you were damned to keep going.

Renee realized that her purpose in life had

been fulfilled when she saw Isabella. She created her, molded her, and set
her loose out into the world to forge her own path. There was no more she
could do, and the time had come for her to finally find her own peace.
I envied her that. What I wouldn’t give to have the weight of the world
lifted from my shoulders.
I sighed and sat my pen down, pinching the bridge of my nose as I stared
at the screen. I’d wanted to go up to the library and talk to Isabella each
night I had watched her sitting there wallowing in grief, but I’d yet to come
up the words to say to her. She wasn’t very comfortable with me in the first
place, so I figured I was the last person she’d want consoling her about the
loss of her mother... but somebody needed to.
I switched cameras once more, going back to the view of the second floor
hallway. Edward was still pacing in front of my office with that torn
expression on his face, his eyes darting between my door and the stairs to
the third floor. I was surprised he was showing such persistence and
patience, considering the fact that before Isabella came into his life he
would’ve burst into my office without a second thought as to the potential
consequences. It seemed the ill-fated trip to Phoenix had calmed down his
irrational behavior and volatility, considering it showed him firsthand
what happened in our particular lifestyle when you reacted without
thinking things through.
I watched him for a few minutes longer before glancing at the clock on
the wall by the door, surprised when I realized it was already after eleven
in the evening. Edward had usually made his decision before now and
stomped up the stairs in frustration. Isabella would hear him coming and
scurry out of the library, quickly darting back to the bedroom before he
made it up there. She smiled and pretended everything was fine while in
Edward’s presence, and I knew that if he weren’t so distracted himself, he’d
realize that was the case.
Neither of them were aware the cameras were on and their movements
were being recorded. I hadn’t bothered to turn them off after the Borgata
visited and I was thankful for that, because without them I wouldn’t have
known what was happening.
Edward’s pacing slowed as he gripped onto his hair tightly and glared
at my office door. I knew it was only a matter of minutes before he’d turn
and stomp up the stairs, giving up for another day and allowing himself to
stew on it longer. It was ridiculous and I knew we couldn’t continue with
our delicate dance because the song needed to come to an end before we all
collapsed from exhaustion.
Like I said… I was entirely too exhausted to come up with metaphors
that made sense.
I was too exhausted for any of it anymore, frankly, so when he finally
came to a stop and headed for my door with that look of determination on
his face, I felt nothing but resolve.
28
I trusted my brother-in-law, because it meant I no longer retained any
power when it came to her life. She was technically Alec’s responsibility
now and it was up to him to officially call the shots on how she was handled.
He said the fact that the Borgata was making moves meant that it was time
for us to act, so I agreed even though I was afraid it would turn into a
disaster. I had been right, of course, but I kept my mouth shut and didn’t
even consider gloating. It was liable to be a fucking train wreck regardless
of when it went down, so maybe the sooner was the better.
I wasn’t sure if Aro was technically growing suspicious of Alec, but he
was definitely curious. I’d taken the heat for the missing doctor in Port
Angeles, because Aro could spot a Borgata job in a heartbeat and suspected
it was our doing since he was aware of my contact with him. I told him the
doctor had started asking questions that made me uncomfortable because
he knew too much as it was and said I had made a tactical decision to
remove him from the equation. It was a partial truth and Aro seemed to
buy it for the most part… at least, until he received the call about the
incident in Phoenix.
Charles wasn’t a made man, just merely an associate and was easily
replaced, but Aro didn’t like being inconvenienced by having to find
someone new to forge our documents for us. No one within the Borgata truly
liked Swan so no one grieved over him or his wife, but the simple fact that
Alec had killed both of them drew unwanted attention. Every single one of
us had sworn that we’d kill our own family if we had to when we were
initiated, but the fact that Alec had done it so easily and without remorse
raised the reverence for him within the organization. Alec preferred to lay
low, slip in and out of situations undetected. He preferred no
acknowledgment for his actions, but he was being thrust into the spotlight
for what he’d done. It was making Aro take a closer look at him, and that
wasn’t making Alec happy at all.
I felt guilty for my role in all of it, but nothing I could say or do would
change anything. I was disappointed that Isabella’s mother had died, but I
couldn’t exactly say I was surprised. You always tried to protect those who
were innocent, but there were always casualties in our lifestyle and some
of them were unfortunate. The loss of a principessa is always devastating,
even one whose identity was kept secret. In an alternate universe she
would’ve been treated as the royalty she was considered, but the world we
lived in hadn’t been so kind to her.
She was burdened and mistreated, harmed in despicable ways that no
person should ever be harmed. I remembered Elizabeth telling me that
while not everyone lives, everyone does die, and with death comes release.
Death meant freedom, not just for her but all of us– freedom from the things
that weighed us down and held us back. I used to scoff when Elizabeth said
such things but I understood what she’d meant now. I understood what it
was like to wish you could find peace but knowing you couldn’t, because
your work wasn’t done. You hadn’t served your purpose and until you did,
27
cover my tracks, create elaborate stories to get out of situations and I was
growing weary of it all. I was exhausted, both mentally and physically, and
was to the point where the nuclear fallout wasn’t looking that terrible
anymore, as long as it was finally all out in the open.
It was bound to implode at some point, anyway.
I was in deep with the Borgata. I lied, cheated, plundered, and
slaughtered for them, but one thing I’d always prided myself on was that
no matter what, I remained loyal. I may have been a criminal, but at least
I was an honorable one within the organization. That had all fallen to the
wayside as of late, however, and I knew they weren’t stupid. Every single
one of them was a career criminal who was trained to be able to spot
someone untrustworthy a mile away, and they weren’t blind to my recent
behavior. They were suspicious, Aro especially, which baffled me because
the most untrustworthy one of all was slowly climbing the ladder within
the organization right under his nose and he couldn’t seem to see it.
James. I’d always suspected he was up to no good and had it out for me,
but after their most recent visit I’d become quite certain that he was
extremely dangerous. We had a rat within the organization, someone
selling us out to both the justice department and rival crime families, and
I was sure that he was involved in it in some capacity. They’d come at the
spur of the moment to clean out the house of all illegal activity as quick as
humanly possible, since my location was now marked as a hot place by law
enforcement and they’d likely come knocking the first opportunity that
arose. And during their stay, I’d caught James acting strange and taking
peeks at my personal effects on more than one occasion. There was nothing
in the house that he could use as ammunition against me, as all of the files
I’d had on Isabella were long gone, but I still didn’t appreciate his
underhanded snooping.
I didn’t like the interest he was taking in Isabella at all, and it was clear
he knew it, because he frequently brought her name up during the visit in
an attempt to goad me– he was one of many reasons I wanted the kids out
of the house before the Borgata showed up. I wasn’t concerned with James
physically harming Isabella while under my roof, because I knew there was
no way Edward would allow him within a hundred feet of her, but it was
possible for him to hurt her in other ways. It was possible for him to harm
them both, actually, because he knew information that could easily roll off
his tongue, words spoken with a malicious nonchalance that could
potentially destroy both my son and the girl he loved.
Part of the reason Alec had chosen for the kids go to Phoenix was so he
could get Isabella legalized, in the event that law enforcement came asking
questions. He was the only one with the power to do so and was able to use
his influence to get Charles to cooperate with the process without having
to resort to violence. Alec had officially vouched for Isabella shortly after
returning to Chicago from their visit, and I flew in to formally agree to
relinquish my ownership of her to him. It was difficult, despite the fact that
26
 exactly how to do that. I wasn’t sure which wire to cut, so to speak, and was
afraid the wrong approach would trigger an explosion and destroy
everything. I was just waiting for it, the nuclear bomb to wipe out the
existence I built up for us, and I was desperately afraid that my youngest
child would be the uranium to make it happen.
Ah, I was too exhausted for intelligent metaphors. I could barely focus
enough to scrawl my name on some papers and I was attempting to come
up with some witty way to explain the situation we’d found ourselves in. It
was a waste of time and energy, because no matter which way you sliced it
or what you called it, at the end of the day we were simply just fucked.
Nine days. I’d sat behind this desk for nine days in a row and watched
as my son paced the hallway outside of my office, his hands furiously
assaulting his hair as he berated himself. I couldn’t hear his words but from
his expression and his movements I could imagine exactly what he was
saying. I knew what it was that he’d seen in Phoenix and had gotten a full
account from my brother-in-law of exactly what had been spoken in his
presence. I knew where his thoughts were and the pieces he was attempting
to put together, and knew it was only a matter of time before it all clicked
and he barged into my office with his theory.
I thought for sure it would happen the evening before, as he had gotten
so close that he’d even grabbed the doorknob. Before turning it, however,
he talked himself down and left. Part of me was relieved that he didn’t
confront me, as I knew I couldn’t lie to him at this point and wasn’t entirely
prepared to confess the truth, but another part of me wished he’d get it over
with. I wished he’d stop allowing it to fester and consume his every waking
thought, because there was something more important he should be
focusing on that he’d inadvertently been neglecting...
Isabella.
I reached over and tapped a few buttons on the laptop, the screen
changing to the view of the library. I spotted her immediately, curled up in
the chair by the window, gazing out of it with a book on her lap. It was the
Fandom: Twilight same place she’d been every night of the past week while my son frantically
Pairing: Bella x Edward paced the hallway. She sometimes turned the light on and read, but often
Rating: Explicit she just sat there in the darkness and stared out into the night. She was
withdrawing, folding into herself further and further as time went on, and
Started in 2009
I wasn’t even sure if my son realized exactly how far she was slipping away
Completed in 2011
from him. It was disheartening, and I wished he’d get his head out of his
Republished as “Sempre” and “Redemption” by J.M. Darhower
ass and take a look around before it was too late.
I had too many problems of my own to even consider taking on theirs,
but I felt I had an obligation to them. I needed to at least attempt to make
Edward grew up in a life of money, power, and respect. Isabella it right, but I wasn’t sure how or if it were even truly possible. I’d caused
was born into slavery – has never known another way. Their every bit of it but nothing could be taken back or changed, all we could do
was accept it all and deal with the consequences. I honestly wasn’t sure if
worlds collide and neither will ever be the same again. Will he give
either of them were strong enough in their current state to hear the nitty-
her freedom? Can he bear to ever let her go?
gritty truth and face life’s realities. It seemed all I ever did anymore was
25
 Chapter 63 Chapter 62
Wisdom Liberation & Destruction
Carlisle Cullen Edward

I sat in the comfortable leather chair in my office with a stack of I sped through Phoenix as fast as I could get away with, anxious to get
paperwork in front of me, tapping my pen against my desk anxiously. I had to the Swan’s residence. I dropped Isabella off at the hotel with Esme and
a mountain of work piling up, both for the hospital and for the Borgata, but had a fucking hard time walking away from her after what had happened.
I couldn’t seem to get my mind to focus on any of it. My attention kept I couldn’t believe Charles Swan had the audacity to call her his goddamn
wavering, my thoughts and eyes drifting toward the live feed playing on daughter and try to act as if they were family after everything he’d done,
the laptop opened beside me on the desk. I’d attempted to buckle down and sickened at the thought that he was acting that way because she was
force myself to focus on ailments or shipments, patients or inductees but involved with me. He seemed to think the fact that I loved her made her
each time, without fail, my attention would end up settling on one thing– fucking valuable, when the fact of the matter was I wasn’t worthy of a
Edward. fraction of her devotion. She was better than me, better than all of this shit,
It had been nine days since Edward and Isabella returned from their and he was fucking blind not to realize that she’d always been fucking
journey to Phoenix, and the days had proven to be some of the longest of special. She was a treasure, a diamond in the rough. I didn’t fucking call
my life. The atmosphere in the house was tense, the silence that followed her tesoro for nothing, I truly meant that shit. I was proud of her for
both of them unnerving. They were lost in their own minds, it appeared, standing up for herself when he said that, for being brave enough to put
neither one able to unlock themselves from the troubles plaguing them. It him in his place, but I wanted nothing more than to kick his fucking ass for
was clear they were both hurting and holding back, desperate to confide in making her have to do it.
each other and allow the other to consume them once more, but both afraid. She’d been so brave walking into that lawyer’s office, keeping her calm
Everything was fragile and I felt as if I were walking on eggshells or as she sat beside that vile motherfucker and signed the paperwork that
navigating a minefield, knowing that without warning either one could would give her a chance at a life where she didn’t have to constantly hide
crack. They were both ticking time bombs just waiting to explode if someone who she was. She could walk into a room and say ‘I’m Isabella Swan’ and
didn’t diffuse them, but the problem lay in the fact that I wasn’t sure that shit would be real, because there would finally be fucking record of her
24 1
existence with the government. And I knew it had to be hard on her, but we’d go or what we’d do after everything that had happened, but I wouldn’t
she did it with her head held high. Her hand trembled as she signed those give up on her.
papers even though she probably had no fucking clue exactly what she was Ever.
truly gaining through them– but she still did it none-the-less. It was obvious we’d both been changed– we had come back from Phoenix
In fact, she’d fucking been stronger than I ever imagined possible the different people. We were both slightly broken and less naïve but as long as
entire trip. I was worried about how the hell she was going to react at the that spark was still in her eyes, I had to believe we’d be able to weather the
Swan’s house, afraid one of those motherfuckers would say or do something storm that was raining down on us. I had to believe we could get through
to cause her to buckle, but she didn’t. She kept her strength and proved to the destruction and come out on the other side free from the shit that had
me exactly how much she’d grown over the past year. suppressed us for so long.
Seeing her with her mother was startling. It was hard to describe how We just had to figure everything the fuck out first.
I felt the moment Isabella tore her hand from mine and ran right for her,
the desperation in her movements and longing in her expression were
fucking staggering. I stood there frozen for a moment, just stunned as I
watched them hold each other and cry. It fucking hurt, because I’d thought
the past few months that my girl was whole, but seeing her at that moment
I realized I’d been wrong. There was clearly something vital missing from
Isabella’s life, a big ass gaping fucking hole in her world that could only be
filled by that woman she was clinging to with so much need. I felt fucking
stupid for not realizing how important it was until that moment. Me, of all
people, should’ve goddamn understood how much she needed her mother.
I didn’t want to leave her, but Alec told me to take my ass in the house
and give her some space. It hurt but I walked away, knowing she needed to
spend the time with her mother. Every second that I sat inside that
wretched house, my anger grew. All I could think about were the stories
Isabella had told me about bullshit that had happened to her on the
property. The murders she witnessed, the beatings she endured, the shit
she was forced to do… all of it was overwhelming and I was fucking pissed.
It was wrong, every bit of it, and I blamed the motherfucker who sat across
from me in the living room for every bit of pain she endured. Charles Swan
had brutalized Isabella’s mother and tortured them both. It was his
goddamn fault the two of them were outside being rocked by devastation.
It was his fucking fault my girl wasn’t whole.
Alec knew I was upset and tried to keep me under control, telling me
that if I didn’t watch myself I’d have to fucking leave and take Isabella with
me. As much as I wanted to get up and bust that motherfucker in the mouth
for all of the ignorant things he’d ever said to Isabella, I knew I couldn’t. I
couldn’t do anything that would cut her time with her mother short. I
wanted Charles to fucking pay, but I couldn’t make my girl suffer in the
process. She was more important to me than revenge, but I vowed silently
to myself as I sat across from him that I would see the day that Charles
Swan paid for his fucking transgressions.
He didn’t say much the entire time unless Alec spoke to him directly.
He clearly fucking revered my uncle, and he even looked at me with that
fearful respect in his eyes. He may have not been afraid of me specifically,
because he didn’t fucking know me, but my last name naturally carried a
2 23
 In fact, Isabella barely said a fucking thing for days following the certain amount of power with it. My father had murdered his parents and
incident. I couldn’t get her to eat much of anything, and sleep was fleeting given him a pass, and he fucking knew he’d never get another. He knew
for us both. We stayed held up in the hotel in Phoenix for the rest of the he’d gotten lucky and they didn’t give second chances often, so any fuck up,
week, blocking out the world, but by the time the weekend rolled around I no matter how small, was liable to be a death sentence for him. He may
knew it was time to go. The Borgata had departed Forks, my father was have thought bad of me, and he was probably sitting across the room
still fucking alive, the incident in Phoenix was apparently under control wishing he could beat the shit out of me as I spat rude comments at him,
and it was time to head back to our lives. but there wasn’t a goddamn thing he could do about it.
The drive was tense without much conversation, each hour feeling like Besides the strange encounter on the porch, Jane never once reappeared
a fucking eternity. I stopped frequently during the day to get a fucking during the visit. I’d heard such horror stories about how much of a fucking
break, and by the time the weekend came to a close, we were pulling back lunatic she was and had gotten the impression that she was practically
into the Forks city limits. I went straight to the house and parked behind fearless, but something had sent her ass running scared. I could hear her,
my father’s Mercedes, climbing out and stretching. Isabella got out and though, stomping around upstairs and randomly having screaming fits and
headed straight into the house, not even bothering to fucking wait on me it pissed me off even more when I realized that was what my fucking girl
but I followed behind her. She opened the door and we came face-to-face dealt with every day before she came into my life. I was fucking glad not to
with my father the moment we stepped into the foyer. have to deal with her directly or look at her, because I probably would’ve
“Hey, kids,” he said quietly as he looked at us with a cautious look on wanted to kick her in the fucking face like she’d done to Isabella if she dared
his face. to even speak to me. That bitch was going to pay for what she’d done, too.
“Yeah, hey,” I mumbled. Isabella nodded in greeting. There was no doubt in my goddamn mind about it.
“Dr. Cullen, sir. May I be excused?” It was odd, but I’d been nervous meeting Isabella’s mother and had to
He froze and stared at her, deep concern in his eyes. “Uh, of course, gather up the courage to finally walk outside and face her. I knew how
dolcezza. You don’t even have to ask. You’re free to do as you please.” much she meant to Bella, and I was afraid saying or doing the wrong
She gave me a brief glance before heading up the stairs and I frowned, fucking thing would taint Renee’s view of me and she’d try to persuade
watching as she disappeared from sight. Isabella to stay away. I believed she loved me and trusted me, but I knew
“I’m going to bed,” I mumbled, starting up the stairs after her. I heard how fucking much her mother’s blessing would mean and I already had a
my father sigh. big goddamn strike against me by being the son of the man who bought her.
“Edward?” he said. I paused and turned to glance at him. “Just take it I couldn’t fucking pretend to be someone I wasn’t, however, and had no
one day at a time.” desire to anyway. I didn’t want to trick her into liking me because I needed
I nodded and headed upstairs, going straight for the bedroom. I opened her to be able to trust Isabella with me. I needed her to know that I’d keep
up the door and froze, my brow furrowing in confusion when I realized the her daughter safe and did right by her, and I couldn’t truly do that shit by
room was empty. I turned around in the hallway and stared at the bedroom putting on a show. I just had to have faith she’d be able to look past my
door across the hall, my chest aching from just the fucking thought. I abrasive exterior and see whatever it was Isabella had seen that allowed
walked over and grabbed the knob, breathing a sigh of relief when the her to love and trust me so entirely.
motherfucker turned smoothly. I opened the door and stepped inside as I was caught completely off guard when she spoke my mother’s name,
Isabella slid into the bed and curled up in a ball. I kicked my shoes off and anxiety rocking me when she started talking about remembering her. I
slid in beside her, grabbing a hold of her and pulling her to me. wasn’t sure how much Renee would know but was silently begging she
“It’s not your fucking fault, Bella. None of it is, and I won’t let you push didn’t fucking divulge anything that I’d been desperately trying to keep
me away. Nothing you could do would ever make me stop loving you,” I Isabella from finding out.
whispered, burying my face in her hair and taking in her naturally soothing Thankfully, the subject was dropped quickly and I ended up going inside
scent. to make them both something to eat when they reminded me that Charles
Her body shuddered as she started sobbing, but didn’t utter a single rarely fed his fucking help. I recalled how skinny Isabella used to be, how
word in response. fearful she’d been when it came to eating at our house at first, and that
We had to start piecing ourselves back together now that we were back memory did nothing to help maintain my calm. Renee looked fucking sickly
home. We had a future to plan, a blank canvas for us to draw our own and it was wrong, so I walked inside and informed that motherfucker that
fucking picture of what life was supposed to be like. I wasn’t sure where Isabella’s mother was going to be eating whether he liked it or not.

22 3
 Alec started laughing the moment I stepped on the porch and told him scenarios in my head where my mother had lived, and blaming stupid shit
what I intended to do, and he watched with amusement as I tried to I’d done for why she hadn’t. I’d find something fucking insignificant and
navigate the fucking kitchen. The woman in there appeared shocked and twist it into being the goddamn catalyst that caused the downfall. I couldn’t
confused, offering to lend me a hand when I couldn’t fucking find what I count how many times I blamed myself for liking music, because if I hadn’t
was looking for. I thanked her and she seemed stunned, her expression goddamn played piano we wouldn’t have been out that night. I didn’t want
even more staggering when she realized who I was making the sandwiches Isabella to fall into that trap, because I knew what fucking happened when
for. I appreciated her help and made her a fucking sandwich, too, letting it you did. I knew what happened when you dwelled on it and didn’t let it out.
be known that I’d given it to her so no one could fucking blame her for it. I You internalized it and turned cold, slowly fucking dying inside as the
told Charles that if he wanted to beat someone’s ass over it, he could try to blackness overcame you. I didn’t want that to happen to the one person who
fucking beat mine. He didn’t say anything about what I was doing but I managed to pull me out of my own fucking black hole.
asked Alec to reiterate the fact that they shouldn’t be punished for what I “It’s not fair,” I said quietly. “She didn’t get to live.”
was doing. I wouldn’t be able to fucking forgive myself if one of them got Esme sighed and reached over, rubbing my back again. “You’re right.
their ass beat after I left because I had made them a sandwich and he It’s not fair. Alec, he may have his faults, but when I said those same exact
considered that shit stealing or something. words last night he pointed out something that I never considered. He said
The day flew by quite fast and I stood at the front door of the house that her life may not have been her own, but her death was. She may not
watching Isabella and her mother as time started winding down. Alec have been able to live as she wanted, but she died as she wanted. She made
strolled over to stand beside me, both of us taking in the scene in front of her first decision and saw it through, and none of us can take that from her.
us. They looked so content out in the garden, smiling and talking together. None of us should. We should respect that, as hard as it may be.”
It was clear just watching them that their bond was strong and their love I turned my head to look at her, surprised by her words, and my heart
was unwavering. It made me think of the shit Isabella had said in the fucking stalled when I spotted the form behind us. I jumped and yelled,
kitchen back in Forks about questioning whether they’d ever truly been grabbing my chest because I was caught off guard.
able to love each other. It was sad that she’d had to fucking grow up “Christ, Bella. You fucking scared me,” I said. I had no idea how fucking
thinking that, because it was clear that their love ran deep. They were long she’d been standing there but she was staring straight past us at the
connected in ways I’d never even thought of before, and I realized my girl wooden stake in the ground. She glanced at me briefly but didn’t speak,
would never truly be free as long as her mother lived under the conditions walking around us to the marker. She crouched down in front of it as Esme
she did... her heart would always remain enslaved. grabbed my arm.
“You have to help her,” I said quietly after a moment, unable to fucking “We’ll give you a few minutes,” she said, pulling me away. I resisted at
take it anymore because the thought of fucking separating them was first but she tugged and gave me a pointed look that clearly said ‘come the
tearing me up inside. Alec continued to stare out at the garden, making no fuck on’. I gave Isabella one last glance before turning and walking away,
indication that he’d even heard what I’d said at first. wandering back over to the Volvo. I leaned up against the hood of the car
“Do you remember when your grandfather died?” he finally asked. I with my arms crossed over my chest, watching as Isabella sat down on the
looked at him with confusion, unsure of why he was bringing that up. ground.
“Uh, yeah. Faintly,” I said. “I was like six or something.” She stayed there for a while, running her hands through the disturbed
“I was sitting outside of your grandparents’ house after the funeral and dirt. I couldn’t tell from where I stood if she was saying anything, but it
your mother sat down beside me. Your mother… she never liked to come really didn’t fucking matter. Her mother knew everything she had to say
near me, so for her to approach me was quite a big deal. I didn’t say already, anyway, just as my fucking mother knew it all.
anything to her as she sat down, simply allowed her the chance to get out “We were wrong, by the way,” Esme said as Isabella stood up and
what it was she obviously needed to say,” he said, pausing. “When she started brushing herself off. She started slowly walking toward us and I
finally gathered up the courage to actually speak that afternoon, she said sighed, glancing at my aunt.
nearly those same exact words to me. She said, ‘you have to help her’.” “What about this time?” I asked. She smiled sadly, reaching up to pat
I looked at him with surprise. “Isabella?” I asked hesitantly. He nodded. me on the cheek.
“I told your mother no because it wasn’t my place to intervene. I’ve “We said Renee… or, better yet, Bree… never got the chance to live, but
found myself saying that many times over the years, always telling myself she did. She does. She lives inside of Isabella and always will,” she said. I
that it wasn’t my situation, therefore none of my business. To this day I nodded hesitantly and she whispered a goodbye as Isabella approached,
wonder how things might’ve been different had I been willing to try. She brushing right past us and climbing into the car without a word.
4 21
her. She went to walk out of the door in front of me but I grabbed her hand put herself out there, pushed aside her own discomfort for another, and I
quickly, closing my eyes as the electricity from her skin sent chills through shut her down without a second thought. After everything, I should’ve at
my body. least tried. I owed your mother that much,” he said. I looked at him in
She gazed at me as I linked our fingers together, squeezing gently. The confusion, unsure of what he meant by that statement.
corner of her lips turned up briefly into a soft smile, but it faded away just “You owed her?” I asked curiously. He cut his eyes at me quickly and
as quickly as it had come. nodded.
I drove to the Swan’s slowly, in no fucking rush to get back there. “Yes, I did. Why is irrelevant, so don’t even bother quizzing me on the
Isabella had been lounging in the seat as I drove but once I pulled onto the matter. The only thing that matters right now is that I never truly made it
property she tensed up, her eyes carefully scanning the grounds. I didn’t up to her. It was the only time Elizabeth ever asked me for something and
say anything, unsure if I should fucking tell her that Charles and Jane were I denied her it. I realize now that I shouldn’t have. I should’ve learned my
both dead. I figured it would be bittersweet knowledge and realized that at lesson,” he said, turning to look at me. “The most I can do for Renee is allow
some point she’d fucking find out, but the visit shouldn’t be about them. It her to live in my house. That’s risking enough, but frankly after vouching
was about her mother. for your girlfriend I doubt it’s possible to dig myself in any deeper at this
I got out of the car and sighed when Isabella made no move to exit. I point. If I die, it’ll be that decision that kills me. Everything else is just
was about to go around and open her door to get her out but Esme stepped extra.”
out of the house and stopped me, telling me to just give her time. It was I stared at him, feeling both guilt and gratitude. “Thank you,” I said
fucking hard, but I walked away from the car and left her sitting inside of quietly, stunned but grateful that he was willing to try. He shook his head.
it, reminding myself that I couldn’t fucking coddle her. She was “Don’t thank me, Edward,” he said, turning to look back out at Isabella
independent and strong and I couldn’t carry her, no matter how fucking and her mother. “I’ve done nothing to earn your admiration. If you want to
much I might’ve wanted to. I could be there for her, but I couldn’t do it for thank anyone, you ought to thank your mother. I assure you she’s watching
her. us all right now, holding out hope that we don’t royally fuck this up.”
Esme walked me out to the edge of the property, along a line of trees He briefly explained about the meeting with the lawyer and what it
where a small wooden stake stuck out of the ground. We stood there quietly meant for Isabella, and then informed me that he’d make a bid to buy
for a few minutes as I gazed down at the freshly disturbed ground, the air Renee. He told me I had to fork over some of the money for the transaction,
thick with heat and unspoken words. which I was happy to fucking agree to. I had plenty of fucking money sitting
“It’s not your fault, kiddo,” Esme said quietly after a few minutes, in the bank from my inheritance and they could have every goddamn penny
reaching over and rubbing my back lightly. “I know how you are, you know. of it if it meant giving my girl the one thing she longed for most. He asked
I remember that year after your mom died, how you walked around in a me not to tell Isabella in case something went wrong and he failed, but I
trance much like she seems to be in right now. You’ve always blamed couldn’t fucking help it. I couldn’t keep something so fucking big from her
yourself for things that you couldn’t help, felt guilty when you had nothing and allow her to be tortured at the thought of having to leave her mother
to do with it. I don’t think we really told you enough that it wasn’t your for good when I knew it wasn’t necessary. Although I realized he had the
fault– we just assumed you’d realize it.” right to and Alec would have to accept it if he held steadfast on the decision,
I didn’t respond, having no idea what the fuck to say to that. I wanted I knew there was no goddamn way Charles would tell him no when he asked
to tell her she was fucking wrong, because I felt like this was my fault, but to take Renee. Charles feared and relied on my uncle too fucking much to
she’d just disagree with me anyway so there was no point. She sighed when ever deny him something he asked for.
she realized I wasn’t going to respond, shaking her head. That was exactly why I had just left the bank, where I’d withdrawn an
“So stubborn. You don’t have to say anything as long as you at least ungodly amount of cash from my trust fund and was speeding through
hear what I’m saying. None of it’s your fault, just as it’s not Isabella’s. We Phoenix in a rush to get back to the Swan’s home. I was going to make sure
should’ve told you that more and you need to be sure to tell her. We know it fucking went as smooth as possible because I’d promised Isabella that it
Isabella didn’t cause this, but she’ll blame herself anyway. In fact, she was going to be okay. I wanted to make her whole again and give her the
probably already does. She’ll go through the ‘what if’s’ and try to come up one thing I desperately wished someone could give me… I wanted to give
with a scenario where things would’ve been different and her mother Isabella her mother back. She fucking deserved it.
would’ve lived, but you know it’s impossible,” she said. I finally reached the property and spotted Alec’s car as I neared, pulling
I stood there silently, remembering how I used to fucking roam the up behind it. I climbed out and groaned as the heat hit me, stunned at how
forest surrounding the property in Forks for hours as a kid, going through fucking sweltering it was. It was the kind of heat that took your goddamn
20 5
breath away and nearly fucking hurt to take into your lungs. I started anything yet. I was exhausted by the time the sun made an appearance the
sweating immediately and ran my hand through my hair, irritated. I next morning. My limbs asleep and I felt like fucking needles were being
couldn’t understand how any of them could tolerate it and hated knowing jabbed all over me from the lack of circulation. I groaned and started to sit
Isabella had lived in the fucking place her entire life, forced to sleep where up, but Isabella grasped on to me even tighter to stop me. She had a
there was no goddamn air conditioning. That shit had to be torturous. panicked look on her face and I sighed, rubbing her back gently.
I started toward the house but froze when the front door opened and “I’m not going anywhere. I just need to sit up and stretch,” I said quietly,
Renee walked out. She glanced at me and her steps faltered, her eyes speaking the first words and shattering the tense silence that had built up
darting around quickly in panic as she looked for her daughter. I gaped at all night. My voice was painfully scratchy, my head fucking pounding and
her, my eyes widening in horror when I took in her appearance. She had my shoulder sore as hell but I tried to ignore it all because that shit wasn’t
the beginning of a faint bruise that was shaped like a fucking hand on her important. It didn’t fucking matter how bad I felt physically, because
throat where someone had obviously choked her, and other random marks nothing would compare to how torn apart she was inside.
along her body that made it clear she’d been beaten not too long ago. She let go of me hesitantly and settled back into the bed, clutching onto
“Fuck,” I spat as anger surged through me. Charles had been gone with the blanket and curling into the fetal position. I sighed and stood up,
Alec all morning, which had left crazy Jane alone at the house with Renee. stretching as I grabbed my phone off of the stand. I opened it and saw a few
I clenched my hands in fists, enraged that she’d obviously fucking laid a missed calls from Esme and one from my father in the middle of the night.
hand on her. She looked at me with shock briefly before her eyes darted I dialed Esme’s number and sat down on the edge of the bed, stretching
down to the ground. “Sir,” she said quietly. I tensed up at her words, my back and rubbing my throbbing shoulder as the phone rang. She
shaking my head quickly. answered in a frantic voice, asking me if we were okay and stating she was
“Oh no, fuck that. Did Jane do this to you?” I asked sharply. “I swear to worried. I told her we were managing because I didn’t know what else to
God, I’ll fucking kill her.” fucking say, and she told me that they’d be at the Swan’s residence all day
Her eyes widened and panic flashed in them as she looked at me, if I wanted to bring Isabella by. I hung up the phone and tossed it on the
frantically shaking her head. “It’s fine, I swear,” she said quickly. My eyes stand, turning my head to look at where she lay. Her back was to me and I
narrowed, my expression only causing her panic to increase. “Please don’t could see the movement as she breathed, her body shuddering with each
make a scene. Please.” exhale.
I stared at her, trying to hold back my temper. “That shit’s not right,” I “Tesoro?” I said softly, reaching over and rubbing her back. She turned
said pointedly. I could see her eyes welling up with tears as she tried to over to look at me, her expression staggering. She looked defeated,
keep her composure. completely broken and disheartened, the sight of her causing my chest to
“I know, but… just… please, sir,” she said quietly. constrict as pain ripped through my heart. I stared in her eyes and saw that
“Christ, don’t call me sir, that’s just crazy,” I said. “You’re my girl’s spark still in there, breathing a sigh of relief at the sight of it. She might’ve
mom. That makes you like, my fucking mother-in-law. Or, I mean, you will been fucking distressed and worn down, but she was still there, her
be when we get married. Or if we do, I guess. Whatever. The point is, you radiance and life still shining brightly somewhere inside of her. She hadn’t
shouldn’t fucking be treated this way.” fucking given up hope, she hadn’t fucking lost her faith in me entirely. I
She looked at me with surprise. “I swear it’s fine. It doesn’t hurt. Looks could still see the fucking love reflecting at me and I knew as long as that
worse than it is,” she said, rubbing her neck while hesitating. “You’d, uh… was there, we’d be okay.
would you seriously marry my daughter?” My brow furrowed at her As long as she still fucking believed in us, we’d be able to make it
question. through anything.
“Of course I would,” I said seriously. “If she wants to get married, we’ll “That was Esme. They, uh… want to know if you want to say, you
get married, you know? It’s really her decision to make but I’d do it in a know… goodbye to your mom,” I asked hesitantly, unsure of what her
heartbeat.” reaction would be. I was fucking torn at the words, remembering at that
A smile came upon her lips and her face lit up at my statement, a stark moment that I’d fucking promised Renee that I’d never take Isabella back
fucking contrast of how she’d looked just a moment ago. “You really do love to that place.
her,” she said, brushing a tear away that slipped from the corner of her eye. Were there any fucking promises that I could keep?
I nodded. She stared at me for a moment before nodding, pulling herself up out of
bed. She didn’t bother getting changed, simply slid on her shoes and turned
to look at me. I sighed and stood up, grabbing my keys as I headed toward
6 19
fucking blow she threw at me. I’d fucking given her hope, knowing damn “I do. I mean, I’m not fucking perfect and I won’t pretend to be, but I
well she confided in me all those months ago that it was her biggest fucking try. I do my best, and I’d fucking do anything for her,” I said. Her smile
fear. Hope was what scared her most and I gave it to her, forced it upon grew as she gazed at me.
her, and she fucking trusted me. I promised her it would be okay and swore “She said the same thing yesterday. She’s lucky to have found you,” she
I wouldn’t fail her, but I had. I’d fucking given her what she never wanted, said. I shook my head.
forced her to accept it and trust it, and then ripped it right back from her. “I think I’m the lucky one,” I said seriously.
I spilled my fucking soul to her as she lashed out at me, letting her know “Can I, uh…” she started quietly, glancing around quickly. “Can I tell
that even though she felt like she despised me I’d never stop loving her. She you something?”
could hate me if she needed to, she could blame me and beat the shit out of I nodded. “Of course you can,” I said, curious as to what the fuck she
me, but I’d never fucking give up on her. I knew how she felt, I remembered was going to say. She glanced around once more and stepped off of the
waking up in that hospital room when I was eight and hearing my father porch, out into the yard. I hesitated but followed as she took a few steps
chanting that my mother was gone. I remembered the devastation and away from the house. I could see the nervousness in her expression as her
pain, the fucking guilt and anger I had experienced. I knew she needed to eyes darted along the property, obviously worried that she was being
lash out and blame someone in order to deal with the hurt she felt, and I watched.
was the only fucking person she trusted enough to be that person. I’d take “I remember when your mother visited,” she started. “She was the
on every bit of her pain because that’s what you fucking did when you loved kindest person I’d ever met. She used to talk all the time about a world
someone. Their happiness was your happiness, but their pain was also your outside of this place for my daughter. I’d always hoped since she was born
pain. As long as she fucking hurt, I’d hurt. that something would change for my baby girl, but your mother was the
The outside world ceased to exist as I held on to her. I ignored the phone one who really put it in my head. She talked about how special Isabella was
and hoped like hell nobody came knocking out of concern over her screams. and how she just knew she was destined for more.”
She was all that fucking mattered to me, and I wanted to explain to her “She is,” I added. “She’s really fucking special. Beautiful, smart,
what had happened as she begged me but I didn’t know what to say. I talented… I’ve never met anyone like her.”
couldn’t fucking let her know she’d killed herself. I didn’t want her memory “You don’t know how much it means to me to hear you say that,” she
of her mother to be tainted in any way by her thinking she’d fucking given said, gazing at me in an adoring manner. Her eyes were brimmed with tears
up or that she wasn’t strong, because she had been. Renee’s last words but she didn’t appear upset in the least. She looked proud– really fucking
echoed through my mind and I felt like a fucking idiot for not seeing it proud– which was startling because her pride was focused on me. I wasn’t
coming. She’d seemed resolved, almost fucking content in that moment as exactly used to people being proud of the shit I did.
she spoke the words ‘I can rest easy, knowing she’s safe’. Why hadn’t I “I mean every word,” I said quietly, unsure of what else to say. She
fucking told her? The guilt crept in as I wondered why the hell I didn’t tell nodded.
her we were going to help her. How could I have been so fucking stupid? “Something tells me to believe you… to, uh… trust you. You know, I
She started to give in after a while, the force of her blows lessening as barely recognize my daughter now. She’s still that big-hearted girl I raised,
her screams turned into sobs. I kept telling her how fucking sorry I was as but she’s really happy now and she’s healthy. She doesn’t have so much
she surrendered into me, grasping onto me like she was clinging for dear weight on her shoulders, so much keeping her down and holding her back.
life. I wrapped my arms around her tightly and laid her down in the bed, She’s better off away from all of this, and as much as it may hurt to let go,
holding her as she cried. She bawled and whimpered for hours, each sniffle it means more to me than anyone could understand that she’s out there in
causing pain and guilt to rip through my chest as I cried along with her. the world living. Your mother always talked about how it was fate that she
Her tears eventually dried as her body relaxed into me, but her fists came here, that she was destined to save my daughter from all of this, and
never once unclenched as they grasped my shirt. She grew silent and still, now I know that she actually did. Elizabeth finally saved her… through
and I wondered if she’d cried herself to sleep but I glanced at her and saw you,” she said as tears started slipping down her cheeks. She reached her
her eyes were still open. She was staring at the snowy television screen in hand up to wipe them away, clearing her throat. “You’ve saved my
a fucking trance, not moving and barely blinking. I said her name softly a daughter.”
few times and rubbed her back, but she made no indication that she even “She’s saved me,” I added at once, caught off guard by her words. She
knew I was still fucking there. smiled softly.
We lay there all night like that, neither of us getting much sleep. My
phone rang all fucking night but I ignored it, not wanting to deal with
18 7
 “I’m not surprised,” she added, before starting to walk away. She paused foggy as I drove around Phoenix for a while, afraid of going back to the hotel
after a few steps and turned back to look at me. “Can I ask something of and facing Isabella. I wasn’t sure what the fuck I was supposed to say, how
you? For Isabella?” the hell to explain to her what had happened when none of it even really
I nodded with no hesitation. “Anything.” made sense to me. The entire day played out in my head in a loop as I tried
She smiled again. “Please look out for her out there. Keep her away from to sort through everything and find some goddamn piece of hope or wisdom
people like the Swans– people who have no compassion for someone like to cling to in order to fucking make it all better.
us... like me. Let her live, but please make sure she stays safe. Can you The sun set eventually and I realized I was running out of time,
promise me that?” knowing I couldn’t fucking stay away forever. I headed toward the hotel,
“Absolutely,” I said. She nodded. resigned to the fact that no amount of thinking or planning would give me
“Thank you,” she said. “I can rest easy, knowing she’s safe. And the right words to say to her, because there were no fucking right words.
whatever you do, Edward Cullen… never bring her back to this place. She Her mother was gone and nothing would ever fix that or make it go away.
doesn’t belong here.” I headed up to the room when I arrived and paused with my hand on
I was about to tell her that wouldn’t be a problem, because she wouldn’t the knob, taking a deep breath. I opened the door slowly and came face-to-
even fucking be there much longer, when the front door opened and face with Esme, who was smiling brightly. She froze when she saw me, her
someone stepped outside. She turned quickly and bolted for the barn before smile dissipating quickly as the color drained from her face.
I could say another word, and I glanced at the porch to see Alec standing “Oh God, Edward,” she whispered in a horrified voice. I glanced around
there. the room quickly and saw Isabella was curled up in the bed asleep. “What
“Did you tell her?” he asked, raising his eyebrows questioningly. happened? Where’s Alec, is he okay? Please, God, tell me my husband’s
“Who, Renee?” I asked. He nodded. “No, you just scared her the fuck okay.”
away before I could.” I nodded, running a hand through my hair in frustration. “Yeah, shit,
He started to speak but was cut off abruptly by loud screeching in the Alec’s okay. He, uh… he’s cleaning up or whatever, I don’t fucking know,” I
house, the woman’s voice screaming in anger. I cringed at the sound and stammered. Her brow furrowed in confusion.
Alec sighed with annoyance. “What happened? What’s he cleaning up?” she whispered, sounding
“He did WHAT?!” Jane screamed, footsteps pounding across the floor. panicked.
“My brother actually vouched for that little bitch?!” “His sister and Charles. They, uh… fuck, Esme. He fucking killed
Starting up the stairs toward the front door, I felt anger surge within them,” I said, choking on the words. She stared at me with shock.
me and I clenched my hands into fists, when her words registered with me. “What? Oh, God! What about Renee? Where’s her mom?” she asked
No one fucking called my girl a bitch, I didn’t care who the fuck they were. frantically. I stared at her and shook my head, feeling the tears starting to
I didn’t hesitate to punch my own father when he said that shit and surely pool as my eyes burned at the mention of Isabella’s mom again.
would have no qualms beating the sadistic bitch to a pulp for it. Alec quickly “Didn’t make it,” I said. She let out a sob and covered her mouth quickly
grabbed a hold of my shirt to stop me as I stepped on to the porch, jolting to muffle it as movement caught my eye across the room. I glanced over
me back roughly and causing the collar to cut off my air briefly as it dug quickly and saw Isabella sitting straight up in bed, staring at us. I wasn’t
into my neck. sure if she’d just fucking heard me but just the sight of her sent me into a
“Control yourself,” he said firmly, his voice calm. “Don’t say or do panic. She saw my expression and a horrified look came upon her face.
anything. This is my situation and I will handle it. All of it.” I glared at him “Where’s my mom?” she blurted out, her voice full of alarm. I froze as I
but didn’t respond as the front door was thrust open forcefully and Jane desperately tried to think of how to fucking answer that question, but my
stepped out onto the porch. hesitation was all she fucking needed. She knew just by looking at me that
She froze when she spotted me, her steps faltering as a flash of surprise I’d failed her. She knew I fucked up.
came across her face, but she regained her composure and turned away She lost it. I wasn’t sure what I was anticipating, exactly how I expected
from me quickly. her to react to the news, but I hadn’t exactly been prepared for the violent
“I can’t believe you!” she snapped at Alec, glaring angrily at him. “Why outburst. I held onto her tightly as she raged, screaming and hitting me,
would you do that? What the fuck did you have my husband sign this trying to fight me off. Devastation rocked her hard and she fucking blamed
morning?!” me, throwing as much hatred and anger at me as she could. Her fists
Alec stared at her, anger flashing in his eyes. “He signed what was slammed into me with as much force as she could conjure up and I winced
necessary,” he said coolly, his outward appearance not reflecting the rage I as she pounded against my already painful shoulder but I took every
8 17
 I stared at him and felt the dread coursing through me, the sickness could tell was brewing on the inside. Alec hated fucking being confronted,
boiling back up at the thought of Isabella. I had to fucking go tell Isabella. she had to know what she was doing was dangerous. Jane laughed bitterly,
My girl was sitting there, expecting me to come back and tell her that her shaking her head furiously.
mother was safe and everything was okay, and I couldn’t. Nothing was “Necessary? None of this is necessary, Alec! You’re freeing that damn
fucking okay, her mother was dead and it was my goddamn fault her heart girl and buying her fucking mother? What has gotten into you?” she yelled.
was about to be broken. I’d fucking promised her and I was having to break “You used to be so fucking smart, why are you doing this? Is it because of
that goddamn promise after swearing to myself that I’d never fucking do her? Is that what this is about? Her?”
that. I vowed to never break a fucking promise I’d made Isabella but I had “Shut up,” Alec said forcefully, fire flaring in his eyes as his rage
no choice but to do so now because of my own goddamn ignorance. intensified. His expression stunned me and my heart started thumping
I felt the tears stinging my eyes and tried to fight them back as I stood frantically in my chest. Jane narrowed her eyes as her own anger escalated.
up, running my hands through my hair in frustration. I paused as I stared “Don’t you dare tell me to shut up!” she snapped. “It is, isn’t it? It’s all
at Alec, trying to swallow down the lump in my throat. about fucking her! Trying to make up for what happened, trying to fix it all!
“Do you suppose she’ll want to bury her mother?” Alec asked, glancing It can’t be fixed, Alec!”
at me and raising his eyebrows questioningly. I shrugged hesitantly, “I’m not going to tell you again, Jane,” Alec spat, his voice losing the
having no fucking idea what Isabella would want in this moment because I calm edge it usually held.
had no idea how the fuck she was going to react. She’d always told me that “I’m not afraid of you,” she snapped, closing the distance between them
she accepted death easily because of how she’d lived and the detachment immediately and getting in his face. “You’re ruining my life over this and
she’d grown up having, but she’d fucking finally come to terms with the fact it’s not worth it! They’re not worth it! You don’t owe them anything! Why
that she truly loved her mother and I had to rip that away from her. He do they matter?! They’re just fucking slaves, Alec! Just because these
nodded and glanced around. fucking Cullens fall in love…”
“I’ll bury her out in the woods and place something where the body is, Her words caught me off guard and I stared in shock as Alec’s arms shot
in case Isabella would like to come say her peace. She shouldn’t see her in out quickly, his hands grasping her by the throat and cutting off her words
this condition,” he said. I nodded. mid-sentence as he blocked her windpipe. He slammed her back against the
“Thanks,” I responded, my throat sore from screaming and my voice house and she started choking and flailing around. She was trying to pry
cracking. He shook his head. his hands off of her, her manicured fingernails digging into his flesh and
“This is precisely why I told you not to thank me earlier, Edward, and drawing blood but he didn’t waver a fucking bit. He held her by the throat
why I’ve told your father not to thank me for helping. Things very rarely go tightly, his stance almost statuesque. It was fucking frightening and I
according to how we plan them, and all of us can attest to that because of didn’t know what to goddamn do, because she definitely couldn’t fucking
Elizabeth,” he said. The mention of my mother, once again, did nothing to breathe and he was just staring her in the eyes as she gasped for air.
help me maintain my strength and I fought harder to keep my emotion in, “Are you done now?” he asked after a moment, the eerie calmness
not wanting to completely crack. returning and sending a chill of fright down my spine. I had no idea what
“My mother…” I started, confused and not entirely sure where the fuck the fuck was going on and couldn’t focus to any make any sense out of their
I was going with it, but I wanted to know what the hell was going on. I confrontation. It scared the hell out of me, though, because she’d said
wanted to know why Jane had just said the shit about Isabella not being something to set him off in a way I’d never fucking witnessed before. She
my mother and why Alec felt he owed her. Before I could get any more out, nodded her head as she grasped at his hands on her neck, gurgling as she
however, he cut me off. fought for oxygen and words.
“I’m done talking about her,” he said pointedly. “Instead of dwelling on “Burns, doesn’t it?” Alec asked stoically. “Having someone wring your
the dead, go take care of the one that’s alive, Edward, and make sure she neck, making breathing impossible? Imagine how they feel when you and
stays that way. It’s the only way to honor both of your mothers. It’s all that your husband torture them, how Renee felt this morning when you grabbed
matters at this point.” a hold of her like this. Imagine how she felt that day, Janie. Doesn’t feel
He started walking away without another word and I hesitated, my eyes very good, does it?” He continued to stare at his sister as she fought
scanning the room at the devastation in front of me. I staggered out of the desperately to breathe, giving no indication that he was going to fucking let
barn after a minute and walked toward the car, half in a fucking daze and her go anytime soon. Charles bounded out the front door of the house, his
fighting back the urge to get sick again. I got in and started it up, pulling eyes widening in shock when he saw what was going on.
away from the house and out onto the highway. Everything was fucking
16 9
 “Stop, Alec!” he yelled, starting toward my uncle with a frantic look on He thanked him after a moment and hung up, continuing to glare at
his face. “You’re going to kill her!” Alec’s eyes snapped over at him me. My entire body was shaking as I looked at him with apprehension,
instantly, the fire in them fucking staggering. This was the goddamn Alec unsure of what the fuck was going to happen. “I, uh…” I started, having no
I’d always feared over the years, the cold calculating murderer that I’d idea what the fuck to say but I couldn’t just sit there. He shook his head
fucking heard stories about. and held his hand up quickly to stop me.
I frantically tried to come up with something to say or do, because I was “There are no words that need to be spoken, Edward,” he said coolly.
just fucking standing there as he squeezed the life out of his own sister. “You divulged the secret and left me with no other alternative. What’s done
Even though I felt like she deserved that shit for being so fucking sadistic, is done.”
I thought I should stop him before he did something he’d regret later, but “But, uh…” I started, shaking my head. It was all fucking wrong and
before I could even debate that shit a loud scream rang out from the barn his nonchalance was fucking scaring me. “Your fucking sister… Fuck! I
that startled us all. It was bone chilling and sent a shiver down my spine, know you always believed in protecting your family…”
my heart fucking stalling as my blood ran cold at the sound of it. Alec let “That is exactly what I did,” he said, staring at me pointedly. “You are
go of Jane instantly as more screams rang out, his eyes meeting mine my nephew, correct?” I nodded hesitantly. “And Jane was attempting to
briefly as he turned and hurried down the steps. I leapt off the porch after attack you, correct?” I nodded once more. “Then I suppose that means I
him, terrified as that bad fucking feeling I’d grown familiar with slammed protected my family.”
into me hard and nearly took my fucking breath away. “I guess,” I said quietly. He shook his head angrily.
“She’s not fucking her,” Jane screamed from the porch, grabbing her “There is no guessing about it, Edward. My sister and her husband
neck as she gasped for air. “Just because he’s doing the same thing as his made their beds, and it’s no one’s fault but their own that they must now
fucking father doesn’t mean they’re the same, Alec! Isabella isn’t lie in them. Are you offended or upset in any way that they’re no longer
Elizabeth!!” living? I’d assume you’d be glad they were punished after everything they’d
Her words caught me off guard and I swung my head around to look at done,” he said seriously.
Jane, not paying attention to where I was fucking going as my brain I stared at him but didn’t speak, afraid that I’d fucking get sick again if
frantically tried to process what the hell she’d just said. I ran straight into I tried. I’d just said not long ago that they’d pay for everything but I never
Alec’s back as he froze right inside the barn, nearly knocking him over with fucking imagined it would happen like it had. I never imagined I’d be sitting
the force of it. He grabbed a hold of me and swung me around quickly, on a fucking stool, trembling from fright as their bleeding bodies laid a few
shoving me roughly into the barn. My temper flared as he pushed me and feet from me near Renee’s own lifeless form. Never in a million fucking
I started cursing, but the screaming rang out again and cut me off quickly. years had I imagined the day would end with me splattered in blood, the
My head snapped in the direction of the noise and I froze, my eyes widening same blood that coursed through Isabella’s veins, while both of the people
in horror as the most intense fucking dread rocked through me. The air left who brought her into existence were dead.
my lungs immediately and I gasped loudly as sickness surged inside of me. “Charles knew I would be purchasing Renee today and he allowed her
I toppled over and started dry heaving, trying to fucking breathe as the bile to be harmed despite that fact. He’d been warned against doing so on many
rose up and burned my chest. My eyes started watering, whether from the occasions– by your father as well– and he knew with his previous pass that
sickness or the fucking sight in front of me I wasn’t sure, but it blurred my doing so was a death sentence. And my sister… well, it’s been a long time
goddamn vision as I nearly blacked out. coming with my sister,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s over with now. I
“Get a grip on yourself,” Alec said firmly, reaching down and grabbing didn’t like fucking doing it, but regardless of whether or not you told them
a hold of me. He yanked me upright by my shirt and shoved me again, the truth of Renee’s identity, they’d done enough to earn their fate.”
glaring at me. I looked at him with horror, fighting to regain control of my He paused as he turned to look at the bodies. “This matter isn’t yours
body as I turned to look back in the barn. to deal with… it’s mine. You didn’t listen to me before, but maybe you’ll
On the ground in front of me, lying on its side in the hay and dirt was a listen to me now. Your only job, Edward, is to go back to that hotel room
wooden stool. A pair of dirty bare feet swung a few inches above the toppled and explain to Isabella why she won’t be getting her mother, after all, since
over stool, the body affixed to a low rafter in the barn by a piece of rope. you also opted to ignore me when I warned against telling her in the first
The frail familiar form hung limp and I started hyperventilating as more place. Maybe this will finally teach you a lesson. You act too irrational,
screams rang out, a teenage girl who was obviously another one of the react too much by emotion, and not enough by logic. Maybe you’ll finally
Swan’s slaves staring at her in horror. I glanced around quickly, panicking, realize that you don’t know everything, after all.”

10 15
legs trying to buckle under my weight. I was dizzy and still felt sick, but I unsure of what to do and wondering why no one was fucking doing anything
was fucking frightened and could tell by the look on Alec’s face that he at all.
wasn’t in the mood for any fucking around. “Fuck!” I yelled as the tears started flowing from my eyes, devastation
He’d just pumped his own sister full of goddamn bullets without a shred rocking through me. This couldn’t fucking be happening, there was no
of emotion about it, and that confirmed what I’d always suspected… goddamn way it was real. She had just been alive, I’d just fucking spoken
He’d fucking kill me, too, if it came down to it. to her minutes ago! “Fuck, No!”
“Fuck,” I sputtered, stunned and devastated. I swayed as I glanced I lunged forward and grabbed a hold of her by her legs, pushing up on
around, trying to hold everything in but the sight in front of me sent her body. I started yelling for Alec to help me and he hesitated, but grabbed
shockwaves through my body. a pair of garden sheers from the wall. He walked over and stood the stool
Alec pulled out his cell phone as I stumbled over to the stool, sitting up quickly, climbing up on it and snipping the rope. The form fell on me
down carefully on top of it. I put my head down between my legs and and I staggered a few steps, nearly losing my footing. I laid her down on
covered my face with my hands, taking deep breaths. My ears were the ground as gently as I could and checked for a pulse, even more horror
goddamn ringing from the gunshots, my head pounding hard. I was fucking hitting me when I couldn’t find any trace of one.
overwhelmed and frightened, unsure of what the fuck was going to happen. Jane and Charles came running into the barn as I started CPR,
There was a sense of disbelief to it all, the entire thing seeming so surreal. practically pounding on her goddamn chest and desperately trying to push
It had all happened so fucking fast, two or three minutes at most from that air into her lungs. I felt fucking sick but fought it back with all I had, trying
first fucking scream to the last gunshot. to ward off the desolation I felt as the tears fell from my eyes. I started
“There’s been an incident,” Alec said calmly into the phone. I glanced yelling that it couldn’t really be happening, that someone needed to help
up at him and saw he was glaring at me, obviously not fucking pleased with her because nothing I was doing was working. Someone had to fucking save
me at all. I stared at him as it started dawning on me exactly how massively my girl’s mother because she needed her. She fucking needed her in her life
I had just fucked up. “Yes, at the Swan’s. Three burned, sir. Both of them, and I’d promised her!
the third being property.” I could hear Jane shouting and Charles’s rushed voice, but my own
He paused while who I assumed was Aro spoke on the line. It was a big yelling and the shrieks coming from the young slave drowned most of it out.
fucking problem that would have to go through the Boss to resolve and that I pushed on her chest furiously and continued to blow air into her lungs but
thought fucking frightened me even more. He wasn’t going to be happy none of it seemed to be fucking helping. She just lay still on the ground
about the shit, and just the fact that I was fucking there for it didn’t bode regardless of what the hell I did, her body limp and lifeless.
well for me at all. “Yes, it was the girl’s mother. Neither Edward nor Alec ordered the frightened slave to leave and she ran out quickly, the
Isabella were present, though, sir. They’re both resting at their hotel. I had barn growing quieter from her departure. He grabbed my shoulder and I
a confrontation with my sister over how she treated my property and it shrugged him off, anger and devastation coursing through me. It was
escalated.” completely wrong– we were supposed to be there to fucking save her!
There was a long pause as Alec listened intently, continuing to glare at “She’s dead, Edward,” Alec said, his voice fucking calm as usual, the
me. I ran my hands down my face and put my head back down, silently tone making my temper flare.
fucking berating myself for what the fuck I’d done. Alec was covering it up “Fuck you, she’s not!” I spat. “We have to fucking save her! I promised,
and fucking saving all of our asses, and I was falling apart when it was my goddamn it!”
goddamn fault. I’d fucking blurted out the secret… the one goddamn thing “It’s too late,” he said simply.
confided in me that I knew goddamn well I could never speak aloud. “It’s not too late! You’re fucking wrong! Why are you just standing
“I take full responsibility for the incident. I’ll get a place ready and there?” I snapped, frantically pushing on her chest more. There had to be
handle clean up with no problem. My apologizes for the predicament this something I could do, something to fucking help her. “This isn’t supposed
puts you in, and I’ll accept whatever consequences you feel are necessary to fucking happen!”
for my actions.” “There’s nothing we can do,” Alec responded.
He sighed and shook his head. “Yes, I understand. What of the property? “Fuck you!” I screamed, trying to wipe my tears away with my arm to
They have three. Technically Isabella would be their next guardian as clear my vision as I continued to work on her. “Help her, motherfucker! You
Swan’s next of kin but I can take ownership since she’s incapable of doing goddamn told me you’d help her, you fucking liar!”
so.” He paused as Aro spoke. “Yes, the paperwork has already been signed,
that’s why they made the journey this weekend. It’s finalized.”
14 11
 Alec reached down and grabbed a hold of me, pulling me away from Jane’s eyes darted around quickly, my words sending her into frenzy. I
Renee’s body forcefully and shoving me backwards on the ground. “She’s wasn’t sure if she fucking knew the truth already and was startled to be
gone,” he said pointedly. “Get control of yourself, damnit!” called out on it, or if I’d fucking frightened her, but she had definitely
I sat in the dirt on the barn floor and glared at him, attempting to take become unhinged. She reached behind her in a rush and grabbed a shovel,
deep breaths as I tried to get my anger under control. I was still turning to glare at me. She was fuming and in that moment looked
hyperventilating and shaking, my eyes burning with tears as I tried to fight deranged, obviously having fucking lost any bit of sanity she might’ve still
back my urge to vomit. I just couldn’t believe it– it couldn’t be real. After had. My eyes widened as my heart started thumping with so much force
everything, it couldn’t be fucking happening like this! I glanced around at that I could hear the blood surging through my body, the sound echoing in
everyone frantically, hoping it was some goddamn vicious nightmare that my ears. I reached for my waistband quickly, panic hitting me when I
I’d wake up from at any moment, and spotted a smug smile forming on realized I didn’t have my fucking gun. I’d stupidly left the motherfucker in
Jane’s lips. The sight of it made me lose what was left of my self-control. the car, not even thinking about grabbing it when I got out earlier. I’d been
“You’re fucking sick!” I snapped, my eyes darting furiously between so fucking optimistic about saving Isabella’s mother that I forgot
Jane and Charles. Neither of them looked affected by Renee’s lifeless body, everything my father had ever taught me about being vigilant at all times,
and that angered me beyond words. They didn’t fucking care, it was like especially around sick motherfuckers like them.
she didn’t even fucking exist to them. She was a person, goddamn it! She I started scurrying backwards and tried to get to my feet quickly as she
had been a living, breathing woman with fucking hopes and dreams for her started toward me, knowing she had no plan to fucking back down. She
daughter! Hopes and dreams they’d tried to destroy, and a life they’d tried pulled the shovel back to swing it and I threw my hands up defensively,
to take away! A life that was now gone, a life that would never fucking come trying to fucking block myself. Alec reacted quickly and reached into his
back because of them! “This is your fucking fault, both of you! You fucking suit coat, grabbing his gun. He aimed it straight at her and pulled the
killed her!” trigger with no fucking hesitation, the sound ricocheting loudly off the walls
“She killed herself,” Jane said matter-of-factly, looking at me with that in the small enclosure. I recoiled at the noise and Jane gasped loudly as the
smug goddamn smile still on her lips. My eyes narrowed as my hands bullet ripped through her chest right at her heart, her footsteps faltering
started shaking even more than before. as she swung the shovel in reaction. I braced myself for impact and it
“Whose fucking fault is that? You did this– you caused this!” I yelled. slammed into my shoulder blade, a sharp pain running through me. She
She glared at me angrily. turned her body as she started sputtering, a look of horror on her face as
“What is wrong with you? You and your dumb ass father! She’s just a she dropped the shovel and grabbed her chest. Another shot rang out
fucking slave!” she spat. “That’s all she is!” The moment those words came instantly, hitting her dead center between the eyes. She staggered
from her lips my vision hazed and I nearly fucking blacked out from my backwards immediately and fell, hitting the ground hard beside where I’d
rage. All reason and logic disappeared and my emotions took hold of me as been sitting. I rushed backwards quickly and tried to get to my fucking feet
I started seeing fucking red. but my legs gave out on me and I landed right back in the fucking dirt. I
“No, she wasn’t!” I screamed. “She wasn’t a fucking slave!” started hyperventilating again as panic rushed through me, my grasp on
“Edward!” Alec warned forcefully, reaching to grab my shoulder again. myself waning.
I smacked his hand away angrily and shoved him, not giving a fuck what Charles screamed Jane’s name while running for her, and Alec reacted
he had to say. He hadn’t done a goddamn thing to help Renee, he’d fucking on instinct once more by aiming the gun at him. I ducked and covered my
left her there to die! head when the gunshot rang out, blood splattering in my direction as the
“She was a fucking principessa! A fucking mafia princess! You killed a bullet ripped through Charles’s skull. He fell forward and hit the ground
goddamn princess and you’re gonna pay for it, you fucking sick bitch!” I with a thud beside where his wife laid bleeding, his body limp upon impact.
screamed, grabbing the garden sheers from the ground beside me where I stared at them in horror and felt the bile rising up, my entire body
Alec had dropped them and flinging them at Jane in my anger. She tried to quaking. I turned my head to the side and started vomiting profusely as
move away but she wasn’t quick enough and they hit her in the center of Alec walked toward us calmly. He paused and fired off a few more shots
the chest, causing her to gasp loudly. “You’ve been torturing a kidnapped into them before turning to look at me.
mafia princess and you’re going to pay for all of it! Aro’s going to fucking He glared at me briefly as he returned the gun into his coat before
kill you for what you’ve done, and if he doesn’t, I fucking will! I’ll fucking reaching over and grabbing a hold of my arm. He yanked me up off the
kill you, I swear I will! I’ll make sure you die for every goddamn thing you ground, sending more pain ripping through my shoulder from where Jane
ever did to Isabella and her mother if it’s the last thing I do!” had hit me. I staggered a few steps as I attempted to gain my footing, my
12 13
 He made love to me passionately, his desire and affection clear in every He turned the knob and pushed the door open, walking inside and
thrust. His lips didn’t leave me for a second, whispering sweet things shutting it forcefully behind him. He recoiled from the noise of the slam
against my skin as I held onto him tightly. It was one of the most intense even though it didn’t even really register with me, and I refrained from
moments of my life, feeling his body on top of mine while he was inside of chastising him for not knocking. There was no point to it– I was just
me and knowing that he wanted me. Knowing that I was free and finally relieved that he’d finally made it inside this time.
had a life of my own, and that despite everything I had been in the past, he “Sit down,” I said calmly after a moment, tapping a few buttons on the
still wanted me for the future. It was so overwhelming that I cried as I clung laptop to switch the view back to the library. Isabella was still curled up in
to him, never wanting that feeling or that knowledge to leave me. I never the chair and gazing out of the window, appearing not to have moved an
wanted to lose the moment when I finally felt like a real person… when I inch since the last time I checked on her.
truly felt alive. He took a few steps over and flopped down in the chair with a huff, and
However, I knew deep down inside that the moment wouldn’t last. He I could feel him staring at me pointedly. I looked in his direction and met
slowed his movements after a while and the intensity dissipated as he came his eyes, seeing the curiosity and confusion in them. His expression was
to a stop. I held onto him, panting and trying to get myself under control, one of anger, but I couldn’t completely blame him for that... I would be
when he whispered the words that made the outside world come crashing angry with me, also.
in on me once more. “You look like you haven’t fucking slept in years,” he said, his eyes
“Happy birthday, tesoro.” scanning my face. “You can’t prescribe yourself some fucking Ambien or
He rolled over to look at me when I didn’t respond and I smiled something? Christ, and have you fucking eaten?”
immediately so he wouldn’t grow worried. He gazed at me curiously for a I stared at him and leaned back in my chair. “You want to discuss my
moment before sighing. “We should probably get dressed,” he said. I nodded health, Edward?” I asked incredulously. He shrugged.
and got up, heading into the bathroom to clean up quickly. I dressed in a “Yeah, well, you look kind of fucked up,” he said seriously. I shook my
pair of jeans and a gray sleeveless top while Edward put on my favorite head.
striped polo shirt of his, with the green that matched the color of his eyes. “Well, thank you for the compliment,” I said sarcastically. “But
He looked devastatingly handsome and I gazed at him as he finished something tells me you haven’t spent the past week loitering outside of my
getting ready, trying to push back the hurt and shame I felt. I was so office gathering up the courage to hold an intervention.”
grateful he was a part of my life, but I didn’t deserve his devotion. He His expression shifted to surprise quickly. “How…” he started, before
wouldn’t agree with me about that, but it was simply because he didn’t see his eyes narrowed slightly as he shook his head. “You’ve got the fucking
it yet– he didn’t understand how horrible I was and how much damage I cameras on, don’t you? Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”
caused people. “It’s not really that important, Edward,” I said. “I was beginning to
I packed us both some clothes since we were staying in Seattle overnight wonder if you ever planned on actually coming in here, though.”
and we headed out after I was finished. The drive was long and neither of “Yeah, well, I didn’t know what to say,” he responded. “No sense in
us spoke much, both deep in thought. I wasn’t sure what was plaguing him, barging in your fucking office just to look at you, especially considering…
but I didn’t dare ask. It was unfair of me to expect him to share his thoughts you know… you’re looking like shit and all.”
with me when I wasn’t extending the same to him. I cracked a smile and shook my head. “It’s nice to know you haven’t lost
It was early evening by the time Edward pulled his car into a parking your sense of humor, at least,” I said. “So, considering you’re sitting here
lot across from a massive beautiful brick building in the city. Edward now, does that mean you’ve figured out what you want to say?”
grabbed our bag and locked the car up before taking my hand and leading He stared at me for a moment before running his hand through his hair,
me across the street. He pushed a little button when we reached the front shaking his head as he gripped onto a handful tightly. The way he’d been
door and Jasper’s voice came through a little intercom system before the grasping onto it lately, I was surprised he hadn’t started ripping it out. “Not
door buzzed and opened. He motioned for me to enter and led me to an really,” he said finally. “I just got tired of the fucking hallway.”
elevator that took us up to the sixth floor. We exited the elevator and I nodded. “So I’m better to look at than the white walls, at least?” I asked
headed down a hallway, stopping in front of a door with the number sixty- jokingly.
seven on it. “Fuck no,” he said, smirking. “But it’s nice to know I’m not the only one
He reached his hand up to knock, but before he could the door was around this motherfucker that remembers how to joke.”
pulled open and we came face-to-face with Alice. She was smiling brightly “Tale il padre, tale il figlio,” I muttered, shrugging. I regretted my choice
and flung herself at me. “Happy birthday!” she cried enthusiastically, of words the moment they escaped my lips, tensing up as his smile fell and
60 29
a serious expression came over his face. He stared at me with curiosity and “Ti amerò per il resto della mia vita. Non vi è nessun altro al mondo per
I could see the questions in his eyes. I knew exactly what he wanted to me,”* he whispered huskily against my mouth. “Non so quello che ho fatto
know… I had been dreading this day his entire life. per meritare, ma mi passerà il resto della mia vita per assicurarci che tu
“Just come out with it, Edward,” I said quietly with a sigh. “I don’t have sia felice.† Marry me, Bella.”
the energy to beat around the bush. Just ask what you want to know.” I froze as those words registered, shock hitting me. He pulled back to
He stared at me for a moment and I could see the apprehension. He look at me with a staggering expression on his face and I just stared at him,
wanted to ask, he wanted to know, but he was afraid of getting confirmation unsure of what to say or how I was supposed to react. I was sure I had heard
of what he’d obviously pieced together. him right, but it was so startling to hear it come from his lips.
“When we were in Phoenix, Jane said some shit. I mean, I know she was “You want me to marry you?” I asked hesitantly. He nodded.
fucking crazy and all, she called me a goddamn ghost, ya know? But she “Not today, or tomorrow. It doesn’t even have to be this year or, fuck,
kept railing on Alec and said that just because I was doing the same thing next year either for that matter. But someday, when you’re ready, will you
as you didn’t mean we were the same… that Isabella wasn’t Mom,” he marry me? Promise me you’ll spend your life with me?” he asked, his words
paused, running his hand through his hair again in frustration as I sat sending my heart pounding and my stomach fluttering as emotion whipped
quietly and let him work through his thoughts. “And it’s not just that, through me. My eyes welled up with tears once more and he sighed. “I know
there’s other shit too. I guess I was just wondering… you know…” I’m doing this shit all wrong, I don’t even have a fucking ring…”
“You want to know how I met your mother,” I said quietly. I brought my hand up quickly to cover his mouth and he froze. “Yes,” I
“The truth,” he said seriously. I nodded. said, my voice cracking as I tried to swallow back the lump forming. His
“The truth.” eyes widened with surprise.
“Yes?” he asked. I nodded furiously in response.
“Yes!” I echoed louder, my excitement mounting. I cleared my throat
July 12th, 1980 and nodded frantically. “Yes, of course I will, Edward.”
I headed toward the back exit of the mansion quickly, hoping to slip out He smiled, his face lighting up with the same excitement I felt. He
undetected. The moment I pushed the door open the hot, dry air hitting me smashed his lips to mine feverishly and I laughed into his mouth, stunned
with such intensity that it nearly took my breath away, and I cursed. I at his enthusiasm. I couldn’t believe that I had not only essentially been
fucking hated the heat, hated everything about it. I hated how it made your freed, but that he’d asked me to officially spend my life with him. I wrapped
breathing shallow and your skin flush and dampen with sweat. I hated how my arms around him tightly and kissed him back passionately, the entire
there was hardly ever any breeze, and when there was it did nothing to cool outside world melting away in that moment.
you down. It just blew the scorching air around, kicking up dust and Nothing else mattered but him.
making it even more unbearable. And the dust… Damn, I hated the dust. His hand started roaming my body and he pushed the towel off of me,
It was always lingering in the air, stinging your eyes and making every the feel of his fingertips causing sparks to fly across my skin. I grabbed his
breath uncomfortable. I could barely tolerate the heat… but I’d take it in a shirt and started pulling up on it, and he sat up quickly to remove it before
heartbeat over what awaited me inside the air-conditioned mansion. What pressing his lips to mine again. I kissed him back with everything I had as
was going on inside of that place was something I hated even more. he started fumbling with his pants, pushing them down to expose himself.
I squinted as I stepped out into the back yard, the brightness practically “I need you, Isabella,” he said, his voice thick with desire.
blinding me. My vision was hazed over from the blistering heat and I “You have me,” I responded without thinking twice about it. He groaned
brought my hand up, trying to block out the sun. I was cursing at myself and started frantically wiggling around in an attempt to get his pants off
for not bringing my sunglasses along with me. I’d had them in hand as we while still kissing me, his movements making me laugh. He chuckled and
were leaving the hotel room but my mother insisted they were improper gave up after a second, standing up to kick them off. He climbed back into
and sent the wrong message. I grumbled a bit but left them behind, not the bed and came up between my legs, his lips going straight to my neck.
wanting to start an argument. The day wasn’t about me and my father was He wasted no time pushing himself inside of me, the sensation causing a
being fairly laid-back, so the last thing I wanted to do was cause a fight and loud groan to escape my lips, which he echoed.
get him riled up.
He was always on my ass about something, telling me how much of a
*I will love you for the rest of my life. There is no one else in the world for me
disappointment I was in everything I did. ‘You’re not living up to the name, †I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you, but I’ll spend the rest of my life making
Carlisle’. ‘Start acting like a Cullen’. ‘Be a man for once’. ‘Make me proud’. sure you’re happy.
30 59
 He shrugged. “He has no power over you. Alec vouched for you and you ‘Do you know how to do anything right?’ ‘Stop being such a failure’. Any day
have everything you need to start a life. My father said you can live here as that his attention wasn’t focused on me was a good day in my book and I
long as you want, but the point is you don’t have to, you know?” had no intention of drawing it to myself that day. But standing out in the
“Where else would I go?” I asked. He smiled. back yard of the massive house, the sun blinding me, I really wished I’d
“Wherever you want to,” he said with a shrug. “It’s your life, your choice. have brought my sunglasses, parents be damned. How were sunglasses
You can go where you want to go and do what you want to do. You don’t improper, anyway? It was damn Arizona in the middle of the fucking
have to report to anyone but yourself now. You’re like, your own master summer.
and shit– and I hope you don’t go anywhere without me but if that’s what I sighed with annoyance and glanced around, looking for some shade to
you choose, it’s up to you, Bella. You’re free.” go hang out in. I doubted anyone would notice me gone from the party, as
I stared at him in shock, fighting to hold back my emotion but the the place was packed full of people my father deemed important. Because
moment the word ‘free’ rolled from his lips, I lost the battle. The tears of that, he’d probably thank me for staying out of sight since evidently I
started streaming from my eyes and I clutched onto the papers tightly as couldn’t seem to do anything he deemed as ‘decent behavior for a Cullen
my hands started shaking. man’. What the fuck did that mean anyway? My father wouldn’t know
Free? I was free? ‘decent’ if it bit him in the ass.
Edward reached out and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me down I hadn’t wanted to come along in the first place and would rather be
onto the bed to hold me as I started sobbing hysterically. I clung to him back in Chicago enjoying summer break from school, but I didn’t want to
tightly and nearly lost my breath as he started shushing me, rocking my let my sister down. It was a waste of time trying to impress my father,
body in his embrace. I was completely overwhelmed at that concept and because I was clearly nothing but a fuck-up to him, but I didn’t want to
didn’t know what to say or do, or even truly think for that matter. What did disappoint my sister. We always looked out for each other growing up and
it mean to be free? she was the one person who understood what I dealt with in life– the one
“I don’t want to go anywhere without you,” I whispered after a moment. person I didn’t have to pretend with. It was hard to maintain friends when
He sighed and cupped my chin, pulling my face up so I’d look at him. you had to always keep them an arm’s length away so they didn’t see or
“Good,” he said. “That’s what I like to hear.” We lay quietly and stared hear anything they shouldn’t, and you had to constantly second guess their
at each other, his green eyes a flurry of emotion. He reached out and wiped reasons for even talking to you. People knew exactly who my father was,
the tears from my cheeks before his fingertips softly brushed across my lips. there was no point in me even pretending otherwise.
I let out a shaky breath as he leaned over and pressed his lips to mine, It was common knowledge among law enforcement agencies across the
kissing me softly and sweetly. He started gently stroking my side, slipping country that Antonio Cullen was the current Don of the Chicago mafia, and
his hand underneath the towel that was loosely covering my body to caress I ventured to guess they probably had one of his various mug shots tacked
my bare skin. His touch caused goose bumps to spring up along my flesh up on a bulletin board somewhere in some federal agent’s office because of
and I moaned in response, causing him to deepen the kiss. it. But regardless of whether or not people knew it, I was never allowed to
I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back, finally letting confirm it. I couldn’t admit to people what my family did, always having to
go of the papers in my hand. They dropped to the bed and I grasped onto lie and evade or face the consequences at home, so it was pointless to even
him, running my fingers through his chaotic hair. He shifted his body pretend with people who didn’t have mafia ties themselves. Because of that,
toward mine, pushing me onto my back as he pulled himself on top of me, my sister had become my best friend, the one person I could always confide
the movement of his lips growing frenzied. I could feel the desperation in in.
his kiss, and when he pulled back to take a breath I saw the devotion in his And that was why I was there, standing in the hot Arizona sun,
expression. His gaze was intense, so much love and adoration shining back enduring the heat and bullshit that I hated so much. It was my sister’s day
at me that it nearly took my breath away. to shine and after being there for me every day of my life, always being
“I love you,” he said quietly. I smiled, believing with everything in me willing to listen to my complaining, I felt I owed her at least this much. I
that he truly meant it. owed her some tolerance and owed her some damn obedience. She deserved
“I love you, too,” I responded. “So much, Edward.” He smiled brightly at a nice day where everyone got along, a day where my father wasn’t going
my words and nodded before pressing his lips to mine again. on a tirade about how disappointed he was in me as a son. So I grinned and
bore their bullshit all afternoon for my sister…
I still wished I had my fucking sunglasses, though.

58 31
 I sighed and started walking around the outside of the house, knowing “Are you saying the house in Phoenix belongs to me?” I asked. He
the area to the right had to be encased in shade. I was grumbling under my nodded and I blinked a few times, trying to absorb the information. “I mean,
breath and staring at the ground, still squinting because of the brightness. what about all of their stuff?”
I turned the corner and collided with something, my steps faltering He shrugged. “It’s still there. You can take what you want, if you want
immediately. I glanced up quickly and my hands shot out, grabbing a hold any of it, and the rest you can throw away or donate to charity. Hell, if it
of the person in front of me as she stumbled. were me, I’d probably burn the shit.”
“Whoa there,” I said, trying to keep my balance. I looked at him with shock. “Burn it?” I asked. He nodded.
“I am so sorry, I didn’t know…” the soft, sweet voice started, catching “Yeah, but whatever you want to do, it’s yours. Well, it will be anyway,”
me off guard. I blinked rapidly and squinted as I tried to adjust my eyes, he said. “When we went to see that lawyer in Phoenix, Charles signed a will
stunned by the sight in front of me. Her pale skin was glowing so bright leaving everything to you. The organization went in and cleaned the place
that she appeared to almost be sparkling, her long white dress cascading out of everything incriminating, of course, but they left everything else
down her body and stopping at her ankles. She looked strangely angelic, untouched.”
and maybe that was cliché but that was the only word my mind could My eyes widened. “Oh, God, what about Clara and the other slaves?
conjure up in the moment to describe her. She had copper colored hair that What happened to them?” I asked, horrified at all of the potential scenarios.
was shining under the sun’s rays and a pair of startling deep green eyes. He sighed.
They were piercing and I stared into them in a trance the moment I caught “Alec took possession of them. There were only three. One of them is
them, unable to look away. I could see her mouth moving and could hear living with him and Esme, and the other two were handed over to Aro. I
that melodic voice ringing out, but the words were lost on me as I gazed mean, look,” he paused and ran his hand through his hair. “You have no
into those eyes. power over that shit, Isabella. Neither one of us do. We can’t free them but
Her voice trailed off as her brow furrowed and she gazed at me with a they’re somewhere that’s probably more fucking humane than the place in
confused expression. “Sir?” she said hesitantly. I blinked a few times as the Phoenix was, you know? There’s that, at least.”
word registered with me, stunned that she’d address me so formally. I I nodded hesitantly. “I guess,” I said, understanding where he was
couldn’t have been much older than her, if at all. coming from despite the fact that I didn’t like it. He was right, however…
“Uh, no,” I said, taking a few steps forward into the shade and pulling there was nothing I could do about it.
her along with me to get out of the blinding sun. She didn’t resist and “Anyway, the house and the possessions are yours, as is all of your
watched me with apprehension, glancing down at where my hands were father’s money. They’ll put it in a bank account for you when it comes
gripping her hips. through,” he said.
“Is there a… problem?” she asked hesitantly. I shook my head and let “I, uh…. I don’t want it,” I said. “I don’t want anything that belonged to
go of her. those people. He wasn’t my father, Edward.”
“The only problem is I don’t know your name,” I said, turning on the He frowned and grabbed my hand, pulling me over to the bed. We sat
charm and smirking. “My name’s Carlisle… Carlisle Cullen.” down and he gazed at me for a second with a somber expression on his face.
A look of surprise came over her face as she smiled softly. I noticed she “Look, don’t think of it as your father giving you money because you’re
had a slight flush on her cheeks and wondered if it were from the sun or if right, he wasn’t your father and I shouldn’t have said that. But you’re
I’d caused it. My smirk grew when her flush deepened as she gazed at me. entitled to it, Isabella. After everything you’ve fucking been through, you
Yeah, that was all fucking me. deserve this. It’s like, atonement, and I’m not saying any amount of money
“Elizabeth,” she said softly. will actually ever make up for it because it won’t, but after all of the torture
“Beautiful name for a beautiful girl,” I said. Her eyes widened in you went through and everything you lost... you’re at least entitled to this.
surprise at my statement. Does that make sense?”
“Beautiful?” she asked incredulously. I chuckled and nodded. “I guess,” I said. He smiled.
“Yes, beautiful. What, you don’t think your name is nice? Fuck, we can “And money will help with these other things,” he said, grabbing the
call you something else then. Elisabetta? Lizzie?” I suggested. “I kind of like papers in my hand and shifting them around so that the citizenship
Lizzie.” certificate was back on top.
“Uh, I guess…” she started, gaping at me. “I like Lizzie but I was just I smiled at his statement, trying to come to terms with what he was
surprised you’d call me… beautiful.” saying. “But what about Dr. Cullen?” I asked. “I mean, I’m still here, what
happens now?”
32 57
 “There’s nothing to say,” I said, cutting him off because I didn’t want to My brow furrowed and I quickly scanned her form again with my eyes,
get into it. “I just… I dealt with it. It’s fine. I’m fine.” wondering if maybe I’d missed something since she seemed so shocked. She
“Is it?” he asked, raising his eyebrows curiously. “Are you fine? Really?” wasn’t missing any body parts and the ones she had were formed
I nodded hesitantly. “Yes, really,” I said, giving him another smile which perfectly… very fucking perfect, indeed. She didn’t have that artificial
did nothing to reassure him. model look like you’d find on magazine covers or even in half of the girls
“You know you can talk to me about anything,” he said, his voice soft. “I back home– her beauty was natural.
mean it, Bella. Anything.” She wasn’t shining as brightly now that she was out of the sun, but she
“I know,” I said, sighing because, once again, I was lying. I never wanted still had a subtle glow about her. Her hair flowed down past her shoulders,
to lie to Edward, having made a promise to myself that I’d always give him naturally wavy, and she had freckles dotting along her nose. She was
my honesty because it was one of the few things I had to offer, but there obviously not Italian, not even close to it. No Italian I’d ever met had bright
was no way I could talk to him about this. red hair and green eyes.
Everything was different now. Those eyes… fuck, those eyes were stunning. I couldn’t seem to stop
“Good,” he responded, reaching out and cupping my cheek. His hand staring into them. It was like I was hypnotized and couldn’t pull myself
was warm against my skin and I parted my lips and exhaled shakily as he away, desperate to get lost in them. If I were forced to guess I’d say she was
ran his thumb across my lips. He leaned in and kissed me softly, the scent Irish, which was confusing because the families typically didn’t associate
and feel of him overwhelming as my eyes fluttered closed. “There’s with them. The Italians and the Irish had been clashing since before
something I wanted to show you.” prohibition and you’d be hard pressed to find some that got along back in
I opened my eyes and gazed at him curiously. “There is?” I asked. He the neighborhood. There were lines that you simply didn’t cross and the
smiled brightly and nodded, grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the older generation made a point to stress that Italian and Irish mixing was
bathroom. I laughed at his enthusiasm as he led me over to his desk, where one of those lines.
he grabbed a stack of papers and held them out to me. My brow furrowed But she was beautiful, and there was no denying that fact. Based on
and I took them cautiously, giving him a questioning look. that electric feeling creeping across my skin at her close proximity and the
“What’s this?” I asked. He smirked. slight ache I felt in my chest as I stared at her, I knew I wouldn’t be able to
“That, my Bella, is your life,” he said. I glanced down at the papers in forget running into her. Those eyes would haunt me, there was no doubt
my hand, scanning the top one quickly. It was a certificate of citizenship about it, and my father was going to murder me for it but I couldn’t help it.
and I felt the tears forming when I saw my name and photograph declaring I wanted her.
me an official U.S. citizen. I flipped through the others quickly, my It wasn’t as if I weren’t already a big disappointment to him, anyway.
emotions running rampant. Plus, there were worse people to fall in love with than an Irish girl.
“What are these other ones?” I asked, holding up a packet of papers My own thoughts startled me. Love? Really, Carlisle? You just fucking
stapled together. met the girl and you’re declaring it’s love? What the hell had gotten into
“That’s just your inheritance information. It’ll take a few months before me?
you get that shit but it’ll come through. Alec is handling it. In fact, it “You shouldn’t be surprised, you are beautiful,” I said, shaking my head
should’ve taken months for the rest of it, too, but he somehow got fucking at the absurdity. She gazed at me as I spoke, the smile on her lips growing.
documents that usually take a year to have issued done in a few days. I “You’re nice,” she said softly. I laughed at her statement.
don’t know how the fuck he does it,” Edward said nonchalantly. I stared at “Nice? I’ve been called many things, but nice isn’t usually one of them,”
him with confusion. I said playfully. “An asshole or a fuck-up maybe, but it isn’t often someone
“Inheritance?” I asked skeptically. He nodded. has something positive to say about me.”
“Yeah, you know, property and money and shit. I mean, I understand “But you are nice. I may have only just met you, but I know that much.
you’re probably not going to want to keep the house you grew up in but you Others must not see you clearly if they can’t tell,” she said.
can just sell it or...” “Beautiful and charming,” I said, smirking. “God really blessed you,
“What?” I asked, my voice louder than I anticipated but he had caught didn’t he?”
me off guard. He stopped speaking and looked at me with surprise. “If God truly blessed me, do you really think I’d be at this house?” she
“Uh, the house. You know, in Phoenix?” he clarified. I gaped at him, muttered. Her eyes widened in shock after she spoke the words and she
stunned. brought her hand up quickly to cover her mouth, appearing to be stunned
at her own statement. I started laughing.
56 33
 “And a sense of humor? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were the He flipped it opened and started heading for the stairs, talking in a
perfect catch. You keep it up, bellissima, and I may not ever want to let you hushed voice. I sighed and waited for a moment before heading that
go,” I said, turning on the charm again. Her flush grew once more. direction myself, going back up to the bedroom. I stepped inside just as
“So you’re not upset that I ran into you?” she asked. Edward was dropping his towel in front of the closet, my footsteps faltering
“You didn’t run into me, I ran into you. But no, of course I’m not upset. as my face instantly heated with blush. He turned his head to look at me
I’m actually glad, because I’m usually not that lucky,” I said. She stared at and smirked, standing in front of me completely nude.
me for a moment before shaking her head. “It’s nice I can still get that reaction out of you,” he said playfully. I
“I don’t believe in luck,” she said. smiled sheepishly.
“You don’t? Then how do you explain us meeting at, uh, this house?” I “You probably always will,” I said quietly. He chuckled.
asked jokingly. “It appears some good actually came out of this day. If that’s “I wouldn’t mind that a bit,” he responded, his eyes lingering down my
not luck, what is it?” body as he spoke. I bit down on my bottom lip as I saw his manhood start
She smiled sheepishly and shrugged. “Fate?” to come to life, averting my gaze from it quickly as his eyes came back up
to meet mine. He stared at me for a moment, his gaze almost
uncomfortable. We hadn’t been intimate since before our trip to Phoenix
“We met at your aunt Esme’s engagement party in Phoenix when I was and I could tell just by looking at him that was exactly what he was
fifteen,” I said quietly. thinking about at the moment.
“I know that much,” he said, cutting me off. “You ran into her and nearly “I, uh… I’m going to shower,” I said quickly, turning and heading into
knocked her down. Mom used to say that shit all the time. Colpo di fulmine. the bathroom. I heard him muttering out of irritation as I scampered away,
It was love at first sight.” instantly feeling guilty. He was my boyfriend and deserved attention but
“Yes,” I said. had gotten no real affection from me in quite a while.
“And she was there with Alec’s family and not ours, because our family I stripped out of my clothes and hopped into the shower, washing up
didn’t fucking know her, right?” he asked, raising his eyebrows curiously. I quickly. I leaned against the shower wall and allowed the water to rain
nodded. down on me and warm my skin, closing my eyes as my mind drifted. The
“Yes,” I said once more. water started cooling slightly after a while and I reopened my eyes, gasping
“So, tell me… what the fuck was an Irish girl doing at an engagement when I saw Edward through the foggy shower door. He was staring at me
party for two Italians?” with his arms crossed over his chest, a concerned look on his face. I reached
I stared at him as I processed his question, considering how to answer over quickly and shut the water off, sliding to door open and looking at him
it. I shook my head and sighed. “I wondered the same thing myself.” apprehensively.
“Uh, hey,” I muttered. He sighed and grabbed a towel, handing it to me.
I took it carefully and smiled at him, but it did nothing to soften his
July 12th, 1980 expression.
I sat with my back against the side of the house and my legs spread out “Are you okay, Bella?” he asked as I quickly dried myself off before
in front of me, fanning myself as the sweat was practically pouring from wrapping the towel around me. I nodded.
my skin. I had a few buttons on my shirt undone and my sleeves rolled up “Yeah, I’m okay. I’m, uh… just a little tired, that’s all,” I said.
to my elbows, attempting to let my body breathe in the stifling heat. “Do you get out of bed every night?” he asked, the question catching me
Elizabeth sat beside me, her knees pulled up to her chest with one of her off guard.
arms wrapped around her legs, her free hand plucking at the dry grass “No, of course not,” I said quickly. The words were a complete lie but
around us. She didn’t appear uncomfortable at all, like it wasn’t even they seemed to roll from my tongue unconsciously. I didn’t want him to
fucking hot to her. She seemed relaxed but every so often she’d hear a noise worry about me because it was completely unnecessary and wrong. “I just
and stiffen up, her eyes darting around anxiously. couldn’t sleep last night, that’s all.”
“Are you not fucking hot?” I blurted out after a few minutes of silence. He stared at me with an expression of disbelief and I immediately
We’d been sitting there for at least an hour and neither of us had spoken wondered if he knew the truth. I tensed up waiting for him to call me out
much. We both seemed mesmerized by the other’s presence and at a loss on my lie but he didn’t. “Maybe we should talk,” he suggested. “You know,
for words. There was something in the air between us that I couldn’t we haven’t actually talked about what happened and…”
describe, but I could feel it. It was almost magnetic, a pull that was drawing
34 55
 He sighed. “We’re going to go spend the night in Seattle with Jasper and me further and further into her without a single word being spoken. I
Alice for your birthday. Jasper really wants to see you and, come on, did couldn’t tell if she could feel it, but every time I looked over at her I met
you seriously think you’d get out of dealing with Alice?” those deep green eyes and could see the curiosity and intrigue in them.
“I didn’t want…” I started, but he cut me off once more. “Not really,” she said softly. “I like the warmth.”
“I know you didn’t, but like I said, today’s special and the whole gift I laughed, shaking my head. “This is beyond warmth, bellissima. This
horse bullshit. It’ll just be the four of us, no big deal,” he said. He looked at is like an oven.”
me imploringly, his expression and tone pleading with me not to argue and She smiled, gazing at me. “You can go inside,” she suggested. “I’m sure
just go along with it. I sighed and nodded hesitantly. the cool air from the fans will make you feel better.”
“Okay,” I said. He continued to stare at me skeptically and I gave him “I’m sure it would. You going to go inside with me?” I asked, raising my
a soft smile, realizing I’d said the word he hated. “We can spend the day eyebrows questioningly. Her eyes widened in surprise and she shook her
with Jasper and Alice. We haven’t seen them in a while, and I do miss head quickly.
them.” “Oh no,” she said, sounding slightly panicked. “That wouldn’t… be
He smirked. “Good. Now eat,” he said, nodding his head toward the good.” I chuckled and nodded.
plate. I tore the honey bun in half and held part of it out to him. “Alright then. I’m not going in there either,” I said. “They haven’t
“Did you want some?” I asked. He smiled sheepishly and took it. noticed I’m gone and until they do, I’m staying right where I am.”
“Thank you. It was the last one,” he said. I laughed and shook my head “Will they notice you’re gone?” she asked curiously. I shook my head.
as he ate his piece, tensing up when I noticed him grabbing a bag off of the “Probably not. My parents are in there getting their asses kissed and
floor. He held it out to me and I took it carefully, eyeing him curiously. I my sister’s busy with people congratulating her so I doubt they even fucking
reached inside the bag as he watched me with a smile on his face and pulled remember I’m alive right now,” I muttered, reaching down and grabbing a
out the medium-sized glass frame. My brow furrowed in confusion when I clump of grass with annoyance. She reached for the same patch when I did
saw the foreign words printed inside the glass. and our hands connected, a spark zapping me when my skin contacted hers.
“It’s a selection of Dante’s ‘La Vita Nuova’, you know, ‘The New Life’. I pulled my hand back quickly and she sat frozen, eyeing me with caution.
It’s the Italian poem I spoke to you,” he said. I stared at it in shock, stunned “Did I shock you?” I asked. She nodded hesitantly.
at how much thought he had put into my present. He sighed after a moment “I felt a zap,” she said softly, still eyeing me. I could see the curiosity in
when I didn’t respond. “I know it’s not much, I didn’t know what to give her eyes, the questions that she obviously wanted to ask just lingering there
you.” because she was holding back for some reason. She was looking at me like
“It’s wonderful,” I said quickly, feeling the tears of gratitude pooling in I was a figment of her imagination, as if any moment I’d disappear.
my eyes. “Truly. Thank you.” I reached my hand out cautiously and touched hers, feeling the tingling
He smiled and nodded, giving me a quick kiss before going to take a of the electricity between us once more. Her expression shifted to one of
shower. I decided to take the plate down to the kitchen and straighten up awe and she glanced down at my hand on hers with fascination. I ran my
a bit while he did and was in the living room putting a DVD back in its fingers lightly across her knuckles, caressing the soft skin and feeling the
proper spot when Dr. Cullen stepped out of the room underneath the stairs. sparks in my fingertips. It was unlike anything I’d ever felt before and was
He froze when he spotted me and I turned to look at him apprehensively, fucking strange, but I couldn’t seem to get enough of it.
unsure of what to say to him or how to act. “That’s pretty fucking crazy,” I muttered as I started running my
“Good morning, dolcezza,” he said. fingertips past her wrist and up her forearm. My touch left goose bumps
“Good morning, Dr. Cullen,” I said quietly. He sighed and reached up to along her skin and she let out a shaky breath as she watched me.
pinch the bridge of his nose, appearing frustrated. “It makes me think of the lightning storms we get here,” she said softly.
“You know you don’t have to address me so formally, Isabella,” he said. My movement faltered when she said those words, an odd feeling coursing
I nodded. through me and it felt like I just… knew.
“Yes, sir,” I responded. “I know, but…” I trailed off and stared at him, “Colpo di fulmine,” I said quietly, shaking my head. “Holy shit.”
not knowing exactly how to explain it. He patiently waited for me to finish “Italian?” she asked curiously. I nodded.
my thought but his phone chimed before I had a chance to, relief washing “Yeah. Do you speak any?” I asked. She shook her head hesitantly.
through me as he grabbed it and groaned. “I hear it, of course, but I don’t really know what any of it means,” she
“I, uh…” he started, glancing at me briefly before turning his attention said. “It sounds pretty, though.”
back to the phone. “I have to take this. Happy Birthday, Isabella.”
54 35
 I chuckled. “So I’ve heard,” I said. The American girls back in Chicago I closed my eyes, feeling the tears welling up in them at his words. I
were fascinated by the language and didn’t care what I said as long as I knew he meant well, but there was nothing happy about the day I was born
spoke it for them. and I was in no mind frame to fake it at the moment. We both lay silently
“What did that mean?” she asked quietly. “The colpo di fulmine?” I and I heard his breathing regulate after a while as he drifted off to sleep.
smirked as she attempted to copy my accenting, but her pronunciation was I slept restlessly, but that was nothing new. I never got a full night’s
horrific to the point of being endearing. rest anymore, as nightmares always seemed to creep in and haunt me as I
“Literally, it means thunderbolt, but it’s a phrase some people use to slept. There was never any peace at night, which was ironic because the
describe…” I trailed off, unsure of how to describe it without freaking her only time I felt content anymore was in the darkness.
out by using such a strong word as ‘love’. I’d only just fucking met the girl, I was awoken in the morning by the sound of the bedroom door clicking
after all. closed, my eyes popping open. I rolled over and glanced at the doorway in
“…this?” she asked, completing my thought. She brought her hand up confusion, freezing when I spotted Edward. His footsteps faltered briefly as
hesitantly, reaching toward me, but paused a few inches from my face. I he looked at me, a sheepish smile overcoming his lips as he held a small
saw the apprehension in her eyes and could see her second-guessing plate out to me. My brow furrowed and I sat up, noticing the honey bun on
herself, which was fucking confusing. I’d been sitting there caressing her it with a single candle sticking up in the middle.
hand so there was no reason for her to not touch me. I smiled reassuringly “I can’t make a fucking cake, and I’m not even going to attempt,” he
and saw the apprehension fade as a smile crossed her lips. She brushed her mumbled, sounding almost embarrassed. I smiled softly and gazed at him,
fingertips on my cheek and my breath shuddered as the tingling shot across feeling my chest swell to the point where it was almost painful with all the
my skin. love I felt for him. He was still my world, my one and only, and I loved him
I ran the back of my hand across her cheek and her eyes fluttered closed more than I had ever imagined possible. Part of me may have felt dead, but
briefly at the sensation. I paused before grazing my pointer finger across there was still that other part of me that lived and breathed for Edward
her mouth, her lips parting and a shaky breath escaping as she reopened Cullen.
her eyes. She stared at me intently, those beautiful green eyes practically “That’s sweet,” I said gently, taking the plate from him. “You really
fucking hypnotizing me. They were swimming with emotion, the curiosity didn’t have to. I told you…”
and wonder and adoration intense. I cupped her cheek and leaned forward “I know what you told me,” he said quickly, cutting me off. “But I can’t
without a second thought and I saw the surprise flash across her face right just not acknowledge your birthday. I know you’ve got shit on your mind or
before I pressed my mouth to hers. whatever but still, today is special and should be treated so. So no arguing,
I’d never really wanted to kiss a girl before, never saw the appeal, but because this is like fucking Christmas, and it’s rude to argue when people
in that moment I’d wanted nothing more than to fucking kiss her. want to do shit for you. It’s like, kicking a gift horse or something.”
The electricity that rocked my body was all-consuming, chills flowing “Never look a gift horse in the mouth?” I asked with a laugh. He rolled
down my spine and heat coursing through me. It all seemed to settle right his eyes and chuckled, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a lighter.
in my chest as an ache hit my heart. She froze briefly but relaxed as she “Yes, that. A caval donato non si guarda in bocca. Just take it with a
started kissing me back, her lips soft and warm. I kissed her gently, just smile and it’ll all fucking be over before you know it,” he said, flicking the
enjoying the sensation and the taste of her lips, and pulled back from her lighter and igniting the small blue and white birthday candle sticking out
mouth to take a breath after a moment. She opened her eyes and stared at of the pastry. The moment he pulled his hand away I blew the candle out,
me with shock and I smirked as I saw that spark from our skin reflecting causing him to laugh. “Over eager, are we? Did you even make a wish?”
in those eyes. My brow furrowed as he pulled the candle from the honey bun. “Make a
I knew right away I’d never get enough of those fucking eyes. Colpo di wish?” I asked. He nodded and laughed once more.
Fulmine, indeed. “You’re supposed to make a wish before you blow out the candle, it’s the
“Who are you?” I asked, wondering where the fuck she’d come from. I whole point. You’re supposed to get whatever you wish for,” he said, tossing
never imagined experiencing that shit before, and always figured it was the candle into the trashcan beside his desk.
mythical. The concept of love at first sight was just crazy to me; the idea “Oh, I didn’t know,” I said, shrugging.
that you could have that instant connection with someone and know that “It’s alright. You’ll get another chance later with Alice and Jasper,” he
it’s meant to be just ridiculous. Those kinds of things just didn’t happen. said nonchalantly. I tensed up at his words and glanced over at him
But yet… it just had. apprehensively.
“What did you say?”
36 53
dawning that it was already past midnight. I sighed and turned my head “I, uh…” she started, her cheeks flushing as she gazed at me. The
to look back out the window, knowing another day had officially begun. apprehension returned to her eyes as I stared at her curiously, wondering
September thirteenth... the anniversary of the day I had inadvertently who she was. It was baffling that a girl like her would be at an engagement
started destroying people’s lives. It was my birthday, but there was nothing party for two Italian kids, especially the engagement of a principessa and
at all to celebrate about the day. There was nothing happy about it, but principe della mafia.
they would never be able to understand… especially Edward. I waited for her to finish but before she could answer my question
I wasn’t sure where Edward was at the moment. I didn’t know where Elizabeth’s eyes darted over my shoulder and widened in horror, the sight
he went when he slipped out of the bedroom in the middle of the night and startling me and sending my heart racing. I turned around quickly and
I never asked, figuring he was downstairs playing piano or just needing froze when I saw Jane standing at the corner of the house, glaring at us
time alone. I didn’t know all of the details about what had happened in with a look of loathing on her face.
Phoenix, but I knew enough to get a basic picture. I’d heard enough of his “What the hell are you doing?” she screeched, her voice oozing disgust.
and Esme’s conversation that afternoon at the Swan property to know that “Go away you fucking loon…” I spat, knowing no good ever came from
my mother’s death had been at her own hand and had heard in passing that girl’s presence. She was sadistic and twisted, kicking people around
from Dr. Cullen that Alec had murdered Charles and Jane in retaliation. for fun.
Edward had witnessed it all… it was no wonder he was so distracted and “Not you,” she snapped, glaring at me angrily. “Her!”
troubled. My brow furrowed at her words as Elizabeth started stammering. “I,
I watched the rain falling in the blackness for a while before the subtle uh… I mean…” she started. Jane’s attention focused on her as her anger
glow of light coming in the room from the hallway was disrupted, warning flared.
me someone was there. I tensed up, startled because I could always hear “Get up! Now!” she screeched. Elizabeth pulled away from me quickly
Edward coming up the stairs at night when he returned, his footsteps loud and jumped to her feet and I gaped at her in confusion, wondering why the
as he made no effort to go unnoticed. But there had been no noise, nothing hell she was letting the crazy little bitch order her around.
but the sound of the rain hitting the window. “Yes, mistress,” Elizabeth mumbled, her eyes darting to the ground as
I turned my head to look at the doorway, spotting him immediately. He her breathing accelerated from fear. My eyes widened in shock as those
looked disheveled and agitated, his obvious exhaustion visible even in the words registered with me. Mistress?!
darkness. My heart started pounding hard, the blood pushing through my “You’re going to pay for your disobedience later! Now go back to fucking
body vigorously. I wasn’t sure he was aware that he wasn’t the only one work, slave!” Jane spat.
who crept out of bed in the middle of the night and was unsure of how he’d Horror rocked through me as Elizabeth turned and bolted away quickly.
react to that. I hoped he wouldn’t press me for an explanation because I I sat, frozen, gaping at the spot where she’d disappeared from sight.
had none to offer him. I had no words to make him understand… nothing There were definitely worse things to fall for than an Irish… and it
would accomplish that feat. seemed I’d just fucking fallen for one.
“I think we should go to sleep,” he said simply. I nodded and grabbed Slave?!
the book in my lap, sitting it down on the table beside me. I hurried out of
the room before he could say anything else and heard him muttering curses
as I headed straight for his bedroom. He’d practically demanded we go back “Well?” Edward said impatiently when I didn’t answer. “You said you
to sleeping in there and I had obliged, since I had gone to the room Dr. weren’t going to beat around the bush, so just tell me. What was she doing
Cullen had given to me only upon instinct when we got back from Phoenix. there?”
It was as if I’d been on autopilot, so-to-speak, my legs leading me there on I looked at him for a moment before having to avert my gaze, unable to
their own accord. take seeing those eyes– Elizabeth’s eyes– staring back at me. It was always
I slid back into the bed and Edward walked into the room, shutting the so fucking hard looking at Edward because of how much he looked like his
door quietly. He walked around to his side and got into the bed, grabbing a mother.
hold of me and pulling my body close to his. He buried his nose in my hair “She, uh… she was… the help,” I said quietly, staring down at the stack
and inhaled deeply, his body shuddering as he exhaled. of papers on my desk, my heart starting to thump rapidly as I prepared
“Buon compleanno, mia bella ragazza,” he whispered. “Happy Birthday, myself for whatever potential bad reaction he was about to have. I’d been
Bella.” stunned when I discovered she was a slave because she didn’t look like one
at all. Mrs. Evanson was so peculiar that she required their help to be
52 37
dressed nice and well groomed, not wanting any of their belongings out of
sort. Most of the Mafiosi took decent care of their slaves, but the Evanson
family always took it to the next level.
“The help?” he echoed, the tension in his voice thick. “What, like the
fucking maid, Dad? Was she a goddamn waitress? Because the two of you
were, what? Fifteen? That’s not exactly old enough to be legally employed
in that shit, is it? Not like you motherfuckers follow laws or anything…”
I sighed exasperatedly and pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration.
“No, she wasn’t legally employed, Edward. She wasn’t paid…”
“So it’s fucking true,” he snapped, sitting forward quickly as he raised
his voice. I could hear the anger and hurt in it but couldn’t bear to look at
him, knowing I’d see it reflecting in those fucking green eyes that he’d
gotten from Elizabeth. “Seriously, it’s fucking true?!”
“Yes,” I said quietly. His temper flared and he shoved the front of my
desk as he stood up, thrusting it into me with the force of his hands. I
grabbed a hold of the laptop before it was jolted to the floor and glanced
over at him as he started pacing the floor. His left hand was clenched into

Chapter 64
a fist as he gripped onto his hair with his right hand, his expression and
movements full of rage.
“How could I have been so fucking stupid and not seen it sooner?” he
said, shaking his head. “All the fucking signs were there. Never in a million
years would I have imagined she’d have fucking been… you’d have
fucking… Christ!” Unexpected
I sighed and shifted my desk forward and off of me, shaking my head. Isabella
“You can say the word, Edward,” I said. “Saying the word doesn’t make it…”
“…any more or less real, fuck, I know!” he snapped. “You’ve said that I sat in the dim library, gazing out into the immense darkness of the
shit before. But tell me, Dad, can you fucking say it?” Cullen’s yard. It was a dreary night, the fog thick and the rain splattered
“Of course I can,” I responded quickly. “It’s just a word.” against the window as it fell from the massive clouds hovering above. There
“Then say it. Fucking say it out loud. Drop the ‘she was the fucking help’ was no sign of the moon or any stars, nothing but blackness. It was eerie,
bullshit and say it,” he said, glaring at me angrily. “Tell me what my mother the sight of the rain and the sounds echoing in the still library, but it felt
really was.” almost fitting. It was how I felt on the inside… empty, black, ugly…
“Slave,” I said pointedly, losing my composure. “She was a slave, It was hard to put words to it and practically impossible to describe. I
Edward. I didn’t know she was one when I first met her because Mrs. felt almost dead. I might have been taking oxygen into my lungs and my
Evanson had such a stick up her ass that she made sure even her slaves heart may have been pushing blood through my body, but a part of me had
looked meticulous…” stopped existing. It hadn’t been instantaneous– in fact, there was
His eyes snapped in my direction as his anger flared even more. “I can’t absolutely nothing quick and painless about it. It had been a slow,
fucking believe that. My mother lived with that sadistic little bitch? Fuck, torturous death, agonizingly painful as I withered away from the
she lived with Alec, she was my uncle’s fucking slave?! It’s no goddamn knowledge that it had been my fault. My existence had destroyed her and
wonder she was so fucking afraid of him. Is that why he feels like he owes everyone suffered because I lived. Every day it became clearer to me that if
her? Because of what she fucking went through in his house?” I had never been born, none of it would have happened. I had dragged them
“I, uh… I guess you could say that. That’s not really my story to tell all down and continued to drag them down. She’d still be alive if it weren’t
and…” I started but he groaned loudly with irritation and cut me off. for me and nothing anyone could say would change my mind.
“Of course it’s not your fucking story to tell. The goddamn cop-out I sighed and glanced over at the clock on the wall, straining my eyes
answer of the century. Nobody wants to fucking tell me anything so they and trying to make out the numbers. There was enough light filtering in
pawn it off to everyone else and I just stay in the fucking dark. I can’t from the hallway for me to notice the small hand on the twelve, realization
38 51
left with a black spot, a hole in the middle that nothing could fill but that believe you. Christ, I fucking can’t believe you’d keep this from me. How
missing piece. could you? After everything, how could you not fucking tell me?” he yelled,
Ah, like I said, I was much too fucking exhausted for intelligent thought. slamming his hands down on my desk. I was trying to remain calm but his
I was worn down, my hands shaky and my eyes burning, my body demeanor was driving me to snap. I reached over and shoved his hands off
screaming for rest but my mind even more desperate for it. My mind my desk, standing up and glaring at him.
wanted peace… but there would never be peace for me without Elizabeth. “It’s in your best interest to calm the hell down,” I said sharply. “If you
Without her, I’d always have a missing piece. want a fucking explanation, Son, sit your ass down. If not, leave from my
sight. The choice is yours. I’m not going to sit here and let you berate me
like some child. It’s about time you grow the hell up.”
February 14th, 1983 He stood, frozen in his spot, scowling at me and clenching his hands into
“Carlisle,” she said softly, her face nuzzled into my neck as her hand fists. I could tell he wanted to say something, that he wanted to lash out at
gently stroked my bare chest. Her fingers were sending a tingling across me some more, but he knew I wasn’t playing games with him. He knew if
my flesh, the sensation causing my heart to act erratically. he wanted answers he was going to have to do things my way because I
“Yes, Lizzie?” I asked quietly, squeezing her. We were lying in the bed, wouldn’t be pushed around.
the covers draped over our naked forms loosely. He huffed with annoyance and plopped down in the chair, continuing to
“I love you,” she whispered. I smiled and leaned down, kissing the top stare at me angrily. I sat back down carefully and straightened some papers
of her head. up on my desk that he’d disturbed in his outburst, giving the laptop screen
“I love you, too,” I responded. “I’ll spend the rest of my life loving you.” a quick glance.
She glanced up at me and smiled brightly, her face practically glowing “When do you suppose I should’ve told you, Edward? When you were
with happiness. It was stunning to see her like that, a vision I never wanted two and didn’t know what a fucking slave was? When you were eight and
to lose. looked at your mother like she was infallible? After she was gone, when you
“You know, Alec could’ve come today,” she said. “I hold no grudge were already hurting?” I asked pointedly. “I didn’t keep it from you to be an
against him. Nothing that happened to me was his fault. He’s your family asshole, or to keep you in the dark. The time was just never right…”
and…” “Don’t you think I had a right to fucking know?” he interrupted. “Not
“Ours,” I interrupted her. She stopped talking and her brow furrowed just me, but Jasper and Emmett too? Didn’t we have a right to know who
as she looked at me. “Ours, Lizzie. He’s our family.” our mother really was?”
She smiled softly and nodded. “Our family,” she repeated. “He should’ve His question sent my temper flaring and I slammed my hands against
come to the wedding.” my desk, disrupting the papers I’d just fucking fixed. “That’s not who your
I sighed. “He should’ve, but he didn’t. We can’t change the past, though, mother was!” I snapped. “Haven’t we fucking been through this before with
and it’s done with now. We have a whole life in front of us now to focus on, Isabella? How many times have I overheard you telling her that just
there’s no reason to dwell on the shit we can’t change.” because she’d lived a certain life didn’t mean that was who she was? How
“A life,” she said quietly. many times, Edward? And you sit here and have the audacity to turn it
“Yes, a life. One I can’t imagine without you. I need you Elizabeth. I around and use that against me, against your mother?”
can’t live without you and if the day ever comes that I’m forced to… uh… He looked at me in shock. “I didn’t mean…” he started, but I threw my
well…” hand up to stop him.
She laughed and laid her head back down, nuzzling back into my neck. “It doesn’t matter what you meant. This is precisely why I never wanted
“Well, what?” you to have to find out. I never wanted your view of your mother to be
“Well… I’ll just count down the fucking days until I’m with you again. tainted or tarnished by this. Your mother was an amazing fucking woman.
Fate, remember?” I said. She was strong and beautiful, and just because she’d been controlled and
She hummed contently and closed her eyes. “Fate,” she whispered. forced into slavery didn’t make her any less great,” I said angrily.
“I know,” he said quietly. “Fuck, I said I didn’t mean it like that.”
I stared at him and shook my head. “Your mother was never ashamed
of her past, but she never wanted to have to tell you boys because she didn’t
want you to associate that with her. She wanted people to look at her and
see a wife and a mother, a strong woman… not a fucking former slave,” I
50 39
said. “She didn’t want her life to be about that, just as I’m sure Isabella I nodded and grabbed the laptop, turning it to face him. He glanced at
won’t.” it and his brow furrowed as he scooted forward to get a better look. Isabella
He stared at me for a moment, the anger in his expression waning. “She was still sitting in that chair, staring out into the darkness.
won’t,” he said. I nodded. “What the fuck?” he muttered. I sighed.
“Exactly. And if the two of you someday start a family together, you’ll “She’s been there every night. When you leave the bedroom, she’s never
find yourself in the same shoes I was in. I chose to let Elizabeth have her far behind you. She sits there for hours and when you finally start stomping
future and leave the past behind her, and maybe it was unfair to not tell back upstairs she bolts back into the bedroom before you get there,” I said.
you but it was her life,” I said. “I’m assuming you’d make the same choice “When you’re in school, she reads and drifts around the house like a ghost,
for Isabella and not allow her history to cloud her freedom.” completely in a fog. She doesn’t eat, doesn’t watch TV, doesn’t interact at
He nodded hesitantly. “Yes,” he said. all. She’s just… there.”
“You know, I don’t care what anyone might have told you, Edward. It’s He stared at the screen for a moment before glancing at me, the
impossible to see all of life as strictly black and white. Sometimes you have confusion evident in his eyes. “Seriously?” he asked. I nodded.
to follow your heart and not your head, but some people don’t understand “Yes. You’ve been so consumed by this shit that you haven’t even noticed
that and never will. I loved your mother, and I wouldn’t let the logistics of Isabella fading. I know she smiles at you and acts as if everything is fine
it stop me from loving her no matter what people might’ve told me. It wasn’t when you’re around, but the moment you turn your back this is where she
easy, we went through hell fighting to be together and took a lot of risks goes. She drifts away, folds into herself, and it gets worse every day,” I said,
that I’ve thankfully been able to stop you from making so far. I’ve tried to shaking my head. “I don’t know if it’s all because of her mother or what, but
make it as easy as possible on you, so that maybe you’d learn from my she’s falling apart.”
mistakes and not follow the path I went down and face the obstacles we had He blinked in surprise and glanced back at the screen, looking stunned.
to face.” “Fuck,” he mumbled, obviously at a loss for words. He stared at the live-
“That’s why you said that shit that day when we went to the shooting feed of Isabella in the library and I sighed, hoping it was sinking in.
range, when you told me what I needed to do to get her accustomed to the “Have a good night Son.”
outside world if I wanted a chance with her. You knew that shit and asked I looked away from him and picked up my pen, focusing on the
me to trust you because you’d already been through it yourself,” he said. paperwork in front of me. He sat there frozen for a moment before sighing
“Yes. Only I had no one to explain it to me or guide me, I had to learn and walking out of the room without another word. I glanced over at the
through trial and error. I was naïve and assumed Elizabeth would be laptop and watched as he quietly crept into the library, pausing and staring
perfectly fine but learned the hard way that it wasn’t that fucking easy. I at her. The tension in that room was almost visible as Isabella turned her
lost my patience with her so many times because I didn’t understand and head to stare at him with a blank expression on her face. He said something
made some major fuck-ups. I was so desperate that I even went so far as to to her and she nodded her head, sitting the book she had in her lap down
take her to a psychiatrist, hoping for a quick fix, and nearly brought us all and walking out of the library without saying a word to him. I saw his
down in the process,” I said, shaking my head at the memory of that mouth frantically moving as his hand gripped his hair, obviously cursing
catastrophe. under his breath as she walked away from him.
“You did? I mean, she always seemed so fucking… normal. I mean, I glanced up at the clock, seeing it was a few minutes past midnight. It
how… Christ, I can’t believe she was a fucking slave,” he said, choking up was now officially September 13th, 2006… exactly a year to the day that I
on the last word. He covered his face with his hands and grumbled under walked into the Swan house and laid eyes on that frightened child up for
his breath, obviously attempting to rein in his emotion. I watched him for sale, and exactly thirteen years since the last time Elizabeth had laid eyes
a moment, frowning. on her in the flesh. In fact, it was exactly thirteen years ago that she and
“Once I was patient with her and we started working through things, Edward first met, when they were mere naïve children, ignorant to the ills
she came around quickly. I’m surprised after spending so much time with of the world.
Isabella that the possibility that your mother could’ve been in her same Too bad we couldn’t go back to those days, before the two of them were
situation at one point didn’t dawn on you. She has to remind you of her,” I broken down by the realities of life. Their lives were like a large puzzle,
said. He glanced up at me curiously. torn into thousands of pieces, and they were desperately trying to sort
“She does. I didn’t exactly associate those qualities with slavery, through them and put it all back together. I only hoped when they were
though. I just saw the similarities as them both being fucking warm, finished that all of the pieces were still there and neither of them would be
innocent people,” he said. I smiled softly and nodded.
40 49
and it’ll hurt a lot less coming from you, if she knows that you’re okay and “That was exactly our intention,” I said. “Can you see how knowing your
you still love her. You don’t want her finding out any other way.” mother was a former slave would’ve tainted your view of the things she did,
“I know,” he said simply. We sat quietly for a minute before I cleared from her love of books to even her cooking? We didn’t want that.”
my throat and glanced at him. He stared at me for a moment as he processed what I was saying. He
“How are you, anyway? I haven’t really asked how you’re coping with didn’t appear angry anymore, but there was sadness in his expression that
everything. I know you’ve been busy trying to sort out this stuff about your made me feel bad. I could see the unshed tears brimming his eyes as he
mother, but how are you dealing with what happened in Phoenix?” I asked fought them back, not wanting to show so much emotion about it. He was
curiously. He shrugged and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. trying to be strong, and that was always how my son was. As much as
“Fuck, I don’t know… I’ve tried not to think about it, you know. It wasn’t Isabella was like Elizabeth, my son was even more like me.
the first time I saw someone die but that shit was fucked up, seeing Alec… “She reminds you of mom, too,” he said quietly.
you know. And Christ, seeing her mother… I still can’t believe that shit,” I nodded hesitantly. “Very much so.”
he rambled.
“It is unfortunate but she’s in peace now. As for the other two, I can’t
say I’m sad to see them dead,” I said. “If you want to talk about it, I’ll listen.” July 12th, 1980
“Yeah, well, thanks but no thanks,” he muttered. “I’d rather just fucking “Here,” Elizabeth’s voice rang out, startling me because I hadn’t heard
forget about it.” her approaching. I turned around to look at her, my brow furrowing when
“Understandable,” I responded. “But if you change your mind, I’m here. she held a glass out to me. I took it carefully. “I figured you’d be thirsty
I was never there for you enough and I regret that, so if you ever need to since you said you were so hot.”
talk, I’m here to listen.” “Uh, yeah. Thank you. What is it?” I asked curiously, glancing down at
“Yeah,” he mumbled. “Whatever.” the glass. She smiled softly, her eyes darting around as she looked to make
“So what are you doing for Isabella’s birthday?” I asked curiously. sure no one was listening to our exchange.
“Fuck, I don’t know,” he said, shrugging. “She said she doesn’t want to “It’s a homemade cherry coke. They’re my specialty.”
do anything or make a big deal about it but I feel like an ass not celebrating
it. I mean, I don’t even know how old she is. I know she’s really seventeen
but how fucking old did you make her?” August 9th, 1981
I smiled. “Legally, she’s nineteen. We made her eighteen when I brought I flung the front door to the Evanson’s Chicago house open with so much
her here and kept that.” force that it slammed into the wall, not bothering to knock or even close the
“Nineteen,” he repeated, smirking. “So I’m dating an older woman.” door behind me. I sprinted up the stairs in a panic, my heart pounding so
I laughed lightly. “I guess you could say that, technically speaking. And forcefully in my chest it felt like the fucking thing was going to rupture. I
Isabella has never celebrated a birthday before, so it’s not surprising she was in a panic and I knew I’d fucking get reprimanded for my behavior, but
doesn’t want to celebrate this one after everything that’s happened.” none of that mattered to me at that moment. It didn’t matter what any of
“Yeah, I’ll probably just take her to dinner or whatever. I thought about them thought or what they’d possibly do to me later… all that mattered
going to Seattle for the night, if that’s cool with you,” he muttered. was her.
“I have nothing to do with it,” I said, shaking my head. “She’s a free girl I ran for the door on the end of the hall on the second floor, nearly
now. She can live in my home as long as necessary, but she’s free to do as colliding with Alec as he stepped out of another room. He grabbed a hold of
she pleases.” me to make me stop but I shoved him away roughly, anger surging through
“That’s the best thing anyone could give her,” he said quietly before me.
chuckling. “I sure as fuck can’t top that gift.” “How could you?” I snapped, glaring at him. “How could you just leave
I laughed, shaking my head. “It’s not a gift, Edward. It’s just giving her her here alone? Unprotected?”
what she’s been entitled to all along, what’s rightfully hers.” I paused. “Do “I am truly sorry, Carlisle,” he said calmly.
you… uh, do you even know what she’s doing right now?” “Sorry? You’re apologizing to me? Did you fucking apologize to her?” I
He sighed and glanced back at the clock on the wall. “Sleeping,” he said, screeched. He shook his head and I laughed bitterly, grabbing onto my hair
a hint of confusion in his voice. “I mean, she was sleeping when I left her.” with frustration. “Of course not. How could you, Alec? I’ve never fucking
asked you for anything! You know how I feel about her! How could you let
this happen?”
48 41
 “I didn’t think,” he said. “I never thought they’d touch her in my home.” “Alec is dealing with all of that as the executor but it’ll take months before
“What, you thought these bastards were trustworthy?” I snapped. “You, it clears the courts.”
of all people, decided to be fucking trusting today? You should’ve kept an “So she seriously gets everything?” he asked. “I knew he signed the
eye on her! You know how some of them are when it comes to the Irish! papers or whatever but I really didn’t fucking think about him actually
They saw her as a toy, you dangled a piece of meat in front of their faces dying. I mean, he was a fucking vile man, I figured he’d live to be 108 just
and then turned your damn back expecting them not to attack?! You to torture us all.”
should’ve fucking known better!” I smiled and shook my head. “Yes, she gets everything. All of the Swan
“I know,” he said. “It’s too late to change it now, but I realize I made an land, the house, the money… she’d technically get all of the slaves
error in judgment.” according to our code of conduct but, you know… we figured that wouldn’t
“You’re damn right you did, and you better find a way to make it up to be wise.”
her, to repay her, because this shit is on you. You fucking owe her, Alec,” I “Yeah,” he agreed. “That would be fucked up, giving her slaves. It would
snapped, turning and walking away before he could bother responding. I be like a smack in the face.”
pushed the bedroom door open and heard her sobs immediately, the sound As soon as he spoke the words his eyes narrowed and he stared at me
sending pain ripping through my chest. I closed the door behind me and suspiciously. He didn’t speak for a moment but I knew exactly what he was
rushed over to the bed, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her to thinking based on his expression. He could be so transparent sometimes.
me as I sat down. She gripped onto me tightly and buried her face into my “Just say it, Edward,” I said.
neck as I cradled her in my arms. I could feel her entire body trembling, the “What fucking nerve you have doing what the fuck you did!” he snapped,
sight of the tattered clothes and blood filling me with pain and anger. letting it out. “Owning goddamn people after my mother went through that
“It’s okay, Lizzie,” I said softly, rocking her and shushing her as she shit herself?! She would fucking be ashamed of you!’
cried and clung to me. “I’m here now. You’re okay.” His words hurt but I kept my calm demeanor, fighting the urge to lash
“They… they…” she stammered through her sobs. I shushed her back at him. “She would be ashamed, but I assure you my intentions were
quickly, not needing her to say it. always good. Nonna volunteered to come here with me all those years ago
“I know they did, bellissima. I am so sorry,” I said quietly. after spending her life with Aro’s family. He said she was getting too old
“I tried to fight,” she whimpered. “Like you told me to always do. I tried.” and wanted to get rid of her, and I spared her life by taking her. After she
I pulled her to me tightly as her body shuddered, her sobs growing passed, I had no intention of getting another, but James forced my hand in
louder. I felt my eyes welling up with tears as the ache in my chest front of Aro by basically thrusting Janet at me. I begrudgingly took her,
intensified. She’d been so strong. and I know killing her was deplorable but she was a threat to us and I felt
“I know, Lizzie. I’m so fucking proud of you for fighting back. Nothing I had no choice. As for Isabella… well, you know why I bought Isabella.” I
like this will ever happen to you again. I swear.” paused and looked at him. “I know I did some horrible things, and your
mother wouldn’t be happy with me, but I can’t take them back as much as
I wish I could.”
January 5th, 1983 “Yeah, well, like I said before, I’m not the one you need to be saying that
I staggered down the steps, rubbing my eyes in an attempt to wake shit to,” he said, irritation in his voice. “You ought to be fucking apologizing
myself up. It was early, so early the sun hadn’t even risen yet, and I still to her.”
should’ve fucking been asleep. I was exhausted but I had woken up to an I sighed exasperatedly. “Maybe someday I will… after you tell her the
empty room and there was no way I could just go back to sleep until I truth, of course. My apology for what I did to her wouldn’t mean much of
figured out where the hell she had gone. anything if she didn’t understand why.”
She knew I hated waking up to find her missing. It worried me. “Well I’m sure as fuck not telling her right now,” he said. “The last thing
I stumbled toward the kitchen, yawning and trying to clear my vision she needs right now is the guilt of what happened to my mother. She’s got
because my eyes were crusted over and watering. I rubbed them some more enough fucking hurt and guilt about her own.”
and froze when I hit the doorway and spotted her, blinking a few times so I nodded. “Someday, then,” I said, glancing over at the laptop. “You can’t
she’d come into focus. keep secrets from her forever, not if you want your relationship to survive.
She was standing in front of the counter, spreading frosting on a cake. The day I got her I told her I might someday explain to her why she was
I could smell the sweetness in my groggy state and knew she’d just fucking chosen. It would be better if she heard it from you. In fact, I think she needs
to hear it from you… because, Edward, she’s going to find out eventually
42 47
 “And you had her freed,” he said. “How? I mean, who vouched for her?” baked it. I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned up against the
“I did,” I said quietly. He looked at me with confusion, obviously not doorframe, shaking my head.
expecting that answer. “They weren’t easily convinced and no one would “Good morning,” I said, my voice still thick from sleep. She jumped,
stand up for me so it was the only way. I tried to convince Alec to do it but startled, and swung around to look at me. She was always so in tune with
he refused, saying it wasn’t his place to intervene. I initiated the day I everyone and everything around her but was starting to lose that a bit– I
turned eighteen and vouched for her that same night. She’d been relatively couldn’t tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing. It meant that she was
free before then, lived with Alec and Esme for a while before coming to stay growing somewhat accustomed to the world and relaxing, but it was never
in our house, but after I vouched for her she was free to go off with me.” good that a motherfucker could sneak up on you with your back to them.
“That easy?” he asked. I laughed bitterly. “Good morning,” she said softly, her cheeks flushing as her eyes roamed
“There was nothing fucking easy about it, Edward. I tried everything I my bare chest before coming to meet mine. “I, uh… I made you a cake.”
could. I got so desperate after she was attacked that I tried to take her and “I see that,” I said, pushing away from the doorway and walking over to
run away, but that was just an utter disaster. The only way your her.
grandfather would allow it to happen would be for me to join the Borgata “It’s Italian Cream Cake,” she said. “I don’t know what kind of cake you
and he’d done a damn good job convincing me that it was for the best. He like, but I knew how to make this one and it was always my favorite.”
convinced me that it was the only way to keep Elizabeth safe, the only way I smiled and grabbed her hips, pulling her closer to me. She smiled
we could truly be together. He’d been so proud of me when I agreed to join, sheepishly and I reached over, swiping some frosting from the top of the
and that’s not something that happened very often. Finally did something cake. I tasted it and hummed, nodding.
to make him happy. Finally lived up to the Cullen name,” I said, shaking “It’s my favorite, too,” I said. Her eyes widened with surprise.
my head. “Damn good that did me.” “Really?” she asked excitedly. “It’s your favorite kind of cake?”
“I, uh… I didn’t know,” Edward said. I shrugged. I chuckled, shrugging. “It is now,” I said jokingly. She laughed and I
“Doesn’t matter. It’s all done with now. Is that everything you wanted leaned forward, pressing my lips to hers. I kissed her gently and she let out
to know? Because I’m exhausted and frankly don’t have the energy for this a soft moan, wrapping her arms around my neck and drawing me closer to
anymore,” I asked with frustration. her. Her lips parted and I kissed her deeply, our tongues mingling together
“I guess. Fuck, I don’t know. I’m still kind of in shock here and shit,” he sensually. I loved kissing her, loved the way she tasted and felt, always so
said. “I mean, what about Emmett and Jasper?” fucking warm and sweet.
I sighed. “I’ll tell them both the first chance I get. They should hear it I pulled back after a minute and she gasped for a breath, gazing at me
from me,” I said. “Whether or not you divulge that to Isabella is up to you.” adoringly as her cheeks flushed again.
“Uh, yeah, I don’t think that’s a good idea right now. I mean, I’ll tell her “Happy birthday, Carlisle.”
someday… just not today,” he muttered. “She’s got enough bullshit on her
mind now as it is.”
“I imagine she does,” I said, glancing over at the laptop still open beside October 1st, 1996
me. It appeared that she hadn’t moved a single inch since the last time I I sat in my office and listened as the choppy piano music filtered in,
looked, which didn’t surprise me a bit. “She’s trying to adjust to knowledge cringing every time a wrong key was struck. They’d been going at it all
of her mother’s death while coming to grips with her own freedom. Her morning, the distinction between when Edward was playing and when
mother’s life ended just as hers begun. Speaking of which…” Elizabeth tried was stunning. You’d think the off-key selection was at the
I scooted my chair back and pulled open the right bottom desk drawer, hands of the eight-year-old and not the adult, but Edward was quite a little
grabbing the files that were sitting on top. I closed the drawer and handed piano prodigy. Instead of fumbling through one of those elementary
the files out to Edward, which he took carefully. “What’s this?” he asked, selections, he was gliding beautifully through Beethoven and Chopin.
cocking an eyebrow at me curiously. Regular ole’ little Mozart, as Elizabeth called him…
“All of Isabella’s paperwork, her citizenship and inheritance I slid my chair back and stood up after a moment, stepping out into the
information. It’ll take a while before the Swan estate is completely settled hallway. I moseyed over to the den where the piano was, pausing and
but when you visited the lawyer he signed the will that made her the sole gazing at them. They sat side by side on the bench, Edward patiently trying
beneficiary. No one will contest it, of course, because Swan doesn’t really to guide her through the notes of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Always so
have any other family, but we have to wait out the technicalities,” I said. patient with his mother…

46 43
 “Not that one, Mom. This one,” he said with a hint of a whine in his “Taken care of, as in, you killed the motherfuckers?” he asked forcefully.
voice, pressing down on a key. Elizabeth nodded and glanced at him, I nodded hesitantly. I hadn’t exactly done anything to them myself but my
smiling. father had been the Boss at the time and ensured they were handled. “So
“Got it, sole. I’ll do better,” she said playfully. Edward rolled his eyes. is this why you won’t let us see Grandma?”
“You said that last time,” he muttered, causing her to laugh. She turned I stared at him, caught off guard by his question. “What?” I asked.
back to the piano and started slowly going through the notes and I cringed He shook his head. “You put Grandma in that home in Chicago and
as she hit that same wrong one again, the music faltering as Edward discouraged us from seeing her or trying to talk to her. Is this why? Were
groaned, palming his face. you afraid she’d fucking tell us? You said she spoke badly about Mom being
“How about you just play for me,” Elizabeth suggested with a laugh. Irish, is it really because she was a slave?”
Edward nodded and started going through a few bars of the Chopin I shrugged. “Your grandmother isn’t in her right mind, Edward. She
piece he’d been practicing for his piano recital coming up. I couldn’t was never very accepting of your mother and I didn’t want you to have to
understand why he had to pick something as morbid as the funeral march, hear her ranting. A slave was bad enough, an Irish slave was worthy of
but I couldn’t deny the fact that he was good at it. Still, the song sent a chill being disowned in her eyes. Your grandfather was more compassionate,
down my spine… I was going to be quite happy when the recital was over thankfully.”
and he’d finally stop playing that shit. “So she was really Irish? I mean, that part’s at least the fucking truth?”
he asked.
“Yes, she was Irish. Full-blooded actually. She was born in Ireland to a
“How…?” Edward started before shaking his head, running a hand teenage girl who was unable to care for her, so she gave her up. Elizabeth
through his hair in frustration. “I mean, fuck, Dad. This is just fucked up.” lived the first two years of her life in an orphanage before an Irish couple
I nodded. “I know it is, son. It’s a lot to take in.” here adopted her. She lived with that family in the Bridgeport area of
“And this is why she was so fucking desperate to save Isabella? Because Chicago until she was six and got to experience normal things that other
she’d fucking been there, because she’d been her?” he asked, raising his children did, like going to kindergarten. But the father fell into some
eyebrows curiously. I could see the hurt in his eyes as he stared at me with trouble with the Irish mob, owed them a lot of money and couldn’t pay so
an agonized expression on his face. I knew this was all hard for him to they decided to snatch Elizabeth in the middle of the night as collateral,” I
accept, everything he’d believed to be true coming into question. I was said. He stared at me curiously.
rocking his foundation and he was fighting to stabilize himself. “And that’s how she became a slave? She was a normal little girl that
“You could say that. Your mother wasn’t born into it as Isabella was, just fucking got kidnapped? Didn’t people look for her?” he asked, his brow
but Elizabeth knew what Isabella had to look forward to. Isabella was still furrowing. I nodded.
quite oblivious when we met her, didn’t really know about the world outside “Of course they looked for her, but do you know how many children go
of hers. She was so innocent and naïve and your mother wanted to save her missing in this country, Edward? Over two thousand kids, every single day.
before reality broke her,” I said, shaking my head. “She didn’t want that Your mother disappeared in 1971, over a decade before the National Center
sweet little girl to go through what she’d gone through. Your mother knew for Missing and Exploited Children was even created. They looked for her
she couldn’t erase her past, but she felt that by giving that little girl a real but the trail went cold, so they moved on to the next missing child. They
future, away from it all, she could somehow make up for it.” didn’t have the Internet or any outside agencies to keep up with those
“The same reason she saved Emmett… something good coming out of things and law enforcement was swamped. They certainly didn’t have
something bad. She wanted to save Emmett because he was made from Amber Alerts back then. All they really had was word of mouth, and once
rape and she was raped and…” he trailed off and a horrified look flashed everyone stopped talking about it and the fliers were covered up or came
across his face. “Fuck, no. Christ, don’t fucking tell me she was that kind of down, it was like she’d never existed,” I said.
slave!” “What about her parents?” he asked. I shook my head.
My eyes widened with surprise and I shook my head quickly. “Oh, no, “They never paid, even after their daughter was taken, so they were
not at all. She was used for labor,” I said, not wanting his mind to go down killed,” I said. “Elizabeth spent a short amount of time living in the
that path at all. My words reassured him and seemed to make him relax a basement of a home connected to the Irish Mob, but the underground war
little. “She was assaulted during that time, but it wasn’t condoned at all hit not long after her kidnapping and the people she lived with were killed
and it was taken care of.” as well. She was taken by the Borgata, bounced between homes as a
servant, and ended up with the Evansons in Phoenix.”
44 45
 I held my hand out to him, grimacing and cursing when he grabbed it squeezing me in a hug. I heard Jasper’s laughter and glanced over to see
roughly. “Christ, take it easy.” him standing in the doorway smiling.
“Stai zitto!”* he snapped. “How many times do we have to go through “Uh, thank you, Alice,” I said.
this, Edward? Seriously, will you never get it? You have to leave that boy “Yeah, happy B-day, Isabella,” Jasper said when Alice let go, holding
alone!” his arms out to me. I smiled softly and felt a swell of emotion as he hugged
I pulled my hand away from him and shook my head. “Whatever. Jacob me, my shame battling with the natural comfort Jasper always made me
walked away. The Volvo took a worse beating than him.” feel.
His brow furrowed. “You got that from punching your car?” he asked, He let go of me after a second, telling us to come inside, and I froze the
stunned because he knew I fucking loved my car and freaked out over a moment I stepped foot into the front room. The place was immense, the
goddamn scratch on it. “Damnit, boy, what the hell happened tonight? And walls a soft tan color that made everything feel warm. It was decorated
where’s Isabella?” mainly in blues and tans and had beautiful artwork on the walls, but that
I groaned. “Christ, I already told you. Jacob fucking happened. As for wasn’t what had stalled my footsteps. It was the large bunch of birthday
Isabella, she’s wherever the fuck he is. Ran away with him down to First balloons weighted down to the round table near the open kitchen that
Beach,” I said. The moment the words rolled from my lips an idea hit me caught my eye. There were presents on the table with them and what
and I narrowed my eyes at him. “You’re going to fucking go get her, aren’t appeared to be a cake, and I just stared at it all in shock. I felt so much
you? You can’t just leave her down there. She shouldn’t fucking be there.” gratitude toward my friends in that moment but my guilt ate away at me
He stared at me for a moment, obviously contemplating my question. I as the tears formed in my eyes. I hadn’t wanted them to do anything for my
awaited his response and he reached up, pinching the bridge of his nose in birthday because celebrating felt like a sham.
frustration. “She’s free,” he said after a moment. My eyes widened in shock “You guys shouldn’t have…” I started, but Alice cut me off quickly.
at his response and he sighed. “I can’t just go drag her back here. I don’t “Don’t be silly,” she said, grabbing my arm and pulling me over toward
have the right. In fact, it would be entirely wrong of me. Her life is her own the table. I sighed, resigned to the fact that fighting her on the matter was
now and she can have friends, you should respect that...” useless. She pulled a chair back and smiled brightly, motioning for me to
“You expect me to fucking respect this?” I retorted. “Respect? He doesn’t sit down. I obliged as Edward strolled over, leaning back against the
fucking respect me, and after what he did to me, I’m supposed to respect counter across the room and gazing at me curiously. Alice started sticking
their friendship? I’m supposed to like this?” candles in the cake on the table and I glanced at it, reading the words
“I didn’t say you had to like it,” he said. “Nor did I say you should respect ‘Happy Birthday Isabella’ written in red frosting. Jasper went behind Alice
him, I simply said you ought to respect her right to make her own choices and lit the candles, both of them stepping off to the side when they were
whether you like them or not.” finished. Alice started belting out the birthday song in a squeaky voice, both
“I do,” I responded defensively. “I’m not that big of an asshole. I tell her Edward and Jasper mumbling along with her, and when they were finished
all the fucking time to make her own decisions and get her own opinions.” they told me to make a wish and blow them out. I stared at the flickering
“Well, then, you should see this as her doing just that,” he said casually. flames of the birthday candles for a moment before silently wishing for the
I groaned and pushed past him, heading for the stairs. only thing I truly wanted in that moment.
“How come no one is fucking taking my side on this?” I mumbled in I wished, after everything was said and done, for us to be okay.
annoyance, pissed off that no one seemed to think it was that big of a I took a deep breath and blew out the candles, smiling when Alice
fucking deal that she was with him. My father laughed at my response, the started cheering enthusiastically. I watched as the puffs of smoke rose from
sound hitting a nerve because there was nothing fucking funny about the the candles and Jasper started pulling them out as Alice practically thrust
situation. a present at me. I gaped at it, unsure of how to react, and Edward groaned.
“This isn’t about choosing sides, Edward. Remember that day we went “Take that shit down a notch, Alice,” he said, shaking his head. “Give
to the firing range and you confessed to me your feelings for her? I told you her some fucking room to breathe.” Alice rolled her eyes but I smiled at
that someday the real world would creep up on you and you needed to be him, grateful because it was all a bit overwhelming and I appreciated him
prepared for it. Well, it seems you’ve finally hit that moment. The little trying to look out for me. I opened the small package carefully, finding what
bubble the two of you lived in upstairs has finally popped, whether you appeared to be an expensive silver watch. I pulled it out and eyed it
know it or not,” he said. I laughed dryly. carefully.
“That’s from Rosalie,” Alice said. I looked at her with surprise and she
* Shut up! smiled. “They were mailed here.”
92 61
 I nodded in understanding, grateful and overwhelmed that even from “Yeah, well, what are you doing here?” she asked with irritation. “I can’t
afar, they cared. She handed me more presents and I opened a big box of believe you’re partying while your girlfriend is out there somewhere
art supplies that smelled like fruits from Emmett with a letter that said hurting!”
not to smell them too much or I might get high. There was an added note “She’s not just somewhere, Alice,” I said angrily. “She’s in La Push.
on the bottom from Rosalie saying Emmett experimented and confirmed What do you expect me to do? I can’t exactly fucking go get her.”
that it was indeed possible to get high off of them, suggesting that I keep “So, instead of waiting for her to come back, you’re just going to go back
them from Edward so he didn’t get any bright ideas. We laughed and to this crap?” she yelled, the ferocity in her voice startling me. Alice was
Edward groaned in annoyance at Rosalie’s jab, but smiled anyway. always the most patient and understanding of my friends, never fucking
Alice got a purse for me, saying that it was time I started carrying one giving up on me no matter what, but she clearly was being pushed to the
because every woman needed a good purse, and Jasper gave me Jeopardy brink.
and Trivial Pursuit handheld electronic games since he knew I enjoyed “Christ, Alice, I didn’t fucking do anything,” I snapped back. “I’m
them. completely sober. Yeah, I fucking beat up my car, whatever. She’s the one
“This is from Esme and Alec,” Jasper said, handing me another package. who fucking walked away here, not me.”
I froze and stared at it, stunned. They all looked at me curiously so I took She rolled her eyes. “You were never patient Edward, but geez, you
it from him after a second, taken aback that they had gotten me a birthday weren’t exactly a quitter either,” she said with annoyance. I sighed and
present. I opened it carefully, pulling out a medium-sized copper box with looked away, tensing up when I saw people were watching us and clearly
a glass window on the top of it. Inside the window was a four-leaf clover fucking eavesdropping. I didn’t want them knowing my goddamn business,
along with some red hearts and shiny silver beading. It was stunning and because it had nothing to do with any of them.
I pulled the lid off to see it was lined in velvet which was the same color as “I’m leaving,” I muttered, brushing by her quickly and walking out of
the hearts on the front. I wasn’t entirely sure what it was, but I felt my eyes the house. I bumped into some freshman prick and knocked him down in
welling up with tears at the fact that it was obviously something special. my haste, but he didn’t say a fucking word to me about it. I headed over to
“It’s a reliquary box,” Edward said gently, his voice startling me because my car, groaning when I saw the extent of the damage to the windshield,
I hadn’t noticed him approach. “I’m guessing based on the front it and was about to get in when Alice’s voice stopped me.
represents love and luck. You’re supposed to store your treasures in it– your “You were right on the phone,” she said. I turned and looked at her
important shit.” curiously, wondering what the fuck she was talking about. “You said that
I glanced up at him and smiled as a tear slipped down my cheek. “I don’t out of everyone, you’d understand most what she was going through. That’s
think you’ll fit,” I said softly, wiping my eyes. He chuckled. true, so why aren’t you understanding? All of the mistakes you made, all of
“Yeah, I don’t think so either, tesoro. Not even my dick would fit in that the people you love that you accidentally hurt because you were hurting...
thing,” he said playfully. I blushed and shook my head as they all laughed. why can’t you see? I never lost faith in you, Edward Cullen, because I
I sat the box down on the table and sighed. always knew you were a good person. What happened to your faith in her?”
“Are we done?” I asked, glancing around at them. They all nodded and I stared at her for a moment but I had no idea what the fuck to say in
I breathed a sigh of relief, glad that part was over. response, so I just turned away and got into the car, starting it up and
We sat around and ate cake, chatting nonchalantly. Jasper told us about backing out of the driveway. I drove through Forks, that lump reforming in
school and life in Seattle, and Alice and Edward shared stories about my throat as I once again tried to fight back the emotion threatening to
everyone back in Forks. I listened, grateful that the attention was off of me take hold of me. I headed straight to the house, my heart dropping when I
for the time being, just content being in their company for the moment. saw her car still wasn’t there. I parked beside my father’s Mercedes and got
They ended up ordering pizza and we spent the evening watching movies out, taking a deep breath as I started for the house. The moment I stepped
and playing games, the atmosphere relaxed. Eventually Rosalie and into the foyer I came face to face with my father, the smile on his face falling
Emmett called and I spoke to them for a few minutes as they filled me in when he took in my expression.
about school and wished me a happy birthday. “What happened?” he asked with concern. I sighed and ran my hand
“So, have you thought about what you’re doing next year?” Jasper asked through my hair, his eyes widening when he saw the injuries to my
Edward at one point, his question making me nervous because Edward and knuckles.
I hadn’t approached the subject since returning and I wasn’t sure what his “Jacob happened,” I mumbled, shutting the front door behind me.
thoughts on the matter were. He shrugged. “Damnit, Edward!” he said with anger, walking toward me. “Give me
your hand.”
62 91
I still fucking worried about her, and regardless of how I felt at that “Probably going to school somewhere in California, I guess,” he said.
moment I didn’t want her to be hurting. She was always so vulnerable and “Wherever Isabella wants to go.” I smiled softly as he glanced over at me.
naive, and despite the fact that my pride screamed for me to deny it, I knew “What’s in California?” Alice asked. Edward chuckled.
I still fucking loved her just as much as I had before any of it happened. “Don’t even ask,” he said. “It’s not Forks or Chicago and that’s all that
She was fucking up and I didn’t know why, but after spending so much time really matters to me now. As long as she marries me, I’ll follow her ass to
with her and getting to truly know her, there was no goddamn way I could the fucking gates of Hell if that’s where she wants to go.”
dispute the fact that she loved me back. Against everything she had been Jasper had been taking a drink and choked on it when Edward spoke,
made to believe in life, she opened herself up to me both emotionally and spraying soda all over himself as he started coughing forcefully. He threw
physically. She fucking surrendered herself to me, gave in to the emotions, his hands in the air in an attempt to open his windpipe, gasping for air.
and nothing would change that. I just couldn’t fucking figure out why the “What the fuck’s wrong with you?” Edward asked, looking at Jasper.
shit was happening as it was... Jasper shook his head as he caught his breath, wiping his eyes as they had
What the fuck had happened to us? started watering.
I was brought out of my thoughts quickly as weight abruptly landed on “Nothing, man. It just caught me off guard to hear you say that word,”
me, my eyes snapping open in surprise. I glared at Tanya sitting on my lap, he said. Edward’s brow furrowed.
her mischievous smile and the twinkle in her eyes annoying me because it “What word?” he asked.
was clear exactly what the bitch was thinking. “What the fuck are you “Marriage,” he said, standing up and heading into the kitchen to clean
doing, Tanya?” I asked, grabbing her hips and pushing her off of me. She himself up. Edward rolled his eyes.
glared at me angrily as she settled on the couch beside me. “Whatever. I never thought I’d do the shit either. I’m just glad she
“You are such a little bitch,” she said with irritation. “Afraid of pussy agreed to it,” he said.
these days?” “Excuse me?” Jasper said, stepping back into the room with a stunned
I laughed bitterly and shook my head. “Just have no interest in yours,” expression on his face. “What did you just say?”
I said, sitting up and stretching. Edward groaned. “Christ, Jazz, are you fucking deaf?” he said with
“Awww, why not?” she asked, a slight maliciousness to her voice. “I irritation.
figured yours had moved on, since I saw her with Jacob Black tonight.” “No, but I thought I just heard you say she agreed to marry you,” Jasper
Anger ripped through me at the mention of it, my attempts to clear my said.
head of it all failing thanks to this bitch sitting next to me. She fucking “I did,” Edward said. “I mean, well, I asked and she agreed, but…”
knew how I felt about him and was trying to goad me. “Shut the fuck up, “You proposed?!” Alice screeched, jumping up.
Tanya.” “I guess you could say that,” he said. Alice turned to look at me with
“Oh, did I hit a nerve?” she asked, still smirking. “Can’t really say I shock and rushed right at me, grabbing my hand.
blame you for hitting the coke tonight, I would too.” I shook my head and “Where’s the ring?” she asked excitedly. I just stared at her and heard
stood up, starting to walk away but hesitating momentarily. I turned and Edward groan.
tossed the baggie of coke onto her lap along with the rolled up dollar bill. “I didn’t have one,” he said. Alice gasped and narrowed her eyes at him.
“You know, help yourself, Tanya,” I said. “I’ve got something better than “What do you mean you didn’t have a ring? Did you at least get down on
that shit.” one knee?” she asked. Edward shook his head and she groaned loudly,
I turned back around and walked out before she could respond, nearly reaching out and smacking him on the side of the head. My eyes widened
colliding with Alice when she stepped in the front door of Demetri’s house in shock as Edward cursed, rubbing his head. “What kind of freaking
as I attempted to leave. She narrowed her eyes at me and put her hands on proposal was that, Edward Cullen?!”
her hips as she blocked my path, glaring at me angrily. “I would ask what “It wasn’t a fucking real one, Christ,” Edward snapped. “I mean, I just
happened to your car but your hand answered that question. Are you trying asked her if she’d marry me someday.”
to destroy your life, Edward?” “That’s even worse!” Alice screeched, reaching out to hit him again but
I rolled my eyes at her dramatics and flexed my right hand, trying to he was prepared that time and warded her off.
fight back the urge to cringe from the pain and soreness in my fingers. “My “Shit, Alice, stop hitting me,” he said. “It’s not like I fucking planned it,
hand’s fine,” I muttered. it just kind of came out.” She shook her head and sighed with annoyance.
“I thought you knew better than that, Edward. All the planning you put
into Valentine’s Day and you completely blow the proposal,” she said.
90 63
 He opened his mouth to respond but I chimed in quickly before he could, that to be with Edward Cullen in any way you had to put up with the
feeling bad that he was getting so much grief for something that had made attitude. I know that’s not true now, because you weren’t happy then like I
me feel so special. “He didn’t blow it,” I said. “I don’t need any of that stuff. thought you were. But you were happy with... that girl.”
It was genuine and that was all that mattered to me. He doesn’t need to “Isabella,” I said. The word hurt to speak and barely made it out
give jewelry as long as he gives me himself.” through the lump in my throat, but I didn’t like hearing someone referring
Edward smirked. “See, you hear that shit, Short Stuff? I didn’t fuck up,” to her as just a fucking girl. She was more than that. “Her name’s Isabella.”
Edward said defensively. Jasper and I both laughed as Alice rolled her eyes, “Isabella,” Jessica echoed. “You were different with her, and I won’t lie
sitting back down. to you. It kind of hurt, because I always hoped you’d someday want to
“You still could’ve gotten down on one knee,” she said. Edward chuckled. actually be with me, but I know now you won’t ever want to be. We started
“Yeah, well, I did get between her knees, if you know what I mean,” he messing around years ago and never once did you ever smile at me like you
said jokingly. I blushed in embarrassment and Alice rolled her eyes again. smile at that... uh, Isabella. She made you really happy.”
“Yeah, I’m sure that was romantic,” she muttered. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, frustrated and still hurting.
“It was,” I responded immediately without thinking. Edward laughed. “She did,” I said, before correcting myself quickly. “She does. Usually,
“See,” he said. “I know how to do my girl right. I know how to get all up anyway.”
in that pussy…” Jessica smiled sadly. “You know, the part of me that still cares about
“No, no, no,” Jasper said loudly, shaking his head and holding his hands you doesn’t like seeing you like this,” she said, glancing over at the coke
up. “You can’t talk about this. She’s like a sister to me now and I don’t want again. “I mean, don’t get me wrong... I’d happily sneak off with you like we
to hear it.” used to, but I know that wouldn’t be what really makes you happy and you
Edward chuckled and shrugged. “Fair enough. Alice fucking started it, shouldn’t turn into that asshole guy again that does those things, because
though.” that’s not who you really are. This isn’t you, you know? But like you said,
They changed the subject quickly, much to my relief, and the rest of the it’s not like my opinion counts or anything.”
evening passed by fairly uneventfully. Edward and I headed into the guest She shrugged and stood up, turning to walk away. I gripped on to my
bedroom sometime after midnight and changed, climbing into the bed to hair tightly, still partially frustrated but overwhelmed by the guilt I had
get some rest. He pulled me into his arms and I snuggled against his chest, almost felt moments earlier. She’d just been really fucking nice to me and
neither of us saying anything for a while. He was gently rubbing my back I had never done a goddamn thing to deserve it, having treated her like shit
as my hand slid under his shirt, my fingers running over the ridges of his since the day we met.
abs and stroking the trail of hair that ran down his stomach. She had been nothing but sex to me, a means to get off, and I always
“I wish I could read your mind,” Edward said finally, breaking the had suspicions that she had real feelings for me but just exploited that for
silence. my own gain. “Jessica?” I said. She turned to look at me, raising her
“Why’s that?” I asked. eyebrows curiously. “I’m... uh...fuck. Thank you.”
“So I could know what to say to make it better,” he responded. I stilled She smiled, despite the fact that I couldn’t get a fucking apology out.
my hand and glanced up at him, seeing the concern in his expression. I “You’re welcome,” she said, shrugging like it was no big deal but I could see
sighed and shook my head. the twinkle in her eyes because I was actually being nice to her. Michael
“You always know what to say,” I said. He laughed dryly. Newton walked into the doorway and called her name, excitedly telling her
“If that was true, you wouldn’t sneak out of bed every night,” he said. I to come play beer pong with him in his already intoxicated state. I glared
tensed up at his words and he shook his head. I sat up to give him some in disgust as he staggered off and she sighed. “At least one of us ought to
room as he propped himself up on his elbows to look at me with a serious be happy,” she mumbled.
expression on his face. “Yeah, I know. My father’s had the cameras on since She rolled her eyes and I chuckled, leaning back against the couch. I
we got back. I know you spend most of your time sitting in the library and closed my eyes and tried to block everything out and clear my head, wishing
just staring into space. I know you walk around like a fucking zombie when that fucking pain would disappear. I was still confused, having no idea
I’m not around. I know you slip out of bed. I know all of that shit, Bella, but what the hell had driven her to run off to that asshole, Jacob Black, for
what I don’t know is why you won’t talk to me about it. I don’t know why consoling and led me back to Demetri’s couch with a pile of blow in front of
you’d rather lie to me.” me. I wondered what the fuck she was telling Jacob, the thought of her
I could tell he was upset by his tone and I stared at him, my guilt and confiding in him causing my chest to tighten as feelings of betrayal swept
shame skyrocketing when I saw the hurt in his eyes. It pained me to know through me, but there was a part inside of me that still ached for her pain.
64 89
mind continually drifting to thoughts of Isabella, and I needed to dull the I was hurting him because it was the last thing I ever wanted to do. I never
pain before it got any worse. They must’ve sensed I wasn’t in the mood for wanted to cause Edward Cullen an ounce of pain, but it was the thing I’d
their bullshit because they both walked out without saying another word succeeded in doing most.
to me. I pulled my American Express card out and was dumping some of I tried to fight back my tears but they came regardless, and I averted
the powder out on the table when Tanya, Lauren and Jessica walked in my eyes, unable to take his expression. I lay back down and rolled away
with Tyler in tow. Tyler eyed me suspiciously as Tanya smiled wickedly. from him, squeezing my eyes shut tightly, and wishing the outside world
“Well, lookie who it is,” she said. “Edward Cullen. Didn’t think I’d see would disappear. I heard him sigh as the bed shifted, and I held my breath
you here.” waiting for him to get up and walk away. My chest ached at the mere
“Do you ever think?” I responded in annoyance. “I figured you needed to thought of him ever leaving me– he always swore he wouldn’t give up on
have a brain for that shit.” She narrowed her eyes at me as others around me, but I just kept waiting for the day when he changed his mind. I was
us laughed. I started lining up the powder as Jessica walked over and waiting for the moment to come when he realized he’d been wrong about
carefully sat down on the edge of the couch beside me. me and decided I didn’t deserve him. I was waiting for the moment when
“What’s wrong with you?” she asked quietly. I glanced at her and he declared I wasn’t worth it and if he knew what I knew, he would. If he
noticed the look of confusion on her face, my irritation mounting. I was tired knew what I knew, he’d hate me just as much as I hated myself.
of people asking me that fucking question. The day after we returned from Phoenix, I had walked into the library
“What do you mean what’s wrong with me?” I asked. “There’s nothing at the Cullen’s house in search of a book to read. I needed something to
fucking wrong with me.” distract me when Edward went back to school and knew reading would be
“This isn’t like you,” she responded, glancing at the coke on the table. I my greatest hope. I could get lost in a different world, be absorbed in a
glared at her with annoyance, wishing she would go the fuck away because fictional time and place, the life of someone else. I had no way of knowing,
she wasn’t helping my mood. as I pulled that worn leather book from the shelf, that instead of escaping
“This isn’t the first time I’ve done this, Jessica,” I said. “Is it so strange into a different world, I’d be drawn further into my own. Little did I know
that I just want to sit here and fucking unwind?” that by opening that book, reality would hit me hard and make me question
“Yes,” she said confidently. “The old Edward would’ve done this, but this everything I’d ever been sure of in my life.
isn’t you.” It was such a simple looking book, but the words contained in the pages
“I’m still the same fucking person,” I said. were some of the most powerful I’d ever read. I’d come upon it a few times,
“No, you’re not,” she said. I groaned in annoyance and sat the credit each time bypassing it for something else, but that day I grabbed it absent-
card down, reaching into my pocket and pulling out a bill. She sighed mindedly and opened it, my brow furrowing in confusion when I saw the
dramatically and shook her head. “I’ve known you a long time Edward, and handwriting.
I know my opinion probably doesn’t count but...” No, I had no way of knowing that I’d stumble upon the diary of Elizabeth
“You’re right,” I said forcefully, interrupting her. “You don’t know a Cullen in the midst of those hundreds of books, and no way of knowing what
goddamn thing about my life, Jessica.” Her words faltered briefly and she I’d discover within it. I had realized almost instantly what it was that I’d
stared at me with a hurt expression on her face, obviously debating whether found, and I should’ve replaced it right away... and I would have if it weren’t
or not to bother continuing. I knew I was being an asshole and I almost felt for what I saw the moment I looked at the page.
bad, but the fact of the matter was she didn’t know shit about what I was I saw my name.
going through. I read that single passage at least a dozen times, never venturing
“I know that you’ve been happy with... that girl,” she said cautiously. I beyond that one page because it contained all the information I’d ever need
stopped what I was doing and stared at her, surprised that she actually had to hear in order to know the truth. The truth that it had all been my fault,
the fucking nerve to try to talk to me about any of it. “Like I said, I’ve known that I had caused it all. She’d still be alive if it weren’t for me and nothing
you a long time, Edward. I know you never really, you know, cared about would ever change that fact.
me like that, but I always cared about you. I’ve liked you since we were Edward would never understand and someday he’d discover the truth,
little and I know you treated me like crap, and I’m not going to sit here and just as I had, and he’d realize then that I wasn’t worth it.
pretend you didn’t. I don’t even want to know what all of that Italian stuff I’d come to terms with my own mother’s death quickly. She chose to end
you’ve said to me means because I’m sure whatever it was would only hurt. her own life and I couldn’t be angry with her for that. She was finally in
But I always put up with it because I thought that was just how you were, peace and free, wherever she was, and that thought made me smile. The
and I thought you were happy being that way. It was always just assumed thought of my mother as an angel, watching over me, was one of the most
88 65
beautiful things I could imagine. She deserved freedom from the life she A hand grasped my shoulder, startling me. I shrugged it away and
lived and she’d found it, and I missed her but I had no right to be selfish. turned around quickly, my eyes narrowed angrily because someone was
She died with a smile on her face and the weight of the world lifted from fucking touching me.
her shoulders, and after everything she had endured and done for me, she Demetri’s eyes widened and he held up his hands defensively, taking a
deserved her moment. She deserved to have one moment where she thought step back.
only of herself and what it was she wanted, and it was clear to me that what “Relax, man,” he said, glancing between me and the damage to the car
she wanted was relief. with a confused expression on his face. “Are you alright?”
I couldn’t fault her for that, and I had no right to grieve over losing her I laughed bitterly and turned back around, grimacing as I flexed my
when by doing so, she finally became free. It was her only true way out and right hand. The blood was seeping from the cuts, my knuckles busted up
I understood that… but Edward’s mother was another story. I could never and stinging. “Do I look alright to you?” I asked in annoyance.
take back what I’d caused and would never forget what it was I’d read when “No. Neither does your car for that matter,” he responded. I groaned as
I opened that book. I stared at the damage and he grabbed my shoulder again, but I didn’t pull
away that time. “Come on, let’s get you a drink. Or a smoke. Or fuck, after
that, maybe you just need a piece of pussy.”
I rolled my eyes and glanced around, picking my phone up off of the
ground. I opened it and groaned when it didn’t light up, noticing the crack
September 13th, 1993
in the screen. I popped the battery out of the back and put it back in, hoping
We went to Phoenix again today. Carlisle almost made us stay it had just gotten dislodged, but I knew it was truly broken when it still
home, but I did everything I could think of to convince him that it wouldn’t turn on. “Whatever,” I muttered with irritation, heading for the
house as I slipped the phone in my pocket. Ben and Angela eyed me warily
would be fine. I played on his guilt and I feel bad about that, but it as I passed and I paused at the front door, turning to look at Ben on a whim.
was important that I go along because I had to see her again. I took “You got anything on you?”
“Uh, yeah, I got some pot... some of that white widow,” Ben said
Edward with me, and Carlisle wasn’t very happy about taking him to
immediately. I sighed and shook my head.
that house around those people, but I told him he was being silly. If “Do you got any blow?” I asked, needing something fucking hard to take
it wasn’t safe for Edward there, then his entire logic about it being me away from the bullshit that was echoing through my mind. He froze and
stared at me with shock, nodding his head hesitantly.
okay to leave her there was ridiculous. Just because Isabella Swan “Some,” he responded. I walked over to him and held my hand out as he
wasn’t my daughter didn’t mean she wasn’t just as special to me as my reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny Ziploc bag filled with the white
powder. He gave it to me and I reached into my pocket, grabbing my wallet
own children.
and pulling out a hundred dollar bill. He tried to shrug me off but I insisted
I knew it was her birthday and it broke my heart that no one paid he take the shit, thrusting it in his hand and walking away before he could
argue with me about it. I went inside and walked through the house,
it any attention. Carlisle wouldn’t let me bring her anything and I
ignoring everyone who acknowledged me because I didn’t have the fucking
gave him the silent treatment because it usually helped me get my patience for them. I walked into the bathroom and washed the blood off of
way, but it didn’t work. We were able to sneak some chocolate along my hand, clenching my teeth as the water made the cuts sting, before
heading into the den. I plopped down beside Felix on the couch with the
and Edward gave her a piece, so at least she got that. The poor baby coffee table in front of it, nodding at him in greeting.
never had chocolate before and wanted to keep it for later. I hope “What’s up, Cullen?” he said cheerfully, smirking. “What the fuck
happened to your hand?”
she got to eat it.
“I had an accident,” I said. Demetri laughed as he walked into the room.
It was so cute seeing her and Edward together. Edward didn’t “Yeah, accidentally beat a hole through your windshield. That shit
know what to think about her at first but she charmed him quickly happens all of the time to the best of us,” he said jokingly. I sighed and
didn’t bother responding to his sarcasm, having no intention of fucking
just like I knew she would. She is such a sweet child and deserves so explaining myself to any of them. My chest was still fucking hurting, my
66 87
I’ve given her everything, Alice. I mean, every fucking thing! And she does much better than she has. She was so dirty again and still didn’t have
this. I’m done with it– I’m tired of it. If this is how she fucking wants it to
any shoes. I just wish Carlisle would’ve let me at least bring her a
be, fine. If she fucking wants to run to him, fine. She’ll fucking learn,” I
said. pair of shoes to protect her feet. I understand why he didn’t but I
“Edward, you know she loves you,” Alice started.
still don’t like it.
“She sure isn’t fucking acting like it,” I said, feeling the tears forming
in my eyes as the pain in my chest intensified. I was fucking devastated I had a hard time leaving and promised her I’d come back soon to
and confused, but I fought it back with everything I had because the last play, but Carlisle said it couldn’t happen anymore. He said I was too
thing I wanted to do was fucking cry like a little bitch. “You know, this is
exactly why I never wanted to fucking fall in love, why I fought that shit
attached and he was just looking out for me, but he didn’t understand.
off. It’s not fucking worth it.” It doesn’t matter if he lets me go to Phoenix with him anymore or not,
“You don’t mean that,” Alice said quietly.
I’m not giving up on Isabella. I love the little girl just like I love
“Don’t you fucking tell me what I mean,” I snapped. “I was better off
back then than I am now. I was better off not giving a shit.” My temper my own children, and I can give up on her no more than I can give up
flared as Alice started to respond, telling me I wasn’t right, and I snapped on my Edward or Jasper or Emmett. Someone has to save her and no
the phone closed in my anger because I didn’t want to hear that shit. She
didn’t know what the fuck she was talking about. She didn’t feel how I felt. one else is even trying. I cry every night just thinking about what she
She didn’t feel the fucking anger that was threatening to take over or the is going to go through when she finally realizes she’s a slave and
pain that was radiating through my body. I felt used and betrayed. Isabella
there’s an entire world she isn’t allowed to be a part of. She is too
was supposed to fucking love me, and she just turned on me like everyone
else in my goddamn life. Everyone fucking left me, no one ever truly gave a special to have to go through that and I have to save her before it
shit or understood me and for her to refuse to talk to me and run off to La happens... with or without my husband’s help.
Push where that motherfucker was made it clear to me she was just like
the rest of them. I didn’t mean shit to her if she could just disregard me like Carlisle doesn’t understand. I can’t save the world and I know
that and not fucking care about the heartache she was causing me. that, but I also know that I can save that little girl. I have to. It’s
I fucking loved her. I gave myself to her, turned my life upside down
fate that I met Isabella Swan. He tells me I’m being ridiculous with
and would’ve given up everything for her, and this was how she chose to
fucking repay me. My hands were shaking as the devastation rocked my fate nonsense, but my intuition has never been wrong before. I felt
through me, fueling my rage. I clutched onto my phone tightly and threw it
it with him, I feel it with my children, and I feel it with Isabella
at my fucking car, screaming profanities as the lump formed in my throat.
My vision clouded over as my hand clenched into a fist, and the need to Swan. She is destined to be a part of my family and nothing he can
release my fucking frustration before the pain crippled me became too say will make me change my mind. I feel it in my bones and just seeing
intense. I couldn’t let myself fucking cry... I couldn’t let it break me.
I hauled back and slammed my fist against the windshield of the car,
her with my Edward reaffirmed that. Those two are supposed to be in
the glass on the passenger side cracking from the force of the blow. The each other’s lives.
desolation coursed through me as I did it again, the windshield starting to
It’s fate.
cave. I did it once more and it gave way completely, my fist breaking
through as the section of glass shattered. Pain tore through my knuckles I realized today that it doesn’t matter what it takes or what may
as the jagged glass ripped the skin, a sharp burning sensation shooting up come of me, I’m going to free her someday. Parents are supposed to
my wrist. I pulled my hand out quickly and grabbed a hold of it, afraid I
was going to break the fucking thing again, pissing me off even further. I protect their children and I would die for mine if it meant keeping
clutched my wrist and screamed, kicking my leg up and slamming my foot them safe, and that includes Isabella.
into the passenger side door. The metal buckled and I groaned, regretting
I will save her.
doing it right away as I glared at the dent.

