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Forbidden games: the construction of sexuality

and sexual pleasure by BDSM ‘players’

Elena Faccio, Claudia Casini & Sabrina Cipolletta

To cite this article: Elena Faccio, Claudia Casini & Sabrina Cipolletta (2014) Forbidden games:
the construction of sexuality and sexual pleasure by BDSM ‘players’, Culture, Health &
Sexuality, 16:7, 752-764, DOI: 10.1080/13691058.2014.909531

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Published online: 14 May 2014.

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 Culture, Health & Sexuality, 2014
Vol. 16, No. 7, 752–764, [Link]

Forbidden games: the construction of sexuality and sexual pleasure by

BDSM ‘players’
Elena Faccioa*, Claudia Casinia and Sabrina Cipollettab
a
Department of Philosophy, Sociology, Pedagogy and Applied Psychology, University of Padua,
Padua, Italy; bDepartment of General Psychology, University of Padua, Padua, Italy
(Received 21 June 2013; accepted 25 March 2014)

This study aims to explore personal meanings related to the constructs ‘sexuality’ and
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‘sexual pleasure’ in people who choose to write in forums and blogs about their own
experience with Bondage and Discipline, dominance and submission, and Sadism and
Masochism (BDSM). We carried out semi-structured online interviews with 343
people, of whom 50 (24 women and 26 men) claimed to practise or to have practised
BDSM, in order to investigate participants’ definitions of their sexual experiences and
the construction of sexuality and sexual pleasure from their personal point of view and
from the perspective of the opposite sex. Data were analysed according to Grounded
Theory methodology. Questions concerning the ‘normality’ or the ‘deviance’ of
participants’ sexual practices were reflected in the answers of the majority of BDSM
practitioners. Sexuality was construed as a ‘game’ with specific rules, and ‘pleasure’
was associated with extremely intense experiences. The relationship between the
partners was considered fundamental, as it gave meaning to the sexual practice. Both
dominant and dominated roles were found to be tightly linked to the possession and
management of power between partners, which either confirms or reverses the social
construction of traditional male and female roles.
Keywords: BDSM; understandings; power; pleasure; privilege

Introduction
The acronym BDSM is used in literature to include various sexual practices such as
Bondage and Discipline (BD), dominance and submission (DS) and Sadism and
Masochism (SM). Bondage and discipline refers to the practice of physical restraint using
rules in punishment, dominance and submission represents the set of customs and rituals
relating to the giving and accepting of control between partners, and Sadism and
Masochism describes sexual pleasure derived by inflicting or suffering pain and
humiliation within a consensual scenario. Given the wide range of BDSM practices,
interest in it can range from a one-time experience to a lifestyle.
There are few studies concerning the prevalence of BDSM from Australia (Richters
et al. 2008) and the USA (Masters, Johnson, and Kolodny 1995). Richters found that 2.2%
of men and 1.3% of women between the ages of 16 and 59 years had engaged in BDSM
activity during the previous year and that a higher prevalence was found among gays,
lesbians and bisexuals. About 10% of the US population reported engaging in BDSM at
least on an occasional basis (Masters, Johnson, and Kolodny 1995).
The lack of statistical data, especially referring to Europe, may be due to the stigma
that affects those who practise BDSM because it is associated with deviant and

*Corresponding author. Email: [Link]@[Link]

q 2014 Taylor & Francis

 Culture, Health & Sexuality 753

pathological sexual behaviour (Moser and Madeson 2002). We will begin by considering
the implications of this stigma for notions of normality versus deviance with respect to
BDSM. Later we present findings from qualitative research with men and women who
have had experience of BDSM to explore the semantics of power and investigate gender
attributions in role differences. The aim of the study was to examine beliefs linked to
gender and dominant-passive roles by exploring participants’ personal meanings about
sexuality and sexual pleasure and their construction of the viewpoint of the opposite sex,
regardless of their sexual orientation as homosexual or heterosexual.

