THIS IS NOT THE NEWS
The premiere, unsanctioned, neo-alternative, unofficial, non-newspaper for the Clark
community, which is in no way affiliated with Clark University.
Volume 1, Issue 2 T h e S t a tu s Q u o J u st G ot a L it t l e S t a t u s e r September 7, 2005
Xiu Xiu Goes Absolutely Nuts in Cambridge
“It was Totally Balls On, Freaking Amazing,” Local Hipsters Allege
Mike Kowalski—Being awesome, I often
spend my free time (read: non bear-hunting
time) at hip, fun shows in the local New
England area. This weekend was no differ-
ent, as the band Xiu Xiu was playing at the
Middle East Club in Cambridge; a place I've
been many times before where everyone
totally knows me and totally wants to do it
with me. So, armed with like twenty con-
doms and my coolest black t-shirt
(seriously, I look like a prince from the fu-
ture in it), I made the trek down.
For whatever god-awful reason, the
show was scheduled to start at one in the
afternoon. This meant I had to wake up at
ten o' clock on Saturday, drunk and all
fucked-out from the night before, to ensure
I didn't miss a minute. Christfully, my
friends and I made it just in time, even
though we left Worcester far later than
planned. After a short wait with the other Xiu Xiu’s Jamie Stewart and Caralee McElroy perform their hot rock star duties at
hipsters outside the club, their little white Cambridge’s Middle East Club on Saturday, September 3. — CC
bodies clothed in sleeveless pastel tank tops To The Reader:
(which is apparently the new sleek Bloc
Thanks for checking us out. We’ll be publishing every Wednesday from now on. Some of
Party look), we sauntered on in.
what we write is true.
(See XIU XIU, Page 4)
In This Week’s
Retraction: I srael Satire Far From A pprop riate
Watered-Down
Chris Caesar - In a severe himself to be either blindingly The editors at TINTN Swill:
lapse of editorial judgment, last ignorant, or a shrewd and willful would like to publicly apologize
week's issue of This is not the denier of truth. While he for violating Israel's sacrosanct Ryan Kelly Speaks 2
News printed an article that it documents several well- exemption from criticism. The to the Recent Con-
entirely regrets. established Israeli human rights contention that Israel should be troversy
Students for Israel Calls for abuses, what is most held to the same legal and ethical
More Ethnic Cleansing, Brutality conspicuously lacking in his standards used to judge other Jake Hess rational- 3
by Jake Hess was a wildly piece is the acknowledgment of states is bull-headed, distasteful, izes the London
inappropriate, slanderous, Israel's unique status as the only and immoral. We sincerely Bombings
biased, and far from well- country on Earth physically regret the error. Self-Fulfilling 6
written piece of trash. Many will crafted by the hand of God. Good riddance, Mr. Hess.
be comforted to know that, as a Surely Mr. Hess must realize
result of his naked Chris Caesar is the leading
that Israel's foreign policy is an
demagoguery, Mr. Hess has intellectual figure of the modern
extension of divine will; as such,
been banned (for life) from Zionist movement, and is a senior
his case against Israel is morally
contributing to TI NTN. at Clark. Reach him at
(and logically) bankrupt.
Mr. Hess has proven Ccaesar@[Link]
Page 2
FREE SPEECH CRISIS AT CLARK
Students in Uproar over Controversial New Newspaper
Ryan Kelly - The Clark University cam- rules and policies. They go to the core of
pus is embroiled in controversy over the our values as an institution and our ethics
first issue of a new alternative weekly as a community.” Angel went on to imply
which debuted last Tuesday. The uproar that the editors of the paper failed to con-
revolved around a satirical work about a sider the impact the publication would
fictitious student group. have on the university community. Angel
The paper, This Is Not The News, is the did not contact any of the editors.
product of a collaborative effort of edi- These attacks have led to concern
tors Chris Caesar, Troy Hill, and myself. within the English Department as to
Submissions from other authors are en- whether they are effectively teaching the “First Mom” Barbara Bush (left), seen here feasting on a
couraged by the editors, and it was such recognition of satire, parody, and sarcasm; lifeless hand, raised the ire of critics when she announced
an article that precipitated the present the History Department has called an that Hurricane Katrina survivors “were underprivileged
outrage. emergency meeting. anyway, so [being huddled together in Houston’s Astro-
The article, Students for Israel Calls for Despite the large amount of contro- dome] is working very well for them.” This is not a joke.