86 67
 else to look. I swung my car in his driveway and got out, spotting Ben and
Angela standing alongside the house chatting. I walked over to them
It was me... I was the one who had gotten Edward’s mother killed. I was quickly, my hand frantically grasping on to my hair in my frustration as I
the one she had tried to help and gave her life for. I was the one that had clutched my phone in the other hand.
caused Edward to become so broken, the one that had destroyed his life. I’d “You alright, Cullen?” Ben asked, raising his eyebrows curiously as I
destroyed all of their lives and Edward would never be able to understand. approached. “You look frazzled, man.”
It was the reason Dr. Cullen had bought me in the first place, why his boss “Yeah,” I responded. “Well, I mean, no. Whatever. I don’t really fucking
knew who I was. The reason Dr. Cullen had declared I wasn’t worth it was know. Have you seen Isabella at all by chance?”
because his wife had been murdered because of me, and I just knew the They both looked at me with surprise. “Uh, no,” Ben said. “Haven’t seen
moment Edward realized that he’d feel the same way. He always said the her tonight. Everything okay?”
person who killed his mother destroyed his family and I was that person. I sighed and shrugged, gripping onto my hair tighter. “I don’t fucking
He’d never be able to forgive me for that. know, honestly,” I muttered, unsure of how the hell to answer that
There was nothing special about my birthday, because it was the day question. I went to elaborate, because I felt like a fucking babbling idiot,
I’d inadvertently started ruining their lives. If I had never been born, she’d but before I could my phone started ringing. I saw it was Alice again,
still be alive. excusing myself as I walked back toward the Volvo. I snapped the phone
Edward grabbed a hold of me and pulled me to him as my body started open and brought it to my ear, my desperation hitting an all-time high. I
trembling. I tried to hold it in but I couldn’t, strangled sobs escaping my needed to fucking find her and know she was okay.
throat as I fought to maintain my composure. He hadn’t walked away yet, “Any luck?” I asked immediately as I answered. Alice was silent for a
but he would. I could swear my love and devotion to him, agree to marry moment, which sent my fear skyrocketing because she was never fucking
him and tell him I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, but none silent. Alice talked non-stop, never at a loss for words, and her quietness
of that would matter. I knew it was only a matter of time until it all came fucking frightened the shit out of me. “Christ, Alice, fucking say
to an end because I didn’t deserve his devotion after what I had caused him, something.”
and I was so afraid that someday he would realize that. She sighed. “She’s safe,” she said simply, relief to washing through me
“I told you, I’m not fucking giving up on you,” he said, squeezing me at her words.
tightly. “Christ, baby, I wish I fucking knew what was wrong. I wish you’d “Good,” I responded. “Where’d you find her? Did she go to your house?”
talk to me.” “Uh…” Alice said. “No. She’s down by First Beach.”
I reached up and grasped onto his arms that were around me, trying to I froze when those words hit me, grabbing onto the hood of my car as
seek comfort in his embrace. He always made me feel safe with his familiar my hands started to shake. “What the fuck do you mean she’s down by the
scent and warmth and I needed that again because I was starting to feel beach? Put her on the phone.”
desperately alone. I wanted nothing more than to tell him, to talk to him Alice sighed. “I’m not with her…” she started, her words escalating my
and make him understand how guilty and ashamed I felt, but I couldn’t do panic even further.
it. I couldn’t tell him because it would only hurt him more than he already “You’re not with her? She shouldn’t fucking be left there alone, Alice.
hurt and I never wanted to do that to him. I loved him with every fiber of It’s dark and she can’t fucking swim! Are you stupid? That’s dangerous!” I
my being and he’d told me countless times that I had saved him, pulled him snapped.
from the blackness that threatened to consume him. How could I ever tell “Edward, she, uh…” Alice started, sounding flustered. I knew I
him that it had been my fault he was there in the first place? How could I shouldn’t fucking be yelling at her, because she was helping me, but I was
tell him that the person he needed saving from was me? distressed and couldn’t seem to calm myself down. “She’s not alone.”
I may not have pulled the trigger, but that didn’t make me any less of a “What do you mean she’s not alone?” I asked. She didn’t respond for a
murderer. I’d killed her. moment and her silence was all I needed for the truth to register. She was
The knowledge that he had almost died, himself, because of me ate away with him. She’d fucking gone to him. “Jacob. She’s with fucking Jacob, isn’t
at my conscience to the point where I couldn’t look at the scar that aligned she?”
his beautiful body without the guilt nearly making me buckle. It didn’t even “You should calm down…” Alice started, her words causing my anger to
matter if Edward would ever be able to find it in his heart to forgive me for soar.
my involvement, because I was unsure if I’d ever forgive myself. “Calm down? You expect me to fucking calm down? She pulls away from
me, and fucking turns to that asshole? Fuck that. I’m tired of this bullshit.
68 85
 “You think I don’t fucking know that?” I snapped. “She’s afraid of me. Reading that diary entry had caused the memory to resurface, and it
Of me, Alice. After every fucking thing I’ve done for her, she’s afraid of me.” played in my mind every night as I drifted off to sleep. It was the reason I
The pain in my chest intensified as I tried to come to terms with that slipped out of bed when Edward did, my shame overwhelming as I slept
thought, failing miserably. I couldn’t get the image of her expression out of beside the wonderful man whose life I had tainted. It physically hurt, my
my mind, the pure fear in her eyes as she turned and ran from me. She chest constricting to the point where it felt like my heart would burst and
fucking ran from me… my lungs were scorched, to have him comforting me when I didn’t deserve
“She trusts you, Edward,” she said. it. I desperately wanted it, needed it, but in no way should he have been
“If that’s true, Alice, why the fuck won’t she talk to me? Doesn’t she doing it. What right did I have, after what had happened? Who had
know that I, of all people, would fucking understand how she’s feeling? I comforted him when he was broken and alone?
lost my mother too, you know,” I snapped. Alice sighed. He held me as I cried myself to sleep, and I fought it as long as possible
“Yes, I know,” she responded. “But so did Jacob, and did you ever stop but exhaustion won as usual. I slipped into the dream, seeing Mrs. Cullen
to think that maybe you’re a bit irrational when it comes to talking about in her long blue dress with her striking red hair falling in waves down her
your mother’s death?” back with a little Edward in tow. He looked so nervous and kept eyeing me
Her words made my temper flare again as I swung a quick right down suspiciously, like I was something foreign and he was attempting to piece
the driveway to the house, almost sideswiping a tree in my haste. It clipped together whether or not I was a threat to his mother. I knew right away
my mirror and I cringed. how protective he was of her, how much he held her in high regard and
“Fuck you,” I spat with annoyance. Alice laughed bitterly. idolized her. Even at the age of four I could tell that she was his world and
“You’re proving my point,” she said. I rolled my eyes and sped down the he perceived me as a threat to his universe.
driveway, slamming on my brakes as the house came into sight. My brow If he had only known how correct his suspicion had been.
furrowed when I saw the only car sitting out front was my father’s, If he had only known how big of a threat I truly was.
confusion and distress ricocheting through me when I realized she wasn’t I was awestruck by him, having never seen someone small like me
fucking there. before. Right away I wanted him to be my friend and had been determined
“She’s not here, Alice,” I said. to make it happen.
“What?” she asked. “Izzy, sweetheart, this is my son Edward,” Mrs. Cullen said, crouching
“She didn’t go home,” I responded, throwing the car in reverse and down so she was eye level with me. I smiled brightly and turned to look at
pulling back around to head down the driveway. “I don’t know where the the boy with the bright hair and green eyes.
fuck she went but she didn’t come home.” “Hi, Edward!” I declared excitedly. “Do you want to be my friend?”
Alice sighed. “Try calling her,” she said. “I’ll look around.” He stared at me with confusion. “I don’t know,” he said cautiously.
She hung up without awaiting my response and I groaned, dialing “I like having friends,” I said. “I have a whole bunch of them and I gave
Isabella’s number. It rang a few times before the voicemail picked up which them all names. Mommy says someday I’ll have ones she can see but I don’t
didn’t surprise me at all after seeing that look on her face before she ran. I care if she can see them really, I like them! I think my mommy can see you
continued to call it on repeat while I drove through the streets of Forks, and she would be really happy if you were my friend.”
hoping she’d fucking cave and answer. I called it for what had to be the “Okay,” he responded, still eyeing me strangely. My smile grew.
tenth goddamn time and tensed up when it went straight to her voicemail “So you’ll be my friend?” I asked. He shrugged.
without ringing, realization dawning that she’d turned the motherfucker “I guess,” he muttered.
off. Dread coursed through me and I dialed Alice’s number quickly. “Yay!” I yelled excitedly. “If you’re my friend, we can play! My mommy
“Did you find her?” I asked, panicked when she picked up. told me not to talk to strangers but if you’re my friend then you’re not a
“Not yet,” she answered. “Have you gotten a hold of her?” stranger because I know you now.”
“No, she turned her fucking phone off,” I responded, trying to contain His brow furrowed as he stared at me. “What’s wrong with you?” he
my anger but I was furious and more than a little anxious. Alice sighed. asked with confusion, his question not making sense to me. I glanced down
“I’ll call you back in a minute,” she said, hanging up before I could at myself quickly.
respond again. I groaned and continued to drive around Forks, stopping by “Where?” I asked, unsure of what he meant. My question only served to
Demetri’s house where the after party was. I knew logically she wouldn’t confuse Edward more as he gaped at me, and I wracked my brain trying to
have fucking gone there, because she still didn’t really like being around a figure out what he saw that was wrong.
lot of people, but I was out of options and didn’t know what to do or where “You’re weird,” he declared. My brow furrowed and Mrs. Cullen sighed.
84 69
 “Edward, manners,” she chastised him, his expression shifting movement pulling me from my stupor. She looked at me like she was
immediately from confusion to shame. He looked down at the ground fucking afraid of me, and her expression alarmed me. I took a step toward
guiltily. her, regretting that shit immediately because her anxiety seemed to only
“Sorry, Mom,” he muttered. increase with my movement. She spun around and started running for the
“It’s okay, Sweetie. You know better than to judge people, though. You exit as I yelled her name, attempting to stop her, but she ignored me. She
have to get to know someone and give them a chance,” she said gently. He pushed past people, nearly fucking knocking that bitch, Lauren, down in
nodded in understanding, glancing back at me. her hurry and sprinted out toward the parking lot. I followed behind her,
“We can be friends,” he said hesitantly. My excitement grew at his knowing I was causing a fucking scene but I didn’t give a shit. I couldn’t
words and I beamed at him. I reached out to grab a hold of his hand and just let her fucking run away from me, not after everything that had just
started tugging on it, pulling him out toward the garden. He resisted at happened.
first and looked at his mother with an almost panicked expression, but she I made it out of the stadium in time to see her get in her car and start
smiled gently and nodded her head. it up, throwing it in reverse and backing up without any hesitation. She
“Go on, sole. You won’t regret it,” she said. He sighed and gave in, going damn near rear-ended someone in her rush to get away, putting my nerves
along with me. on edge. She was obviously distraught, not fucking thinking clearly, and
“I hope not,” he muttered. that worried the hell out of me.
I remembered it all, every bit of that day. He warmed up to me quickly I ran to the Volvo and climbed in as she sped out of the parking lot,
once he let his guard down, letting me in as his walls crumbled for me. I spotting Alice running from the stadium toward her car at the same time.
recalled his resistance to getting dirty and my insistence that it was fine. I started mine up and pulled out of my spot, hitting the line of traffic and
He caved and sat down in the dirt gingerly, following my lead. I recalled cursing because Isabella was already gone. I started laying on the horn,
him offering me the chocolate and me not understanding what he meant, slamming my hands against the steering wheel, fucking irritated that the
assuming he literally meant a kiss. I was confused about it but just as he’d goddamn idiots weren’t getting out of my way.
caved to me, I gave in to him and kissed his lips quickly. I remembered Alice pulled out behind me and the cars finally started fucking moving
wanting to save that chocolate for later, and I even remembered the again, but not enough to satisfy me. I groaned and made a quick right,
aftermath of that incident when the Swan’s discovered me with it. driving through the grass and cutting a car off on the road as I tried to get
By the time they departed that afternoon, it was clear Edward’s to the front of the line.
statement that we could be friends was more than just words. He had They hit their brakes and blew their horn, and I simply stuck up my
become my friend, and as they were leaving I heard him tell his mother middle finger as I slammed the gas pedal and sped away, not giving a shit
that she had been right, he didn’t regret giving me a chance. about any of those motherfuckers. I flew through the streets of Forks, doing
The past mirrored the present in so many ways, from our first encounter double the speed limit and passing cars in no passing zones in my rush to
being a misunderstanding to our first kiss and piece of chocolate, but I knew catch her.
there was one instance where the present would differ from that day. He I was nearing the house as my phone started ringing and I reached in
may not have regretted meeting me then, but I knew he would now. I knew, my pocket quickly to grab it, nearly losing control of the car in the process.
after everything he had said about the anger and hatred he felt for the It skidded off of the road but I corrected quickly as my heart started
person who caused his mother’s death, that he would regret ever letting me pounding forcefully, the blood rushing furiously through my body and
into his life. echoing in my ears. I glanced at the phone and snapped it open when I saw
That day played in a loop in my subconscious as I slept restlessly, and I it was Alice.
awoke the next morning and forced a smile on my lips as I had every other “I’m almost at the house,” I said the moment I answered. Alice sighed
day. He woke up and gazed at me curiously, the hurt still evident in his loudly.
eyes but I ignored it the best I could. I didn’t know how to make it go away, “What happened, Edward?” she asked, concerned.
as much as I desperately wanted to. “I don’t fucking know,” I said. “Shit’s been tense for a while, I guess
We departed and headed back home, the air between us thick with because of her mother or whatever, but she won’t talk to me about it. It was
tension. It had been growing over the days but it was stronger and driving me insane, Alice, and I saw her laughing with Jacob and I just
uncomfortable now. He didn’t press me for information and I was grateful fucking snapped.”
for it, unable to provide him anything to make him understand. “She’s probably scared,” Alice responded. I laughed dryly.

70 83
 My rage consumed me and I had tunnel vision, my eyes fixated solely The next week flew by in a blur, as I saw very little of Edward except at
on that motherfucker who seemed hell bent on destroying my life. I’d busted night because of school and football practice. I spent my days in the library,
my ass trying to get her to fucking respond and that motherfucker waltzes holding the diary in my hands and wishing with everything in me that I
in and within a matter of moments, he has her goddamn laughing. It hurt, could forget. I wished it weren’t true, that I could turn back time and do
more than I ever expected something like that to, and as my jealousy mixed something to change how everything happened.
with my already fuming hatred for him, I wanted nothing more than to My emptiness and shame only seemed to grow as the days passed, and
make him hurt like I did. I wanted nothing more than to make him fucking Edward’s own demeanor shifted along with mine. He was growing
pay for all of it. I nearly blacked out from the intensity of my rage as I impatient, his temper flaring more often as he quickly started falling back
charged at him, determined to fuck his world up just as he was fucking with into old patterns. He’d lash out and say rude things without thinking, and
mine. I brushed them off despite the fact that they hurt. We were slowly but
I pounded on him as hard as I could, unleashing my anger as I screamed surely falling apart, I knew it, but I grasped on to the hope that we’d find a
at him. He screamed back, his fury fueling my own because he fucking knew way out of it in time. I had to believe that in my heart, despite the fact that
nothing about me. He accused me of using her, but he didn’t fucking know my mind told me differently. My heart clung to my love for him and his
I loved her. He accused me of hurting her, but he didn’t fucking know I did obvious devotion to me, desperate to retrieve the feeling I’d felt when he
everything I could to protect her. I could hear Isabella screaming asked me to marry him someday, but my brain wouldn’t stop replaying
somewhere in the background but even that wasn’t enough to pull me from what had happened… what it was I’d caused. My shame and love were
my rage as I beat him with my fists, taking every blow he could manage to battling it out inside of me as I slowly drifted away, and Edward started to
throw in stride. become a casualty in my war. I wished with everything that it would just
I was still furious when they finally pulled me off of him, my hands stop, that we would just be okay, but I had no idea how to fix any of it.
shaking from my anger. I heard Alice ask what happened and her question I had no idea how we were going to survive.
caused my temper to flare again as I turned to glare at Isabella. I snapped It was Friday morning and I was in the kitchen pouring some orange
at her, asking her if she was trying to fucking hurt me on purpose because juice when Edward strolled in. I held the glass out to him and he took it,
I just didn’t get it. I didn’t fucking get how she could be so goddamn cold to giving me a small smile as he took a sip. “Thanks,” he muttered. I nodded
me, the one she was supposed to love, but yet smile and laugh with the and returned the jug to the fridge as he started fixing himself a bowl of
motherfucker that she knew had hurt me. I had told her before that she cereal. “Are you coming to my game tonight?”
needed to stay away from him because he destroyed everything he touched, I glanced at him with surprise. “Your game?” I asked. He sighed and
but she didn’t seem to give a shit. None of it made sense to me unless she nodded.
was trying to fucking hurt me. I couldn’t figure out why the hell she’d do it, “Yes, our first game is tonight,” he said. “If you don’t want to come it’s
what I had done to deserve her treating me that way. I screamed at her, fine, I was just asking.”
losing my patience and demanding she fucking tell me what the hell her “No, of course I want to come,” I said quickly, feeling guilty that I hadn’t
problem was. She clammed up once again, her reaction setting me off even even realized his first game was coming up. He smiled and I could see the
further. excitement in his eyes, his happiness that I wanted to be there for him. I
I snapped at her and when the intense pain flashed in her eyes from my returned his smile and he leaned over, kissing my lips quickly.
words, I knew I had fucked up. I had finally crossed that imaginary line “I love you,” he said softly, his words making my heart flutter.
and delivered the blow that would shatter her. “I love you, too,” I responded.
But I never expected her to fucking hit me. He ate his cereal and departed for school, telling me the game started
We both seemed frozen for a moment, staring at each other in shock, at a quarter after seven and he’d see me afterward. I stood by the window
and I furiously searched my brain for something that would help make in the kitchen and watched as he got into his car, starting it up and
sense of everything. I couldn’t fucking believe I had just said what I said disappearing from sight. I spent the afternoon cleaning up Edward’s
and was stunned that she fucking hit me. I was hurt and my hands were bedroom, as he’d gotten quite lazy and was throwing things around again,
still shaking from my anger, but I couldn’t seem to move or even fucking before taking a shower and getting dressed. I put on a pair of jeans and a
speak. What the hell had happened to us? How the fuck had we gotten to pink short-sleeved top, slipping on a pair of ballet flats that matched. I
that point? We had been so fucking happy… made an effort to fix my hair, pulling half of it back in a clip, and put on
She covered her mouth as a sob escaped and my chest to ached in some lip-gloss.
response. She took a step away as panic flashed across her face, her
82 71
 Alice called eventually, excited when she found out I was going to the matter to Isabella. I handed her the papers that essentially freed her, and
game and saying she’d meet me there. It set my mind slightly at ease, even proposed. I, Edward fucking Cullen, proposed marriage. She should’ve
knowing I wouldn’t be alone the entire time, but it didn’t completely kill my fucking been happy, and I thought she would’ve been, but it did absolutely
anxiety. I left the house close to seven o’clock, my nerves flaring as I climbed nothing to keep her from drifting even further away.
behind the driver’s seat of the car they had purchased for me. I drove I was fucking losing her, I knew it, and I didn’t like it a bit. It was
through town slowly, clenching the steering wheel tightly as I tried to keep scaring the shit out of me because I didn’t know what the fuck to do to stop
myself under control. I remembered the games from the year before and it. Every day she withdrew further and further into herself despite my
how many people were there which made me even more anxious. attempts to get her to open up to me. She was lying to my face, the words
I pulled into the school parking lot and parked in the first spot I saw, just rolling from her lips without even a second thought about it. I barely
climbing out and glancing around nervously for Alice’s vehicle. I spotted it fucking recognized her anymore, and even standing beside me it felt like
parked along the side of the school and breathed a sigh of relief that she she wasn’t even in the goddamn room... she was just fucking gone.
was already there. I could hear the noise from the stadium and the I was holding back my anger as much as I could, knowing that flipping
announcer speaking about the game, knowing it had started already. I out on her wouldn’t help. She was fragile, falling apart before my eyes, and
heard Edward’s name and the crowd cheered wildly, my heard starting to I would’ve been a fucking asshole to knowingly deliver the last blow that
pound furiously at the sound. My hands were trembling and I locked the completely shattered her. I didn’t want to do that shit, because despite
car up, swinging around and screaming when I nearly collided with everything that we were going through, I still loved her. I loved her more
someone standing behind me. than anything in my life, more than the money or the fucking power and
“Whoa,” Jacob said, his eyes wide with shock. “Relax, it’s just me.” respect that I had at my fingertips. None of that meant a goddamn thing to
I grabbed my chest, willing my heart to slow down, and narrowed my me, nothing mattered but her, and I was fucking clinging to that with
eyes at him. “Just you? I’m supposed to be relieved that it’s you?” I rattled desperation. It was frightening, because that was never who I was. I was
off. He laughed and held his hands up defensively. strong, fucking independent, and didn’t need another goddamn person to
“I’m hurt,” he said playfully. “I tell you, you get sassier every time I see survive.
you.” But I’d grown dependent and needed her.
I rolled my eyes but blushed. “What do you want, Jacob Black?” I asked, I’d changed so fucking much for her and as much as I didn’t recognize
shaking my head. He shrugged. her, I also didn’t recognize myself. I was fucking vulnerable and cracking
“Do I have to want something?” he asked. “I just got here and saw you under the pressure of it all just as much as she was. Our lives were
pull in and figured I’d walk you inside so you didn’t have to do it alone.” connected to the point that her happiness was my happiness, and she
I looked at him suspiciously, wondering what he was up to. “If you’re wasn’t fucking happy. That much was clear as day, and that meant that I
hoping to hurt Edward by making him see us together, you can just leave wasn’t fucking happy. My temper was getting the best of me, my anger
Jacob because it’s not going to work. I’m not playing your games,” I said flaring every time I turned around, and frankly, I was really fucking
with irritation. He looked at me with surprise and laughed. starting to get pissed.
“Well, honestly, that hadn’t even crossed my mind but now that you I felt like I had to fucking walk on eggshells around her as I blindly
mention it…” he started. I groaned and shook my head. navigated a storm. I was more on edge now than I had been a year ago when
“Goodbye, Jacob,” I said, turning and starting toward the stadium my father brought her home, and that was beyond fucked up. She was my
quickly. I glanced up when I was a few feet away from the car and froze goddamn girlfriend, my fucking fiancée if you wanted to be technical about
when I spotted the three girls blocking the entrance. I recognized them the shit, and the tension in the air around us was almost unbearable. I
immediately as ones I’d had run-ins with over Edward in the past. There couldn’t figure out what the fuck was wrong with her and how to bring her
was no way I could go inside without walking right by them, and that was back to life, so-to-speak, and it was driving me to the brink. Every day I got
the last thing I wanted to do. closer to losing the control I had fought so desperately to maintain, and
“I saw your boyfriend’s three favorite whores standing there, so I kind what I had seen the moment I stepped out of that locker room had finally
of figured you’d appreciate an escort walking by the firing squad,” Jacob done it. In that moment, as I watched Isabella standing beside Jacob Black
said, walking up behind me. “But if you’d rather go alone…” laughing, pain and anger clouded every bit of common sense I had left,
“No,” I said quickly as the girls glanced over at me, a wicked smile snapping that last thread that was holding me together.
coming on Tanya’s lips. The girl named Lauren leaned over and whispered I’d had enough.
something to her and the two of them laughed, my stomach dropping at the
72 81
 sight. They were definitely up to no good. The third girl, whose name I
faintly recalled being Jessica, had been the one that I overheard Edward
having sex with that day in the house. She hadn’t been mean to me, per se,
but she definitely hadn’t been pleased about the interruption that
afternoon. She looked at me with a curious expression on her face, her eyes
shifting toward Jacob in confusion.
“Come on,” Jacob said, reaching over and pressing his hand against my
back. I sighed and started walking, staring down at the ground. We neared
the entrance and I heard Lauren laugh.
“You picking up Cullen’s leftovers, Jacob?” she said. “I didn’t realize you
were that desperate.” Jacob laughed.
“Do you even hear yourself?” he asked, pulling me toward the ticket
booth and quickly paying for two tickets. “You three used to be his main
menu, now look at you. If I were desperate, I’d be over there with you
instead. But I’m not… although, you know, if you want to arrange a little
show like you did for Cullen, I might be interested. I heard about the little
slideshow Cullen put together for the school and wouldn’t mind seeing it

Chapter 65
live.”
My brow furrowed in confusion as the girl named Jessica snorted with
laughter, covering her mouth quickly to silence herself as the other two
glared at her angrily.
“Fuck you,” Tanya snapped. Jacob laughed again, as we headed into the
Knowing entrance.
Edward “Been there, done that. Wasn’t that great, so I’ll have to pass.” My eyes
widened in shock and Jacob pulled me inside the stadium quickly, walking
The moment her hand connected with my face, fucking shock me around toward the side before any of the girls could say another word.
overshadowed every ounce of anger I felt. My head snapped to the side as He stopped when he reached the bleachers and turned around, scanning
the stinging erupted in my cheek and I brought my hand up quickly to the them as I glanced up and spotted Alice waving at us.
source of the pain. It wasn’t that intense, I’d definitely had fucking worse. “Thank you, Jacob,” I said, grateful for what he’d done. He waved me
Jacob had gotten harder blows in when he was on his back on the ground, off and smiled.
but the fact that she had fucking hit me left me dumbfounded. “Don’t mention it,” he said. “Have fun, Isabella.”
My girl… la mia bella ragazza… had fucking hit me. He turned and left quickly, jogging over to a group of boys that I
I was stunned speechless and I gaped at her, unable to remember in recognized as his friends from the reservation. I sighed and headed up the
that moment what the fuck we were even fighting for. I couldn’t fucking bleachers, taking a seat beside Alice. She looked at me questioningly and I
recall what had driven us to the point where I was screaming at her in the sighed. “I ran into him in the parking lot, and there were some girls out
middle of the goddamn football stadium, having cornered her to the point there so he walked me in,” I said, knowing exactly what she was wondering.
that she slapped me. Isabella Swan, the girl I loved more than life itself She frowned.
and who hated physical violence because she’d been brutally subjected to “I’m sorry, I should’ve met you out there. It didn’t even cross my mind
it, had reacted so passionately to what I had said that she unleashed on me. but I should’ve known better,” she said. I shook my head.
We were fucked. “It’s no big deal, Alice. I have to get used to being on my own,” I said
I had felt it coming for a while and did everything imaginable to fix shit quietly. She smiled.
with Isabella. I made sure Alice kept her birthday low key– which wasn’t a “You won’t be on your own,” she said happily. “You’ll have Edward.”
fucking easy task– and had put some serious fucking thought into her gift. I smiled sadly at her statement, wishing with everything in me that it
I could’ve just went out and bought her a goddamn necklace or some other were the truth. I glanced down at the field and spotted him immediately,
fucking jewelry, but I didn’t, because I knew material shit didn’t really standing on the sidelines staring at me. He had a frown on his face and I
80 73
waved, but he just continued to stare at me. My brow furrowed in confusion He glanced at me with surprise. “Really?” he asked. I nodded. “Well,
and the coach called his name, drawing his attention away from me. I happy birthday.”
watched as he turned and jogged away, putting on his helmet and heading I smiled sadly before muttering the words I had longed to say, the words
out onto the field. I wouldn’t dare speak to Edward or any of them because they’d never
Alice and I chatted, and I watched the game in awe. The crowd was understand. They had lost so much because of me, regardless of whether or
rowdy, the excitement in the air palpable as Edward’s team scored not they were aware of it, and speaking the words would be just as much of
touchdown after touchdown. They were on fire and it seemed everyone was a slap in the face as the physical one I had given Edward not long before.
crediting Edward for that, because every few minutes the crowd would start “There’s nothing happy about the day I was born.”
chanting for him. He seemed oblivious to it, not at all urging them on or
even taking pleasure in it.
The game came to a close and Edward jetted from the field immediately,
heading for the locker rooms as the crowd descended upon the team to
congratulate them. Alice and I headed over to the grassy area near the
locker room to wait on him as the rest of the team made their way there.
Alice’s phone rang after a moment and she squealed, telling me it was
Jasper. I told her to tell him hello for me as she answered it, and she started
wandering around the area as she enthusiastically talked to him. I smiled
and walked over to the chain link fence, leaning against it and gazing out
onto the field as I waited.
I heard a throat clear after a second and turned my head to see Jacob
standing behind me. “I know, me again. I’ll leave you alone but I forgot to
tell you a joke,” he said. I smiled softly.
“Well, go ahead then,” I said.
“Did you hear the story about the skunk?” he asked. I shook my head
hesitantly.
“No,” I said. He smirked.
“Never mind, it stinks,” he said. My brow furrowed at first before it
struck me and I started laughing. He chuckled and I went to speak when
Edward’s voice rang out, as he yelled Jacob’s name angrily. A chill shot
down my spine as my stomach dropped, and I turned quickly to see him
approaching Jacob and me hastily. He was fuming, his hands clenched into
fists and his nostrils flared as he fought to contain himself.
“I don’t want any trouble, Cullen,” Jacob said. Edward laughed bitterly,
the sound frightening me. It must’ve done the same to Jacob because he
took a few steps away from me as Edward approached. I reached out to grab
Edward’s arm but he shrugged me off, reaching out and shoving Jacob.
“Edward, stop,” I said, panicked. Jacob brought his hands up
defensively but Edward slapped them away before shoving him again.
“If you didn’t want any fucking trouble, you wouldn’t be here,” Edward
spat, shoving him again. Jacob stumbled and shook his head.
“Damnit, man, I was just fucking telling her a joke,” Jacob said
defensively, his own voice laced with anger. I couldn’t recall hearing Jacob
curse like that before and it frightened me even more than I already was.
“And what fucking right do you have to do that, huh? What fucking right
do you have to involve yourself? Stay out of my life and leave her alone!
74 79
before he answered, but I didn’t. I was doing the one thing I had told Jacob Stop trying to use her to get to me!” Edward snapped. Jacob glared at him
I’d never be able to do… I was going to trust him. angrily.
“Yeah,” Jacob said as he answered. I stood silently, second guessing my “Me, use her? If anyone is using her, it’s you! It’s sick what you’re doing
decision to call the moment I heard his voice. Edward’s words were to the girl,” Jacob responded. “You’ve got her fooled into believing you
ricocheting through my mind as the guilt brewed. ‘Are you trying to hurt actually give a shit about her!”
me?’ he’d said. ‘Why him?’ Edward’s anger escalated at Jacob’s words and I tensed up as Edward
“Heeelllooooo,” Jacob said. “Is anyone there?” I bit my lip nervously and drew his fist back, swinging forcefully and connecting with his jaw. Jacob’s
was about to hit the button to end the call when he sighed exasperatedly. head snapped to the side as he stumbled backwards from the blow, blood
“Isabella?” trickling from his mouth instantly. He reached up and wiped it away as
I tensed up when he said my name, closing my eyes. “I, uh…” I started, Edward started shouting.
unsure of what to say. “I didn’t know where to go, and he was upset and I “I fucking love her, you piece of shit!” Edward spat. “You stay the fuck
hurt him, so I just drove and… uh… I’m in La Push, because I knew he away from her, she belongs to me and I’ll be goddamned if I’ll let you take
couldn’t come here, and I’m not ready to face him, so I saw the ocean and her from me!”
got out and…” He sighed again as I rambled on. I stared at him in shock and Jacob laughed dryly. “Do you even hear
“Stay where you are, I’ll find you.” yourself, Cullen? She belongs to you? You’re fucking sick,” Jacob snapped.
The phone clicked as he hung up and I closed it, about to slip it in my “If you really loved her you wouldn’t say shit like that. If you really loved
back pocket when it started ringing again. I reopened it and saw it was her, you’d let the girl go!”
Edward, hesitating before pressing the button to turn the phone off. I His words set Edward off and he pounced on him, pushing him roughly
frowned, feeling guilty, and put it away. and knocking him to the ground. Edward jumped on top of him and started
I took a few steps forward toward the edge of the cliff, glancing down pounding him with his fists. I felt sick as my knees went weak, and I
into the ocean. It was definitely high up but the view was beautiful. The clutched onto the fence to keep myself upright. I started shouting for
moonlight glowed off of the water as waves crashed against the rocks, the someone to help, screaming for Edward to stop as he repeatedly punched
sounds and smells comforting. It was dark and I stared into the blackness Jacob. Jacob was throwing his own blows, hitting Edward in the face and
of the water, soothed by it. I still felt empty, a part of me dying even more side as he tried to get him off of him. Some guys started running toward us
after having hurt Edward. when they heard my shouting and noticed what was happening. They
I wasn’t sure how long I stood there before I heard movement behind grabbed a hold of Edward and pulled him off of Jacob, hauling both of them
me, the sound of rustling as someone approached. I heard him sigh as he up off of the ground. Edward was fighting to get out of their embrace,
stopped a few feet away. “Please don’t jump,” he said casually. “The water screaming at Jacob about how he was going to kill him, his words
is rough and it’s probably cold and I really don’t want to go in after you. It’s frightening me. It had been a long time since I’d seen Edward so out of
too dark, I might hit my head on a rock, and I’ve got too much to live for to control and I started to hyperventilate.
go out like that.” I didn’t like it, any of it. Everything was falling apart around me, my
I smiled at his nonchalance. “I’m not going to jump,” I said. entire world spinning out of control. Jacob was screaming back at Edward
“Good,” he responded, taking a few steps forward to stand beside me. I and they both had injuries on their faces from the assault, Jacob’s
glanced up at him and froze, horrified at his face. His eye was swollen and significantly worse than Edward’s. Edward took a few steps back, shoving
his lip was busted open, bruises already forming. “It looks worse than it is.” the guys off of him that were holding him back.
I nodded hesitantly. “I’m sorry,” I said, feeling guilty that he’d gotten “You stay the fuck away, Jacob,” Edward snapped and Jacob’s friends
beaten up because of me. He shrugged and waved me off. pulled him away. “I swear to God, boy, I’ll fucking kill you!” Alice sprinted
“It’s no big deal,” he said. “It’ll heal. At least he didn’t try to fucking over to us, glancing around frantically in shock.
shoot me this time. Are you okay?” “What just happened?” she asked, panicked. I was still hyperventilating
“I guess,” I responded, turning to look back down into the water. “I and shook my head quickly, unable to get the words out.
probably shouldn’t have called.” “Jacob fucking happened,” Edward spat, turning to glare at me. “Out of
“But you did,” he responded. I nodded. every fucking body, why the hell does it have to be him? Are you trying to
“I did.” I was quiet for a moment, debating on what to say. “It was my fucking hurt me, Isabella? Is that what this shit is about?”
birthday last week.” I gaped at him as dread coursed through me. “What?” I asked, stunned
at his words. He shook his head angrily.
78 75
 “You heard me. Are you trying to fucking hurt me? You distance yourself of the stadium. I ran into Lauren and accidentally knocked her into Tanya,
from me, you barely fucking speak to me. You act so distressed that you and she yelled at me angrily but I didn’t even bother to apologize.
don’t even want to sleep beside me at night half of the goddamn time, and I ran straight for my car and got inside, fumbling in my pocket for my
I get it. I fucking get it. You’re hurting. But Jesus Christ, you can fucking keys. I started the car up and put it in reverse, pulling out immediately. A
talk to him? You can laugh with him? Is it just fucking me?” he snapped. horn blared as I nearly ran into another car and I slammed on my brakes
His words stung and I stared at him in shock. Alice grabbed a hold of him so they could go by, my hands shaking as my body trembled. I was fighting
and told him to stop, but he yanked his arm from her angrily. “If you’re back sobs but the tears were flowing freely and blurring my vision. I started
trying to fucking hurt me, Isabella, it’s working. I’m fucking hurting. Are out of the parking lot and spotted Edward running for his car, the sight
you happy? Huh? Are you fucking happy?” making my heart pound erratically. I pulled out onto the road and started
I shook my head frantically as the tears started streaming from my speeding through town in a panic.
eyes. “No, Edward,” I said quickly. I didn’t want to hurt him. Hurting him I was frightened and confused, unsure of where I was going or what I
was the last thing I wanted to do, and I was doing everything in my power was doing. I drove through Forks toward the house but knew I couldn’t go
to keep him from finding out what I knew would hurt him. “I love you!” there yet. I couldn’t face Edward yet, not after what had just happened. I
“Do you?” he asked. “I ask you to fucking marry me and you seemed needed time to figure things out and I drove through the streets for a few
happy for like two goddamn minutes before you went right back to ignoring minutes when it dawned on me that there was one place I could go that I
me. If you don’t want to be with me, just fucking tell me.” knew he couldn’t follow.
“I do!” I said immediately, reaching up to wipe my tears away. “I do I sped down the road toward La Push in the darkness, the pain in my
want to be with you!” chest intensifying with each passing second. My guilt and shame had
“Well you have a fucking funny way of showing it,” he spat. “I’ve reached an all-time high and Edward’s words echoed through my head as I
changed my whole goddamn life for you. I’d kill for you. Fuck, Isabella, I’d pulled past the “Welcome to La Push” sign. He said I didn’t know what he’d
die for you! Why the hell won’t you just talk to me? I can’t take this shit lost because of me, but I did know…
anymore. Just tell me what the fuck is wrong with you. Tell me why the The question was, did he?
hell you can smile and laugh with that motherfucker but you can’t even I drove around the roads absent-mindedly for a while, having no idea
look me in the goddamn eyes.” where I really was or what I was doing. I spotted the ocean after a while
I shook my head. “I, uh…” I started. “I can’t, I just…” and pulled the car over alongside the road, climbing out and walking over
“You can’t?” he said with disbelief, laughing dryly. “You just don’t to a guardrail. I glanced out and saw the beach across the way, realizing I
fucking get it, do you? You don’t know what the fuck I’ve given up for you, was at the cliff that Jacob had indicated he and Edward used to jump off of
what I’ve dealt with and got over so I could be with you. You don’t know for fun. I sighed and climbed over the guardrail, taking a few steps out to
what I’ve fucking lost because of you!” look down at the water. I stood there for a moment as the phone in my back
His words hit me hard, anger and pain ripping through me as I gasped. pocket started ringing, but I ignored it because I knew who it was.
Everything clouded over as my hand shot out and I smacked him across the The phone silenced after my voicemail picked up and started ringing
face hard, a stinging pain ripping through my palm and up my wrist. His again almost immediately, the cycle repeating itself for a few minutes. It
head snapped to the side and his eyes widened in shock. It was clear I’d finally stopped and I sighed, pulling it out and opening it. Seven missed
caught him off guard because every ounce of anger that had been in his called, all of them from Edward…
expression melted quickly and was replaced with surprise. He brought his I couldn’t keep going as I was going… neither of us could. I needed to
hand up to cup his cheek as I stared at him, panic and fear nearly crippling talk to someone but I couldn’t talk to the only person I truly wanted to. I
me when what I’d just done registered with me. was torn and had no idea what to do, but I knew I needed to do something.
I covered my mouth quickly as a loud sob escaped and I started backing I hesitated, knowing I might have been making my biggest mistake yet, but
away from him, a dozen different emotions swirling through me. His brow scanned through the address book on my phone. I paused when I reached
furrowed and he took a step forward, his movement setting me off. I turned the listing for ‘J’, contemplating. He’d told me to use it if I ever needed
and started running for the exit, and I heard him shout my name behind someone to listen, someone who was on the outside, and at that moment it
me but I couldn’t stop. I was baffled and stunned and needed to get out of felt like the exact thing I needed. I sighed and hit the green call button, my
there to think. I needed to be away from him so I could sort everything out heart pounding furiously as I knew there would be no coming back from
and make sense of what had just happened. I heard him yell my name again this. It was absurd, and part of me was screaming to hang up the phone
but I didn’t dare turn to look, simply shoving past people as I hurried out
76 77
 “Oh, I fucking know it. I knew it the moment she slapped me,” I
muttered. His eyes widened with shock.
“She hit you?” he asked, stunned. I nodded and he stared at me for a
moment before grinning, a light chuckle escaping his lips.
“What’s so fucking amusing?” I snapped.
He shook his head. “I’m pleasantly surprised,” he said, my brow
furrowing in confusion at his response. “Not saying she should’ve hit you.
Of course I don’t think that, no matter what you did. But I’m pleasantly
surprised she’d let go and allow such strong reactions. She may just make
it out there in the world, after all.”
He turned and walked away, shaking his head and mumbling to himself
as he walked into the kitchen. I stood there for a moment as his words
replayed in my mind before turning and heading up the stairs. I headed
straight to the third floor and froze when I stepped inside the bedroom, the
darkness and silence unnerving. I was very rarely in there without her
anymore and had a hard time accepting the stillness of the room. I had
never before had to deal with not knowing where she was or what she was

Chapter 67
doing, the fact that she was essentially off on her own accord for the first
time making me anxious. I wasn’t there to save her, wasn’t around to help
her if she needed me and that fucking hurt. That hurt worse than I thought
it would. I felt so fucking helpless, everything entirely out of my hands. I
thrived on being able to keep a grip on my life, always needing to be in
Heal & Steal control of things, and I was having to let go of that and just fucking trust
Edward that everything would work out. I had to trust that life wouldn’t fuck me
over and after everything I had been through, every fucking thing we had
I glared at the paper sitting on the desk in front of me, gripping my hair been through, it was hard to have faith in that.
with one hand in frustration and tapping my pencil against the desk with I turned on the light and glanced around, sighing. She had cleaned up
my other as my eyes scanned the question. I had read the damn thing at before coming to the game, everything in its right spot. I lingered around
least a dozen times, but I couldn’t seem to focus on what the fuck it said. the room for a bit, pulling out some weed and smoking a joint to try to calm
I’d been sitting in the goddamn room for hours answering bullshit questions my frazzled nerves. Every second that ticked by increased my anxiety,
on grammar, reading comprehension and math, my ass hurting from the especially with my phone fucking broken. She could’ve been hurt or trying
hard wooden chair and my head pounding from being overworked. to call me and I wouldn’t have fucking known, the thought causing my
I groaned loudly as I slouched back in the chair, trying to shift my hands to shake with alarm. I was trying to fucking distract myself and
position to get comfortable, and the girl sitting beside me shot me an started wandering the house, fighting back the urge to get back in the car
annoyed look. I cocked an eyebrow at her, just daring her to fucking say and leave.
something to me, and she just rolled her eyes before focusing her attention I ended up in the library and walked over to the large window, glaring
back on her test. I stared at her for a moment with irritation, unable to out into the yard. It was where Isabella spent most of her time, just fucking
even place her fucking name at the time. She was cute, in that ‘bend me staring out into the darkness. I stood there and wondered what it was she
over, and pound into me from behind’ sort of way, but I was quite sure I thought about as she did it, wondering if her mind was just as blank as she
hadn’t ever actually fucked her before. I wasn’t sure why, because she had stared outside as the blackness was. It was bothering the fuck out of me
a decent body and a tolerable face, definitely the type I would’ve talked into and I desperately needed to know what the hell worried her so much.
a janitor’s closet at some point. She had those thick plump lips like I sighed and turned away from the window, taking a few steps over to
Angelina Jolie, the type that just fucking looked like they belonged the chair she usually sat in. I sat down and glanced around, spotting the
wrapped around a dick, and as I gazed at the girl I wondered if maybe she book on the table that she seemed to always fucking have. I grabbed it and
had blown me before. There was no way those lips would’ve gone unnoticed glanced at the cover, seeing it was leather-bound and worn, but otherwise
124 93
blank. No title, no author... nothing. I sighed and opened it, flipping I started hyperventilating as the form slowly started taking steps
through the pages quickly. My brow furrowed when I saw the handwriting toward the house, everything seeming as if it were in slow motion. My
covering the withering paper and I flipped through a few more pages, vision hazed over as I gasped for breath, my heart pounding with so much
confusion hitting me when I saw the dates aligning the top indicating it force that pain ricocheted through me. I clutched my chest as everything
was fucking written in the 1990’s. It looked like a diary of some sort and started making sense, realizing that Heidi had come to the house for him,
my heart started pounding forcefully as sickness brewed in my stomach, and that he had ultimately come for me.
my eyes scanning a page quickly. I felt the bile rising up as the pain tore I should’ve known he’d come someday, should’ve known he wouldn’t
through me when the words Isabella, slave, free and Phoenix stuck out at have just accepted what happened.
me, devastation rocking through me when I saw my mother’s name signed That feeling of dread overtook me as my vision blurred out, and I heard
at the bottom. I clutched onto the book tightly and fought back the tears Jacob’s voice saying my name faintly on the other end of the phone through
that started forming, dread and fear hitting me so intense I nearly lost my the sound of the blood rushing in my ears.
breath. “Hurry,” I whispered, barely able to get the word out before my legs
She fucking knew. buckled as the dizziness took me, and I fainted.
In that moment, as I sat there clutching that book, it all fucking made
sense. Why the hell she had started pulling away from me, why she
wouldn’t tell me what was wrong with her. Why she didn’t feel like she
could turn to me when she was obviously in pain, why she was so distraught
that she fucking couldn’t even look me in the eyes half of the time. After
everything I had done to protect her from the truth, to keep her from having
to know, she had fucking found out anyway.
I nearly started hyperventilating in a panic when I thought about
everything I had said to her in the past about the anger I felt for the people
who caused my mother’s death. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what the
hell she must’ve been thinking when she discovered it was her who my
mother had died trying to save. The guilt she had to have been feeling, the
shame and unworthiness she might’ve been enduring. I realized in that
moment that I should’ve fucking told her, that I should’ve followed my
father’s advice because she should’ve found out from me. I had assumed she
was so distraught over her own mother’s death, never once even considering
the fact that was she was actually grieving over mine.
My mind worked a million miles a minute, thoughts furiously running
through my head as I tried to sort through shit. My chest tightened when I
recalled what the fuck I had said to her at the stadium before she slapped
me and ran away, the words I had screamed angrily to her face.
‘You don’t know what I’ve fucking lost because of you’
My hands started to shake and I dropped the book in my panic, realizing
exactly why she had looked at me with so much fucking fear in that
moment. Why she had been so desperate to get away from me that she’d
run to La Push. She fucking did know what I had lost because of her, and
she was fucking afraid of me finding out. She didn’t run to Jacob like I
assumed, she was fucking running from me. She panicked because of what
I’d said and what she knew, and went to the only place she knew of that I
couldn’t fucking follow her to.
Fuck that.

94 123
 “Jesus,” he said. “You not only want me to go try to tell Edward what to I jumped up and sprinted out of the room, pulling my keys out of my
do, but you also want me to trespass on school property and drag him out pocket as I flew down the steps two at a time. I was cursing under my
of the damn SAT? You’re seriously going to owe me for this. He’s going to breath, knowing I was doing something I would possibly really fucking
try to kill me. I’m going to die today.” regret later, but I had to go to her. I had to see her, talk to her and tell her
“He won’t, I swear. He’ll understand,” I said as Heidi started furiously that I understood. I needed her to know I didn’t fucking blame her for what
wiggling the knob of the front door, causing me to yelp again as my heart happened, that I loved her and she didn’t have to be afraid of me.
started pounding even harder. “Thank you, Jacob.” I hit the second floor and spotted my father walking out of his office, the
“There’s seriously something wrong, isn’t there?” he asked with concern. sound of my frantic footsteps drawing his attention. He looked at me with
“Yes,” I answered in a panic. “Please get Edward, I need him.” confusion but I ran right past him, heading for the steps leading to the
He agreed quickly and hung up, telling me to relax and that he’d have foyer.
my boyfriend at the house in a few minutes even if it meant tying him up “Edward, wait,” he said, taking a step toward me but I didn’t stop. I
and dragging him. I sat in the corner for a minute, gazing up at the clock continued to run and he started following, shouting my name but I ignored
on the wall and seeing it was almost noon. I had no idea what time him. I hit the foyer and swung the front door open, running out toward my
Edward’s test ended and felt guilty for wanting him to leave it, but I was car. I unlocked it quickly just as he stepped out onto the porch, glancing up
frightened and confused, and if it had been enough to alarm Dr. Cullen, I and seeing the look of concern on his face. He obviously fucking knew
knew it was definitely an emergency situation. exactly where I was planning on going. “Don’t you dare!”
The furious banging stopped after a moment and everything grew eerily I sighed and hesitated for a brief second, wondering if I should heed his
silent. I heard a door slam and an engine start up, the sound of tires warning, before simply getting in the car and starting it up. I turned the
spinning as a car bolted down the driveway. I stood up anxiously and car around and headed down the driveway in a hurry, swinging on to the
stepped into the kitchen, peeking out the window to verify that she’d main road leading toward La Push. I gunned it when I hit the paved road,
actually left. I breathed a sigh of relief and headed back into the foyer, seeing headlights flash behind me after a second. I glanced in the rearview
opening my phone again to call Jacob back. I was going to tell him not to mirror and groaned when I saw my father’s Mercedes accelerating behind
worry about it because everything was fine again, and apologize for me, knowing he wasn’t just going to let me fucking go that easily.
bothering him, hoping he hadn’t already disturbed Edward’s test. I didn’t I pressed down harder on the gas pedal and sped down the highway in
want to make the situation any worse than it already was or cause any the darkness, my heart pounding rapidly and my hands shaking as I
unnecessary drama since she’d apparently given up and gone away. clutched on to the steering wheel. I was trying to fucking calm down but it
I dialed Jacob’s number and the phone started ringing as I cautiously wasn’t working, my chest tightening from my panic. I felt guilty for how I
walked toward the living area, my footsteps faltering when I glanced had acted toward her, for how I pressured her and yelled at her. She was
through the large window and spotted the form in the back yard. The distressed, the guilt probably eating her alive like I always fucking knew it
person was standing down by the treeline facing me, eyes fixed directly on would if she ever found out the truth, and I hadn’t fucking helped that at
the house. I wasn’t sure if they could see me from where they were, but I all. I had lashed out and doubted her, going so far as to saying she wasn’t
stood frozen in spot just in case, not wanting to draw any attention to fucking worth it knowing goddamn well she was. No matter what the fuck
myself with movement. happened, she would always be worth it and it was sick of me to fucking
I stared out into the yard with confusion and suddenly felt dizzy, my even think otherwise. What kind of goddamn person was I?
knees going weak as I recognized the face staring back at me. Even from I held my breath as I flew past the ‘Welcome to La Push’ sign, knowing
such a distance there was no mistaking it, and I could almost picture the I’d fucking reached the point of no return. I sped through the reservation
malicious smile that was likely forming on his lips if he had spotted me. I near the shoreline looking for Isabella’s silver Audi. My father wasn’t far
wondered if he could sense me, like a rabid animal that could smell the fear behind me the entire time, his car keeping pace with mine. I had no idea
of their prey from miles away, wondering if he knew that I was aware of what the fuck was going to happen, what kind of scene it was going to cause
his presence. He was probably enjoying it if he did, enjoying every moment when I was discovered there, but I couldn’t worry about the consequences.
of the torture and fright he was causing me. I could picture his icy blue I just needed to find her, no matter the fucking cost.
eyes, cold and harsh, boring into me from across the yard with disturbing I swung around a curve up near the cliffs and slammed on the brakes
intrigue. when I caught a glimpse of the vehicle I was looking for. The Volvo skid to
They were eyes I had hoped to never to see again... the eyes of a a stop on the shoulder of the road, nearly clipping Jacob’s car in the process.
dangerous predator. I jumped out as the Mercedes pulled up behind me, glancing around in
122 95
concern, unsure of where the fuck they were. I leapt over the guardrail and shaking as Heidi’s impatience grew, debating furiously about what to do,
started through the trees and brush toward the cliffs, my heart pounding when her words became more ferocious.
furiously. I neared the clearing and froze when I saw them a few feet away, “I swear I’m going to come in if you don’t answer this door,” she spat.
Jacob’s eyes falling on me immediately. I saw the flash of fear in them and “I’m not allowed to leave here without you and I’ll be damned if I’m going
Isabella must’ve seen it too, because her head snapped in my direction. She to let some little slave girl ruin what I’ve got going for me here.” My heart
got a panicked expression on her face when she spotted me and I started rate spiked at her words, shock and confusion rocking me. She’d called me
toward them, calling her name. She frantically took a step away in a slave, her rage frightening me because she clearly knew more than she
confusion and I tensed up when she neared the edge of the cliff, her foot should have and I wasn’t sure what to make of that. I almost started
skidding on a rock and nearly sending her tumbling. I yelled in concern and hyperventilating because although I knew the door was locked, I didn’t
Jacob grabbed a hold of her before she fell, pulling her back from the cliff. really know Heidi and had absolutely no idea what she was actually capable
“Whoa, what did I tell you?” he said with alarm. “I’m not going in after of.
you, girl.” She started beating on the windows when the door didn’t work and I hit
Isabella glanced at him quickly before turning back to me with a look of the call button on my phone without another thought, shaking and trying
fright, and I could see her body trembling from where I stood. “Edward,” to fight back my fear. It rang three times and my desperation hit an all-
she said, her voice shaking and sending a jolt of pain through my chest. It time high, knowing he was my last option, and I silently prayed that he’d
hurt to fucking hear the distress in her voice, and I had to fight back the answer and be able to do something.
anger that threatened to explode from me at the sight of him touching her. “I must be dreaming,” Jacob’s voice rang out after the forth ring. “Never
I held up my hands in an attempt to show them I meant no fucking thought I’d see this number pop up again. You must miss my jokes.”
harm, unsure if they’d even believe the shit. “I’m not here for a fight,” I said “Jacob,” I said quickly, speaking as quietly as I could and hoping he’d
seriously. Jacob looked at me suspiciously, his eyes darting around the understand despite the fact that my voice was trembling. He didn’t respond
area. for a second and I wondered briefly if maybe he hadn’t even been able to
“What are you doing here, Cullen?” Jacob asked. “Seriously, you know hear me.
you aren’t allowed to be here.” “Are you okay?” he asked finally, all traces of playfulness gone from his
“Look, fuck, I know,” I said quickly, hearing the trees rustling behind voice. “Did something happen? Are you hurt?”
me. I turned my head briefly as my father approached, my panic escalating. “Yes. I mean, no. I’m okay, at least I think I am,” I rambled.
“You can press charges if you want, I don’t give a shit. Send me to fucking “Do you need help?” he asked.
jail for all I care. I just... I need to fucking talk to her.” “Yes. I don’t know who else to ask,” I responded nervously. “I, uh... Dr.
Jacob glanced at Isabella. “Don’t you think if she wanted to talk to you Cullen told me to get a hold of Edward immediately to tell him to come
she would’ve gone to you?” he asked. “You can’t give her some damn space?” home but his phone isn’t on.”
I sighed and ran my hands down my face in frustration. “It’s important, “Sooo... you’re calling me because you want me to track down your
alright? I’ll fucking leave, I will, I just need to talk to her first,” I responded, boyfriend?” he asked with confusion. I sighed, frustrated and completely
focusing my attention on Isabella. She was staring at me apprehensively, flustered.
obviously unsure about the entire situation. “Please, Bella? Just a few “No. Well yes, but not just track him down. I need him to come home
minutes.” right away,” I said.
She nodded hesitantly. “Okay,” she said softly, her voice barely audible. “And you think me doing this is a good idea?” he asked. “No offense or
“You know you don’t have to. You don’t have to do anything you don’t anything, but I’m really not in the mood to be attacked today. It’s only been
want to do,” Jacob chimed in, making the anger inside me brew as I fought a week since I had my ass kicked last, you know.”
to hold it back as much as I could. Who the fuck did he think he was, “I know. I’m sorry, I just... I don’t know who else to ask,” I explained.
intervening in my goddamn life? “Please? It’s really important.”
“I know,” she responded simply. My father stepped out of the trees “Sure, sure,” he muttered, not sounding very pleased. “Whatever. I’ll
behind me and sighed with annoyance. I glanced at him and saw the look help you. Where is he?”
of impatience on his face, knowing he was fucking pissed to have to be there. “He’s taking a test at the high school,” I responded, relieved that he was
“Jacob,” he said, nodding in greeting. “It’s nice to see you again, despite agreeing to help despite his reluctance to get involved. “The SAT test
the situation we find ourselves in.” He cut his eyes at me with irritation. thing.”

96 121
 “Yes, sir,” I said. Dr. Cullen said he was going to make some calls before “I’m hoping we can come to a pleasant resolution that doesn’t require law
telling me not to worry and hanging up, and I closed the phone, clutching enforcement.”
on to it tightly as I slowly started walking over to the front door. The door Jacob shrugged nonchalantly, his eyes going back and forth between
itself was unlocked and I held my breath as I grabbed the deadbolt, slowly Isabella and me. “No blood, no foul, I guess,” he said. “Well, this time,
turning it until it clicked. Heidi was still knocking, and I breathed a sigh of anyway. I’m not even really surprised. I had a feeling he’d show up
relief that the pounding didn’t waver so she hadn’t heard me locking the eventually. Just make sure you take him with you when you leave and he
door. I glanced at the keypad beside the door and punched in the code, doesn’t come near my house.”
62373, pressing the red button to activate it. I rolled my eyes as my father agreed and thanked Jacob for his
Heidi stopped knocking and her muffled voice carried through the door cooperation. Jacob glanced at Isabella and reached out to gently rub her
as I pressed my ear to it, trying to figure out what was going on outside. arm, the sight making me even angrier but I fought it back. I knew lashing
“What do you want me to do? She isn’t answering,” she said, her voice out wasn’t going to help any of us. “Take care,” he said. “You know how to
faint and barely audible. My brow furrowed in confusion because she had reach me if you need me.”
been alone, but it dawned on me after a second that she must be on the She smiled softly and nodded, her eyes nervously darting to me as she
telephone. I had no idea who she was talking to but it made me nervous... said goodbye and thanked him. He turned and walked into the trees and
very nervous. “Yes, I’m sure she’s in there. Dr. Cullen left this morning like my father lingered there for a moment, obviously displeased.
he was supposed to.” “We’re going to talk about this,” he said pointedly, his eyes fixated on
There was a pause as silence took over, my heart pounding furiously in me. I nodded but didn’t bother to speak, knowing it would just cause a
my chest. “No, she’s not with him. That little prick is taking a test today, I fucking argument because he wouldn’t give a shit what my reasoning was.
told you that. That’s the whole reason we picked today, remember? She’s He turned and walked away after that, leaving Isabella and me alone. I
definitely here and alone, I just need to get her to open this damn door slowly walked toward her and she watched me cautiously, her body tense
somehow.” There was a brief pause before she continued, the desperation as I approached. I paused in front of her and sighed, unsure of what to
in her voice staggering because she was obviously distressed. “I know, I fucking say. I needed to tread lightly so she didn’t panic– that was the only
understand, but please don’t be like that! I love you, Jay, I swear, and I thing I was sure of as we stood there looking at each other in silence.
don’t want to disappoint you! I promise I’ll make this work, I’ll make it “I, uh… I know,” I started, her brow furrowing in confusion as she eyed
right. I know what this means to you.” me. “I know what you know, what you read.”
My knees nearly gave out and I yelped, covering my mouth quickly to It took a second for it to register, a horrified expression flashing across
silence myself as she started pounding on the door impatiently. I tensed up, her face as she took a step back instinctively. “Oh, God,” she said, sounding
hoping she hadn’t heard me. “Hello?” she yelled. “Are you in there?” alarmed. Her eyes darted around frantically and she looked like she was
I scampered as quietly as I could over to the side, huddling in the corner about to fucking run from me in fear once again, so I shook my head quickly
beside the piano as I opened my phone back up. I was frightened and and reached out to stop her. I grabbed her arm as she turned and she
confused, the blood rushing furiously through my body. I scanned through flinched away from me, her movement causing the pain in my chest to
the numbers quickly and dialed Edward’s, my fear escalating when it went intensify.
straight to his voice mail. I let out a shaky breath and the tears formed as “Fuck, stop, I already knew,” I said quickly. “I’ve known you were the
she started pounding on the door harder and pressing the doorbell one she was trying to save for a while, Bella.”
repeatedly, shouting my name. I could hear the anger in her voice and it She looked at me with shock. “You… knew?” she asked. I nodded and
startled me, because none of it made any sense. I didn’t know what she let go of her arm, running my hand through my hair anxiously.
wanted, why she was there or who she was talking to, but whatever the “Yes, I knew. I’ve known for a few months,” I responded.
reason was, it definitely wasn’t good. I scanned through the numbers in my “And you didn’t tell me?” she asked quickly, sounding upset. “You knew
phone, knowing Emmett and Rose couldn’t help me halfway across the that it was me and you kept it from me?” She stared at me with confusion
country and Alice and Jasper wouldn’t be able to do anything from Seattle. and hurt, and I could see her eyes brimming with tears.
I’d already spoken to Dr. Cullen and did what he had instructed, and was “I was trying to protect you,” I said.
almost out of options when I came to the last number in my phone. “You were trying to protect me?” she asked, raising her voice. “You
After what had happened the week before, my regret over the pain that didn’t think that I should know?”
I’d caused Edward, I had sworn that I wouldn’t use it again. I sat there

120 97
 “I didn’t want to hurt you and I knew knowing would fucking hurt you,” spine, that feeling of dread I’d felt earlier returning with so much force that
I said, trying to explain. “It wasn’t right to do that to you, to put you through I thought I was going to be sick. I grabbed a hold of the piano to stabilize
that shit. I didn’t see the point…” myself, caught off guard by my intense reaction. I stood there and tried to
“You didn’t see the point?” she asked with disbelief. “Your mother died get control of myself, my hands beginning to shake as the doorbell rang
because of me and you didn’t see the point in telling me? I destroyed your again.
life, Edward!” Something was definitely off.
“Christ, Bella, you were fucking four years old when she made her I grabbed my cell phone from my back pocket and opened it, scanning
choice,” I said. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” through the numbers and hesitating when I got to Dr. Cullen’s. I felt
She shook her head as the tears started falling down her cheeks. “I took ridiculous, because she was likely just looking to speak to Dr. Cullen about
your mother from you,” she said, her voice cracking. something that pertained to work, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that was
“No, you didn’t,” I responded. “The person who pulled the trigger took warning me not to answer the door because something was wrong. The
her from me. You weren’t to blame for that shit.” doorbell rang again and I took a step back, leaning against the wall while I
She stared at me with uncertainty. “You’re wrong,” she said, reaching dialed Dr. Cullen’s phone number.
up to wipe her tears that were steadily flowing. “If I didn’t exist, none of It rang a few times and I was about to hang up, knowing it would soon
this would’ve happened. How can you even look at me, Edward? How could go to voice mail, when he picked up. His voice sounded panicked and I
you ever love me after that?” realized immediately that it was the first time I had ever called him for
“How can I not fucking love you, Bella?” I said. “The simple fact that anything.
you were so special to my mother that she’d risk her own life for you is “Is something wrong, Isabella?” he asked with alarm. I hesitated,
reason enough to fucking care. I won’t lie to you. It hurt when I first found unsure of what to say or how to explain it. I felt completely ridiculous,
out, but that shit just confirms everything I ever believed about you. I’ve because I was supposed to be adjusting to life with independence and the
told you so many times that I’d die for you, so how the hell could I blame presence of a seemingly harmless young woman at the front door sent me
you for my mother feeling the same way?” into a panic.
“It shouldn’t have happened,” she said. “I’m not worth it.” “I, uh, I’m not sure, sir,” I stammered.
“Don’t you say shit like that,” I said forcefully. “You are fucking worth “What’s going on?” he asked. I sighed and the doorbell rang out loudly
it, and nothing will ever change my mind about that. You can’t just fucking again, making me flinch. “Who’s there, Isabella?” he asked in a serious
shut down and pull away from everything because of this. I’ve fought for voice, having heard it.
you, my mother fucking fought for you, so that you could have a real life, “It’s, uh, the nurse from the hospital,” I responded. “The one you work
and you can’t just throw that shit away by not fighting for yourself.” with.”
“But you said…” she started, but I shook my head quickly and cut her “Heidi?” he asked, sounding confused.
off. “Yes,” I said. “I was going to answer but...”
“There aren’t any fucking ‘buts’ about it, Bella. I know what I said in “No,” he said sharply, his tone scaring me into an immediate silence.
the past, but I was just fucking angry and hurt. We all say and do shit when “Don’t answer it, Isabella. I don’t know what she wants, but she’s not there
we’re upset that we don’t mean,” I said. “I don’t regret a damn thing that for me.”
has happened, and you shouldn’t either. It fucking sucks, but I’ve dealt with “Okay,” I said hesitantly, still not entirely understanding but frightened
it. I’ve lost too damn much as it is, I don’t want to lose you, too.” by his response. I heard him curse as the doorbell rang out again, followed
She wiped her eyes and choked back a sob, staring at me with a flurry by a string of loud knocks.
of emotions. I reached out and grabbed her arm again, and that time she “Get a hold of Edward right away, I don’t want you there alone right
didn’t flinch as I pulled her into a hug. I wrapped my arms around her and now,” he said seriously. “I need you to set the alarm, do you remember the
she gripped on to me with desperation as her sobs grew louder. code?”
“Fuck, tesoro, you know I love you. I don’t know what the fuck is going “Yes,” I said, my voice shaking from my nerves. Something was
on with us or how the hell we’re going to get over this, but we need to definitely very wrong, if Dr. Cullen sensed it.
because we can’t let this shit destroy us. I get why you didn’t tell me what “I don’t want you to open that door until you see Edward on the other
was wrong– I hate it but I understand– but you can’t shut down on me. I’m side of it, do you hear me? I don’t care who shows up, you do not open it for
fucking miserable without you,” I said. anyone but Edward,” he said sternly.
“I’m sorry,” she whimpered. “For all of it. I’m so sorry.”
98 119
had purchased me, and while I still felt fear in his presence, gratitude was “Don’t apologize to me,” I said. “I don’t blame you for any of it.”
slowly chipping away at it. “You should,” she said quietly through her sobs. I sighed and squeezed
He seemed nervous as he stood there, staring at me apprehensively as her tighter, the pain in her voice making my heart ache.
if he were worried about my reaction toward him. It was startling and I “What did I say about saying shit like that?” I asked. “I don’t fucking
watched him with interest, taking in his disheveled appearance. He had blame you so you shouldn’t blame yourself. We’re going to work through
dark circles under his eyes and creases lining his face, both making him this somehow. I don’t know how yet, but we’ll figure it out. How many times
appear much older than I knew he was. He was obviously stressed and worn have you told me that we’re survivors? It’s what we do, and we’ll continue
down by life, completely exhausted and needing relief from everything. I to do it. We’ll survive this shit.”
wondered, as I gazed at him, exactly how much of that I had caused. I stood there and held her for a while as she tried to get her emotions in
“I’m, uh,” he started, watching me cautiously. “I’m leaving for Chicago. check, comforted by having her in my arms. I wasn’t naïve, though, and I
I have a flight out of Seattle at one this afternoon.” knew we had a lot of fucking work to do in order to get back on track. Simply
“Okay,” I said hesitantly, wondering why he was telling me. acknowledging we both knew the truth wasn’t going to fix things between
“Do you need anything before I go?” he asked, raising his eyebrows us. It had gotten too far out of hand for that, had eaten away at both of us
questioningly. My brow furrowed at his question and he sighed, pinching too much to just fucking forget it happened. The anger I’d been feeling still
the bridge of his nose with frustration. “Since Edward has your car. I didn’t lingered, and I knew damn well telling her not to blame herself wouldn’t be
want to leave you stranded if you needed something this morning.” enough to make whatever guilt she felt magically fucking disappear.
“Oh,” I said. Edward’s car had been in the body shop all week getting She finally pulled from my embrace, her cheeks stained with tears and
fixed and he’d been driving mine to get around. “Um, no. I’m fine, thank her eyes bloodshot. I could still see the apprehension as she gazed at me,
you.” obviously fucking worried about what was going to happen next, but I was
He nodded. “Okay, then. Have a good weekend.” relieved to at least see the fear was gone.
“You, too, sir,” I responded. He looked at me curiously as if he had I reached out and wiped her cheeks with my fingertips, sighing. “You
something else he wanted to say, but he just turned and walked off after a know it’s dangerous up here on these cliffs,” I said. “You could’ve fucking
moment without speaking another word. fallen in or something.” She smiled softly.
He departed a few minutes later and I spent a good part of the morning “You used to jump from these cliffs,” she said. My eyes widened in
cleaning, dusting the same things I had dusted every other day that week. surprise that she knew that.
The house was immaculate, cleaner than it had ever been under my care “Jacob tell you that?” I asked. She nodded and I chuckled. “Yeah, I used
before, which was sort of ironic considering I wasn’t actually obligated to to be really fucking reckless.”
clean it anymore. “You still are,” she responded. “Coming here was reckless. You could’ve
It was sometime after eleven in the morning and I was cleaning out the gotten in serious trouble.”
pantry in the kitchen, wasting time until Edward got home. Alice had gone I shrugged. “Yeah, well, I didn’t,” I said simply. There was a moment of
to Seattle to spend time with Jasper as she usually did on the weekends, silence, an awkward tension mounting around us with so much still left
and I was starting to grow lonely in the massive, quiet house. I was shifting unspoken. “So I know why you came to La Push, but how did you end up on
cans around, sorting them by type out of boredom, when I heard the sound the cliff with Jacob? And how the hell did Alice know you were here?”
of gravel crunching outside and the purr of an engine. I tensed up She sighed and turned her head to look out at the water, fidgeting
immediately and walked over to the window, gazing out curiously as the nervously. “I just pulled over here randomly, didn’t really know what I was
unfamiliar red sports car pulled up in front of the house. The car shut off doing or where I was going. I was hurt and you kept calling and I didn’t
and the driver’s side door opened, a blond-haired woman stepping out. My know what to do about it after what happened. I didn’t know who to talk to
brow furrowed in confusion as she glanced around nervously, the but I needed to talk to someone.”
realization that I’d seen her before dawning on me after I caught a glimpse “You couldn’t talk to Alice?” I asked, interrupting. “I understand why
of her face. you wouldn’t tell me, but Christ, Alice would’ve listened.”
It was the nurse from the hospital. Heidi, if I recalled correctly. “I couldn’t burden Alice like that,” she said. “It would’ve put her in an
She shut the car door and started toward the house, as anxiety crept up awful position, where she’d either have to keep secrets from Jasper or be
inside of me. I stood there for a moment debating what to do before I headed the one to break his heart by telling him, and I didn’t want to do that to
for the foyer, the sound of the doorbell ringing out loudly stopping me dead her. She knew we were out here because she called Jacob’s phone to see if
in my tracks. Something about the sound of it sent a chill of fright down my
118 99
he’d seen me, and he told her I was all right so she wouldn’t worry. That failed, his head snapping in my direction in shock when he heard me
was how Jacob knew where I was, too. I, uh... I called him.” snicker.
I stared at her with shock, her words striking a nerve. “How the hell did “Christ, Bella, how long have you been awake?” he asked, deciding to
you call him? You don’t have his...” I paused and narrowed my eyes at her. sit down on the edge of the bed and slip the shoes on instead of attempting
“You have his fucking phone number, Bella?” to venture any further in the darkness.
She eyed me cautiously and nodded, chewing on her lip nervously. “He “Just a few minutes,” I said quietly as I sat up, clearing my throat to try
put it in my phone that day Emmett took me to the beach. I swear I never to get the sleep out of my voice.
called him before or anything, and I never thought I ever would.” “And you were what, just watching me get dressed? Fucking pervert,”
“Why didn’t you fucking tell me?” I asked, pissed that she had been he said playfully, nudging me with his elbow. I blushed and hoped he
keeping things from me. couldn’t see it in the darkness, but nothing escaped his notice. He chuckled.
“Because I knew you’d be angry, like you are now, and I didn’t want to “Yeah, you were.”
cause more problems,” she said. “I should’ve deleted it but I just... I don’t “I couldn’t help it. You’re too beautiful not to watch,” I mumbled. He
know... something told me to just leave it there.” laughed and stood up, shaking his head.
I had to fight back the urge to yell or scoff at her statement, irritated “And you’re half asleep and don’t know what the fuck you’re saying,” he
and almost fucking offended by it. “But him, Bella?” I asked. “After said jokingly, leaning over and kissing me quickly. “I’ve got to get going or
everything that I told you about what he did to me, how he ran his mouth I’m going to be late. I love you.”
about my mother, you’d talk to him about her? I don’t fucking get it.” “I love you, too,” I said quietly as he headed for the door. The words
“I didn’t talk to him about your mother, Edward. I can’t believe you’d caught in my throat for some reason as I was overcome with emotion, my
think I’d do that,” she responded, sounding hurt by my accusation. “I would eyes welling up with tears. He turned to glance at me with confusion and I
never betray you like that, I love you.” smiled at him so he wouldn’t worry, not even entirely sure myself why I
“What did you talk about then?” I asked, not understanding. She was reacting the way I was. “Good luck.”
shrugged nonchalantly. “Thanks, tesoro,” he responded, hesitating for a moment. “I’ll see you in
“We talked about his mom,” she said. “Jacob feels guilty for his mother’s a few hours.” He walked out and I listened as his footsteps descended the
death. He’s always felt like it was his fault.” stairs, brushing my wayward tears away as an odd feeling overcame me. It
“Yeah, I know,” I said. “She died in a car accident, roads were wet and felt like dread, like all of the happiness had been sucked from the room
it was raining hard, she lost control or hydroplaned or something. The only when he walked out of it. I tried to push it away, figuring it was just a
reason she was driving was because he threw a fit about wanting something remnant of the devastation we’d been through, and climbed out of bed to
and she went to go get it for him. We used to talk about that shit.” start my day.
She nodded. “I know how he feels,” she said quietly. I sighed and ran a I headed down to the kitchen to grab something to drink before I started
hand through my hair, not entirely happy about the turn the conversation cleaning, and was pouring a glass of orange juice when I heard a door on
took. the first floor close. I tensed up instinctively, that odd sensation of dread
“Yeah, I guess I do, too,” I mumbled. rushing through me as footsteps started in my direction. I stared at the
“I know you do,” she responded. “But I don’t feel like I’m disappointing doorway as my heart started beating rapidly, immediately relieved when I
Jacob by feeling guilty. I don’t feel like I owe anything to him.” saw it was Dr. Cullen. I exhaled sharply, startled that I’d been holding my
My brow furrowed. “You don’t owe me anything,” I said with confusion, breath, and he gave me a curious look when he noticed. I felt ridiculous and
hurt she’d fucking think that. She glanced at me and smiled sadly. hoped he wouldn’t ask, because I couldn’t really explain it. Something
“Don’t I?” she asked. “After what happened to your mom and what your simply felt off and it had me on edge.
family has gone through to save me, don’t I owe it to you to live my life to “Good morning, dolcezza,” he said, his voice quiet but the words
the fullest?” practically echoing in the still house. It was the most he’d spoken to me in
“Uh, I guess,” I said, unsure of how to fucking respond to that question. days.
She nodded and turned to look down at the water. “Good morning, sir,” I responded politely, feeling awkward because he
“That’s why I feel like a disappointment. I feel guilty for having ever was staring at me. It was the first time we’d really come face-to-face since
been born sometimes, Edward,” she said. I started speaking, to tell her that he discovered I knew the truth, and I wasn’t sure how to act around him or
was fucking ridiculous, when she cut me off. “I know what you’re going to what to say. It was so strange looking at him, knowing the truth of why he
say. You’re going to tell me not to say that kind of stuff and I don’t want to
100 117
in shape for football, but it was one of the only things that kept my mind say it to you, because it’s not right after what happened to give me this life.
off of everything. Edward stayed busy constantly, with practice and Not saying it doesn’t change the way I feel, though.”
studying after school, so the only time I really saw him was at dinner and I stood silently gazing at her for a second, trying to make sense out of
when we went to bed at night. I saw Dr. Cullen even less, as he was always what she was telling me. “But you could say that shit to Jacob without
at the hospital or locked away in his office. I caught glimpses of him in feeling bad.”
passing a few times, but he never even bothered to utter a hello before “Yes,” she said. “I told him there was nothing to celebrate about the day
disappearing again. I was born, because I didn’t feel like I should even exist, and instead of
It was difficult not to dwell on things when I was left to my own devices, telling me I was ridiculous and to stop saying that stuff, he just said ‘that
and my guilt over everything continued to eat away at me as time went on. sucks’. That’s it. ‘That sucks’. There was nothing deep about it, but it made
I couldn’t even look at the photograph of Edward and his mother sitting on me feel better because those words told me I was entitled to feel how I felt.
his desk without the pain nearly crippling me when I saw the devotion in I didn’t feel regret over my guilt, didn’t feel like I was disappointing him by
his face as he looked at her. Edward and I still had some tension brewing saying it. I’m not even sure if he really even cared how I felt, but he listened
between us that we were trying to get over, but I knew it was one of those anyway.”
things that could only be healed with time. “Yeah,” I said, remembering back to when I was younger and would
I awoke the following Saturday morning just as Edward was getting out have talks about our guilt and anger over our mothers dying and how he
of the shower. I lay still in the bed, watching him while he quietly got never once tried to tell me how the fuck to think or feel. “That sounds like
himself dressed, trying his best not to disturb me. He stood in front of the Jacob.”
closet and even in the semi-darkened room I could make out the definition She glanced at me again. “I know what he did to you was wrong, and
of his back muscles and the lines of his tattoos. His pale skin glowed in the I’m sorry if I hurt you by talking to him. I didn’t mean to, and would never
faint light filtering in from the open bathroom door, leaving me almost do anything intentionally to upset you, Edward. It’s just... no matter what
mesmerized in my groggy state. his motives were, Jacob went out of his way to make me laugh sometimes.
If there was one image of Edward Cullen I never wanted to forget, it He was kind to me and tried to keep those girls you go to school with from
was the one in front of me. It was the image of him barefoot and bare hurting me when you weren’t around. He never once asked me for anything
chested, exposed and vulnerable, sneaking around his own bedroom in the or expected anything from me, and he offered to listen if I ever needed
darkness because he was trying not to wake me. It was an image most someone to listen. And tonight I just... needed someone to listen.”
people would never see of him, but an image I couldn’t bear to lose. Most Her voice trailed off at the end and she frowned, the guilt plain as day
people saw the selfish young boy, spoiled and often irresponsible, but I was on her face. I felt selfish that she was obviously hurting and trying to sort
one of the lucky few in life that got to see Edward for who he truly was. through shit, and I was only thinking about myself and my own grudge.
Completely stripped down to the core, so compassionate and caring, a truly Isabella had saved me, had pulled me from the darkness and brought me
gentle soul despite what his scarred and marked exterior screamed. He was back to life, and I was acting like I’d rather see her fucking drown than talk
stunning, so beautiful both inside and out– the quiet contentment he oozed to someone I didn’t like. I didn’t trust Jacob at all and seriously questioned
when no one was watching enough to take my breath away. I loved him his motives, but I realized as I stood there gazing at her that everyone had
with every fiber of my being and just the fact that, after everything that been fucking right. My father told me if I loved her I needed to respect her
had happened, he could still stand in front of me as he was spoke volumes right to make her own decisions, and even though I just wanted to protect
about his love for me. What we shared transcended all of it and no amount her I had to let her make her own fucking mistakes. And Alice... Alice asked
of pain or heartache could break our bond. I knew, as I stared at Edward in me why I didn’t understand and where my faith in her was.
the darkness, that even if we never saw each other again, I would love him Where was my fucking faith in her?
for the rest of my life. He was a part of me and nothing could ever take that “You know he fucking hates me,” I said after a moment, unsure of what
away, no matter what. He had irrevocably changed me, just as I had else to say about the subject. She shook her head.
changed him, and there was no going back for either one of us. “No he doesn’t. He’s hurt and angry, but he doesn’t hate you, Edward,”
He sighed softly in the quiet room and slipped a shirt on, before she said. “In fact, I think he misses your friendship.”
grabbing a pair of Nike’s from his closet. He accidentally kicked the corner I laughed dryly. “He says some bad shit about me, Bella,” I said. She
of the bed in the darkness as he walked by me and grunted, cursing glanced at me and smiled, nodding.
profusely under his breath. I tried to stifle my laugh at his reaction but

116 101
 “He does, sometimes. But like you said a few minutes ago, we all say she saw him, her eyes scanning the length of his form. She smiled
things that we don’t really mean when we’re hurt and confused and upset,” flirtatiously, not even noticing I was standing there.
she responded. “Can I help you with something?” she asked sweetly.
“You seriously think he doesn’t mean the shit?” I asked almost with “I believe you can,” Edward responded, using the seductive, soft voice
amusement. She nodded. he used when he was intentionally trying to charm someone. I’d heard him
“I think he is just confused. He doesn’t know you anymore, Edward. You use it numerous times when he wanted to get his way, and I’d never
know, he told me you’re the only person he ever talked to about his mom personally, seen it fail him before. I eyed him suspiciously, wondering what
dying. He has all of these friends on the reservation but he doesn’t feel like he was up to.
any of them understand him. The two of you used to confide in each other, “Great,” she said back, her tongue darting out and licking her lips
and now you have me but who does Jacob have? No one. And I’m not saying slowly. I cringed and stared at her, nausea beginning to brew inside of me
you should pity him or anything because maybe it’s his own fault...” at the sight of her openly flirting with Edward in front of me. “Go ahead
“Maybe, my ass,” I chimed in. She paused and sighed. and try me.”
“Okay, so it’s his own fault. But the fact is, he’s really alone and I can I tensed up and narrowed my eyes in response to her tone. “I want to
understand why maybe he’s jealous and doesn’t want to accept that you’ve have some pictures taken,” Edward explained, catching me off guard. I
actually changed because he hasn’t. He doesn’t want to believe that you’re looked at him with surprise, still not sure what he was doing.
not the same troublemaker you used to be because then that means he “Oh, well, we have an opening in two weeks,” she said, looking down at
really is alone now. a notebook in front of her.
He’s troubled even more now that he lost the only real friend he felt he “That won’t work,” he said, shaking his head.
had,” she said. “Oh, when were you thinking?” she asked. He chuckled and leaned
“What makes you think he’s troubled?” I asked curiously. She shrugged. toward her, lowering his voice even more.
“He got expelled from school,” she said. “He kept getting into trouble “Right now,” he said. She looked at him with disbelief and I stood back,
and they finally got tired of it and expelled him. He was talking about watching as he bribed her and paid double the fee, leading me into the back
leaving, just running away and starting over away from everything now afterward to have our pictures taken. I was completely stunned as he
that he’s eighteen. It reminded me of us, how we talk about starting over wrapped his arms around me, whispering in my ear for me to smile. She
with a clean slate. People who aren’t broken don’t usually do that, do they?” snapped a dozen or so pictures of the two of us, telling Edward, once we
I stared at her with surprise. “I guess they don’t,” I answered. “People were finished, that they would be ready in a few weeks. He thanked her
don’t usually leave their lives behind unless they’re pretty fucked up.” and pulled me out of the place just as quickly as he had pulled me in,
“Yeah. I used to wonder if Jacob only talked to me to get to you, and I smiling happily.
still do in a way but not because he wants to hurt you like I once thought. “Now you’ve got something to remember this day by,” he said. “It’s no
I think Jacob started seeking me out because I was a connection to you. cap and gown or fucking graduation ceremony, but it’s something at least.”
Maybe that’s stupid, but I guess it kind of seemed like I wasn’t the only one We had dinner at a seafood restaurant overlooking the waterfront
that needed someone to listen tonight. I think he talked more than I did,” before heading back to Forks after sunset, both of us mentally and
she said softly. “I, uh... I did tell him that you freed me, though.” physically exhausted. When we arrived home I showered and changed
“I didn’t free you, Bella. My father did,” I muttered. She shook her head while Edward worked on homework, and then we went to bed. He pulled
and turned to look at me. me into his arms and held me tightly, and I smiled when his breathing
“Dr. Cullen got the paperwork for me, but you’re the one who freed me, regulated as he drifted off to sleep. I snuggled into him and closed my eyes,
Edward,” she said. “You gave me life.” sighing contently. It was the first time in a while that I’d gone to sleep
I smiled softly and saw the tears starting to form as she gazed at me. feeling truly safe and secure. The first time since my mother’s death and
She reached her hand up after a moment and hesitated briefly before learning the truth about Edward’s mother that I was able to close my eyes
palming my cheek. I could see the shame in her eyes as she started to cry with a genuine smile on my face and hope in my heart.
again. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered, her voice cracking as she tried to fight The next week flew by in a blur as I tried to settle back in to life and
back the tears. “I shouldn’t have done that. I can’t believe I... I hit you.” come to terms with everything. I kept busy during the days when Edward
I sighed and covered her hand with mine. “Don’t apologize. I’ve was gone, cleaning and baking in an attempt to keep my mind off of things.
definitely been hit harder, it barely even hurt. It actually took a lot of I wasted a lot of food, as Dr. Cullen rarely ate any of the sweets I baked and
Edward was watching how much junk food he ate so he could keep himself
102 115
whispered against my lips. “Clothes, not you. I don’t want you to ever fucking nerve and in a way I’m kind of proud. I mean, you took up for
fucking change, but I’m kind of tired of looking at that goddamn shirt.” yourself and I probably would’ve fucking hit me too. I kind of deserved it.”
“I like this shirt,” I said defensively as he turned to walk out, his “No one deserves it, Edward,” she said. “I should’ve known better. I
laughter filtering back in as he disappeared from the room. I stripped out mean, me, of all people...”
of the clothes and dressed in a pair of jeans and a black shirt, pulling my “It’s not that big of a deal and don’t beat yourself up about it. I mean,
hair back into a ponytail and grabbing my things before heading Christ, didn’t we fucking talk about people doing things they don’t mean
downstairs. Edward was standing in the foyer with his hand gripping his when they’re hurt and angry twice now? Do we need to talk about that shit
hair in frustration, muttering under his breath. I paused and looked at him, again?” I asked. She shook her head hesitantly and I smiled as we gazed at
seeing the annoyance on his face. each other for a few moments in silence. “You wanna go home and get some
“Do you have your keys?” he asked, raising his eyebrows questioningly. sleep? It’s been a long fucking night.”
“We can’t fucking take the Volvo anywhere considering the condition it’s She agreed so I took her hand, linking our fingers together as I led her
in.” I smiled sadly and pulled them out of my pocket, handing them to him. through the trees and toward the cars. “I’ll follow you to the house, okay?”
He thanked me quietly before opening the door, motioning for me to exit. I asked Isabella.
“So where are we going?” I asked as we got into the car. He started the She nodded and pulled her hand from mine, starting toward her Audi.
car up, mumbling under his breath in annoyance as he adjusted the seat She glanced over at my Volvo and her footsteps faltered as she gasped.
and mirrors to his liking. I sat quietly and waited as he fixed everything, “What happened to your car?” she asked with concern. I sighed and held up
knowing how finicky he was. It took a few minutes until he was comfortable my hand so she could see the cuts as well as the bruised, swollen knuckles.
enough to start driving, but he still threw in a few extra complaints before “I thought that was from your fight with Jacob.”
answering my question. I shook my head. “The windshield gave me more trouble than that prick
“I don’t know, tesoro. I thought maybe we’d just go fuck off in Port did,” I responded. She stared at me for a moment before shaking her head
Angeles for a while and find something to do,” he said, shrugging. “Get some and walking away, mumbling to herself. I ran my hand through my hair
dinner, blow some money. You know, usual shit.” nervously and walked over to the Volvo, climbing in and starting it up. I
“Okay, then,” I responded, not really caring what we did as long as we followed her through La Push and back toward Forks, trying to keep my
spent time together. We were both relatively quiet during the drive, and I patience and come to grips with things as she drove under the speed limit.
gazed out of the window enjoying the view as Edward fiddled with the We reached the house and headed inside quietly, both of us quite sullen as
music. He parked by the shore when we arrived and we spent most of the the recent events weighed on us.
afternoon just strolling along the waterfront, holding hands and chatting. We went straight upstairs and I hesitated when we reached the third
It was a surprisingly sunny day so we were in no rush to go inside floor, telling Isabella to go in the bedroom and I’d be there shortly. I
anywhere, just content enjoying the warm weather. We talked a bit about watched as she disappeared inside and strolled over to the library, grabbing
college and Edward mentioned he’d be happy somewhere near the beach the diary off of the floor. I headed down the stairs quietly to the second
where he could occasionally surf. I simply smiled and agreed that it would floor, walking over to my father’s office. I tapped on the door gently and
be nice, having had no idea he actually liked surfing. I realized there was heard him holler for me to come in, so I opened it slowly and stepped inside.
so much I still didn’t know about him, so much I needed to learn about the He was sitting behind his desk and glared at me with annoyance.
boy I planned to spend the rest of my life with. “You’re really making my night hell, Edward,” he said.
Eventually, we moseyed into some shops, just browsing for the most “Yeah, well, I’ve got something that’s either going to make it all better,
part except for the phone Edward bought to replace the one he had or it’s going to just make everything worse,” I said, walking over to his desk
apparently broken. He kept offering me things, saying he wanted to give and dropping the diary on top of the stack of paperwork he’d been going
me a special gift for my accomplishment, but I really saw nothing of interest through. He watched me, irritation in his expression at my obvious
to me. I already had everything I needed and him buying me something disruption.
seemed excessive and completely unnecessary. “What’s this?” he asked, picking it up.
We walked past a portrait studio and Edward froze, gripping on to my I laughed dryly. “What, you don’t recognize my mother’s diary?” I asked.
hand so I’d stop. “Come on,” he said, pulling me inside. He let go of my hand He froze as he gazed at it, a look of shock coming across his face. He opened
and I lingered by the door, watching with confusion as he walked up to a the book in front of him and scanned a few pages quickly, closing his eyes
young lady who was standing at a desk inside, his charming, crooked grin and sighing when he took in the handwriting.
gracing his lips. She glanced up and I saw surprise flash across her face as “Is this the book she’s been reading?” he asked quietly. I nodded.
114 103
 “Yes. I don’t know what all is in it, or how much she read, but it’s why “I know you do, Bella. And don’t worry, we’re going to work this shit out.
she’s been the way she has. She knows the truth. I don’t know how it ended I mean, we’re one step closer,” he said, grabbing the GED test results from
up in the library, but that’s where she found it,” I said. my hand and holding them up. “You can go to college now, you know? The
“I knew your mother kept one but I always figured it was somewhere sky is the limit.”
up in the attic with the rest of her belongings. Never even struck me that “What about you?” I asked curiously. “When are you going to take your
it might’ve been in with the books, but then again I don’t touch any of them test for college?”
so I wouldn’t have known,” he said. “In a week,” he said. I looked at him with surprise and he smiled sadly.
“Yeah, well, it was. So there you go. I have no desire to read it, and I “I signed up right before we went to Phoenix. I forgot to mention it, guess I
don’t think she should read any more of it, so do whatever you want with had other shit on my mind.”
it. But that’s why I went to La Push, and maybe that pisses you off and if I nodded. “I understand. Are you excited for it?” I asked curiously. He
you want to yell at me, go ahead and fucking yell. But I don’t regret going chuckled and shook his head.
after her, because I clearly remember you telling me she’d need to hear from “I wouldn’t exactly say taking the SATs are exciting, Bella. I’m just
me that I didn’t blame her, and after not listening to you all those other ready to get the fucking thing over with and hope I don’t screw up too bad
fucking times I figured this was important enough to maybe take your the first time, because I really don’t want to have to take the shit a second
advice. You know... since you seem to know what the fuck you’re talking time,” he said. “I need to start filling out college applications, too, so we
about sometimes,” I said. He glanced up and stared at me for a moment need to figure out where we’re going when we leave this fucking place.”
before his eyes drifted back down to the book. He ran his hand over the “Really?” I asked.
leather-bound cover, sighing. “Yeah, really, especially if I’m going to try to play football next year,” he
“Thank you,” he said quietly. I nodded. responded. “Do you still want to go to California? I’m sure we can find a
“Yeah, you’re welcome. I’m going to go to bed now,” I mumbled, turning decent school out there with an art program for you.”
and walking out. I heard him say ‘goodnight’ as I left but didn’t linger I shrugged hesitantly. “I guess. I mean, I haven’t really thought about
enough to say it back, heading straight up to the bedroom. Isabella was it.”
already changed into pajamas and curled up in the bed. I stripped out of “Well, think about it. Okay? We’ll look up some schools and shit, figure
my clothes and climbed in beside her under the covers, wrapping my arms it out,” he said gently, standing up from the bed and stretching. “Instead of
around her to pull her close to me. She snuggled up against my chest and sitting around this fucking place all day, how about we do something to
closed her eyes, drifting off to sleep quickly because of her exhaustion. I lay celebrate.”
in the darkness and held her, unable to shut my mind off. “Celebrate?” I asked. He laughed.
Everything had fallen apart, our relationship nearly shattering as a “Yes, celebrate. You’re a fucking high school graduate now. Or the
result, but now we could start to put everything together since we finally equivalent of one. You know, half of the people who take the GED fail the
had all of the pieces. Everything was out in the open, and there was nothing fucking thing the first time, so the simple fact that you passed it is big,
left to tear us apart since there were no more secrets. tesoro. Look at where you were a year ago and look at you now. You’re free,
Well, except for the fact that she was a principessa della mafia, of you’ve got a goddamn degree, and we’re in love and going to make it through
course... but there was no reason to ever fucking tell her that shit. this shit if it fucking kills us.” He paused, his brow furrowing as I laughed.
“Yeah, that shit didn’t make sense. If it fucking kills us we wouldn’t be
getting through it, huh? But whatever, you get what I’m saying. We’re going
to survive like we always do. That’s cause to celebrate, and we haven’t had
a fucking reason to celebrate anything in a while. So come on, get up, put
on some decent clothes, and let’s forget about all of the bullshit for a while
and just be. We don’t get to just fucking be enough.”
I glanced down at the black pants and Fork’s High School Football shirt
I was wearing, sighing. “What’s wrong with my clothes?” I asked curiously.
He laughed and shook his head.
“Everything I fucking just said and all you got from that is that I told
you to change?” he asked with amusement, grabbing my hand and pulling
me to my feet. He leaned over and kissed me quickly. “Change,” he
104 113
first time I had ever put myself out there and attempted to accomplish
something simply to better myself, and I feared failure. “Can you do it?” I
asked imploringly, holding it out to him.
He gazed at me peculiarly before shaking his head.
“You should do it, tesoro,” he said gently. I sighed and carefully tore the
flap open, pulling the paper out. I unfolded it and bit down on my lip
nervously as my eyes scanned it, confusion coming over me when I saw all
of the different numbers. I had no idea what any of it meant and looked for
something that indicated whether or not I had failed.
“I don’t understand,” I said after a moment. “There’s just a bunch of
numbers.”
“What are the numbers?” he asked.
“Reading 450, Writing 420, Math 450, Science 500 and Social Studies
470,” I read.
“Does it tell you the average of them?” he asked. I looked below the row
of numbers and saw the total and testing average.
“458,” I said hesitantly, glancing at him anxiously. He stared at me for

Chapter 66
a moment before nodding.
“You need a 450 to pass the entire thing,” he said quietly. My eyes
widened in shock when what he’d said sunk in.
“I passed?” I asked skeptically, trying to hold back the hope and
excitement that was threatening to burst forth. He nodded and smirked
happily, his expression breaking my composure. I gasped loudly and threw Thieves
myself at him with so much force he nearly fell backwards, but he grabbed Isabella
a hold of me and rolled us over quickly so he was on top of me, laughing.
“Damn, baby,” he said playfully. “You trying to knock me off the fucking I stood by the kitchen window and gazed out into the front yard, my
bed?” eyes fixated on the silver Volvo in the driveway. The damage to it appeared
I blushed and stared at him, trying to fight back my emotion but my even worse in the daylight, the windshield completely destroyed. The
vision was already blurring from tears. “I passed!” I exclaimed proudly, passenger side was caved in from where his fist had pounded against it and
smiling. He laughed at my excitement. even from where I stood I could see the small streaks of red blood that had
“You did. Can’t say I’m surprised, though. I knew you would,” he said poured from his knuckles. There was a large dent in the passenger door
confidently. He stared at me for a moment before leaning his head down that I hadn’t even been aware of, the sight of the wreckage causing both my
and pressing his lips to mine softly. He kissed me gently and slowly, but I guilt and shame to flare. He loved his car and had told me numerous times
could feel all of the passion he had for me in that moment emanating from that it was one of his most prized possessions. He was so protective of it
him. It was an innocent kiss but so much more than that. It was a kiss of that he refused to allow anyone to drive it, even me, but I had hurt him to
redemption, of forgiveness and pride. It was a kiss that said no matter what the point that he simply hadn’t cared about any of it anymore. His pain had
may have happened in the past, there was still hope for the future. It told caused him to destroy something that mattered to him, and as I peered at
me that despite our pain and heartache, the love was still there and would the battered vehicle I realized that was exactly what I had done to Edward.
stay as long as we continued to make an effort. I hadn’t meant to hurt Edward, but my intentions didn’t really matter
“Thank you,” I whispered against his mouth. when it came down to it. The fact was that I had hurt him, and just as the
“For?” he asked. Volvo hadn’t magically fixed itself overnight, I knew it would take work to
“For believing in me,” I responded. “For never giving up.” heal Edward, as well. Neither of us could just forget about it all and simply
“You don’t have to thank me for that shit,” he responded, pulling back move on, no matter how much we may have wanted to.
and smiling. “I do it because I love you.” “I woke up alone,” the familiar velvety voice rang out behind me,
“I love you, too,” I said. drawing me from my thoughts. I turned around and saw Edward standing
112 105
in the doorway to the kitchen, his hair disheveled and his flannel pants slave to being a wife in the mafia? Had Dr. Cullen essentially rescued her,
slung low on his hips. He was shirtless and barefoot, still appearing to be just like Edward had rescued me?
half asleep. “How, uh…” I started, shaking my head in confusion. “I mean, your
“You looked peaceful and I didn’t want to wake you,” I said quietly, mother was really a… slave?” I whispered the word, my voice so quiet that
gazing at him. My eyes drifted down toward his hand and I noticed the I wondered if he could even hear it.
bruising on his knuckles had grown darker and they were very obviously “Yes. It’s a long story and I really don’t feel like getting into it right now,
swollen. I hoped he hadn’t caused permanent damage or done anything that but she was. She lived with the Evansons in Phoenix when my father fell
would affect his ability to participate in football, because I knew the fact in love with her,” he responded.
that he had a chance to play in college meant a lot to him. I couldn’t bear My eyes widened in surprise. “With Alec? She was Jane’s slave?” I asked
to think that I’d potentially taken part in ruining the one thing he had with shock. He nodded and I saw his hand clench into a fist and his posture
finally allowed himself to strive for. go rigid as he fought back his temper at the mention of Jane. I dropped the
“My hand’s fine,” he said quietly after a moment, noticing my attention subject quickly, chewing on my lip nervously. Everything was becoming so
focused on it. I smiled sadly at him as he flexed his fingers and tensed up, clear to me now that I knew Elizabeth had once belonged to the Evansons,
his jaw rigid as he fought back a grimace. His hand was very clearly not from Dr. Cullen’s reaction to the cherry cokes to Alec’s overall reaction to
fine, but I didn’t argue with him about it since he obviously didn’t want it me. It was staggering to think about how much Edward’s mother and I had
fussed over. in common. I recalled Jasper telling me the night of the Halloween party
We stared at each other in silence for a while, an awkward tension that Edward had seen something in me to change him, and had ventured
surrounding us. There was so much that still needed to be said to clear the to guess that it was because I reminded him of their mother. It was no
air but I had no idea where to start, all of it overwhelming. The events from wonder the similarities existed if we had endured the same set of
the night before played out in my mind as I stood there, my guilt running circumstances.
rampant through me. The dull ache in my chest that had been present ever “Do Jasper and Emmett know?” I asked quietly.
since our trip to Phoenix intensified as I thought about how I had hit him, “They know it was you she wanted to save, but they don’t know that she
just trying to imagine how my fleeing to La Push had made him feel. I knew was a slave. My father’s going to tell them when he gets the chance,” he
he had to have been confused and in pain when he realized where I’d gone... responded, clearing his throat. “Anyway, you wanna go upstairs and just
the sight of the vehicle parked outside could attest to that. fucking hang out, watch a movie or something? It would be nice not to think
I recalled his words in the football stadium, the anguish in his voice about this shit for a while.”
something I knew I wouldn’t soon forget. He had wanted to know if I was I nodded in agreement, following him out of the kitchen and up the
doing it on purpose, if I was trying to hurt him because it was clear that stairs. Dr. Cullen heard us as we hit the second floor and called for Edward.
was exactly what I’d been doing. I had been so desperate to hide what I had I hesitated briefly before telling him I’d see him in the bedroom and headed
learned and caught up in my own distress that I hadn’t realized what I was to the third floor when he started for his father’s office. I slipped into bed
really doing to him until it was too late. Withholding what I knew was and lay there for a while, seeking comfort in the familiar warmth, before
hurting him worse than any amount of truth ever could. I had pulled away Edward entered a few minutes later with an envelope in his hand.
from him in an attempt to save him from ever having to feel that pain, not “You’ve got mail, tesoro,” he said quietly, walking over and sitting down
realizing that my doing so was what would affect him most. Edward had carefully on the edge of the bed. My brow furrowed in confusion and I sat
lost so much in life, and regardless of whether or not he knew the facts up, eyeing him warily.
surrounding her death, his mother wasn’t coming back. Hearing the truth “Me?” I asked. He smirked and nodded, holding the envelope out to me.
would’ve been hard for him, but in the end nothing would have changed. I took it carefully and glanced at it, seeing the return address from the
Pulling away from him, however, had changed things. American Council on Education. “Is this, uh…”
It wasn’t until I’d spoken with Jacob, standing on that rocky cliff in the “Your test results,” he said, answering my question before I could ask
middle of the night in La Push, that it had dawned on me exactly how it. I stared at the envelope nervously, frozen for a moment as I silently
dependent Edward had allowed himself to become. It was hard for me to hoped whatever it contained wouldn’t make everything everyone had done
reconcile the inconsiderate, rebellious boy who hurt everyone that tried to for me a complete waste. “Are you going to open it?”
get close to him with the Edward I had fallen in love with, but hearing I glanced at Edward and saw the curiosity in his expression, his eyes
Jacob talk about their friendship had finally really merged the two together ablaze with excitement. His expression made my nerves even more
for me. Their bond had been deeper than I originally thought and I frazzled, because I was desperately afraid of disappointing him. It was the
106 111
 “You only read one page?” he asked. I nodded and he shook his head. understood why Edward had lashed out as fiercely as he had when Jacob
“Well, fuck. I figured you would’ve read a good bit of it.” betrayed him. He allowed someone inside the walls he had built to protect
“No. I didn’t really feel the need to go any further after I figured it out,” himself, allowed that person to truly see his pain, and in turn they took the
I responded. “I mean, I shouldn’t have even read that one page because it’s knowledge of what they’d found there and used it against him. He had
an invasion of her privacy, and I’m sorry if you’re mad…” opened himself up to Jacob’s friendship, only to have Jacob turn his back
“Stop,” he said quickly, holding his hand up to silence me. “I told you to on him.
stop apologizing to me. I don’t blame you for reading it. I would’ve read the Standing in the kitchen, taking in Edward’s disheveled and broken
shit, too. In fact, I gave it to my father so I wouldn’t be tempted.” appearance, I realized that I had basically done the same thing to him. I’d
“You gave it to Dr. Cullen?” I asked. “So he knows that I know?” left Edward open and vulnerable after tearing down his walls and had
“Yeah. It doesn’t matter, though. He’s been telling me for a while that I abandoned him when he needed me. It was no wonder he had reacted the
needed to tell you,” he responded. We stood in silence as I tried to process way he did.
what he’d said. All of the sudden, everything that had happened over the “I’m sorry,” I blurted out abruptly as my eyes filled with tears.
past year with the Cullens made sense, and Dr. Cullen’s reactions toward “I’m sorry,” he said at the same time, his voice echoing both my words
me seemed almost logical. I’d never been able to understand why he’d gone and my distress.
out of his way to purchase me, only to be so hot and cold about everything, He ran his hand through his hair nervously, wincing from the pain.
but I finally understood... “Why are you sorry?” he asked curiously.
He had done it for his wife, not me. “You’re hurt,” I whispered. He groaned.
Edward would tell me that I hadn’t done anything wrong, but part of “I told you, Isabella. My hand is fine,” he said, a slight annoyance to his
me still felt like I’d caused it and I wondered if it was the same way with voice. I sighed and shook my head.
Dr. Cullen. He clearly loved his wife and had lost her because of me. I “Not your hand. You,” I said quietly. “I only thought about how much
couldn’t even begin to imagine how that felt– seeing me every day and telling you would hurt you, but I never thought about what not telling you
knowing what he’d had to give up so that I could be where I was. It hadn’t would do. I really hurt you and I swear I didn’t mean to, but I did.”
dawned on me until that moment exactly how much the man I saw as “Yeah, you did,” he responded. “But I understand, Bella, because I did
nothing but my master had sacrificed in order to give me a real life, how the exact same thing. I knew before you did and I didn’t tell you because I
much his entire family continued to sacrifice to ensure that I remained safe. didn’t want to hurt you, so I’d be a fucking hypocrite to blame you for that
Masters were supposed to take away life, but yet Dr. Cullen had done shit. If it’s anyone’s fault that this happened, it’s mine, because I should’ve
everything in his power to give me mine. fucking told you when I had the chance instead of letting you find out this
That fact didn’t completely wipe out my memory of the incident with his way. I could’ve stopped this shit before it even started but I didn’t, and
gun all those months ago, but it did help me recognize that Dr. Cullen that’s why I’m sorry.”
wasn’t simply the callous, cruel man I had always seen him as. He came off A tear slid down my cheek and I brushed it away quickly as I turned
as heartless sometimes, but the truth was that he was simply heartbroken back around, his apology only making me feel worse. He was taking the
and having me around was a blatant reminder of what had been taken from blame for something I had caused, trying to smooth things over and
him. It was no wonder the anniversary of her death had made him snap, reassure me when he was the one that truly needed comforted. He deserved
the fire in his eyes and anger in his expression caused by his own to have the burden lifted off of his shoulders and I felt selfish as I stood
devastation. As much as I wished I didn’t blame myself, I realized that Dr. there in silence, unable to find the words to say to him to ease his worry
Cullen was also fighting his own feelings of blame. He was torn between and pain. I heard his bare feet slapping against the cold, hard floor as he
caring for the girl his wife had wanted to help, and hating the girl who had shuffled over to where I stood, pausing beside me at the window and looking
taken her from him. out.
I felt a tear slip down my cheek and blinked a few times, startled that I “Christ,” he muttered, sounding stunned as he surveyed the damage in
was crying again. I brushed it away and saw Edward eyeing me cautiously, the daylight. “Look at my fucking car.”
patiently waiting as I sorted through things. I gazed into his intense green “I’m sorry,” I whispered once again as I turned to look at him, the guilt
eyes as I thought about his mother, trying to make sense of the fact that overwhelming me and tears starting to stream down my face. He sighed
she had been a slave herself. The whole concept was just astounding and I exasperatedly and shook his head.
wasn’t sure what to make of it. Had that been why she’d been so desperate “You have to stop apologizing,” he said, startling me as he grabbed my
to save me? Had she seen herself in me? How had she gone from being a hips and pulled me toward him with a serious expression on his face. “It
110 107
happened, it was fucked up, but it’s all over now. Dwelling on who hurt who neither of us speaking. I fought back the urge to apologize for irritating him
isn’t going to make the shit go away, Bella. You can’t hold grudges or throw by bringing up Jacob, knowing the words ‘I’m sorry’ would only upset him
pity parties and expect anything to get better because it won’t. It’ll just further. I felt bad, though, because we were supposed to be trying to make
cause it to eat away at you.” things right again and we obviously weren’t getting off on the right foot.
“Is that what you’ve done?” I asked quietly, wiping my tears away. He “Il tempo guarisce tutti i mali,” he said after a while, reaching up and
nodded. rubbing his chest where those words were written on his flesh in ink. “Time
“I’ve been doing it for years, all the while wondering why my life was so heals all wounds. You asked me once a long ass time ago if I really believed
shitty. I tried blaming everyone else for how fucked up I was when it was that and I kind of just brushed you off, do you remember?”
really my own goddamn fault I was that way. I’m tired of that shit, I keep “Yes,” I responded.
repeating the same mistakes over and over again because of it. My father “Yeah, well, when I first got it I didn’t. I thought it was just some
keeps telling me to grow the fuck up and maybe it’s time I listen and stop bullshit that people say to try to make other motherfuckers feel better, but
this bullshit,” he said, letting go of my hips and running his hand through I believe it now. You can get over anything with enough time. I’m not sure
his hair with frustration. “Maybe it’s time to accept what the fuck happened how much it’s going to take to work through this shit we have going on, but
and just... forgive.” I’ve got all the time in the world for you. It’s all I can really offer at this
I stared at him, taken aback by his sudden burst of maturity when less point,” he said. “I love you, you know. I’m not giving up if you aren’t.”
than twelve hours before he’d been acting so volatile. It was like he’d been “I love you, too,” I said quietly. “I don’t want to give up.”
completely crushed, defeated to the point that he had no will left to fight He smiled softly and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into a
anymore, but he sounded resigned about it, almost as if he were relieved. hug. I closed my eyes as I hugged him back, taking a deep breath and
“Does that mean forgiving Jacob, too?” I asked curiously. His eyes inhaling his comforting scent. He held me tightly and I felt him place a kiss
narrowed in aggravation and I froze at the sight of his expression, realizing in the top of my head as he hummed contentedly.
I had struck a nerve with my question. “If you didn’t really believe it was true, why’d you get that tattooed on
“No,” he spat. “What the hell does he have to do with this?” you?” I asked after a moment. He sighed and shrugged, letting go of me.
I shrugged hesitantly. “You said nothing would get better or change if “It’s something my mom used to say. She was like a walking book of
you held grudges, so I just figured…” quotes and wisdom and shit,” he said, turning to look out the window once
“You figured wrong,” he said quickly, cutting me off. “That’s different.” more. He let out a curious laugh, shaking his head. “Reminds me of you and
“How?” I asked with confusion. “I mean, I know he hurt you, but you your fucking Albert Schweitzer bullshit. I don’t know why it took me so long
just said that dwelling on that stuff wouldn’t help anything. It happened to see the similarities. It should’ve been obvious to me sooner that she’d
and it sucked, but it’s over so it’s time to move on. Right?” been a slave, too.”
He stared at me while he processed my words, and I chewed on my I stared at him with confusion. “What did you just say?” I asked,
bottom lip nervously as I awaited his reaction. “He’s an asshole and he knowing I had to have heard him wrong because he wasn’t making any
hurts everything he touches,” he finally responded, speaking matter-of- sense.
factly. He cut his eyes at me and furrowed his brow. “Which part? The fact that
I smiled sadly. “That’s the same thing he always says about you,” I said she used to spout off quotes like you, or the fact that she was a slave like
quietly, shaking my head. “He’s wrong about you and I’ve told him that, but you?”
maybe you’re wrong about him, too.” My eyes widened in shock. “Your mother was a slave?” I asked, my voice
“I’m not,” he said pointedly. louder than I anticipated due to my surprise. He looked at me with
I sighed and shrugged. “Okay. I’m just saying that maybe the two of you confusion and nodded hesitantly.
aren’t that different, and maybe if you can put everything aside you guys “Yeah,” he said. “I thought you fucking knew that. I mean, you saw the
can…” diary and everything.”
“I know what you’re saying,” he cut me off angrily. “And that’s a lot of I shook my head quickly as I tried to process the information. Elizabeth
goddamn maybes, Bella. It’s not going to fucking happen, so there’s no point Cullen had been a slave?! “I only read one page of it, Edward. It was my
even talking about it. In fact, I don’t want to talk about that motherfucker birthday and you came to visit. It just said that she was determined to save
at all, because he has nothing to do with us.” me but your father didn’t understand, so she was going to do it without him
I stopped talking and stared at him, his tone telling me the subject was because she thought it was fate. That’s all I read. I didn’t know… I mean…
closed. The tension in the room mounted again as we stood by the window, it didn’t say that she was, you know,” I stammered, completely stunned.
108 109
 He pushed the chair back to stand up and I watched as he turned to by me, so I definitely would’ve tried to get with her, and I knew for a fact if
walk away. I was completely overwhelmed by everything, trying to make I tried there was no way she would’ve ever fucking turned me down. No one
sense of all the information he’d just spewed. I was a mafia princess? That ever turned me down.
was the secret Dr. Cullen had been keeping about me, why he’d taken those Christ, I was fucking sick. I was supposed to be taking the goddamn test
DNA tests? I was one of his own, a member of Aro’s family? What did that to determine where I could go to college and instead of paying attention to
mean for my future? Did I even have a future? it, I was trying to figure out whether the girl sitting beside me had ever
I was scared as to what it all meant for Edward and the rest of the sucked my dick before. What the fuck was my problem?
Cullens, what position that placed Alec in since he had vouched for me, and She cut her eyes at me after a second, obviously sensing that I was
how that would affect Esme. I worried for Emmett and Rosalie, and even looking at her. “What do you want?” she mouthed with irritation, glaring
Jasper and Alice despite the fact that Stephan hadn’t mentioned them. I at me. I sighed and shook my head.
was completely stunned that he’d claimed to be Emmett’s biological father, “Not a fucking thing,” I muttered under my breath, looking back at the
but if he was also James’s real father, wouldn’t that make them brothers?! paper on my desk. I didn’t give a shit about the girl, didn’t care about any
How could that be? of them, frankly. I barely noticed anyone anymore, didn’t give any of the
I mourned for Jacob, worried that he was seriously dead, but a small Forks High School bitches a second thought. They were all the same and
sliver of hope inside of me banked on the fact that there had been no reports there wasn’t a goddamn thing any of them could do for me. I had my Bella
that he’d died. Could he have survived? Did that mean Laurent survived as and none of them would ever compare to her, there was no doubt about it
well? Could it be that I didn’t kill him, after all? Could he tell the Cullens in my mind. She was the only one I gave a shit about, the only girl I cared
where I was? I was completely distressed about what was to come, because to even look at anymore. She was everything I wanted, everything I would
they’d all sacrificed for me and now their lives were on the line because of ever fucking need. She was the reason I was sitting in this goddamn room,
my existence. stressing over this ridiculous test, so that I could take her away from all of
“Get her some water and something to eat,” Stephan said, glancing over the bullshit and start a new life with her somewhere. Beautiful, smart and
at the red-haired lady and James. “Put her in the back when you’re done so sweet, she had a big heart and a tight pussy that no other girl could ever
she’s out of sight. Let her get some rest.” match. I’d been completely consumed by her, my entire life revolving
“Oh, I can handle that,” James said, smirking. My fear escalated, my around her. She had me wrapped around her little finger and there wasn’t
heart pounding with so much force that I could hear the blood rushing a goddamn thing I wouldn’t do or give up for her.
through my veins. I was dizzy, everything blurring as spots started forming Pussy whipped, as Emmett would call it… except I hadn’t had any pussy
in my vision. in fucking forever.
Stephan walked past James but stopped abruptly a few steps away, I glanced at the clock on the wall, noticing it was a quarter until noon.
turning quickly. My eyes widened in shock as he grabbed a hold of James The administrator announced that there were only five minutes left and I
and swung him around roughly, a serious expression on his face. sighed loudly, attempting to focus my attention back on the test in front of
“Remember what I said, boy,” he said firmly. me. I read the last question once more, trying to wrap my brain around the
“Got it,” James responded, holding his hands up defensively. “Seriously, fucking analogies written on the paper. I didn’t know what half of the
I know.” Stephan paused for a moment before letting go of James and goddamn words meant so there was no way I would ever figure out how
walking out. they were related. I gave up after a moment and dropped the pencil on the
The woman walked over and started fiddling with the ropes that were desk, not even bothering to answer the fucking thing. The only analogy that
binding me to the chair, loosening the ones wrapped around my wrists. It mattered to me at the time was ‘weed is to smoke, as pussy is to fuck’,
burned as I slipped my hands free, my wrists scuffed and bleeding. She because that was the only goddamn thing I was actually interested in. I
started pulling on the ones tying my legs to the chair and groaned after a needed to calm my nerves, and I knew a bowl and my Bella Ragazza were
second. “James, I need your help,” she said. James stared at her for a the only two things that could do it.
moment before sighing with annoyance and starting toward us. I watched Time wound down and they called for us to stop before collecting our
him cautiously and tensed up as he reached into his pocket to pull out a tests and dismissing us. I walked out of the room and headed for the exit,
knife, holding my breath as he opened it. He squatted in front of me and flexing my cramped fingers and rolling my neck in an attempt to get the
slipped the blade between my skin and the bindings, slicing the rope. tension out of it. I stepped outside and squinted as the sun hit me, surprised
“Go get her something to eat, Vickie,” James said, glancing at the that it wasn’t fucking raining for once. It was still fairly early, around noon,
woman. “I’ll keep my eye on her.” so there was still time in the day for Isabella and I to do something to just
156 125
fucking relax after the stressful morning. I knew my father was leaving years. People are loyal to them and they’ve proven to be strong. I’ve found
town so it would be just the two of us, and I figured since it was decent little ways in here and there, turned a few like the Swans years ago, but
outside we could head out to the meadow again. We still had some shit to none of them were powerful enough. I needed to get something bigger,
work through, things we needed to talk about, and the meadow had always someone higher up. I needed to crack the leadership and Jamie, here, has
been where I went as a kid to clear my head. It was fucking peaceful there, been working to create a rift but until now they’ve been able to hold
like when you walked into it all of life’s bullshit melted away, and that was themselves together. But… it’s different now. Now I have you,” he said.
exactly what we both needed. “Me?” I asked. “But I’m just… I’m no one.”
I headed out toward the parking lot, noticing Jessica standing with He laughed loudly. “Oh, if only that were true!” he said. “You are
Tanya and Lauren on the courtyard. They all looked up at me as I definitely someone. You see, you have the power to cripple the entire
approached, and I smiled at Jessica, nodding my head in greeting. organization starting from the very top. You single-handedly compromise
“Hey Jess,” I said politely. Her eyes widened from what I assumed was my three biggest adversaries, the ones standing in my way from taking
shock that I was acknowledging her as a grin slowly spread across her face. over. I have been holding on to this card ever since Carlisle bought you,
“Hey Edward,” she said excitedly. “How do you think you did?” wondering the best way to play it, but when I discovered that the Cullen
I shrugged. “Fine, I guess. You?” I asked. boy was in love with you I saw the perfect opportunity. I wasn’t entirely
“Good, I hope. I took it last year and did pretty good, but I need a slightly sure if Carlisle was even aware of your heritage, but once that doctor
higher score to get into the school I plan to go to,” she said. associate of his in Port Angeles disappeared I realized he’d figured it out
“Yeah? Where’s that?” I asked, not really giving a shit where the fuck and was trying to cover his tracks. And then when Alec got involved and
she was going but she’d been nice to me so I figured the least I could do was actually vouched for you, I knew he, too, was in on it. I still wasn’t positive
make small talk. how far they’d go for you, because I knew they could easily throw you to the
“Notre Dame,” she said. “I want to study philosophy and theology.” wolves to cover their own asses. However, I do know Carlisle would
“Really?” I asked, surprised. That wasn’t an easy school to get admitted certainly sacrifice himself for his son, and if the boy loves you as he claims,
to and I had no idea she was fucking smart enough for that shit. I always he’s going to do anything it takes to try to save you.”
took Jessica as the type that took a year or so of community college before I stared at him in horror as what he was saying sunk in. “You’re hoping
ending up waitressing at a Hooters somewhere. Not as bad as Lauren and Edward comes after me,” I said. He nodded.
Tanya, of course. Those bitches were going to end up in platforms and g- “I’m counting on it, principessa,” he said.
strings working a pole somewhere. “Why didn’t you just take him then? Why me?” I asked, not completely
“Yeah, I’ve wanted to go there forever. I’ve been talking about it since I understanding what I had to do with any of it. None of the people he wanted
was a kid. I’m also a big fan of their football team,” she said. I stared at her, to take down truly cared for me, but they all cared for Edward. Wouldn’t it
feeling like a fucking idiot because I’d always figured she was like the rest have just been easier to go straight for him?
of them and didn’t know the first thing about the sport. And shit, I’d known “Do you still not see it? You’re my golden ticket. If I kidnapped the
her for a lot of fucking years and had been sleeping with her for a few of Cullen boy they’d all come with guns blazing. They’d still be organized and
them– shouldn’t I have fucking known those things? trust each other. But with you… you’re trickier. We need one of his own to
“Well, good luck with that. You know that’s where Emmett and Rosalie tell Aro who you are and rest assured, when the Cullen boy comes after you
went, right?” I asked. and demands action, someone’s going to spill because otherwise, Aro will
“No, really? At least I’ll know someone there,” she said. “What about just write you off as lost property,” he explained.
you? Where are you going next year?” “Who am I?” I asked hesitantly, immediately regretting the question
I sighed and shrugged, running my hand through my hair. “I don’t know because the potential answers frightened me.
yet. He smirked. “I’ve been trying to tell you. You’re the treasure– the long
“Maybe Stanford in Cali–” I started, the sound of squealing tires lost mafia princess. They’ll all be loose cannons turning against each other
stopping me. I turned to look in the direction of the noise, my brow when the truth comes out. It will be every man for themselves, all of them
furrowing in confusion when I spotted the motorcycle flying into the on a mission for selfish reasons. When they come, and I assure you they
parking lot. “What the fuck?” eventually will, we’re going to be ready for them. It’s much easier to have
“Isn’t that Jacob?” Tanya asked behind me. My eyes narrowed in them come to you than to go to them blindly, and when the dust settles,
response to his name and I watched as he whipped his bike into the spot principessa, everything will be mine for the taking.”
right beside where I was parked, wondering what the fuck he was there for.
126 155
process what he was saying, completely caught off guard by the mention of He climbed off of it and pulled his helmet off, glancing around in a rush. He
Elizabeth. looked in our direction and froze, staring at me for a moment. I glared at
“You?” I asked, not even entirely sure what I was asking but he seemed him angrily and saw his mouth moving as he muttered something to
to be insinuating that it had all somehow been his fault. I’d been under the himself, hesitantly starting to take steps in our direction. My hands started
impression the Swans were entirely to blame for everything. to shake as he approached and I clenched them into fists to try to stop it,
“You really are clueless, aren’t you?” he said, shaking his head. “Yes, anger surging through me.
principessa. Me. I was amused when she took in that bastard child of mine, “Cullen,” he said, stopping in front of me. His eyes darted around at the
but I couldn’t believe it when I found out she was trying to rescue you. What girls, a look of confusion on his face. “I need to talk to you about Isabella.
are the odds, honestly?” She…”
I stared at him, blinking in confusion as I tried to clear my vision. His I didn’t even give him time to finish his statement, knowing whatever
child?! “Emmett,” I gasped, stunned. he was about to say wasn’t something I wanted to hear. My nerves were
“Yes, the one they call Emmett,” he said. “His mother… she was a, uh, still on edge and his presence was pissing me the fuck off, the anger getting
friend of mine.” the best of me. I drew my clenched fist back and punched him straight in
He chuckled, the sound making me sick. I tried to hold back my disgust the jaw with as much force as I could, his head snapping to the side roughly
and looked away from him, knowing from what Emmett told me that his as he staggered backward.
mother, Maria, had been raped. “It’s quite something, isn’t it? Jamie has “Don’t you fucking say her name,” I snapped in annoyance. He brought
kept me up to date on him. I hear he’s not too far from here at Notre Dame his hand up to where I’d connected, anger flashing across his face as he
with that beautiful girlfriend of his. I’ve been considering dropping by and turned to glare at me.
introducing myself. He’d be a nice asset,” he said casually. My heart was “You’re such an asshole,” he spat in return, rubbing his jaw. “Jesus,
pounding furiously as the dread coursed through me at the thought of there’s something seriously wrong with you. I told her you’d go psycho on
Emmett and Rosalie in danger and there was no way for me to warn them. me if I came here.”
“I don’t understand,” I said, nothing he was saying making sense. I “Excuse me?” I snapped, grabbing a hold of his shirt roughly and pulling
shook my head as I furiously tried to sort through everything, wishing the him in my direction. “What the fuck do you mean you told her? When the
fog would clear from my mind so I could put the pieces together. “How can hell did you talk to her?”
that be? And where are we?” He’s said Notre Dame wasn’t far from us, but He grabbed my hand that was clenching his shirt and pried it off,
I knew for a fact that it was over two thousand miles from Forks. shoving me. “Twenty minutes ago, asshole. She called me.”
“Chicago,” he said simply, looking at me as if I were stupid. “What don’t His words stung and I tried to fight back my fury at the knowledge.
you understand?” She’d called him? What the fuck was she calling him for? “What do you
“Your son?” I asked, my brow furrowing as I glanced over at James. He mean she called you?” I asked, not wanting to believe she’d do that after
was eyeing me curiously with a smirk on his lips. “How can that be? I what the hell we’d just been through. She was a smart girl and recognized
thought he was Aro’s family.” how much that shit had hurt me. There was no way she’d do it again.
“That man is not my family,” James snapped, his expression shifting “I mean, ring ring, she fucking called my phone,” he spat with
quickly to anger. “He might be yours but he’s nothing to me.” annoyance, shaking his head. “What else would ‘she called me’ mean? How
“Relax, Jamie,” Stephan said calmly. stupid are you?”
“What?” I asked quickly, even more confused. My family? “What are you “You son of a bitch,” I snapped, lunging at him. Fear flashed across his
talking about?” face for a brief second before his eyes narrowed angrily and he braced
“We’re talking about you, principessa,” Stephan said. himself. I swung my fist and connected with his jaw, busting him right in
“What do I have to do with any of this?” I asked. the mouth, but he was prepared and barely stumbled before swinging on
“Everything,” he said, a wicked smile forming on his lips. “You see, me. He jabbed me hard in the ribs and I gasped at the unexpected shot,
Isabella Swan, whether or not you know it, you’ve got the power to help me bringing my fist back to hit him again but before I could he clocked me right
bring down the enemy and that’s exactly what you’re going to do.” in the nose.
“The enemy?” I asked hesitantly, frightened of the answer. He nodded. My vision blurred and I squinted as the sharp pain shot through my
“Yes. You see, I’ve been slowly laying the groundwork around Chicago, face. I brought my hand up to my nose and felt the warmth immediately,
taking over the businesses around here. We’ve nearly completely wiped out pulling it away to see the blood that was now streaming out of it. The sight
all of the competition except for the Italians. They’ve been resistant for of it sent my rage spiraling out of control and I flew at him again, my fist
154 127
connecting with his mouth once more with as much force as I could manage. squirm a bit, despite my restraints, because his close proximity was nerve-
His head snapped to the side and he nearly lost his footing, giving me the racking. I didn’t know who he was but his presence made me uneasy.
opportunity to hit him a few more times while he was still caught off guard. “You’re probably wondering who I am and what you’re doing here,” he
He brought his hands up to fend me off and got another shot in at my nose, said after a moment, his tone suddenly serious. “I’ll level with you, princess.
the sharp pain intensifying. It was throbbing painfully and fucking with I really have no desire to hurt you, but I will if you make me. So I’m asking
my eyesight, my vision completely blurring out for a second and giving you up front for your cooperation so I don’t have to. I know you’ve got a little
Jacob just enough time to regain his composure. feistiness in you, considering you’ve now twice scarred my son.”
“Stop!” he yelled, pushing me backwards and holding his hands up. My brow furrowed and I looked up at him in confusion, unsure of what
“Jesus, Cullen, just stop!” he was talking about. He smirked when I made eye contact and glanced
“Fuck you,” I snapped, feeling someone grab my arm. I shrugged them behind him, my eyes widening in shock when he looked at James. His son?!
off and turned quickly to see Tyler standing there, stunned. The girls were “I should probably start at the beginning,” he said as he turned back to
standing behind him with horrified expressions on their faces as Michael me. “My name is Stephan Volkov and I have been acquainted with the
Newton approached with two other guys following him. Cullen family for many years. Our families are in the same business and
“Is this how you two always greet each other?” Tyler asked, glancing have had quite a few, uh, encounters over the years. In fact, Carlisle was a
between Jacob and I with shock. I laughed dryly and wiped my nose with child the first time I personally met him. He was a pretentious little prick,
the back of my hand, groaning when I did nothing but smear blood all over much like I hear his youngest son is.”
myself. I grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled it up, pinching my nose He laughed, as did James, and I narrowed my eyes angrily at their
with it and trying to stop the fucking bleeding. mention of Edward. “Did I strike a nerve, principessa?” he asked, raising
“Don’t you know?” Jacob said, shaking his head angrily and licking his his eyebrows questioningly with an amused expression on his face. “I hear
busted lip. “This is how Cullen says ‘hello’ to his old friends.” he’s quite enamored with you. I sure do hope he’s all right, by the way. It
“You’re not my fucking friend,” I snapped, letting go of my shirt. would be a pity if something were to happen to him. Let’s just hope it
“Fucking backstabber.” doesn’t come to that.”
“Asshole,” he spat back. “You’d think you’d show some damn gratitude. I held back my anger but I could feel my body shaking, worst-case
I didn’t have to come here.” scenarios running through my mind. “Don’t,” I whispered, my eyes blurring
“Why the hell did you?” I asked, wondering what the fuck he was getting with tears. “Please don’t…”
at. “You here trying to fuck with my life some more? Trying to butt into my “Ah, don’t worry. I don’t want to hurt the principe any more than I want
relationship? You’re wasting your fucking time because you aren’t going to to hurt you. If it helps at all, I haven’t heard of any deaths in Forks so he’s
come between us. She loves me and there isn’t a goddamn thing you can do probably fine. But then again, I’ve heard nothing of Laurent or that
to change that.” meddlesome reservation boy either, and James has assured me that neither
“You think I’m trying to break you up? Jesus, you need to get your head of them would have survived,” he said, shrugging. His voice was
checked! Quit being so damn paranoid, Cullen, and listen for once!” he said nonchalant, almost as if he were taunting me. I tried to fight back my tears
with annoyance. “The only reason I came here is because Isabella called but the mention of Edward was too much for me to take. They started
me.” streaming down my cheeks, my eyes burning.
My brow furrowed in confusion but before I could say anything, a shrill “Aw, don’t cry,” he said, reaching his hand out toward me. I flinched
laugh rang out behind me. “You douchebag’s are fighting over the fucking away quickly out of instinct and cried out as the pain surged through my
servant girl?” Tanya asked incredulously. “This is unreal.” body. He froze and dropped his hand before touching me, shrugging. “Well,
“Shut the fuck up, bitch,” I snapped, turning around to glare at her. then. Anyway, where was I?”
“Don’t call her that,” Jacob yelled angrily. I turned back around, about “You were talking about how much of a shithead Carlisle was,” James
to fucking jump on him again for talking to me that way, but froze when I chimed in.
saw his gaze was fixated past me. I stared at him in confusion, caught off “Ah, yes. Carlisle. This was before he met that slave wife of his, of
guard when I realized he wasn’t yelling because I had called Tanya a bitch, course. Pity what happened to her. I suppose I should feel guilty about that,
but was pissed because Tanya had called Isabella a servant. “She’s a good but in my defense I never asked her for any of it. It is quite funny, though,
person, unlike your skank ass.” her unknowingly trying to fix my messes. A bit ironic, actually,
considering…” he said with a laugh. I gaped at him in shock as I tried to

128 153
 “Didn’t even take a kiss from her prince to do it,” he said with “You don’t even know her,” I said, irrationally jealous that he was
amusement. The woman rolled her eyes and nudged him in the ribs, their standing up for my girlfriend when that was my fucking job. He glanced at
playfulness unsettling. me with irritation, rolling his eyes.
“How are you feeling?” the foreign man asked, stepping around so he “I know enough,” he said firmly. “I know she has all the reason in the
was in my line of sight. I stared at him curiously, taking in his unfamiliar world to be disgusted by you, but she still loves you for some damn reason.
features. He had light colored hair that was significantly gray and blue eyes It takes a strong person to see past all the shit you’ve done, Cullen. And are
that were somewhat slanted, his nose large and distinct. He was older, and you seriously going to stand here and argue with me about this? This is
based on the wrinkles lining his face I assumed he was at least in his early ridiculous. I’m wasting my time even bothering.”
sixties, if not older. “Can you speak, принцесса мафии?” “Then leave,” I said flatly. “I didn’t fucking ask you to come here.”
My brow furrowed in confusion at the foreign words and he smiled. “Ah, “No, but she did,” he snapped. “She told me to come get you because she
confused, are we? You’re more comfortable with the Italians. Jamie, boy, didn’t have anyone else to ask and she needed you to come home. I try to
what’s the word I’m looking for?” do her a favor against my better judgment and instead of listening you’d
“Principessa,” James answered. rather hang out with your whores and fight me for no damn reason.”
“Yes, that’s it. Do you know that one?” he asked, raising his eyebrows I looked at him with confusion. “She asked you to come get me?” I asked,
curiously, obviously expecting some sort of response from me. I nodded not understanding because that shit didn’t make any sense. She knew I
hesitantly after a second, recognizing it from when people referred to was taking my test and would be home as soon as I finished, so there was
Edward as a mafia prince. I cringed from the pain, my neck so sore that no goddamn reason to involve Jacob Black.
even the slightest movement hurt. “Are you hurting, principessa?” he “Yes,” he said, shaking his head. “She didn’t really explain and I told
asked. I just stared at him, unsure of how to answer his question, and he her it was a bad idea but she said it was important. I think someone was
smiled. “You may speak freely. We’re all friends here.” there or something.”
I gave him an incredulous look and they all started laughing, obviously I tensed up at his words, dread coursing through me. “How do you know
amused at my reaction. “I don’t think she believes you,” the red-haired someone was there?” I asked quickly.
woman said. “I don’t know,” he said. “I just heard what sounded like a doorbell and
“So it appears,” the man responded, gazing at me curiously. “I can’t say she seemed kind of edgy about it.”
I blame you. You shouldn’t trust people, especially the ones you associate My mind immediately started running through fucking scenarios as I
with. The way they treat their own sometimes is quite shameful. But I pushed past Jacob, sprinting for my car in the parking lot. I knew my father
assure you, I will never lie to you as they have.” was leaving town and Alice was gone, so there was no one that should be at
My eyes narrowed suspiciously. “What are you talking about?” I asked, the house. She knew how important my test was and wouldn’t fucking want
my voice scratchy and barely audible. me to leave it, and she sure as fuck wouldn’t go to the extremes of calling
“Ah, she speaks! Progress!” he said excitedly. “What I’m talking about someone like Jacob to assist unless it was an emergency. I heard Jacob
is the fact that your Italians have not been very honest with you, nor have yelling behind me but didn’t bother to respond as I jumped into the car and
they treated you very fairly. It truly is a shame principessa.” started it up right away in a panic. I threw it in reverse and pulled out of
“Why do you keep calling me that?” I asked, shaking my head. I was the spot quickly as Jacob ran for his motorcycle, putting the car in drive
still groggy and he was confusing me. and squealing the tires as I slammed the gas pedal.
“Principessa?” he asked, raising his eyebrows curiously. “Would you I started speeding through the streets of Forks and turned my phone
prefer I call you by your slave name, Isabella Swan?” on, seeing a missed call from Isabella and one from my father. The fact that
“I, uh…” I started, unsure of how to answer his question. “I don’t know.” my father called, knowing I was taking my SATs, made my panic flare even
He laughed, shaking his head. “I still can’t believe they haven’t told more. I called Isabella’s number right away, trying to calm down and tell
you,” he said, more to himself than anyone else. myself everything was fine, but it wasn’t working.
“I told you,” James chimed in. “She’s clueless.” Everything was clearly not fucking fine.
The man stared at me and I averted my gaze, the attention “Pick up the fucking phone,” I said to no one in particular, my anxiety
uncomfortable. He walked away after a second and I could see him grab a increasing with each ring. Her voicemail picked up and I hit ‘end’, nervously
collapsible metal chair from the corner of my eye. He pulled it over and sat redialing her number without hesitation. I was distracted and ending up
it in front of me, plopping down in it and leaning toward me, his hands running straight through a red light, causing a car to slam on it’s brakes
clasped together in front of him. I could feel his eyes on me and I started to and skid to a stop, barely missing me. My heart was racing fast and the
152 129
phone slipped from my shaky hands, hitting the floorboard with a thud. I when we were kids. Faintly, of course, since it was a long time ago. But
cursed myself, knowing it was still fucking dialing Isabella’s number, and still, I remember him. He was a momma’s boy from what I recall. Always
reached down to pick it up but the steering wheel jerked and I nearly took clung to his mother like his survival depended upon her.”
out someone’s fucking mailbox in the process. My eyes narrowed as she laughed, the sound making me nauseous. “It’s
I sat up straight and clutched onto the steering wheel tightly, knowing a shame what happened, but that’s life. We all have rules we have to follow.
I needed to pay attention to the road so I could make it home in one piece. Guess she missed the memo,” she said sarcastically. My initial impression
The only thing that would truly alleviate my concern would be seeing her of her as being kind was wavering, my fogginess messing with my ability
with my own eyes so I hit the gas pedal harder and accelerated, flying to think clearly. She disappeared from my line of sight briefly before
through the streets and hoping like hell the cops weren’t around. appearing with a pack of crackers, opening them up and holding one out to
I made it out of the city limits and drove out toward the house, me. “You’re going to want to eat these, because there’s no telling when you’ll
slamming on my breaks when I neared the driveway. I could see fresh skid have another chance.”
marks and ruts dug into the path, the sight of it making me panic because I eyed her cautiously, not wanting to accept anything from her, but I
at that point it was clear someone had definitely fucking come to the house. didn’t want to allow my stubbornness to kill my opportunity to get some
I swung a quick right onto the driveway but stopped the car, reaching strength. My stomach hurt and I could feel the familiar pangs of hunger I’d
down and grabbing my phone from the floorboard. I slipped it into my grown accustomed to over the years. I gave in after a second and took a bite,
pocket and reached back down, feeling under the seat for my gun. I had a smile forming on her lips at my obedience.
moved it to Isabella’s car when I took the Volvo to the shop, not entirely She fed me the crackers and gave me some more water as my eyes grew
comfortable with leaving it around the house. heavy. I fought back the sleepiness, not wanting to fall unconscious again,
I felt the metal and grabbed it, pulling it out and sitting it on the seat but it was taking control of me. My body started growing numb and I felt
beside me just in case I would need it for any reason. I felt ridiculous, like lightheaded, realizing, as the pain in my body lifted and the sounds grew
maybe I was overreacting, but something inside of me told me that muffled, that I’d been drugged again.
something was seriously wrong. I slipped back under and eventually heard talking, everything
There weren’t any cars sitting in the yard and the house looked quiet, beginning to grow clearer with each passing minute. I couldn’t make out
just as I had left it. I parked the car near the porch and anxiously grabbed what was being said, some of the words foreign and in unfamiliar voices.
my gun, climbing out of the car and looking around intently. Everything Light filtered in through my eyelids and I peeked them open, trying to block
seemed still and in place, nothing raising any red flags. I closed the car door out the intense pain coursing through my body. I blinked rapidly in an
as I slipped the gun into my waistband and walked up onto the porch, trying attempt to clear my vision but everything was hazy and my eyes stung once
the knob but finding the door locked. I unlocked it and opened the door, again, the brightly lit room causing me to squint. I could make out a few
hearing the beep of the alarm right away. I shut the door and quickly different people standing around the room, and could see the newly
disabled the alarm, turning back around to look into the foyer and freezing. familiar, fiery, red hair nearby. I tried to focus on it and stared at the
My blood ran cold when I saw Isabella’s cell phone lying open on the wooden woman in confusion, noticing her clothes were different than before.
floor and I glanced around suspiciously, trying to keep calm but I was on “Good morning, sunshine,” she said, her eyes fixated on me. Everyone
the verge of freaking the fuck out. I quietly walked over and picked it up, stopped talking and I glanced around cautiously, my heart rate
closing it and slipping it into my pocket. accelerating when I spotted James. He had a bandage on his cheek from
“Isabella?” I called out, my voice echoing in the seemingly vacant house. where the bullet had grazed him. He strolled over toward the red-haired
I heard commotion in the kitchen and walked that way, stopping abruptly woman and I watched as he draped his arm over her shoulder, pulling her
in the doorway. Isabella was standing behind the long counter and my brow toward him. Her face lit up as she looked at him adoringly and she leaned
furrowed in confusion when I saw she was clutching a rolling pin, her hand over to press her lips to his, the sight making me sick. He was disgusting
drawn back like she was prepared to beat the shit out of someone with it if and vicious, had tried to have sex with me against my will, and that woman
they came near her. She looked panicked and I could see her trembling from was happy to have him touch her. It was disturbing.
where I stood, but relief slowly began to take over her expression as she “Ah, ‘Sleeping Beauty’ is awake?” an unfamiliar voice with a thick
realized it was just me. accent rang out behind me, startlingly close. I tensed up in alarm as James
“Edward?” she said hesitantly. laughed.

130 151
plastic cup and a straw sticking out of it. She stared in my eyes for a “Uh, yeah,” I said, chuckling nervously. If I hadn’t been so fucking
moment before smiling. confused about what was going on I might’ve found the shit amusing. “Are
“If I take this tape off of your mouth you have to be quiet,” she said, you okay?”
quirking her eyebrow at me. “Do you think you can manage that?” She nodded, glancing around. “I am now,” she responded, looking at me
I nodded hesitantly and she gripped the corner of the tape, pulling on it with shock. “I, uh… are you okay?”
quickly. I fought the urge to yell as it was tugged from my skin roughly, my “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” I asked. She blinked a few times and
lips immediately throbbing. I licked them and winced at the burning continued to gaze at me with an almost puzzled look.
sensation, knowing they were cracked and swollen. “What happened?” she asked.
The woman put the straw up to my mouth, staring at me expectantly, “What?” I asked in confusion, because she wasn’t making any fucking
and I hesitated. She smiled after a second, letting out a light, amused sense. “Shouldn’t I be asking that?”
laugh. “It’s water,” she reassured me. “Yeah, but… your nose,” she said hesitantly. I reached up and grabbed
I wasn’t sure what to think of her, the fact that she wasn’t entirely my nose instinctively, wincing from the soreness that radiated through my
hostile completely catching me off guard. I was still groggy and confused, face. In my fucking panic I’d forgotten all about my injury, my fear for her
part of me screaming not to trust her, but there was a bigger part of me overriding all of the pain.
that was desperate to accept the drink. My throat ached and I needed my “Just had a little scuffle with Jacob,” I explained, not wanting her to
thirst quenched, knowing dehydration wasn’t helping me stay lucid. I gave think it was something serious. Her eyes widened in horror and she gasped.
in after a moment and sucked on the straw, the cold liquid soothing my “Oh, God, Jacob! You didn’t hurt him, did you? He was just helping me,”
burning chest. she said, getting excited once again. I waved her off and shook my head.
She pulled the cup away eventually and sat it on the floor beside me, “Jacob’s fine. He got me worse than I did him this time,” I said quickly,
smoothing the wrinkles from her dress. “I thought for sure he put you out cringing as I spoke the words, not wanting to fucking admit that he’d owned
for good, honey,” she said. “I told him that last dosage was too much but my ass in that fight with the punch to my nose. “Why’d you call him? What
that little whore assured him you’d be fine, that it would last a few hours happened?”
at most. I don’t know why he never listens to me. I was beginning to think “I, uh… Heidi was here,” she said.
you were brain dead with as long as you’ve been out of it.” “Heidi?” I asked, caught off guard by her response. Of all the fucking
I stared at her as I tried to process what she was saying, watching as scenarios I went through, that bitch’s name was the last thing I expected
she walked over and started searching through her purse for something. to come out of Isabella’s mouth.
She pulled a cell phone out after a moment and dialed a number, bringing “Yes. I was going to answer it, but I decided to call Dr. Cullen first,
it up to her ear. thankfully. He said not to open the door for her and told me to call you right
“She’s awake,” she said when the person answered. “I gave her some away to come home because something wasn’t right. You didn’t answer and
water.” There was a pause and even from the distance I could see her face Heidi was getting upset that I wasn’t opening the door, so I called Jacob.
twist with annoyance. “Did you want me to let her die? She has to be I’m sorry I called him but I didn’t know who else to call. I swear I didn’t
dehydrated. She’s been out of it for days!” want to hurt you or cause any more fighting, Edward,” she rambled
I gaped at her in shock. Days? How many days? Where was I? imploringly, her eyes welling up with tears.
“You might want to get that whore over here to check her out now that “Don’t worry about it, tesoro,” I said. “I understand. I’m glad you had
she woke up. I’ll stick around until you guys get here,” she said before someone you could call. So what, did she give up and go away? What the
hanging up. She sat her phone down on the table and I stared at it, my fuck was she here for?”
mind searching for a way I could get a hold of it. I was secured tightly with “I, uh… I don’t know,” she said, looking around cautiously. “She
my hands tied behind my back, so I had no idea how I’d ever be able to threatened me, and she said she wouldn’t let her life be ruined by a slave
accomplish it. and…”
“So Edward Cullen, eh?” she said, the sound of his name tearing me “What?” I said with disbelief, cutting her off. “She threatened you? She
from my thoughts. I looked at her apprehensively, frightened and called you a fucking slave?”
wondering why she was bringing him up. I immediately wondered if she’d “Yeah. She knows, I guess,” she said hesitantly. “But she left and
know if he was okay and considered asking since she had been kind to me then…”
for the most part, but the voice in the back of my mind fiercely screamed
for me not to seem weak or vulnerable in any way. “I remember him from
150 131
 “How the fuck does she know?” I asked angrily, trying to contain my matter how much I tried. My head was pounding forcefully and I peeked
rage but it wasn’t working. “She had to have been talking out of her ass, my eyes open, everything blurry as it felt like tiny grains of sand were
there’s no way she seriously fucking knows.” embedded in them. The room was darkened with a small fraction of light
“Well, I don’t know. I mean, she left and then I was calling Jacob back filtering in from a window somewhere off to the side, and it was clearly
and…” she started, her words faltering as the roar of an engine approached. night but I couldn’t tell what time it was or if the sun was rising or setting.
She tensed up and stared at me with sheer panic so I walked over to the Every inch of my body ached, sharp pains coursing through me. I tried
window quickly, peering out to see the motorcycle pulling up in front of the to move and groaned, the sound muffled and barely audible. My mouth was
house. dry and my throat burned so I tried to swallow, confused when I realized I
“Fucking Jacob,” I muttered with a groan, shaking my head. He shut couldn’t move my lips because something was covering them. I had no idea
the motorcycle off and headed for the house, as I walked into the foyer and what was going on, where I was or what was happening, but it scared me.
pulled the door open. I stepped out onto the porch and Isabella followed, I glanced around the room, trying to make things out in the darkness and
pausing behind me. saw it was vacant except for a few chairs and a table, the floor seeming to
“Everything okay?” Jacob asked as he stopped a few feet away, glancing be concrete. It appeared to be a warehouse of some sort and I turned my
between us. head, trying to get a better look around, but an intense pain shot down my
“Yes,” I responded coldly. “You didn’t have to come here.” spine, stopping me. I was sore and felt like I had been battered and bruised.
“Edward,” Isabella said quickly, almost in a scolding tone. I turned to I felt abused.
look at her and she pushed me aside, stepping forward as her eyes darted I felt… dead.
around anxiously. She stepped off of the porch and I tensed up as she The moment that thought registered with me Edward came to mind,
approached Jacob, my eyes widening in shock when she loosely wrapped panic flooding my system when I recalled what had happened. We’d left
her arms around him in a hug. Edward in the car, alone and bleeding but still alive, and I desperately
Jacob stood frozen in shock for a second, eyeing me warily like he hoped he was okay. I hoped someone found him or he woke up before it was
expected me to fucking shoot him or something, before half-heartedly too late, because I couldn’t accept the possibility that he could be lost to the
patting her back. “Thank you, Jacob. You didn’t have to help me but you world forever. He needed to be okay… I needed him to be okay.
did. Not a lot of people would do that. I really appreciate it.” My eyes darted around in alarm when I heard the banging of a door
“Ah, no big deal,” he said nonchalantly with a shrug as she pulled away followed by the sound of high heels clicking against the concrete. I sat
from him, but I knew Jacob well enough to know it was a fucking big deal. perfectly still as they approached from behind, my heart racing furiously. I
He was a lot like me in the sense that he didn’t often get praise for doing was dizzy and disoriented, trying to cling to alertness but my body was
something good, and was used to being told what an utter fuck-up he was. threatening to give in to unconsciousness once more.
In fact, it was completely out of character for Jacob to actually do good shit, I looked up cautiously as the person walked past me, squinting in the
so just the fact that he had helped her and had the guts to come face-to-face darkness and struggling to focus. It was clearly a woman with long, fiery
with me in order to do it wasn’t a small feat for him. I almost started to feel red hair, and she had on a tight tan dress with matching shoes. I’d never
bad for hitting him, but the throbbing in my nose counteracted that shit. seen her before that I could recall and something about the way she carried
That motherfucker was just lucky it wasn’t broken. “So, you’re fine? Crisis herself was intimidating.
averted and all that jazz?” She turned her head and glanced at me after a second, her footsteps
“Uh, well…” Isabella started, chewing on her bottom lip nervously and stopping abruptly when we made eye contact. Even in the darkness I could
cutting her eyes to me. see her eyes were bright green, her stare piercing.
“It was just Heidi,” I said, stepping down off of the porch to where they “You’re awake,” she said casually, hesitating briefly before sitting her
were standing. “Came trying to cause some bullshit. My father must’ve purse down on the table across the room and starting toward me. I tensed
kicked her to the curb or something. You know how scorned bitches can be.” up as she neared, flinching as her hand shot out toward me. I squeezed my
“Um, I don’t think that’s what happened…” Isabella started, shaking eyes shut tightly, bracing myself for a hit, but was stunned when she simply
her head. felt my cheeks before placing her hand against my forehead. “I’m
“She always was a gold digger,” Jacob chimed in. “Would fuck anyone surprised.”
with a little bit of money and power. I never understood why your father I reopened my eyes and stared at her with surprise, completely confused
would stoop that low. Even I wouldn’t stoop that low.” about what was going on. She pulled her hand away and disappeared
“Bullshit,” I spouted off immediately. “You fucked her.” behind me, banging things around for a second before returning with a
132 149
shrieking that I loved him and desperately hoping that he could hear me, “No, I didn’t,” he said, narrowing his eyes at me. “I never touched that
that even if that were our last moment together, he would know. skank.”
“Shut up,” the man snapped, covering my mouth to silence me. I “Yes, you did,” I said. “Right before spring break. We were at the fucking
panicked and bit down on his hand instinctively, a scream ringing out as hospital getting your ass fixed up from when you cut yourself on that damn
my teeth tore his flesh. He pulled away from me quickly and the moment rock cliff diving. She gave you your tetanus shot and I dared you to get with
he let go I started bolting for the car, yelling Edward’s name as the tears her, remember? You never turned down my fucking dares.”
slipped from my eyes and blurred my vision. The moment I made it to the “Seriously, Cullen?” he said with disbelief. “Are you forgetting you tried
driver’s side someone grabbed me and I cried out in fear, clutching a hold to kill me that same weekend? I never even had a chance to try.”
of the door and trying to cling to it in desperation. The broken glass sliced “I didn’t try to kill you,” I spat. “If I wanted to fucking kill you, I’d kill
my hand as they pried me away from the car. you. You pissed me off and I snapped, because you fucked up and stabbed
“I thought you were going to play nice?” James said, his voice causing me in the goddamn back.”
me to shudder. He dragged me back to the vehicle roughly, not even I felt my hands shaking with my anger and I clenched them into fists,
flinching as I tried to fight him off. I screamed as he pulled me into the back not wanting to let it get the best of me again. Jacob glared at me for a
seat, trying unsuccessfully to hit and kick him off of me. The other men moment and I waited for him to fucking disagree with me, entirely prepared
climbed in and the tires squealed as they pulled away quickly, sobs to bust him in his lying mouth when he did, but when he finally spoke he
vibrating my chest as the tears flooded my eyes. said the last thing I expected to hear him say.
“It’s really a shame I have to do this,” he said, grabbing a small pouch “I did,” he said simply.
off of the floor and unzipping it. “You and I could’ve had some fun.” My eyes “Excuse me?” I said, raising my eyebrows questioningly.
widened in horror when he pulled out a needle full of clear liquid and I “I said, I did. I shouldn’t have said what I said. I fucked up and I’m sorry
started shaking my head in a panic. about that,” he said, shaking his head. “But you did, too, Cullen.”
“No, please, no,” I said quickly, knowing I needed to be coherent to find I stared at him, completely at a loss for what the fuck to say in response
a way out of the situation. “I swear I won’t fight anymore.” to that. It was the first time Jacob had ever acknowledged he’d wronged me
“You expect me to believe you? Now?” he said incredulously, laughing. and it caught me off guard, because he was just as bad at confessing
He glanced at me and smirked maliciously. “This might hurt just a bit.” wrongdoing and apologizing as I was.
I gasped as his hand shot out and grasped me around the throat, cutting “Yeah,” I muttered after a second, running my hand through my hair,
off my air supply. I started struggling and trying to pry his hand off of me not liking the fucking awkwardness of the moment. “I probably shouldn’t
but he wouldn’t budge. My vision blurred after a moment without oxygen have fucked your sister, so sorry about that or whatever.” I struggled saying
and I slammed my fists into him as hard as I could, trying to knock the the word, because admitting any guilt was damn near painful. I sighed and
needle out of his hand but he jabbed it into my thigh quickly, a stinging turned to look at Isabella, who was eyeing the two of us in shock. A small
sensation shooting up my leg. smile graced her lips and she looked almost fucking proud of me.
He held onto me tightly for a minute longer as I started fading out, “Wow,” she said quietly. “Did you really just…”
slipping into unconsciousness. “Anyway,” I said quickly, rolling my eyes and cutting her off before she
could fucking make a big deal out of it because it still didn’t change a
goddamn thing. “Everything’s fine. Isabella could’ve handled her by herself,
actually. She had the rolling pin ready to beat the bitch over the head. A
frying pan probably would’ve been better, but whatever works.”
Noises filtered in sporadically, muffled sentences and incoherent words
Jacob laughed and Isabella blushed bright red, ducking her head shyly
spoken in voices I couldn’t recognize. None of it made sense to me, and it
as I chuckled. “I didn’t know what to do,” she said. “I fainted and then…”
would fade back out as quickly as it came. I wasn’t sure how much time
“You fainted?” I asked, cutting her off once more, and she groaned in
passed, each second feeling like an eternity within the blackness. As soon
annoyance.
as I would start to think the fog was lifting, I would be sucked right back
“Would you please listen to me?” she asked exasperatedly. “Every time
down into it.
I try to explain what happened you interrupt me.”
It could’ve been as short as hours or as long as weeks, but I ventured to
I held up my hands in defense. “I’ll shut the fuck up,” I said. “Go ahead
guess it was somewhere in the middle before I started coming back around
and explain.”
again. With the consciousness came pain, and I couldn’t seem to move no

148 133
 She sighed and started chewing on her lip, gazing at me apprehensively. “Please!” I screamed, trembling and on the verge of getting sick. “Please
I stared at her for a moment and my brow furrowed in confusion at her don’t! Please!”
panicked expression. “I mean, I called Jacob and asked him to go get you, “Get her up,” James barked angrily.
because I talked to Dr. Cullen and he told me to, and he said he’d help “Please!” I screamed again. “I’ll do anything, I swear! Please don’t kill
and…” she was rambling and I just watched her curiously, wondering why him! God, please, I’ll go with you, I will! I won’t fight! Just don’t kill him!”
she seemed so nervous because she’d already fucking told me all of that My sobs were loud, my voice breaking from the intensity. The thought
bullshit. “After Heidi went away I was going to tell Jacob to forget about it, alone devastated me but it felt like the entire world stopped in that moment
but when I was walking through the foyer I looked out back and thought I when the man drew his gun and pointed it at Edward. I let out a shriek,
saw… someone.” the sound originating somewhere down inside of my soul and resonating so
“Someone?” I asked, raising my eyebrows curiously. loudly that my own ears rang and my throat burned. Both men in front of
“Yes, they were down by the trees. They started walking toward the me recoiled from the sound and something hard slammed into the back of
house and I panicked, and that’s when I fainted,” she said, her eyes my head, pain ripping through my skull and down my spine, the force of
studying my face intently. the blow silencing me as I gasped.
“Who did you see?” I asked, eyeing her suspiciously. I could tell by her “Shut the fuck up,” the man with the thick accent said, followed by
expression that she was withholding information. another strong blow, which caused me to fall forward onto the ground. I
“Well, I mean, I don’t know for sure. When I came to, no one was there, brought my hands up to cover the back of my head defensively as I cried
so maybe I just imagined it or something,” she rambled. out.
“Isabella,” I said seriously, wishing she’d just fucking be out with it “Please!” I screamed again, not caring what happened to me as long as
because her hesitance was making me nervous. “Who was it?” they didn’t touch Edward. I knew he was still alive and I needed him to
She stared at me and I saw the fear flash in her eyes, the sight of it stay that way, no matter the cost. His family had suffered enough, they all
nearly stilling my heart as it sent a cold chill down my spine. “It looked had suffered enough, and he was entirely too important for his life to be
like… James,” she whispered, her voice shaking as she said his name. I ended. “God, please! I love him! Please, I’ll do anything! Don’t shoot him!”
froze as it registered, my own fear boiling up but I fought that shit back Something slammed into my side and I gasped from the pain, realizing
because it was no time to be panicking. that I’d been kicked in the ribs. I whimpered, trying to catch my breath and
“James?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady. She nodded hesitantly. control my sobs as I continued to scream for them to leave Edward alone.
“That doesn’t make sense. Are you sure it wasn’t the fucking landscaper or “Alright, that’s enough,” James said firmly. “We need her in one piece.
something? I’m pretty sure the guy who pushes the lawnmower has blond Just leave the boy.”
hair. Maybe it was him.” I glanced up at him with shock, trying to fight back the smidgen of hope
“Does it look like the grass was mowed today, Edward?” she asked. I that threatened to explode at his words because I knew he couldn’t be
glanced around and shrugged. trusted. I watched as the man lowered his gun and James walked over to
“No, okay. Whatever,” I mumbled. “Still doesn’t make sense, though. me, reaching down and grabbing a hold of me. He pulled me to my feet,
Why would he be here?” eyeing me so intently that it made my skin crawl. His closeness sent chills
“Who’s James?” Jacob interrupted, glancing between Isabella and me. I of fright through me as my body shook violently, but I tried my best to
hesitated for a moment and was about to tell him to mind his own goddamn appear calm.
business when my phone started ringing. I reached into my pocket and He pulled me close to him and leaned down, his nose grazing my cheek.
pulled it out, glancing at the screen to see it was my father. I could smell him, the scent making me sick and I fought back the urge to
“I need to take this,” I said, giving Isabella a quick look before vomit. “He’ll die soon, anyway,” he said quietly, his breath hitting my cheek
answering it and bringing it up to my ear. I stepped back onto the porch, and I held my own, revolted by him. He pulled away and smirked, winking
trying to get out of earshot of Jacob in case I had to say something that as he let go of me. I collapsed to the ground and started dry heaving, unable
motherfucker shouldn’t hear. “Hello?” to control my reaction.
“Edward?” I heard my father say, his voice somewhat frantic and “Hurry the hell up and get her in the car,” James said, walking away. I
cracking because of bad reception. “Can you hear me?” cried out as arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me up from the
“Uh, yeah,” I said. “Sort of. You’re kind of fucking breaking up.” ground, dragging me toward the road. I frantically looked back at the silver
car and could faintly make out Edward’s form slumped over, the sight of
him crippling the last of my resolve. I started screaming his name,
134 147
a second before yelling James’s name. I looked over at the vehicle as James “Hold on a second,” he said. I sighed and glanced behind me at Isabella,
put his own gun away, slamming Edward’s head against the steering wheel seeing the nervousness on her face. I smiled at her when I saw she was
hard before letting go of him. looking at me and she gave me a weak smile in return.
“Please,” I screamed, instantly feeling sick as the word rolled from my “Any better?” my father asked after a second, his voice still cracking. I
lips. “Please don’t hurt him!” sighed and ran my hand through my hair in frustration.
“Shut up,” he said casually, holding his hand up. The man tossed “Not really,” I responded. “I can hear you good enough, though.”
Edward’s gun to James and he caught it, checking it out briefly and “So, I got a joke for you,” Jacob said, looking at Isabella and smiling.
smirking. “This is nice. Did your boyfriend teach you how to use this thing?” She turned to look at him and I rolled my eyes, turning around in
I just stared at him and the guy beside me lost his patience, whipping annoyance. He was always doing that bullshit, fucking telling jokes and
his gun out and pointing it at me again. “Answer his fucking question.” trying to make people laugh, and it got on my goddamn nerves. My father
“Yes!” I said quickly, nodding vigorously. started talking about Isabella and I needing to leave, and I heard
“I swear, I never understood what Aro saw in him,” James said, shaking something about the airport in Seattle but the reception was getting worse.
his head. “Principe della Mafia, the future of the organization. He doesn’t “What’s black, white and red all over?” Jacob asked.
have the brains for this. Stupid little shit, teaching a slave how to shoot a “What?” I asked into the phone, not entirely understanding but my
gun. That’s almost as bad as falling in love with one.” father’s voice sounded rushed and panicked, that alone scaring the fuck out
“Slave?” the third guy said, nonchalantly walking toward James from of me.
where he’d been standing near Laurent. He was also a stranger to me but “What?” I heard Isabella ask Jacob. My father started talking again and
had a callousness about him that immediately made me uneasy. “I thought a loud bang rang out somewhere in the distance, making me jump from
she was…” surprise. I dropped the phone and cursed, reaching down quickly to pick it
James turned around quickly to point the gun at the guy’s head and he up when the most horrific piercing scream rang out behind me. I spun
froze, throwing his hands up defensively. “You either shut your mouth or around in a panic, horror and shock hitting me when I saw Jacob drop to
I’ll shut it for you,” James said coldly. his knees. A small red spot was forming over his chest on his white shirt
“Fuck, sorry, man,” he said, sounding caught off guard but not entirely and he clutched it, looking horrified and opening his mouth to speak but no
frightened. “I wasn’t thinking.” James stared at him for a moment before sound came out. He dropped forward onto the ground in a matter of seconds
lowering the gun and turning back to face me. He was quiet as he gazed at and Isabella screamed again, so loud that my ears started to ring.
me, an eerie silence surrounding us. My chest burned and every breath Everything felt like it was in slow motion and I stood up quickly, leaping
hurt, my heart pounding with so much force that I thought it would explode. off of the porch and on top of Isabella as another loud bang rang out. I
“Get her up, we don’t have time to dick around,” he said coolly after a knocked her to the ground behind the car, the wind leaving her lungs as
moment, taking Edward’s gun and slipping it into his coat. My eyes she gasped for air and clutched onto me.
widened in shock when the man beside me reached down and grabbed my “Listen to me,” I said in panicked whisper as another shot rang out from
arm, yanking me to my feet roughly. I stumbled and nearly fell but he kept the distance. I had her pinned to the ground and could feel her body shaking
a grasp on my arm to keep me from hitting the ground. He pulled me toward furiously, her fear evident. I couldn’t see who the fuck was shooting, but I
their vehicle as I began to hyperventilate, my eyes darting around was pretty sure who was behind it. “I’m going to count to three and I’m
frantically as I looked for some way to escape. going to start shooting. I need you to get up and get into this goddamn car
“What of Laurent?” the third man asked, glancing over at where he lay and huddle down out of the line of fire as quick as possible. Got it?”
on the ground. She didn’t respond, just continued to clutch onto me and shake in fear.
“Leave him,” James said, shrugging. “I would’ve had to kill him I groaned as another shot rang out and I winced as it collided with metal,
eventually anyway.” the bullet hitting the car. “Christ, Isabella, you need to fucking listen to me,
“And the kid?” the man asked, turning to look into the car. “Cullen?” I this is serious. We have to get out of here and I can’t have you fucking
tensed up at the mention of Edward and James shrugged again. panicking and freezing. I need you to do this, can you?”
“Kill him,” he said nonchalantly. My heart felt like it stopped in that “Yes,” she whispered, her voice shaking just as hard as her body. I
instant, pain radiating out through every inch of my body. I screamed, grabbed the keys from my pocket and reached up to unlock the passenger
trying to pull away from the man holding onto to me, intense fear buckling door, opening it a crack. I looked at her briefly and saw the devastation and
me as my knees gave out. His grasp on me slipped and I collapsed onto the confusion, her eyes filled with horror as tears streamed from them.
ground, sobs ripping through me as the man walked over to the car.
146 135
 “It’s going to be okay, I promise,” I said quickly, wanting to reassure her I heard another door close on the driver’s side as something caught my
despite the fact that even I didn’t fucking believe it. I was lying but I knew eye in the distance, and I watched in shock as the little red car that I knew
she trusted me, and at the moment I wanted nothing more than to make belonged to Heidi pulled up beside the black vehicle. I watched in horror as
her feel better. Her fear lessened a bit as she looked at me and nodded. James got out of her passenger seat, leaning in to say something to her
“Okay,” she whispered. Yet another shot cut through the air and I before she drove away. I had no idea what any of them wanted, but I knew
flinched at the sound, taking a deep breath and nodding. I started counting enough to realize I was seriously outnumbered and in grave danger.
and her eyes widened as she clutched onto me tightly when I hit two. I considered getting out and trying to run, but I didn’t want to leave
“Wait!” Edward behind. There was no way I could just leave him there, out cold,
“Christ, we don’t have time to fuck around here,” I said in frustration. and unable fend for himself.
“I love you,” she choked out, the words catching in her throat and “Edward, please,” I said in a panic, unsure of what I was supposed to
escaping as a sob. The sound of it stung, my heart aching. do. “God, I need you! Please!”
“Don’t you fucking act like we won’t see each other again in thirty I groaned when he remained still and could hear hushed voices as the
seconds,” I said firmly, grabbing my gun from my waistband and flicking men approached, my distress increasing. I glanced down in the front seat
the safety off. “Get in the goddamn car, baby. Three.” in desperation and caught sight of the black handgun on the floorboard, my
I stood up quickly and aimed, immediately firing off rounds in the heart pounding vigorously at the sight of it. I hesitated for a split second
direction the shots had come from. I ran around to the driver’s side and before reaching down, grasping the handle and pulling it out. My hands
cursed when I almost fucking tripped over Jacob, guilt and shame shook as I clutched it and I put my finger on the trigger, not entirely sure
overwhelming me. Tears stung my eyes but I fought to hold myself together, exactly what I was doing but knowing I needed to protect myself somehow.
trying not to let the emotions of the situation take over. A shot rang out I watched as a form approach the driver’s side and panicked the moment it
and I ducked instinctively as the bullet whizzed by me, the sound of it was close enough that I was able to recognize James’s face. He had a
making my heart pound forcefully in my chest. I grabbed the driver’s side malicious smile on his lips as he glanced at me, and not a shred of fear in
door and pulled it open quickly, ducking inside the car. Isabella was in the his expression when he saw the gun in my hand.
passenger seat, curled up in a ball and shaking furiously. My eyes widened in terror and I reacted instinctively, raising the gun
“Fuck,” I spat, shutting the door as fast as I could and fumbling with up and pulling the trigger instantly. The loud bang rang out as it went off
the keys as I laid the gun down between the seats. I got the car started and I yelped, remembering to keep a grip on it so the gun didn’t slip out of
when a bullet hit the driver’s side window, ripping through the glass and my hand from the kickback. The bullet shattered what was left of the
shattering it. I ducked and covered my head instinctively and Isabella let driver’s side window and grazed James in the face, my shaky hands
out a sharp scream. She sat up some to grab her arm and I looked at her throwing off any aim I might’ve had. He grasped his cheek in shock and I
with horror when I realized the bullet had fucking hit her. heard a scream behind him, my attention shifting instantly. James turned
I threw the car in gear and swung it around quickly, slamming down on and I saw the man named Laurent drop to the ground a few feet away and
the gas pedal to get the fuck away from there as quickly as possible. Isabella I stared, stunned when I realized I’d shot him. James spun back around,
was sobbing and I reached over at her, brushing her hair aside as I flew pulling his pistol out of his waistband as he reached in the window, and
down the driveway. grabbed Edward by the hair. He pulled Edward’s head back violently and
“Are you okay, tesoro?” I asked in a panic, trying to move her shirt and pointed the gun to his temple, staring at me pointedly. The passenger side
get a look at her wound. She flinched and cried out when I touched her, door was pulled open abruptly and I heard a click before something was
turning her head to look at me with fright. Her expression caught me off pressed against the side of my head, realizing immediately it was a gun. I
guard but it softened almost instantly as she gazed at me. I pulled the tensed up and was shaking fiercely, staring at James in horror as his
sleeve of her shirt up and saw the bullet had just grazed her, instantly pointer finger lightly pressed against the trigger of his gun.
relieving me. “Drop the fucking gun,” the man standing behind me said, in an angry,
“Jacob,” she gasped through her sobs. “We have to get Jacob! We have heavily accented voice I had never heard before. I let go of the gun instantly
to go back!” and it dropped to my lap, keeping my hands in the air so they’d know I
“We can’t,” I said quickly. “Christ, Isabella, someone is trying to fucking wasn’t playing any games. The gun against my head was removed and the
kill us. It’s too late for Jacob. We have to get out of here.” guy grabbed my arm, roughly yanking me. I yelped as he dragged me out
She stared at me with devastation and shook her head, the tears flowing of the car, throwing me to the ground on my back. I stared at him in shock
freely from her eyes. “But… he was just trying to help… he was just…” as he reached inside the car and grabbed Edward’s gun, checking it out for
136 145
sound of the word having the opposite effect as it had only moments before. “I know, baby, I know,” I choked out through the lump in my throat,
I turned around quickly to look behind us, seeing the large black vehicle swinging the car onto the main road. I didn’t know what else to fucking say,
approaching fast. I was struck with panic as he told me to put on my unsure of how to make her feel better but I desperately wanted to. “It’s
seatbelt, his tone serious so I didn’t hesitate for a moment to listen. okay. We’re okay.”
I stared at him, horrified and wanting desperately to believe that we I tried to focus on the road as I drove down the vacant highway but
were really going to be okay, but every bit of hope I had dissolved when he something caught my eye in the rearview mirror and I glanced at it, fright
tensed up and looked at me with sheer terror. rushing through me when I saw the black SUV flying up behind us. “Fuck,”
“Edward,” I whispered, panicked by his expression. I spat, pressing down on the gas harder. Isabella looked at me
“I love you, too,” he responded, his voice cracking as he spoke. I stared apprehensively and turned her head to glance behind us, her eyes widening
at him in shock as he mumbled ‘Sempre’, the final word sounding almost with shock.
as if it were a goodbye. My heart ached at the sound of it and I started to “Oh, God, is that…” she started, not bothering to finish her statement.
respond, wanting to tell him that I would never give up, but before I could “Put on your fucking seatbelt,” I snapped. She froze for a split second
utter a single word we were jolted roughly as the large vehicle slammed before obliging, grabbing her seatbelt quickly and snapping it on. She
into us from behind. The car skidded off the side of the road and I screamed stared at me and I wanted to say something to fucking comfort her but I
as Edward let go of the wheel and threw his hands protectively in front of wasn’t sure such words even existed in the moment.
me, and I squeezed my eyes shut as we headed straight off of the small The SUV rapidly approached from behind and my panic intensified
embankment toward the woods. when I realized they weren’t going to stop. I grasped onto the steering wheel
I was thrust forward as we crashed into some trees, my breath leaving tightly to brace myself and looked over at Isabella with terror, unparalleled
my body and cutting off my screams as the seatbelt locked into place. The devastation overwhelming me when I saw the same terror I felt reflected
airbags deployed with a loud bang, frightening me as I slammed into it and in her eyes.
I gasped for air. My vision blurred as pain coursed through my body and I “Edward,” she whispered, the sound of my name on her lips making my
blinked rapidly, trying to clear it. The airbag started to deflate immediately chest swell with love despite the fear. Nothing would ever override or
and I glanced over at the driver’s side in shock, my chest feeling as if it were overpower the love I felt for her and that moment alone proved that fact. I
on fire. Edward was slumped forward and wasn’t moving, his rapidly stared into her deep brown eyes, the eyes that had entranced me since the
deflating airbag splattered with blood from his face. He was eerily still, the moment I saw them, and it seemed as if time stopped. She was so beautiful,
sight of him nearly stopping my heart. so pure and true. La mia bella ragazza.
“Edward!” I screamed, trying to reach for him but the seatbelt was still “I love you, too,” I choked out, struggling to fight back the emotion so as
locked up, holding me to my seat. I grasped at it until I got it to disengage, not to scare her. “Sempre.”
throwing it off and ignoring the pain as I leaned toward him. I grabbed a The moment I said the word the car jolted roughly with a loud bang
hold of him and started shaking him as hard as I could, confused and when the SUV slammed into the back of us and I grasped the steering wheel
frightened about what was happening. He didn’t respond at all so I tightly to try to keep us straight, but it jerked regardless. The car flew off
searched his wrists for a pulse, even though I had no idea how to find one. the side of the road toward some trees and I threw my hands out
I pawed at him, trying to find some sign of life, and breathed a sigh of relief instinctively to protect Isabella, knowing it was too late to stop what was
when I saw him take a shaky breath. I kept a hold of him, feeling the rise about to happen. I was thrown forward and pain ripped through my chest
and fall of his chest, and kept repeating his name in hopes that he’d come as the air left me, the last thing registering before the blackness took me
around. was Isabella’s piercing scream.
I heard the squeak of a car door and tensed up, pulling away from
Edward and turning around to look out of the back window. Fear shot
through me when I spotted the large black vehicle alongside the road, “Edward?”
everything hitting me at once. I started hyperventilating and shaking The sound of my name faintly registered in my ears, but the voice was
Edward, glancing around the car in a panic. I turned back around quickly muddled and sounded far away so I couldn’t make it out completely. It was
and spotted two people– one of them was vaguely familiar and it took me a familiar, though and I strained to hear.
second to realize I recognized him from his visit to Dr. Cullen with the “Edward, open your eyes.”
organization. I believed his name was Laurent. Everything was completely black but it felt oddly hazy, like I was
submerged under water or in a thick fog. I wasn’t sure if I were sleeping
144 137
and just dreaming, but I tried to force myself awake because I didn’t like it. I couldn’t focus on his words, my fear causing the blood to pump vigorously
It felt off… wrong… through my veins and echo in my ears. I could hear the gunshots continue
“Come on,” the voice said, clearer than before and I recognized it as my to ring out and felt his body tense up as a bullet struck the car, his
father’s almost immediately. There was a tinge of panic to his tone and I impatience growing. I finally agreed to his instructions, knowing there was
struggled to make sense of it and open my eyes, confused about what was no other option, and he reached up to open the passenger door for me.
going on. I tried to respond but I couldn’t seem to get words to form, He was trying to remain calm and be strong, but I could see the fear in
strangled moans vibrating through my chest when I tried. his expression. He was no more certain that things were going to be fine
“Wake up, son,” he said impatiently. “It’s important. You need to wake than I was, but he looked me in the eyes and told me everything was going
up.” to be okay regardless. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen to us when
I forced my eyes open but winced at the pain radiating from my head he let go of me, but I knew I needed to hold on to his words. I needed to
and down through my body. It was intense and I groaned as I tried to move, believe that we hadn’t come as far as we had only to reach our ending lying
the stabbing feeling only spreading from each attempt. “Fuck,” I mumbled, there in the driveway. We couldn’t go out without a fight, without at least
my voice scratchy and just as painful as the rest of me. My vision was trying, but even if we lost I knew it would have been worth it. I stared at
distorted, everything blurring together so I blinked a few times in him as he tried to reassure me and in that moment I recalled what Jasper
frustration. had said to me the night of the Halloween party, the words he spoke when
“You scared the hell out of me,” my father said, his voice sounding I was afraid to step out of the shadows and really live.
startlingly close compared to before and making me flinch in surprise. The Nella vita-chi non risica-non rosica. In life, nothing ventured, nothing
movement hurt, my entire body feeling like it was on fire. gained. We might not get the outcome we hoped for, but if we didn’t even
“What the fuck?” I said, bringing my hands up to rub my eyes. I was try we were guaranteed to get nothing.
clearly in the car, the entire front of it destroyed and wedged against some He started counting and my fear escalated briefly as I told him to wait,
trees. Smoke and heat were still filtering out from under the hood so I knew devastated by the realization that this could have been our last moment
I couldn’t have been there too long. I was dizzy and turned my head to see together. I told him I loved him, needing to make sure he knew it at least
my father standing beside the driver’s side door, looking distressed. I made one last time, and I saw the confusion and hurt in his eyes at my words. He
a move to get out, but he grabbed a hold of me to stop me. told me to stop acting as if I wouldn’t see him again and grabbed his gun, a
“You shouldn’t move in case you’re injured,” he said seriously. I pushed look of determination taking over as he clicked the safety off. My heart was
his hands off of me with irritation and shook my head, squinting because pounding forcefully as he firmly said ‘three’ and stood up with no hesitation,
my head was pounding forcefully. pointing his weapon and pulling the trigger. The shot rang out as I grabbed
“I’m fine,” I muttered, not sure if that was the truth but I hated when the car door and pulled myself up, crawling into the seat and slamming the
my father tried to play doctor with me. I climbed out and grasped onto the door closed. I curled up as the gunfire continued, trying to calm myself
side of the car to stabilize myself, my legs wobbly and everything still down and silently praying to any God that would listen to me for Edward
spinning. “What the hell happened?” to be okay. My eyes were stinging as the tears poured from them, but I kept
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” he asked right away. “Where’s silently chanting Edward’s words in my mind as I fought to keep myself
Isabella?” together. It was going to be okay…
“Excuse me?” I said, my brow furrowing in confusion at his question. He got into the car and cursed, the sound of the word ‘fuck’ actually
What the fuck did he mean, where was Isabella? It took a second for the fog soothing me because I knew he was alright. He started the car up and there
to clear and everything to hit me, and I turned quickly to look back into the was another gunshot along with the sound of glass shattering, both
car, my movement making everything start to spin again. I felt sick right immediately followed by an intense burning on the top of my arm. I
away and my knees buckled as I hunched over and started vomiting. screamed, the pain catching me off guard, and grabbed a hold of the spot
“You’ve got a serious concussion,” my father said. “Probably some quickly as Edward put the car in gear and started pulling away in a rush.
fractured ribs. Looks like a broken nose and…” He grabbed a hold of me to check my wound, and I started yelling about
“Quit fucking diagnosing me,” I spat, trying to get a hold of myself. Jacob because he’d been shot, like I had, and we were just leaving him at
“Where the fuck is Isabella?” the house. Edward said it was too late, and I was devastated at the
“I just asked you that,” he snapped back. “I was on my way to the house knowledge that Jacob had been hurt trying to help me. Edward glanced
and saw the car here.” over at me and told me once more that we would be okay, but I could tell
even his confidence was wavering. He yelled ‘fuck’ again as he sped up, the
138 143
 “Fuck,” I said, shaking my head in uncertainty. My panic was flaring
and I was trying to keep myself calm, but I was on the verge of
hyperventilating. “I, uh… she was with me. We were at the fucking house
and someone started shooting at us. Jacob got shot and…”
“Jacob was shot?” he interrupted in shock. “Where is he?”
“Christ, I guess he’s still at the fucking house. I don’t know. They were
shooting, and there wasn’t anything I could do to help him. I had to leave
him and get the fuck out of there,” I responded, fighting back the immense
guilt. I wasn’t sure which fucking hurt worse at that second, the emotional
anguish or the physical pain. Was he seriously fucking dead? “I got Isabella
in the car and she got hit by a bullet and…”
“She was shot, too?” he yelled, panicked, the sound of his loud voice
making my head pound harder.
“It was just a fucking graze, stop yelling and listen goddamn it!” I
snapped, covering my ears and trying to make the pain stop. “We were
trying to get away but a fucking SUV ran up on us, and here we are. Or,
fuck, here I am. Christ, where the fuck is she?!”