Normality versus abnormality in BDSM experience

In the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V:
APA 2013 [[Link] sadism and masochism are considered
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paraphilias: the experience of intense sexual arousal to highly atypical objects, situations
or individuals. The DSM-V takes into account the possibility that paraphilias should not
necessarily be considered mental disorders, paraphilic disorders being those paraphilias
that cause distress to the individual or cause personal harm or risk of harm to others.
Paraphilias, therefore, are a necessary but not sufficient condition for having a paraphilic
disorder. This ongoing viewpoint suggests that, even within psychiatry, a difference
between ‘healthy’ and ‘non-healthy’ paraphilias is acknowledged. Also, many of those
people who only occasionally engage in BDSM are not diagnosable as having a paraphilia,
and much less a paraphilic disorder.
On many of the most visited BDSM websites (e.g. [Link] [Link]
[Link] [Link] [Link] and [Link].
org), there are four crucial points that mark the boundary between ‘pathological’
sadomasochism and BDSM. These can be summed up in the formula SSC (Safe, Sane and
Consensual). Specifically, the four criteria are: (1) consensuality – who ‘plays’ the
submissive role makes the choice to play it and can withdraw his or her consent at any
time, (2) the use of a ‘safe word’ – the withdrawal of consent is generally done using a
word or a gesture previously agreed upon by the participants, (3) flexibility of roles – all
participants have the option of being both dominant and submissive, and (4) reciprocity of
satisfaction – pleasure has to be bidirectional, but it does not have to be specifically
sexual, rather, it may stem from power: total power for the dominant, no power for the
dominated. Both benefit from this different polarity: the desire for power or powerlessness.
Among partners, those who generally dominate are called the ‘master’ or ‘mistress’,
whilst the submissive person is usually referred to as the ‘slave’ (Sharma and Gupta 2011,
146). From what can be seen on the internet, those who take part in BDSM seem to be fully
aware of their roles, as well as any plans to interrupt or invert them. In BDSM, different
roles may be played and reversed. The so-called ‘total power exchange’ is the exchange of
power control between dominant and submissive but rarely occurs in most long-term
dominant/submissive relationships (Jackson and Scott 2007). All relationships develop a
code of conduct between the partners (Baumeister 1988), and BDSM is described in the
literature as strongly characterised by ritualistic sequences of patterned behaviour
(Comfort 1987) in which roles are assigned (Sandnabba et al. 2002) in order to generate a
kind of ‘script’, including partners’ agreements and conditions for several encounters
(Alison et al. 2001; Santtila et al. 2002).
Participants may discuss certain issues before the BDSM session, focusing on the types
of play admitted by both (practices that will be included in the scene: bondage, role-
playing, spanking or sensory deprivation), materials (adult toys and the fetish wear that
 754 E. Faccio et al.

will be used), the duration of the scene, health concerns (talking over existent health
problems: allergies, chronic diseases, STD’s, the taking of any medication) and safety
measures (any safety tools to prevent situations when something goes wrong). The
preservation of each participant’s health has to be guaranteed.
The matter of perceived deviance is strongly connected with our first research question
concerning the phenomenology of ‘regulated’ experiences of pleasure. In fact, it is in terms
of the safe guarantees agreed before, during and after the various sessions that BDSM
practitioners claim the assumption of normality with regard to their practices. The construct
of pathology implies instead a form of coercion or compulsion (Inghilleri and Ruspini
2011). As a consequence, scientists confuse the conditions for considering a conduct to be
normal with the conditions of considering normal (or pathological) to be a mental status
(Faccio et al. 2012; Salvini et al. 2012). Such considerations certainly inform the scientific
discourse about the normality of BDSM.
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Most data regarding normative attitudes towards the BDSM community have been
collected by interviewing psychotherapists. Some therapists who have practised BDSM
themselves, stress the importance of being aware of the difference between their
experience and that of their clients. They argue that BDSM is only occasionally a central
issue during their therapeutic work and that relationships are the chief concern of BDSM
clients who often admit to feelings of shame and guilt (Lawrence and Love-Crowell 2008).
Kelsey et al. (2013) found that a minority of therapists believe that there is a link
between child abuse or maltreatment and the practice of BDSM. Although two thirds of
respondents avoided characterising BDSM practitioners as deviant, ‘they did not
consistently endorse a clear acceptance of BDSM as a benign variation in sexual
behaviour. On a number of items, many respondents indicated that they were unsure how
to answer: 50% of respondents indicated uncertainty as to whether most of those practising
BDSM are “psychologically healthy”’ (Kelsey et al. 2013, 262). In addition, older
participants reported more negative attitudes towards BDSM’s perceived normality, as
well as participants describing their socio-political philosophy as ‘more conservative’.
Less than half of the respondents perceived themselves to be competent in this area,
although 76% had seen a client reporting BDSM. This is a matter of concern, which
reveals lack of knowledge about this sexual subculture, as well as the need for professional
training based on the sharing of empirical research findings about the meaning linked to
this practice from the participants’ point of view (Romaioli and Faccio 2012).