More Brutality, Ethnic Cleansing, by Jake versy and conversation, This Is Not The
Hess, discussed the events planned for a News has yet to receive a single email
new semester by a fanatical student concerning the article – neither in protest
group. Among those mentioned included nor support.
The Scarlet Still Dormant
a combination of ruthlessly satirical field This Is Not The News has More than two weeks after the beginning of
trips and celebrations based on actual (disingenuously) apologized for the article classes, Clark University’s student government
(and well-documented) Israeli atrocities. and has (not) banned Hess from future
funded weekly newspaper, The Scarlet, has yet
The controversy was addressed by contributions (see editorial, page 01).
administrators in a campus-wide email, to publish an issue. This is the case, of course,
Ryan Kelly is a Senior Correspondent for This because absolutely nothing of significance has
penned by Provost David Angel: “While
Is Not The News, a senior at Clark, and happened since the beginning of the school
this publication is not an official University
something of a nihilist. He can be reached at year. This Is Not The News, on the other hand,
sanctioned publication, the issues raised
rtkelly@[Link].
for our community go beyond University is already publishing its second issue…
The Two Americas
Marjorie Cohn — Last September, a seemed casual to the point of carelessness Our federal and local governments had
Category 5 hurricane battered the small - suggested that he understood the depth more than ample warning that hurricanes,
island of Cuba with 160-mile-per-hour of the current crisis." which are growing in intensity thanks to global
winds. More than 1.5 million Cubans were "Merely sticking people in a stadium is warming, could destroy New Orleans. Yet,
evacuated to higher ground ahead of the unthinkable" in Cuba, Valdes said. instead of heeding those warnings, Bush set
storm. Although the hurricane destroyed "Shelters all have medical personnel, from about to prevent states from controlling global
20,000 houses, no one died. the neighborhood. They have family doc- warming, weaken FEMA, and cut the Army
What is Cuban President Fidel Castro's tors in Cuba, who evacuate together with Corps of Engineers' budget for levee construc-
secret? According to Dr. Nelson Valdes, a the neighborhood, and already know, for tion in New Orleans by $71.2 million, a 44 per-
sociology professor at the University of example, who needs insulin." cent reduction.
New Mexico, and specialist in Latin Amer- They also evacuate animals and veteri- Bush sent nearly half our National Guard
ica, "the whole civil defense is embedded narians, TV sets and refrigerators, "so that troops and high-water Humvees to fight in an
in the community to begin with. People people aren't reluctant to leave because unnecessary war in Iraq. Walter Maestri, emer-
know ahead of time where they are to people might steal their stuff," Valdes ob- gency management chief for Jefferson Paris in
go.” served. New Orleans, noted a year ago, "It appears
"Cuba's leaders go on TV and take After Hurricane Ivan, the United Na- that the money has been moved in the presi-
charge," said Valdes. Contrast this with tions International Secretariat for Disaster dent's budget to handle homeland security and
George W. Bush's reaction to Hurricane Reduction cited Cuba as a model for hur- the war in Iraq."
Katrina. The day after Katrina hit the Gulf ricane preparation. ISDR director Salvano (See HURRICANE Page 5)
Coast, Bush was playing golf. He waited Briceno said, "The Cuban way could easily
three days to make a TV appearance and be applied to other countries with similar
Submissions? Announcements?
five days before visiting the disaster site. economic conditions and even in coun-
In a scathing editorial on Thursday, the tries with greater resources that do not Advertising?