Chapter 68
“We’ll find her,” my father said, his voice suddenly calm. I climbed to
my feet and glanced at him, freezing when something near the tree line a
few yards behind him caught my attention.
“What the fuck?” I said in shock, my heart pounding forcefully when I
realized it was a person. I couldn’t make out who they were from the
Solitude distance, but just their goddamn presence was enough to send me into a
Isabella panic. My father glanced in that direction nonchalantly, sighing.
“Laurent,” he said simply.
The moment the loud bang ripped through the air, every bit of “Laurent?” I asked in shock, knowing he was one of the Borgata. He was
composure I was fighting to keep crumbled. I had done everything I could one of Royce’s foot soldiers and ran with the same crew as James. “Fuck,
to remain calm, but watching Jacob’s body jolt forward abruptly as he you killed him?”
staggered and grabbed his chest broke me. Horrified, I screamed as terror “He’s alive,” he responded, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose
coursed through my veins at the realization that I had been right. I had in frustration. “He’s got a gunshot wound to the abdomen and is out cold,
hoped when I awoke on the cold wooden floor to complete stillness and quiet but it’s not necessarily fatal. Missed his major organs but I’m venturing a
that maybe it had only been my imagination, but when I saw the red guess it hit his spinal cord.”
staining the front of Jacob’s shirt as he slumped forward to the ground, I “A gut shot? I thought you shot to kill?” I asked in confusion. My father
knew it was true. He was there, somewhere in the distance, stalking us just never fucking missed, when he shot someone that shit was fatal.
like a predator stalks its prey. I wasn’t sure why he was there, or what it “I didn’t shoot him,” he said, shaking his head. “I found him there and
was he wanted, but I finally knew for a fact that it hadn’t just been my was hoping you could tell me what happened to him.”
subconscious playing tricks on me. It wasn’t just some ugly nightmare that “You fucking found him there? What the fuck?” I asked. It didn’t make
could be forgotten when I reopened my eyes. any goddamn sense and I just stared at my father for a moment, completely
He was really there… and he was obviously out for blood. bewildered. I turned and staggered over to the car, glancing around inside
Edward jumped off of the porch and landed on me, roughly throwing me of it in a panic for some sign of what the hell happened. The passenger side
to the ground beside the car as another loud bang ripped through the air. door was open and I knew Isabella wasn’t in the goddamn car, but I didn’t
Pain shot down my spine when I collided with the gravel and I gasped as know what else to do. She’d had her seatbelt on and it was unlatched, so
the air was forced from my lungs. I clung to him as my body violently shook, she couldn’t have gotten hurt too bad in the accident. There wasn’t any
the image of Jacob falling forward burned into my brain. Edward started fucking blood on her side, at least. “Maybe she went for help,” I mumbled,
whispering something about counting to three and getting into the car but tossing things around. “Damnit, and where’s my fucking gun?”
142 139
 I froze the moment I said the words, my eyes falling on the single .45 too fucking late to save her. I had survived the accident, but I wasn’t so
caliber cartridge lying on the passenger side floorboard. My brow furrowed sure I would walk away from the aftermath, and I knew my father was
in confusion as I reached down and picked it up, realizing immediately it going to fucking lose it when he found out what I had done.
had come from my gun but knowing goddamn well I hadn’t personally fired “I’m sorry,” I said quietly, tears forming in my eyes as I apologized for
it in the fucking car. I got back out of the car and eyed it warily as my father the second time in one day. “I fucked up.”
sighed.
“I had a feeling something like this would happen,” he said quietly.
“Even before I knew she was related to Aro. After everything I had lost, I
knew saving her wouldn’t be easy. They all knew how important it was to
me and they may not have known her ties to the organization, but they
knew her personal significance. I never truly worried she’d run away, but I
was afraid someone would take her for leverage. That’s the main reason I
had her chipped, you know.”
I tensed up the moment he said it, despair rocking me and bringing me
to my knees at the mention of the fucking chip. “Fucking James,” I
whispered, knowing he had her and there was no easy way to find her
because I’d convinced my brother to fuck with her chip.
“Yes. No one has heard from him in days. He was called in for a sit-down
and didn’t show up. It was the reason I was going to Chicago this weekend.
I didn’t put the pieces together until now,” he said, shaking his head in
frustration. “How could I be so fucking stupid?”
I felt the bile rising up and I tried to fight it back as his words echoed
in my mind on a loop along with the furious pounding. How could I be so
fucking stupid?
The thought of her being somewhere with James sickened me, all of the
possible outcomes distressing. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what she
was going through, what that sick motherfucker was doing to her. I hoped
she was keeping her fucking strength and she wasn’t too afraid, and I hoped
like hell he kept his goddamn hands off of her.
“I’ll fucking kill him,” I snapped, my anger skyrocketing as I eyed the
spent shell casing in my hand. “I swear to God, he’ll fucking pay for hurting
her.”
“He will,” my father said coldly. “One way or another he’ll get what’s
coming to him, but right now we need to be more concerned with finding
her. Alec is on his way here to help out, and I need to get back to the house
to get a lock on her location.”
“That’s going to be hard,” I said quietly.
“Why?” he asked, raising an eyebrow curiously with an unamused
expression on his face.
I sighed and shook my head, unsure of what to fucking say. It had been
one of the worst days of my life and was only getting worse with each
passing second. The love of my life was missing, somewhere out there with
a fucking psychopath, and it was my goddamn fault we weren’t going to be
able to find her right away. I would never fucking forgive myself if
something happened to her because of my stupidity, would die if we were
140 141
 “Because the law states they can detain you for a reasonable amount of She smiled and agreed before walking away, the sound of her heels
time while investigating suspected violations of crimes,” he stated. “They clicking against the concrete setting my nerves on edge. I heard a door bang
claim to be detaining you for obstruction of justice, but it’s completely behind me, and James smirked. “Alone at last,” he said quietly.
absurd and they have no grounds to charge you for it. The reality of it is I sat as still as I could as he slowly started unraveling the rope, my eyes
you’re sitting in that cell simply because you’re Carlisle Cullen’s son, Alec darting around the room vigilantly, looking for some way out. He pulled the
Evanson’s nephew, and Aro Moretti’s godson.” last of the rope off as his hands slowly started roaming up my legs and I
“That’s fucked up,” I said, shaking my head. “I have nothing to do with fought back a shudder, my heart racing frantically. He paused and sat there
any of that shit.” for a moment gazing at me with his hands on my thighs before he squeezed
“I know, but it happens. Guilty by association, Mr. Cullen,” he said. “I’m tightly, his fingers digging into my flesh. I cringed from the sudden pain as
going to work on having you released. It shouldn’t be more than a few days.” he pulled himself up, leaning over me with his mouth right next to my ear.
“Days?” I asked incredulously. “I’m supposed to stay in this fucking “You’re going to pay for marking me,” he whispered. “I’m going to kill
place for days?” your boyfriend the first chance I get and make sure you watch while I do
“Unfortunately, yes. I’m going to request a hearing to see if we can get it.”
your release ordered, but it may take some time to get in front of a judge. A chill of fear shot down my spine when his tongue darted out and
They typically don’t detain like this for more than forty-eight hours, but swirled around my earlobe, the sensation repulsing me. I cried out in fright
Illinois law gives them a bit of leeway on the matter,” he responded. “So and acted upon instinct, knowing I needed to get away from him. I pulled
just hang tight and we’ll get you out of here. I’ll be in touch.” my hands out from behind my back and shoved him, catching him off guard.
He left without another word, and the corrections officer walked in to He stumbled back a few steps but before he could react I pulled my leg up
escort me back to my cell. There was a tray of food awaiting me when I and slammed it right into his crotch with as much force as I could in my
arrived and I grabbed the container of pudding along with the juice, sitting weakened state. He yelled, his hands grasping the area as he hunched over.
down on the small lumpy bed. I jumped up and turned around quickly, my vision blurring from the sudden
Night fell before long and exhaustion took hold of me as I drifted off to movement, but I could faintly make out the metal door a few feet away. I
sleep, unable to physically stay awake any longer. I slept restlessly all sprinted for it, my feet catching on the rope, but by some miracle I stayed
night, nightmares creeping in and invading the small amount of peace I upright and breathed a sigh of relief as I reached it. I grasped the knob
was able to get under the circumstances. I dreamed of Isabella, heard her quickly and started to turn it but before I could I was grabbed from behind.
screams and felt her torture, and I dreamed about my mother again. I “I like it when they put up a fight,” he said breathlessly. I shuddered
relived that day a decade earlier in that alley not far from where I was, felt and cried out for help, trying to pull from his grasp as he dragged me across
the horror and devastation as they spilled her blood and took one of the the room to another door, pushing it open with his shoulder. He pulled me
most beautiful women to ever exist from the world. inside and shoved me roughly across the room toward a small metal bed in
La cosa nostra had stolen my mother from me, but I’d be fucking the corner with a bare mattress on it. I turned around in fright to look at
damned if I’d let it happen again. I was going to find Isabella and save her him, unsure of what he was going to do to me, and tensed up as he grabbed
if it was the last fucking thing I did. I wouldn’t let the cruelty of the world a roll of duct tape from a small stand right inside the door. He started
I was born into take away another beautiful creature. She deserved the toward me and I shook my head frantically, taking steps back as he
chance to survive and flourish, and nothing was going to fucking stop me approached.
from giving that to her. “No,” I said, panicked. He smirked.
The next day passed similar to the first, and with each passing minute “Yes,” he said simply. I glanced around quickly, seeing it was basically
I became more resigned that I would do whatever I had to do once I got out some sort of large utility closet with a small sectioned off bathroom across
in order to save Isabella. Sometime in the evening the corrections officer the room. I tried to dart by him toward the door but he grabbed my wrist,
came to tell me I had a visitor, handcuffing and shackling me before leading yanking me toward him roughly. Pain ripped through my arm and up my
me back to that same room. I figured it was Mr. Ricci and hoped he had shoulder with such intensity that my vision went out briefly and I
some fucking good news to tell me, but I froze when I stepped inside and screamed. He threw me on the bed and straddled me as I started crying,
saw the familiar man who was clearly not my fucking lawyer. fear and sickness brewing inside of me. I started hitting him as hard as I
“Edward Cullen,” Special Agent DiFronzo said, motioning toward the could but my right shoulder was throbbing and I couldn’t seem to get my
chair across from him. “Have a seat.” arm to do what I needed it to do. I grasped at his face as he pinned me
down, trying to push him away, and my brittle fingernails caught on his
188 157
skin, scratching him. I pulled his bandage off and ripped the stitches occasionally followed by guards running by the door. It was overwhelming
underneath it, making him cringe and move his head away as the blood and I couldn’t stop thinking about Isabella, worrying for her and wondering
started running down from his wound. He pulled back from me and raised what the fuck was going on.
his fist, slamming it into my face hard. I shrieked loudly as the tears started I barely slept, tossing and turning in agony all night. The next morning
flowing, my nose stinging where he punched me. they came by with a breakfast tray but I refused to eat their food,
He grabbed the duct tape and tore a piece off quickly, covering my demanding they tell me what the hell I did wrong and get me a fucking
mouth and muffling my noises. I stared at him in horror as he tore off more lawyer.
duct tape, climbing off of me and jerking me over onto my stomach. He The same thing happened with lunch– I ignored their fucking food and
grabbed my arms roughly and pulled them behind my back, pain radiating they ignored my questions. I was infuriated by the time dinner rolled
through my body from the force of it all. I wailed into the tape covering my around, utterly exhausted and frantically pacing the tiny cell. I heard
mouth as he started binding my hands and ankles together tightly. I was someone walking up the hall and expected another goddamn tray of food,
sobbing hysterically and trying to catch my breath, unable to do so through but was surprised when he unlocked my door to open it. I narrowed my eyes
my nose. He stood up after a second and threw the roll of duct tape at me and stared at him suspiciously, wondering what was going on.
in anger, slamming me in the side of the head with it. I cringed as he wiped “You have a visitor,” the corrections officer said. He handcuffed and
his cheek, bringing his hand up to eye the blood. shackled me before leading me to a small room with a table in the middle
“That’s three times now, bitch,” he spat furiously, turning and walking of it. There was a dark-skinned Italian man with graying hair sitting inside,
out. He slammed the door behind him, all light leaving the room instantly a briefcase open in front of him on the table. He looked up when I entered
and placing me in total darkness. and smiled, motioning for me to sit down. The corrections officer walked
I wasn’t sure how long I lay there, trying to ignore the pain, each minute out after I took my seat, shutting the door and leaving us alone.
feeling like an eternity. The red-haired girl named Vickie eventually “Mr. Cullen, my name is Michael Ricci, Attorney at Law,” he said,
entered with a bag of food and bottle of water in her hand, sitting down on reaching his hand out toward me. I shook it quickly, instantly relived that
the bed beside me. She ripped the duct tape from my mouth abruptly, the I was finally seeing a fucking lawyer, even if I did have no clue who the hell
gentleness she’d previously conveyed absent from her movement. She he was. “Esme Cullen-Evanson contacted me. I’ve been retained quite a few
scowled angrily and shoved food at me, feeding me a few bites before tossing times by the Cullen and Evanson families over the years so I’m quite aware
it to the side and walking out, slamming the door behind her to leave me of the situation.”
alone in the darkness once more. “Okay,” I said hesitantly. He started pulling out paperwork, sliding it
Eventually, I passed out from exhaustion, waking sometime later to a across to me along with a pen.
form standing beside the bed. I blinked rapidly in the dark, trying to adjust “I need you to sign these documents, agreeing to allow me to handle
my eyes, and finally able to make out the somewhat familiar features of your case, and anything that is said in this room is completely privileged
Stephan. and confidential,” he stated. I nodded and glanced down, scanning the
“I thought you were going to cooperate, principessa,” he said stoically. papers quickly. I awkwardly signed the lines the best I could, still in my
“I, uh… I didn’t mean… I mean, he was going to…” I started, the words restraints, before sliding them back across to him.
cracking as I tried to get them out. I wasn’t even sure what I was going to “Good. Now, first of all, I need to know if you’ve spoken to anyone. Have
say, positive the man probably wouldn’t care what I feared James would do they attempted to interrogate you in any way?” he asked, slipping the
to me. papers back into his briefcase.
“I don’t need excuses,” he said firmly. “I need cooperation.” “No,” I said, slouching down in the uncomfortable plastic chair. “They
I opened my mouth to speak again but before I could he jabbed me in haven’t said shit to me. They haven’t even really explained to me what the
the thigh with a needle, the sting paling in comparison to the other pain fuck I’m doing here.”
ravishing my body but still enough to make me cringe. “They charged you with possessing a fraudulent government document,
“It will be easier this way,” he explained, sitting the needle aside and Mr. Cullen,” he said. “The charge is a Class 4 Felony, but can easily be
pulling the duct tape off of my limbs. I cried out when he pulled on my right knocked down to a misdemeanor. You should’ve been given a probable
arm and he sighed. “Dislocated,” he said simply before turning to walk cause hearing within a few hours of your arrival and had bail set, but it
away. He exited, locking the door behind him, and I laid in the darkness for seems they’ve forgotten their own protocol.”
a moment before attempting to sit up. I was parched and my stomach was “Then why the fuck am I sitting in that damn cell then?” I asked.
churning, feeling as if it were eating itself from the inside. I couldn’t recall
158 187
weaknesses, couldn’t let people see me fucking rattled. I kept chanting my ever being so hungry in my life, not even in Phoenix, and it made me wonder
father’s words in my head, telling myself to keep my fucking mouth shut exactly how long I’d been there already.
and stay calm, and I ignored everyone who tried to speak to me. I grabbed the bottle of water off of the stand where Vickie had placed it,
Hours passed. My name was occasionally called and I was transferred struggling to open it with my hurt arm. It was warm but I chugged the
out of the holding cell I was in to another one, each one much like the one water down, desperately trying to quench my thirst. I took a few bites of
before it. I stayed to myself as my mind frantically raced, each second the sandwich but started to feel sick, dizziness taking over. I lay back on
driving me closer and closer to a fucking breakdown. There was a phone in the bed after a moment and closed my eyes, wishing it would stop and
the corner of the cells that I used a few times to call the Evanson’s house without much warning, the blackness took me again.
collect, but each time I got the fucking answering machine and I couldn’t Time passed once again. Conversations occasionally seeped in but
remember anyone else’s goddamn phone number. would fade back out as quickly as they came. I awoke sporadically to find
They called my name again, eventually, and just like the other half- food and water beside the bed, eating what I could stomach and drinking
dozen times I walked out quietly, fighting to keep my temper under control until I slipped back into unconsciousness. Heidi randomly started
as the guards ordered me around. A few made snide comments under their appearing, her presence surprising me, and she’d check my pulse and scan
breath, calling me names, but I knew fighting with one of them was the me quickly but never once spoke a single word. Vickie would come in and
worst thing I could do. I’d gotten myself in enough fucking trouble. give me fresh clothes, occasionally picking me up off of the floor when I’d
It was after nightfall by the time they sent me to intake to book me in collapse there on the way back from the bathroom. I wasn’t sure how long
the system. They took me to a small room where I sat across from a lady I stayed locked in that room encased in darkness, or how long I stayed
who asked me a whole lot of motherfucking questions that I had no desire under each time the blackness took me. It could’ve been days or weeks, but
to answer. I told her the basics, like my name and birth date, but when they each spell seemed to become increasingly worse. I started having
started asking me bullshit about how I fucking felt or if I were suicidal I nightmares and hallucinating when I was on the brink of consciousness,
shut up quickly. Who the fuck did they think they were, asking me if I felt hearing voices and seeing faces I couldn’t be sure were truly there. I was
like harming myself or someone else? The love of my life was missing, my agitated and confused, unable to think clearly when I was awake.
help was gone, and the biggest hope in finding my girl was confiscated by In a brief moment of lucidity I overheard a conversation through the
the goddamn government. Instead of being out there, searching, I was door, and I struggled to focus on what they were saying in an attempt to
trapped in that small goddamn room with the nosy bitch asking me if I felt figure out what was happening. “This is better than we anticipated,” a
angry. Of course I was angry! Was I supposed to be fucking happy? relatively familiar accented voice said, one I recalled as belonging to the
They didn’t fucking know me and didn’t give a shit about what I was man who held a gun to my head in Forks.
going through, so I just sat quietly and glared at her. They gave up asking “Yes. Now that Carlisle and Alec are out of the way, we just wait for the
eventually and ordered me out, where they gave me an identification Cullen boy to react,” Stephan responded faintly.
number, fingerprinted me, and took photographs. I was strip searched and I struggled to keep my eyes open, fighting to stay conscious because I
given a medical screening where they took a blood sample and gave me a was desperate to understand what that meant. What had happened to Dr.
chest x-ray. I put on an orange jumpsuit while they put all of my belongings Cullen and Alec? Did that mean Edward was okay, at least for the time
together in a bag, my anger mounting with each passing second. being? His words frightened and confused me, but no matter how hard I
They still hadn’t even told me what the fuck I was being charged with. fought I couldn’t seem to ward off the inevitable. The men started speaking
They sent me back to the nosy bitch in the small room, where she in a foreign language, their voices starting to blur together and fade out as
inquired as to where the hell I’d gotten my injuries since the fractures to I slipped back under.
my ribs showed up in the X-Ray. I stared at her briefly before shaking my The nightmares were intense, and flashbacks played in a loop in my
head, not bothering to answer. subconscious. I saw my mother’s weary face and heard her soothing voice.
In fact, I refused to say another goddamn word. ‘You’re destined for greatness, Isabella. Don’t give up hope,’ she chanted. I
They realized they’d get nothing more from me and assigned me to saw Edward’s mother, twirling me around in a circle and glowing brightly
protective custody, citing my high-profile father and current serious under the sunlight, looking like a guardian angel coming to rescue me. ‘It’s
injuries as reason enough to isolate me from population, and took me to a fate,’ she said with a smile. I didn’t know if it was simply a product of my
tiny cell alone where I had nothing but a fucking light and a blanket. Time imagination or a long forgotten memory resurfacing, but I found hope in it
passed excruciatingly slow, hours slipping by while I lay there alone. I could either way. Edward came to me periodically, his charming smile and
hear inmates all around me yelling and cursing, sirens going off melodic laugh comforting. ‘La mia bella ragazza,’ he whispered in Italian,
186 159
goose bumps springing up across my skin. I could practically feel his breath “Because the court-ordered warrant states that all computers and data
against my cheek, sensing his warmth and breathing in his intoxicating drives were to be seized,” he answered simply.
scent. ‘Ti amo. Non potrò mai rinunciare.’* “You can’t fucking take that one,” I said, shaking my head.
The visions grew vicious as time went on, each one progressively worse. “Why?” Agent DiFronzo asked.
I saw James’s face and his malicious smirk, saw his determination as he “Because, Christ, you just can’t,” I said, not knowing what the hell to
breathed down my neck for me to get on my knees. I witnessed the brutality say. “I fucking need it.”
Charles and Jane had unleashed on us in Phoenix, re-lived a beating I’d He laughed, obviously not moved by my explanation. “It’ll be returned
received as a child from Charles Sr. almost as if it were just happening. eventually, if it’s proven to be unnecessary to our investigation, but for now
Jacob plagued my thoughts, the sight of him slumping over after the bullet it’s in our custody.” He nodded his head toward the house and I turned,
ripped through him tormenting me. It had been my fault he was there; my dread running through me when I saw an officer carrying my father’s
fault his limp body lay bleeding on the ground. The expression on Edward’s laptop out of the house in a clear plastic bag. I glanced around frantically
face as he told me my mother was dead flashed in my mind, devastation and froze when I caught sight of Emmett, horror on his face when he saw
rocking me to the core. I recalled his words and his sobs, the image they were taking it. He glanced over at me in a panic and shook his head,
morphing into that broken look he’d had when I hurt him at his football sending me into a frenzy. I jumped to my feet and started backing away
game, before finally settling on how he’d appeared in the car the last time from the curb, as a dozen agents turned to face me, drawing their weapons.
I laid eyes on him. He was silent and still, the life barely beating inside of “Stop!” Agent DiFronzo demanded. Esme screamed my name and
him. ‘Kill him,’ James’s voice echoed in my mind. ‘He’ll die anyway.’ something slammed into me as I turned to look at her, the force of it sending
Dr. Cullen’s fiery eyes haunted me, the piercing glare of hatred I’d seen me flying sideways onto the ground. I groaned at the sharp pains shooting
that fateful day of the previous October when I stumbled upon his gun. I through my sides and tried to push them off as they landed on top of me,
could practically feel it pressed into my throat as I gasped for air, could screaming and cursing. They forced me onto my stomach and pulled my
sense the anger rolling off of him. That vision played out time and time arms roughly behind my back, securing them with handcuffs. I tried to
again, my entire body feeling as if it were on fire as I, once again, fucking fight, kicking my legs frantically, but I was sorely outnumbered
experienced the night I was bound to the bed. The pain was intense and and entirely too weak to get them off of me.
tangible, every part of me stinging and aching. It was unbearable and I I was pulled to my feet after a moment and looked up to see Agent
could hear myself screaming in the darkness, my chest vibrating from the DiFronzo, his expression serious and his eyes narrowed angrily. “Take him
high-pitched shrieks. downtown,” he said firmly.
My moments of lucidity started coming few and far between, and even “For?” I spat angrily. “I didn’t fucking do anything!” He just stared at
when awake I couldn’t be sure what I saw or heard was real. Unfamiliar me for a second, the smirk slowly returning to his lips.
people stood over me, having strange conversations that made little sense. “It’s been a pleasure to meet you, Edward Cullen,” he said. “I’m sure
I saw the same face frequently, a harsh looking man with tanned skin and we’ll be seeing more of each other in the future.”
a mole under his right eye. The left side of his face was severely scarred, He turned and walked away as officers started pulling me toward a
almost as if it had been melted by fire. He was almost like a monster in my police cruiser. I started screaming at Agent DiFronzo, calling him every
nightmares and I could feel my body shaking violently from fear whenever fucking name I could think of, and didn’t make it easy on them to take me
he was near. in. They forced me in the back of a car after a moment and started it up,
I awoke at one point to see Stephan sitting on the bed beside me, gazing pulling away from the house. I caught sight of Esme along the street as we
at me curiously. “What’s the code at the Cullen house?” he asked, his voice pulled away and could see the concern in her expression.
muffled as if my ears were clogged. They drove to the county jail and I was taken straight to a dirty,
“What?” I mouthed, no sound carrying out that I could hear. It burned, overcrowded holding cell where dozens of other men sat. I found a seat in
stabbing pain radiating down through my chest. I tried to clear my throat the corner of the room and sat with my head down, gripping onto my hair
and winced. tightly. The atmosphere was fucking tense as people bickered and fucking
“The code for the house,” he repeated firmly. I didn’t respond and he complained about every goddamn thing, but I tried to block out as much as
groaned with irritation. “If you don’t want to die from dehydration, you’ll possible. I was growing more frantic with each passing second but knew I
tell me what I want to know.” needed to keep my head on straight because I’d fucked up enough as it was.
I needed to watch my damn temper, needed to heed Alec’s warning and stop
* I love you. I will never give up. fucking making myself look so damn vulnerable. I couldn’t let them see my
160 185
 “What about the Russians?” asked Agent DiFronzo, raising his I just stared at him as I debated, knowing I desperately needed water.
eyebrows curiously. I stared at him for a second before shaking my head. I hesitated briefly before simply turning my head away from him, wishing
“What?” I said quickly. “I didn’t say anything about any fucking he would disappear. “Go away,” I whispered. My disobedience sent him into
Russians.” a rage because he stood up quickly, pulling a gun out of his waistband and
He looked at me like I was stupid and shook his head, turning back pointing it at me. He shoved it into my throat hard, cutting off my airflow
away to talk to another officer. Esme sighed with frustration. “Tenere la immediately.
bocca chiusa,” she said, repeating the same shit my father had said, telling “Tell me the code,” he yelled angrily. I gasped for air, every inch of me
me to keep my damn mouth shut. begging for relief but I knew I couldn’t tell him what he wanted to know. I
“Fuck, I didn’t mean to yell,” I whispered. “But James has to be working could never betray the Cullens in such a way, not just because Dr. Cullen
with the Russians. That’s the only fucking thing that makes sense.” had demanded my loyalty all those months ago when he picked me up in
“Alec worried that was the case,” Esme said. “He’s worried for a while Phoenix, but also because they had sacrificed enough for me. I could never
that...” do anything to cause any of them any more harm, no matter the potential
Esme quieted as a man in a suit with a bullet-proof DOJ vest walked consequences for me.
over, informing her that her lawyer had arrived. She was allowed up to I squeezed my eyes shut tightly and the vision of Dr. Cullen flashed in
speak to him, and they took that opportunity to separate the rest of us. I my mind as I struggled to breathe, the gun making it nearly impossible. I
sat quietly with my hands clenched in fists, tapping my foot impatiently as could see the anger and hatred in that expression, but I couldn’t seem to
they led Rosalie and Emmett away, leaving me fucking sitting there in front feel the fear anymore. I finally understood how he had felt, the blame and
of the cocky ass special agent who still had my goddamn wallet in his hand. guilt he had struggled so violently against in that moment, and as I laid
I wasn’t sure how long I sat there, but it felt like fucking hours. The there in agony I almost wished he’d pull the trigger because I felt it, too.
man tried to ask me questions about my father but I ignored them, refusing The pressure was removed and I took a deep breath, relief washing
to say a damn word the entire time. If he thought I’d betray my family, he through me in that split second as my lungs filled with air before something
was fucking wrong. I was fucking numb from the pill Esme had given me, hard slammed against the side of my head. Pain ricocheted through me and
but my ass was starting to hurt from sitting on the concrete sidewalk. I I let out a scream, feeling dizzy as the blackness crept in and I quickly
tried to shift position to help but every time I did a dozen agents tensed up slipped back into unconsciousness to repeat the cycle all over again.
and eyed me like I was going to make a fucking move or something. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold on, how much more I could
They started bringing boxes and bags out of the house eventually, take, but I grasped tightly onto the hope that somehow Edward would save
dozens of them tagged with evidence tape. I wasn’t sure what the fuck it me. Somehow he would find me, find a way to get us out of the situation. I
was they were confiscating, couldn’t even begin to imagine what the hell didn’t know where he was or what he was doing, or even how he was going
Alec had hidden in the house, but hoped like hell it wasn’t too to manage it, but I couldn’t give up hope.
incriminating. I was leaning back on my elbows and staring down at the He had promised he wouldn’t give up, no matter what, and as long as
ground when another agent walked over to Agent DiFronzo, holding a piece he didn’t give up on me, I would never give up on him.
of paper out to him. “Here’s the list of items,” he said. The man took it and
scanned it with his eyes, nodding.
“Good,” he said. “Is it complete?”
“Almost,” the man replied. “They’re packing up the computers now.
Three of them, a desktop and laptop in the downstairs office, and another
laptop in the living room.”
My eyes snapped to him instantly, confusion and fear striking me at
those words. “What the fuck do you mean you’re packing that laptop up?” I
asked as I sat up straight. They both glanced over at me and the special
agent laughed.
“Oh, now you want to talk?” he asked. “It means it’s being taken for
evidence.”
“Why?” I snapped, scared because it was our only means of pinpointing
where the hell they had Isabella.
184 161
 was restrained, because I wanted nothing more at that second than to
punch him in the fucking mouth for talking to me with so much disrespect.
He smirked at me for a moment, almost as if he were trying to taunt me,
before someone called his name and he turned away.
Another agent came over and helped Esme to her feet, releasing her
from her handcuffs and handing her a cell phone. She called the lawyers to
explain to them what was happening, and when she was finished she
handed the phone back and took her seat again. I expected them to put her
back in handcuffs but instead they started handing her paperwork and
explaining exactly what they were doing. They released Emmett and
Rosalie from their handcuffs after a moment and I watched as calmly as I
could, my patience wearing thin.
“Are you going to take mine off?” I asked when everyone else was freed.
The officers standing around didn’t respond for a moment and I groaned,
shaking my head. “Seriously, this is bullshit.”
“Go ahead and take his cuffs off,” Agent DiFronzo said as he turned back
to us, the smirk still on his goddamn lips. An officer removed my cuffs and

Chapter 69
I started rubbing my wrists, grumbling under my breath. I hated the
fucking feeling of being restricted and immediately thought about Isabella,
wondering if she were in restraints somewhere. It made me think about the
day I’d found her handcuffed to her bed, the memory of the fear and pain
in her expression sending an ache through my chest.
Ambiguity Christ, I really needed to fucking find her...
Edward “Where is she?” I asked under my breath, turning to look at Emmett as
my panic flared. “You said you got it, where was she?” He glanced at me
I’d heard the expression ‘the tension was so thick, you could cut it with and sighed.
a knife’ at least a hundred times, but it wasn’t until that fucking moment, “She’s nearby,” he said. “Up north a bit. I didn’t have a chance to zoom
sitting in that immaculately clean car and fighting back nausea at the into the exact area but it was in Highland Park.”
stench of fresh leather, that I finally understood exactly what it meant. My “Highland Park?” I asked, my brow furrowing in confusion. “Are you
goddamn body hurt and my head was pounding fiercely, but the physical sure? I didn’t think anyone from the outfit dealt with that area.”
pain had nothing on the emotional torment I was feeling. The tension was “They don’t,” Esme whispered, shaking her head.
fucking stifling, the pure hostility filtering from the man beside me almost “Then what the fuck is she doing up there?” I asked in confusion, none
too much to take. of it making sense. What the fuck kind of game was James playing? Esme
He hadn’t said a single fucking word to me, having barely even looked sighed.
at me all evening. If it weren’t for the obvious hostility in the air between “I, uh... I don’t know,” Esme said, sighing. “It’s a relatively calm area.
us, I might’ve wondered if he even fucking remembered I was there. I heard They stay out mainly because it has a large Russian population.”
his hushed voice all night long as he talked on his phone but I couldn’t make My eyes widened in shock and I stared at her, my fear increasing as I
out the conversation, so I had no idea what the hell was going on. I recalled hearing my father talk about how vile and uncivilized the
desperately wanted to know, but was too fucking afraid to ask and hear the Russian’s so-called organization was. He mentioned before how they had
answers. I was a goddamn coward… there was no other way to put it. no respect for anyone and weren’t above viciously hurting innocents– and
He drove under the posted speed limit as if he didn’t have a fucking care even their own people– for an upper hand. “Russians,” I stated. “It’s the
in the world, his lack of urgency setting me on edge and making my hands fucking Russians!”
shake from my nerves. There was complete silence in the vehicle, the only They looked at me with shock, because I nearly goddamn screamed it,
sound being the hum of the engine, and that did nothing to help ease the and a few officers nearby glanced at me with confusion.

162 183
as well as Isabella’s, which I was still fucking carrying around, and I was intense pressure I was feeling. No goddamn music, no fucking talking…
immediately grateful that I hadn’t been able to bring my fucking gun with nothing but tension.
me on the trip. I had two fractured ribs, a broken nose and a mild sprained wrist on top
They pawed at me roughly, grabbing at me as they searched, and of the concussion. I was cut up and I had a large bruises covering half of my
practically assaulting me in the fucking process. Once they were satisfied I body. My father called in some favors and one of his colleagues in Sequim
had no weapons, they led me through the front door, leaving me completely agreed to see me off the record with no questions asked, despite my
fucking flabbergasted at the sight before me. The entire street was already insistence that I didn’t need to see any damn doctors. He had already
blocked off and covered in police vehicles, dozens and dozens of FBI agents pinpointed what was wrong with me and there wasn’t shit they could do for
and local officers swarming the area. I glanced over to the side and watched any of my injuries except ice them and give me Tylenol, which I could do on
as they put my father and uncle into separate unmarked police cruisers, my own at home. But he demanded I go regardless, just in case, and when
my footsteps faltering and my knees starting to going weak as the reality Carlisle Cullen fucking demands something even I can’t say ‘no’. I had
of it all hit me. pissed him off enough when I admitted we’d tampered with Isabella’s chip,
Everything was getting worse by the second. so there was no way I was starting another fight so soon by insisting I knew
“Walk,” the officer said impatiently, pushing me. I stumbled a few steps, better than him.
cursing, and he steered me over toward the curb where the others were When Alec arrived, the two of us set out on the almost two-hour long
sitting. He grabbed my shoulder and pushed me down roughly, pain drive to the medical clinic while my father stayed back to deal with the
coursing through my body. devastation left behind. The doctor suggested I stay overnight for
“Fuck!” I spat, wincing as I sat down beside Esme. “Take it fucking easy, monitoring but Alec interjected and refused the advice, stating we needed
man! I’m hurt!” to get home as quickly as possible.
“Do you need an EMT to look at you, son?” an older officer a few feet I glanced at the clock on the dashboard as we drove in the darkness and
away asked, taking a few steps in our direction. I looked at him and saw it was a few minutes until midnight. My chest ached at the
narrowed my eyes angrily, reading the ‘Special Agent US D.O.J.’ written realization that a new day would start soon, the past twenty-four hours
on his vest in bright yellow letters. My father kept saying it probably merely becoming part of the past. Most people would forget about them, the
wouldn’t be long before the Department of Justice came knocking so it day being nothing but a fucking blip in their radar in the grand scheme of
shouldn’t have been a surprise, but what great fucking timing those things, but they were hours I would never forget. Just twenty-four fucking
bastards had... hours ago I had been lying in bed with my Bella, holding her in my arms
“I’m not your son,” I said sharply. “And what I need is to get the fuck and feeling her warmth. I had heard her voice as she whispered my name
out of here. This is bullshit.” in her sleep, the simple word spoken with so much goddamn passion that
“A little patience would be nice. I’m Special Agent Joey DiFronzo,” the just the memory of it sent a chill down my spine. Twenty-four hours ago
man said. I cocked an eyebrow at him, shaking my head at his very she’d been with me– safe and, despite everything, happy.
obviously Italian name... fucking traitor. “You must be Dr. Cullen’s son.” But as I sat there, glaring at that fucking clock angrily, I wasn’t sure
He let out a chuckle and I narrowed my eyes in annoyance as the officer about any of it. I didn’t know where she was, who she was with, or what
who patted me down walked over, handing him my wallet. she was going through. I had no idea if she was okay or not, no way to
“Why’s that so fucking funny?” I asked as my temper flared, wondering fucking know if she was hurt or scared. The thought alone made me fucking
who the fuck he thought he was. He simply shook his head as he opened shake with fear and anger and I clenched my hands into fists, trying to
my wallet to pulled out my driver’s license. I closed my eyes the moment he fight it back before I lost all control.
did and sighed, knowing damn well what he was about to find. Twelve hours. She’d been gone for nearly twelve fucking hours already
“Ah, what’s this?” he asked, clearly amused by what he had found. I and the goddamn clock just kept ticking away as if those seconds were
didn’t even have to look at him to know he was enjoying the bullshit. pointless and didn’t matter. They did, however, because each second was
“Edward Anthony Cullen. Tell me, son, what year were you born? We seem one second too fucking long. It was one more second without her, one more
to have two different ID’s here with two different ages. Are you having an second of not knowing what was happening.
identity crisis?” It felt like my world stopped, so why was the goddamn clock still moving
“Fuck you,” I said, irritated. like I was supposed to be able to fucking go on without her?
“Edward,” Esme hissed. The man laughed again and I looked at him as I sighed loudly and Alec tensed up, the strain between us growing. He
my hands started trembling. He was lucky he was a federal agent and I was furious and that was fucking dangerous because I knew exactly what
182 163
happened when he reacted on his anger. Just the thought of it made my down flat, thrusting my face into the floor. I cried out from the pain and
stomach churn, my heart pounding so rapidly that the pain in my chest cursed as someone grabbed a hold of my arms and forced them behind me.
intensified and I struggled for air. It took a second for it to register that they were handcuffing me and I
We drove past the stretch of woods where the accident occurred and I started cursing, confused and frightened.
glanced over apprehensively, seeing the car was gone. I expected it since “Fuck!” I yelled, trying to pull my goddamn hands away from them. I
my father had called for the tow truck before we even left, but it felt strange wasn’t sure what the fuck was going on but I knew damn well I couldn’t get
regardless. Even in the darkness I could see where we had hit, a few trees locked up. My girl was out there somewhere and I needed to go fucking find
cracked and broken from the force of the collision, but if I didn’t know any her. I didn’t have time for their bullshit.
better I’d just assume natural causes had taken them down. No evidence of “Don’t resist,” Esme yelled beside me. I turned my head toward her in
the event that had sent my life into a downward spiral, no sign that the a panic and saw they were handcuffing her also but she seemed almost
woman I loved more than life itself had been kidnapped. calm, her expression serious. “They just need to detain us temporarily.” I
He finished the drive in complete silence and I stared out of the window, stared at her for a moment, realizing she’d likely been through it before,
each second fucking agony. I breathed a sigh of relief when we finally and nodded my head slightly as I relaxed my arms and let them secure the
reached the house, glad it was over and I could put some space between us. cuffs. I winced as they tightened them, almost cutting off my fucking
He parked the car off to the side and I climbed out, glancing around circulation.
anxiously. The house looked vacant and there were no lights on that I could “Carlisle Cullen, you’re under arrest for violation of the RICO Acts, Title
see, but I was sure it wasn’t empty. It felt like it lacked something, though, 18 of the United States Code, Section 1961,” I heard an officer say. My eyes
which was a stupid goddamn thought, because it was obvious what was widened in horror and I looked down the hallway, watching as they led him
missing. toward the front door. “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you
La mia bella ragazza... and until she returned, nothing would feel right say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right
again. to have an attorney present during questioning. If you cannot afford an
My eyes stung as I stared at the house and I blinked a few times, trying attorney, one will be appointed for you.”
to push back the tears that were forming. I fought them fiercely, needing “Dad,” I called out to him frantically as they neared. I was panicked,
to remain strong because I couldn’t break down or give up hope. It fucking realizing he was seriously fucking being arrested. He glanced down at me,
hurt, though. It hurt worse than any of my injuries and was more agonizing his expression fierce.
than the fucking tension surrounding us. “Tenere la bocca chiusa, Edward,” he said sharply, telling me to keep
I had fucked up– there was no other way to put it. I’d done shit thinking my mouth shut as they led him outside. They pulled Alec up off of the
I knew best, thinking I had the answers, when the fact of the matter was I ground next and started reading him the same rights they’d read my father,
was just part of the damn problem. All of it was my fucking fault. She was placing him under arrest as they patted him down.
gone and if I hadn’t been such a fucking hotheaded know-it-all, she might “Call the lawyers, Esme. I don’t want them seizing anything without a
have still been safe. If only I had kept my temper under control, or if I’d lawyer present,” he said calmly.
have fucking listened about the chip, shit might have been different. “I will,” she responded, her voice shaking a bit. “Rimanere forte. Ti amo,
I groaned as I thought about the fucking chip, bringing my hands up to bell’uomo mio.”*
rub my chest. My father had hit me when I told him, his calmness “Sei la mia vita, la mia gioia. Io ti amo, ma non preoccupatevi per me,”
dissipating instantly the moment I confessed what we’d done. The fire in Alec said. “Abbiamo bisogno di preoccuparsi per la ragazza.”†
his eyes stunned me and never in my life had I ever fucking feared him as “I know,” Esme said quietly as they pushed Alec out the door.
I did in that moment. I saw the killer that others revered, the violent man An officer pulled her up off of the ground and searched her quickly
that wouldn’t hesitate to murder anyone that posed a threat to him. His before they walked away, and others led both Emmett and Rosalie out of
rage consumed him as he drew his fist back and punched me straight in the the living room in handcuffs right afterward. They pulled me to my feet last
chest with so much force that I staggered backwards into the car and lost and an officer pushed me against the wall, vehemently patting me down
my breath. He wasn’t my father at that moment, he was a Mafioso, and he and pulling all of my shit out of my pockets. He confiscated my cell phone
reminded me frighteningly of the quiet man whose eyes I could feel boring
in the back of my head.
I turned and glanced at Alec, seeing his piercing stare as he watched
*Stay strong. I love you, my handsome man.
†You are my life, my joy. I love you, but don’t worry about me. We need to worry
me closely. I had a feeling he wasn’t going to take his fucking eyes off of me about the girl.
164 181
 She sighed as she sat the water down on a desk in the hallway, and if he didn’t have to, he was dead-set on making sure I didn’t do anything
started rubbing my back gently. “I know it hurts, kiddo. They’re doing all else to fuck up.
they can. None of them slept last night. Your father and Alec got home a I ran my hand through my hair, wincing at the pain coursing through
few minutes ago and are sorting through things. If anyone can find her, it’s my body as I started toward the house. The spot where Jacob was laying
them.” when we fled the house appeared completely normal, the gravel
I nodded. “I know, but I feel fucking useless just standing around. I feel undisturbed with no sign of blood anywhere. I was light-headed and swayed
like I need to do something. Everyone else has been busy and I’m just here a bit as my vision blurred, the torment and uncertainty overwhelming. I
like dead weight and shit,” I said, running my hand through my hair knew deep down inside there was no way he could’ve survived, and I knew
anxiously as I glanced up at the clock on the wall by the door, seeing it was my father was a professional at cleaning up the evidence of crimes, but a
half past eight already. “It’s like I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop small part of me was desperate to believe that it meant somehow he hadn’t
and I hate that goddamn feeling.” She opened her mouth to respond but died. Somehow, on top of everything, I hadn’t also fucking caused Jacob’s
chaos erupted before she could even get a single word out. death.
“Got it!” Emmett hollered excitedly, jumping to his feet so quick it I headed inside and paused in the foyer as my father stepped out of the
startled both Esme and me. My eyes widened in shock and he glanced up room under the stairs, freezing as he glanced over at me. His eyes scanned
at me with a big smile, looking fucking proud of himself. me quickly before focusing on Alec, who stepped in behind me and closed
My heart started pounding rapidly as the office door down the hall was the door.
flung open roughly, slamming hard against a wall, and Alec stepped out “Has he talked?” Alec asked coolly, the sound of his voice right behind
into the hallway. I looked over right away, figuring he’d somehow heard me sending a chill down my spine. I tensed up as my father shook his head.
Emmett, but all fucking hope that I’d just gotten from my brother’s words “Nothing,” he said simply.
disappeared instantly when I made eye contact with my uncle. He had a Alec brushed past me and headed for the room, giving my father a
horrified look on his face, and my blood run cold. Alec was always calm and peculiar look before disappearing inside. My father stared at me angrily
collected, even more so than my father, but at that moment he appeared to and shook his head, muttering something under his breath before walking
be in a serious panic. I knew immediately that something was terribly away and slamming a door on the second floor a moment later.
fucking wrong and I started hyperventilating as worst-case scenarios began I stood there for a while, unsure of what to fucking do, before heading
running through my mind, but never in my wildest fucking dreams could I for the stairs. I could hear my father’s raised voice as I hit the second floor,
have imagined what would happen next. his anger overwhelming as he screamed at someone. I started for the third
“FBI! Search Warrant!! Get on the ground!” floor but stopped abruptly when I heard Emmett’s name, guilt and shame
We looked at each other in shock as the shouting rang out from outside, hitting me hard when I realized he was berating my brother for something
multiple voices yelling frantically. I turned quickly, horrified and in that was my fucking fault. My legs threatened to give out on me and I sat
disbelief, as something hard banged against the door and forced it open. I down on the steps, putting my head down as I clutched onto my hair tightly
flinched as it slammed against the wall, the same noise ringing out on the in frustration, trying to get a fucking grip on myself. I could hear my father
other side of the house as the back door was also busted open. Instinctively, yelling at him about the goddamn chip, telling him he better figure out how
I took a few steps back and covered my head as a series of loud bangs to fix it before we lost Isabella for good. His words stung and I struggled for
ricocheted through the downstairs, accompanied by bright, blinding lights breath at even the mention that we could possibly never find her, unable to
as they flash bombed the house. It sounded like firecrackers going off all fucking accept that.
around and I recoiled in shock as my heart started racing wildly. We had to find her, and I would never stop until we did.
“Everyone on the ground, NOW!” the shouting continued as an influx of The office door opened after a moment and I glanced over, my father
men dressed in SWAT gear burst through the doors. Rosalie screamed from stepping out and slipping his phone in his pocket. He shot me an angry
the living room and I could hear Emmett cursing, their voices muffled in glare as he started for the steps to the third floor, walking up them past
my ringing ears. It all happened so fucking fast and I watched Esme me. He returned after a minute, pausing beside me.
dropped straight to the ground with her hands above her head, but I “It’s amazing how something so small can be so significant, isn’t it?” he
couldn’t seem to fucking move. said casually, holding up the tiny microchip that we had hidden in the
“Get down!” a man screamed angrily, pointing his gun straight at me. library. “I wasn’t ignorant, Edward. I knew about the signal jammers you
Esme grabbed on to my foot and pulled roughly, catching me off guard and bought and I let it slide, because I wanted to trust you with her. I wanted
sending me stumbling. I dropped to my knees and someone pushed me to believe you wouldn’t be stupid enough to actually use them to endanger
180 165
her. I never thought they would come into play, because I never thought “Close?” I asked, wondering exactly what he meant by that. He jumped
you would run. But never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine you and glanced up at me with shock, not realizing I was standing there.
would pull a stunt like this. I thought I knew you, Edward, but it’s clear I “Shit, how long have you been there?” he asked.
don’t. And Emmett... I swear I thought he was smarter than this. Why he “Just a second,” I responded. “What do you mean, so close?”
would ever be so stupid as to go along with one of your schemes I will never He sighed. “I mean, I’ve got everything how it was. I think I have the
understand.” chip switched back to track the one in Isabella but every time I open the
“Don’t blame Emmett,” I said, the disappointment in his voice painful. damn program it has an error and can’t get a lock on her.”
Everything he had fucking done finally made sense to me, and I realized I “You can fix it, right?” I asked, raising my eyebrows questioningly.
had been working against him the entire goddamn time. Every step he took “I don’t know,” he said quietly, frowning. My temper started flaring, his
in order to keep her safe, I had fucking erased. How goddamn stupid could answer not what I wanted to fucking hear.
I have been? How fucking selfish and arrogant was I? “It’s my fault. He was “What the fuck do you mean you don’t know?” I yelled. “Christ, Emmett,
just trying to help us. He just wanted us to be happy.” you have to be able to fix it!”
He laughed bitterly, shaking his head. “Are you?” he asked, raising his He stared at me for a second and I heard my father’s bitter laughter
eyebrows curiously. “Are you happy now? I sure hope so, son.” ring out behind me, catching me off guard because I didn’t fucking know he
I shook my head, his mocking tone angering me. He could be fucking was even there. “That’s what happens when amateurs screw around with
mad and disappointed all he wanted, but the taunting was too much for me things they have no business touching,” he said, walking by me into the
to take. “You don’t have to be a fucking prick,” I spat. “Do I look like I’m living room. He pulled a small folded-up slip of paper from his pocket and
happy? I love her and she’s gone! She’s fucking gone.” handed it to my brother. “The doctor we visited in Phoenix did some digging
He stared at me for a moment before nodding. “She is,” he said simply, and is pretty sure that’s the serial number of her microchip. Between that
walking back into his office and slamming the door behind him. and my codes, you should be able to locate her. Let’s just hope you didn’t
I sat there as my mind frantically tried to sort through everything that somehow alter the damn system when you were toying with it and wipe her
had happened, but no matter how much I tried I couldn’t seem to find an out completely.”
easy goddamn solution to all of it. There had to be one, had to be some way Emmett immediately went to work, not bothering to respond to the
to fucking fix everything, some way to turn back time and erase all of my scathing words, and my father turned to leave. He looked completely
mistakes. Everyone was in chaos, all of us in danger, and I had done disheveled and had obviously been up all night working on shit. “Do you
nothing but make it considerably worse with my arrogance. have any leads?” I asked as he walked by me, desperate to know if he
“Fuck,” I spat, gripping my hair even tighter. It hurt, but paled in fucking knew anything. Between the situation with Laurent, who I could
compassion to the rest of my pain. Sitting around and doing nothing was only assume was fucking dead, and the sit-down with Aro, they had to have
killing me, every single second eating away at me, but I had no one to blame learned something that could help us.
but myself. “We’ll talk later,” he said, not even bothering to look at me as he walked
If only I would’ve fucking listened… away.
I wasn’t sure how long I sat there rocking back and forth, my anger and I stood there watching Emmett for a moment longer before Esme
impatience mounting, before I got up and started pacing the hallway. stepped out of the kitchen, looking just as fucking exhausted as everyone
Instead of getting myself under control, my grip was fading away as I else. She smiled sadly and headed in my direction, giving me a pointed look
started to become more frantic. Eventually, I heard footsteps on the stairs as she held a pill and glass of water out to me. “I thought I heard your
as Alec started for the second floor the same time my father stepped back voice,” she said softly as I took it from her, swallowing the pill and washing
out of his office, both men stopping in the hallway when they spotted me. I it down. “How are you feeling?”
glanced between them as they silently stared at me, my last bit of control I shrugged as I handed the water back to her and didn’t bother
slipping. answering, unsure of what the fuck to say. How did she think I was feeling?
“What the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you just fucking standing I hurt, inside and out, my entire life was fucking chaos. My body was broken
there?” I snapped. “Can’t you do something? Anything? Christ!” and my spirit felt the same way, everything was spiraling out of control.
As soon as the last word rolled from my tongue I was jerked roughly by Was I supposed to tell her that shit, that I felt as if dying would be goddamn
the back of the collar and slammed into the wall, pain ricocheting through relief at that moment? Or was I supposed to lie and pretend I was holding
me as I lost my breath. I gasped for air as Alec shoved something hard into it together, when the reality was I wanted to fucking fall to pieces?
my side, realizing after a second it was his fucking gun.
166 179
of my pent up frustration, but that passed quickly when I saw the tear slip “Have you still not learned your lesson?” he asked sharply. “What’s it
down his cheek. going to take for you to understand, Edward? Is one of us going to have to
“I think you need to get some sleep,” he said firmly. I gave him an die before you finally realize that this isn’t a game? These are our lives you
incredulous look and he shook his head. “I know you don’t want to. You are messing with and I for one will not tolerate you endangering me more
don’t want to eat, you don’t want to sleep. I don’t like telling you what to than you already have. I don’t care whose child you are.”
do, bro, but you can’t turn on us and snap at Rosalie when she’s done My heart was pounding rapidly and my knees went weak as he pinned
nothing to deserve it. Isabella’s like my sister, man. I’m upset, too. Don’t me to the wall, the anger rolling off of him and, in that moment, directed
act like you’re the only one who fucking cares here.” solely at me. He fucking meant every word he said and I knew he wouldn’t
I stared at him for a moment as I got myself under control and nodded. hesitate to pull the trigger his finger was on if he felt it was necessary.
“I, uh, fuck. I wasn’t thinking...” I started. “Alec,” my father said firmly. “Let him go.”
“I know you weren’t,” he responded, focusing his attention back on the Alec let go of me immediately and I flinched as he pulled the gun from
laptop. “And if you think you can help in your condition, you’re wrong. my side and swung around, pointing it straight at my father’s head. I
You’re wasting away by the second and you’re only going to make things inhaled sharply, pain radiating through my chest from my fractured ribs,
worse unless you get some control here. So eat a damn sandwich and go and my father froze. He stood as still as a statue, not even fucking blinking,
close your eyes. All you can do right now is wait, anyway.” as Alec stared him down. I was scared as fuck, unsure of what the hell was
I sighed and ran my hand through my hair, nodding. “Fine,” I muttered, going to happen, but there wasn’t any fear in my father’s eyes. He simply
standing up. I grabbed the sandwich off of the plate and left the room, light- stared back, patiently fucking waiting for Alec to do something.
headed and nearly fucking passing out as I tried to walk. I walked past my “You keep pulling me in deeper and deeper, Carlisle,” he said after a
father and Alec as they headed for the front door, neither one of them so moment of tense silence, lowering his gun and slipping it back in his
much as giving me a glance. I looked around for a clock and spotted one on waistband as he shook his head.
the wall, seeing it was a few minutes until eight. “I know,” my father responded quietly.
I headed upstairs, forcing the sandwich down as I went, and walked into Alec turned to face me, the anger still in his expression. “If you want to
the first spare room I came to. I sat down on the edge of the bed and kicked survive this, you’ll keep your mouth shut,” he said. “I don’t care what
my shoes off, pulling the cover back and slipping underneath it. My eyes happens or what it takes, Edward. That mouth of yours is going to get every
started to close the moment my head hit the pillow, exhaustion pulling me single one of us killed if you don’t stop running it, and if you can’t close it
into unconsciousness despite the fact that my mind was still frantic. yourself, I will close it for you. I refuse to let you make Esme a widow
I slept deeply, images flashing in my mind as my distress played out in because you don’t know how to keep a secret. So I’m telling you right now,
my dreams. I awoke eventually to a room encased in light and glanced if you let slip what you know thinking it will rush things along, I swear I
around, groggy, my eyes falling on the alarm clock on the dresser across the will kill you before they kill me. You may not like our methods, but you
room. It took a second for the numbers to register and my eyes widened in need to accept the fact that some of us know better than you.”
shock when I saw it was already eight in the morning. He turned away from me and headed straight for the office, brushing
I’d been asleep for twelve motherfucking hours. past my father. I glanced over at him and saw he was staring at me
I sat up quickly, panicked, and pain surged through every inch of me. I apprehensively, hesitating as if he had something to add.
cursed, caught off guard by the intensity, not expecting to be so fucking “You need to listen to him,” he said after a moment. “We’ll find her, but
sore. I climbed to my feet and slipped my shoes back on, stretching to get we need to play our cards right. No matter what happens, we can’t expose
some of the kinks out as I headed out. I paused in the doorway of the living who she is or it puts all of our lives on the line… hers included. So just
room when I made it downstairs, slightly surprised that everything relax, we’re working on it.”
appeared almost exactly how it had when I left. He disappeared into his office and closed the door without another word,
Half of a fucking day had passed, but nothing had changed. and I just stared at the door with disbelief. Relax? He expected me to
“Damnit, so close,” Emmett yelled, slamming his hands down on the fucking relax?
coffee table in frustration. I looked at him anxiously, his words making me Time felt as if it passed tortuously slow, each second agonizing, but yet
nervous. He looked utterly exhausted, his eyes bloodshot with dark bags the clock seemed to move at a steady pace. I roamed the house as my father
under them, and he’d obviously been fucking with his hair in frustration all and Alec kept moving between his office upstairs and the basement, and
night long because it was sticking up all over the place. although I desperately wanted to fucking know what was going on I didn’t
dare open my mouth to ask them. The next day was dawning when I finally
178 167
made my way up to the third floor, my chest constricting as I pushed open of it could I fucking take? How much longer could I just sit around before I
the bedroom door. The room was completely still and I stood there for a had to go out and fucking look? I didn’t know where to even start...
moment, gazing in. It felt completely wrong being there without her, the Rosalie continued to pace the room, her heels clicking against the
spark gone from everything. She should’ve been there, snuggled up in the wooden floor as she walked around. She’d occasionally huff or sigh, the
blankets and hugging her pillow tightly as she dreamed about whatever sound causing me to clutch onto my hair tighter as I tried to block it all out.
the fuck it was she dreamed of when she was happy, but she wasn’t. Esme walked in eventually and asked us if we were hungry. Emmett
I stepped inside after a moment and sat down on the edge of the bed, and Rosalie both mumbled that they were but I ignored her because I
running my hands through my hair in frustration. The ache in my chest couldn’t have cared less about eating. She brought sandwiches in a few
rivaled the one I felt a decade earlier when my mother was ripped from my minutes later, sitting a plate down in front of me. “You should try to eat
life, the utter void I felt tearing me to shreds. I reached over and grabbed kiddo,” she said, reaching out and rubbing my back gently.
Isabella’s pillow, clutching it to my chest tightly as the tears started “Do you think she’s eating?” I asked, my voice cracking as the question
forming in my eyes, but I didn’t fight them off that time. There was no came out. Was she fucking eating, I wondered? Were they taking care of
faking it in our space, no reason to pretend I was fucking fine when I was her, feeding her and letting her sleep, or was she fucking tied up somewhere
clearly not. I inhaled as deeply as I could, wincing from the mixture of the being abused? Was she warm and safe? Where the fuck was she? The
physical pain and the heartbreak that hit me as I took in her sweet smell questions ran through my mind, setting me even more on edge as I started
that still lingered on her pillow– strawberries and sunshine. rocking with more force, my temper threatening to explode. Esme
She’d told me months earlier that I smelled like goddamn sunshine and continued to rub my back and I tried to shrug her off but she ignored me.
I laughed at how absurd that shit sounded, but while inhaling her scent off She squeezed in beside me on the couch and wrapped her arms around me,
that fucking pillow it made sense. It smelled warm and familiar, happy and pulling me toward her in a hug as my emotions started getting the best of
comforting, just like motherfucking sunshine. me. I let out a shaky breath as the sobs ripped through me, my fear
I clung to it tightly as the sobs hit me, every bit of composure I had skyrocketing at all of the possibilities. Christ, was she even fucking still
ripped away in that moment. I didn’t give a fuck who heard me as I cried alive?! “Oh, God!”
and screamed in agony, nor did I give a shit what they thought. I needed “Shhh, it’s okay,” she whispered. I shook my head frantically and tried
her to be safe, needed her to come out of it unscathed, and I didn’t give a to pull away but she held onto to me tightly, not letting go.
fuck what it took or what I had to sacrifice to make it happen. She had “It’s not okay, none of this is fucking okay!” I yelled. “What if she fucking
fucking saved me, had pulled me from the darkness and showed me that dies? Christ, what is she’s already dead? We might never find her! How the
there was something out there worth goddamn living for, and I would do fuck am I supposed to live without her? I can’t lose her, Esme. Not her, too!”
anything I had to in order to repay her for that. She deserved it and was “I know, Edward. I know. We’ll find her, we will,” Esme said, trying to
worth it. reassure me but there was no way she could know that shit. I shook my
It was the middle of the afternoon when I heard the sound of a throat head and finally pulled away from her just as Rosalie sighed loudly for what
clearing nervously from my doorway. I glanced over and saw my father felt like the hundredth goddamn time.
standing there, staring at me cautiously. “Do you have something you want to say?” I snapped, standing up and
“We’re going to leave for Chicago soon,” he said quietly. glaring at her angrily. My vision was blurred from crying but I could see
“Uh, okay,” I said, clearing my throat as I sat the pillow down beside the surprise on her face as she froze. “Something you want to get off of your
me. I brought my hands up and wiped my eyes, the tears still slipping fucking chest? An ‘I told you so’, maybe? Go ahead, go on and fucking say
through. I glanced down and cringed, seeing the torn up, blood splattered it, you know you want to. Gloat about how fucking right you were when you
clothes I still wore. “I guess I need to change.” told us to leave the damn chip alone. Rosalie Hale, always fucking knows
“I’d prefer if you stayed here, just in case,” he responded right away. better than everyone else. Miss Goddamn Perfect is always right. You never
“You expect me to fucking stay behind?” I asked incredulously, my brow fucking liked her anyway, you’re probably glad she’s gone.”
furrowing. She gasped and covered her mouth, a look of horror flashing across her
“Just in case she shows back up,” he responded. I laughed bitterly, face as her eyes welled up with tears. Esme yelled for me to knock it off as
shaking my head as I stood up. I got light-headed immediately, stabbing Emmett jumped up and shoved me back down onto the couch. He glared at
pain tearing through my ribs as my head pounded feverishly. me like he wanted to fucking punch me and for a brief moment I wished he
“She’s not a fucking lost dog,” I snapped, tears streaming down my fucking would so I could punch him right goddamn back and get rid of some
cheeks. “She didn’t just wander out of the backyard and get lost in the
168 177
 “But I am. Shit, bro, I should’ve known better. I should’ve never touched woods somewhere. She was fucking taken and there’s no telling where the
that chip. I should’ve trusted Dad.” hell they have her. She isn’t just going to show the hell back up here!”
“Yeah, well, I should’ve fucking done a lot,” I interrupted. “But none of “I understand, but I think you should reconsider,” he said. “It’s
it matters, because what happened, happened. It’s done and there isn’t shit dangerous and…”
we can do now but try to fix it.” “I’m going,” I said sharply, cutting him off. “If you don’t want me to go
“I know. I’ve been trying to work some things out and...” he started, with you, fine. But I’ll be on the next goddamn plane whether you like it or
shutting up quickly as my father walked into the room. He walked over to not. I can’t just stay here.”
where we were sitting and sat his laptop down on the coffee table in front “Fine, but you’re going to need to watch yourself, son. You can’t run off
of Emmett, a serious expression on his face. on a vigilante mission, thinking you know what’s best,” he said pointedly.
“You have tonight,” he said sharply, the anger in his voice making me “I can’t focus on getting her back if you’re out there wreaking havoc and
feel queasy. “I expect news by morning that it’s returned exactly how it was counteracting everything I’m doing.”
before you touched it. Don’t disappoint me, or you will regret it.” I groaned, shaking my head. “I know. Christ, I’m not that fucking
He turned and walked out of the room without another word, leaving a stupid. I heard Alec and I don’t doubt for a goddamn minute that he meant
tense silence in his wake. Rosalie stood up and sighed loudly as she started what he said. I’ll keep my mouth shut and let you all do what you do, but I
to pace around the room, picking things up absent-mindedly as Emmett have to fucking be there.”
turned on the laptop. He opened some programs once it was booted up and “I know why you feel that way,” he started, “but we have no idea what
his fingers flew furiously across the keyboard as he started typing in what set of circumstances we’re going to find her in.”
looked like just a bunch of goddamn random characters, none of it making “I said I’m going,” I snapped, angry that he was trying to talk me out of
any fucking sense to me. it. “I have to know. I’m not fucking naive. I know what might be happening
Esme walked in after a moment and held out a small white pill with a to her and I need to be there, no matter what.”
bottle of water. “I know you’re hurting,” she said softly. I hesitated and she “Okay,” he said, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. “We have
sighed. “If you don’t want to take it on your own, I’ll just slip it to you when a flight in a few hours out of Seattle. We need to tie up some loose ends here
you aren’t paying attention.” with Jacob and Laurent, and then we’ll be leaving.”
“Fine,” I said, reaching out and taking the pill. I tossed it in my mouth I gazed at him curiously at the mention of those two. “Did they make
as I grabbed the bottle of water, washing it down. it?” I asked hesitantly. He stared at me for a moment before sighing.
I watched Emmett quietly for bit, trying to figure out what the fuck he “We have Laurent in the basement and we’re trying to get some
was doing but it was all completely beyond me. It looked like gibberish but information out of him. He’s in pretty bad shape and hasn’t said much so
he seemed to understand it so I kept my mouth shut and didn’t question far besides begging for help, but I injected him with some sodium thiopental
him. He’d done that shit last time and ended up accomplishing what he set a few minutes ago,” he responded.
out to do, so I had faith that he’d be able to fucking do it again and revert “Sodium what?” I asked, my brow furrowing in confusion.
it back to how it was before. “Sodium thiopental. It’s a barbiturate. It suppresses the higher cortical
He needed to, because a lot was riding on that goddamn chip... functions of the brain, and since lying is such a complex process and it’s
His typing started grating on my nerves after a while, the sound of his easier to…” he rambled.
fingers hitting the keys putting me on edge. I was working on damn near “Christ,” I interrupted, shaking my head in frustration. “Fucking
forty hours without sleep and it was taking its toll as exhaustion crept in, English, please.”
the medication easing my pain and making it difficult to stay awake. I “It’s a truth serum,” he said with a sigh, shrugging his shoulders.
groaned and ran my hand through my hair, clutching onto it tightly as I “Hypothetically, anyway.”
started rocking back and forth, needing to fucking move to keep myself “That shit’s real?” I asked in surprise. He nodded.
alert. I felt sick, my body shaking from my nerves. I felt like I was starting “Yes, but it doesn’t work for everyone. Some people are seasoned liars
to have a breakdown, all composure slipping away with the tap of his and drugs wouldn’t affect their ability to tell you one,” he responded. “So
fingers against the keys. let’s just hope Laurent hasn’t had too much experience yet.”
I could hear the ticking of a clock in the background as it blended in I nodded, running my hand through my hair. I had no idea how long it
with Emmett’s typing, the sound taunting me. Every fucking tick was one would take to get her fucking chip working again, so I realized Laurent was
second longer without her, one more second of uncertainty. How much more our best bet on finding her quickly. “And Jacob?” I asked. He stared at me
for a moment and the look on his face was the only answer I really needed.
176 169
Even across the room I could see the flash of sorrow in his eyes and knew I smiled lightly at the sight of it, but any happiness I felt in that moment
immediately that there wasn’t any goddamn hope at all. disappeared as I climbed out of the car and the reality of the situation hit
“There wasn’t anything I could do for him,” he said quietly. “They shot me once more. We headed for the house and the front door was pulled open
to kill. We’re not trained to wound or graze.” quickly as we approached, a frazzled looking Esme standing in the
“Why him?” I asked, the words catching in the lump forming in my doorway, crying and eyeing us desperately. Alec barely gave her a glance
throat. We may have no longer been friends, but he still didn’t deserve to as he walked by her into the house, and she gave my father a sympathetic
die like he did. He had just been trying to fucking help, had risked his own smile as he nodded in acknowledgment. I started to walk by her, unable to
safety for Isabella, and that earned a lot of respect in my eyes. He didn’t even make eye contact because I was afraid the sight of her tears would
have to do that shit, but he did, and he lost his fucking life because of it. “I make me lose the grip I’d finally fucking gotten on myself, but she wasn’t
mean, she and I were both standing right fucking there. Why’d they shoot having that. She grabbed a hold of me and pulled me into a hug, her body
him? He was nobody, he had nothing to fucking do with it. And if they’re so trembling.
goddamn trained to kill, why did every other goddamn bullet miss us?” “I’m so sorry, kiddo,” she whispered, clinging to me tightly as she cried.
“Because they intended them to miss you,” he responded. “Jacob was an I groaned from the pain and pulled away, wincing as the tears started
innocent bystander, Edward. He was at the wrong place at the wrong time. slipping through.
He was a witness, an unnecessary complication that could be erased easily, “It’s all my fucking fault,” I muttered, wiping my eyes. She shook her
but it was different with you and Isabella. I watched the security tapes after head, cupping my chin and pulling my face up so I’d look at her.
I got home and saw what happened. They rattled you, fired off a few shots “You didn’t cause this, Edward. We all make mistakes but you love her
to get you in motion, and waited to make their real move once you were and would never do anything to hurt her, we all know that. We all love her.
away and they had the upper hand again. If they didn’t want you to live Me, your brothers, and even your father, believe it or not. She is one of us...
they would have killed you when they had the chance, but they didn’t. I she’s family. Your mother made sure of that, and we’re going to fight for
don’t know exactly what that means, or what part you play in this, but they her,” she said firmly. “We’ll find her.” I nodded as more tears flowed, hope
kept you alive for a reason.” threatening to break through at her words. She patted my cheek softly and
“That’s fucked up,” I said as I tried to control my emotions, but it was nodded her head toward the house, motioning for me to go inside.
no use. I dropped my bag right inside the house and headed for the living room,
My tears flowed freely and nothing would fucking stop them, my heart freezing when I caught sight of Emmett sitting on the couch. He had his
feeling like it was being ripped into a million pieces. I didn’t understand head down, obviously distressed, with his hands covering his face. Rosalie
what the hell was going on or why the fuck it had to happen to us. Why her? was quietly sitting beside him and glanced over at me, her eyes widening
What the fuck did we do to deserve it? “Why couldn’t they have fucking in surprise.
taken me? Why’d they have to take my Bella?” I asked, my voice an “Em,” she whispered, the word barely audible. Emmett’s head popped
agonized whisper. up and he looked at her with confusion before glancing over in my direction,
“I, uh... I don’t know, son,” he said quietly. “I wish I had the answers a horrified look coming on his face when we made eye contact.
you’re looking for, but I don’t. And I really can’t make you any promises “Fuck, bro,” he said, his voice cracking. “Look at you.” He stood up but
right now, but I’ll do everything I can.” I held my hands up to stop him, shaking my head.
I nodded, wiping my face with my hands again as I cleared my throat. I “It looks worse than it is,” I lied, not wanting to be fucking fussed over
needed to stay strong and not crack– stewing over how fucking unfair it by anyone because there were more important things to worry about. “She’s
was wouldn’t help me keep my head straight. “So, uh,” I started all that matters right now.”
apprehensively, pausing because I wasn’t sure if I really fucking wanted to “I know,” he said quietly as I walked over toward the couch, sitting
know the answer to the question I was about to ask. “What did you do with down. Emmett sat back down beside me, running his hands down his face
him?” in frustration. “How are you holding up?”
“Jacob?” he asked, raising his eyebrows questioningly. I nodded. “Well, “How am I holding up?” I asked incredulously. “Well, I’m here, so I guess
I couldn’t exactly call the authorities. I wish I could, because he was a good that fucking counts for something. I’m more concerned about how she’s
kid and deserved a proper burial, but doing so would’ve just taken us all holding up personally.”
down. I couldn’t risk that. I did the best I could to give him a decent send- “Damn, I know, stupid question,” he responded. “I’m sorry.”
off, though, and I’d rather not say much more than that. I don’t think “Don’t apologize to me, Emmett,” I said.
there’s too much evidence tying the timing of his disappearance to us and I
170 175
before turning to walk away. “Pack a bag. It looks suspicious to get on a did a few things to buy us some time, but I’m sure they’ll eventually come
plane with no luggage. And freshen up, because you smell like liquor.” to you with questions due to your public rivalry.”
I sighed after he was gone and headed upstairs, throwing some clothes I tensed up as he said the words, overwhelmed by fear at the realization
and necessities in a bag. I grabbed my torn, bloody clothes from the corner that he didn’t quite know everything. “Fuck,” I said, shaking my head.
and went back down to the living room, tossing them in the still burning “They might come sooner than you think. I think Isabella was the last
fireplace. I stood and watched the fire ravage them as I waited for my father person he talked to...”
and uncle, my mind wandering once more. “I know,” he said, cutting me off. “I said I bought us a bit of time.”
Eventually, they appeared with their luggage and Alec put out the fire “Did you buy us some fucking time with the fact that we got into a damn
before we departed. We headed out and climbed into Alec’s rental car, fistfight at the school yesterday, too?” I asked, shaking my head.
starting for Seattle with no words spoken. I sighed when we passed the “Damnit, Edward! Tell me you didn’t fight that boy again!” he yelled
stretch of highway where the accident had occurred, the ache in my chest angrily. I sighed and nodded, causing him to groan with aggravation. “Did
intense. anyone see?”
“Where’d you have the car towed?” I asked quietly. “Yes, too many goddamn people. Tyler, Lauren, Jessica, Tanya… fuck,
“A junkyard in Port Angeles. It was a total loss,” my father responded. I can’t even remember. They were all there in the parking lot. I ran and got
“It’s already scrap metal by now.” I nodded and turned to glance out of the in the car and left, but he followed right behind me.”
window, the car falling into complete silence again. “It’s always the same thing with you, son,” he said. “This just keeps
The rest of the drive was tense, none of us speaking to each other. My getting worse and at the rate we’re going, there’s no way we’ll even make it
father made some calls as Alec drove, and I just sat back quietly, not out of town before people get suspicious. You get in a fistfight with a boy
wanting to interfere. Alec’s words back at the house were echoing in my you damn near killed once before, and he suddenly goes missing
mind and I knew I needed to be on guard and watch what I said, but my immediately afterwards. Just great.”
outward composure didn’t stop my frantic thoughts. My hands were “Fuck, I know, but he told Isabella that he was thinking about leaving
shaking, my eyes still burning from the tears that threatened to flow at the home and just starting over somewhere no one knew him. I mean, if he told
thought of Isabella and what she might have been going through. her that, chances are he fucking told others. Maybe they’ll think he finally
About ten minutes outside of Seattle my father received a call and had enough and left,” I said hopefully, trying to find some way out of that
stayed on the line for a moment before hanging up with a sigh. “We have a mess. The last thing I needed was to be accused of a fucking homicide or
sit-down tonight at nine,” he said quietly. Alec nodded and I stared at them something on top of everything else going on. I felt guilty and ashamed for
with curiosity, wondering what the fuck they had planned. his death and the fact that he wouldn’t get the funeral he deserved, but she
We stayed in the car during the ferry ride, all of us seemingly deep in was the most important thing to me and I couldn’t let anything get in the
thought, and we made it to the airport in just enough time to check in before way of finding her.
boarding. The four hour flight was awkward, each second feeling like an “Possibly,” he said, shaking his head in aggravation. “I need to take care
eternity as we sat separated in the only seats available at the last minute. of some things before we leave. Stay the hell out of trouble for the next few
I could see Alec and my father from where I was and both seemed hours so you don’t complicate matters even more, if you can manage that.”
completely composed, whereas I was falling to fucking pieces. I was frazzled He turned and bolted from the room, cursing under his breath as he
and on edge, damn close to having a fucking panic attack. descended the stairs. I stood up and slowly stripped out of my clothes,
We landed close to dusk and grabbed our luggage before heading for the putting them in a pile in the corner of the room and making a mental note
parking lot where Alec’s car was parked. He drove the twenty-five minutes to dispose of the motherfuckers later since they were covered in blood. I
from the airport to their house in the Lincoln Park neighborhood and I took a long shower, trying to fucking relax and soothe the ache in my body,
watched out the window in a daze, taking in the scenery. I hadn’t been back but it did little to calm my nerves. I scrubbed every inch of me, feeling
in years but it looked a lot like I recalled, and I closed my eyes when we disgusting, and climbed back out when my skin was raw and red from the
neared our destination. I couldn’t bear to look as we passed the alley where hot water.
my life had changed in all those years ago, the memories flooding back as I dressed in the first thing I found, a pair of worn jeans and a plain
we drove through the neighborhood I’d grown up in. It still fucking hurt, white t-shirt, and opened the bottom drawer on my desk with my keys. I
just as much as it always had. grabbed the Grey Goose and sat down on the edge of the bed as I slipped on
Alec pulled the car into the driveway of the large brick house he and a pair of white Nike’s, pulling the top off of the bottle and taking a large
Esme shared, directly behind the familiar Jeep that I hadn’t seen in a while. swig. The burn from the vodka spread down throughout my body and
174 171
warmed me instantly, soothing my frazzled nerves just a bit. I sat there maintained his composure and did what he knew he was required to do. He
quietly for a while as time slipped away, drinking and thinking through learned to wear that calm mask quite well, but I knew your father better
everything my father had said. Jacob was dead, Isabella was missing, and than most others. They may not have been able to tell anything was wrong
the rest of us were in grave danger. My life was falling apart, my family in but I could sense his distress.”
chaos, and if shit didn’t play out perfectly we could all end up fucking dead. He quieted again as he poked around in the fire, his shirt nearly
And to think, just twenty-four hours earlier my biggest goddamn worry had completely burned to ash already. I had no idea what his point was but
been fucking analogies… didn’t dare fucking ask because I knew impatience meant disrespect to
I didn’t care about any of that shit anymore. My football career was Alec.
clearly over, since my injuries would put me out for the rest of the season, “I never understood your grandfather’s insistence that Carlisle was the
and my future was up in the air but I didn’t care. I didn’t even know if I’d ultimate principe della mafia, just as I don’t understand Aro’s belief that
fucking make it out alive, much less make it back to school, but I didn’t give you are,” he continued after a moment. “Your father and you are cut from
a fuck what happened to me as long as I found her. the same mold. You’re both too emotional, too invested in life on the outside.
Nothing mattered but her. You have a lot of heart and that can be dangerous in this business. People
It was a few minutes past noon when I finally started downstairs, will exploit your weaknesses for an upper hand, and both you and your
unable to take just sitting there anymore. I headed into the living room and father share a common weakness.”
stood by the large window, gazing out into the back yard. Sometime in the “What’s that?” I asked. He glanced at me with an amused expression
early morning hours fog had rolled in, along with it rain showers, and I like it was a stupid fucking question, and I realized it probably was.
could barely even see the tree line a few yards away. The house was “Your women,” he said. “You are both much too compassionate and have
completely silent, all except for the rain hitting the glass, and it felt eerie. a hard time hiding your love. Your grandfather picked up on Carlisle’s
I was in such a trance staring at the gloomy scene in front of me that I feelings quite early on, from what I recall, and I’m sure Aro did the same
didn’t even hear footsteps approaching and was completely oblivious to the with you. They used Elizabeth to manipulate your father, just as I’m sure
presence behind me until I caught a glimpse of their reflection in the Isabella will be used to get you to do what they want.”
window. “You think that’s why they kept me alive?” I asked.
“Christ,” I spat, jumping and grabbing my chest in surprise. I winced “Oh, I’m sure of it. They anticipate you doing exactly what they want
and turned to see Alec standing behind me, as still as a statue with a you to do, which is what you’re notorious for doing– acting without
serious expression on his face. He was wet, his white shirt soiled with blood thinking. They expect you to open your mouth and spill everything you
and mud. know, irrationally thinking it will help you when, in reality, that
“You aren’t very observant,” he said as he started unbuttoning his shirt. information will be what causes the downfall,” he said coolly. I stared at
“You’re just stealthy, like a fucking ninja or a vampire or something,” I him as I processed his words, trying to make sense of where he was going
rattled off nervously. He gave me an incredulous look before shaking his with it.
head. “So you’re saying they’re just using Isabella to get to me, because they
“You watch too much television,” he responded. “The mark of a think I’m the key to destroying everything?” I asked. He nodded.
successful assassin is the target never knowing what hit them.” “Precisely,” he responded. “We’re all just pawns, Edward, and if you
I stared at him cautiously as he walked over and started fiddling with aren’t careful you will play right into their hands. Your father learned early
the fireplace. We never used it because it was too much goddamn work on to put on that mask to protect himself and the ones he loved. He learned
when we could just use the electric heat to warm the place up. “I’m not a to maintain his calm, even when he was in distress, and that’s something
target, though,” I muttered. He turned his head to give me a peculiar look you desperately need to work on. What I’m saying, Edward, is exposure is
and I sighed. “At least I hope not.” not good in our world. You should never expose your emotions, nor should
The corner of his lips turned up into a small smile as he turned back to you expose information entrusted in you because both will quickly lead to
the fireplace, quiet as he got it ready and lit it. After the fire started going your demise. I hope, since you are so much like Carlisle, that you’ll learn to
he tossed his shirt into it and stood there in silence, watching as it started put on that mask just as he did. It doesn’t matter what you feel on the
burning. inside, you never let them see it. It’s the only way you’ll make it.”
“I remember the day you and your mother went missing like it was He paused for a moment before sighing. “I already helped him bury
yesterday,” he said finally, his words catching me off guard. “I stopped by Elizabeth. I don’t want to have to help him bury you,” he added quietly
your house that night for business and despite your father’s fear, he
172 173
 Aro’s insensitive laughter cut me off, the sound sending a cold chill “I have nothing to say to you,” I said pointedly. If he thought I was
down my spine. “So many questions, Carlisle. You know very well I’ve seriously going to fucking talk to him, he was out of his mind.
chosen to remain uninvolved, so I’m afraid I have no answers for you.” “You don’t even know why I’m here,” he responded. I laughed bitterly.
“Still?” I asked, narrowing my eyes as I glared at him. “You still refuse “It doesn’t fucking matter why you’re here,” I responded. “The answer
to get involved? What did my son initiate for then?” is no. I have nothing to fucking say to you.”
“Your son choosing this path had absolutely nothing to do with me, “Fair enough. You know your rights, they were read to you. You have
Carlisle,” he said, his lips still curved into a sinister smile. “He decided this the right to refuse to speak to me and can go back to your cell, if that’s what
was the best place for him. I’ve allowed Royce to assist on his mission, and you want to do,” he said, shrugging. I turned around right away to leave
they have all of our resources at their disposal of course, but it has nothing and he sighed exaggeratedly. “I was just wondering who Isabella Swan
to do with me personally.” was.” My heart started pounding rapidly at the mention of her, the ache in
“How can you say that?” I asked in disbelief. “She’s his girlfriend. The my chest intensifying as I began to panic.
women of made men aren’t to be messed with. They’re to be respected, we’re “Why?” I asked immediately, turning back around to face him.
supposed to honor them and protect them! It’s part of the oath; it’s one of “I’m just curious about her, considering her name has come up a few
our fucking commandments, Aro! It’s made clear at initiation, so how can times during the course of the investigation,” he said. “I tried locating her,
you still not act? You initiated a boy whose girlfriend has been kidnapped, but it seems she’s quite a mystery to everyone and there’s barely any
and not just by anyone, but by one of our own! How is that not your evidence at all that she even exists. It’s almost as if she’s a... ghost.”
problem? It’s all of our problem!” The smirk fell from his lips and I could I immediately flinched at the word and his lips curved up into a smirk
see the hostility in his eyes as he glared at me, the room falling into a tense at my reaction. He knew exactly what the fuck he was doing by toying with
silence. Everyone was staring at us cautiously, obviously caught off guard my emotions. “Why are you asking me?” I asked, trying to keep my
by the exchange. Alec cleared his throat after a second, drawing our composure. I couldn’t let him think I was vulnerable or he could use her to
attention. “If you don’t mind, sir, I think Carlisle and I should try to catch fucking manipulate me. “I have nothing to do with my father’s business.”
up with Edward while we still can.” “That may very well be true, but I figured if you helped me then maybe
“Yes, you should,” he said stoically, still glaring at me and obviously I could help you,” he answered.
displeased at my behavior. “Use whatever you need.” “I don’t need your fucking help,” I spat. “And there’s nothing I can tell
“Thank you, sir,” Alec responded, standing up. “Come on, Carlisle.” you.”
I pushed my chair back roughly and stood up, following Alec out of the “You can’t even tell me who Isabella Swan is?” he asked, raising his
room. I heard whispers start up as I exited, followed by Aro angrily eyebrows questioningly.
demanding silence. I knew I shouldn’t have reacted as I did, because “No,” I lied.
speaking to the boss in such a way was completely out of line and just “Huh, that’s funny. You see, we made a trip to your hometown yesterday
asking for trouble, but I was so fucking angry and disgusted at his behavior and it seems the people in Forks are under the impression that this Isabella
that I couldn’t help myself. I was stressed and worried, distraught that my Swan person is your girlfriend. In fact, I came across this while I was
son had done the one fucking thing I’d fought so hard to make sure he didn’t there,” he said, reaching into his coat pocket and pulling a picture out. He
do. It felt like everything I had done had been in vain, a complete waste of held it up and my knees went weak when I saw it was a picture of Isabella
time and energy because he ended up exactly where I was trying to keep and I, smiling and hugging in the snow. It was one Alice had taken of us
him from going. I was losing focus of the point of it all, my emotions taking during Christmas, one I remembered very fucking clearly as being in
hold of me and all logic taking a backseat. Isabella’s scrapbook at home. I looked away from it quickly as the tears
“You must truly have a death wish,” Alec said under his breath as we started forming in my eyes, unable to fucking take it. She’d been so
headed for the back room. goddamn happy and carefree that day.
“It’s bullshit,” I muttered, shaking my head. “Did that jog your memory, Mr. Cullen?” he asked.
“Maybe so, but speaking to him that way will get you nowhere but in a “Fuck you,” I said quietly, my voice shaking.
wooden box in the ground and you know that,” he said, opening the door “Where is she?” he asked. “She’s not in Forks and she wasn’t here with
and walking in. He started pulling cabinet doors open and grabbing you in Chicago. Your brothers Emmett and Jasper claim to be completely
weapons, tossing me two .45 Smith & Wesson’s and a box of ammunition. ignorant, as do Miss Hale and Miss Brandon. Your father won’t speak,
He pulled out two guns for himself, slipping them into his coat along with neither will your uncle, and his wife Esme lawyered up the moment her
more ammunition. He grabbed a disposable cell phone since it was too name came from my lips. The only other person this girl seems to know is
220 189
a boy named Jacob Black, who coincidentally seems to also be missing. In “Good,” he said, his smile growing. “Well, now that we have that settled,
fact, they both seemed to have dropped from the radar at the exact same on to much lighter business. I’m assuming you’ve heard the good news by
time.” now, Carlisle.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said. “About Edward?” I asked hesitantly, clenching my hand into a fist under
“Don’t you?” he asked, raising his eyebrows curiously. “I know you’re the table and trying to keep myself calm but there was nothing light or good
aware of who Jacob Black is. It seems the people in Forks are under the about it, at all.
impression that you tried to kill him last year, although there is no official “Yes, Edward,” he responded. “I just want to say it’s great to have yet
record of any such incident occurring. Oddly enough the reservation got a another generation of Cullen men joining us. He will definitely be an asset
large anonymous donation and Jacob’s family had a new house built thanks to the family. You’ve truly raised a great son, a very honorable and loyal
to some kind-hearted stranger after their house burned in an unfortunate man. You should be very proud.”
accident. Quite a coincidence, huh?” I tensed up at his words but nodded, clearing my throat. “Yes. Who’s his
I didn’t respond, staring at him blankly while I pretended to keep my mentor?” I asked cautiously.
cool even though I was frantic on the inside. I had no idea where he was “Royce,” he answered. “It’s a shame you couldn’t have been here for the
fucking going with his questioning and wanted to bolt from the goddamn initiation but Edward was in quite the hurry, so we sort of rushed it.”
room, but I knew that would just make me look fucking guilty of something. “But the initiation was completed?” I asked, part of me desperately
“Did something happen to your girlfriend, Mr. Cullen?” he asked. “You hoping for a loophole or some way out, despite the fact that I knew it was
can tell me, you know. I’m here to help you...” impossible. The only way out of an initiation once it started was by death,
“You aren’t fucking here to help me,” I retorted. “You don’t give a shit and my son was obviously still alive somewhere.
about me. You’re just here to help yourself.” “Of course it was,” he said. “The oath was taken and there were no
“Did she run off with Jacob Black?” he continued, ignoring me. “Did she objections. We’re all quite happy to have him, which shouldn’t be a surprise
choose him over you?” given who his father is. We didn’t bother testing him, either, for that same
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I snapped, glaring at him. reason, but I’m positive he’ll prove his loyalty time and again in the future.”
“Is she dead?” he asked. I recoiled from his statement, grabbing on to I nodded, relieved that he at least hadn’t had to pull the trigger or do
the wall to stabilize myself, and feeling like I was going to fucking pass out. anything he would definitely regret yet. I remembered the face of every
“No!” I yelled. person whose blood was on my hands and I didn’t want that same fate for
“Is Jacob dead?” he asked right away. my child, and as long as I was alive I’d do everything I could to stop it.
“Are you fucking accusing me of something?” I asked. “That’s great,” I muttered.
He shook his head. “No, I’m not. I’m just trying to help, as I said. We “Yes. I wish you could’ve done the honors, though. It would’ve been quite
can work something out here. If something happened, Mr. Cullen, I assure the sight and one I would never forget, much like witnessing your father
you I can help you. If she’s missing or has been hurt...” initiate you so many years ago. There’s something extremely powerful
“There’s nothing you can do for me,” I snapped, cutting him off. about watching those who share a bloodline also share such an intimate
“Or is it the Russians?” he asked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. “You moment and forge such a strong bond. What a pity we missed out on that
said something about Russians...” opportunity. Royce was able to handle it well enough in your absence,
“I want my lawyer.” however,” he said.
“Fine,” he said, stopping his questioning mid-sentence. He stuck the “His first initiation,” I said. Royce had never handled any before and I
picture of Isabella and me back into his pocket and smiled. “You know, Mr. could only imagine how daunting it had to have been for him, giving my
Cullen, the truth always prevails. At the end of the day, the truth is what child a life sentence without consulting with me ahead of time as to my
sets you free.” feelings on the matter. It wasn’t as if I could ever actually speak out against
He turned and walked out, and the corrections officer came to return the organization, but we all knew how to read between the lines. “Where is
me to my cell. I paced all night, frenzied, as I tried to sort through what the Royce, by the way? I’d like to thank him.”
fuck he’d said. “He’s with your son,” Aro responded. “They’ve been quite busy trying to
He was getting way too close to the truth for my comfort and my track down poor Isabella. Such a shame she hasn’t been located yet. I do so
paranoia was at an all-time high. We needed to get the shit solved as soon hope she’s still alive.”
as possible before he grew too suspicious and ended up involved, because I “So do I,” I said. “Do you know where they are? Have they gotten any
knew police involvement would only get us all killed. information? Are they close to...”
190 219
surrender to be fitted with a SecureAlert ankle monitor so they could keep The next morning someone approached and I glanced at the door,
track of my movements. It wasn’t a traditional ankle monitor with a curfew figuring it was the people with the breakfast tray, but was surprised when
or a base that restricted me to a certain location like with house arrest, but the corrections officer unlocked my door and told me I was being taken for
just a precaution to make sure I didn’t try to flee or hide in an attempt to a hearing. He ushered me out and took me to a busy courtroom where my
evade prosecution. It also meant they could watch me and keep a log of lawyer was already waiting. I saw Esme sitting in the crowd and she smiled
everywhere I went, which would in turn only strengthen their case against sadly, giving me a small wave.
me if I routinely showed up places I had no business going if I weren’t It took a few minutes before my name was called and Mr. Ricci stood
involved in the lifestyle. I knew it could also potentially incriminate others up, arguing that I was being unfairly detained and there was no probable
if they were found associating with me, which put me in a precarious cause to keep me incarcerated. The judge seemed reluctant, most likely
situation within the organization. because of my fucking last name, but eventually agreed. He ordered my bail
“Well, then, I suppose that means we have forty-eight hours,” he set at $5,000 and we headed down to where I’d been booked. They started
responded, grabbing his keys with a sigh. “Let’s get this over with.” the release process while Esme paid the money for my bail. I ended up
He started for the door but Esme grabbed his arm, stopping him. “It’s sitting around for almost a fucking hour as they fingerprinted me again and
good to have you home, so make sure you come back,” she said softly. He compared me to my picture to confirm that I was still the same
nodded and reached his hand out, brushing his fingertips across her cheek. motherfucker, asking me just as many questions on the way out as they
I turned my head to look away as he leaned in to kiss her, knowing Alec had on my way in.
didn’t show that side of himself around others and I didn’t want to intrude They finally finished and I was allowed to change back into my clothes,
on their moment in any way. “I always do,” he told her before walking out. and was given my personal effects that they’d confiscated at the scene, sans
I glanced back over at my sister, seeing the sadness in her expression. my fake ID. As soon as I walked out the front door I saw Esme standing off
“Be careful, little bro. I expect you all back in one piece or I’ll personally to the side, appearing anxious. I walked over to her and sighed. “You had
kick your ass,” she said. me scared, kiddo,” she said quietly, reaching up and patting my cheek
“I’d like to see you try,” I muttered as I headed out of the room, her soft softly. “Don’t you ever do that again, you hear me?”
laughter following me. Alec walked swiftly through the house and out the “Thank you,” I said quietly. “For breaking me out and shit.”
front door, climbing into his Mercedes. The drive to Aro’s flew by quickly, She smiled, shaking her head. “You shouldn’t have been in there in the
the anxiety and anger continuing to fester inside of me. We were greeted at first place. Let’s just hope Mr. Ricci has just as much luck working on my
the door by Sulpicia when we arrived and went into the dining room where brother and husband’s cases.”
Aro sat with a few members of the organization, the younger ones standing “How are they?” I asked. “Fuck, where are they?”
up to greet us out of respect. I ignored them and walked over to my usual “They’re here. In fact, they were housed in the same division as you, but
seat at the table, sitting down quietly. you never saw each other because you were all in protective custody. They
“It’s nice to see the two of you,” Aro said. I looked at him as he smiled have hearings next week. The case against your father is a lot stronger than
at me smugly and had to fight back my anger. “It truly is regrettable that the one against Alec. The lawyers are confident they can get bail for both
this happened, and to two such vital men at that. I’m glad Alec was able to and likely get charges dropped against Alec, but they aren’t so sure about
clear things up but I understand we’re not going to be as fortunate with Carlisle,” she answered.
you, Carlisle.” “Fuck,” I said, shaking my head. “They’re going to be in there until next
“Doesn’t seem that way,” I said. goddamn week at the earliest?”
“Yes. Well, considering the stipulations of your release, I’m sure you’re She nodded. “Unfortunately,” she whispered. “Let’s go home. We’ll
aware of what that means for your situation. You’re going to have to lay figure something out.”
low while under monitoring, so someone is going to have to take over your I followed her to her car and climbed into the passenger seat. She
duties,” he said. “Yes, sir,” I responded, knowing that was coming. started the car up and pulled away from the courthouse, a tense silence
“I’m sure Alec can handle it. Temporarily, of course,” he stated. I turned lingering in the car during the drive. It seemed everything had come to a
my head to look at Alec, the blank expression on his face not giving any head and as we passed that alley a few blocks away from the neighborhood
indication as to how he felt about it. I knew Alec preferred to fly under the my family had once happily resided in, it all seemed to finally sink in. I
radar and wasn’t interested in my position in the administration. “Do you knew what I was facing wasn’t going to be easy and I would have to take
have any objections?” some big risks in order to save her, but I was willing to sacrifice anything.
“No, sir,” I answered, looking back at him. “Whatever you feel is best.” And it seemed that was exactly what I would have to do...
218 191
 Esme pulled up to the house and we both climbed out, but I remained to sacrifice anything to make sure she makes it out. He may be irrational
in the driveway. She realized after a second that I wasn’t following behind and volatile but there is nothing naïve or childish about the decision he
her to the door and paused, glancing at me apprehensively. made. So how dare you get angry at Edward, but not blame his mother for
“You coming inside?” she asked. doing the same thing?”
I shook my head, running a hand through my hair nervously. I could I stared at him for a second, caught off guard by his words. “You’re
feel the tears building up but fought my emotions back fiercely, trying to wrong,” I said finally.
put on that fucking calm mask Alec had warned me I’d need. “I can’t,” I “I’m not wrong,” he said.
answered. “You are. You claim I gave Elizabeth that world, that I gave her
“I understand,” she said quietly. “What do you need?” everything she wanted, but I didn’t. I never gave her the one thing she
“I, uh... I have somewhere I need to go,” I said. needed most,” I said quietly, a tear breaking free from the corner of my eye.
She stared at me for a moment and I could see the panic in her eyes. “What’s that?” he asked.
She knew exactly what I was planning to do. “Edward...” “Freedom,” I said simply. “I never set her free.”
I held my hands up to stop her. “Look, I’ve made mistakes but I’m not “Se ami una cosa, lasciala andare,” he said, laughing dryly as he shook
an idiot. Just trust me, Esme. I’d never ever fucking do anything to get any his head. “You were always too philosophical, entirely too emotional and
of you hurt, I mean that.” conceptual for your own good. What does that even mean, Carlisle?
“Okay,” she whispered hesitantly, walking over and handing me the car Freedom?”
keys. “Be careful.” “I, uh,” I started, my words cut off immediately by the ringing of a
I nodded and took the keys, climbing into the driver’s seat and pulling phone. Alec grabbed the receiver off of the desk in front of him, answering
away from the house. I drove to the other side of Lincoln Park, my anxiety it right away. “Evanson’s,” he said, pausing and staring at me. “Yes, that’s
increasing with each passing mile, and pulled up in front of the large white fine. We’ll be there shortly, sir.”
mansion. I got out and headed for the front door, pausing on the porch to “Aro,” I said when he hung up.
take a deep breath. The intake of air hurt my chest but the burn was almost “Yes, so you need to get yourself under control,” he said. “He needs to
a fucking relief, because it distracted me from my frazzled nerves. I reached talk to you about your release.” I nodded, pinching the bridge of my nose in
up and pressed the doorbell and the door was opened almost immediately, frustration.
a vaguely familiar girl standing in front of me. It took a second to place her, “So, where is Edward?” I asked, glancing over at my sister as I tried to
my hands shaking at the revelation that she was the slave in the barn in push back my anger and disappointment. She was standing off to the side,
Phoenix that had found Renee, the girl whose screams had plagued my her arms wrapped around her chest and tears streaming down her cheeks.
mind ever since that day. “I haven’t seen him in a few days,” she answered quietly.
I saw the recognition flash in her eyes and she looked away quickly, “Days?” I repeated, raising my eyebrows in question. “You haven’t seen
appearing almost fucking frightened by my presence. “May I help you, sir?” him in days?!”
she asked, her voice shaking. “He was here three days ago with Royce, looking for something in Alec’s
“I, uh... I need to see Aro,” I said. office. I don’t know what they thought they’d find since the DOJ took pretty
“And your name, sir?” she asked. much everything, but I didn’t press the issue because he seemed pretty
“Edward Cullen,” I answered. frantic. He said he’d call me to explain what was happening when he had a
She opened her mouth to speak again but was cut off abruptly by a chance but I haven’t heard from him. Emmett said he showed up at their
female’s voice behind her, one I recognized as belonging to Aro’s wife apartment in the middle of the night two days ago and slept on the couch,
Sulpicia. “Edward Cullen?” she said, pulling the door open further to look but when Emmett woke up in the morning he was already gone,” she
at me. “What a surprise. I thought you were locked up with the rest of responded. “I’ve tried calling him, but it goes straight to voice mail.”
them.” “He is in way too deep,” I said, shaking my head. “He has no idea what
“No,” I said, glaring at her. he’s up against or what he’s doing. He’s going to get himself killed.”
She shrugged nonchalantly, bringing a glass she was holding up to her “Let’s hope you’re wrong,” Alec said. “I hope he knows exactly what he’s
mouth and gulping the contents down. “Well, then. My mistake, I suppose. up against, because we’re running out of time. How long do you have before
Come on inside. I’m sure Aro will be positively ecstatic to see you,” she said you need to report in?”
with a sarcastic laugh. I eyed her suspiciously as she paused, thrusting the “Forty-eight hours,” I responded. When they were processing me out
after my bail was posted, they informed me that I had two days to self-
192 217
there are things we cannot and should not say as men of honor, and you are empty glass at the girl and making her flinch. “Make me a drink, slave, will
teetering dangerously close to the edge of saying something you will surely you?”
later regret.” The girl nodded and grabbed the glass, running off for the kitchen. I
“But this is Edward we’re talking about, Alec,” I said, shaking my head. followed Sulpicia up the stairs and she motioned toward a closed door on
“This is my fucking son!” the second floor, telling me it was Aro’s office. I walked over to it and
“Yes, but he’s made his own choices. He’s in the life now and there’s hesitated, unsure of how the fuck I was going to do what I had come to do,
nothing you can do to change that fact,” he retorted. but forced myself to knock because I knew deep down inside there was no
“There has to be…” I started frantically. other way. I knew I had to fucking be careful, though, and go about it right
“There isn’t,” he said firmly, cutting me off. “What’s done is done. You so I didn’t make anything worse. I heard a loud groan inside and the door
know there’s no going back from it. You need to accept it.” was pulled open roughly a second later, a very annoyed Aro standing in the
“I can’t!” I snapped. “I can’t just fucking accept it, Alec! Edward isn’t cut doorway.
out for this! He’s too young and irrational. He’s too fucking volatile. He “What?!” he snapped right away, freezing when he saw it was me. “Oh,
doesn’t know what he’s doing! He’s throwing his life away and why, Alec? Edward, what a surprise! I thought you were my wife, coming to nag me
For what?” some more. Come in.”
“For her,” he said calmly, giving me an incredulous look. “How soon you He motioned for me to enter and I stepped past him into the vast room.
forget, Carlisle. You were once that eighteen-year-old boy, swearing He shut the door and walked over to his desk, sitting down while I took a
Omertà to the organization because you believed it was the only way to seat in a chair across from him. “To what do I owe the honor of your visit?”
save the woman you loved. He was pulled in the same way you were, and he asked with a smile that was obviously fucking forced. “Business or
you can’t stand there and tell me that you regret that decision. You pleasure?”
sacrificed yourself to save Elizabeth, and Edward is doing the exact same “I think you already know why I’m here, so we can cut the bullshit,” I
thing to save Isabella. Can you seriously fault him for that? You may not said, catching him off guard with my bluntness. His smile immediately fell
be pleased with what your life has become and some of the things you’ve and he nodded.
been made to do over the years, but I know you well enough to know that “You always were a bold one, so it would be a lie to say I’m surprised,”
saving Elizabeth is the one decision you don’t regret. If exchanging yourself he responded. “Most people wouldn’t dare come to me, but you have guts
for her was what it took, that was what you were going to do.” and nerves that very few possess. Some may call it irrational, but I like to
“But I didn’t fucking save her!” I yelled, tears forming in my eyes as I call it passionate. You know what matters and nothing will stop you from
fought to push them back and rein in my emotion. “She’s dead, Alec, and if protecting it or succeeding, no matter the personal cost. That kind of loyalty
I would’ve never taken that oath and joined this life she…” and commitment is rare nowadays.”
“She what?” he snapped, cutting me off. “She’d still be alive? Even you “I have to find her,” I said, not wasting any time because there wasn’t
can’t believe that! If you wouldn’t have taken the oath and vouched for her, any fucking time to waste. “No matter what.”
she’d still be dead today, but she would’ve died a slave! You gave her a “I understand, my dear boy, and I can respect that,” he said, folding his
chance, Carlisle. You gave her a real life, where she could have a family hands together on top of his desk as he gazed at me. “She’s a nice girl and
and an education and anything else she wanted. You gave her the world, it truly is a pity what has happened. I hope she’s found safe, and I truly
and you taking that oath is what made it possible. It’s twisted, but it’s the wish I could help you...”
truth. Her life was cut short, there’s no denying that, but it wasn’t you or “You wish you could help?” I responded, cutting him off. “What the fuck
the oath that did it. It was her.” does that mean? You can help.”
“How dare you fucking blame her?!” I shouted at him. “It wasn’t her He sighed and shook his head, standing back up. “You’re wrong,
fault. She didn’t deserve to die!” Edward. I can’t. You see, as unfortunate as this entire thing is, I have much
“I didn’t say she deserved to die,” he responded firmly. “Her life ended more pressing matters to deal with right now. I’ve recently had some of my
because she sacrificed herself. She made a choice, Carlisle. She did for men convicted in this Operation Family Secrets investigation with the
Isabella what you did for her, and it’s the exact same thing Edward is doing Justice Department and now they’re turning on me quicker than I can keep
right now. You think your son is so much like you, that he’s making your track of. My men are being arrested left and right, their houses invaded
same mistakes and destined for the same destruction that you faced, but and property seized, because no one seems to grasp the concept of loyalty
what you’re failing to realize is that he’s his mother, too. I see just as much anymore. I have men missing, whether they’ve gotten in with the other side
Elizabeth in him as I see you, if not more. He loves that girl, and he’s going or are just running scared I don’t know, but either way they’ve turned their
216 193
backs on us and I can’t tolerate it. Every day it’s something new, someone “You know him better than anyone else,” Alec responded. “He trusts
new I need to hunt down or try to get out of trouble. I’m already low on men you– he’ll take it better coming from you.”
as it is, so until this entire thing blows over and settles down I just can’t “It doesn’t matter who it comes from, he isn’t going to take it well at all,”
take on anything else.” she said, sighing exasperatedly. “He’s going to flip out.”
I stared at him with disbelief. “But this is my fucking girl,” I snapped, “That may be true, but someone needs to inform him. I assure you,
standing up in a panic. “I love her for Christ’s sake, and she’s been fucking Esme, it would be much better coming from you and not the likes of Aro,”
kidnapped. And not just by anyone, but by your goddamn people, and you’re Alec said. “He’s going to find out, and it’s better that he does now.”
telling me you can’t help me? Seriously?” “Find out what?” I asked as I stepped into the doorway, glancing
“I’m sorry, Edward,” he said calmly. “I gave your father and Alec the go between them warily. Esme looked over at me and I saw the alarm in her
ahead the other night to track her down, because she’s their responsibility, eyes as my heart began to race. She looked like a deer caught in headlights,
but I fail to see what more the issue has to do with me.” completely panicked and frozen from fear. “Tell me.”
“But James fucking took her!” I yelled. “Your James. One of your She stood still, gaping at me, and started stammering after a moment.
fucking own kidnapped her, and you’re telling me it’s not your problem?” “It’s, uh… Edward. He, uh, he was worried. Or he is worried. He couldn’t
“Look, if anyone wants to locate James, I assure you it’s me. I have just sit around, and I didn’t know what to do to stop him. I knew what he
people on the lookout for him, and when he’s found he’s going to have to was going to do. Or, I guess I suspected it. But I couldn’t exactly tell him
face the consequences of his recent, uh, actions. But I don’t have the no. I couldn’t forbid him from doing it, and I didn’t even know if I should.
resources or the justification right now to focus solely on tracking him down He’s an adult, and I know it’s not what she would want for him, and I knew
when my entire organization is being attacked by outside forces,” he said, you’d be upset, but it is his life. And he was so worried, Carlisle. You have
shaking his head. “I don’t have to tell you how important your father and to understand. He knew exactly what he was doing, I could tell it by looking
Alec are, how vital they are to keeping the Borgata intact. It’s unfortunate at him. He thought it out, so it wasn’t as if he didn’t understand the
about the girl and I sympathize with how you feel, Edward, because I have consequences of his decision. The two of you were in jail and he didn’t know
lost many loved ones in my lifetime, but the fact of the matter is Isabella who else to turn to, he was desperate…”
Swan is nothing to me.” “Esme,” I said firmly, panic running through me as she spoke. She was
His words hit me hard and my eyes narrowed angrily as I clenched my rambling and her statements were somewhat disjointed, but the general
hands into fists, his callous, nonchalant tone sending my temper flaring. gist of them registered immediately. I hoped I was misunderstanding and
“You’re so fucking full of it,” I snapped. “She’s not nothing to you, she’s she wasn’t seriously trying to tell me what it sounded like she was
fucking family!” insinuating. “What the hell did my son do? Don’t you dare tell me he...”
I caught myself quickly, realizing the second the fucking word came out She nodded hesitantly and I stopped abruptly, horror hitting me at the
exactly what the hell I had said. It was the one fucking thing Alec had confirmation.
warned me not to do, the one thing that would get us all killed. I tensed up “There’s no way he did it,” I said, shaking my head furiously as I balled
and stared at him with shock as I waited for his reaction, my heart my hands into fists, the anger inside of me brewing up. “Not after
pounding furiously and sickness brewing inside of me. Part of me expected everything I fucking did to make sure it didn’t happen, there’s no way he
him to pull out a fucking gun and shoot me on the spot, but he just stood went to them.”
gazing at me with a curious expression on his face, like he was “He did,” she said quietly.
contemplating my words. “No!” I spat. “You’re wrong! He’s not that fucking stupid, Esme. He can’t
“Family?” he said after a moment, smirking like something was fucking be that stupid!”
funny about that concept. “How in the world do you come to that conclusion, “I’m not wrong,” she responded, her eyes welling up with tears.
Edward?” “You are,” I snapped. “You have to be! How the hell would you know,
I hesitated for a split second, my nerves on edge, but I knew I needed to anyway? You have to have misunderstood.”
react quickly to cover my tracks. “She’s one of us, Aro. I love her, and I’m “I didn’t,” she said. “He did it, Carlisle. Royce was here with him, and…”
going to marry her. I’m your fucking godson, so how can she be nothing to “Royce?” I yelled, confusion hitting me. “You have to be fucking kidding
you? I thought we were all family,” I said, shaking my head as my eyes me. Royce did this to him?! I swear if he initiated my son…”
welled with tears, my emotions getting the best of me. “I need to fight for “Carlisle,” Alec said forcefully, the sound of his harsh voice causing my
her– I have to find her. You talk about all of this loyalty and commitment words falter. “You need to watch your mouth. You are a guest in my home
and you will speak to my wife with respect. You of all people should know
194 215
and demanding I surrender my passport and submit to monitoring so I shit, but where’s yours? Where’s your dedication to your fucking family?
could return to Washington. Am I nothing to you, too? Am I not your fucking family, either?”
Esme gathered the money for my bail and Alec was released as I was He sighed. “You chose not to be a part of my family, Edward,” he
processed out of the system. It was a later that evening when I finally responded. My eyes narrowed as a tear slipped through and I brushed it
walked out the front doors of the jail to come face-to-face with my sister, away quickly, fucking angry that my emotions were getting the best of me.
leaning against the side of her car in the parking lot with a solemn “You had a choice, dear boy. We all have choices to make in life, and you
expression on her face. She appeared exhausted, her face lined with worry made yours. I will always have a soft spot for you personally, because I’ve
and it was as if she had aged a decade overnight. The sight of her obvious watched you grow up and witnessed your pain over the years. It pained me
distress concerned me, a sick feeling brewing in the pit of my stomach. to see you grieving over the loss of your mother, just as it pains me today
“Hey, little brother,” she said quietly, giving me a forced smile as I to see you hurting for your lost girlfriend. I’m truly happy that you’ve found
approached. “You look like hell.” something that you desire in life, that you’ve found love, but you need to
“Look who’s talking,” I muttered. “Have you slept at all? You’re starting understand that those things have nothing to do with me. This organization
to look like mom.” is my life. This organization is my family, and you chose to not be a part of
“Ohhh, ouch, low blow,” she said with an awkward laugh. “I’ve been a that. I respect your choice, but it’s all I have left in life, Edward. Just as
little stressed. Not easy to sleep with my husband away and, well, you you will do anything it takes and sacrifice anything to save what matters
know…” most to you, I’ll sacrifice anything it takes to save what matters most to me.
“Yes, I know,” I responded. “Is, uh, fuck... it’s been almost two weeks We have the same type of loyalty, Edward, just for different things. Your
now, Esme. This isn’t good at all. Edward must be a wreck.” loyalty lies with your pleasure, mine lies with my business. The Borgata.”
“He is,” she said quietly, gazing at me apprehensively. She was clearly “So, that’s it?” I asked with disbelief.
uncomfortable, wringing her hands together awkwardly and fidgeting. “That’s it,” he responded.
“Did something happen?” I asked hesitantly, narrowing my eyes “And that’s what it’s going to fucking take,” I said, shaking my head and
suspiciously. Esme had never kept anything from me before, but it was trying to get myself under control. “You’re going to make me...”
obvious she was holding something back and that put me on edge. She was “I’m not making you do anything,” he snapped right away, cutting me
the person closest to me, the one who I could confide anything in, and the off with an angry glare. “You can turn around and walk out of that door and
fact that she seemed to be afraid to tell me something wasn’t a very good pray to God that you find her, and I truly wish you all the luck in the world
sign. doing it. But if you’re requesting my assistance and the use of my resources,
“Let’s, uh, how about we go home?” she suggested, turning her back to if you’re demanding my loyalty, then it’s only fair you give me yours in
me right away to climb in the car. I grabbed a hold of her arm to stop her return. Without it, Edward, we have nothing.”
but she pulled from my grasp, giving me another forced smile. My panic, anger and heartbreak all came together in that moment as I
“It’s fine, Carlisle. Just… not here, okay?” she said quietly. “We’ll talk quickly tried to reconcile everything, the past few days events running
at home.” through my mind. It didn’t take long for me to respond, because deep down
“Fine,” I responded as she got into the car. I walked around and slipped inside I already knew the answer. Part of me fucking knew it the moment
into the passenger seat, buckling up as she started the engine and pulled I laid eyes on her that first day in the kitchen in Forks. I always knew I
out of the parking lot. would give up anything for her, sacrifice for her, because she was worth it.
The drive was tense, neither of us uttering a single word. My anxiety “You got it,” I said quietly, tears slipping through. His eyebrows raised
increased with each passing second, her behavior worrying me. By the time in surprise, obviously not expecting that response, and I saw the excitement
we pulled into the driveway of their house in Lincoln Park I was certain flash in his eyes. It pissed me the fuck off, because it was nothing to be
something bad was happening– something I most definitely was not going goddamn excited about, but I contained my anger.
to like. She got out of the car and headed for the door without waiting for “Are you sure?” he asked. I sighed and nodded, wiping my eyes quickly
me, leaving the front door wide open as she disappeared inside. I hesitated and clearing my throat.
at the entryway, strangely nervous, but took a deep breath and stepped “She’s the only thing I’ve ever been sure of,” I responded. “Whatever it
inside. I shut the front door and headed down the hallway, my footsteps takes.”
faltering when I heard Esme speaking in a frantic whisper in the office. “Okay, then,” he said. “I’ll make some calls.”
“I couldn’t do it, Alec. How am I supposed to tell him?” she asked. He quickly left the room and I sat back down, running my hands
through my hair and gripping onto it in frustration, everything
214 195
overwhelming me. The tears flowed from my eyes as I rocked back and “Reading that is an invasion of privacy,” I said coolly. “You had no legal
forth, trying to get a fucking grip on myself. Everything I had hoped for was or moral right to take it. I know the law, Agent DiFronzo, and I’m well
fading away with each passing second but I didn’t second-guess my decision aware of what you can and cannot confiscate during a search and seizure.
at all, knowing I had no other choice but to turn to the one fucking person You can inventory my property but you can’t just seize anything you want
who had the ability to help me, even if he lacked the desire. hoping to obtain evidence of other crimes.”
It was about an hour later when the mafiosi started to arrive. Caius and “Very true, Doctor Cullen. Like I said, you’re very cunning,” he said
Royce were the only two I knew, the others virtual strangers to me but they quietly, shaking his head. He slipped the notebook back into his briefcase
greeted me as if they’d known me forever. I knew it was because of who my and leaned back in the chair with a serious expression on his face. “But I’m
father was and it made me fucking sick, but I pushed that feeling aside, curious, what were you tracking on your laptop? There’s a GPS program on
wanting to just get on with it. The quicker we did it, the faster I could start it, but we can’t get it to work. It appears to be the type of software people
looking for her and that was the only fucking thing that mattered anymore. use to keep track of their pets but the codes plugged in don’t register like
We gathered in the dining room and I stood off to the side as they all the signal is locked up. It gives an error, says the chip’s not found. Did you
took their seats. I was fucking nervous and had no idea what initiation lose something?”
consisted of outside of swearing to an oath, but I did my best to hide my I stared at him and my heart started pounding forcefully, his words
anxiety. It doesn’t matter what you feel on the inside, you never let them confusing me. I hoped that indicated that Emmett hadn’t gotten it fixed
see it, Alec had said. It’s the only way to make it. before they showed up, or he’d accidentally wiped her out of the system
Aro sat a gun and a knife down on the table in front of him. “Since entirely and not something more grave.
Carlisle is, unfortunately, otherwise occupied, Royce will be conducting the “Is it Isabella Swan?” he asked. “Where is the girl? Did something
initiation,” he said, motioning with his hand for Royce to stand up. He gazed happen to her?”
at me apprehensively as he stood and cleared his throat, situating his tie. “I want my lawyer,” I responded. He nodded, not appearing surprised
He looked almost as goddamn nervous as I felt, but I assumed it had to be by my response, and pushed his chair back to stand up.
fucking nerve-racking initiating one of the boss’ kids. That shit wasn’t to be “I’m sure you do,” he said. “It was nice to finally meet you, and I’m sure
taken lightly. we will be seeing more of each other. If you decide you do want to talk after
“Edward Cullen,” he said. all, I’m sure you can figure out how to get a hold of me.”
“Yes.” He walked out of the room without another word and the corrections
“Is your father still alive, Edward?” he asked. I cocked an eyebrow at officers came in to lead me back to my cell. I spent the next few days in a
him at the stupid fucking question but he shot me a look that said ‘don’t panic, unable to eat or sleep, or even properly function, with no way to know
fucking blame me, I didn’t write this shit’ so I nodded. what was happening outside the walls of the jail.
“Yes, he is.” The day of the preliminary hearing finally came and my stress levels
“And do you have brothers?” he asked. were at an all-time high. I saw Alec for the first time since the arrest as we
“Two,” I answered. were led into the court room, and he appeared the complete opposite of how
“If I came to you and said one of your brothers or your father was a I felt–calm, collected and confident.
police informer, and that you had to kill them because of it, would you be The lawyer’s argued our cases, citing fourth amendment violations and
able to do that without hesitation?” he asked, eyeing me cautiously. I unreasonable searches. They accused the government of essentially
flinched at his question but nodded, knowing the only goddamn acceptable railroading us, pushing back against the evidence they had. The lawyers
answer was ‘yes’. said it was flimsy at best and pointed to no involvement in activities that
“Whatever it takes,” I said quietly, internally fucking cringing at what violated RICO Acts. Alec’s lawyer attacked what they had, stating we had
the hell I’d just agreed to. “I have to ask again, and I need you to say it once a legitimate expectation of privacy and it was violated during the search.
more,” Royce said. “This thing of ours, La Cosa Nostra, is a life of heaven. He cited the exclusionary rule to have things thrown out, and in turn the
It’s wonderful, possibly the greatest thing in the world, and if you want to fruit of the poisonous tree doctrine crippled their case against Alec. The
be part of it, you need to understand that it’s for life. Do you get that?” judge hesitantly dismissed charges against him, but I wasn’t as lucky. The
“Yes, I understand,” I said, knowing from my father exactly how true evidence against me was stronger and my family had more prominent roots
that goddamn statement was. within the organization, so it wasn’t easy for Mr. Ricci to discredit the links
“Good luck, Edward,” Royce said, sighing and sitting back down. He between me and the Borgata. The judge decided that the charges were
averted his eyes and stared at the table in front of him, his reaction telling strong enough to proceed, eventually assigning bail at $3 million dollars
196 213
particular passages I found to be extremely interesting that I thought I’d me he truly meant that shit. I’d need good luck. Aro stood up and looked at
share with you today,” he said, stopping on a page. He scanned the lines of me, smiling.
writing with his finger, pausing about halfway down. “Jane sometimes told “Repeat after me. Io, Edward, voglio entrare in questa organizzazione
me she would kill me in my sleep. She told me to keep one eye open if I per proteggere la mia famiglia e per proteggere I miei amici,” Aro said. I
wanted to live. I was afraid to go to sleep those nights. I stayed awake in repeated the phrase, stating I wanted to enter the organization to protect
case she meant it. I wasn’t afraid to die but I didn’t want to leave my mother my friends and family. “And you swear never to betray our secrets, to obey
alone. I didn’t want Charles to hurt her more and I thought Jane would kill with love and Omertà, the Sicilian code of Silence?”
her next. As long as I was alive Jane would come after me and not her. Jane I glanced over at the clock on the wall behind Aro as I processed his
never came, though.” words, surprised to see it was exactly noon. I had been four days since she
He sighed and started to flip through the notebook again, stopping after was taken from me, ninety-six excruciating hours without her. I knew there
a second. “I called him Dad one time when I was young. He never called me was no going back, no walking out of the room without speaking the fateful
his daughter but I knew I was. I said his name but he wasn’t listening so I words, and in that moment my nerves calmed as I resolved that I was doing
said Dad to get his attention. Everyone in the room was shocked and didn’t exactly what it was I needed to do.
know what to say. Charles got angry and beat me. He told me I would never “I swear.”
be his child because I was weak. He said if it happened again I would regret
learning to talk. I never called him Dad again.”
He paused and glanced over at me curiously. “The Swans, I presume?”
he said. “It’s quite strange how they died so recently. Very unfortunate and
unexpected. And it’s curious that they left Isabella their entire estate,
considering this seems to suggest they weren’t very fond of the girl. But,
you know, that’s not the thing that confuses me most. You see, I was under
the impression Isabella was orphaned in Italy and only recently came here
after discovering her parentage, or at least that’s what her government
paperwork claims. Like I said... interesting.” I sat still as he gazed at me,
dread coursing through my system. Things were unraveling quickly and
only getting worse by the second, the bottom dangerously close to falling
out of everything. He was getting close to some truths that desperately
needed to remain hidden, things that could bring down all of us and expose
an entire network of criminal activity they’d yet to discover.
“Well, how about one more? I think you’ll personally find this one
particularly fascinating,” he said, looking back down at the notebook and
flipping through the pages. He paused after a moment and sighed. “I will
never forget the look in his eyes. He looked like he hated me. Like he
wanted me to die. I didn’t understand why he would hate me so much. I
didn’t think I did anything wrong. I was only trying to do what he told me
to do and I didn’t want to get in trouble for not listening to him. I thought
he was going to kill me but he did something worse. He left me alone in the
dark. He was nice to me and I didn’t want to disappoint him. But I did. I
dream about the look on his face. His eyes haunt me and I wish I could
forget. I wish Doctor Cullen liked me.”
I kept my expression blank as he looked back up at me, but the words
hit me hard. I knew exactly what day that referred to and we had never
truly addressed it, so hearing it in her words wasn’t easy to swallow. He
gazed at me for a moment before closing the notebook, shaking his head.
“What did you do to the girl, Dr. Cullen? Why don’t you like her?”
212 197
 Every day was much like the one before it, time passing excruciatingly
slow. They watched my every move, all calls and visits monitored and
recorded so none of us could risk communicating except for through the
lawyers. I was sitting in my cell one morning, drumming my fingers deep
in thought, when some corrections officers approached. They told me to
approach the bars to cuff up and I obliged, refusing to speak to any of them.
They put me in restraints and led me to an interrogation room, opening the
door and ushering me inside. A man with tanned skin in a suit sat inside
at a small table, glancing up at me with a smile on his face.
“Carlisle Cullen,” he said, nodding in greeting and standing up. He
motioned toward the chair across from him. “Have a seat.”
I hesitated but obliged after a second, curious as to what he wanted. I
sat down and the corrections officers started to secure my handcuffs to the
table so I couldn’t move, but the man stopped them.
“That’s unnecessary gentlemen. We’re both civilized human beings
here,” he said. The officers gave him an incredulous look but listened,
turning to walk out and leaving me unsecured. The man took his seat once