The discursive construction of sexual experiences

Regardless of its normality, BDSM experience borrows its grammar from the cultural
system of rules and relationships between individuals in which it is generated (Inghilleri
and Ruspini 2011, 126). According to a social constructionist and interactionist
perspective (Blumer 1969; Goffman 1977, 1983; Mead 1934), the meanings of the events
are constructed by social and symbolic interaction and are managed through interpretative
processes that arise from the encounter between the individual and the definition of reality
constructed by others (Berger and Luckmann 1966; Blumer 1969; Cipolletta 2011; Mead
1934). Attention is subsequently focused on the comprehension of how commonly-held
beliefs are created and maintained through discourses and how they orient our actions
(Bruner 1991; Faccio, Castiglioni, and Bell 2012; Mannarini 2009; Mannarini 2010;
Mannarini and Boffo 2014; Mannarini, Boffo, and Balottin 2013).
Our study was conducted within this theoretical framework and began from the
assumption that ‘sex is at the base of a fundamental code in accordance with which social
 Culture, Health & Sexuality 755

interactions and social structures are built up, a code which also establishes the
conceptions individuals have concerning their fundamental human nature’ (Goffman
1977, 301). According to Goffman, sex is ‘learned, diffuse, role behavior’. It is not the
social consequences of sex differences, but ‘the way in which these differences were put
forth to warrant for our social arrangements . . . which is sustained because of belief. . . .
Every society seems to develop its own conception of what is “essential” to, and
characteristic of, the two sex classes, this conception embracing both praised and
dispraised attributes’ (303 – 4).
Dominant and submissive attitudes have often been linked in the BDSM literature with
masculine and feminine roles, referring to the peculiarity of their social constructions. As
stated by Stiles and Clark (2011), ‘Male dominants and female submissives often hide
their symbolic protocol since their power dynamics fit right into traditional gender roles’
(179). Nevertheless, the gender dimension may fit into the rituals of BDSM experience in
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not easily understandable ways, as a number of ‘professional’ BDSM services websites

suggest, by revealing that many more men than women want to be dominated, and with
many more women employed as ‘doms’ (dominant) than men ([Link] and
[Link]).
In our own work we have been particularly interested in understanding the discourses and
role expectations that the phenomenon of BDSM reveals, and may amplify or invert. As
stated by Weiss (2011), the BDSM scene may include the dramatisation of heterosexual male
dominance, slave auctions and imperialism: ‘The BDSM scene is not a “safe space” separate
from real-world inequality. It depends, like all sexual desire, on social hierarchies’ (1).
Yost and Hunter (2012) interviewed BDSM practitioners and found that, among
submissive participants, a greater proportion of men than women cited their ‘intrinsic self’
as their reason for their initial interest in BDSM sexuality. Conversely, a greater
proportion of women than men cited ‘external influences’. For the authors, BDSM
practice, even when exercised in the dominant role, is more ‘inherent’ to the male gender,
whereas females ‘learn’ BDSM meanings and rules externally. In many cases, BDSM
practice confirms the dominance of the ‘stronger gender’, as the power role is frequently
played by men. In addition, according to different authors, it is not rare for women to play
the dominant role, subverting the traditional rules of the social game (Castiglioni et al.
2013; Faccio, Belloni, and Castelnuovo 2012).

Main features of the study

Against this background, the present study involved individuals who were using the
internet to communicate on forums and blogs and who were willing talk freely about their
personal experiences related to BDSM. Our interviews were conducted online for two
main reasons: to get in touch more easily with people who share experiences about BDSM
on forums and blogs and to ensure total anonymity.
The choice of an Italian group was motivated by the continued difficulty in accepting
sexual diversities as evidenced by the ambiguity of the Italian Legal Code in the
judgement of people belonging to the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender commmunity.
In contrast with other European countries, in Italy, the legitimation or criminalisation of
BDSM practice, instead of being regulated by specific laws, depends on a personal judge’s
decision, and may change from judge to judge, even though there is agreement between
partners (Ayzad 2004).
There is only one previous study about Italian BDSM subculture that adopts the same
theoretical framework (Inghilleri and Ruspini 2011). This highlighted how semantics of
 756 E. Faccio et al.

power, control, strength and weakness have relevance in the biography of BDSM
practitioners. The feeling of ownership or of ‘being owned’ may be, for some, the condition
for recognising one’s own identity. However, this earlier qualitative study did not consider
the perception of normality or abnormality with which BDSM practioners refer to their
behaviours, and the personal meaning they associate with sexual pleasure, considering the
potential paradox between the rigorous planning of the meeting, the ritualisation of
practices and the spontaneity necessary to create the experience of pleasure.