New York Times said, "nothing about the manage to protect their population as
president's demeanor yesterday - which well as Cuba does." ThisIsNotTheNews@[Link]
Page 3
Civilization under attack?
The July 7th London bombings, revisited
Jake Hess — As London becomes a New York World Trade Center in single digits in some Arab societies.”
battlefield in the US and UK's latest 1993 declared in a letter to the New A pair of classified studies by the
colonial war, citizens across the West- York Times that their action "was CIA and State Department revealed
ern world are alternating between out- done in response for the American last July confirm this, explaining that
rage and curiosity as they struggle to political, economical and military our conquest of Iraq has turned that
make sense of the recent bombings in support to Israel and to the rest of country from one free of terrorism
the British capital. What, so many the dictator countries in the re- to the global epicenter of fighters
people are justly asking, could possibly gion." Osama bin Laden commonly who could move on to spread vio-
motivate one to commit such horrific insists the 9/11 attacks were little lence elsewhere in the world, com-
acts? more than retaliation against Ameri- paring the situation there to Afghani-
The leaders of the so-called "war can-led oppression in the Middle stan in the 1980s.
on terrorism", together with their aco- East and elsewhere, as a Google A desire for revenge against an
lytes in the corporate media, are offer- search will show. unjust US-UK foreign policy was
ing the same fatuous explanations they But we need not dig so deep in doubtlessly the most proximate
always do. our search for explanations. Even cause of the London attacks. Most
Both Tony Blair and George Bush the US Defense Department consid- Americans, in fact, shouldn’t have
were quick to characterize the attacks ers the “they attack us because much trouble understanding such
as full-frontal assaults on civilization we’re so free and civilized” paradigm emotions; simply flash back to 9/11
itself. The New York Times echoed to be wildly incorrect. A recent and ask yourself how you felt after
their sentiments on July 9, when it ex- Pentagon report commissioned for that mass murder of civilians. Then
plained "the only purpose" the atroci- Defense Secretary Rumsfeld states remind yourselves that people in
ties could have served was to “Muslims do not hate our freedoms, Iraq, Afghanistan and Palestine have
"puncture the veneer of civilization." but rather, they hate our policies” – suffered immeasurably more from
Amid this barrage of self-serving citing, like bin Laden, Israel’s Ameri- our foreign policies.
non-analysis, lightly sampled above, the can-funded brutalization of the Pales- Many readers will be quick to
most obvious first step in understand- tinians, American military presence characterize my analysis as a
ing the crimes - to examine explana- on the Arabian peninsula, and US “rationalization” or “justification” for
tions offered by the criminals them- coddling of dictatorships across the mass murder. In fact, understanding
selves - seems to have been over- Islamic world as major sources of the root causes of terrorism – state
looked. This makes perfect sense for Muslim grievance. and organizational – is the first step
commentators and political leaders And it doesn’t get any prettier: toward eliminating it. If Americans
who have hitched themselves to Amer- Evidence overwhelmingly suggests want to live free from fear of terror-
ica's imperial bandwagon, as their own America’s military-based response to ism, we must first look in the mirror
explanation evaporates into thin air terrorism has made the problem and acknowledge the role we have
upon even slight examination. exponentially worse. This point is played in inspiring it.
A group fashioning itself "The or- stressed in the Pentagon report,
ganization for El Qaeda in Europe" which notes “American direct inter- A version of this article first appeared in
claimed responsibility for the explo- vention in the Muslim world has ele- the Portsmouth Sunday Herald last July.
sions shortly after they occurred. Its vated the stature of, and support for, Jake Hess, a determined enemy of free-
statement, according to translations radical Islamists, while diminishing dom, can be reached at
published in the European press, support for the United States to [Link]@[Link]
blithely stated that the bombings were
a "response to the massacres carried
out by Britain in Iraq and Afghanistan."
This, to my knowledge, was simply not
reported in any American newspaper.