Chapter 70
again and folded his hands on the table in front of him, still smiling. “You’re
probably wondering who...”
“Doctor,” I said seriously, cutting him off. His smile faltered at my
forceful tone and he raised his eyebrows curiously.
“Doctor?” he asked.
Face of the Enemy “Yes, Doctor. I didn’t go to medical school for nothing. It’s Dr. Carlisle
Carlisle Cullen Cullen,” I responded. He stared at me for a moment before nodding.
“Uh, yes, that’s right. I apologize. Dr. Cullen,” he said. “Anyway, I’m
Jacob Black. Special Agent Joey DiFronzo with the Department of Justice.”
I could easily recall the first time I met him so many years earlier at the I sighed exasperatedly and shook my head. “I have nothing to say.”
local elementary school. Edward had just turned ten years old and it was “I figured you would say that,” he said. “You wouldn’t have made it as
the first time I’d ever made it to one of his football games because other far as you have if you weren’t cunning. I just wanted to tell you about
things were always getting in the way. Between juggling my job at the something I found.” I watched him suspiciously as he picked up a briefcase,
hospital and managing my work with the Borgata, it seemed I had very sitting it on the table and popping it open. He pulled out a generic looking
little time left over for my children. It pained me, and I felt as if I were notebook and pushed the briefcase to the side, slapping the notebook down
neglecting them, but I was doing all I could in order to give them the life in front of him. “Do you know what this is, Dr. Cullen?” he asked, glancing
they deserved. A life of relative normalcy, despite the situation they had at me with a questioning look. I didn’t respond, having no intention of
been born into. A life where they were safe from harm, away from the saying another word to him but curiosity had gotten the best of me and I
cruelties of the world I belonged to. I had to sacrifice in order to obtain that wanted to know what type of information he was fishing for. “I’ll take the
type of security, but I knew exactly what would come of my children if they lack of reaction as a ‘no’. We found it in a bedroom on the third floor of your
remained in Chicago under the watchful eye of the Borgata and believed it residence in Washington. Your son’s bedroom, if I recall correctly.”
was worth it. It didn’t matter how much stress it put me under, how much I glanced down at the notebook, wracking my brain in an attempt to
extra work I was given, how many football games I missed, or how many connect the dots as to what it could contain. He started flipping through it
dances I was oblivious of… all that mattered was that they were given a and I saw each page was covered in childish looking scrawl, the realization
chance to live like normal children, even if that meant I had to miss most finally hitting me that it had to have belonged to Isabella. I tensed up as he
of it. scanned the pages, anxious as to what it contained.
But that day, I’d snuck out from the hospital early to watch. Their “The entire thing is quite engaging. The parts I could read, anyway. The
playing was more for fun than anything at that age, but despite the handwriting is sloppy so some of it was illegible. But there were some
198 211
quickly, trying to figure out what was going on, and a sinking feeling ran nonchalance over the rules I could tell right away that my son was talented.
through my body when my eyes fell upon the monitor of the computer he He was the one that worried me most, my child that was so much like his
had been sitting at. He had the security camera feed up and I knew mother that it was difficult to even look at him most days. He was broken
immediately what was about to happen, my stomach churning in inside and I knew my lack of time and attention wasn’t helping to heal him.
anticipation. I was a doctor for fuck’s sake, it was my job to heal people, but how to make
Within a matter of seconds, I was surrounded as the police invaded the my son whole again was beyond me. I vowed to make an effort, however,
house. They threw me down on the ground and handcuffed me, frisking me which was how I’d ended up on that field that afternoon.
for weapons. I was led out of the room as they read me my rights, not It was toward the middle of the game when a scrawny little brown
entirely surprised they were taking me in for RICO violations. I knew the skinned boy took a nasty spill and someone’s cleat caught him in the face,
charges were serious and came with hefty penalties, but the fact of the leaving a gash on his cheek. I offered to check out the kid quickly and told
matter was they had nothing on me, personally, and were only targeting them it was superficial, grabbing a first-aid kit from my car to clean the
me because of who I was. Edward yelled out to me and I told him to keep cut. “Thanks, Doc,” he said cheerfully as I placed the bandage on his face.
his mouth shut, worried he’d lose control of himself. We were all in serious “Oh, hey, that reminds me! What did the doctor say when the invisible man
enough trouble, the last thing I needed was for him to complicate things called for an appointment?”
even further. “I’m not sure. What did the doctor say?” I asked curiously.
I was taken downtown and isolated from all of the other prisoners, “Sorry, but I can’t see you today,” he responded, laughing hysterically
booked in the system within a matter of hours and taken to protective at his own joke. “Get it? Can’t see him? You know, because he’s the invisible
custody. Hours passed, a new day beginning, and all I could think about man!”
was my family and what they were doing. I was completely cut off from the I chuckled, telling him it was a good joke, and halftime began as I
outside, worst-case scenarios running through my mind and I started finished fixing his wound. Edward ran over to where we were, his face
growing more frantic as my exhaustion deepened. lighting up happily and a twinkle sparkling in those deep green eyes I had
My lawyer, Michael Ricci, arrived on the second day and spelled out adored so much in his mother. “Dad!” he’d said excitedly. “You came! You
exactly what I was facing, pointing out that the evidence against me was really came to see me play!”
quite heavy. They had conducted a search and seizure warrant on the house The guilt that hit me in that moment was intense and I felt like the
in Forks and every computer on the property, tons of personal documents, worst father in existence, unworthy of the admiration and love he obviously
financial records and data drives had all been seized. They confiscated my felt for me. “I did,” I responded quietly.
entire firearm collection along with numerous CDs and books, as well as Edward smiled brightly and threw his arm around the boy’s shoulder.
the damn microchip I’d left sitting on my desk from the library. They even “This is Jacob Black,” he’d said. “He’s my best friend.” His words caught me
took possession of a partially drank bottle of absinthe and drug off guard, because I hadn’t been aware Edward had actually bonded with
paraphernalia that they stumbled upon in Edward’s room, leaving no anyone. His teachers all reported the same thing– he was closed off and
corner of the house untouched. He let it slip while there that Edward had shut down, so much so that it was almost as if he weren’t there. He got
been arrested at the Evanson’s house for possessing a fake ID and that they decent grades, but he didn’t participate in anything unless he was forced
were holding him nearby, reassuring me that he’d get him released as soon to. Well, anything except for football, anyway. He didn’t even interact much
as possible. I felt guilty, because I knew the only reason he was there was with his brothers, always keeping his distance as he shut his emotions off
because of me, and I worried that being trapped in a small cell while to everyone. The closest I had seen him come to opening up to anyone was
Isabella was God knows where had to have been severely messing with his Alice, but he even refused to let her in completely, so it was startling seeing
mind. him so relaxed with another person.
Hours turned into days as I paced my cell, desperate for a way out. My My pager went off as I stood there, the moment lost in that split second
lawyer stopped by again two days later to inform me that we had a hearing as the beeps rang out. My son knew right away that I had to go and the
the next week to determine bail, but he couldn’t get it pushed through any sparkle in his eye dissipated immediately, and the Edward I had grown
faster. He also let me know that Edward had been released, and although accustomed to ever since his mother’s death had returned without a single
I was thankful he was free I was worried about what he would do. I just word spoken. He turned to walk away and Jacob chased after him, the two
hoped he would be able to keep a level head and refrain from doing anything of them play fighting and laughing as they headed back onto the field for
he would live to regret. the second half of the game. I stood there for a minute, just watching, the
sight of the two of them relieving some of the worry I’d been carrying.
210 199
 All hope was not lost, I realized, because Edward had someone. “Lei è una principessa della mafia,” he responded. “They know?” I asked
Someone to confide in, someone he could just be himself around. He had the with disbelief. “How?”
weight of the world on his shoulders because of what he’d seen witnessed “I don’t know how they know, but the fact is they do. They may have
and endured, but it was obvious watching him that he’d finally found even known before we did,” he said. “This is spiraling out of control,
someone he felt like he could relate to. Someone he could just be Edward Carlisle. We need to stop this thing before it takes us all down. Up until
around– the young, innocent, little boy who was haunted by demons that now you’ve taken the back seat on everything in hopes that it would all
others couldn’t see. blow over, but that can’t happen anymore because it isn’t going away. I
It became clear to me over the years that Jacob was just as troubled as buried Laurent out in the woods, but you might want to clean up the floor
Edward, and that first meeting wasn’t the only time I had to fix him up. of the safe room. I’m going to go change so we can leave soon.”
The two of them were constantly getting themselves into predicaments, He thrust the shovel out to me and I took it hesitantly, watching him as
creating havoc and taking risks that made me cringe to hear about. They he walked away. I went to work after he was gone, scrubbing the concrete
came to me injured more times than I could count and I’d tend to their floor with sodium peroxide and water to remove any signs of blood. I
physical wounds, but I was unsure of how to heal their emotional ones. I situated the room and put everything where it went before locking up and
always took solace in the fact that they had each other, though. At least heading back upstairs. We departed for the airport not long after and I
there was that. received a call back from Aro, telling us to be at his place that night.
After their fall-out I watched as my son spiraled out of control. I worried The flight passed quickly, as I was locked in my mind the entire time
more than ever about him, but too much time had passed and I feared there trying to sort things out, and my anxiety started mounting as we drove
was nothing I could do, personally, to help him. That love and admiration through Chicago toward the Evanson’s residence. I pulled my laptop out as
he’d felt for me as a boy slowly died over the years and our relationship had soon as we arrived and gave it to Emmett, making it clear that he needed
become strained. to fix what he’d done quickly. I hated being so cold toward my son but I was
I knew it was my fault, but I’d been so desperate to make sure he didn’t still angry, and my concern for Isabella was only growing stronger after
follow in my footsteps that I hadn’t taken the time to consider what my learning of the Russian’s involvement.
neglect would do to him. He was a tortured soul, emotionally out of control, The sit down at Aro’s later that night went exactly as I worried it would
and walking down the one path I had wanted him to stay as far away from go. He refused to involve himself directly, chalking it up to ‘stolen property’.
as possible… Alec tried to stress the point that Isabella was no longer property, that she
The path that led straight to Chicago. had been vouched for and freed, but Aro’s stance didn’t waver. He gave us
I had hoped the strict routines at the boarding school I sent him to both the go ahead to do anything we felt necessary to fix the situation but
would help him learn some control and calm his impulsiveness, but when said he didn’t want to officially go to war with another organization over
he got back home it was clear it hadn’t worked. He was angry– so fucking something that had no value to him or the Borgata as a whole. I had to
angry– and I knew it was because he lacked a connection with anyone. He contain my anger the entire time he spoke, the fact that he was acting so
felt as if he were alone in the world and kept his guard up, lashing out at callously about someone who shared his bloodline chipping away at any
anyone who got in his way. It hurt to watch him deteriorate in front of my respect I may have had left for the man. He didn’t know the truth about
eyes, and I started to wonder if maybe the path he was walking down was her, but that didn’t matter in my eyes. He informed Alec that if Isabella
inevitable. Maybe it had been destined ever since that day in Chicago when spilled any of the organization secrets to her captors he would be held
my Elizabeth had been taken right in front of him. The mafia had been responsible, but I wasn’t worried much about that because she knew very
thrust into his eight-year-old universe, and I didn’t know if it was possible little as it was.
to turn back from that. We made it back to the Evanson’s in the early morning hours,
But then she happened. exhaustion starting to finally take its toll on us. Alec went to work trying
Isabella Swan came into my household and did the one thing none of us to pinpoint recent sightings of the Russians while I finally got ahold of the
had been able to do– she broke down his walls. She pulled Edward off of doctor in Phoenix who’d implanted the chip, the both of us sucking down
that path and showed him how different it could be. It was ironic that the coffee to keep ourselves alert. We worked in a tense silence that was
girl who had never been able call her life her own could teach a boy who instantly shattered as Alec jumped up and pushed his chair back roughly,
had the world at his fingertips exactly what it meant to live, but it was his expression panicked. “Fuck,” he spat, catching me completely off guard
fitting considering his mother and me. because it was a word I rarely heard come from him. He bolted out of the
As Elizabeth would’ve said, it was almost as if it were fate. room and into the hallway, my heart racing in confusion. I glanced around
200 209
 Eventually, I called Jasper to inform him of what happened, telling him That’s not to say I was entirely happy about their relationship, because
to stay in Seattle and to keep Alice there with him for as long as possible. there were too many unnecessary complications involved, but I could see
There wasn’t anything he could do to help and I didn’t want them involved the good in it. The twinkle returned to Edward’s eyes over time as he found
any more than necessary. It was bad enough Emmett and Edward were love and hope, and although I knew he would never completely be whole
mixed up in the situation... having all three of my sons drop everything and again, it was as if the void he felt was filled a bit. He had someone who
rush together would do nothing but create suspicion we didn’t need. understood him and he wasn’t alone anymore.
I periodically went into the basement throughout the night to press Jacob, however, was.
Laurent for information, but each encounter went similar to the first. He’d Isabella may have pulled my son off of that path of destruction, but I
beg me to help him and insist there was nothing he could tell me, which knew that Jacob Black was still on it. I never forgot the joke he had told me
would just make me lose my temper. Alec tried to convince him to talk with that first day, and it came to mind occasionally when I thought about him.
no luck, and I even injected him with sodium thiopental but he still didn’t Jacob was a lot like an invisible man, drifting his way through life and
crack. My patience was wearing thin and I knew Laurent was growing going completely unnoticed by most. I saw him, though, even if I couldn’t
weaker, each passing second an indication that our opportunity was fix what truly plagued him.
slipping away. And as I stood on the edge of that cliff in La Push under the fall of
It was sometime after dawn and I was standing in the safe room, gazing darkness, I wished I would’ve fucking done something. I had stood back and
at Laurent, when Alec finally reached the end of his patience. I heard him watched so many people suffer over the years, never once speaking up or
approaching and looked in his direction, his expression stoic but his eyes actually helping any of them. I’d convinced myself that there was nothing
on fire with anger. He looked like a man on a mission and I immediately I could do, when the reality of it was I had just been too fucking selfish to
stepped out of the room to get out of his way. He glanced at me as he walked even try. I had not only failed my own son by turning a blind eye to his
past and sighed. “Mi sono rotto il cazzo,” he muttered under his breath, agony, but I’d done the same thing to Isabella and Jacob. In fact, it seemed
stating that he was fed up with the situation. I nodded once, silently that was all I ever fucking did anymore. I ignored peoples suffering, stood
agreeing, and stood in the doorway watching as he walked over to the by as they were being tortured and mutilated in the name of La Cosa
cabinet. He started rifling through it and pulled out a knife and pair of Nostra, and I was sick and tired of doing it. I couldn’t seem to escape the
pliers. “While you’re still alive, we’re going to play a little game of ‘eeny, violence, no matter what I did, and my only choice of recourse was to
meeny, miny, moe’.” retaliate with even more bloodshed.
I turned around and walked away, having no desire to witness what I had moved my family halfway across the country and it all followed
was going to happen, and heard the click of the lock followed by a loud me, the danger constantly lurking in the shadows. Evil controlled my life
shriek of agony coming from Laurent before I even made it to the steps. I and it was eating at me, chipping away at my humanity but I just couldn’t
knew Laurent wouldn’t be coming out of the room alive, and his last seem to stop it. I was so worried about making sure my son didn’t turn out
moments would be pure torture at the hands of one of the scariest like me that I’d allowed myself to become like my own fucking father. I
motherfuckers that I knew. I went upstairs leaving Alec to do what it was wasn’t the man Elizabeth married anymore, that was for sure, and I knew
he did best and placed a few calls as I got things ready for Chicago. I finally wherever she was, she was probably glaring at me in disgust for what I was
made my way back down shortly before noon, stepping into the basement doing. She’d be sickened and ashamed, and I couldn’t blame her a bit for it.
just as Alec was coming in the hidden back door. I glanced at him curiously, I had always wanted to be a doctor so I could help people, so I could heal
noticing he was drenched and had splatters of blood on his shirt. and do some good in the world, and I had drifted so far from that principle
“Russians,” he said simply, the word nearly stalling my heart as it fell from that it was disturbing. I never acknowledged any of it or even tried to help
his lips. I knew Alec had suspected for a while that James was feeding anymore and now it was too late for Jacob, because there was nothing I
information to the Russians, and if that was true Isabella was in a lot more could do to save him. I’d fixed him up so many times over the years and the
trouble than I wanted to believe. They were ruthless individuals and I knew one time it truly counted, I had failed.
if they had her they would kill her once her purpose was served, whatever I knew my son would blame himself for Jacob’s death, because that was
that may be, and that concerned me. The only justification for them taking just Edward’s nature, but the truth was that there was no one to blame for
Isabella and leaving my son alive was that they were playing some sort of any of it but me. I’d taken that oath all of those years ago to keep the people
game and trying to manipulate us into playing into their hands, and there I loved safe, only to have it be what endangered them. Jacob was dead
was no way we could risk doing that. “Why?” I asked hesitantly. He because of me, a casualty of my savage lifestyle, just as Elizabeth had
shrugged. been...and one more burden I’d have to carry for the rest of my life.
208 201
 I was gazing down at the tumultuous water below, my eyes fixated on situation– it was mine more than anyone’s– but I almost detested him for
the spot where Jacob’s body had disappeared moments earlier. I could hear complicating things further. I had never done anything to prove myself to
the waves as they crashed against the side of the cliff and knew there was him, never having truly been there for him, so I knew it was irrational but
a storm blowing in, the southwest winds steadily picking up as time I loathed the fact that he couldn’t just fucking trust me. He was so damn
progressed. They already had the yellow caution lights flashing, warning much like me that it pissed me off and the fact of the matter was...he was
people to stay away from the Quillayute River bar near James Island seriously screwing things up.
because the area was dangerous. I’d been standing there for a few minutes, The rest of the night passed in a blur. I finally got a hold of Emmett, my
hidden in the darkness and completely isolated because no one else would anger growing when I realized he was out on the town partying and
dare come out under the conditions, trying to clear my head. I was completely oblivious to everything that was going on. I lost my temper and
disgusted at myself for disposing of the innocent boy’s body in such a way, railed on him when he explained to me exactly what he’d done to the chip,
but I just couldn’t see any other option. I’d watched him grow up and I was and had a confrontation with Edward afterward about it. How they thought
sending him off like I’d seen so many of my adversaries go over the years– they’d ever get away with it was beyond me, their blatant disrespect and
to a watery tomb at the bottom of the ocean. The heavy chains wrapped asinine behavior disturbing me beyond comprehension.
around his legs would ensure he wouldn’t resurface, and in time his body Edward snapped eventually, his own distress getting the best of him,
would succumb to nature, disappearing forever. and caused Alec to lose his cool. He’d been calm about everything, keeping
“Oggi a te, domani a me,”* I mumbled, shaking my head. If I kept up as a level head up until that point, but Edward’s impatience and hostility set
I was, I knew it was only a matter of time before I ended up with the same him off. He threw Edward against the wall and threatened him, turning
fate. I felt like I should’ve said something to honor him, but I was at a his gun on me when I told him to back off. I stood still as he pointed the
complete loss for words and knew there were more pressing matters for me weapon at my head, knowing he wouldn’t hesitate to pull the trigger if I
to deal with. I couldn’t help Jacob but I could help Isabella, and I knew made any sudden movements or showed any aggression, and waited for him
saving her was the only way to truly save my son. Their fates were so to regain his composure.
intertwined that losing one would be losing both, and that was something I made numerous calls through the night, contacting anyone who I
I simply couldn’t accept without a fight. thought might have any information that could help. It all proved fruitless,
My son, who had lost so much in life, was dangerously close to once however, because everyone had their suspicions but no one could produce
again losing the only thing keeping him together. any evidence as to what James was up to. I talked to Royce a few times,
To say I was mad at Edward would be a serious understatement. I was because he was James’s Capo and mentor so if anyone knew anything it
beyond furious and completely astounded that he’d have the nerve to should’ve been him, but even he seemed to be clueless. It angered me,
tamper with Isabella’s chip after everything that had happened, his because it was his fucking job to know what his men were up to, and he’d
behavior once again proving him to be irrational and volatile. I was obviously completely failed at it. I threatened him, telling him I would be
constantly having to clean up his messes and fix his mistakes, except this watching and if he didn’t start doing things right he was going to have a
time I wasn’t sure if I could. I feared this time he had crossed the line too problem with me.
far and there would be no going back from it. My nerves started to calm after a while and I ventured up to the third
None of us would ever be the same again. floor where Edward had disappeared to, finding him sitting on the edge of
I started toward where my car was parked, hidden in the trees out of his bed sobbing. I froze at the sight of it, feeling a strange sense of deja vu.
view in the darkness, climbing into it quickly and pulling away. I had It reminded me of how I’d been after Elizabeth died, mirroring the
already cleaned up in front of the house, having hosed down the driveway hopelessness and heartache I felt. I tried to convince Edward to stay behind
and redistributed the gravel to hide all signs of the incident, but I had even when we went to Chicago, knowing he was distraught and wouldn’t be able
bigger issues I needed to deal with. I pulled out the cell phone I had taken to think rationally to help, but he insisted he be there. I tried to answer his
from Jacob’s pants pocket and flipped it open, scrolling through his list of questions the best I could but I wasn’t sure what to say, because none of it
contacts quickly. Finding his home number, I hit the call button and felt right. I couldn’t make him any promises about what would happen,
listened silently as it rang a few times. because I knew entirely too well how horrific and brutal it could turn out
“Hello? Jacob?” Billy Black’s anxious voice said after the forth ring. to be. The sight of my wife lying dead in the alley was burned into my brain
“Where are you, son? I’m worried, you...” and I didn’t want my son to have to spend the rest of his life tortured with
similar mental images he couldn’t escape if it all went wrong.
* Today to you, tomorrow to me (every dog has its day)
202 207
 “Please,” he pleaded. I sighed and ended the call before he could finish his statement, turning
“Don’t you dare beg,” I said. “It’s unbecoming of you. Be a fucking man the phone off and slipping it into my pocket. I drove back to the house
and tell me what I need to know.” quickly and parked, taking a deep breath to prepare myself before I headed
“I can’t,” he repeated, shaking his head. “You have to understand...” inside. I needed to push my emotions back, take my mind off of Jacob and
“No, you have to understand,” I snapped. “They’ve taken something the things I couldn’t change in order to focus on what I could do: find
important from me, and I have to get her back. I’m not going to stop until I Isabella.
find her, so your only option is to help me if you want even the slightest I knew even without the chip I had enough resources to track her down
chance of ever making it out of this room alive.” eventually, but the problem was that I wasn’t sure what type of
“They’ll kill me, Carlisle,” he sobbed, the fear in his expression intense. circumstances I would find her in when I did. James was merciless, had no
I could see his body trembling, but wasn’t sure if it was caused by his injury respect nor any regard for anyone other than himself. He wouldn’t hesitate
or if he was just that scared. “If I tell you anything they’ll kill me.” to brutalize Isabella for his own sick pleasure, and the possibilities of who
“If you don’t tell me, I’ll kill you,” I stressed. “And I assure you, Laurent, he was working with alarmed me. I went straight into the kitchen and
I won’t take mercy on you if you don’t show me the same respect. Every grabbed the bottle of liquor that Edward kept in the freezer, pulling the top
minute she’s out there you’re going to be right here, and I’m not going to off and taking a swig of it. I grimaced from the burn as it went down,
end your suffering until she’s back where she belongs.” causing me to shudder violently. I didn’t drink much anymore, not since
“But...” he started to say, the lone word fueling my irritation even sobering up a year after Elizabeth’s death, but I needed something to take
further. “There are no but’s,” I growled, cutting him off. “You’re going to tell the edge off before I faced what laid ahead of me. I wasn’t looking forward
me what I want to know, and that’s the end of it. I have fought long and to any of it, not in the least, but I knew it was necessary.
hard for that girl and I’m not just going to allow some disgraceful rat walk I took another drink of the liquor before returning it to the freezer,
in and take it all away. Tell me where the hell he’s taking her. What does pulling my keys out of my pocket as I headed toward the room under the
he want? Who’s he working with?” stairs. I unlocked the door and slipped inside, relocking it behind me. I went
“Why do you care?” he sobbed. “Just let her go, give up! You can’t stop straight into the closet and pushed the rug out of the way, pulling open the
it, so save yourself while you still can! It’s not worth it, Carlisle! She’s just door in the floor. I took deep breaths to center myself as I headed down the
a girl, and she fucking shot me! The bitch shot me!” stairs into the basement, blinking a few times in an attempt to adjust my
All of my composure slipped away in that moment and I pulled my foot eyes. The place was cleaned out for the most part, the crates of drugs and
back, thrusting it forward quickly. I kicked him repeatedly in the side, weapons gone and relocated elsewhere for safety, so I had no problem
stomping so hard that I could feel his ribs cracking with the force of my navigating my way through the room in the darkness. I reached the large
blows. He screamed from the pain and gasped for air, unable to move or bookcase along the back and opened the metal electrical box on the wall
protect himself. beside it that the security system was wired into. In the event that the
“Do not call her that,” I screamed angrily. “This may all just be a game alarm went off, or the panic button was pushed, the house automatically
to you, but this is my life, you piece of shit! I will find her, and I swear that went into lock down and an automated message was sent directly to my
every single person who took part in this will pay with their lives when I phone. The police couldn’t be notified like with a regular security system,
do. My family has sacrificed a lot for Isabella Swan and I’m not going to let because that would just be inviting more trouble into my life, but anyone
it all be in vain. She may just be one girl, but she was more than that to my who entered without the code triggered the motion sensors and the
wife. And that, Laurent, makes her fucking worth it.” cameras, so I could track and watch them as they moved through the house.
I turned and walked back out of the room, leaving him in the corner It wasn’t the best, as far as security went, but it was better than nothing.
pleading for help. I locked it up once again and headed back out, my hands It guaranteed I’d know who they were and what they came for, at least.
shaking from my anger. I stepped out of the room once I reached the top of I slid a section of panel down, revealing a small keypad, and quickly
the stairs and froze as the front door opened and Edward and Alec entered punched in the numbers 62373. A loud click rang out when I hit the enter
the foyer. Edward looked horrible, his injuries very visible, but shining button and I slid the panel back up, closing the electrical box as the
through even more than his physical pain was his emotional distress. I bookshelf shifted a few inches. In reality it was a door leading into a safe
knew he was a complete wreck and I wanted nothing more than to have room, or what I knew my son liked to refer to as ‘the dungeon’. It was a
sympathy for him, because as a father that was how I should’ve felt, but room, about twelve feet wide and fourteen feet long, with steel reinforced
my own anger was clouding everything. All I could feel was disappointment walls layered with bullet-proof kevlar. Completely soundproof and
almost to the point of hostility. I knew it wasn’t his fault we were in this
206 203
ventilated, it was wired for communication and stocked with anything “You don’t know?” I asked incredulously.
anyone would need if they had to lock themselves inside. “I don’t know what happened, I swear! I got shot and I don’t know how
I pushed the disguised door open and reached inside, flicking on a light or by who,” he responded frantically.
switch along the side. Florescent lights illuminated the room immediately “I’m quite sure I know both the how and who,” I said, leaning back
and I squinted from the harshness, bringing my hand up to block out some against the table and crossing my arms over my chest. “It had to have been
of the blinding glare while my eyes adjusted. I stepped into the room and an amateur who hit you, considering it wasn’t a fatal shot, and judging from
heard the groans immediately, glancing in the direction of the noise. the fact that we found a shell casing in the car and my son’s gun is missing
Laurent lay on the concrete floor in the corner, exactly where I had left him I’m going to render a guess and say that Isabella did it.”
a few hours before. The first thing I had done after Edward and Alec left “The girl?” he hollered with disbelief. “She fucking did this to me?!”
was bring him here and did enough for his wounds so that he’d survive “Yes,” I said coolly. “Now I just need you to tell me why, Laurent. I need
before shackling him to the legs of the steel table inside. I knew he couldn’t you to tell me what you’re doing in Forks, and how the hell you ended up in
move his legs because of where the bullet had ripped through him, but I this situation. I know you were with James and I can only assume he
also knew it was better to be safe than sorry. He could’ve easily regained somehow talked you into taking part in some grand plan of his. I
consciousness and dragged himself across the room toward the large steel understand how this life is, you know that. We all get drawn into things
cabinet that held my weapons, and I couldn’t have that. “Good evening,” I that get out of control, but it’s not too late to fix what you’ve done. It’s not
said stoically, grabbing a bottle of water from the shelf beside the table. I too late to help me stop him. I need you to tell me what the hell he wants
took the few steps toward him and glanced down as he turned his head to with Isabella. I need you to help me find her, while we still can.”
look at me, another agonizing groan coming from him as he opened his eyes. “I can’t,” he said, shaking his head with a look of fright on his face. I
“Carlisle,” he whispered, his voice barely audible and full of anguish. could see the panic in his eyes as he stared at me and fought to keep my
“Please. Help me.” expression calm so as not to alarm him any more than he already was. He
“I will,” I responded. “But first, Laurent, you’re going to have to help had never witnessed my violence, but he’d heard the stories of what type of
me.” man I could be and I knew he feared for his life. The fact of the matter was,
“Please,” he repeated. “I can’t move. I can’t feel... my legs, Carlisle. I he should. He knew he had crossed the wrong fucking person and I knew
can’t...” he was afraid to admit anything, because confessing knowledge of any of it
“I know,” I said. “The bullet hit your spinal cord.” was essentially admitting his guilt. He probably believed his only way of
“What?” he said, sounding confused. “Bullet?” staying alive, even temporarily, would be to feign ignorance so I needed to
“Yes,” I said simply, unscrewing the cap from the water and crouching convince him that I understood. I needed to convince him that it was okay
down. I lifted Laurent’s head up slightly and put the water to his lips, if he told me, that I would have mercy on him if he helped. I needed to make
tipping it back to give him a drink. him believe I’d let him live, although we both truly knew he was going to
“I’m paralyzed?” he asked when I pulled the bottle away and stood back fucking die, no matter what.
up. “Oh God, my legs!” “You can,” I said right away. “I told you, you help me and I’ll help you.
He let out a sob and I sighed with annoyance, shaking my head. I know you have to be in pain and you desperately need your wound cleaned
“Toughen up, Laurent,” I said sharply, sitting the water down on the table. properly before infection takes hold of you. I’m your only option, Laurent.”
“Pull yourself together.” “I can’t tell you anything,” he said. “I don’t know anything. I swear to
“What happened?” he asked, tears running from his eyes as he struggled you, I don’t. I don’t know what James wanted.”
to move. “Jesus Christ, my fucking legs, Carlisle! You have to help me!” “You’re lying,” I said forcefully. “You’re a smart man. You wouldn’t go
“What happened?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow at him. “I got a call a along with something unless you knew why you were doing it. You wouldn’t
few hours ago, informing me that someone was at my house. So, naturally, just come here and allow this to happen without the promise of something
I come home to investigate and find my son unconscious, his girlfriend in return. Why did you come, Laurent? What does he want with her? Where
missing, an innocent kid I watched grow up dead in my front yard, and you did he take her?”
seriously injured. You, Laurent. A sworn man of honor, my life brother, “I don’t know,” he said. “You have to believe me, Carlisle. I’m so sorry,
wounded at the scene of the attack upon my family. So how about we cut I can’t tell you...”
the bullshit and you tell me what happened?” “Stop,” I snapped, my anger flaring. “You can tell me. You just won’t.
“I, uh,” he stammered, shaking his head as his sobs continued. “I don’t There’s a difference, Laurent, and the difference is as vast as life and
know...” death.”
204 205
 When I was their age, I had been abused and tormented by a real life dangerous to use ours, handing it to me, and we left immediately afterward,
monster, while they only had to fear the imaginary ones they thought driving across town to Royce’s house. I used to phone to call both Royce and
lurked in their closets– I had never known that type of innocence and it my son a few times during the drive and got no answer from either one, but
was probably what I longed for most at that moment. that didn’t surprise me given it was a number neither knew. Alec knocked
“Hey,” a voice rang out, startling me. I flinched and turned my head on the front door when we arrived and it was pulled open a second later, a
quickly, stunned to see Emmett standing in the doorway to the room. It was vaguely familiar face greeting us.
the first time I’d seen him, his presence bringing a smile to my face. He “Clara,” Alec said politely to the woman who happened to be one of the
smiled in response and walked forward, reaching into his pocket and slaves he had been taken from the Swan’s residence in Phoenix. She’d been
pulling out a small orange lollipop. He held it out to me and I took it staying with Alec and Esme for a while but Esme preferred to do everything
hesitantly, hearing Edward groan from his spot on the bed behind me. herself, so the woman had grown anxious with nothing to do. Alec figured
“She can barely keep soup down and you’re giving her fucking candy?” she’d be better off somewhere where she could keep busy, but still be safe.
he asked. Emmett rolled his eyes, looking over at his brother. “Is Royce home?”
“When the hell did you become her father?” he retorted, pulling out “No, sir,” she responded hesitantly, glancing between us. “He left a few
another lollipop. He pulled off the wrapper and popped it in his mouth as hours ago with Mr. Cullen. They were, uh...”
he shook his head. “Let the girl have a damn lollipop. It won’t kill her.” “Looking for Isabella,” Alec said, completing her thought. “We know
I pulled the paper off of my lollipop and stuck it in my mouth, sucking what they’re doing.”
on it. “Whatever,” Edward muttered, standing up. “I’ll go get her something “Is there any word, sir? Any idea at all where she could be?” Clara
hot to eat.” asked, her voice shaking from nerves. I gaped at her with shock, stunned
“Yeah, you do that, Betty Crocker,” Emmett quipped as Edward walked that she’d have the courage to ask Alec such a question. I’d never seen a
out. I heard him yell something in Italian back, Emmett laughing in slave address Alec directly before. My own wife could barely even look at
response. “That boy needs to chill out before he bursts a blood vessel or him, and she was a free woman and had known him for years. “I, uh, I’m
something.” sorry for prying, sir, I’ve just known Isabella since she was tiny. I’ve always
“He’s just trying to help,” I responded. “Give him a break. He’s stressed.” felt like another mother to her and I’m terribly worried. I know it’s not my
“Yeah, I know he is. That’s no excuse to deny a girl candy on Halloween, place...”
though,” he said. “It’s fine,” Alec said, cutting off her rambling. “We haven’t found her yet.
“Thank you for it,” I said. “I didn’t even realize it was Halloween until I That’s why we’re here, we need to come in and try to track them down.”
saw the trick-or-treaters.” “Uh, okay,” she said, stepping to the side and waving us in. I could see
“You’re probably still trying to adjust to the time shift. I imagine it’s not the questions in her eyes as she debated whether that was the right thing
easy to lose a month,” he said, sitting down on the arm of the chair beside to do or not, but her concern for Isabella won out over everything. She
me. “So how are you holding up, Izzy Bizzy? It’s really fucking good to see offered us drinks as we headed toward Royce’s office but we declined, telling
you, girl. I’ve been worried but Rosie made me promise to leave you alone.” her to give us some space. Alec immediately started rifling through drawers
“I’m good,” I answered. He glanced down with disbelief, cocking an and files, looking for anything they might’ve dug up, while I booted up his
eyebrow at me, obviously not believing my words. “I’m, uh… alive. That’s a laptop and started going through the history.
lot more than I can say for some.” Alec pulled out a map of the area after a moment, unfolding it on the
“Jake,” he said quietly. “It’s a shame. He was a good friend; I’ll miss the desk beside where I was sitting. Areas of it were circled and crossed out,
hell out of him. He always had a joke for anyone that would listen.” the entire thing riddled with writing. I recognized some of it as my son’s
“He did. I’ve been thinking about, uh…” I hesitated as tears started and it was clear he was frenzied, because the words were barely legible and
forming, guilt eating away at me. very juvenile looking. It immediately reminded me of the journal the agent
“Thinking about what?” he asked curiously. I shook my head, telling had brought to the interrogation room, the one of Isabella’s that he’d found
him to forget it, but he wasn’t allowing it. “You can talk to me, you know. in my house.
I’m a pretty good listener.” I pulled the phone out when the thought registered with me and dialed
I sighed, shrugging. “It’s probably really stupid, but I can’t stop thinking Emmett’s number. It started ringing and he picked it up, answering
about the last joke he told me. He was telling me one when he was… uh… hesitantly. “Hello?”
shot, but he never got to say the answer. And like I said, it’s stupid, but I “Emmett,” I started. “Did you…”
keep thinking about it for some reason.”
252 221
 “Dad?! How is everything? Have you found her? Fuck, I’ve really been dream that would never be realized. Getting married and starting a family–
worried, Dad…” the mere concept of it tainted by the reality of our situation. I wasn’t sure
“I’m fine, but no, we haven’t found her,” I said. “Look, I’m calling to ask what was even possible anymore, where we could go or what we could do.
if you ever got the chip working again.” Would he be allowed to go to school, I wondered? Would we be allowed to
“Uh, yes,” he responded. “It tracked it to somewhere around Highland travel? Could we seriously bring children into the world we would be forced
Park. That was all I saw before they busted in and took it. Edward’s been to live in?
working all week to get another program to track the chip using the More importantly, what would happen to Edward? Could he truly live
information you gave me but it keeps saying the chip can’t be located. He that life and be the same person I loved? Could he do those things without
even tracked down your doctor in Phoenix and got his hands on the software them changing him into someone else, someone darker? Could someone do
you used, but still nothing. bad things, but not be a bad person? Alec and Carlisle had put their lives
“I was afraid of that. Thank you. I’ll call you when I find out something,” on the line to rescue me, had sacrificed everything to free me… were they
I responded, hanging up without giving him the chance to say anything bad people just because they lived that lifestyle? And how was I going to
more. “They’re in Highland Park.” live my life, knowing the man I loved possibly murdered and stole from
“I figured,” Alec said. “They’ve got Vladimir and Stephan’s homes and others for senseless reasons? Could I forgive him for the pain he was going
businesses pinpointed on the map, but there’s no way they would’ve taken to potentially cause? After being brutalized my entire life, bought and sold
Isabella there, if it’s indeed one of them behind this. It would be entirely within that organization, how could I just accept him becoming one of
too risky and personal. They would’ve found somewhere close to home, but them? How in the world did Elizabeth do it?
far enough away to keep the two separate. Somewhere fairly isolated, As I lay there, it felt as if my freedom was slipping away. Everything I’d
where they could go unnoticed with no chance of her being stumbled upon, hoped for was in jeopardy, the world my mother had dreamed I’d one day
but not so isolated that their slipping in and out would draw curious eyes.” find fading from my grasp because of those words he’d spoken. What did it
He scanned the map with his fingertip, studying it intently. mean to be free, anyway? I was afraid I’d never have the chance to ever
“You know, an agent visited me when we were in lock up,” I said quietly really understand.
as I scrolled through the computer’s history, seeing what Royce had been Eventually, Edward got up and said he needed to go, telling me we’d
searching recently. “He had one of Isabella’s journals. He confiscated it finish talking when he returned. I merely nodded and watched him as he
during the search of my house.” swiftly left the room, hearing his footsteps as he rushed down the stairs.
“She shouldn’t have journals,” Alec said flatly. “Too incriminating.” The rest of the day passed in a blur, the next one coming quickly. I
“I didn’t know she had it,” I responded. “But then again Elizabeth kept stayed in bed and Edward remained by my side as much as possible,
one too, and I didn’t know about it for a long time either. Hers is sitting in occasionally trying to strike up conversation but mostly remaining quiet.
the glove box of my car, so they didn’t find it, but that’s really beside the He didn’t tell me any more of what had happened and I didn’t ask, a part
point. The agent asked me about Isabella, and he wanted to know what I of me afraid to know because I didn’t want things getting even worse
was tracking on my laptop with the GPS program.” between us. He seemed just as deep in thought as I was, his face lined with
“What did you tell them?” he asked. worry. He’d pull me into his arms and stroke my hair, every now and then
“Nothing,” I answered firmly, giving him an incredulous look. “You giving me a curious look that made me wonder if somehow he knew what I
know me, Alec. I gave them nothing. He said it wasn’t tracking anything, was thinking.
though, that the program said the chip couldn’t be located.” I finally got out of bed around sunset, my legs weak and wobbly. I
He paused and glanced at me curiously, raising his eyebrows in walked over to a chair across the room beside the large window, sitting
question. “Well, thank God for that, but I thought Emmett fixed it.” down in it and gazing at the outside world for the first time in a while. I
“He did,” I responded quietly. He continued to stare at me for a moment was surprised to see little kids wandering the street, dressed in costumes,
in silence as we both contemplated what that meant before turning back to and realized that it had to be Halloween. I watched them curiously for a
the map. I focused my attention back to the laptop, scouring the history. while as they stopped at the house across the street for candy, an odd sense
There were numerous addresses and names that had been searched but of longing brewing inside of me. They were all so young and carefree, no
nothing that stood out to me as important at first glance. responsibilities or unnecessary weight on their shoulders. They were
“What’s located on this side road off of Route 41?” Alec asked after a ignorant to the dangers that brewed even a few feet away from them, totally
moment, pointing to section of the map lightly circled with a pencil. The oblivious to everything outside of their five-year-old worlds.
name of the road struck me as familiar and I sought it out in the history,
222 251
 “Then why’d you do it? Why would you ever join them, Edward?” I asked remembering I had seen it a second earlier. A map popped up and I zoomed
desperately. “How could you agree to that? After everything we’ve been in on an aerial view of the location.
through, everything we talked about, how could you do that?” “Looks like some sort of industrial area. It’s surrounded by trees, but no
“I didn’t see any other choice, Isabella. I did the only thing I could do. I residences that I can tell,” I said. “Looks to be just warehouses, docks,
needed to fucking find you and I had no one else to turn to, and it was the storage units and some parking lots. Nothing out of the usual.”
only way he’d give me any help at all. Christ, I didn’t even know where to “That has to be it,” he said. “It’s right off of the highway, so there’s easy
fucking start! If it weren’t for Royce, I wouldn’t have even known the damn access in and out. No need for them to worry about people growing
Russian’s names,” he tried to explain. “You were almost fucking dead when suspicious about extra traffic or strangers, and noise is relatively expected.
we found you, Isabella. If I wouldn’t have done this, you probably would’ve I see no other place that fits the criteria and makes sense in the area, if
died! And can you honestly hold that shit against me when you just said she’s indeed in Highland Park.”
you tried to do the same fucking thing for me after the accident?” “She is,” I said. “Or she was, anyway.”
“It’s not the same,” I said, wiping my eyes as I tried to control my sobs. “Well, let’s hope she still is. Otherwise, all of this has been for nothing,”
“How isn’t it? You begged those assholes to take you and leave me alone, he responded, folding the map up and shoving it in his pocket. “Come on,
trying to protect me. You so easily turn your life over in exchange for mine let’s get this over with. We have 48 hours to end it.”
but you can’t understand how the fuck I could do it for you? I get it if you’re I closed the laptop and stood up as Alec started out of the room. He
upset, I’m fucking upset too. But it’s done, and there’s no changing it. I’m brushed right past Clara, who was standing in the hallway eyeing us
in, and there’s no way out,” he said, pausing briefly. “Not alive, anyway.” nervously. I nodded at her as I followed him out, the two of us hopping into
I stared at him as the words hit me, completely overwhelmed by all of his car. He started it up and gunned it out of the driveway, the tires
it. He stared back imploringly, his eyes begging me to understand but I just squealing loudly as he accelerated away. The sun was setting, darkness
couldn’t in the moment. I averted my gaze, unable to take the way he was falling over Chicago as we drove north toward Highland Park.
looking at me, and he reached over to wipe the tears from my cheeks. His I tried Royce and Edward’s phones a few more times during the drive
touch was gentle and should’ve been comforting, but it wasn’t strong with no luck reaching them, and the lack of communication began to wear
enough to extinguish my pain. on my nerves. I had no idea what my son was up to, what situation he was
“It’s going to be okay, Bella,” he said quietly as I lay back down on the in or even if he was okay for that matter. Royce had never given me reason
bed, hesitating as he glanced as his watch again before lying down beside not to trust him, and he was good enough at what he did to climb ranks
me. “Nothing’s changed.” quite quickly, but the fact that it was his foot soldiers that had gone
I closed my eyes at his words, my heart aching to believe them. I wanted wayward didn’t sit well with me. If he had been on guard and paying
nothing more than for everything to remain the same, for us to go on just attention, he should’ve seen it and realized what was happening with his
as we planned as if none of it happened, but I wasn’t naïve. I knew for a own men. The fact that he had been so oblivious to what was going on right
fact that everything was different and there would be no going back. I under his nose wasn’t a good sign and made me question his ability to gauge
clearly recalled Dr. Cullen’s words that day in the hospital, his own situations, not to mention the voice in the back of my mind that worried it
desperation to keep Edward as far away from the lifestyle as possible. It could all be a trap. I didn’t want to believe it, but if Royce were in on it, we
was a life of crime, a world of violence where danger constantly knocked on could all be heading right toward our demise.
the door and tried to force its way in. It was a world that turned men cold Alec got off of the highway and neared the area, cruising through the
and cynical, forcing them to do unspeakable things that I couldn’t even streets slowly. Most of the buildings appeared abandoned, aged and worn
begin to fathom. It was a world that we’d tried to escape, but one that had down, some even boarded up. The walls were riddled with graffiti– pictures
sucked us in anyway. of hearts with wings, pitchforks and devil’s horns along with six-pointed
It definitely wasn’t the world I’d envisioned for our future. stars were strewn around with spray-paint. They were gang signs I’d seen
“What else happened?” I asked quietly before he could say anything else countless times, made by street thugs and hustlers that thought
to attempt to convince me that nothing had changed. I could tell by the tone themselves to be hardcore. Men who had no true loyalty to one another, no
of his voice that even he didn’t believe it. He hesitated before starting in on respect within their orders– who were opportunistic and flaunted their
some of the events following his initiation, but the words barely registered positions, only looking out for themselves in the long run. My father had
as I lay with my eyes closed. All I could think about were our plans, my always been disgusted by them, disturbed by their tactics and lack of
stomach sinking as they slowly started slipping away. Running off to civility. He loathed their usage of the words ‘gangster’ and ‘mafia’, cringed
California, Edward playing football while I studied art– all of it a distant at their definition of ‘initiation’ and ‘brotherhood’.
250 223
 I couldn’t count how many times I’d heard him rant in his lifetime about you,” he said quietly. “And you know that I’d do anything for you. I’d give
all of it, how he prided himself on the fact that at least his organization had up anything for you.
respect. They may have broken the law and committed heinous crimes, but Nothing is more important than you, tesoro. I’d give my fucking life for
in his mind all of it was founded. The organization he ran didn’t hurt people you.”
just to hurt them. His organization had true power and commitment. “You’re scaring me, Edward,” I said, my voice shaking. I could see
My father took the oath seriously and believed until the day he died that unshed tears welling up in his eyes, the sight of them frightening me.
the organization he had ran for decades was a true family, a Borgata with Something was definitely not right.
a bond stronger than blood. He may not have been a loved man because of “Don’t be scared,” he responded. “Fuck, the last thing I want is for you
how strict he was, but he was revered and people followed his example. No to be scared. I was desperate, Bella. I had to fucking find you. I wasn’t lying
one stepped out of line with my father around. No one crossed him and very when I said I couldn’t live if you died. I needed to know you were alive. I
few were stupid enough to knowingly break the oath with him in charge. needed to see you, and now that you’re safe I just can’t regret it. It fucking
He was probably rolling over in his grave, knowing the organization he sucks, and I know it’s not what any of us wanted, but seeing you here, I
had helped build and strengthen had fallen to the levels of being as know it was worth it.”
inhumane as the thugs destroying property and flaunting their crimes. We “You’re not making sense,” I said.
still called ourselves Men of Honor, but there was nothing honorable about “I’m not surprised,” he muttered, letting go of my hand as he glanced at
tricking an innocent boy into initiating for selfish reasons, or allowing the his watch. “I have to go in a few minutes.”
girl he loved to be in danger and just turning your back on it. My father and “Go?” I asked with disbelief.
I may have never seen eye-to-eye, but I knew there was no way he would’ve “Yes, go. I shouldn’t be gone long,” he said. “Maybe when I get back we’ll
allowed the situation we were in to happen under his watch. talk about this some more.”
There was no way he would’ve tolerated it. “No! I want to know now,” I yelled, my emotions getting the best of me.
“Are you okay, Carlisle?” Alec asked. I glanced over at him and saw the “I don’t have time for this right now,” he said, frustrated. “I can’t be
concern in his expression. “We need to be on top of this. We don’t have room late.”
for mistakes or hesitation...there’s no time for second thoughts.” “You can’t be late for what? Tell me what you did, Edward!” I demanded,
“I’m not having second thoughts,” I said. “I’m just thinking about how tears of desperation falling from my eyes.
disturbed my father would be about all of this, if he were alive.” “I went to Aro, alright?” he spat. “Is that what you fucking want to
“None of this would be happening if your father were alive,” he know? The moment I was out, I went straight to Aro.”
responded. “I know you resented him for forcing your hand into following I stared at him in shock. “What do you mean you went to him?” I asked,
in his footsteps, but your father was an honorable man… as far as honor knowing the answer before the question even rolled from my lips.
goes within our world. He made you fight for what you wanted instead of “It means I swore the oath. I fucking joined, okay?” he responded,
just handing it to you, even though he was in the position to, because he confirming my fear. I started shaking my head frantically as I sat up, crying
wanted you to be the type of man who fought for what meant something to out from the pain that rocked my body at my sudden movement. “Shit, lay
you. If your father hadn’t died, the respect would still be there. We wouldn’t back down! Relax before you fucking hurt yourself.”
be going up against such meager forces and separated as we are. Your He reached out to touch me but I pushed his hand away, devastated by
father’s organization was united and strong. No one would’ve dared pulled his news. “No! You have to take it back,” I cried, my eyes burning from the
this stunt with him in charge, and if they did he would’ve squashed it right tears.
away with no hesitation just on principle alone.” “I can’t,” he said. “It’s done, Bella. There’s no taking that shit back.”
“We’re no better than the men tagging these buildings,” I muttered, “There has to be,” I retorted, not wanting to believe it. “You can’t do
shaking my head. that! That’s not you! You can’t be like them, Edward!”
“I wouldn’t go that far. I like to think most of us still have our honor, “I am now,” he said.
myself included,” he said. “No!” I snapped. “You’re not! You can’t do those things they do. You can’t
“Where’s the honor when innocents are dying?” I asked. “Jacob’s dead. be that kind of person!”
The doctor in Port Angeles…” “Do you think I want to be that person? Do you think I want to do those
“They died for an innocent,” he said. “It’s unfortunate, but their lives things? Of course I fucking don’t!” he spat back.
were sacrificed for Isabella. And maybe that’s not right, but it is what it is.
Sometimes you have to do what you have to do to protect what matters to
224 249
 “They were in jail, Bella. I knew it would be another week until they you. You may not see it, but what you’ve done for Isabella Swan after what
could get out, if they were even getting out at all. I didn’t know if you had she’s cost you personally is honorable. I can’t say I’d be able to do the same,
that long to wait and I couldn’t just sit around and do nothing. I had to if I were in your position. If it were my wife that was murdered over the
fucking do something, anything. I had to do whatever it took to find you, girl, I would’ve most likely killed her a long time ago out of anger.”
and that’s exactly what I did,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “I did “I almost did,” I said. “I wanted to. More than once.”
what I had to do.” “But you didn’t,” he said. “Instead you’re here, risking your life to find
“What did you do?” I asked, narrowing my eyes suspiciously at his her, and that’s where the honor is, Carlisle. What we’re likely going to have
cryptic words. My heart started pounding furiously at his tortured to do to save her isn’t something to be proud of, but saving her is.
expression, and I immediately knew he’d done something bad. He was Sometimes you have to look at the bigger picture.”
afraid to tell me whatever it was, obviously worried about how I’d react to “I never imagined you’d be the one to give me a pep talk about this,” I
it. My mind started to frantically run through scenarios, as I thought of the said, shaking my head as he pulled the car beside a dumpster behind a
worst possible situations he could’ve gotten himself into and nearly lost my vacant building.
breath. “Whatever it is, I’ll understand. Just tell me what you did.” “Yes, well, you heard my wife,” he said as he turned the car off. “I may
“It doesn’t really matter,” he said, shaking his head. have broken my vows to the organization by becoming involved in this
“It does matter,” I said firmly, not understanding why he wasn’t telling situation in the first place, but I have no intention of breaking my vows to
me whatever it was. “Why do you keep saying things don’t matter? Why are my wife. She told me to come home, and that’s exactly what I’ll be doing.”
you keeping things from me?” We got out and I followed his lead as he walked alongside the building,
“Because there are some things you just shouldn’t fucking know right staying in the shadows and out of sight. He paused when he reached the
now,” he spat. corner, gazing across the road. I spotted a black Mercedes right away,
“Why?” I asked. “I don’t understand. We aren’t supposed to keep secrets parked amongst some trees beside a smaller building.
from each other. You said we’d tell each other everything…” “Is that Royce’s car?” I asked, faintly making out a small Italian-
“Like you fucking told me everything?” he snapped. “I sure as hell don’t American decal on it. “I thought he drove a BMW.”
recall you telling me you’d been talking to Jacob behind my back, Isabella.” “He does. That’s James’s car,” Alec said, reaching into his coat to pull
I gasped, stunned, as the tears pooled in my eyes. “I can’t believe you’d out one of his guns. I looked at him with surprise as he double-checked to
say that,” I said defensively, his words stinging. make sure it was loaded. “I’m going to go across and check it out. I need you
“Fuck, I’m sorry,” he said right away. “I shouldn’t have said that shit. I to stay here and cover me.”
didn’t mean it. It’s just, there’s some shit I can’t tell you. Some things I “Fine,” I said, pulling out a gun and flicking the safety off. He glanced
won’t be able to tell you. Fuck, it’s shit you won’t want to know. And I know around quickly before jogging across the road, peering into the car and
that doesn’t fucking make sense right now, but I don’t want you to worry trying the doors but they were all locked. I watched the area for any sign of
about it.” movement as he looked around, hunching down and glancing into the
“How can I not worry, Edward?” I asked. “I don’t understand what windows of the large building that appeared to be an old business long ago
you’re saying. What can’t you tell me?” vacated. He returned after a moment, shaking his head.
He opened his mouth and started to respond, but the sound of his phone “It appears to be empty, from what I can tell. I see no one inside,” he
ringing silenced him before he could. He groaned and pulled it out of his said quietly. I nodded and pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration,
pocket, tensing up as he glanced down at it. He shot me a nervous look as opening my mouth to speak when a loud noise rang out behind us, startling
he answered, clearing his throat. “Yes, sir?” My brow furrowed in confusion me. I swung around and pointed my weapon but Alec grabbed a hold of me
at his tone, his demeanor instantly shifting to one of a calm hesitance. “But and pulled me around the corner out of sight.
I don’t… Can’t I... Yes, fine. I get it. I’ll be there, sir.” “What…” I started, but he shook his head and held his hand up to
He sighed exasperatedly as he hung up, frowning as he gazed at me. silence me. I heard multiple voices blurring together and Alec grabbed my
“Who was that?” I asked. He shook his head, starting to tell me it didn’t arm, motioning with his head for us to cross the street. I followed him and
matter, but I cut him off right away. “It does matter! Who was on the we hid alongside the vacant building he’d checked out moments earlier,
phone?” watching in the darkness.
He walked over to the bed and sat back down beside me, reaching over Three people stepped out from behind the large warehouse, pausing in
and taking my hand. His fingers laced with mine and he pulled my hand the spot where we’d just been standing. I recognized James immediately
up, lightly placing a kiss on the back of it that sent chills up my arm. “I love and noticed there was a stranger with shaggy blonde hair nonchalantly
248 225
clutching an AK-47 right beside him. Something about the third person “You shouldn’t be worrying about this shit right now,” he said. “You just
struck me as vaguely familiar, but it was dark and he had his back to me woke up. Can’t you just chill out for a day?”
so I couldn’t quite place him. “Brazen, aren’t they?” Alec said, motioning “But I need to know,” I argued. “I deserve to know. I can’t just lie
toward the man with the AK-47. “Brave and careless. It’s a dangerous around, wondering what happened or what’s going on. I’ll only worry myself
combination, to be fearless and so casual about things.” sick, Edward, and then I’ll never get better.”
“Fucking crazy is what they are,” I mumbled. We couldn’t hear what “Fine,” he muttered. “I still don’t think it’s a good idea, but whatever.
they were saying but watched as James pulled out a set of keys, tossing I’m not going to fight with you about it.”
them to the third guy. James and the man with the AK-47 started for the “Thank you,” I responded, quietly listening to Edward as he started
front entrance of the building, pulling it open right away and disappearing recounting the span of time I’d been missing, beginning the moment he
inside. “Unlocked.” woke up in the car alongside the road. He explained how his father had
“I suppose we can add stupid to the list of adjectives then,” he responded been there, describing the scene that he’d witnessed when he opened his
as the guy turned and started across the street toward James’s car. Alec eyes. He seemed shocked when I confirmed I had fired his gun, pausing
gripped his gun and quickly slipped around the back of the building. I stood momentarily as a smile graced his face.
there for a moment before slowly taking a few steps around the front, “You got that motherfucker good, tesoro,” he said, pride evident in his
keeping close to the building and remaining in the shadows. I reached the voice and making me blush for what felt like the hundredth time in an hour.
corner just as Alec came around from the back and warded off the man, “I knew teaching you how to shoot would come in handy someday. I mean,
pointing his gun. The man froze when he spotted Alec, throwing his hands it fucking sucks that it came to that shit, but I’m proud of you.”
up immediately and dropping the keys he’d been holding. He continued quickly and explained what had happened in Forks, the
“Alec,” he said, panicked. His voice struck me as familiar and my tears starting to flow from my eyes when he broke the news to me that
stomach sank when I realized why. Jacob had actually passed away. I asked for details but Edward claimed to
“Catalano?” I said. The man turned his head right away, fear flashing not know any, saying his father only stated he’d taken care of the body. My
across his face when we made eye contact. Stefano Catalano was his name, mind started drifting through scenarios and my chest ached from the
a kid barely older than Edward that I’d initiated only a few months earlier. knowledge that his family wouldn’t get to say goodbye. I got so lost in my
I had been named his mentor and was instantaneously filled with guilt thoughts that Edward’s words seemed to drift into the background until he
because I’d been so wrapped up in my life that I’d severely neglected him. I uttered a phrase that caught me completely off guard.
was supposed to help him assimilate into the organization, come to terms “Arrested?” I gasped, repeating what he’d just said. He sighed and stood
with his place in the ranks, but I’d left him to his own defenses and less up, running his left hand awkwardly through his messy hair.
than six months in he was already rogue. “Dr. Uh, Carlisle, sir,” he “Yes, arrested, and for bullshit reasons at that. The feds raided with
stammered nervously. “What are you, uh, doing… here…” warrants for my father and Alec, and some fucking agent with an ego
I went to respond but before I could Alec grabbed a hold of him and problem named DiFronzo decided to throw my ass in jail along with them,”
threw him up against the side of the building, patting him down quickly he said with annoyance. “He was a jackass. I was only there a few days
and pulling out his gun. He put it in his own pocket and shook his head as before Esme bailed me out, but that’s why it took us so long to get to you.
he pressed his gun into the boy’s throat. The assholes busted in as soon as Emmett got your chip working again and
“Don’t waste our time asking questions you know the answers to, and fucking interrupted us.”
don’t pretend to be ignorant, either. You know why we’re here and you’re “I can’t believe you went to jail,” I mumbled in disbelief. “But is that
going to tell us what we want to know,” he said harshly, his tone causing how you found me? You used my chip?”
even my skin to crawl. He laughed dryly, clutching onto his hair as he started pacing around
“I, uh, I swear I didn’t know…” he started right away, but Alec thrust beside the bed. “I wish,” he said, going into a rant about microchips and
the gun into his Adam’s apple and cut him off, a strangled, painful cry GPS tracking that barely made any sense to me. I listened quietly,
escaping his throat. “How many people are inside?” Alec asked firmly. watching him curiously. It was obvious he was frazzled and on edge. I
“Five or six, I think,” he responded, tears starting to fall down his figured maybe it was just the entire situation having worn him down, but
cheeks. “Maybe more, I don’t know.” a small part of me wondered if there was more to it that I didn’t yet
“Not a good answer,” Alec said. understand.
“I saw six but there are other rooms I didn’t go in,” he elaborated “So how did you find me, then?” I asked when he finished. He shot me a
nervously. “Better,” Alec said. “Are they all armed?” nervous look, his eyes full of concern.
226 247
 “Uh, I don’t want her to. I mean, I’ll can get my own, she shouldn’t have “The ones I saw were. They always are,” he responded. “Who are they?”
to,” I stammered, not wanting to give Clara extra work because it just felt he asked.
wrong. “God, I don’t really know,” Stephano stammered.
“Nonsense, child. You are far too weak right now for that. Plus, you “Well you better figure it out,” Alec said sharply. “Right now, before I
know as well as I do that she’d be happy to do it for you. From what I’ve blow your head off.”
heard, she’s been cooking for you since you were about two feet tall,” he “Fuck! Okay! Uh, James. He’s the only one I really know. He talked me
said. into this, I swear I didn’t realize what he was doing at first, I didn’t know
“It was different in Phoenix,” I mumbled. he was going to…” he rambled, being cut off abruptly when Alec took the
“How so?” he asked. gun and slammed him in the side of the head with it hard. He cried out and
“I was just like her then,” I answered. He paused what he was doing to stumbled, but Alec grabbed him and slammed him into the brick building
give me a peculiar look. again.
“You know, I’ve never heard you say that before. You may not have said “I don’t want your excuses. I want names,” he said coolly.
the actual words, but you just acknowledged out loud that you were free,” “Okay, God, uh…. James. And that girl of his, I don’t know her name,”
he said. I stared at him with surprise, realizing I had, and his lips turned he said. “Victoria?” Alec asked. “The red-head?”
up into a smile. “I think you’ll be just fine, Isabella.” “No, not her. The other girl, the nurse,” he said.
“Thank you, sir,” I responded quietly. “Heidi? The blonde?” I asked, narrowing my eyes in anger.
“You’re welcome. I’m sure the two of you have a lot to talk about, but be “Yeah, that’s her. There’s some guys I don’t know, some foreign guys.
sure to get some rest today and Edward can get you something for the pain. There’s an older man, he’s the one who’s in charge. Stephan is his name,
I know he knows where the narcotics are, because he’s been popping them and I only remember it because it’s like mine. I haven’t really spoken to
like candy for weeks,” Dr. Cullen said as he headed for the door. Edward him. He’s fucking scary, man! And there are two other younger Russians
groaned in annoyance and Dr. Cullen laughed, shutting the door behind that have been hanging around but I don’t know their names. They’re
him as he left. complete assholes,” he said.
“He seems kind of… strange,” I mumbled once he was gone. “And what about the girl?” Alec asked firmly.
“Yeah. He’s kind of resolved these days, almost optimistic like he’s got “I told you the nurse was there,” he responded.
some big fucking grand plan to save us all,” Edward said. “Don’t play stupid,” Alec snapped. “I’m talking about Isabella.”
“Do we need to be saved?” I asked curiously. Edward gave me a peculiar “Oh, uh, I haven’t seen her. I mean, I know they have her, but they don’t
look, shrugging. have her in the front, and like I said, there are other rooms,” he stammered.
“Don’t we always?” he asked, averting his eyes after a moment. “I don’t “You haven’t seen her at all?” Alec asked. He shook his head frantically
know, it’s hard to explain and it’s really fucking weird given the situation, in response.
but whatever. I’m just glad he’s not on my ass about things anymore.” “I’m sure she’s there, though. Or she was, I guess. They used to take
“Is he working at the hospital here?” I asked with confusion. “He said food in the back, and I heard her voice once…” he started, stopping abruptly
he was going there.” as lights flashed and the sound of a car approached. We all tensed up and
“No, he’s not working,” Edward responded. “He’s just going to see about watched as the black BMW turned out its headlights and crept through the
something.” street slowly. It disappeared out of sight and I walked toward the front of
“What?” I asked. the building cautiously, watching as it stopped about a block away. The
“Just… something,” he said, sighing loudly with annoyance. “Christ, passenger door opened and a form sprinted across the street as the car
you’re full of fucking questions. Don’t worry about it, alright? It’s not that pulled out of sight, the form still approaching. My eyes widened in shock
big of a deal. A lot’s happened, Bella.” when he came into sight, the striking bronze hair standing out instantly.
I was becoming utterly frustrated at my confusion and he wasn’t “What the fuck are you doing, Edward?” I muttered to myself as he
clearing anything up for me, all of his answers only opening up more started toward the building, reaching into his waistband and pulling out a
questions. I knew I was overwhelming him but I was desperate to know gun. My heart was pounding furiously and I heard Alec curse behind me
what was going on. “Like what?” when he realized it was my son.
“I wouldn’t even know where to start,” he muttered. “Stop him,” he stated. I groaned and glanced around in a panic before
“How about at the beginning?” I asked exasperatedly as he eyed me, sprinting across the street as he started for the front door of the building.
appearing as if he were going to refuse. “Please?”
246 227
His hand grasped the knob and he turned in my direction before he could room as a result. It felt like something was off, like I was missing a piece of
open it, tensing up in shock when he spotted me. the puzzle that Edward was intentionally keeping from me for some reason.
“Da–” he started, but I grabbed a hold of him and dragged him away “Is everyone else okay?” I asked eventually. “Your family?”
from the door roughly before he could open it. He cursed and stumbled as I “Why wouldn’t they be?” he asked apprehensively.
pulled him around the side of the building, gaping at me in confusion. “I don’t know. I was just worried…” I started.
“What the fuck? Christ, she might be fucking in there!” “Well, stop worrying,” he said firmly. “You need to focus on getting
“Keep your voice down,” I snapped. “You can’t just walk in the front better. The other shit can come later.”
door, Edward!” “You sound like your father again,” I muttered, his evasive answer
“What the hell else am I supposed to do?” he asked angrily, narrowing doing nothing to calm my fears.
his eyes at me. They were bloodshot with dark bags underneath them. He He laughed awkwardly. “Tale il padre, tale il figlio,” he mumbled.
was obviously worn down and appeared as if he hadn’t slept in a long time, “Maybe I’m more like him then we thought, tesoro.”
his hair sticking up everywhere and clothes disheveled. “Do you know how “You’re nothing like him,” I stated. “You’ll never be like him.”
long it’s been? Do you know how long she’s fucking been gone? I have to “I wouldn’t be so sure,” he responded quietly. I glanced up at him
find her, no matter what!” curiously, wondering what he meant by that, but before I could speak there
“I know, but you can’t just walk in blindly! You seriously have a lot to was a knock behind me and the door opened. I pulled away from Edward,
learn, son. Do you want to die?” I asked. “We’re here, we’re on it.” groaning as I turned to see Dr. Cullen walk in. “Speak of the fucking devil.”
“Well, about fucking time you’re here,” he snapped. “Do you know what “It’s not nice to talk about people,” Dr. Cullen said.
the fuck I’ve been through this week? What the hell I’ve had to do?” “Chi parla in faccia non è traditore,” Edward said. I glanced over at him
“Calm down,” I said. curiously, wondering what he’d said, as Dr. Cullen laughed.
“You want me to fucking calm down?” he nearly yelled. “Fuck you!” “True, son,” he responded. “You’ve definitely never been one to hold your
I groaned and grabbed his arm, pulling him across the street. He tongue.”
resisted at first but was obviously exhausted and gave in quickly. We “Yeah, well, isn’t that part of my charm?” Edward asked.
walked over to where Alec stood in the darkness and I glanced down, seeing “I wouldn’t exactly call it charm,” Dr. Cullen laughed. “Your mouth gets
Stephano huddled on the ground against the wall. you into trouble just as often as it gets you out of it.”
“Tale il padre, tale il figlio,” Alec muttered. “Neither of you have any “Well Isabella’s never had any complaints about my mouth,” Edward
sense of self-preservation left.” said playfully. I blushed again the moment his words registered, reaching
“What the fuck ever. She’s worth dying for,” Edward said right away. over to jab him in the ribs. My touch was light because I was still very weak,
“And what happens when you die?” Alec countered, giving him a pointed but Edward clenched his teeth and tried to muffle a cry anyway. I froze and
look. “What happens to her then? Your carelessness is going to get her eyed him hesitantly, as Dr. Cullen sighed loudly.
killed. You’re a made man now, you need to start thinking with your head.” “He has some rib fractures that are still healing. They would probably
Edward tensed up and quickly shot me a peculiar look. “Whatever, I be fine by now if he’d learn to take it easy,” Dr. Cullen explained.
need to save her, that’s what I need to do,” he muttered, shoving his gun in “Sorry,” I said quietly, feeling guilty that I’d hurt him. He rolled his eyes
his pocket and running his hands through his hair nervously. He glanced in annoyance.
around, appearing frazzled, before motioning toward Stephano. “Who is “Don’t apologize. It doesn’t matter,” he muttered, turning his attention
this motherfucker?” to his father. “Is there something you needed?”
“He’s a friend of ours,” I said coolly. “Catalano.” “I just wanted to check on Isabella before I left for the hospital,” he
“If he’s a friend of ours, why the fuck is he on the ground?” Edward responded, walking over toward the bed. He grabbed my wrist to check my
asked, his brow furrowing in confusion. pulse, quickly feeling my forehead afterward. “How are you feeling?”
“He’s more of a friend to James, it seems,” Alec responded “Okay,” I responded. “I’m a little weak and kind of mixed up, but I feel
“Wait, he’s fucking in on this?” Edward asked. I nodded and he rushed better than I did. I’m just really tired for some reason.”
forward right away, reaching down and grabbing Stephano by the collar. “You will be for a while. It’s your body’s way of healing. If you feel up
“She better not be hurt, you hear me? Where the fuck is she? What did you for it later, I want you to try to eat something. Clara can bring you some
do to her? Tell me!” Stephano’s eyes widened in shock and he shook his chicken broth,” he said.
head frantically, glancing quickly between Alec and me. “I swear, I didn’t
do anything to her! I haven’t seen her!”
228 245
 He reached for me, trying to pull me into a hug, but it wasn’t very easy “What the fuck do you mean you haven’t seen her?” Edward snapped,
with our injuries. We both groaned and cringed from the pain, his bandaged slamming the boys head back against the building. “You assholes took my
arm making the embrace awkward. “Your arm,” I whispered, nuzzling into fucking girl from me and I want her back!” He braced his hands against the
his chest and inhaling his comforting scent. building, reaching his foot back and lunging it forward. Stephano curled up
“Yeah, the bone fractured when I was shot so they had to splint it,” he into a ball and started sobbing wildly as Edward pounded him with his foot,
muttered. I tensed up and glanced up at him in shock. yelling at him about Isabella. I grabbed his shoulder and tried to pull him
“You were shot?” I asked in horror. off but he shoved me away and continued to assault Stephano. He was
“Yeah, fucking James got me. It’s not that serious, though,” he said shaking and there were tears flowing from his eyes, his emotions pushing
nonchalantly. him over the edge.
“How can you say that?” I asked incredulously. “He shot you! That is “He’s so much like you it’s almost disturbing,” Alec said calmly. “I can’t
serious! God, what happened to him? Where is he? He’s not coming for us, count how many times you’ve allowed it to become personal and chose to
is he?” use your hands and feet as weapons.”
“Relax, he’s dead,” Edward said, eyeing me apprehensively. “Him and “He’s going to kill him,” I warned, panicked by how out of control my
the rest of those assholes.” son was. “He can’t tell us anything if he’s dead, Alec.”
“They’re all dead?” I asked. He nodded. “And you aren’t?” Alec sighed and grabbed a hold of Edward, pulling him away. He
He cracked a smile at my strange question, and I felt the blush come resisted a bit but Alec was too strong for him and came between the two of
over my face as he chuckled. “Last time I checked I wasn’t,” he said, running them, giving Edward a harsh look. “Enough,” he said firmly, before
the back of his hand along my cheek. “Christ, I fucking missed that blush.” reaching down and grabbing Stephano, pulling him to his feet.
I smiled, my blush deepening at his words. “I missed you,” I whispered. “Where were you going?” Alec asked. “Just now, why did James give you
“I missed you, too. We’re okay now, Bella. No matter what, we’ll both be his keys?”
okay,” he responded. “And I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up the “Uh, food,” he muttered, blood pouring from his face. He tried to wipe it
first time. I really fucking wish I would’ve been and I hate that I wasn’t.” away but it continued to flow. “I was supposed to get food, sir.”
“Where were you?” I asked curiously. Alec stared at him for a second as the brush ruffled nearby, causing
“I, uh, had an appointment I couldn’t miss,” he answered quietly. Edward and I to tense up and reach for our weapons as a precaution. “Hello,
“What kind of appointment?” I asked. Royce,” Alec said flatly, not even turning around to look as the person
“That doesn’t really matter right now,” he said. approached.
I narrowed my eyes suspiciously, wondering what he was keeping from “Alec, Carlisle,” Royce said, his tone hesitant as he greeted me. “It’s nice
me. I was still utterly confused, everything completely overwhelming. to see you gentlemen again.”
“That’s the same thing your father said,” I stated. “He told me it wasn’t “How the fuck did you know it was him?” Edward asked, glaring at Alec
important, that there would be time later to get into it.” suspiciously. Alec sighed with annoyance, shaking his head.
“Yeah, well, there you go,” he said. “We should probably fucking listen “It doesn’t matter. I always know my surroundings,” he responded,
to him.” glancing at my son briefly before turning his attention back to the boy on
“Since when do you listen?” I asked incredulously. He rolled his eyes the ground. “If you want me to show you any mercy, Catalano, this is what
playfully. you’re going to do. You’re going to go across the street and walk in the front
“Well, I never did before and look where that fucking got us. Maybe it’s door of the building, and say you were jumped by some of these thugs that
time we start, since he seems to know what the hell he’s talking about,” he roam these streets. Say they stole your money and James’s keys. Do you
responded. “Sometimes, anyway. Other times I still think he’s full of shit.” understand?”
I laughed at his response and he chuckled again, gently squeezing me “Yes, please. I’ll do anything,” he sputtered.
in a hug. “I love you,” I said. “Good. Now go,” he said, shoving the boy. Stephano started staggering
“La mia bella ragazza,” he whispered. “You know I love you, too.” away, nervously shooting looks at Alec. “Carlisle, you and Edward go
We both lay quietly for a moment, just holding onto each other. I was around and cover the back door. Royce and I will get the front.”
trying to sort through what he’d said, trying to clear the fog that seemed to I nodded and grabbed the gun from my coat as I sprinted across the
have settled in my brain to make sense of everything that had happened. street, positioning myself in the shadows beside the back entrance. Edward
My memory was still sketchy, and an odd tension started mounting in the followed me quietly, the tension coming from him so harsh I could

244 229
practically feel it on my skin. He was fidgeting and pacing slightly, making existed before, and I knew firsthand that it came from him a bone breaking
me uneasy. because it was just like the one I had.
“You’re pissed at me, aren’t you?” he asked after a second, a slight edge I lay silently for a while, gently caressing his face and running my
to his words. “I had to fucking do it, Dad. I needed to find her. I have to fingers through his hair as I familiarized myself with him again. It felt so
fucking know, I have to see her. I need her to be okay. I don’t know what surreal, having him beside me, that even the pain and my exhaustion
the fuck I’m going to do if she isn’t. She has to be safe.” couldn’t distract me. He eventually started stirring, grumbling
“You’re right, I am pissed. I don’t see how throwing your life away helps incoherently with a frown on his face, before his eyes slowly drifted open.
anything, but now isn’t the time for this,” I said sharply, trying not to even He glanced at me and jumped, so startled he nearly fell off of the bed, and
think about it. I needed to remain calm and collected; dwelling on what he’d I pulled my hand back quickly.
done was only going to get me riled up again. “We’re going to go in here and “Christ, you’re awake!” he said, his voice thick with sleep. “I swear, one
end this, and no matter what we find we’ll deal with it afterward.” of these days you’re going to give me a fucking heart attack, tesoro.” I
He seemed like he was about to respond but within a matter of seconds couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face at the sound of his voice,
gunshots started ringing out inside the building and the back door was my eyes welling up with tears as I gazed at him.
thrust open, an unfamiliar young man with dark hair appearing. He froze “Edward,” I whispered, my voice cracking as I fought back my emotion,
when he spotted us, his eyes widening with fear, and raised his gun. I aimed but it was too much to handle. Tears started falling down my cheeks and
and fired off a round, hitting him square between the eyes. Blood splattered he stared in shock, reaching out to wipe them away.
everywhere and he staggered, firing off a shot that whizzed by us as he “Shit, are you okay?” he asked, sounding panicked. “Are you hurt? Wait,
slammed to the ground. I pumped two more rounds into him quickly before what the fuck am I thinking? Of course you’re hurting! Christ, I’m a fucking
grabbing the door and slipping inside, stunned momentarily by the sight. idiot! What can I do?”
People were clamoring and dodging flying bullets, the sound of most of the “I’m fine,” I whispered.
gunfire muffled by silencers. Edward came in behind me and cursed, diving “You’re not fine,” he retorted, shaking his head. “You’re fucking hurt,
to the side to duck behind a table in the flurry of gunfire. I spotted Alec by tesoro. Christ, do you know how much you fucking scared me? I thought I
the front door, firing at an older man that I assumed to be Stephan as he was going to lose you! When I woke up in that goddamn car and saw you
ran toward the back. were gone, I thought my life was over. But I swore I’d never fucking give
I spotted James a few feet away, hiding behind a table and fumbling as up and I didn’t. I would’ve never stopped looking, I would’ve found you if it
he attempted to load a gun. I started firing shots at him and he jumped as was the last goddamn thing I did– no matter what. But, fuck, I was scared!
he finished what he was doing, pointing his weapon at me to fire back. My I couldn’t even think about going on if you were dead…”
first two bullets barely missed him as he shielded himself and dodged them, “I’m not dead,” I said quietly through my tears.
but the third one hit him directly in the chest, a loud gasp escaping his “Yes, but…” he started.
mouth as he slumped backwards. James struggled for air and something “No buts,” I interrupted. “I thought I was going to lose you, too, Edward.
nearby caught my attention briefly as a bullet whizzed by me, grazing my When you wouldn’t wake up in the car and they came for me, I thought they
cheek. I cursed at the burning sensation and it distracted me momentarily, were going to kill you. I was so scared that I begged them to leave you
giving James just enough time to get the upper hand. He fired off some alone.”
rounds back to back, a bullet ripping through my left shoulder as even more “You begged those motherfuckers?” he asked, his brow furrowing.
flew by me. My arm started to go numb almost immediately, searing pain “Yes. They were going to kill you,” I said, my voice cracking as the
coursing through my upper body, but my own injury was forgotten instantly memory resurfaced. “But I begged them to leave you alone and told them
when I heard the sound of my son screaming. I’d go with them, and I wouldn’t fight as long as they let you live. I would’ve
I turned quickly in reaction and saw Edward grasping his right arm, given up anything.”
realizing right away that one of James’s bullets had hit him. He froze in “You would’ve sacrificed yourself for me?” he asked quietly with a
place but recovered within a matter of seconds and grabbed his gun, which serious expression on his face. “You’d throw your life away if it meant I’d
had been knocked from his hand, as I turned back to face James once again. keep mine?”
I started firing off rounds quickly, taking a few steps toward him as my “Yes,” I answered with no hesitation as he wiped away more of my tears.
anger exploded and mingled with the pain in my shoulder. My vision “Wouldn’t you do the same?”
narrowed with the flash of the gun barrel, and my eyes were fixated directly He stared at me for a moment before nodding. “You know I would.”
on James as I started pumping bullet after bullet into his body. Three
230 243
were in bad shape when we found you. You were severely dehydrated and slammed into his chest, piercing his heart and causing horrid gasping
your shoulder was dislocated, among other things, so there will likely be noises to come from him as blood started pouring from his wounds and he
some lasting effects as a result.” struggled to breathe.
“How long has it been?” I whispered, trying to grasp his words. I paused when I was directly over him, glaring down at his
“It’s the twenty-ninth of October today,” he answered hesitantly as he incapacitated form. He was trying to pull himself away, straining his body
eyed me cautiously. “You disappeared on September thirtieth.” to get a hold of his gun but the life was fading from him rapidly. I aimed at
“A month,” I mumbled in shock. An entire month had passed, my his head and stared him in the eyes, not an ounce of fear in his expression
memory of it sketchy and limited to brief flashes, those of which I couldn’t as he stared back at me. Cold and heartless, even down to his very last
even be sure really happened. It was no wonder I was so confused. seconds, with not an ounce of remorse for what he’d done. “Arrivederci,” I
“Yes. You’ve been here for about two weeks recuperating,” he said. said coldly as my rage spiraled out of control, his expression twisting
“Where is here?” I asked groggily, exhaustion creeping in fast as the angrily at the simple word. I saw the flash of fire in his eyes as he finally
numbing feeling started overtaking my body once more. “Clara… I saw her, grabbed his gun and fought to pick it up quickly, but I started firing off
and I thought…” rounds in succession, bullets ripping through his skull. His finger pulled
“I know,” he interrupted. “We’re actually in Chicago right now at my the trigger as a knee-jerk reaction, a bullet flying off to the side as his body
sister’s house, but we’ll be heading back to Washington just as soon as started violently shaking. I didn’t stop until the gun clicked and every
you’re strong enough.” round was dispensed into him, leaving him nearly completely
“Chicago,” I mumbled as my eyes started closing, vaguely recalling a unrecognizable.
man telling me that before. Brief snippets of conversation came flooding I didn’t have any time to dwell on what had just happened, because
back and I gasped loudly, my eyes snapping open in horror. before I could even switch out my weapons the sound of an AK-47 ripped
“James!” I gasped, my speech slurred even more than before. “And the through the warehouse and bullets slammed into everything around me.
man, he…” The noise was deafening and I ducked for cover, grabbing for my second
“What did I say Isabella?” Dr. Cullen asked pointedly, cutting me off gun. I flicked the safety off and started firing at the man with the weapon,
before I could get my thought out. “There will be plenty of time for that hitting him in the leg with my first round. He stumbled but continued to
later. You need to rest now. It can wait.” fire, another bullet grazing my neck in the chaos. My body felt like it was
I nodded hesitantly, having no energy to argue as I’d already forgotten on fire and my vision blurred from the pain, but I fought to keep a grip on
what I wanted to say in the first place, and allowed my eyes to close again. myself.
I heard his footsteps start for the door, my exhaustion whisking me away I watched as Royce ran from the gunfire but couldn’t dive for cover fast
almost instantly. enough. Bullets tore into his flesh and he cried out, attempting a few
I awoke much later to a bright room, squinting from the harsh light wayward shots as he collapsed. I cursed and fired a few more rounds, one
filtering in from the window. My body was sore, every inch of me aching. hitting the man with the assault rifle in the stomach. My gun clicked as I
My head was thumping furiously and I groaned as I tried to turn away from ran out of ammunition and I struggled to reload as Edward started shooting
the sunlight, freezing when my hand came into contact with a body in the from a few feet away, one of his bullets grazing the man’s neck and another
bed beside me. My eyes widened in shock as I turned my head to see hitting him in the back. The gunfire silenced momentarily as Edward
Edward’s still form. He was facing me and his eyes were closed, his chest reloaded and the man staggered, struggling to stay on his feet. Alec pointed
rising and falling at a steady pace as he slept. My eyes scanned him quickly, his gun at that moment, firing three rounds directly into his head without
his mere presence making my heart pound rapidly, and I noticed his right hesitation. He fell backwards, his finger clutching the trigger and wildly
arm was wrapped from his fingers up past his elbow with a tan colored spraying bullets around as he collapsed. I saw Alec stagger a few steps as
bandage. Even asleep he appeared troubled, scars visible that I had never he was hit but he stayed on his feet, recovering quickly enough to dispense
seen before. another round into him.
I clenched my jaw and fought back the cry that threatened to come out A female’s piercing screams shattered the air when the man hit the
as I rolled over to face him, the needle in my arm uncomfortable and pulling ground, the sound sending a cold chill down my spine. Edward immediately
when I reached my hand toward Edward. I hesitated an inch from his face, ran in the direction of the noise and I yelled after him, warning him to be
not wanting to disturb his slumber, before lightly running my fingertips careful, but I wasn’t sure if he even heard me in the chaos. I chased after
along the bridge of his nose. There was a small bump on it that hadn’t him as bullets rang out from a room in the back, one whizzing right by my
head. Alec covered us by shooting at who I assumed had to be Stephan, but
242 231
I couldn’t really see him from my position. Edward froze abruptly after a “I can’t,” I yelled, my voice scratchy and cracking from my panic. “Where
moment and I nearly ran straight into him, confused about why he was just is he?”
stopping, until my eyes fell upon Heidi standing in the corner. Her eyes “He’s fine, Isabella. Relax and take a few deep breaths. Getting worked
were wide with fear and she threw her hands in the air as if to surrender, up isn’t going to help,” he stated, continuing to look me over.
a loud scream still reverberating from her. She quieted some after a second, “Where is he?” I asked again in confusion. “Is he in the hospital? Is that
visibly trembling as she glanced between the two of us frantically. why he isn’t here?”
“Please,” she whimpered, tears streaming down her face. “Edward, Dr. “He’s not in the hospital. I assure you, he’s fine. He just had something
C. I didn’t… I’m sorry…. I swear, I’m so sorry!” he needed to take care of tonight,” he responded hesitantly. I narrowed my
It seemed in that moment as if everything paused, an eerie tense silence eyes suspiciously as he averted his gaze, focusing his attention on my arm.
falling over us as we stood staring at her. The moment passed just as He lifted it and I cried out in pain, my shoulder stiff and throbbing.
quickly as it came, however, and Edward reacted swiftly... but I was faster. “What’s he taking care of?” I asked, knowing Edward would have never
He raised his gun, his expression full of rage, but I fired before he could pull left my side unless it was absolutely necessary and worried because Dr.
the trigger. I stepped forward to block Edward’s line of sight, and Heidi Cullen wasn’t really explaining things very well.
staggered backwards and gasped as she collapsed onto the ground. Riddled “It’s not really important right now,” he said forcefully, his firm tone
with guilt and shame, I stood over her and watched as the life diminished catching me off guard. “You need to focus on yourself right now, Isabella.
from her, disgusted with myself because I’d murdered an unarmed woman, Edward will be back soon, and he’ll be elated to know you’re awake. He
and that was something I’d avoided as much as possible in my life. She may hasn’t left your side the entire time you’ve been here, except for tonight.
have deserved her fate, and I knew deep down inside she wouldn’t have He’ll actually probably be pretty hard on himself for not being here, but it
walked out of the room alive regardless, but it pained me to have to be the can’t really be helped.”
one to have pulled the trigger. However, there was no way in Hell I could “I, uh…” I started, not sure where I was even going with the thought.
let my son carry that kind of burden with him in life. He had enough on his Nothing made sense. “I still don’t understand. I’m confused.”
shoulders as it was. “I imagine you are. You’ve been out for a while, so it’s only natural that
“I could’ve fucking done it,” Edward spat angrily behind me. I turned to you’re groggy. You were kept drugged the two or so weeks you were, uh,
respond, panicking when I spotted Stephan across the room grabbing an away,” he said hesitantly, giving me a wary look. “You weren’t in very good
AK-47 and pointing it at us. I lunged for Edward quickly and threw him to condition when we found you.”
the ground, landing on top of him as the spray of bullets rang out all around “Drugged,” I echoed his word, flashes of memory returning to me. I
us. Stephan paused briefly and ducked for cover when his clip was expelled, recalled a man injecting me a few times, his voice unfamiliar. Everything
struggling to reload as Alec fired off some rounds, before standing back up was so hazy, my hallucinations muddling everything and making it blur
and starting to shoot again within a matter of seconds. Bullets tore into together.
Stephan as Edward and I both fired from our position and he fought to “Yes, drugged. You were basically in a medically induced coma, I
maintain his balance, refusing to give up the fight despite the fact that he assume it was their way of keeping you subdued. You probably don’t
was getting hit from all directions. I watched in horror as some bullets from remember much right now, and it’s best you don’t strain yourself trying to.
the spray of the AK-47 hit Alec and he stumbled, dropping to his knees. Things will come back to you with time,” he said firmly, his tone telling me
I leapt up quickly and rushed forward, clutching my gun as my rage he meant business. “Your body overdosed on the medication they pumped
took over. I started shooting again with no hesitation, three bullets hitting into you, so when you started coming off of it you went through withdrawal.
Stephan straight in the head as I rushed toward my brother-in-law. He I had to put you back under to wean you gradually and it’s taken some time,
stared at me in shock for a split second before dropping hard, a loud bang so it will likely be a while before you start feeling normal again. It would’ve
ringing out as he took out a metal chair on his way down. I glanced around been best to take you to a hospital, but there was simply no way to explain
cautiously to make sure the threat was gone before dropping my gun and away your condition along with an addiction to Nembutal.”
crouching down in front of Alec, panicked. He was on his knees and “Okay,” I started, stopping abruptly and tensing up as he pulled out a
hunched over, wheezing and clutching his stomach. I could see the red needle full of clear liquid.
seeping onto his shirt and he glanced at me, the color draining from his “It’s just morphine for the pain. It will help you rest,” he explained when
face. I’d been hit a few times in the chaos but the wounds were superficial he noticed my reaction, gently picking up my arm. I glanced down, my brow
and I could deal with them on my own. Alec, however, obviously hadn’t been furrowing in confusion when I spotted a needle already taped in my arm.
so lucky. Dr. Cullen injected the liquid into my vein, smiling softly. “Like I said, you
232 241
 “I know it does,” she said quietly. “The doctor said you would be in pain “Let me see,” I said right away, trying to pry his hands away. He
when you finally woke up. You’ve been out for a very long time, sweetie.” resisted at first but eventually gave in, sitting back. I ripped his shirt open
“Doctor?” I asked, never imagining those words would come from her. to get a good look and he winced as I touched the area, three separate
How long had I been out, anyway? “Charles doesn’t let us see doctors, wounds visible on his abdomen. “This isn’t good, Alec. We need to get you
Clara.” to the hospital.”
“Charles?” she asked in response, her brow furrowing as she shook her “I’m fine,” he grumbled, pushing my hands away as he struggled to get
head. “Where do you think you are, Isabella?” to his feet. He swayed a bit but managed to stand on his own, refusing my
“At the Swan’s. Where else would you be?” I responded. I was help. “You need to find the girl.”
disoriented and exhausted, my words slurring together. I desperately His words pulled me back to the situation at hand and I glanced around
wanted to close my eyes again but I was afraid to, worried I’d never open quickly, looking for Edward. I spotted him approaching a doorway across
them again. “Where’s my mother?” the room that Stephan had come out of, frantically tugging on his hair. He
Her eyes widened as she gaped at me. “Your mother?” she asked was frazzled, his clothes torn and splattered with blood. I worried for him
hesitantly. I tried to nod, groaning loudly from the pain in my neck. “She, but my concern shifted as he froze at the entrance to the other room, a lone
uh… um, hold on, okay?” She turned and scurried from the room and I word escaping his throat in an agonizing scream.
finally allowed my eyes to close, trying to block everything out and make “Bella!”
sense of what was going on. He bolted into the room and I swiftly followed him, freezing a few steps
Where was I? inside the doorway. My breath nearly left me at the sight of Edward sitting
“Come on, open your eyes back up,” I heard a voice say out of nowhere, on the edge of a dirty, torn mattress and pulling Isabella into his arms, her
startling me. I forced my eyes back open to see the familiar man, a worried body frail and limp.
expression on his face. “Thank you, dolcezza. I was worried you were gone She was barely recognizable from the girl who had stood in my house a
again.” few weeks earlier, instead resembling the girl I’d picked up more than a
“Dr. Cullen?” I asked apprehensively, my confusion deepening. year ago from Phoenix. She’d dropped a lot of weight and she was obviously
“Yes, it’s me,” he responded, pulling out a stethoscope and pressing it severely dehydrated, her skin blotchy and lips blue. Her clothes were in
against my chest. I jumped from the unexpected coldness, pain ricocheting tatters, her body covered in bruises and dried blood. Even where I stood I
through me from the movement. “Try not to move.” could see her injuries, the sight making me sick to my stomach.
“It hurts,” I muttered, tears starting to fall again. Edward was panicking, clinging to her tightly as tears started
“I know it does,” he said, placing his hand against my forehead. I lay as streaming down his cheeks. “Isabella, baby, wake up! Open your eyes for
still as possible, fighting to ignore the pain and keep my eyes open as he me!” he said, his voice shaking. “Fuck! Please, tesoro.”
checked me over intently. Clara was hovering over his shoulder, wringing He picked her up, cradling her in his arms and brushing past me as he
her hands together nervously, the entire scene surreal. carried her out into the open warehouse. His injured arm nearly gave out
“Are you real?” I asked after a moment, unable to keep silent any longer. on him but he kept a grip on her, slumping himself down against the wall
Dr. Cullen paused and looked at me with surprise. and holding her tightly.
“Am I real?” he asked. I squatted down beside him and grabbed her wrist, her pulse weak and
“Are you really here?” I elaborated. “Or is this just another dream?” erratic. Her hands were freezing and her arm was twisted in an odd
“Oh, I’m quite real,” he responded, pausing briefly as a small smile took direction, her shoulder obviously dislocated. I could see her chest moving
over his lips. “At least, I think so.” rapidly and her breaths were shallow and she was feverish so I checked her
I tried to smile in response but I was weak and wasn’t sure if it worked, eyes, noticing her pupils were constricted. She didn’t react with any of her
still not comprehending what was going on. “I’m confused,” I stated. “I don’t reflexes, her neurological system not functioning normally.
understand. I, uh… don’t remember. How did you get here? Where’s “Is she okay? Christ, why isn’t she fucking waking up?” Edward asked
Edward? Oh God! Where’s Edward?” in alarm, caressing her face with his hand. I sighed, shaking my head.
I almost started hyperventilating, paralyzed by fear the moment I “I’m going to assume she’s been drugged with something. I can’t be
thought of Edward. I recalled us being in an accident and glanced around exactly sure, but likely a barbiturate of some sort,” I responded.
the room frantically for him, trying to sit up again but Dr. Cullen blocked “Is she fucking okay, though? Is she going to be alright?” he asked.
my movement. “Calm down,” he said. “I, uh… I wish I knew for sure. I…” I started, but he cut me off before I
could even try to elaborate.
240 233
 “You’re always trying to fucking play doctor with me, and the one couldn’t seem to think clearly, overwhelmed by it all as I started slipping
goddamn time I ask you for some fucking help that’s what you give me? You back under. The image in front of me twisted and blurred, noises fading out
wish you fucking knew? You’ve got to be kidding me!” he snapped. as if I were drowning again.
“I need to get her somewhere where I can really assess her,” I said. “Happy New Year,” I whispered absent-mindedly, closing my eyes as his
“She’s alive…” laughter cut through the room. I smiled in response as a cold, numbing chill
“And she better fucking stay that way,” he spat, cutting me off again. shot down my spine and I started trembling, Edward yelling frantically as
“Isabella, baby, I need you to wake up for me. I need you. Christ, I fucking I began to lose consciousness once again.
need you. You have to fucking make it, because I can’t live if you don’t. I I had no way to gauge how much time passed while I was out– it could’ve
can’t fucking survive if you don’t. Please. I’ll do anything, just wake up so I been hours or days, even months for all I knew, but the one thing I was
know you’re okay.” certain of was that I was never alone. I heard vaguely familiar voices,
My chest ached at his outburst of emotion, his words catching in his occasionally sensing their presence as I drifted to the surface, but
throat as sobs started rocking his body. He had clearly reached his breaking everything faded away just as quickly as it came. I began to wonder again
point, everything coming to a head at that moment as he clung to the girl if I’d even truly seen Edward, questioning as to whether he’d only been a
he loved and begged for her survival. “I’ll do what I can for her,” I said figment of my imagination. I had a few hallucinations, repressed memories
quietly. resurfacing and twisting into surreal encounters that I knew couldn’t be
“She better fucking make it,” he yelled. “I swear to God if she doesn’t, real. I held conversations in my mind with people I knew to be dead,
I’ll fucking kill them all. Everyone who fucking hurt her, I’ll kill them.” experiencing déjà vu repeatedly as I relived bits and pieces of my childhood.
I went to respond but before I could Alec’s voice rang out behind me. I was afraid he, too, had only been a dream and he hadn’t come for me,
“Too late,” he said calmly. “They’re all already dead.” frightened as to what I would find when I finally opened my eyes... if I ever
Edward glared at Alec, his eyes narrowed and his expression one of pure again would.
hostility. “Well, we’ll bring those motherfuckers back to life just so I can Slowly, I started having brief moments of lucidity, ones I only believed
fucking kill them again,” he spat irrationally. “She has to fucking be okay!” to be real because of the pain I felt when they occurred. I was usually numb,
Alec just stared at him for a moment before turning to me. He tried to except for a strange tingle in my limbs, but occasionally intense pain would
take a step but his knees buckled, and I grabbed a hold of him quickly course through my body and pull me away from my dreams. The instances
before he hit the ground. “I need to get you to a hospital right now,” I said, started happening more often and despite the fact that they were agonizing,
knowing he was beginning to weaken from the severe loss of blood. I welcomed them. They meant that I was still alive, that somehow I was
“You’re out on bail, Carlisle,” he scoffed, shaking his head and pushing still managing to hold on.
me away. “I’ll take myself to the hospital and make something up. You need I heard an oddly familiar humming during one of my spells, which
to call Aro and get some men over here to help clean this mess up before we served to distract me from the ache in my body and pushed me to fight to
all go down.” regain consciousness. When I finally found the strength to force my eyes to
“Alec,” I started, but he gave me a pointed look to stop me. open, I realized immediately that I was in a dark room. It was clearly
“You heard what I said,” he stated flatly as he started walking away, nighttime, and I couldn’t seem to make out anything besides a form
the pain he was feeling visible in his movements but he didn’t verbalize it standing a few feet away as my eyes tried to adjust. I realized that was
at all. He glanced around at the bodies scattered around cautiously, where the humming was coming from and struggled to make out who it
shaking his head as his eyes fell on Royce’s lifeless form. “Che peccato.”* was, only to freeze in confusion when she finally turned to face me.
“I know,” I said, my guilt intense. I reached into my pocket to pull out “Clara?” I whispered in disbelief, wondering if I was imagining things
my phone as Alec started staggered toward the door. I watched him for a again because I didn’t understand how she could possibly be there. She was
second, worry eating away at me. “Are you sure about this, Alec? You’re the last person I ever expected to see, and I began to wonder if I was even
losing a lot of blood, I don’t know if…” alive.
“Don’t be stupid, Carlisle,” he stated. “Get them here to clean this up “Isabella!” she gasped, rushing toward me. I stared at her in shock,
and get Isabella to my house and fix her for your son before he resorts to overwhelmed by my uncertainty and wondering if she was just another
attempting to resuscitate people just to kill them again.” He paused near hallucination. What was real? I tried to sit up but cried out as the pain
the exit and pulled his gun out of his waistband, turning back around. He intensified.
“It hurts,” I whimpered as the tears stung my eyes. I felt one slip out
* What a pity and run down my cheek, Clara immediately wiping it away.
234 239
was drowning, slipping further and further away with each passing looked at me for a moment with a curious expression before glancing across
moment, but I knew I would be fine as long as I didn’t give up hope. the room where young Stephano sat in shock, so quiet that he was almost
It was only a matter of time until he came. unnoticable. Alec pointed his gun and fired three times back to back into
So as I laid in the darkness, listening to the banging of the fireworks all the boy, the gunshots startling Edward.
around me, I fought to hold on. The day at the lake played out in my mind, “Fuck! Christ, Alec!” he snapped, looking at Stephno’s slumped over
the love I felt from him that night holding me close to the surface. I saw his body in shock. “I thought you said you were going to show him some fucking
face and heard his words, remembering it all in clear detail. We’d both been mercy for helping!”
so happy and I clung to that tightly, desperate to feel more of it. “Do you know what happens to people who turn on the organization,
The fireworks faded eventually, the moment lost, but his faint voice Edward?” Alec asked flatly, letting go of his gun and letting it drop to the
continued to register with my ears. I couldn’t make out his words but I floor. “They’re incapacitated and cut up before being abandoned in a sewer
knew it was him, because I could recognize him anywhere. The tiny hairs or condemned building somewhere. Somewhere infested, and do you know
on my arms stood up as my skin tingled, the entire sensation so real that I what happens to them when the vermin find them, when they smell the
could practically smell him. blood? Can you imagine being aware of what’s happening but being unable
The scent was one of a kind, warm and intoxicating, drawing me closer to stop it? Being eaten alive can’t be a pleasant way to die, but I suppose it
to the surface as it swirled around me. I wondered if it was a mirage, like a is quite fitting, giving rats to the rats. So yes, Edward, I did show him some
thirsty man in the midst of a hot, dry desert who saw a lake in the distance mercy, because what I did to him was a hell of a lot more humane than
that wasn’t truly there. Was I so desperate for him to come that my senses what would’ve happened had he still been breathing when Aro arrived.”
were tricking me into believing it had happened? Alec turned to leave as I started dialing Aro’s number, my heart
Light filtered in through my eyelids after a moment as I heard a few pounding furiously as it rang. I heard Edward curse in shock and turned to
more bangs, and Edward’s voice became even louder than before. I forced look at him, freezing when I saw Isabella’s eyes were open. She blinked a
my eyes open immediately at the sound, blinking rapidly as I tried to clear few times as she stared at him, relief visibly washing over my son’s face as
my vision. he gazed at her. “Fuck, tesoro, you fucking scared me!” he said.
Everything was hazy but I could make out the bronze-toned hair, the “Edward,” she whispered, the word barely audible. Her voice was
sight of it nearly stilling my heart. I heard other voices in the background, scratchy and she winced as she spoke.
their words cloudy and barely audible, but nothing mattered at that “Yeah, it’s me. I told you I’d fucking find you. I was never going to give
moment other than the image right in front of me. up. I promised you. Sempre,” he stammered, caressing her face once more.
My eyes stung and his face remained blurry no matter how much I “God, I fucking love you.”
blinked, but it didn’t matter because I was just so sure he was there. I could A tear slid down his cheek and Isabella tried to reach her hand up to
feel him, his presence instantly calming my nerves and comforting me brush it away, but she was weak and it fell short. She mouthed something
despite my earlier doubts. else that I couldn’t hear but Edward laughed in response, the sound
He turned his head after a moment, his eyes meeting mine. They were catching me off guard. I went to speak but before I could Aro’s voice rang
clearer than everything else, the striking green color bright amidst the fog. through the line, stopping me. “Yes?” he said.
“Fuck!” he spat, sending chills through my body. My vision blurred even “It’s Carlisle,” I said.
more and I blinked rapidly, anxious to stay conscious as the blackness “Ah, Carlisle. I’ve been worried. Is everything okay? I haven’t…” he
threatened to take me again. “Fuck, tesoro, you fucking scared me!” started, the rest of his statement a blur because a bang and a thump rang
“Edward?” I whispered, wincing from the burn in my throat as I spoke. out across the room, distracting me. I jumped in surprise and nearly
It felt like it was on fire, my mouth completely dry. dropped the phone, spinning around quickly and freezing in horror when I
“Yeah, it’s me. I told you I’d fucking find you. I was never going to give saw Alec slumped over in the doorway, having made it half-way outside
up. I promised you. Sempre,” he rattled off quickly, his voice fueled with before collapsing. I cursed and started running toward him, ignoring Aro
emotion as he ran his hand along my cheek. His skin was startlingly warm, in my panic. I crouched down and pulled him back inside, turning him over
his touch gentle. “God, I fucking love you.” quickly and feeling for a pulse. He was still breathing but unconscious, and
I thought I saw the gleam of a tear on his cheek and tried to reach for completely unresponsive to me.
it, my chest aching for him, but I was entirely too weak to wipe it away. “Fuck! Dad!” Edward screamed out of nowhere. I glanced over quickly,
The movement sapped every ounce of energy from me and everything the blood rushing so furiously through my veins that I could hear it echoing
started to fade again as soon as my hand dropped. I was confused and in my ears. I froze immediately when I saw him clinging to Isabella, her
238 235
body violently convulsing in his arms. I glanced between Isabella and Alec,
unsure of what to do, as dread coursed through me. I could hear Aro asking
if everything was okay, but I was too overwhelmed to explain it to him.
Royce was dead, Alec was bleeding and unconscious, Isabella was seizing,
my son was frightened and I had a warehouse full of devastation that I
needed to clean up with very little time left to do it. “No. It’s not okay.”

Chapter 71
Errors & Pardons
Isabella

All I could see were fireworks.

Flashes of light broke through in the darkness, loud bangs ringing out
in the distance. I didn’t know what was real anymore, where I was or what
was happening, but the one thing I was sure of was the fireworks.
It reminded me of the day Edward had taken me to the party by the
lake, when we rang in the New Year together. I could practically still sense
his presence and it felt like a million butterflies had invaded my system,
leaving me weakened and dizzy.
“Just fireworks, tesoro– nothing to be afraid of,” he had whispered.
“They’re loud, but they won’t hurt you. I won’t let anything hurt you.”
I believed his words as I lay there, just as I had the day he first spoke
them to me. I felt no fear, because I believed deep down inside that they
couldn’t truly harm me. No matter what they did, they would never destroy
me. Nothing would.
“You were brought to me for a reason, for us to save each other,” he had
declared. “You weren’t the only one needing saved, Bella. I was drowning,
and you rescued me.”
He would come for me, and he would save me, because that was just
what we did for each other. It didn’t matter what happened, he would never
give up on me because it was meant to be. Edward Cullen was my fate. I
236 237
exchange for us to ever be able to hide it. “He came to tell me that Isabella “What was the joke?” he asked.
wanted me to come straight home.” “What’s black and white and red all over?” I asked.
“And what happened then?” he asked. He laughed, shaking his head. “Classic Jacob. That was his favorite
“Exactly what happens every other fucking time you get the two of us joke, kitten. He’d give a different bullshit answer every time he told it, like
together.” a penguin with sunburn or a zebra with chicken pox. The real answer is a
“A fight,” he said, nodding as if it were no surprise. “And after the fight, newspaper, though. It’s black and white, and read all over.”
you never saw him again?” “Oh,” I said, laughing softly.
“Nope.” “Yeah, and it’s not stupid to wonder, so don’t worry,” he said, patting
“And the last time you saw him, Isabella, was the night of the twenty- my head gently. “It’s nice to see you’re up and moving around. Everyone’s
second at the football stadium?” he asked, glancing at her. She hesitated been worried. I really believe everything’s going to be alright, Izzy Bizzy.”
before shaking her head. “I wish I was as sure,” I said quietly.
“I saw him later that night. I called him and he met me by the cliffs in “Look, I know what my brother did is pretty shitty, but I get his
La Push,” she explained. “We talked for a while and then I went home.” reasoning and I can’t really blame him for it. If I was in his shoes and
“And that was the last time you saw him?” Rosalie was missing, I probably would’ve done the same thing he did, and
“Yes,” she said, her eyes darting across the room to my father. He I know you would, too. I dare you to tell me you wouldn’t,” he said, glancing
nodded, the movement so slight that I barely saw it. at me with a serious expression on his face. I just looked at him, unable to
“Can you tell me about the phone calls you placed to him on September argue because it was true. I would’ve given myself over without a second
thirtieth?” the detective asked. thought if I believed it was the only way to spare his life. “That’s what I
“Uh, yeah. I couldn’t get a hold of Edward, so I called Jacob to ask him thought. So maybe I’m not the only one who needs to give Edward a break
to get Edward for me,” she said. “I, uh... I wasn’t feeling good and I wanted here. I’m sure somehow you guys will figure things out, and it won’t be some
him to come home.” ideal fairy tale bullshit, but when is life ever? Especially for the two of you.”
“And you thought that was wise?” he asked, raising his eyebrows “Yeah,” I mumbled.
questioningly. “Considering how much the two of them apparently fought, “Anyway, Rosie’s waiting for me downstairs so I should go,” he said,
you didn’t think that might not be the smartest idea?” standing up. He turned around and froze, clearing his throat. “Damn, that
She shrugged. “He was the only one I knew in town that could do it,” was quick. You’re a regular ol’ Martha Stewart these days.”
she said. “I realized it was stupid later and called Jacob back to tell him to “I didn’t fucking make it, motherfucker,” Edward said, walking forward
forget about it, but it was too late.” and handing me a bowl of vegetable soup. “Clara cooked it. I just poured it
“And that was the last time you spoke to him?” he asked. She nodded. in the goddamn bowl.”
“I never heard from him again after that day,” she whispered, sadness “Well, you did a damn fine job at that,” Emmett said sarcastically.
in her voice. “Thanks, asshole,” Edward responded, feigning annoyance but an
“Do any of you have any idea what might’ve happened to Jacob?” he amused smile formed on his lips. “Don’t you have something better to do?
asked. I shook my head and Isabella sighed. It’s Halloween, for Christ’s sake.”
“Yes,” she said quietly. I tensed up and looked at her incredulously, my “Hey, that reminds me! Isn’t today the anniversary of the first time you
heart starting to pound erratically as I wondered what the fuck she was two made out?” Emmett asked, glancing back over at me. My eyes widened
doing. in surprised at the realization and I nodded hesitantly.
“And what’s that?” “Uh, yes, I guess. It was when I kissed him,” I said.
“The night on the cliff, he said there was nothing left here for him and “Yeah, I still can’t believe Izzy Bizzy made the first move,” Emmett said,
talked about leaving, just disappearing, to start over somewhere new where turning to look at Edward. “You’re such a pussy sometimes, bro.”
nobody knew who he was. I thought maybe he was just venting because he “Fuck you,” Edward spat as Emmett started laughing.
was upset, but I wonder now if that was exactly what he intended,” she “I bet you’re regretting that decision now, aren’t you, kitten?” Emmett
said. “I, uh... I can’t help but think that it’s my fault, because I called him. asked playfully. I blushed and shook my head, glancing over at Edward. He
Like if I hadn’t involved him in things, this wouldn’t have happened.” was eyeing me intently, a solemn expression on his face.
My chest tightened and I was overwhelmed with guilt as the detective “Never,” I said. “I’ll never regret it.” His face lit up instantly at my words
stood up to leave. “You can’t blame yourself for decisions other people make, and I immediately felt ashamed for my thoughts. I was still hurt by what
Miss Swan” he said. “I appreciate your time. If you think of anything else, he’d done, unsure of what it meant for the future and how it would affect
284 253
our lives, but one thing Edward had never done was give up on me. I was went wrong. My brothers excused themselves and took their girlfriends
doubting him when he’d never once doubted me, but the fact of the matter upstairs to get out of the way, and I stood in the hallway watching as my
was I was frightened. I worried for Edward and didn’t want him to have to father said something quietly to Isabella. She nodded hesitantly, still
live his life that way, guilt eating away at me because he’d done it for me. nervously fumbling with the glass, and he smiled as he reached over to cup
I was mourning a life that I felt I was losing, but it was a life I would’ve her chin. She looked up at him and he said something else, a small smile
never even dreamed of having if he hadn’t fought for me in the first place. curving her lips at his words. I watched curiously, wondering what kind of
He’d sacrificed for me, his world irrevocably altered for the worse to give fucking game my father was playing as they stood up to head our direction.
me a fighting chance. Edward deserved a real life outside of the violence Isabella sat down carefully in a chair and I sat on the arm of it, not
he’d been raised in... wanting to leave her. My father took a seat in another chair as the detective
How would I ever forgive myself for being the reason he was stuck there cleared his throat. “We’d like to speak to her alone,” he said, but my father
forever? shook his head, refusing.
“That’s good to know,” Emmett said. “I’ll see you two later.” “Not happening,” he said, matter-of-fact. “I was kind enough to invite
He walked out and I sighed, sitting my bowl of soup down on the small you inside my house, but I won’t be put out by you. If you have questions,
table beside the chair. I got up, wincing from the pain in my legs, and there is no reason why you can’t ask them in my presence.”
Edward rushed forward when he saw what I was doing. I held my hand up “Fine,” he said, sighing with annoyance. “Isabella, do you know Jacob
quickly to stop him, walking a few steps on my own to where he stood. He Black?”
was eyeing me cautiously, obviously wondering what I was up to, but I just Isabella started picking at her fingernails nervously, chewing on her
smiled as I wrapped my arms around him. bottom lip. “Yes. Well, I know who he is, but I didn’t really know him that
“I love you, Edward Cullen,” I whispered as I nuzzled into his chest. My well. Or, I mean, I don’t... not didn’t,” she stammered, her panic flaring as
shoulder throbbed from where it had been dislocated and my knees felt as her eyes darted toward me. I sighed and reached over to rub her back,
if they were going to give out on me, but I held onto him tightly and tried wishing she’d just relax. She hadn’t done anything wrong and had no
to ignore it all. He hugged me back after a second, pulling me closer to him goddamn reason to worry.
and leaning his head down to rest on top of mine. His embrace was warm “When’s the last time you saw him?” he asked.
and comforting, my smile growing because despite everything, I still felt “It was the twenty-second of September,” she responded hesitantly. “It
safest in his arms. was the night of Edward’s football game.”
“You know I love you, too,” he said. “And did anything out of the ordinary happen at the game?” he asked.
“I know,” I mumbled, pulling back to glance up at him. He gazed into “I kicked his ass,” I chimed in, wanting to spare her from having to
my eyes for a moment before licking his lips, leaning down slowly toward recount the shit. “That’s not really out of the ordinary, though. It’s no secret
me. My heart started pounding erratically and I got lightheaded as I closed he and I hate each other.”
my eyes, his lips pressing against mine softly. He kissed me tenderly, his “And after the fight was broken up? What happened then?”
tongue gently mingling with mine. It was so comfortable and familiar but “He ran off,” I said, shrugging. “Just like every other fucking time we
the butterflies soared in my stomach anyway, my knees giving out on me fought.”
as I lost my breath. He broke from the kiss and grabbed a hold of me before “Was that the last time you saw him also, Mr. Cullen?” he asked, eyeing
I collapsed, giving me a concerned look. me suspiciously.
“You should sit down,” he said seriously. I nodded and he helped me “No, I saw him a week after that when I was taking the SATs at the
back over to the chair, grabbing the bowl of soup and handing it to me. I high school,” I stated.
thanked him quietly as I started eating, gazing back out at the world. “Why?”
Three days later Edward was called away again in the morning, “For shits and giggles. Why does anyone take the fucking SATs?” I
hesitantly departing after making me promise I’d take it easy while he was asked, annoyed.
gone. Dr. Cullen had already checked in on me, as he did every morning, “I’m not asking you why you took the SATs. I’m asking why he was
and I was left on my own for a while. I’d been walking for a few days and there,” Detective Jenks said impatiently.
on a whim decided to attempt to venture out of the room, clutching onto the “He was there to see me,” I responded, knowing what he meant the first
rail as I slowly descended the stairs. I hadn’t exactly thought it through, time but not wanting to answer that fucking question. I figured they
however, and about halfway down my legs started giving out on me. I sat already knew anyway, because too many people had witnessed the
down on the step, weak and exhausted, and heard a gasp a second later
254 283
 I tensed up, my heart starting to pound forcefully at his words. “What when the front door below opened. I glanced down, coming eye-to-eye with
do you want with her?” I asked instinctively, already fucking knowing the Esme, who stood in the doorway with a stunned expression on her face. It
answer before the words rolled from my lips. We’d known it would only be was the first time I’d seen her or even heard her since I’d been there, and
a matter of time before someone came asking questions about Jacob’s she looked quite different from how I recalled. She appeared exhausted, as
disappearance. if she hadn’t slept in months, and she’d lost a bit of weight. Her clothes
“We have a few questions we’d like to come in and ask her,” he said. I were somewhat disheveled as if she’d been sleeping in them, and I
shook my head quickly, anger and panic surging through me. wondered if she’d been out all night.
“She has nothing to say to you,” I spat. “And there’s no way in hell you’re “What in the world are you doing out of bed?” she asked, closing the door
coming inside.” and rushing up the stairs toward me.
“We could get a warrant and come back for her,” he said, shrugging “Change of scenery,” I mumbled, not entirely sure how to answer the
casually. “It doesn’t matter either way. Whatever you prefer.” question. She shook her head and pulled me to my feet, helping me the rest
My mind started frantically sorting through ideas, trying to figure out of the way down the stairs. She led me into the living room, bringing me
how the fuck to get her out of talking to them, but before I could settle on over to the couch so I could sit down.
anything my father’s voice rang out behind me. “It is much, much too soon for you to be trying to navigate stairs on your
“Let them in.” own,” she said, her tone almost scolding. “Where is Edward? I’m going to
I turned quickly to see him standing on the stairs and gaped at him, rip that boy a new one. How could he let you do that?”
stunned he’d fucking say such a thing. “Excuse me?” I asked, knowing I had “He left,” I said. “Got a call.”
to have heard him wrong because my father would never willingly invite “Oh,” she said quietly, her disposition instantly shifting and telling me
law enforcement into his home if he had any other choice. that she knew exactly what that meant. “Well, he should’ve called me. I
“You heard me, Edward,” he said, descending the last few steps into the would’ve come home to look after you.”
foyer. “Just let them ask their questions and get it over with so they’ll leave “I don’t need to be looked after,” I mumbled. “I’m fine.”
her alone. There’s no sense in dragging it out.” “No, you’re not. You still have a lot of healing to do and shouldn’t be
“No way,” I spat as I shook my head, and I was about to ask him if he’d alone right now, at least not until you’re completely off of the pain killers,”
fucking lost his mind when Emmett interrupted. she said. “It’s a good thing I came home to shower and change when I did.”
“Where the hell’s the food? I’m fucking starving here,” he hollered, “Were you out all night?” I asked curiously. She sighed and nodded.
stepping out of the living room and glancing toward the front door. He froze “I stay with Alec almost every night. When I can get away with it,
when he saw the police, his eyes wide with shock. “Whoa, shit, definitely anyway,” she responded. My brow furrowed in confusion at her words.
not the pizza guy! What the fuck did you do now, Edward?” “With Alec?” I asked.
I groaned in annoyance, aggravated he’d automatically suspect it was “Yes, at the hospital,” she answered. “They’re pretty accommodating,
my fucking fault, although I knew it wasn’t exactly that far of a stretch. thankfully.”
There was a loud gasp to my right and followed by a crash, and I turned “He’s in the hospital?” I asked in horror, a sinking feeling in the pit of
quickly to see Isabella standing in the doorway to the kitchen. She was my stomach. “What… Why?”
staring at us, panic etched in her features, with a broken glass lying in a She glanced at me with surprise, frowning as she took a seat beside me.
puddle of soda at her feet. I cursed, realizing she’d dropped a fucking drink, “I can’t believe neither one of them have told you,” she said quietly,
and hurried over to help her but my father beat me to it. reaching over and taking my hand. I watched her apprehensively, seeing
“Show them in,” he said firmly, putting his hand up to stop me, his the sadness in her eyes. “Alec was injured when they went to rescue you.
expression telling me he meant business. Isabella started picking up the He was shot a few times and has been in the hospital.”
glass, her hands shaking, and my father crouched down to help her. I “Is he… I mean, he’ll be okay, won’t he?” I asked, feeling sick. “He has
hesitated, annoyed, but begrudgingly led the police officers into the living to be okay.”
room. The detective took a seat on the couch while the chief of police “Oh, he will be, with time,” she said quickly. “He’s getting better slowly.
lingered around in the back, nervously wringing his hands together. I knew He still isn’t awake but I have faith he will be soon, and will be back home
he was fucking afraid of my father and ventured to guess he suspected at before we know it. But you shouldn’t worry about him right now. He’s
least part of what happened to Jacob and obviously wanted nothing to do strong. How are you? I know it must be hard dealing with everything at
with being there while it was investigated. He’d taken bribes from my once, healing physically on top of trying to deal emotionally.”
father before and knew his job, and possibly his life, was on the line if things “Yeah, it isn’t easy,” I said. “I’m doing my best.”
282 255
 “Well, that’s all we can all really do, isn’t it? Our best?” she said with a “For how long?” Emmett chimed in. I glanced over and saw he was
smile. “But you’re strong so I have no doubt you’ll be fine, too. If you ever staring at me, his eyebrows raised questioningly.
need someone to talk to about things, I’m here.” “Your guess is as good as mine,” I muttered, not knowing how to answer
The front door opened and I glanced over, watching as Edward headed that one either because it was such a fucking loaded question that I wasn’t
for the stairs. Esme called his name and he turned to look in our direction, even sure myself.
freezing when he saw me. “What are you doing down here?” “You know my offer still stands, right?” Jasper asked. “I care about
I shrugged and Esme laughed. “She’s tired of being cooped up in that Isabella and don’t want to see her hurt, so if there’s anything I can do to
bedroom, Edward. Can you blame the girl? Anyway, how about some lunch? help, just let me know. And I mean it. Anything. I’m just a short drive away,
Clara has the morning to herself, so I’ll whip something up for you,” she Seattle isn’t that far. You know that.”
said, standing up and heading for the kitchen before we could respond. “I offered him the same thing,” Emmett chimed in. “I meant that shit,
Edward walked over toward me, running his hand nervously through his too. If you need someone for when you get to Chicago, I’m your man. And
hair as he sat down. He eyed me curiously, frowning. don’t be a stubborn pussy about it either. Izzy Bizzy’s like a sister to me.
“She told you, didn’t she?” he muttered. I nodded, chewing on my bottom I’ll do anything for that girl.”
lip. “I know,” I muttered. “I appreciate it, both of you.” The room grew quiet,
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me,” I said quietly. neither one pressing me for anything more on the subject, and thankfully
“I didn’t know how to. You’ve got enough shit to deal with, how could I not trying to fucking lecture me over what I had done. I knew they were
add Alec to it?” he said. “It’s not like you could’ve done anything.” both disappointed I’d ended up initiating into the organization, but I liked
“You still should’ve told me,” I mumbled. to believe they understood, at least.
Esme returned after a few minutes with soup for me and a sandwich for The girls arrived home from shopping a few minutes later and we all
Edward, leaving us to eat quietly before he helped me back upstairs. settled into the living room to watch a movie, Emmett calling to order some
Time continued to pass quickly, days turning into weeks. I grew pizza. About thirty minutes later there was a string of loud knocks on the
stronger, my injuries starting to heal as my body came back around, but front door and we all glanced around at each other, nobody making a move
mentally I was still struggling to wrap my head around everything that had to go answer the fucking thing. I groaned and stood up, shaking my head.
happened. I spent most days resting, but was eventually able to venture “Don’t all you fuckers move at the same time,” I said with annoyance.
outside with Edward once I felt strong enough. He held my hand one “I would’ve gotten it,” Isabella said quietly. “But I don’t have…”
afternoon as we strolled down the street, pointing out different things from “…any money,” I finished her sentence. “Christ, I know. Don’t worry
his childhood. We were about a block away from Esme’s house when my about it, I’ll get it.”
legs grew tired, the two of us coming to a stop in front of a large white “I can get everyone drinks,” she offered, shrugging. Alice said she’d help
house. Edward walked over and sat down on the front step, motioning for and jumped up, slipping her arm through Isabella’s as they strolled to the
me to sit beside him. kitchen.
“I don’t think you should just sit down on someone’s steps like that, I headed for the front door, pulling out my wallet and sorting through
Edward,” I said. “They might get angry.” my cash. They started knocking again impatiently, louder and more
He chuckled. “This is our house, tesoro,” he said. My brow furrowed as forceful than before, the banging vibrating the wall. “Christ, I’m coming,” I
he patted the spot beside him, and I hesitantly walked over to sit down. yelled angrily, annoyed at how rude they were. “Who the fuck do you think
“This is where I grew up. My mother fucking loved this house, took pride in you are, pounding on the goddamn door like you’re the fucking…”
it. It’s been sitting here empty ever since we left.” I froze abruptly as I swung the front door open, coming face to face with
“It’s nice,” I said, glancing behind us at the worn front door. It had a man wearing a suit and holding up a badge. “Police,” he said stoically. I
obviously been neglected for a while and was in need of a fresh coat of paint. stared at him briefly, stunned, before noticing the Forks’ chief of police
“Yeah, it is,” he said. We were both quiet for a moment, deep in thought. standing beside him with a nervous expression.
“What are we going to do, Edward?” I asked eventually. “I mean, what “I have nothing to say to you people,” I said quickly. The man holding
happens now?” up the badge smiled, shaking his head.
“We go back to Washington,” he said. “Aro’s going to give me time to “Then it’s a good thing we aren’t here to speak with you then,” he said,
work through some things before he expects me to locate here permanently. seemingly amused by my reaction. “My name’s Detective Jason Jenks, and
Other than that, I don’t know, Bella. I guess we just figure it out as we go.” I’m with the Washington State Police Missing Persons Unit. Is there an
Isabella Swan here?”
256 281
 “Are you kidding me? Then how the fuck did she draw his picture? And that was exactly what we did. A few days later Dr. Cullen rented a
Magic?” I asked incredulously. “She just miraculously drew his fucking face car and the three of us said goodbye to Esme as we started the long trip
in detail?” back to Forks. I wasn’t sure why they chose not to fly, but I didn’t question
He sighed loudly in aggravation. “Probably the same way she drew this the decision. I slept a lot of the trip sprawled out in the back seat, the two
one,” he said, holding the notebook up and showing me a picture of my of them taking turns driving. We stopped so frequently for rest and food
mother. The sight of it hurt, a fucking pain ripping through my chest as I that it took a few days before we saw the ‘Welcome to Washington’ sign, an
nearly lost my breath at its accuracy. “She drew it from memory, Edward. odd sensation coming over me when finally pulled up to the house in Forks.
You were the one who came to me about the fact that she had a I got out of the car and paused, glancing around as I tried to pinpoint how
photographic memory, and that’s how she was able to draw any of this. I I was feeling. It wasn’t hurt or heartache, although I could practically feel
know for a fact your mother wasn’t in that warehouse and you can’t be it within my chest, and it wasn’t until Edward mumbled two simple words
certain Alistair was, either. She could’ve just recalled his face from visits that it struck me.
to Phoenix, just like she recalled some of the others. He has a unique face, “Welcome home,” he said. My lips curved up slightly at the sound of it.
given the mole and scar. It would’ve stood out to her.” “Home,” I whispered. For the first time in my life, something truly felt
I stood silently for a moment, his insistence that I was wrong making like home to me, and I knew right away it was because of the boy standing
me waver a bit in confusion. “What if you’re wrong?” I asked. a few feet from me. It was the place we’d come together, where I’d found
“You don’t have to believe me, Edward. You can ask Aro,” he said. not only something worth living for, but also something worth dying for.
“Yeah, I’m sure I fucking could,” I muttered, shaking my head. “Just It was where we’d found love.
like you could ask Isabella.” Settling back in wasn’t easy, a strange tension lingering in the house
He went to respond but the ringing of his cell phone stopped him as it around us. I healed physically but once Dr. Cullen started weaning me off
echoed loudly through the room. He picked it up and glanced at the screen, of the pain killers, the real torture started. Memories haunted my dreams
visibly tensing up. “I need to take this,” he said. “We’ll finish this and continued to torture me during my waking hours. Brief flashes of faces,
conversation later.” horrific screams and scathing words were constantly eating away at me,
“Whatever,” I said, walking out and slamming the door behind me. I the worst part being that I wasn’t even sure if they were real. I couldn’t
headed downstairs and heard laughter as soon as I reached the foyer, stop thinking about it all and it started consuming me, weighing me down
hesitantly walking toward the living room and seeing my brothers. They as I tried to sort it out. I was so baffled, afraid to tell Edward about it not
both glanced up at me as I entered the room, flopping down on the couch because of how he’d react, but because I didn’t know if any of it was true.
beside Jasper and kicking my feet up on the coffee table. “Hey, fuckers.” Had I dreamed it all up in my comatose state, or had they really been there?
“Hey, bro,” Emmett said. “Long time no see.” Would he think I was crazy?
“It’s only been like six weeks, Emmett.” The more I remembered, the more agonizing it became. I started
“And you don’t think that’s a long time to go without seeing me?” he scribbling in a notebook again, desperate to get it all out of my mind, and
asked jokingly. sketched pictures hoping the images would stop nagging at me. I kept it
“Not long enough,” I muttered, still feeling uneasy about everything. He from Edward, hiding the notebook under the bed so he wouldn’t read it and
grabbed a pillow from the back of the chair he was sitting on and flung it worry. He had enough to deal with on his own, and I hoped with time it
at me, and I hugged it to my chest as I glanced at the television. I saw they would stop.
were watching Jeopardy and groaned, looking at Jasper. “Christ, nothing Edward never returned to school, but I was so locked in my own mind
fucking changes with you people, does it? Emmett’s still trying to fight with that I didn’t even question him on it. He was distracted himself, nightmares
me, Rosalie’s still a bitch and you still watch this bullshit like you know the plaguing his sleep just as they did mine. He’d sneak out of bed at night to
goddamn answers or something. I bet Alice still thinks she knows the play piano and sometimes I’d quietly follow, listening to the haunting eerie
motherfucking future.” melody as he played it repeatedly for hours. Always the same song, the one
Jasper laughed dryly. “Don’t even go there,” he mumbled. “She has her he’d played constantly when I first arrived that reminded him of his
theories and I promise you don’t want to hear any of them. How are you mother.
holding up, anyway?” He’d have whispered conversations over the telephone, forcing smiles
I shrugged. “I’m here,” I said, unsure of how to answer that fucking when I looked at him but no matter how he tried to hide it, I could see his
question. sadness. He was trying to pretend everything was fine but I knew him too
well and he couldn’t fool me. He was slipping away, reverting back to the
280 257
broken boy I’d once saved by just loving him. It hurt to see his pain but I “But he is,” he stressed, eyeing me cautiously. “He’s been in the
wasn’t sure what to do, because the truth was that I was slipping just as organization for a lot of years, son, which makes him a friend of all of ours.
much as he was. If I recall correctly, he was the first man Aro initiated as acting boss after
Love had saved us both before, but I was starting to wonder if it was your grandfather passed away when you were six. He’s running the casino’s
enough anymore. down in Vegas now and has been ever since Swan died a few years ago.”
Time passed in a blur as we tried to come to terms with where our lives “Aro initiated him?” I yelled, shaking my head. “He’s one of us? That
were going. It was a few days before Christmas when Dr. Cullen walked motherfucker killed my mother! He fucking shot me!”
into the kitchen where I was making lunch and cleared his throat. “When I was pacing frantically and my father tensed up, jumping up quickly
you get a minute, can I see you in my office?” he asked. I nodded hesitantly, and grabbing a hold of my shirt to stop my movements. “What did you just
nervous as to what he’d want to see me for. Edward had gone to finish his say?” he asked firmly, a serious expression on his face.
Christmas shopping so it was just the two of us at the house. I cleaned up “I said, he fucking killed my mother! It was him!” I spat.
the kitchen slowly, my appetite suddenly gone, so I didn’t even bother to “You remember?” he asked in disbelief, his voice laced with anger. “After
eat. Dr. Cullen and I hadn’t spoken much since returning beside basic all these years, you’re claiming you remember that piece of information and
pleasantries here and there, the concept of having a whole conversation you never said anything?”
with him daunting. I headed up to his office after a moment and knocked “Yes,” I said before shaking my head, confused. “Well, no. I didn’t
softly, opening the door when he told me to enter. fucking remember, but I do now. It was him. He pulled the goddamn
“Have a seat,” he said, nodding his head toward the chair across from trigger.”
him. I walked over and sat down hesitantly, eyeing him curiously. “So, how “You’re mistaken, son,” he said, letting go of me as he shook his head.
are you doing?” “I’m not mistaken. I fucking saw it. I dream about that night all the
“I’m fine, sir,” I said. time! I fucking eat, sleep and breathe that goddamn memory, and I just
“Are you really?” he asked, raising his eyebrows questioningly. “You saw his face not but ten fucking minutes ago,” I snapped. “It was him.”
don’t seem very fine, Isabella.” “Was today the first time you remembered his face?” he asked stoically.
I stared at him for a moment, unsure of how to respond to that. “I’m I nodded and he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. “And
dealing,” I said. was that before or after you saw this picture in her notebook, Edward?”
“Are you remembering things?” he asked curiously. I nodded, afraid of “Why does that fucking matter?” I spat.
what he was getting at because I wasn’t prepared to talk about what I’d “Because you’re confused. You’re projecting what happened to Isabella
gone through. and what you saw in this,” he stated, holding the notebook up, “onto what
“Some things,” I responded hesitantly. “I’m not sure how much of it to happened to you.”
believe, though. I hallucinated a lot.” “You think I’m fucking making this up?” I yelled angrily.
“That’s understandable,” he said. “I’m not going to press you for details, “No,” he said firmly. “I believe that you believe it, but that doesn’t make
because it’s not my place, but I want you to know if you have any questions it real. It was a dream, Edward. That’s it. I’ve told you before– the people
about anything you think you might’ve heard, I’d be happy to answer them who killed your mother are dead. I made sure of it before I even came here
for you.” to Washington. They were nobodys, thugs Swan got to do his dirty work for
I stared at him for a moment, debating his offer. There were some things him, and I made sure every last one of them paid for what they’d done.”
I was afraid to mention, unsure if I should ever utter them out loud “Are you sure?” I asked. “Would you bet your life on it? No, fuck that.
regardless of if they were true or not, but there were other things that I was Would you bet my life on it? What about Jasper or Emmett’s, or even
genuinely curious about. I sighed after a moment, biting my lip nervously. Isabella’s? Are you that fucking positive that this man had nothing to do
“Am I really a, um, princa–” I started. with it?”
“Principessa?” he asked. I nodded and he leaned back in his chair, giving He nodded after a moment, eyeing me cautiously. “I’m sure of it,” he
me an interested look. “Yes, you are. Your mother was the daughter of a said.
powerful man. He was killed when she was an infant and she as presumed “Then what the fuck was he doing in Chicago?” I snapped. “If he’s a
dead also, but clearly that wasn’t the case. The Swans were aware of her friend of ours, why was he in that warehouse?”
heritage and my wife got too close to the truth for their comfort, which was He shook his head, glancing back at the drawing. “He wasn’t,” he said
why she was murdered.” quietly, nonchalantly flipping through the notebook and glancing at a few
pages.
258 279
Isabella to hurry the hell up and I smirked, laying back down and closing “Because of me,” I mumbled, feeling the tears forming but trying to push
my eyes again. It felt just like old times… them back so not to cry in front of him. The guilt I still felt over her death
Maybe it would be nice having those fuckers around, after all. was immense.
I drifted into a deep sleep after Isabella left, my lack of rest finally “No, not because of you,” he responded, his tone serious. “I won’t lie to
catching up to me. I was out for a while before the nightmares began, the you, Isabella. I once blamed you, and it took me a long time to see that my
haunting melody filtering into my subconscious and taunting me in the anger was unfounded. You were a child when she died and it’s absurd to
darkness. I could see my mother’s face, her sparking green eyes and proud blame a seven year old for the death of a woman who was murdered over a
smile shining brightly as she spoke. “My sole,” she whispered, oozing the thousand miles away from her. There are a few people I could blame for
warmth and brightness she always said I brought into her life. She laughed, what happened, myself included, but you aren’t one of them. I wish I
the sound so overwhelming that it nearly drowned out the tortuous song in would’ve realized that sooner, because it could’ve saved both of us a lot of
the background, but it wasn’t enough to stop what came next. hurt.”
It never was. I stared at him with surprise, caught off guard by his words, and he
Images started flashing in my mind, sounds bombarding me. Tires continued after a brief pause. “The day we found you in the warehouse in
screeching, the look of pure terror on my mother’s face when she saw what Chicago was October twelfth. I was so caught up in everything that it
was happening. I heard the male voices, their words callous, followed by wasn’t until the next day that it dawned on me what the date had been. Do
my mother’s terrifying screams for me to run. The loud bang of the gunshot you know what October twelfth is, Isabella?”
rang out, followed by a blinding white light as my mother’s life was taken I shook my head hesitantly. “I’m not sure, sir.”
from her. I screamed in horror, and as soon as everything came back into “October twelfth is when my wife died. It’s the worst day of the year for
focus I stared into the most terrifying eyes I had ever seen before. A mere me, because I get so lost in my anger over her death that I lose my grip on
split second passed before he raised his gun up and fired it at me, the second reality. All that ever matters to me that day is getting revenge for what
bang jolting me awake, leaving his image burned in my mind. happened, trying to make someone pay for what I’d lost,” he said. “Last year
It was a face I knew– a face I remembered– because it was a face I had it was you. You were here and I was angry, and because I already blamed
just fucking seen. you, Isabella, you didn’t stand a chance. It didn’t matter what you would’ve
I jumped out of bed the moment I was conscious enough to move, my done that day, I would’ve gotten you, because the fact of the matter was
feet tangling in the sheets and making me nearly fall on the fucking floor that it wasn’t about you. It was about me. I needed someone to hurt as I
in my haste. I cursed as I regained my balance, sweaty and shaking, my hurt and you were the perfect target.”
breathing labored. I grabbed Isabella’s notebook back out from under the A chill shot down my spine as he stared at me, my heart pounding
bed and frantically flipped through the pages, stopping when I reached the furiously at the memory of what had happened. “I know that sounds like a
drawing I was searching for. ridiculous excuse, but it’s the truth. You did nothing wrong and didn’t
“Jesus Christ,” I said, staring at it in shock. I bolted out of the room and deserve what I did to you, and I want you to know that I’ve never hated
ran down to the second floor, thrusting my father’s office door open without you. I irrationally blamed you and that was wrong of me, but I couldn’t hate
even bothering to knock. He was sitting behind his desk and instinctively you, because truthfully Isabella, I never really knew you. And I didn’t want
grabbed a gun from his drawer at the disruption, even though that fucker to know you, because I was afraid if I did know you, I would grow to care
knew he wasn’t supposed to have one as a condition of his bail. for you just as my wife had.
“What’s going on?” he asked when he saw it was me, panic in his voice. “Elizabeth was a good judge of character,” he continued after a moment.
“Who the fuck is that?” I spat, throwing the notebook down on the desk “She would often get feelings about people and tell me that they were
in front of him, trying to calm down but I was on the verge of brought into her life for a reason. She had one of those feelings about you.
hyperventilating. He picked it up, eyeing me cautiously before glancing at In fact, my wife fell in love with you the moment she laid eyes on you and
the drawing. continued to love you until the day she died. Part of me knew that if my
“Where’d you get this?” he asked, his brow furrowing in confusion. wife felt so passionately about someone, I had no chance because there was
“It’s Isabella’s,” I said, running my hand through my hair anxiously. no way I couldn’t love what she loved. That’s how deep she and I were
“She’s been scribbling in that fucking notebook for weeks, drawing pictures connected. I fought that with you, Isabella, because I didn’t want to care
of the shit she saw in Chicago. So, who the fuck is that?” about you. I wanted to blame you. I wanted to hate you. But I never did,
“He’s a friend,” he said hesitantly. “His name’s Alistair.” because the moment I allowed myself to truly know you, I was done for.”
“Friend?” I spat in disbelief. “He’s no fucking friend of mine.”
278 259
 His words stunned me and I sat quietly, gaping at him. “I didn’t realize quickly that it gave me hope that she’d truly be okay in the world. “I could
it until recently. You see, nine years in a row I spent October twelfth in a do without Rosalie, though.”
rage, wanting to punish you for what happened to my wife. This year, She laughed and jabbed me in the ribs with her elbow playfully. “Be
however, all I could think about was rescuing you, which is what had led to nice,” she said. I mumbled in response, telling her that bitch didn’t know
her death in the first place. It’s quite ironic, and once that fact dawned on what it fucking meant to be nice so it didn’t matter, and had just slipped
me, I realized I’d done exactly what Elizabeth had told me I’d someday do. into unconsciousness when there was a loud knock at the bedroom door. I
I wanted to believe I had wanted to find you just because it was what my groaned in annoyance when I was jolted back awake, irritated by the
wife would’ve wanted, or because it was what Edward needed, when the interruption.
real truth was that it was because you simply deserved it. I wasn’t rescuing “Go the fuck away,” I yelled, figuring it was my father but I was entirely
you because they cared for you, Isabella, I realized I was doing it because I too exhausted to deal with him, needing to get some rest after the bullshit
did. I’m probably talking in circles, and I’m not sure if you even believe me, day I’d had. They knocked again and Isabella pulled away from me,
but I want you to know that I’ve grown to see you as one of my own, just as grumbling as she went to stand up. I groaned, grabbing my pillow and
Elizabeth always said I would. I want you to find happiness in life, not flinging it at the door in frustration. “I swear to fucking God, I’m going to…”
because of what my family or I have sacrificed for you, but because you The door was flung open, slamming into the wall forcefully, and I sat up
truly deserve happiness. And as for what I did to you last year, I don’t quickly as the loud voice rang out. “Going to what?” Rosalie spat, standing
expect you to ever forgive me, but I need you to know that I am sorry for it. in the doorway with her hands on her hips.
If I could take it back I would, but unfortunately life doesn’t come with “Christ,” I muttered, running my hands down my face in surprise as I
erasers,” he said. “If it did, there would be a lot I’d wipe away.” tried to push back my annoyance. She was the last person I had expected
I started to speak but he held his hand up to stop me. “Let me get this to see. “It’s way too fucking early for you.”
out first, and then I’ll finish answering any questions you may have,” he “It’s not early, dumbass,” she said, quirking an eyebrow as she stared
said. “Although I had reasoning behind everything I did, I realize I went at me like I was stupid. “It’s after noon already. It’s about time you get your
about things the wrong way. I should’ve been honest with you from the get- lazy asses out of bed.”
go and I should’ve never threatened you as I did. I don’t expect you to like “Fuck you,” I spat.
me, Isabella, but I hope that someday you can understand that I meant “No, thanks,” she said sarcastically. “I wouldn’t touch you if you had the
well. I don’t know what you’re going to do with your life from here on out, last dick on earth, Cullen.”
but I just want you to know that I’m glad you have the opportunity to do “When did you get here?” Isabella asked, completely ignoring our
something with it. I’m glad you have a chance to live, because saving you bickering.
has been worth it.” “A minute ago,” Rosalie said.
He smiled softly as a tear slid down my cheek, a lump forming in my “I bet you fucking came right up here, too. Can’t give anyone a goddamn
throat as I tried to fight back my emotions– I never imagined I’d hear him break, always have to hassle me,” I muttered. “Rompiballe.”
apologize, let alone everything else he’d just said. He gazed at me for a “You’re such a conceited little shit,” she responded, shaking her head.
moment before pushing his chair back, standing up and walking over “Always assuming it’s all about you, but I hate to break it to you, Cullen.
toward me. I watched him hesitantly as he paused beside me, reaching You aren’t that special. I’m here for Isabella.”
down and pulling his pant leg up. I glanced down and my brow furrowed in “Me?” Isabella asked with surprise.
confusion when I saw he had something black wrapped around his ankle “Yes, you. Now come on and get dressed because Alice will be here in a
tightly with a small square box on the side of it with a red light. “Do you few minutes, and you know better than to keep her waiting,” she responded.
know what this is?” he asked. “The three of us are going Christmas shopping.”
“Uh, no,” I mumbled as he walked back over to his desk, sitting back “Uh, but I don’t have…” Isabella started.
down. He sighed and nodded. “Take my credit card,” I interrupted, knowing she was going to say that
“It’s a GPS monitoring device. A stipulation of my bail was that I had to she didn’t have any fucking money. “It’s in my wallet. And don’t bother
wear it,” he said, my eyes widening with shock. He saw my expression and arguing with Rosalie, because it’s useless. In case you haven’t noticed, she’s
laughed. “Yes. Ironic, isn’t it? You don’t really know what it’s like to have sort of a bitch.”
your every move watched until it happens to you. You see, somewhere “You’re still such an asshole. I don’t know how the hell she puts up with
there’s a man sitting behind a laptop with a software program opened in you,” Rosalie spat, turning and walking away. She hollered back for

260 277
excuse to disturb her nightmare. I walked back over to slip in bed, ready to front of him, looking to see where I am to ensure that I’m not trying to run
relax, but froze when I saw a familiar worn, leather book lying open on top away. Sound familiar?”
of the comforter. I nodded. “Yes, it does,” I said, recalling the day in the hospital when
“Where the fuck did you get this?” I asked, grabbing it quickly and he’d showed me the monitoring program and explained how GPS worked to
holding it up, clearly fucking remembering getting rid of it. me.
She tensed up and eyed me cautiously. “Uh, your father,” she responded. “I had my reasons for chipping you, Isabella, but that doesn’t mean what
“He gave it to me.” I did was right. Instead of using it to protect you, I used it to control you,
My brow furrowed in confusion. “Why the fuck would he give you my and for that I’m also very sorry. I called in one last favor with a colleague
mother’s journal?” I asked, not understanding since he and I had both been of mine and made an appointment for next week for you. I may be stuck
in agreement that it was best he took the fucking thing. with my monitoring device, but that doesn’t mean I can’t have yours
“He said it might help,” she mumbled nervously. “You know, with our removed,” he said.
situation, he thought it might help me deal with, uh, things, if I knew how “Really?” I asked with shock. He nodded.
she dealt with them. I can learn from her, so I don’t make her same, uh… “Yes. You’re a free woman now,” he responded.
mistakes.” “Thank you,” I said quietly. He smiled.
I cringed at the word, feeling my natural reaction to lash out trying to “You’re welcome, but your gratitude is undeserved. I’m only fixing my
push forth, but I fought it back because it wasn’t Isabella’s fault. The truth, mistakes at this point, righting the wrongs that should have been done a
as much as I hated to admit it, was that my mother had made mistakes... long time ago. Anyway, do you have any questions?” he asked.
but I ventured to guess it didn’t matter when it came down to it, because it “I, uh… I don’t think so,” I responded, unable to even think clearly
had been worth it to her. enough to form a question. Tears were slipping down my cheek, sobs
Like Ben had said, the ends justified the means. I wondered what end threatening to escape as I fought to maintain my composure.
justified the bullshit I was fucking going through, but the one thing I was “Well if you think of any, don’t hesitate to ask,” he said. “Oh, one more
certain of was that Isabella winding up like my mother had was not it. thing before you go. I want to give this to you before our guests start
“When did he give it to you?” I asked, keeping my composure. arriving.”
“Today, when you were gone. He asked to see me in his office, and gave “Guests?” I asked, unsure of what he was referring to. He smiled and
it to me,” she explained. “If you don’t want me to read it…” nodded.
“No, it’s fine,” I said quickly, not wanting to seem like an asshole despite “Yes, guests. Jasper and Emmett are both coming home, and of course
the fact that I wasn’t so sure about it, considering how she’d reacted to the Rosalie and Alice will be here as well, because they are just as much family
shit she read the first time. There was no telling what the hell my mother as the rest. Esme and Alec will also be flying in,” he responded.
had written about, but I also knew that going against my father didn’t “Alec?” I asked with shock. “He’s out of the hospital?”
exactly do me any good, so it was probably in my best interest to trust he “Yes. He was discharged a couple weeks ago, good as new,” he responded
knew what he was doing. Plus, I was entirely too fucking exhausted to with a smile. “It could very well be my last Christmas with my family, so
argue with her. “I was just confused.” I’m glad we’ll all be together.”
I tossed the book down on my desk and climbed into bed, sighing as soon I gazed at him curiously, that sinking feeling returning to the pit of my
as my body hit the mattress. Isabella snuggled up to me, laying her head stomach. “So you think you’ll be going to prison?” I asked hesitantly.
on my chest as I wrapped my arms around her. “Your father said your “I’m quite sure they’ll get me one way or another,” he said. I nodded so
family was coming for Christmas,” she mumbled. he knew I heard, unsure of what to say or even how to feel about that. He
“Our,” I corrected her. “Our family, Bella. And yeah, they’re all fucking cleared his throat and opened the top drawer of his desk, pulling out a
coming, but I’m not sure if I’m happy about that shit or not. They can get familiar brown leather bound book and sitting it down in front of me. “My
on my nerves.” wife’s journal– Edward gave it to me a few months ago when he discovered
“I’m glad they’re coming,” she said quietly. “I think it’ll be nice.” you had it, but I think you should keep it.”
“Yeah, maybe,” I muttered as I closed my eyes, the fact that she was “Me?” I asked with shock.
looking forward to being around all of them bringing a smile to my lips. It “Yes, you. I think Elizabeth would’ve preferred you to have it, and I
wasn’t that long ago that she fucking hid from people, too anxious to relax think you might find some of it useful going forward. She wrote a lot about
around company. It felt like an eternity but in reality it had only been a adjusting to life after slavery and her conflicting feelings about the world I
little over a year, and she had already come so fucking far and adapted so belonged to. It might help you,” he said.
276 261
 “Uh, thank you,” I mumbled, picking the book up cautiously. “Thanks, and you can do the same,” he said, smirking. “I am going into
“You’re welcome, but once again, the gratitude is unnecessary. I’m just criminal law, after all.”
trying to do what’s right,” he responded. “Anyway, that’s all I needed to say. I chuckled and said goodbye, slipping back into my car and watching as
Have a good day, dolcezza.” he drove off. I sat there for a few minutes before starting the car up, an odd
I nodded and stood up, heading for the door. I hesitated when I reached feeling settling over me. It felt like resolve, like everything was finally
it, turning back around to face him. He glanced over at me curiously, coming together, and as much as I didn’t like the situation I was in, it felt
obviously wondering what I was doing. like I was finally starting to accept it.
“Not long after I got here, you asked me not to call you Master. You said I stuffed the envelope of money in the glove box and drove home,
it made you feel like I put you on the same level as my father, but I told you grabbing the notebook I’d taken before heading inside. I went straight up
that I didn’t think you were like him,” I said nervously. “I didn’t believe it to the third floor and paused when I opened the bedroom door, seeing
then. I only said it because I knew that was what I should say. You did feel Isabella lying in bed snuggled up with a pillow. Her eyes were closed, a
like a master to me. But I just want you to know that I do believe it now. small smile on her lips that sent a pang of longing through me. She seemed
Charles Swan was a horrible man, and despite everything you may have almost happy as she lay there, and it was the first time in a long time her
done, you’ve been more of a father to me than he ever was. I want you to face wasn’t etched with worry or her body tense and on edge.
know that I do forgive you for hurting me, because you’ve always helped I shut the door quietly and walked over to her, carefully slipping the
me... more than anyone else. You’re a good man, Carlisle.” notebook back under the bed before sitting down beside her. She stirred a
I turned back around and wiped my tears away, hearing a whispered bit when the bed shifted and started mumbling, my name softly rolling from
“Thank you”, but I didn’t respond because it felt like there was nothing left her lips.
to say at the moment. I headed up to the bedroom and crawled into bed, I smirked, not realizing until that moment exactly how much I’d missed
snuggling up with Edward’s pillow as I gazed at Elizabeth Cullen’s journal. that shit. I remembered the first time she’d fucking done it, whispering my
I opened it after a moment, turning to the first page and taking a deep name in her sleep with that look of contentment on her face. I wished it
breath as I started to read. could always last, that I could stay in that moment forever, but of course I
‘Today is my first day as a free woman….’ wasn’t that fucking lucky.
Never had been, and sure as fuck never would be.
Her disposition shifted quickly, her face scrunching up in distress as a
whimper escaped her throat. I groaned, knowing from experience exactly
what would happen next. She’d start crying out in her sleep, growing
frantic and screaming at some motherfuckers that only she could see. I
knew she was begging for my life, reliving the moment she’d fucking
pleaded that I be spared, but it was unbearable to sit back and witness her
turmoil.
“Please,” she whimpered.
“Isabella,” I said, shaking her because there was no way I could fucking
listen to it again. “Wake up, tesoro.”
Her eyes popped open and she sat up quickly, her expression panicked.
“Edward,” she gasped in confusion, glancing around in a frenzy. She started
rubbing her eyes, trying to wake up so things would make sense. “How long
have you been home?”
“Just a minute or so,” I said, shrugging as I kicked off my shoes. “You
want to watch a movie or something?”
“Sure,” she mumbled, lying back down as she yawned. “You pick one.”
I chuckled and walked over to the DVD player, putting the first movie
in that I saw. I didn’t give a shit what it was, because I suspected I wouldn’t
be awake long enough to even make it through the opening credits. I was
exhausted, my eyes burning and body weak, but I’d only suggested it for an
262 275
 “He isn’t,” I said, pulling the duffel bag out and handing it to him.
“You?” he asked hesitantly, eyeing me cautiously. I shrugged, running
my hand through my hair anxiously. I wasn’t sure how I felt talking about
any of that shit with Ben, having never gone into detail with him before
about my father’s business.
“I have to do what I have to do,” I said.
“Yeah, I understand. I’ve been saying the same thing the past few
years,” he said, motioning toward the duffel bag.
“I bet,” I muttered as he walked over and opened his trunk, putting the
bag inside. “How do you deal with it, anyway? I mean, Angela knows you’re
somewhat involved in this shit, but I know she doesn’t know how deep
you’re in. How do you deal with keeping secrets from her?”
He shrugged. “It’s not easy, because it feels like I’m living a double life
sometimes. But to me, what I’ve gained from it is worth having to do it– the
ends justify the means. I feel guilty a lot, lying to her, but I just ask myself
if it’s something she’d want to know, and when it comes down to it I don’t
think it is. Ignorance is bliss, my friend, and I’d rather her be blissfully

Chapter 72
unaware than clued in and disturbed. As long as it’s not hurting her, I don’t
think it’s that big of a deal.”
“And if it was hurting her?” I asked. He shrugged.
“Then I guess it wouldn’t be worth it,” he said. “Nothing is worth hurting
her.”
“Yeah,” I mumbled, leaning back against the side of the Volvo. Searching
“You know, when you guys left, a federal agent showed up here and Edward
started asking questions. He seemed more interested in your girlfriend
than anyone, asking people what they knew about her and where she came If someone would have asked me the year before how I felt about my
from, if we knew if she was okay or not,” he said. “Is she okay?” father’s lifestyle, I probably would’ve given them some bullshit cliché
“Yeah, she’s alright,” I said hesitantly. “She’s at the house.” answer about money, power, and respect.
“Good. She seems like a nice girl. I’d hate to see her caught up in It has been estimated that the Borgata in Chicago pulls in at least $100
anything,” he said, reaching into his car and pulling out a small manila million a year through its activities, and with around three hundred made
envelope. “Anyway, here’s the money. I can wait if you need to count it.” men a person would think there would be plenty to go around, but that’s
“I trust you,” I stated, taking it from him. He laughed, shaking his head not how it worked. As the Boss sat comfortably, pointing fingers and calling
as he reached out to shake my hand. the shots in his twelve million dollar mansion while eating fucking
“Never thought I’d see the day that Edward Cullen trusted someone,” calamari and caviar every night, the people on the bottom actually carrying
he said. “It’s been nice seeing you, man. This is probably the last exchange out the shit were often scraping together change for seventy-nine cent
of this shit, since this will last me through graduation and then it’s off to burritos from Taco Bell to feed their goddamn families. They were risking
Yale.” their lives and giving up their freedom for people who just stood back and
“Do you have enough to get you through school?” I asked curiously. watched while they starved, not giving a shit what happened to them as
“Yeah, I have plenty. Like I said, the end justified the means,” he said. long as they handed over a big cut of their take.
“Anyway, don’t be a stranger.” They called that shit paying tribute, or honoring your elders. If a group
“Yeah,” I muttered, knowing it was ridiculous because chances were I of ten guys hijacked a shipment worth around fifty thousand dollars, right
would never see him again after leaving. Our lives were going in two off of the top over half of it went into the pockets of the capos and
different directions, paths that were liable to never cross again in the administration. After giving the associates that helped their cut, paying off
future. “Good luck with law school and shit, Ben. If you ever need anything, anyone that needed to be paid off and investing back into the organization,
don’t hesitate to look me up, okay?” each man was left with about enough to pay his fucking rent and take his
274 263
wife or goomah to Olive Garden for a night so they could pretend to be able write on, and hadn’t even fucking thought about whether or not she’d be
to afford that shit. looking for it while I was gone.
A taste, they called it. Everyone always wanted a fucking taste, even if I hesitated, unsure if I should actually look in it or not, but my boredom
they had nothing to do with the goddamn job. They claimed, as a family, mixed with my curiosity eventually won out. I opened it to the first page
that we all worked as one and had to look out for each other at the end of and glanced through the scribble, a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach
the day. They said it was a matter of respect and honor… but as far as I as I read her words. She recalled some of what she’d been through, writing
was concerned, it was all fucking bullshit. about the nightmares she’d had and the things she’d seen. She thought a
The men at the bottom were overlooked and ignored, completely lot about the pain she felt, and as I flipped the pages the writing grew more
replaceable in the eyes of those running shit. One fuck up and they were frantic. There were dozens of sketches, some so vague that I couldn’t even
gone, a fresh faced motherfucker in their place within a matter of hours. fucking tell what they were, but others were so in detail that it was like
His body wouldn’t even be cold yet and he’d be long forgotten, like he hadn’t seeing the shit with my own eyes. A few of them were hard to look at and I
even existed in the first place. had to flip the page quickly, my anger mounting the further I went.
Some fucking family… I turned to a page about halfway through and saw my name, my eyes
I didn’t care about the money, personally. I had enough in my bank scanning the paragraph quickly. She wrote repeatedly that she loved me,
account to sustain me for life, and I suspected that was part of the reason but she also mused about what kind of future we were heading into. She
Aro wanted me in the first place. He didn’t have to worry about me seemed almost scared about it, disheartened by my situation, and as much
skimming money or sneaking more than my share out of desperation, and I didn’t want that shit to get to me it fucking hurt. I only wanted to protect
I sure as hell had no reason to plan deals off the record or try to cut him out her and didn’t want her to fucking hurt in any way, and the fact that she
for a leg up. I didn’t need their goddamn money like most of the other guys. was scared about all of the unknowns made me wonder if I was only hurting
He figured I cared more for the power and respect, believing he could use us more by not telling her things. But I couldn’t bear the thought of her
that to his advantage in order to manipulate me into remaining loyal to fucking hating me, couldn’t deal with the looks of disgust she would give
him. me if I ever told her what I’d stood by and watched. And I knew that when
The problem was, I couldn’t fucking fathom that anymore, either. I got to Chicago there was no fucking way I could ever admit to her the shit
Where was the respect in being called out of bed at three in the morning I would be forced to do.
to watch a man who owned a local pizzeria get his head bashed in because I flipped through a few more pages, distraught and barely even looking
he borrowed money that he couldn’t afford to pay back? Where was the at them, and was about to toss it to the side when a drawing caught my
respect in burning some man’s house down, taking away everything he had attention. I stared at it and my brow furrowed in confusion, the face eerily
worked his entire life to obtain and leaving his family homeless, simply familiar for some reason. It was a person who I had already seen sketched
because he gave the Boss a look that he didn’t appreciate? Where was the a few times in the notebook but the one in front of me was in depth, his
respect in intimidating a seventeen year old girl, threatening to kill features detailed perfectly. One side of his face was disfigured with a scar,
everyone she loved and destroy her life, because she had been at the wrong as if he’d been burned. I couldn’t place where I knew him from, but I didn’t
place at the wrong time and witnessed something she shouldn’t have seen? doubt the fact that I did somehow know him.
Assault, extortion, drugs, hijacking, kidnapping, robbery, bribery, I was so focused on the sketch that I hadn’t even noticed Ben arriving
gambling, chop shops, prostitution, corruption, arson, coercion, fraud, until he knocked on my window, catching me off guard. I jumped, startled,
bootlegging, human trafficking and murder… where was the respect in any and quickly tossed the notebook to the side as I cursed.
of it? “You fucking scared me,” I muttered, stepping out of the car.
I sure didn’t fucking see it... and that sure as fuck wasn’t the kind of “Sorry about that, man. You seemed like you were in a daze,” he said.
goddamn power I wanted. “You doing okay?”
What I did see was a bunch of selfish, cruel bastards who only cared for “Yeah, just got a lot of shit on my mind,” I said, walking around to open
themselves, willing to annihilate anyone who crossed their path or dared the trunk.
get in their way as they slaughtered and lied their way to the top. They “I figured. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you. I heard you all were back
were cowards, pretending to be strong when they were actually so fucking in town, but you never came back to school so I wasn’t sure what was going
weak they had to hide behind their titles and use threats to get their way. on,” he said. “I was surprised you called, honestly. I heard about what
They claimed to care about women and innocents, saying both were left happened in Chicago so I didn’t think your father would be dealing with
alone, but that was a little hard to believe considering they’d fucking any of this for a while.”
264 273
mood for Christmas but knowing I couldn’t fucking go home empty handed enslaved ones that I personally loved. They demanded respect, but they
or Isabella would know I had lied to her. respected no one in return, and their power only existed in people’s minds
I pulled the money out at ten when the bank opened, getting extra just because of fear. It was no wonder to me why Alec was always cold and my
in case I needed it. I drove back to the barber shop and handed Garrett the father was so worn down– a few weeks in and I was already jaded.
cash, standing by the front door with my hand on my gun as he carefully After I initiated, I spent every waking hour looking for Isabella. Royce
counted each bill. helped when he could, but had men under him that he needed to monitor.
There were other people present, another man lounging in a barber It was fucked up that he was the one forced to help me, given that it was
chair with a gun on his lap and two girls sitting off to the side on a small, partially his fault things had gone how they did. He had been ignoring his
shabby couch. The girls were both sickly thin, dressed in tattered, skimpy duties while his men planned and executed the kidnapping of my fucking
clothes with their hair a knotted mess. They both had a ton of fucking girl, and if he would’ve noticed what was going on he could have stopped
makeup caked on their faces, smudged like it had been left over from the the shit. I was angry about it the first few days, snapping at him constantly
night before. They were wasted, snorting lines of cocaine from a dingy tray because I needed someone to blame, but eventually the anger subsided as
in front of them. the desolation sunk in.
One of the girls got up after a moment and staggered in our direction, I tried to get the chip working again, hoping for an easy solution, but it
throwing herself down in Garret’s lap. She knocked some of the money from was a waste of time. Royce said they’d been aware she was chipped because
his hand and he groaned, snatching it up to recount. “Watch yourself, Aro let that tidbit of information slip, so he figured they would’ve found a
bitch.” way to block the signal to make it harder on us. They’d want to wear us
“Yeah, yeah,” she said, her words slurring as she shrugged him off. She down, throw us off track, so that when we finally did find them they had
eyed me for a moment, a sly smile creeping up on her lips. “I’ve never seen the upper hand.
him before. He’s hot.” We spent countless hours searching records, looking through land deeds
Garrett glanced up at me and started laughing. “He’s got a girlfriend and pinpointing locations with ties to the Russians in Highland Park. Royce
that he’s apparently fond of, considering how quick his ass made it back made dozens of phone calls and we paid visits to people he believed would
here with my money. I don’t think your chances are very good.” have information, going to extreme measures more than once in order to
“That never stopped anyone before,” she said, standing up again and get it out of them. I lost control a few times and savagely beat people with
strolling in my direction. I tensed up as she paused in front of me, her skin my fists, but Royce was the one that inflicted most of the pain. I watched
smelling like she was sweating liquor from her pores, the stench making as he tortured men, listening as they screamed in agony and begged for him
my fucking stomach churn. “What do you say, baby? You looking to have to stop. He pulled fingernails out with pliers, shoving heads in vices and
some fun?” tightening them until their skulls started to crack. I watched as he nearly
I groaned, pulling away from her as she attempted to run her fingers drowned men, holding them underwater until their lungs filled with liquid,
through my hair, aggravated that she was touching me with her dirty and stabbed them with anything he could get his hands on, from ice picks
goddamn hands. I had no idea where those fucking things had been and to screwdrivers. We didn’t fire any guns or end any lives, but we may have
didn’t want to know, based on the way she looked. “You’ve got to be fucking made some of them wish they were dead by the time we were through with
kidding me,” I said. them. I detached myself, my mind focused solely on the end result, not
“Leave him alone, Katie,” Garrett said, standing and holding the money giving a shit who got hurt in the process or what it took to make it happen.
up. “It’s all here. It’s been a pleasure doing business with you.” I needed to find Isabella, no matter the sacrifice or cost, and all of it
“Yeah, you, too,” I muttered, thankful that shit was over with. I slipped eventually led us to the warehouse near route 45.
out the front door quickly and got in the car, pulling my phone out as I I was a wreck, my mind frantic from worry and lack of sleep. Seeing her
started through the streets of Port Angeles. I dialed Ben Cheney’s number, fragile, broken body had been one of the most devastating things I’d ever
telling him when he answered that I had some stuff for him. I didn’t witnessed, an image I knew I’d never forget. I wondered if it was similar to
elaborate but he knew what the fuck I was referring to, telling me he’d meet how my father had felt when he found my mother in the alley, although his
me in the parking lot of the grocery store in Forks with the money. hurt had to have been deeper considering Isabella was still alive. I couldn’t
I drove straight there and parked in the back away from everyone, even begin to imagine ever having to see Isabella’s lifeless body, knowing it
shutting the engine off and slouching down in my seat as I waited. I grew was because of my decisions that she had ended up that way. She had a full
bored quickly, feeling fucking uneasy, and grabbed Isabella’s notebook from life ahead of her, one we all fucking fought for, and losing her would’ve been
the passenger seat. I felt guilty having taken it but I had nothing else to
272 265
the worst tragedy imaginable. It was a lot like my mother’s story– finally shoving the door open and quickly bolting outside. I tucked the gun away
freed, only to be taken down by evil in the end, anyway. and sprinted to the car, fumbling with my keys and cursing as I tried to get
If it weren’t so fucking disturbing and heartbreaking, I might’ve seen the door unlocked.
the irony of what my mother had always said. A person couldn’t escape “Christ,” I muttered to myself as I slipped inside, tossing the bag on the
their fate no matter how hard they tried, because what was meant to be passenger seat. I started the car up and sped off, wanting to get the fuck
would always be. I supposed I was always destined for the mafia away from there while I still could. I waited until I was a few miles away
considering the fact that no matter how hard I tried to avoid it, I came back before reaching over and opening the bag curiously, glancing inside to see
to it, anyway. two uncut brick kilos of cocaine and a bunch of bags of marijuana. “What
And Isabella had been destined for freedom... my mother made sure of the fuck?”
that. I slammed on the breaks, stunned, and whipped the car into the parking
I stayed by Isabella’s side while she was unconscious, but hadn’t been lot of a nearby restaurant. I stared at the drugs for a moment, unsure of
there when she finally woke up. I felt fucking ashamed for it, knowing she what the fuck I was supposed to do with them. I wasn’t sure if Aro had told
had been worried about me, but Aro had called me that night for my first me or not, considering I hadn’t fucking paid him close attention as he spoke,
job as part of the Borgata. The Boss usually didn’t handle anything himself, and was suddenly worried that there was something I was missing. The
having so many people below him to do the dirty work, but because Royce last thing I wanted to do was get on his bad side, and I knew not fucking
was dead, Alec was comatose and my father was otherwise indisposed, he listening to his instructions would be considered just as disrespectful as
thought it was best to show me the ropes personally. He seemed to take blatantly disregarding them.
pride in it, like it was something we could bond over, but just watching it I hesitated before grabbing my phone, scanning through my list of
all only deepened my growing hatred for the man. contacts quickly. I stopped at my father’s name and hit the call button,
That was the night they’d attacked the owner of the pizzeria, a man by waiting as it rang.
the name of Joseph Catalano. Both of his sons had initiated at one point or “Edward?” he said in confusion as he answered, obviously concerned
another, his youngest unfortunately being the kid Alec had killed for because of the goddamn time.
getting involved with James. His oldest son was the one ordered to carry “I, uh… I think I need some help,” I said.
out the assault, that fact disturbing me worse than witnessing the act itself. “With what?” he asked hesitantly. “Where are you?”
His own son, who he had busted his ass trying to give a good life to, savagely “I’m in Port Angeles,” I said. “I got a call this morning to pick something
attacking him for senseless reasons. He was turning against his blood up from some fucking crazy asshole who pulled a goddamn gun on me. He
family in the name of loyalty to an organization that would probably gave me this bag and said he wanted his money by tomorrow morning, but
someday turn on him. It was sickening but I kept my composure as it went I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do about any of it.”
down, knowing Aro was watching me closely the entire time. Part of me “Ah, you must’ve met Garrett,” he said, sighing. “He’s overly paranoid,
wondered if the only reason I was there was so that he could send a message I guess from using too much of his own stuff over the years. Just pull some
to me without ever having to utter a single word. He wanted me to know it cash out of your account and pay him for it.”
was within his authority to force a child to destroy his own father in the “How much?” I asked, glancing in the bag. “This is a lot of shit.”
name of loyalty, to choose him over blood. “I know it is. We always had a set arrangement with him, fifty grand
Message motherfucking received. each visit,” he said. “Whenever you get back to Forks give Ben a call and
The duration of our stay in Chicago was rocky, because Isabella hadn’t he’ll take it off of your hands for eighty. It’s worth about a hundred on the
taken the news of my initiation well. I hoped with time she’d learn to accept streets, so he’ll make about twenty off of it. Keep the money you contributed
it, but the truth was that I wasn’t sure if she could considering I hadn’t and hold the rest for Aro.”
even fully grasped it myself. She was detached, a sadness brewing in her “Uh, okay,” I mumbled. “Thanks.”
eyes that I wanted to take away, but I felt fucking powerless because I knew “You’re welcome, son,” he said. “Be careful.”
I couldn’t. “Yeah.” I hung up and glanced at the clock, knowing I had a few hours
Aro called me out a few more times, saying he wanted me to watch a to waste until the bank opened and I could get the cash. I stuck the duffel
few jobs and learn how things went. I didn’t participate but standing by as bag in the trunk to keep it safe before driving around town, stopping
it happened while doing nothing to stop it was bad enough. I always occasionally to browse through stores that were already open. I grabbed
thought I could do it if it came down to it, thought that I could be that breakfast and bought a few presents for people with my Amex, not in the
person, but the truth was that I wasn’t cut out for it. All I could think about
266 271
stuck one in his mouth and held it out to me, offering me one. I declined as I watched lives being destroyed was how Isabella would feel if she knew,
and he shrugged, lighting his and tossing the rest down on a table. or what my mother would think if she were alive. They’d both be
“Yeah,” I muttered, knowing there was no fucking excuse for being late disappointed, fucking ashamed of me... but I couldn’t blame them because
so I didn’t even bother to give one. “I’m Edward…” I was ashamed, too.
“I know who you are,” he said, cutting me off. “I wouldn’t have let your It was too fucking bad I no longer had a choice.
ass in if I didn’t. You don’t look like your father, though. You sure you’re I approached Aro about returning to Washington for a while and he
his? With that hair, I think your Momma might’ve been fucking around.” agreed it was for the best, telling me I could handle some business for him
He laughed and I narrowed my eyes angrily, my hands starting to while I was there. The things they’d removed from the basement of our
shake. I went to reach for my gun instinctively, rage surging through me, house had been relocated to Port Angeles, and he needed someone to clear
but he caught sight of my movement and held his hands up defensively. it out and send it where it needed to be since my father could no longer be
“Whoa, calm down. I’m just kidding,” he said, shaking his head and involved. I agreed, not wanting to do that shit but knowing it was my only
smirking, clearly not fucking taking me seriously. “You might be Cullen’s fucking option.
boy, after all. Neither of you motherfuckers can take a joke.” I used to get aggravated when Isabella would say “okay”, agreeing to
“Don’t talk about my fucking mother,” I spat as he turned his back to anything that was asked of her, unable to grasp why the fuck she couldn’t
me, opening a cabinet. just be honest about her opinion. In such a short time, I had become just
“Whatever you say, man,” he muttered. “Tell me something, do you have like her– I was faking respect for the sake of surviving, saying “yes, sir”
a girlfriend?” when I really wanted to say “fuck you, asshole”, and doing anything that
“Excuse me?” was asked of me, regardless of whether I wanted to or not.
“You fucking deaf?” he asked, turning back around quickly. I tensed up It was one of those situations where the irony might’ve been amusing if
when I saw him grab a glock-22 from the cabinet, pointing it at me without it weren’t so goddamn fucked up.
hesitating. I grabbed my gun quickly and aimed it at his head, my heart I thought it would get better after we went back home, but it didn’t. Aro
racing wildly in fear. The amusement was gone from his expression, his hadn’t even waited a week before he started calling in orders, and while it
eyes sparking with anger. “I asked if you had a fucking girlfriend.” wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle, the fact that he controlled my life was
“Yes,” I said, trying to keep my composure but he was clearly fucking weighing heavily on me. I was distracted, up to all hours of the night
unstable and I had no idea what the hell was going on. The thought that it fielding phone calls and making arrangements while Isabella slept. I hoped
could be a set up quickly ran through my mind but I pushed it back, not to keep those aspects of my life separate, not wanting my predicament to
wanting to even consider Aro would fucking do that to me when I’d done hurt her in any way, but as time went on I started to realize how goddamn
nothing wrong. impossible it was. I was tearing myself in half, cutting part of me off from
“What’s her name?” he asked. I hesitated, unsure of why the fuck he her and I suspected she could tell. I tried to smile and make her feel safe,
was asking me about her, and his impatience grew. “I can fucking find out wanting her to believe things would be fine, but the truth was that I wasn’t
on my own, but I don’t think you want me to have to.” even sure anymore.
“Isabella,” I said quietly. Would things be fine?
“Good,” he said, lowering his gun and grabbing a duffel bag from the Eventually, the nightmares started for both of us, her ordeal coming
cabinet. He held it out to me and I took it hesitantly, my gun still aimed at back to her as my memories resurfaced. I couldn’t sleep without being
him. “You have twenty-four hours to bring me my money. If it isn’t here by haunted by what I’d seen, reliving the devastation the organization had
five tomorrow morning on the dot, at a minute after five I’m going to be in brought into my life. I dreamed of my mother again, the screeching tires
my car and on the way to pay a visit to Isabella and make her pay me for and her piercing screams as her life was taken from her, the sound of the
it. I don’t tolerate motherfuckers being late when we’ve got an appointment. bullets ripping through the air. I dreamed of Isabella a lot, the sight of her
Do you understand me?” fragile and seizing body in my arms back in the warehouse in Chicago. I
“If you ever fucking touch…” started staying awake more often than not, watching Isabella sleep just to
“I said, do you fucking understand me?” he snapped, raising his gun be able to see her fucking breathing. I held her while she cried out in
again and cutting me off, aggravated by my attitude. distress and I wanted to make it all better, wanted to fix everything, but I
“Yes,” I said coolly, my hands trembling. wasn’t sure what the fuck to do.
“Good. Now get out of my fucking shop before I shoot you for the hell of When it got to be too much to handle, I would slip out of bed and go
it,” he said. I took a few steps back, still aiming my gun at him, before downstairs to my piano, playing the song that plagued my mind. I was
270 267
growing weary, unsure of how much more I could take before I fucking “Just fucking great,” I muttered, staggering over to the closet. I pulled
snapped. I was distraught over what Isabella was going through, wishing out some clothes and dressed quickly, sitting down on the edge of the bed
she’d fucking talk to me about it but knowing I had no right to ask it of her. beside Isabella to slip on my shoes.
I was keeping secrets myself, doing things I could never share with her, and “Where are you going?” she mumbled. I glanced at her, seeing her eyes
it would be goddamn hypocritical of me to demand she tell me hers. were open and she was watching me with confusion.
It fucking hurt to admit, but I could feel us drifting further apart every “Uh, I need to finish my Christmas shopping or whatever,” I said,
day. She isolated herself, scribbling in one of her notebooks and completely spouting off the first thing that came to my mind as I ran my hand through
oblivious to time as it slipped away. And I was starting to feel like I was my hair anxiously.
just going through the motions, biding my time and waiting. What the fuck “Now?” she asked with disbelief, rolling over to look at the clock. “Is
I was waiting for I wasn’t entirely sure of, but I knew something needed to anything even open at this hour?”
change soon. We couldn’t just continue on as we were, pretending “They will be by the time I get there,” I said, hoping she wouldn’t fucking
everything was fine while we continued to fall to fucking pieces. argue with me about it. I kissed her quickly before standing up, running
It was a few days before Christmas and I was awoken by the sound of my hand across her cheek as I brushed her wayward hair out of her face. “I
my phone, the shrill ringing shattering my light slumber. I forced my eyes love you, tesoro. Go back to sleep, I’ll be back later.”
open, slapping beside the bed as I tried to find the offending object and “Love you, too,” she mumbled, her eyes closing once again.
make the goddamn thing stop. I cursed as I accidentally knocked it off the I grabbed my things and the notebook, heading out of the house as
stand, sending it crashing to the floor, and I pulled away from Isabella as I quietly as I could, and climbed into the Volvo to start on the road to Port
sat up. Angeles. I had a hard time focusing on my driving, my vision hazy from
“Turn it off,” Isabella mumbled, not even bothering to open her eyes. exhaustion and causing me to run off of the road a few times. I cursed,
“Fuck, I’m trying,” I muttered, reaching down and snatching it off of the agitated, and turned the music up while rolling the windows down hoping
floor. I glanced at the screen and groaned, rubbing my eyes as I tried to the noise and cold air would keep me awake.
clear my vision. “Yes, sir?” I arrived in Port Angeles around five but drove around for about twenty
“I was beginning to wonder if you were even going to answer,” Aro said, minutes as I tried to find the fucking address, having written the goddamn
an edge to his voice that told me he wasn’t in the mood to joke around. I thing down wrong after all. It turned out to be some dingy little hole in the
glanced over at the clock, seeing it was only a few minutes past four in the wall barber shop on the other side of the tracks, the bricks crumbling and
morning. the barber pole barely hanging on to the building. It looked fucking
“Of course I was going to answer,” I responded, covering my burning condemned but a florescent ‘open’ sign flickered in the window, suggesting
eyes with my forearm as I lay back down beside Isabella. “It’s just kind of otherwise.
fucking early. I was sleeping.” I grabbed the gun I’d brought back from Chicago and had been keeping
“Well, it’s a good thing you’re awake now, because there’s something under the seat since mine had been taken, and stuck it in my waistband
you need to do for me,” he said. “I need you to pick up a package from a man before getting out. I headed toward the building and grabbed the door but
in Port Angeles.” it wouldn’t budge, so I pressed the square black doorbell underneath the
“Now?” I asked incredulously. We had finally cleared out all of the mailbox. A loud buzzer went off and I cringed at the noise, hearing
storage containers in Port Angeles, so I thought I would finally get a break commotion inside before the door was pulled open. A light-skinned black
from doing his bullshit business, but apparently I wasn’t that fucking man stood in front of me with a serious expression on his face, a tattoo on
lucky. He laughed bitterly and I clenched my hands into fists, fighting back his neck and his hair halfway braided. I could see the gleam of gold teeth
my aggravation but the sound grated on my nerves. in his mouth, his neck and ears framed with fucking diamonds. He didn’t
“Yes, now,” he said impatiently, quickly rattling off an address. I look to be someone Aro would ever do business with and I briefly wondered
jumped out of bed and started rooting through my desk for something to if maybe I still had the fucking address wrong, but he stepped to the side
fucking write with, grabbing a pen. I tried to write on my hand but it before I could consider leaving, motioning for me to enter without speaking
wouldn’t fucking work, so I glanced around in a frenzy for something else at all.
as he continued to talk. I spotted Isabella’s notebook sticking out from I stepped inside and saw it was just as raggedy as the outside, and he
under the bed and grabbed it, flipping it open to the very back and slammed the door behind us before staggering across the room. “You’re
scribbling down the address the best I could recall it. I thanked him, not late,” he said flatly, reaching into his pocket for a pack of cigarettes. He
sure what the fuck for, and hung up.
268 269
 La Mia Bella Ragazza, please give me a call.” He pulled out a business card, holding it out to
Isabella, and she took it gingerly. My father stood up to show the police to
FDR said in a speech once that freedom couldn’t be bestowed,
the door, and Isabella and I sat for a moment, the tension in the room
it had to be achieved. He was one of our presidents, I don’t know mounting.
if you know who he is or not. You probably picked it up on Jeopardy “Do you really think that?” I asked, unable to stand the silence. “Do you
or something like everything else. seriously believe what happened to Jacob was your fault?”
“Of course,” she said quietly. “If I hadn’t...”
Anyway, I think I was in 5th grade when I learned who he
“You can’t blame yourself,” I interrupted. “That’s fucking ridiculous,
was, and I remember being pissed off because I didn’t see the Isabella. You didn’t cause this.”
fucking point in having to learn history when it was over and done “But I did,” she said, shaking her head. “Don’t you see, Edward? All of
with. Looking back I realize I was an ignorant little shit, but I it was me, all because I’m some princi– whatever! Your mother and Jacob
guess that’s really the point I’m trying to make here. I took a both lost their lives trying to help me, and you gave yours away trying to
save me! How much more is going to happen because of me?”
lot for granted in life and didn’t appreciate the little things– “I won’t let you take on that fucking burden,” I snapped. “You were
things that you missed out on and should’ve been allowed to innocent, Isabella. You did nothing wrong! How many times do I have to
experience like the rest of us. It’s not fair what happened to you, tell you that before you finally get it? Everything that happened, happened
and it’s only from knowing you that I see that. I wish more people for a fucking reason. It pisses me off that my mother is gone, it fucking
hurts, and I hate that Jacob died, but you didn’t cause any of it. And don’t
could see it. Maybe if more people recognized that the point in you dare feel guilty because I initiated. I made the choice, I went into that
teaching history is so we can learn from mistakes that were made, room willingly and took that oath, so if you want to blame anyone for it you
we all wouldn’t keep repeating the motherfuckers and things need to blame me. I did it because I wanted to save you, not because I had
wouldn’t be so fucked up in the world. to. I did it because I love you, Isabella, and you didn’t force me to fucking
love you. I did that shit all on my own. I don’t regret any of it and I never
You came into my life last September and turned everything I will, because it’s all worth it now that you’re free!”
knew upside down. You changed me and gave me the one thing I “Am I?” she asked, her eyes welling up with tears. “Am I free, Edward?”
never thought I’d have, the one goddamn thing I didn’t even “Of course you’re free,” I said, my brow furrowing in confusion at her
realize I needed. You gave me love. You taught me what it meant question. “Why wouldn’t you be?”
“I don’t know,” she said, shaking her head as the tears started running
to live and gave me a reason to get up in the mornings, something
down her cheeks. “I don’t even know what it means to be free.”
to go on for when I really just wanted to fucking give up. I’m “It means you can do anything you want, Isabella,” I said exasperatedly.
forever grateful for that shit and it’s one thing I’ll never take “Go where you want to go, be what you want to be, whatever. You have
for granted. I love you, Isabella. Christ, I fucking love you, and choices, you can follow your fucking dreams.”
“Can I?” she asked, her expression telling me she didn’t believe me. I
that’s the reason I have to do this.
nodded and she laughed bitterly, wiping her tears. “Can you?”
Like I said, freedom can’t be bestowed, and I should’ve known I froze, her question catching me off guard. “No,” I said hesitantly.
that telling you that you were free wouldn’t fucking make you so. “Then how can I?” she asked, her voice cracking from distress. “How can
Freedom has to be achieved, and that’s exactly what you have to do, I be free if you’re not, Edward?”
tesoro. You have to go out there and achieve that shit. You have I stared at her, having no idea how to answer that fucking question. “I,
uh... I think...” I started as my cell phone began ringing in my pocket and
the entire world at your fingertips, a life waiting for you full of shattered my train of thought. I groaned and pulled it out, glancing at the
dreams and opportunities that you can’t have with me. And I know screen to see it was Aro. I looked at Isabella cautiously and she sighed,
that they’re dreams you want, dreams you’ve always had, and you standing up without a word and starting out of the room. “Wait, Isabella.
shouldn’t have to sacrifice them for me. You’ve sacrificed enough Just wait, okay?”
She stopped near the hallway and turned to look at me, the tears still
of your life because of selfish motherfuckers. I’ve made my falling from her eyes. My phone continued to ring in my hand and I groaned,
316 285
knowing I needed to answer it. “Yes, sir?” I said, taking a few steps over I moaned, the words sounding sweet coming from his lips, despite the
toward the couch to sit down. fact that I had no idea what they meant. His body shook and he grunted as
“You don’t like answering promptly, do you?” he asked impatiently. his climax hit him. He smashed his lips to mine, his tongue feverishly
“Sorry, sir,” I muttered, dropping my head and running my hand mingling with mine as he thrust a few more times, holding me so tightly it
through my hair anxiously. felt almost as if he believed his life depended on it.
“It’s fine. I’m just calling to ensure that everything went smoothly this He stilled his movements after a moment and pulled his lips from mine,
morning,” he said. wrapping his arms around me as he nuzzled his head into my neck. He let
“Uh, yeah. I handled it,” I said. “Do you want me to wire the money to out a shaky breath, a shudder running through his body as a strangled
you or deposit it in an account somewhere?” groan came from his throat. I realized he was fighting back a sob, his
“No, you can hold onto it for a few days,” he said. “You can deliver it to distress anguishing and my eyes burned with tears.
me after Christmas when you arrive back in Chicago.” He sat back on his knees as he regained control of himself, hissing as
“Excuse me?” I said, caught off guard by his words. he pulled out from inside of me. I stared up at him as another tear slipped
“I have been more than accommodating with your situation, but we’re from the corner of my eye, and he reached down to wipe it away. His eyes
trying to rebuild and fill in the cracks left from these recent unfortunate were glassy and bloodshot, a small smile turning the corner of his mouth
incidents. Alec has recovered and is already getting back into the swing of up. “That was fucking intense,” he mumbled breathlessly.
things, so I feel it’s time you start adapting,” he said. “It was,” I responded as he lay down beside me, running his hands down
“That soon?” I asked hesitantly, gripping onto my hair tightly in his face. I snuggled up to his chest and he grabbed the comforter, quickly
frustration. covering our naked bodies. I sighed contentedly as his hand gently started
“It’s been almost two months, Edward. All of the loose ends have been stroking my back, relishing in the warmth radiating from him.
tied up in Washington, so there’s no more business to deal with,” he said. “Goodnight,” Edward whispered as sleep started taking hold of me. “I
“There’s nothing left there for you.” meant it, Bella. I’ll keep you in my dreams.”
“Fine,” I said, knowing there was no fucking arguing with him. He had I smiled as the words registered but slipped into unconsciousness before
made his decision and nothing would change his mind on it. I was able to respond, for the first time in a long time managing to find
“Good, I’m glad that’s settled. Buon Natale, dear boy. I’ll see you soon,” peace in my sleep. There was no torture or agony haunting me in the night,
he said. no pain or devastation disrupting my rest. It was filled with tranquility and
“You, too, sir,” I muttered, hanging up. “Fuck.” I glanced across the room silence, exactly what I had longed for, and for a moment I almost celebrated
in a panic, wondering how much Isabella had heard and if she would the change.
understand any of it, and frowned when I saw the hallway was deserted. Little did I know, the nightmare would come when I awoke.
She hadn’t waited for me, after all. The sun was shining brightly through the window when I opened my
I got up and headed for the stairs, walking up them slowly as I tried to eyes and I sat up quickly, glancing at the clock to see it was nearly ten in
figure out what the hell I was going to do. I was frazzled and confused, the morning. I shivered as a chill ran through me and my throat ached as
everything falling apart right in front of me and I didn’t know what the I tried to clear it, a tickle deep inside my chest that told me right away that
fuck I was supposed to do about any of it. I hesitantly walked to my father’s I was getting sick. I groaned, knowing it was because of going out in the
office, not knowing where else to turn. I lightly tapped on the door, not even night air to see the snow, and clung to the blanket for warmth as I glanced
sure if he would have gone there after showing the police out, and pushed around. I realized I was alone, no sign of Edward anywhere, and froze when
it open a moment later to glance inside. I spotted a piece of folded up paper lying on his pillow. I eyed it suspiciously,
He was sitting at his desk with his phone to his ear, seemingly unaware seeing my name written across the front of it, and that feeling I’d fought
of my presence. I watched as he drummed his fingers impatiently on the hard to push back the night before hit me with such intensity I thought for
arm of his chair, listening to whomever was on the line. a moment that I would be sick.
“That’s unacceptable to me,” he said after a moment. “I can’t do that.” I picked up the paper and opened it hesitantly, seeing it was a full page
There was a pause while he listened, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I letter in what was clearly Edward’s handwriting. I fought back the emotion
understand your situation, but you need to understand mine. I have a threatening to take hold of me as I started reading it, my hands shaking.
family I need to consider, and you may not care about them, but I do,” he
said firmly. “This is my life we’re talking about, so don’t even try to give me
that shit! Don’t you dare patronize me. If you want me to respect and trust
286 315
me completely. He groaned loudly, allowing some of his weight to press you, I expect the same in return or this conversation is over and never
down on me as he pulled me closer. happened. I don’t need you to make this out to be something it isn’t, and I
“Of course I trust you,” he said. “I’m just giving you a chance to change don’t appreciate being lied to.”
your mind.” I shifted position, the movement drawing my father’s attention. He
“I’ll never change my mind,” I whispered as he pulled out and pushed stared at me with panic in his eyes, clearing his throat after a second. “I
back in. His thrusts were slow and gentle at first and he pressed his lips to have to go. We’ll finish discussing this later.”
mine, kissing me softly as whimpers escaped my throat. I wrapped my arms He hung up without giving the person a chance to respond and sat the
around him, clinging to him as my hands roamed his back. The pleasure phone down on his desk, still eyeing me. “Who was that?” I asked.
was intense and it didn’t take long before the pressure started to build “Lawyer,” he said quickly, folding his hands together in his lap.
again, my body quivering. Orgasm rocked me quickly and I cried out, “Your lawyer?” I asked, narrowing my eyes suspiciously. “What were
throwing my head back as I yelled Edward’s name. He groaned, his lips you doing, negotiating plea bargains? Trying to bribe your way out of it?”
feverishly attacking my neck as my body shook beneath his. It calmed after “If only it were that easy,” he said, laughing awkwardly. “More like
a moment, a wave of relaxation sweeping over me in the aftermath of my trying to settle things before they start tying the knot on my noose.”
climax. “That bad?” I asked, frowning. My father and I may not have been close
Edward’s movements grew more frantic after a while, his thrusts over the years, but I didn’t like the thought of losing him. I’d fucking lost
harder and deeper. His breathing was labored, his body trembling in my enough as it was.
arms as he slid in and out of me. I could practically feel the desire oozing “Yes, it’s that bad,” he said. “It’s not as easy to get out of these things as
from his pores, his desperation bursting forth as he gave me all of himself it used to be. We used to be able to buy our way out of anything, but the
that he could. I clung to him, crying out as he continued to fill me, the organization’s power and respect seems to have less influence than even
intensity unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. We’d had sex quite a our money these days.”
few times but none of it had been like it was at that moment, the pure raw I looked at him with surprise, stunned that he and I had more in
passion and longing between us enough to take my breath away. I gasped common than I thought. “Can I ask you something?” I asked, shutting the
for air, my chest burning as my body heated and my skin dampened with door and walking over to take a seat.
sweat. It felt as if I was on fire, every inch of me aching for him as our “Sure,” he said, leaning back in his chair and watching me curiously.
bodies came together. I could hear his pants and gasps, his hands gripping “Do you regret ever initiating?” I asked.
me firmly as he tried to defy logic and pull me even closer to him. It was He hesitated, contemplating my question and probably wondering how
almost as if we melted into one, where he ended and I began nothing but a much he should fucking tell me. “No, I can’t say I do. I have made plenty of
blur as I lost myself in him. mistakes in my life, but taking the oath for your mother... I just can’t regret
Orgasms rocked me a few times and each time I’d scream his name, my that. I wish it had been different, I wish I wouldn’t have had to, but the fact
nails digging into his flesh as my hands roamed his body. It was like they remains that I did. It was necessary, and I would do it again in a heartbeat,”
were instinctively inspecting every part of him, feeling the definition of his he said. “You know, I was furious when Esme told me what you’d done, and
muscles as I memorized his form. My heart was pounding so rapidly it felt as much as I still hate it, I get it now, son. In fact, I probably shouldn’t have
like my chest would explode and I could feel his pulse through his skin, been surprised at all, considering who your parents are. It’s the same thing
knowing he felt just as out of control as I did. It was overwhelming, the I did for your mother, and the same thing she eventually did for Isabella.
sights and sounds and sensations almost too much to take, tears starting In a way it’s genetic, I suppose– ingrained in your DNA. You would’ve
to slip from the corner of my eyes. sacrificed for her eventually, someway, somehow. You are your mother’s
“I love you,” I whispered as I felt his body start to tense up. child, after all.”
“I love you, too,” he responded, the words cracking as they caught in his “Yeah, well, apparently I’m yours, too,” I mumbled. “Men of Honor, and
throat. “So fucking much. Sempre.” all.”
“Sempre,” I whimpered, trying to fight back my tears. He groaned and He cracked a smile, shaking his head. “Apparently,” he said. “So, is
slammed into me hard a few times as he started muttering under his there a reason you’re asking me that question? Are you regretting...”
breath. “No,” I said quickly. “I love her and I’d never regret it, I’d fucking do
“Non ci sarà mai un altro,” he said. There will never be another. “Solo anything for her. It’s just, Christ... I know it was necessary and everything,
tu. Il mio cuore è tua, tesoro.” Only you. My heart is yours. but I can’t help but feel like I fucked up.”