Methods
Participants
Participants were recruited from among respondents to an interview published in forums
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and blogs that do not specifically address issues related to sexuality (e.g., [Link].
com), that explicitly address issues related to sexuality (e.g., [Link]) and that
focus on BDSM in particular (e.g., [Link]). The final number of participants
was not predetermined. Our sampling ended once we considered that theoretical saturation
had been reached (Charmaz 2006).
A total of 50 people of the 343 who completed the interview between March 2012
and February 2013 claimed to practise or to have practised BDSM regularly as their
main sexual experience. In all, 24 of them were women and 26 were men, with a mean
age of 29 years. Their ages ranged from 18 to 66 years, with a mean age of 25 years for
women (range 18 to 45) and 32 for men (range 18 to 66). All were Italian. Approval of
the study was obtained from the ethics committee of the School of Psychology at Padua
University.

Data collection
We used Survey Monkey to collect semi-structured interview data (Kvale 1996). The
interviews were composed of three sections: the first dealt with age, sex and the definition
of sexual practices; the other two sections explored participants’ perspectives on sexuality
and sexual pleasure from their point of view (e.g. What is sexuality for you? How do you
consider your sexuality? Could you describe one of your sexual fantasies? Could you
describe an episode in which you felt sexual pleasure?) and from the perspective of the
opposite sex (e.g. If you were a man/if you were a woman, what would be sexually
exciting for you?)

Data analysis
We used a Grounded Theory approach (Charmaz 2006; Corbin and Strauss 1990; Glaser
and Strauss 1967) to analyse data because we wanted the theory emerging from data rather
than applying a pre-existing framework. Analysis began with open coding to generate and
apply as many codes as needed to catalogue the data. A process of axial coding then took
place involving the re-thinking, revision and development of higher-order categories. The
combination of higher categories explained by lower categories, and the use of properties
and dimensions to specify lower categories, led to a rich description of the data, while
helping to build a framework within which to organise the concepts. The final stage of the
analytic process was selective coding. This focused on verifying identified patterns and
relationships. It required comparing data coded on particular themes or concepts across
different subsets of data in order to validate the conclusions reached.
 Culture, Health & Sexuality 757

The entire analytic process was conducted by two of the authors (EF and CC)
separately and results were compared in order to arrive to a common theoretical
framework. The third author (SC) supervised all the steps of the process and reviewed the
final categories. Here, we shall present the results derived by the analysis of the interviews
of the 50 respondents who indicated practising or to have practised BDSM. Quotations
from the participants will be followed by the indication of their gender (M or F) and age.

