAM
FROM
TRACY: Oh you’re so rude
VELMA: Stop Tracy I can handle this
Police turn
Tracy: Excuse me she is talking to you ( and Tracy hit him )
Velma: Tracy No !

POLICE: GO GUYS ARREST HER

ALL: NO!
Tracy run and Velma and Edna blocked the way to let Tracy go

PENNY HELPED TRACY BUT PENNY’S MOTHER CAUGHT THEM AND PENNY GOT TERMINATE

ACT2,SCENE3

Link has come to Tracy to tell her that he loves her. Penny and Seaweed also declare their true love.

PENNY & SEAWEED: ’CAUSE WITHOUT LOVE

BACKUP: ...WITHOUT LOVE

SEAWEED: LIFE IS LIKE A BEAT THAT YOU CAN’T FOLLOW

BACKUP: OOH-OOH

PENNY & SEAWEED: WITHOUT LOVE

BACKUP: WITHOUT LOVE

PENNY: LIFE IS DORIS DAY AT THE APOLLO

BACKUP: OOH-OOH
PENNY & SEAWEED: DARLING, I’LL BE YOURS, FOREVER I’LL BE YOURS FOREVER

‘CAUSE I NEVER WANNA BE, WITHOUT LOVE

BACKUP: WITHOUT LOVE

SEAWEED: I’M YOURS FOREVER, NEVER SET ME FREE

NO, NO, NO!

BACKUP: DOOT DOOT DOO DOOT, DOOT DOOT DOO DOOT

NO, NO, NO!

(The light comes on in the jail again. From now on we can see both couples at once.)

LINK: IF YOU’RE LOCKED UP IN THIS, PRISON, TRACE

I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’LL DO

OOH-OOH

BACKUP: OOH-OOH

TRACY: LINK, I’VE GOT TO BREAK OUT, SO THAT I CAN GET MY HANDS ON YOU

BACKUP: OOH-OOH

CAN GET MY HANDS ON YOU

SEAWEED: GIRL, IF I CAN’T TOUCH YOU NOW, I’M GONNA LOSE CONTROL

BACKUP: OOH

LOSE CONTROL

PENNY: SEAWEED, YOU’RE MY BLACK WHITE KNIGHT, I’VE FOUND MY BLUE-EYED SOUL

BACKUP: BLACK WHITE KNIGHT

Link has come to Tracy to tell her that he loves her

( WITHOUT LOVE )

Once I was a selfish fool

Who never understood
Never looked inside myself
Though on the outside, I looked good
Then we met and you made me
The man I am today
Tracy, I'm in love with you
No matter what you weigh
'Cause without love
Life is like the seasons with no summer
Without love
Life is rock 'n' roll without a drummer
Tracy, I'll be yours forever
'Cause I never wanna be without love
Tracy, never set me free, no, I ain't lying
Never set me free, Tracy, no, no, no
Living in the ghetto
Black is everywhere ya go
Who'd have thought I'd love a girl
Whose skin was white as winter snow
In my ivory tower
Life was just a Hostess snack
But now I've tasted chocolate
And I'm never going back
'Cause without love
Life is like a beat that you can't follow
Without love
Life is Doris Day at The Apollo
Darling, I'll be yours forever
'Cause I never wanna be without love
So darling, never set me free
No, I'm yours forever
Never set me free, no, no, no
If I'm left without my baby doll
I don't know what I'll do
Link, I've got to break out
So that I can get my hands on you
And girl, if I can't touch you
Then I'm gonna lose control
Seaweed, you're my black white knight
I've found my blue-eyed soul
Sweet freedom is our goal
Trace, I wanna kiss you
Let me out at the next toll
Without love
Life is like a prom that won't invite us
Without love
It's like getting my big break and laryngitis
Without love
Life's a '45 when you can't buy it
Without love
Life is like my mother on a diet
Like a week that's only Mondays
Only ice cream, never sundaes
Like a circle with no center
Like a door marked 'Do Not Enter'
Darling, I'll be yours forever
'Cause I never wanna be without love
Yes, now you've captured me
Without love, I surrender happily
Without love, oh Seaweed
Never set me free , no, no, no, I ain't lying
Never set me free, no, no, no
No, I don't wanna live without love, love, love
Darling, you had best believe me
Never leave me without love

MISS TEENAGE HAIRSPRAY

CORNY: Here’s to announce the MISS TEENAGE HAIRSPRAY OF THE YEAR

AMBER: GO Corny !
TRACY ENTER!
CORNY : THE MISS TEENAGE HAIRSPRAY IS TRACY TURNBLAD !