314 287
 “I understand,” he said. “To this day I still feel that way to an extent. I He looked torn as he stared at me, the agonized expression on his face
initiated to save your mother from slavery, and all I did in the end was tie fading away as I repeated the word ‘please’. He sighed, running his hand
her down anyway. I took her straight from one dangerous world to another, through his hair anxiously as he slowly took a few steps toward me. He
and it was dressed up pretty and called another name, but it wasn’t that didn’t say anything, but no words were really necessary. We both knew we
much different in hindsight. I loved your mother, and I always will, but I needed it and we’d give in to that need, unable to resist the pull between
think my biggest mistake was not letting her go. She never got to truly be us that had been there since the moment we first touched.
free, out in the world where no one knew what she had been.” He paused in front of me, his hand running the length of my arm as he
He was quiet for a moment, drumming his fingers again, and I stared leaned down to kiss me. He reached around and unclasped my bra, pulling
at him with shock. “Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade the years I had it off of me slowly and allowing it to drop to the floor. A moan escaped my
with your mother for anything, and I surely wouldn’t give up you boys. You throat as he gently caressed my breasts, his fingertips running over my
were the only things I felt like I ever did right in my life. But I’ll never nipples and causing them to grow firm under his touch. His hands drifted
forgive myself for not giving her a chance to go off on her own. She never down to my hips and he slowly started backing me up toward the bed. I
got to experience life with no strings attached, and honestly I’m not even scooted back onto it and he climbed on top of me, not once breaking our
sure if she would have wanted to, but the point is I never gave her the kiss.
chance. I know she loved me, and I know having you boys made her happier I lay back and closed my eyes as his mouth moved from mine and he
than she ever imagined she’d be, but I don’t think she even realized she made his way down my neck, his warm breath hitting the wet spots left
ever had another option. I sacrificed to give her choices in life, and then I behind from his kisses and sending shivers down my spine. Warmth spread
never even told her she had them. I can’t help but wonder, all these years throughout my body as he trailed kisses down my stomach, and I inhaled
later, how different things would be had I have let her go.” deeply as his tongue dipped inside of my belly button. It tickled, my body
“She would never have left you,” I said, shaking my head. “She loved tingling from head to toe from his touch.
you too much.” He took his time, kissing and caressing every inch of exposed skin,
“She didn’t know any better,” he said. “And that’s the point, really. I before slowly pulling my underwear off. He tossed it on the floor and I
blame myself for that. In retrospect, I feel like she never got to choose to be clutched tightly onto the sheets as he started slowly kissing up my inner
with me, she just was.” thigh. He gripped my hips, holding me in place as his tongue gently
“That’s why I feel like I fucked up,” I said quietly. “Isabella just asked caressed my center before slowly dipping inside of me. I moaned loudly,
how she could ever be free if I wasn’t, and I hadn’t realized until then pleasure coursing through me as he tasted me.
exactly what I had done. I made a decision about our life together, and she’s My noises grew louder, my legs starting to tremble as I felt the pressure
just supposed to fucking accept it. I just figured I could keep those parts of start to build. I was writhing and let go of the sheets, reaching for him. I
my life separate.” ran my hands through his hair and moaned his name, a groan vibrating his
“Yeah, I thought the same thing at your age,” he muttered. “And I can chest at the sound of it. He pulled away from me quickly and I opened my
tell you from experience that it isn’t easy living as a fractured man.” eyes as he sat up, grabbing the bottom of his shirt to pull it off. I stared at
“I see that.” him in the darkness, taking in his immaculate form above me. I reached
“Anyway, have you two discussed your future yet?” he asked. I shook out and ran my fingers over the ridges in his stomach, tracing the lines of
my head, running my hand through my hair anxiously. the tattoo on his chest as he started undoing his pants. He pulled them off
“No, but I guess I’m running out of time, considering I’m expected in and my breath hitched at the sight of him already standing erect. I reached
Chicago after Christmas,” I said. “Apparently Aro thinks he’s been patient out and ran my fingers down the light trail on hair on his stomach, gently
enough.” gripping him and stroking it a few times. He groaned and threw his head
“I’m not surprised,” my father responded. “Are you going to be okay?” back, closing his eyes as it pulsated in my hand.
I laughed bitterly. “I’ll be fine. It’s her I’m worried about.” “Are you sure?” he asked after a moment, placing his hand on top of
“I wouldn’t worry so much about her. She’s strong and will pull through, mine.
no matter what,” he said. “Anyway, while you’re here, there’s something I “Now who’s the one second guessing?” I asked quietly. “Don’t you trust
want to give you.” me?”
He opened his top desk drawer and fumbled around in it for a moment He smiled, amused that I’d turned his words around on him, and he
before pulling out a set of keys. He tossed them at me and I caught them as pulled my hand off of him as he hovered over me. I held my breath as he
lined himself up and pushed inside, gripping onto him tightly as he filled
288 313
the melody sweet and vaguely familiar, and it took a minute for it to he shut the drawer again. “What are these?” I asked in confusion, holding
register with me what the song was. them up.
“Our hearts were on display for all to see,” I whispered, recalling the “They’re keys,” he said sarcastically, laughing as I rolled my eyes.
line from the song we’d made love to on Valentine’s Day, the first time the “They’re for the house in Chicago. I’m assuming you’ll need somewhere to
two of us had truly come together as one. “I can’t believe this is happening live while you’re there, and I obviously have no use for it.”
to me.” “Are you sure?” I asked with surprise.
“You remember the song,” he said, his words a statement rather than a “Yes, I’m sure,” he said. “It shouldn’t sit there empty. Your mother
question. would be happy it could be of use to you.”
“How could I not,” I whispered as he continued humming, the sound “Thanks,” I said, standing up and stretching. “Anyway, I’ll leave you
slowly turning into words as he began to softly sing the lyrics. A chill ran alone now, so you can call back whoever the fuck it was you were really
down my spine, my heart aching when I heard his voice crack on the words talking to. There’s no way it was Mr. Ricci, because he isn’t exactly the kind
‘I’ll keep you in my dreams’. of motherfucker to sugar-coat shit for anyone.”
“Are you okay?” he asked, pulling back from me as he felt my body He stared at me for a moment, not offering up any comment on what I
shudder. I nodded, my eyes starting to well up with tears. A strange feeling had said. I turned to walk out and he cleared his throat, stopping me.
brewed in the pit of my stomach, longing and desperation mixing with my “Ascoltare il tuo cuore,” he said quietly, recounting a phrase my mother had
fear as I gazed at him, his expression guarded. “Do you want to go inside?” said all the fucking time when we were young. “Remember that and I’m
I nodded again and he grabbed my hand, leading me to the house. He sure you’ll do the right thing. Like I said, you are your mother’s child.”
ushered me inside and locked it back up, resetting the alarm as I headed I nodded and stepped out into the hallway, quickly trying to sort
straight for the stairs. I was silent as I walked up to the third floor, my through everything that had happened in the course of one goddamn day.
mind racing frantically as I tried to sort through things. I took my coat off It was fucking strange, but as I thought back to what Ben had said that
as soon as I stepped into the bedroom, kicking my shoes off right inside the afternoon, a sense of resolve came over me once again. My chest ached as I
door. My pants were damp and I stripped them off, pulling my shirt off next thought about Isabella’s question and the distress she’d shown during her
and tossing them onto a pile on the floor. I turned to Edward, watching as outburst, while my father’s words of advice from just moments before
he carefully took his coat off and hung it on the back of his desk chair. replayed in my mind.
“Edward,” I whispered, my voice shaking. He turned his head in my Ascoltare il tuo cuore. Listen to your heart.
direction and froze when he saw me standing there in my bra and In that moment, it felt like everything came together and I finally
underwear, his eyes scanning the length of my form almost upon instinct. fucking knew what I was supposed to do. I walked over to my brother’s
His gaze finally reached my face and our eyes connected, goose bumps bedroom door, hesitating for a brief second as I reconsidered, before
dancing across my skin at the intensity of the green shining back at me. He ultimately reaching my hand up to knock.
stared at me curiously, the sadness still there but, more than anything, I I couldn’t fucking be selfish anymore and just keep pretending that
could see the love he felt for me. We’d been ignoring it, pushing it aside as things would be fine. I needed to do something to make sure of it.
we drifted apart, but it was still there just as strong as ever. “Make love to “I think I’ll have to take you up on your offer,” I said as soon as he
me.” opened the door. “I’m going to need your help.”
He tensed up at my words and started shaking his head hesitantly. I He stared at me apprehensively, his eyes scanning my face. He didn’t
knew he wanted nothing more than to agree, but I could also see the fear seem surprised by my words, and I suspected he’d known all along that I’d
he was feeling, causing him to have some reservations. I didn’t know what eventually fucking admit that I couldn’t do it all alone. He reached out after
was going on, but the odd feeling in my stomach flared and the tears started a moment and clasped my shoulder, nodding.
forming again. “Bella, I don’t think…” he started. “You got it.”
“Please.” It came out a strangled whisper, the lone word catching in my
throat because of the lump forming. I fought it back, confused and not
wanting to cry. I needed him in that moment, and I wasn’t entirely sure as
to why, but I could feel it deep down to the bone. I didn’t want to just see
his love, I wanted to feel it. It had been months since we’d been intimate,
since before all of the devastation had taken hold of our life, and I
desperately needed to be consumed by Edward Cullen at that moment.
312 289
 something about the experience felt almost magical. Goosebumps popped
up along my skin and despite the fact that it was bitterly cold, warmth
spread through me from my excitement.
I opened my eyes after a moment and peeked over at Edward, seeing he
was staring at me with a serious expression on his face. I smiled softly,
noticing the flakes starting to stick to his bronze hair. I walked over to him
and reached up, running my fingers through his locks to wipe them away.
I pulled him down toward me, licking my lips, and he smirked as I tilted
my head to the side. His kiss was gentle, his lips soft and mouth warm.
“It’s beautiful,” I said as I pulled away.
“Not as beautiful as you,” he whispered. I felt the heat rising to my
cheeks at his words, the blush overtaking my face.
“Such a charmer.”
“I only speak the truth, tesoro,” he responded. My smile grew and I
looked away from him as my blush deepened even more at his response. I
started kicking around at the small accumulation on the ground, my toe
digging into the frozen dirt.

Chapter 73
“Does it snow a lot in Chicago?” I asked. He remained quiet for a
moment and I peeked over at him inquiringly, noticing he was staring off
into the distance.
“Too fucking much,” he said quietly. “I like snow and all, but this shit
here is enough for me. They get fucking blizzards in Chicago, feet of snow
Garden of Simple every winter. Drives me fucking crazy.”
Isabella “It might be fun,” I said, shrugging. “We could build snowmen and make
snow angels, maybe even have snowball fights.”
“Merry Christmas.” His lips curved upward slightly as he glanced at me, but I could see the
I jumped, startled by the unexpected voice, and turned my attention sadness back in his eyes. I instantly felt guilty for bringing up Chicago, not
away from the window. Esme walked in the kitchen where I stood and wanting to ruin his mood. It wasn’t often we had carefree moments
smiled warmly, her expression soft as she gazed at me. I was surprised to anymore, and I didn’t want it to end any sooner than it had to. I realized
see her up so early, since the sun was just barely starting to rise and I knew that Esme had been right about them needing a sanctuary, one place they
she and Alec had to have gotten in quite late the night before. They’d could go to and just be themselves without worrying about all of that other
anticipated arriving days earlier, but Alec apparently got held up with stuff.
business and couldn’t make it out of Chicago for their planned flight. “You look cold,” he said, not bothering to comment on what I’d said. My
“Merry Christmas,” I said quietly, smiling back politely. I watched as fingers were growing numb already and my ears were stinging, my nose so
she walked over to the pantry and started rooting around inside, mumbling frozen it would soon start running, but I shrugged because I didn’t want
to herself. She was dressed nicely in a gray long-sleeved dress and a pair of the moment to be over yet.
matching high heels, her hair cascading down her back in waves and her “Well, you look hot,” I blurted out, not even thinking about my words.
makeup freshly applied. She looked completely opposite of how she had the His brow furrowed briefly before he started laughing, shaking his head.
last time I’d seen her and she seemed to have her spark back, compassion “Thanks, baby,” he said playfully. “You’re pretty fucking hot yourself.”
and gentleness radiating from her. It was motherly in a way, instantly I rolled my eyes as he chuckled, reaching out for me. He pulled me into
making me feel at ease in her presence. his arms and rocked me gently, his body heat instantly starting to warm
“Isn’t it awfully early to be awake?” she asked, finally closing the pantry me up. I snuggled into his chest, wrapping my arms around him as I hugged
and turning back to me. him tightly. He leaned his head down on top of mine, sighing contently. I
“I guess so,” I said. “I couldn’t sleep.” was quiet for a while as I held on to him, the snow continuing to fall and
covering us with thick white flakes. A soft hum vibrated Edward’s chest,
290 311
 “Yeah, I guess,” he responded. “I’d have to get my GED since I “Can you ever?” she asked, raising her eyebrows questioningly. “You
technically dropped out of high school because of the bullshit, but I don’t don’t exactly look well-rested.”
see why not. I haven’t actually asked about it, though. Too much other shit I shrugged hesitantly. “I just have a lot on my mind,” I mumbled. “Why
on my mind.” are you up so early? If you don’t mind me asking, that is...”
“I understand.” “Of course I don’t mind. You can ask me anything, Isabella,” she said.
He smirked as he took a long drag, holding it in his lungs as he gazed “And to answer your question, I’m up because today’s Christmas and if you
at me. He reached over and ran his hand along my cheek, his touch gentle recall from last year, I handle Christmas dinner.”
and warm. I hummed contentedly and closed my eyes as he leaned forward “Oh,” I said, surprised. “I kind of figured since you got in so late that I’d
again, exhaling slowly. I inhaled deeply, his lips softly brushing against just start it.”
mine. “Well, you figured wrong,” she said, smiling once more. “You need to
“I know you do,” he whispered. “That’s one of the things I love about relax and just forget about everything for one day, allow yourself to have
you. You get me, Bella. When no one else fucking does, you do. I can’t tell some fun. After all, you’ll only be seventeen once, so you ought to enjoy it
you how much I appreciate that shit. I remember when you stood here that while you can. Before you know it, you’ll be old and turning gray like me.”
first day and told me you didn’t understand me, and all I could think at the “Your hair isn’t gray,” I said, my brow furrowing as I stared at her. The
time was how much I fucking wished you could. I desperately wanted you room was dim, the only light a subtle glow filtering in the window, but I
to really see me.” was sure I didn’t see any.
I smiled as I exhaled. “I do see you now.” She laughed. “That’s only because I have a good hairstylist that covers
“I know,” he said, a twinkle in his eyes as he gazed at me lovingly. “Do it all up for me. I’d be completely gray if it weren’t for that, thanks to my
you wanna know what I see?” husband’s line of work. I’m sure you’ll know all about that before long,
“What?” I asked. He motioned with his head toward the window and I though.”
glanced over, freezing when I spotted the thick white flakes fluttering down “I’m sure,” I mumbled, nervously toying with the hem of my shirt. I
from the sky. wasn’t sure what else to say but I could feel her eyes on me, obviously
“Snow,” he whispered. I smiled brightly but before I could comment he awaiting a better response.
jumped up from the couch, grabbing a hold of my hand and yanking me to “Are you okay, kiddo?” she asked when the silence grew awkward.
my feet. I stared at him, startled, and he chuckled as his face lit up. “Come “Things are fine between you and Edward, aren’t they?”
on, we’re going outside.” “I guess so,” I said, sighing. “We haven’t talked about things, so I really
“Now?” I asked with disbelief, looking past him at the clock. The red don’t know what’s going on. He claims that nothing’s changed and I’m free
numbers shined brightly in the darkness, telling me it was a quarter after to follow my dreams, but I just don’t see how I can be free when he’s not. I
one in the morning. “It’s got to be freezing out there, Edward.” can’t even comprehend him being that way, honestly. That’s not Edward.”
“So,” he said, shrugging casually as if it were no big deal. “We have “You’re right, it’s not,” she said. “And it wasn’t Carlisle, either, believe
coats. And yes, I’ll fucking wear mine this time.” it or not. I remember Elizabeth’s fear over his initiation. She said almost
“Uh, okay,” I said with a laugh as he walked over to the closet. He that same thing to me that you just said and had the same worries that you
grabbed my coat and tossed it to me, digging in the back for his heavier do. You could probably learn a lot from their experience.”
navy blue one. We bundled up quickly, slipping on our shoes, and we made “That’s what Dr. Cullen said,” I mumbled. “He gave me her journal to
our way downstairs quietly so as not to wake anyone. Edward disabled the read.”
alarm before unlocking the backdoor, pulling it open and motioning for me “And have you?”
to exit. The night air was so cold that it stung my face, but I smiled “A bit of it,” I responded, shrugging. “I don’t think Edward likes me
regardless as I stepped outside, instantly glad he’d suggested we do it as I having it, so I don’t pull it out when he’s around.”
took in the view in front of me. The flakes were settling on the ground and “Well, I think you should read it,” she said, smiling. “Edward will get
trees, covering everything with a thin blanket of white. over it. His mother has always been a touchy subject with him. I’m probably
Edward came out behind me and shut the door as I took a few steps out the only person that was ever brave enough to talk to him about what
into the yard, glancing up into the sky. The snow rained down on me, the happened to her. Everyone always walked on eggshells around him, but I
wetness hitting my skin and sending chills through my body. I closed my always believed what he really needed was someone who wasn’t afraid to
eyes and smiled, opening my mouth to catch some of them with my tongue. dig in deep and get under his skin a bit. Edward needs someone to pull him
They were cold and tasted bland, just like I knew they would, but
310 291
to the surface and keep him there, or else he’ll sink into his pit of blackness marijuana up in brown paper quickly, licking it to seal it together. He
and shut himself off from everyone.” turned to me and cocked an eyebrow, smirking. “Do you mind?”
“He does,” I said quietly. “He told me he always felt like he was I shook my head, surprised to see him with it because he hadn’t done it
drowning.” in a long time… that I was aware of, anyway. He grabbed a lighter and
“And you came along and saved him. It’s just like how Elizabeth showed walked back over to the couch, sitting back down beside me. “Do you
Carlisle what love was, and how I made Alec feel something, finally. That’s remember what we were doing the first time I did this shit around you?” he
a bond that can never be forgotten, Isabella,” she responded. “You do love asked as he started to light it.
him, don’t you?” “We were playing a game,” I responded. He nodded.
“Of course,” I said, nodding. My eyes welled up with tears at the “Twenty-one questions,” he said, taking a long drag of it and holding the
question, one slipping down my cheek. I brushed it away quickly, clearing air in his lungs. He turned to me after a second and cupped my chin with
my throat as I tried to control the swell of emotion. “I love him more than his free hand, pulling my face closer to him. He leaned in closely so his lips
anything.” were almost touching mine and started exhaling, the smoke filtering out
“And you’re worried about what’s going to happen to him now?” she between us. I inhaled, taking it into my lungs, and held it when my chest
asked. I nodded and she smiled sympathetically. “Then I’ll tell you the same was full. He smirked and pulled back a few inches. “We never got to finish
thing I told Elizabeth all those years ago. She was afraid the man she loved the game, tesoro. I think it’s time we did.”
would disappear in the midst of the violence and mayhem his life would I smiled as I exhaled, coughing a bit from the burn in my chest. “Okay,”
become, but the truth, Isabella, is that they don’t change if they have a I whispered.
reason not to. He’ll always be the same Edward you love deep down inside. “I’ll go first,” he said, taking another drag of the marijuana. He exhaled,
I’m not going to lie and tell you nothing will change, because some things the smoke slowly rolling out from between his lips. It was almost beautiful
will. He’ll keep secrets, and as much as you’ll hate it, you’ll realize they’re in a sense, watching him breathe. It was sensual and erotic, knowing the
things you don’t want to know. Plus, I think it’s easier for them to not bring same air I took in had once also existed inside of him, the intoxicants
that stuff home, to keep it separate. It helps them to know they have a surging through my body the very same that he felt. He coughed after a
sanctuary, that one place they can go to and just be themselves, and not moment as he gazed at me, seemingly contemplating his first question.
have to be a Mafiosi for a while. I know a little bit of what my husband’s “Out of all the book’s you’ve read, which one is your favorite?”
done, and once upon a time I’d question him about things, but I don’t I smiled, surprised at the topic. “The one you gave me last time we
anymore because I trust him. I hate that he does it, but I know he only does played this game,” I responded. “Wuthering Heights.”
it to survive. It’s kill or be killed, and I don’t like my husband killing people, “You finished it?” he asked with surprise. I nodded and he smiled.
but I selfishly prefer it to him being killed.” “Good. I told your ass you could do it. Like I said, anything you put your
She paused, eyeing me curiously. “I imagine you’re probably scared mind to, tesoro. You’re unstoppable.”
right now because there are so many unknowns, but like I said, he’ll still We spent the next hour asking random questions, digging into each
be Edward. He’ll see things he’ll wish he could forget, and he’ll have a lot other’s minds about obscure topics. He continued to take hits of the
of guilt over things he can’t control, but don’t we all? Edward’s always been marijuana, occasionally blowing smoke at me and lightly kissing my lips as
haunted by things, but you gave him hope and made him feel alive again. I inhaled the air between us. Warmth spread throughout my body, tingling
That won’t change either, Isabella. Your love will still be what saves him coursing through my veins as the drug took over my system. We didn’t ask
from drowning.” at all about the torture and hurt we’d endured, instead inquiring about
“Will it?” I asked, more tears falling. “It doesn’t feel like it.” things that made us happy. He asked about my deepest hopes and desires,
“That’s because he’s scared, too, sweetie,” she said, reaching out for me. wanted to know what kind of things I’d do if there were no limitations
She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into a hug, her hand placed upon me. He wanted me to tell him where I’d go and what I would
stroking my hair just as my mother had when I was younger. “You’re scared do, telling me about things he’d done growing up and one day hoped I could
for him, and he’s scared for you, but neither of you seem to realize that can experience. It felt like everything faded away in that moment, the reality
be a good thing. You kids love each other and instead of bonding over it, of our situation taking a back seat to our dreams as we spoke of a future I
you’re shutting down.” had always wanted, but never believed I could have.
A throat cleared behind us and Esme let go of me quickly, turning to “Can you still go to school?” I asked after a while, gazing at him
look. I tensed up when I saw Alec leaning against the door frame, his arms curiously. I still wasn’t sure what he was allowed to do, what restrictions
crossed over his chest. “Am I interrupting?” the organization put on his life.
292 309
the darkness. The sliver of moonlight filtering in illuminated his face and I “No, sir,” I said quickly, dropping my gaze to the floor.
saw he wore a somber expression, his lips turned down into a frown. “Of course you are,” Esme chimed in with a laugh. “We were having girl
“Edward?” I said, worried about what was bothering him because I talk.”
didn’t like seeing him so upset. He sat still, continuing to gaze outside “So I heard,” he responded. “And what happened to staying out of it? I
almost as if he hadn’t even heard me, and I was about to say his name again thought we agreed...”
when he let out a long exasperated sigh. “And I thought you knew me better than that,” Esme said, cutting him
“I had a dream,” he mumbled. off. I glanced at her quickly, stunned anyone would talk to Alec that way.
“Another nightmare?” I asked hesitantly, climbing out of bed. I walked “I do,” he said. “But I’d hoped you would listen to common sense for once.
slowly over to the couch and he finally turned his head to look at me, the Meddling in other people’s affairs...”
sadness in his eyes staggering. My stomach sunk as he moved his legs to “...only gets people hurt,” she said, cutting him off once more. “I know,
make room for me, motioning for me to join him. I sat down and he pulled Alec. I’ve heard you say it a million times, but standing by and doing
me into his arms, lightly kissing the top of my head as I snuggled into his nothing while people are already hurting is just as bad to me. Don’t we do
chest. that enough? They’re just kids, for Heaven’s sake.”
“No, not a nightmare,” he said. “It was a dream.” “Edward is an adult,” Alec retorted. “What he chooses to do in his
“What was it about?” I asked. private life is none of our business. It’s the only part of his life that is his
“You,” he said quietly. “You painted a picture of the meadow I took you now. Give him the respect he deserves to handle it as he sees fit.”
to. It was so good that they hung it up in a museum and raved about how “Have you forgotten you vouched for her?” Esme interjected.
talented you were. It was like you were the next fucking Picasso or Van “Ciò non significa che io controllo la ragazza,” he snapped in response,
Gough, tesoro. It was nice.” shooting me a quick glance that sent a chill down my spine. That doesn’t
I laughed, shaking my head as I pulled away to look at him. His lips mean I control the girl. His tone was harsh and intimidating and Esme
turned up into his dashing crooked grin, but I could see the sadness still narrowed her eyes at him angrily. I had never seen the two of them argue
lingering deep within in his eyes. “I don’t even know how to paint, Edward.” before, and the fact that it seemed to be because of me was very upsetting.
“You could learn,” he said, shrugging. “Would you want to?” “Hanno paura, Alec! È il tuo dovere di aiutarla!” They’re scared, Alec!
“Maybe,” I responded. “It would be fun, I guess, but I don’t know how It’s your duty to help!
good I’d be. I’ve never tried before.” “Il mio unico dovere è quello di guardare,” he responded coldly. My only
“Oh, you’d be good,” he said confidently. “You really shouldn’t doubt duty is to watch.
yourself. You can do anything you set your mind to.” “Like Elizabeth was watched?” Esme asked, raising her eyebrows
“Except for play the piano,” I said playfully. He chuckled, nodding. The questioningly. “You kept telling me to stay out of it, to mind my own
few times he had attempted to teach me the basics I’d failed horribly, business and let them handle it when it was clear they had no idea what
fumbling awkwardly with the keys and making him cringe from the noises they were doing. A lot of good it did then, huh? We could’ve helped!”
I managed to produce. “Elizabeth was not my responsibility,” he stated.
“Yeah, for the sake of everyone’s ears we ought to leave the music to “You’re right, she wasn’t,” Esme responded, shaking her head. “But
me,” he said jokingly. “But the rest is all you. You can probably do all of Isabella is.”
that shit, you know. Draw, Paint, sculpt shit into weird shapes and tell Alec stood silently and stared at her, his expression unreadable. Esme
people it’s something it doesn’t fucking look like. That takes talent, you stared right back, her gaze unwavering, and the tension in the room
know.” mounted with each passing second. It was uncomfortable and I started
I laughed. “And you think I have that kind of talent?” fidgeting nervously, feeling dizzy as the blood rushed through me furiously.
“Of course you do,” he said, standing up. “It’s natural, deep down in your “I, uh... I shouldn’t be here,” I whispered, bolting for the door. I made it
motherfucking bones. There’s no stopping you.” to the foyer before Alec’s firm voice rang out, the sound of it stopping me
“Thank you,” I whispered, a swell of emotion surging through me at his dead in my tracks.
words. “It really means a lot that you believe in me.” “Stop.”
“I’d be an idiot not to,” he said as he walked over to his desk, grabbing “Grazie,” Esme said quietly as footsteps echoed behind me. I turned
his keys and unlocking the bottom drawer. He started rooting around in it around as Alec walked into the foyer, and he glanced at me briefly before
in the dark, liquor bottles clinking together as he pushed them aside. He heading for the living room. I watched him for a second, unsure of what to
pulled out a familiar small plastic bag and I watched as he rolled some do and startled by the limp he now had in his walk, a pang of guilt hitting
308 293
me when I realized it was because of the incident at the warehouse. He shot “Hello Isabella,” he said calmly. Everyone else turned in my direction
me an impatient look when he saw I was still standing there and I realized right away, panic flashing across their faces.
that he expected me to follow him. “Is everything okay?” I asked hesitantly.
He sat down in a chair right inside the living room and I hesitantly “It’s perfectly fine,” Alec said, a confidence in his voice that made me
walked over to the couch, sitting down gingerly on the edge of it. The room want to believe him. “There was just a slight disagreement about Edward’s
was dim and eerily quiet, the only sound coming from the clock on the wall choices in life, but this is really neither the time nor the place for such
nearby. My anxiety grew with each tick, my hands shaking as Alec gazed discussions so it’s over now. Why don’t you join us?”
at me. I glanced around, dread running through me as I took in all of their
“Did anyone explain the vouching process to you, Isabella?” he asked expressions. Something was definitely wrong. “Actually, I think I’m going
finally, breaking the tense silence. to go lay down,” I said quietly.
“Uh, Edward said it meant that if I ever went to the police or anything “I’ll come with you,” Edward said, shooting Emmett an angry glare as
you’d get in trouble for it,” I said nervously. “I swear to you I never would, he stalked past him. He took my hand and I mumbled goodbye to everyone
though. I’d never tell anyone.” as he led me toward the steps, not saying a word as we headed upstairs.
“I know,” he responded. “I wouldn’t have vouched for you if I thought “Are they mad that you initiated?” I asked when we reached the
you would, but it’s more than just that, and I apologize that no one has bedroom. I was confused, because Emmett had given me the impression in
explained that to you sooner. Your life is your own now, and you are allowed Chicago that he understood why Edward had done it, but I couldn’t think
to live it as you choose, but there are a few limitations that you’ll have to of what else it could be that had them upset. Part of me realized I probably
deal with because of the circumstances. First and foremost, you can’t didn’t want to know, recalling Esme warning about them keeping secrets
associate with law enforcement, period. You can’t be friends with a cop, you from us for our own good. She said it didn’t bother her because she trusted
can’t go out with a cop, and you can’t be a cop. If one moves in next door to Alec, and I wanted to have that same type of trust in Edward when it came
you someday, move. Don’t be seen with one unless absolutely necessary and to those things.
certainly never invite them in your home. That’s important Isabella, “Something like that,” he muttered, running his hand through his hair
because my world isn’t run like the regular world. You aren’t innocent until anxiously. “I’d rather not talk about it right now, though. I’m too exhausted
proven guilty here. Even giving off an air of impropriety is enough to for the shit. I’d rather just... be. Just for a little while.”
warrant a death sentence if the wrong people see. You got that?” “Uh, okay,” I said, trying to push back the sick feeling in my stomach.
“Yes, sir.” He plopped down on the bed and I followed his lead, laying down beside
“I have no say over your life, and frankly I don’t want any say over it, him.
but I will have to know what you ultimately decide to do. I’ll check in “La mia bella ragazza,” he murmured, pulling me into his arms. “I was
periodically over time, so I’ll always need a way to get in touch with you, hoping today would be perfect, but it’s been kind of fucked up.”
and if you run into any problems, don’t hesitate to contact me. This goes “We were together,” I whispered. “That makes it sort of perfect to me.”
against everything I believe because I choose to remain uninvolved as often “Yeah,” he said quietly. “Me, too.”
as possible, but as my wife so kindly reminded me, looking out for you is I hadn’t intended to fall asleep so quickly, but my exhaustion seemed to
my duty. I want you to be successful in life and I’ll help you if you ever be deeper than I anticipated. I drifted into unconsciousness within a matter
require it. Okay?” of minutes, my sleep restless and broken with nightmares. I rolled over
“Okay,” I mumbled, looking at him with surprise. “Thank you, sir.” sometime in the middle of the night, my arm dropping onto the other side
“You’re welcome. As far as Edward goes, he’ll adapt quickly so worrying of the mattress. I felt around briefly for Edward and sighed when I realized
for him is unnecessary. The truth, Isabella, is that none of us are either all the bed was empty, figuring he must’ve gotten up and went downstairs to
good or all bad. Sometimes good people do bad things, just as bad people his piano like he sometimes did when he couldn’t sleep. I pulled myself up
can do good. Saying that also goes against everything I’ve always stood for, and glanced around in the darkness, blinking rapidly as I tried to adjust
because up until recently I viewed the world as being black and white, but my vision. I ran my hands down my face, trying to wake myself up, and
I’ve come to see the gray that exists in between. Edward will come to realize froze when I caught sight of a figure from the corner of my eye. I glanced
that soon enough himself, and how he deals with it depends on which over at the couch, my brow furrowing in confusion when I saw Edward
category he falls into,” he said. sitting on it with his knees pulled up to his chest. He had the curtain pulled
“He’s a good man,” I whispered. open slightly, just enough for him to be able to gaze out of the window into

294 307
attention seeming to be elsewhere as she went about it all in a daze. We “I believe so, too. I also believe the same of Carlisle, despite the situation
were finishing up when she let out a resigned sigh, shaking her head as she he’s put me in,” he responded. “As far as I go, however, the jury’s still out.”
put a plate away. “He really loves you, you know. Just never forget that, no As soon as the words came from his lips a light laugh filtered in from
matter what,” she said quietly. I nodded as I chewed on my lip nervously, the hallway, and we both glanced over to see Esme heading in our direction.
her shift in demeanor from the morning concerning. She smiled sadly as “Don’t be absurd. Of course you’re a good man,” she said, walking over and
she glanced over at me, taking the plate that I’d been washing from my sitting down on the other side of the couch from me.
hands. “I’ll finish this up. You should go spend some time with Edward, “You’re merely blinded by love,” Alec responded.
enjoy the rest of your Christmas.” “Who’s blinded by love?” an unexpected voice said from the hallway. I
“Okay,” I mumbled, drying my hands before quietly heading for the glanced over and saw Dr. Cullen, freshly showered and wearing a casual
living room. I made it halfway there when I heard Emmett’s voice ring out, button up shirt and slacks. He had a smile on his lips, appearing happy and
his words catching me off guard. at ease for the first time in a long time.
“You’re making a mistake, Edward,” he said. “I know you believe this is “Your sister is,” Alec said. Dr. Cullen laughed as he walked across the
right, but I just don’t think you’re really thinking clearly.” room, sitting down in a chair.
“Leave him alone,” Dr. Cullen said firmly. “You can’t understand the “I don’t doubt it. She always sees good in people that no one else can.”
situation unless you’ve been in it.” “That’s because you idiots are blind, not me,” Esme retorted.
“You’re wrong, I do understand,” Emmett said, anger in his voice. “And “Christ, you’re all fucking blind,” Edward’s voice rang out as he
I know he’s going to regret this!” staggered in the room, appearing disheveled and still half asleep. His hair
“It’s already done,” Edward stated quietly. was sticking up all over the place, his flannel pajama pants slung low on
“It’s not too late to change your mind,” Emmett retorted. “And, for all of his hips and his chest bare. I stared at him with surprise, stunned he was
our sakes, please fucking change your mind. I’m begging you, bro.” already awake. “Can any of you read fucking clocks? It’s early as hell.
“You’re wrong, it is too late,” Edward said. “I get it, you don’t fucking There’s no reason for anyone to be up at this damn hour on Christmas,
agree with it, but the fact is that you don’t have to. It’s my life. I’m the one unless you’re fucking five years old and waiting for Santa. I hate to break
who has to live with it.” it to you, but that motherfucker doesn’t come here anymore. All of you are
“Can you?” Emmett asked incredulously. “Can you seriously live with on the fucking naughty list.”
this shit?” “Isn’t that hypocritical, considering you’re up at this hour, too?” Dr.
“I have to.” Cullen asked.
“No, you don’t,” Emmett said, the passion in his voice startling. “There “I’m only up because my bed was empty and I came to find out why,” he
has to be another way. When I offered you help in Chicago, this isn’t what muttered, flopping down on the couch beside me. I blushed as he threw his
I fucking meant for you to do. This is stupid! I can’t believe Jasper would arm over my shoulder and pulled me toward him, leaning his head over on
actually think this shit is okay.” top of mine as I snuggled up to him. “Buon natale, tesoro.”
I finished the last few steps in their direction, pausing at the entrance “Merry Christmas, Edward,” I whispered. “I got up to start the turkey.
to the living room. Emmett was pacing the floor in a frenzy and Edward Does that mean I’m on the naughty list, too?”
stood off to the side, clutching onto his hair in aggravation. Everyone else “No, not yet, but I got some ideas on how to get you there,” he said
sat around watching them, the atmosphere so tense I could practically feel playfully. My blush deepened and he chuckled, squeezing me. “Did you get
it on my skin. The tiny hairs on my arm stood up, sickness brewing in the it started?”
pit of my stomach. “Uh, no. Esme said she was doing it.”
“It’s his life,” Jasper said. “He’s my brother, and I’m going to support “That’s right. I forced her out of the kitchen, told her to relax today and
him any way I can. This may not be what I’d do if I was him, but I’m not have some fun,” Esme chimed in. “Although, to be honest, I’m not sure any
him.” of you know how to anymore. I mean, I’m disappointed that you don’t even
“This is bullshit,” Emmett spat loudly, the force of his words startling have a Christmas tree. What kind of holiday celebration is this?”
me. I flinched and Alec’s eyes darted in my direction when he sensed the “I never understood the point of a Christmas tree, personally,” Alec said.
movement, his stare cold. Edward groaned in annoyance and started to tell “Why would you kill something to celebrate a birth?”
Emmett to mind his own business, but before he could get his entire “I think the point is that even when you cut an evergreen down, it
thought out, Alec spoke up. continues to thrive,” Dr. Cullen said. “An undying object, no matter what

306 295
man does to it, it doesn’t fade away. It’s symbolic for the crucifixion and “It’s hard to believe it’s been ten years already,” he said quietly. I could
resurrection.” see Edward stiffen beside me, his fork stopping in mid-air as he froze. I
“Actually, I’m quite sure it’s Pagan,” Esme said. realized Jasper was referring to their mother’s death and I looked around
“Then why do you want a tree?” Alec asked, glancing at his wife. cautiously, worried as to how everyone was going to react. Dr. Cullen’s
“Because it’s a Christmas tradition,” Esme said, shrugging. “It posture was just as tense as he stared down at his plate, his eyes drifting
represents everlasting life.” closed after a moment as he sat his fork down. My hands started to shake
“Isn’t that what I just said?” Dr. Cullen asked. as I waited for him to snap, my heart racing so wildly that my vision grew
“That makes no sense to me. Wouldn’t it be more symbolic if you allowed hazy. I put my fork down as he let out an exasperated sigh, afraid my
it to just grow like it’s supposed to?” Alec asked. trembling hands would draw even more attention to me.
“Christ, are you seriously debating goddamn Christmas trees?” Edward “It is,” Dr. Cullen said when he finally spoke. “Seems like it was just
asked, groaning as he let go of me. “It’s a tree that you put colored balls and yesterday that we lost her.”
frilly bullshit and lights on for something to do. That’s it! It symbolizes “We didn’t lose her,” Edward said, his voice sharp. “That makes it sound
nothing, except for the fact that we apparently have nothing better to do in like we were fucking negligent in some way or she deserved it. It’s none of
life but dress up fucking trees.” our fault that shit happened, we didn’t lose her. She was fucking taken from
He stood up and rubbed his eyes briefly before holding his hand out to us… from all of us.”
me. I took it and he pulled me to my feet, starting to lead me from the room. “You’re right,” Dr. Cullen responded. “She was unfairly taken from us.”
“Where are we going?” I asked. “Yeah and it’s a shame, because I really wish she could be here for this,”
“You’ll see,” he grumbled. I followed him upstairs, watching him with Emmett said, shaking his head as he pushed his chair back. He stood up
confusion when he hesitated on the second floor. He glanced at me briefly and reached into his pocket for something, my eyes widening in shock as he
and cracked a smile, his eyes lighting up suddenly as he let go of my hand. pulled out small black velvet box. A squeal came from Alice and Rosalie
He walked over and started loudly pounding on Emmett’s bedroom door froze as Emmett knelt down beside her chair, opening it to expose a gold
before going for Jasper’s. “Rise and shine, motherfuckers!” ring. “I know we’re young, but if there’s anything I’ve learned it’s that
Emmett hollered incoherently from inside his room and the door was nothing should be taken for granted. We lose people, things happen to alter
pulled open roughly after a moment, an irritated expression on his face as our entire world without warning, and the truth is that not a single one of
he narrowed his eyes at us. “What the hell, bro? Have you seen the fucking us are promised tomorrow. I don’t know how long I’ll live, or where life is
time? I was in the middle of the best dream!” going to take me in that time, but one thing I’m sure of is that I want you
“About what?” I asked curiously. along for the ride. So what do you say, Rosie? Will you marry me?”
“Anna Kournikova,” he said quietly as he stepped into the hallway, I saw a tear stream down her cheek as she smirked. “You know I will,
nudging Edward with his elbow and waggling his eyebrows suggestively. Emmett Cullen,” she said, her voice cracking from emotion. “God help me,
“She was playing with my balls and racket, man.” but I love you for some damn reason.”
“What the hell did you just say?” Rosalie’s voice spat from inside He grinned, slipping the ring on her finger enthusiastically before
Emmett’s bedroom. He tensed up and shook his head quickly. retaking his seat. Everyone congratulated them and I smiled, taking in the
“Nothing, baby,” he hollered. My brow furrowed as Edward burst out in adoration on their faces as they gazed at each other. The atmosphere was
laughter, and Jasper’s bedroom door opened. lighter after that and everyone chatted casually, laughing as they shared
“What are you guys doing?” he asked, glancing between us all in stories. I listened as Emmett and Jasper reminisced about their childhood,
confusion. His eyes fell upon me, a sad expression on his face, and I Edward chuckling as he recalled some of the incidents a lot differently than
shrugged, having no idea what was going on. his brothers. They spoke a lot about their mother, and I expected the room
“You’re such a fucking dumbass,” Edward said, shoving Emmett. “Hey to become tense because of the subject, but instead of clamming up as he’d
Rosalie, Emmett said he was dreaming...” done previously, Dr. Cullen chimed in with some of his own stories. They
Before Edward could finish his statement Emmett lunged at him and I spoke about trips they’d all taken, things she’d taught them, and books
gasped, jumping out of the way quickly before they knocked me over. she’d read them, every memory accompanied with smiles instead of tears.
Emmett threw him to the ground and they started rolling around, punching It was heartwarming to witness, the love for her just as strong as ever,
each other as they wrestled, trying to get the upper hand over the other. I despite the fact that she’d been gone for a decade already.
glanced at Jasper in shock, waiting for him to try to break the two of them After dinner everyone settled in to watch another movie, and I offered
up, but he shook his head. to help Esme with the dishes. She didn’t object and we worked silently, her
296 305
didn’t have to, and took his hand again so he could help me back over the “I remember hearing once that you should never come between two
fence. fighting animals or they’re likely to turn on you,” he said playfully, taking
The drive back home was relaxed, the rest of the morning passing in a a few steps in my direction. He held his arms out and pulled me into a hug,
blur. Rosalie’s mood shifted, her anger and irritation turning into a quiet smiling. “Plus, I have no idea what’s going on, so there’s no way I’m getting
sadness as a somber expression took over her face. I wasn’t exactly sure involved. Merry Christmas, by the way.”
what had changed, but everyone seemed to be sort of dejected for some “Yeah, Merry Christmas, little sis,” Emmett hollered. I glanced over,
reason after we arrived home. Edward was distracted as we set up and seeing he had Edward pinned to the ground, but Edward wasn’t giving up.
decorated the Christmas tree, his eyes darting around at everyone He was punching his brother and flailing around, trying to break free from
nervously. I’d occasionally catch him casting angry glares at people, his grasp.
mouthing things when he didn’t think I was looking and having heated “Merry Christmas,” I said.
whispered conversations when I was out of earshot. I was confused and “Christ, get off of me!” Edward yelled, jabbing Emmett hard in the side.
asked him a few times what was going on but he merely smiled and told me Emmett gasped and loosened his grip enough for Edward to wiggle free,
it was nothing I should worry about. and he jumped up quickly. Emmett stood up and glared at his brother again
We watched some holiday movies and exchanged gifts in the early like he was going to pounce, but Edward held his hands up defensively.
evening as we waited for dinner. I got some more books and art supplies, “Alright, I won’t say shit.”
clothes from the girls and a new pair of Nike’s from Edward, just as I “That’s what I thought,” Emmett said smugly, shoving into Edward as
figured he’d give me. We all sat down at the table when the food was ready, he grinned.
Edward pulling out the chair on the end beside him for me as Esme and “Won’t say shit about what?” Rosalie asked, stepping out into the
Alec took seats across from us. Dr. Cullen cleared his throat and Edward hallway. She crossed her arms over her chest and glanced around at us,
grabbed my right hand as Alec slowly reached across the table, holding his waiting for someone to respond. Her eyes fell on me after a moment when
out to me. I hesitated as I gazed at his extended hand, reaching for it no one offered up an answer, and she cocked an eyebrow expectantly.
guardedly. I gingerly placed my hand in his and bowed my head, my heart “Isabella?”
pounding rapidly in my chest as Dr. Cullen started saying a blessing. I froze, her glare sending my heart racing. “Uh, Emmett had a dream,”
“Lord, thank you for the blessings on the table today, and for all of the I muttered, uncomfortable being put on the spot. “It was about Anna
people gathered around it. We ask that you help us to remain mindful of Karenina or something, I think.”
the needs of others and continue to bless us with love and forgiveness, The boys all started laughing and I blushed from embarrassment as
happiness and peace, and most of all we ask that you help the innocent Rosalie’s brow furrowed. “What?”
among us find the freedom they deserve. In Jesus’ name we pray.” “She means Anna Kournikova,” Jasper chuckled.
“Amen,” we all murmured, letting go and raising our heads. I glanced “Oh,” I mumbled, realizing my mistake. “Yeah, her.”
over at Dr. Cullen curiously, surprised by his words, and he smiled softly Rosalie groaned and rolled her eyes, reaching out to smack Emmett in
at me when we made eye contact. the back of the head. He cursed and moved away from her, rubbing the spot
“Dai nemici mi guardo io dagli amici mi guardi iddio,” Alec said quietly she’d hit. “Damn, baby. You know you’re my number one,” he mumbled,
from across the table, picking up his fork. I can protect myself from my turning to glare at Edward. “This is all your fault. Why the hell did you
enemies, may God protect me from my friends. wake us up in the first place?”
“Amen to that shit,” Edward muttered, laughing dryly. “Christ, I was going to suggest we go get a fucking Christmas tree,”
They started eating but I merely pushed the food around on my plate as Edward grumbled, rubbing his neck with an annoyed expression on his
a tense silence overcame the room, everyone casting strange glances at each face. “No need to be a dick.”
other. It was as if they all shared a common secret, one that I was certainly “Shit, really? Why didn’t you say something sooner? I’ll get dressed,”
not aware of, and that fact seemed to have Edward on edge. I fidgeted Emmett said, his face suddenly lighting up as he punched Edward in the
nervously as I listened to the sound of forks clanking against plates, my chest. He grabbed Rosalie and she squealed as he picked her up, tossing
appetite dissipating as my stomach started churning from anxiety. I could her over his shoulder. “Come on, baby!”
feel eyes on me occasionally as I sat there, the attention confusing and “Put me the fuck down, Emmett Cullen,” she hollered, pounding on his
making me so uncomfortable that I briefly considered bolting from the room back with her first. Emmett laughed, unfazed, and kicked the door closed
from panic. Before I could seriously debate acting on it, however, Jasper with his foot as they disappeared inside the bedroom.
cleared his throat.
304 297
 “I’ll call Alice,” Jasper said quietly, finally letting go of me. He gave me “What’s so funny?” Alice asked, her face lighting up with a smile as she
a small smile, nodding at Edward in greeting before heading for his room. watched me. It was the first genuine smile I’d seen her give in a while– she
I followed Edward upstairs and we both showered and dressed quickly. had seemed depressed the past few days, constantly staring at Edward and
Jasper was already outside sitting on the porch, deep in conversation with me with a glum expression on her face, almost as if she were going to start
Alice when we returned downstairs. Esme was in the kitchen, cooking, and crying at any moment for some reason. I started laughing harder, unable
I glanced down the hallway to see both Dr. Cullen and Alec still sitting in to contain myself, and Edward chuckled as he watched me, the happiness
the living room. Dr. Cullen’s head was lowered and his hands were clasped apparently infectious as his eyes sparkled with amusement.
in front of him as he spoke quietly as Alec stared at him and listened “He, uh… that giant lumberjack,” I started, trying to catch my breath
intently. I watched quietly for a moment until Edward came up behind me, but the tears were flowing freely, sharp pains hitting my sides as I gasped
wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me back into him. I tilted for air. “You know, Paul Bunyan. Emmett kind of looks like him.”
my head to the side as he leaned in and kissed my neck gently, humming They all glanced at Emmett with confusion, simultaneously bursting
against my skin. into laughter as they took in the sight of him. “He does,” Jasper said,
“My father’s up to something,” he said quietly, the words only loud smiling widely as he cut his eyes at Rosalie. “Wait, what was the name of
enough for me to hear. I glanced back, seeing the suspicious look on his sidekick? You know, that blue ox?”
Edward’s face as he watched his father. I shrugged as I looked at Rosalie, gasping from laughter when it struck
“What?” I asked curiously. me she was actually wearing blue. Rosalie huffed, crossing her arms over
“I really wish I fucking knew,” he muttered. “But desperate times call her chest in aggravation as she glared at us. “I know you fuckers aren’t
for desperate measures, so if I know him like I think I do, whatever it is calling me an ox,” she spat.
has to be drastic.” “Aw come on, it’s just a joke, babe,” Emmett said playfully. Jasper and
“You think there’s trouble?” I asked, somewhat panicked but trying to I gasped at the same time, glancing at each other quickly.
hold it in so as not to alarm him. He laughed dryly. “Babe!” we both yelled, recalling the blue ox’s name at the same time.
“Of course there’s trouble. When isn’t there?” he asked sarcastically. “Alright, now I’m fucking confused,” Edward said with a bewildered
“But after as much energy as he put into trying to spare us from this expression, still chuckling. “Can we just chop this goddamn tree down so
bullshit, I don’t think he’d do anything to make it worse on us. It’s him I’m we can get home? I’m getting cold here. My fucking dick’s going to shrivel
worried about, actually. I have a feeling he plans to go out with a bang, up and fall off before we’re done at this rate.”
quite fucking literally… blaze of glory and all that bullshit.” “Maybe you should’ve worn a coat if you’re cold,” Rosalie said pointedly,
“Really?” I asked, stunned. I glanced back down the hallway and saw annoyed. “After all, it’s winter. Who the fuck doesn’t wear a coat in the
that Alec had a stern expression on his face, whispering feverishly to Dr. wintertime?”
Cullen as he sat still as a statue. They seemed to be arguing so no one could I cracked a smile, shaking my head. “No, he doesn’t need a coat,” I
hear, the conversation obviously serious. responded. “He’s sure of it.”
“Yes. Calm before the storm, tesoro,” he mumbled. “I’m just waiting on “Got jokes, tesoro?” he asked quietly as Emmett started whacking the
the lightning to start striking motherfuckers down.” trunk of the tree with the axe, the blade slicing into the wood easily from
I stood frozen for a moment, frightened and unsure of what to say, but the force of his hits. It started tilting after the forth swing, completely
before I could figure it out there was a commotion on the stairs. I looked toppling as he hit it for the sixth time. He handed the axe to Jasper and
over and watched as Emmett came sliding down the banister, leaping off of grabbed the tree, glancing around at us.
it with a grin when he reached the bottom. Rosalie descended the stairs “Let’s get this damn thing home,” he said, grinning proudly as he
slowly, not appearing very amused at his behavior, and barely even glanced started lugging it toward the cars. Edward took my hand again, his fingers
at us when she reached the bottom. as cold as ice and making a shiver run through me. We followed behind
Emmett headed for the living room and both Dr. Cullen and Alec everyone and I watched with disbelief as Emmett and Jasper threw the tree
glanced up at him, silencing their conversation immediately. Edward and I over the fence like it was no trouble at all.
slowly walked in that direction out of curiosity, but Rosalie stood “Oh, wait,” Edward said, letting go of me to pull his wallet out of his
impatiently by the front door. “I need a saw or an axe and some rope or pocket. He glanced through his cash and pulled a few bills out, jogging over
bungee cords or something,” Emmett declared. to the building and slipping it under the door. I smiled at him when he
“What for?” Dr. Cullen asked. returned, proud he’d thought enough to pay for the tree when he really

298 303
 “Maybe you should’ve worn some normal shoes and you wouldn’t have “What does anyone need that shit for?” Emmett asked. Dr. Cullen
that problem,” Edward snapped. “Who the fuck wears high heels to cut looked at him curiously, a small smile overcoming his lips and Emmett
down trees, anyway?” shook his head. “Never mind, don’t even answer that question. I don’t want
“Who the hell waits until Christmas Day to do this shit?” she retorted. to know. We’re going to chop down a tree.”
“If you would’ve gotten off of your brooding ass and done it days ago, I “Oh,” Dr. Cullen said, laughing as he stood up. “Hold on a minute, I
wouldn’t have to be here right now!” have some stuff in the basement.”
“No one fucking made you come,” Edward said angrily. “You could’ve “In the dungeon?” Edward asked.
stayed home.” “It’s not a dungeon, son,” Dr. Cullen responded, pulling his keys out and
“What, and miss out on all the fun?” she said sarcastically. heading toward the downstairs office. “It’s a panic room.”
“Damnit!” Emmett snapped, losing his patience. “Stop this shit! You’re Edward laughed. “Yeah, it’s a fucking panic room, alright. You find
going to give me a headache.” yourself in that motherfucker, you ought to start panicking.”
“Well, if you’d shut your fucking girlfriend up we wouldn’t have this Emmett laughed and Dr. Cullen sighed impatiently, shaking his head.
problem,” Edward spat. He didn’t bother to respond to Edward’s comment, simply disappeared into
“No one shuts me up, Cullen,” she snapped. “I’m my own person. I don’t the office. He returned after a minute and I flinched instinctively when his
take orders from anyone.” hand shot out clutching some rope which I immediately recognized as the
“Fuck you!” Edward spat as he tensed up, his hand gripping onto mine same he’d used to tie me up. He froze and his brow furrowed in confusion
tightly as he fought back his rage. I cringed and tried to pull away as at my reaction, but it seemed to dawn on him as he handed it to Emmett.
Emmett got between them, holding his hands up. He gave me a sympathetic look, muttering an apology as he gave his son
“I mean it! That’s enough,” he bellowed angrily. “I don’t know what’s an axe.
gotten into you today, but this isn’t your usual playing around bullshit. I’m “I hope this is good enough,” he said. “It was the first thing I spotted.”
sick of it, so knock it the hell off. Both of you.” “Thanks,” Emmett said, eyeing the axe curiously. “You didn’t use this
I tried to tug my hand from Edward’s again, his tight grip beginning to fucking thing to dismember anyone, did you?”
hurt, and he seemed to notice because he loosened his hold quickly. “Pick Dr. Cullen looked at him with surprise. “Are you seriously asking me
out a tree, Bella,” he muttered, still refusing to completely let go of me. that?” he asked.
“Uh, okay,” I said hesitantly, glancing around. The morning wasn’t “Yes. Well, no. Don’t answer that one, either. I don’t want to know,” he
starting out very well and I was ready to go home, hoping things would get muttered, turning to walk away. Edward chuckled and grabbed my hand,
better there. I randomly motioned toward a tree a few feet away, sighing. pulling me back toward the door as Dr. Cullen yelled for us to be careful.
“What about that one?” “Let’s get this over with,” Rosalie huffed, swinging the door open, her
His eyes scanned it quickly and I awaited his complaint, sure he’d find high heels clicking against the wooden porch as she walked out. I hesitated
a flaw in it, but was surprised when he smirked instead. “Perfect,” he said, when we reached the front door, feeling the cold air on my face.
cutting his eyes at me. “Don’t you need a coat?” I asked, glancing at Edward.
“Are you sure?” I asked. He groaned, shaking his head, and I blushed “No, I’ll be fine,” he said, looking down at himself. He was wearing
as I realized I’d used that phrase again. “Oh, I mean, good.” thermal long-sleeves, but it was still chilly to me with a coat on. “It’s not
“Hey, it looks good to me,” Emmett said, grabbing the axe and casually that bad.”
holding it over his shoulder. He brought his other hand up to shield his eyes “Are you sure?”
from the sun as he looked at the tree, deciding how to go about taking it “Yes,” he said, shrugging. “Now come on, let’s go find a tree.”
down. I watched him for a moment, the scene surreal, and burst into I followed him outside and we all headed for Jasper’s SUV, but Edward
laughter when I realized he was wearing a red flannel shirt, facial hair hesitated in the driveway. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his
sprouting up along his face from having not shaved recently. They all keys, smiling. “Let’s drive separately.”
looked at me with surprise, and I’m sure it wasn’t as funny as it seemed to “Are you sure?”
me, but the truth was that I was utterly exhausted to the point of almost “Yes, I’m sure, Bella,” he said, laughing. “What is it with you and that
being delirious. The longer I watched Emmett the more hysterical I found fucking question? Don’t you trust me anymore?”
it, the entire situation completely ridiculous. I started losing my breath, “Of course I trust you,” I said quickly, not realizing it sounded like I’d
tears forming in my eyes, and I pried my hand from Edward’s to brush them been second guessing everything. “I was just asking. You know, to make
away as they started running down my cheeks. sure.”
302 299
 “I guess it’s better than just saying okay,” he mumbled. “I still mean “I know,” he said. I glanced at him with confusion and he smirked,
everything I say, though. I’m not going to lie to you, Bella. Ever.” shrugging as if it didn’t matter. He gripped onto the fence and climbed it
“I know.” quickly, leaping off of the top. I stared at him with shock as he held his
Jasper told Edward he’d follow him, and I watched as Emmett yelled hand out, motioning for me to join him on the other side.
‘shotgun’ and bolted for the passenger door of the SUV. Alice and Jasper “You’re going to steal a tree?” I asked with disbelief.
laughed at his enthusiasm but Rosalie groaned, rolling her eyes in Rosalie laughed bitterly, walking up to the fence. “Of course he is. Isn’t
annoyance. that his thing now?”
“Rosalie seems to be in a bad mood,” I muttered as we climbed into I froze, stunned she’d say that, and Edward narrowed his eyes angrily.
Edward’s Volvo. He started the car up and immediately started fiddling “Fuck you,” he spat at her. “You don’t know a goddamn thing, so shut your
with the radio, trying to find something to listen to. fucking mouth before I shut it for you.”
“I wasn’t aware that bitch had good moods,” he responded when he “Hey now,” Emmett said, throwing the axe across the fence before
finally found something he seemed to like. He watched me from the corner grabbing the top and bounding right over it. “You two need to get along. It’s
of his eye as I put on my seatbelt, and hesitated but clicked his own in place Christmas, for fuck’s sake. You’re supposed to be holly jolly, or whatever
after a moment. I smiled to myself as I settled into my seat, as it was the the hell it is.”
first time I’d ever seen him willingly wear it. He groaned a bit as he tugged I sighed and started climbing the rails, but was startled when Emmett
on it and tried to situate himself, clearly not used to the restraints. grabbed a hold of me. I yelled in surprise as he lifted me in the air, pulling
“Anyway, just ignore Rosalie. It makes life a lot easier.” me across quickly and putting me back on my feet. “Uh, thanks,” I mumbled
He threw the car in gear and sped down the driveway, dirt and gravel as Jasper leapt over and started helping Alice.
flying as his tires spun. “By the way, do you like my car? I don’t think I ever “Don’t mention it, kitten,” he said with a grin, turning to look at Rosalie.
actually asked you that shit,” he said as he set out on the road. She stood on the other side of the fence still, glaring at us all angrily with
“Uh, yeah,” I responded, surprised by the question. Edward cherished her arms crossed over her chest. “You coming or not, Rosie?” he asked,
the car so it wasn’t as if anyone else’s opinion actually mattered, because holding his hand out to help her. She ignored it, refusing his assistance,
there would be no changing his mind on it. “It’s a nice car. Feels warm and and complained about getting her shoes messed up as she climbed over.
familiar, I guess, so it’s comfortable. That might just be because it’s yours, Edward groaned in annoyance as he took my hand, lacing our fingers
though.” together as we set out through the trees.
He smiled and nodded, providing no commentary on my strange answer. Occasionally someone would stop and point out a tree but each time
I knew nothing about cars, so that had been the best I could come up with. Edward would find some fault with it, deciding it wasn’t good enough for
Edward drove for a while, randomly making turns down roads I’d never us. They were all too short or too tall, too thick or too thin, too many
been on before and chatting nonchalantly about whatever came to his mind. branches or not enough. He disregarded them because of their color,
The weather, television and music… it was how things had been between refusing trees because of their shape, but truthfully I couldn’t figure out
us for quite some time. It seemed as if we were always talking but it was what the big deal was– they all looked the same to me.
never about anything of importance, neither one of us venturing into any “How about this one?” Jasper asked, stopping in front of an evergreen
topics that could cause any upset. It felt like it was starting to weigh us about as tall as him. Edward glanced at it and groaned, shaking his head.
down, the air between us thick with secrets to the point that it was almost “It’s too bare,” he said. “What happened to all the fucking needles?”
stifling sometimes. My brow furrowed as I stared at it, unsure as to what he was talking
After about thirty minutes he pulled onto a dirt road, following it for a about. The branches appeared full to me, and based upon Jasper’s
bit before pulling over beside a brown wooden rail fence. It extended as far expression he, apparently, thought the same. “So finicky,” I mumbled,
as I could see, surrounding a vast patch of trees and a wooden building with nudging Edward playfully. He rolled his eyes but smirked, nudging me
a white sign reading ‘Spillman Tree Farm’. He turned the car off and I back.
looked around as we climbed out, spotting the small ‘closed’ sign in the “Whatever. Do you see any you like?” he asked. “You haven’t said shit
window of the building. I slowly walked over to the fence and grabbed onto about any of them.”
it as I stared at the sign. “They’re just trees,” Rosalie spat before I could even consider
“They’re not open, Edward,” I said as he joined me alongside the fence. responding. “Pick one already so we can get the hell out of here. My feet
Jasper pulled up and parked behind us, all four of them getting out and hurt.”
joining us. “The sign says they closed on the twenty-first.”
300 301
fucking decent, unlike last year when she bought me a goddamn self-help decisions and picked my path, and now it’s time for you to pick
book.
yours. You’re better than this shit, Isabella, and the truth is you
The rest of the afternoon passed in a blur as I finished up my
schoolwork, night falling by the time I finally fucking showered and put on deserve more than I can ever offer you. And as much I fucking
some decent clothes. I was finally feeling better, my body recovering from love you and want you in my life, I’m not that goddamn selfish.
the night before in just enough time for me to fuck it up some more. Not anymore. You made sure of that.
I stood in the kitchen with the bottle of grey goose, taking swig after
By the time you read this, I’ll be gone. And I know I’m a
swig as I glared at the clock, my hand continually assaulting my hair in
frustration. The time on the microwave glowed red in the darkened room, fucking coward for doing it this way, but there was no way I could
shifting every minute that passed to bring me closer to ten o’clock. I was say this to your face. I’m too goddamn weak to refuse you
debating what to do, desperately just wanting to go to sleep and end the anything and I know you would ask me to stay, but I just can’t.
day but feeling guilty because of Esme’s words that morning. I knew my It’s not fair to you and I would never fucking forgive myself for
father was in town by now, as would be Jasper, and all of them would be
down at the club celebrating Emmett’s impending vows. Part of me felt like
denying you what you deserve– a real life. A life away from all of
I should fucking be there but there was still that other part that was this bullshit, where you can just fucking be Bella, the beautiful,
offended by the shit Emmett had said to me, not wanting to concede and let smart, talented woman with more strength than anyone I’ve ever
it go without a goddamn apology from him. I knew I wouldn’t get one, and fucking met before. Go be you and not what people have tried to
realistically he probably felt the same fucking way, but Esme had been
right when she said we were brothers and this was a big deal for him. I
make you over the years. Go to school and find your place in this
glanced around the kitchen and started rooting through drawers, looking world, and do all the great things that we fucking know you’re
for some fucking Xanax or something to calm my ass down, and froze when destined to do. You’re special, tesoro, don’t you ever forget that.
I opened the drawer near the sink and spotted the folded up piece of paper You have to go show those motherfuckers what they’ve been missing
on top. The pain in my chest intensified, nearly taking the breath from me,
and I slammed the drawer closed quickly as the tears welled up in my eyes.
by not knowing you. Show them they can’t hold my girl down.
It was the last thing I needed to do at that moment, to wallow in fucking I’m sorry if this hurts, but believe me when I say it’s what has
misery when there were more important things to deal with than my to happen. I’ll never forget you and I’m blessed that you saw
heartbreak, but the pain wouldn’t recede no matter what I did to push it something in me, something worthwhile and deserving of your love.
back. It never fucking did, because the truth was that I didn’t even have to
The past year with you has been the greatest fucking gift anyone
pick up the piece of paper to know what it was. I’d read it more times than
I could count, the paper worn and torn from being fucking unfolded and has ever given me. I’ve finally seen the light and I owe you for
refolded so many times, and the words were etched in my memory like that... and I’m paying up by letting you go be free.
someone had carved them there with a fucking knife. You won’t hear from me, because that wouldn’t be fair to you.
And don’t worry about me, because I’ll be fine. Like you once told
Edward,
me, I’m a survivor. I’ll survive it, and you will, too. And don’t you
fucking be scared because I know you’re ready. Just the fact that
In that book Wuthering Heights you gave me of your mother’s, there’s this line in
you can read this letter is proof of how far you’ve come, and you
it–
have so much more out there to achieve. You’re ready for the
“If all else perished and he remained, I should still continue to be.”
world, Isabella, and it’s been waiting seventeen years for you.
I think out of the whole book, that one line is my favorite. I’m a part of you, just Don’t make that shit wait any longer.
like you’re a part of me, and it’ll always be that way. Sempre. Thought you’d like I meant every fucking word I’ve ever said to you, I want you
to know. I love you. You know that right? :) to know that. None of this is your fault and nothing you did caused
Bella
348 317
this. I’m doing this for you, because I love you. Go make us all return address was some art company. “Do you think it’s a birthday
present?”
proud, tesoro. I believe in you. I always will.
“Why are you always such a nosey bitch?”
Sempre, Edward Dec. 26, ‘06 “Why are you always such an asshole?”
I glanced at her with surprise and saw the amused look on her face.
I jumped up quickly and the letter dropped to the floor, panic whipping “You’ve got to have some fucking balls to talk to me that way,” I said,
through me so intensely that my knees nearly buckled under my weight. I cocking an eyebrow at her. “Is there something else you needed? If not, you
tossed things around until I found some clothes, slipping on the first things can seriously get the fuck out now.”
I found and bolting out the bedroom door. I ran down the stairs, tripping “Nope, that’s it,” she said. “In fact, I’m all done. Everything’s done and
over my own feet and nearly tumbling down them, but I grabbed a hold of on time, thank you very much.”
the banister and managed to keep myself upright. The tears were flowing “About time,” I said. She rolled her eyes and turned to leave but I called
from my eyes, my chest aching as I fought to keep control of myself, but I her name as she hit the doorway. I opened the top desk drawer and pulled
was close to hyperventilating from my distress. out my checkbook, quickly writing her a check and signing it. It held it out
I made it to the foyer and slammed right into Dr. Cullen as he turned to her and she smiled, walking back over and snatching it out of my hand.
the corner for the stairs, sending him stumbling a few steps. He grabbed a “This better not bounce, Mr. Cullen,” she said.
hold of me, startled, but I pushed him away in my panic as I headed for the “Do my checks ever bounce?” I asked, watching as she shook her head.
front door. Dr. Cullen said my name in concern but I ignored him and pulled “That’s what I thought. Now get the hell out of here before I take it back.”
the door open roughly, slamming it into the wall in my haste as I ran out “You wouldn’t,” she said confidently, smiling. She turned and headed
onto the porch. I froze the moment my eyes fell upon the silver Volvo in the for the door once again, her voice ringing out from the hallway as she
driveway, a swell of hope sweeping through me. started for the stairs. “See you next week!”
“Where is he?” I asked frantically as I ran back in the house, heading “Lucky me,” I muttered. Leah had been coming every week for the past
straight for the living room. “I need to talk to him before it’s too late. I have year, cleaning up and making sure the house was in order for me. I refused
to change his mind.” to bring a slave into my home, the mere thought of it a fucking slap to the
“He’s gone, Isabella,” Dr. Cullen said, his voice calm. face, so Esme helped find someone who could be discrete because it was
“No, he isn’t!” I yelled, brushing my tears away as I started yelling clear I was too much of a fucking mess to take care of myself. She was
Edward’s name. reliable and trustworthy, the daughter of a friend of Esme’s, and despite
“He is,” Dr. Cullen responded, matter-of-factly. There was no emotion the fact that she had a smart ass mouth and didn’t listen for shit, she was
to his voice, the words coming out as if there was no room for argument but a good worker. I paid her enough that she’d never consider turning against
there was no way I could just accept them, because he had no idea what he me, so I wasn’t worried about that. I’d gotten myself together enough that
was talking about. It wasn’t too late. It couldn’t be too late. I groaned from I probably didn’t need her anymore, but I had to admit it was nice to have
aggravation and headed for the stairs, but he blocked my movement. “He’s someone around occasionally who would actually fucking talk to me like I
gone.” was just another person.
“He’s not!” I spat, motioning out the front door. “His car is still here!” I unlocked the bottom drawer of the desk to get a knife, quickly slicing
“He didn’t drive,” Dr. Cullen said. “Alec took him.” open the box and pulling out the canvas. It was an abstract painting of a
“No!” I yelled, the tears flowing even harder as my body trembled piano, the keys all twisted and distorted. There was blood red paint
violently. I shook my head frantically, my emotions overwhelming me. “He splattered on the canvas, accenting the black and white tones of everything
wouldn’t leave his car!” else. There were bars of twisted notes painted amongst it, the melodies
“He left it for you.” blending in and out with some cloudy gray paint that made it look like fog
“He loves his car!” lingered around everything. It was striking, something about it completely
“He loves you more.” captivating.
The moment those words came from him I started hyperventilating and I carried the painting downstairs and hung it up on the wall in the living
my knees gave out on me. I collapsed to the ground sobbing, and Dr. Cullen room above the piano, standing back for a moment to admire it. “Esme,” I
yelled for Jasper as I started screaming Edward’s name. The pain was muttered, recalling her telling me she got me a present. I smiled, shaking
intense and I felt like I couldn’t breathe, gasping for air and squeezing my my head as I turned to head back upstairs. At least it was something
eyes shut tightly, desperate for it all to be a nightmare. Dr. Cullen crouched
318 347
 “Seems kind of fucking counterproductive if you’re smoking, doesn’t it?” down beside me and pulled me into a hug, the smell of his cologne making
I asked. “And what the hell were you thinking letting my aunt in the house me feel even sicker.
without my permission?” “Please,” I started begging, the words barely audible through my sobs.
“She’s a nice lady. Plus, she said it was your birthday,” she said, “Please no. Please God, no!”
glancing at me with a smile. “How old are you, anyway?” “Shhh, dolcezza,” Dr. Cullen said gently. “It’s going to be okay.”
“Old enough to know better,” I muttered. “It’s not! Make him come back! Please, I need him!”
“But still too young to care?” she added playfully, laughing. “I can’t,” Dr. Cullen responded. “I’m sorry, he’s gone.”
“Something like that.” “He can’t be,” I whimpered in disbelief. “He can’t just leave. I love him,
“You should’ve told me it was your birthday,” she said. “I would’ve done he can’t leave me!”
something for you.” “Damnit, sorry. I was supposed to be there. I didn’t realize she was
“I don’t want anything.” awake already,” Jasper’s voice rang out, his tone apologetic. Dr. Cullen let
“Oh, come on. You’re definitely not old enough to be cynical about go of me as Jasper sat down beside me on the floor, pulling me into his
birthdays, Mr. Cullen. Did you have a bad experience?” arms. I started sobbing harder, hiccupping as I tried to catch my breath. It
I rolled my eyes and took a last drag off of the cigarette before flicking felt like someone had ripped my heart from my chest, shattering me into a
it onto the ground. “Just drop it.” million tiny pieces that would never again come back together. I was
“I could make you a cake,” she said, shrugging as she stamped on my distraught, unable to understand why any of it was happening. “You need
cigarette to put it out. “What’s your favorite?” I tensed up as soon as the to calm down, okay?”
words rolled from her lips, instantly hit with a flash of Isabella in the “How?” I asked. “I need him, Jasper.”
kitchen in Forks. She’d made me an Italian Cream Cake and I told her it “You don’t,” he said. I pulled back and looked at him incredulously,
was my favorite, because it had been the sweetest goddamn thing anyone pushing him away from me.
had ever done for me. “How can you say that?” I screamed.
“I don’t like cake,” I muttered, annoyed as I tried to force the memory “Because it’s true,” he responded, frowning. “I know you love him, and
back. “If you really want to do something for my birthday, why don’t you I know it hurts. He knew it would hurt. It hurts him, too.”
get your fucking work done on time for once?” “Then why, Jasper? Why is he doing this to me?”
“Whatever,” she said as I turned and headed in the house. The back “So you can have a life,” he said quietly. I shook my head frantically,
door slammed behind me and I cringed at the sound, my head still hurting. wiping my eyes.
I staggered up the stairs, going straight back to the room I had been in and “How can I without him?” I spat. “He is my life!”
plopping down in the chair behind the desk. I opened the laptop and turned “And that’s exactly why he left,” he explained, as if it were that simple.
it back on, settling into the seat as I ran my hands through my hair. The “He didn’t want your world to revolve around him. He wanted you to be
schoolwork wouldn’t fucking do itself, so I knew I had no choice but to suck able to have a life of your own. You deserve that, Isabella.”
it up and do it. “I don’t want it without him,” I yelled. “I can’t do it.”
Time passed as I sat there, and in reality it was only about an hour but “You can,” Jasper said firmly. “You can and you will.”
it felt like a fucking eternity. I heard the doorbell ring but ignored it, “I don’t want to be alone!”
knowing if it was important they’d call my cell phone. I was in no mood to “You won’t be,” he said. “You have me. I’ll be here as long as you need
entertain company, trying to focus all of my attention on my music theories me, but he’s gone, Isabella. He’s not coming back.”
homework instead of what threatened to take hold, and that was thoughts He pulled me back into his arms as I started sobbing hysterically again,
of her. losing my grip completely. I wasn’t sure how long we sat on the floor in the
A few minutes later there was a knock on the door and I groaned, foyer while he held me, giving me time to get it all out. I cried and screamed,
gripping onto my hair tightly in aggravation. “What?” I yelled. The door taking my hurt out on him, and he just quietly took it. He didn’t offer any
was pushed open and Leah stepped in, holding a large somewhat flat brown wise words of advice, didn’t even try to explain it any further that he
package in her hands. already had. He’d said all he could– no words would change what was
“UPS just dropped it off,” she said. I sighed and closed the laptop, happening.
shoving it to the side as she walked toward me. She sat it down on the desk Sometime in the late afternoon I got up, my legs shaking and my body
and I eyed it suspiciously, wondering what the fuck it was, seeing the hurting from sitting on the hard floor. Jasper eyed me cautiously but I just
turned away from him and headed for the stairs, climbing them slowly. I
346 319
went straight for the bedroom, ignoring everyone I passed along the way. I always be there, fucking taunting me, but the knowledge that she was okay
crawled back into the bed and threw the comforter over myself, squeezing was at least enough to keep me going.
my eyes shut tightly and praying for the nightmare to end. And a year later, I was still trudging along.
No one bothered me as I stayed locked away, allowing me to grieve on I hadn’t heard her voice again since that day, but I lay awake at night
my own. The day passed quickly, another one dawning, but I still refused trying to conjure up the sound of it, wallowing in the memories of our time
to get out of bed unless it was absolutely necessary. I read the letter he’d together. I dreamed up scenarios of where she was and what she was doing,
left repeatedly, the words stinging just as much the twentieth time as they the thoughts warding off the nightmares that threatened to take over if I
had the first. I cried until I couldn’t see and screamed for him until my drifted off to sleep. No one would tell me anything about her, all
throat burned, completely devastated that he was gone. I heard people conversations ceasing the moment she was mentioned. It pissed me off but
moving around the house and I could sense their presence nearby, could I knew it was irrational, because I’d done everything I could to cut ties and
hear their whispered voices from the hallway, but it wasn’t until the third I had no right to expect them to go against that. I worried for her, and tried
day that Jasper finally came inside the room. I was numb by then, to fucking find her at one point, but I didn’t know where to start and found
exhausted and weary, in such a daze that everything felt surreal. nothing everywhere I did look.
He didn’t bother to knock, just walked right in and sat down on the edge I grew desperate and got my hands on Alec’s cell phone while visiting
of the bed. I glanced at him from where I lay, seeing the sympathy in his their house one afternoon, hoping to find her number, but he caught me
eyes that made my stomach churn. “How long?” I asked quietly, my voice before I could find it. He was fuming and threatened me when he realized
scratchy. He looked at me in confusion and I sighed, shaking my head. “How what I was doing, declaring if I ever tried to find her again he’d make me
long ago did he tell you he was leaving?” regret it. He said I’d made my decision and her life was hers, and if she
“Uh, a few days ago,” he answered quietly. “The day I got here. He came wanted to speak to me she’d find me. Those words hurt, because I realized
to my room that night and asked me if I’d watch out for you and help you at that moment that they were true.
get set up on your own.” Besides wishing me a happy birthday in her message, there had been
“Days?” I asked with disbelief, tears pooling in my eyes again. “He knew nothing from her to indicate she even fucking wanted anything to do with
he was leaving days ago? Why didn’t he tell me?” me. I had no right to force my way into her world, knowing it would only
“You know why,” Jasper said. “He wouldn’t have been able to leave if he fucking hurt us both more by reopening the wound.
did. Walking out the front door was probably the hardest thing he’s ever I put the top back on the bottle of Grey Goose and slipped it back in the
done. He stood there for at least thirty minutes just as heartbroken as you freezer, trying to push thoughts of her from my mind as I strolled through
are before Alec finally got fed up and dragged him outside before he missed the house and headed for the back door. I pushed it open and cringed from
his flight.” the blinding sunlight as I stepped out onto the back step. I was immediately
“And all of you knew?” I asked. “Everyone knew he was leaving and no assaulted with a puff of smoke, my eyes burning on contact.
one told me? Is that why you were all arguing on Christmas?” “Christ, what the fuck did I tell you about that?” I spat in annoyance,
He nodded. “I told Alice the same night I found out, and we clued waving away the smoke as I glared at the slender olive skinned woman
Emmett and Rosalie in on the way back from getting the tree. Edward was standing off to the side. She had on a pair of jeans and a plain T-shirt, her
mad I told them, but I knew he was trying to make the best of the day and arm wrapped around herself as she gazed at me apprehensively.
Rosalie wasn’t making it easy. She was angry about how selfish he was “You smoke,” she said defensively, not bothering to put out the lit
being, she thought he was giving up and planned to just drag you down cigarette in her hand.
with him. She felt guilty when I explained things to her.” “I smoke weed, Leah. There’s a big difference between it and those
“And the others?” fucking things,” I muttered. She rolled her eyes and reached into her pocket
“I don’t think anyone told my father and Alec. I’m guessing they where her pack of Marlboro’s were, snatching one out and handing it to me
probably knew Edward was expected to be in Chicago and put the pieces without a word. I took it, muttering under my breath about how disgusting
together on their own, considering you had no idea he was going,” he they were, but lit it anyway after she handed her lighter to me. The smoke
responded. “Esme wasn’t happy about it when she found out. She was the burned my lungs and I coughed as I exhaled, flicking the ashes onto the
last to know.” ground. “What the fuck are you doing out here, anyway? Don’t you have
“Besides me,” I muttered bitterly, hurt. “What do I do now?” work to do or something?”
“I needed some fresh air,” she said, shrugging. I took another drag of
the cigarette and laughed bitterly as I exhaled.
320 345
 “Is she, uh, going to school with Jasper?” I asked, clearing my throat as “You go on,” he said. “I’ll take you to Seattle with me, and we’ll set you
I tried to get a grip on myself. “Where is she?” up in your own place when you’re ready, enroll you in school. Whatever
“Where doesn’t matter,” he responded. “Instead of worrying about her, makes you happy.”
you need to start worrying about yourself. Clearly Isabella is settling in “He makes me happy,” I whispered.
fine, so it’s time for you to be a man of your word and do the same. If you “I know he does,” he responded quietly. “It’ll get easier. In time it won’t
want me to believe that you aren’t a liar and I can trust you, you need to hurt as bad, and eventually the day will come when you’ll be ready to move
pull yourself together quickly, before I really lose my patience. That’s all I on.”
have to say to you and your aunt expects you back here in three hours for I shook my head, brushing my tears away. “It may not hurt as much,
your birthday dinner, so go clean yourself up and put your head on but I’ll never move on,” I said, standing up from the bed. I stretched and
straight.” glanced around at the room, frowning at Edward’s possessions. It looked
He looked away from me, his tone final. I got up after a second and like nothing had been taken, everything exactly where it had been days
headed for the door, but he cleared his throat to stop me. “One more thing,” earlier when he’d been there. “Did he take anything?”
he said. I glanced at him questioningly, seeing the seriousness still in his “He took some of his clothes,” Jasper responded. “He left his car for you,
expression. “Where did you get the drugs?” said you could take anything else you wanted. Whatever’s left when you
“I got them from a guy name Phil,” I begrudgingly answered, feeling like leave is going to be shipped to him in Chicago.”
a fucking rat for telling on him. “I met him down at your club.” “That’s it?” I muttered to myself. “Just like that, he’s gone. No looking
“My club?” he asked, surprised. I nodded and he shook his head, back.”
muttering under his breath. “I never want to see you in there again, do you Jasper didn’t comment, knowing nothing he could’ve said at that
hear me? That place is completely off limits to you until I tell you otherwise. moment would’ve made any of it better… nothing would’ve taken the hurt
You’re dismissed.” away. I walked over to the desk and started sorting through things, pulling
my belongings out from Edward’s and setting them aside. “You don’t have
to do that now,” Jasper said as he watched me. “You have as much time as
Not long after that conversation, Phil’s lifeless body had been found you need. My father said you’re welcome to stay as a guest as long as you’d
lying in a ditch alongside the road, a single bullet wound straight through like.”
his right eye. I never confronted Alec about it but I didn’t have to, because I shook my head, fighting back my emotions. “Guest,” I mumbled, the
I knew a Mafia hit when I saw one. They were called message jobs for a word sounding so foreign. Once upon a time I’d been a slave within the very
reason, a shot through the eye telling everyone that they were being same walls, and not long before I’d almost felt at home there, but now I was
watched and if anyone did what he did they’d end up with the same fucking just a guest, passing through on my way out to God-knows-where. “How am
fate. Alec wouldn’t have tolerated drugs in his club, I should’ve known that I going to make it, Jasper? I have nothing. I have no money. I don’t even
from the beginning, but I got the message loud and clear afterward. I’d know what I’m doing.”
gotten someone killed because of my negligence and selfishness, someone “Edward said you’d say that,” he responded. “Alec brought the
who hadn’t done shit to deserve death, but had found it because he’d been paperwork along with him for your inheritance. He had the estate settled
unlucky enough to cross paths with me. It reminded me of what Isabella for you and the funds put into an account with your name on it. You have
had told me when she first came to live with us in Washington, how when plenty of money, Isabella, and as far as everything else goes, you just figure
she lived in Phoenix she constantly feared paying for others’ mistakes. Phil it out along the way. That’s how life is for all of us. None of us really know
had paid for mine with his life which reaffirmed that I’d done the right what we’re doing.”
thing in not bring Isabella along with me to Chicago. One slip up from me I thought over his words as I continued to separate my belongings,
cost someone their life, and I would’ve never fucking forgiven myself if it unsure of what to say in response to that. Jasper got up when he realized I
had been her. had no intention of stopping, leaving the room and returning a few minutes
I never went near Molly again after that and I stayed out of the club at later with some boxes. I started going through Edward’s desk, our things
Alec’s orders, isolating myself in my house and away from everyone. Esme becoming mixed together over time. I saw the bottom drawer was unlocked
took a stand and started hounding me to get my life straight, which was and froze when I glanced inside, spotting his cell phone. “He didn’t even
when I looked into attending school to give me something to hold on to. It take his phone.”
grew easier with time but the pain never completely went away, the ache “He thought it would be better if he didn’t. He didn’t want to make it
in my chest still remaining no matter what. I ventured to guess it would any harder on you than it already would be, afraid one of you would try to
344 321
call the other and drag it out,” Jasper said quietly. “I also promised him I’d “What did I say about speaking to me with respect?” he snapped. “And
change your number, so he wouldn’t be tempted to call you later on.” you have lied. I recall you assuring your brother that as long as Isabella
I laughed dryly, slamming the drawer shut in anger. It seemed like he’d was fine, you would be fine, and that was clearly a lie judging by your state
thought of everything, leaving no loopholes in his plan. today. You’re a mess, worse than I’ve ever seen you before. If I can’t trust
I spent the next two days sorting through things and packing up all of you to be honest about something as trivial as that, how am I supposed to
my belongings. I took my clothes and photographs, my books and place trust of my life in you?”
notebooks, and all of the drawings I’d done over the past year. I took the “That’s different,” I said, stunned by the turn in conversation. The ache
basket from our Valentine’s Day picnic, the necklace Edward had bought inside of me intensified at the mention of her name and I started rubbing
me for prom and his football shirt that had been given to me my very first my chest, cringing.
day there, but left everything else in its place. I felt like I should help pack “No, it’s not different,” he stated. “And that’s why I called you here
it up but it hurt too much to deal with, the fact that it would also soon be today, because this has got to stop.”
gone from the room too hard to face. I watched with confusion as he reached across his desk for his
Emmett and Rosalie appeared long enough to say goodbye before answering machine, turning the volume knob up the whole way before
leaving for school again, both telling me they’d keep in touch and see me hitting the button on the top to play it.
again soon. “Friday, June Twentieth. Three Forty-Three PM,” the automated
Neither one mentioned Edward, both feigning happiness about the message rang out. I glanced over at the clock almost on instinct and saw it
future that lay ahead of me, but I wasn’t naive– I could tell they were just was a quarter until five, the message coming in an hour earlier. I sighed,
as concerned as I was. unsure of what the fuck he was playing it for, but the question was
Jasper and Alice would occasionally sit in the room with me, but neither answered a second later as the soft voice echoed through the eerily quiet
of them intervened or forced me to talk about. Alice expressed how sorry room. The sound of it nearly stilled my heart, my breath leaving me
she was, saying she’d sensed something was wrong for a while, but her instantly.
declaration only made me feel worse. My heartbreak gave way to anger as “Hello, Alec? It’s, uh, Isabella. I meant to call sooner but I got kind of
I shifted blame around, snapping at them for no reason before the guilt set busy. I’m sorry about that.” Her voice shook slightly, the anxiety clear in
in. I couldn’t help but feel like it was my fault, knowing it was because of her words, but the sound of it sent the blood rushing furiously through my
me that he’d joined the organization in the first place. I blamed myself for veins as a swell of emotion hit me. “I’m doing okay and am settling in here.
what he was going through, growing obsessive over the unknowns. I stared I did get to register for school and I have orientation on Monday, thank you
at the clock for hours, wondering where he was and what he was doing, for your help with that. I really appreciate it. Anyway, I just wanted to let
stressing over whether or not he was okay. I kept wondering how I could’ve you know that everything was fine.” The line went silent and I wondered if
missed the signs, because looking back it seemed so obvious to me that he’d she’d hung up, but I heard a shaky breath after a moment that indicated
been saying goodbye. she was still there. “Uh, can you please wish Edward a happy birthday for
On the third day Dr. Cullen drove me to a medical clinic an hour and a me? I, uh... I hope he’s doing okay, too.”
half away for the appointment to have my chip removed. I fidgeted as I sat Her words tapered off and I heard the click, knowing she’d really hung
in the waiting room, utterly exhausted and nervous. I couldn’t recall the up that time. Alec sat still in his chair and stared at me expectantly, a tense
last time I’d eaten and I knew they were all growing worried for me, but I silence falling over the room as I processed what the fuck she’d said. She
was too distressed to really bother with anything. Depression was seeping was okay and settling in, starting school soon. She claimed she was fine
in and Dr. Cullen gave me some pills that he claimed would help, but I and even sounded like she meant it, despite her obvious nerves at fucking
refused to take them. I didn’t want to be drugged just so I could start feeling having to call Alec. I couldn’t blame her for that, though, because even I got
again, because I wasn’t ready to accept what had happened. I didn’t want nervous talking to the motherfucker. I ran through her words repeatedly,
to move on. I wanted Edward, and if I couldn’t have him, I would rather be her voice replaying in my mind as a small smile crept over my lips. Longing
numb. brewed up inside of me, my eyes starting to burn as the lump in my throat
An older brown-haired man wearing blue doctor scrubs and a white lab formed, but I ignored them because I had no right to get fucking emotional
coat came out from the back after a while and greeted Dr. Cullen before over it. I’d lost that right when I walked out that door, but I couldn’t help
looking at me. “You must be Isabella Swan,” he said. the fucking pride I felt in that moment when it dawned on me that she was
“Yes, sir.” really doing it.

322 343
language telling me he wasn’t in the mood for bullshit, and he stared me “Well, how about we get that thing out of you now?” he suggested,
down as I sat down in a chair across from him. “Look, I’m sorry that...” smiling warmly. I returned his smile and nodded, agreeing even though I
“I don’t want to hear your meaningless apologies,” he said pointedly, felt anything but confident at the moment. He held a door open for me and
cutting me off as he pulled open his desk drawer. “How long have you been I stood up, starting toward him but hesitated a few feet away. My heart
doing it, Edward?” was racing wildly from anxiety and I felt dizzy, worried I was going to pass
He grabbed the small familiar packet of powder, raising his eyebrows out. I turned toward Dr. Cullen, who sat still in his chair with his hands
questioningly as he held it up. “A few weeks maybe,” I said, shrugging. “Two folded in his lap.
months at most. I don’t know, I haven’t exactly kept a fucking calendar or “Will you come with me?” I asked nervously, not wanting to be alone. I
anything.” desperately wished Edward were there with me, my eyes burning as the
“You will talk to me with respect,” he said sharply, the tone of his voice tears threatened to spill at the thought. Jasper had offered to come along
sending a chill down my spine. I nodded hesitantly, trying to push back my for support but I’d brushed him off, saying it was no big deal, but it felt like
dread. He wasn’t speaking to me as family, that much was clear... he was one when it came down to it.
addressing me as my superior and expected me to treat him as so. “If you want me to,” he responded, looking at me with surprise.
“Yes, sir.” “Please,” I said. He nodded and stood up, pressing his hand against my
“Good. And quite frankly it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been doing back as he led me into the back. I was taken in for an X-ray, where they
it, because the fact is that it ends now. If I ever hear of you touching this pinpointed the general location of the microchip between my shoulder
again, if it doesn’t kill you, I will,” he said seriously. “And what in the world blades in my back. After they got an estimation of where it was they took
possessed you to do heroin in the first place? Your father is a doctor; you me into a small white room with an exam table, where I was instructed to
ought to at least be smart enough to know how dangerous it is.” put on a gown and lay on my stomach with my back exposed. I obliged
“I am. I didn’t know it was heroin,” I muttered. “It was supposed to be nervously and Dr. Cullen pulled a stool over, sitting down beside me. The
Molly, you know, pure MDMA.” other doctor brought a small machine over with a monitor attached to it,
“This is Molly?” he asked incredulously. I nodded and he laughed dryly, stating he was going to inject something in my back to numb the area so I
tossing the packet back in his drawer. “And here I thought you had a wouldn’t feel the procedure. I tensed up and Dr. Cullen took my right hand
goomah by than name.” while he began gently stroking my hair with his other hand as I felt the
“You thought I was seeing someone?” I asked with surprise. “That’s pinch of a needle.
crazy.” I wasn’t sure what was happening, because I couldn’t see, but it took
“No, it’s not crazy,” he stated. “Crazy is infecting your system with these him nearly forty-five minutes to remove the chip. Dr. Cullen sighed as the
illicit intoxicants for a thrill instead of indulging in something safer, like a man started sewing up the incision, frowning. “It’s apparently a lot easier
woman. You clearly have more issues than I thought if you find this more to put them in than take them out,” he said sadly.
acceptable than a casual fling.” “It is,” the doctor replied. “They aren’t meant to be removed. It was
“There’s only one woman for me,” I said quietly. embedded in there pretty good and difficult to get a hold of because of the
“So you claim,” he retorted. “But actions speak a lot louder than words, scar tissue. The incision will be sore for a while but I’ll get you some pain
and quite frankly your actions are telling me you are far from trustworthy. killers to take, and the stitches will dissolve on their own.”
In fact, I’m beginning to question whether or not I can believe anything “Thank you,” I responded quietly. He smiled and nodded.
you’ve said, and that’s dangerous because if I can’t trust you, I can’t keep “I’m glad I could be of some help.”
you around. I expected some issues along the way, Edward. I knew it They stepped out of the room and I put my shirt on again, the numbness
wouldn’t be easy for you to adjust, just as it hadn’t been easy for your father. of my back feeling strange against the clothing. Dr. Cullen and I departed
He got called in for a few sit-downs before he finally got into his groove, but a few minutes later after he paid cash for the procedure, and the ride back
the one thing your father had that could always be counted on was his word. to Forks was relatively quiet. It wasn’t tense or awkward as it could have
He meant what he said and that’s something you’re lacking at this point. been, given the situation, instead a comfortable silence falling between us
The drugs I can deal with and the slip-ups I can help cover, but I cannot as he drove. We were about fifteen minutes from the house when he cleared
tolerate the lying.” his throat, shifting around in his seat. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Lying?” I asked, unsure of what the fuck he was talking about. “I I glanced over at him, seeing he appeared nervous for some reason.
haven’t lied about shit.” “Yes.”

342 323
 “Do you recall all of the people you encountered at the warehouse where It was clear his trust in me was wavering because of my behavior and I
you were held?” he asked. I tensed up, stunned he’d ask me that because knew I was on shaky ground, but I was too much of a mess to be able to
none of them had ever even attempted to approach the subject before. seriously worry about it.
“Uh, I believe so.” The sit-down went better than I had expected, as he spent an hour
“Can you tell me who they were?” berating me for how much of a fuck up I was becoming but eventually gave
“Well, James was there,” I started. “There were two younger Russian me a pass. Two of their biggest beliefs were that drugs were off limits and
guys, I don’t really know who they are though. The older Russian guy it was a necessity to stay below the radar, both of which I’d blatantly
named Stephan was in charge of everything.” disregarded. He informed me that if I made a spectacle of myself again
“Was there another older Russian man there by the name of Vladamir? there would be dire consequences, his impatience reaching an all-time high.
He’s around the same age as Stephan and they look somewhat similar,” he He was furious I hadn’t called him after the failure of a job, saying he would
inquired. I shook my head hesitantly. normally consider it me abandoning post. I took his reproach quietly,
“Not that I saw. Stephan seemed to be working on his own,” I said. “And agreeing with everything he said because I knew if I weren’t his fucking
there was a girl there, too.” godson and Carlisle Cullen’s kid, what I did likely would’ve landed me in a
“Heidi?” grave somewhere on principle alone.
“No. Well, I mean, yes. She was there, but there was another girl with Sit-downs were intended to change people’s behavior and settle
James. I think they said her name was Vickie,” I said. disputes, the Boss’s word final and disregarding it was just asking to be
“Victoria? Does she have curly red hair?” he asked. I nodded and he fucking killed. I understood Aro’s point and knew I couldn’t let that shit
laughed bitterly, shaking his head. “She’s the daughter of an old adversary happen again, but it wasn’t until later that the seriousness of my mistakes
of ours from the Irish mob. We made peace years ago, a truce of sorts, so I really sunk in.
don’t think her father will be too happy to find out what she’s done.”
“She was nice to me at first, even fed me,” I said, not wanting to cause
any more trouble. “She didn’t really hurt me, but she got angry when I hurt June 20th, 2007
James. He was trying to, uh…” I slowly walked up to the front door of the Evanson’s, hesitating out of
I trailed off, biting my bottom lip nervously. Dr. Cullen was quiet for a anxiety. Alec had called a few minutes earlier, saying he needed to see me,
second before sighing exasperatedly. “I wasn’t aware he’d tried, but I do not bothering to elaborate as to why before hanging up. My mind was
know he didn’t do it,” he said. “The organization has a few doctor frantically trying to sort through scenarios as I made the short walk to their
acquaintances that we call on sometimes when we can’t go to a hospital. I house, worried more about having to face him than I had been when I was
asked one to make a house call while you were at Esme’s to make sure you called in for the sit-down.
hadn’t been harmed in that way.” Because of Royce’s death Aro had appointed Alec my mentor and I knew
“Thank you,” I whispered. “He didn’t try again after that first time. He whatever I did, good or bad, ultimately reflected on him.
was never alone with me, really. I think he was afraid of his fath–” I stopped And what I’d done, clearly, hadn’t been fucking good.
abruptly when I realized what I was about to say and he looked at me with I raised my hand to knock but before I could the door was pulled open
surprise, raising his eyebrows curiously. and Esme stood in front of me, disappointment in her expression. I sighed
“So you know Stephan was his father?” he asked. and gave her a small smile, suddenly feeling fucking guilty that she was
“Uh, yes,” I mumbled. “You knew?” obviously being caught in the middle.
“I didn’t at the time, but I am aware of it now. In fact, I found out the “Hey, Esme,” I said quietly. “You look nice today.”
same way I discovered who you were related to,” he responded. “I had his “Don’t you dare try to charm me, Edward Anthony Cullen,” she said
DNA ran.” sharply, crossing her arms over her chest as she moved to the side. “You
“So you know?” I asked, stunned. “You know that he’s Emmett’s, too?” have a lot of explaining to do. Alec’s waiting for you in his office.”
He tensed up, looking completely bewildered, and my heart started I stepped past her into the house, running my hand through my hair
pounding forcefully when I realized he hadn’t known that part. “Emmett’s anxiously. “Yeah, thanks,” I muttered, making my way down the hallway.
father?” he asked with disbelief. I paused outside the door and tapped lightly after a second, Alec’s voice
“He said he was,” I said, panicked as I stared at him. Dr. Cullen’s face ringing out right away for me to enter. I stepped inside and shut the door
clouded with anger briefly, the sight of it frightening me, but it faded gently, eyeing him cautiously. He was sitting behind his desk, his body
quickly.
324 341
would be in a stupor, feeling as if I was floating on air, my mind blank as “No, I didn’t know,” he said coolly. “Did you tell Emmett this piece of
my body was bombarded with wave after wave of euphoria. When the drug news?”
started to wear off depression would creep back in, and the ache in my chest I shook my head quickly. “No, I didn’t know if I should. I didn’t think
would be more intense than ever before. I started growing desperate for the he’d want to know, because he told me once he didn’t even want to know
sensations, seeking out the drugs more often to delay the unavoidable come his birth mother. And I really didn’t know if it was true, because he could’ve
down whenever I could. It got to the point where I was constantly high and lied.”
it started taking control of my life, everything else falling to the wayside in “I’m glad you didn’t tell him,” he responded, his voice emotionless. “I
my quest to fucking feel. think that would devastate Emmett. Thank you for being honest with me,
A few months after arriving in Chicago, I finally hit rock bottom. I was though. So, was that everyone in the warehouse?”
supposed to help hijack a shipment on Aro’s orders, but someone had “I think so,” I said, sighing. He nodded and silence fell over the car again
apparently tipped the people off to our plans and they were waiting for us before realization struck me. “Wait, there was another man there. I don’t
when we arrived. They hid in the shadows with guns, shots ringing out the know who he was, though. I was in and out of it, and he never talked to me,
moment we approached, bullets abruptly whizzing past me in the darkness. but he stood over me a lot, just watching me.”
I grabbed my gun and started firing back, but I was shooting blindly “What did he look like? Do you remember?”
because it was too fucking dark to see them and I was still high. A bullet “Yes. He was sort of strange looking, really. He had tanned skin and a
zipped right by my head, searing pain ripping through my face as it grazed big scar on his face. He was kind of older and I recall him talking to Stephan
my cheek. I cursed and sprinted away, firing shots behind me as I ran for once, but I don’t remember what about,” I mumbled, my brow furrowing.
the car. I jumped in it and sped away from the scene, my hands shaking “Could that have been Vladamir?”
and my stomach churning as I drove through town frenzied. My wound was “No,” Dr. Cullen said quietly. “That’s not him.”
throbbing and I could feel the trickle of blood running down my cheek as I “Oh,” I said, frowning. “I don’t know who he was, then.”
started to grow dizzy. I was disoriented and drove straight to the club, “It’s fine,” Dr. Cullen said quietly. “I was just curious. Thank you for
grabbing a bottle of Grey Goose from behind the bar without saying a telling me.”
fucking word to the bartender. I walked around the club looking for Alec “You’re welcome.” Silence overtook he car for the rest of the drive and
and spotted Phil from the corner of my eye, giving him some money on a Dr. Cullen seemed distracted, his body tense. He didn’t say a word to me
whim for a packet of Molly. I could feel my high wearing off, the depression when we arrived home, holding the door open for me quietly and then
coming back, and I needed something to fucking soothe my nerves. I slid disappearing into his office the moment we were inside.
into the back booth, dishing some of it out onto the table in front of me, and The night passed quickly, sleep evading me as it had every other night
inhaled a bunch of it back-to-back out of desperation before relaxing back that week. I lay awake crying, reading the letter Edward had left so many
in the seat and waiting for it to hit me. times that I had it memorized. It hurt worse than anything I could recall,
The euphoria washed over me, but just as quickly came another more intense than any of the physical pain I’d endured in my life. Physical
unexpected feeling. It stirred deep inside, my heart pounding furiously as I pain faded as the wounds healed, but I wasn’t sure what I was feeling at
grew even dizzier. My breath left me in a whoosh, catching me off guard, that moment would ever go away. I felt broken, like a part of me had been
and I struggled for air as my chest constricted. It scared the fuck out of me ripped away.
and I clutched my chest as I hyperventilated, standing up quickly in a The next morning Jasper came upstairs around dawn, but I was already
panic. My eyesight blurred and I blinked rapidly, taking a few steps before awake and waiting. He walked in the room, not bothering to knock again,
my legs gave out on me and I started convulsing. I fell to the ground hard, and glanced over at where I sat on the couch. The room was still somewhat
my head slamming into a table as my vision completely blacked out and dark and I sat with my knees pulled up to my chest, my arms wrapped
pain ripped through my skull. I heard someone scream for them to call 911 around myself as I stared out of the window. I wondered if it was what
before I slipped into unconsciousness, the blackness completely taking me. Edward had been doing that last night when I awoke, wondered if he’d been
I awoke later in the hospital and was informed I’d overdosed on a gazing out at the same trees I saw, contemplating leaving just as I was.
combination of drugs, the MDMA apparently tainted with high doses of Had he been as frightened and devastated as I felt?
powder heroin. Their tests also picked up the weed I smoked and the “Are you ready?” Jasper asked, having already placed all of my things
cocaine I’d done, making it four separate drugs in my system. Aro called me in Edward’s Volvo the day before. I nodded, unable to say the words because
in for a sit-down when I was finally released the next morning, having the truth was that I felt like I would never be ready. I got up and grabbed
someone pick me up at the front door so I couldn’t even attempt to evade. my last few things, slipping my coat on before heading for the door. Jasper
340 325
handed me Edward’s car key before walking out and I hesitated in the other circumstances, but none of them could get past the wall I’d, once
doorway, earning a curious look from him. again, built around me. My judgment was skewed and I welcomed unsavory
“I, uh… I’ll meet you downstairs,” I mumbled. “I just need a minute.” people into my life, ignoring the fact that they would cause me nothing but
He smiled and told me to take my time, and I watched as he descended trouble when it came down to it.
the stairs before turning back to the bedroom. My eyes scanned the room And it was then, when I reached my peak of desperation, that I was
slowly, my chest aching at the sight of Edward’s belongings, everything still introduced to Molly.
in its place but yet what truly mattered was missing. I caught sight of the Molly was both a blessing and a curse. It was a catch-22, because Molly
picture frame on the dresser and took a few steps over toward it, picking it finally made me feel alive again, but at the same time lured me deeper into
up hesitantly. It was a picture of the two of us, one of the ones we’d had my pit of darkness. I was at the club one night when it all changed, my life
taken in Port Angeles not long before everything started falling apart. It shifting as I sat in a back booth with a bottle of Vodka in front of me. A guy
was back when we’d both had dreams– our eyes shining with hope and love. I knew by the name of Phil came strolling over, sliding into the seat beside
The sky had been the limit then and it was easy to see, happiness radiating me.
from the both of us. I wondered if I would ever know what it felt like to be “Need something to perk you up?” Phil asked, glancing at me. I laughed
that happy again. Would he? dryly, shaking my head.
I brushed my fingertips across the photograph, tracing the lines of “I doubt you have anything that will make me feel any better.”
Edward’s face. I longed to feel it for real, to see him and smell him, feel his “Oh, I beg to differ,” he said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a
warmth one more time, but I knew it wasn’t possible. It would never again small baggy with some white powder inside. I watched with surprise as he
be possible, and he’d made sure of that. He’d done everything he could to poured some out on the table in front of us, having never seen him with
ensure I’d have a future without him, never once realizing he was the only that sort of shit before. I’d done coke a few times since coming to Chicago,
future I ever truly desired. getting it from people there in the club, and it dulled the ache but it never
I leaned down and kissed the cold glass gently where his face was, a lasted long enough to make any of it better.
tear slipping down my cheek and hitting the frame. My vision blurred as I He made two lines with the powder and rolled up a dollar bill, inhaling
stared at the picture, pain ripping through my chest as I uttered the lone a line quickly. He held the bill out to me, raising his eyebrows questioningly
word. It was the one word I hadn’t gotten a chance to say, the one word I as he silently offered me the other one. I debated for a split second before
never wanted to have to say, but the word I knew I needed to say. taking it, eyeing him cautiously.
“Goodbye.” “It’s coke, right?” I asked, because it looked like cocaine but I didn’t want
to go sniffing something without fucking asking first.
“No, it’s not coke,” he said, smirking. “This, my friend, is Molly. She’s
the new love of my life.”
“Molly?” I asked, my brow furrowing in confusion.
“Yes, Molly,” he responded. “It’s what they call pure powder MDMA on
the street, the most potent you can find. It doesn’t matter what’s wrong in
your life, Molly will make it all better for a while. If you need a reason to
smile, she’ll give you one.”
I hesitated for only a moment, having never done the shit, before
snorting the powder up. As soon as it hit my system I felt a rush of
exhilaration, the sensation overwhelming. It was so intense that I sat
frozen as it coursed through my veins, stunned that for the first time the
ache in my chest was completely wiped away and replaced with something
greater... something more intense than any anything I’d ever experience
before.
They didn’t call that shit ecstasy for nothing.
Molly became my nightly companion after that, and when I couldn’t get
my hands on the powder I often resorted to popping the less effective pills
or snorting cocaine for the calming effects to hold me over. For hours I
326 339
burned as I fought back my emotion, her words stirring up something inside
of me that I was both desperate to feel and afraid to fucking welcome again.
“Happy fucking birthday to me,” I muttered to myself when she was
gone, clutching the bottle of vodka again. I brought it up to my lips and took
a swig, closing my eyes as I savored the burning sensation. I wished it
would finally completely kill the ache that had resided in me for what felt
like forever, but I knew deep down inside that nothing would make it go
away. Part of me was missing, a gaping hole where my fucking heart had
once been, and I knew it could never be replaced. It was the part that I’d
left behind with her, the part she carried with her wherever the fuck she
went. Molly had come as close as possible to filling the void, or at least
fucking making me forget it was there, but it still hadn’t been enough. I
was still trying to come to terms with that, learning to deal with the pain
and coping the only way I knew how.
To say I adjusted easily to life in Chicago would be the biggest fucking
lie ever spoken. I was numb for a while as I settled in, the entire thing
surreal as I moved back into the house my mother had raised us in. Being

Chapter 74
there brought back memories of my childhood and for that I was grateful,
because it was enough to distract me from everything else for a while. I
went through the motions, doing whatever the fuck I had to do to survive,
but it wasn’t until my belongings arrived from Washington that it all finally
hit me.
This was my fucking life now. Hole in the World
I started drinking every night as the heartache really set in, sometimes Edward
consuming so much that I completely blacked out. My days were full of
agony, my nights no better as I relived everything in my dreams, and the Friday, June 20th, 2008
only time I seemed to find escape from any of it was when I got lost in the 1 year, 5 months, 25 days, 5 hours, 39 minutes, and about 24
blackness. motherfucking seconds later
Everything was soothed away by the numbness provided by the vodka, … not like I was counting or anything…
and every night as I slipped into unconsciousness I prayed that if I did wake
up, I would at least finally forget everything. I just wanted to fucking forget. I slouched down in my chair, glaring at the laptop on the desk in front
I wanted the torture to stop. of me. My head was pounding fiercely, my eyes burning and twitching so
It never worked, though, and every morning I’d awaken and feel even hard I worried they were going to fucking pop out of my skull. I had thick
worse than the night before, the cycle starting all over again. I was curtains covering the windows to block out as much sun as possible, the
spiraling out of control and everyone was concerned for me, but I didn’t room nearly pitch black despite the fact that it was only a few minutes past
care. It didn’t matter what happened to me anymore… all I fucking wanted noon. The air conditioner was blasting on high but I was still fucking
was some peace, no matter what the cost. I needed a reason to keep going, sweating, and my skin felt like it was on fire.
something to look forward to in life before I surrendered completely to the I cursed, running my hands down my face in annoyance. I blinked
blackness. I went out every night to the club Alec owned, the loud music rapidly, trying to clear my vision so I could focus on the fucking screen, but
and crowds distracting me from my thoughts long enough for the alcohol to nothing seemed to help. The words all blurred together and I couldn’t even
take hold of me. I was depressed and borderline suicidal, taking risks and read the lines, realizing I was just wasting my time and energy by even
getting sloppy with no regard for the potential consequences I would face bothering. I groaned as I slammed the laptop closed and laid my head down
when I started really fucking up. I was disregarding basic rules, drawing on the desk, giving up on the shit. All was quiet for a few minutes and I
attention to myself when the oath demanded I stay as far from the spotlight savored the silence, wishing I could fucking fall asleep just to escape for a
as possible. I met people, some that might have been good friends under while. It almost happened, my exhaustion deepening as the sound of the
338 327
air blowing in the vent started lulling me into unconsciousness, but before “You think I haven’t already?” she asked. “He’s just as stubborn as you
I drifted away completely my peace was shattered. are, saying he isn’t the one with the problem. Clearly, you both have a
“Are you okay?” problem, and it’s not going to stop until one of you folds.”
I jumped, startled by the unexpected voice, and narrowed my eyes as “And you expect me to?” I asked incredulously. “I haven’t done a
my head shot up. “It’s not nice to sneak up on people,” I spat, glaring at the goddamn thing wrong, Esme, but you expect me to say I did anyway? That’s
figure standing in the doorway. She laughed as if what I said was actually fucked up.”
fucking funny and reached over to the wall, quickly flicking on the light “I didn’t say that, Edward. I said fold, not bluff,” she said quietly.
switch. I winced as sharp pains stabbed through my head from the bright “Making a truce doesn’t mean you lose, you know that. It means you realize
light and I threw my hands up, trying to shield my eyes. “Christ, do you the fighting is unnecessary.”
have to fucking do that?” “Whatever,” I muttered, shaking my head. “Where is it at, anyway– a
“You don’t look so hot, kiddo,” she said, ignoring my question as she strip club somewhere?”
made her way toward me. Esme laughed. “Lord, no. You know Rosalie would have all of our asses
“On the contrary, Esme, I feel pretty fucking hot, like someone set my if we let that happen. It’s at the club down on Elm Street, the one Alec owns.
ass on fire,” I muttered, running my hand through my hair as I squinted, It’s at ten tonight,” she said. I laughed dryly and shook my head at her
trying to adjust to the brightness. “And that was after they beat the shit words.
out of me and threw me from the roof of a twelve story building.” “You know I can’t go there. Alec would have my ass if I stepped foot
“That bad?” she asked, pushing the laptop to the side as she sat down inside of there after…” I trailed off, continuing pointless because she knew
on the edge of the desk beside me. the fucking story as well as I did.
“Yes, that bad,” I grumbled. “If it weren’t so painful I’d wonder if I were “Molly,” she said quietly, the word dripping with contempt. “Alec would
already dead. But then again, the way my life is going, I’ll end up burning make an exception for this, you know.” She paused and stared at me for a
in Hell anyway, so maybe I am already fucking dead. Wouldn’t surprise me moment, her expression intense as she thought about what to say next.
if this were all some goddamn game the devil is playing, torturing me for “He’s getting married, kiddo. This is a big deal and I know he’d appreciate
fun because of all the fucked up shit I’ve done.” having you there, whether he’ll admit it or not. Be the bigger man.”
“Your optimism is astounding,” she said, smiling softly. “I’m quite sure “I’ll think about it.”
you’re still alive, though.” “Good. I’ve got to get going. I have a whole house to clean for the
“Che peccato,” I muttered, shaking my head. She laughed and grabbed reception on Sunday,” she said, smiling warmly.
my chin, pulling my head up so I’d look at her. “You can have Leah,” I mumbled, shrugging. “She can scrub your floors
“You act like you’ve never been hung-over before, Edward,” she said, her or whatever.”
eyes scanning my face. “How much did you drink last night?” “I’m not taking your help,” she said, laughing. “I have Clara to help me.
“Apparently not enough, if I’m still alive,” I stated. She rolled her eyes We’ll manage it fine.”
and let go of me, crossing her arms over her chest. “Whatever you say… where the fuck is Leah, anyway?” I asked as I
“You haven’t been doing anything else, have you?” she asked. glanced around, surprised she hadn’t busted into the room in the middle of
“Fuck no,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m done with all of that.” our conversation and interrupted us with some bullshit.
“Good,” she said. “This is how you used to act because of Molly, and you “She went out back, probably to get some air,” she said, shrugging.
know…” “Anyway, I got you a present and no complaints when you get it later, okay?
“I know,” I spat in annoyance, cutting her off. “I said I was done, Esme. I don’t want to hear any nonsense about not fussing over your birthday.
I really wish you all would stop throwing that shit in my face.” And if I don’t see you beforehand, I’ll see you on Sunday.”
“Fine,” she said seriously. “I won’t bring it up again. You really need to I nodded, knowing there was no point in fucking arguing with Esme,
stop smoking, too, though. I could smell it as soon as I walked in the house.” and she turned to head for the door but paused as she gripped the doorknob.
“Christ, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” I said, looking at her “Oh, and Edward?”
incredulously. “Are you going to ground me if I don’t? Whip my ass? Put me “Yes?”
in time out until I start listening?” She glanced at me and smiled warmly. “She said to tell you happy
“Don’t tempt me,” she said, the smile returning to her lips. “I’ll call your birthday.”
father.” I stared at her, watching as she disappeared outside without awaiting
any response from me. My heart started beating erratically and my eyes
328 337
 Emmett laughed bitterly behind me and I balled my hands into fists. I “Oh, you’re going to fucking tattle on me, are you?” I asked sarcastically,
quickly explained to Jasper about why I’d left my phone behind, making laughing as I stood up. “I hate to break it to you, but he already knows I do
him promise he’d get Isabella’s number changed. After everything was it, so telling him won’t do you much good. I don’t think Alec would be too
settled I grabbed my bag and quickly said goodbye to Jasper, turning for happy about you being a rat, though.”
the door and coming face to face with Emmett as he blocked my path. He “What do you just call me?” she asked as I walked passed her, my bare
was clearly upset, his nostrils flaring as he struggled to keep himself under feet slapping against the wooden floor as I strolled out of the room.
control. “You heard me,” I hollered, descending the stairs as I headed straight
“Don’t expect me to be there for you when you fucking fall apart,” he for the kitchen. Esme followed behind me after a moment, pausing in the
said seriously. “The only thing you’ll ever hear from me is ‘I told you so’.” doorway while I walked over to the cabinets. The tile floor was wet and cold
He stared me down for a moment before stepping out of the way, against my feet, having apparently just been scrubbed, but I didn’t give a
allowing me to pass. I walked to the door and hesitated for a moment, my shit about it. I started rooting around, looking for some fucking painkillers
chest tight as I gripped onto the doorknob. I closed my eyes and sighed, the for my headache, and found a bottle of pills shoved in the back of a drawer.
tears slipping from the corner of my eyes again as I walked out. I opened the freezer and pulled out a bottle of Grey Goose, opening it and
“Goodbye,” I whispered. bringing it to my lips to take a swig. I popped two of the pills in my mouth,
washing them down with the vodka.
“You should probably give that a rest, too. It’s awfully early to be
“Edward!” drinking right now,” Esme commented, glancing at her watch. I rolled my
The sharp voice drew me from my thoughts and I glanced across the eyes, taking another swig of the vodka. It burned my throat and numbed
room at Esme, seeing the expectant look on her face. “Huh?” I asked, unsure my chest, a tingling sensation radiating down through my body.
of what the fuck she’d said because I hadn’t been listening. “I heard somewhere that the best cure for a hangover was just getting
“I said Emmett’s bachelor party is tonight.” drunk again. Plus, how’s the saying go? A bottle a day keeps the doctor
“Is it?” I asked, surprised. “I guess my invitation got lost in the mail.” away?” I asked as I held the liquor up, shrugging before taking another
“Don’t be silly, you know you’re invited,” she responded. “He’d be drink. “Sounds like a plan I can stick to.”
ecstatic if you showed up.” I laughed dryly and ran my hand through my She laughed, shaking her head. “That’s not how it goes and you know
hair, turning away from her. it,” she said. “And I mean it, Edward. You’re going to completely destroy
“I’m sure if Emmett wanted me there, he would’ve asked me to come your liver before you even turn twenty-one.”
himself,” I said. “I’m not exactly his favorite person, you know. I’m honestly “Whatever,” I muttered, annoyed by her scolding tone. “You sound more
surprised I’m even invited to the fucking wedding. But then again you sent and more like my fucking father every time I see you. Is this why you came
out the fucking invitations for that, so he might not even know.” over here, Esme– to bitch at me? Because I’m seriously not in the mood for
“Don’t be ridiculous. You’re brothers,” she said quietly. “This feud it, especially today of all fucking days, so spare me the lecture.”
between the two of you really needs to stop. Life’s too short. You love each “No, that isn’t why I came,” she responded. “I came to check on you.”
other– it’s time you start acting like it again.” “Yeah, well, we already established I was apparently still alive, so is
“Yeah, well, I’m not the one with the problem,” I stated, shaking my there anything else I can do for you?” I asked. “I have shit I need to do
head. Emmett had meant those last words he’d said in Forks, and the today. And how the fuck did you get in here, anyway? I didn’t even hear the
encounter had been the last time the two of us had really spoken. We ran doorbell.”
into each other a few times in passing at Esme’s house and we were civil “Leah let me in,” she said.
for the sake of everyone else, but it was clear he had nothing to say to me. “Nice,” I grumbled, taking another gulp of the vodka. “Remind me to get
He held a grudge and I couldn’t stand the contempt that was in his eyes rid of her.”
whenever he looked at me. That, along with the fucking pity, was the “Oh, don’t be ridiculous. You’re not getting rid of her,” she said with a
reason I avoided most of them. Jasper stopped calling after a few months laugh. “She’s good at what she does and you’d probably be living in filth if
and rarely returned any of my phone calls, and even when he did he was she weren’t around. Plus, is my company that bad? You live less than a mile
fucking vague and short with me. Besides Alec, who I saw nearly every from me and I rarely see you. Are you too good to spend time with your
fucking day because of the Borgata, I barely had any contact with any of favorite aunt?”
my family. “You’re lecturing the wrong motherfucker right now, you know. “You’re my only aunt, Esme, and ‘favorite’ is still debatable,” I said
You need to go tell Emmett that shit.” jokingly. “And, no, I’m not too good for you. I’m just… busy.”
336 329
 “Busy,” she echoed as she eyed me, her gaze so intense it felt like she decided her fate the moment he decided his own, because that’s what
was looking right through me. “Which loosely translates into ‘I’ve been happens when you place your love and trust in another, and I fail to see
avoiding you’, right? How’s school going?” how this instance is any different.”
“It’s going,” I responded, shrugging. She continued to stare at me, He turned to Emmett, staring at him pointedly. “Isn’t this how nearly
obviously awaiting some better fucking answer, but I wasn’t sure what she all break ups are? They aren’t mutual– one person is choosing to walk away
expected to hear. I had just finished my first semester at Chicago City and the other person has no say in the matter. Are you insinuating that
College, enrolled in the Associate of Fine Arts Degree program for Music Edward has no right to end the relationship if he wants to? Is that not
Education. It was the only thing that even fucking remotely interested me hypocritical, given your rant about people being free to make their own
that didn’t take up so much time that it conflicted with my other choices? Edward isn’t deciding Isabella’s future. Edward is deciding his
responsibilities, but it wasn’t as easy as I’d expected the shit to be. My own, and the unfortunate effect of his decision is that Isabella loses
grades were mediocre at best and I had a hard time focusing on anything, something. It’s a part of life we all have to deal with, no matter who we
knowing if I didn’t pull myself together there’d be no way I’d be able to are.”
transfer to a four-year university. I’d enrolled in a few summer courses that He glanced at me and I tensed up, the anger in his expression
had just started the week before, trying to fucking catch up, but I was staggering. “And you need to grow a backbone and see this through. You’ve
already struggling with them. been sitting here all morning second-guessing this and it’s wearing on my
“Maybe if you didn’t drink so much…” she started, but I held my hands nerves. You either go back up those stairs to where Isabella is or you walk
up to stop her as my temper flared. out of that front door, but there will be no more wavering in between. You
“Stop,” I said firmly. “I know you mean well, Christ, but just stop made your decision, you belong in Chicago now, so be a man and do what’s
already! I can’t take much more of being told what to do with my life. I do expected of you. Either you take her along or you don’t, Edward. She’s going
what Aro tells me to do, I stay away from Molly, I’m enrolled in school and to lose something regardless, and the only question that remains is what
I don’t fucking bother anyone. What more do you people expect from me? she loses. So you need to figure out whether you want her in that life with
I’m doing the best I can here.” you or not, and you need to figure it out now.”
“I know you are,” she mumbled. “And I know it might not seem like it, I stared at him, speechless from the passion of his words. The foyer was
but I am proud of you, kiddo. I just worry about you being here all alone.” quiet and tense as everyone stared at me, my stomach churning from my
“I’m not alone, Esme. I’ve got Leah to scrub my floors and this to keep nerves. “I can’t bring her to Chicago,” I said quietly after a moment, shaking
me warm at night,” I said, holding the bottle of vodka up. “What more could my head. “I can’t have her around those people. They’ve fucked up her life
I need?” enough.”
She stood still and stared at me, her expression saying everything she Emmett groaned as Alec nodded. “Fine. Pull yourself together and meet
wouldn’t dare fucking say out loud. We both knew exactly what it was I me in the car in five minutes. If you aren’t there, I will come back in here
needed, but it was the one thing I could never again have. It hurt to think for you, and I assure you– you don’t want that to happen.”
about, the ache in my chest still as intense as it had been that December He pulled his keys out of his pocket and headed for the door,
morning. disappearing outside without another word. I took a deep breath, wiping
the tears from my face as I glanced at Jasper. He gave me a sympathetic
look but I just shook my head, not wanting to deal with that shit, and
December 26th, 2006 reached into my pocket. I pulled out my key ring, taking the key for the
I sat on the bottom of the stairs, my hand gripping my hair tightly as I house in Chicago off of it before holding the rest of them out to him.
tried to get control of myself. I wasn’t sure how long I’d been sitting there “Give my car to Isabella. I totaled hers and she’s going to need one to
with a duffel bag full of clothes lying on the floor at my feet, but it felt like start out with. If she doesn’t want to keep it she can sell it or trade it in or
an eternity passed with each tick of the clock. Time was fucking taunting fucking burn it for all I care, whatever she wants to do. It doesn’t matter
me, continuing to steadily slip away while I sat still, unable to face any of anymore,” I muttered. “Dad has all of her financial paperwork. She’s
it yet. I was a coward, fucking weak and despicable, falling to pieces over probably going to say some shit about not having any money but she has
something that had been my own goddamn fault. just as much as we do and you’re probably going to have to keep reminding
My hands were shaking, my stomach was churning and my chest aching her of that. If you need anything else, any of my money to help get her set
as I tried to push back my emotion. My heart was pounding erratically, the up, just let me know.”
blood rushing through my veins making me dizzy and I worried I was going
330 335
 “You think I don’t already know what she wants? She wants a future, to pass the fuck out if I didn’t get myself under control. It felt like someone
Emmett. She wants to go to college and have a life away from all of this was ripping my heart out but I guess it really didn’t fucking matter,
bullshit,” I snapped. “She wants to be free.” considering I wouldn’t need it after I walked out the front door. Every ounce
“But she isn’t,” he said. “Not as long as you’re making her decisions for of fucking happiness I’d managed to find would stay behind in a cloud of
her. I really thought you were better than that, Edward, but maybe I was memories, and while I was sure I deserved the pain I was feeling, it didn’t
wrong about you. If you can’t see that you mean more to her than anything make it any easier to deal with. I could practically see my pulse through
else, then maybe you don’t love her like I thought you do. Maybe she is my skin, each thump reminding me that I was still alive despite the fact
better off without an asshole like you.” that it felt like I was dying inside.
The moment the words came from his mouth I was overcome with rage Yeah, I was being dramatic, but I couldn’t help it. It fucking hurt.
and drew my arm back, hitting him with as much force as I could. My fist I heard footsteps on the stairs behind me and tensed up, suddenly
connected with his jaw and he staggered a few steps, caught off guard by feeling like I was going to be sick. I was afraid Isabella was going to wake
my punch, but lunged right for me the moment he gained his balance. up and catch me, part of me treacherously fucking hoping she would. That
Jasper jumped up and tried to come between us, but Emmett was too strong part wanted her to stop me, wanted her to ask me to stay and never leave
and got his hands on me before he could stop him. He shoved me backwards her, and I knew deep down inside if that happened that I would never be
into the wall, pinning me there with his left hand as he raised his fist. I able to walk out of that door. I couldn’t deny her anything she asked of me,
tensed up, waiting for the force of the blow, but before he could follow even if I knew for a fact it was wrong. I’d proven that once again only a few
through a loud firm voice echoed through the downstairs and caught us all hours earlier when she asked me to make love to her… What kind of fucking
off guard. man would agree to that, knowing he was leaving?
“Enough!” Some fucking man of honor I was…
Emmett let go of me and I glanced over toward the kitchen quickly as “I’m surprised you’re still here,” Jasper said quietly, sitting down on the
Alec started toward us, a stern expression on his face. He grabbed a hold of step beside me. “I thought you’d be gone by now.”
Emmett and pushed him back, standing between the two of us. “He doesn’t “Yeah, so did I,” I muttered, my voice shaking as I continued to stare at
know what the fuck he’s saying,” I spat angrily, tears starting to fall from the floor. “She’s going to fucking hate me, Jasper. She’s going to wake up
my eyes. and find that note and regret ever letting me into her life.”
“Me? You’re the one fucking up!” Emmett responded. “No, she won’t,” he responded, shaking his head. “She loves you,
“I said enough! Neither of you know what you’re talking about! The Edward. She could never hate you.”
truth is that we all have choices taken from us, and everything we do has “I don’t want to fucking hurt her,” I said quietly as I clenched my
consequences that affect others, whether we mean them to or not. It’s called shaking hands into fists, my eyes started burning with unshed tears as my
life. Are you boys seriously so dense that you can’t grasp the concept of body revolted against me. “Christ, this is going to fucking devastate her.”
cause and effect?” he asked pointedly, glancing between us. “It will.”
“This isn’t just some unfortunate side effect,” Emmett said. “Great,” I spat. “Thanks for making me feel better.”
“Yes, it is,” Alec responded. “It doesn’t matter what Edward does today, “Do you want me to lie to you?” he asked, raising his eyebrows
the truth of the matter is that Isabella will have choices taken from her and questioningly as I glanced at him. “She loves you and she’s never loved
not all of them will be his doing. Certain things were determined the anyone before. It’s going to hurt her, Edward. There’s no getting around
moment she was conceived, things she may very well deserve taken from that.”
her at birth and there is nothing anyone can do to change that. You can’t “This is fucked up,” I said, shaking my head. “This isn’t how it’s
rewrite history! You all stand around and talk about freedom as if the word supposed to be. It wasn’t supposed to end up like this, Jasper. We’re
alone has meaning when it doesn’t. You’re just as idealistic as your father! supposed to be together. We’re supposed to go to California to get away from
Freedom is what you make it. all of this bullshit, go to school and live with goddamn stupid ass palm trees
“We are all forced to make sacrifices and follow rules we wish we didn’t because they make her happy. We were supposed to go and just be. For once
have to follow,” he continued after a moment. “We are all affected by in our fucking lives, we were going to just be, and now look at everything.
decisions made by others and this is no exception. If Isabella wants to be What the fuck have I done?”
with Edward, she loses the right to choose where she lives and her life will “Are you rethinking this?” he asked. “I mean, you haven’t left yet
often revolve around plans dictated by people she would likely despise. If Edward. Maybe Emmett was right. Maybe it isn’t too late.”
Edward leaves without her, she loses the choice of being with him. Edward
334 331
 “It is too late,” I said pointedly. “The moment I took that fucking oath it sight of me and I realized he was still wearing the same clothes from the
became too late. She’s better than that shit, Jasper. She’s better than the day before, meaning he probably hadn’t fucking slept.
life I can give her. She spent her whole life a fucking slave because of those He narrowed his eyes as he slammed the front door shut, the anger
motherfuckers… how can I expect her to just surrender her future because radiating from him intense. He very rarely lost his temper but when he did
of them, too? No, Emmett’s wrong. It is too late.” another side of him came out that was unpredictable, his words often
“Well, does it have to be this way?” he asked. “Can’t you talk to her and hurting just as much as I imagined his fists did.
try to help her understand?” “I see you haven’t walked out on her yet,” he said sharply, his words
“What do you expect me to say?” I asked incredulously. “I love you but I cutting deep. “Does that mean you came to your senses?”
have to leave you? Trust me– it’s for your own good? Christ, I can’t look her “Leave him alone, Emmett,” Jasper said. “You’re just making it worse.”
in the eye and say that shit to her face, even if it is true! She’s going to beg “I’m making it worse?!” he asked with disbelief. “Someone has to try to
me to change my mind and I can’t, Jasper. But I fucking would, because I’m talk him out of this before he makes the biggest mistake of his life by letting
weak, and then what? What happens in twenty years when she resents me her go. How can you support this shit, Jazz? She’s the best thing that ever
because she never got the chance to do any of that shit I promised her she happened to him!”
could do, and it’s too fucking late for her to do any of it? Christ, and what if “You think I don’t know that?” I snapped. “I love her, Emmett, and I’m
I got her fucking killed? What if she ended up like Mom? I’d never forgive lucky she ever gave me a fucking chance. That’s exactly why I’m doing this
myself for it. I can’t do that to her, but there’s no way she’ll fucking and I don’t get how you can’t see that! She deserves to be free to do what
understand it, not right now.” she wants!”
“What do you want me to say?” he asked quietly. “I’m trying to support “Then why the fuck are you taking that away from her?” he yelled. “You
you, even if I don’t agree with you. Tell me what you need from me.” say you’re doing this so she’ll be free to do what she wants, but did you even
“I need you to tell me you’ll fucking make her believe that she doesn’t fucking give her a chance to tell you what she wants to do? Did you even
need me, that she’s ready to do this shit on her own and that she can do it, ask her, Edward? You’re making this choice for her instead of letting her
because I know her, Jasper. She’s going to be scared, so you’re going to have do it!”
to seriously convince her that this shit is for the best, even if you don’t “I can’t ask her to choose me! I can’t put that burden on her and make
believe it,” I rambled, standing up from the step as I started to pace the her first real decision be whether she follows me or her dreams. What kind
foyer. My hand was gripping onto my hair tightly in frustration, my legs of bullshit is that to ask of her? She always fucking worries about everyone
weak. “Tell me you’ll do whatever it takes.” else and puts herself second because assholes have beat her down, and I’d
“You know I will,” he responded, staring at me with a serious expression be no better than them if I asked her to put me first! She doesn’t know any
on his face. “I’ve already promised you I would. I’ll convince her that she better and would pick me, not knowing what she was giving up in the
doesn’t need you in her life… but who’s going to convince you, Edward? process when she fucking deserves to know. She deserves to find out what’s
Who’s going to make you believe that you’ll be fine?” out there in this world for her, whether she realizes it or not.”
“As long as she is, I will be,” I said. “That’s the stupidest shit I’ve ever heard,” Emmett snapped. “Do you
“And you trust me to do this?” even hear yourself? What gives you the right to make this decision for her–
“Yes,” I said. “You’re the most like Mom, you know. You have her because you know better than she does? Could you possibly be more
compassion, you hate the fucking Mafia and you were never okay with the condescending? You’re not giving her enough credit!”
slavery. I know you’ll help her get away from all of it and start over, because “I’m giving her plenty of fucking credit!” I yelled. “She’s better than all
out of everyone you see how sick this world is and how she’s better off as of this, Emmett. I may be what she wants, but I’m not what she needs. I’m
far away from it as possible.” not good for her!”
“So if you trust me to make sure she’s okay and you truly believe you’ll “According to you,” he spat, stalking forward and getting in my face as
be fine as long as she is, why are you still here, Edward?” his temper flared further. “But like I said, you didn’t even ask her. You just
His question caught me off guard and I glanced at him quickly, unsure assumed and made the decision all on your own, you arrogant prick. Who
of what the fuck to say. He stared at me pointedly, awaiting some answer gives a shit what Izzy Bizzy wants, right? We’ll all just claim to know better
that would explain it, but the truth was simply that the mere thought of than her and make her decisions for her and pretend it’s what she needs
stepping out that front door hurt worse than I ever imagined it would. when only she fucking knows what she needs.”
Before I could come up with something to rationalize my hesitance, the
front door opened and Emmett walked inside. He froze when he caught
332 333
 I had carried it to class with me and hours later still held it, unsure of
whether or not to actually mail it. I was worried how it would be received,
afraid it would only make things worse for him. I was so deep in thought, I had no idea when she’d written it, as it had no date on it or any
debating what to do, that I hadn’t heard the person approaching. indication of what the hell inspired it. She was often writing little notes on
“Beautiful day, huh?” the foggy mirrors and shit, but this one had been slipped into the pocket of
I jumped, startled, and turned quickly to see a somewhat older my winter coat. I discovered it not long after arriving in Chicago and the
gentleman standing off to the side watching me. He was dressed casually words had haunted me ever since, replaying in my mind every time I was
in jeans and a t-shirt, his skin tanned and his dark hair starting to gray. reminded of it. She was a part of me, that was fucking clear given the void
He seemed vaguely familiar like I’d seen him around before, and I I felt without her, but I wondered if she still felt that way, too. Did she ache
immediately wondered if he was someone I should’ve known, like a just as I did, like a part of her had been ripped away and she’d never be
neighbor. He smiled warmly and I smiled back to be polite, nodding. “Yes, whole again? Had she ever thought of coming after me or trying to stop me?
it’s a nice day.” Did she still love me? Could she ever again?
“The weather here is surprising. I always thought it would be cold in She was fine– I had to keep reminding myself that. Wherever she was,
Washington since it’s so far north but the temperature’s sort of always she was okay, and that was all the fucking mattered. Losing her had been
moderate. It rains more than I like, though,” he said as he strolled the last worth it, no matter how much it fucking hurt, because she had a life now.
few steps in my direction, reaching into his pocket for a pack of cigarettes. I took one last swig of the vodka before grabbing my keys and slipping
He pulled one out and stuck it between his lips, holding the rest out toward my gun in my waistband, covering it with my shirt. I bolted for the front
me. “Want one?” door before I could lose my nerve, locking the house up before heading for
“Oh, no thanks,” I said, shaking my head. “I don’t smoke.” the black Mercedes in the driveway. I hated the damn car but it blended in
“Ah, well then,” he said, putting the pack back in his pocket. “Smart with everyone else’s and I figured that was for the best, after getting off to
girl. It’s a bad habit so don’t start.” such a rough start. The last thing I needed was to draw more attention to
“I don’t intend to,” I replied. myself, even if it was by buying a car that stood out. I had to be discrete,
“So do you like the rain?” he asked, delving back into the weather right especially when out on jobs, so no one would even give me a second look. I
away as he lit his cigarette. “I guess anyone from here’s probably used to it, appeared to be just another one of them, just a fucking minion that ran
huh?” with the mafia, no one of importance but at the same time someone you
“Uh, I guess,” I mumbled. “I’m really not from here so I’m still learning clearly didn’t fuck with if you valued your life.
to deal with it.” I drove the few minutes to the club, my nerves more on edge the closer
“Yeah? Where are you from?” he asked, raising his eyebrows curiously. I got. I spotted Emmett’s Jeep the moment I arrived, parked between two
“You have a bit of an accent I can’t place. Southern, maybe?” rental cars along the side. Alec’s car was parked near the entrance where
“Yes, it’s south. Phoenix,” I responded. it always sat when he was present at the club, which I knew wasn’t very
“So you’re used to the dry heat,” he said, nodding. “I’ve been to Arizona often. He may have ownership of it but he left others to run it, because to
a few times. Nice place. So what brings you to Washington?” him it was just a cover for where he got his money from and somewhere for
“Change of scenery,” I said, shrugging nonchalantly. I wasn’t entirely him to conduct his business outside of the home he shared with Esme. I
sure how to answer that question, considering I hadn’t had a choice in parked in the back, locking the car up before heading inside. I hesitated as
relocating. He talked about the weather a bit more as I continued to clutch soon as I stepped foot in the door, coming face to face with Alec almost
on to the envelope in my hand, trying to be polite and listen to him. It wasn’t instantly. He turned to look at me with surprise and my heart nearly
easy, though, as his presence was putting me on edge. fucking stalled, his warning to stay out of the place echoing through my
“You got a love letter there?” he asked playfully after a while, sensing thoughts as he stared me down. I wasn’t sure how he’d react, and despite
my distraction. I shrugged, feeling the blush rise into my cheeks at the Esme’s insistence that he’d make an exception for the night, I couldn’t
question. exactly predict what the fuck he’d do.
“It’s for an old friend,” I said. He smiled, a knowing twinkle in his eye “I’m surprised to see you here,” he said calmly as he approached me, his
as he gazed at me. tone easing my nerves a bit.
“I’ll take that as a yes. There’s a mailbox right over there, you know,” “Yeah, well, you know how it is,” I mumbled, running my hand through
he said, motioning toward a blue drop box a few feet away at the edge of my hair as I tried to ward off the anxiety. In the aftermath of seeing the
the park. “I can drop it in for you real quick, if you’d like.” fucking letter again, I’d forgotten all about the goddamn Xanax.
380 349
 “Yes, I do,” he responded, motioning with his head for me to proceed “So he’s all alone?” I asked, stunned. “He completely cut himself off from
inside. I thanked him as I slowly strolled toward the corner table in the everyone? No one hears from him?”
back where they all sat. I saw Emmett first, sitting on the end with my “Not completely,” Jasper said. “I mean, Alec still talks to him every day.”
father and Jasper on each side of him. I knew people from the Borgata “Alec,” I muttered, shaking my head as I walked over to the stove. I
would be in and out to wish him well, and his friends from school would grabbed the spoon from Alice and started stirring the sauce, trying to
show up eventually, but for the moment it was just them. distract myself. I said nothing else as my mind tried to process the news. I
“Edward,” my father said, nodding in acknowledgment as I approached. always assumed Edward still had his family to help him work through
Emmett and Jasper both glanced up quickly at the sound of my name, whatever it was he was dealing with in Chicago, knowing he’d need
visibly tensing up at the sight of me. I could see that fucking look flare in someone to talk to so he didn’t completely slip into the darkness. The
Emmett’s eyes, the anger mixed with the pity that I hated. knowledge that he’d cut off contact with them was startling to me and my
“Hey,” I responded, pausing in front of them. I reached across the table, worry increased, knowing there was no way he was in a good place if he
extending my hand to Emmett, and he stared at it for a moment debating didn’t have anyone. I’d pulled Edward to the surface once, but who was
whether or not to fucking take it. “Congrats.” keeping him afloat now?
“Thanks,” he said finally as he shook my hand, his grip intentionally Those thoughts weighed heavily on my mind for a while as I continued
firm. I winced and pulled back, flexing my fingers as he motioned toward a to push forward. In the months I’d been there I hadn’t heard from Alec at
chair. “Have a seat, join the festivities.” all, but I knew he was keeping tabs on me through others. I’d never had a
I slipped in beside Jasper and he refused to acknowledge me, his eyes reason to call him and frankly had no desire to… that was, until June came
focused intently on the table in front of him and avoiding me at all costs. I and turned everything upside down.
wasn’t sure what his problem was, but it was clear I was the last person he
wanted to deal with at that moment.
A waitress walked over after a moment and sat two bottles of Cristal on June 1st, 2007
the table in front of us, glancing at me with surprise as she put a glass down I sat on the metal park bench, clutching the white envelope tightly in
in front of me. “Nice to see you, Edward,” she said, smiling. my hand as I stared off into space. I’d just gotten out of my last art class
“Yeah, nice to see you again, too,” I muttered, trying to be polite despite and my portfolio lay on the bench beside me, holding all of the work I’d
the fact that I had no fucking clue who she was. It wasn’t surprising, made over the previous five weeks. Over a dozen paintings, from portraits
though, considering I hadn’t been in the place in a year and the time I had to landscapes, from still life to abstracts, each containing a different part of
spent there was hazy from the drugs and alcohol. me. It was surprising how therapeutic and personal painting turned out to
Alec walked over and sat down across from me, nonchalantly waving be. Drawing was technical, the lines and details always needing to be
the waitress off. She scurried away and he smiled lightly, grabbing a bottle perfect to leave me satisfied, but I could lose myself while painting and
and slowly popping the cork on it. “The men in our family celebrate in style putting all of my emotions into it. Each one had special meaning to me but
before they take the plunge.” art was subjective, and I knew others would look at it and see something
“Thanks, Unk,” Emmett responded, holding his glass out so Alec could completely different. I enjoyed that about art, like each piece of work held
fill it. He poured himself some next and filled Jasper’s glass before pouring a hidden message that only I had the key to, but it was enlightening
some into mine. He grabbed my father’s glass and filled it, earning an listening to others trying to crack the code.
incredulous look from him. Out of everything, though, the envelope in my hand was the most
“You know I’m not supposed to drink while out on bail,” my father said. personal thing I had with me. Sealed inside of it was a part of my heart, as
Alec smiled in amusement. I’d spilled my soul onto the lines of the paper. I glanced at the front of it,
“I’m aware,” he responded. “But I’m quite sure they’d be more concerned my eyes scanning the name scribbled above the address... Edward Cullen.
about the gun in your waistband than they would be about the champagne I’d written it the night before but instead of tearing it up, as I usually
in your glass, so I see no reason for you not to indulge a bit.” did when I wrote him letters, I put it in an envelope and actually considered
“They can’t see the gun, but the Champagne is quite obvious,” my father mailing it.
said. “I can’t get thrown back in jail right now for violating the terms of my Finding the address wasn’t hard, since Jasper had let it slip that
bail. I have things I need to do before the trial starts next week.” Edward was staying in the house they’d grown up in. Edward had shown it
“Like?” I asked curiously, wondering what the fuck he had to do. He’s to me when I was in Chicago so I knew the name of the street, and locating
been cut off from Borgata business and let go from the hospital in Forks the house number was as simple as a few Internet searches.
350 379
reminding myself of what Dr. Cullen had said about him needing time, too. because of the high-profile charges brought against him, but he’d been
Winter faded into spring and I often wondered how he was holding up in staying busy with something. In fact, he’d been nearly impossible to get in
Chicago, but tried not to think about what he might’ve been doing to pass fucking touch with.
the time. “Like… walking Rose down the aisle,” he said, shrugging.
No one ever mentioned Edward to me and everyone usually shut down “Is that it?” I asked. “Is that why you’ve been so fucking busy this past
when I asked about him, giving me some vague response like he was year? Practicing walking down an aisle?”
dealing, or he was fine, before quickly changing the subject. I tolerated it, “Are you questioning how I spend my free time?” he asked, raising his
figuring they were just trying to help me, but not knowing started wearing eyebrows questioningly. “Are we going to swap stories? Perhaps you’d like
on my nerves over time. I was cooking dinner for Jasper and Alice one to share what you’ve been doing this past year.”
Saturday evening at the beginning of May when it finally got to be too much I tensed up and a small smile overcame his lips when he knew he had
and I turned to them, a serious expression on my face. me. There was no way I could talk about the shit I’d done.
“When’s the last time either of you actually spoke to Edward?” I asked “Now’s not the time for this,” Alec said pointedly, cutting his eyes at me.
curiously. They both froze and looked at me, before Alice shrugged “The truth, Carlisle, is that you could very well spend the rest of your years
nonchalantly. away from us, and on top of it your oldest is getting married. As you know,
“He’s been busy,” she said, forcing a smile. “Dinner smells great. What that’s pretty much a life sentence in itself. So correct me if I’m wrong, but
are you making?” I think that calls for at least one drink.”
“Alice,” I said firmly as she walked toward the stove and started stirring My father nodded hesitantly and picked up his glass, bringing it to his
the sauce I had simmering, trying to avoid my question. “Please don’t lie to lips and taking a sip. The rest of us started drinking, the Cristal flowing
me or ignore me. You’re supposed to be my friend.” freely as we delved into conversation. Emmett did most of the talking and
“I am your friend,” she said quietly, glancing at me. “Look, I’ve only I sat back quietly, listening as the alcohol seeped into my system. It didn’t
talked to him twice since he left. The last time was at the end of January, take my brothers long to get tipsy, the tension receding from the table the
he asked me how I did on the SAT’s and how school was, but the minute I more intoxicated they became. They were joking and laughing and I found
asked him about his life he said he had to go and hung up. He quit taking myself enjoying their company again, a longing brewing up inside of me as
my calls after that.” it reminded me of how life had been back in Washington before everything
I stared at her with shock, not expecting that answer, before turning to had crumbled. How happy and carefree everyone had been before the
Jasper. He was eyeing me warily, his expression telling me his answer was bubble burst, reality invading our happy home and tearing it to pieces.
going to be no better than hers. “Jasper?” I guess that bullshit cliché saying was true after all. You don’t know
“About a month ago, but we only talked for a minute or so. He said he what you’ve got until it’s gone.
was busy and would call me when he had time, but I never heard from him. I zoned out as memories invaded my thoughts, but was pulled back to
I still call him every few days, just to check on him, but he doesn’t call back reality when the sound of her name registered in my ears. I turned my head
anymore.” quickly to look at Jasper, my brow furrowing as Emmett started laughing.
“Why?” “Izzy Bizzy probably doesn’t know what the fuck RSVP means,” Emmett
“I don’t know,” he responded. “I guess it’s easier for him that way.” said jokingly. “I can just picture her sitting there trying to decipher that
“Because of me?” I asked, my chest starting to burn and the lump shit.”
forming in my throat as I fought back my emotions. “He stopped talking to “She probably made a list of what the letters could stand for,” Jasper
you because of me? Because I’m here?” said, laughing along.
“Of course not,” Alice said. “He still loves you, Isabella.” “What the fuck do they stand for, anyway?” Emmett asked.
“Does he?” I asked, unable to hold the tears in. “How can you be so sure? “Dunno,” Jasper said, shrugging. “It’s French or something.”
You don’t even talk to him, Alice. Why else would he stop talking to you?” “Yeah, she never would’ve got that shit,” Emmett said, laughing again.
“Of course he loves you,” Jasper said, shaking his head. “You don’t just “I’m sure she got the gist of it, though.”
stop loving someone like that. And it’s not your fault. You can’t blame “Yeah. If not, I’m sure she has friends that know what it means,” Jasper
yourself for what Edward does, that’s ridiculous. Rosalie and Emmett don’t responded.
hear from him, either. He lives near Esme and she barely sees him. He I stared at them, stunned by their casual conversation. I wasn’t sure
just… he’s busy.” why it hadn’t dawned on me until that moment, but they considered her
family and naturally would’ve invited her to the fucking wedding. My heart
378 351
started pounding so forcefully that my vision blurred at the prospect that As long as I was still breathing, I was okay.
in a few lone days I might see her, agony and hope battling inside of me. Dr. Cullen started me on some medications and it wasn’t long until they
“Is she coming?” I asked, the words rolling from my lips before I knew started taking effect. My anxiety decreased and I felt less overwhelmed, his
what I was doing. They all looked at me, stiffening as they were reminded words from that night constantly running through my mind. I started
of my presence. getting up in the mornings and getting dressed, going places and telling
“Like I said a minute ago, I don’t know,” Emmett responded. “Rose said myself that Edward would be happy about it if he knew. I read the letter
she hadn’t RSVP’d.” he’d left me more times than I could count and had the words memorized,
“And no one has talked to her?” I asked incredulously, turning my head speaking them aloud to myself whenever I started to doubt. Go make us
to look at Jasper. He shrugged his shoulders slowly before looking back proud, it said. I believe in you. Show them they can’t hold my girl down.
down at the table. I gaped at him, unsure of what the fuck that meant since I often imagined he did know, envisioning him watching me as the
he was supposed to be helping her. “That’s ridiculous. Someone had to have weeks passed. I did what I knew would make him proud because it was
talked to her about it. Esme just said this morning…” easier that way, having that to cling to, but over time things started to shift.
“What did my wife say?” Alec asked sharply as I trailed off. Instead of just doing what I thought Edward would want me to do, I found
“She said that Isabella wished me a happy birthday,” I said, staring at myself doing what it was I wanted.
him questioningly. “So, I mean, she talked to her at least, right?” He stared Jasper showed me how to mail things and I bought postcards and cards
back with a blank expression for a moment and I instantly wondered if at the store, sending them to Alice back in Forks and Rosalie and Emmett
she’d fucking lied to me just to try to make me feel better, but he nodded as across the country. Occasionally I would get something back from one of
he picked up his glass to take a sip. them, cards and letters telling me how life was where they were. It was
“I spoke to her this morning,” he responded. “Whether or not she comes silly, since I often saw Alice on weekends, but she wrote me the most. I got
to the wedding is up to her and she knows that. She hasn’t told me her letters from her every few days, pages full of gossip about the people in
decision, but she was well aware of what RSVP means. Répondez s’il vous Forks that I’d encountered during my time there. It was exciting and I felt
plait. You all should give her more credit. It seems she’s smarter than all like I truly belonged, the sensation of seeing something addressed to me in
of you.” the mailbox indescribable. It was something most people took for granted
The tension from earlier swept back in so quickly that my stomach but it was a big deal to me, because it was proof that I had an identity. I
churned. An uncomfortable silence lingered around the table and I stood was elated the first time I received what Jasper referred to as junk mail, a
up, walking away when it got to be too much to take. The hope that had flier from a local business about a sale they were having. I wasn’t sure how
threatened to burst forth burned through my system, taunting me. they got my name and Jasper shrugged it off, telling me to just trash it, but
I took a seat at the bar, barking for the bartender to get me some vodka, I refused to. It was the first time I’d been acknowledged as existing, like I
and downed two shots back-to-back as soon as he sat them down in front of was just another person in the world. I wasn’t Isabella Swan, former slave;
me. He was pouring a third when the stool beside me shifted, and I tensed I was just Isabella Swan, potential customer.
up as I glanced over and saw Emmett sit down. He didn’t look at me or even To me, that was everything.
acknowledge me for a moment as he told the bartender to pour him a shot. I spent hours in the local public library, where Jasper helped me to get
He downed it quickly and grimaced, his body shuddering as he groaned. a membership to check out books. I read a lot and Jasper taught me how to
“I don’t know how the hell you drink this shit straight from the bottle,” operate a computer, since I’d never taken the time to learn in Forks. Using
he said, motioning for his shot glass to be filled again. I threw mine back the Internet opened up a wide world of possibilities, everything imaginable
when the bartender approached and he filled them both up, just sitting the right at my fingertips. I learned to use email, which was faster and more
bottle down between us on the bar. effective at keeping in contact with everyone, along with texting. I
“Your body gets used to it after a while,” I said, downing my other shot. researched, learning things just for the sake of knowing them, and we even
“Barely feel the burn anymore. Goes down like water.” started talking about getting me my own house and enrolling me in school.
“Huh,” he said, throwing his vodka back. He grimaced once more, a I started out small, signing up for a few workshops at the Pratt Fine Arts
rumble escaping his chest as he slammed the shot glass down on the bar. I Center that lasted a few hours each, and eventually took some five
chuckled and filled them both back up, downing mine but Emmett just weeklong courses at the Gage Academy of Art.
stared at his. He picked it up after a moment, swirling the liquid around as Things started going smoother as I adjusted, but I still had my
he gazed at it with a contemplative expression. moments. I missed Edward immensely, my love for him never wavering as
weeks turned into months. I often wrote him letters but never mailed them,
352 377
you’re going to have to start eating and sleeping because we can’t have a “Go ahead and say it,” I muttered, pouring another shot. He laughed
repeat of tonight happening ever again. Do you understand?” he asked. humorlessly, shaking his head.
“Yes.” “There’s no point in saying it,” he said before throwing his shot back. He
“Alright, then. Get some sleep and I’ll be back tomorrow,” he said, fought back the shudder but I saw his body shake from the burn. “Your
standing up and heading toward the door. I rolled back over and glanced at misery takes the fun out of it.”
the clock, seeing it was already after one in the morning. I closed my eyes, “I’m fine,” I said, grabbing the bottle of liquor. I went to pour him a shot
even more exhausted than I had been, and before I slipped into but he stopped me, shaking his head. I shrugged and just tipped the bottle
unconsciousness I heard Dr. Cullen’s voice again in the living room. back, knowing I’d just pay for the whole thing anyway.
“That’s what he expected, son.” “You’re a pretty good liar, but you can’t fool me,” he responded, turning
his head to look at me for the first time since he’d sat down. “I know you’re
miserable. It’s easy to see just looking at you.”
“Isabella!” “Yeah, well, there’s nothing I can do about it, so there’s no point
I glanced at my friend quickly, seeing the look of confusion on her face. dwelling,” I muttered.
“Huh?” “You know, she doesn’t talk to any of us anymore,” he said, looking away
“Haven’t you been listening to me? Jesus, girl, get yourself together. We from me again. He picked up a coaster that lay on the bar and put it on its
have a long day ahead of us. You can’t space out on me,” she said, shaking corner, attempting to spin it. He appeared bored but I could see his
her head. “Where’s your phone at? I tried calling you on my way here but expression and knew he was trying to decide what the fuck he should or
you didn’t answer. shouldn’t say to me. “We used to hear from her occasionally, little things
“Really?” I asked with surprise, not able to recall hearing the phone like text messages saying hello and random cards in the mail. Fuck, even
ring. “It’s upstairs, I think.” got a few emails after she got the whole computer thing figured out. But it
“Yes, really. Go find it and see. And get dressed while you’re up there. all stopped after a few months.”
There’s no way I’m going anywhere with you looking like that,” she said, I stared at him with surprise, trying to process his words. “Did
scrunching up her nose as she surveyed me. I rolled my eyes, turning for something happen?” I asked hesitantly, wondering why contact stopped. I
the steps. tried to push back my panic, not wanting to freak the fuck out if it was
“Always so bossy,” I said as I began the climb upstairs. nothing but horrific scenarios tried to take over my mind. “She’s okay, isn’t
“One of the many reasons you love me,” she hollered. I laughed and she?”
shook my head, taking sips of my coffee as I headed toward my bedroom. I “Yeah, she’s alright,” he said. “Well, I guess she is. Can’t say for sure
glanced around briefly, spotting the silver phone lying on the end of the since I don’t talk to her, but I’m sure if something was wrong we’d know
bed, and grabbing it to find four missed calls. I saw the first two were from since Alec keeps up with her.”
Emily, the third from the school I attended, and I froze when my eyes fell “What about Jasper?” I asked. “Doesn’t he see her around school or
upon the fourth. I stared at the name briefly as my heart pounded whatever? Can’t he still check on her?”
forcefully, the blood furiously rushing through my veins. He laughed humorlessly. “Jasper doesn’t hear from her, either. He
The Evansons. doesn’t even know where she is. That’s why he avoids talking to you and
Time had passed in a blur after the incident at the airport. Jasper was why he looks so fucking afraid just sitting beside you. He’s waiting on you
busy with his new school semester and I felt guilty that he was burdened to flip the fuck out on him about it. He thinks he failed, but I told him what
with my presence on top of it, knowing it couldn’t have been easy for him happened was what was supposed to happen. You pushed the little birdie
to have to deal with me. I started venturing outside of the apartment when from the nest and she did exactly what she was always meant to do.”
I was alone, the fresh air and change of scenery helpful in clearing my mind. “What’s that?” I asked as he pushed his stool back, standing up.
I would walk down the street to a small public park and sit down on one of “She flew.”
the swings, the place usually deserted in the mornings because it was still He smirked and I watched as he strolled across the room toward the
winter. I welcomed the temperature, the cold air stinging my cheeks and table where everyone sat, realizing in a way that he’d just done what I’d
reminding me that I was still alive– that no matter how much it hurt or been too fucking stubborn to do– he conceded. He might not have fucking
how much I felt like I was dying inside, the truth was that I wasn’t. I was agreed with me at the time, and part of him probably still didn’t, but he
still breathing, each exhale reaffirming that as I saw the cloud from my knew enough now to see that I hadn’t completely fucked up by letting her
breath lingering in the air around me. go. I sighed and grabbed the bottle, standing up as I took a drink of it. I
376 353
started for the table, my brow furrowing when I saw Alec was gone. I he’s gone, but he put a lot of thought into this. It wasn’t just something he
glanced around and saw him in the corner talking to someone and tensed did on a whim. He wants this for you. We all do, in fact.
up, stopping dead in my tracks when he shifted out of the way and I caught “I’ve lost a lot, you know. I lost my wife, but before that I lost my life. I
sight of the man’s face. The features struck me hard, anger surging through explained that to you in my office that day. I told you I gave my life away
me when he turned his head and looked directly at me. It was by initiating, and that my choices weren’t my own anymore because the
unmistakable, the scar covering half of his face a dead giveaway. organization dictated what I did. I meant that, and I hate to admit it, but
Alistair. that’s also the world Edward belongs to now. They tell him where to go and
I glared at him, my hands starting to shake as I fought back my rage. what to do, and if he doesn’t…well… you know as well as anyone what
It was the first time I’d seen him in person and I immediately wondered happens when people disregard orders. He’s adapting to it, but it’s not easy
what the fuck he was doing there, my fear igniting as a smirk overcame his for him. It’s going to take him a while to get used to his new life, but he
lips when he saw me looking. My heart pounded with so much force I could eventually will. He’ll learn to accept it, but he doesn’t want you to be
feel the blood rushing through me, and it took everything I had to refrain subjected to that anymore, Isabella,” he said, pausing. “I agree with him
from snapping at the mere sight of him. I didn’t give a fuck what my father and honestly believe Chicago is the last place you should be, but if you
had tried to convince me of… that motherfucker had done it. I was sure of decide you really want to be in that world, I’ll do whatever I can to help
it, every ounce of me positive that he’d not only been involved in my you.”
mother’s murder but also the kidnapping, and somehow he was going to The moment he spoke those words I rolled over and looked at him with
fucking pay. shock. “You’d help me?” I asked hesitantly, wondering if I’d misheard him.
My phone started vibrating in my pocket, distracting me momentarily. “Yes,” he responded, his expression serious. “But not today. Not when
I pulled it out, glancing at the screen and silencing it when I saw it was you’re like this. Edward needs time on his own to figure out what he’s doing
Esme. I looked back over at Alec, tensing up when I saw he was on his cell and, quite frankly, so do you. He did this to give you a chance, because that
phone and Alistair was heading in our direction. He passed between me was what he wanted, and I think that should be respected. Don’t you?”
and the table, pausing briefly to acknowledge my father. I stared at him, unsure of how to answer. “Uh… yes,” I said, having
“Nice to see you again, Carlisle,” he said casually. never thought of it that way.
“It’s Dr. Cullen,” my father responded sharply, his tone catching me off “After you’ve actually given life a chance, if you still want to go to
guard. “I’ve earned my place and deserve to be addressed with respect.” Chicago, I’ll make sure you get there. I can’t make you any promises of what
“Dr. Cullen,” Alistair said coolly, his demeanor shifting because of my will happen because Edward can do what he chooses in his personal life,
father’s hostility. I glanced over at him and saw the anger in his eyes, his but I’ll help you, even if it’s the last thing I do. But I won’t do it now, because
expression matching how I felt inside. It was startling and I instantly neither of you are ready. Before you can choose to be with Edward, you have
wondered if maybe he did fucking believe me, but before I could dwell on to know what it is you’re giving up. You need to realize that you don’t need
the thought Alastair turned to me, the smirk returning to his lips. “This him, Isabella. It may feel like it now, but you don’t, and you have to see that
must be the youngest Cullen. Edward, is it? If I’m recalling correctly, you or all of this will have been for nothing.
look an awful lot like your mother did. Pity what happened to her.” “It won’t be easy and if you can’t find it in you to do it for yourself right
“You son of a bitch,” I snapped, rage whipping through me with such now, at least do it for Edward. Make him proud. Show everyone that he was
intensity that my knees nearly buckled. He flinched, caught off guard, and right about you, that everything he put on the line was worth it, because
immediately took a step back as my father jumped up. He crossed the table you’re the strong woman he believes you are. Prove your father wrong when
quickly and came at us as I lunged at the man, ready to fucking pound on he threw you aside, Isabella, and prove Edward right, because he needs it.
him. My father jumped between us as I swung the bottle of vodka in my He doesn’t have much left at this point, and I hate to say that, but it’s true.
hands, the liquid splashing out on us as I flung it at him. He ducked so it If you’ve ever wanted to give Edward something, to repay him for
missed, slamming into the table behind him and shattering from the force everything he’s given you, this would be it. Give this to him.”
of the throw. “Don’t you ever fucking talk about my mother!” “Okay,” I whispered, tears welling up in my eyes.
“Edward!” my father yelled. Alistair’s eyes widened with shock as I tried “Good. I don’t know how you feel about it, but I’d like to put you on some
to lunge for him again, but my father shoved me backward and before I medications for a while, just to help you get through this. You have every
could make another move someone grabbed a hold of me from behind. I right to refuse them, but it would make me feel better if you gave them a
tried to push them away and swung around, but before I could react Alec try. When things start getting easier we can wean you off of all of it, but
grabbed me by my neck and threw me against the nearby wall, pinning me
354 375
 I closed my eyes, tears starting to fall at the turn in conversation. Dr. against it with his thumb and pointer finger gripping tightly and making
Cullen had been right– I hadn’t been thinking. Alec had warned me that it difficult to breath. I grabbed his arm and tried to pry him off, but he
even looking suspicious was as good as being guilty in his world, but I’d wouldn’t budge.
totally disregarded the warning out of desperation. “Respect,” he hissed the word so low only I could hear it, his voice
“No, I saw no point. He has enough to deal with in his own life– he seething.
doesn’t need to add her issues to it. Alec believes they both need a wake-up “I apologize for my son’s behavior,” I heard my father say, an edge to his
call, though, so he may tell him. I’m really not sure,” Dr. Cullen said, his words like he had to force them out. “He’s still adjusting.”
words causing me to feel even more guilty than I already did. “I told him “No harm done,” Alistair responded, turning to look at me. “But I, too,
I’d deal with Isabella so he didn’t have to fly out here, because I’m pretty have earned my place and deserve respect. I’ll let this slide tonight, but
sure enduring Alec’s wrath right now would only traumatize her further, next time I’ll have no choice but to escalate the matter further.”
but I’d venture to guess Edward is being introduced to another side of his “Understood,” my father responded. “But I can personally assure you
uncle right now.” there won’t be a next time.”
“And what about Isabella?” Jasper asked. “I promised Edward I’d do “Can you?” Alistair asked as Alec finally let go of me. I inhaled deeply,
whatever it took, but I’m at a loss of what to do at this point. I’ve been trying my chest burning and throat aching. “It seems to me the boy is quite
to give her space so she could deal with it but that seems to be backfiring. volatile.”
I can’t exactly move her into her own place if she’s in this condition, you “He can be at times, but yes, I can guarantee you’ll never have another
know? I really don’t know what he expects.” run in with him,” my father said. I turned to look at him with surprise,
“I’ll take care of it.” stunned he was standing up for me when he’d told me a dozen fucking times
Silence overtook the living room and there was a soft knock on my door in Washington that he wasn’t going to bail my ass out of any more
before it was pushed open, light filtering in. I stayed wrapped up in my situations because I needed to learn to face the consequences of my actions.
blanket, not even turning to look as he entered because I knew it was Dr. I saw the serious expression on his face, knowing he obviously meant the
Cullen. The mattress shifted after a second as he sat down on the edge of words.
the bed behind me, his close proximity making my heart pound. I didn’t “I’ll hold you to that,” Alistair said. My father nodded.
acknowledge him and he didn’t speak at first, instead letting out a “You do that.”
frustrated sigh that echoed through the still room. Alistair walked off and I tried to turn to go back to the table, but Alec
“What you did tonight was dangerous, Isabella,” he started finally, his grabbed a hold of my arm to stop me. “Christ, I’m not going to do anything,”
voice soft. I continued to lie still but based on his tone, I could tell he knew I spat. “I’m just going to sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up like I’m
I was awake. “So many things could have gone wrong. They could’ve even expected to.”
detained you for your behavior and then we would’ve had a very serious “On the contrary, you will be doing something,” Alec said, his tone
issue on our hands. I understand why you did it, and you have the right to serious. “I was speaking to Aro on the phone and we have a situation across
go where you want to go, but this just really wasn’t smart.” town that we need to handle. So pull yourself together, because we’re
He paused, sighing once more with aggravation. “Do you remember the wasting valuable time on this nonsense.”
day I took you to the hospital with me?” he asked. “We sat in my office and I looked at him with surprise as he motioned for a waitress to come over,
discussed your relationship with Edward. I told you that day that he was telling her to keep the alcohol flowing to his family, free of charge, and told
naive and impulsive…” her to have someone clean up the mess I’d created. He apologized to
“Irrational and volatile,” I whispered, but my voice was loud enough Emmett and I was overcome with guilt for creating a fucking scene at his
that his own words faltered. celebration. Alec explained that we needed to leave and I glanced at my
“Yes, irrational and volatile,” he said. “Edward’s always done things brother, ashamed.
without thinking, and I worried that he would do the same when it came to “Sorry, Em,” I mumbled. “Didn’t mean to fuck things up.”
your relationship. I was afraid he’d run with you or involve you in things “It’s not a big deal,” he said. “It wouldn’t be our family without
that you needed to be kept far away from. I was sure he’d do it, honestly, something happening. I don’t know who that fucker was, but I got a bad
because that was just how my son always was, but I was wrong. He didn’t vibe from him so be careful, alright?”
do that this time, Isabella. For probably the first time in Edward’s life, he I nodded and my father sighed exasperatedly. “He’s nothing to worry
actually considered the consequences before he acted. I know it hurts that about,” he said calmly. “He won’t be a problem.”