Results
Participants’ definitions of their own sexual practices
The question was interpreted by study participants in different ways: 20% of the
participants (both men and women) wrote ‘normal’, 8% of men and 5% of women wrote
words like ‘extreme’ and ‘crazy’. Although no constraint was placed on the interpretation
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of the question, a quarter of respondents meant the question along the continuum
‘normality versus abnormality’. This may be due to different opinions related to BDSM,
especially regarding the boundary between SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual) sadomasochism
and the more pathological forms as defined in the DSM-V. Problems related to the
‘normality’ of these sexual practices were expressed in the answers of the participants who
interpreted the item ‘Try to define your sexual practices’ as a request to judge whether
their sexual practices belonged to some kind of ‘standard’. Some respondents tried to
‘normalise’ their behaviours and also the secret about them: ‘Everybody does it with more
or less marked shades, but the majority of people are ashamed and would never confess to
it’ (F, 28).
Another major theme concerned the ‘relationality’ of BDSM: 16% of respondents –
23% of the men and 5% of the women – directed their attention to the ‘other’, interpreted
here as a partner or an object. Therefore, these participants defined their own sexual
practices through their relationship with the person (or the object) with whom they enacted
BDSM. The partner was crucial in making the sexual practices pleasant or unpleasant, as
indicated by the following respondent:
During the first years I tried anything once without knowing my partners, it was VERY exciting
but emotionally empty, damaging, NEGATIVE for my identity, and I reached a point when I
didn’t want to feel like this. Then I learned to give myself time to know the other person and just
after weeks to start sexual practices. This last option gave me more satisfaction regarding the
self-esteem, the identity, the respect for myself and others. (M, 48, respondent’s capitalisation)
Comparing the answers of men and women, it was found that women tended to use
more positive adjectives to define their sexual practices. Specifically, 32% of them used
the terms ‘intense’ and ‘gratifying’ and 26% used the term ‘exciting’. We found these kind
of answers only among 4% of male participants, who rather used the adjective ‘inventive’
(19%). This adjective was not present in the answers of the women.
Although all the participants considered themselves BDSM practitioners, only 7% of
them used the term ‘sadomasochistic’ to describe their sexual practices. Some of them
explained what they meant by this term, including the following: ‘Anal and vaginal
dilatation, pissing, constrained genitals’ (M, 31); they did not use any other adjective in
addition to sadomasochistic to qualify their sexual practices, preferring the list of actions.
A total of 8% of men defined their sexual practices in terms of the frequency with which
they happened: ‘now rare’ (M, 55) and ‘at the moment limited to nothing because my
previous experiences were not exciting’ (M, 18), while 8% used definitions that could be
placed along a continuum ranging from ‘simple’ to ‘complicated’, as indicated by the
following participant: ‘Complicated . . . I do not know how I could define them in other
 758 E. Faccio et al.

words because they are moved by instinct but deviate from reasoning . . . ’ (M, 21).
Overall, the question related to definitions of sexual practices, therefore, was interpreted
by participants in a variety of different ways.

Participants’ constructions of sexuality and pleasure

Answers here revealed four main themes: sexuality as a ‘game’, the relevance of sexual
fantasies, especially related to ‘possession’, the ‘contrast between body and mind in
experience of pleasure’, and the ‘relationship with the other’.
With respect to the first theme, it seems that BDSM was seen by the 17% of men and
29% of women as ‘a consensual game’ (F, 39) or ‘a game between adults, an end in itself
without explicit references to a sexual intercourse’ (M, 48). ‘Sexuality is a part of
personality, an aspect of life that should be linked to the pleasure towards you and others.
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It is also a game, a way to communicate, to have a confrontation, to express yourself’

(F, 39). The meaning of the word ‘game’ has to be sought in order to allow the respondents
to play and perform sexual fantasies, allowing the players to pause the game if it is not
pleasant: ‘With a partner who I really trusted I try to simulate one of my fantasies, . . . ’
(F, 39).
Even if the ‘playfulness’ was described as a possible passkey to satisfaction, some
respondents preferred a ‘serious feeling’ (M, 27) or something that goes further the ‘simple
sensation’ derived by ‘the game of imagining an hot-scene or mentally constructing any
sexual situation’ (M, 21). Therefore, for some people the game deals with the imagination
more than with concrete experience. ‘Physical side’ and ‘reasoning’ are separated, the first
acts as an impulse, the second as a check:
Analysing more deeply the sexual intercourse (at least for men) it is a simple impulse required
by the body when it is too much tense or it has too much energy inside that want to be set free
and put in motion again . . . . something like when we use to stretch in the morning and we feel
that the muscles become flexible and the body become dynamic again . . . So, the sexual
intercourse is a simple surge that the body uses to have its homeostasis and nothing else, I
don’t turn this phenomenon into something bigger than it is, as a lot of people do. So I
distinguish the physical sexual pleasure (that is a simple surge to get going again) from the
mental and emotional sexual pleasure that is the feeling of desire for another person. (M, 23)
For several participants, playfulness and physicality were closely related: ‘Sex should
be something carefree, but it isn’t often so in a long-term relationship. I think that this is
the reason why I have been pushed toward easy sex with prostitutes’ (M, 31). Pleasure is
the only purpose of sexuality: ‘Sexuality is all we can do and we must do it to achieve
pleasure’ (M, 36). Furthermore, pleasure must be unrestrained – ‘a moment of black out’
(F, 26) and ‘one could even faint’ (F, 24). Therefore, the instincts/impetus, meant as an
irrational but perfectly oriented drive, was considered crucial in sexual experience: ‘I
experience sexuality with a lot of passion . . . as a rush of energies, I behave in a really fluid
and natural way, instinctive, almost out of control’ (M, 26).
Participants’ fantasies were often described in violent detail, especially related to
possession (by the 13% of men and 29% of women): ‘I like to feel the man who possesses
me and his physical strength’ (F, 28), ‘I would like to have sex with three or four adult men
that possess me in turn’ (F, 18) and:
For almost a year I have been having an extramarital affair with a colleague. He has a
physique that is the opposite of my partner and he is able to satisfy all my fantasies. He lifts me
up, he turns me on, he twists me, or he fucks me quickly against the window, on the table and
so on. It’s enough to show him my elbow to see him excited and right from the beginning he
has been able to touch the right parts to satisfy my pleasure. (F, 24)
 Culture, Health & Sexuality 759