Similar politically and revenge-
driven justifications for terror bomb- Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it
ings are very commonly presented by
militants. Those who targeted the Mailto: ThisisNotTheNews@[Link]
Page 4
Xiu Xiu Your Mother, Son
(Continued) The excitement was noon. The next band was Frog
palpable, and the sauntering was Eyes, who were goddamn super
sexual. sweet; they had that whole trashy
poppy indie rock thing going, with
The first group to play was
an absolutely amazing lead man in
Yellow Swans, a kind of electronic
Carey Mercer. He was passionate
glitch hardcore band from Califor-
and excited, and actually resem-
nia. They're usually a duo, with
bled a hyper-active frog; similar to
one dude making noise on a dis-
Frank Black, which was fitting with
torted bass guitar, and the other
the Pixies-inspired music. But I’ve
dude making noise by turning a lot
already spent too much time not
of knobs and pushing a lot of but-
talking about Xiu Xiu. So, fuck
tons. For the first song of their
Frog Eyes.
two-song set, however, a female
For anyone unfamiliar with Xiu
friend of the band provided dis-
Xiu, the music is actually pretty
torted vocals, crouching on the
hard to define; they’re often la-
ground and cooing ghostly
beled with Joy Division compari-
breaths. She fit the part as well;
sons, but the biggest link between Jamie Stewart, xylophonically transcending space and time. — CC
with her tousled hair and dirty
the two would be their utter
white dress, she looked like a closed with the ominous quiet
uniqueness for their time. Tense, Join the global
murder victim from the 1940s, of the song “Sad Pony Guerilla
dramatic and often explosive,
come back to curse the family of Girl”, and if I weren’t such a
those who violated her. She pro-
front man Jaime Stewart desper-
tough guy I might have cried.
fight against AIDS
ately pulls his vocal cords to their
vided an entrancing focal point for I’m usually not gay, but Jaime
emotional limit over layers of
those crowded around, and Stewart can fist me any time.
drum machine beats, dissonant
though her vocal contribution
was, in a sense, pretty simple, the
drones and other electronic
Michael Kowalski is an iguana
Thursday, Sept.
noises. The music is undeniably
washed out layers created an ee- and a senior at Clark. He can be 15th at 6 PM
experimental, yet always ‘pop’-
rily lulling song. reached at
oriented. Also similar to Joy Divi- Bemis Conference Room
Once she left, the visual as- sion, the lyrics are typically very mkowalski@[Link]
pect was lost, yet despite this the personal and very serious. Unlike
music became even better. The Interpol’s blatant rips, Xiu Xiu and
second song was one of the most Joy Division share less in actual ***Sponsored by the Student
intense electronic pieces I've ever style than in overall sensibility. Global AIDS Campaign***
heard, even more intense than the For Saturday’s show, the band
time I nailed the shades down in consisted of Stewart and a female
my room, bugged out on crank for contributor who I believe is named
days and climbed inside the vac- Caralee McElroy trying their
uum. They introduced it as a song hands at an assortment of dispa-
about false borders created by rate instruments; gamelans, har-
uncaring governments, which, moniums, guitars and harps were
when revealed to have been en- all employed throughout the
tirely instrumental, garnered a few show. They utilized songs from
snickers and mumblings of preten- their entire catalogue to titillate
tiousness from the crowd. But, for the audience, including a guitared-
those of us who view language as up version of fan favorite “I Broke
simply a trap door on the way to Up.” Not to be crude, but that
understanding any kind of reality one made me a little chubby. No;
(and trust me, there were a lot of really chubby.