374 355
 I narrowed my eyes suspiciously, confusion setting in. A moment ago I’d I stared at him as I thought through his words, trying to clear the
thought maybe he fucking believed me, but now he was acting as if the fogginess that still seemed to settle around everything. He stared back,
motherfucker was harmless again. Before I could say anything, though, awaiting some sort of response from me, but before I could come up with
Alec lost his patience and started pulling me toward the front door. I one his phone rang. He looked away to grab it and as soon as our eye contact
shrugged his hands off and followed him out to the parking lot, turning for was broken I slipped into the bedroom, shutting the door behind me.
my car but he grabbed me again to stop me. “Get in,” he said, shoving me I wasn’t sure how much time passed as I lay in bed wrapped up in my
toward the passenger side of his Mercedes. I sighed, aggravated, and blanket. I dozed off more than once, but each time I was startled back
climbed in because I knew arguing would only get me in deeper trouble. awake from noises in the apartment. I heard Jasper’s raised voice at one
He didn’t say a word as he sped through town, the tension in the car point, his tone startlingly serious.
unbearable. Anger was rolling from him in waves and I seemed to absorb “She just walked out and left the door wide open,” he said. “In her
it, my hostility mounting as I clenched my hands into fists. I glared out the pajamas! It’s like twenty-eight degrees out and storming and she didn’t
side window, watching as the buildings whizzed by in the darkness, even wear a coat. I guess she took a taxi to the airport, thank God she could
thinking back to the first time Alec took me on a job. pay for it, but I don’t know what in the hell she planned to do when she got
there. She said she was going to Edward but she had like ten dollars in her
pocket. She couldn’t buy a damn plane ticket for ten dollars! I don’t even
January 20th, 2007 think she could get a taxi back home for that much! They said she was just
“What the fuck are we doing here?” I asked in confusion, staring at the standing there in the middle of the place shaking, soaking wet with no
run-down building as we approached it. ‘Sinsations’ was the name of the luggage, so of course she looked suspicious. And then she tried to run from
place according to the flashing florescent sign and I could tell just by security. What was she thinking?”
looking at it that it was not somewhere someone like Alec would regularly “She wasn’t thinking,” another voice rang out firmly, one I recognized
visit. immediately as belonging to Dr. Cullen. I wasn’t sure when he’d gotten
“Business,” Alec responded simply. I sighed, shrugging to myself. He’d there, but at some point Jasper must have called him. “They’re called
dragged my ass out of bed at three in the morning and told me we had breakdowns for a reason. She’s breaking down, son, and suffering from
somewhere to go, but hadn’t explained shit on the drive. I wasn’t sure where Adjustment Disorder because all of this is so foreign to her. She lost the
I exactly expected him to take me at that hour, but a trashy strip club sure only person she ever allowed herself to willingly depend on, the only person
as fuck hadn’t been it. she’d ever been vulnerable for. She’s afraid, Jasper. She needs guidance,
“Do you own this place or something?” I asked. His footsteps faltered she needs support and she needs someone to help her cope with everything.
and he turned his head to give me an irritated look, my question obviously Maybe I should take her back to Forks with me for a while.”
rubbing him the wrong way. “You think that would help her?” Jasper asked. “Being back in that
“You clearly don’t know me very well Edward if you believe I would ever house where she spent the past year with him? How do you think she’d
personally have anything to do with a place like this,” he responded. “The react to seeing all of his stuff gone, his room cleaned out and the piano
owner pays the Borgata a fee every month and we allow them to run their missing? And to be there alone with you, after what you did to her? No way.
business in our territory. Most of the businesses around here do so, in fact.” No offense, Dad, but I think that’s the last thing she needs right now. I
“Blackmail and extortion,” I muttered. “Nice.” already accused her of giving up– if I asked her to go back to Forks it would
He laughed dryly, shaking his head. “It’s for protection purposes. No look like I was giving up, too.”
one messes with them because they pay their dues, and in exchange we “Fair enough, but she can’t continue on as she is now or there will be
occasionally utilize its facilities when necessary. It’s a fair trade.” dire consequences. She’s been on her own for only two weeks now and I’ve
“Whatever you say,” I said. “What would you ever want with this already had to call Alec and tell him she had a run-in with the police,” Dr.
shithole, though?” Cullen said.
“You’ll see.” “I didn’t even think about that…”
He opened the front door, the music so loud that my ears started ringing “I’m guessing she didn’t, either,” Dr. Cullen responded. “But she needs
immediately, and motioned for me to enter. I stepped inside and scrunched to start. I told Alec I’d make sure there were no repercussions from the
my nose at the stench, glancing around. It smelled like sweat and liquor incident, but he was not happy, to say the least.”
with cigarette smoke lingering in the air in a thick haze, the air completely “Did you tell Edward?”
stifling. I coughed as I inhaled, looking up at the stage where a few women
356 373
 Jasper arrived a minute later, rushing into the room in a panic. His danced around poles. They wore nothing but thongs and platform shoes,
attention remained focused on me as the officer started asking him the makeup on their faces way too fucking heavy and the body glitter nearly
questions and expressing concern for my state of mind. I could see the worry blinding. They were the fucking definition of trashy and weren’t even pretty
in Jasper’s eyes so I averted my gaze, embarrassed. Jasper assured the to begin with, their bodies not toned enough and their breasts not even
officer that I was fine, explaining that I was suffering from insomnia and perky. It was nothing I’d ever pay to fucking see– not like I’d ever pay to
had endured some trauma so my confusion was normal. I knew right away begin with, but still. They looked like they’d taken one too many hits off the
that he didn’t believe his own words, knowing there was nothing normal crack pipe, but the men shoving dollar bills at them looked no better. No
about the way I was acting. I felt ridiculous as I listened to them talk about respectable human being would step foot in the motherfucker and I realized
me, the fact that I was chasing a ghost through the city and endangering right away that was likely the point.
the people who had fought to keep me safe making tears form from shame. “Stop looking,” Alec said, brushing past me as he headed for the back.
I was snapping, losing touch with reality in the midst of my grief. “I said we’re here for business, not pleasure.”
The officer begrudgingly allowed us to leave and I quietly thanked them “Funny,” I muttered, turning to follow him. “If you think I’d ever have
for their help, not saying another word as Jasper drove us back to his anything personally to do with bitches like that, then you clearly don’t know
apartment. We rode up to the sixth floor on the elevator and I wrapped my me.”
arms around myself as I tried to stop my trembling, doing my best to ignore “Touché,” he responded, heading into a back room. He opened a cellar
the worried looks Jasper kept casting at me. door inside and immediately started down the stairs, but I hesitated at the
“You scared me,” he said as we stepped out onto the floor, heading top when I heard a female’s scream. My heart nearly stalled at the sound
toward the apartment. “I saw the door was wide open and you were gone. as Alec groaned in annoyance. “Shut her up!”
You can’t even imagine the scenarios that ran through my mind. I thought She screamed again but the sound was silenced right away, and I slowly
you’d been kidnapped again.” started down the steps, not wanting to piss Alec off by lingering behind. I
“I’m sorry,” I said, the words barely audible. looked around cautiously as the room came into view, shock and fear hitting
“I know you are,” he responded quietly. “I’m not mad but you really me at the sight. I tried to push it back and retain my cool, unsure of what
worried me. What were you thinking? Where were you going?” the fuck was going on. There were two people in chairs in the center of the
“I, uh,” I started as the tears came, one slipping down my cheek. “I don’t room, a young girl and an older man. They both had duct tape covering
know. I woke up and I thought... I mean, I just wanted... Edward.” their mouths and blindfolds over their eyes, rope securing them tightly to
I whispered his name as my tears flowed, sensing Jasper’s gaze on me their seats. Besides Alec there were two others in the room, guys I knew to
as I wiped them away. “Edward,” he muttered. “That’s why you went to the be Mafiosi. They stood off to the back, watching from the sidelines just as I
airport? You wanted to go to Edward?” was, making it clear who was fucking in charge.
I nodded, seeing the genuine curiosity in his expression, and he sighed “Edward, do you know the history between the Italian and Irish in
exasperatedly as turned to unlock the apartment door. He motioned for me Chicago?” Alec asked, glancing at me and raising his eyebrows curiously. I
to enter and I stepped by him, heading straight for the bedroom when his nodded hesitantly, clearing my throat as I tried to push back my nerves.
voice rang out again. “Don’t you even want to try, Isabella?” “They hate each other,” I said.
I stopped in the doorway and glanced at him. “What?” “True, but it’s more than that,” Alec responded. “We’ve clashed since
“You can do anything at this point– get your own house, go to school, before Prohibition, when the Irish controlled the north-side and we ran the
meet people, make friends. You can do it all. You could get a job if you south-side. John Torrio was building up our empire and transforming how
wanted one. I don’t see why you would since you don’t need to work, but the crime ran in Chicago, but the Irish didn’t like it. You see, Torrio was a
point is that you could. But you don’t even want to try? You just want to diplomatic man and believed that just because we were criminals didn’t
give up already?” mean we had to be complete savages, but the Irish apparently disagreed.
“I don’t want to give up,” I said, shaking my head. “I just... I miss him, Bugs Moran was the underboss of the Irish Mob at the time and he
Jasper. I love him.” attempted to assassinate Torrio, but he failed. Moran was the one who
“I know you do,” he said softly. “And he loves you. That’s why he did started this phenomenon of drive-by shootings, you know. Instead of being
this, you know. He wanted you to be away from all of that so you’d have a a man and facing your enemy, you attack from a distance. It’s cowardly.
chance to do all of those things. He thought you deserved it because he Torrio was severely injured in one such assassination attempt, which made
believes in you. Don’t you think it’s at least worth a shot?” him hand over control of the organization to Al Capone. Capone continued

372 357
what Torrio had started, but Capone wasn’t quite as refined. He wasn’t When we arrived I dug in my pocket to pull out some cash that I had
above equal justice.” grabbed and handed it to the driver, not even taking the time to count it
“An eye for an eye,” I muttered. first. I got out and walked inside, my panic escalating at the vastness of the
“Yes. Moran attempted to kill Capone a few times but failed. It got to building. There were people everywhere despite it being nighttime, and I
the point where a peace conference was called, where Capone said that the didn’t have the slightest clue where to even start in an airport. I tried to
Irish were making a shooting gallery out of a great business, and that he recall the only other time I’d ever been in one, on the trip from Phoenix to
believed Chicago was big enough for all of us. He said it was like a pie, Washington that very first day, but my mind was foggy and I couldn’t seem
where every gang should be able to have their fair slice,” Alec said, pausing to recall what Dr. Cullen had done.
and eyeing me curiously. My body shook as I wandered around, so many strangers in one place
“Makes sense,” I said, so he knew I was listening even though I had no distracting and utterly frightening. I was second-guessing my decision as I
fucking clue where he was going with the conversation. walked around, growing dizzier as people bumped into me. I mingled
“Makes sense to me, also,” he responded. “For a while, after that through the crowd and tried to ask for directions to the ticket counter, but
meeting, the bloodshed ceased. They still didn’t get along, with Moran everyone ignored me and kept on walking. I started hyperventilating
hijacking Capone’s shipments and Capone burning Moran’s businesses, but eventually, my vision blurring even more as a strange man approached. His
at least they stopped trying to murder each other. It didn’t last forever, and stance was intimidating and I tried to back away from him but he ordered
before long Moran was putting hits on Capone’s men and killing his friends. me to stop, the alarm in his voice sending me over the edge. I turned at once
Capone’s patience wore thin, because every time a truce was created Moran to run but before I could take a step blackness surrounded me, and I faintly
would break it within a matter of hours, and he finally decided that enough heard my own voice crying out before it all disappeared.
was enough. “Isabella Swan?” an unfamiliar voice said. I forced my eyes open and
“Capone sent some men dressed up as police officers into Moran’s blinked a few times, trying to make out the face of the man that stood in
warehouse, lined up six of his associates against the wall, and slaughtered front of me. He seemed to be fairly young, with blond hair and warm blue
them. They called that the Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre, because it eyes that put my nerves at ease some as they met mine. “You’re okay,
happened on February fourteenth. The act shook Moran, and although the ma’am. You just fainted.”
turf war between the men continued the bloodshed stopped for the most I gave him a surprised look as I sat up, my vision hazy from the
part. It wasn’t long after that, when Prohibition ended, that the Irish Mob movement. I averted my eyes from his, confused, and tensed up when I
deteriorated and Moran decided to flee Chicago. He resorted to a life of spotted the police badge pinned against his chest. My heart pounded
petty crime and did time in jail for robbery, eventually dying with about a furiously, my breathing accelerating from fear as I tried to recall what I
hundred bucks to his name. As for Capone… well, he was eventually sent possibly could’ve done wrong. “Am I under arrest? What did I do?”
to prison, but as you know decades later our organization still thrives,” Alec “Calm down, Isabella. You aren’t in trouble,” he said gently, grasping
said. “Anyway, you’re probably wondering, why the history lesson.” my shoulder. I flinched from the contact and he pulled away from me
“Yes.” quickly.
“Well, I’d like to introduce you to what’s left of the Irish Mob,” he said, “How did you know my name?” I asked. He smiled, holding up a small
reaching over and snatching the blindfold off of the man. The guy blinked card that I realized was my driver’s license.
rapidly, trying to adjust his eyes to the light, and glanced in our direction. “Found this in your pocket along with a cell phone,” he responded. “A
I could see the anger as he glared at us, but behind that was fear as he took man by the name of Jasper called while you were out and I answered it. He
in the sight of Alec. “This is Liam O’Banion. For years we’ve been dealing seemed concerned about you so I explained the situation. He should be here
with squabbles with the Irish, but we’ve tried our best to keep the peace. soon.”
They’ve been more pests than anything, occasionally crossing the line and “Oh,” I said simply, unsure of what else to say. I immediately worried
getting in our way, but nothing unmanageable. After all, everyone should about how Jasper was going to react, feeling guilty at the realization of
be entitled to their piece of the pie. But unfortunately, it seems our truce what I’d done. A woman approached from behind him and handed me a
has been broken, by an unlikely person.” bottle of water, reaching for my arm and indicating she needed to take my
He motioned toward one of the guys in the back, who walked over and pulse. She also had a uniform on and I gazed at the patch on her shirt,
took the blindfold off of the girl. She glanced around in a frenzy and froze, seeing she was a paramedic. She started asking me questions about myself
fear flashing across her face when she spotted me. My brow furrowed in and my health and I vaguely answered them, not comfortable with the
subject.
358 371
shadows swept across the living room. I heard the click of the front door confusion as she started panicking, yelling something into her gag as she
shutting and panicked, looking up to see the chain lock was dangling, still shook her head.
moving from having been disturbed. The moment I saw the deadbolt was “This is Victoria,” Alec said. “She’s Liam’s daughter and apparently was
unlocked I knew it, could feel it on my skin. James’s girlfriend, or I suppose she was really just a goomah, considering
He had been there, somewhere, maybe not in body but definitely in he kept her a secret. In fact, he kept her such a secret that none of us
spirit. I couldn’t see him but I could sense him and I knew he desperately would’ve known about her involvement, had Isabella not said anything.”
needed me, yearned for me where he was. He couldn’t live without me, just “Her?” I asked with disbelief, trying to fight back my anger. “She was in
as I couldn’t live without him. He was a part of me and always would be, on the kidnapping?”
no matter what, and I knew in that moment that he’d realized it as well. “Yes,” Alec responded as Victoria desperately started shaking her head
I ran back in the bedroom and slipped on some shoes, grabbing my and crying out. “And it left me sort of torn on what to do, because Isabella
things in a frenzy before heading for the door. I swung it open and ran down has stated that Victoria never physically harmed her, and I don’t like
the hallway, pushing open the door for the stairwell and descending the six having to kill women. But at the same time, I can’t let her involvement go
flights as fast as I could, in too much of a hurry to wait for the elevator. I unpunished. What kind of message would that send, allowing the child of a
nearly tripped when I reached the second floor but I caught myself, pausing rival to come into our territory and participate in such an act of treachery
and tensing up when I heard footsteps on the stairs in front of me. A against us? So I thought to myself, what would Al Capone do? And do you
moment later they stopped and the outside door was pushed open, a crack know what that answer was, Edward?”
of thunder echoing through the building as whoever it was disappeared out I hesitated. “An eye for an eye.”
into the storm. “Precisely. So I walked right into his territory and snatched her right
I continued down and the rain pelted me the moment I stepped outside, out from under his nose, and have kept her here for two weeks. I expected
the water startlingly cold against my skin. I glanced around, seeing a few him to come after her, leaving him enough clues so he’d know it was me
people walking with umbrellas but no one recognizable, and stepped off the who took her, but he didn’t,” Alec said, shaking his head. “He did nothing,
curb to dart across the street when a yellow taxicab pulled up in front of carried on as though it didn’t matter what happened to her. That disturbed
me. A man climbed out from the back seat and was about to shut the door me on many levels, because she’s his responsibility and he completely
when he caught sight of me, his brow furrowing in confusion as I stood ignored her, so what’s to say he doesn’t do the same with his men? Our foot
frozen beside the vehicle. soldiers are just like our children– we have to watch them, punish them
“You need the taxi, lady?” he asked, holding the door open for me. I when they do wrong and reward them when they accomplish things. I can’t
stared at him for a moment, debating his question. I had no idea what I tolerate a man having dozens of children running the streets, committing
was doing, my confusion deepening as I took in his concerned expression. crimes in his name if he won’t be man enough to stand up and intervene
“Hello? Are you alright?” when there’s trouble. So, I asked myself again. What would Al Capone do?
“Uh, yes,” I said quickly, not really sure myself if it were the truth or Do you know what that is, Edward?”
not. I brushed by him, mumbling thanks as I slid into the backseat. My “He’d, uh… he’d probably say enough was enough.”
heart was pounding rapidly and I fought back the sickness that was He grabbed his gun and pulled a silencer out of his pocket, slowly
building in the pit of my stomach as the guy slammed the door shut. putting it on as he glanced between the two in the chairs. “Exactly. So you
“Where to?” the man behind the wheel asked, looking in the rear-view have a decision to make, O’Banion,” Alec said as he walked over toward
mirror at me. Victoria, stopping behind her. She cried out as he placed the muzzle of the
“Chicago.” The word rolled from my lips before it even processed in my gun against the back of her head, her body trembling from fright. “You or
mind what I was saying. the girl.”
“So… airport?” he asked hesitantly, giving me a strange look. I nodded, I watched in shock, horrified, and Liam started yelling in a panic but
not even considering what that meant, and he pulled the taxi back onto the the words were muffled from the duct tape. Alec motioned for one of the
road. The rain pelted the car, wind gusting and thunder cracking, making guys to remove it and the moment he did, Liam started begging for mercy.
me jump every so often. I was zoned out and couldn’t seem to focus on He swore he’d do anything, he’d agree to anything, as long as Alec left them
anything, slipping further into a trance. Nothing was making sense and I alone.
was too exhausted to stop and think about what I was doing, acting on “There’s no point in making peace treaties with you anymore when they
impulse out of desperation. I needed Edward and he needed me, and that just keep getting broken,” Alec said coldly. “Make a choice.”
was all that seemed to matter at that moment.
370 359
 Tears were streaming from Victoria’s eyes and I started shaking as my started imagining things that weren’t there, whispered voices in the night
knees went weak, the scene overwhelming. Alec lost his patience after a calling out to me. I heard noises in the apartment, footsteps outside my
moment as the man just begged louder in fear, ordering one of the guys to door and loud bangs that sent my heart racing so wildly I thought it would
grab a pair of bolt cutters. “If he can’t be a man, make him less of one,” Alec explode. I’d scream out at night and Jasper would come running, trying to
snapped. I tensed up in shock, my stomach churning when it dawned on me comfort me and tell me everything was okay, but I was too distraught to
what he meant by that. believe him. It got to the point where it felt like someone was always there,
The two guys went straight for Liam with the bolt cutters and I turned lurking around the corner and watching me. I could hear them whispering
around, unable to fucking watch as the guy started shrieking. and moving around the apartment but they were always out of sight, never
“Oh Go, Oh God!” he screamed. “No!! Don’t!! Fuck, stop!! Please, kill within my reach. He was haunting me, his memory lingering everywhere I
her!! I don’t care!! Leave me alone, kill her!!” looked while his absence taunted me.
There was another high-pitched, blood curdling scream that took the It all came to a head in the middle of January, my devastation reaching
breath from me, my vision going blurry right before a gunshot sounded and its peak as I finally hit rock bottom.
there was a loud thump. I jumped, caught off guard, and turned around in
confusion when I heard the muffled female cries. I saw Liam’s chair turned
over, the blood pooling on the ground around him, and quickly turned to January 19th, 2007
look at Alec in just enough time to see him pull the trigger again at close I sat up abruptly in bed and looked around in confusion, my heart
range. The blood splattered as the bang rang out, Victoria’s cries dying pounding erratically. The room was pitch-black and I blinked a few times,
instantly as the bullet ripped through the back of her head. I felt the bile trying to adjust to the darkness. My eyes stung as if tiny grains of sand
rising up but couldn’t fight it back, bending over as I started to get sick. I were embedded inside, and I rubbed them but that only seemed to make it
heard Alec order the two guys to dispose of the bodies and he grabbed a worse. Colored splotches sprung up in my line of sight as my vision blurred,
hold of me, pulling me to my feet and shoving me toward the stairs. everything appearing distorted and hazy.
“Get yourself together,” he said sharply as I started staggering up the There was a storm brewing outside and I could hear the rain splattering
steps, running my hand through my hair in a panic when I reached the top. against the building as the wind whistled loudly. The noises echoed through
I was trembling and still queasy, feeling like I was going to pass the fuck the room, the sounds magnified in my ears as my head pounded fiercely.
out. The tiny hairs on my arm stood up as a prickly sensation danced across my
“You just fucking killed them,” I spat. skin, almost like there was an electrical charge in the air, and I suddenly
“I had no choice,” he said. “She was in that warehouse, which means felt as if I were being watched. I glanced toward the door as a loud thump
chances are she knows the girl is a principessa, so I couldn’t let her live. rang out in the living room, causing my panic to flare.
And if I killed Liam’s daughter, he would most assuredly retaliate on “Jasper?” I called out, my voice gritty and cracking. I swallowed, trying
principle, and if you paid any attention to the story I told you, you’d know to get a grip, and pulled the comforter off of me. My legs shook as I stood
what that retaliation would entail. Besides, a real man would give anything and I tiptoed quietly toward the door, pressing my ear against the crack to
to spare the life of his child, and Liam wouldn’t even give up his balls. He listen for sounds. I jumped when a gust of wind whipped by loudly, violently
was a disgrace, no better than Charles Swan. I did the world a favor.” rattling the window, and turned to look instinctively. Confusion rocked me
as my eyes fell upon the glass and in the blurry reflection I caught a glimpse
of a set of eyes. Not just any eyes but eyes I was familiar with, ones that
“Are you listening to me?” Alec asked sharply, his voice drawing me had beckoned to me since the first time I ever looked into them.
from my thoughts. I glanced over at him, seeing the look of impatience on “Edward,” I whispered, the pain in my chest intensifying at the sound
his face, and sighed. of his name. Tears formed and I blinked, trying to force them back, but
“No,” I said, knowing it was pointless to lie because he fucking knew I when I reopened my eyes the image was gone. In its place was my own
hadn’t been listening. reflection and I glanced around frantically, desperate to have him back.
“Didn’t think so,” he stated. “I said a few of the Russians have been “Edward!”
hanging out down on Clark Street, harassing the owner of the pawn shop Another strong gust of wind hit and the tears slipped past as the sound
on the corner.” of his voice came with it, my name whispered breathily around me. It
“Are they there now?” seemed so real that a chill shot down my spine as the electricity in the air
increased. I turned quickly and flung the bedroom door open, gasping as
360 369
 But when we arrived in Seattle and I watched Jasper lug all of my “Yes. They’re playing the video poker machines,” he said, his voice
belongings up to his sixth floor apartment, the reality of it all finally started dripping with disgust. Alec hated gambling, I’d recently learned, even
to sink in. He set my things in his spare bedroom and I watched quietly, though a lot of his money came from underground sports betting.
everything a blur because it was all moving so fast. I couldn’t even step into The rest of the short drive was silent, and Alec pulled right up to the
the room, flashes of memory from the only other time I’d been there running curb and got out without a word. I followed him out and into the store,
through my mind. It had been my birthday– the same day Edward had immediately hearing the ruckus in the back. They were shouting and
asked me to marry him. laughing, their thick accents echoing through the place as they banged
“Not today, or tomorrow. It doesn’t even have to be this year or, fuck, against the machines. Alec sighed with annoyance and I watched as he
next year either for that matter,” he’d said. “But someday, when you’re walked straight toward the back, taking a direct path toward them. I went
ready, will you marry me? Promise me you’ll spend your life with me?” around the front and cut along the side, slipping down an aisle and out of
I’d said yes, wanting nothing more than to be with him, and as I recalled view so I could sneak up behind them. They glanced over and saw Alec
the memory my chest started to burn. I reached up and rubbed the spot coming, but had barely enough time to react before Alec grabbed the back
absentmindedly, wishing the pain would subside. It was something I’d find of a guy’s head and slammed it directly into the front of the machine. He
myself doing often as time passed, almost as if I were physically trying to cried out as a loud crunch rang out, blood pouring from his face as his nose
mend my heart. shattered. He grabbed it and staggered as Alec let go of him, reaching
I settled in the best I could but it wasn’t easy, sleep constantly evading stealthily for the man’s gun the same time the second Russian pulled out
me as I recalled the night I’d spent with Edward in that bed. He’d held me, his own. They aimed at each other simultaneously and I stepped out of the
whispering how he wished he could read my mind so he knew what to say aisle behind the guy, grabbing my gun and flicking the safety off.
to make everything better. If only he could’ve read my mind before he left– “Drop the fucking gun,” I said sharply, pressing the muzzle against the
he would’ve known how much I needed him. I was falling to pieces, quietly back of his head. He tensed up when he felt it, his hand shaking slightly as
crying in the darkness as I longed for Edward, and once my exhaustion took Alec grabbed his own gun from his coat with his other hand and pointed it
hold of me, nightmares would wreak havoc on my subconscious. also. The Russian hesitated but slowly raised his hands in the air, taking
The nights were tortuous but the days weren’t much better as I walked his finger off of the trigger. I grabbed it from his hand and took a step back,
around in a stupor. I couldn’t eat, and I could barely function though my switching the safety on before slipping it in my pocket.
exhaustion. I felt like I was drowning, slowly slipping away as I grasped Alec put the first Russian’s gun in his pocket, keeping his own cocked
desperately to the surface, just waiting for something to pull me back up. I as he stared the guy down. “You’re not welcome here,” he said coolly,
was waiting for him to come back, for him to change his mind and say he’d glancing at the man with the blood rushing from his face. “If I ever hear of
made a mistake...for him to come save me, because that was what Edward you coming back here, I’ll do more than break a nose. Do you understand?”
did. Edward saved me. He’d once promised me that he’d never give up, that “Yes.”
he would find me when I needed him, and at that moment I needed him “Good. And be sure to tell Vladamir I said hello,” Alec said sharply, his
more than I’d ever imagined I would. cold tone causing goose bumps to spring up on my skin. Vladamir had
But Edward never came. apparently been completely cut off from Stephan’s plans, having no
I started losing my grip after two weeks of barely eating anything and knowledge of the kidnapping or attempts at a takeover, so the organization
sleeping in short spurts, my thoughts frantic as I grew desperate. I knew I had allowed him to continue his operation. “Now go.”
was a mess but I couldn’t help it, the hurt overwhelming and confusing. They hesitated, looking dumbfounded as they stared at Alec, and I
Every time there was a knock at Jasper’s door or the phone rang a swell of groaned. “You heard the fucking man,” I growled, shoving my gun in the
hope ran through me that it was him, but each time I’d end up crushed guys back. “He said go, so go, motherfucker.”
when it wasn’t. I grew angry and anxious, conjuring up wild scenarios in They shot me angry glares before scurrying from the store and Alec
my mind of where he was and what he was doing. He’d never stayed gone sighed. “You and that mouth,” he said, shaking his head. “The elders didn’t
from me for so long before and I couldn’t understand how he could tolerate believe in foul language, you know. We’re supposed to be men of honor.
it, because if he loved me as he claimed he had to have been feeling the They believed we should be gentlemen in how we spoke and always
same pain I felt... didn’t he? presentable in how we dressed.”
I spent my days huddled in the corner of the room, my knees pulled up “You got a problem with my clothes?” I asked, glancing down at what I
to my chest with my arms wrapped around them as I rocked in the was wearing. I had on jeans and a black button-up shirt with the sleeves
darkness, trying to calm down. Everything was blurring together and I
368 361
rolled up, nothing out of the ordinary. It wasn’t like I was dressed like a and when she was too old for that pony her father replaced it with a
fucking bum. convertible. She loved going to crowded parties, whereas I preferred staying
“Suits are preferable,” he stated. home, and I lost myself in books to pass the time but the only reading she
“Suits are for weddings and funerals,” I muttered. ever did was in the form of gossip magazines.
“So I suppose you’ll be wearing one on Sunday, then?” People noticed her, not only because she was tall and tan, with long
“Probably not,” I said, because I honestly hadn’t even fucking thought dark hair that was always perfect, but because her personality shined. It
about it. He laughed and went to comment but his phone rang, stopping was impossible to be bored or depressed when she was around, her chipper
him. He pulled it out of his pocket and glanced at it with confusion, cutting attitude and optimism infectious. If Emily’s car broke down and she had to
his eyes at me quickly. walk two miles in ninety-degree heat to find a payphone because the
“Make him pay up,” he said, motioning toward the man working at the battery in her cell phone died, the first thing out of her mouth would be how
register. I nodded hesitantly as he turned away from me, bringing his she finally got the opportunity to break in her new shoes. There was always
phone to his ear to answer it. “Hello? Is everything alright?” a silver lining, she said, if you were smart enough to look for it. I loved that
I knew immediately from the casual greeting that it was a personal call about her and it was one of the things that had drawn me to her in the first
and watched with confusion as he bolted out the door, because he wasn’t place.
the kind of motherfucker to take a personal call while on business. I She reminded me of Alice with her cheery disposition, but it wasn’t the
shrugged it off, nothing about the day making much fucking sense, and only thing about her that made me think of others. She was like a collection
headed toward the front. The man working eyed me cautiously, knowing of everyone I had left behind, that fact both painful and welcoming. She
exactly who I was. had Emmett’s playfulness and was as compassionate as Jasper. She
“You got money for me?” I asked. He stared at me briefly before biting respected people who were strong enough to stand up for themselves and
his bottom lip, the sight sending a pang of longing through me as it was fiercely protective of the people she loved, a lot like Rosalie. She was
reminded me of Isabella. Not a fucking day went by that something didn’t often looking out for me, which made me think of my mother, and whenever
remind me of her. she told a silly joke for laughs my heart ached at the memory of Jacob. As
“I have some,” he said hesitantly. far as Edward went, well, she certainly had his vulgarity. All of it was what
“How much is some?” I asked curiously. put me at ease in her presence so quickly, but at the same time constantly
“Uh, about five hundred?” he stammered nervously, his statement reminded me of the life I couldn’t have– the one I had desperately wanted.
sounding more like a question. I groaned and rolled my eyes. Things had changed drastically since that cold winter morning when I
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” I said, stepping around behind awoke and found the bed beside me empty, nothing but a note left in the
the counter where he stood. He tensed up as I grabbed the baseball bat that wake of Edward’s departure. It still hurt to think about, a burn in my chest
I knew he kept there for protection, raising his hands protectively as he constantly reminding me that a part of my soul had been torn away. It was
started stammering. a piece that he had taken with him when he left, one I’d realized would
“Okay, maybe I have a thousand,” he said quickly, backing up. “Yeah, I always be wherever he was. I’d come to terms with that the best I could,
have a thousand.” adjusting and learning to live with the void I felt, and some days were
“You know it’s twenty-five hundred a pop,” I said nonchalantly, stepping better than others.
out from behind the counter. Most days I could think of Edward fondly and smile, remembering
“I know, but I don’t have it right now,” he stammered. “My kids, they things we’d done together and everything he’d said. There were reminders
have summer camp, and my wife, she’s pregnant. I can have it for you next everywhere, and not a day went by that something didn’t make a memory
week, but I just don’t have it all today.” of him re-surface. He was my first real love, my only love, and he’d given
I walked through the shop as he started fumbling with the safe, pulling me more than I’d ever imagined possible and for that I was grateful.
out a stack of hundred-dollar bills and counting them out. His hand shook It wasn’t always this way, though. At the beginning there were times
as he laid them down and I tried to fight back the guilt that hit me every when I questioned if I’d ever smile again, worried the pain I felt would only
fucking time I took money from people like him. They had nothing to do intensify before finally consuming me. I was numb when I packed up my
with any of it, were just innocent people caught in the middle that were belongings in Forks, in shock because part of me simply couldn’t accept that
trying to make a living, but I knew if it weren’t me extorting the fucking Edward was gone for good. It was surreal and I almost expected him to
cash from them it would be someone else. Someone less civil, who would walk back in the door, not wanting to believe it was really the end for us.
demand a whole lot more, and besides, it was better than the alternative.
362 367
 “Isabella!” a familiar high-pitched female voice rang out, the sound If I weren’t fucking robbing people of their money and possessions for the
muffled by the thick door she stood behind. “I know you aren’t still in bed! Borgata, I’d be robbing them of their lives, and I’d much rather take the
Do you see the time? Up, up, up! Rise and shine!” material shit because it could be replaced. And sometimes, when the guilt
I descended the stairs slowly and glanced down toward the front door got to be too fucking much, I did replace it. More than once I slipped my
as she continued to knock impatiently. I was immediately grateful the own money in an envelope and shoved it in someone’s mailbox, just like I
doorbell was broken, knowing if it wasn’t that she’d be laying her finger on knew I’d fucking do the next morning after I finished what I had to do there,
the button constantly until I appeared because patience was definitely not but I couldn’t restore life. I understood now why my father found solace at
her strong suit. “Calm down,” I yelled, my voice scratchy. “I’m coming, the hospital healing people, and was fucking thankful I’d yet to have to kill
geez!” anyone, because I wasn’t sure how the fuck I was going to handle the guilt
“You better be,” she yelled, pounding a few more times even though it when that day came. It would come, though. I was sure of it. It was only a
was senseless since she knew I was on my way. I sighed as I walked toward question of when.
the door, unlocking it and pulling it open. “Not good enough,” I said coldly, taking the baseball bat and swinging
“Here,” she said immediately, thrusting a Starbucks cup at me. “It’s it with as much force as I could. It slammed into the glass display in front
probably cold now since you took so long.” of me, shattering it and sending shards flying everywhere. I moved quickly
I rolled my eyes, knowing she’d just bought it right down the street, and and started swinging again, shattering two more beside it before turning
took it as she walked past me into the house. “Thank you,” I said, bringing back to the guy. I threw the baseball bat back behind the counter, nearly
it to my lips and taking a sip. The liquid was hot and made my tongue tingle fucking hitting him with it, and grabbed the cash. “I’ll be back for the rest
as it burned slightly, but I drank it eagerly anyway. next week. You better have it.”
“You’re welcome,” she said, glancing at me with a peculiar look on her I walked out, unable to even fucking look at him, and pulled open the
face. “From the look of you, though, you probably need about ten more of passenger door of Alec’s car. I climbed inside and saw he was still on the
them. Or hell, maybe I should’ve brought you some Red Bull. Did you get phone, a serious expression on his face as he listened to whoever was on the
any sleep last night, honey?” line.
“Some,” I said, shrugging as I continued to drink my coffee. It was “No, I’m coming. I’ll be there in the morning,” he said as he started the
straight black with no cream or sugar, just as I preferred it. It was the car up, pulling away from the curb right away. “Yes, I’m sure. I’m glad you
complete opposite of the one in her hand, which she ordered every morning called. I’ll notify you when I land.”
like clockwork– venti soy chai latte, four pumps, no foam, no water, extra He sighed exasperatedly as he ended the call, glancing at me. “How
hot. I had absolutely no clue what any of that meant. In fact, I had no idea much did you get?”
what most of the things at Starbucks were, just trying to order a plain cup “A thousand.”
of coffee was confusing enough at that place. “Is that it?”
“Some,” she echoed the word, her expression telling me she didn’t “That’s all he had,” I said, shrugging. He shook his head and reached
believe it. A smile crept onto her lips after a second, a sinister twinkle in over, taking the cash from me. He counted it out, barely paying attention
her eye as she gazed at me. “Did you have company last night?” to the road as he sped through the city. My curiosity got the best of me after
“Of course not,” I said quickly, looking at her with disbelief. She a second as I watched him curiously. “Are you taking a trip or something?”
continued to stare at me with that suspicious look and I felt the blush rise “Or something,” he responded, tossing one of the hundred dollar bills at
onto my cheeks from the attention. “You know I wouldn’t do… that.” me and folding the rest up, shoving it into the center console. “You’re too
“Pity,” she said jokingly. “You could probably use a good fuck to loosen soft. He would’ve given you more.”
you up.” “I smashed up some of his displays, lost my temper,” I said, lying
“Emily!” because I’d done that shit on purpose but he wouldn’t fucking understand.
Emily was what most people would consider my best friend, despite the “I figured I cost him more in damages than he owed, so I’d give him another
fact that we were polar opposites in nearly everything. She grew up lavishly week.”
and attended the most expensive private schools, getting the best education “That’s fair enough,” he responded as he pulled back into the parking
that money could buy. She never had to clean, always having people around lot of the club on Elm Street. “You still need to learn to control your temper.
to do it for her. I was pretty sure she’d never worn the same outfit twice in That’s twice in one evening you’ve lost it.”
her life, so I assumed she didn’t even have use for a washing machine. She’d
had the type of childhood where she asked for a pony and actually got one,
366 363
 “I’m working on it,” I said, eyeing him suspiciously. He seemed anxious
for some reason, his eyes darting toward the clock on the dashboard.
“Where are you going?”
“Somewhere I’m needed,” he said simply, evading answering. “Where
doesn’t matter. I have to leave right now if I hope to be back in time for the
wedding, so you need to get out.”
“Whatever,” I muttered, climbing out of the car and slamming the door.
I watched as he hit the gas and sped off, his tires squealing. His words
played through my mind, an odd feeling coursing through me. Where
doesn’t matter… the same thing he’d said when I asked where she was.
My head was starting to pound again, the ache in my chest intensifying
and a sinking feeling hit my stomach as I watched his car disappear from
sight.
“Isabella.”

Chapter 75
Discovery
Isabella

June 20th, 2008

The loud shrieking echoed through the room and I reached over to the
stand beside the bed, slapping the alarm clock to silence it. I was utterly
exhausted, my eyes burning and body weary, and I was entirely too
comfortable wrapped in my blanket to even consider getting up. A strange
soft buzzing noise met my ears but I did my best to block it out, not caring
enough at that moment to investigate what it was. It stopped eventually
and silence overtook the room again, but the moment I was finally able to
slip back into unconsciousness a noise jolted me awake. I jumped, my eyes
snapping open as I quickly sat up.
All went silent abruptly and I wondered if maybe I’d imagined it, the
thought that I could be hallucinating crossing my mind. It wouldn’t have
been a shock, given how little sleep I’d gotten the previous week. I lay back
down after a moment, telling myself I’d been hearing things, but as soon as
my head hit the pillow I heard a succession of bangs. I groaned, annoyed,
and hauled myself out of bed when I realized it wasn’t just my imagination.
My vision blurred when I got to my feet and I stood still for a moment,
taking a deep breath to stabilize myself before starting out of the room for
the stairs.

364 365
of the weekend in a drunken stupor, sobering up only long enough to have I debated his offer for a second before hesitantly shaking my head. “No,
new tires put on the car. My body ached and head hurt as I stood there in thanks,” I said. “I haven’t decided if I should actually send it yet or not.”
the fucking heat waiting, that hope threatening to swell back up inside of “Ah, understandable. Make sure he’s worth it if you do mail it, though.
me. I knew Alec would be returning and I was desperate for anything to set A nice girl like you shouldn’t settle for less than the best,” he said, winking.
my worries at ease, something to assure me that she was fine. “So are you an artist?”
As much as I tried to fight it, part of me was fucking hoping for her to I looked at him with surprise, wondering why he’d ask that, and realized
show up even though I knew my will-power was low and I would probably he was eyeing my portfolio. I immediately felt guilty that I was taking up
just end up hurting her again. I was such a fucking mess, but I still yearned the whole bench, wondering if I should’ve been polite and offered him a
for her, and I would’ve probably killed any motherfucker I had to for just seat. “I’m taking some classes but I don’t know if you’d call me an artist,” I
five minutes in her presence, no matter the consequences. mumbled, picking up my portfolio nervously.
Apparently I was still a selfish asshole... “Did you get it?” “Oh I’m sure you’re wonderful,” he replied, dropping his cigarette to the
“Get what?” I asked, looking at Esme in confusion. I’d damn near ground and stomping on it. He held his hand out, smiling. “You mind if I
forgotten she was even there. take a look?”
“Your birthday present,” she clarified. I rolled my eyes and nodded, not I hesitated before holding it out to him, watching anxiously as he took
surprised she was changing the subject. it and started thumbing through the paintings. He pulled one out and held
“It came Friday,” I replied. “It was nice, thanks.” it up, handing the rest of them back to me. “See, this right here, this makes
“So you liked it?” she asked, a smile forming on her lips as her eyes lit you an artist,” he said admiring the painting. I smiled at the compliment
up with excitement. and saw it was an abstract one, mainly consisting of deep reds and oranges
“Yes. I was surprised, though. I expected another set of self-help books and yellows. There were splotches of blue and green blending in and a black
or a fucking membership to AA or something. Who knew you’d actually get form in the middle.
me something decent?” “What does it look like to you?” I asked curiously. He shrugged,
She laughed and nudged me playfully. “I’m your aunt, I know what continuing to stare at it.
makes you happy,” she said. “Although AA does sound like a good idea.” “Looks to me like there’s a black hole that everything is being sucked
“Don’t hold your breath waiting for that,” I responded. “If you think I’m into, all the warmth and happiness disappearing from life because of it,” he
miserable now, catch me the next time I’m sober.” responded. He glanced at me, his expression curious, and I smiled at his
“When was the last time you were sober?” she asked. I shrugged and answer because I knew he was looking for some sort of confirmation of his
stared at her, but before I could respond that I was sober at that moment theory. I never contradicted people when they gave their opinions, even
she elaborated. “And by sober I mean having gone an entire day without a though he was wrong. The warm colors represented my life in Phoenix and
sip of alcohol.” the cool colors were starting to overtake them, my new life bursting forth
I laughed bitterly as my father yelled for me and Esme from the front and washing the past away. The black form was me, because back then that
step of the church, saying the ceremony was about to start, and I started to was all I had been. Nameless, faceless.
walk away when she spoke again. “A year and a half ago,” she said, Back then, I was a nobody.
answering her own question. “Yeah, well, I need something to keep me “I’m glad you like it,” I said as I took it from him, slipping it back in the
warm,” I mumbled. We headed inside quietly and she dragged me through portfolio.
the church, practically forcing me into the seat beside her in the front row. “A person would have to be blind not to. You obviously have talent,” he
I wasn’t surprised I’d been left out of the wedding party although I couldn’t said, his voice genuinely kind. He started patting at his pockets, glancing
deny it stung a bit. They decided to keep it small, with Jasper as Emmett’s around. “Say, you wouldn’t happen to have a cell phone I could borrow for
best man and Alice as maid of honor, and as soon as the music started I a moment, would you? I forgot mine at the house and I don’t know where
saw my father walking with Rosalie. He looked proud and as much as the there’s a payphone around here.”
bitch enjoyed getting on my nerves. I had to admit Rosalie actually looked “Uh, sure,” I said, reaching for my phone. Jasper was always letting
happy. people borrow his so I didn’t see the harm in it. I held it out to him and he
She seemed to be glowing as she took her place at the front, and when took it, flipping it open with a smile. He walked a few feet away for privacy
Emmett pulled the veil from her face I saw tears were already running from as he pushed buttons, bringing it to his ear and waiting. I sighed and
her eyes. grabbed my bottle of water out of my school bag, looking around the park
as I downed the rest of it. The water was warm and tasted stale from having
412 381
been carried around all day, but I was thirsty so it didn’t faze me. I glanced knew he wouldn’t hesitate with me either, if he felt he had no other choice.
back over at the man and saw he was heading back in my direction, holding “I didn’t mean any disrespect, I swear.”
the phone out to me. He pulled the gun away and let go of me, and I peeked my eyes open as
“Thanks,” he responded as I started to slip the empty bottle back in my he took a step back. “There’s no justification for you following me, Edward.
bag. He extended his hand as he saw it, smiling warmly. “Here, I’ll throw Where I’m going doesn’t concern you.”
that away for you. It’s the least I can do, since you let me use your phone.” “Doesn’t it?” I asked, trying to stop my trembling as I stood up straight.
“Thank you,” I said, grateful for the gesture. I handed the bottle to him “I mean, if you’re going where I think you’re going...”
and his smile grew. “What did I just say?” he asked, raising his eyebrows with a stern
“Don’t mention it. I’m Joe, by the way. I didn’t introduce myself earlier.” expression on his face. “You need to learn to mind your own business. I told
“Uh, I’m...” I started, but before I could get my name out a sharp voice you in Forks to make your decision and you did. You need to be a man of
rang out behind me, sending a cold chill down my spine. your word.”
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” “So I’m right?” I asked exasperatedly. “You’re seriously going to her?”
I turned quickly, my heart pounding from fright, and saw Dr. Cullen “You have no right to try to intervene now.”
standing a few feet away from us. Confused, I started stammering, unsure “I’m not trying to intervene,” I said, shaking my head. “I just... Christ, I
of what he was doing there or what I did wrong, but slowly realized he want to know where she is, what she’s doing. Why the fuck you’re running
wasn’t even looking at me. His eyes were focused on the man who had just off to wherever it is in the middle of the night. Is something wrong? Is she
introduced himself as Joe, his expression one of intense anger. fucking hurt or something? She doesn’t talk to anyone anymore, Alec! What
“Ah, Carlisle, nice to see you,” Joe said casually, the fact that they were the hell happened?”
acquainted shocking me. “What brings you to Seattle today?” He stared at me as I rattled off questions, his expression blank but I
“I could ask you the very same thing,” Dr. Cullen said pointedly, could see the annoyance in his eyes. I knew I shouldn’t have been
walking toward us. “And I’ve told you before, I prefer to be addressed as questioning him, but I couldn’t help it. Not knowing was driving me to the
doctor. Only my friends and family call me Carlisle, and you are neither.” brink, and just the knowledge that he was fucking going to her ate away at
“True,” Joe said. “I apologize, Dr. Cullen. It must’ve slipped my mind.” me. I needed something, anything... just a bit of information to keep me
“That’s not the only thing you seem to have forgotten,” Dr. Cullen said, going.
his eyes darting toward me. “I thought I made it clear that you were to stay He glanced at his watch and sighed impatiently. He looked as if he was
far away from my family.” going to speak and hope swelled through me, but it was trampled instantly
“Family?” the man said, glancing at me with an amused smirk. “That’s when he raised his gun again. I recoiled instinctively as he fired off a shot
an interesting choice of word.” in my direction, the unexpected noise startling me, and I cursed as he fired
“You know very well she’s considered a part of my family and I won’t a second shot. I turned to look incredulously when I heard the whizzing
tolerate you victimizing her,” Dr. Cullen said sharply. noise, groaning when I saw the driver’s side tires of my car deflating
“Me victimizing her?” Joe said, laughing. “That’s sort of ironic, given the rapidly.
situation. Don’t you think?” “Fuck,” I spat, running my hand through my hair as Alec placed his gun
“You have no business with her,” Dr. Cullen said, ignoring the question. in his coat.
“Oh but you’re wrong, I do have business with her and you know exactly “If you’re going to tail someone, at least be discrete about it. I saw you
what it is,” he responded. as soon as I stepped out of the house,” he said calmly. “Call for a tow truck
“You don’t need her,” Dr. Cullen said. “You know damn well we agreed and a taxi, and go home. I have to go and I don’t need you slowing me down
she would be left alone.” any more than you already have.”
“I’m well aware of our agreement, Dr. Cullen, but you couldn’t seriously “Just fucking great,” I muttered as he started to walk away. I watched
believe I would just take you at your word, did you?” Joe asked. “I’ll leave as he approached his car, pausing and turning to look at me again.
her alone if you don’t force my hand but I need something to fall back on. A “That’s an order, Edward.”
security deposit of sorts.” He slipped into his car and slammed the door, making a U-Turn before
“She isn’t it,” Dr. Cullen said angrily, his eyes darkening with rage. He speeding away. I stood there for a moment, my anger and desperation
turned to look at me and I tensed up, their exchange confusing me. “Did he growing, and kicked the side of the car in aggravation as my eyes started
tell you who he was?” blurring with tears. When it was all said and done I did what he ordered,
“Uh, he said his name was Joe,” I mumbled. “That’s it.” because I knew there was no other option. I went home and spent the rest
382 411
as I hit the gas, and I flew out of the parking lot and into traffic within a “Joe?” Dr. Cullen said with surprise, glancing at the man. “Why Agent
matter of seconds. DiFronzo, were you trying to deceive the girl?”
The roads weren’t very congested at that hour but I didn’t see him “Agent?” I blurted out, the word catching me off guard. The man stood
anywhere, so I drove in the direction of our neighborhood hoping he’d have frozen in spot while Dr. Cullen nodded.
gone home first. I had been right, as the moment I pulled onto the street I “Special Agent Joseph DiFronzo with the U.S. Justice Department,” Dr.
saw his car parked in the driveway of his house with the engine still Cullen said.
running. I pulled behind another vehicle a few houses down and turned my “He’s a cop?” I asked, eyeing him with shock. My heart was pounding
headlights off, waiting. He came outside a minute later holding a black furiously as I tried to think through our exchange, hoping I hadn’t said
duffel bag and I watched as he said goodbye to Esme, glancing around anything incriminating.
cautiously before getting back into his car. He pulled out of the driveway “He’s not just a cop,” Dr. Cullen responded. “He’s the federal agent that’s
and slammed the gas, speeding down the street, and I waited a few seconds overseeing my case.”
before starting back on the road. I slipped in behind another car as I turned “I, uh... I swear I didn’t know, Dr. Cullen,” I stammered. He held his
my headlights back on and we started in the direction of the airport, hand up to stop me, shaking his head.
weaving through traffic in a rush. I stayed back as far as possible, always “I know you didn’t, dolcezza. Don’t worry about it. He has no legal
making sure there were cars between us so as not to raise suspicion, but grounds to speak to you and he knows it. He has proof of nothing,” he
keeping as close to him as possible. I lost his car twice but each time was responded.
able to catch back up, having a general idea of where the fuck he was going. “You’re wrong,” the man said. “I have the proof– I just can’t use it
He unexpectedly pulled down a side street a few miles into the trip and I without the girl.”
slowed, unsure of what the fuck he was doing, before following behind him. “You won’t get the girl,” Dr. Cullen said sharply.
He drove down a few vacant roads before cutting down some alleys, and “We’ll see.”
I slammed the brakes when I turned down one and nearly rear-ended his Dr. Cullen glanced at me, his expression serious. “Did he take anything
car. My heart pounded forcefully and I cursed when I saw it was a dead- from you or give you anything?”
end and his driver’s side door was hanging open, no sign of him anywhere. “Uh... he borrowed my phone,” I mumbled nervously. Dr. Cullen sighed
I went to shift the car into reverse but before I could react my door was with annoyance walking over to me and holding his hand out.
pulled open and someone grabbed a hold of me. It happened quickly, the “Give it to me,” he said firmly. I grabbed the phone and handed it to
movement startling me, and the fucking car stalled from my haste. I had him, watching as he opened the back and pulled out the battery. He shot
enough time to pull on the emergency brake, not wanting it to fucking roll, the man an angry look, startling me as he pulled a small black chip out of
before I was pulled out into the alley and thrown against the side of the car. it. He threw it on the ground and stomped on it, shaking his head as he
“What are you doing?” Alec asked sharply, pressing the muzzle of his reassembled the phone. “He has your number now so it needs to be changed.
gun underneath my chin. I started shaking, stunned, and shook my head I also wouldn’t be surprised if he’s intercepting all of your correspondence.
furiously. “I, uh... Fuck! I don’t know,” I sputtered. “I just thought...” Is that it?”
“You aren’t paid to think,” he cut me off. “You’re paid to follow orders “Yes,” I said, stunned. “Well, I mean, he offered to throw my bottle away
and I don’t recall telling you to follow me.” for me...”
“You didn’t tell me not to, either.” “Give it back to her,” Dr. Cullen said, glaring at the man. “I’ll call my
“What did you just say?” he snapped, the sound of his finger releasing attorney if I have to.”
the safety of his gun sending a cold chill down my spine. “I’m tired of your The man glared back before holding the bottle out to me. I took it
disrespect.” “Sorry!” I spat, sensing he was at the end of his rope. “Shit, I’m carefully, unsure of what the big deal was since it was just trash. “If you
sorry, alright? I just, fuck... I just had to know, Uncle Alec.” want her DNA, Agent DiFronzo, get a warrant for it. Don’t try to trick it
He froze briefly, not moving or making a sound. “You think I won’t kill out of her,” he said sharply before turning to me. “You should head home.
you just because you’re Carlisle’s child?” he asked quietly, his voice I’ll deal with the situation. Please be more careful.”
menacing. “You think pointing out that we’re family will spare you? Do you “Yes, sir,” I mumbled, jumping up and grabbing my things. I heard the
honestly believe I’m that soft? Have you forgotten what you witnessed in man laugh bitterly as I started walking away.
Phoenix?” “I’ll be seeing you, Isabella Swan.”
“No, sir,” I said quickly, squeezing my eyes shut at his words as flashes I hadn’t been entirely sure at the time what the federal agent wanted
of memory hit me. He hadn’t hesitated to kill his own fucking sister and I from me, what the purpose of getting my DNA or eavesdropping on my
410 383
conversations was, but it was clear that it was a serious situation. Alec had first place, why my fucking chest ached and my heart beat erratically every
been furious, because if it got out that I’d been speaking to the agent in time a car approached. The nerves were probably half the goddamn reason
charge of Dr. Cullen’s case, no matter how innocent the conversation was, I was even sweating, coupled with the hangover lingering from the vodka
he would be the one that had to pay the consequences. I looked like a traitor, I’d drank the night before. I was a mess but I was fighting to keep myself
which in turn would make Alec a rat since he’d vouched for me. It was together, not wanting to crack under the pressure.
obvious the man was well aware of what I’d been and where I’d come from, I sighed, reaching into my pocket for the silver flask I’d brought along,
and the night after that incident when I spotted him standing along the pulling the top off and taking a swig. The liquid was hot and burned my
street in front of the apartment building, I realized he had no intention of throat, making my chest feel like it was being eaten away by flames. The
giving up and going away. alcohol soothed my nerves some, the burn distracting me from my thoughts
It was then that I knew I had to do it, for the sake of everyone I cared long enough for me to start calming down. I was taking another drink when
about. I picked up my phone that evening after Jasper was asleep and found I heard my name being called, the sharp voice startling me and making me
the number in my address book, placing the first of what would turn out to choke on the Vodka. I started coughing as I put the lid back on it, gasping
be many calls to Alec Evanson. as I tried to catch my breath. “What?” I rasped, glancing over and seeing
I never mailed the letter. Esme standing at the corner of the church with a stern expression on her
“Isabella!” Emily’s voice carried up the stairs, the sound of it pulling me face.
from my thoughts. “Was it necessary to bring that along?” she asked, motioning toward the
“What?” I hollered, sitting my phone back down as I walked over to my flask in my hand. I rolled my eyes and slipped it back in my pocket as she
dresser. I pulled out a pair of shorts and a tank top, dressing quickly before continued. “First of all, it’s not even noon yet, and secondly, your brother is
slipping on some flip flops. getting married. What is so traumatizing about a wedding that you need
“You don’t have any damn liquor in this house? What are you, a fucking liquor to get through it?”
nun?” “You mean other than the fact that I’ll probably never get married
I laughed as I walked into the bathroom, pulling my hair up quickly to myself?” I asked, the words coming out before I even realized what the hell
get it off of my neck. I stood there for a moment gazing at my reflection, I was saying.
seeing the dark bags under my eyes and realizing I looked almost as My chest ached even more as she stared at me with surprise, apparently
horrible as I felt. not expecting me to say that shit, either. “Plus, I’m about to walk into a
“Never mind, I found it!” Emily yelled. church. I’m trying to numb myself before the fucking lightning strikes me.”
I shook my head, because it was entirely too early to be consuming “Don’t be ridiculous,” she said, walking toward me. “I think if lightning
alcohol, and headed back into the bedroom. I glanced at the clock, seeing it was going to strike anyone for walking into a church, it would probably be
was a few minutes before ten, and sat down on the edge of the bed as I your father or my husband.”
grabbed my phone again. My hand shook nervously as I scrolled through “Is he here?” I asked, raising my eyebrows curiously.
my contacts, stopping when I reached Alec’s home number. I had his cell “Your father? He’s inside with Emmett.”
phone number but he requested I only use it for emergencies, preferring I “No, not him. Your husband.”
just leave a message at his house. “Oh,” she said, smiling sadly. “No, I haven’t heard from him today. I
It rang a few times and I held my breath as I heard the click. “Hello?” don’t know if he’s going to be able to make it.”
I breathed a sigh of relief at the soft feminine voice, as speaking to her “Is he still with her?”
was a lot easier than her husband. “Hello, Esme.” “Who?”
“Isabella!” she gasped. I knew my cell phone number was blocked and “Don’t treat me like I’m a fucking idiot, Esme,” I said. “You know exactly
came up as private on their caller ID, so she had no way of knowing it was who I’m talking about.”
me beforehand. “How are you?” She hesitated, eyeing me warily. “What makes you think he’s with me?”
“I’m okay. How are you?” “I don’t think, I know,” I responded, shaking my head. It hadn’t taken
“I’m good. I was actually about to head out when I heard the phone. I’m me very long to make up my mind after Alec’s car pulled away from the
glad you called, it’s been a while.” club Friday evening. The moment he turned onto the road and his words
“I know. I’ve been... busy,” I said hesitantly, feeling guilty. clicked in my head, I reacted impulsively. I sprinted to my car and unlocked
the driver’s side door, slipping inside and starting it up. The tires squealed

384 409
 “No need to make excuses, kiddo. I don’t need an explanation. I
understand you have things going on. I’m glad you’re okay, though. I worry
about you.”
“I know you do. I promise I’m fine, though,” I said. “Is Alec there? He
called this morning.”
“Did he?” she asked, sounding surprised. “No, he stepped out earlier.
Said he had some things to take care of at the club.”
“Oh, okay,” I said, realizing he was likely calling about the wedding.
“Can you tell him I called?”
“Sure, sweetheart.”
“Thank you,” I said quietly. “So, uh... did it come yet? Do you know?” I
suddenly felt queasy and bit my lip, trying to hold it back.
“I don’t think so,” she responded. “I’m pretty sure I would’ve heard
something if it did.”
“Thank you,” I said again, my guilt and gratitude overwhelming. “You
didn’t have to do it, you know. Does Alec know?”
“Not yet, but he’s a smart man,” Esme responded. “The moment Edward

Chapter 76
mentions the painting I had sent to him for his birthday Alec will know
exactly where it came from. Actually, if Edward doesn’t figure it out
eventually I’ll be surprised. But then again, in his condition...”
“Condition?” I asked as she trailed off, not understanding.
“Bad choice of word. I meant given the situation, he’s been busy and
Game Over distracted. You know how it is.”
Edward “Yes,” I responded, even though she was still confusing me. Her tone
had changed and she seemed nervous suddenly. “Is everything okay,
I stood nervously outside of the massive church, leaned against the side Esme?”
of the building watching the guests arrive. I hadn’t been sure who was “Of course, sweetheart,” she said. “Anyway, I should get going. I have a
coming, considering we didn’t have much fucking family left and Rosalie lot to do today.”
really only had her grandparents, so I was surprised at the amount of “Okay. It was nice talking to you,” I responded. “Um, are you going to,
people gathering inside. I didn’t recognize half of them, which was sort of uh...”
unnerving and an unwelcome reminder of exactly how cut off from everyone “See Edward,” she said, knowing exactly where I was headed with the
I’d been the past year and a half. They’d all moved on with life, met new statement. “I was on my way over there now, actually.”
people and made new friends, and I was still just me... still the same “Oh. Can you wish him a happy birthday for me?” I asked, my heart
Edward Cullen. thumping wildly. It was Edward’s twentieth birthday, the second one I’d
That was how it seemed, anyway. So much had changed in my life but missed, and at that moment I wanted nothing more than to be with him
yet nothing fucking felt different, not when it came down to it. even though I knew it wasn’t possible.
I glanced at my watch, seeing it was a few minutes before noon. It was “Of course I can.”
hot day in Chicago, the temperature creeping toward ninety degrees, and I thanked her again and hung up, trying to fight back the tears that
the sweat was gathering along my back and making my shirt stick to me. threatened to spill forth. I had a long day ahead of me and needed to keep
It was uncomfortable and I was on edge, contemplating leaving although I myself together.
knew realistically I couldn’t. I’d disappointed a lot of fucking people in my I grabbed my things and headed back downstairs to find Emily in the
life, but bailing on my brother’s wedding would probably make the top of living room, staring at one of the paintings on my wall. “What do you see?”
the list. I asked. She jumped, having not heard me, and turned quickly as she
I had other reasons for sticking around, though– more selfish reasons. clutched her chest. I saw the straw sticking out of her Starbucks cup and
It was why I stood outside in the unbearable heat watching everyone in the rolled my eyes, knowing she’d spiked it with alcohol.
408 385
 “I see a girl who needs to get laid,” she said sarcastically as she surveyed “Yes, Isabella, the news,” she said seriously. “I mean, it’s kind of a big
me again. “She also needs some makeup for those bags under her eyes and deal when mobsters get arrested these days. Mobsters! That man’s one of
a pedicure if she’s going to be wearing flip flops.” them? Jesus, what have you gotten yourself into?”
“That’s funny,” I responded. “Because I see a girl whose plans for the “It’s not like that,” I muttered nervously.
evening have suddenly fallen through.” “You’ve been saying that all day long,” she replied. “If it’s not like that,
“You wouldn’t,” she said, narrowing her eyes at me. “I’ve been looking then how is it? Is that why you don’t talk about your family much? Are they,
forward to this day for weeks!” you know…”
“I would,” I said, smirking. “But I won’t. You’re lucky I do love you, even “I told you, my parents are dead,” I said.
if you are pushy.” “How did they die? Were they like, whacked or whatever they call it?”
“Thank Jesus for that shit,” she said, bringing the straw to her lips to “No, I was an orphan,” I said nervously. “My real father died about two
take a drink. “Come on, let’s get going before we’re late. You’re driving... years ago. I told you that’s where I got my money from.”
obviously.” “Was he one of them?” she asked. “I mean, Jesus, Isabella! Your house
“Obviously,” I mumbled as she strolled past me out of the house. I gets broken into and you don’t call the police, you call the fucking Mafia!
grabbed my sunglasses and locked up, smiling as I stepped outside. It was How do you even know the Mafia?”
quite warm, the temperature hovering over ninety degrees, and the sun “I don’t,” I said.
was shining brightly with not a cloud in sight. The heat didn’t bother me, “Don’t give me that shit,” she said. “One of them shadowed you all day
since I’d become accustomed to it growing up, and I enjoyed the clear long! What kind of trouble are you in? Do you need help?”
summer weather. I’d even gotten a tinge of color in my skin, which I’d never “No, I’m fine. It’s not that big of a deal.”
thought was actually possible. “Bullshit, it is a big deal,” she responded. “Is he, like a hit man, Isabella?
I clicked the button on the key ring to unlock the car and Emily slipped He had a fucking gun on him all day! Is he there now? Do you need me to
in the passenger side, yelling for me to hurry up. I eyed the vehicle as I call the cops?”
approached it, admiring the shiny rims and sleek silver body, and “No!” I spat, panicked. “You can’t call the cops.”
immediately thought of Edward. I’d kept his car, despite the fact that Alec “Why?” she asked. “I want to know what’s going on.”
had tried to convince me to dispose of it, because it was a big part of Edward “Nothing. I told you, he’s a friend of the family. He came to help.”
that I couldn’t bear to part with. As silly as it sounded, Edward had loved “Why? Mobsters aren’t exactly known for their charity work, Isabella.”
the car, and every time I drove it I was reminded of his affection. It was “Just... to help,” I mumbled. “I really can’t talk about this, Emily. Just
comforting in a sense, and I listened to everything Alec had told me and forget about it, okay?”
followed his instructions, but I’d pushed my discomfort aside and took a “You expect me to forget it like it means nothing, and you can’t even tell
stand when it came to the car. me what’s going on? I’m your friend, you can talk to me!”
I climbed into the driver’s seat and started the car up, pressing the “I can’t,” I replied, feeling guilty.
button for the top to come down. Emily slouched down in her seat and “Fine,” she said. “I see how it is. Maybe we’re not as close as I thought
kicked her feet up on the dashboard, making me cringe. we were if you don’t trust me.”
“Put your feet down,” I said. “Don’t be like that, Emily. It’s not like that at all. I trust you, but I just...
“I’m not hurting it.” I can’t tell you about that because it’s not my stuff to tell. I’m sorry.”
“Down.” “Yeah, I’m sorry, too.”
“It’s just a car.” Before I could say another word there was a click, the line going dead
“Seriously, do we have to go through this every time? Get your feet off as she hung up. I closed the phone and set it aside, staring up at the white
of the dash or get out and walk. Either way is fine with me,” I said. She ceiling as I laid in bed. Things were coming apart at the seams and while I
huffed and dropped her feet, situating herself in the seat. wasn’t sure what was going to happen, it was clear nothing was going to be
“It trips me out me how anal you are about this damn car,” she said, the same after Alec’s visit.
shaking her head. “It’s a Volvo, Izzy. The only people who drive Volvo’s are
republican housewives and soccer moms. I swear I’ve never seen one before
that didn’t have one of those ‘my kid is an honor roll student’ bumper
stickers on the back of it. I never understood those, anyway. Like, aren’t all
kids fucking honor roll students in elementary school? Do they even
386 407
 “I’ll call you in the morning before I leave for the airport. I took a private seriously grade kids in elementary school now? Don’t they say that’s, like,
plane here, in case you were wondering how I got the gun on board,” he killing their self-esteem or something? We’re turning the next generation
said, even though it had been the last thing on my mind. “And I apologize into pussies, you know. They can’t even play tag at recess anymore, so of
if you were interested in the Clearwater guy. I saw him parked behind the course dodgeball is out. It’s ridiculous. And I heard on the news about some
school and wasn’t amused about it.” first grade boy being suspended from school for kissing a girl on the cheek.
“Why was he there?” I asked hesitantly. Like, what the fuck? It’s not like they were in high school and he was feeling
“He claimed your friend mentioned the event last night, and he wanted her up or getting a blow job or something. That I would understand. Half
a reason to see you again,” he replied. “He seemed harmless but I told him the boys in my high school were getting head under the bleachers between
if he valued his life he would keep his distance. You shouldn’t have a classes and the teachers just ignored it. Shit, they were probably getting
problem with him.” head from some of the girls themselves, horny old bastards. Is that how it
“Oh,” I said, not knowing how to respond to that. “Thanks, I guess.” was in your high school?”
“I suppose you’re welcome,” he responded. “Anyway, have a good She glanced at me curiously and I nodded, figuring it was best to just
evening, Isabella.” go along with what she said. “You should lay off of the caffeine,” I said,
I watched as he walked out, slipping into his car and pulling away. I hoping to divert her attention. “I don’t think you even took a breath during
armed the alarm system, suddenly nervous being left alone in the house, that rant.”
and went upstairs to take a bath to try to relax. I read for a while in the tub “Funny,” she said sarcastically. “Where are your mom jeans? They’d go
before washing my hair, and wrapped a towel around myself when I got perfectly with your Volvo.”
out. Dusk had approached and the house was dim and quiet, each noise I laughed as I pulled the car from the driveway and out onto the street.
bouncing off the walls and echoing through the place. I glanced around the Emily talked incessantly during the drive about whatever came to her
bathroom, looking for my brush, and groaned after a minute when it was mind, as she usually did. Sometimes I wondered if she simply liked to hear
nowhere to be found. I ran my fingers through my hair to get the knots out herself talk, considering she never required much input from me in
and just pulled it back, exhausted and not wanting to deal with it at that conversations. I preferred it that way, though. The less she asked, the less
moment. I went into the bedroom and grabbed some pajamas, dressing I had to lie.
quickly before slipping into bed. The parking lot was fairly deserted when we arrived and I pulled into
The moment my head hit the pillow my eyes started to close, the first spot I saw. I pressed the button for the top to go back up before
unconsciousness creeping up quickly. Right before I slipped under my turning the car off and stepping out. Gazing at the worn down brick
phone started ringing and I sat up quickly, startled by the noise. I grabbed building, I turned my attention to the large faded sign hanging above the
the phone, seeing it was Emily, and sighed as I answered. side entrance.
“Huh?” Rainbow Art Studio Oakland, CA
“What’s Alec’s last name?” she asked right away. I sighed with California. Alec had suggested I leave Seattle after the incident in the
annoyance. park, saying he would help me set up elsewhere for a while until after Dr.
“This again?” I mumbled. “Can we save the twenty questions for later? Cullen’s trial, but I’d chosen the place myself. I had been thinking about
I’m really tired, it’s been a long day. I told you, he’s not your type and I leaving before he even mentioned it, though, so it hadn’t been that hard of
really like his wife.” a decision to make. As much as I appreciated everything Jasper had done
“Is it Evanson?” for me, I knew I needed to set out on my own. Edward’s memory lingered,
I tensed up when the words registered, dread coursing through me. I reminders of my previous life everywhere I looked, and I knew I needed a
immediately started wracking my brain for how she could know that, fresh start if I wanted to truly give being free a chance. Being around people
wondering if I’d somehow said it before to her. who knew what I’d been made a part of that girl hang on inside of me, and
“How did you…” until I let go of that life I’d never be able to let completely go of that identity.
“I do watch the news, you know,” she said before I could even finish the I left a lot like Edward did, and for that I felt guilty, but I thought it
question. “And I knew I’d seen him somewhere before, but it didn’t strike was best given the situation. I hoped they wouldn’t hold it against me, but
me until just a few minutes ago from where.” a part of me always feared they wouldn’t be able to understand. I wrote a
“The news?” note, explaining that I needed some time on my own, and taped it to the
bedroom door in the apartment before setting off for California. Alec found
the house and pulled some strings to get me enrolled in the local art school
406 387
well past the deadline, but before I left he laid down some ground rules. He I nodded, biting my lip nervously and trying to hold back tears as I sat
said they were simply suggestions to help me transition smoothly, but I the painting down. I reached for the large black trash bag to take it out to
wasn’t ignorant– I knew he expected his word to be followed. He said the the dumpster but Alec grabbed it, stopping me. “I’ll get it,” he said.
federal agent wouldn’t stop looking for me, hoping he could somehow “Uh, thanks,” I mumbled. “The dumpster’s out back.”
convince or blackmail me into cooperating, so I needed to take certain He nodded and grabbed the bag, walking outside. I finished up what I
precautions in order to be untraceable. I knew he meant well so I did exactly was doing and grabbed my things before heading for the parking lot,
what it was he said... except get rid of the car. silently cursing when I realized Emily hadn’t returned and I’d rode with
“Let’s get this over with,” Emily said, pulling the lid off of her cup and her. I saw Alec’s rental car parked right by the door and glanced around,
gulping down the rest of her drink. She shuddered, whether from the drink starting around the building to see if he was still at the dumpster. I froze
itself or the liquor she’d put in it I wasn’t sure, and started toward the when I caught sight of him standing in the back parking lot with a man,
entrance. I smiled as I approached the building and heard the massive the driver’s side door open on a black car beside them. The man had his
chaos inside, the screeching and thunderous footsteps, but Emily groaned. back to me so I couldn’t make out who he was, if I even knew him, but
“Remind me why I do this again.” something about his body language told me it wasn’t a friendly
“You said they were easier to deal with than the artsy-fartsy intellectual confrontation.
types who spoke in haiku’s and took themselves way too serious,” I said, The man started backing up a few steps, holding his hands up
recalling her exact statement the day I had approached her about it. defensively, and I gasped in shock as Alec grabbed a hold of him and shoved
“That’s right,” she responded, smirking. “Never trust a man in a beret him back into the car. He pinned him against the hood with his left hand
with a French accent, Isabella. He’s either gay or a con artist. Trust me on and pulled his gun out with his right, pointing it at the man’s head. I
this.” started trembling from fear, unsure of what was going on when I heard the
I laughed as I shook my head, not even wanting to know the story man crying out. Alec withdrew the gun after a second but didn’t put it away
behind that statement. She opened the door and I cringed at the loudness as he pulled the guy back to his feet. He said something to him, his
as I stepped inside the room. The moment the door shut behind me a form expression stern, and the man nodded furiously. Alec waved him off and he
came right for me and I braced myself, but it was too late. They slammed turned to climb back in his car, glancing across the parking lot briefly as
right into me and I staggered backwards, losing my balance and falling as his eyes met mine. Confusion set in when I recognized Seth Clearwater, my
they wrapped their arms around my waist. heart pounding from fright. He got into the car and started it up, slamming
“Isabella!” the voice screeched. I smiled at the little girl as she gazed at the gas and squealing the tires as he sped out of the parking lot.
me adoringly, her thick dark hair fanning down in her face and partially I didn’t move at all as Alec approached me, returning his gun to his coat.
shielding her view. I moved it out of her eyes as I stood up, brushing my I could see the annoyance on his face and didn’t speak, knowing he was on
clothes absentmindedly. edge. “Do you need a ride?” he asked firmly. I nodded and followed him to
“Hey, sweetheart,” I said warmly to the girl whose name was Chelsea. his car, slipping into the passenger seat.
“They’re animals, I swear,” Emily muttered. I glanced over and laughed I called Emily during the drive and told her I’d left, and she said she
when I saw she had two little boys clinging to her legs, hindering her ability was going to a party that night but she’d talk to me later. Alec didn’t speak
to walk. “It’s a good thing I like the zoo.” at all during the drive, and not long after we arrived someone showed up to
An older lady by the name of Shelly nodded at me briefly, silently telling install the security system. It took them a few hours to get it all set up and
me they were all mine, before bolting out of the door in a rush. “Alright, to replace all of the locks, and after the man departed Alec showed me how
settle down, kids,” I yelled. A few glanced over at me when they heard my it worked. I asked him what happened if it was set off and he laughed dryly.
voice but most ignored completely, continuing to run around and yell. Emily “Not much except for some loud noises that could only be stopped with
sighed exasperatedly, putting her fingers in her mouth and whistling the code, but it should be enough to scare anyone away,” he responded. “I
loudly. The noise echoed through the room, bouncing off of the walls and can’t have the police being called.”
stilling everyone immediately. “I understand.”
“In your seats, monsters,” she said. They started to oblige and I patted “Anyway, I have some things I need to handle, and I need to get some
Chelsea’s head, who still had her arms around my waist, and quietly told sleep sometime soon,” he said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a
her to take her seat. She begrudgingly let go, skipping over to her chair and set of keys. I recognized them immediately as mine when he held them out
sliding into it as Emily and I started handing out supplies. to me. “Get rid of the…”
“Car. I know, sir,” I muttered, taking them from him.
388 405
and kept their distance. I smiled, realizing they likely thought the same The Rainbow Art Studio was a small room attached to the local
thing Emily had– that he was a police officer. community center, where Emily and I taught art classes for
It was chaotic with so many kids running around and laughing, and I underprivileged children. Its name was ironic, because the truth was that
did my best to keep everything under control while Emily did roll call. The there was nothing bright nor colorful about the place. The walls were a drab
pizza arrived and I was putting it on plates when Emily walked up to me, tan color and the paint was chipping, the building shabby and falling apart.
sighing. It had a leaky roof and the air conditioner was overworked, barely able to
“All here but one,” she said. keep the room a decent temperature.
“Who?” Most of the kids who came to the community center had no families,
“Chelsea,” she replied. I froze and looked at her with surprise, because being wards of the state in foster care, and the rest came from broken
Chelsea had never missed any of the classes and had been looking forward homes where their parents had a history of drug addictions and criminal
to the party. She lived in a group home with two of the other kids who had activity. Every one of them had been deemed ‘at-risk’ by the state of
shown up, so I knew it wasn’t that she didn’t have a ride. I quickly finished California, in danger of following in the footsteps of the adults in their lives
dishing out the pizza, distracted, before pulling a social worker to the side. or even disappearing completely in the system. They were so young and
“Is Chelsea okay?” I asked, worried. She nodded. innocent, between the ages of four and seven, but I knew they were all only
“She’s fine. She was relocated last night, placed in a foster home across one step away from living the life I had once lived. The little girl who had
town, so she wasn’t able to make it. I’ll see she gets her certificate and all hugged me, especially… her mother went missing when she was an infant
of her artwork, though,” the lady responded. and her father had tried to sell her for cash to buy drugs.
“Oh, okay,” I mumbled, disappointed. Her answer did nothing to squelch One of my professors had mentioned it in class one day, looking for
my worry, wondering what kind of situation she’d been put into. The rest someone to teach or else the program would be shut down. No one
of the afternoon passed in a blur, and after they were done eating we held volunteered, despite the fact that it was for credit, because no one wanted
a ceremony and handed out their certificates of completion. When we were to deal with the children for free. I nervously approached the professor after
finished we returned their artwork to them and I gave them each a hug as class that day about it and she was elated, and the next morning I went to
they left, telling them the same words that had been spoken to me at their Emily to see if she’d do it with me. She was hesitant... until she learned she
age. Words I’d lost focus of in the midst of all the heartache, but words both could opt-out of the obligatory summer session in exchange for
Elizabeth and my mother had believed in whole-heartedly. volunteering.
“Never lose hope,” I said. “You’re special and meant to do great things We spent two hours painting and drawing with the kids, and by the time
in the world. I believe in you.” the class was over I was worn out. Shelley returned to monitor them as we
Emily offered to take one of the kids home whose parents didn’t show said goodbye and Chelsea met me at the door, smiling brightly and holding
back up to get them, and I started cleaning up the mess when everyone was one of her paintings. “I made you!” she exclaimed. I laughed and took it,
gone. I could sense Alec’s eyes on me but I ignored the best I could, trying gazing at the distorted stick figure with the abnormally large head and long
to get done what I needed to do. After the place was back in order I walked brown hair. There was a large red mouth on the face and a big yellow sun
over to the last painting still hanging on the wall, the one Chelsea had done in the sky, the brightness making me smile.
of me and said she wanted me to keep. I took it down and smiled, gazing at “Beautiful,” I said enthusiastically.
it for a moment before Alec cleared his voice. “You can keep it.”
“Were you attached?” “Really?” I asked. “How about we keep it here for now and I’ll get it
“To what?” tomorrow, okay? It’s really good.”
“The child who made that,” he clarified, motioning toward the painting. “You think it’s good?” she asked, her eyes lighting up. “Can I be an artist
I sighed, nodding. like you someday?”
“Her name’s Chelsea. She’s a very bright girl, probably my favorite out I smiled. “Absolutely. You can be anything you want to be, you know.”
of all of them,” I said quietly. “She was, uh… an orphan. Her father sold “Thank you!” she said, nearly tackling me with a hug. I hugged her back
her, too.” and told her I’d see her soon, before walking out to the car where Emily was
“Strange how those things work,” Alec responded. “Doesn’t matter already waiting.
where you go– there will always be someone.” I drove back to my house and Emily said she had some things to do and
she’d talk to me later that night, climbing into her Mercedes and speeding
off down the street. I headed inside and went straight upstairs, climbing
404 389
straight into bed for a nap. The moment I closed my eyes I slipped into I quietly thought over his words as he sighed exasperatedly. “Carlisle’s
unconsciousness and thoughts of Edward came, his image in my mind so trial is set to start soon. He told me yesterday that he once promised he’d
real that it hurt. He was sitting in front of his piano, his fingers lightly help you get to Chicago when you were ready, if that’s what you wanted.
grazing across the keys but he wasn’t pressing down on them, no notes He said he wouldn’t be able to fulfill that promise now and asked me to do
being played. He didn’t speak or even look up for a while, nothing but it for him,” he said, pausing. “I told him no.”
Edward and silence in the darkness. “No?”
I reveled in it, my eyes scanning his form and taking in his toned body. “No,” he confirmed. “I told him I wouldn’t help you go to Chicago because
He didn’t have a shirt on and I could see the contours of his muscles, the insinuating you need help is not giving you enough credit. You’re perfectly
rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, and the starkness of the dark capable of going on your own, if that’s where you want to be. What you have
tattoos against his pale skin. His hair was a mess as usual, sticking up in here is nice and exactly what they all hoped for you. You’re functioning on
every direction imaginable and falling forward to his eyes as he stared your own, going to school, doing art, meeting people… it’s what they wanted
down at the keys. I could see the scar on his side, a reminder of what he’d you to do and they’d all be proud if they knew. I know you came here more
endured, and I suddenly longed to touch it. for them than for yourself, not wanting to complicate Carlisle’s situation
“Tesoro.” I heard the word whispered in his voice, although his position further or involve the rest of them in it, but I hope in the midst of it you
hadn’t shifted and I hadn’t seen his mouth move. “Ti amo.” haven’t lost sight of what matters most.”
“I love you, too.” “What’s that?”
“No one else, only you,” he whispered. “Sempre.” “What makes you happy.”
“Sempre.” He glanced at me curiously before the door swung open, sunlight
“You’re my life,” he said. “I’d die without you.” filtering in from outside. I tensed up as he swung around, catching a
“I’m yours,” I responded. “I always have been.” glimpse on his gun. “You can’t have that thing in here,” I spat. “It’s illegal.”
“Forgive me,” he whispered. The moment I spoke the words I felt ridiculous and he smiled. “It’s
“For?” always better to be safe than sorry, Isabella.”
“I destroy everything I touch.” “Have you ever been in a Wal-Mart?” Emily hollered, coming in the
“You haven’t destroyed me,” I responded. room and dropping bags on the floor. “That place was a fucking madhouse.
“Yet,” he said at once. “But I will... if you let me.” I felt like I stepped into some alternate universe where banana clips and
“You won’t,” I retorted. “You wouldn’t hurt me.” blue eye shadow are still in style. And Jesus, what’s with all the big hair?
“I already have hurt you,” he said. “I left you.” I’m surprised I made it out alive! Half those women looked like they could
“You had no choice.” eat me for supper! And I swear to God, I saw a Volvo in the parking lot with
“We always have a choice,” he responded. “They may not be ones we one of those bumper stickers, and the woman driving had on…” She glanced
like, but there is always a choice. That’s what life is. We all have free will, over, her words faltering when she spotted Alec. “…mom jeans. Hello
Isabella, even if we are not free.” there.”
“What other choice did you have?” “Hello,” Alec replied. “I’ll let you ladies get back to your work.”
“I could have stayed with you, but I probably would’ve destroyed you,” He strolled away, stepping outside as he pulled his phone out. “Personal
he whispered, the words barely audible. “Instead, I destroyed myself.” bodyguard?” Emily whispered, glancing at me with a mischievous twinkle
He slowly turned in my direction and lifted his head, my heart pounding in her eyes. “Is this like the movie with Whitney Houston and Kevin
furiously as he looked straight at me. Instead of the bright vibrant green Costner, steamy affair included?”
I’d expected to find, there was nothing but darkness. His eyes were pitched “No,” I hissed. “I told you already, it’s nothing like that.”
black and lifeless, and I gasped as he clutched his chest. Over his heart, “Pity.” She shrugged and started digging through the bags, setting up
where the words ‘Il tempo guarisce tutti i mali’ were written in permanent the snack table. We ordered pizza to be delivered and I was fixing the punch
ink, a small black circle appeared. I watched, horrified, as it started when people started arriving, the children excitedly running in while their
expanding, taking over the area. His face twisted in pain and I cried out, caretakers lingered off to the side. Some didn’t even bother to stay, instead
frightened, as the blackness started to quickly take over his entire body. just dropping their children off at the curb. Alec stuck around for the party,
“Edward!” I screamed. “No, Edward!” standing off to the side watching warily, so quiet and stoic that most barely
“La mia bella ragazza,” he said in a strangled whisper, vanishing noticed his presence. Others, however, kept casting him suspicious looks
suddenly into the darkness.
390 403
 Alec was quiet for a moment. “Carlisle fought hard to ensure Edward I sat up abruptly in bed, hyperventilating and struggling for air. My
didn’t turn out like him, but at eighteen he made the exact same decision chest burned like it was on fire and I felt sick, the tears streaming down
his father did anyway. Tale il padre, tale il figlio. Because of that, it’s only my face and blurring my vision. I stopped taking all of the medications after
logical they would worry that what happened to Elizabeth in that life would leaving Seattle and cutting off contact with Dr. Cullen, and the nightmares
happen to you if you became a part of it, also.” had returned within a matter of days. It wasn’t the first time I’d had the
I watched him curiously as he paused, seemingly contemplating what one of Edward being consumed by blackness but it was one I’d never get
to say. “What they failed to realize, though, is the main thing Elizabeth used to, one that haunted me and played on my worst fears.
always tried to teach them… you can’t fight fate. Cambiano i suonatori ma I glanced over at the clock, blinking rapidly, and gasped when I saw it
la musica è sempre quella.”* was already after seven in the evening. I jumped up and my legs wobbled,
“What does that mean?” I asked. I’d picked up a little bit of Italian over but I kept my balance and headed for the bathroom. I was running late and
the past year out of curiosity, but it was hard to decipher when spoken by needed to hurry or there was no way I’d make it on time.
someone who was fluent. He didn’t answer for a moment and started I showered quickly and dried my hair before grabbing the white dry
wandering through the room, his attention focused on the juvenile cleaning bag from the back of my closet door and putting on the tan colored
paintings. It was weird watching him, because I never took Alec as someone dress inside of it. I grabbed my shoes and slid them on, walking into the
who would be remotely interested in those sorts of things. bathroom to quickly apply a bit of makeup. I still rarely bothered with it
“You read Elizabeth’s journal, so am I correct to assume you know I but I was nervous and felt like I should, knowing everyone else would be
failed her?” wearing it where I was going. I pulled part of my hair back and secured it
“Failed her?” I asked hesitantly. “She didn’t see it that way. She said with a clip, allowing the rest to fall in subtle waves down my back. A few
you were always fair to her, helped when it was necessary and you were stray strands hung around my face and I just pushed them aside, glancing
never very harsh.” at my reflection briefly.
“I could’ve done more.” I was still me, although I seemed older and more mature from time
“Can’t we all?” I responded. He glanced at me with surprise and I smiled having passed, and I immediately wondered if Edward had changed at all.
nervously. “I mean, we’re only human, after all.” I wondered what he was doing, the dream from earlier weighing heavily on
He nodded. “You are a lot like Elizabeth, even more so now than ever my mind. Was he thinking of me? Did he ever wonder what became of me?
before, but there are some differences. She wouldn’t have stood here and Did he ask anyone?
held a conversation with me, that’s for sure, and she probably would’ve Sighing, I turned the light off and headed out, knowing I had no time to
disposed of the car the second I requested,” he said, pausing and smiling dwell on questions I couldn’t have answers to. I could ask, of course, and
with amusement. “Regardless, I can see why they would worry, but the Esme would likely tell me the truth, but a part of me was afraid to hear it.
truth is that just because a person’s situation changes, doesn’t mean that A lot of time had passed and we’d officially been apart longer than we’d ever
they’ll change. It doesn’t matter if you’re in Washington or California or been together. Could he still love me?
Illinois, you are who you are, Isabella. Carlisle thinks if he would’ve let The drive into San Francisco felt like it took an eternity, each second
Elizabeth go she wouldn’t have met you, therefore she wouldn’t have done putting me further on edge than before. The parking lot of the Art Gallery
what she did, but he doesn’t seem to grasp that it was in Elizabeth’s near the California College of the Arts campus was packed, the massive
character to help people and nothing would’ve changed that. She would’ve amounts of cars making me nervous, but I fought to steady myself. I parked
met someone, somewhere, she felt the need to help. That’s what I meant by and slowly made my way to the building, pausing at the door where the
Cambiano i suonatori ma la musica è sempre quella.” man stood with a stack of papers in his hand.
“Do you think they were wrong?” I asked, the question coming from my “Name?”
mouth before I even realized what I was doing. “Do you think Edward “Isabella,” I said quickly, before hesitating to take a deep breath.
shouldn’t have, uh…?” “Isabella Smith.”
“Left you?” he finished the question for me, laughing humorlessly as he He glanced at his paper and I bit my lip, still nervous about using the
shook his head. “There are worst places you could be than Chicago, but my name a year later. It was one of the things Alec had suggested, garnering a
opinion doesn’t really matter, Isabella. It isn’t my life we’re talking about– whole new identity for me to live under while I was in California. He said
It’s yours. You have to come to that conclusion on your own.” it was wise to keep Isabella the same, because it would raise suspicion if I
didn’t recognize my name being called, and had chosen the most common
* The melody has changed but the song remains the same. last name in the country for me. There were over a hundred Isabella
402 391
Smith’s in America, so even if they did somehow get a hold of my alias, “Where does he live?”
locating me amongst all of them would take time. So much time, hopefully, “Why are you so nosy?”
that when they did finally catch up to me it would be for nothing. It was “Because I am,” she said, laughing. “How did you meet him?”
the main reason I’d cut off all contact with everyone except for Alec, afraid “He’s a… friend of the family.”
any type of correspondence would drag others into the situation and “Really? Do you have pictures of him around? Because he looks really
eventually lead Agent DiFronzo straight to me. familiar, like I’ve seen him somewhere before,” she said, standing up. “It’s
“Ah, yes, Ms. Smith,” he said, smiling as he motioned for me to enter. strange. He is a cop, though, right?”
“Your guest has already arrived.” “Is this an interrogation?” I asked, her questions making me
“Thank you,” I responded, stepping into the gallery. The lighting was uncomfortable. She shrugged.
warm and the atmosphere seemed welcoming, with soft classical music “I’m just trying to figure out who he is. Is it a crime to want to know
playing from overhead speakers, but I felt extremely out of place among the about my best friend’s life? You don’t talk much about it,” she said.
people dressed in fancy clothes. They wandered around, admiring all of the “Anyway, let’s get going.”
artwork on platforms and adorning the walls, quietly chatting with one Alec’s car was gone when we headed outside and I groaned, realizing he
another as they sipped champagne. still had my keys. Emily drove the two of us to the Rainbow Arts Center
I slowly walked through the gallery and heard laughter as I made my and we spent the morning cleaning the place up, organizing everything and
way to the back, the sound instantly easing some of my nerves. I saw Emily gathering up all of the kids’ artwork from the past few months. We carefully
in the corner, standing beside a man in a blue suit, the two of them gazing framed them all and spent the next two hours affixing the paintings to the
at a familiar painting. Warmth spread through my body at the sight of it, wall and decorating for a party. Emily left at one point to get snacks and
my heart nearly stalling as I read the small plaque. Artist: Isabella S. drinks as I finished blowing up balloons, and I turned around to get
Exhibition at the San Francisco gallery was usually reserved for something, nearly colliding with someone I hadn’t seen standing there.
experienced artists, graduate students and people on staff, but one of my They grabbed my shoulders to stop me and I screamed, caught off guard
professors had been so taken by my work that she submitted some of my because I hadn’t heard anyone come in.
paintings. They’d hesitantly approved two of them after some persuasion, “Relax,” a voice I quickly recognized as Alec’s said calmly.
an abstract and a landscape, and sent an invitation for me and a guest to “How did you know where I was?” I asked, surprised he’d found me since
attend the event. Emily had been ecstatic when I invited her, because she I hadn’t actually told him where I was going. He stared at me, his
apparently had a crush on someone from the San Francisco campus that expression making me wonder if it had been a stupid question.
would be there. I knew nothing about him, but based on her body language “You think I don’t keep tabs on you?” he asked after a moment.
and flirty giggle, I ventured to guess he was the one in the blue suit. “Well, I knew you did, but I just didn’t know how closely.”
“Isabella!” she exclaimed when she saw me, waving her hand for me to “Close enough that I could likely find you at any given moment if
join them. The man turned and smiled widely, revealing a set of deep necessary,” he responded. “I don’t know where you are every minute of
dimples and perfect white teeth. He had tanned skin and black hair, his every day, but I’m aware of your general weekly schedule. It’s my job to
eyes dark and mysterious. know. It’s nice what you do here, by the way.”
“Hello,” I mumbled. “Oh,” I said. “Thanks. I, uh… I enjoy it.”
“Good evening,” the man said. “I imagine you do,” he responded. “Elizabeth did similar things with the
“Isabella, this is Seth Clearwater. Seth, this is my friend, Isabella, that Advocacy Center, gave a piece of herself back to others like her. Carlisle
I was telling you about,” Emily said. always reminded her that she couldn’t help everyone, but she said if she
“The Isabella?” he asked, glancing at the painting before turning back helped just one person, it would have been worth all the work, no matter
to me. I nodded and his smile somehow grew even bigger than before. the sacrifice.”
“You’re quite exceptional.” “Yeah, she mentioned that in her journal,” I mumbled. “I feel the same
“Thank you,” I responded as he held his hand out to me. I took it way.”
gingerly and tensed up when he brought it to his mouth, placing a light kiss “So you understand why Edward left you, then?” he asked, his voice
on the back of my hand. even and emotionless. I cringed from the question, not expecting it, and he
“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” he said. gave me a curious look.
“You, too, sir,” I said, blushing from embarrassment. “I guess,” I said quietly. “I mean, he didn’t want me where he is.”

392 401
 “Someone broke in,” I mumbled. “They were here when I got home last “No need to call me sir,” he said, letting go of me. “We’re all equals here.
night.” Each of us has a love of the arts and in that world, none of us are superior.
“Jesus, are you okay?” she asked. So please, just call me Seth.”
“Yes. I tried calling you,” I responded. “Seth is an artist,” Emily chimed in. “I’ve heard he’s really magnificent.”
“Oh, shit! I’m so fucking sorry. My phone died at the gallery so I didn’t “You’re kind, but I’m not that good. I surely wasn’t good enough to have
know,” she said. “I was going to tell you when I left but you were mingling my work displayed as a first-year,” Seth said with a laugh. My blush
or whatever and he was being impatient so I figured you’d be alright.” deepened as he winked and I tried to come up with some intelligent
“It’s okay,” I said. “It scared me, though, when I couldn’t get a hold of response, but before I could someone called my name. I turned and saw my
you. It was like you’d vanished into thin air.” professor standing down the hall with a group of people in front of what I
“Oh, you don’t have to worry about me, I can take care of myself,” she quickly realized was my other painting.
said assuredly. “Why would they target you, though? I mean, no offense, She waved for me to join them and I excused myself, walking over
but there are much nicer houses in the neighborhood.” apprehensively.
“Like I said, there are always reasons,” Alec said. “I’m going to have a The evening passed in a blur as I wandered through the crowd,
security system installed today, so you can stay here safely. I already occasionally being called to one of my pieces so people could meet the artist.
cleared it with the owner.” I listened to countless theories on my abstract painting, some so far off the
“Thanks,” I said quietly, looking at the clock. “I need to get ready. We mark I had to stifle laughs, and met dozens of other artists whose work was
have somewhere to be in an hour.” also on display.
“I’d rather you skip it,” he said. Emily disappeared at some point but I barely noticed amidst the chaos,
“I can’t,” I said right away, shaking my head. so many others taking my attention and keeping me distracted. It was more
“You can’t, or you won’t?” he asked, giving me a curious look. than I had ever expected, receiving so much praise over something I’d
“Won’t,” I said hesitantly. He nodded, as if he expected that answer, and poured my soul into, and by the time the evening started winding down I
a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. felt like I was floating on air.
He agreed I should go if it was important and I hesitantly left the two I was standing in front my abstract painting where I’d seen Emily
of them alone downstairs to get dressed, throwing on a pair of jeans and a earlier that evening when a throat cleared behind me. I glanced back and
pink top. I gathered all of my hair up and twisted it, securing it to my head saw Seth Clearwater watching me, his presence catching me off guard
with a rubber band, before slipping on my pair of pink and white Nikes. I because I’d assumed Emily was off with him. He smiled and walked to my
head back downstairs and found Emily sitting on the couch eating an apple, side, gazing at the wall.
Alec nowhere to be found. “I wasn’t lying when I said it was excellent,” he said.
“He stepped outside,” she said before I even had a chance to ask. “Got a “What do you see?” I asked curiously. He shrugged, continuing to stare
call, I assume it was his wife. It was a major mood killer. He was speaking at it.
in a pretty foreign language, though. Italian, maybe? Whatever it was, it “It reminds me of what I said earlier,” he said after a moment. “How
was fucking sexy.” we’re all the same when you look at the big picture.”
I laughed as I walked over to her, shaking my head. “He’s not really I glanced at my painting, unnerved by how close he was. It was a sphere
your type, you know,” I said. “He’s a serious kind of person.” in the middle of darkness, blue mixing in with black. The sphere was made
“I noticed,” she said. “He’s intense, seems protective over you. You’re up of every color and shade imaginable, all of them blending together in
not in like, WITSEC are you?” chaotic swirls. I painted it thinking of the world, the colors merging and
“What?” I asked, not knowing what she was talking about. representing the population– all of us unique in our own ways, but yet none
“WITSEC. You know, witness protection, where the government sends any greater than the other. We all blended together and mixed with the
you and gives you a whole new identity so the gangsters can’t find you? Is black– the people who were overlooked that no one knew existed– and
he a Federal Marshall or something?” nothing about it was perfect, because life wasn’t perfect.
I cracked a smile at the irony of her words, considering it had been the “Have you sold a painting yet?” he asked before I could respond to his
gangster to give me a new identity to hide from the government. “No, it’s analysis.
nothing like that.” “Uh, no,” I said, shaking my head. “I don’t paint for a job. Everything I
“Well, how come I’ve never seen him here before?” do is personal so I don’t really feel comfortable giving it to a stranger for
“He doesn’t live around here.” money.”
400 393
 “That’s a shame,” he responded. “I’d really love to buy this one.” “Yes,” she said. “He’s all I thought he would be, too. Kept me up all
I looked at him with shock, seeing his serious expression. “Uh, thanks. night, my God, but compared to that hunk of meat in the kitchen he was
So, um, have you seen Emily?” I asked, wanting to change the subject from practically fucking dog food! How the hell did you pull that, Isabella?”
the painting. He glanced at me with confusion. “You think we...” I started, stunned. “Oh God, Emily, no way! He’s…
“Who?” married!”
“Emily. You know, my friend that introduced us earlier?” I clarified. “So?” she said, shrugging. “A man like that, Isabella, is more than just
“Ah, her,” he said. “No, I haven’t seen her, sorry.” one woman can handle. I can’t believe you spent all night with him and still
“Oh,” I said, confused. “I should probably go find her then. It was nice didn’t get laid. I’m seriously considering contacting the convent about you.”
meeting you.” “Why do you think I spent all night with him?”
“Hey, hold on a second,” he said as I turned to leave. He reached into “You still have your dress on from the gallery, so there’s no way you
his pocket and pulled out a small white card, holding it out to me. “If you slept here,” she said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Did
change your mind about selling the painting, give me a call. Or even if you you at least blow him?”
don’t want to sell it, feel free to use the number.” “Emily!”
I took the card from him hesitantly, smiling politely. He was staring at “You’re such a prude,” she said, smirking as I blushed. “If you won’t, can
me intently as if he were studying every inch of me, the attention making I?”
me uncomfortable. I turned and quickly walked away, grabbing my phone “No!” I spat as she laughed. “Oh, God, why would you want to?”
and dialing Emily’s number. It didn’t even ring, going straight to voicemail, “Are you seriously asking me that?” she asked, still laughing. “Are you
and I left a message telling her to call me the first chance she got. blind? He’s gorgeous, has that whole mysterious and dangerous look about
I stayed a while longer and saw Seth leave, watching as he ran to a dark him. There’s no way a man like that isn’t well-endowed. God, I bet he’s good
car in the parking lot to speed away. Something about him left me in bed, too.”
unnerved, but I couldn’t really put my finger on exactly what it was. “Emily, stop!” I hissed.
It was around eleven when I made my way to the car, starting it up and “Oh, relax,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I get it. You have no interest in
pulling from the parking lot. I didn’t see Emily’s car anywhere so I tried to men, except for that Edwin guy…”
call her again during the drive, getting her voicemail once more. I didn’t “Edward,” I corrected her.
bother to leave another message but took a detour to drive by her house, “Edwin, Edward, whatever. Same difference. I’ve known you for a year
seeing the lights were all off and there was no sign she’d been there. I gave now, honey, and have yet to see the guy. He doesn’t call, he doesn’t write,
up, figuring she would call and have another crazy story to tell, and made he doesn’t visit. He may as well be a fucking ghost, Izzy, but Seth and that
my way home. fine specimen in the kitchen? They’re real, they’re tangible, and there
It was a two story house in the Montclair neighborhood, rented under comes a point where you have to give up the fantasy for the reality,” she
my alias and not purchased because Alec felt it was safer that way. He said said, pausing and glancing down the hallway. I heard Alec’s footsteps as he
it was better to not have anything permanent when people are looking for headed back in our direction and her smile grew. “And it doesn’t hurt when
you, and that you shouldn’t keep anything you wouldn’t mind walking away the reality looks a hell of a lot like my fantasy.”
from at the drop of a dime. Alec stepped in the room, slipping his phone into his pocket. “What was
I parked along the street and shut the car off, sighing as I got out and the guy’s name you met last night?” he asked, looking at me.
headed for the front door. I fumbled with my keys, exhausted, and stuck “Seth Clearwater,” I responded.
the key in the lock as I grabbed the knob. I turned it and my brow furrowed “He’s an artist,” Emily chimed in.
when it opened without a click, realizing it had already been unlocked. My “Are you sure?” Alec asked. “Or is that just what he said?”
heart started thumping erratically from fright as I quietly pushed the front “Uh, that’s what he said,” she responded, shrugging. “I don’t know why
door open, wondering if I’d been in such a hurry earlier that I’d actually ran he would lie, though.”
out without locking up. “There are always reasons,” Alec said seriously.
I glanced around cautiously and pulled out the container of pepper “I, uh… I have his phone number,” I stammered, glancing around and
spray I usually carried with me, shutting the door quietly before starting grabbing my purse. I pulled the small white card out, holding it out to Alec.
through the downstairs. I stepped into the kitchen and reached for the light “He gave me his business card.”
switch, but the moment my fingers touched it a thump rang out above me. A tense silence fell over the room as Alec eyed the card intently. “Did
My heart stalled and I glanced at the ceiling instinctively, suddenly feeling something happen?” Emily asked after a moment.
394 399
so I stopped keeping them and burned the ones I’d had. I couldn’t bear to like I was going to be sick. The hairs on my arms stood up as a strange
destroy Elizabeth’s, though. feeling crept through me, the sensation that I wasn’t alone nearly buckling
“I have Elizabeth’s,” I said quietly, sensing Alec behind me. my knees.
“That’s fine,” he responded. “There isn’t anything anyone could do with I stood as still as a statue, trying to convince myself I’d just been hearing
it. The journals themselves are inadmissible as evidence without the person things, when an unmistakable crash registered with my ears. I gasped and
who wrote them to testify, and she’s already dead.” started trembling as soon as I heard the footsteps, originating in my
I cringed at his stoic voice, turning around to face him. I went to speak, bedroom and heading down the hall. I immediately thought of Emily,
to ask him what I should do, when the front door was thrust open, catching wondering if it could be her, but the footsteps were too heavy. It reminded
me off guard. I gasped and Alec turned quickly, reaching into his coat for me of how Charles used to walk and the sound his boots would make
his gun again. He grabbed it but didn’t pull it out and I breathed a sigh of stomping against the wooden floor as we sat awaiting punishment from
relief as I caught sight of my friend coming in the doorway. Emily froze at him.
the sight of us, her eyes darting between me and Alec in confusion. I debated briefly as I heard them start down the stairs, dizzy from the
“Who’s the DILF?” she asked immediately, shutting the door behind her memory of Charles, and glanced furiously between the closet and the
and motioning toward Alec. Her eyes scanned him quickly and I groaned as backdoor. I still had my keys and my phone so in a split second decision I
a small smile came upon her lips. unlocked the back door, pulling it open and slipping outside. I held my
“Emily…” I started, feeling my cheeks reddening from embarrassment. breath as I closed it, not wanting to alert them to my presence, and bolted
“Is this your missing friend, Isabella?” Alec asked calmly. I nodded. around the side of the house for the street. I climbed back in the Volvo and
“Missing?” Emily asked, eyeing Alec warily. “Are you a cop or started it up, speeding away quickly in a panic.
something?” I drove to Emily’s house, on the verge of hyperventilating, and silently
Alec stared at her briefly. “Do I look like a cop?” cursed when I saw it was still empty. I was at a loss as to what to do, unsure
“Sort of,” she responded. “I mean, you do have a gun and all.” of what was happening. I couldn’t exactly call the police and invite them to
I watched as Alec took his hand from his weapon, covering it again with search my home, but there was no way I could go back there by myself. I
his coat. “He’s…” I started, unsure of how to explain it. tried Emily’s number again but she still didn’t answer, and as I scrolled
“Alec,” he said, finishing my statement and holding his hand out to her through my cell phone again I realized I had no choice but to call Alec. I
politely. wavered between the two numbers before dialing his cell phone, figuring it
“Emily,” she responded, taking his hand. “Obviously you already knew was an emergency, and held my breath as it started to ring.
that, though.” “Hello? Is everything alright?”
“Yes,” he responded, letting go of her. “Anyway, if you’ll excuse me, I “Uh, I’m not sure, sir,” I stammered.
need to make a phone call.” “What’s going on?”
He walked toward the kitchen, pulling his phone out, and the moment “I, uh... I had an art gallery showing tonight so I was gone all night. I
he was out of sight Emily turn to me with shock. “Where the hell did he just got home and my door was unlocked. I thought maybe I’d forgotten to
come from?” lock it so I just went inside, but then there was someone there...”
“Uh, I’ve known him for a while,” I mumbled, unsure of what to say. “What do you mean there was someone there?” he asked, his tone sharp.
“I’m not going to lie, Izzy, I was hoping you wouldn’t go home alone last “There was someone in the house. A man...”
night, especially after that Seth guy at the gallery took an interest in you. “Who?”
He was kind of hot, you know. I was hoping you’d go off with him so he “I don’t know. I didn’t see them.”
could knock some of that stiffness out of you, if you know what I mean, but “Then how do you know it was a man?”
Jesus Christ, girl! He’s kinda old but whatever, the motherfucker is “I just guessed. I mean, it sounded like a man.”
gorgeous!” she whispered hurriedly. I gaped at her, stunned by her words. “Did you hear them speak? What did they say?”
“Wasn’t Seth the one you liked?” I asked, confused. Her brow furrowed. “No they didn’t talk. I heard them walking around. It reminded me of
“No, I have no idea who he is. He was charming, though, so I figured he Charles...”
would be perfect for you,” she said, shrugging. “I only had eyes for Professor “Did they see you?”
Ateara.” “I don’t think so. I mean, I didn’t make any noise and I ran out the back
“Professor?” I gasped, stunned. “The man you wanted to go to see is a when I heard them coming down the stairs.”
professor?!” “You didn’t call the police, did you?”
398 395
 “No, sir.” at it quickly, hoping it was Emily, and was stunned to see it was already
“Good. Where are you now?” Alec.
“I’m in the car. I drove to my friend Emily’s but she’s not here. I don’t “Yes, sir?” I answered.
know where she is. She disappeared from the gallery and I haven’t heard “I just landed. I’ll meet you there in an hour.”
from her.” The phone clicked as he hung up, once again not giving me time to
“Is that normal?” respond. I sat nervously, watching the clock as time slipped away, and
“No. Well, I mean, yes. She often goes off on her own, but she’s always almost exactly an hour later a black rental car slowly came pulling up the
told me if she was leaving and we were together.” street. I sighed and got out, wrapping my arms around my chest as I made
“So, it’s not normal,” he said, sounding impatient. my way toward him. He climbed out of the car and turned to me as I
“No, I guess not.” approached, glancing past me toward the Volvo.
“Has anything strange happened lately?” he asked. “Anyone weird “You should have gotten rid of the car,” he said sharply, holding his
hanging around the neighborhood or taking a sudden interest?” hand out to me.
“Uh, I met someone tonight, but they were at the gallery,” I said, I started stammering nervously as I gave them to him, but he held his
shaking my head as I tried to think. “He was nice, said he wanted to buy hand up to stop me. I flinched from the sudden movement and he froze,
my painting but it was kind of unnerving.” giving me a pointed look. “Relax,” he said. “I have no intention of harming
“He was at the gallery? Is there any way he could’ve known your address you.”
and made it to your house before you?” He started across the street and I followed, watching as he gripped the
“No. Well, I mean, I guess he could’ve somehow. I don’t know. I’m sorry.” doorknob and pushed the still unlocked door open. He reached into his coat
“Don’t apologize. It’s normal to be flustered under the circumstances. and I tensed up as he pulled his gun out, slowly walking through the
You need to find somewhere safe to stay tonight, a hotel or something.” downstairs. I stood still by the front door as he checked the place out, trying
“Okay. So should I wait for Emily to show up before I go home to keep myself calm. The house was quiet and appeared undisturbed, a part
tomorrow?” of me feeling ridiculous wondering if Alec had flown out for nothing.
“No, I’m coming. I’ll be there in the morning.” “Isabella,” he called out after a moment from upstairs. “Come here.”
The moment he spoke those words dread coursed through me. In the I started up the stairs anxiously and saw him standing in the doorway
year I’d been in California, he hadn’t needed to fly out for any reason and I to my bedroom, gasping as I looked past him. The room was trashed, my
had tried to keep it that way. He’d been extremely helpful in getting me set belongings strewn everywhere, and drawers were dumped out all over the
up, but I preferred to not have him there in person. floor. “What…” I started.
“Are you sure?” I asked hesitantly. “You don’t have to...” “I need you to look through this and tell me what’s been taken, if
“No, I’m sure. I’m glad you called. I’ll notify you when I land.” anything,” he said. “I’ll be downstairs. I need to make sure the house hasn’t
Before I could respond he hung up, the conversation obviously finished been bugged.”
in his eyes. I closed my phone carefully, setting it aside as I debated what “Yes, sir.”
to do. I lay my head against the steering wheel and stared across the street I started sorting through things, putting everything back where it had
at Emily’s house, waiting for some kind of sign from her. I wasn’t sure how come from and trying to take inventory of my belongings. My jewelry box
much time passed as I sat there before exhaustion took hold of me and my was missing, as well as the cash I’d kept in a drawer. Always use cash, Alec
eyes drifted closed. had said, never leave a paper trail. I headed back downstairs, and walked
I was jolted back awake much later to the sound of a horn blaring and I to the kitchen where Alec was, sighing as he glanced at me. “I’m just
sat up quickly in confusion, catching sight of my reflection in the rear-view missing some money and jewelry. I don’t really own anything valuable.”
mirror and groaning when I saw the red lines imprinted on my cheek. My “Value doesn’t always equal a monetary amount, Isabella,” he said. “No
neck was stiff and my back ached, my eyes still burning from exhaustion. I diaries or journals?”
reached for my phone, stunned to see it was already after six in the “No, sir,” I said, shaking my head before it dawned on me. “Oh, crap!”
morning, and frowned when there were no missed calls. I ran into the living room, scanning the bookshelf quickly, and breathed
I started the car up and headed back toward my house, looking around a sigh of relief when I spotted the worn leather book amongst the others.
cautiously as I drove through my neighborhood. I parked down the street Alec had explained to me how dangerous diaries were, as that was
and was in a trance, staring at the house, when my phone rang. I glanced apparently how the agent had discovered I’d been a slave in the first place,

396 397
 “Of course you know she’s an artist,” my father said, ignoring his Emmet reached over to wipe them from her cheeks and I looked away,
statement. “In fact, you know a lot about Isabella, more than you’d ever my jealousy and longing growing stronger.
admit to. You’re also well aware she’s not nothing to you.” The ceremony went by quickly, and I barely heard any of it as I
“You don’t know what you’re talking about. She’s always been just a nervously fidgeted and looked around for any sign of my uncle. The moment
slave. She’s irrelevant in my world.” it was over I darted from the fucking church before Esme could stop me. I
I cringed, trying to fight back my temper at his words, and saw the got in my car and drove around the city for a while before eventually
irritation flash across my father’s face as he tensed up. heading for the street we lived on, not in the mood for a family party but
“You know, it never really made sense to me at the time,” my father knowing I couldn’t just go home and skip the reception entirely. They were
continued. “I never understood why Charles Swan Sr. refused to give holding it at Esme’s house and given that you could see my driveway from
Isabella up, why he wouldn’t let her go when he clearly wanted nothing to her front step, I knew she’d fucking come for me if I didn’t go there first.
do with her. She was a burden, another mouth to feed and of no benefit to I parked at the house before strolling down the street to Esme’s, and
him as a slave at such a young age. So why not take the cash, why not give Emmett started toward me as soon as I walked in, a stern expression on
her away?” his face. I immediately wondered what the fuck I’d done wrong, since
“She was his granddaughter,” Aro said pointedly. Emmett was rarely so serious, and I braced myself as he reached for me. I
“She was, but that didn’t matter to him and you know it,” my father expected him to fucking body slam me or throw me into something but
retorted. “His son impregnating a slave would’ve been a disgrace in his instead he pulled me into a hug, squeezing me tightly.
eyes, his bloodline tainted. An illegitimate child would’ve destroyed the “Christ, Emmett.” I gasped, his firm hole nearly knocking the wind out
alliance he tried to form between his family and the Evansons. Under of me.
normal circumstances he would’ve wanted rid of the child, all evidence of “You need to sober the fuck out and get yourself together’ he said, his
her existence gone. So why not only keep her, but kill over her on top of it?” voice low and demanding. “My kid is gonna need and uncle he can look up
“He didn’t want anyone to find out who her father was.” to.”
“Yeah, that’s what you told me,” he said, shaking his head. “You told me “Kid?” I asked incredulously, my brow furrowing as pulled away from
Swan had my wife killed because he didn’t want anyone to know what his me. “Yeah, a kid”, he responded grinning. “Can you believe it? I’m gonna be
son had done, and I actually bought that bullshit for years. I actually fucking daddy, man.”
believed it, because you told me you were sure. I slaughtered him and his “Shit, she’s pregnant?” I asked. He nodded and I ran my hand through
wife, and then I put my gun to Isabella’s head as she slept and pulled the my hair, stunned. “Uh, congratulations. Christ, you didn’t wait very long,
trigger, wanting her dead, too, because you told me that was the reason my you just fucking got married a minute ago, Em.”
wife died. And that’s exactly what you wanted, wasn’t it? You wanted me “Started the honeymoon early,” he said jokingly. “She’s already three
to kill them all. You were hoping to use my grief to get me to wipe all of months along but we haven’t told anyone yet. Well, not until now, anyway.”
them out and it almost happened. If my gun hadn’t jammed, I would’ve “Wow,” I muttered, unsure of what to say about all of it. I was happy for
killed every person there.” him, of course, but the fucking jealousy was threatening to eat me alive. “I
“I didn’t tell you to kill any of them.” knew that bitch was glowing when I saw her.”
“You didn’t have to and you knew it! Like I said, you’ve always known “What did you just call me?” Rose’s sharp voice rang out behind me.
me quite well. You knew exactly what I would do with that information and Emmett laughed as I turned around, seeing Rosalie standing with her
you gave me enough time to do it before calling me in.” hands on her hips. She still had on her wedding gown but her hair was let
“I would’ve never ordered a hit on a child, or someone else’s slave for down, her veil gone. “Yeah, don’t call my baby’s momma a bitch, man,”
that matter!” Emmett said as my eyes scanned Rosalie. I noticed her face looked fuller
“Because you can’t. You’re bound by the same rules as all of us. You and she definitely was fucking glowing.
can’t kill innocent children or another man’s slave or you’d have a complete “Your cheeks got fat.” Her eyes narrowed at my words. “You’re still an
uproar on your hands. They wouldn’t have trusted you anymore if they even asshole,” she retorted.
suspected you had anything to do with it, there would’ve been a mutiny! I nodded. “You’ll get no argument from me on that shit,” I muttered.
But you knew exactly how to push my buttons, how to get me to react. You “Congrats, by the way. On the marriage and the kid.”
wanted them all dead and you used me as a scapegoat to make it happen “Thanks,” she replied before reaching over and punching Emmett hard
so you could keep your own hands clean.” in the arm. He flinched, obviously not expecting her to hit him, and started
rubbing the spot she’d connected with.
444 413
 “Jesus, Rosie, what was that for?” house that he wouldn’t likely walk back out. “I was beginning to wonder if
“Baby’s momma?” she seethed. He shrugged and I laughed as she rolled I would ever see you again. Come, have a seat.”
her eyes. “And I can’t believe you told him first, of all people.” “Thanks, but I’ll pass. I’m fine where I am,” my father responded
“Told who what?” Alice asked, walking over and slipping in beside me. nonchalantly, still lingering a few feet away. “You had to have known we’d
She grabbed my arm, wrapping her arms around it as she leaned against see each other again, Aro. It would’ve been rude of me to take permanent
me. I gave her a small smile and she smiled in return, the happiness and leave and not say goodbye to you, of all people.”
warmth in her expression still oddly comforting even though I hadn’t seen “True,” Aro replied, eyeing him cautiously. “You’ve been gone for a
her in a very long time. Jasper walked up beside Alice and looked at me, while, though. I was afraid something might’ve happened to you. I was
actually making eye-contact unlike the last time I saw him. He nodded in really quite worried.”
greeting and I returned it. “I’m sure you were,” my father said, a smirk tugging at his lips.
“Told Edward that Rosie was knocked up,” Emmett said. Jasper’s eyes “I was, especially when you missed the beginning of your trial. I was
widened with shock but Alice just smiled, obviously already knowing the deeply concerned as to what that meant for you.”
shit whether or not someone had come out and said it. Before either could “Ah, yes, that,” he said, shrugging. ‘To be perfectly honest with you, I
comment Rosalie punched Emmett again, groaning. had no intention of ever going to prison, so I figured there was no use going
“Knocked up?” she echoed, her voice scathing. We all laughed as through the charade of a trial.”
Emmett grumbled an apology, and Jasper and Alice quietly congratulated “Can’t say I’m surprised, Carlisle.”
them. Emmett insisted we sit down together for a while, and they talked “I’m sure. You always did know me quite well,” my father said. “It was
about weddings and babies and the future, but I didn’t say much because a pity I never really knew you, though.”
there really wasn’t anything I could contribute. My future was set in stone “Of course you did,” Aro said. “What you see is what you get with me.”
and it wasn’t anything to gush about or anything I could even share. It was “I wish that were true. I always thought you were a man of your word,
nice, though, being around them all again. It felt like old times when one of a man who saw the world as black and white,” my father said, laughing
them cracked a joke or brought up an old memory, all of it so comforting dryly. “I never realized exactly how much you skirted in the gray areas until
that for a moment I allowed myself to relax and just forget about everything recently.”
else. There was no anger or resentment, no guilt or blame being thrown Aro’s eyes narrowed angrily and I looked around frantically as I started
around for things that had happened. There was nothing but love and shaking from fright. “That’s completely absurd,” Aro stated. “What makes
friendship at the table, and even some understanding amongst us. you think such a ridiculous thing?”
My father came over for a few minutes, laughing and joking around with “Isabella Swan.”
us, and I felt a strange sensation brewing up inside as I watched them all. The sound of her name coming from my father’s lips made me gasp as I
They were my family, the people who cared for me most in the world, the lost my breath, unsure why the fuck he was bringing her up.
ones who had been through it all with me. They felt my pain and shared in “What does that girl have to do with this?” Aro asked.
my joy, and as I listened to my father start talking about my mother and “Everything. She has everything to do with this,” he responded right
how happy she would be if she were there, I realized exactly what it was. away before glancing at me. “Edward, why don’t you go inside? I’d like to
Happiness. For the first time since leaving Forks, I felt happiness... and it speak to your Godfather alone.”
didn’t fucking take drugs or liquor to induce it. I pushed my chair back and stood up, but froze when Aro slammed his
But still, even then, I felt the void, the part that was missing. I felt her hands against the table in front of him. “Sit back down,” he spat, glaring at
absence, when I wanted nothing more than her presence. me.
A throat cleared behind me and I stiffened up instinctively, despite the I sighed and slipped back into the chair, watching my father cautiously.
fact that Emmett and Rosalie smiled. I saw the panic in his expression when I took my seat and my heart started
“This is for you two,” Alec’s voice rang out as he reached past me, pounding furiously, knowing whatever was about to happen was not going
holding a gift wrapped in shiny green paper to Emmett. The hope inside of to be good.
me flared as I turned around, seeing he looked exhausted but otherwise “I still fail to see what the Swan child has to do with anything,” Aro
fine. “I apologize I missed the ceremony, I had business I couldn’t get away said, turning his attention back to my father.
from and I just now made it back into town. Congratulations.” “Are you aware she’s an artist?”
“Thanks, Unk,” Emmett said as he took the box. “It’s understandable, “I couldn’t care less what she is,” Aro responded. “She’s nothing to me.”
no big deal.”
414 443
 “Ah, he was, but I requested he stay for a while,” Aro chimed in, taking Rosalie echoed the sentiment and Alec nodded, wishing them a nice
his usual seat. He motioned toward an empty chair and I slid in it, running honeymoon before turning and walking away without even looking at me.
my hand through my hair nervously. There were a dozen men in the room I watched him as he approached Esme, motioning for her to follow him. My
besides myself, the administration and all of the top capos, but I was the eyes darted around the area nervously and my heart started pounding
only one low in rank that was present. That fact scared the fuck out of me, rapidly when Emmett’s voice rang out.
unsure of why the hell I was ordered to stick around, and Alec seemed to “Izzy Bizzy,” he said. I turned to look at him so quickly that I nearly
be just as confused. knocked over a fucking glass of champagne, wondering why he’d said her
They all talked for a while about shit that didn’t really matter, like name, and saw he was holding a card he’d pulled from the top of the gift. I
baseball teams and brands of scotch, and I sat quietly drinking, trying to realized right away it was from her, nearly losing my breath from the ache
calm my nerves. I wasn’t sure how long I’d been sitting there when they in my chest, and reached up to rub it.
finally delved into matters of business– who owed money or who wasn’t “Well, read the fucking thing to us,” Rosalie demanded after a second
producing for the organization, who was giving them attitude, and who when Emmett didn’t say anything more. Emmett sighed, relaxing back into
seemed to have potential. Eventually Aro got up, asking me and Alistair to his chair.
follow him and telling the others to give us privacy. He headed for the back “Emmett and Rosalie, I wish I could deliver this in person but I can’t
door and I hesitantly followed them out to the back yard, taking seats on get away right now. I’m sorry and hope you can forgive me. I’m happy for
some wicker chairs on the patio beside the pool. He called for Maggie to you two and wish you a lifetime of happiness and love because you both
bring us drinks before dismissing her, ordering her to remain in her room deserve it. I bet Rosalie looked beautiful in her dress, but when does Rosalie
for the rest of the evening. When she was gone Aro glanced at me, raising not look beautiful? Maybe someday I’ll get to see pictures or a video of it,
his eyebrows curiously. I’d like that,” Emmett started, glancing at Rosalie and smiling. “She’s right,
“So how are things?” he asked, the question rubbing me the wrong way. babe. You’re always beautiful but especially today.”
What was I supposed to say? That things were just fucking peachy? Rosalie smiled and waved for him to continue. “It’s hard to believe it’s
“Alright,” I said, shrugging. been so long since I’ve spoken to any of you. It feels like it was just yesterday
“And what happened earlier to cause this argument in my parlor?” he we all went to cut down that Christmas tree together. I’m doing good and
asked, glancing between me and Alistair. have been busy but I won’t bore you with details. Just wanted you to know
“I was just a little put off by young Mr. Cullen’s attitude,” he said. “I that I’m okay here so you didn’t worry. Please tell everyone hello for me the
was stunned it was tolerated. I’ve never heard a man of honor say the next time you talk to them, and tell them I miss them a lot. I hope college
vulgar and disrespectful things that come out of his mouth before.” is going well for all of you.”
I tensed up as Aro looked at me again, and he opened his mouth to speak He paused, looking up at us. “Izzy Bizzy says hi and she misses you
but before he could an unexpected voice rang out from beside us, one that motherfuckers. She hopes you aren’t fucking up in school,” he said. They
nearly made my heart stop. I quickly glanced over in the direction it had laughed and I cracked a smile as he glanced back at the note.
come from, recognizing it immediately, and nearly fucking got sick from “I don’t know what you’re supposed to get people for their weddings
fear and confusion when my eyes fell upon my father standing at the corner because I’ve never known anyone getting married before. Someone told me
of the house about twenty feet away. that people register at stores for household things, but I didn’t think Rosalie
“Now Alistair, that’s not entirely true and you know it,” my father said was the kind of woman who would want a blender for her wedding. So I got
calmly. He was dressed in an all black suit, one of his flashy Italian ones something that I thought both of you would enjoy. I would suggest opening
that I rarely ever saw him wear, and his hair was slicked back on his head. it in private like she did for me once, but I don’t think she would get
He seemed relaxed, his body language casual as he took a few steps toward embarrassed either way. Love, Isabella.”
us. “My son’s hardly the first man of honor to have a smart mouth. In fact, Rosalie snatched the box from Emmett, tearing the paper off and
I had the same attitude when I was his age.” opening it quickly. She glanced inside, shifting some tissue paper around,
“Ah, Carlisle,” Aro said, the confusion and tension evident in his voice. and started laughing. “I knew it,” she said as Emmett glanced over, his face
It was clear none of us knew how to fucking react and I saw Alistair put his lighting up. “Holy shit, Izzy Bizzy’s kinky!” he declared, laughing as he
hand on his gun under the table, preparing himself just in case. I didn’t reached for the contents of the box. He started pulling out lingerie and I
know what the fuck he thought he was doing or why he was there, but I stared in shocked when he grabbed a pink vibrator. Emmett held it up,
wanted nothing more than for him to get the hell out of there. He had to drawing the attention of some people around us as he waved it around, and
fucking know they were out to get him... he had to know walking into Aro’s everyone started laughing as Rosalie tried to grab it from him. Her cheeks
442 415
tinged red as more people started looking and she finally pried it from jeans. He sighed and started to walk away, obviously not expecting me to
Emmett’s fingers, throwing it back in the box before shoving him. He nearly have a comeback, but hesitated a few steps away.
fell out of his chair but clung to it, laughing. “You’re such a douchebag “Be on guard tonight,” he said quietly, his eyes darting around the room.
sometimes,” she spat, standing up and walking away with the box. Alice “A mali est re mi, est re mi rimedi.”
smiled and excused herself, following Rosalie. “Yes, sir.”
“Looks like kitten was wrong,” Emmett said jokingly. “Rosie was I watched him start to mingle through the crowd, alarm settling in as I
embarrassed.” absorbed his words. A mali estremi, estremi rimedi– desperate times call
“Didn’t realize it was possible,” I said. for desperate measures. I wasn’t sure what the fuck was going to happen
“Me, either,” he responded, laughing again. “I’d send her a thank you but I could feel the tension brewing in the air– so many conflicting
note just for that but she didn’t say where she was.” personalities in one place was never a good idea, especially given recent
“Yeah, well, I’m sure Alec can find a way to get it to her,” I said, trying events.
to fight back my emotion. The next two hours were spent making small talk with other made men
“I hope so. I wanna tell her about the baby,” he responded. “I still can’t I knew and their families, and being introduced to new ones that had
believe that shit myself.” recently been initiated or ones I hadn’t fucking bothered to meet before. I
“God help us,” Jasper muttered. “A miniature Emmett.” pretended to give a shit but the truth was that I was counting down the
“If it isn’t a miniature him, it’ll be a miniature Rosalie. I don’t know minutes until I could leave, not wanting to be around any of those people.
which one would be worse,” I said, laughing. It wasn’t my first mandatory gathering and it definitely wouldn’t be my
“It’s gonna be a mix,” Emmett declared. “Rosie’s good looks and my last, but it was certainly the most uncomfortable one. My father was on the
killer personality.” run and everyone in the room knew it, all of them well aware that his life
“Better than your looks and Rosalie’s personality,” Jasper joked. “I’d had an expiration date attached to it. Half of them probably fucking knew
really feel sorry for the kid then,” I chimed in. ending him was my job, also, which would account for the numerous intense
We laughed and Emmett started picking up shit from the table, looks people kept giving me.
throwing it at us. “Assholes,” he said. “I still need to tell Dad he’s going to I drank heavily, despite the fact that I had decided to try to cut down,
be a grandpa. Don’t know how he’s going to feel about it. Rosie wants to and was painfully aware that Alec was keeping an eye on me from across
wait for a bit since he’s got so much to deal with right now as it is, but I the room. He was on edge, his eyes constantly darting around like he was
don’t know. I kind of want to tell him.” waiting for the fucking Feds to bust in at any second or something. I
“Yeah, maybe you should tell him,” Jasper said. “Give him something realized it was possible, because frankly anything was possible, but there
positive, since nothing else seems to be going right.” wasn’t shit I could do to stop it so I tried not to worry.
“Do you even think he’ll even be around when the time comes, though?” The crowd started clearing out, families and newer members departing
Emmett asked. “He is going to beat the charges, right?” Both of them looked while the ones at the top of the chain of command gathered in the den to
at me and I shrugged hesitantly, not sure what they expected. discuss whatever the fuck they discussed when they got together. I never
“I don’t know any more than you do about it,” I replied. “The trial starts stuck around for it, nor was I ever invited to, but it didn’t bother me because
soon, shouldn’t last for more than a few weeks. Your guess is as good as frankly it was the last thing I wanted to do. At a little after nine, I strolled
mine on the outcome.” I pushed my chair back and went to stand up, reality over toward Alec and told him I was leaving and he seemed relieved, telling
creeping back in and ruining my moment of contentment, when someone me to go home and stay there. I started for the door but Aro’s voice rang
gripped my shoulder. “Hey fellas,” Esme said, glancing around the table. out, stopping me.
“Hey, Aunt Es,” Emmett responded. “Do you happen to have Isabella’s “Where do you think you’re going, Edward?” I glanced at him
address? I need to send her a thank you note.” apprehensively. “Home.”
“No, sorry,” she replied. “I’m sure if you talk to Alec he’ll help you out, “So soon? It’s still early. Come, join us.”
but I don’t have contact with her. Anyway, Rosalie just threw the bouquet He motioned in the direction of the den and I sighed, not wanting to
out back. Alice caught it, of course. I thought she was going to start fucking be there any longer. “I’d really rather just...”
throwing punches over it.” They laughed as Jasper shook his head, “That’s “It wasn’t a request,” he said, walking away. I cursed under my breath
my Alice.” and started for the den, catching a look of panic on Alec’s face the moment
“Yeah, looks like you’re next,” Emmett said. I stepped in the room.
“I thought you were leaving.”
416 441
 “I was just telling young Mr. Cullen that he should be mindful of what “I guess so,” Jasper responded. Esme smiled, patting Jasper lovingly as
he says and who he talks to while in the Boss’ house. If he isn’t careful, she started to walk away. I said goodbye to my brothers quickly and
someone might get the wrong impression.” followed after her, stopping her in the kitchen before she could escape
“I didn’t...” I started, about to say I didn’t fucking do anything wrong, outside. “Why’d you just lie?” I asked.
when Alec cut me off. “What did I lie about?” she asked tentatively.
“Edward’s sarcastic mouth is quite notorious, almost expected at this “You said you didn’t have any contact with Isabella.”
point,” he stated. “I think people would get the wrong impression if he didn’t She sighed. “Look, I promised your uncle a year ago that I would stay
come off with a snide remark here or there.” out of it completely. I speak to her sometimes when she calls the house but
I looked at him with shock, not expecting him to defend me, and Alistair other than that I swore to him I’d remain uninvolved. He doesn’t want
laughed bitterly. “Just because it’s expected doesn’t mean it’s acceptable. people thinking they can go through me to get to her, and I’ve nearly
He needs to learn some respect. He was talking to that damn slave and...” crossed the line a few times already.”
“Respect?” Alec snapped, raising his voice. “And I suppose you honestly “Why doesn’t he want people knowing where she is?”
think you could teach it to him, after just speaking like that in his presence? “He has his reasons. You know better than to question your uncle’s
You’re well aware of his mother’s background and I’m quite sure you’re also motives. He doesn’t operate on emotion or do things out of spite. He does
aware of the girl he was involved with. And you want to speak about what’s logical, so you just need to trust that right now,” she said. “I do.”
respect? Maybe you need to learn some yourself.” “Whatever,” I muttered, running my hand through my hair. “I just...”
“I’ve earned my place here, I’ve put my time in,” Alastair said, anger “I know,” she responded, cutting me off before I could finish the thought.
clouding his face. “I’ve proven myself and he hasn’t. He needs to listen to “You want to know that all of this has been for a reason and it has, Edward.
and look up to his superiors...” She’s experiencing things she wouldn’t be experiencing had you not done
“So do you,” Alec said pointedly. “Or have you forgotten I’m your what you did for her. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t rather her be here, and
superior? If you have an issue with Edward, you come to me. End of story.” I know deep down inside that’s what you want, too. But she’s out there, just
Alastair narrowed his eyes and I could tell he was trying to contain like you told her you wanted her to be.”
himself, Alec obviously striking a nerve. “All I’m saying is maybe he “Is she happy?” I asked, a lump forming in my throat from the emotion
shouldn’t mouth off so much.” of the word.
“I heard you the first time, but I don’t see why you’d want to create a Happy.
scene over it,” Alec stated. “It’s not that big of an issue. It’s not like he “Are you?” she retorted. “I can’t speak for her, you know that. She enjoys
murdered a member of your family.” the things she does, she’s told me that much, but one thing that I find ironic
I froze when those words came from his lips and Alistair blanched, is you and her always give me the same answers to my questions. ‘I’m okay,
looking like a deer caught in headlights. Alec stared at him with his I’m fine, I’ve been busy, you don’t have to worry about me.’ Never do I hear
eyebrow cocked, waiting for some sort of response, but one never came. ‘I’m happy’.” She turned before I could respond, waking out the back door
“Gentlemen,” Aro said, walking over and pausing between Alistair and to where Rosalie stood in the yard with some guests. I hesitated for a
Alec. “This is neither the time nor the place for this type of discussion. moment, debating following her, before deciding to just leave for home. I
Perhaps we should have a sit-down later to clear the air, but for now we passed by Clara as I headed for the front door and she smiled warmly,
celebrate. A principessa is going to be wed soon, and we’ll soon be greeting me. “Are you leaving already?” she asked.
welcoming her husband into the family. Go enjoy yourselves, have a drink, “Yeah,” I responded, giving her a smile. She’d changed a lot since living
maybe even get to know one of the beautiful ladies here.” in Chicago and was practically more of a fucking house guest to Esme than
“Yes, sir,” Alec said. Alistair echoed his words and turned around to her help. “I’ll see you around, Clara. Have a good night.”
walk off as Aro excused himself. “You, too, sir.”
“Thanks,” I said when Alec and I were alone. I started down the street for the house, slowing as I neared and saw the
“Don’t thank me,” he said coolly. “I don’t know what you said, but you form sitting on the step. I recognized my father as I got closer, my brow
do need to learn to watch your mouth.” furrowing in confusion when I saw he had a cigarette in his hand. “Christ,
“I know,” I mumbled. when the fuck did you start smoking?” I asked. He glanced at me and
“You should’ve worn a suit, too,” he stated matter-of-fact. I glanced shrugged, flicking his ashes on the concrete.
down at myself instinctively, still not getting what the big deal was. I had “When did you?” he asked, pointing at some old cigarette butts littering
a long sleeve button up shirt on and slacks, so it wasn’t like I was in fucking the yard. “They’re not mine,” I replied, earning a curious look from him.
440 417
“Most of them, anyway. Leah, the girl Esme got to come help out... she it all. He was stricter, though– nothing like the kind man that I once
smokes like a fucking chimney.” thought actually fucking cared for me growing up. His tone was harsh when
“Ah,” he said, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and a handing one to me he spoke, his orders demanding. My hatred for him grew with each passing
along with a lighter. I took it and lit it as he continued. “I remember Leah day, as did my fear. It seemed I hadn’t turned out to be the puppet he hoped
from when she was a kid. Her mother used to work at the advocacy center I would and knew he wouldn’t hesitate to dispose of me now if it came down
with your mother.” to it. I was just another pawn in his game, one he’d willingly sacrifice to his
“Really?” I asked, surprised. He nodded. opponent if he thought it would help him in the long run.
“Yeah, nice lady.” The first weekend in September I received a call from Aro, saying he
He grew quiet, standing there with him sort of surreal. “It’s kind of was holding an engagement party for Caius’s only daughter and I was
fucked up to be smoking with my father, the doctor.” expected to make an appearance to show my respect to the Underboss. I
“I’m not a doctor anymore,” he replied with a bitter laugh, taking a drag. begrudgingly got dressed that Saturday, stopping by the store and buying
“They suspended my medical license. Can’t have a member of the Mafia some generic fucking greeting card, scribbling my name on the bottom
wielding scalpels and needles.” before tucking a stack of cash inside.
“That’s fucked up,” I said, feeling guilty for having brought the subject I drove to Aro’s at around six in the evening, parking my car toward the
up. “Sorry.” back and hesitantly making my way to the front door. I ran my hand
He glanced at me and raised his eyebrows questioningly. “Did you just through my hair nervously as I pressed the doorbell, waiting for the door to
apologize to me?” I shrugged and he smiled. “Yeah, I’m sorry, too. It doesn’t be opened. Maggie appeared after a moment, seemingly relieved when she
really matter, though– not anymore. It is what it is.” saw it was me, and waved me inside.
“Can you get it reinstated after the trial?” “Hey, how are you?” I asked. She smiled softly, shrugging. “You, sir?”
He looked at me incredulously, not even bothering to entertain the she asked quietly, her voice barely a whisper.
question. “I actually started smoking after your mother died. I drank, too. “Well, I’m here with these motherfuckers, so I’m obviously not doing
A lot. I was in a stupor for over a year. That’s the biggest reason I left you that fucking good,” I muttered. Her smile grew and she covered her mouth
kids, you know. I know you blamed yourself for my absence, and I won’t lie– as she stifled a laugh.
it was difficult to see you, because you reminded me so much of your “I’m glad you came. It’s nice to see a friendly face sometimes,” she said
mother. But I really didn’t want you kids to see me how I was.” quietly, offering to take my coat. I took it off and handed it to her, thanking
“What changed?” I asked curiously, somewhat uncomfortable with the her.
topic, having never talked about the shit with him before. “What made you “Friendly? That’s not something I hear very often,” I said, chuckling.
pull yourself together and come the fuck back home?” She shrugged.
He shrugged. “I woke up one morning and realized your mother would “You talk to me like a person.”
be disgusted at my behavior. Fought so hard for her to have a life and I was “You are a person.”
just pissing my own away, ignoring everything she’d worked to build for us. She stared at me briefly, appearing surprised by my response, before
I wasn’t exactly doing her memory any justice. I still drank for a while after turning to walk away. I went to head for the den when someone called my
I came home but I hid it. It wasn’t until I killed the Swans that I knew I last name behind me and I turned quickly, my blood running cold the
needed to stop it all before someone else got hurt. Thank God Nonna was second my eyes came into contact with Alistair. He was smirking, staring
there to watch you boys during that time. She was a good woman, you at me with a mischievous glint in his eye.
know.” “You’re lucky your godfather didn’t overhear that exchange,” he said,
“Yeah, she was,” I replied, nodding. “Closest thing to a grandma I ever strolling toward me. “Something tells me he wouldn’t be very amused by
had.” it.”
“You know your real grandmother’s only a few miles away, you could go I stared back, unsure of what the fuck to say to him, and fought back
see her if you wanted,” he suggested. “I can’t guarantee she won’t piss you my temper at his expression. He looked as though he was going to say
off, though. I visited her yesterday, only lasted about ten minutes before something else to me when Alec walked over and cleared his throat.
she started running her mouth about your mother. She refuses to address “Alistair, Edward,” he said.
her by her name, calls her ‘that Irish slave’. She’d probably do it to you, “Alec,” Alistair replied. “Sir,” I said.
since you look so much like her.” “Is there a problem?” Alec asked, glancing between us.

418 439
before I returned, out of precaution, because you’d have led them right to “Yeah, I’ll pass,” I replied, tossing my cigarette on the ground and
her with that blatant spectacle of yours.” stomping it out, the smoke making my chest hurt. I reached into my pocket
My brow furrowed in confusion at his words. “Who?” and pulled the flask out, opening it to take a drink. He watched me
“Does it matter who?” curiously and I held it out to him, offering him some. He hesitated but
“It matters to me.” threw his cigarette down and took it. He grimaced from the hot liquid but
“I wouldn’t even know where to start,” he said, shaking his head. “Let’s it didn’t stop him from taking a second swig before handing it back.
just say the same people out there searching for your father right now are “You know, I probably shouldn’t tell you this stuff, but I really have
searching just as hard for Isabella, and until it can be handled it’s in her nothing else to offer anymore. I’ve failed you a lot, withheld when I
best interest to stay hidden. She grasped that concept quickly... why can’t should’ve just been honest, and it’s to the point where I have nothing left
you?” to give but the truth,” he said quietly, staring down at the ground in front
I had no answer, the question dumbfounding, but he didn’t wait for a of him. He looked like a broken man, utterly defeated with very little fight
response anyway. He told me to go inside and clean myself up before left in him. It was startling and I didn’t like it, because it scared the fuck
starting to walk away, and I stood up, gripping onto the car to stabilize out of me for what it meant for his future. “I remember the face of every
myself. “Sorry,” I said quietly, but loud enough for him to hear. “And thank person I’ve ever killed. I see them everywhere I go, and I know logically
you. For keeping her safe.” He held his hand up, acknowledging he’d heard they aren’t there, but the memory of what they looked like in their final
me, and I headed inside after he was gone. I hesitated in the hallway before moments lingers. I remember the way your mother looked, too.”
going straight upstairs, washing the blood from my face and cleaning up “So do I,” I whispered. “I remember the sound of her screams.”
my wounds. I climbed into bed and closed my eyes when I was done, letting He glanced at me curiously, apprehension in his eyes. I’d never told him
sleep take hold of me. about that night, the memory too painful to verbalize. The only person I’d
The next few days passed quickly and quietly. I stayed home and no one ever told was Isabella but standing there staring at my father, taking in
bothered me except for Leah, who came to do her usual cleaning. I still his expression, it almost felt necessary. I sighed and closed my eyes as I sat
called my father’s cell phone number every day, listening to the message down beside him on the step, running my hand through my hair nervously
saying it had been disconnected, and spent hours staring at the picture as I recalled detail-by-detail what happened. From the moment we stepped
Isabella had painted. I took it off of the wall once, irrationally looking to out of the piano recital to waking up in the hospital with him beside me,
make sure I hadn’t fucking missed a letter from her or something, but there every ounce of pain coming out through my words. He sat quietly and took
wasn’t anything there. it all in, his head bowed as he stared at the ground, but I knew he was
I wondered where my father was, what he was doing and if he was even listening intently.
still alive. I started to hope Aro had be right and he had turned state’s “You almost bled to death,” he said when I finished, his voice low. “I was
evidence, imagining him sitting on a fucking beach in Hawaii with some sitting at home, so angry at her because I’d found out that she’d disregarded
fruity goddamn drink with an umbrella in it being delivered to him by some the warnings to stop digging for information, and the whole time she was
tanned bitch in a coconut bra and a grass skirt. It was so far out of character dead and you were lying behind a dumpster. You could’ve died and it
for him, nothing that would ever interest him, but it was better than the would’ve been my fault.”
alternative. I imagined him in witness protection with a new identity and “It wasn’t your fault,” I said, shaking my head. “The only person to
a new job, starting a new life away from all of the bullshit. I knew it was a blame for the bullets that took my mother’s life and the bullet that nearly
long shot, though. took mine was the motherfucker who pulled the trigger.”
No matter what anyone said, I knew my father wasn’t a coward. He He nodded hesitantly after a second and cleared his throat. “I suppose
wouldn’t fucking run forever, even if I hoped he would. you’re right,” he said. “I sometimes wonder what I could’ve done to change
The day of my father’s trial came and went with no sign of him, the it, though.”
courts ordering a warrant for his arrest for fleeing. The GPS monitor that “Yeah, well, Mom would tell you that’s fucking bullshit,” I responded,
had been on his ankle had been tracked down and located, cut off and earning an amused look from him. “Well, probably not in those words, but
discarded alongside a remote highway in Utah. What the fuck he’d been you know what I mean. She was all about her fate shit, that what’s meant
doing there I wasn’t sure, realizing it was probably just another road he to be will be and all that. Like you just said a bit ago, it is what it is. I mean,
traveled in his journey to wherever the hell he planned on ending up. often this past year and a half I’ve wondered if maybe we could’ve somehow
Weeks passed with nothing, September approaching quickly. Aro saved Isabella without me having to initiate, so I could be with her
started calling me for petty jobs again, never mentioning my father through wherever the fuck she is...”
438 419
 “California,” he said. I trailed off, eyeing him curiously. “California?” I the door, and stepped out of the car with barely enough time to shut it
asked. He nodded. before someone grabbed a hold of me.
“I don’t know exactly where, but I’m sure she’s in California I cursed, caught off guard as I was thrown back against the car. I
somewhere.” reached for my gun instinctively, the blood rushing furiously through my
I sat quietly for a moment, a smile nudging at the corner of my lips. My veins, but he was quicker and snatched it from my waist before I could.
girl went to motherfucking California like we’d talked about. “California, Shock hit me and I blinked rapidly as Alec’s face came into sight, but I
then. The point is, it’s senseless to wonder because there’s nothing that can didn’t have time to react before he raised his hand and swung. His fist
be done about it now. I did what I did, you did what you did, and we are slammed into my face and I cried out as pain ripped through me, throwing
where we are. We just gotta deal with the shit, do what we gotta do.” my hands up protectively although it did little to help. He swung a few more
“You know, you mask it behind the drugs and alcohol and profanity, but times, pounding me with his fist, and I could feel the blood flowing down
you’ve matured quite a bit the past year.” my face as my vision blurred from the impact.
“Yeah, well, I don’t think Alec would agree with you,” I muttered. “He “Shit, Alec!” I hollered, trying to stop him. “Please, stop!”
has to threaten to kill me at least once a week. I’m just waiting for the day He swung once more, slamming me across the cheek and busting my
he catches laryngitis or something and can’t say the words ‘I’ll kill you’ so mouth. My lip split and I tasted the blood immediately as my teeth dug into
instead he just fucking does it.” the flesh, the burning sensation and bitter saltiness making me queasy. He
He laughed, shaking his head. “He threatened to kill me before when I took a step back still clutching my gun with his left hand, and I swayed for
was your age. I’ve threatened to kill plenty of people in my life, too.” a second before sliding down to the ground, sitting against the car.
“Like Isabella,” I said. He paused before nodding. “You’re lucky I don’t put a bullet in you,” he said seriously, throwing the
“Yes. I threatened her a few times. Nearly did it, actually, and I’ll never gun at me. I recoiled, throwing up hands up again as it hit me before falling
forgive myself for that. It’s how we’re taught to control people in the to the ground.
Borgata, it becomes second nature, as disturbing as that sounds. Most of “Why don’t you?” I asked, reaching up to wipe my mouth, seeing the
the men fear very little except for death, so the threat of death is the only blood on the back of my hand.
thing to keep them in line.” “Because I’d rather not break my wife’s heart,” he said. “She’s already
“It’s kind of fucking strange how nonchalant you are about telling me losing her brother. She doesn’t need to lose her nephew on top of it.”
you almost killed the girl I love.” “How thoughtful of you,” I muttered.
“You still love her?” he asked curiously, glancing at me. I nodded and He laughed bitterly. “As much as I’ve done for your family, for Isabella,
he sighed. “Well, like I said, the only thing I have left to give is the truth you’d think that would earn me some gratitude from you.”
now and it’s the truth. I almost killed her. I’d take it back if I could, but I “I am grateful.”
can’t change the past.” “You sure don’t act like it,” he countered. “I’m beginning to wonder if
Before I could respond my phone rang and I pulled it out, tensing up you and my wife are hell bent on bringing me down.”
when I saw it was Alec. I flipped it open, pressing the button to answer it “That’s ridiculous.”
before bringing it to my ear. “Yes, sir?” “Is it?” he asked. “I ask one thing of you people and that’s to let me
“Be at Aro’s in thirty minutes,” he said pointedly, the line going dead handle her, and you can’t even give me that much– neither of you. I go out
before I could ask him why. I closed the phone and slipped it back in my of my way to make sure she’s safe, to make sure she gets what you wanted
pocket. her to have, and you don’t even seem to care about that!”
“I gotta go, I guess,” I mumbled as he lit another cigarette. He nodded, “I do care,” I said. “I just... I fucking love her, alright? You can’t just tell
not appearing surprised, and made no move to get up. “You wanna go inside me to give up and back off, I can’t do it.”
or something? I mean, it’s still your house.” “Love is no excuse for reckless stupidity,” he said. “Don’t you think she
“No, it’s alright,” he responded. “I’m just going to sit here for a few deserves more than this? How do you think she’d feel if she saw you right
minutes.” now?”
“Alright, then. I guess I’ll see you later or whatever,” I said, turning to I was quiet for a second. “She’d be disgusted,” I said quietly.
walk away. “She would,” he said. “This is your last warning, Edward. I hope you
“Edward?” he called out. I looked at him, seeing the serious expression enjoyed your little vacation to California, because it’ll be your last trip for
on his face. “Yeah?” a while. You’ve single-handedly, in a matter of days, put her in the spotlight
and made her the subject of gossip. It’s a good thing I moved her again
420 437
 “Yeah, it sucks. If you find her, tell her I’m worried about her. Her “I love you, son,” he said quietly, taking a drag from his cigarette. “I
phone’s been disconnected, so I’m at a loss on how to get a hold of her. She don’t think I’ve told you that since you were eight, but I do. And I hope you
was supposed to start an internship the day she disappeared and had been never have to be haunted by the faces of the dead like I am. I never wanted
really excited about it. It was the first time a first-year student had been that for you.”
given it, so it was sort of a big deal. She wouldn’t have skipped out on that “I know, Dad. I love you, too,” I replied, his words putting me on edge
unless she had no other choice. I’d just like to know she’s okay.” because they were so out of character. “Look, uh, don’t go and do something
“Okay.” fucking stupid. I know you’ve got shit up your sleeves but just be careful,
She dug in her purse and pulled out a small slip of paper and a pen, alright?”
jotting something down quickly. “Here’s the address where she was living,” He chuckled, shaking his head. “Ironic,” he said quietly. “Don’t worry, I
she stated, handing it to me. “Maybe it’ll help you, I don’t know. I should won’t do anything you wouldn’t do, son.”
get going. It was nice to finally meet you, Edward.” “Yeah, well, that fucking scares me, because I do some fucked up shit.”
“Cullen,” I stated. “Edward Cullen.” “Go, son,” he replied, waving me off. “You know you can’t be late when
She paused before shaking her head. “So you are one of them,” she you’re called in. Don’t worry about me.”
replied. “I googled some shit afterward and remember that last name.” “Whatever you say,” I mumbled, heading for the car. “Bye, Dad.”
“Yeah, well, you shouldn’t believe everything you read,” I muttered. “Goodbye, Edward.”
“Thanks for the help.” I hesitated, glancing at him once more before getting in my car and
“You’re welcome.” starting it up. I pulled out of the driveway and headed toward Aro’s, musing
I watched her walk away before glancing down at the paper in my hand, over his words as I drove. Dread brewed up inside of me the closer I got, a
my brow furrowing in confusion when I read the name she had written... nagging feeling making me feel queasy... something was definitely wrong.
Isabella Smith. I saw Alec’s car parked behind Aro’s when I arrived, there were a few
Smith? It was no fucking wonder I hadn’t been able to find her. other vehicles around but I couldn’t decipher whose they were. Most of
I located the address a few hours later, an average looking house in them fucking looked the same to me, Alec’s only standing out because of a
Oakland, and found the place was deserted just like she said it was. I was small silver decal on the back. I parked behind it and got out, heading to
standing in front of it, frustrated and at a complete dead end, when my the front door and hesitating, glancing at my watch before ringing the
phone rang. I pulled it out and glanced at the screen, tensing up as dread doorbell.
hit me when I saw it was Alec. I didn’t want to answer, knowing it wasn’t It was pulled open a moment later by the young slave that had come
going to be good, but knew that avoiding would only make everything from Phoenix. I smiled at her and she returned the smile, stepping aside to
worse. I took a deep breath before I opened it, bringing it to my ear. “Yes, wave me in. I’d spoken to her a few times on visits to the house but she
sir.” always refused to hold a long conversation with me, telling me her name
“Get home. Right this minute,” he snapped, the anger in his voice so was Maggie but saying little more than that. I knew she’d be aware of what
intense a chill shot down my spine. we were so I didn’t exactly blame her for her hesitance to talk, but she didn’t
‘Yes, sir,” I replied quietly. “I’ll be there in a few hours.” seem to fear me anymore, thankfully. Before Isabella had come into my life
I hung up before he could say anything else and stood there for a I wouldn’t have cared, years ago would’ve walked right by her without
moment, staring at the house she had lived in for the past year. It was giving a fuck what she thought or felt, but I noticed her now. I noticed all
where she’d slept, where she’d dreamt and where she got to live out some of them, and even if they refused to talk to me, I still fucking tried.
of those dreams. I couldn’t even begin to imagine where she might’ve gone, I headed straight for the den where I figured they’d all be, pausing in
but I just hoped wherever it was, she really was happy. the doorway and glancing around the room. Aro sat in his usual spot with
She deserved it. Caius, the underboss, to his right and Alec to his left. There was a capo
I caught the first flight I could get back to Chicago that evening, sitting sitting near Caius and I tensed up when I spotted Alastair standing off to
in the window seat and staring out at the sky as it started to darken. I was the side by the window. I clutched my hand into a fist, trying to keep myself
in a trance the entire flight, time slipping away fast. I found my car in the calm, and cleared my throat as I greeted Aro.
parking lot of the airport when we landed and drove through Chicago “Sir,” I said.
toward home, pulling in the driveway and shutting the engine off. I grabbed “Ah, Edward,” he said, glancing at the clock. “Here with a few minutes
my gun from under the seat, slipping it into my waistband before opening to spare. Take a seat.”

436 421
 I walked over and sat down in a chair beside Alec, glancing at him “You saw it on the news?” I asked, not buying that shit. I knew it was
nervously. I could see he was on edge, that fact alone making my panic reported when they were arrested but it wasn’t more than a few sentences,
flare. nothing a random art student halfway across the country would remember.
“We have a situation,” Aro started right away, his voice firm and “Yes.”
serious. “It seems we have another traitor within the organization, one that “How did you really figure it out?” I asked quietly. “Because it wasn’t
can cause significant damage if they aren’t dealt with. He can’t see it from the news.”
coming, and he’s going to trust very few people at this point. This is of She didn’t respond for a moment before sighing. “A friend told me.
utmost importance and needs to be done discretely. The organization could Apparently your uncle assaulted him, threatened to kill him if he ever came
be severely hurt, all of us in this room taken down by him and we can’t near Isabella again.”
allow that to happen. You understand the gravity of this situation, correct?” “Does your friend have a name?”
“Of course,” Alec responded. I nodded, unsure of why the fuck I was “Seth,” she said. “Seth Clearwater. He called me afterward and told me
there but I wasn’t going to question him about it. what happened. Your uncle supposedly spilled who he was, using it to try
“Good, because I need Carlisle taken out as soon as possible.” to scare him. Must’ve worked, too, because I haven’t heard from him since.
My blood ran cold at his words, my heart feeling like it stopped as He disappeared the next day. Poof, gone.”
sickness swelled up inside of me. My hands shook as I fought it back, Aro’s I stood still, not expecting her to say that. I knew for a fact if he
intent gaze falling upon me after a second. “It’s unfortunate, but we have disappeared it wasn’t voluntarily, not when it came to Alec being involved.
inside sources that have confirmed he’s been feeding information to the feds “Why’d you lie about how you knew?”
in order to help himself. He’s smart, he’s been in this organization for quite “Because he seemed pretty fucking scared and I didn’t want the Mafia
a while and knows how things go. His father, God rest his soul, was one of Man thinking the dude was talking smack about him, you know?”
the greatest Boss’s in the history of the organization. Carlisle turning is “You don’t seem scared,” I pointed out.
devastating and I wouldn’t even suggest the notion if I weren’t one-hundred “I’m not, not really,” she said. “I mean, I think I’m pretty safe. My Dad’s
percent sure,” he stated. a powerful man, too. I don’t think anyone would mess with me.”
Aro paused, looking at Alec, and I held my breath waiting for him to “What’s your Dad do?”
defend my father. I waited for him to try to talk Aro out of it, to fucking “He’s a senator.”
make him see logic that my father would never do anything to jeopardize The moment she said those words I laughed dryly, knowing
his family, but the moment he opened his mouth he completely destroyed immediately how the fuck Alec had been keeping tabs on Isabella from afar.
my hope. They had plenty of politicians in their pocket, and there was no way Alec
“I understand,” Alec said simply. would’ve been okay with Isabella being Emily’s friend if her father were on
“I knew you would,” Aro replied. “You always have. You take the oath the straight-and-narrow. The motherfuckers who made the laws were just
serious, unlike a lot of others, which makes you a great asset.” a step above the motherfuckers who enforced them.
“I’ll handle it,” Alec said stoically. “Yeah, I guess you’re pretty safe,” I lied, because no one was fucking
“Actually, no,” Aro said, shaking his head. ‘This isn’t yours.” safe, not when it came down to it. “So, do you know where Isabella lives?
“So, who then?” Alec asked tentatively. A smirk turned Aro’s lips and Can I have her address?”
he glanced at me, motioning with his head. “Yeah, you can have it. It won’t do you much good, though.”
“Him.” “Why?”
“Me?” I asked incredulously, knowing there had to be some kind of “Because she disappeared, too.”
mistake. “Fuck, I can’t...” I looked at her with disbelief, every ounce of hope that had built up
“Can’t?” he countered immediately, his eyes darkening with anger. “Or dying instantly in a surge of panic. “What do you mean she disappeared?”
won’t? Are you refusing an order?” “I confronted her about your uncle being in the Mafia and she shut
“With all due respect, sir, Carlisle has a lot of experience and Edward down, wouldn’t talk to me. I went by her house the next day and she didn’t
is quite amateur,” Alec stated. “I would be the safer bet.” answer the door, so I called the police and asked them to do a welfare check
“Maybe so, but you don’t think Carlisle has prepared himself for this because I was worried. They said the house was cleared out, no sign of her
possibility? He’ll be ready for you, Alec, and I don’t doubt he will fight back anywhere. She just... left, in the middle of the night.”
if his life is on the line. But I’m quite positive he wouldn’t fire on his son, “Fuck.”