Women used the word ‘possess’ on several occasions, while only one man wrote: ‘one
of my sexual fantasies is to make rough sex with a Japanese girl or to be the slave of a
mistress maybe practising Teasing and Denial’ (M, 28). However, in some cases, women
declared that, despite having such fantasies, they do not have the will to fulfil them:
One of my sexual fantasies is to be taken with violence by one or more men together: it’s a
fantasy that attracts me but that I wouldn’t experience in reality, not even if I decided it and it
was under my control. (F, 35)
Finally, the last category is related to the ‘relationship with the other’, which was
freely evoked by 29% of men and 29% of women. From the answers of the participants,
‘the other’ plays a crucial role in the sexual intercourse. In some cases the other was the
partner of an intimate relationship, for example the girlfriend or the husband, but in other
cases it may be a stranger. For some, but not for other, respondents, practising BDSM with
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strangers involves sexual pleasure:

I love practising BDSM in its many different ways: if I practice it with my girlfriend this will
become the foreplay of a beautiful love intercourse, on the contrary, practicing it with an other
adult, for example a stranger, it would be a game between adults and an end in itself without
explicit references to a sexual act. (M, 48)
One of my fantasies is to make sex with two or three men including my husband, be subdued
to their desire for oral and anal sex, watching my husband looking at me pleasure-seeking and
reach the orgasm together . . . until a conclusion where I will be kneeling and I will be
drinking all them pleasure. (F, 38)

Participants’ constructions of sexuality and pleasure from the perspective of the

opposite sex
One of the main categories involved is the ‘possession of the other’. Generally, men are the
ones who ‘possess’. Women, if they were men, would like to ‘try to possess a woman’ (F,
23) or ‘possess more than one woman’ (F, 31), ‘would always think about sex and I would
feel powerful if I fucked with a lot of women’ (F 23). Men, if they were women, would like
to be possessed by men: ‘If I were a woman, one of my fantasies – and I think that it is a
common fantasy for women – would be to be possessed by a lot of men in a never-ending
gangbang’ (M, 29). ‘I think that a man should bung me into the wall, make me feel he
possesses me and make me understand I will spend an hour of pure sex without any reserve
and problems’ (M 23).
These answers are related to another main category that we have called ‘weaker sex’,
which includes all the answers by men who focused on women’s vulnerability, seemingly
reified as something objective. One of the participants, for example, claimed that women
need to ‘obtain the attention that they want’ and that this ‘indicates a sort of weakness at the
basis of the female nature, an insecurity mitigated only by the awareness of having someone
nearby that supports and loves them’ (M, 21). Other participants claimed that women are at
risk of being considered objects, and therefore possible victims of sexual violence. This
condition makes the pleasure taken from the game very different for men and women.
As a man, I’m not able to relate myself positively with girls because I’m afraid even if I know
that a rape by a woman could never happen to me. So, if I were a woman . . . I would be afraid
of a potential rape and rapist. I would be obsessed by that indeed. (M, 26).
Women considered men’s sexuality ‘mainly related to visual and direct stimulus more
than to fantasy and mental elaboration’ (F, 25). Conversely, in women’s sexuality, the
dualism of body and mind vanish: ‘Women, at least the example that I could see until now,
have physical and mental pleasure strictly connected’ (M, 21).
 760 E. Faccio et al.

Finally, men’s sexuality is also constructed as ‘super’, ‘Sexuality for me would be to

fuck until the exhaustion’ (F, 18), ‘I would insert my penis wherever I were allowed to’ (F,
24), ‘I would think always about sex . . . I would look for any male with whom to have a
good time only for the pleasure of enjoying’ (M, 31).