us), it was quite a moving experi- The music was amazing, yet as
ence. It was all huge war machines is typical with Xiu Xiu, the real
and shrieking sheets of poisonous centerpiece was Jaime Stewart’s
rain, an intellectual angst poured voice. Passionate and cathartic, he
through technological instruments. has the amazing ability to make
even absurd lines like “you turned
After those two epics, Yellow
into a faggot dressed as a
Swans went about packing their
equipment up, having served the
bunny/beating off to the personal This is Not the News
ads” chillingly beautiful. The show
audience enough for one after- Every Sunday
Page 5
Hurricane Katrina, FEMA, Cuba & Bush
(continued) An Editor and Publisher article ers. Yet, after the beating of Rodney King "knuckleheads," it is the result of desperate
Wednesday said the Army Corps of Engi- aired on televisions across the country, people trying to find food and water to
neers "never tried to hide the fact that the poor, desperate, hungry people in Watts survive.
spending pressures of the war in Iraq, as took over their neighborhoods, burning and Nagin blamed the outbreak of violence
well as homeland security - coming at the looting. Their anger, which had seethed be- and crime on drug addicts who have been
same time as federal tax cuts - was the rea- low the surface for so long, erupted. That's cut off from their drug supplies, wandering
son for the strain," which caused a slow- what's happening now in New Orleans. And the city, "looking to take the edge off their
down of work on flood control and sinking we, mostly white, people of privilege, rarely jones."
levees. catch a glimpse of this other America. When Hurricane Ivan hit Cuba, no cur-
"This storm was much greater than pro- "I think a lot of it has to do with race and few was imposed; yet, no looting or vio-
tection we were authorized to provide," class," said Rev. Calvin O. Butts III, pastor of lence took place. Everyone was in the
said Alfred C. Naomi, a senior project man- the Abyssinian Baptist Church in Harlem. same boat.
ager in the New Orleans district of the "The people affected were largely poor peo- Fidel Castro, who has compared his
corps. ple. Poor, black people." government's preparations for Hurricane
Unlike in Cuba, where homeland security New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin reached a Ivan to the island's long-standing prepara-
means keeping the country secure from breaking point Thursday night. "You mean tions for an invasion by the United States,
deadly natural disasters as well as foreign to tell me that a place where you probably said, "We've been preparing for this for 45
invasions, Bush has failed to keep our peo- have thousands of people that have died and years."
ple safe. "On a fundamental level," Paul thousands more that are dying every day, On Thursday, Cuba's National Assembly
Krugman wrote in yesterday's New York that we can't figure out a way to authorize sent a message of solidarity to the victims
Times, "our current leaders just aren't seri- the resources we need? Come on, man!" of Hurricane Katrina. It says the Cuban
ous about some of the essential functions of people have followed closely the news of
Homeland Security Secretary Michael the hurricane damage in Louisiana, Missis-
government. They like waging war, but they
Chertoff had boasted earlier in the day that sippi and Alabama, and the news has
don't like providing security, rescuing those
FEMA and other federal agencies have done caused pain and sadness. The message
in need or spending on prevention meas-
a "magnificent job" under the circumstances. notes that the hardest hit are African-
ures. And they never, ever ask for shared
But, said, Nagin, "They're feeding the Americans, Latino workers, and the poor,
sacrifice."
people a line of bull, and they are spinning who still wait to be rescued and taken to
During the 2004 election campaign, vice and people are dying. Get off your asses and secure places, and who have suffered the
presidential candidate John Edwards spoke let's do something!" most fatalities and homelessness. The mes-
of "the two Americas." It seems unfathom- When asked about the looting, the mayor sage concludes by saying that the entire
able how people can shoot at rescue work- said that except for a few own. world must feel this tragedy as its own.
Marjorie Cohn is a professor at Thomas
Jefferson School of Law, executive vice
president of the National Lawyers
Guild, and the US representative to the
executive committee of the American
Association of Jurists. She writes a
weekly column for [Link]. We re-
print her article with permission.
PHOTO: A juxtaposition of two photo
captions from articles covering the after-
math of Hurricane Katrina. Note the
choice of words.
Photo Courtesy of [Link] (Used
without Permission).
Page 6
DO NOT WRITE IN THIS SPACE
Money by Mike Bartiromo