422 435
 “Like I said, I thought I did,” she responded, shrugging. “Is Isabella her especially one that looks so strikingly close to his beloved wife. He’d accept
real name?” death before he’d kill his own child.”
“Yes,” I said, the question confusing me. “Why wouldn’t it be?” I stared at them with shock, not knowing what the fuck to say or how
“I don’t know. I don’t know what’s real anymore,” she muttered, to react. I knew that was true, that he’d fucking die before he killed me,
glancing at me. “I’m Emily, by the way.” and the fact that Aro would use my mother’s memory against my father
“Edward,” I replied. The name seemed to surprise her and she blinked making me feel even sicker. It felt so surreal, part of me screaming that I
a few times as she stared at me. had to have misheard or it had to be some sort of fucking nightmare. There
“Wow, so at least I know you’re real,” she said with a laugh. “I’ve heard was no way I had just been ordered to murder my own father, no way a hit
a bit about you.” had been put out on him period. It was unfathomable to me.
“Have you?” I asked, stunned. My heart started pounding forcefully as “Fair enough,” Alec replied. I gaped at him, stunned, and started to
the hope burst forth, and I was unable to fucking contain it anymore. speak but he shot me a murderous look that made my words stop dead in
“Yes. Isabella used to mention you,” she said. “She didn’t tell me how their tracks. “I’m assuming I’ve been called here to assist with the
drop dead gorgeous you were, though. It’s no wonder she never gave any of aftermath, then.”
these guys a second look. If I had a sip of someone like you, none of these “Yes,” Aro stated, not elaborating any further but I imaged Alec knew
fuckers would quench my thirst, either.” exactly what that meant. Alec nodded and Aro turned his attention to me.
“So she didn’t date?” I asked, my stomach feeling queasy from fucking “And you understand what’s expected of you?”
nerves. I felt like a ridiculous lovesick teenager, asking if a fucking girl I stared at him briefly, seeing the callousness in his eyes as he stared
dated, but it gave me hope that she didn’t hate me, after all. back, and nodded hesitantly. “Yes, sir,” I said, my voice shaking even
“No, not really. Seems she had her eyes on the prize.” Her eyes scanned though I fought to steady it. “I’m supposed to kill my father.”
me again and she laughed to herself, muttering about some girls having all “A traitor, Edward,” he said sharply. “A disgrace to everything we stand
the luck. “So how well do you know Isabella?” I asked quickly, ignoring her for. He’s not our friend anymore, he’s an enemy. Your father, the man you
ogling. respected? He’s dead already. Your order is to eliminate the threat, for all
“Up until a few weeks ago I thought I knew her pretty damn well,” she of our sakes. It’s about time you’ve proven your loyalty to us, anyway. You
responded. “Saw her all the time, talked to her every day.” should’ve been made to do it long ago, but I didn’t press the issue because
“What happened a few weeks ago?” I asked, confused. She eyed me of who you are. In fact, I’ve tolerated a lot I shouldn’t have because of your
warily for a moment, seemingly in thought. last name, but I won’t tolerate it any longer. Your father has ruined the
“What do you do for a living?” she asked, the question catching me off name, tarnished the Cullen reputation. Cullen’s were loyal, and revered,
guard. “Uh, I’m a student,” I replied. “Music.” and strong. Now, thanks to your father, they’re cowards. Liars. Rats. Your
“Where do you live?” grandfather would be rolling over in his grave right now if he knew what
“Chicago.” was going on.”
“What’s your last name?” “He would,” Alec chimed in. “Antonio Cullen would’ve never stood for
“What are you, the fucking police?” I asked incredulously. She sighed, this.”
shaking her head. “So be a man of honor and do what’s expected of you,” Aro said. “Earn
“No. I’m just curious if you’re one of them, too.” some respect back for your bloodline, while you still can. That’s all.”
“Them?” “But what...”
“Yeah. You know, the Mafia.” I stared at her briefly, realizing exactly “I said that’s all!” he snapped, glaring at me.
what had happened a few weeks earlier to make her question whether she “Yes, sir,” I muttered, standing up. I started out of the room, in a fucking
really knew Isabella... stupor, and heard Alec follow behind me but I didn’t bother to turn around.
Alec. I was fucking seething, frightened and unsure of what the fuck I was
“Why would you think I was a part of the Mafia?” I asked. “Because that supposed to do about it. I headed straight out of the house and for my car
other guy was,” she replied. “Alec Evanson.” when Alec grabbed a hold of me to stop me, pulling me around to face him.
“What makes you think my Uncle Alec was a part of the Mafia?” I shrugged away from him, shoving his hands off of me.
“Your uncle?” she asked. “Jesus, your entire family must be gorgeous. I “Relax,” he said firmly.
know he’s like, a gangster, or whatever you call them these days. I “Relax?” I spat. “You expect me to fucking relax? Did you not just hear
remember seeing it on the news when he was arrested.” what the hell he told me to do? I can’t do that shit, that’s not me! Maybe
434 423
you can kill your own fucking family with no remorse, but I can’t! He’s my door, seeing a man sitting inside behind his desk. I hesitated, walking over
fucking father, Alec! How the hell could you agree with him in there? I and knocking on the doorframe before stepping inside.
thought you knew my father better than that!” “Excuse me, sir,” I said.
“I clearly know your father better than you do,” he said. “You’re more “Professor,” he corrected, not even looking up at me. I knew right away
ignorant than I thought if you don’t believe he didn’t anticipate this he was going to be a pretentious prick and glanced at the nameplate on his
happening.” desk... Quil Aterra– Professor of Animation. I looked around the room,
“You’re saying he fucking planned for this? You’re so full of shit, you seeing framed pictures of drawings aligning the walls, and rolled my eyes.
don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. There’s no way my father The motherfucker drew cartoons for a living. “What can I do for you?”
would turn on us.” “Uh, I was wondering if you could tell me if you recognize this girl,” I
“No one said he turned on us,” he snapped. “But that doesn’t mean asked, pulling the picture out. “Her name’s Isabella. She’s an artist.”
there’s no merit to what was said in there. I’ve known what your father’s He glanced over for a split second before shaking his head, turning his
been up to since the last Christmas in Forks. I’ve talked to him about it and attention back to a stack of papers on his desk. “Sorry, no. There’s an art
kept my eye on him. He knew this would come out– he hoped it wouldn’t gallery nearby. Try there.”
come to this, but he was ready for it, regardless. Give the man some credit.” “Thanks,” I muttered, putting the picture away and turning around to
“This just doesn’t make any fucking sense,” I spat. “So he’s prepared for walk out. I nearly collided with a dark haired woman in the doorway and
me to kill him? What kind of fucked up world do you live in? I...” she eyed me with surprise, a small smile overcoming her lips as her eyes
“The same one you live in,” he said calmly, reaching into his pocket and scanned me.
pulling out his phone. “But it’s a moot point because you won’t be killing “Hello there,” she said.
anyone, Edward.” “Hi,” I responded, barely giving her a look as I walked past her, heading
“Excuse me? That’s news to me, considering I was just ordered to out of the building.
fucking kill someone. What the fuck am I supposed to do?” “Who was that?” I heard her ask the asshole professor, but I didn’t stick
“You’re supposed to go home,” he stated. around long enough to hear the answer. He probably didn’t even fucking
“You expect me to just go home and just forget about what the hell just listen to me enough to be able to tell her, anyway.
happened?” I asked incredulously. “My father was just at the house. How I located the art gallery, feeling fucking defeated. There was a woman
am I supposed to face him?” right inside the door but she was busy talking to someone else, so I started
“You won’t,” he stated, matter-of-fact. “He’s already gone.” wandering around the building as I waited for her to be free. I glanced at
He turned away from me and got into his car. I stood there, watching as some of the paintings on the walls and froze when I turned the corner in
he drove away, before getting in my own car and heading home. I pulled the back, by eyes falling upon a painting with a nameplate that took the
into the driveway of my house a few minutes later and climbed out, walking fucking breath from me.
slowly to the front door as I glanced around. I noticed all of the cigarette Artist: Isabella S.
butts were gone from the yard and shook my head, realizing he must’ve “Motherfucker,” I said right away, stunned. I stared at it for a moment,
picked them up before he left. taking a few steps closer, and saw the two lone initials in the comer that
The house was warm when I went inside, the air conditioning barely matched the ones on the painting at my house.
able to keep up in order to combat the heat. I grabbed the bottle of Grey “You know Isabella?” a voice rang out behind me, catching me off guard.
Goose from my freezer before strolling toward the living room, flopping I turned quickly to look, my brow furrowing when I saw it was the woman
down on the couch and kicking my shoes off, leaving them lying in front of I’d nearly ran into at the school a few minutes before.
me. “Yes,” I responded, turning back to the painting. “At least I think so.”
I wasn’t sure how much time passed as I sat there staring at the wooden “Yeah, me, too,” she replied, taking a few steps closer to stand beside
floor, my mind frantically trying to sort through my options and possible me. “I thought I knew her, anyway. I don’t know anymore. Can I see the
scenarios while I attempted to fucking drown it all out with liquor. I could picture you showed Professor Attera?”
feel the liquid surging through my body, numbness taking over my limbs “Yeah,” I said, grabbing it and holding it out to her. She took it, sighing
and chest but still not extinguishing the fucking ache in my heart. I was as she gazed at it.
distraught and had to fight back tears more than once, recalling my father’s “That’s Isabella, alright,” she stated, handing it back to me.
words from earlier that afternoon. I hadn’t wanted to believe Alec when he “So you know her?” I asked, my chest aching as hope threatened to
said my father had planned for the situation, just in case, but after what fucking take hold of me.
424 433
 On a trip to Oakland I located the community center, noticing there was he’d fucking said to me before I went to Aro’s it almost made sense. If only
a small art studio attached to it. The building was worn down and the art I fucking knew what he’d been up to, what he expected...
studio was locked, but it turned out to be for underprivileged elementary Best case scenario, he got the fuck away and I never saw him again.
students, anyway. I asked inside the center if they knew an Isabella Swan Worst case scenario, he showed back up and ended up dead, possibly me
but it was just as fruitless as it had been over the fucking telephone, no one having to do it. I couldn’t, though. There was no way I could kill my own
was interested in actually helping me. father. They’d have to kill me, so maybe the worst case would actually be
I was walking out, annoyed, when a small voice made my footsteps both of us ending up fucking dead. The way I felt at that moment, however,
falter. “You know Issy-bewa?” a young boy asked, watching me. I hesitated, dying didn’t seem so bad. Fuck, maybe that was the best case scenario...
nodding. “Yeah, I know a girl named Isabella,” I responded. “Do you?” just put me out of my fucking misery.
“Yes,” he said, smiling to reveal both of his front teeth missing. “She’s The intoxication did nothing to make my tension recede, instead driving
pretty.” me further into the darkness as I mused over possibilities. Violence,
“My Isabella’s beautiful, too,” I responded, chuckling. I reached into my mayhem, murder, bloodshed, fucking annihilation... I wondered if there
pocket for her picture, feeling like a fucking idiot even entertaining having was any way to avoid it, or if it was just inevitable and I was wasting my
the conversation because the kid had to be about five years old, but he energy trying to find a way out.
seemed more interested than anyone else had been, and it was pretty I sat hunched over with my head down, gripping onto my hair tightly
fucking nice to be given the time of day. He glanced at the picture when I with the empty bottle of vodka at my feet. I was still lucid, hadn’t even come
held it out toward him, a bright smile lighting up his face. close to drinking enough to black out, but at that moment I wished I had.
“That’s Issy-bewa!” he exclaimed. I froze, staring at him. Just to escape for a bit, just to fucking forget for a while. My brothers
“That’s your Isabella?” I asked tentatively, earning a nod from him. weren’t far away, probably still celebrating marriage, and babies, and
“Fuck, are you sure?” fucking futures. Celebrating possibilities, when I was being eaten away by
His eyes widened with shock and he stared at me for a second, his mine being taken from me. All of it had been taken from me, but I had no
expression confusing before it dawned on me that I’d just cursed at a kid. one to blame for it but myself, and now it was my job to fuck up my brothers’
“Shit, sorry.” futures by taking our father from them. We lost Mom already so he was the
“Ooooh,” he said, cracking a smile again as a giggle escaped. “You said only parent we had left, and I knew both Jasper and Emmett were
another one!” desperate to have him around after losing so much. Fuck, as much as we
“I know, bad habit,” I muttered, running my hand through my hair clashed over the years, I didn’t want to fucking lose him, either. He was
anxiously. I couldn’t recall ever fucking talking to a kid before... it was no going to be a grandfather for fuck’s sake.
wonder Emmett was worried about what kind of damn uncle I was going to I got up after a while when the sun started setting, the house cooling off
be. “But are you sure this is her?” and growing darker. The wooden floor was cold and felt good against my
“Yes,” he replied, nodding once more. “She was my teacher.” “Teacher?” feet as I strolled toward the kitchen, my head throbbing as I scoured the
I asked with disbelief. cabinets looking for some more alcohol. I grew aggravated after a moment
“She taught us how to paint,” he stated. “Here?” I asked. when I found none, slamming a cabinet drawer angrily as I headed for the
“Yes. She went to Art College. She was nice. I miss her.” stairs.
I stood there for a moment, trying to absorb what the fuck he’d just said, “I need to get fucking laid,” I grumbled, rubbing my neck as I tried to
when someone yelled for him. He turned and ran away without saying relieve some of my tension. I stepped onto the stairs when there was a soft
another word to me and I sighed, glancing at the picture in my hand before knock behind me on the door, the taps tentative like they weren’t fucking
slipping it back in my pocket. “I miss her, too,” I whispered. sure if they really wanted to be knocking or not. I sighed, turning back
The next morning I went to the California College of Arts for the second around and heading for the door as they knocked again, the second round
time, trying the graduate campus in San Francisco even though the one more assured. I grabbed the knob and opened the door, freezing the
she’d fucking go to as an undergraduate in Oakland stated there was no moment the person came into sight. Jessica Stanley.
one with her name enrolled and gave me a lecture about student privacy. I I blinked a few times in shock, briefly wondering if I was imagining shit.
wandered around, asking a few people if they knew her, but no one seemed “Well, at least I know God has a fucking sense of humor.”
to recognize her or wouldn’t admit to it if they did. I was about to give up “Huh?” she asked, her brow scrunching up from confusion. I shook my
again and was heading out of the building when I passed an open office head.

432 425
 “Nothing. You’re just the last person I expected to fucking see standing me. She said Isabella always initiated contact, anything beyond that was
at my front door.” always handled by Alec. I wasn’t sure if she was telling the truth or not but
“Oh,” she said simply, eyeing me hesitantly. I stood there for a moment, I didn’t press it, because the last thing I needed was to cause more
an awkward silence lingering between us that started grating on my problems.
nerves. I was out of options at that point, so I did what any sensible, logical
“So, uh, do you need something? How did you know where I lived? motherfucker would do... I went to the airport.
Actually, what the fuck are you doing here?” So maybe it wasn’t really sensible or logical, but I was desperate and
She smiled. “I told you I was going to Notre Dame, didn’t I?” I shrugged, obviously not thinking clearly. I called Aro and told him I was going to go
faintly recalling something about it, but it seemed so insignificant to me so out of town for a few days to clear my head, telling him I hadn’t had any
I wasn’t sure. “Anyway, Rosalie and I actually had a class together my first luck locating my father. He was hesitant but eventually said it was fine,
semester and we started talking.” requesting I come back as soon as possible and that I let Alec know before
“Wait, hold the fuck up. You and Rose are friends?’ I asked with I go. I thanked him and hung up my phone, slipping it into my pocket...
disbelief, recalling how much Rosalie despised her in Forks. She gave me there was no fucking way I was telling Alec. The fourth of August, exactly
the most shit for fucking around with Jessica because of how easy she was. two weeks before my father’s trial was scheduled to start, I boarded a plane
“Yes, I guess you could say that,” she said. “I got an invitation to the for California. I was antsy the entire fucking flight and couldn’t even make
wedding but I couldn’t make it. I actually just got back from spending the it the few hours without needing a drink, my nerves frazzled. It was strange
week in Forks and stopped by to congratulate them. I, uh... I asked how you being without my gun because I was accustomed to always carrying it, and
were doing and they pointed out your house. I hope you don’t mind. I just I felt oddly vulnerable and exposed not being able to take it along. Every
wanted to say hello.” time someone looked at me for longer than a few seconds my panic spiked,
“Oh, no, I don’t mind,” I said, shrugging. “You wanna come in or having grown paranoid over the past year living in such an unpredictable
something?” She smiled again, nodding. “Sure,” she said, stepping by me environment. I breathed a sigh of relief when we landed in San Francisco
into the house. She headed down the hallway and I told her to make herself at around four in the afternoon and rented a car, driving around until I
at home as I headed upstairs, going straight for my desk to get a bottle of found a decent looking hotel I could blend in at. A place without security
liquor from the bottom drawer. I grabbed a soda from the fridge when I cameras for privacy, just in case.
made it back down and cringed halfway to the living room, my footsteps I didn’t know where to start, or what I hoped to accomplish. I didn’t even
stalling briefly when the sound of piano notes filtered through the know what the fuck I planned to say when I found her– if I found her. I
downstairs, her hand having pressed down on the keys. It aggravated me didn’t know what I expected, what I wanted from her. I didn’t know how
and I groaned, shaking my head as I walked into the room. “Fingers off the she’d react or what she’d say to me, if she’d be happy to see me or angry I’d
fucking piano,” I said, not wanting her to fucking touch it. “I got you a soda.” fucking tracked her down after promising in my letter I wouldn’t. I felt a
She smiled sheepishly as she pulled her hand away, walking over to take twinge of guilt for that fact, but it wasn’t the first promise I’d broken and
the drink from me before sitting down on the couch. it probably wouldn’t be the last in my life. I didn’t know what the fuck I was
“Thanks. I think this is the first time you’ve ever actually given me doing anymore... the only thing I did know was I needed to see her, with
something.” my own two fucking eyes, and that was exactly what I set out to do.
“I gave you orgasms,” I muttered, the words coming out before I even I spent the next three days, from sun-up to sun-down, going to every art
knew what the fuck I was saying. She laughed, the awkwardness and gallery and museum I could find. I had a picture of her with me and showed
tension in the air between us increasing. it to people in hopes someone would recognize her. I visited all of the nearby
“Yeah, you did. Plenty of them,” she said. “You look good, by the way.” schools, charming and even fucking bribing the people in the admissions
“Thanks,” I muttered, pulling the top off of the vodka. offices to look in their systems for me to see if she’d ever been enrolled. A
“What, no sarcastic comeback about how you always look good? What few times I thought I’d fucking had a lead, but none of them panned out.
happened to Cocky Cullen?” Wrong Isabella, didn’t look like her, age was completely off... nothing
I laughed dryly, taking a drink. “I think he’s still back in Forks fucking fit. I didn’t even know what story she was telling people so I couldn’t
somewhere.” even be entirely sure myself, knowing she might not even go by her name
“That’s a shame,” she said, opening her drink. “I always liked him.” anymore. I realized anything was possible and that thought fucking scared
“No, you didn’t,” I said, shaking my head. “No one liked that me, knowing I might never find her.
motherfucker. He was an asshole.”
426 431
produce something like it. I stared at it for hours, wondering what she “True, he was sometimes,” she said. “He had some nice moments,
thought about when she made it and if she even fucking knew I had it. Had though, when he wasn’t busy pushing people away or beating people like
she painted it for me, or had Esme just been sneaky about getting her hands Jacob Black up.”
on something of Isabella’s? For all I knew, she could hate me and want I tensed up at the mention of Jacob. “When wasn’t I pushing people
nothing to do with me, especially after promising never to leave her and away or beating people up?”
then running out on her in the middle of the night. I’d never trust me again She shrugged, not having an answer to the question, and was quiet for
if I were her, I’d never want to come near me or hear from me. I had a moment. “You know, no one’s heard from him still.”
abandoned her after swearing I wouldn’t. Aro was right– some of us Cullens “Who?” I asked, feigning ignorance although I knew exactly who she
were fucking cowardly and disgraceful. was fucking talking about.
I wasn’t entirely sure why I was doing it, possibly because I knew Alec “Jacob Black,” she replied. ‘They still have fliers up all over the county,
would kill me if he found out and maybe deep down inside I actually had a I saw them this week when I was in Forks. Sad, really. I wonder what
death wish, but I picked up the phone one afternoon after staring at the happened to him.”
painting and called the art dealer that had sent it. I told the man who “Dunno,” I muttered, the subject making me uncomfortable. “There’s no
answered that I’d received a gift through their company and I wanted to telling with Jacob. So how’s everyone else from Forks?”
know the name of the artist and how I could get a hold of them. After giving She shrugged. “I don’t talk to Lauren and Tanya anymore. They both
them my information a dozen times and being put on hold for what felt like stayed in Washington, went to school in Seattle but Tanya failed out her
fucking days, they stated they knew no more about the artist than I did. first semester. She’s working at the grocery store in Forks now.”
They said that they were just the middleman that handled the private sale, I chuckled at that fact, finding it amusing. “I’m not surprised.”
and everything was kept anonymous at the request of the seller. I “Me either. So do you talk to anyone from high school? Whatever
complained for a while, demanding they had to have some fucking record happened to your girlfriend Isabella?”
of the transaction, but they said they had nothing but a receipt with Esme’s The mention of her made my chest ache and I took a drink of the vodka,
name on it. The artist had requested the proceeds go to charity, the money trying to soothe it. “We broke up.”
donated directly to some fucking community center in Oakland. “That’s sad, you two were good together,” she responded. “From what I
I called the community center on a long shot but whoever answered saw, anyway.”
claimed they didn’t know who I was talking about. I tried to describe her, “Yeah, we were. So how about you and Mike, you guys still together?”
unsure of if she’d even look the same, but the man on the phone was She shrugged, telling me they tried to make it work but it wasn’t easy being
impatient and started grumbling about how I was describing half of the so far away. He was apparently playing football in Seattle, as was Tyler
fucking population. It pissed me off, because there was nothing plain about Crowley. A twinge of jealousy hit me and I flexed my hand into a fist, trying
Isabella and his insinuation that she was like a fucking dime a dozen to contain it– it should’ve been me playing in college. She rattled on for a
caused my temper to flare. I started cursing, telling him what a fucking bit more about people we knew before the conversation grew quiet and she
ignorant asshole he was, which effectively ended that goddamn cleared her throat nervously. “You know, I never believed the rumors.”
conversation. “Rumors?”
I started calling every fucking college in the area, recalling her message “Yeah, back in Forks. The rumors that your family was, you know...
to Alec about being enrolled in school, but none of them would give me any involved in stuff. I always thought it was just made up. Kind of crazy. I was
information about students no matter how much I pleaded. I googled the stunned when I saw your Dad was arrested for being some kind of mob boss
local art galleries, trying to find artists names, but never found her listed or something. I mean, he’s been my doctor since, like, elementary school.” I
anywhere. Everywhere I looked I hit a dead end, and after a few days I ran nodded, not responding because there wasn’t shit I could say about it. She
out of people to call. While in a drunken state I briefly debated going watched me curiously, obviously hoping for more, but she wasn’t getting
through the yellow pages and calling random fucking numbers in the area, anything. We sat quietly for a moment before she sighed, standing up and
but I knew that was useless, like looking for a needle in a big motherfucking wandering across the room. She paused in front of the piano, glancing at
haystack. the painting on the wall. “This is nice. Do you know the artist?”
I eventually called Esme out of desperation, practically begging for more “Uh, no. It was a gift. Artists usually sign their work or something, so
information, but wasn’t very surprised when she said there was nothing it might be on there,” I said, shrugging. I knew she probably didn’t really
she could tell me. She didn’t deny the painting had come from Isabella but give a shit about the painting, was just trying to find something to talk
claimed she had no phone number or address, just the general location like about to get rid of the awkward tension.
430 427
 She eyed it for a moment, sighing. “No name, just some initials,” she information, and, for Christ’s sake, stop meddling in other people’s affairs!
said. “Anyway, I should get going. It’s getting late. It was good seeing you.” Have you learned nothing from your mother’s death?”
“Yeah. You, too, Jessica.” I got up to walk her to the door, watching as “I, uh...” I stammered, his question catching me off guard.
she started down the street back toward Esme’s where I assumed she was “And as far as I’m concerned, there are more pressing matters to deal
parked. I went back into the living room, grabbing the bottle of vodka again with than absurd conspiracy theories about who may or may not have
and taking a swig. I strolled over to the painting and gazed at it curiously, painted something. I don’t have the time or patience for your obsessive
the two lone letters initialed in the corner catching my eye. I.S. behavior right now. Do us all a favor by pulling yourself together and stop
I stared at them for a second before a strange feeling coursed through being so self-centered, and instead focus on things of importance for once,
me. “No fucking way,” I said, shaking my head as they registered. I turned like your father’s life.”
and bolted out of the room, sprinting up the stairs. I went into my room and Before I could responded there was a click, and the line went dead. I
started tossing shit around, pulling things out of the trashcan as I looked groaned in annoyance and closed the phone, heading back downstairs to
for the packaging the painting had come in. I found the packing slip and the living room as I cursed to myself. I sat on the couch in the dim room,
pulled it out, my heart pounding fiercely as I stared at the return address. drinking vodka and staring at the painting on the wall until it was too dark
Thompson Dealers & Advisers Art Exchange Gallery 17 W. 3rd St. San to make it out anymore and I was too drunk to stay conscious.
Francisco, CA 94108 I stayed in a drunken stupor for days, overwhelmed by everything and
“Motherfucker,” I spat, reaching into my pocket for my cell phone. I feeling like I was spiraling down toward rock bottom again. I didn’t leave
dialed the number for Esme’s house immediately, starting to pace the room the house, nor did I answer my phone or door. Alec didn’t call at all, nor did
as it rang. “Yes, Edward?” Alec’s voice was calm and quiet, not who I Aro, and I was grateful they left me alone so I had time to deal with shit in
wanted to talk to, but it was good enough for me. my own way. It still felt so fucking bizarre, all of it, that it was hard to
“Where did Esme get this painting from?” believe it was actually reality.
“Painting?” he asked hesitantly, his tone telling me he didn’t even know It was, though... there was no escaping that.
about it. “Yes, she had a painting sent to me for my birthday. Is she there? I called my father’s cell phone multiple times a day and it always went
I need to talk to her about it.” right to his voicemail. I didn’t bother to leave a message, not even sure what
“Where did it come from?” he asked, ignoring my question. “I don’t I hoped to accomplish by even calling it in the first place. I knew he wouldn’t
fucking know, that’s what I just asked you.” call me back or answer, he was too smart for that, and even if he did answer
“Where was it sent from?” he asked impatiently. “Some art dealer in what the fuck did I plan on saying? ‘Hey Dad, can you stop by when you get
San Francisco.” I heard him curse under his breath, that alone enough to the chance? I’m supposed to kill you and it’s kind of a fucking inconvenience
tell me exactly what I wanted to know. “It is her, isn’t it? She got the fucking to me. Hope you don’t mind.’
thing from Isabella?” A week later I called it again, for probably the hundredth fucking time,
“Isabella? What makes you think that?” but instead of reaching his voice mail an automated message came on
“Because the fucking thing has the initials l-S on it,” I explained. “That telling me the number was no longer in service. It had been cut off, just like
can’t be a coincidence, considering it came from California and that’s where him... he was definitely on the run. I still fucking called it every day after
she fucking is.” that even though I wasn’t entirely sure why.
“Who told you she was in California?” he demanded. I hesitated, Frankly, I was still waiting to wake the fuck up, holding out hope that
realizing I should’ve have fucking said that, and he huffed with I’d open my eyes and be back in Forks, lying safely in my warm bed with
aggravation. “Was it my wife? Because if she betrayed my confidence by...” my Bella Ragazza beside me. I knew it was an absurd thought but one I’d
“No, she wouldn’t tell me shit. I just figured that’s where she went,” I do anything to make a reality. I’d have sold my soul to the fucking devil and
lied, not wanting to involve Esme when she was innocent, but definitely not taken an eternity of torture to go back to how things were with her for just
wanting to rat my father out. He was in enough fucking trouble as it was. a little while, but there was no going back, because I’d already sold my soul
“You just figured,” he stated, and I could tell by his mocking tone that to someone else. Someone just as fucking evil, it seemed.
he didn’t believe that shit for a minute. And maybe it was stupid of me, but after a week of staring at that
“Yes,” I said. “Am I right? Did she fucking make it?” fucking painting every day I knew I couldn’t just ignore what my gut was
“I don’t know anything about a painting,” he responded. “And I thought telling me. It was clear she’d done it, which was fucking stunning given
I made myself clear more than once that you’re supposed to leave the how impressive it was. I always knew she was talented and would be able
situation with Isabella alone. Stop asking about her, stop digging for to accomplish anything she set her mind to, but I never imagined she’d
428 429
with the things that had changed in our absence as the comfort and “That’s ridiculous,” Aro spat. “There’s no point to that! Why would I
familiarity settled back in. Countless times I wondered what I would say to want them dead?”
Edward if I ever saw him again, musing about what he might possibly say “Evidence,” my father said coldly. “Never leave anything behind if it can
to me in response. I ran through hypothetical conversations in my mind, be linked to you. It’s simple, something all of us know. The moment you
thinking of the what ifs, but I never once considered that it would just be realized your mistake you wanted it disposed of, and you needed an excuse
so seamless for us. It had been nearly two years since the last time he stood to make it happen without raising red flags.”
in front of me, but in my heart it felt like no time had passed at all. “What evidence?”
We had both changed, but Alec and Esme had been right when they told “Isabella’s bloodline.”
me that Edward would still be himself deep down inside. It was obvious, as Panic swept across Aro’s face briefly and I stared at him in shock,
I stared into his deep green eyes, that there was a darkness lurking inside realizing based on his reaction that he wasn’t fucking surprised... he knew
of him, the things he’d had to witness haunting him, but it hadn’t consumed exactly what my father was talking about. Confusion rocked through me,
him. It might have come close, but I could tell that he hadn’t let it the knowledge nearly crippling me. The entire time, through it all, he
completely take over his life. He had held on, and I don’t know how he did fucking knew they were related! “You’re crazy.”
it or what he’d done to keep from losing grip entirely, but it was clear he’d “Maybe so, but I’m still right,” my father said firmly. “In 1972 it might
fought against it. not have been able to be traced to you, but it can be now and you know it.
Edward’s spirit might have been broken, but his soul was still intact. All it would take is a simple prick of a finger and a lifetime worth of secrets
We didn’t pry, neither of us asking for specifics about what the other would come spilling out right along with the blood. You couldn’t risk that.”
had or hadn’t done during our separation. There would be time for “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
questions later, time for long overdue explanations, but for the time being “I actually once believed that. I believed you were just as much a victim
we were just going to be. It was like meeting him for the first time all over as the girl herself, but that changed when she was kidnapped. After
again, but knowing in my heart exactly who he was from the very Edward initiated, you still wouldn’t get involved, because you knew exactly
beginning. why they took her and you wanted nothing to do with it! You were afraid
He was Edward, and even broken he was beautiful. they’d expose you to everyone and you hoped... you fucking hoped... they’d
“It’s hard to believe you’re really here,” he whispered, pulling me back just get rid of her. But they didn’t, and that just complicated things even
into his embrace. He buried his face in my hair and inhaled deeply, his body more for you. It’s why you were in no rush to find James when he went
shuddering as he exhaled. “This has got to be a goddamn dream or rogue, why you let him get away with so much. You weren’t blinded because
something. There’s no fucking way you’re really here.” he was your nephew by marriage, you turned the other cheek because of
“It’s not a dream,” I responded. “I’m really here.” who his father was! You were afraid James knew your secrets, afraid
“For how long?” getting rid of him would set the enemy off! They took Isabella for revenge,
I opened my mouth to respond, to tell him I would be there as long as to try to bring you down, because you’d lied to them. You tricked them. You
he wanted me to be, but before I could get the words out Edward’s phone fucking promised them if they helped you that you’d help them. You were
rang. A tension quickly swept over us as he let go of me, reaching into his a rat, and when the underground wars broke out in the 70’s you had
pocket to pull it out. His body grew rigid as he stood up from the ground, Stephan take out Marcus because he was the next in line to be Boss after
motioning for me to stay where I was. I eyed him warily as he stepped away, my father. You were power hungry and had your own family murdered for
opening the phone and bringing it to his ear. He spoke quietly to ensure I it, but the baby... you couldn’t bear to have her killed. She was too young to
couldn’t overhear and I frowned as a sinking feeling settled into the pit of understand, couldn’t point the finger at you, so you thought you could spare
my stomach. I knew the easy couldn’t last, and the bubble we’d tried to form her. You always used to talk about how much family meant and you clung
would burst hastily as reality forced its way in on us. He was still a part of to James and Edward like they were your own children, and I actually
that life, and there were things about him that I couldn’t be involved in– pitied you because you didn’t have anyone left! And the whole time it was
things I could never know. Edward harbored secrets that would never be your own fault!”
spilled, not even to me, and it would always be that way now. It was “How dare you accuse me of that!” Aro spat. “You fucking liar! I’ll kill
something that would never change, no matter what. you for this!”
I climbed up from the ground as Edward spoke to whomever was on the The moment those words were spoken my father reached into his coat,
phone and quietly gazed at the headstone that marked his mother’s grave, pulling out a gun and aiming it at Aro before he had time to react. We all
reading the engraving.
476 445
jumped up, knocking chairs over in our haste. Aro stood still and I was down. It had always been so soft but it was stiff now, and my fingers got
frozen with fear as Alistair pulled his own out, aiming at my father. tangled in it. “Your hair.”
“You arranged to have Stephan sell your niece to the Swans because A sad smile lifted the corner of his mouth, and although he didn’t
you knew they wanted a daughter, but you had no idea that thirty years respond I knew he understood exactly what I meant. He reached out and
later DNA would exist,” my father continued, ignoring the gun pointed at wiped the tears from my cheeks, my eyes fluttering closed from his soft
him and keeping his eyes focused on Aro. “Swan didn’t even know the touch. He ran his fingertips down my jaw line, his hand gently exploring
relationship between the child and you, because if he did he would’ve my face, before he tucked a wayward strand of hair behind my ear. “Your
treated her better. All he knew was that you’d helped arrange the adoption ears.”
of an Italian child, and that’s the reason why he wouldn’t sell me Isabella I nodded as he gently fingered the earring in my ear. I’d gotten them
years later. Not because he gave a shit about her being his granddaughter, pierced finally in California, and Emily had bought me my very first pair of
but because he was afraid you cared about it because you claimed family earrings as a birthday present. I wiped his tears, exploring his face much
was important. He was afraid you’d come after him for selling his own flesh like he’d done mine, and eyed the small scar on his cheek peculiarly. I’d
and blood, not knowing you’d fucking done it first! When it got back to you never seen in before and knew it was new, immediately wondering what
that Elizabeth was asking questions you panicked, and that’s when you set had happened to him. “You have a scar,” I said quietly, running my pointer
the plan in motion to try to cover your tracks. You put the hit out on my finger across it. He sighed, leaning into my touch.
wife, and I never wanted to fucking believe it. Never did I want to believe “You have a tan.”
you’d do that to me, that you’d do that to my fucking children, but I couldn’t “You don’t.”
deny it anymore after we rescued Isabella. She drew pictures afterward– He cracked a real smile at my words, a surprising chuckle escaping from
like I said, she’s an artist– and she drew a picture of Alistair. I denied it to him as I smiled back. I felt the blush rise into my face as he gazed at me,
myself, I denied it to my son, but when she confirmed it to me herself I and he cupped my cheek gently. “You still blush,” he whispered.
couldn’t deny anymore. Your man– your best friend– not only had been in “You still make me.”
on the kidnapping, but he’d been the one to pull the fucking trigger on my We were quiet for a moment as those words sunk in, his eyes scanning
wife!” me curiously. “You have make-up on.”
I saw the tears slip down my father’s face and I started choking up at “You’re wearing a suit.”
the sight of it, distraught and overwhelmed. Alistair started yelling, He nodded again, glancing down at himself briefly and grimacing. “I
denying it all, and Aro glanced around frenzied, his expression a mixture still don’t like them, but it’s a funeral.” His voice cracked on the word and
of confusion and fear. His eyes fell on me and I stared at him, unable to he turned his head from me, taking a deep breath as he tried to compose
even fucking move. “Edward,” he said firmly, and I knew instantly what himself again. He was gazing past me at something, a confused look passing
the fuck he wanted. He expected me to follow my orders, to do what he’d over his face as he shook his head. “You wore high heels.”
told me to do, and when I didn’t react instantly I saw the rage brewing in “I still don’t like them, but it’s a funeral,” I whispered, repeating his
his eyes. words as I continued to look him over. “You’re not wearing Nikes.”
“Don’t talk to my son!” my father snapped. “You’ve hurt him enough! “I wish I was. These fucking shoes hurt my feet,” he muttered. I stifled
Tell me, did you want him dead, too? When you had my wife killed, did you a laugh at his words, the sound of his voice causing my body to swell with
even give a shit that Edward could’ve lost his life? Or did you want him emotions I hadn’t allowed myself to feel in a long time. It was overwhelming
killed too?” and confusing, the conflicting emotions leaving me frazzled.
“Of course not! I’d never have wanted Edward killed! He’s my godson!” “You still say that word,” I said, surprised at what a relief it was to hear
“But you don’t deny you wanted my wife dead! You don’t deny you had him curse. It was a piece of the Edward I loved, a part of him I remembered
Marcus killed, that you had your own fucking sister murdered because she clearly.
was in the way! Did you kill your brother Peter, too? And James’s mother? “What word?” he asked, raising his eyebrows in question. I didn’t
Did you have them killed for Stephan? Payment for all the fucking killing respond for a moment and he chuckled again, shaking his head. “I guess
he did for you? You don’t deny you were in bed with the Russians, that you you still don’t use it.”
had your own niece sold! How sick does a man have to be to make his own I simply shrugged.
family slaves! You’re no better than Charles Swan!” We sat there for a while longer trading observations, and it seemed so
“She was supposed to have a good life!” Aro spat, losing control of his trivial given the circumstances, but I knew it was just our way of
temper as he reached for his gun quickly, pointing it at my father. I cursed reconnecting. We were memorizing each other again, becoming acquainted
446 475
looked weary, utterly exhausted, and the pain he felt was clear in his eyes and backed up a few steps, nearly tripping over a goddamn chair and losing
even from where I stood. His blank expression shifted as he stared at me, my footing. “She was still going to be a principessa!”
different emotions flashing across his face that matched the ones I felt “She looked like her mother– like your sister,” my father continued, no
surging inside of me. Shock, disbelief, confusion, desperation, fear, longing, hesitation in his voice. “Is that why you never went to the Swan’s yourself,
hope, sorrow, grief... all of it hit me at once as I stared at the broken man why you always sent us? You couldn’t look at her, knowing what you’d done
I’d once given my heart to but never got back. I loved him, just as much as and being unable to do anything about it because it was too late?”
I ever did, and when I realized I was seeing that same feeling reflected back “You’re wrong!”
at me, it all came together. “And is that why you were so insistent on seeing Isabella when you
He loved me. Despite everything that was different, despite everything visited my house? Why you were so interested in her? You knew she carried
that felt unfamiliar, the love was still there. Finally, something felt right your bloodline, a full blooded Italian princess. Is that why you were so
again. elated about Edward falling in love with her, why you wanted Edward to
I broke my position and started toward him as he hesitantly took a few have to vouch for her? You thought it was redemption, that he could make
steps in my direction. His movements caused me to break into a run, and I her a mafia princess and it would make up for what you’d done! They were
kicked my shoes off in the grass as I sprinted for him. I was shaking and fucking possessions to you! You’ve done nothing but lie and manipulate
crying, ramming right into him as he braced himself in an attempt to keep people and destroy lives! And you had the nerve to ask me if she’d been
his footing. He wrapped his arms around me and staggered a few steps from worth it to me, if she was worth all the pain I went through, if she was
the force of the collision, tripping over something to send the two of us worth everything I lost, and you’d been the one to fucking do it! Did you
toppling to the ground. His body shook violently as a strangled sob tore enjoy that? Did having so much fucking power over everyone get you off?”
from him, and he clung to me tightly as if his life suddenly depended on it. “You’re delusional, I–”
Neither of us spoke, the lump in my throat making it impossible for “You’re disturbed!” my father yelled. “I never wanted to believe you
anything to escape but cries. I closed my eyes as he held me in his arms, could be a traitor!”
another shiver running down my spine as I took in his familiar scent. His “How dare you accuse me of being a traitor!” Aro spat. “You, who have
body was warm and despite how fragile and vulnerable I knew he was, I been feeding information to that federal agent of yours? Tell me, Carlisle,
felt secure the moment he laid his hands on me. I felt safe, like all of my how does it feel to be a fucking rat? How does it feel to turn on us, to break
searching and wandering had come down to that moment, in that place, the oath you swore? And how does it feel knowing you’re going to die for it?”
where I finally felt like I was at home again. He was my home. My father stood frozen for a second before a sinister smirk turned up
I wasn’t sure how long we sat there in the grass between his parents’ the corner of his lips, the sight startling me. “You first,” he said, his voice
graves, clinging to each other desperately as all of the emotions came cold.
pouring out of us. All of the hurt, and pain, and heartache were being The bang of gunshots ripped through the air and I recoiled, realizing
expelled through each shuddering breath, and we gripped onto each other my father started firing. I covered myself defensively, cursing in shock as
so tightly I feared we’d both walk away with bruises. I didn’t care, though– Aro was thrust backward, a bullet ripping through his shoulder and
it didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was him in that moment. another barely missing his head. He dropped his gun as his arm went limp
It could’ve been minutes or hours, but it felt as if time had stopped for and he cursed, turning the patio table over and ducking behind it as Alistair
us. We didn’t notice anything going on around us and no one dared to started firing at my father. My father shot back, hitting Alistair’s thigh
intrude, the only thing existing was the two of us. His cries slowed with a bullet and making his leg buckle, but he managed to stay upright
eventually, as did mine, but neither of us were ready to let go of the other. and continued to fire back. A bullet from my father’s gun hit the table Aro
“La mia bella ragazza,” he whispered, his voice cracking as he choked back hid behind, ricocheting off of it and flying in my direction. I ducked as soon
another sob that threatened to come out. The words sent a pang of longing as I heard it hit and it grazed my left shoulder, searing pain running down
through my body and I closed my eyes as the electricity of his touch coursed my arm.
through my veins. “Fuck!” I snapped, caught off guard. Aro yelled my name, the sound
“Edward,” I said quietly, his name catching in my throat. He pulled back barely audible above the gunfire, and I glanced in his direction to see his
to look at me, his face wet with tears, his eyes bloodshot and hair a severe expression.
disheveled mess. I reached up and ran a hand through it, cringing at the “Do it,” he spat. I didn’t know what else to fucking do so I pulled my gun
amount of product that had been applied to his locks to get them to stay out, but before I could even consider aiming at anything Alistair cried out,
stumbling backward. Aro’s attention diverted and I glanced over, stunned
474 447
when I saw the blood pouring out onto Alistair’s white shirt in the center of “Me, too, sweetie. Me, too,” she whispered, patting my cheek gently. She
his stomach. He tripped and fell backward onto the ground, his body glanced back over at Edward, frowning, before looking at me once again.
trembling as he clutched his stomach. Awful fucking cries were escaping “Go on,” she said, motioning with her head toward him. “He needs you.
his throat and my father closed the distance between them immediately, Make sure he gets home safely, okay?”
firing off some more shots. Two rounds went right through Alistair’s arms, Alec put his arm over his wife’s shoulder, nodding at me briefly before
disabling him, and another bullet ripped straight through his kneecap as leading her away. I stood still for a moment in disbelief, everything surreal
he tried to move away. He was crying out, begging for help, and Aro jumped as I stared at Edward. He seemed so different, from his stance to the way
up, grabbing his gun again before scampering out of the way. My father he was dressed, all of it unfamiliar and confusing. It was nothing like what
was clearly on a mission, his expression grave as he crouched down and I was accustomed to with Edward and I wondered if I even knew him
grabbed a hold of Alistair. He shoved the muzzle of his gun in Alistair’s anymore, because it all felt so different. I could tell he was hurting from the
mouth and I watched, horrified as he pulled the trigger without hesitation. way his shoulders were slumped, his hands shoved into the pockets of his
Blood splattered everywhere, the back of his head practically exploding as suit coat as he stood seemingly oblivious to anything going on around him
the bullet ripped through it. I couldn’t stop the scream that reverberated in the world.
from my chest, flashes of what Alistair had fucking done that to my mother I took a few steps in his direction but stopped again when he finally
overwhelming me. My father looked at me with concern, his eyes scanning broke his stance, pulling his hand out to run it through his hair. The
me quickly. movement caused strands to stick up and I smiled inadvertently,
“Get out of here, son,” he demanded before turning to face Aro, who had something finally seeming familiar. He tensed up and pulled his hand away
taken shelter by the back door. He stood up but didn’t have enough time to quickly, flexing his fingers. I noticed a white bandage on it and wondered
aim his gun before Aro shot at him, a bullet hitting my father straight in what had happened, looking at my own hand instinctively and seeing the
the chest. He grunted, staggering, but stayed on his feet and started firing splotchy red marks from where the coffee had burned me. Edward started
back. walking in the opposite direction and I panicked, thinking he was leaving,
“Edward, it’s an order!” Aro yelled, continuing to shoot toward my father but instead he grabbed a rose from the display and approached a nearby
but his aim was off because of his fucked up shoulder. “Do it or I’ll kill you grave. He crouched down in front of the headstone and lay the rose down
myself!” on the ground, running his fingers along the words engraved on the worn
“Don’t fucking threaten my son!” my father yelled, Aro’s words giving white marble.
him his strength back. I heard commotion as my father steadied himself I started in his direction again, my curiosity fueling me, but stopped
and the back door of the house thrust open forcefully, three guys running after a few steps when it struck me what it was. The night we’d played
outside after having heard the gunshots. Alec followed behind them but twenty questions in his room he’d told me his mother was in Mount Carmel
froze in the doorway, taking in the scene as I debated quickly as to what Cemetery, and it made sense that Dr. Cullen would be buried beside her.
the hell I was supposed to do. I released the safety from my gun and Alec My heart pounded rapidly and my stomach churned, suddenly feeling like
must have sensed my dilemma because he raised his weapon, my heart I was invading his privacy as he stood back up. The memory of him sitting
nearly stalling and my knees going weak when he pointed it right at me. in front of his piano, slumped down and crying on the anniversary of her
“What the fu–” I started, unable to even get the entire thing out before death came to mind and pain ripped through my chest. I clutched the spot
he pulled the trigger. I tried to move but the bullet hit the side of my hand over my heart as I lost my breath again and I immediately took a step back,
and I cried out, dropping the weapon as a reflex and grabbing the wound. but he must’ve somehow sensed my movement because his body stiffened.
It felt like it was on fire, throbbing painfully as blood started running from We both were silent, neither one of us moving as something in the
it. Alec ran toward me and shoved me onto my stomach on the ground, his atmosphere shifted. The sun disappeared behind a cloud, leaving the
voice low and demanding as he told me not to fucking move. His expression cemetery suddenly encased in shade, and a cool breeze blew through the
was serious, and he stood up in front of me as he started firing his gun area that caused a shiver to run the length of me. The air was thick and I
toward my father across the yard. struggled to breathe as my hands started to shake. The keys I was holding
I was fucking horrified until it dawned on me that every shot missed, jingled and I grasped onto them tightly, trying to get a grip on myself, but
the bullets deliberately flying past him. My father turned and fired a shot the sound seemed to echo through the desolate graveyard.
toward Alec, his aim just as fucking bad, before ducking for cover around It felt like it happened in slow motion as he turned his head in my
the back of the house. Aro and the other two men shielded themselves near direction, our eyes locking. I gasped as I finally got a look at his face, the
the back door, Alec and me to the side with a clear line of sight to both of deep frown on his lips and dark bags under his eyes so startling it hurt. He
448 473
I jumped as I was pulled from my trance, turning to see Alec a few feet them. The gunshots slowed down for a second as the men hid and reloaded,
away. the rest of the men from inside filtering out of the backdoor to come to Aro’s
“I’m glad to see you’re well.” aide. I watched with horror when I saw my father drop his gun to the
“Yes, I, uh...” I started, unsure of what to say. He was wearing a suit ground, clutching his chest as his breathing grew labored, and he staggered
much like Edward’s and was eyeing me intently, a serious expression on a few steps.
his face. I immediately grew paranoid, wondering if it was wrong for me to “Christ,” I spat as he undid his coat, shrugging it off, and I saw the small
be there. He’d told me to stay away from Chicago until the situation was Uzi hanging by a strap around his shoulder. The blood rushing through me
handled and I wasn’t sure if it was, panic creeping through me at the made me dizzy, my vision blurring as the tears started flowing down my
prospect that I could still somehow be in danger. “I didn’t know if I should... cheeks. I watched him quickly bow his head and do the sign of the cross,
I mean, I just thought...” his mouth moving furiously as he spoke to himself. “No!”
“It was nice of you to come,” he said, interrupting my stammering as he I started screaming the word as he turned, his eyes falling on me briefly
walked forward to stand beside me. He was quiet for a moment as he stared before he stepped out into the wide open to face Aro and the others. Alec
straight ahead and I turned again, glancing back over at Edward. He was dropped to the ground instantly, grabbing a hold of me as I tried to get to
standing in the same spot, still having not moved at all. “I apologize for not my feet, pinning me down with his body as the loud spray of bullets started.
calling you to inform you of what happened, but I was arrested after it It was deafening, my head thumping with every loud bang, and I watched
happened and wasn’t released until yesterday. By then you’d already with horror as the small explosion of gunfire lit up the yard. I screamed as
informed me of your intention to come, so I figured you were already loud as I could, begging him not to, but I knew he couldn’t hear me and it
aware.” was too fucking late, anyway. I knew his mind was made up and there was
“I saw it on the news,” I said quietly. “They said there was a massacre.” no changing it, no turning back. He’d already said his fucking goodbyes,
He scoffed at the word and I glanced at him, seeing an irritated look already made peace with everything. He’d made his bed and he was
take over his face. “It wasn’t a massacre. That insinuates it was prepared to lie in it... he was ready to lie in it.
unnecessary and random, but I can assure you Carlisle knew exactly what But I wasn’t fucking ready.
he was doing. If it was a massacre no one would’ve walked away from that I tried to push Alec off of me but he wouldn’t budge, shielding me as the
house alive, but both Edward and I survived.” spray of bullets ripped through the night. Two guys dropped instantly, their
“Edward was there?” I gasped, horrified. “Did he see?” bodies convulsing as they were pumped full of the lead, and others ran or
“Yes, he saw it happen,” Alec said quietly. “And as you can probably tell, ducked for cover to fire back. In the midst of the chaos I lost tracked of who
he isn’t taking it very well. After Elizabeth’s murder he withdrew into was where, bodies dropping and people running, painful screams and
himself and didn’t speak to anyone, and it seems he’s been dealing with his frightening yells mixing with the rampant gunfire. A bullet ripped through
father’s death the same way.” my father’s stomach and he stumbled backward, his finger leaving the
“Oh God,” I said, the burn flaring in my chest and my eyes filling with trigger briefly as he lost his grip. The pause in the gunfire gave the others
tears again as I watched Edward. He still wasn’t moving, despite the fact enough time to recoup and they started firing in succession, a bullet ripping
that most of the people had cleared out and they were starting to finish the through my father’s shoulder as another one tore through his calf. The
burial. Esme stood beside him and I could tell from her body language that blood soaked his shirt and his legs went out as he dropped to his knees,
she was speaking, but he didn’t seem to notice she was even there. “He saw swaying as he tried to stabilize himself. He pulled the trigger again, gunfire
them both die.” sounding as more people were hit with bullets as they tried to duck for
“He did.” cover.
We were quiet for a moment as the implications of that sunk in, the two The gunfire stopped abruptly after a moment as the cartridge was spent
of us watching as Esme gently rubbed Edward’s back before turning to walk and my father shrugged the weapon off of his shoulder, letting it drop to
away. She glanced in our direction, her footsteps faltering briefly as a look the ground. He sat back on his legs, his head dropping and body shaking as
of surprise passed over her face. She smiled warmly at me as she he stared at the ground. Someone stood up near the house and I panicked,
approached, pulling me into a hug. “You look great, Isabella. It’s been way because my father was unarmed, and Alec seemed to react instinctively by
too long.” pulling out his gun. He fired off a shot, the bullet hitting the man straight
Her words cracked as she spoke, her voice hoarse. “Thank you,” I said in the temple. His body dropped, a stray bullet flying past us as he pulled
quietly as she let go, seeing her face was flushed. Her makeup was the trigger reflexively.
smudged, her eyes bloodshot from crying. “I’m so sorry for your loss, Esme.”
472 449
 I screamed for my father but Alec shoved me further into the ground, expensive black clothing standing around, all of them stoic as they quietly
busting my face on the concrete in an attempt to silence me. I cursed, waited. I scanned the crowd as I composed myself, catching brief glimpses
feeling the blood seeping from my nose, and tensed up when I heard the of Esme and Jasper, but all of the others seem to be shielded from view.
sirens in the distance. No one seemed to notice my presence, even as they walked right past
Someone yelled and I heard running as people fled, and Alec finally let where I stood. I wanted to go closer, desperate to see Edward, but my feet
go of me. He stood up and I pushed away from the ground, cringing and wouldn’t move no matter how hard I tried. The service started and I
crying out from pain. I glanced across the yard and saw my father crawling listened as the priest said some prayers before diving right into Dr. Cullen’s
over toward the side of the house, and Alec started toward him right away. life.
My father stopped when he reached the comer, sitting back as he grabbed “Carlisle Cullen was a loyal man. He stood for what he believed in and
his earlier discarded pistol from the ground. fought for what he wanted. He was a husband and a father– a son and a
“Carlisle!” Alec yelled, the panic in his voice evident. My father glanced brother. He was not a perfect man, he made mistakes, but no man is perfect.
in our direction, the breath leaving me when I saw his face. The color was We all sin, we all fall victim to temptations. Carlisle was no different.
gone, his eyes dull and lifeless. His shirt was torn to shreds and soaked Greed, lust, gluttony, sloth, wrath, envy, pride– the seven cardinal sins. He
with blood, his breathing shallow. struggled with them, trying to balance the good and evil in his life, and
My father said something quietly, not loud enough for me to hear, but many times he failed. But just because he succumbed to evil, does not mean
whatever it was made Alec’s footsteps falter. The sirens grew louder and he was evil. He was a good man. He was a doctor and impacted many people
Alec shook his head, but my father nodded. during his time on earth, saving quite a few lives along the way. He is loved
“Get out of here, Edward!” Alec yelled. I stood up in a panic and started by many, and will be missed.
across the yard toward them, ignoring him, but nearly buckled from fright “He suffered on earth, especially after the loss of his beloved Elizabeth,
when I saw my father raise his gun and point it at his chin. and struggled with despair. But Carlisle’s suffering is over, and for that we
“No! Dad, no!” I screamed. My father’s eyes drifted closed as he pulled must rejoice. He is with the Lord now and has reunited with his wife in the
back the hammer with his thumb, his finger steady on the trigger. Alec afterlife. Carlisle visited me often right before his life came to an end and
bowed his head quickly, his quiet voice reaching me as I closed the distance we spoke extensively about the situation he found himself in. He expressed
between us. “Perdonami,” he said, and I froze as he raised his gun without great remorse for all of the hurt he’d caused others over the years, and
hesitation, pulling the trigger. A hoarse scream rang from me as the bullet because of that I am absolutely certain of one thing– despite his flaws and
tore through my father’s skull and he dropped backward, his body limp as mistakes, Carlisle Cullen was a Man of Honor.”
it lay on the grass. I collapsed to the ground, unable to move any further as Sobs rang out from the crowd as the service continued but I couldn’t
sobs rocked my body. decipher who they came from, the sounds making my chest ache even more.
I continued to scream and beg, horrified, and Alec walked right past me When the priest finished, people walked over and placed long-stem red
toward the pool. He grabbed my gun and took his own, dropping them into roses on top of the casket, quietly saying their final goodbyes. I caught a
the water before turning back around. His eyes scanned the property glimpse of Emmett and Alice that time, but the family stood in the front
quickly, surveying the carnage, a frown on his face. There were bodies and was mostly blocked by the others. Afterward they started lowering the
scattered around, blood splattered everywhere. The sirens wailed louder, casket and more sobs rang out as people started tossing handfuls of dirt
the lights flashing as they pulled up to the property, and I looked at my into the hole in the ground before walking away.
uncle as the police started raiding the house and backyard. Alec put his I bit my lip nervously as the crowd dispersed, looking around for
hands up immediately and dropped to the ground before they even had to someone familiar, and froze when Edward finally came into view. His back
tell him, and I rolled onto my stomach to assume the same position at his was to me so I couldn’t see his face, but I knew without a doubt that it was
command. him. He wore a black suit and his hair was slicked back, his head down as
I was in a complete daze, distraught and overwhelmed, everything if he were staring into the hole in the ground. People spoke to him as they
surreal. We were handcuffed and I laid in the grass, fighting back tears passed but he didn’t acknowledge them. I watched as Emmett approached,
while Alec lay beside me muttering quietly to himself in Italian. It took a patting him on the back, but Edward didn’t even so much as flinch from the
minute for it to register that he was praying, his words cutting deep. I lost contact. He just stood there, as still as a statue as everyone moved around
control of myself when I saw them place a white sheet over my father, a him. It was startling and I watched warily, everything else fading away as
loud sob escaping my throat. All I could think about was how the fuck I was I fixated on his form. I heard a throat clear behind me after a moment and
going to explain it to my brothers, how Esme was going to take the news.
450 471
 I went into the small room and dropped some of my stuff on the bed as How could they possibly understand what the fuck had happened when I
I surveyed my surroundings. The room was shabby, the bland tan paint on couldn’t even understand it myself?
the walls chipping, the bed covered in a generic flowery bedspread. It looked A throat cleared nearby and I tried to silence my sobs and get a grip on
almost like every other hotel I had visited the past few months but, oddly myself when they pulled Alec from the ground to lead him away. “Seven
enough, reminded me of the room in California Edward and I had stayed in confirmed deceased, including Cullen,” an officer said. “Still waiting on
on our way to Phoenix. I smiled at the memory, recalling how happy we’d confirmation of the identities of the other six.”
been together then. It had all been just starting, a world of opportunities in “Get a move on it,” a second man responded, his voice startlingly
front of us where the sky was the limit. A world where I wasn’t running familiar. “Anyone inside?”
from things, but to things. “Just the alleged trafficking victim Cullen said would be here,” the man
I longed for that feeling again. said. “The others must have fled the scene. We have officers out on patrol
I took a warm shower, pulling on the only black dress I owned. Emily watching and we placed calls to our informants, trying to dig up some
had picked it out for me one afternoon when we’d gone shopping, saying information. The raids are already in progress at the other houses.”
every girl needed a simple black dress in her closet. I thought about my “Good. Did you call Victims Services about the slave?”
friend as I sat down on the edge of the bed, wondering how she was doing “Yes, they said they’d have someone here shortly. She wouldn’t speak to
and if she worried about what had happened to me. I couldn’t even begin to anyone, though.”
imagine what she must’ve thought, what wild scenarios she would’ve come “I’m not surprised. Give her some time, I’m sure she’ll come around once
up with. she realizes she’s safe.”
I grabbed a pair of black dress shoes, also the only ones I owned, and Footsteps approached and the familiar voice said my name, recognition
slid them on. Nervously, I applied a bit of makeup and jewelry, trying to dawning when I glanced up and saw Agent DiFronzo hovering over me. He
look decent, and I gazed at my reflection in the mirror for a moment when crouched down and undid my handcuffs, sighing as he grabbed my hand
I was done. I was anxious and second-guessing myself, everything and eyed my wound. “Get the medic to come look at Mr. Cullen’s injuries.”
overwhelming and causing butterflies to soar in my stomach. “Yes, sir.”
I grabbed a phonebook off of the small stand in the room and browsed He stared at me for a moment as I sat up. “We’ll have to take you in and
through it, looking for the location of the cemetery, before heading out. The ask you some questions, but you should be out by morning,” he said. I
drive was a complete daze, but I knew I’d found the right place the moment nodded, not surprised they’d take my ass in but a little shocked he
I arrived. The church service had already ended and the cars were starting anticipated actually releasing me. “Do you want to make a statement now?”
to pull up at the cemetery, a few black stretch limos and a hearse covered I wiped my face, trying to get rid of the tears, and groaned when I did
in flowers parked along the winding road. Most of the vehicles were black, nothing but smear blood on my cheek I pulled my shirt up to wipe it off,
nearly all of them identical Mercedes like the one Dr. Cullen had driven shaking my head. “Maggie,” I said quietly, my voice shaking. My throat
and the one parked in Edward’s driveway. I knew they were typical Mafia burned from all of the screaming, the word barely audible.
cars, the ones made men in the organization drove. I hadn’t considered who “Maggie?”
else would attend the funeral, but the thought of having so many dangerous “The girl inside. She has a name. It’s Maggie.”
men in one location was daunting. The car I drove blended in among the “Thanks,” he replied. “I’m sorry for your loss, by the way.”
others and for the first time since leaving California I was grateful to not “Are you seriously apologizing to me?” I asked incredulously.
have the Volvo. I parked away from them all, not wanting to draw attention “Yes. Your father... he may have ended a few lives, but he has saved
to myself as I nervously climbed out of the driver’s seat. some, too. The girl upstairs, for example. Maggie, you say?” I nodded and
I did my best to stay in the background, avoiding people, and stopped he did the same, glancing around briefly before his eyes fell on the form
abruptly a few yards away when my eyes fell upon the long gold-toned with the white sheet over it a few feet away. “So, yes, I am sorry.”
casket with a makeshift memorial of flowers set up near it. The sight made I laughed dryly to myself, shaking my head as the tears started again.
my knees go weak, the entire thing suddenly becoming real. Dr. Cullen’s “Yeah... me, too.”
body was inside of that box, his heart no longer beating and the life expelled
from him. He was gone and the air seemed to be forced from my lungs at
the thought, dizziness overtaking me and blurring my vision. I took a few
steps to the side to lean against a tree in order to catch my breath, afraid I
was going to pass out. There were dozens of people dressed in their most
470 451
 “I know he’s gone.” I whispered, choking on the word as I remembered
Edward telling me my mother was gone. I cleared my throat, trying to
compose myself quickly.
“He freed us, Isabella.” she replied with a sudden serious expression. “A
dozen of us. He spent months tracing who we were, and once he figured it
out, he told the police where we could be found. Esme and her husband,
they gave me away to another man over a week ago. I felt betrayed because
I thought of Esme like a friend... I thought I had a friend. But then I was
just discarded, like I didn’t matter, and I was devastated. I feared it was
going to start all over again, but then... then it happened. They came in the
middle of the night and the police took me away, and they gave me my
identity back– all because Dr. Cullen had given it to them. I thought the
Evansons got rid of me to hurt me, but they did it to help me, because if I
was here with them the police wouldn’t have come for me. They saved me,
Isabella.”
I stared at her with shock, feeling the tears well up in my eyes at her
words. “Me, too,” I mumbled. “They saved me, too.”

Chapter 77
“I know they did,” she replied, smiling again as she pulled me back into
a hug. We stood there for a moment, embracing, before she cleared her
throat and let go again. “It’s really great to see you.”
“You, too, Clara;” I said, smiling and wiping the tears from my eyes.
“Where is everyone?”
Good “They’ve gone to the church already. I offered to stay here and help get
Isabella the house ready for the gathering afterward,” she replied. “Are you going
to the funeral?”
It’s around three thousand miles from the west coast of America to the I glanced down at myself, cringing at my clothes. I definitely hadn’t
east coast, maybe less depending upon where you started and where you thought ahead. “I, uh... I don’t know.”
planned to end up. That fact surprised me. because it always felt like it Before she could say anything about it a white van pulled up in the
would be farther than that, almost like an entire universe existed between driveway and she sighed. “That’s the caterer. Esme’s been too busy to be
those two vast oceans. Taking interstates and highways, you could make able to do anything herself.”
the trip in less than forty-eight hours, but realistically it would take “I bet,” I whispered, overcome with sadness. I hadn’t even thought about
someone about twice as long as that. Still, it wasn’t that bad... you could how Esme was dealing with everything, having lost her only brother. “I
find yourself standing at the opposite ocean, staring out at the world from should really get going.”
a completely different direction in less than a week. She smiled sadly as a man and a woman got out of the van and started
It sounded like something I would’ve learned on Jeopardy at one time pulling things out. “Am I going to see you later?” she asked. I nodded
or another, but I actually discovered that piece of information firsthand. hesitantly and her smile grew. “Good. I believe Dr. Cullen’s being buried at
My journey ended up taking significantly longer than just a few days, Mount Carmel Cemetery. I think it’ll mean a lot to them if you show up.”
though. It took me nearly three months to be exact. Three months of I nodded but offered no response, unsure of what I was doing. The
driving, of wandering... three months of searching. caterer started carrying things in the house and I slipped away quickly,
After Emily hung up the phone that June evening in California, I’d headed back down the street where the car was parked. I drove through the
called Alec’s cell phone in a panic. I was afraid she would involve the police, neighborhood, stopping a few miles away when I saw a small hotel and paid
knowing she was worried because I had no way to explain to her what was for a night. I barely had enough to cover it, handing over my last bit of cash
going on. I hurriedly told him what had happened and he ordered me to sit to the worker. After I got the room key I started rooting through my
still and not answer the door if anyone but him were to show up. The police belongings in the car, groaning loudly when it struck me that I’d fled out of
would have no reason to enter and I was under no obligation to talk to them, Ocean Isle and left my clothes at the laundromat.
452 469
about people stopping by, which is a pity considering how much work I put he’d explained, so as long as I stayed where I was for the time being there
into keeping this pigsty clean for him.” wouldn’t be any problems.
I glared at her as her words sunk in. “Do you... live here?” I asked I sat huddled in the living room, peeking out of the large window as I
hesitantly. Her eyes widened in surprise at my question and she laughed cautiously watched the street for any sign of visitors, the house completely
again, shaking her head. silent except for the tick of the clock on the wall as time dragged on. A small
“Lord, no. Are we even talking about the same man here? He’s a pain in black car with tinted windows pulled up at around three in the morning
the ass. I can barely tolerate him once a week– never in a million years and Alec climbed out of the driver’s seat, looking around the darkened
would I actually live with him. He pays me a shitload to clean up, though, neighborhood cautiously. I studied the car, confused because it wasn’t the
so I put up with his attitude,” she responded. “Sometimes, anyway. Other same one he had been driving, and watched curiously as he pulled a few
times I can’t help but tell him how much of an asshole he is. Someone needs cardboard boxes from the trunk of it. He knocked and dropped them on the
to tell him, after all.” floor near the front door as soon I let him inside the house.
“Oh, you work for him?” I asked after she finished rambling, trying to “Pack what’s important to you.”
clarify. “Like, as a maid?” My brow furrowed in confusion as I glanced between him and the boxes.
“Something like that,” she responded, glancing at her watch. “Anyway, “Pack?”
I need to get going. Edward’s probably with his family now, but I’m sure “Yes, Isabella. Pack,” he said impatiently. “We need to have you out of
you can catch him later. If you want to, that is. He’s moody as hell, but I here as soon as possible.”
guess it’s expected, given what happened.” He didn’t elaborate, instead pulling out his cell phone and dialing a
“Yeah,” I replied as she shut the front door and made sure it was locked number as he waited for me to follow his order. I hesitated but grabbed a
before heading for a car parked along the curb nearby. She hollered back box when he shot me an annoyed look, dragging it into the living room with
that she’d see me around and I waved politely, watching as she drove away. me I turned on a lamp to give me enough light to see what I was doing and
I debated what to do before starting down the street to where I recalled started tossing things inside of the box while his voice carried through the
the Evanson’s house being, wondering if I should try to check in with Alec. quiet downstairs, echoing off of the walls. His words were rushed and edgy,
I tentatively knocked on the door when I arrived, biting my lip nervously all of it completely in Italian. Every now and then a word would jump out
when I heard feet shuffling inside. The door was pulled open after a at me that I recognized, or he’d say a name that I knew, but I didn’t
moment and before I could even get a look at who answered they grabbed understand the context so I had no clue what he was talking about. It
a hold of me, pulling me into a hug. “Isabella!” frightened me, though, because I heard both Emily and Seth’s names, and
“Clara?” I asked with surprise, recognizing the voice. She let go of me to more than once he went on a tirade about Edward, his tone scathing. By
take a step back, and I froze from shock as I gazed at her. She looked the time he finally quieted down my heart was pounding rapidly, my hands
healthy, having gained quite a bit of weight since the last time I laid eyes shaking as I tried to stay calm enough to sort through my books.
on her. She had on a dress with high heels and even wore makeup, “Are they important?” Alec asked behind me, catching me off guard. I
something I never imagined I’d ever see on Clara. “Wow, I’m surprised to turned quickly and saw the phone was still to his ear but he was looking at
see you.” me with his eyebrows raised. I sighed, biting my lip nervously as I glanced
“I could say the same thing,” she replied, smiling widely. “I didn’t know down at the books in the box.
if I’d ever get to see you again! God, how I worried! How are you?” “Yes, sir,” I said quietly, hoping he wouldn’t object and demand I leave
“Okay, I guess,” I said. “I mean, I’m sort of confused right now, but other them. He nodded after a second, not arguing with my assessment, and
than that I’m fine. You?” turned to walk out of the room as he spoke impatiently back into the phone.
“Wonderful now that you’re here,” she replied, sounding elated. “It’s “Put my wife on, Carlisle.”
been bittersweet around here, with what happened to Dr. Cullen, but I His voice was softer, his words once again shifting back into Italian as
didn’t know really know him that well. I’m grateful for what he did, though. he talked to Esme. I had no idea what was going on, what they were
For all of it. I never thought it would happen. discussing but given that I was packing I knew it likely had something to
“Yeah, uh... exactly did he do?” I asked, even more confused as to why do with my situation. I headed upstairs with a box after a few minutes to
she’d be so happy. He was dead, having been killed with several others in get the rest of my belongings, questions plaguing my thoughts. Was he
a violent shoot out. taking me with him? Was I going to Chicago?
“You don’t know?” I went through things in my desk, pulling out all of my pictures and
tossing them in a box before opening another drawer to sort through my
468 453
school papers. I grabbed what I felt was necessary to keep and threw I tried to push back my panic as I stepped onto the porch, but before I
everything else in a trashcan, tensing up when I spotted the crinkled up could even knock the front door swung open abruptly. I froze, my vision
envelope laying in the bottom of the drawer. I pulled it out, having forgotten going blurry as my heart rate skyrocketed. My nerves and my hope battled
all about it, and gazed at the name scribbled on the front– Edward Cullen. each other for dominance as I saw the form step into the doorway, but as
It was the letter I had written him back in Seattle, the one I’d been holding they came into focus utter confusion took over. My brow furrowed as I
when the federal agent approached me in the park. stared at the girl in front of me, my eyes sweeping over her quickly. She
A throat cleared behind me and I jumped, startled. I turned and saw had black hair and a deep tan, her body thin but curvy in the long black
Alec standing in the doorway watching me curiously. “Something dress she wore. My heart dropped when I noticed her hair was damp, as if
important?” he asked, his eyes darting toward the envelope. she’d just taken a shower, and I had to fight back sickness as the questions
“Uh, no... it’s just a letter I wrote a long time ago,” I said quietly. “To hit me. Who is she? Why is she showering at Edward’s house? Does he even
Edward.” He nodded, not appearing surprised by my response. “Would you still live there? Is she his girlfriend?
like me to give it to him when I return to Chicago?” She didn’t say anything as she stepped out onto the porch, pulling out
I stared at him, stunned by his offer, and felt the hope that had a pack of cigarettes from her purse and lighting one up. “Want one?” she
unknowingly swelled inside of me fade away. If he was offering to deliver asked, breaking the silence. I jumped at the sound of her voice, shaking my
it, that meant he had no intention of taking me with him. I glanced back head as she held the pack out to me, and she shrugged as she put them
down at the envelope, pushing back my nerves and disappointment as I away. “More for me, then.”
tried to recall what I’d written in it. It seemed like a lifetime had passed “I, uh... is, uh... I mean, do you...” I started stammering, wrapping my
since I’d poured my heart out onto the lines of the paper inside. I’d been a arms around me as I tried to keep myself from falling apart. A lump was
different person then, one I wasn’t sure I’d be able to recognize anymore. forming in my throat and I swallowed, trying to get rid of it so I could get
Even the handwriting on the front seemed foreign to me now. my question out. I turned and looked behind me at the car, briefly
“No,” I whispered after a second, my chest burning with longing as I considering running away in panic, but before I could do anything she spoke
dropped the envelope into the trash can with the other discarded papers. again.
Life had changed me, I was no longer the fragile, desperate child I had been “He’s not here,” she said.
when I’d written it, and I could only imagine how much Edward had “Huh?”
changed overtime, too. There was no way either of us could go back to who “Edward. You know, the asshole that lives here?” she clarified, a smile
we’d been before... we could only go forward. “Could you possibly give forming on her lips as she appeared amused by something. “He’s not here.”
something to Emmett and Rosalie for me, though?” “Oh,” I replied, a bit annoyed at her words. Asshole? “How did you know
“Yes.” I was here for Edward?”
I walked over to the closet and reached onto the top shelf, pulling down She laughed at my question like it was stupid and I blushed from
the small box wrapped in a vibrant green paper that reminded me of the embarrassment when I realized it probably was. “You have Edward written
color of Edward’s eyes. I’d bought the present months ago with Emily’s help, all over you, girl.”
having every intention of going to the wedding, but life seemed to have My brow furrowed at her statement and I glanced down, blushing even
other plans for me. Alec had said I could attend if I wanted, but he also said further when I realized I still had the same clothes on from the day before–
he couldn’t guarantee that I would be able to return to California without Edward’s football shirt from Forks. She would’ve seen his name written on
the past following me. the back of it when I turned away from her.
I had still wanted to go, the thought of missing such an important day “Plus,” she continued, “I’ve seen pictures of you stashed in his desk
in their lives almost unbearable, but as time went on it started to feel drawer. Isabella, is it? I’m Leah.”
selfish. Going would not only jeopardize me if the federal agent figured out “Yeah, it’s Isabella. Nice to meet you,” I muttered, unsure if I meant the
I was in Chicago, but also possibly affect the lives of everyone I cared for. words as I spoke them. I was stunned that she knew who I was, wondering
What would it mean for Dr. Cullen and his court case? How would it affect what Edward had told her about me, if anything. She smiled again as she
Edward? If I had to leave California and hide elsewhere, never again to dropped her cigarette to the ground, stepping on it to put it out before
return to the life I had built, what would happen to the kids I helped teach? kicking it off of the porch into the grass. I stared at the discarded butt,
They were used to being given up on, so used to being abandoned, and I wondering how many of them belonged to her.
couldn’t be just another person in their lives to walk away as if they didn’t “Yeah, you, too,” she responded. “It’s actually nice to see him get a
mean anything. They deserved better than that, and as much as I wavered visitor, especially one he might actually want to see. He always bitches
454 467
man in the eyes, but I realized now that he was smiling because I was brave on my decision up until the last minute, deep down inside I knew I couldn’t
enough to try. He saw my strength and determination back then, and even do it. I couldn’t just return to the world of Isabella Swan when so much
with the pain and anger he felt toward me for causing his wife to be taken counted on the existence of Isabella Smith.
from him, he couldn’t find it in him to deny me a chance to say goodbye to It seemed all of my worry had been for nothing, though, considering I
my mother. was packing to leave anyway.
I wasn’t sure how long I lay there being assaulted by the past before I I grabbed a blank card from the desk and scribbled down a message,
finally started drifting off. Right before I slipped into unconsciousness unsure of what to say to them. I fought back tears and tried to steady my
Jasper’s words came running through my mind, ones he had spoken to me hand as I thought of Rosalie in her wedding dress, imagining how beautiful
the first time he took me down by the river in Forks. He asked me what my she would be in it, and a sad smile curved my lips when I thought of the
biggest fear was and I hesitantly told him it was hope. I was afraid of look of awe that would cross Emmett’s face when he saw his bride. I sealed
hoping for more in life, afraid of being disappointed by failing if I tried. I the card when I was done and handed the gift to Alec, who tucked it under
asked him what his biggest fear was, uncomfortable talking about mine, his arm. He said nothing as I finished packing my things, just continued to
and he sighed as he answered. stand in the doorway watching me I closed the last box when it was filled
“My worst fear is losing my father. I’ve already lost my mother because and turned to him, biting my lip nervously. “I think that’s everything. The
of his lifestyle: I don’t want to lose him to it also.” stuff in the trash can has my name on it. I didn’t know what you’d want me
Jasper had made me see that it was okay to want more in life, that to do...”
taking a risk even if it could hurt was a good thing. Nothing ventured, “I’ll burn it,” he said as I trailed off.
nothing gained. He had helped me face my worst fear... it was only fair I be He explained that he had people on their way to get the rest of my
there to help him face his. belongings, wanting the house to be cleared out by dawn. I asked what he
I was woken abruptly sometime later to the sound of a horn blaring and was going to do with it and he shrugged off my question, reiterating to me
sat up in the seat quickly, groaning at the stiffness in my body. I squinted, that all of it was replaceable and I shouldn’t get attached to material
the sunlight filtering in the window blinding me, and glanced around as I possessions. I was on edge as I followed him downstairs, bewildered as he
struggled to clear my head. The rest stop was busy and I looked at the clock, loaded the boxes back into the trunk of the black car before pausing by the
seeing it was shortly after eight in the morning. front door to look at me.
I used the restroom quickly before starting back on the road, “I’d take you with me, so you could deliver your gift in person, but I’m
desperately wanting to get there. The last three hours of the trip seemed to quite sure they’ll be watching.”
go by slowly because of my nerves, but the moment I drove under the large “Who?” I asked hesitantly, unsure of anything at that moment. “Agent
green sign welcoming me to Chicago, that feeling of resolve returned. Alec Difronzo?”
had told me to keep going until I felt safe and to listen to my intuition. He sighed exasperatedly. “The federal agent is the least of our worries
Everywhere I went felt wrong, but suddenly, as I drove into the city, it at this point, Isabella. I don’t doubt he’s still looking for you, if not to try to
started to feel like I was exactly where I was supposed to be– where I was help his case out of sheer curiosity, but there are other forces trying to seek
always supposed to be. you out right now and they’ve gotten too close for comfort. The fact that
I recalled Edward’s address and drove straight to the neighborhood in your friend knows who I am does nothing to alleviate my concerns for your
Lincoln Park, slowing and parking in the first open spot along the curb safety.”
when I spotted the house. It looked just as it had the afternoon we’d sat on “Emily?” I asked, surprised. “Do you think...? I mean, you don’t really
the porch, the door still worn and in desperate need of a coat of paint. I sat think she’s actually in on something, do you?”
there for a moment staring at it as my stomach churned. It had been so “No, I’ve thoroughly checked Emily out and she’s not a danger
long since I’d laid eyes on him and I wondered how he’d look, if he’d be personally, but that doesn’t mean she can’t somehow endanger you,” he
happy to see me or if he’d be angry I came. So many questions and scenarios replied. I stared at him, confused, and he shook his head when he noticed
flooded my mind but I tried to push them back as I got out of the car, taking my expression. “There’s no such thing as coincidence, Isabella. It was no
a deep breath as I made my way across the street. I paused on the sidewalk accident that you met Seth Clearwater, your house got broken into mere
in front of the house, surveying the black vehicle in the driveway, and my hours later, and Emily recognized me when I showed up. It was engineered
brow furrowed when I saw cigarette butts littering the grass in front of the to happen that way. I tracked down Seth Clearwater after we spoke and he
house. Does he smoke now? What else is different? confirmed my suspicions that he was hired to find you. They paid him half
of the money upfront and the other half was supposed to be wired to him
466 455
when he sent them proof of your location. He’s the one who broke in, and the past few months. I sighed as the lone word escaped my lips, the burn in
that’s the real reason why he was lurking outside of the community center. my chest dulling a bit as another sensation settled in. Through the shock,
He was still trying to verify he had found the correct girl– the right through the horror and fear, I felt the resolve.
Isabella.” “Chicago,” I whispered.
“Why?” I asked, horrified that someone else was after me. “Who paid My hand shook as I programmed the navigation system in the car,
him?” gazing at the screen as it calculated the trip. 980 miles– a journey I could
“He never saw the person–it was all done remotely–but he was given make in sixteen hours.
the address of a post office box in Chicago to send the evidence to,” he said. I finally had my destination.
“There are only a few people I can think of who would go through so much The trip was a blur as I followed the directions, stopping only to rest my
trouble to locate you, the most logical suspect being a man by the name of legs and grab coffee or use the restroom. The stops became more frequent
Alistair. You might recognize him if you saw him, he was in an accident as I started growing exhausted, needing more coffee to stay awake, and
years ago and has a large scar on his face.” after thirteen hours of driving I was so weary I almost nodded off while on
Sickness started brewing up in the pit of my stomach as an image of the the road. I swerved the car onto the shoulder and skidded to a stop, nearly
man standing over me in the warehouse flashed in my mind. His expression slamming into an interstate sign in the process. I was shaking as the car
was so harsh, his eyes cold. “He was there,” I whispered. “When I was stalled and I put it into park, running my hands down my face as I took a
taken... he was there.” deep breath. I needed to sleep, despite the fact that I didn’t want to, because
“He was,” Alec responded, somehow already aware of that fact. I knew if I continued I was liable to cause some harm.
“What does he want from me?” I asked, frightened. My legs shook and I After my heart rate calmed and the trembling subsided I started the car
wrapped my arms around my chest, trying to steady myself. up, pulling back onto the road and carefully driving the few miles to the
“It depends on if he’s working alone or not,” he stated. “It’s possible he’s nearest rest stop. I pulled in, parking the car in a spot in the back, and
acting on behalf of the organization, that he’s doing this because the man locked the doors as I reclined the seat. I closed my eyes hoping to get some
in charge told him to, but I think that’s unlikely. Yes, you could be used as rest, but despite my exhaustion I couldn’t seem to shut my mind off. I kept
leverage to possibly control Edward or even Carlisle, but you could also be trying to make sense of things, my heart aching as I thought of Dr. Cullen.
used against him and he knows that. The consequences of getting his hands Unlike so many times before, when the incident where he’d punished
on you outweigh the benefits to him at this point, so I doubt he would risk me would come to mind first, all I could seem to think about were the good
it. But if I’m wrong and it is on official order, we’re all in grave danger.” moments. I thought about the time he’d given me a picture of my mother,
His words were nonchalant but a chill shot down my spine, a curious and the memories he’d shared with me of visits I’d had with his wife. I
look flashing across his face as he noticed my reaction. I hugged myself remembered the holidays I experienced thanks to him and the sound of his
tighter, the thought of any of the Cullens or Alec and Esme being in danger laughter when one of the boys did something amusing. The look of pride on
making my knees weak. “And if he’s working alone?” I asked, hoping for a his face when Emmett and Jasper graduated high school was a sight I
better alternative that didn’t put them in harm’s way. “Why would he want would always remember, and I would never forget how he sat at my side
me?” and held my hand as the doctor removed the chip from my back. I thought
He was quiet for a moment as he considered his words. His demeanor about the McDonald’s he’d bought me that first day, giving me my first
scared me, because Alec was a straight-forward person, not afraid to speak taste of fast food, and how he’d handed over the keys of his Mercedes so I
the truth no matter how harsh the words, but he was hesitating. “You could learn how to drive. He hadn’t even been angry when it was returned
always get rid of the witnesses, Isabella. You never leave people behind with a scratch on the side mirror, had simply had it fixed without saying a
that can identify you as being somewhere you weren’t supposed to be. word. I thought about how I’d woken up in Chicago after being kidnapped
Alistair wasn’t supposed to be in that warehouse, I’m quite sure of that fact, to find a concerned Dr. Cullen’s face as he checked me over, realizing in
and you’re the only one alive that can directly place him there. He won’t that moment that he genuinely cared for me.
want to risk you being able to identify him. It would be either you or him It seemed as if over a year’s worth of memories suddenly came flooding
in his mind.” over me, and with them came the tears again. Most of my significant
“Oh,” I gasped, horrified. “He wants me dead?” moments, my firsts in life, linked back to him somehow. I recalled the first
“It’s a possibility but I can’t be completely certain, and because of that time I laid eyes on him in Phoenix, the smile that curved his lips whenever
I need you to get away from here. Now. Seth claimed he discarded your I made eye contact with him that afternoon. At the time I thought there
stolen belongings in a dumpster nearby and he never got the opportunity was something sinister about it, because I’d been trained never to look a
456 465
police arrived. I stared in shock... Alistair was dead?! I didn’t know any of to send anything he collected, but that doesn’t mean Alistair doesn’t know
the others, an alleged boss named Caius and other members of the enough already to lead him directly here.”
organization, none of which looked familiar. I was so stunned by it all, “How did they find me in the first place? I mean, how did they know...”
overwhelmed and relieved that Edward apparently hadn’t been involved, I started, trailing off as Alec gave me a pointed look. He glanced behind him
that I almost didn’t catch the next words that were spoken. briefly at the silver Volvo, and my stomach sunk as he turned back to me.
“...Carlisle Cullen’s funeral is scheduled for tomorrow...” The car... they’d found me through the car. He’d been telling me to get rid
I sat completely frozen in horror and heard one of the men in the dinner of it ever since I left for California and I’d ignored him every time, not
sigh exasperatedly. realizing I was completely negating all of the work he’d done to conceal me.
“Perfect example of why we need gun control.” “The Volvo.”
“No way,” the other man retorted immediately. “They’re scum. They do “Yes, the Volvo. I switched the plates and altered the title, but it still
us all a favor when they kill each other off.” has the same VIN, Isabella. It’s still linked back to your other life.”
A loud sob escaped my throat when it hit me and I quickly brought my “I’m sorry,” I whispered, feeling ridiculous for having gotten so attached
hands up to cover my mouth, unable to contain the tears that started to it.
falling. I was trembling, shaking my head furiously as it all sunk in. “Don’t apologize,” he replied, shaking his head as he pulled out a set of
Funeral? Dr. Cullen was dead? It had to be a mistake! keys and handed them to me. “There’s nothing that can be done to change
“Isabella?” The waitress’s voice rang out and I looked over, seeing she the past, but you definitely can’t keep driving it now. I have everything
was standing beside me. “Are you okay, sugar?” handled with the BMW and all of the paperwork is in the glove box, along
She sounded concerned and I went to respond, but as soon as I with a driver’s license with a new identity for the time being. I had it made
uncovered my mouth another loud sob echoed through the diner. I jumped some time ago, just in case it was ever needed.”
up from the booth quickly and nearly fell, my legs weak and barely able to “Where should I go?”
withstand my weight. I pushed past her as I ran for the door, completely “Anywhere but here,” he responded, shrugging. “Like I said. I’d prefer
forgetting to pay in my haste, and bolted across the street to where the car to take you with me, but they’ll likely be watching. Alistair is in Chicago
was parked. Someone yelled after me but I didn’t even turn around to look, right now, so I want you to stay away from there until the situation is
fumbling for the keys and jumping inside. I started the car up and pulled handled. Steer clear of familiar locations where you could possibly be
out, nearly clipping a pick-up truck as I sped away. I could barely see the recognized, like Forks, and try to blend in. I’m going to have to limit contact
road through my tears but I navigated the streets as well as I could from for now, just in case he is acting on official orders, but I want you to call my
memory. I opened the center console to reach inside but heard a loud horn cell phone every few days so I know you’re okay. Keep the messages short
blare as tires squealed and I glanced up, slamming the brakes and swerving and to the point, let me know where you are but don’t use your name.”
to avoid hitting an 18-wheeler as I drove straight through a red light. I cried He held his hand out to me and my brow furrowed when he asked for
out and quickly pulled to the side of the road, out of control and frightened. my cell phone. I pulled it out, confused when he traded me for a small black
I shut the engine off and leaned my head back, closing my eyes as I tried one. “It’s prepaid, has a Chicago number and can’t be traced to you. I paid
to get a grip on myself. I was in shock, the words of the news report it six months in advance, so you don’t have to worry about payments. Only
continually running through my mind, although I couldn’t quite make use it to contact me. Under no circumstances are you to call anyone here,
sense of it all. How could he be dead? What had happened? The news had nor do I want you to ever attempt to contact my wife or any of the Cullens
hit me so hard I’d created a scene, after spending so much time trying to until I tell you differently. I don’t want them involved any more than
blend in. It struck me that I was wearing Edward’s football shirt with necessary. Do you understand?” I nodded, taking the phone and putting it
Cullen prominently displayed on the back and I wondered if any of them in my pocket as he continued. “Just drive until you find somewhere that
had noticed it during my retreat, worried they’d made the connection. feels safe that you can settle in and call me to let me know. Follow your
After my breathing was under control I reopened my eyes, wiping the intuition.”
tears from my cheeks as my crying slowed. I reached into the center console “Yes, sir,” I responded, fighting back tears again as I glanced around
and grabbed the small black cell phone, calling the only number the house one last time.
programmed into it. It didn’t even ring, just went straight to voicemail. “Thank you.”
“Alec Evanson. Leave a message.” “There’s no need to thank me. I’m only doing what I have to do. Go, now.
The beep sounded and I tried to push back the nerves that always You don’t have time to waste.”
accompanied the call, even though I’d gone through it over a dozen times
464 457
 He looked at his watch as I stepped out the front door, slowly making telling me I was too young to let a boy get to me, and said she’d bring me
my way down the driveway. I hesitated briefly as I walked past the Volvo, some fresh coffee. I cut a piece off of the stack of pancakes and went to take
running my hand along the sleek, silver metal hood. It was ridiculous but a bite but hesitated as it struck me. Eighteen... I was really only eighteen.
the tears started falling, as it felt like one of the last pieces I had of Edward She returned to pour my coffee, warning me that it was hot, and I sat
was being ripped from me. I turned away from it when I realized Alec was quietly taking small bites of the pancakes. My appetite was gone but I knew
watching me from the doorway, not wanting to irritate him any further I needed to put something in my stomach, unsure of when I’d eat again. I
than he already was. I climbed in the driver’s seat of the black car and sat my fork down when I was unable to force myself to eat another bite and
started it up, pulling away before my nerves could get the best of me. I took a sip of the coffee as I glanced around the diner. It had surprisingly
drove away from the house and off of the street I’d called home for the started to fill up, the men sitting on the stools now discussing the second
previous year, and didn’t even bother looking in the rear-view mirror as it amendment–the right to bear arms–and how important gun control was in
all vanished from sight. America. Their bickering grew louder and I looked away from them, but
I was running again, disappearing... Would it ever stop? froze in shock and spilled my coffee again when I glanced at the television.
I made it a few miles away before I reached over to the glove box while My stomach lurched at the sight of the familiar man, my eye quickly
at a stop sign, grabbing the manila envelope inside. I opened it, seeing there scanning the caption on the bottom of the screen that listed his name–
was cash inside, and pulled out the stack of paperwork that was with it. I D.O.J. Special Agent Joseph Difronzo.
glanced down as a small plastic card fell into my lap, and recognized my The coffee was still hot and my hand felt like it was on fire as it scorched
picture right away. I picked it up and squinted in the darkness to make out my skin. I grit my teeth, trying to ignore the searing pain, and the diner
the words– Isabella Jones from Lovelock, Nevada. Twenty years old. That grew quiet as people turned to see what the commotion was. The waitress
was me now. rushed over to help but I ignored her, my attention focused solely on the
I wasn’t entirely sure what I was doing anymore or where my life was man on the television. I had a hard time catching the words, the throbbing
heading. I spent weeks driving aimlessly around the country, visiting small in my hand distracting me, and it suddenly felt like I was sinking under
towns and staying in hotels. I saw famous landmarks, walked through water.
historic buildings, and ate in small town diners. I took in local shows to “… issued a statement about the incident in Chicago… it shouldn’t have
pass the time, watched movies in darkened theaters and strolled around happened… embarrassment for the department… raid turned deadly…
crowded county fairs. I went to art centers and sat on college campuses, massacre at alleged mob boss Aro Volturi’s home… largest single deadly
seeing local artists working on their creations. I envied them, watching as incident known of in the history of the Outfit… infighting… debate on how
the poured their souls into their work. I hadn’t picked up a paintbrush since witnesses are to be properly handled…”
before I’d placed the fateful call to Alec and it felt like my life had once It hit me like a ton of bricks, my chest constricting as a picture of Dr.
again stopped at that moment, nothing the same. Cullen flashed on the screen.
I held short conversations with people when necessary, speaking about “...alleged mobster had been on the run… warrant issued for skipping
weather and other insignificant topics in passing, but for the most part I out on his trial for RICO charges...”
avoided people so as not to draw any attention my way. I was lonely– “Oh God,” I gasped as they showed a clip of a large mansion, dozens of
lonelier than I’d ever been before–and I didn’t know when things would police cars sitting in front with yellow tape roping off the area.
ever change. Most people barely noticed me as I blended into the crowds, “...rumored to have been a federal witness provided information
fading into the background as everyone else went about their lives. I felt that triggered the raid… opened fire before police arrived… mass chaos…
invisible again, almost as if I didn’t exist, and I was desperate for something unsure of who the target was… warrant issued for Aro Volturi, who fled the
to grasp on to in order to keep from losing myself altogether. After a while scene believed to be injured in the gunfire...”
the towns started blurring together, one looking the same as the other, but They showed a picture of Aro, a number on the bottom of the screen to
I guessed that didn’t matter when it came down to it. Where I was really call in case someone saw him and indicated there was a reward for his
wasn’t that important, all that mattered was where I wasn’t. capture. I shuddered, feeling the tears welling up in my eyes as I started
Auburn... hyperventilating.
Truckee... “...seven dead at the scene, several taken into custody… funerals for the
Lovelock... deceased began yesterday...”
Lake Point... I gasped loudly as a picture of Alistair flashed on the screen, followed
Kimball Junction... by footage of several others. Victims, they said, dead on the scene when
458 463
amendment that abolished slavery, making it illegal for anyone to ever own Rock Springs...
another person. Woodrow Wilson and the 66th Congress passed the Sinclair...
nineteenth amendment, giving women the right to vote. To me, it mattered. Arlington...
The men drinking coffee started debating issues and adding their own Ogallala...
commentary, the two of them apparently opposite on everything. I blocked Dearborn...
them out after a while, staring out of the window as their voices faded into St. Louis...
the background with the others. I got so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t Mount Juliet...
realize anyone had approached until a throat cleared loudly close by. I Carthage...
jumped, accidentally spilling some of my coffee, and looked to see the Little River...
waitress standing beside me. She reacted quickly and started cleaning up I called Alec’s number every few days and when I reached his voicemail
the mess, giving me a concerned look. I’d simply say the name of the town I’d stopped in. I never stayed where I
“I didn’t mean to frighten you, sugar,” she said apologetically. “I just was for long, a few days at most, before getting back in the car and driving
wanted to make sure you were alright.” away again. He’d said to settle in when I felt safe, to listen to my intuition,
“Uh, yeah, I’m fine,” I muttered. but I was paranoid and nowhere seemed right. I felt vulnerable, completely
“You sure?” she asked, raising her eyebrows curiously. “You haven’t cut off from everyone and everything, but at the same time utterly exposed.
even touched your breakfast yet.” I wasn’t even sure of myself anymore, a few times wavering in confusion
My brow furrowed in confusion when I spotted the plate of pancakes when someone asked me some trivial question such as what my name was
sitting on the table in front of me, completely unaware they had been or where I was from. I was suspicious of everyone and over-analyzed
delivered to me. It then struck me how cold my coffee actually was, and I everything people said, looking for some secret meaning or hidden danger
began to wonder exactly how long I’d been in a trance. It had felt like mere they posed to me. The nightmares even started again, faces haunting me
seconds, but clearly hadn’t been if the waitress was concerned. as I tried to sleep, and I’d awaken in a delusional state, convinced they were
“Yeah, I’m just, uh...” I started, shaking my head as I pushed the cup of lurking around and watching me.
coffee away and grabbed a fork. “Just distracted, I guess.” I was losing myself, when I’d only just gotten the chance to find out who
“I’m a good listener, you know,” she said, a smile forming on her lips as I really was.
she gazed at me. “People tell me about their problems all the time. July and August passed quickly, September dawning by the time I
Sometimes it just helps to get it out, so if there’s something on your mind finally reached the end of the road. I found myself in a town by the name of
I’m all ears, honey.” Ocean Isle in North Carolina, or it might’ve been South Carolina for all I
I smiled politely as I shook my head. “I’m fine, really. Thank you for the knew, staying in a small locally owned hotel by the shore. I’d been there for
offer, though.” about a week, the longest time I’d stayed in one place, and most of my time
“Of course,” she said. “My name’s Nettie, by the way. You are...?” was spent sitting on the balcony of my room overlooking the Atlantic Ocean.
“Isabella.” I stared out at the water for hours, listening to the waves crashing and
“How old are you, Isabella?” feeling the wind blowing at night as sleep evaded me. It was calming and I
I opened my mouth to respond but froze, no answer coming out. How reveled in it, allowing everything to be forgotten for just a little while as
old was I? It was one of those things I wasn’t sure of anymore, having been the darkness took over.
using different ages the past few years. I was jolted awake suddenly one morning by a noise, sitting upright
The paperwork Alec had gotten me with the identity of Isabella Smith abruptly and glancing around in confusion. My heart was beating rapidly
had listed my age as twenty-one, but I knew that wasn’t right. “Uh. twenty,” from panic and I tried to clear my vision to make sense of my surroundings.
I replied. “Wait, I’m still nineteen, actually.” I tried to recall the date, I was still on the balcony in a white plastic chair and the sun was starting
wondering how close it was to my birthday, but time was starting to evade to rise, the beach in front of me completely vacant. It wouldn’t stay that
me once again. way long, as vacationers would start filtering in with their families soon to
“So young and pretty,” she said, smiling sweetly. “If it’s about a boy, enjoy the good weather, but for the moment everything was completely still.
honey, trust me when I say he ain’t worth it. If he was, you wouldn’t be here I wondered briefly if I’d been dreaming and started to shrug it off when a
alone right now.” loud squawk sounded out. startling me. I yelled and grabbed my chest in
I smiled sadly, knowing she had no idea how wrong she was, but she shock as a small white seagull landed on the railing in front of me,
seemed to take my expression as confirmation. She walked off, laughing, squawking again in surprise and flying off when it noticed my presence.
462 459
 “Geez,” I muttered, trying to get a grip as I stood up. I ran my hand Florida? What about up north? I was in a daze as I pondered states and the
through my hair absent-mindedly and hesitated, my breath faltering room grew quieter after a while, confusing me until I realized that the
briefly as my mind was flooded with thoughts of Edward. He came to mind washing machine was finished already. I got up and placed the clothes in
at the most random moments and the occurrences had begun to become the dryer, my stomach growling and familiar hunger pangs running
more frequent, the memory of him almost constantly taunting me. It through me as I started it. Recalling a small diner across the street, I
seemed like ever since I’d stopped in Ocean Isle I’d been unable to get him glanced over and saw the ‘open’ sign hanging crookedly on the front door. I
off of my mind, a nagging feeling distracting me and putting me on edge. I debated whether or not I could afford it but my stomach growled again and
had no idea what was happening in Chicago, knowing Dr. Cullen’s trial had decided for me, my body insisting I eat. I gave one last look at my clothes
to have already started, and I worried as to how Edward was holding up before strolling over and slipping into an empty booth by the door, fidgeting
and if they were all okay. I tried to push the thoughts aside as quickly as nervously as I looked around. There were a few other patrons in the diner,
they came, because I knew there was nothing I could do, but it was easier an elderly couple a few seats away and a family in a back booth, as well as
said than done. I had even gone as far as to stop into libraries in small two men sitting on stools drinking coffee at the bar. They all seemed
towns along the way, using their internet to check for any news, but I never harmless, no one I needed to be concerned about.
found anything and eventually gave up trying. A lady in a white top and cut-off jean shorts with a black apron tied
I figured when it was over–when we were safe–Alec would finally return around her waist came over and plopped a large plastic menu down in front
one of my calls. of me, smiling cheerfully. I tried to force a smile for her, but because of my
I stepped into the cool hotel room from the balcony and stripped out of exhaustion it probably looked more like a grimace. “What can I get you to
my clothes, my skin sweaty and body sore from sleeping in the chair drink, honey?”
outside. I hopped in the shower to freshen up, trying to wake up. and It took a second for her question to register, her southern accent
wrapped one of the small white towels around my torso as I started sorting extremely thick. “Coffee,” I said quietly. “Black, please.”
through my clothes. I desperately needed to do laundry, but I managed to “Sure thing,” she said, turning and walking over to another occupied
find a pair of clean jeans and grabbed the first top I saw. I dressed quickly, booth. I opened the menu and started scanning through it, the options
tensing up when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and realized I overwhelming. The waitress returned after a moment and poured a cup of
was wearing Edward’s football shirt. I groaned at the dark bags under my coffee in front of me, setting a glass of ice water down next to it.
eyes, my exhaustion evident in my features like it had permanently been “There you go. Do you know what you want to order?”
chiseled there sometime during the trip. “Uh, yeah. Just some pancakes, I guess,” I answered, naming the first
I turned away from my reflection, not wanting to see myself anymore, thing I saw. As hungry as I was, nothing really sounded appetizing.
and started gathering up my things. I never really bothered unloading “I’ll have it to you in a jiffy, sugar,” she responded sweetly, taking the
anything other than my clothes, all of my belongings still packed into the menu from me and walking off. I sighed and picked up my coffee, taking a
boxes in the trunk. I lugged my clothes down to the car, tossing them onto sip of the hot bitter liquid as I gazed out of the window. I heard one of the
the passenger seat, before walking over to the main office and turning my men ask the waitress to turn on the television and a few seconds later the
room key in to check out. I was starting to get restless again as my paranoia diner was filled with the sound of the news. I couldn’t remember the last
grew, and I knew I needed to move on before it got any worse. The problem, time I’d watched anything, unable to recall if the last few hotels I stayed in
however, was I had no idea where to go from there. I was running low on even had televisions.
cash, having gotten by during the journey on what I had, and wasn’t sure The reports were mainly on politics with a presidential election coming
if I could risk accessing my bank account yet. up, scandals involving one of the candidates dominating the headlines. I’d
I drove down the street to where I recalled seeing a laundromat a few spent some time learning about political parties in California, elated
blocks away, rooting around for dollar bills to make change for the washing because with my identity I had been given the right to vote. Emily’s dad
machine when I arrived. I shoved all of my dirty clothes into one unit, was running for office again and I had often asked her about it, but she
disregarding everything I’d been taught growing up about sorting colors, always blew my questions off because she claimed none of it really
and purchased a packet of powdered soap from the dispenser. The place mattered. She stated she wouldn’t even bother voting if her father’s job
was empty and quiet, so I grabbed an old atlas from a small table and took didn’t rely on it, insisting nothing would ever change no matter who got
a seat in a cold plastic chair after I started the washer. I flipped through into office because none of them would do anything different from the one
the pages as my mind drifted, trying to decide where to go. Should I turn before them. I never tried to contradict her, but I didn’t agree at all.
back around and head west again? Should I go further south, maybe toward Abraham Lincoln and the 38th Congress passed the Thirteenth
460 461
 She broke the kiss after a moment and gasped for air as she pulled away
from me, her breathing shaky. Her cheeks were flushed and she brought
her bottom lip into her mouth nervously, biting down on it as she gazed at
Elizabeth “Lizzie” Cullen
me sheepishly. I smirked and reached up, running my fingers across her lip March 1965 – October 1996
and pulling it from between her teeth. I leaned forward, placing another Or Pensa Pur Di Farmi Onore
quick, chaste kiss on her mouth.
“Wow,” she said softly. She’d only been thirty-one when she died, entirely too young to be
“Wow’s right,” I responded. Kissing her made me want more, my ripped from the world. Dr. Cullen had lived over a decade without his wife
hormones surging fiercely inside of me. I glanced at my watch, trying to but his love never wavered, even knowing there was absolutely no chance
calm the fuck down, and noticed it was already a little after seven in the of ever getting her back. It had been the end for them but he still held on
evening. “Do you still want to get coffee?” to her memory, because he’d been so sure that she was the only one for him.
She nodded so I led her to the front door, motioning toward my car in Their souls had connected to the point that even death couldn’t sever what
the driveway. “Do you mind if I drive?” they had shared, and I knew Dr. Cullen would’ve continued to love her as
“Uh, no,” she said, shrugging. “Do you mind if we go by my hotel so I long as he breathed.
can change, too? Dresses and heels still aren’t really that comfortable.” I couldn’t even begin to imagine how he had felt, wondering what it was
I agreed and she gave me directions, my nose wrinkling in disgust when like waking every morning to face the realization that he’d never have it
I pulled into the parking lot of the small run down hotel a few miles from back, that he’d never feel the love he felt with her again. As I stared at the
my house. She got out and I followed her into one of the rooms, stopping gravestone marking everything he’d lost in life, I realized that Dr. Cullen
right inside the door and looking around. “You couldn’t find a better hotel, and I had more in common that first day in Phoenix than I ever would’ve
Bella?” I asked. “Christ, this is horrible. You can’t sleep here. You never imagined. We’d both lost the will to go on, both had given up hope for more.
know who stayed in this goddamn room and what the fuck they did in that We both would’ve welcomed death to end the torture our lives had become,
bed. Shit, has this place ever even been fucking cleaned?” but we also both knew that we still had things to do on earth, people to
She shrugged. “I’m sure it’s been cleaned, Edward,” she replied. “It was make proud. And we both fought for that reason, for the ones we loved, and
the first place I saw and I was running low on cash. Plus, it looks a lot like it was then that I realized we’d both finally succeeded.
the one we stayed in on our way to Phoenix.” “Sorry about that,” Edward said quietly, interrupting my thoughts as
“Exactly,” I replied. “We’re lucky we didn’t get any fucking diseases from he stood beside me. “It was...”
that place. Never stay in a fucking hotel that looks like it would rent by the “I don’t need to know,” I cut him off, but I heard him mutter Alec’s name
hour, Bella. They’re designed for whores and drug addicts.” regardless. He didn’t owe me anything, and I didn’t want him to feel
She laughed, even though I was being completely fucking serious. I obligated in any way. An awkward silence lingered as I continued to gaze
didn’t want her anywhere like that. “Do you know how many hotels I’ve at the headstone, and Edward sighed.
stayed in the past few months that look exactly like this one?” she asked, “Or pensa pur di farmi onore,” he said, reading the line chiseled into the
her question confusing me. “I’ll be just fine.” stone. “It means ‘do your best to honor me’. It’s a line from Dante’s...”
“Why would you stay in hotel rooms?” I asked, my confusion deepening “La Vita Nuova.”
even further when I noticed she was rooting through a cardboard box filled We both said it in harmony and I smiled softly when he looked
with clothes that was sitting on the floor. surprised. “You gave me a copy of that on my birthday.”
“And why the fuck are your clothes in a box? Don’t you have a suitcase “Oh. Right,” he mumbled, a smile tugging his lips as something sparked
or a bag or something?” in his eyes.
“No, I don’t,” she replied, sounding slightly annoyed at my questioning. “Happy birthday, by the way.”
“And I stayed in hotel rooms because I was traveling. Or actually it was His words caught me off guard. “Birthday?”
more like running, but you get the point. I’ve been on the road since I left “Yes. It’s the thirteenth today. You didn’t know it was your birthday?”
California, living out of boxes from the trunk of the car.” he asked, confused. I shook my head and he muttered something under his
“You’re fucking homeless?” breath as he attempted to run his hand through his hair again, forgetting
“Yes.” about the bandage and hair product. He cringed and cursed, flexing his
“Why?” I asked, not understanding. “You couldn’t settle down fingers again. “Did you at least remember your eighteenth birthday? I feel
somewhere? Fuck, Bella. I know you have money.” shitty for missing that one.”
508 477
 “I did remember it,” I said quietly. “But it’s not your fault you missed it, “Yes. I was fucked up for a while and got hooked on it because I was
I...” desperate to feel good again. It probably would’ve killed me., well, fuck, it
I trailed off when he shot me an incredulous look, realizing how wrong almost did kill me, but I’d definitely be dead by now if Alec hadn’t
my words seemed. Edward had left me, run off in the middle of the night, intervened.”
and if he hadn’t he would’ve been with me for my birthday. Of course he’d “He got you off of it?”
believe it was solely his fault. “Well, you didn’t miss this one,” I said, “Yes. Well, no, you actually got me off of it. He had me listen to a
shrugging. “Besides, I missed two of yours.” message you left him, about how you were settling in and enrolling in school
He laughed dryly, shaking his head. “No, you didn’t,” he said pointedly. and shit, and basically told me you were adjusting to your new life and I
I grew quiet from his tone, the tension between us growing further. “You was a fucking loser and disappointing you by not doing the same.” I paused,
wished me a happy birthday both times. It was the only thing that got me shaking my head, “Well, he didn’t use those words exactly, but that was the
through those days, you know. I was a fucking mess. Do you know what I point that came across.”
did on your eighteenth birthday, Bella?” She stared at me with shock as she took in my words and I ran my hand
“No,” I said hesitantly, almost afraid of the answer. through my hair anxiously, worried about her response. “Did it work?” she
“Neither do I,” he responded, shaking his head. “I went on a job and had asked curiously.
to... fuck, I had to do shit– shit I didn’t want to fucking do. Then I came “Did what work?” I asked, my brow furrowing in confusion. “I told you I
home and drank myself into a stupor, and I can’t remember a damn thing stopped.”
from that night– none of it. I was woken up the next morning by a police “No, I mean Molly,” she clarified. “Did it make you feel better?”
officer here, in this goddamn cemetery, being berated for public I sighed, looking away from her as I considered the question. I glanced
drunkenness and loitering. I didn’t have a shirt or any fucking shoes, my back at the painting she made, warmth settling in my chest at the
face was fucked up, and I had new ink on my skin. I got a tattoo that night, significance of it. “Yeah, it did for a while, but it wasn’t real. No matter how
apparently had my ass kicked and drove out here to sleep on my mother’s fucking high I got, I never found the happiness I was looking for. I never
grave, and I don’t remember doing any of it. Instead of being with you, felt as good as I had that day in Port Angeles with you, and that was what
where I should’ve fucking been, I was here. Who the fuck does that shit? I wanted back.” I paused, stealing a peek at her. “It was the best day of my
And when the fucking cop found out my name...” life, too, you know.”
He trailed off, laughing bitterly once again. I could see the tears “Now I’m going to get a big head,” she said playfully. I smirked. “I got a
brimming his eyes, his anger flowing out with each word. I was quiet as he big head you can have, tesoro.”
attempted to compose himself, realizing he needed to get it out before it ate “Edward!” she gasped. I chuckled and reached out for her, pulling her
him up. “He found out I was a Cullen, so of course I was automatically one into a hug. She gazed up at me, her eyes sparkling again with emotion. We
of them. Carlisle Cullen’s son, so that makes me the fucking enemy. Tale il stood there briefly looking at each other, the air around us growing thick
padre, tale il figlio. I was tagged a bad person right away, because no good as she wrapped her arms around my waist, I felt my heart start to race,
person would ever be involved in this shit. All it took was my fucking name blood rushing furiously through my veins as my body tingled from her
and he had me figured out, and the worst part of all is he was fucking right! touch. Her expression shifted, a mask of seriousness overtaking her face,
As much as I fucking hated it, he was right about it. I am one of them.” and my breath hitched as her tongue came out to wet her bottom lip. I
“You aren’t a bad person.” moved forward a bit, hesitantly, in order to gauge her reaction, and her
“I am, Bella. You don’t even fucking know how bad I am,” he spat, eyes seemed to instinctively dart to my mouth. I took that as a sign and
hesitating before quietly continuing. “You wouldn’t be able to fucking look hoped like hell I wasn’t fucking up when I leaned my head down, brushing
at me if you knew.” my lips gently against hers. She remained still and I started to back up. not
“You only did what you had to do, Edward.” wanting to fucking push her too far, but she grabbed the back of my head
“You don’t even know what it is that I’ve done!” he retorted. “What it is to stop my movements. She stood up on her tip-toes and pulled me back to
I’ve stood by and watched without saying a goddamn word. How can you her, pressing her lips to mine firmly. Her mouth moved vigorously, her lips
say I’m a good person when I’ve watched people be fucking murdered and I parting and tongue darting out to graze against mine. I groaned as we
just keep my mouth shut about it like they didn’t matter?! Like they don’t deepened the kiss and pulled her tighter against me so her body was flush
fucking count, like they don’t have families! What kind of fucking good against mine. She moaned, her hands gripping the back of my head and her
person does that?” fingers lacing in my hair.

478 507
to get it to you,” she explained. “It was the first thing I painted in California. “Me,” I said quietly, tears slipping from the corner of my eyes. I reached
The assignment was to paint a depiction of the best day of our life.” up and brushed them away as he shot me an incredulous look. “Did you
“That was the best day of your life?” I asked. She nodded and I hugged forget the story I told you about Charles killing that teenage girl? He beat
her tighter. “You’re going to give me a big head telling me that shit, you her to death and her body lay on the floor for hours, and we all just walked
know.” around her like she wasn’t there. After he got rid of her I was the one who
She laughed. “You already have a big head.” cleaned up the mess left behind. I stayed up all night wiping up the blood,
I smirked at her words, trying to contain my laughter “My head isn’t erasing the incident like she didn’t matter, and it was like she never even
the only part of me that’s big, Bella,” I responded, the words tumbling out existed afterward! I did it, Edward. That girl is dead and I don’t even know
without much thought. She made it way too fucking easy to relax and just her name, and I never did anything to help her.”
be myself. She groaned and pushed away from me again, but I could tell He shook his head furiously. “That’s different.”
from the way her eyes seemed to instinctively dart down toward my crotch “How is it different?”
and the blush that overcame her face that she didn’t exactly disagree with “He would’ve fucking killed you, Bella! You had no choice but to go along
my assessment. with it. He controlled you!”
“I can’t believe you went there,” she muttered as she averted her gaze, “And you have a choice?” I asked. “You’re saying they won’t kill you if
trying her best to hide her fucking face from me. you don’t go along with it, that they don’t control you?”
“What, too soon?” I asked, chuckling “It’s still not the same,” he said firmly, the aggravation clear in his voice.
She didn’t say anything, simply shook her head as she looked around “You were born into that shit and had no say in the matter, but I chose this
the room. Her eyes were drawn to the piano and she took a few steps toward life. I gave myself to them willingly. I chose to be this fucking person, Bella.”
it, running her fingers across the keys gently. I tensed up, waiting for the “For me,” I said. “You did it for me. Edward. You didn’t choose this life
noise to echo through the room, but she never pressed down to make any because you want to do those things, or because you want to be that person.
notes sound out. Her silence made me nervous and I wished I was a You chose it to save me, so I could have a life. If nothing else, that alone
goddamn mind reader, but before I had time to ask what the fuck she was makes you good.”
thinking she blurted out the last question I expected to hear at that “Good,” he sneered. “You mean like my father was good? They talked
moment. today about how fucking good he was, about all the people he helped and
“Edward, who’s Molly?” how his heart was usually in the right place. Poor fucking distraught
I froze, caught off guard, and she looked at me questioningly when I Carlisle Cullen, just making the best of the hand he was dealt. They act
didn’t respond. like he’s a fucking fallen angel and he’s far from it! What about the bad? He
“It’s okay if she was, uh... you know... I mean, we weren’t together so fucking helps a few people and suddenly all of the ones he hurt are
it’s not a big deal,” she stammered, pausing as she grimaced at her words. forgotten? What about what he did to you? What about what he fucking did
Her reaction told me she was lying, and that it clearly was a big fucking to me? He opened fire on a goddamn house with me there and I had to see
deal to her. I remembered what it felt like when I worried she was out there that shit! Then he... then he fucking tried to... Christ, he’s fucking dead!”
dating and sleeping with other men, the very thought of another man ever He started shaking as he fought to keep himself under control, his
fucking touching her making my blood boil from rage. I clenched my hands breathing labored like he was on the verge of hyperventilating. I reached
into fists, trying to push that fucking image from my mind, and Isabella over and started rubbing his back, my tears steadily falling. He was hurt
tensed up when she noticed my hostile stance. She looked at me with wide and angry, scared and confused, and I had no idea what to do for him to
eyes and started stammering again, telling me to forget about it because it make it any better.
wasn’t any of her business who I’d been with. “He’s fucking dead,” Edward repeated after a moment, his voice low.
“I haven’t been with anyone, Bella,” I said, shaking my head as I cut her “He’s gone. They’re both gone. What the fuck am I supposed to do now?”
off. Confusion passed across her face and I groaned, wishing I never had to “What you’ve always done,” I whispered. “Survive.”
fucking tell her about the shit I’d done in her absence. I didn’t blame her “I fucking hate him,” he continued, not even acknowledging I’d spoke.
for thinking it was a woman, especially considering how I had been before “He went out in a blaze of glory, to get revenge for what they did to my
we met. Who would’ve fucking believed Edward Cullen would’ve mother and to try to protect the rest of us, and I can’t help but fucking hate
intentionally gone celibate? “Molly’s not a person; it’s what they call pure him for doing it because now he’s gone, too! He was my father, I loved him!
powder Ecstasy.” I didn’t want to lose him! But now he’s fucking dead.
“Molly’s a drug?”
506 479
 “And the worst part of all is that I wasn’t surprised, because he did fucking separate those two parts of me anymore. It’s all just... me, I guess.
exactly what I would’ve done. I would’ve killed every single one of those I can’t do shit about it but deal.”
motherfuckers for it. I guess the cop was right about that, too. I am Carlisle Isabella wrapped herself around my arm and leaned her head against
Cullen’s fucking son... I’m just like my goddamn father.” my shoulder. “How someone views a painting says a lot about them, you
I gasped in shock as he grabbed a hold of one of the flower memorials know.”
that had been set up nearby, throwing it as he kicked down another one. “So what does that say about me? That I’m fucked up?”
He started yelling profanities toward his father’s grave and I grabbed his “No,” she replied. “It tells me that you’re still the same Edward Cullen
arm, trying to get him to calm down. It was frightening seeing him so out that I remember, the same person who swore to me that you’d never leave
of control, his moods shifting so quickly that I had a hard time keeping up. me.”
He shrugged away from me and quieted down after a moment but stood I closed my eyes, my chest aching at her words. I’d fucking lied to her
still, his stance shifting back into how it had been when I first laid eyes on and broke my promise, walking out after swearing that. “I failed you.”
him across the graveyard. He was tense, completely unmoving as he stared “No, you didn’t,” she said assuredly. “Because you’re also still the same
at the ground. It was like he was in a daze, oblivious to anything around person who swore that you’d do anything you had to do in order to keep me
him. safe. It was just unfortunate that in order to keep one promise, you felt like
“I’m sorry,” he said after a moment, his voice calm and even, almost you had to break the other. That’s why what you said about the painting
emotionless. He was retreating back into himself, bottling it back up. tells me you’re still that same person. You’re torn and trying to figure out
“Don’t apologize,” I whispered. He shook his head, reaching into pocket what to do with the pieces, how they fit together to make the big picture
and pulling out a silver metal flask. right. You might not have it figured out, but you’re still dealing with it the
“I owe you a lot of apologies,” he said, bringing the flask to his lips and best you can. That’s the Edward Cullen that I remember, the one that I
taking a drink of it. I watched as he closed his eyes, his body shuddering. love.”
“Sorry just doesn’t seem good enough, though.” I loosened myself from her grip and wrapped my arms around her,
“Your intentions were always good,” I said, not liking his self-loathing. pulling her into a hug. “Say it again,” I murmured, burying my face in her
He was beating himself up and based on his demeanor it was clear he’d hair and inhaling. “I love you.” she said without hesitation.
been doing it for quite a while. “Hmmm, say it one more time, but this time add ‘fucking’ to it again,” I
“How’s that saying go– the road to hell is paved with good intentions?” said. “That shit was hot.”
he asked, laughing dryly. “Makes sense, I guess, since I’m heading that She laughed, shaking her head. “Now you’re just pushing your luck.”
way.” “I had to at least try,” I said, chuckling. “And I love you. too, tesoro.”
“Don’t say that, Edward,” I said. We were quiet for a moment, just holding on to each other, before she
“Sorry, you’re right,” he said quickly, taking another drink from his spoke “Valentine’s Day.”
flask. “I shouldn’t be saying this shit to you. I just... I’m sorry. I’m glad My brow furrowed in confusion. “Valentine’s Day?” I asked, wondering
you’re here. You didn’t have to come, you know. You don’t owe us anything, what the fuck she was talking about.
but it’s good to see you.” “Yes, Valentine’s Day,” she replied. “That’s what I was thinking about
His words were strangely formal, the emotion he’d had minutes ago when I painted it– the night we spent together in Port Angeles at the
gone. “It’s good to see you, too. I, uh... I’ve missed you.” George Washington Inn. You played 18th Floor Balcony for me for the first
“Yeah?” he asked as he glanced at me, raising his eyebrows time and you had all of those roses in the room, which is where the music
questioningly. I nodded, blushing, and a smile tugged at his lips. “I’ve and red come from in the painting. It all twists together the way it does
missed you, too. You look good, tesoro.” because that was the first time we ever came together, the first time you
His words caused my heart to act erratically, a fluttering in my stomach ever made love to me. And the haze over it all is because the night was,
as ‘tesoro’ escaped his lips. “You do, too,” I said. His brow furrowed as he well... steamy.”
looked at me with disbelief and I laughed. “You do. You look tired, though. “Wow,” I said, stunned as I glanced back at where the painting hung on
What happened to your hand?” the wall. It made perfect sense when she explained it, the significance of it
He glanced at his hand, sighing. “Alec shot me.” making it even more special.
“He shot you?! Why?” “I’ve never given any of my work away because it’s all so personal to me,
“You’d have to ask him. I haven’t talked to him since he did it. It was a but that one was just as much about you as it was about me so I asked Esme
fucked up night. He shot my... uh, fuck. I don’t know. Ignore me.” He got
480 505
 “It’s nice,” I said, my voice startling her. She jumped and clutched her quiet again and I knew he was holding back, withdrawing into himself.
chest, turning around to face me. “That’s where the scar on my face came from, too. Someone fucking shot at
“I didn’t hear you come back down,” she mumbled, her eyes scanning me.”
the length of me briefly before settling back on my face. I smirked at the I stared at him as that sunk in, frightened for his safety. “That’s scary.”
attention, knowing she was fucking checking me out, and she blushed at “That’s life,” he said, shrugging as if it weren’t a big deal, but I knew
being caught as she turned back around to the painting. I walked over to better. “That’s my life now. Not that it matters, it is what it is. I deal with
where she stood, pausing beside her as she spoke again. “What do you see it. So, how’s your life? How’s freedom?”
when you look at it?” “Freedom,” I muttered. “Is that what this is?”
“I should probably ask you that,” I replied. “Or actually, I should ask “Yes, that’s what it is. You can go where you want to go, do what you
what you thought about when you painted it.” want to do and be what you want to be. You don’t have to do shit if you don’t
“You know?” she asked hesitantly, looking at me with surprise. I nodded want to. If you wake up in the morning and want to go back to sleep, you
and her blush deepened. “How? Did Esme tell you?” go back to sleep. If your phone rings and you don’t want to answer it, you
“No, she wouldn’t tell me shit. I sort of figured it out,” I replied. “I let it fucking go to voicemail. You could be a nurse or a cook or a teacher if
actually flew to California once I put all the pieces together.” you wanted, move to Hawaii or fucking Utah if you wanted. I don’t know
“You did?” she asked, stunned. why the fuck someone would want to go to Utah, but whatever. The point
“Yeah, but you were already gone,” I said. “I met your friend Emily... I is you can do whatever you want to do. That’s freedom, Bella.”
think that’s her name. She was sort of bitchy, I don’t know what the hell Silence lingered between us and I watched as he took sips from his flask,
possessed you to hang out with someone like that, but she told me you’d his eyes looking everywhere but at me. I could see the sadness in them,
left. She actually seemed worried about you, told me if I ever saw you again though, the disappointment and yearning for something he felt he couldn’t
to tell you to check in with her.” have. It made my chest ache.
“Wow,” she murmured, otherwise not commenting. She seemed deep in “A man named Michael asked me out a few months ago,” I blurted out.
thought, her brow furrowed. Edward froze with the flask to his lips, cringing at my words.
“You know, it would’ve been a lot goddamn easier to find you had I “Did you go out with him?” His voice was apprehensive, tension and
known you weren’t going by Swan,” I said after a moment of silence. anger rolling from him in waves.
“What’s up with that, anyway? Why’d you change your name?” “I thought about it. He was nice, an art student. I might’ve had fun with
She sighed. “It was Alec’s idea. After the federal agent tracked me down him, but I realized there was no point in bothering.”
in Seattle.” “Why’s that?” he asked as he glanced at me, raising his eyebrows
“DiFronzo?” I asked, interrupting her. She nodded and told me what curiously. There was hope lingering there behind the sadness, hope that I
had happened in the park that led her to leave for California, explaining all knew even he was fighting against.
of the shit Alec had done to try to protect her while she was there. It finally “Because he could never know me,” I said quietly. “I had friends–l guess
made sense to me why he’d fucking snapped when he found out I’d gone you could call them that–but they didn’t know me, either. None of them
looking for her, and why he’d kicked my ass the moment I returned. knew me. They don’t know where I came from or what I went through.
“It was all pointless, though, because I was found eventually anyway,” They’ll never know the things I’ve seen and I can never tell them about it,
she said. “It’s the reason I left California.” because they’d never be able to understand. They think the world I came
“Agent DiFronzo again?” I asked. She shook her head. from only exists in movies, that slavery disappeared a century ago and that
“No,” she replied, hesitating before quietly adding, “the Mafia.” the mafia died with Al Capone, and I can’t really correct them because they
My brow furrowed and I started to question her, wondering who the could never know what it is I know. It’s impossible for them to ever know
fuck had tracked her down, but she cleared her throat and quickly changed Isabella Swan, the real me. They only know the story, the cover, the girl I
the subject. “So are you going to answer my question?” she asked. “I want pretend to be, the girl everyone wants me to be. I can’t just be me, the girl
to know what you see when you look at the painting.” whose mother was a slave and whose father owned her. They’ll never know
“I guess I see my life,” I responded, glancing at it. “The music is like the how I got kidnapped, how I almost died, how I watched other people die.
good in my life, shit that makes me happy, and the red sort of reminds me They’ll never know what you did to save me, what you sacrificed to rescue
of blood and the other side of my life– the part I fucking hate. And it’s all me. And they’ll never know what you lost because of me.”
hazy and mixed together, because no matter how much I want to I can’t “That’s the point, Bella,” he said pointedly. “You don’t have to be a part
of that world anymore. You don’t have to be the girl who was a slave or deal
504 481
with any of the shit that came along with it. That’s the reason we all fought “You’re still so stubborn,” she muttered, taking my hand gently so she
for you, so you could walk away from it and never have to look back.” was barely fucking holding onto my fingers. “You could try, I guess, but it’s
“Don’t you get it, Edward? That is me! I am that girl. I am who I am better to go to the doctor for antibiotics,” she said, looking at me imploringly
today because of who I was then. I can’t just not look back–what kind of life before adding, “so please go... for me?”
is it if I have to forget where I came from? I don’t want to spend my life I sighed, resigned and partly goddamn annoyed that she still knew
running from the past and pretending I’m someone I’m not. I just want to exactly how to get to me. “I’ll go tomorrow or make an appointment or
be me. I just want someone to understand me... the real me.” whatever,” I grumbled. “But not right now. Right now I have a date... or
“You deserve more,” he said quietly, the words laced with sadness. whatever this is.”
“So do you.” “A date,” she echoed, a small smile curving her lips.
“I chose this shit, Bella,” he snapped. I flinched from his tone. “It doesn’t We headed around the side of the house to avoid having to see anyone
matter why I did it– the fact is that I did! This is my life, and there’s no as we left, because I wasn’t in the mood for their fucking pity disguised as
point dwelling on whether or not I should be in it, because I am in it. I am sympathy. I was on edge as we walked down the street, keeping my head
this fucking person now. I made my choice!” down but acutely aware of every fucking thing going on around us. It didn’t
“Then why can’t I? Why can’t I choose? Why did you have to do it for matter what Alec had said, because I couldn’t help my paranoia. Aro was
me?” I asked exasperatedly. He groaned, shaking his head. still out there, somewhere, and until I was sure that was dealt with I knew
“Because you’re too good for this shit, Bella. You spent your entire life there was no goddamn way I’d be able to relax.
being pushed around and controlled by motherfuckers– I couldn’t just let Isabella went to cross the street as we neared her car but I stopped her,
you give up your future for them, too. I’ll be goddamned if I’m going to let shaking my head. “I need to change my clothes first. These fucking shoes
you throw it all away because of me. I’m not worth it.” are killing me.”
I stared at him in shock as his words hit me, stunned he would say such “Oh, okay,” she responded, following me toward my house. I let go of her
a thing. “How can you say that? I spent my entire life being told that I didn’t when we arrived and pulled my keys out, unlocking the front door and
count, that I wasn’t worth it! My father said it, his wife said it, his parents pushing it open. I motioned for her to enter and she smiled as she stepped
said it, and even your father said it at one point! You were one of the only inside, her eyes darting around curiously.
people to ever look at me and tell me I was worth it, to tell me I counted, so “Uh, kitchen, dining room, living room, bathroom and laundry room or
don’t you dare stand here and tell me you aren’t worth it, Edward Cullen, whatever,” I said pointing out the areas on the first floor. “The room down
because you are!” the hall across from the living room used to be my father’s office when I was
His eyes widened with shock at my words and he opened his mouth to a kid but right now it’s just full of boxes and shit. I never bothered to unpack
respond, but before he could get anything out I spoke again. There was no everything.”
way I was going to let him tear himself down when life tried to do that to “Really?” she asked. “You’ve been here almost two years and you still
him enough on its own. haven’t unpacked?”
“You wanted me to go out there and explore my options, go to school and “Yeah, I guess I’ve had other shit on my mind,” I said, shrugging.
find my place in the world. You wanted me to make something of myself, to “Anyway, make yourself at home. I’ll be right back.”
follow my dreams, and I did exactly that, Edward. I did it because you I left her alone in the hallway as I headed upstairs and kicked off my
wanted me to, because I owed it to you to try after what you did for me! I shoes, tossing them into the closet before stripping out of my clothes. I put
liked it... no, I loved it! I loved going to school and doing art. I loved having on a pair of jeans and a green long sleeved t-shirt, slipping my green and
a place to call home. I loved getting to know people. But through it all I was white Nike’s on my feet before going into the bathroom. I wet my hair and
lonely. Do you know what it feels like to stand in a crowded room and still ran my fingers through it, the act making my fucking hand throb some
feel utterly alone? Do you? Because that was how I felt without you.” more. I rooted through the cabinets and found a bottle of peroxide, pouring
“I can’t just be something you settle for, Bella, because you don’t think some of it on my hand. The wound burned and I cursed, blowing on it to try
you can have more. I would never be able to fucking live with myself if you to cool it the fuck down.
gave up your future for me.” I headed back downstairs within minutes and paused when I spotted
“Settle?” I asked incredulously. “You think being with you would be Isabella standing in the living room. Her back was to me and I smirked
settling? Are you that stupid?” when I saw she was staring at the painting hanging above the piano, the
He gaped at me in shock and I froze briefly, stunned at my own one I knew goddamn well she’d painted.
outburst. He went to respond but I continued before he could even try to
482 503
 They said their goodbyes, making Isabella promise to stay in touch, contradict me again. “I’ll always be a part of your world, Edward, because
before heading out. Jasper and Alice departed right afterward and Esme Alec will always be a part of my life, like it or not. I’ll always have someone
made some excuse about needing to fucking handle things, scurrying away keeping tabs on me, making sure I don’t break my silence. My house got
to leave Isabella and me alone. We sat quietly for a moment, gazing at each broken into the weekend of your brother’s wedding and I couldn’t even call
other, the air between us growing thick with unspoken questions. the police to file a report, I had to call your uncle! How do I explain that to
“Do you, uh...” I started, unsure of what to say or how the fuck we were people? It’s not normal– I’m not normal. I can’t let anyone get close to me!
supposed to start over. “Fuck, I don’t know. Do you want to go get coffee or Being out there in the world alone, spending my life pretending to be
something? Is that what people do?” someone I’m not and trying to conceal my past, that’s settling, Edward.
She laughed lightly, shrugging. “I don’t know about other people, but it Does it even matter what I want? “
sounds nice to.” “Of course it does, but...”
“Good.” I muttered. My nerves were fucking flaring again, queasiness “There are not buts about it!” I spat. He sighed exasperatedly, shaking
stirring in the pit of my stomach. I was afraid to fuck up, worried I would his head as he went to take another drink. He was avoiding answering and
say something wrong and ruin any chance I had at fixing shit between us. I groaned at his evasiveness, snatching the flask from his hand before he
I held my hand out to her and she looked at it hesitantly, the apprehensive got it to his lips. He stared at me with shock as I turned it over, dumping
expression on her face making me second-guess myself. I dropped my hand the clear liquid out before tossing it on the ground.
quickly, shoving it in my pocket when she didn’t take it. “You don’t have to. “I can’t believe you just fucking...”
I just... Christ, why is this so fucking awkward?” “Either it matters or it doesn’t, Edward,” I said, cutting him off.
“I don’t know. It shouldn’t be. I mean, it’s just us. And it’s not that I He hesitated before answering, still appearing stunned. “It does
don’t want to take your hand,” she said as she stood up. “It’s just that you’re matter.”
injured and I don’t want to hurt you.” “Then how can you not see that you took away from me the one thing I
“Oh,” I said, pulling my hand back out to look at it. “It’s fine, don’t worry. wanted most? You made me settle, Edward, when you left me! All I ever
You aren’t going to hurt me.” wanted was someone to see me, to love me, to understand me. You’re the
She bit on her bottom lip nervously as she held her hand out to me and only person who has ever understood me, the only one who can understand
I took it with a smile, lacing our fingers together. I squeezed hers gently me. I don’t have to hide who I used to be from you; I don’t have to pretend
and winced as pain shot up my wrist, my hand clearly not fine despite what to be someone I’m not around you. You know me, the real me, the woman
I’d said. It still fucking hurt, considering I’d probably needed goddamn that no one else will ever get to know. I wanted to be with you, I thought
stitches or something and I’d been too distracted to see a doctor. we’d be together, and you left me! You promised me you’d never leave me,
“It’s fine,” I said again when she frowned, noticing my reaction “What that you’d be there for me, and then you walked out on me as I slept! You
did the doctor say about it? How bad is it?” left me to do it all on my own when the entire time I wanted nothing more
“I don’t know,” I muttered, letting go of her hand and starting to unwrap than to just be where you were! You wanted me to have a life... how could
the bandage “The EMT said it wasn’t serious but I didn’t exactly go to the you not see that you were my life?”
hospital.” I was shaking, stunned as all of the hurt came pouring out in my words.
I held it out to her once I had the bandage off and she groaned, taking “I just wanted what was best for you, Bella. I just wanted you to have a
my hand. The back of it was red and she pressed her fingers to the skin, chance,” he implored.
sighing when I grimaced. “It’s infected, you know,” she said. “You really “A chance at what, Edward? Happiness? Because I hate to break it to
should see a doctor.” you, but I was already happy with you. If you didn’t love me, that’s one
“How do you know?” thing, but...”
“Seriously?” she asked, raising her eyebrows at me like it was a stupid “Of course I fucking loved you!” he snapped, cutting me off. His eyes
fucking question. “We got hurt a lot in Phoenix and we weren’t allowed to were filled with tears, some slipping down his cheeks. “I didn’t want to get
see doctors, so we sort of became experts at watching for signs of trouble. you killed! I didn’t want you to end up like my mother!”
It’s inflamed and tender and obviously not healing properly, Edward. I’ve “You’re not your father, Edward, and I’m not your mother.”
watched people die from wounds much less severe than this.” “I know that,” he spat.
“Oh.” I said, looking at my hand and feeling like a fucking idiot. “Can’t “Do you, really? You’re so busy trying to stop history from repeating
I soak it in fucking peroxide or alcohol or something?” itself that you’re completely ignoring what your mother tried to teach you,
ignoring what’s right in front of you!”
502 483
 “And what’s that?” he asked, wiping his eyes as he shook his head. had happened, back when I’d been naive and thought that we’d come out of
“Fate.” everything unscathed. I wasn’t sure what she felt, if she’d even want that
“Fate,” he echoed the word. shit with me anymore. I realized I was getting ahead of myself, considering
“Yes, fate. A smart man once told me there’s no such thing as I still couldn’t come to fucking grips with her even being there, but I
coincidence. Everything happens for a reason, and it doesn’t matter what couldn’t help it. The possibilities of the future plagued my mind, nothing
we do; if it’s meant to happen it’ll happen. Your mother believed that with making sense anymore. She could easily get up and walk away any fucking
every fiber of her being and it seemed to rub off on everyone in her life but second, never again to look back, but at the same time she could very well
you! You came into my life because you were meant to be in my life, Edward. stay.
It wasn’t an accident that we came together, it was fate! Like I said, if you And then what?
don’t love me it’s one thing, but don’t push me away because you’re trying “I did,” she replied after a moment. “I’m not really sure what I want
to protect me, or because you want better for me, because you’re only anymore. I mean there are a lot of kids out there now that need good
hurting us both doing so! I loved you... no, I fucking love you, Edward homes.”
Cullen. You can’t fight fate because you’ll lose, and you aren’t honoring your “You know, Alec and I considered adopting,” Esme said. “It’s such a
mother by ignoring it!” selfless act. I always respected Elizabeth and my brother for making the
I was frantic and wrapped my arms around my chest, trying to hold decision to adopt Emmett. In our world they place a lot of significance on
myself together but I was on the verge of cracking. Edward appeared bloodlines so many of the families we know would never do it for that
stunned as he stared at me in a daze, but the moment a sob escaped my reason, but I think It’s wonderful.”
throat he seemed to be pulled back into reality. He grabbed a hold of me “You and Alec thought about adopting a kid?” Rosalie asked, sounding
quickly, wrapping his arms around me tightly as I came undone in his just as fucking surprised as I felt. Alec being a parent was something I
arms. couldn’t comprehend, his demeanor entirely too fucking cold for it. He used
“Oh, tesoro,” he whispered into my hair after a minute, rubbing my back to scare the shit out of me just walking into the same room I was in when I
gently. “I fucking love you, too.” was a kid. I couldn’t imagine having to live with the motherfucker.
We stood there for a while clinging to each other again, before his phone “Yes, we did.”
rang and shattered yet another moment between us. He groaned as he let “Did you ever want any biological kids?” Isabella asked. Esme shrugged.
go of me, reaching for it quickly and glancing at the screen. “Sorry,” he “When I was younger,” she replied, “but most girls do. I suppose. I
muttered as he flipped it open, answering it with hesitation. always knew Alec didn’t want any children, though, so it wasn’t something
“Sir,” he said, his voice even. He didn’t bother moving away from me, I dwelled on. My husband, bless his heart, is a good man deep down inside,
his eyes refusing to even leave my face. “Yes, thirty minutes, I got it. Yes, but he doesn’t come from the most loving family. He said he doesn’t want
sir. I understand.” to curse a child with his DNA, which is crazy to me, but I respect his
He hung up and slipped the phone in his pocket, giving me a curious decision.”
look. “You have to go?” I asked, worried. He nodded. She paused, sighing. “He used to feel strongly that the world he belongs
“You do, too. Apparently we’re expected to show up at the fucking to isn’t the place a child should be raised,” she said, stunning me by
gathering or whatever it’s called.” verbalizing the same goddamn worry I had. “He’s softened on that view
“Oh. Was that Alec?” I asked, surprised when he nodded because it had over the years, though. That’s why we considered adoption for a while, but
sounded so serious. “I thought it was… well… work. It sounded like, you I’m pretty sure that ship has sailed by now, too.”
know...” “It’s never too late,” Isabella said quietly. “You’d make a great mother.
He smiled sadly. “I know how it sounded. Alec is work to me, though. If you ever do want to adopt, I might know a kid or two that would be lucky
He’s my boss first and uncle second now, Bella. I can’t exactly tell him to to have you.”
fuck off anymore because I never know what’s business and what’s personal Esme smiled warmly, pulling Isabella into a hug the same time Emmett
with him. I figure it’s better to be safe than sorry now, because I’d hate for closed his phone. “Rose, babe, we need to get going,” Emmett said, standing
him to fucking shoot me again.” up and glancing around at all of us. “This has been nice, hanging out again.
I glanced at his hand instinctively, shaking my head. “I still can’t We need to get together more often, not just when... you know... something
believe he shot you.” happens.”
“Yeah, well, I can. He’s kicked my ass and threatened to kill me more “Yeah,” I muttered, everyone else murmuring in agreement.
times than I can count, so it was only a matter of time, really.” I looked at
484 501
fucking fault for leaving her, but she basically had an entire life that I knew him with horror and he chuckled nervously at my expression. “I deserved
very little about and I didn’t like that shit one bit. it, don’t worry. I’ve fucked up a lot.”
Esme came outside and joined us when the other guests started leaving, “How?” I asked, regretting the question the moment it was verbalized.
sharing a few more stories of her own. Every now and then Isabella would I wasn’t sure if they were things he could share with me and I didn’t want
peek at me and her cheeks would turn pink as she grinned sheepishly, hints to put him in a predicament.
of the timid girl I remembered shining back at me. The sight of it gave me “I mean, if you can...”
hope, something I hadn’t fucking felt in a long time– not since walking out “Maybe later,” he responded, glancing at his watch. “We’d be here all
that door back in Forks. night if I tried to explain that shit to you, and I’ve only got twenty-eight
I got up to use the bathroom eventually, and when I returned I noticed minutes now to get my ass there. Did you drive? I rode with the family but
they had broken off into groups. Alice and Jasper walked off together, while they just fucking left my ass here.”
Emmett sat alone talking to someone on his phone. I strolled over and sat I nodded. “I have a car,” I said, holding up the keys.
down beside him, trying to block out his conversation so I didn’t look like I He smiled softly at me before glancing around briefly, his eyes darting
was fucking eavesdropping. Rosalie, Esme and Isabella were deep in between his parent’s graves. “Goodbye,” he whispered before gently
conversation and I watched them, emotion taking hold of me again when I pressing his hand against my back to lead me away. “I guess I was wrong.”
saw Isabella press her palm against Rosalie’s stomach. She was feeling the “About?”
baby kick, intense longing hitting me at the sight, and I tried to fight it off “Probably most of it, really, but I was referring to when I said you didn’t
because I had no right to yearn for that shit. I’d given up my right, had say fuck,” he said, shaking his head. “I can’t believe you seriously fucking
made my fucking choice the moment I swore the oath to the organization, cursed at me.”
and dwelling on it now was a waste of fucking time. I couldn’t have the I smiled sheepishly and blushed, realizing I’d said it in the midst of my
goddamn cliché life, with the fucking big house and white picket fence, 2.5 rant. “It just... came out.”
kids and a golden retriever named Buddy. The world I lived in would “Can’t say I’m surprised,” he muttered. He didn’t elaborate further,
always be marked by violence and there would be no sunshine and remaining silent as we walked through the cemetery. I showed him where
rainbows, only constant storms off on the horizon, darkening everything the car was parked along the road, tucked in near some trees, and he eyed
and threatening to let loose at any moment. the black vehicle peculiarly as we approached it. “This is nice. 550i Gran
It was no place to raise a fucking family, that was for sure. “So, when Turismo, right?”
are you due?” Isabella asked He glanced at me questioningly and I shrugged, having absolutely no
“End of the year,” Rosalie replied. “Can’t come soon enough. I feel so idea. He chuckled. “Well, is it yours?”
fucking bloated.” “Yes.”
“You look beautiful,” Isabella said, her voice genuine. “You glow.” He nodded as he eyed the vehicle again. “What made you choose a
“Thanks,” Rosalie said, smiling. “I seriously feel like a pig, though.” BMW?”
“Is it weird?” Isabella asked hesitantly. “I’ve never really talked to “Uh, I didn’t. Alec picked it,” I said. “He gave it to me to drive when he
someone who was pregnant before. Is it strange having a tiny person inside took the Volvo from me.”
of you moving around?” “He took the Volvo?” he asked incredulously. “What a bastard, he
“Yeah, a little,” she replied. “It feels kind of like my body’s been taken probably turned it in to scrap metal. Man, I miss that fucking car. I’d give
over and it’s not mine anymore.” my left nut just to be able to drive it one more time.”
“I always wondered if it was like in horror movies, when the aliens take I laughed at his expression. “Me, too.”
over people,” Isabella said. “You know, like Invasion of the Body He raised his eyebrows in surprise, an amused smile turning his lips.
Snatchers.” “You have nuts, tesoro?” he asked playfully. “I mean, I know a lot of shit
Rosalie laughed. “Well, it’s not exactly that extreme, but it’s something has changed, but...”
along those lines,” she replied. “It’s nice, though, feeling the baby kick.” I blushed as he teased me. “I meant I liked the car...”
“Do you want kids of your own, Isabella?” Esme asked. I tensed up at “I know what you meant,” he said, interrupting,
the question, afraid of her goddamn answer, and Isabella froze briefly “...and I’d give your left nut to be able to drive it again.”
before pulling her hand off of Rosalie’s stomach. He looked at me with shock, not expecting me to say that. “Oh, I see
We’d talked about it before and I told her I’d give her a big family, how it is,” he said, laughing. “You’d just let them cut my fucking balls off?
promising her as many kids as she fucking wanted. It was before everything I’m hurt, Bella.”
500 485
 “I’m sure it would hurt.” I said jokingly. He laughed again. nodding in “She did exactly what she should’ve done,” Rosalie said. “She arrested
agreement. his dumb ass.”
“Yeah, it would. A lot. I’d rather not have to ever go through that. They’d “You know, I fail to see what the fuck this has to do with Dad,” I
have to fucking kill me, because I’d prefer to be dead than go through that interjected “We’re supposed to be reminiscing about him and not the shit I
torture.” did.”
I gazed at him with surprise, his words sounding eerie spoken aloud in “Well, he had to pick you up from the police station, didn’t he?” Jasper
the graveyard. A chill ran down my spine and he cleared his throat, looking asked. “Well, there you go, then.”
away as he climbed into the passenger seat of the car. Neither of us spoke “He was so pissed, too,” Emmett said. “We were supposed to be in school
during the drive, the silence surrounding us growing awkward and but he got a call at the hospital that we all got picked up for truancy and
uncomfortable. There was still so much left unspoken, unanswered Edward was taken in for indecent exposure.”
questions lingering between us and making things tense. So much time had “Whatever. I didn’t get charged with anything,” I muttered,
passed that I knew it was impossible for us to just pick up where we’d left remembering how my father had threatened to send me away for the first
off, unrealistic to expect to instantly have back what we had lost. It was time that day. I’d embarrassed him, he’d said, my behavior tarnishing his
still there, though, buried just underneath the surface. It would take us reputation. I hadn’t fucking cared at the time, but as I sat there re-living it
some time to unearth it, to nurse it back to health, but with some patience guilt started creeping in. It was so fucking trivial, but he’d worked hard to
I knew we’d eventually be able to bring what we had between us back to turn all of our lives around and away from crime, and I just kept drawing
life. us all back in. “They just told me to keep my clothes on.”
If he was even willing to try, that was. “And did you?” Rosalie asked, smirking as she looked at me. “If I
Edward told me to park in his driveway, behind the black car that he remember correctly, that cop slipped you her phone number.”
indicated belonged to him, and we slowly made our way toward the “She did?” Isabella gasped.
Evanson’s house. Edward was on edge, his hands shoved into his pockets “Yes, she gave me her number,” I muttered. “But no, I didn’t fuck her.”
and body extremely tense. He was quiet and kept his head down, retreating “She just sucked his dick,” Emmett replied, laughing. “That same
further back into himself with each step. His footsteps faltered when we night.”
approached the residence and I nudged him with my elbow, giving him a “No fucking way! Did she really?” Rosalie said, looking at me with shock.
soft smile when he glanced at me. His expression was blank and he looked I nodded hesitantly, knowing it wasn’t one of my finer moments, and she
guarded, the apprehension in his eyes startling. He was obviously groaned. “That’s disgusting.”
uncomfortable and didn’t want to be there. “Whatever, Rose. Don’t be jealous just because I never let you suck it.”
He walked up onto the porch and opened the front door without “Ugh, that’s sick!” she spat. “I wouldn’t suck your dick with Jessica
knocking, stopping after taking a few steps into the foyer. I stepped in Stanley’s mouth.”
behind him and saw Alec standing by the bottom of the stairs, looking at “Isn’t she your friend now?” Jasper asked, glancing at Rosalie. “That’s
us curiously. He glanced at his watch. “Thirty-nine minutes,” he said kind of harsh to say about a friend.”
simply before turning and heading upstairs. Apparently, we were late. “What do you expect?” I asked. “She’s a bitch.”
An animated voice carried out through the hallway as we headed “Hey!” Emmett exclaimed, narrowing his eyes at me. “Don’t say that
toward the living room and I smiled at the familiarity, recognizing it as shit about my baby ma...”
Emmett’s immediately. Edward paused in the doorway and I stopped “Emmett!”
behind him, glancing past him nervously. The large room was packed with We sat there for a while longer, the atmosphere growing lighter as they
people and I spotted Alice and Jasper right away, sitting on the couch shared more stories and we traded playful jabs. It felt like old times with
together holding hands. Rosalie was sitting in a chair in the corner but she all of us there, my disbelief still not wavering as I kept my eyes on Isabella
was mostly blocked from view by Emmett, who stood directly in front of her. the entire time. She seemed at ease as she smiled and laughed, but she
Esme sat on a chair near the door beside an older woman in a wheelchair, didn’t contribute much to the conversation except for a question here or
holding the woman’s small hands in her lap and smiling. There were at there. I wanted to hear her voice and listen to her stories, to know what she
least two dozen others present, people I didn’t recognize, but each of them had done while she was out in the world on her own. I wanted to know
were smiling and listening intently as Emmett spoke. He was telling a story everything, a twinge of jealousy brewing in the pit of my stomach when it
about a fishing trip they went on with Dr. Cullen when they were children, struck me exactly how much I must’ve missed. I knew it was my own
about how Edward had sneakily dumped out all of the worms they’d caught
486 499
 “There was no way Emmett was going in after him,” Rosalie said firmly. the night before to use as bait. He’d wanted to free them, the irony of that
“You had to be brain dead to go in the water that day. Jacob dared his ass not escaping me, and Dr. Cullen had been forced to improvise to try to catch
to do it, so he should’ve been the one to go help him.” fish. He spoke of them chasing bugs around, trying to catch crickets so the
“Yeah, but Jacob was a pussy,” Emmett added. “He would’ve drowned, trip wasn’t a total waste, and how Edward has just sat smugly on the
too. Alice was the best swimmer out of the group.” riverbank, proud of himself.
“Seriously?” Alice asked incredulously. “You expected me to save him?” I gazed at Edward and saw no flicker of emotion in his face, no
“Yeah, why not?” recognition as Emmett recounted the story. It was like he wasn’t even
“Because she weighs like ninety pounds, Emmett,” Jasper said. “She listening, completely unaware that they were even talking about him.
wouldn’t have been able to pull Edward out of the water.” Emmett finished and Jasper immediately went into a story about Dr.
“You think I weigh ninety pounds?” Alice asked, looking at her boyfriend Cullen teaching him to drive, and how he’d made him so nervous he never
with surprise. He shrugged hesitantly and she smiled, linking her arm with wanted to get behind the wheel again. Edward continued to stand tensely
his. “You’re so sweet.” right inside the doorway, his hands shoved in his pockets with his head
Rosalie groaned, rolling her eyes. “You’re all idiots, I swear. Edward down. He was distressed and I realized, looking at him, that he knew
went into the water willingly. Whatever happened to him would’ve been his exactly how I had felt when I was out on my own. He knew what it felt like
own fault.” to be standing in a crowded room, surrounded by people, yet feeling utterly
“There’s no point in fucking arguing about it because I didn’t need to be alone.
saved.” I interrupted. “It’s nice to know you all would’ve just let my ass I sighed and slid my arms under his from behind, slipping my hands in
drown, though.” his pockets with his. I laced my fingers between his, holding his hands as I
“So, you were fine?” Isabella asked curiously, glancing around as she lay my head against his back. He didn’t move or speak, but his body relaxed
waited for them to finish telling the story. “What happened?” immediately from the contact. I listened quietly to Jasper’s story before a
“The police were driving by, patrolling the beach because of the storm, woman I didn’t know chimed in, telling a story of her and Dr. Cullen dating
and they heard Alice screaming so they stopped. About that same time when they were teenagers, before Elizabeth had ever come into his life. No
Edward strolled out of the water... naked,” Emmett said. one noticed my presence as Edward blocked me from view, the two of us
“You were naked?” Isabella asked, stunned. seeming to fade into the background as we stood on the outskirts of the
I sighed. “Yes. It wasn’t on fucking purpose, though. My shorts were conversation. I was actually grateful to feel invisible to the world for a
ripped right off of me by the surge when I wiped out. It took me so long to moment, as long as he was right there with me.
come out of the water because I was trying to find the damn things.” Alec walked past us into the room as the woman finished her story,
“Yeah, so Edward comes walking up on the beach completely naked the eyeing the two of us cautiously before sitting down beside his wife. He took
same time the cop gets out of the car,” Jasper said, snickering before Esme’s hand and she gave him a watery smile, not even trying to ward off
adding, “and as if the situation wasn’t bad enough, the cop just happened her tears, he motioned with his head in our direction and her eyes darted
to be female.” over, locking with mine. Her smile grew a bit when she saw we were there,
“She was stunned,” Emmett said, starting to laugh. “She was trying so and she only looked away when someone called out for her to share a story.
hard not to look at his junk but he walked right up to her like it wasn’t that “Oh, wow, I have way too many stories of my brother I could tell. One
big of a deal and just stood there with his hands on his hips.” that stands out happened when we were kids, living in the house in
“And,” Jasper chimed in again, “he bent over right in front of her to get Washington that Dad sent us to...”
a soda from the cooler and even offered her one.” She went on to tell the story of the time Dr. Cullen had thrown a rock
“That’s not the worst part,” Rosalie said. “The cop was already flustered at Jane, the same story she’d told me the first time she visited Forks after
and he starts hitting on her!” my arrival. I listened intently, even though I’d already heard it before, and
“I didn’t hit on her,” I said, shaking my head. everyone else seemed to hang on to her every word, too. She laughed when
“Yes, you did,” Alice said. “You asked her if she’d ever used her she got to the part where Alec had stepped in and looked at her husband
handcuffs in the bedroom and made some horrible joke about your night adoringly. He smiled at her, his eyes lighting up, and my chest swelled with
stick.” emotion as I watched the two of them. The love was easy to see between
I chuckled at the memory. “I was just fucking with her. I mean, she was them, everything melting away as they gazed into each other’s eyes. Alec
staring at my dick...” was always so unattached, cold and calculated because of the life he lived,
“So what did she do?” Isabella asked curiously. but when it came to his wife he was like a completely different person. It
498 487
gave me hope and I snuggled closer to Edward, inhaling deeply as I “Kitten over there took it from you?” Emmett asked with disbelief. I
breathed him in. nodded and they all started laughing, my brother slapping me on the back
If Esme and Alec could find a way to do it, there was no reason we again with amusement. “About time someone did. And you really do drink
couldn’t. too fucking much, bro. For real.”
“That was my brother,” Esme continued. “He did the wrong thing a lot “Whatever,” I grumbled, dropping my gaze to the ground. I didn’t want
of the time, but he usually had a damn good reason for doing it. He was to talk about it, the subject put me on edge and ironically made me want a
protective and wanted to help the people he cared about. He didn’t always drink even worse than I already had. I started rubbing my neck absent
know what to do, but he did what he could.” mindedly, my anxiety growing. “What is this anyway, a goddamn
The room grew quiet with her words, a somber feeling taking over. I intervention?”
pulled away from Edward when no one chimed in and felt him grow tense “Maybe,” Jasper replied
again immediately as I cleared my throat. People glanced in my direction “Well, you’re wasting your breath, because I don’t fucking need it.”
when they heard the noise, Jasper smiling as Alice gasped with surprise. “I “We disagree,” Alice said. “I mean, you’ve always drank, but it has
think I have something to share,” I said. gotten worse. Even you have to see that.”
“Izzy Bizzy!” Emmett hollered, bounding across the room toward me. He “Leave it the fuck alone, Alice.”
grabbed a hold of me, yanking me completely away from Edward as he She started to argue with me but Rosalie cut her off. “Let’s just drop it,”
pulled me into a hug. I laughed as he picked me completely up off of the she said. “Yeah, so he drinks. Whatever. It could be worse. At least he’s not
ground, swinging me around in a circle. We nearly collided with some fucking around with that Molly anymore.”
people and Emmett laughed, not seeming to care. “I’m glad you’re here, A tense silence instantly fell over the area and I slowly raised my eyes
kitten!” to glare at Rosalie, anger surging through me. She saw my hostile
“Put her down, Emmett,” Rosalie said sternly, standing up. Emmett put expression and blanched, starting to stammer about not meaning it how it
me back on my feet, smiling sheepishly. sounded as she turned toward Isabella, but I stopped her. “Just... shut the
“It’s great to see you,” he said. fuck up, Rosalie. This isn’t the time or the place for this bullshit. Talk about
“You, too, Emmett,” I responded. He stepped out of the way and I something else, whatever you all were talking about before I came out here
glanced at Rosalie, about to say hello, but froze with my mouth open in and fucking interrupted.”
shock when I got a good look at her. She’d gained weight-quite a bit of it- “We were still reminiscing,” Jasper said, casting me a worried look as
most of which was centered right around her stomach. he quickly tried to change the subject. “Sharing some of our favorite
“Oh my God,” I gasped. “Are you...” memories of Dad.”
She nodded, smiling as she grabbed a hold of Emmett’s arm and started “Well, then, continue,” I responded, opening my bottle of water to take
tugging on it to get him to go with her back to her seat. I was stunned... a drink. I was suddenly fucking parched, my throat aching. The water was
they were going to be parents?! Before I had time to dwell on it Alice leapt cold and went down smooth, none of the burn or warmth I fucking craved
up, squealing and hugging me. Her grip was tight and I cringed, having accompanying It. “How about that time we all skipped school to go down to
never gotten used to how strong she was. Jasper pulled her away, telling First Beach when that big storm was coming?” Emmett asked. I sighed,
her she was going to strangle me if she wasn’t careful, and pulled me into knowing exactly which fucking day he was talking about as the others
a hug himself. chimed in.
“I’m sorry, Jasper,” I whispered, only loud enough for him to hear. “I’m “None of us would get in the water because it was so rocky, but Jacob
so sorry he’s gone.” dared Edward to surf,” Jasper said.
He nodded, smiling as he let go of me. “Go on, Isabella,” Esme said from “So fucking stupid,” Rosalie muttered.
her seat. “I’d love to hear what you have to say about Carlisle.” “He tried to ride that big wave but he miscalculated that shit and it took
Not everyone was as confident as Esme about hearing me speak. Alec him under. We were all panicking on the shore when he disappeared in the
was watching me apprehensively and I noticed a few others were also, all water,” Emmett added.
of them likely well aware of who I was and what Dr. Cullen had done to me. “Oh God, that was scary,” Alice said, remembering. “I thought he was
I took a deep breath, biting my lip nervously before I began– l still wasn’t going to drown. I kept screaming for Jasper to go in after him.”
comfortable with a lot of attention. “There was no way I was going in that water,” Jasper said, shaking his
“About a year and a half ago I was living with Jasper in Seattle. I wasn’t head and laughing dryly. “I told Em to go in but he just looked at me like I
doing so well, I guess you could say I was, uh... homesick.” I started, was crazy.”
488 497
 “Yeah, I’m sure you went out for air.” Rosalie said sarcastically from her glancing at Jasper. He smiled warmly and nodded approvingly, and I could
seat on the other side of Emmett. “You smell like smoke. It’s disgusting, tell from the look in his eyes that he knew exactly where I was going with
really. Jesus, go sit downwind from me.” the story. I looked at Edward and saw he was actually paying attention,
I rolled my eyes. “The wind isn’t even fucking blowing, Rosalie. Shut the watching me curiously.
fuck up.” “It was my first time out in the world alone and I wanted nothing more
“Hey man,” Emmett said, raising his eyebrows as he looked at me. than to run back to what was familiar to me, and Dr. Cu– err, Carlisle knew
“Don’t talk to my baby mama like that or...” that. I hit bottom one night and did something stupid out of desperation,
Before he could even finish his statement Rosalie reached over and and he came to my room to talk to me. He told me that he knew I was scared
shoved his chair, nearly pushing him out of it. “How many times do I have but that I needed to give life a chance, to show the world that I could do it.
to tell you not to call me that?” she spat. He told me to show those who had doubted me that they were wrong, that
“Shit, sorry, Rosie,” Emmett said, shooting her an apologetic look. I I was strong enough to make it. He said that after I did, if I was still
shook my head at his obedience and nearly asked him if she carried his homesick, he would help me find my way home. He promised me that when
fucking balls around in her purse now, too, but figured I probably shouldn’t I was ready he’d help me, even if it was the last thing he did.”
say shit considering I was just as whipped. I paused, taking a deep breath. I could still sense Edward’s gaze on me
Even worse, actually, considering I was whipped by someone I hadn’t and glanced at him again, our eyes connecting. “I know he thought he would
seen for two goddamn years. have to break his promise to me, but the truth is that he didn’t, because
“You smoke?” Carlisle did exactly what he said he would. Now that I’m finally ready, he
Isabella s soft voice captured my attention again, an inquisitive look on helped me find my way home. I just wish it hadn’t really been the last thing
her face as she eyed me. he did.”
“Not really,” I muttered. “Every now and then I’ll have a cigarette, but A tear slid down my cheek and Edward sighed, still gazing at me. I
I don’t make a habit of it.” heard Esme’s voice, followed by Emmett chiming in. but their words didn’t
“Speaking of habits,” Emmett said, motioning toward the bottle in my register as I stared into the set of swirling deep green eyes that seemed to
hand. “Is that really water, bro? It’s not usually your beverage of choice...” beckon to me. He opened his mouth like he was going to speak, but no sound
I narrowed my eyes at him, annoyed at the fucking question. “Yes, it’s escaped as he moved his lips. It didn’t matter, though, because I knew what
water,” I said. “Is it really that hard to fucking believe?” he was trying to say. I didn’t need to hear it– I could feel it, and I could see
“Well, yeah, it is,” he responded, shrugging. “The only clear liquid you’ve the words in his eyes.
drank in years is Vodka.” Welcome home.
“Bullshit,” I spat. “You can’t fucking say that. You haven’t seen me
much these past two years.”
“That’s because you’ve been drunk the entire time,” Rosalie chimed in,
laughing humorlessly.
“You probably wouldn’t even remember seeing us.”
“I don’t drink that goddamn much,” I retorted, knowing it was a fucking
lie the moment the words came out. I’d drunk myself unconscious more
times than I could count and there were definite blank spots in my memory,
entire days I couldn’t remember.
“Did you drink at all today?” Alice asked from her seat beside Isabella.
I ignored her question, hoping they would fucking drop it, but I wasn’t that
lucky.
“Yeah, where’s your flask?” Jasper asked. “Do you have it with you?”
“No,” I snapped, glaring at him. I caught sight of Isabella from the
corner of my eye and saw the apprehensive look on her face, my stomach
dropping. I was fucking lying and we both knew it.
“Bella took it.”

496 489
 “I don’t doubt it,” she replied. “You know, there’s one thing I don’t get,
though.”
“What’s that?”
She smirked as she took a last drag off of her cigarette before tossing it
on the ground and stamping it out. “What the hell she ever saw in someone
like you. I mean, seriously. You?”
I rolled my eyes, flicking my cigarette out toward the sidewalk. “Put
that out for me, will you?” I asked, turning and heading back inside. “You
know my uncle will flip on you if he sees any Marlboro butts in front of his
house.”
“Asshole,” she grumbled.
The house was still fairly noisy when I re-entered it, but the crowd from
the living room had disbursed for the most part. Isabella was nowhere in
sight, nor were my brothers or Alice and Rose. I wandered through the
downstairs and found Esme in the kitchen, surprise flickering across her
face when she spatted me. “Hey, kiddo. I thought you left with Alec.”
“No, I just went out for same air,” I mumbled, grabbing a bottle of water

Chapter 78
from the fridge. My throat was throbbing and tender, probably already
starting to bruise. I desperately wanted a real fucking drink, something
hard and straight from the goddamn bottle, but I knew that probably
wouldn’t go over well with my family. “Is, uh... I mean, where...?”
“She’s out back.” she responded as she smiled softly, knowing what the
Forever fuck I wanted without me even getting it out. “They thought you left with
Edward Alec, too.”
“Thanks,” I said, heading for the back door. I stepped out into the yard
I stared at Bella in a daze as she started telling a story about an and spotted them all right away, lounging on Esme’s wicker lawn furniture
encounter she’d once had with my father. The eyes of everyone in the room and deep in conversation. I strolled in their direction, suddenly fucking
were on her and I could tell she was fucking nervous, but she didn’t shy nervous again, but it all faded away when Isabella glanced over at me. She
away from the attention. Her voice was strong and she looked so fucking perked up immediately, a radiant smile lighting up her face as her eyes
confident, like she knew what she wanted to say and she wasn’t going to sparkled with happiness. My heart nearly stilled at the sight, and it took
leave until she was done. It was like she was a woman on a mission and she everything I had in me not to fall to my goddamn knees right there and beg
didn’t give a fuck what anyone thought, because no one was going to stop her to always fucking look at me that way. I wanted to plead with her to
her from doing what she had set out to do. never stop loving me, for her to forgive me for everything I ever did wrong,
It was new, nothing like the timid girl she’d once been who preferred to even the shit she didn’t know about and never would. I never wanted her
stay in the background. This girl, no, fuck that... this woman spoke up when to be ashamed of me or to be disgusted by shit I’d done, and I sure as hell
she felt the need, not at all afraid to take a stand. It was confusing to me never wanted to have to fucking see disappointment in her eyes. I wanted
because I wasn’t used to it. but above that it was straight up fucking sexy. her to be proud, and at that moment I wanted to swear to her that I would
She’d stood in the graveyard and yelled at me, demanding I hear her do any goddamn thing she ever asked of me to make her that way. But
out and see her point of view. instead I choked back my emotion and kept my mouth closed, grabbing a
She wasn’t going to let me blow her off, and she sure as fuck wasn’t chair from the patio and joining them on the lawn. I sat down beside
going to take any bullshit from me. She’d even cursed at me to get her point Emmett and directly across from where she sat, my eyes fixated on her.
across, the passion in her voice as she spoke her mind startling. “Hey, bro,” Emmett said, reaching over and slapping me on the back.
‘I fucking love you.’ “Back already?”
I shrugged. “I never left. I just went out front for some air.”