(You Can't Stop The Beat)

You can't stop an avalanche

As it races down the hill

You can try to stop the seasons, girl

But ya know you never will

And you can try to stop my dancin' feet

But I just cannot stand still

Cause the world keeps spinnin'

Round and round

And my heart's keeping time

To the speed of sound

I was lost til' I heard the drums

Then I found my way

TRACY & LINK

Cause you can't stop the beat

Ever since this old world began

A woman found out if she shook it

She could shake up a man

And so I'm gonna shake and shimmy it

The best that I can today

'Cause you cant stop

The motion of the ocean

Or the sun in the sky

You can wonder if you wanna

But I never ask why

And if you try to hold me down

I'm gonna spit in your eye and say

That you cant stop the beat!

PENNY

You can't stop a river

As it rushes to the sea

SEAWEED

You can try and stop the hands of time

But ya know it just can't be

PENNY

And if they try to stop us, Seaweed,

I'll call the N Double A C P

Cause the world keeps spinning

Round and 'round

And my heart's keeping time

To the speed of sound

I was lost til I heard the drums

Then I found my way

PENNY & SEAWEED

Cause you can't stop the beat

PENNY & SEAWEED

Ever since we first saw the light

A man and woman liked to shake it

On a Saturday night

And so I'm gonna shake and shimmy it

With all my might today

'Cause you cant stop

The motion of the ocean

Or the rain from above

You can try to stop the paradise

We're dreamin' of

But you cannot stop the rhythm

Of two hearts in love to stay

Cause you cant stop the beat!

EDNA

You cant stop my happiness

Cause I like the way i am

And you just can't stop my knife and fork

When I see a Christmas ham

so if you don't like the way i look

Well, I just don't give a damn!

EDNA & ENSEMBLE

Cause the world keeps spinning

Round and 'round

And my heart's keeping time

To the speed of sound

I was lost til I heard the drums

Then I found my way

EDNA & COMPANY

'Cause you cant stop the beat

Ever since this old world began

A woman found out if she shook it

She could shake up a man

And so I'm gonna shake and shimmy it

The best that I can today

Cause you can't stop

The motion of the ocean

Or the sun in the sky

You can wonder if you wanna

But I never ask why

And if you try to hold me down

I'm gonna spit in your eye and say

That you cant stop the beat!

MAYBELL

Oh oh oh

You can't stop today

As it comes speeding down the track

Child, yesterday is hist'ry

And it's never coming back

MAYBELL & ENSEMBLE

'Cause tomorrow is a brand new day

MAYBELL

And it don't know white from black

ENSEMBLE

Yeah!

MAYBELL & ENSEMBLE

'Cause the world keeps spinning

'Round and 'round

And my heart's keeping time

To the speed of sound

I was lost til I heard the drums

Then I found my way

'Cause you cant stop the beat

ALL

Ever since we first saw the light

A man and woman liked to shake it

On a Saturday night

And so I'm gonna shake and shimmy it

With all my might today

'Cause you can't stop

The motion of the ocean

Or the rain from above

They can try to stop this paradise

We're dreaming of

But you can't stop the rhythm

Of two hearts in love to stay

You can't stop the beat!

Aah, aah, aah

Aah, aah, aah

Aah, aah, aah

ALL

Come on you Vantussle's

Come and shake your fanny muscles

AMBER AND MRS.VANTUSSLE

But we can't

All

Yes you can

AMBER AND MRS.VANTUSSLE

But we can't

ALL

Yes you can

AMBER AND MRS.VANTUSSLE

Yes we can
You can't stop the beat

Ever since we first saw the sun

It seems Vantussle girls are always tryin'

Please someone

But now we're gonna shake and shimmy

And just have some fun today

ALL

And you can't stop

The motion of the ocean

Or the rain from above

You can try to stop the paradise

We're dreaming of

But you cannot stop the rhythm

Of two hearts in love to stay

'Cause you can't stop the beat

You can't stop the beat!!

You can't stop the beat!!

You can't stop the beat!!

You can't stop the beat!!