Discussion
From the analysis of the interviews we found that BDSM participants defined their
sexuality as mainly usual and normal. Since the research question was open and did not
provide a normative criterion, this finding may represent an attempt of legitimating the
participants’ own practices, sometimes normalising the need for secrecy. Even when
respondents used the term ‘sadomasochistic’ it was associated with positive adjectives
(‘exciting’, ‘rewarding’). No answers referred to psychopathological constructs, such as
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the ‘compulsion for something’ or an ‘obsession’. On the contrary, sex was defined as
‘complex’ and ‘constantly in change’, but in a positive sense. This finding is in line with
previous research: Stiles and Clark (2011) found that BDSM practitioners may improve
their self-concept by thinking that they ‘are so much more intelligent and more insightful
sexually’ than those who engage in ‘vanilla sex’ (considered to be boring sex) (184).
We hypothesise that the perception of the behaviour, no matter how strong or violent it
is, may depend on the feedback between partners and on the rules agreed by them rather
than on the quality of the action itself. Some participants underlined the need for keeping
time with the partner before the beginning of sexual activity. The first step is the talk and
the bargaining, where the parties begin to know and reveal their personal limits and game
rules, defined by their excitement and desire to be the submissive, as well as establish
memberships that can be limited, restricted and/or interrupted (Faccio and Costa 2013).
The meaning-making process generated between partners is also the condition for
transforming the sadomasochistic sexual act into a ‘game’. ‘Normal’ is whatever the
BDSM couple considers comfortable, despite the significant disparity in the relationship
between the roles of the dominant and the dominated. The partner’s pleasure, although in
the complementary role, makes the positive sense of the experience trustable. Impulses
and violent fantasies are considered almost normal, naturally present in everyone,
sometimes latent, sometimes manifest.
Sexuality is represented as organised into two distinct dimensions, more evoked by
men than by women, that is, the physical and the mental. In most cases, these dimensions
are considered separated and independent. Fantasies are restricted by bodily experience,
and physical practice is limited by the reasoning. A quarter of respondents focused on
body experience (Cipolletta 2013) and referred to it either as an instinct/sex drive or as a
set of characteristics of the partner’s body. Sexual pleasure is extremely intense without
‘awareness’ and enjoyment has to be wild and carefree. No contradiction or dissonance
was revealed between the abundance of the game rules and the experience of pleasure.
Rules may change depending on the interlocutor: playing with the girlfriend, the game is
of a certain type, whilst playing with other people, the meaning and the encoding of the
game also change.
Domination was another emerging theme, especially by women who spoke of the
desire to ‘be possessed’ and ‘submissive’ and by men’s desire to ‘possess a woman’. It also
appears in the responses of men who, if they were women in the game, would like to be
‘owned’. This can be attributed to the power imbalance existing between sexual roles and
to the fact that ‘the dominated apply categories constructed from the dominants’ point of
view, showing them as natural’ (Bourdieu 1998, 45).
 Culture, Health & Sexuality 761

In line with previous literature (Hoff 2006; Richters et al. 2007), our findings support
the idea that BDSM is a sexual interest or subculture attractive to a minority, rather than a
pathological symptom that may be derived from past abuse or difficulty with ‘normal’ sex.
It must not be forgotten that a range of positive psychological characteristics of BDSM
practitioners have been identified and even associated with extroversion, openness to new
experiences, conscientiousness, less sensitivity to rejection and higher subjective well-
being (Wismeijer and van Assen 2013).
These findings make it difficult to understand the phenomenon adopting the canons of
traditional sexuality. As indicated by Kolmes, Stock and Moser (2006), BDSM individuals
seek mental health treatment for both BDSM-related and unrelated issues but complain
about either the voyeuristic interests of some inappropriate therapists or about the opposite
tendency, the therapists’ requirement for them to give up BDSM. Both tendencies are
channelled more by personal interests and values than the professional search for the client’s
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wellness (Kelsey et al. 2013). As for homosexual, lesbian, transgender or transsexual people
(Faccio, Bordin, and Cipolletta 2013), a non-prejudiced attitude seems fundamental not
only to health treatment but to every relationship with BDSM practitioners.
This kind of ‘serious leisure’ (Newmahr 2010, 313) may be defined as an ‘adult game’ in
which a dynamic of power between two persons becomes extreme but also pleasant.
According to Inghilleri and Ruspini (2011) and to Weiss (2011) BDSM reveals not an
improper use of sexuality but, rather, a problem that arises ’in dominance or symmetrical
management of power between people, and maybe also between genres’ (Inghilleri and
Ruspini, 2011, 125). A sort of ‘caricature’ of the traditional role relationships (the powerful
and the powerless, the dominated and the submissive) acted in a play where roles may also
change and be inverted. These dynamics, which at first sight may appear exotic, atypical or
‘kinky’, have their roots in the same discursive matrices from which the stories of ordinary
love also originate.
We have explored these BDSM discourses by using a mediated communication means
(the internet) to allow participants to preserve their ‘secret’. This dimension was indicated
as relevant for this population (Stiles and Clark 2011) and for this reason we chose online
interviews. This was the main strength and limitation of our study: it allowed us to reach
more people and probably facilitated them to express their opinions, but it prevented us
from interacting with participants. Through a face-to-face interview it would have been
possible to explore in more depth the personal meanings around BDSM and search for
more articulated answers. Future research might try to do this by using semi-structured
interviews with BDSM practitioners, maybe also online, but using live chat in order to
allow participants to interact. Moreover, comparisons between BDSM practitioners and
non-practitioners might be carried out in order to explore similarities and differences in
constructing sexuality and gender roles also comparing different countries or sexual sub-
cultures. A culturally oriented point of view might help clinicians and researchers to better
understand the BDSM experience, discovering local differences in genre and power-role
construction and expanding the investigation not only in the sexual context, but also in
social and hierarchical relationships.

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Résumé
Cette étude visait à explorer les significations données aux constructions de la « sexualité » et du «
plaisir sexuel » par des personnes qui échangent sur leur expérience du bondage et de la discipline,
de la domination et de la soumission, du sadisme et du masochisme (BDSM) via les forums et les
blogs. Nous avons conduit des entretiens semi-structurés en ligne avec 343 personnes, dont 50 (24
femmes, 26 hommes) avaient déclaré pratiquer ou avoir pratiqué le BDSM, afin d’examiner
comment elles définissaient leurs expériences sexuelles; et comment se construisait la sexualité et
le plaisir sexuel, selon leur point de vue personnel et celui du sexe opposé. Les données ont été
analysées par théorisation ancrée. Les questions concernant la « normalité » ou la « déviance » des
pratiques sexuelles des participants se sont reflétées dans la plupart des réponses. L’étude montre
que la sexualité est construite comme un « jeu », avec des règles spécifiques, et que « le plaisir »
est associé à des expériences très intenses. La relation entre partenaires sexuels était considérée
comme fondamentale, parce qu’elle donnait du sens à la pratique sexuelle. Aussi bien les rôles
dominants que les rôles dominés se sont révélés liés à la possession et à la gestion du pouvoir entre
partenaires, ce qui confirme ou contredit la construction sociale des rôles masculins et féminins
traditionnels.
 764 E. Faccio et al.

Resumen
El objetivo de este estudio es analizar los significados personales relacionados con las construcciones
de “sexualidad” y el “placer sexual” en personas que deciden escribir en foros y blogs sobre sus
experiencias con las prácticas sadomasoquistas/BDSM (ataduras y disciplina, dominio y sumisión, y
sadismo y masoquismo). Llevamos a cabo entrevistas semiestructuradas por Internet con 343
personas, de las cuales 50 (24 mujeres y 26 hombres) afirmaron practicar o haber practicado
relaciones sadomasoquistas, a fin de investigar sus propias definiciones de sus experiencias sexuales
y la construcción de la sexualidad y el placer sexual desde sus puntos de vista personales y la
perspectiva del sexo opuesto. Los datos fueron analizados según la metodologı́a de la Teorı́a
Fundamentada. Las cuestiones sobre la “normalidad” o la “desviación” de las prácticas sexuales de
los participantes quedaron reflejadas en la mayorı́a de las personas que seguı́an estas prácticas
sadomasoquistas. La sexualidad se interpretaba como un “juego” con normas especı́ficas, y el
“placer” se relacionaba con experiencias extremadamente intensas. La relación entre las parejas se
consideraba fundamental porque daba significado a la práctica sexual. Se observó que tanto el rol de
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dominante como el de dominado estaban fuertemente vinculados a la posesión y la gestión del poder
entre las parejas, lo que confirma o invierte la construcción social de los roles tradicionales del
hombre y la mujer.