490 495
for a moment trying to calm the fuck down before the front door of the house The words still echoed in my head an hour later as I stood in the
opened. I glanced over and saw Leah step out, reaching into her purse to crowded living room at Esme’s house. Despite my massive fuck ups and all
pull out her cigarettes. She descended the steps when she spotted me and of the pain I’d caused her, she still fucking loved me.
lit one up, holding the pack out to me. I said nothing as I took one. grabbing She believed we belonged together and she didn’t give a fuck what
her lighter from her to light it up. The smoke burned my lungs as inhaled, anyone else thought about it.
the nicotine instantly soothing my frazzled nerves a bit. Isabella was so sure about me–about us–that it didn’t matter what I’d
“She’s cute,” Leah said. said in an attempt to counter her words. I wanted to believe her, wanted to
“Who?” give in and be just as fucking sure as she was about it all, but I was torn. I
“Isabella,” she clarified, rolling her eyes. “Who else?” couldn’t be positive that I was right for her, that I could keep her safe or be
“Oh, yeah,” I replied, surprised by the topic considering I’d never even the man that she deserved. I was a fucking mess and could barely function
told her about Isabella. I figured she’d fucking seen pictures around the on my own, and the last thing I wanted to ever do was drag her down with
house, given how goddamn nosy she could be, but she’d never tried to me.
approach the subject with me. “She’s more than cute. Little kids are fucking She turned to look at me as she continued to speak and our eyes
cute, Leah. She’s beautiful.” Now it was her turn to look at me with connected across the room.
surprise. “Did you just call a woman beautiful?” Everything else faded away at that moment, none of it fucking mattered
“Yeah, so?” to me but her. “Now that I’m finally ready, he helped me find my way
“Never thought I’d hear it. Coming from you, I thought bitch was a home,” she said, the words confusing me briefly before it struck me what
compliment,” she said, shaking her head. “At least I know for sure you she meant by them. A tear slid down her cheek and my chest constricted at
aren’t gay now.” the sight of it, not liking the thought of her in pain. I opened my mouth to
“Fuck you.” speak, wanting to fucking comfort her, but no words seemed to come out
“You wouldn’t have the balls to,” she replied sarcastically. “Isabella does when I tried. I realized it didn’t matter, though, not when it came down to
seem nice, though. I talked to her earlier today. She stopped by your house it, because she already knew everything I possibly could’ve said anyway.
when I was leaving.” It felt like hours passed those few seconds we stared at each other,
“Did she?” silently trying to reconcile the past with the present while coming to terms
“Yeah, I told her you were off with your family. She seemed kind of put with what the fuck it all meant for our futures. The moment ended abruptly
off by me at first, I think she thought I was, like, your girlfriend or when Alice called Bella’s name and she turned in her direction, breaking
something,” she said. I wrinkled my nose at the thought, unable to even our eye contact. I noticed then that Alec was watching me from where he
imagine being with a bitch like Leah, and she laughed as she pushed me. sat with a peculiar look on his face, his stare penetrating.
“Don’t even act that way. You’d be lucky to have a real woman like me. I His phone started ringing and I breathed a sigh of relief when he looked
told her I could barely tolerate scrubbing your floors and doing your away from me, uncomfortable with the fucking scrutiny. He pulled it out
laundry, so there was no way there was anything personal between us.” and glanced at the screen, silencing it right away before casually slipping
I tensed up at her statement, eyeing her suspiciously. “Did you tell her it back into his pocket. He sat still for a moment, his expression blank and
I pay you to do that shit? That I don’t force you to do it?” I asked, not shoulders relaxed like he was at ease, but I could tell from the way he flexed
wanting Isabella to get the wrong fucking impression and think I had a his fingers at his side that he was fucking edgy...
slave in my house. And Alec on edge was never good for anyone.
“Yeah. Geez, chill out. I told her you paid me good and that’s the only He put his arm over Esme’s shoulder and pulled her closer to him,
reason I put up with you,” she said. “I swear I thought she was going to leaning over to whisper something in her ear. She tensed up as she listened,
punch me when I called you an asshole, though. “ immediately glancing past him to where I stood by the door. As soon as our
“She should’ve fucking punched you,” I mumbled. “Someone needs to, eyes met I saw her worry and my panic spiked, every ounce of relief I’d felt
anyway.” a moment earlier washing away. Something was going on, that much was
“Whatever,” she said, rolling her eyes, “You don’t want her to punch me easy to see and based on Esme’s expression I knew whatever Alec was
because I’d have to punch her back, and then we’d have a problem on our planning most likely concerned me. I didn’t fucking like it but I wasn’t
hands.” exactly surprised, considering my father had left some loose ends that I
“A serious problem,” I said, glaring at her. “If you ever laid a hand on knew needed to be tied up as soon as possible. As long as Aro was still out
her, I’d fuck you up.” there my life was at risk– I’d seen and heard way too fucking much, and I
494 491
knew that anyone who was around me was at risk as well. Aro wouldn’t “Christ, I didn’t mean it! I, uh.. fuck, I’m sorry, sir. I’m just... I’m losing it,
give a fuck who got harmed in the crossfire, as long as he succeeded. alright?”
His empire was in shambles and he’d do anything to keep it from “No, it’s not alright,” he replied. “Pull yourself together and go spend
crumbling, even if it meant killing my entire goddamn family. some time with your family while you still have the chance.”
I glanced over at Isabella again as my paranoia flared, on the verge of “I can’t.” I said, shaking my head.
losing it when it all started coming together in my mind. I had a fucking “You can’t?” he asked with disbelief. “For two years I’ve been cutting
target on my back and her being there was definitely not safe. We’d fought you slack because you couldn’t get over Isabella Swan, and now that she’s
so hard to keep her out of the line of fire and she’d just fucking walked right here, this is how you act? What’s wrong with you? She’s here because of
onto the battlefield, her life once again endangered because of me. The fact you.”
of the matter was, after nearly two goddamn years of torture living without “And she shouldn’t be,” I retorted, still trying to catch my fucking
her, nothing had really fucking changed. No matter how much I wanted to breath. “It’s dangerous Alec. She’s going to get hurt. They’re all going to get
be with her, I couldn’t get her hurt and I sure as fuck wouldn’t be able to hurt because of me.”
live with myself if I caused her death, but it she didn’t stay away from me “You’re avoiding them to try to keep them safe?” he asked, laughing
that was exactly what would happen. bitterly when I nodded. “Well, that’s... honorable, I suppose, but it’s also
She shouldn’t have fucking come I stood there for another minute, my insulting. Do you honestly believe I won’t protect them? That I can’t?”
unease growing with each passing second, before it all got to be too much “No, uh, but I...”
for me to take. I slipped out of the room quietly, hoping to get the fuck out “There are no buts about it. Those people in the house that you care
of there undetected so I could clear my head, but the moment I stepped about? They’re my responsibility. Keeping them safe is my job, not yours.
outside of the house my name was called. I froze at the sound of the voice If I didn’t know Isabella would be perfectly safe in your presence, she
and glance behind me, seeing Alec who had apparently followed me. wouldn’t be here right now. If I thought you posed some great danger to
“What are you doing?” he asked, raising his eyebrows questioningly. I your brothers or my wife, I wouldn’t let you within a hundred feet of them.
sighed, running my hand through my hair anxiously as he paused beside You aren’t protecting anyone by pushing them away, you’re only hurting
me on the sidewalk. yourself doing it,” he said, pausing as his phone started ringing again. He
“Going home.” pulled it out of his pocket, silencing it once more before putting it back
“Home? You were just going to leave without saying goodbye?” he asked away.
incredulously. I shrugged hesitantly, having planned to do just that, and “Do you understand what I’m telling you, Edward?” he asked,
he shook his head in frustration. “As many times as I speak to you about continuing as if the fucking thing never rang. “The odds of Isabella dying
your behavior, you’d think It would start sinking in by now. You have in an accident are far greater than the odds of her ever being murdered
absolutely no respect for your family. You treat them like they don’t matter, because of someone as trivial as you. Because that’s exactly what you are–
as if they’re disposable to you. How selfish are you? Do you even care what you’re insignificant. No one’s going to go after your family to get revenge on
they’re going through right now? Your father is dead!” you, it’s pointless. They’d just kill you and get it over with. Do you get that?
“Because of you,” I snapped, the words flying out as I lost my temper. She could walk out that door right now and get hit by a car crossing the
His eyes darkened instantly and he grabbed a hold of me before I could say street, and then you’d have wasted your last chance to spend time with her
another word, shoving me back toward the house. for nothing. Most of us don’t have the liberty of knowing when our last
I stumbled and nearly fell, but he kept a grip on me and slammed me breath will be. So while we’re alive we need to take advantage of every
against the brick siding. He clutched my throat and pinned me there, moment we can. Stop being so obsessive and appreciate what you’re being
cutting off my air as he glared at me angrily. I grabbed his hands, trying to given right now.”
pry him off of me as I struggled to breathe. He paused once more as his phone started ringing again, anger clouding
“If you know what’s good for you, you won’t ever speak to me like that his face at the sound of it, but this time he didn’t even bother looking at
again,” he said his voice laced with venom. “Your family is already in who was calling. “I have things to take care of. Go inside and be with the
enough pain. Don’t make me give them another reason to grieve right now.” people you love–the ones who love you.” he said, turning to head toward his
He let go of me and took a few steps back as I bent over, gasping for air. car in the driveway. “You never know when you might only have a few
“What the fuck,” I spat, my eyes burning with tears. I saw him start toward hours left.”
me again and I flew upright immediately, holding my hands up defensively. A chill ran the length of my spine at his words as he climbed in his car,
starting the engine and quickly backing out of the driveway I stood there
492 493
tension from my body. I took my time shampooing my hair, trying to relax, “I already told you why,” she said impatiently. “The Mafia caught up to
and had started to rinse it when a sudden gust of cold air whipped through me and I had to stay on the move so they didn’t again.”
the room. I shivered as goosebumps sprung up across my skin and I peeked “You really need to explain that, because I don’t understand,” I said,
out of the curtain, stunned to see the door open with a very naked Edward shaking my head.
standing in the room. He sat the baby monitor on the sink as my eyes “Who exactly is ‘The Mafia’, because I don’t know if you’re grasping it
instinctively scanned his form, traveling down the faint trail of hair on his or not, but Alec is the fucking Mafia. Shit, I’m the fucking Mafia, tesoro.
stomach, and I blushed as my gaze settled on his very prominent erection. Who exactly were you running from?”
“What... I mean...” I started stammering, flustered as he pulled the She sighed as she stood up, holding a pair of jeans and a T-shirt in her
curtain aside further and stepped into the shower in front of me. He hand. “Alec was pretty certain it was Alistair,” she said nonchalantly.
grabbed my hips without saying a word, pulling me toward him so he could “Anyway, I need to, uh, change, and uh...”
press himself against me. He leaned his head down and started kissing my “Oh.” I said, turning around to give her some privacy. She changed
neck, his right hand coming up to palm my breast. I shivered again when quickly behind me and it took everything I had in me not to fucking look,
his thumb grazed my nipple, causing it to grow firm from his touch. Chills the hormonal part of myself that hadn’t gotten laid in years desperate to
shot down my spine and I wrapped my arms around him in response, see some skin. I felt like a fucking twelve-year-old boy that got his hands
running my fingers through the hair on the back of his head. on a goddamn Victoria’s Secret catalogue, my dick hardening at just the
“I thought you were hungry,” I murmured, tossing my head back to give thought of Isabella stripping nearby. I groaned as an image of her naked
him better access. flashed in my mind, a distant memory of her from back in Forks, and I got
“I am,” he whispered huskily. “I told you, I’m fucking starving, Bella.” so lost in the moment that I jumped from surprise when she pressed her
“Oh,” I responding absentmindedly, gasping when his hand dropped hand against my back.
from my breast to in between my legs. “OH!” “You okay?” she asked as I swung around to look at her. I nodded, my
Edward chuckled at my response, nudging my legs apart and pushing eyes raking down her body instinctively. She blushed from the attention
two of his fingers inside of me without delay. I moaned and closed my eyes and mumbled that she was ready to go, so I begrudgingly led her back out
as he started pumping them in and out, his thumb brushing against my to the car... even though what I really wanted to do was fucking throw her
sensitive clit and causing my knees to go weak. He backed me up against down on the bed and have my way with her.
the wall to stabilize me as he started pumping his fingers faster, his lips Well, maybe not on that bed. I hadn’t been kidding. The place was
frantic as the noises escaping my throat got louder. fucking filthy.
“Oh God,” I moaned, already feeling the pressure building in the pit of I drove through Chicago looking for a Starbucks, knowing it would only
my stomach. My entire body was tingling, my heart pounding rapidly in take a few minutes since there seemed to be one on every goddamn corner
anticipation. I reached down and grasped Edward’s erection in my hand now. I pulled into the parking lot when I found one, parking the car toward
and started stroking it the best I could, my coordination horrible because the back and getting out. I opened Isabella’s door for her and she smiled
of the position we were in. He groaned at the contact and thrust himself in sweetly, taking my hand as we walked inside.
my palm, the force slamming me back against the shower wall. I hit my I stared at the menu for a moment, having never been inside of a
head hard and Edward cursed, quickly apologizing but the words barely Starbucks before “What do you like?” Isabella asked. I laughed dryly and
registered. My body seized up immediately, a paralyzing feeling overtaking looked at her, shaking my head.
me before I exploded in pleasure. I cried out as my orgasm hit and Edward “I can’t say I like anything,” I replied. “I don’t drink coffee. The shit’s
smashed his lips to mine quickly, attempting to stifle my noises. disgusting.” She laughed. “Then why’d you ask me for coffee if you don’t
Once the sensation passed I started stroking him again, shifting my like it?”
position to make it easier. We switched places and Edward leaned back “I figured I had a better chance of you saying yes to something as simple
against the shower wall, closing his eyes and biting down on his lip as he as having a drink than an actual meal,” I said. “I would’ve taken you for a
tried to remain quiet. I continued what I was doing for a moment before real drink but considering you took my fucking flask from me, I figured that
dropping to my knees right there on the shower floor. I swirled my tongue was out of the question. Wait, shit, do you even drink coffee?”
around the tip before taking him in my mouth and Edward grunted, “Yes,” she said. “Emily and I had Starbucks pretty much every day in
grabbing the back of my head. California.” I nodded. “That Emily girl looked like the kind of bitch that
“Fuck, tesoro, that feels good,” he groaned as I started bobbing my head, drank expensive ass coffee. Christ, who pays five dollars for a fucking drink
taking him as far in as I could without gagging. He rested his hands in my
540 509
that doesn’t have any goddamn alcohol in it? That’s crazy. For that price it Esme said it was a miracle, a sign from Dr. Cullen that he was at peace,
better come with a complimentary blow job or something.” and watching the beautiful little boy growing up I liked to believe it. I knew
“Edward,” she gasped, my rant drawing the attention of people around he got his bright blond hair and sparkling blue eyes from his mother, but
us. I muttered an apology to her and noticed a man a few feet away was every day he seemed to look strikingly more like the man he was named
glaring at us so I narrowed my eyes at him, mouthing ‘problem?’ He looked after. There was no blood relation between them, but it still felt like a part
away from me quickly and I smirked, looking back at the menu. of Dr. Cullen now lived on inside the child– the family name alive for yet
“Do you see anything you think you might like?” another generation.
“I don’t know, I don’t know what any of this shit is,” I said. “I mean, They asked us to be his Godparents, but Edward had been hesitant to
some of it’s In Italian so I can read it, but that doesn’t tell me a damn thing agree. It wasn’t that he hadn’t wanted to do it, but the truth was that he
about how it tastes. What do you drink here?” was leery of getting too close. He didn’t want to draw the boy any further
“Just a black coffee.” into our world than he had to, afraid of bringing him danger that he
“Seriously? All this fancy caramel chai frappe cappu-fucking-ccino venti otherwise wouldn’t face. I respected Edward for that, but Emmett and
latte bullshit and you get black coffee?” She nodded and I chuckled, pulling Rosalie had insisted we were the perfect ones for the job.
her hand up and pressing a kiss on the back of it. She seemed surprised by He gave in eventually and we stood up together at the baptism, vowing
the action and I tensed up, wondering if I wasn’t supposed to do shit like that we would care for the child as if he were our own. Edward took his
that, but when she smiled I relaxed. “And that’s the Isabella Swan I responsibilities as a Godfather as serious as he took his oath to the
remember and love, the one who likes shit simple.” organization, and I know he cherished every moment of it even if he
The bitchy looking woman standing at the cash register asked me for sometimes tried to put up a hard facade. “Have you heard anything from
our order and I muttered two regular black coffees, my expression daring Emmett and Rosalie?” I asked curiously, shifting my attention back to
her to try to correct me with their lingo. She simply nodded as she rang it Edward.
up, and I groaned when I saw the price. “I think I have a few dollars on “Yeah. False alarm, of course,” he responded, laughing humorlessly.
me,” Isabella said, reaching into her pocket. Rosalie was thirty-six weeks pregnant with their second child, the two of
“Don’t even dare,” I said firmly, giving her an incredulous look. “I’d them wanting their kids close in age like the Cullen boys had been, and
fucking rob the place before I let you pay for your own coffee.” they’d called that afternoon convinced that she was in labor. Esme had
She pulled her hand back out as I grabbed my wallet, pulling out a agreed to keep Carlisle when the time came, but she and Alec were out of
twenty dollar bill. The woman handed me my change, eyeing me warily, town taking care of some personal business so they’d turned to us for help.
and I shoved the ten she’d given me into the tip jar on the counter. We’d kept him a few times before, but it was the first time Edward had him
“That was a very generous tip,” Isabella commented. “I remember how by himself. “Em said they’re just going to leave him here for the night and
you used to be stingy with tips when we went out.” pick him up in the morning.”
“Yeah, well, I kind of just threatened to rob the place so I figured I “That’s good,” I said, smiling. “I’m sure they could use some rest.”
probably shouldn’t stiff them on top of it.” “It’s their own fucking fault.”
“You wouldn’t actually rob the place, though,” she said confidently. “Maybe so, but I don’t mind it,” I replied, knowing Edward really didn’t
“No, I wouldn’t.” I replied. “Well not as long as I wasn’t ordered to, either. If he did, he wouldn’t have been so quick to agree to babysit,
anyway.” Before she could respond our drinks were ready and I grabbed knowing I would be gone most of the night. “I like having the little guy
them, leading Isabella to a table. In the corner away from everyone else. around.”
We sat down and I took a sip from my cup, gagging and coughing from the “Yeah, it’s, uh, nice, I guess,” he said, his voice trailing off as he spoke
taste. “This shit is bitter,” I spat, grimacing. She took a drink of hers and the words. He shifted his position in the chair again and clutched onto the
shrugged. little boy tightly as he stood up, being careful not to drop him. “Christ, he’s
“Tastes fine to me.” getting fucking heavy. Why don’t you get out of those clothes while I put
I dumped as much sugar in the fucking cup as I could fit, making the him to bed. I don’t know about you, but I’m fucking starving.”
taste sweeter so it was a little bit more tolerable, but I still had no desire to I watched as he quickly disappeared up the stairs to the guest room and
drink the shit. We sat there and talked as she sipped her coffee, and I I followed behind after a moment, heading into our bedroom and stripping.
listened intently as she told me about her life in California. She talked After tossing my clothes in the hamper in the corner I went into the
about going to school and doing art, explaining how she’d gotten into adjoining bathroom, turning on the shower and climbing in. The water felt
teaching. She told me about the people she’d met and the friends she’d good against my bare skin, the warm spray instantly soothing some of the
510 539
along the way that knocked him down, but each time it happened he got made, before finally explaining in detail the events leading up to her
right back up and tried again. leaving the state. She told me how she’d wandered from town to town after
I took another sip of my water before pouring the rest down the drain that, feeling lost and confused, before hearing about my father’s death on
and sat the glass down on the counter beside me. I started to walk away the news and deciding it was finally time to come to Chicago.
but hesitated, turning back around and grabbing the glass again. I opened “You know, it wasn’t the first time I wanted to come. When I was in
the dishwasher and put it inside, quickly gathering up the other dishes that Seattle with Jasper I was really upset and I ran out of the apartment in the
had been left lying around. I didn’t start it, knowing it could wait for middle of the night one evening and took a cab to the airport,” she said,
morning, but I cleaned up the trash and wiped down the counters. The laughing humorlessly at the memory. “I was pretty out of my mind, hadn’t
sticky floor would also have to wait but the rest I couldn’t walk away from, slept in a while. I forgot to bring money for a ticket and freaked out when
because despite everything that was different with us, some core things still security approached me. I ended up passing out and the police had to call
remained. Jasper to come pick me up.”
I walked out of the kitchen and made my way toward the living room, “That was dangerous, Bella,” I said, angry no one had fucking told me
freezing right inside the room when my eyes fell upon Edward. It felt like about that. “They could’ve arrested you for suspicious behavior. Airport
the air was forced from my lungs, the sight in front of me literally security doesn’t fuck around, you know. Not after 9/11. Everyone’s fucking
breathtaking. I was so overcome with emotion that my knees went weak, worried about terrorism.”
my chest aching to the point where I worried my heart would explode from “I don’t exactly look like a terrorist, Edward.”
the pressure. “Well, neither do I. but looks don’t mean shit.”
Edward was across the room in a recliner, his feet kicked up in front of “But you aren’t a terrorist,” she refuted. “So, that sort of proves my
him as he lounged back in the chair. There was a small body wrapped point.”
around his torso, a head nuzzled into his chest as little fists tightly gripped “No, it doesn’t,” I said. “It doesn’t prove shit. I terrorize people.”
his shirt. Both of them were fast asleep, the glow of light from the television “That’s not the same,” she said, narrowing her eyes at me as a look of
softly illuminating their peaceful faces in the darkness. annoyance flashed across her face. “You’re being too hard on yourself.”
I quietly tip-toed over to where they were and gently shook Edward’s “No, you’re just being too easy on me, Bella.” I said, shaking my head.
shoulder as I called his name. He stirred and opened his eyes, blinking a “You don’t even fucking know...”
few times as he looked in my direction. A crooked grin overtook his lips “Then tell me,” she said seriously.
when he saw me standing there and he carefully shifted his position in the “I can’t.”
chair, making sure not to disturb the little one. “You can’t tell me anything?” she asked, cocking an eyebrow at me. “Or
“Hey, tesoro” he said quietly, his voice thick and gritty from sleep. “How is it just that you don’t want to tell me because you don’t want me to know.”
was your night?” “It’s because you don’t want to know, Bella,” I replied. “Trust me.”
“It was good,” I replied. There was a visiting artist at the school and she “I’ll trust you when you start trusting me,” she said. “And I say I want
had held a session that the students were required to attend. I tried to get to know.” I laughed dryly, aggravated by the sudden turn in conversation.
out of it, not wanting to leave Edward alone, but my grade counted on the “No. you don’t.”
credit so I really had no choice in the matter. “How was yours?” “So you’re just going to make my decisions for me?” she asked
“Fucking exhausting,” he muttered. “I seriously couldn’t do this shit incredulously. “Still after what happened, you can’t just let me decide
every day.” anything on my own?”
“I’m sure it’s different when it’s your own,” I replied, smiling as I gently “No, but I...”
stroked the little boy’s warm cheek before running my hand through his “If you think I’m going to get up and run out that door because of
unruly blond hair. Carlisle Anthony Cullen, the almost two year old something you tell me, you’re wrong,” she said, cutting me off. “You aren’t
snuggling with Edward, had been born in the late evening hours of going to scare me away. I don’t care what you did, frankly. If you can’t tell
Christmas Day in 2008. It was a solemn few days for everyone, being that me, I understand, but don’t hide things from me just because you believe
it was the first Christmas without Dr. Cullen, but it all changed when it’s better if I don’t know them. You did a lot of that back in Forks and a lot
Rosalie had gone into labor on Christmas Eve. We spent the holiday at the of good it did us then.”
University of Chicago Medical Center, sitting around an artificial tree in “No good can come from you knowing the shit, Bella,” I said. “You’ll look
the waiting room while Rosalie and Emmett welcomed into the world the at me and you won’t fucking see me anymore. You’ll see them. You’ll see
greatest gift any of us could’ve ever asked for.
538 511
the people I’ve hurt and the fucked up things I’ve done, so excuse me If I overwhelming, I tolerated a lot of what he wanted. I would never get used
sort of fucking like you seeing me and just me.” to the bodyguards or car services, but I knew it was really a small price to
She opened her mouth to responded but hesitated briefly, leaning her pay for Edward’s peace of mind.
elbows on the table and moving closer to me. “Have you had to, uh...” Because peace of mind, truthfully, was something Edward rarely got.
“Kill?” I asked, finishing her question for her. She glanced around It was clear to me when I first arrived in Chicago that he was an addict,
anxiously to make sure no one was listening to us before nodding. I could even if he couldn’t yet see it himself at the time. He’d depended on alcohol
see the curiosity in her eyes, but I could also see the fucking apprehension and drugs in my absence, not once relying on just his strength to make it
and that was something I never wanted from her. “Does it matter if I have? through. I believed in Edward and didn’t want to be his crutch, which is
Would it make a difference?” “No,” she said. “Well, I mean, of course it part of the reason I’d made the decision to take things slow with him.
would matter, but if you did, I know it was because you had no other choice.” We started doing all of the things regular couples did, like going on
“Then why are you asking?” dates and taking trips together. Intimacy was tricky, though, because
“I don’t know,” she said. “I just want to know, I guess.” despite the sexual tension that hung thickly between us, we both seemed
“No.” to understand that we weren’t ready for that step right away. We needed
She looked at me cautiously. “You aren’t going to tell me?” I sighed. “No, to work on our emotional issues before we could come together physically,
that’s the answer, Bella. No.” because if we didn’t we knew it would only complicate things further.
“Oh.” She was quiet for a moment as she sat there, appearing deep in Waiting had been the best decision we made because when we finally
thought. “Is that what you see when you look in the mirror? The people gave in to the passion, it was just as intense as it had been our first time.
you’ve hurt?” It wasn’t out of lust, or for simple sexual gratification, it wasn’t because we
“Yes,” I replied. “It’s hard to see the good when there’s so much fucking were broken and fooling ourselves into thinking it could heal us. When we
bad.” finally made love, it was exactly that– out of love. It was because it felt
“I see the good,” she said, smiling softly as she gazed at me. “It might right, because we fit, and not because we were desperately trying to dull
help you to talk to someone, though. You’ve been through a lot. It doesn’t our lingering pain.
help to keep it all bottled in.” The normalcy we found together was something I’d always yearned for.
“I’m still not going to tell you the shit,” I replied, shaking my head “I It wasn’t perfect, as Edward would occasionally have to cancel our plans
know,” she said. “You’re stubborn. I meant like, a professional.” My brow without warning, but for the most part Alec tried to be accommodating.
furrowed. “Are you suggesting I go to a shrink?” Edward had accepted a new position within the organization and I wasn’t
She shrugged. “Something like that,” she replied. “I mean I know there sure of the specifics, but I did know it was the same job that Charles Swan
are things you can’t tell them but that doesn’t mean they couldn’t help at had when I was growing up. We planned to move after the wedding but for
all. That mobster guy in Analyze That went to a psychiatrist and Tony the time being it required Edward to take frequent trips out of town. He’d
Soprano did, too, when he was having panic attacks.” be gone for weeks at a time occasionally, but he always came back to me in
I smirked when it struck me what the fuck she’d said, and I tried to one piece.
contain my amusement because I knew she was being serious, but I couldn’t Or, well, as whole as Edward was, anyway.
help it. I started laughing and she looked at me questioningly, a blush He decided to take a break from school to clear his head so he could find
overcoming her face. “Aw, don’t be embarrassed,” I said, reaching across some balance in his life, but I enrolled at the Art Institute of Chicago right
the table and cupping her cheek. It was warm against my palm and she away and started over under my real name. Edward’s alcohol use continued
leaned into my touch, smiling sheepishly. “It’s sweet of you to worry, but for a while but eventually, without any pressure, he made the decision to
this isn’t like the movies and TV, tesoro. We can’t do that shit in real life.” start attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. It seemed to happen
She didn’t respond and I started moving my thumb, stroking her cheek overnight and I wasn’t sure what had sparked it, but I was proud of his
softly. “You know, the night I ran off to the airport, that’s when your father decision. He faithfully attended meetings whenever he was in town and it,
promised he’d help me get to Chicago when I was ready.” too, would occasionally get in the way of our plans–especially when he was
“Well, I’m glad he did,” I replied. “I’m happy you’re here.” feeling vulnerable–but I understood and supported him completely. It
“Me, too.” would be a lie to say it was smooth, however, because the truth was that it
I quickly changed the subject and told her about school, how I’d gotten was still a daily struggle for him to stay sober. He was irritable and lost his
my GED so I could enroll in some classes for musical education. The sun temper out of frustration, but I remained patient because I knew it was just
set by the time we left the Starbucks, darkness surrounding everything a lingering effect of his addiction. There had been setbacks and relapses
512 537
 I sighed and glanced at my watch, faintly making out the time in the outside. I held her hand as we strolled through the parking lot toward the
darkness– a quarter past ten in the evening. “Okay.” car, the atmosphere between us light once again. It felt like a weight had
“I apologize for any inconvenience.” been lifted from my chest, my world just a little goddamn brighter since
“It’s fine,” I replied, trying to set his nerves at ease. “It’s not a big deal. she’d walked back into it.
And please, call me Isabella.” The carefree feeling didn’t last, though– not that I’d actually expected
I gazed back out of the window the rest of the trip and he didn’t speak it to. We made it back to my house and I asked if she wanted to watch a
again until he pulled up in front of the large white house, parking the limo movie, but we barely made it through opening credits before my phone
along the curb. He got out and glanced around cautiously before opening started ringing.
my door and holding his hand out to me. I smiled as I took it, carefully I pulled it out hesitantly and glanced at it, tensing up when I saw Alec’s
climbing out of the car. “Thank you.” name flashing on the screen. I sighed and opened it. bringing it to my ear
“You’re welcome, Ma’am.” as I answered the call.
I shook my head, knowing it was pointless to correct him again, and “Sir?”
pulled out some cash. He tried to refuse my tip, saying it was an honor to “Be in front of my house in five minutes,” he said calmly. “Come
be able to drive me, and I rolled my eyes as I stuffed the money in his coat prepared.”
pocket. He started to walk me to the door but I waved him off, so he stood “Yes, sir,” I grumbled, but responding was pointless because he’d
anxiously beside the car watching me as I headed for the house. The front fucking already hung up. I slipped the phone back in my pocket and looked
door was locked so I dug out my keys and opened it quickly, giving him a at Bella, running my hand through my hair anxiously.
small wave goodbye before slipping inside. “You have to go,” she said quietly, a tinge of sadness in her voice. I
The house was fairly dark and silent, except for the faint murmur of the nodded and she forced a smile. “I understand.”
television playing in the living room. I kicked my shoes off right inside the She started to stand up but I grabbed her arm to stop her. “No, don’t
door before heading into the kitchen, grabbing a glass from the cabinet and go,” I said. She looked at me with confusion and I sighed, letting go of her.
pouring some water into it from the faucet. Leaning up against the counter, “I just... fuck. Just stay, okay?”
I took a sip as my eyes scanned the kitchen curiously. There were used “I don’t know,” she said hesitantly. “It’s late. I should probably get back
paper towels on the table with some cups sitting out, and the dishes to my hotel, anyway.”
definitely hadn’t been done during the day. Part of the counter was covered I groaned loudly, the noise coming out sounding like a fucking growl.
in crumbs and an empty jar of peanut butter sat beside the sink, the lid “That hotel is the last place you should be going to, Bella,” I said. “I don’t
halfway on with a dirty knife lying beside it. want you staying there.”
There was also something sticky spilled, the floor in desperate need of “Edward...”
mopping. “Look, I’m not telling you what to do,” I said, realizing that was exactly
I sighed as I looked away from the mess, my eyes drifting toward the what it fucking sounded like I was doing. “If you want to go, tesoro, then by
calendar on the wall. It was chaotic, writing scribbled all over it and days all means go. I just would rather you stay here.”
crossed out, but nothing stood out more than one date at the bottom. “I, uh...” she started, but she trailed off when my phone started ringing
August 29th, 2010 again. I realized five minutes had probably already fucking passed and I
The square was circled with a red marker and I smiled as I read the cursed, pulling it out and opening it quickly.
words neatly written in the box: our wedding. It had been nearly two years “I’m coming, sir,”
since Edward and I found our way back together, and in a mere five days “Now Edward,” he barked before hanging up.
we planned to make it official. I slipped the phone back in my pocket as I stood up, eyeing her carefully.
Marriage. It was still hard to believe we’d come that far. It hadn’t “Just... wait for me, okay?”
exactly been easy for us, because Edward and I couldn’t wrap ourselves in She didn’t say a word but she also made no move to leave, so I wasn’t
a bubble and ignore everything outside of it like we’d done back in Forks. sure what the fuck she was thinking. I didn’t have time to stick around and
We had to be a part of that world, had to integrate ourselves into it and figure it out, though, so I gave her one last look before I bolted for the door.
discover where it was we fit. It was occasionally a source of conflict as we I stepped outside as a memory hit me, the last time I’d said those words to
sought to find balance between us as a couple and us as individuals, but it her running through my mind. My phone had rung in the middle of our
wasn’t so bad that we couldn’t work through it together. We disagreed on conversation and I’d had to excuse myself because it was Aro but before I
certain details, like how to keep me safe, and while I sometimes found it did I had asked her to wait for me. I wanted her to stay, to give me a chance
536 513
to finish what we’d started so we could fix things between us, but when I everything that happened that led us to where we were, curious how things
turned back around that day she’d already been gone. She hadn’t waited might’ve turned out had the circumstances been different. I knew it was
for me. senseless, because it was impossible to go back and change anything, but I
I glanced behind me at the house as I headed down the street, hoping still couldn’t help but wonder sometimes. No matter how many times I
like hell she’d fucking wait this time. thought it through, though, it always seemed to go back to a single event
My phone was ringing again by the time I reached Alec’s, but I didn’t that had been the start of it all– the murder of my grandparents Marcus
bother answering it since I was already so close. His car was parked along and Didyme Tanner in the winter of 1972.
the curb in front of their house, the headlights blacked out but the engine Grandparents– 1 doubted I would ever get used to saying it. I never
running. I climbed in the passenger side and gave him a cautious glance, considered a family outside of my mother, refusing to accept the Swans as
seeing the look of impatience on his face, and tensed up in anticipation of anything of the sort, but as time went on, I started questioning things more.
him fucking snapping at me. He closed his phone and mine instantly Edward offered to explain what he knew, promising he would be more open
stopped ringing, but he didn’t say a word to me about it as he put his away. with me in the future, but it was actually Alec who eventually told me the
He pulled from the curb and sped down the street, waiting until he was truth. He told me everything he knew about the Tanners, relaying stories
a block away before he flipped his headlights on. I noticed he was wearing he’d heard about the type of people they’d been. They were a strong family,
black leather gloves, and I instantly knew something serious was going full of pride, and despite Marcus’s involvement with the Mafia he had
down. “I hope you had a nice time with Isabella tonight,” he said, shattering apparently been a decent person. Alec said they had been overjoyed to have
the tense silence. a daughter and told me they called her ‘Bree’, named after my great-
“Uh, yeah, I did,” I replied, hesitating. “And thank you for everything grandmother, Briana. It was startling to hear about my mother’s
you did for her. She told me about it all.” beginnings and to learn how much she had been wanted... how much she’d
“There’s no reason to thank me,” he said coolly. “I was only doing the been loved.
job that was given to me, Edward. That’s what we do. Our personal feelings He explained to me what Aro had done, from plotting their deaths to
are irrelevant. We follow orders and one thing you should know about me covering his tracks, and I realized that had been the defining moment in
by now–one thing I hope you respect me for–is the fact that I don’t stall all of our lives. It had a domino effect, the aftermath of it still being felt
when I’m given a task. Ever.” I nodded. “Yes. sir.” decades later. If it weren’t for Aro making that decision, my mother would
“And I didn’t want to have to interrupt your evening, but it was time,” have had the chance to grow up privileged. She would’ve gone to school and
he said. I glanced at him warily, wondering what fucking time it was, but made friends, attended college and had a career. There would have been
he didn’t elaborate and I knew better than to question him. sleepovers and birthday parties, boyfriends and dates. She wouldn’t have
He drove without saying another word, a bad feeling seeping into the had to endure suffering at the hands of the Swans, and had she not been
pit of my stomach when we approached a rough part of town. The area was there that fateful day years ago when the Cullens visited, Elizabeth
fairly deserted except for the occasional scraggly passer-by strolling down would’ve lived, too. Edward wouldn’t have witnessed his mother’s murder,
the sidewalk, the street aligned on both sides with old condemned buildings and Dr. Cullen wouldn’t have lost his wife. They would’ve stayed together
covered in graffiti. It was gang territory, the part of town they hung out in and been whole, not the shattered people her death caused them to be. Had
and battled each other for control of corners that no one really wanted to Marcus and Didyme lived, everyone would’ve been happy.
fucking control in the first place. It all made perfect sense to me, but Edward saw a flaw in my logic– if
They killed each other for the fuck of it, for dominance, when there was they hadn’t died, I would’ve never been born. He said that while she didn’t
nothing in that side of town for them to actually goddamn dominate. Drugs have all of the other stuff, my mother did have me, and he was certain that
and sex were their game, but it wasn’t a business La Cosa Nostra made a she wouldn’t have traded me for the world. I knew where he was coming
habit of dealing in, so needless to say we really had no reason to ever from but I couldn’t help imagining it sometimes, anyway, especially
venture into that part of town. moments such as that one when I was riding through the streets of Chicago
The fact that we were there didn’t sit well with me, my hands starting in a limo. Had one action been different, one decision left unmade, it
to shake from my nerves. I reached under my shirt and felt my gun secured could’ve been my mother being chauffeured around instead of me.
in my waistband, my thumb flicking the safety off cautiously just in case. “Ma’am?” I glanced back over at the driver and saw he was watching
“Do the young thugs in this neighborhood scare you?” Alec asked, me again, his eyebrows raised questioningly. “There was an accident on
noticing my movement. Highway 41 that blocked northbound traffic. I had to take a detour, but it’ll
only be a few minutes longer.”
514 535
 “No,” I replied quietly. “I just know that anyone who comes to this side
of town is up to no good.”
“True,” he responded, pausing before adding, “It’ll be over quick.”
His cryptic words sent a chill down my spine, my heart pounding
furiously in my chest. He neared the end of the street we were on and took
a left onto another narrow road, stopping the car halfway down. He shut
the engine off and opened his door, hesitating as he glanced at me.
“Leave your gun in the car.”
“Excuse me?” I asked incredulously, knowing I had to have fucking
heard him wrong. He’d told me to come prepared on the phone and now he
was telling me to leave the gun behind, but that was the last goddamn thing
I wanted to do. Something was off, I could sense it, and me being
unprotected was as good as asking to be fucking killed.
“You heard what I said,” he said firmly. “Don’t question me. Just do it.”
He was glaring at me, his expression telling me he meant business. He
sighed exasperatedly after a moment, his patience running out, and I
quickly grabbed the gun from my waist and opened the glove box to shove

Chapter 79
it inside. I knew if I hadn’t done it he would’ve, and he probably would’ve
hit me with it a few times out of frustration for making him.
I hesitantly got out of the car afterward and followed him across the
street to a rundown wooden house. It looked like it hadn’t been inhabited
in decades, the shutters barely hanging on their hinges and old wooden
Addiction boards nailed up along the windowpanes, the glass long gone. We stepped
Isabella onto the porch and Alec knocked twice on the large door, but before he could
knock a third time it was yanked open. Alec walked in and I followed him
“This is completely unnecessary,” I grumbled, slouching down in the cautiously, my eyes falling upon an Italian man right inside the front door.
leather seat as I gazed out the darkly tinted side window. The buildings He was older than me, probably around Alec’s age, and was familiar,
whipped by at a steady pace as we drove through the streets, the scenery a definitely a friend of ours in the organization but one whose name I didn’t
blur in the darkness. “Mr. Cullen disagrees, Ma’am,” a voice said politely fucking know. He held his gun in his hand defensively, on edge, but he
from the front seat. lowered it and seemed to relax a bit when Alec nodded at him. Their silent
“Calling me Ma’am is unnecessary, too,” I said, glancing at the man exchange made me feel queasy, the bad feeling nearly fucking overpowering
driving the car. I noticed he was watching me in the rear-view mirror, me when the man looked past Alec and his eyes connected with mine. He
nervousness written all over his face. I’d never seen him before and it was smiled wickedly, the maliciousness behind it instantly telling me that
obvious that he was new at this, not wanting to mess up what was likely something was really fucking wrong.
his first chance to prove himself. It was a PC situation as they called it– I quickly tried to sort through my thoughts and make sense of what the
Precious Cargo–the cases only given to the most dependable and fuck was happening, briefly considering bolting back out the door while I
trustworthy chauffeurs. It was a title usually reserved for celebrities and still had the chance. I wondered how far I could get, especially without a
politicians, but they seemed to place those involved with the Mafia within weapon, but the train of thought was senseless because I knew I’d get
the same category. I supposed it made sense, given they probably feared caught before I even made it out off of the porch. And running would surely
retaliation if anything went wrong, but I still found it baffling that it fucking get me killed, the act alone enough to make me look like a traitor.
included me. “Sorry, Ma’am,” he responded, his voice low as he averted his I realized as the man stared at me that I needed to stay calm, to fucking
gaze. I smiled softly as I looked back out of the window, the irony of the play cool and not let them see my fear, even if that was exactly what I felt.
situation not at all lost on me. I was fucking terrified.
It was astonishing how much had changed, our lives altered in ways we Alec grabbed my arm as he shut the front door, pushing me toward the
never would have imagined at the beginning. I often thought about staircase that the man started heading up. No one said a fucking word, no
534 515
instructions given as I begrudgingly climbed them behind him with Alec admired it when it sat on the finger of the first woman I’d loved and again
right on my trail. I felt like goddamn cattle being herded as I followed the later when it hung around the neck of the first man I’d revered.
man down a hallway and into a room, freezing in horror as soon as I stepped My mother’s wedding ring.
in the doorway. I grew dizzy, my vision blurring and my knees going weak It was so fucking simple but held so much significance, a lifetime of love
at what I saw inside. My breathing accelerated and I was on the verge of and stories coming along with it. It was a symbol of my parent’s love, of the
hyperventilating, the fear crippling me. I nearly fucking collapsed but Alec bond they shared that transcended ridiculous fucking titles like slave and
grabbed a hold of me, keeping me on my feet as he pushed me further into mafia prince. They hadn’t given a shit about those things, what set them
the room. apart not meaning a damn thing in comparison to what brought them
The pieces seemed to click together perfectly in an instant, forming the together. They were soul mates and despite every goddamn thing that had
last picture I ever wanted to fucking see. I should’ve sensed it earlier, been in their way, life had made sure to bring them to exactly where they
should’ve known what was happening. The signs were all there but I was were supposed to be. And it was that ring, the one that lay in the bottom of
either too blind or too goddamn naive to want to believe it could be true. the manila envelope in my hand, that had sealed the deal for them.
The look on Esme’s face... Alec’s words... “You never know when you might It had been their fate... and now it was mine.
only have a few hours left.” I glanced over at Isabella, trying to fight back the fucking emotion that
“It’s time.” flooded me, and tensed up when I saw tears were streaming from her eyes.
“It’ll be over quick.” The moment he told me to leave the gun in the car She had torn the envelope open and it was sitting on the table in front of
I should’ve known what this was and exactly what I would find inside the her, her hand clutching a piece of paper she’d pulled from it.
house… “Tesoro, what’s wrong?” I asked quietly, reaching over and wiping the
My demise. tears from her cheeks.
As my eyes met the pair of dark, cold brown ones across the room, it all She looked at me and shook her head before hesitantly holding the
fucking made sense finally. Alec had told me not to worry about retaliation paper out to me. I took it carefully, confused by her reaction, and glanced
from Aro, because the entire goddamn time he’d been planning to take me down at it. I smiled as I read the words scribbled in the middle of the paper,
straight to him. Aro stood in the corner of the room, near a shattered realizing what he’d given her was probably the most valuable thing that
window with a single board nailed over it. any of us had gotten.
Moonlight filtered inside, giving me barely enough light to see him “You were worth it.”
clearly. He appeared disheveled and exhausted, his right arm bandaged
sloppily and in a sling. He took a few steps in our direction, his movements
rigid like he couldn’t fucking bend his knee. He’d definitely been seriously
injured and had gotten care outside of a hospital, but he was obviously still
quite fucked up.
“It’s about time.” his raspy voice called out, his eyes trained on me as
the other man strolled over to the window.
“I apologize for being late, sir, but you know how Mr. Cullen can be,”
Alec said coolly behind me.
“Yes: I know exactly how he can be,” Aro responded angrily. “He doesn’t
listen and he doesn’t follow orders. You tell him to do something and he
disregards it. He seems to think he knows better than everyone else, like
he’s above us all and doesn’t have to fall into line.”
“He is his father’s son,” Alec said. I sensed something in his voice that
was a lot like fucking sarcasm, which confused me because Alec was not a
sarcastic motherfucker. He was straightforward and always told the truth,
no matter how hard that shit was to hear, but still... there was something
there. I started to turn around to look at him but he grabbed the back of my
neck roughly, keeping me in position when he saw me try to move. I saw
rage flash in Aro’s expression at the mention of my father and I started
516 533
handed me a small padded manila envelope, I thanked him quietly and shaking, my eyes darting around the room carefully, my brain working a
cautiously started opening it, wondering what the fuck it was. million miles a fucking minute as I tried to think of some way out. I was
“Alice and Rosalie– you two have always been like daughters to me. It’s unarmed and outnumbered, everyone in the room clearly having more
been an honor watching you both grow up, and I hope you understand how experience than me at this shit.
special you are to this family. I’m leaving you both enough money in a trust “Looking for a way to escape?” Aro asked, slowly approaching me. “It’s
to pay for your schooling and whatever else you might need in the future, a shame there isn’t one.”
although I have a hunch that neither of you will ever want for anything, I tensed up even further when Alec let go of me and I heard a gun click
thanks to my sons. The rest of my money is to be divided in thirds and behind me, knowing he’d drawn his weapon and taken the safety off. “This
distributed evenly to my sons. The exact amount I’m unsure of myself, but isn’t necessary,” I said, the words frantically tumbling from my mouth
it’s more than I could’ve ever spent in this lifetime, and I’m positive it’s without me giving them much thought I was fucking panicking, knowing I
more than any of you will ever need. I trust you’ll do something good with was running out of time. Before I could say any more Alec shoved the
it.” muzzle of his gun roughly against the back of my head, the force of it
He paused and glanced at Isabella briefly, causing the eyes of everyone sending me stumbling a few steps. “How dare you tell me what’s necessary!”
in the room to go to her. Aro seethed. “This is precisely what I was talking about! You think you
She fidgeted from the attention and bit down on her bottom lip know better than everyone, but you’re wrong! You’re nobody! You’re
nervously, the apprehension clear as day on her lace. nothing! I gave you an order, a simple order, and you had every opportunity
“And lastly, to Isabella Swan... I’m leaving you an envelope. It seems to do it, but you didn’t! You disobeyed me! You could’ve stopped it as soon
petty in comparison to what the others have been left, but I have a feeling as it started, but you refused! He never would’ve shot you, and now, because
that you won’t mind. What’s inside of the envelope is selfishly just as much you turned against me, my men are dead and my organization is in chaos!
for me as it is for you, and I wished it could’ve been something I could’ve You’re no better than your father. He got what he deserved, and so did your
delivered in person, but this will have to do.” mother for that matter! They couldn’t just fucking let things be, they
Mr. Ricci held a normal-looking white envelope out to Isabella and she couldn’t just listen and mind their own business! They turned against us
took in carefully, glancing at the front of it. Her first name was written out and so did you, and for that you have to pay!”
in my father’s distinct handwriting, no indication on it of what the fuck was Tears welled up in my eyes and I fought back a sob, my body shaking
inside. Curiosity burned inside of me briefly but I knew it was none of my violently at his words. I was lucking frightened, and not even close to being
fucking business, so I turned my focus back to the package in my hand as ready to die. I was too fucking young and I had way too much left to do in
Mr. Ricci finished. my life. I’d just gotten Isabella back and now it was all crashing down on
“Once again, I’m sorry for any pain my departure has caused, but keep me, my world fucking imploding because of the gun pointed at the back of
your chins up and carry on. II tempo guarisce tutti imali. Never forget that. my head.
I know my sons won’t. I love you all. – Carlisle.” He was a perfect shot, never missed his target. My own uncle, my own
Mr. Ricci read before sitting the letter down on the table. “That’s it.” fucking family.
I reached up to rub the spot on my chest over my heart where those The moment those thoughts passed through my mind I knew I couldn’t
words were embedded in my skin, noticing from the corner of my eye as just give up. I couldn’t go down without a fight. I wouldn’t fucking win, I
Emmett and Jasper did the same. II tempo guarisce tutti i mali. Time heals recognized that, but I wasn’t a goddamn coward. I wasn’t going to just stand
all wounds. We’d all gone together to get it and although I still felt so there and let them kill me, throw in the towel and give up on everything I
fucking broken, a part deep down inside of my soul wounded because of wanted out of life. Maybe yesterday I would’ve, or even a few hours ago, but
everything I’d seen and all that I’ve lost. I knew that with time I would not now...not when I finally had her back. I might not have fought for
eventually heal. We all would fucking heal, and I also knew the presence of myself, but I would always fucking fight for her.
the beautiful woman sitting to my right would be the glue that would help “Goodbye.”
mend me. The lone word slipping from Alec’s lips set me in motion and I ducked
I finally got the package open and glanced inside of it, freezing when I the same time a deafening bang sounded, the gunshot echoing loudly in the
spotted the glimmer of gold on the bottom. I knew exactly what it was the room and making my ears ring. I turned to start for the door but something
moment my eyes fell upon it, a dozen different emotions hitting me across the room captured my attention when I moved, stopping me in my
instantly. I’d seen it hundreds, if not thousands, of fucking times. I had tracks. The man that had been standing at the window dropped to his knees
abruptly before falling with a loud thump to the floor, blood pouring from a
532 517
wound dead center in his forehead. Aro turned to look in horror and Alec were good friends, and I remember some of her favorite times were the trips
shoved me roughly to the side, causing me to fall onto the floor on my hands the two of you took together. That’s why I want you to have the contents of
and knees. I scurried away quickly and watched in shock as Alec swiftly the attic of the house in Forks. That’s where all of Elizabeth’s stuff is stored,
reached into Aro’s waistband during the distraction, pulling a pistol from the things she bought over the years. I could never bear to part with it so
it with his left hand and aiming it along with his. Aro turned back around, it’s just sat there, collecting dust. I’m sure, out of everyone, you’d find the
his eyes wide with fear when he saw the two guns pointed at his head. The most use of it.”
whole thing lasted a mere few seconds but it felt like it happened in slow I glanced over at Esme and saw she was smiling, her eyes glossy with
motion, confusion overwhelming me. unshed tears.
“What are you doing?” he spat, trying to sound firm but I could hear the “And to Alec, the contents of the basement of the house in Forks, as well
fear in his words. I was fucking frazzled, unsure of what was going to as the safe in the downstairs office and the storage unit in Port Angeles.
happen, part of me screaming to get the fuck out of there but the other part You’ll know what to do with it all.”
of me too goddamn afraid to even move an inch. Mr. Ricci handed Alec a key and a slip of paper, which Alec took and put
“I’m following my orders,” Alec said calmly. “When I was initiated, I took in his pocket with a nod before motioning for him to continue.
an oath. I swore to be a man of honor and to always put the organization “To my sons. I want all three of you to know that I love you. Emmett,
first. They might just be words to some, but they have meaning to me. La my oldest, the one that was given to me by fate– your humor has always lit
Cosa Nostra or death, sir. That’s what I swore. I choose La Cosa Nostra and up our lives. You’re strong and protective of the people you love, and you’re
always have. It’s a pity you chose death.” also a very intuitive person. You’re going to be a great father, and I wish I
Alec lowered the guns quickly and fired them both at the same time, could be there to see Rosalie give birth to my first grandchild. Yes, I know
bullets ripping through both of Aro’s knees. He let out a blood-curdling she’s pregnant, son. You couldn’t hide it from me. I’m a doctor, I can tell
scream as he fell to the ground and I cried out, startled. Alec stood stoically these things.”
as Aro lay on the ground, desperately trying to pull himself away as his legs Everyone laughed and Emmett reached over, placing a hand on Rosalie
gushed blood, but it was virtually impossible with his fucked up arm. He stomach as Mr. Ricci continued. “You were always the most business-savvy,
was yelling, threatening to kill Alec for betraying him. but he could barely good with computers even if you did use that skill to complicate my life once
move. or twice. I’m leaving you all of my investments, my stocks and bonds and
“Do you remember what I told you happened to rats, Edward?” Alec legitimate business dealings.”
asked, his voice calm. Mr. Ricci handed Emmett a portfolio full of paperwork before turning
“What we did to vermin, to those that disgrace us and give everything back to the letter.
we stand for a bad name, the disloyal and dishonorable?” “To Jasper, my middle son. You were always so compassionate and
“Yes,” I responded, my voice shaking. I cringed at the memory of the personable. You understand people and empathize with them, and because
incident in the warehouse, the news of what they did to traitors haunting of that you’ll make a wonderful doctor someday. You have the most roots in
me every day since then. It was like an urban legend among those in the Washington, with Alice’s family there and you both attending school in
organization, a story we all knew and whispered about, but had no proof it Seattle, so I want you to have the house in Forks and the rest of the
ever really fucking happened. “Rats for the rats.” contents.”
Alec nodded and took the few steps toward Aro, thrusting his foot out He handed Jasper a set of keys and some paperwork to sign before
and kicking him square in the nose. I flinched as Aro cried out, and Alec turning back to the letter once more.
kicked him a few more times in quick succession until his face was pouring “And to my youngest son, Edward– everyone knows you can be volatile,
blood. stubborn and finicky, but one thing a lot are unaware of is the fact that
“This place is infested if you listen carefully, you can hear them in the you’re secretly quite noble. It’s something you got from your mother, your
walls, scratching and scurrying around. It won’t take them long to catch a selfless side. I respect that about you, and no matter what may happen in
whiff of blood, and as soon they realize there’s fresh meat around they’ll all the future I want you to know that you have made me proud. You can keep
come out. It’s a brutal way to go, being eaten alive,” he said. My stomach the house in Chicago, but I’m also leaving you a package. What you do with
churned and I resisted the urge to throw up, the mental image alone enough what’s inside of it is completely up to you, but it makes the most sense to
to make me sick. Alec turned to look at me, his face a blank emotionless me for it to go to you.”
mask. It sent a chill down my spine, seeing this side of Alec downright Mr. Ricci handed me some paperwork to sign so the house could
goddamn frightening. He was almost fucking inhuman. “He knows all of eventually be transferred into my name, and when I gave it back to him he
518 531
 “Yes. I can trust you, can’t I?” this, because that’s why he chose this place to meet at, Edward. He just
“Of course.” didn’t anticipate being the one left behind to face the horror.”
“Good. I’m not saying you’re ready to do it right this minute, but the Alec slipped his gun back in his waist, ignoring Aro’s yelling. He focused
position’s open if you think you can handle it,” he said. I started his attention on the pistol he’d taken from him, removing bullets from it
stammering, caught off guard and unsure of how to respond, but he held up and placing them in his pocket. He spun the chamber as he turned and
his hand to stop me. “I don’t want an answer right now. I just want you to started toward the door, pausing in the doorway to sit the pistol down on
consider it, and I’m sure you’re going to want to consult with Isabella before the floor. “I left a single bullet in the gun,” he said, turning back to Aro. “It
you make any decisions.” will take you a while to drag yourself over here to get it, but I’m sure you
“Uh, yeah,” I replied. can manage if you want to put an end to your suffering. The choice is yours.”
“Anyway, that’s all I called you here for,” he said, shoving his chair back “You fucking traitor!” Aro spat. “You’ll burn in Hell for this!”
and standing up. He glanced at his watch and sighed. “We should be going Alec laughed bitterly. “I’ll probably burn in Hell for most of what I’ve
so we can get this over with.” done in my life, but this is one of the few things I feel is actually worth it.”
I nodded in agreement and stood up, following him out of the house He turned to walk out without another word, and the moment I heard
without another word. I caught a ride with him to the lawyer’s office and his footsteps on the stairs I jumped to my feet. I ran out of the room after
we walked in together exactly at a quarter after one, right when the will him, tripping on a loose board and nearly fucking falling down the stairs in
reading was set to start. My whole family was there and I saw Isabella my haste. I could still hear Aro screaming as we exited the house but it
sitting in a large black office chair around the long wooden table so I pulled didn’t seem to faze Alec as he headed for the car.
out the chair to sit down beside her. She smiled at me and reached under I opened the door to climb in the passenger seat when it all seemed to
the table, taking my hand. hit me and I hunched over, dry heaving on the road. Tears were streaming
I leaned over close to her, her fresh sweet scent infiltrating my nostrils. down my cheeks and was still shaking, barely able to stay upright. I
“You look good,” I whispered, my eyes traveling the length of her. She couldn’t believe I was still alive, completely fucking certain that had been
had on a dress and heels again, a sight I wasn’t sure I’d ever get used to. it for me.
“Thank you,” she replied, blushing. “You do, too.” Alec got into the car without saying anything and waited patiently for
“I know I do,” I said playfully. She rolled her eyes but before she could me to get myself together. I climbed in after a moment, trying to collect
come back with anything Mr. Ricci cleared his throat, wanting to get myself, and he started the car up to drive away, “Won’t people hear him
started. We all focused our attention on him and he started sorting through screaming?” I asked as I wiped tears from my cheeks, but it was fucking
some papers as he stood in the front of the room. useless because they just kept falling.
“Everyone here knew Carlisle well, so I think we can all agree that he “Possibly, but it doesn’t matter,” he replied. “Like you said, anyone who
wouldn’t mind if we made this brief and kept it informal,” he said. “He left comes to this neighborhood is up to no good. No one’s going to call the
a letter with me to read that included his wishes, so I’m just going to read police.”
it.” He drove in silence for a while, the atmosphere tense. My thoughts were
He paused and Isabella fidgeted in her chair, looking at me anxiously. I frantic as I tried to make sense of everything, the scare of losing my life
squeezed her hand, hoping she’d relax as Mr. Ricci started reading. entirely too much for me to handle. I’d clearly reached the end of my rope
“To my family– it’s with a heavy heart that I write this. I want you to and felt like I was having a fucking mental breakdown, barely clinging to
know that I’m sorry for any pain I’ve caused you all. Everything I’ve done my last shred of sanity. It all hit me at once, the memory of everything I’d
in my life has been with you in mind, and I know I’ve made mistakes along been through tearing through my system.
the way but I’ve always tried to do what I felt was best. I don’t expect you “Why’d you do it?” I choked out eventually, clearing my throat to try to
all to understand, not right now anyway, but I hope that with time you’ll get a grip. He glanced at me questioningly, obviously not expecting me to
find peace with my decision. I assure you I have. ask him anything.
“To Esme, my sister, my best friend, and my confidant. Anytime I “Would you rather it have been you?”
needed an opinion, or just to have someone who would listen, you were “Not Aro,” I said, shaking my head as the tears continued to stream
always there for me. There is so much I could say to you but I think the from my eyes. It was all hitting me at full force, Images flashing In my mind
most important thing is that I love you, and I want to thank you. I depended of everything I’d witnessed “My father. Why’d you do it?”
on you a lot over the years, and nothing could ever repay you for stepping
in and helping out with the boys after Elizabeth’s death. You and Elizabeth
530 519
 He didn’t respond right away and I began to think he didn’t intend to. “The heat takes some getting used to,” he said. “I grew up there, but I
but he let out an exasperated sigh after a few minutes. “He was going to die guess you’re already well aware of that fact.”
anyway.” “Yes, so did my mom and Isabella. But, I guess you’re well aware of that
“Why?” I asked, not understanding. “I don’t get why he’d fucking do it fact, too.”
in the first place. Why’d he have to die?” He glanced at me curiously at my statement but didn’t comment,
“To him, it was better than the alternative. He had no intention of going instead focusing back on his papers. He shredded some more of them in
to prison.” silence and I wondered what the fuck he’d called me there for, my nerves
“But why would he?” I asked, shaking my head. “He’d fucking turned. on edge. Once the stack was all gone he unplugged the shredder and leaned
Alec. He made a deal with the feds so he wouldn’t have gone to prison. It back in his chair, eyeing me peculiarly.
didn’t have to be this way.” “You took an oath, Edward.” he said, his voice stern. “You swore loyalty
“You’re wrong– it did,” he said firmly. “Your father didn’t make a deal to the organization for life. La Cosa Nostra comes first until the day you
for himself, Edward. He didn’t turn in order to get himself out of trouble. die, no exceptions. You bled that day, acknowledging that if you ever broke
He’d accepted his fate. Your father cooperated for you. He cooperated to your oath the rest of your blood would be spilled. You knew exactly what
help Isabella and everyone else you love. He gave them what they wanted you were agreeing to, and I can’t just turn a blind eye to it. Once a made-
so they’d leave his family alone.” man, always a made-man. I can’t let you out of your obligations,”
He paused briefly to collect his thoughts before he continued. “He’d I nodded, not exactly surprised by his words but a little on edge as to
made his decision, but I couldn’t let him take his own life for the simple why the fuck he was talking about it.
reason that I didn’t believe he’d find the peace he sought if he did. I’ve killed “I understand, sir. I don’t expect you to.”
a lot of men, Edward, but I never struggled over a decision to end a life as “Good,” he said. “And although I can’t let you walk away, I’m also not
I did with your father. It was the first time I killed someone and actually ignorant. I know you aren’t cut out for a lot of this and I’m merciful enough
cared what happened to them, which is ironic in a sense because that’s to be willing to take that into account. I want you to succeed, Edward. I
exactly why I killed him. I know it’s probably strange hearing this from me, don’t want you to be taken out by this life, and I’m going to be brutally
of all people, but in order to be forgiven for your sins you have to be honest. The way things were going, you wouldn’t have lasted very long. You
remorseful. You have to repent. Your father spent a lot of time repenting have too much of your mother in you. I quite frankly wouldn’t have inducted
during his last days and came to terms with everything he’d done and you in the first place, but like I said, what’s done is done. Do you
would do. and I didn’t want him to blow it all out of desperation. I believe understand?”
suicide is an unforgivable sin. He wanted to be with your mother again. I “Yes, sir,” I said, although I didn’t really fucking understand the point.
made it so he could be.” “I’m glad you do, and that brings me back to the topic at hand–the
I stared at him with shock as I processed his words, not expecting that south,” he said. “As you’re aware, a good portion of our profits come from
answer. “Is that why you asked him for forgiveness?” Las Vegas. Gambling is a lucrative business for us between our shares in
He shook his head. “I wasn’t asking him.” the casinos and off-site betting. We have associates who do most of the
I waited for him to elaborate, wondering who the fuck he had been work, but there has to be a made-man for them to report to. Someone to
asking, but I didn’t get my answer because his phone rang and interrupted. keep everything in line and to mediate situations when they arise, and to
“Are they all there?” he asked whoever was on the line when he answered. report everything back to Chicago.”
“Good.” “A middle-man.”
He hung up and glanced at me. “We have one more thing to take care of “Precisely. Charles Swan ran it for years and after his death it was
tonight, so pull yourself together.” handed over to Alistair. And, well, you know what happened with both of
He drove across town again to a strip club, one I’d been to once before those men.”
with him when he killed the Irish over involvement with James. The “My father killed them,” I muttered. He nodded and laughed dryly.
parking lot was packed, the back row filled entirely with familiar black “Yes, I suppose he did,” he said. “They got greedy and turned on us,
Mercedes-Benz’s. Alec pulled right up to the front and parked the car along which leaves me in the predicament right now of replacing Alistair. It’s not
the side of the building, climbing out and glancing around cautiously. “Are the most glamorous job but it does come with certain perks, like relocating
you registered to vote?” he asked as I got out. to the southwest.”
“Uh, no,” I responded, wondering what the fuck he was asking me for. My brow furrowed. “Wait, me?” I asked. “You’re talking about me taking
He nodded, as if my answer didn’t surprise him, and motioned for me to his job?”
520 529
 “Now?” I glanced at my watch, seeing it was almost half past twelve, follow him inside. The club was packed, the air thick with smoke, and mixed
and we were all due at the lawyer’s office for the will reading in less than with my tears it made my vision hazy as my eyes burned. Alec slipped right
an hour. by the bouncer without saying a word and I followed his lead, keeping my
“Yes, now,” he replied. “Isabella can ride with Esme. We’ll meet them attention on him as he headed toward the back room.
there.” “Voting’s important,” he said quietly, pausing at the cellar door to look
“Uh, okay,” I said, not really wanting to deal with business but knowing at me. “People like to feel involved, like they actually have a say in what
I had no fucking choice. “I’ll be there in a few minutes.” happens, even if it’s just an illusion.”
I hung up the phone and took one last drink before putting the bottle of I wasn’t sure what to say to that, having no idea what the goddamn
liquor back in the freezer, and headed upstairs to explain the situation to point was, but it didn’t really matter because he didn’t wait for a response
Isabella. I kissed her quickly and told her I’d see her there before bolting anyway. He opened the cellar door and I heard voices instantly, but they
out of the house, not wanting to keep Alec waiting long. I strolled down the quieted down when they heard us coming. I descended the stairs behind
street toward his house and the front door opened as soon as I stepped on him and hesitated on the bottom step, looking around with shock. There
the porch, Esme’s smiling face appearing. were at least twenty-five men present, Capo’s from what I could tell– the
“Hey, kiddo,” she said warmly, “You look handsome.” highest ranking made-men left within the organization. They all looked at
“Thanks.” Alec as he entered and he nodded toward another man, who cleared his
“Is Isabella at the house?” she asked. I nodded and her smile grew as throat to gain everyone’s attention.
she reached out and lovingly patted me on the cheek. “It’s good to have you “We all know why we’re here, so let’s get it done. Nominations?”
two kids together again.” A few people said Alec’s name instantly, while others murmured in
“Uh, yeah, it’s good to have her around again,” I stammered, surprised agreement. “Any others?”
at how happy she seemed. It was a strange goddamn day to be so chipper, No one responded, the basement completely silent for a moment. “Any
that was for certain. “You’re in an awfully good mood.” objections?”
“Yeah, well, I like it when I get my way,” she replied. “It doesn’t happen I looked around and saw everyone appeared nervous, but Alec’s
often. Anyway, you should get inside.” expression was calm. The room once again remained silent, no one speaking
“Okay,” I said, unsure of what the fuck she was talking about but up. I wasn’t sure exactly what the fuck was going on, the entire scene
knowing she was right. “I’ll see you in a little while.” playing out strangely to me. They were being democratic and fucking
“Alright, kiddo.” voting, although everyone knew the organization was really a goddamn
I headed in the house and walked down the hallway, hesitating before dictatorship.
knocking on Alec’s office door. “It’s settled, then. Alec it is,” the man said. “This meeting is over and
“It’s open,” he yelled from inside the room. I turned the knob and never happened.”
stepped in– seeing him sitting behind his desk with a stack of papers in Everyone mumbled in agreement and Alec turned back around,
front of him. There was a black paper shredder on the floor beside his desk motioning for me to go right back up the stairs. I headed out and he followed
and I watched as he fed a paper through it, not even bothering to look up me to the parking lot. pausing beside his car, “Like I said, people like to
at me. “Close the door and have a seat.” believe they have a choice, even if they really don’t.”
I obliged and sat down, waiting patiently as he shredded a few more He got in the driver’s side and I slipped into the passenger seat, eyeing
pieces of paper in silence. him warily. “What would’ve happened if someone objected?” I asked
“What do you think of the south?” curiously, knowing if there was an objection to an initiation someone
“The south?” I asked in confusion. “You mean like. Alabama and usually ended up dead. “Would they have been allowed to leave the room?”
Mississippi and shit?” “Oh, they would’ve left the room,” he replied, pausing briefly to glance
“Well, that is the south,” he said casually. “But I was thinking more of at me. “Just in a hundred different pieces.”
the southwest.” He started the car up and drove toward home quietly. I was deep in
“Oh, uh, it’s alright. I mean I haven’t spent that much time there, but thought, trying to come to terms with the fact that Aro was fucking dead
it I guess it’s nice,” I responded, unsure of what the fuck he was asking me and Alec was now in charge. I wasn’t entirely sure what to think about that
for. He was a lot like my father in that way, making me sweat with the shit, wondering exactly how the dynamic was going to change, how the shift
obscure goddamn questions. “Phoenix was hot as shit.” in power was going to affect my life.

528 521
 We approached the neighborhood and I looked around as thoughts of I stared at her for a moment as I tried to make sense of our conversation.
Isabella hit me, my heart nearly stopping when I spotted the BMW still “I don’t know,” I said, shaking my head. “This is fucking ridiculous, Bella.”
parked along the curb. “Don’t forget your gun,” Alec said, stopping in front “It is,” she replied. “It doesn’t really matter. I mean, it’s just a word. You
of my house. “And stay close to home for a while.” always said titles didn’t really define us anyway– we defined us.”
I nodded and grabbed my gun from the glove box, getting out and “Very true,” I said, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her into
strolling toward the front door as he pulled away. I listened intently for a hug. “I’m one smart motherfucker, you know.”
sounds as I opened the front door and noticed the house was completely “Look at you tooting your own horn,” she said playfully. I chuckled and
silent, but I could see the living room was illuminated from a plain blue leaned my head down to nuzzle in her hair, pausing when my lips were
screen on the TV. Isabella was lying on the couch fast asleep, her shoes right beside her ear. “Do you want to toot my horn, tesoro?” I whispered.
kicked off and sitting on the floor in front of her. She shivered from my breath on her skin and giggled nervously, pushing
I walked over and crouched down in front of her, slipping my gun under away from me
the couch before pushing some stray hair from her face and tucking it “That was a corny joke,” she commented.
behind her ear. She stirred a bit but remained asleep, and I stayed there “I wasn’t joking,” I replied, winking. She blushed and rolled her eyes at
for a moment just watching her breathe. The hope that swelled through me me before averting her gaze.
was intense and I felt like my fucking chest was going to explode, still “The fact that you were serious makes it even worse, you know,” she
unable to believe she was really in front of me. muttered, turning her attention back to the envelope in her hand. “I wonder
Not only was she there, but she’d actually fucking waited for me. what he left for me.”
If I hadn’t been sure before, it was at that moment that I knew it. It was “Could be anything.” I replied as she opened it and read the paper giving
then, watching her sleep, that I fucking felt it. We would be okay because I her the time and date to appear. “Money, property... who fucking knows.”
was alive, and she was there with me. “But why?” she asked, glancing at me curiously, “I mean, I don’t really
I didn’t know what would happen in the future, what sort of life we’d want anything. I have enough. I don’t need money or houses or anything.
make together or how the fuck we’d manage it, but somehow we would. None of that matters to me.”
I fought back tears again, still unable to get myself under control. I was I shrugged. “I don’t know why,” I said. “I guess we’ll find out on
frantic and confused, completely fucking overwhelmed by lite. I was Monday.”
surrounded by violence and death, the ugliness eating away at me, but then We spent the weekend together hanging out, catching movies and
there was her. She was peace, and hope, and pure fucking beauty. having dinner together as I showed her around Chicago. Monday
She was the good that would overpower the bad. approached quickly and I got dressed around noon, putting on some black
“Bella” I whispered, running my hand along her cheek. “La mia bella slacks and a white button down shirt with a black tie, trying to look halfway
ragazza.” She stirred again and finally opened her eyes, blinking rapidly. decent because I fucking knew Alec would be there. I slipped on a pair of
She looked confused for a second before it seemed to strike her where she black and white Nikes and headed downstairs while Isabella was in the
was, a smile curving her lips as she gazed at me sleepily. shower, opening the freezer and pulling out the bottle of Grey Goose. I was
“You’re back.” she murmured, her voice thick with grogginess “You fucking nervous, something about the day making all of it seem even more
waited.” real. I took the top off of the bottle and brought it to my lips, taking a big
“Of course I did. You wanted me to. I told you I wouldn’t run from you, swig of the liquid. It burned my throat but soothed my nerves, my anxiety
Edward.” lessening almost immediately.
“I won’t either,” I said, smiling softly at her words. “I’ll always come I was standing by the window, gazing out and drinking, when my phone
back to you. I won’t ever leave you again.” started ringing in my pocket. It was the first time I’d fucking heard it in
“You promise?” days so the sound caught me off guard, and I immediately tensed up at
“I fucking swear it.” what it could mean. I sat the bottle down on the counter and pulled the
“Good,” she replied, eyeing me warily as she sat up. She reached out to phone from my pocket, groaning when I saw Alec’s name flashing on the
place her right hand on my cheek gently stroking my skin and brushing her screen
thumb along my mouth. “Have you been crying?” “Yes, sir?”
“Maybe,” I replied quietly, leaning forward to softly press my lips to “I need to speak with you.”
hers. She moved her mouth in rhythm with mine and I parted her lips with
my tongue, deepening the kiss after a moment. Her hands went into my
522 527
 “Uh, it’s a notice from the lawyer,” I replied, my eyes scanning the hair as she pulled me toward her, lying back on the couch so I was hovering
writing quickly. “They’re reading my father’s will on Monday. Apparently over her body. She moaned into my mouth, the sound causing my dick to
he left me something.” harden as the blood surged through me. I groaned in response, my
“Why do you sound surprised?” she asked. “You’re his son.” movements growing frantic as I pressed down against her, desperate to
“I don’t know,” I said, shrugging as I sat the letter down on the table. “I fucking feel more of her warmth. She clung to me tightly, her kiss
guess it still doesn’t feel real. I mean, fuck, I know it is– I know he’s dead. passionate as her hands raked down my back before slipping up under my
I fucking saw him die. But it’s just still hard to believe it really happened.” shirt. As soon as her hands connected with bare skin I shivered, electricity
“I bet,” she replied. “Do you want to talk about It?” running the length of my body.
I shook my head. “Not right now.” I said. “That’s the last thing I even “Fuck,” I gasped, breaking the kiss to take a breath. My chest felt like
want to think about right now.” it was going to explode, my lungs burning and heart pounding forcefully.
“Okay,” she said, leaning over and pushing me backward on the couch. She was squirming, still holding on to me with her eyes squeezed shut. I
She wrapped her arms around me and settled her head onto my chest as I ducked my head and nuzzled into her neck, inhaling deeply as I started to
grabbed the remote control, turning on the TV and flipping through kiss the exposed skin there. Her presence was overwhelming, the touch and
channels. We stayed that way the rest of the evening, forgetting about scent and fucking taste of her driving me wild, and tears slipped past the
every goddamn thing except what was happening in the walls of my house, corner of my eyes again as I fought back a sob. I wasn’t even sure what the
once again focusing all of our attention on each other. fuck I was crying for, all of it just too goddamn much for me to take
Once again, it didn’t last. The very next day, at the same exact time, anymore. My entire body ached and I was desperate for something to soothe
there was another fucking knock on the front door. I grumbled as I walked the pain, fucking needing her more in that moment than I had ever before.
over to answer it, pulling the door open and freezing in confusion. The same “Edward,” she panted, the sound of my name in her voice spurring me
motherfucking mailman was standing on the porch, holding a very familiar forward. “Do you still feel that?” I asked, nipping at the skin near her
looking goddamn envelope in his hand. “Fucking deja vu,” I said. “Weren’t collarbone as I pressed myself against her. “The electricity between us?
you just here for this shit?” Please tell me you fucking feel it.”
He nodded and looked down at an envelope in his hand. “Yes, but it’s “I feel it,” she whispered
not for you this time,” he replied. “Is there an Isabella M. Swan here?” “I need you, Bella.” I said, my voice cracking as the words caught in my
“Oh, yeah, there is,” I responded, opening the door further and yelling throat. “God, I fucking need you.”
back in the house for Isabella. She appeared a moment later, looking at me My body started shaking, as it was getting harder to fight back my
and the mailman in confusion. I smiled and motioned toward the letter in emotion. “I know,” she whispered. “I’ll be here as long as you want me.”
his hand as he held out a card “It’s for you, tesoro.” “I’ll always want you,” I replied, “Sempre.”
“Me?” she asked with surprise, taking the card from the man. She “Sempre,” she echoed, the word from her lips pushing me over the edge.
signed her name to the bottom of it, her handwriting precise and perfect A strangled sob escaped my throat, the sound causing her to grip onto me
goddamn cursive. I smiled watching her, knowing how hard she fought to tighter, and she whispered quietly as I started crying in her arms. I couldn’t
learn to do that. She handed the card back to the man and he gave her the seem to stop myself, she destroyed my goddamn walls all over again, broke
envelope, telling her to have a good day before departing. She didn’t me down so it all came flooding out I kissed her furiously once more–
respond, just stood at the door staring at it with surprise, and I chuckled at smashing my lips to hers forcefully as I grabbed at her clothes. I wanted to
her stunned expression. fucking feel more of her, to taste every inch of her body and be with her
“Why are you surprised?” I asked, playfully repeating her words from again. It had been too goddamn long and I needed it, needed to be inside of
the day before. “You’re his son’s girlfriend.” her and feel her convulse in my arms. I wanted to make her come, to hear
She glanced up at me and raised her eyebrows. “Am I?” she asked. “Are my name on my lips as she screamed out in pleasure. I needed to make her
you what?” happy, to make her feel good, because it was the only goddamn way I was
“Am I your girlfriend?” ever going to feel good again. I tucked my hand underneath her and cupped
I hesitated at her question, suddenly wondering if maybe I shouldn’t her ass, pulling her toward me. I pressed my hardened dick against her and
have fucking said that. “I don’t know, are you?” I could fucking feel the warmth of her pussy through her jeans, groaning at
She smiled. “I asked you first.” the sensation.
“Maybe, I guess. Do you think it’s too soon to say that shit?” “Slow down, Edward,” she said, grabbing my arms and pushing on me.
“I don’t know, do you?” I stopped what I was doing and pulled back from her, glancing at her face.
526 523
She was looking at me with confusion, the apprehension in her expression She smiled and closed her eyes, snuggling in closer to me. “I like it,” she
startling. “You’re upset.” whispered sleepily after a bit, the words barely audible I leaned my head
“I, uh...” I started, unsure of even what the fuck to say. She let go of my down and pressed a kiss into her hair as I closed my eyes to try to get some
arms and brushed her fingertips across my cheeks, wiping away my tears. sleep, drained from the day’s events.
“I need you.”
“I know,” she replied. “I told you, I’m here. Just... slow down, okay? I’m
not going anywhere.” Life was a whirlwind after that, each day rapidly morphing into the
She wrapped her arms me again and pulled me into a hug, her fingers next. We got Isabella’s clothes from her hotel room and she stayed with me,
running through the hair at the nape of my neck. “I’m sorry,” I said, feeling things between us growing more relaxed as she made herself at home. It
like shit that I’d just pushed her after trying all fucking day to not do that. was platonic for the most part, except for the occasional kiss and gentle
“Don’t apologize,” she replied, her voice gentle. “It’s not that I don’t want touch in passing. I didn’t push her, figuring I needed to let her take the
to. I love you, Edward. It’s just...” lead, and she made no attempt to deepen whatever the fuck it was we had.
“Too soon.” I didn’t mind it, though, and understood she just wasn’t ready. I wasn’t
“Yes, too soon,” she said quietly. even sure if I was ready, to be honest. It was just nice having her around
I lay there for a moment, trying to get a fucking grip on myself and calm again.
down. I knew I was heavy and she couldn’t have been comfortable, so I I was exhausted, growing wearier every day. Nightmares plagued my
pulled myself off of her and stood up. I ran my hand through my hair sleep and I tried my best to stay sober, but the liquor just seemed to fucking
anxiously, sighing. “Do you want to get some sleep? I have a bed upstairs. call to me. Isabella never said a word about it, but I could see the concern
It’s a lot more comfortable.” in her expression every time she saw me take a drink. The looks got to me,
I was prepared for her to argue, especially after what the fuck had just guilt chipping away at me every time I swallowed the liquid down. But still,
happened, but she didn’t, instead climbing to her feet and offering me her it wasn’t enough to make me stop.
hand. I took it and led her up the stairs to my bedroom, scouring through I did end up going to the hospital to get my hand fixed up, and the
my drawers to find her something more comfortable to wear. I gave her following day Isabella suggested I finally unpack the rest of my shit. We
some flannel pajama pants, knowing they’d be too big but hoping they’d do, spent a lot of time together just talking, hanging out and enjoying each
and she went into the bathroom to change. other’s company like old times. Things were going well, almost too well in
I quickly changed pants while she was gone and I took my shirt off, fact. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, for everything to fucking come
tossing it onto the floor in the corner. The bathroom door opened behind me caving in around us. It felt too good to be true, like there was a catch I’d yet
after a second and I turned to look at her, smirking when I saw her eyes to be told about or I’d missed the fucking fine print that listed an expiration
were automatically drawn to my bare chest. Her brow furrowed as she date. People left us alone, though, much to my surprise. I thought for sure
tilted her head to the side and I glanced down in confusion, wondering why my brothers would be knocking the fucking door down to see Isabella, or
she’d reacted that way. It struck me that she was looking at my new tattoo Alec would be calling me to deal with business, but there was nothing. No
and I sighed, moving my arm to give her a better look at it as she walked visits, no phone calls, not a goddamn thing. It was almost a week later when
by. It was on my right side and ran the length of my ribcage, the black ink there was finally a knock on the door and I begrudgingly opened it,
bold and the lines sharp. surprised to see a mailman standing on the porch. He glanced down at an
“It’s a tribal design or whatever,” I muttered. “I don’t know what the envelope in his hand, squinting as he read the name on it. “Edward A.
fuck you’d call it, really. It’s a, uh...” Cullen?”
“It’s a swan,” she said, smiling softly as she reached out to touch it. Her “Yeah, that’s me.”
fingertips traced the outline of it and I squirmed, her light touch tingling. “There’s some certified mail for you,” he replied handing a small card to
I nodded in confirmation, not surprised she pinpointed exactly what it was me to sign. I scribbled my name down on it before giving it back to him, and
at first sight, “What made you pick this?” he handed me the letter he was holding. I thanked him before shutting the
I shrugged as she dropped her hand, walking over and slipping into my door, strolling to the living room and plopping down on the couch beside
bed. I climbed in beside her and hesitated briefly before pulling her in my where Isabella sat. I saw it was from Mr. Ricci and I tore the envelope open,
arms. She hummed contently as she settled into my embrace, her body pulling a piece of paper out of It.
comforting. “I told you I don’t really remember getting it,” I said. “I can take “What’s that?” Isabella asked curiously.
a pretty fucking good guess as to what–or rather who–inspired it, though.”
524 525
You already took the oath, you know the rules and you also know the hair and didn’t push me any further, but I could tell he was fighting the
consequences of breaking the rules. If you spill our secrets, you die. Period.” urge to thrust. I sucked vigorously for a few minutes as the shower pelted
I nodded when he paused, so he’d know I was paying attention, even the two of us, the water chilling slightly as time ticked away. He started
though I was still lost on what the fuck was happening. I was dizzy, my tensing up eventually, fisting handfuls of my wet hair as he lost the battle
throat burning and stomach churning again, and it was making it hard for against his willpower. I tried to relax my throat as he bucked his hips
me to stay still. I was trying not to fidget, not wanting to appear nervous, forward, knowing he was close to his release, and the moment he slid
even though those motherfuckers weren’t stupid... they knew I was scared completely down my throat a loud shriek sounded out. The noise startled
shitless. me and I gagged, accidentally nicking him with my teeth as I pulled my
“Anyone who turns to the police for help against another man is either mouth off of him.
a fool or a coward. A man that can’t take care of himself without someone “Fuck! No, no, no, no,” Edward started frantically chanting. I looked up
else’s protection is both. It’s a sign of weakness and you never show your at him in confusion, caught off guard, and inhaled water as I opened my
vulnerabilities. You never let them think they can get one over on you. You mouth to speak. I choked, coughing forcefully as my chest started burning
fight your own battles– you don’t expect someone else to solve your from the liquid in my lungs. Edward pulled me to my feet and stared at me
problems. We don’t initiate you so we can protect you, we initiate you in shock as I struggled to breathe, but I held my hands up in an attempt to
because we believe you can protect yourself, and by protecting yourself you tell him I was fine.
are protecting La Cosa Nostra. Do you understand that?” I finally caught my breath when there was another yell, and I realized
“Yes, sir.” Carlisle was awake in the next room. “I’ll deal with him,” I offered, trying
“Isabella knows our secrets. She has seen our faces and heard our to smile sympathetically at the fact that we’d been interrupted. “You might
voices. She knows our names. She’s witnessed things she shouldn’t have. want to uh, you know... finish taking care of that.”
This one woman could topple the entire organization, could destroy what I motioned toward his erection, knowing once Edward was up he
we all have vowed to protect with our lives, but yet you trust her not to. Is wouldn’t go back down until he got his release, and he started grumbling
that correct?” in aggravation as I stepped out of the shower. “You know, this shower sex
“Yes, sir.” shit is fucking sexy in porn.”
“Would you swear your life on that? Would you vow that she is no threat “Everything’s sexy in porn,” I replied, laughing as I grabbed my robe
to us, that our secrets are safe with her?” from the hook on the back of the door. “Even things like, you know, anal
“I would.” sex.”
“Are you willing to vouch for Isabella?” I blushed as I spoke the words, unable to help my reaction, and he
The corner of my mouth lifted into a smile when it struck me what the looked at me with shock. “Fuck, do you want to try that next, tesoro?”
fuck he was asking me to do, relief washing through me. I relaxed almost I rolled my eyes as I put my robe on, covering myself up. “No thanks,” I
instantly at the word–vouch. “Absolutely,” I replied with a nod. replied. “I’ll pass.”
Alec picked the knife back up and motioned for me to give him my right He mumbled something under his breath as I walked out, quickly
hand. “Repeat after me... I, Edward Cullen, assume the responsibility for heading down the hall to the guest bedroom. I stepped in the room and saw
Isabella Marie Swan. I swear...” Carlisle was sitting in the center of the bed with tears streaming down his
“Cullen,” I corrected, interrupting him without thinking. His eyes cheeks. “Hey there, little man.”
narrowed and I tensed up again, realizing I shouldn’t have fucking done “Bella,” he whimpered, looking at me earnestly. He was the only person,
that. “Sorry, sir. It’s just, you know, she’s a Cullen now.” besides Edward, that ever called me Bella.
“I suppose she is. Cullen, then,” he said sharply, obviously not happy I’d I sat down beside him on the bed, opening my arms so he could climb
spoken out of turn. “I swear she will honor the Omerta and I take the oath into my lap. “What’s wrong, sweetie?” I asked, hugging him tightly.
again today for her, because she can’t, guaranteeing her loyalty and “Mama,” he replied, staring at me with his bright blue eyes. I wiped the
silence.” tears from his cheeks and smiled softly.
I repeated the words and he grasped my hand, palm up. “You will bleed “Your mom will be here in the morning. So will your daddy,” I said.
for her today to signify your commitment, and know that if she is ever to “After you get a good night sleep you’ll see them again, okay?”
betray us, the rest of your blood will be spilled. You and she are one in the “Kay,” he responded, but with the way his bottom lip quivered I knew it
same. She tells our secrets, you die. Period.” really wasn’t okay. He was still so young and not used to being away from
home often, so it wasn’t easy for him to adjust to not having them there. I
572 541
sighed and kissed the top of his head gently before settling him back in the was called in for a sit-down and that included owning slaves, which Alec
bed and lying down beside him. I tucked the blankets in around him and had forbidden as soon as he took power. He didn’t buy into any of the
stroked his hair for a while until he started dozing back off. Once his soft excuses they used, saying the entire situation was unnecessary and only
snores started echoing through the room I got up and quietly headed back invited more trouble into our lives. If you couldn’t afford to pay someone on
down the hall. I stopped in the bedroom and removed my robe, hanging it a regular basis to do the work you needed done, than you needed to work
up before I put on some pajamas. I pulled my hair up in a ponytail and harder to make more money. If you were worried about inviting someone
secured it with a rubber band as I made my way downstairs, seeing the into your home and them discovering your secrets, than you were being too
light on in the kitchen. Edward was standing in front of the refrigerator goddamn conspicuous. Anyone who was late for an appointment, or who
with the door wide open, glaring inside of it with a look of annoyance on his didn’t pay up on time was reprimanded. Anyone seen associating with any
face. He was wearing only a pair of sweatpants slung low on his hips, his of our rivals or the police was called in for a sit-down to explain what the
chest and feet bare, and hair an utter mess as usual. fuck they’d been doing. Fuck, anyone who was caught fucking someone
“Can’t find anything?” I asked. He sighed in frustration and shook his else’s wife was even called in for a sit-down. Anything he deemed as shady
head as he shut the door, his eyes scanning a takeout menu stuck to the behavior, no matter what the fuck it was, ultimately ended in a sit-down.
front of it with magnets. We had food delivered more often than I liked, but And as I stood there in the storage room, gazing at the men who controlled
with how busy school kept me and how unpredictable Edward’s schedule my life, it felt a lot like a motherfucking sit-down.
was for the time being, planning big meals wasn’t plausible very often. “I I started stammering nervously, telling them I hadn’t fucking meant to
can make something. You have to be tired of eating out.” do whatever it was they were about to accuse me of, but Alec held his hand
He chuckled in amusement as he looked over at me, cocking an eyebrow. up to stop me. He reached into his coat and pulled out his gun, my mind
“Depends on what I’m eating out,” he said suggestively. “I could have you frantic as I tried to figure out what the hell I could’ve done wrong. He
every day of the week and never get tired, Bella.” walked over and sat the gun down on the edge of the table before reaching
“You’re such a pervert,” I responded, shaking my head. I could feel the back into his coat and pulling out a small pocketknife. He opened it slowly
heat rising into my cheeks, knowing it was useless to try to hide it. I reacted and my brow furrowed when he carefully sat it down on the table beside his
that way every single time he made those types of comments, which I gun. I stared at the weapons in confusion, unsure of what was happening
suspected was half the reason he did it so much. because it was how the fucking initiation ritual always started. I’d been
“Yeah, but you love it,” he said playfully. through my own and attended quite a few others so I knew the process well,
“I do,” I replied with a shrug, also knowing there was no use to deny but I had no idea why he’d be doing it now.
that– he knew me well. Alec nodded toward the Consigliere, signifying it was time to start, and
Edward laughed as he turned away from me again, his attention going the man cleared his throat. “Edward Cullen,” he stated my name, looking
back to the menu. “I’ll just order Chinese. It’s late and you shouldn’t have at me expectantly.
to cook, especially considering you already fucking cleaned up the kitchen “Yes, sir.” No matter how hard I fought to keep it steady, my fucking
once tonight. Don’t think I didn’t notice that shit. I could’ve done it, you voice shook. “You’re married now,” he said, stating the obvious.
know. I would’ve.” “Yes, sir.”
“I know you would’ve,” I said truthfully. Edward never did certain “Do you love your wife?”
things, like laundry or mopping, but he was pretty good at picking up after “Yes.”
himself. He didn’t enjoy it and would’ve loved to keep paying Leah, but I “If her life was in danger, would you sacrifice yourself to save her?”
knew he did it for me. “I didn’t mind it.” “Of course,” I replied, wondering where the fuck he was going with the
“Well, thank you.” line of questioning. “I have before and I’d do it again.”
He grabbed the cordless telephone from where it hung on the wall and “Do you trust her?”
dialed a number quickly. “Yeah, I need a delivery. The name’s Edward “Absolutely.”
Cullen,” he said when they answered, pausing briefly as they looked up his He turned and nodded toward Alec, who motioned for me to join him at
name in their system. “Yes, that’s me. I need an order of the Pork Mu Shu the table. “Cu e surdu, orbu e taci, campa cent’anni ‘mpaci,” he stated when
Wraps, some Mongolian Beef, the Kung Pao Chicken, and two orders of I paused beside him. “This is not a club we belong to. It’s a secret society...
your Won Ton Soup. I don’t know, large? Oh, and some egg rolls. How many secret being the key word. La Cosa Nostra., this thing of ours, is a way of
come in an order? Two?! Is that it? That’s a fucking rip off. Give me three life. There’s only one way in and that’s how you came into this room today–
orders of those, then.” you enter willingly. But there’s also only one way out, and that’s on a slab.
542 571
 “I need to see you in private, Edward,” he said, his tone matching his He glanced at me, raising his eyebrows questioningly. “Did I miss
expression. “Now?” I asked incredulously. “Can’t it wait?” anything?”
“No, it can’t,” he said simply before turning and walking away. I “Uh, no,” I responded, stunned by how much he ordered as it was.
hesitated, glancing back at Chelsea briefly before passing her off to Jasper Apparently he was starving.
and following Alec through the banquet hall. I tensed up when he headed “Yeah, that’s it. And don’t forget the fortune cookies,” he said into the
into the bar area and I kept my eyes fixated on the floor, my heart pounding phone, his brow furrowing after a second as he listened to the person on the
erratically as I stepped in the room behind him. We walked through the line. “What do you mean you don’t have fortune cookies right now? You’re
crowd of people to a plain metal door in the back and he pulled it open, a goddamn Chinese restaurant. You have to have fortune cookies. What?
motioning for me to go through it before him. I obliged, knowing I had no No, I don’t want to talk to your manager, I just want my fucking fortune
choice as I stepped inside the small room, and glanced around curiously cookies. I don’t care if you’re out of them or that they’re complimentary so
when he flicked the overhead florescent light on. I realized immediately it I’m not paying for them. Don’t give me that bullshit. I don’t feel fucking
was a storage area, with metal shelves covered in bottles of liquor aligning complimented right now. Find some.”
the wall and dozens of boxes sitting around all over the place. He ended the call with an irritated groan and slammed the phone down
There was a plain wooden table off to the side with some metal folding on the counter hard, making me flinch. “Fucking ingrates,” he spat as he
chairs leaning against the wall, a small trash can sitting nearby. pulled open the freezer door and looked inside. I knew immediately what
“Is there, uh, something wrong?” I asked, the sight of that much fucking he was doing and he seemed to realize it right away, too, having acted on
alcohol making me even more nervous than I had been. My skin felt like it impulse out of frustration as he did occasionally. He stared at the empty
was crawling and I suddenly felt hot, already starting to sweat. spot where the vodka bottle had once been stored for a moment before
“No,” he answered simply. I stared at him, waiting for him to fucking slamming the door again and opening up the refrigerator. I walked over to
elaborate and tell me why we were there, but he didn’t say another word. him as he grabbed a can of Coke, taking it from his hand and gently rubbing
He just stood silently, staring at his watch with an impatient look on his his back.
face. It took a moment for it to dawn on me in my panic that we were “Fortune cookies aren’t that serious,” I said, nudging him aside so I
waiting for someone else and my brow furrowed in confusion, wondering could grab a glass from the cabinet. Edward leaned against the counter and
what the fuck was so important that he’d pull me away on my wedding day watched me as I got out the jar of cherries, putting together a cherry coke
for it. for him. “You don’t even eat them. You think they taste like cardboard.”
The door opened a minute or so later and I looked over, watching as the “Yeah, but you do,” he replied tensely. He was fidgeting and appeared
two familiar men walked in. It was Alec’s Underboss and Consigliere, the agitated, rubbing the palms of my hands on his pants anxiously. “You like
guys he’d promoted from Capos after he took over the organization almost them.”
two years ago. They held the most power in La Cosa Nostra and were I smiled softly as I handed him his soda. “Well, thank you for thinking
arguably the most dangerous motherfuckers in Chicago, if not the entire of me, but it was unnecessary. Just like sending that limo to pick me up
goddamn country. Alec didn’t fuck around when it came to his tonight was unnecessary.”
administration, only appointing the strongest, smartest and most lethal “Maybe the cookies weren’t, but the limo was definitely necessary,” he
men to the highest positions. He made sure his territory was protected and said, taking a sip of his drink. “You couldn’t fucking walk home.”
his business was secure, not tolerating traitorous behavior from anyone. “No, but I could’ve taken the bus,” I replied, shrugging. “I mean, I took
There were certain rules that he expected to always be followed and he the bus there. I kind of like it, anyway. I never got to go to school and ride
had a zero-tolerance policy with the shit, anyone refusing to comply facing the school bus or anything. Makes it feel, I don’t know, authentic?”
the consequences immediately. At the beginning the turnover rate was He stared at me doubtfully and I realized it probably sounded ridiculous
outrageous, men initiating one week only to disappear the next when they to him, considering I was quite sure he’d never rode a school bus either.
failed to fall in line, but after a while it slowed down when people finally “You weren’t taking the bus home, Bella.”
realized they had no choice but to do what he said. He’d taken the “Why? It’s not that big of a deal.”
organization back to its roots, so to speak, to the days where you were “It is a big deal,” he retorted, raising his voice. “It’s nighttime. The bus
expected to act like civil, respectable gentleman in public and only unleash stop isn’t even close to the house so you’d still have to fucking walk in the
the beast after dark. dark. I couldn’t let you do it.”
He followed the oath to a fucking tee, punishing anyone who
disregarded any part of it. Anyone who knowingly hurt a woman or a child
570 543
 “It isn’t that far, just a few blocks over,” I replied, hoping to reassure “Edward!” Isabella gasped as she blushed, before focusing her attention
him so he’d calm down. “I mean, it would’ve only taken a few minutes, back on Carlisle. “Want to dance, little man? I think Uncle Edward needs
especially if I cut down the alley by...” to cool off.”
I stopped speaking abruptly when it struck me what I was saying and He smiled brightly in response and she pulled him into her arms,
Edward stood frozen, his body rigid. The bus stop was near the old theater holding onto him tightly as she stood back up. I kissed both of them on the
a few blocks away, the same one I’d learned Edward’s piano recital had forehead and started strolling back toward the front of the room, but
been held in that October night back in 1996. The alley that led from there stopped abruptly when I caught sight of Chelsea. She was sitting in a chair
to the house was the one Edward had taken with his mother while walking off to the side with her hands folded in her lap, quietly staring at the floor
home, one I realized he had never gone near since. by her feet. She seemed upset, or bored, or maybe she was just fucking
For good reason, obviously. uncomfortable, but the point was she looked lonely and I didn’t like that
“Okay,” I agreed with a nod, understanding why he’d reacted so shit. It felt way too fucking familiar to me.
strongly. I knew the odds of something actually happening to me were slim, I walked over to where she was sitting and paused right in front of her.
but once again it was more about his peace of mind than my actual safety. She glanced up at me, her expression guarded when I held my hand out to
“No bus at night, but I still want to take it during the day.” her. “Want to dance, sole?”
“You’re the only person I know that fucking prefers public Her face lit up and she nodded, gingerly taking my hand as she stood
transportation,” he grumbled, obviously still not happy with my up. I walked her out to the dance floor and twirled her around, smirking
compromise but he didn’t disagree. “I just don’t see the point in driving if I when she started laughing. “What’s a sole?” she asked.
don’t have to,” I explained. “And limos are really too flashy, especially for “It’s a sun,” I replied. “Or sunshine, whatever. It’s something my mom
school. I like fitting in there but you sending a limo to pick me up from class used to call me when I was young... said I lit up her world.”
doesn’t help that.” “That’s sweet,” Chelsea said, smiling happily. “What does she call you
“I get it, I do,” he said. “I just want to keep you safe, Bella.” now?” I tensed up at the question, not expecting it, and slowly shook my
“I know, and I’m grateful for it. If it gets late and I can’t take the bus, I head.
can call a taxi.” “Nothing. She, uh... she’s not with us anymore. Hasn’t been since I was
Edward laughed dryly as he ran his hand through his hair. “And you about your age.”
say I’m stubborn.” “Do you miss her?” she asked, genuinely curious. “Yes,” I said. “Every
“You are stubborn,” I said. “Maybe you’re just rubbing off on me.” day.”
It was quiet for a moment as he stood there before his lips curved up “I don’t miss mine,” Chelsea said, shaking her head at the thought. “I
into a smile. “Yeah, I’ll rub something off on you, alright.” really don’t remember her.”
“Oh God,” I groaned, shaking my head as I looked away from him. He “Well, I didn’t know yours, but she can’t be that great of a person if she’d
chuckled at my reaction and was quiet for a second before sighing, resigned. let you go,” I said. Chelsea’s smile grew at my words and I twirled her again,
“No taxi, but I can make it more low-profile,” he said. “They have glad to see her happy. “You know, you and I have something in common,
Mercedes and Town Cars and even SUVs that aren’t as conspicuous. If I sunshine. After I lost my mom, Esme stepped in to take care of me, too.”
feel like I need to send a car, I’ll send one of them. Otherwise, whatever, I “Really?”
guess the bus is fine.” “Yeah, she was like a second mom to me for a while.”
“Thank you,” I said, smiling at him. “You’re good to me, you know.” “I love Esme, she’s a good mom,” she said, pausing before continuing,
He rolled his eyes and started to respond but was cut off suddenly by her voice quiet. “Alec’s nice, too, but he can be kind of scary.”
his cell phone ringing. Without a moment’s hesitation he bolted from the I laughed and nodded in agreement, remembering how he freaked me
room, yelling behind him that I should pick out something for us to watch. the fuck out when I was young. “Yeah, he can be,” I replied. “That’s Alec,
He disappeared into the side room, which had been converted into an office, though. He’s harmless but I’ll be honest... he still scares even me
and I headed into the living room to settle on the couch. sometimes.”
There was a knock on the door eventually and I stood up to answer it, The moment I spoke the words a throat cleared behind me and I turned
but Edward reappeared and told me to sit back down. He headed outside around, freezing when I saw Alec standing there. I hadn’t heard him
and after a while my curiosity got the best of me, so I made my way to the approach, which wasn’t fucking surprising considering he had a knack for
kitchen to peek out the window. My brow furrowed when I saw Edward sneaking up on people. His expression was serious as he stared at me, his
standing on the front step with two men, neither of which I recognized. posture stiff. “Sir?”
544 569
 “Makes sense,” Jasper replied. “I guess I always figured you guys would They all seemed tense, the conversation between them clearly serious,
get married like Mom and Dad did... something small, intimate, maybe at business I assumed, based on their stances. My heart rate quickened as it
home with family.” usually did when I witnessed him at work, a bit of fear naturally brewing
“Yeah, we thought about that, too,” I said. “It was my idea to have the inside of me. It was a part of his life I was cut off from, a piece of Edward
big wedding, though. Nothing about us is traditional and I wanted to at that I would never know, and even though I understood why, it didn’t make
least do this, have this one thing, so we could say we did this shit right. And it any less easier to deal with.
quite frankly, I wanted the whole world to see it happening. I wanted every Edward suddenly glanced in the direction of the window and his
motherfucker we ever met to watch us get married. She spent her entire expression hardened when we made eye contact. I quickly stepped back out
life in hiding, thinking people were ashamed of her and that she was of his sight in a panic, not wanting to anger him by eavesdropping, and
worthless. I wanted her to be seen.” looked toward the street when a car pulled up to the curb. The two men
Jasper smiled, amused by something, and I ran my hand through my briskly walked past the window and Edward opened the front door, heading
hair anxiously. “I know that probably sounds fucking stupid...” straight for the office again as the delivery man approached the house with
“No, it doesn’t,” he said, interrupting me. “It sounds...I don’t know... our food.
sweet?” Before he could knock Edward came back out with his wallet in hand
“I’ll tell you what’s sweet– this damn cake,” Emmett said, plopping back and opened the front door again. “Your total is $49.75.”
in his chair. “You guys see who caught the bouquet?” “Christ, that’s fucking expensive,” Edward muttered. I strolled toward
“No,” we both said, looking out at the dance floor at the same time. I the doorway of the kitchen and paused, watching as he started thumbing
started chuckling when I saw Alice bouncing excitedly, clutching the white through his cash. He pulled out a fifty and handed it to the guy on the porch,
roses. “Should’ve figured it would be Alice,” I said. hesitating before grabbing another five dollar bill. I smiled as he handed it
“Yeah, this is her second one, too,” Emmett said. “She caught Rosie’s at to him for a tip before grabbing the bag of food and shutting the front door.
our wedding. She’s gonna expect to get married soon.” “You shouldn’t be so nosey,” he said when he spotted me standing there.
“She is,” I agreed. “What the fuck’s taking you so long?” “I wasn’t being nosey. I was just... curious.”
“I was waiting until we were out of school,” Jasper replied, shrugging. “Nosey, curious– same damn thing,” he muttered under his breath
“Jazz, you’re going to be in school for the next ten fucking years,” I said. before adding, “Just be careful, alright? You know that shit makes me
“There’s no way she’ll wait that long.” nervous.” I nodded and he motioned toward the large bag of food in his
“That’s the truth,” Emmett said, laughing. “If you don’t do it soon, she’ll hand, quickly changing the subject and suggesting we eat before it got cold.
get impatient and just start planning a wedding, engagement be damned.” I grabbed a soda from the fridge for myself and picked up Edward’s
The girls joined us again and Alice sat down on Jasper’s lap, happily cherry coke, following him into the living room. We settled onto the couch
waving the bouquet in his face. I chuckled as I stood up, headed back out and ate our dinner, chatting casually as we watched television. After we
to the dance floor with Isabella for a few minutes as the reception started were full Edward sat the rest aside, pulling out a white paper bag and
winding down. We managed to make it through two songs before we were opening it. He laughed as he glanced inside and poured the contents out on
interrupted again, something slamming right into us and wedging between the coffee table in front of us. I looked in shock at the dozen or so fortune
our legs. We stopped abruptly and looked down to see Carlisle standing cookies that dumped out, reading the writing on the clear plastic that
there, his hair a mess and face dirty. He had cake on his hands and I covered them. We’d ordered from Satay, but the cookies came from a place
inhaled sharply when he clutched on to Isabella’s dress, smearing it all over called Ming Choy.
the bottom of it. “You scared them into buying you fortune cookies from another
“Uh oh,” Carlisle said, immediately realizing what he’d done. He started restaurant, Edward.”
rubbing the spot, trying to get the cake off, but it only spread the mess “Yeah. I probably should’ve tipped more for that shit, huh?” he said,
around more. “It’s alright,” Isabella said, crouching down beside him. unable to hide his amusement. He grabbed one of the cookies and tossed it
“Uncle Edward got more cake on me than that, and he did it on purpose.” on my lap before picking up another for himself. He opened it and took the
“Ooohhh,” he said, looking up at me with wide eyes. “You trouble!” cookie out, breaking it apart quickly to pull out his fortune.
“I am,” I replied, chuckling. “And she’ll punish me real good for it later, “What’s it say?” I asked, opening mine.
don’t worry. I’ll get what’s coming to me.” “The important thing is to never stop questioning,” he read before
tossing it down and grabbing another. “That’s just fucking stupid.”

568 545
 I laughed and pulled my fortune out. “Your dream will come true when “I cursed at the priest, Bella,” I stated, laughing dryly. “I broke the third
you least expect it,” I said, reading the small strip of paper. I sat it down commandment. Or maybe it’s the second commandment... I can’t even
and took a bite of the cookie, earning a grimace from Edward. “My dreams fucking remember.”
already came true. Family, friends, school, marriage. Couldn’t ask for much “It’s the third,” she said. “And it’s really not that big of a deal. I mean,
more.” that’s not the only commandment you’ve broken and I’m sure it probably
“You aren’t married yet, tesoro,” he said. won’t be the last one, either.”
“I know. Soon, though,” I said, hesitating as I glanced at him. “Do you “Is that supposed to make me feel better?” I asked, laughing when she
think we’re doing it at the right time?” shrugged nonchalantly. “Yeah, well, I didn’t break any others standing in
“What do you mean the right time?” he asked, his brow furrowing at my the middle of a Catholic church.”
question. “Well, I mean, with everything the family has going on and “True, but it could’ve been worse,” she said. “At least you managed to
Rosalie having the baby soon, I just wondered...” make it through the entire thing without saying the F word.”
“Fuck that,” he said, cutting me off. “I’m not postponing our wedding “For only the second time in my life,” I muttered.
because my brother can’t keep his dick in his pants, Bella. We set the date “Exactly, so you should be proud. It’s quite the accomplishment for you,”
before he knocked her up. Besides, the invitations were sent and she joked.
motherfuckers are already flying in, so it’s a little too late to rearrange shit. “Funny,” I said sarcastically. “I really wanted to do the shit right,
Unless you’re trying to tell me you don’t want to get married, because in though.”
that case...” “You did do it right,” she insisted. “It was very you, Edward. I wouldn’t
“Of course I want to get married,” I interrupted, reaching over and have had it any other way.”
grasping his chin. I pulled his face toward me so he’d look me in the eyes Before I had a chance to respond the song ended and everyone else
and smiled sadly, seeing the concern in his expression. Edward tried to converged onto the dance floor. Jasper immediately pulled Isabella away to
keep a tough exterior, but I could always sense when he was feeling dance and Alice took her place in front of me without hesitation, rattling on
vulnerable. “I love you.” excitedly about wedding bullshit through two entire songs. I stole Isabella
“I love you, too,” he said, his shoulders visibly relaxing at my words. He back on the third, wanting to be with my fucking bride, and we danced for
kissed me softly and tossed another fortune cookie in my lap when he pulled a while until it was time to cut the cake. The incident was a disaster,
away, opening one himself. “When we were younger my brothers and I turning into a full blown food fight as we flung frosting around and tried to
would play the game where you add ‘in bed’ to the end of the fortunes. smash pieces in each other’s faces. More of the cake ended up on people
Makes it more interesting,” he said as he broke his cookie apart and pulled than in their fucking stomachs, but we didn’t really give a shit when we
out the paper. “Your self-confidence is well placed... in bed.” were laughing and wrestling around.
“Very true,” I said playfully, pulling my fortune out as he laughed. “The Afterward we got cleaned up and I took my seat at the head table as
one you love will never let you down.” Isabella prepared to throw her bouquet. Jasper took a seat beside me and
“In bed,” Edward added, smirking. “Goddamn right.” Emmett joined us a moment later, still stuffing his face with fucking cake.
We sat there and opened up all of the cookies, taking turns reading the “Can I ask you a question?” Jasper asked. I glanced at him and nodded,
fortunes to each other. When there was one left Edward handed it to me, curious as to what he wanted to know. “What possessed you to have such a
leaning back on the couch as he watched me open it. I pulled out the paper big wedding? This just doesn’t really seem like the two of you.”
and munched on the cookie as I opened it up, nearly choking as I read the “Seriously, bro, a Catholic wedding?” Emmett chimed in, his words
words. I coughed and grabbed my soda to take a drink as Edward took the mumbled because his mouth was fucking full. “Did you take confession
fortune from me. beforehand? I bet that took hours.”
“A thrilling time is in your immediate future,” he said, reading it aloud. “Fuck you,” I spat, shoving him and knocking the cake off of his fork.
He started laughing and glanced at me, the attention making my cheeks He gasped in horror when it tumbled to the floor, shoving me back. He stood
flame with blush again. “That it is, tesoro. That it is.” up and stalked off to get another piece, grumbling under his breath as I
He stood up without another word and grabbed my hand, pulling me to turned back to Jasper. “We actually talked about eloping. She said I could
my feet. He led me from the room, not bothering to clean up or put any of just take her to Vegas with me and we’d do it there, but it just didn’t feel
the food away, and quickly checked to make sure the house was locked up right. I couldn’t just take her to some drive-through wedding chapel. She
before we headed up the stairs. The moment we were inside the bedroom dreamed about this her entire life and I couldn’t let her memory of the day
his hands were on me, stripping me out of my clothes as he kicked off his she actually got married be of some fat jackass in an Elvis suit.”
546 567
plays and bad calls, and if you’re going to step out on the field, you need to pants. “Impatient, are we?” I asked, taken aback by his eagerness. He
be ready to play the game. You learn as you go, watch how the other side grunted at my question, grabbing my hips and leading me back to the bed.
works and adapt yourself to it. Big mistakes get you benched, and, “Actually, I think I’ve been more than patient,” he said. “But now it’s
depending on how bad you screwed up, they can cost you a fortune before time you finish what you started, because there was no fucking way I could
you’re allowed back on the playing field. There will always be rivals, people do it without you earlier.”
trying to knock you out of the game, but at the end of it all, if you’re lucky,
you’ll end up with a nice ring to show for your hard work. But it’s not over
there, you know. That’s when it really starts, because for the rest of your A noise startled me awake suddenly and I sat up in confusion, rubbing
life you’ll be trying to prove to everyone that you deserved to win. That you, my eyes. I glanced around the empty room and was stunned when my eyes
out of everyone, deserved to be given that ring.” fell upon the alarm clock, realizing it was already past noon.
He paused, snickering to himself before continuing. “That’s not the Carefree laughter rang out downstairs and I smiled at the sound,
biggest way relationships are like football, though. No matter what you do, climbing out of bed to pull on some clothes. There was a barrage of footsteps
no matter what happens, the point of both is to score as much as you can. on the first floor, followed by loud voices echoing throughout the house. I
Without scoring, the entire thing is really just a waste of time.” could tell it was chaotic when I stepped out of the room, the noises growing
I chuckled as Rosalie picked up her napkin and flung it at Emmett, louder as I quietly descended the steps. I froze as soon as I hit the bottom
rolling her eyes. He laughed and playfully blew her a kiss before diving of them, my chest constricting with dread when I spotted a familiar black
right back into his speech. “I think I should wrap this up. My old lady’s duffel bag sitting beside the front door. I’d seen it more times than I could
throwing penalty flags,” he joked, holding his glass up in the air. “So on count, sitting in that same spot, and knew exactly what it meant whenever
behalf of my wife, Rosalie, and I, I want to toast my brother and his new it was there.
wife, Izzy Bizzy– one of the most beautiful, sweet, humble, down-to-earth Edward was going away.
and talented women ever born. May there be plenty of scoring in their My mind was frantic, knowing something had to have come up, and I
future. To Edward, who couldn’t do better, and to Isabella, who quite was about to start panicking when a voice shrieked nearby, catching me off
frankly couldn’t do worse.” guard. “Isabella!”
Everyone raised their glasses in toast and I leaned over, kissing Isabella I glanced toward the source of my name and braced myself, seeing the
briefly as the DJ spoke up. He announced that it was time for our first small girl rushing right toward me. It was a familiar greeting from her and
dance and panic flashed in Isabella’s eyes as I stood up and took my jacket I laughed as she rammed into me, wrapping her arms around my waist.
off. She stood up beside me and hesitated before letting me lead her out She looked up at me excitedly and I couldn’t help but smile as I gazed into
onto the empty dance floor. I could tell she was fucking uneasy, knowing her warm eyes. It was still stunning to me, seeing her so happy and
everyone in the room was watching us, but she tried her best not to let her knowing I’d helped to make her that way.
nerves show. I pulled her to me when 18th Floor Balcony started playing, “Hey, Chelsea,” I said, hugging her back. “How are you sweetie?”
my hands on her hips guiding her as we started swaying to the music. I “Great!” she replied cheerfully. “It’s final, Isabella! I have a family!”
softly sung the words, my voice just loud enough for her to hear, and felt “You’ve had a family for a while now, you know,” I said. “We all love
her start to relax almost instantly. She put her arms over my shoulders, you.”
her fingers playing with the hair at the nape of my neck as she stared into “I know but it’s real now!” she exclaimed. “I even have a new name!
my eyes. I could see the tears she was fighting back, her eyes sparkling Evanson!”
under the lights. She looked happier than I’d ever seen her before and it “Chelsea Evanson,” I said, nodding. “I like it.”
was stunning, knowing I’d fucking done that. I’d been the one to make her “Me, too!”
happy. It seemed Esme had taken what I said the day of Dr. Cullen’s funeral
“I love you,” I said quietly. to heart and on the way to the lawyer’s office for the reading of the will,
“I know you do,” she replied, her smile growing. “I love you, too.” she’d brought up the subject of adoption again. I told her about some of the
“Good,” I said, smirking. I ventured to guess I would never tire of children I’d met in California, focusing on Chelsea because she always
hearing her say those words to me. “I’m sorry for fucking up the ceremony. affected me the most. I thought about her constantly when I was on the
I guess that shit’s not as easy as it looks.” road, concerned about how she was doing and worried what would come of
“Don’t be silly. You didn’t mess it up.” her in the future. Esme seemed intrigued, and a few weeks later she asked
if I would fly with her to California so she could meet the girl.
566 547
 The moment Esme’s eyes fell upon Chelsea, her mind had been made that to anyone. He has, however, admitted that I’m the best man, and as
up. She wanted her, and she wasn’t going to take no for an answer. It hadn’t the best man it’s my duty to stand up here and try to embarrass his ass,”
been easy, because Chelsea was a ward of the state of California and they he started. I groaned and sat my glass down, shaking my head. I’d told him
were wary of turning a child over to a family with alleged criminal ties. making a speech was unnecessary but I should’ve known better... Emmett
Alec’s record was clean, a few arrests but no convictions, but once the seed would never pass up an opportunity to annoy me. “There’s so much I could
was planted it was impossible to stop it from growing. The speculations and say about my little bro, so many words out there to describe him that it’s
insinuations of his position in the organization would forever follow him, almost impossible to know where to start. He’s stubborn, foolish, finicky,
just as I knew it would now always haunt Edward. He could go to school moody, erratic, quick to judge and even quicker to react. I tend to think he’s
and get a reputable career but it wouldn’t matter much to the government. pretty ugly, too, and he doesn’t seem to know how the hell to comb his hair,
To them, he would always simply be one of them. but that’s just my personal opinion.”
It took countless phone calls to government officials and thousands of “Fuck you,” I muttered, running my hand through my hair without
dollars in legal fees for them to even seriously consider the possibility, but thinking. It stuck up further when I did it and Emmett snickered, nudging
it wasn’t until I’d stepped in that they finally made headway. I’d called my me as everyone else started laughing.
friend Emily on a whim and flew back out to California, sitting down with “I forgot to add he has a foul mouth, which you all got to witness today.
her and explaining everything I could. I knew I was taking a huge risk The priest is probably blessing the church again right now since he
telling her about my past, considering she could’ve tried to go to the police desecrated it,” he said humorously, but I didn’t think that shit was very
about it. I also knew she could just as well think I was lying and laugh at funny. “Some lesser known qualities about Edward are that he’s protective
me, considering it did sound quite unbelievable that slavery still existed in over the people he loves, and he fights for what he believes in. He comes off
America in the twenty-first century, but it was a chance I was willing to as being extremely selfish, but the truth is that he’s probably the most
take. It paid off in the end, because after she got the gist of it all she agreed selfless person I know. He’s not afraid to sacrifice if he feels it’s for the best,
to help me however she could. She went to her father, the senator, and he although I know it’s the last thing he actually wants to do. Like I said a
was able to pull some strings to get Esme and Alec’s paperwork pushed minute ago, he can be stubborn.
through. A year ago they had finally been given clearance to take custody “And then there’s Isabella, who has to be the most patient person alive
of Chelsea and bring her to Illinois, and they’d been gone for the past week to be able to put up with him. So strong and talented, so charming and
finalizing the adoption. beautiful. At first she and Edward seemed to be complete opposites, the
“Bella, Bella, Bella!” Carlisle screeched, capturing our attention as he timid, naive girl that was experiencing everything for the first time and the
ran down the hallway toward us. jaded, reckless boy that was pretty much sick of it all by that point. We all
“Hey, Little C,” I said, reaching down and roughing up his hair as he expected there to be problems and conflict because of how different they
stopped in front of me. “You happy now that your mom’s here?” were. I don’t think any of us could’ve predicted that these two people from
“Mama!” he exclaimed enthusiastically, turning around to scamper totally different sides of the spectrum would be able to meet somewhere in
back toward the living room at the mention of her. Chelsea ran after him the middle and find some common ground, but they did. He helped her open
and he giggled, his attention diverted. Changing his course, he ran into the up and showed her what was out in the world, and she calmed him down
laundry room to hide from her, yelling again. “Hide seek!” and taught him that there were still things worth living for. They balanced
I laughed but quieted when I heard Edward groan in the living room, each other, found peace in each other, and together they managed to find
sounding upset. “This is fucking bullshit,” he spat angrily. love. I know that sounds cheesy, like I’m quoting out of a damn Julia
“Suck it up, bro,” Emmett replied with a laugh. “Kiss my ass,” Edward Roberts movie or something, but it’s the truth. What they have is rare.”
replied. “You fucking cheat.” I glanced at Isabella and she smiled, reaching under the table to take
“I do not,” Emmett retorted. “I’ve never cheated in my life.” my hand as Emmett continued.
I heard Rosalie laugh bitterly. “You cheat at Monopoly.” “I don’t know if you all know this, but in high school my brother was
“And on his fucking taxes,” Edward added. “You can’t tell me you kind of notorious. He was something of a hotshot football player, the
actually claimed all that money Dad left you.” popular quarterback. He let that shit go to his head a bit, thinking he was
“Neither did you,” Emmett said. invincible, but I’ll admit he was actually pretty good,” he said. “I’m not
“So? I never said I didn’t fucking cheat.” trying to be cliché or anything, but one thing my own marriage taught me
“How am I cheating?” Emmett asked with disbelief. “It’s not even is that relationships are like football in a lot of ways. It’s a team sport and
possible.” you have to work together to be successful. There are highs and lows, good
548 565
felony gun charges. I turned twenty-one sitting in a dirty cell with about “I don’t know, you tell me how you’re doing it,” Edward replied.
two dozen belligerent motherfuckers, waiting to see a judge about bail. I hesitantly headed toward the living room, confused as to what was
I couldn’t call Isabella to pick me up because she was keeping Little C going on, and paused when I caught a glimpse of the three of them. Rosalie
overnight while Rosalie and Emmett celebrated their first anniversary, so was sitting in a chair across the room but Edward and Emmett were sitting
I reluctantly called Esme. My bail was eventually posted and I walked out on the couch together, a board game set up on the coffee table in front of
at around five o’clock in the morning, expecting to be accosted by my them. I laughed when I realized what it was, unable to contain myself, and
worried aunt, but instead was met by a very pissed off Alec. He didn’t say they all glanced over at me.
a fucking word to me the entire drive home but he was so tense I could “Candyland?” I asked with amusement. “Seriously?”
practically feel his anger from the passenger seat. I was in danger of losing “They’re idiots,” Rosalie said, shaking her head. “Esme dropped Chelsea
what I had been working toward, knowing he’d fucking take the job in off so she could run some errands and she asked us to play a game with her,
Vegas from me before I even really got it. If I couldn’t handle one small- and, well, you see how that’s turned out.”
time local bookie, there was no goddamn way he’d ever entrust me with the “There’s nothing wrong with finishing a game once you start it,”
whole franchise. Emmett said defensively. “It’s called commitment, Rosie. Once I start
Alec pulled up in front of my house, guilt eating away at me when he something, I don’t just give up. I see things through.”
refused to even look at me or acknowledge I was actually fucking there. I “Too bad you don’t have the same outlook in bed,” she replied with a
got out and slowly made my way inside, heading straight into the kitchen. smirk. Edward started laughing and shoved Emmett, who shoved him
I opened up the freezer and pulled out the chilled bottle of Vodka, pulling back. I shook my head at their childish behavior as I walked over, sitting
the top off of it. I hesitated before taking a big swig, downing almost half of down on the arm of the couch by Edward. “So I take it Emmett’s winning
it in one drink and allowing the burn to soothe the ache I felt. I stared at since he’s being accused of cheating.”
the bottle for a moment as the alcohol made its way into my system and “He is cheating,” Edward insisted. “I’ve been stuck in fucking Molasses
sighed as I turned it over, dumping the rest of it down the sink drain. Swamp forever and I can’t move until I get a red card.”
I went up the stairs to our bedroom and found Isabella asleep with a “How is that Emmett’s fault?”
tiny Little C lying quietly beside her. He was awake and just staring at the “He stole all the red cards.”
ceiling in the darkness, his gaze drifting in my direction when I walked I laughed with disbelief as Emmett nudged Edward, telling him it was
toward the bed. Our eyes met and he smiled before starting to babble his turn. Edward grabbed a card, nearly knocking over their game pieces,
incoherently and laugh, thrilled to see a familiar face. I grinned as I and froze when he saw that it was red. “About fucking time,” he grumbled,
watched him, my chest feeling like it was going to fucking burst. moving his piece. “Are you going to apologize for accusing him of cheating?”
It was at that moment, watching how happy that little boy was to see I asked.
me, that I told myself I was done with alcohol. It wasn’t worth it and I swore “Fuck him,” Edward muttered. We all laughed as they continued to play
I would never take another drink, no matter how much I might want one. their game, my attention settling on Edward. He had already showered,
Of course I’d fucking lied, because there had been quite a few relapses dressed nicely in a pair of black slacks and a light blue button down shirt.
since then that usually resulted in Alec having to come pick my drunk ass I glanced down at his feet and saw the black dress shoes which brought
up somewhere, but I did the best I could and it got a little easier with time. back thoughts of the bag by the door. It was his business clothes, what he
Mr. Ricci got most of the charges against me knocked down, but they wore when he was leaving to do Alec’s bidding. He was apparently a
wouldn’t budge on my possession of an unregistered handgun. I was a traditionalist and expected his men to look respectable when they
convicted felon now, but not because I’d been caught stealing, or because represented him, a fact that Edward wasn’t particularly fond of.
I’d hurt someone trying to do my duties. No, I was a felon simply because “You’re leaving,” I said quietly, frowning.
I’d been fucking stupid. I had a permanent black mark on my record and I “Yeah, I have to go take care of some things,” he replied, looking at his
had no one to blame for that shit but myself. watch. “Em’s going to come with me to Vegas.”
I sat my fork down once again and pushed my plate away before “Hell yeah, we’re gonna hit up the casinos,” Emmett interjected. “Do a
grabbing my glass of juice. I was taking a drink when Emmett stood up little gambling.”
beside me, shoving his chair back as he picked up his glass. He took his fork I eyed them warily, unsure if that was a good idea given Edward’s shaky
and tapped the side of it, calling for everyone’s attention. sobriety, but decided to keep my mouth shut about it. I needed to trust his
“I think everyone here knows who I am but in case you don’t, my name’s judgment, and I knew Emmett wouldn’t let his brother do anything stupid.
Emmett. I’m Edward’s older and wiser brother, although he’d never admit “What time’s your flight?”
564 549
 “We’re going to leave as soon as Alec calls. He’s going to let us take the My wife... who would’ve ever thought Edward Cullen would have a
private plane,” Edward replied. “You know, just in case Rosalie goes into fucking wife? “You should eat your food,” she said quietly, her smile turning
labor and Em needs to get back. Or thinks she’s going into labor anyway.” mischievous as she turned her attention back to her plate. “You’ll need the
“Fuck you, Cullen,” Rosalie replied. “No, thanks,” Edward quipped. energy later.”
“So what about the wedding?” I asked curiously, interrupting their I groaned at the insinuation and picked my fork back up, stabbing at
bickering. “Are you sure you’ll be back by then?” the meat on my plate. It seemed to be some kind of fucking pork, but I
“Tesoro, nothing’s going to keep me from the wedding. I promise you wasn’t entirely sure. Esme had handled the caterers for us because neither
that,” he replied. “I’ll be standing at that altar waiting for you, no matter Isabella or I really cared much about the formality of receptions. I was all
what.” about ordering some pizza and letting the motherfuckers help themselves,
“And the rehearsal?” I asked. It was in two days, but I knew there was but evidently that shit wouldn’t fly with the company we kept. “Don’t worry,
no way he’d make it back that quick. He shrugged at my question, running Bella. I’ll have plenty of energy for you.”
his hand through his hair anxiously. “Oh, I’m not worried,” she said as she took a bite. “I seem to recall a
“We’re going to have to cancel it,” he said. “We can just wing the certain fortune cookie telling me that you wouldn’t let me down.”
ceremony. I mean, how hard can it be?” I laughed as I started eating my food, already feeling a bit better. The
Rosalie laughed dryly at his words, obviously suggesting it wasn’t as shakiness was usually fleeting, although the thoughts were always in the
easy as Edward thought, but I just nodded because I knew there was back of my mind. I’d seriously fucking gotten out of control with the
nothing we could do about it. If Alec sent him away now, knowing how close drinking but it wasn’t until after Carlisle’s birth that I’d finally realized
the wedding was, it had to be important. Edward’s phone started ringing how bad it was. I couldn’t think straight half of the time, my moods
before either of us could say anything else and he pulled it from his pocket, fluctuating so quickly that I knew Isabella could barely keep up at the
frowning at the screen. “We’re coming, sir,” he said as he answered, giving beginning. I tried to chalk it up to my grieving, thinking that once it all
me a cautious look when he hung up. sunk in and things settled down my behavior would level back out, but it
“Be careful,” I said quietly, trying to fight back the anxiety I felt every didn’t. It just kept getting worse.
time he left. It was somewhat of a relief that Emmett was going along, but It was the day before my twenty-first birthday, June of 2009 when it all
it didn’t completely calm my fears. finally came to a head. I was drunk, like fucking usual, and got called out
“I always am. It’s just a few days, so don’t worry. Barely enough time to by Alec with an enforcer to check on one of our bookies that hadn’t paid up.
miss me.” Usually the enforcer handled it on his own, given that was his fucking job
“I’ll miss you as soon as you walk out the door.” to enforce shit– but Alec wanted to test me, to see if I could manage the
“I doubt that,” he said, standing up. He leaned over and kissed me book runners and keep them in line. I was determined to prove myself and
quickly as Emmett said goodbye to his wife and son. “I think you’ll be so make him proud of my progress but needless to say, I’d fucking failed
busy with wedding stuff that you probably won’t even notice I’m gone.” horribly. The moment I confronted the guy he panicked, punching me right
He turned for the door as his phone started ringing again and I bit down in the goddamn nose before turning and running.
on my lip, willing the tears pooling in my eyes to stay where they were. The enforcer caught him and beat his ass down, but I was useless, in a
“Don’t worry Izzy Bizzy, I’ll keep him straight,” Emmett said, playfully fucking stupor from the alcohol and blinding pain. I climbed back in my car
nudging me with his elbow as he walked past. “I’ll make sure he’s back in and leaned my forehead against the steering wheel, closing my eyes in an
time.” attempt to fucking block it all out. Time meant nothing to me then– it
“Thanks, Emmett,” I replied. I walked with him into the hallway and could’ve been seconds or minutes, or even goddamn hours that I sat there,
watched as Edward grabbed the duffel bag, turning back to look at me. blacking out. The next thing I remembered was a tapping on my window
‘I love you’, he mouthed, his phone to his ear as he listened to whomever and I opened my eyes to see the last fucking thing I ever wanted to see at
was on the line. that moment... flashing blue lights.
“Love you, too,” I replied. “Don’t forget about your vows.” I was still underage, drunk and sitting behind the wheel of a car with a
half empty bottle of Grey Goose on the seat beside me. I had a loaded
handgun on me with the serial number scratched off, concealed and
“Come on, Isabella. Just one.” obviously not fucking registered with the city of Chicago. They arrested me
“I don’t know,” I said warily, eyeing the small glass filled with the gold and I spent the night in lockup, booked for two misdemeanors and three
colored liquid on the table in front of me. “I mean, I don’t know if I should.”
550 563
 “We have White Jasmine Sparkling Tea, too,” Isabella chimed in, “You should,” Alice chimed in from her seat across from me. “I’ll do one
matter-of-factly. “And Vignette Wine Country Sodas. They all look just like with you.”
champagne but they’re alcohol free.” She grabbed an empty shot glass from the center of the table and poured
I sighed and sat my glass back down without taking a drink, already some of the gold substance into it. It was Patrón Añejo Tequila, according
not liking the turn the conversation was taking. There was a separate room to the bottle, but that didn’t mean much to me. All I really knew was that
off to the back with a bar for the guests, knowing we couldn’t have a it was hard alcohol, and my friends were determined to get me to try it. It
goddamn wedding reception with no alcohol available at all, but it was to was my bachelorette party, as they called it, and Rosalie had said it was
be kept away from the main area as much as possible because of me. I felt vital for us to celebrate. After overhearing conversations about male
somewhat guilty, and even a bit grateful, but at the same time it grated on strippers and sex toys, however, I’d panicked and insisted they keep it
my nerves. It was like they all thought I was some fucking fragile asshole simple.
that couldn’t function normally because he needed his hand held through They begrudgingly agreed, knowing I’d stay home if they didn’t, which
shit. It made me feel weak and, even worse, the discussion about my lack was how we ended up at Alec’s club with a bottle of tequila sitting in front
of drinking just made me want a goddamn drink– real bad. of us.
They finally stopped discussing it when everyone had their plates and “I’ll do one, too,” a third voice chimed in. I glanced over at my friend
the DJ spoke up, saying Grace before we ate. I picked up my fork and poked Emily and she smiled, grabbing a glass and pouring herself a shot. She’d
at the food a bit, but my stomach was fucking queasy. My palms were flown in three nights ago for the wedding, arriving around the same time
sweaty and I started shaking my leg under the table as my anxiety Alice had. I was surprised at how well she fit in with Alice and Rosalie,
mounted, suddenly feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. The compulsion grateful they’d been so welcoming to her. I had been worried that Emily’s
to drink was still in me and I craved the liquor, my body screaming for just strong personality would rub them the wrong way, but she’d been an
a little goddamn taste to keep it satiated. I could practically feel the burn important person in my life when I first set out on my own so I wanted her
in my throat, needing a little of that warmth in my chest again for old times’ to be there.
sake... just enough to soothe my nerves and keep the fucking panic attack “I’m not even old enough to drink yet,” I said, looking back at the liquor.
at bay. I knew that didn’t work from experience, though, because I’d given “I won’t be twenty-one for another few weeks.”
in to it before. It begged for a tiny sip but it was never enough, because once “Oh, please,” Emily said. I could practically hear her rolling her eyes.
I got it, I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop. A sip turned into two, which “As much as you’ve been through in your life, you’ve earned a little
turned into an entire bottle, which eventually led to waking up the next Tequila.”
morning with a splitting goddamn headache, a very pissed off boss and no “Besides, I’m not twenty-one either,” Alice chimed in. “You know Alec
recollection of what the fuck had happened the night before. doesn’t mind. I mean, he’s pretty much your uncle.”
Yeah, I had no desire to go there ever again. “Your very fucking hot uncle,” Emily added. “But Edward...”
Isabella reached under the table and grabbed my thigh, forcefully “...is not here,” Rosalie said, cutting me off. “And seriously, if he were
stilling my movements that were apparently becoming noticeable. I glanced here, I know he’d be cheering you on. I mean, come on, this is Edward we’re
at her cautiously and she smiled, no signs of anger in her expression at all. talking about here. You honestly think he’d deny you this moment? I don’t.”
She could usually tell when I was struggling and never judged me for it, “No, but–”
always seeming to know exactly what to do to calm me down. “Are you “No ‘buts’, Isabella,” Alice said. “Live a little. You only get married
okay?” she asked, concerned. I nodded as I dropped my fork, running my once.”
hand through my hair anxiously. Emily snickered, picking up her glass. “Not where I come from,” she
“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” I replied, trying to get myself under control. The said. “In Cali you get married about a half a dozen times before you finally
tension started receding from my body as I gazed at her, taking in how get it right.”
downright stunning she looked. She fucking glowed and my chest swelled Alice and Rosalie both laughed. “Well, Isabella will only get married
with emotion at the twinkle of happiness in her eyes, hoping she saw the once,” Alice said confidently.
same thing shining back at her. She meant everything to me. My love for “If even that,” Rosalie added. “I’m still holding out hope that she’ll
her was stronger than anything else, more potent than the drugs or alcohol change her mind before it’s too late.”
had ever been. She was my world, my fucking life, and now she was my wife “Not a chance,” I said, shaking my head.
on top of it. “Well, if she does, I call dibs,” Emily said jokingly, winking at me. “That
man is gorgeous. And he treats her good, too. I’m all sorts of jealous.”
562 551
 Rosalie grimaced and pretended to gag. “You’ve got to be fucking blind.” I grabbed her hips and she yelped as I quickly pulled her to me. “You’re
“Oh come on, Rose. You can admit that Edward’s good looking,” Alice wrong, Isabella Marie Cullen,” I said, smirking as I said that shit out loud
said. “I don’t deny he’s attractive.” for the first time. “It was that bad, because it was twenty minutes that I
“Sorry, but no,” Rosalie said, shaking her head. “I can’t see past the big couldn’t do this.”
ass ego and ugly personality. I’ve never understood what girls saw in him.” I smashed my lips to hers, kissing her deeply, and heard Rosalie groan
“You’re such a liar,” Alice refuted with a laugh. “If you honestly thought nearby. “Nauseating,” she grumbled. “I don’t want to see that.”
Edward was that bad, there’s no way you would’ve made him Little C’s “Then stop fucking looking,” I spat, pulling away from Isabella’s lips
Godfather. You even gave him his middle name. That tells me you see long enough to get the words out. She laughed when I went right back to
something in him.” kissing her again and wrapped her arms around me as she kissed me back.
“You’re wrong.” “We’re heading inside,” I heard Jasper say, patting me on the back as
“I’m not. Tell the truth. You think he’s a good guy.” he walked past. “Don’t keep everyone waiting.”
“No, I don’t.” “Whatever,” I grumbled incoherently.
“Yes, you do,” Alice said firmly. “You actually like Edward Cullen.” We stood there for a while longer, continuing to kiss, as everyone else
“Take it back!” filtered into the banquet hall where the reception was being held.
“No! Admit it!” Eventually she pulled away from me, panting as she tried to catch her
They stared at each other at an impasse and Emily laughed, trying to breath, her cheeks flushed. “Maybe we should go inside,” she suggested.
break the tension. “Well, I like him,” she said. “Any man that would do what “Fuck that,” I said, pulling her back to me. I started trailing kisses down
Edward did for Isabella is a damn good man in my book.” her jaw line, making my way to her neck. “Let’s leave.”
“Now that I’ll drink to,” Alice said. I smiled and finally reached for the “We can’t just leave, Edward,” she said breathlessly. “These people are
shot glass in front of me, picking it up. here because of us.”
“Me, too.” “So?” I whispered as I started kissing on her neck. She laughed as she
They wet their hands and dumped salt on it, telling me to do the same. pushed me off of her, and I sighed, resigned. “Okay, I get it. You’re right.
I listened even though I was unsure of the point, and on the count of three We need to go in.”
we licked the salt off of our skin before tipping the shot back. The liquid “See?” she said, grabbing my hand. “Don’t worry. It’ll be fun.”
burned as soon as it hit my chest and I started coughing, my eyes filling “Yeah, but I think we’d have a lot more fun if we were alone somewhere
with tears. “Here,” Rosalie said, holding a lemon wedge out to me. “Bite right now.”
down on it.” “Maybe so,” she said, shrugging. “I think there will be plenty of time for
The sourness from the lemon dulled the burn a bit and I wiped the tears that later, though.”
from my eyes with the back of my hand, taking a deep breath. “Goodness “I sure as fuck hope so.”
that’s rough.” She started to walk away, tugging on my arm, and I begrudgingly
“Yeah, it is,” Alice said. “Let’s do another!” moved from the spot I was standing in. We were met by loud applause the
I looked at her incredulously and Emily agreed, quickly filling all three moment we stepped inside the building and the DJ spotted us, announcing
shot glasses again. our arrival.
“But you said just one.” Isabella blushed, ducking her head, and I chuckled as we walked down
“Yeah, well, no one really does just one,” Emily said. “That’s just some the path toward the head table at the front of the room. I thanked everyone
shit you say before you get wasted, Iz.” quickly as we took our seats, waiting for the staff to bring everyone their
“Fine,” Rosalie said suddenly, crossing her arms over her chest. They food. A waiter set our plates down in front of us as another came over with
rested across her bulging stomach and I smiled, reaching over and pressing a green glass bottle in his hand and started filling up our glasses. I nodded
my hand against the side of it. I loved feeling the baby kicking and, at him in greeting as he poured the bubbly liquid in my glass, picking it up
thankfully, Rosalie didn’t mind when I did it. Motherhood had softened and bringing it to my nose when he moved on to pour Isabella’s. I grimaced
her... for the most part, anyway. She obviously still liked to give Edward a at the smell and Jasper laughed from his seat nearby, swirling his drink
hard time. around in his glass.
“Fine, what?” Alice asked. “Never thought I’d be sitting at my little brother’s wedding drinking
“Fine, I admit it,” she said. “Edward’s not that bad. He’s grown up a lot. Welch’s Sparkling White Grape Juice,” he said, shaking his head as he took
He actually makes for a decent babysitter.” a sip.
552 561
hurriedly, obviously wanting to get the service over with. Edward reached “See! I told you! You like Edward Cullen.”
over and grasped my hand, linking our fingers together and squeezing “Yeah, I like him. Whatever. Just don’t tell him that shit.”
gently. “Look at that,” Emily said, smirking as she picked up her glass.
“Edward, do you take Isabella to be your wife? Do you promise to be true “Another reason to drink!”
to her in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love her and Alice picked up hers and they looked at me expectantly, waiting. I
honor her all the days of your life?” hesitated but wet my hand, pouring some salt on it while they started
“I do.” cheering. We each downed our shot, the second one a tiny bit smoother than
“Isabella, do you take Edward to be your husband? Do you promise to the first, and I bit down on the lemon as I suddenly felt lightheaded. My
be true to him in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love spine was tingling, my limbs just a little looser than before, and I slouched
him and honor him all the days of your life?” back in the chair as my body started to relax.
“I do.” “That wasn’t as rough,” I declared.
“You have declared your consent before the Church. May the Lord in his Alice smiled, grabbing the bottle. “Another,” she said, pouring liquor
goodness strengthen your consent and fill you both with his blessings. What into each of our shot glasses as we held them up. “This time we drink to
God has joined, men must not divide.” love and marriage.”
We exchanged rings at his word and my hand shook as Edward slipped “And family,” Rosalie chimed in, grabbing her soda and holding it up to
the simple gold band on my finger, the one I knew belonged to his mother. join us. “And sex,” Emily said. “Can’t forget that.”
I gazed down at it as the tears started falling again, emotion overwhelming “Definitely can’t forget that,” Rosalie agreed. “Happiness,” Alice said,
me when I heard the priest declare us husband and wife. “Now you kiss,” “and friendship.”
Emmett said, nudging Edward. I glanced up again and saw Edward glare “Freedom,” I added, smiling at the word.
at his brother before focusing on me, his face lighting up with love when “To freedom,” they echoed as we clanked our glasses together. Rosalie
our eyes connected. He grasped my chin gently and leaned forward, my eyes sipped her soda as we threw back our shots and I grunted at the harsh
drifting closed as our lips came together. liquid, my chest warming even more than before. I felt like I was floating,
His kiss was sweet but there was passion behind it... passion I looked my body abuzz with electricity as a fog seemed to settle over my brain.
forward to feeling for the rest of my life. “It’s sort of ironic that we’re drinking to freedom when you’re about to
tie yourself down to someone,” Emily said.
“Especially to Edward. That’s got to be like a fucking full time job,”
Edward Rosalie said. Alice looked at her, quirking an eyebrow, and Rosalie
“Just a few more.” shrugged. “What? Give me a break. Old habits die hard.”
I sighed and tried to stop squirming, but the suit was beginning to “It’s not ironic, really,” I started to explain as I reached over, snatching
fucking suffocate me. It felt like we’d been standing there for hours as the the bottle of liquor from the table in front of Alice. My words were slurred
photographer snapped picture after picture, posing us in every goddamn a bit and I felt odd, like I was moving in slow motion. I was slightly drunk
position imaginable in order to get a good shot. I did my best to keep my already, I realized, but I didn’t seem to mind it much as I started pouring
eyes focused on the camera, not wanting to fuck up the wedding myself another shot. I felt good and I knew Rosalie had been right– Edward
photographs, but my attention kept being drawn to the woman standing would be happy if I let loose a bit. He’d never want his own issues to hold
beside me. Half of the pictures would probably come out looking like I was me back or hinder me from having a good time, so I supposed there was no
ogling her, but I couldn’t help it. She was fucking beautiful. harm in having a few drinks as long as in doing so I didn’t endanger
“Relax,” Isabella said quietly, sensing my discomfort. “I’m trying,” I Edward.
muttered. “How do you figure?” Rosalie asked when I didn’t elaborate right away.
“Everyone smile!” the photographer shouted. I smiled on demand, ready I poured the other two shots, accidentally spilling some of the liquid, and
to get the shit over with, and he snapped off a few pictures in quick we drank them down before I explained.
succession. “Alright, I think that’s a wrap.” “Well, it’s not ironic that we’re toasting my freedom the night before my
I exhaled in relief and immediately reached up to loosen my tie. “Thank wedding, because if it weren’t for Edward, I would’ve never known what it
fucking God. That shit took forever.” meant to be free.”
“Oh, it wasn’t that bad,” Isabella said with a laugh. “It was only like
twenty minutes.”
560 553
 I stood still as I gazed in the mirror, completely taken aback by the sight “I remember thinking later that morning that you were going to
in front of me. My hair was curled, the top half pulled back and secured complicate my life,” he said, pausing as he laughed quietly to himself. “And
with pins, and a small gold tiara kept my veil in place. I was wearing complicate it you did. Everything I knew, everything I believed, everything
makeup, not a whole lot but enough to be noticeable. My cream colored I thought I wanted out of life... all of it went out the window that day. You
dress was simple, one shouldered and long with a train in the back, and I turned me upside down and made me feel again. You pulled me back from
had on a pair of high heels that matched. It wasn’t flashy but it was the ledge and saved my life, even though I didn’t even realize that it needed
undoubtedly beautiful, exactly the way I had always envisioned it. It was saved. I thought I was fine, that I didn’t need anyone else, but I was wrong,
stunning, seeing myself that way, like a lifetime of hopes and dreams was Bella., because I do. I need you.
staring back at me in my reflection. Maybe that’s unhealthy because I should be able to make it on my own,
I could feel the tears building up in my eyes and I fought them back, not and maybe if I had to, I could. I don’t know, and the truth is that I don’t
wanting to ruin my makeup. It was hard, though, as my thoughts kept even want to know if I can. Christ, I...”
shifting to my mother. I missed her terribly and wished she could be there, My eyes widened in shock as the priest inhaled sharply and Edward
imagining how proud she’d be to see me at that moment. It was everything stopped talking abruptly, realizing what he’d just used Christ as a curse.
she wanted for me, everything she always told me I would find in the world. “Shit,” he spat instinctively, looking at me with horror when it struck him
Once upon a time I’d doubted her, thinking it was impossible, but now it that he’d cursed again. He started stammering in a panic but was cut off
was finally becoming real. suddenly when a loud voice rung out a few feet away.
The door behind me opened and I watched in the mirror as Rosalie “Shit!”
walked in, followed by Alice and Emily. They were my bridesmaids, each of There was a collective gasp as everyone turned to look at Carlisle, who
them wearing a light pink, silver and brown strapless A-line dress. It had stood proudly beside his father with a big grin on his face.
a lace bodice and satin sash over layers of tulle skirt, and they wore high “What are you teaching my son, man?” Emmett asked as Esme jumped
heels that matched. Each of them was stunning in the dress, even the very up from her seat, scooping Carlisle up as he started chanting the word.
pregnant Rosalie who looked like she felt more uncomfortable than “Yeah, Edward,” Rosalie said behind me. I turned to look at her with
anything. Rosalie and I had grown close over the years and she was my surprise, considering what had happened before the wedding, and she
matron of honor, something I would never have thought could happen when smirked and motioned for me to be quiet. I shook my head as I looked back
I first met her. at Edward, who was running his hand through his hair and frantically
“I can’t get over how beautiful you look,” Alice said. “Edward is going to shaking his head.
pass out when he sees you.” “I didn’t teach him that godd–”
I smiled. “Is he here yet?” I knew what he was about to say before the word slipped out and I
“Yes, they just got here, rushed straight from the airport,” Rosalie said. quickly reached over, clamping my hand over his mouth before anyone else
“He’s right down the hall, actually.” heard. He stared at me cautiously and I could see the panic in his eyes as
“Really?” I asked excitedly, turning and quickly heading for the door. Esme carried Carlisle back to her seat with her, trying to quiet him down.
Alice jumped in front of me with a wild look on her face and I stopped I smiled softly, so he wouldn’t think I was upset at him, and I watched as
abruptly, confused. he visibly relaxed right before my eyes, I carefully removed my hand and
“Where do you think you’re going?” she asked, her hands on her hips. he leaned forward, brushing his lips against mine, I kissed him back,
“Uh, to see Edward.” parting my lips and softly moaning as his tongue came into contact with
“Are you nuts?” she screeched. “You can’t see him before the wedding!” mine.
“Why?” I asked, not understanding her reaction. She groaned and rolled “Not yet, man,” Emmett said, grabbing a hold of Edward and pulling
her eyes as Rosalie and Emily laughed. him away from me. “You’re getting ahead of yourself there.”
“It’s bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her dress before the The priest cleared his throat, eyeing us warily, and Edward let out an
ceremony,” Emily explained. exasperated sigh. “Sorry, Father,” he grumbled.
“Well, that’s silly,” I said. “I don’t believe that.” “Would you like to finish?” he asked.
“It doesn’t matter,” Alice said matter-of-factly. “You do it anyway, just “Uh, no,” Edward responded, shaking his head. “I think I’ve said
in case. You don’t want to jinx yourself.” enough.”
“And because it’s tradition,” Rosalie added. “Since it is your intention to enter into marriage, join your right hands,
and declare your consent before God and his Church,” the priest said
554 559
 “The first time you asked me to marry you was four years ago on my “More like superstition,” I muttered as the door to the room opened
seventeenth birthday, although it really feels like it was just yesterday. You again. I looked over quickly, hoping it would be Edward, and found myself
told me that morning that it didn’t have to happen that day, or the next slightly disappointed when Esme walked in instead. She was followed by
day, or even that year. You just wanted me to swear to you that I would be Chelsea in her white flower girl dress and Carlisle was tottering behind
your wife when I was ready, that I would spend the rest of my life with you. them, looking sharp wearing his little black suit with his blond hair slicked
I’d said yes, of course, and I meant it with everything in me. I knew exactly back on his head. He was growling and had a fierce expression on his face
what I was agreeing to that morning. We were still young and maybe we as he looked in our direction. “What are you doing, little man?”
were naive, thinking we had it all figured out, but one thing I never doubted “Grrrrr,” he exclaimed, scrunching up his nose at me as he narrowed
was that we were meant to be.” his eyes. “Ring bear! Grrr!”
I paused to wipe my cheeks as more tears spilled from my eyes. “A lot I started laughing as he continued to growl. “I told him he was the ring
has happened to us since that day, and we took separate paths for a while, bearer in the wedding, so he’s convinced he’s a bear now,” Rosalie
but at the end of it all we came right back together. With you is where I’m explained, rolling her eyes. “All morning he’s been doing that shit.”
supposed to be. No matter what happens in the future, I know this is our “Shit!” Carlisle yelled, echoing his mother. My eyes widened with shock
fate. When I first met you I wasn’t sure what to think, because you were and Rosalie gasped as the others started laughing, the sound of their
nothing like anyone I’d ever met before. The things you made me feel scared amusement spurring Carlisle on. “Shit! Shit! Shit!”
me and I wanted nothing more at the time than to stay as far away from “No, baby! Don’t repeat Mommy!” Rosalie said quickly, scooping Carlisle
you as possible, but I couldn’t. I was drawn to you. You gave me hope. You up in her arms. “Don’t say that word!”
believed in me and helped me, and most of all you loved me. Me. Out of all “Shit!” he exclaimed again, starting to giggle uncontrollably. Rosalie
the people in the world, you picked me. I was so used to being overlooked, tried to shush him but it wasn’t working, the attention only making it
so used to being invisible, but you saw me. I wouldn’t be the person I am worse, so she excused herself and bolted from the room with him wiggling
today without you. I love you, Edward Anthony Cullen, and I want you to in her arms. I tried to contain myself as I watched but I couldn’t stop myself
know that I’m ready now. I’m ready to be your wife and to spend the rest of from laughing, the entire scene amusing. It wasn’t the first time he’d
my life with you, because there’s no place in the world I’d rather be.” repeated something he shouldn’t, and with the family he’d been born into I
“Sempre,” he whispered, choking on the word. I could tell he was trying was positive it wouldn’t be the last.
to keep his composure, not wanting to crack in front of so many people. “Well, you know he’s related to Edward with that mouth,” Esme said
“Sempre,” I echoed the word, meaning it with every fiber of my being. jokingly, thinking the same thing I was.
He was my forever. I agreed as I walked back over to the mirror to finish getting ready. We
“I’m sure you remember our first encounter, the morning in the kitchen were chatting about last minute issues, like the fact that I apparently was
back in Washington, and what a complete disaster it turned out to be. I breaking tradition by not wearing something blue, when a throat cleared
didn’t expect anyone to be down there so it freaked me out when I saw you nearby. We all glanced over at the doorway at the sound, my heart nearly
standing in the doorway watching me. I ended up dropping my orange juice, stilling when I saw Alec standing there. “They need the wedding party,” he
spilling it all over my pants and the floor. You started to clean it up, trying said, motioning toward my bridesmaids and Chelsea. They smiled excitedly
to help, and I, uh, well, you know what I did,” he said, shaking his head at at me before hurrying from the room, and Esme escorted Chelsea along
the memory. I nodded, smiling sadly as I recalled him snapping and with them in order to leave Alec and I alone. I nervously turned away from
grabbing a hold of my wrist so I’d stop cleaning. He’d been so angry back him, the blood rushing furiously through my veins as my anxiety
then... so broken. Edward still had cracks in him, scars from where he’d skyrocketed.
once been shattered, but he was holding himself together now and that was Alec nonchalantly strolled in my direction and paused behind where I
what mattered. stood, watching me in the mirror. He was quiet for a moment, just staring,
“What you don’t know, though, is that as we sat like idiots in that puddle and his silence did nothing to ease my nerves. Time was ticking away
of juice, having a showdown over who was supposed to clean it up, all I rapidly, everything feeling so surreal. “Principessa della mafia,” he said
could think about was how beautiful you were. You were scared and finally, his voice calm. “When Carlisle first confessed to me who you were,
confused and hurt, and I know I wasn’t helping that at the time, but I told him I couldn’t see it. I said you didn’t look like one of us.”
underneath it all you were just beautiful, Isabella. You had me the very I bit down on my lip and started fidgeting as he paused, my heart
first time I laid eyes on you, stole my heart right from my chest without me pounding so hard in my chest that it hurt. He continued to stare at my
even realizing it.
558 555
reflection in contemplation as the corner of his lips turned up into a smile Alec and I slowly started down the aisle. I kept my attention focused on
and I suddenly felt dizzy, my vision hazy as I waited for him to speak again. Edward and he didn’t look away from me at all, grinning as we drew near.
“I see it now,” he eventually said, his declaration catching me off guard. His eyes raked down my body when I paused beside him, and he winked
I gaped at him in shock and he cleared his throat again, still uncomfortable when we made eye contact again. I blushed and averted my gaze, hoping
with anything even remotely close to affection. He’d loosened up a bit since the veil would mask my reaction, but when he chuckled under his breath I
Chelsea moved in with them, but he was far from being loving or parental. knew he could tell.
I ventured to guess there would always be a coldness to him, although every Alec let go of me and lifted my veil, nodding at Edward before making
now and then he allowed his softer side to shine through in private. “I’ll his way over to the front pew where Esme was. The music stopped playing
give you a moment, Isabella.” and the priest said a brief prayer, followed by a collective shuffling as
He walked out of the room without another word, leaving me alone once everyone sat back down in their seats. I handed Rosalie my bouquet to hold
more, and I turned my focus back to my reflection. I smiled and the tears and Edward continued to stare at me with a smirk on his face, happiness
started pooling in my eyes again when I heard piano music start up nearby, radiating from him in waves. I scanned him quickly, something I always
thoughts of my mother returning. I recalled when I saw her that final time did when he returned from trips... always looking for injuries, making sure
in Phoenix, remembering the last words she ever spoke to me. She said he came back to me intact, and I laughed when my eyes fell on his feet.
she’d always be with me, in my heart, and the world was a better place with “Nikes?” I whispered, only loud enough for him to hear. “What happened
me out there in it. I’d hesitated that day, not wanting to leave her behind, to your shoes?”
but she’d insisted that I go. She wanted me to live my life, to be happy and His smirk grew and he shrugged. “I forgot them.”
follow my dreams, and she knew that day exactly what my destiny was. My tears continued to fall and I smiled brightly as he reached over,
Edward. quickly brushing a few of them away while the priest started addressing
‘He’s waiting for you,’ she’d said, sensing my fears. ‘He’s where you’re us. “Edward and Isabella, have you come here freely and without
supposed to be, not here. Don’t keep him waiting.’ reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?”
“I won’t, Mom,” I whispered into the empty room, giving one last look at “Yes,” we said simultaneously.
myself before lifting my veil and covering my face. I grabbed my bouquet of “Will you honor each other as man and wife for the rest of your lives?”
white roses and walked out to where Alec stood in the hallway, nervously “Yes,” we both said again, not even having to think about it. I could feel
taking his arm as he held it out to me. it, deep down in my soul– he was it for me.
“Are you ready?” he asked as we walked the short distance to the big “Will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up
wooden double doors. according to the law of Christ and his Church?”
“Absolutely,” I replied, hearing the piano music morph from Canon in D “Yes,” I said immediately, but Edward wavered. He glanced at the priest
to the Wedding March, signaling our cue to appear. briefly, tensing up when he finally spoke the word.
He led me into the church and we paused briefly at the beginning of the “This isn’t customary, but the bride and groom have asked to be able to
aisle so I could have a moment to take it all in. My vision blurred from speak and the church has happily agreed to grant their request.”
dizziness, the sight before me completely overwhelming. The pews were Edward stifled a laugh at the priest’s words and I tried to refrain from
packed full of people, some of which I didn’t recognize, and they all stood rolling my eyes at his reaction. I’d learned that you weren’t allowed to recite
up the moment they saw us entering. I knew a lot of them weren’t there for your own vows in a Catholic wedding, but it had been one of the things that
me, as they were members of the organization and their families, but I I felt very strongly about, so Edward made sure I was allowed to do so
didn’t mind. They came for Edward, a fellow man of honor, and out of anyway. I had been put off at first by him blackmailing or bullying someone
respect for the man that had agreed to give me away. because of me, but he’d been quite insistent that he’d simply made a sizable
Alec was their boss and we were his family, and I understood that meant charitable donation to the church to get them to agree. Bribery, in other
a lot in the world we lived in. words...
I glanced toward the front of the church and was overcome with emotion Only in our wedding would a priest need to be paid off.
when my eyes fell upon Edward. He stood frozen in spot, staring right at The priest glanced between Edward and me curiously and I cleared my
me with a look of wonder on his face. He was wearing his black suit with a throat, trying to get the lump that was forming to disappear. “I’ll go first,”
cream colored tie and matching vest, and his brothers stood beside him I said nervously, watching Edward to make sure it was okay. He motioned
wearing the same thing but dark brown. The sight of him caused me to lose for me to go ahead and I smiled as I started.
the battle against my tears and they started streaming down my cheeks as
556 557
 He took the knife and sliced it diagonally across my palm, making me
wince. Instantly blood started oozing from the gash and he balled my hand
into a fist, squeezing it tightly. It caused the wound to hurt even more,
searing pain running through my hand and up my arm.
“This meeting is over and never happened,” the Underboss said behind
Alec. Alec nodded in agreement and the Consigliere and Underboss opened
the door, quickly walking out and disappearing as quickly as they came in.
Alec grabbed a small white rag from a shelf and handed it to me, telling me
to put pressure on the cut. I squeezed the rag in my palm as he started for
the door, hesitating with his hand on the knob.

“When you asked me to give her away at the wedding, I wasn’t just
agreeing to walk her down the aisle,” he said, glancing back at me briefly.
“Congratulations.” Soft piano music echoed through the room as my fingers
carefully moved across the keys. It was a familiar melody, a song I knew by
heart– Debussy’s Clair de Lune. I hadn’t played the fucking thing in
probably a decade but as I sat there in the dim room, gazing out of the large
window that overlooked the city, I suddenly had the urge to hear it.
Movement across the room caught my eye and I glanced over, my fingers
stalling when my eyes fell upon Isabella. She stood right inside of the lobby,
still lingering near the doorway of the master bedroom she’d come out of.
She had on a small black silk robe that was tied around the waist and had
black stockings covering her legs. I could see hints of a garter belt clipped
to them sticking out the bottom of the robe and I groaned, feeling my dick
hardening immediately at the sight.
Her hair was still damp from the bath she’d just taken and hung loosely
in waves, all traces of makeup from the wedding gone. She was all natural
and so goddamn beautiful, not needing all of that other shit to turn me on.
“Don’t stop playing,” she said quietly, hints of anxiety in her voice. I
smiled reassuringly and glanced back down at the keys, starting the song
again as she took a few steps in my direction. She paused at the window
and peered out, pressing her hand against the glass. “It’s starting to rain.”
“You know, Italians believe it’s good luck if it rains on your wedding
day,” I said. “Sposa bagnata, sposa fortunata. A wet bride is a lucky bride.”
“Interesting,” she said. “Kind of like how you picked Sunday for us to
get married because it was supposedly the luckiest day of the week?”
“Something like that,” I replied. Maybe I was becoming a superstitious
bastard, but I always knew it was better to be safe than sorry. We needed
all the goddamn luck we could get living the life we lived, and if choosing a
certain day for the wedding or praying for a storm might help, I wasn’t too
proud to try. It sure as fuck couldn’t hurt, anyway.
“Well, too bad I didn’t get wet today,” she said absent-mindedly. I mixed
up a few notes as I started laughing and she looked at me with confusion.

573
 “Don’t worry, tesoro, our wedding day isn’t over yet,” I said. “I plan to
make sure you get plenty wet before the night’s over with.”
She rolled her eyes, turning back to the window so I couldn’t see her
blush. “I can’t get over how beautiful this place is,” she mumbled. We were
at the Peninsula Hotel, in the Peninsula Suite with a view overlooking Lake
Michigan. It was expensive as fuck but it was the best of the best, and
Isabella definitely deserved the very best.
“Not as beautiful as you,” I replied.
“Such a charmer,” she said playfully. “What floor are we on, anyway?”
“Eighteenth.”
“Seriously?” she asked, laughing. “Do we have a balcony?”
“Uh, yeah,” I replied, unsure of why she was asking me that since it was
raining. “There’s actually an outdoor terrace with a Jacuzzi.”
“Wow, so we have a Jacuzzi on our eighteenth floor balcony?”
It struck me what she’d said and I chuckled– 18th floor balcony. “I didn’t
even think about that shit when I booked the room. The best suites are on
this floor.”
“It’s fitting,” she replied, walking in my direction. I continued to play
the song and saw her pause beside the piano bench out of the corner of my
eye. She slowly started to untie her robe and I peeked over, stunned when
she let it drop to the floor. The music faltered again as I stared at her,
seeing the black see through tank top and matching g-string she had on,
neither one leaving much to the imagination.
Not like I needed a fucking imagination, anyway... I had every inch of
her body memorized.
“Fuck,” I gasped, pushing the bench back a few inches as she squeezed
in between me and the piano. I wrapped my arms around her waist and she
climbed into my lap, swinging her legs around to straddle me. She ran her
hands through my hair before leaning in for a kiss, her eyes drifting closed
as she pressed her lips to mine. I held onto her tightly as I kissed her back,
her lips soft and fucking sweet, like strawberries.
I slowly ran my hands up her back and she shivered, her body shaking
under my touch. Her breathing was labored and she was already fucking
turned on, squirming in my lap and grinding herself against me. I groaned
as my dick hardened even more with every movement of her hips, desperate
for some goddamn attention as it started throbbing in my pants. I could feel
her warmth through her flimsy clothing and it wasn’t helping me to keep
my cool, part of me screaming to plow into her right that fucking moment.
I tried to ignore it, pushing those thoughts back the best I could in order to
focus my attention on her. It was about her, not me. She was every goddamn
thing to me and I wanted to show her that. I wanted her to know how much
I appreciated her, to feel how much I fucking loved her. She’d given herself
to me completely, willingly... not because I was all she knew, but because I
was all she wanted. Out of every goddamn place she could’ve gone and
anyone she could’ve been with, she chose to be with me, to stay where I
574
was. That meant more to me than I could ever express but I would do
everything in my power to prove to her that she hadn’t fucked up by giving
me a chance.
I gripped her tightly as I stood up and she yelped in surprise when I
plopped her ass down on the top of the piano, her feet hitting the keys and
sending random notes echoing through the room. She watched me carefully
as I stood between her legs, placing my hands on her knees before slowly
running them up her inner thighs. She tilted her head back and moaned
from my touch, leaning back to prop herself up on her elbows. “La mia bella
ragazza” I whispered, running my hands back down her thighs. I
unsnapped the clips for her garter belt as soon as I reached the top of her
thigh highs and slowly started rolling them down. “No, scratch that shit.
That’s wrong. La mia bella donna. You’re all woman now, tesoro.”
She smiled at my words as she relaxed further, closing her eyes and
humming contently. I pulled her stockings off and let them drop to the floor
before slowly running my hands back up her legs, starting at her toes and
going the whole way up her thighs. I continued the motion for a moment,
just caressing her skin, before slipping my fingers under the sides of her
panties and tugging on them.
She lifted her hips enough for me to slip them down and I tossed them
on the floor before running my hands back up her legs. She was moaning,
my teasing driving her crazy with anticipation, but I was in no rush and
planned to savor every goddamn second of it.
I grazed her pussy after a moment, smirking when I felt the dampness.
“Told you you’d get wet,” I said playfully, caressing her legs once more. She
moaned when I nudged them apart further and leaned in, running my nose
along her inner thighs and placing light kisses on her skin. The moment
my lips reached her pussy she reached down and fisted my hair, pulling my
face even closer to her. “Please,” she whimpered, gasping loudly as I gently
ran my tongue around her clit. I pushed two fingers inside of her and
started pumping them in and out as I licked every inch of her, tasting the
unique flavor that was my Bella. I’d never gone down on another pussy
before and frankly never would, but I ventured to guess not a goddamn one
of them would ever taste even remotely as good as hers.
“God, yes,” she moaned, arching her back and pulling me harder toward
her as I started sucking on her clit. I couldn’t help but feel proud at how
fucking forceful she could sometimes be, not at all shy about her body and
her needs. We’d come a long fucking way from the days of Forks, when she
was still trying to figure out who she really was. She knew now, and she
wasn’t afraid to let it show. To me, there was nothing fucking sexier than
her confidence.
I increased my movements and curved my fingers, trying to hit her g-
spot. Once her legs started shaking I knew I had it so I pumped my fingers
faster, pressing my mouth onto her more firmly. My tongue assaulted her
clit as she cried out, her body tensing as she drew close to orgasm quickly.
575
She gripped on to my hair so tightly that I cringed, sure she was going to
rip out fucking handfuls as she exploded in pleasure. “Oh God, Edward,”
she yelled, lifting her hips off of the piano top as she arched her back. Her
feet slammed against keys, loud shrieking notes mixing with her cries.
I continued what I was doing until her body started to relax again, the
tension leaving her almost at once as she loosened her grip on my hair. I
pulled my lips off of her pussy and started kissing her thighs again, slowly
continuing to push my fingers inside of her. She whimpered after a moment
and I froze when her body started shaking, about to fucking panic. I thought
she was crying but was stunned when instead laughter rang out, echoing
through the quiet room. “What the fuck’s so funny, tesoro?” I asked, pulling
my fingers out of her and caressing her thighs again. My ego nearly took a
hit at the sound, because the last goddamn thing my pussy eating should
provoke was laughter.
“Pretty Woman,” she replied, still laughing as she propped herself back
up on her elbows to look at me.
“What?” I asked, my brow furrowing in confusion.
“Pretty Woman,” she reiterated, smiling. “You know, the movie? This
just reminds me of a scene from it, where Richard Gere’s character is
playing the piano in the hotel lobby and...”
“Hold on a goddamn minute. I do that and you’re laying there thinking
about a fucking movie?” I asked incredulously. She shrugged, smiling
sheepishly, and I groaned in frustration. I grabbed her hips and pulled her
off of the piano, quickly setting her back on her feet. “Come on.”
I grabbed her hand and started leading her through the lobby. “What’s
gotten into you?” she asked, stunned but not trying to fight me at all.
“I think the real question, Bella, is what’s getting into you,” I replied,
“and the answer to that question is me. No woman is going to be thinking
about a fucking cheesy ass movie like Pretty Woman after I get them off.
That shit’s unacceptable. I need to rectify this.”
She laughed as we headed into the bedroom and I swung around to pull
her to me. I grabbed the bottom of her tank top and quickly yanked it off,
letting it drop to the floor by our feet. She shimmied out of her garter belt
as I unbuttoned my shirt, throwing it to the side. I removed my shoes and
she started unbuckling my belt as my mouth went to her neck, kissing and
nipping at the soft skin. Once she got my pants undone she pulled them
down, along with my boxers. I kicked them off and pressed myself against
her as I started leading her toward the bed, my lips going straight to hers.
She climbed back on the bed and I hovered over her, pushing her legs
apart wide enough to settle between them. My hands roamed her body and
I could feel the goose bumps popping up, her breathing shaky as my
fingertips grazed her breasts. I rolled her nipples between my fingers and
tugged on them, causing her to groan against my lips.
I leaned my head down and took them in my mouth, gently biting as my
hands roamed her body some more. Once she was writhing underneath me
576
when Edward and I stood in front of the people we loved and swore to be I reached down and grasped my dick in my palm, lining myself up at her
together for the rest of our lives, neither one of us were sacrificing. We were entrance. I winced, my hand still fucking hurting from where Alec cut it,
making our choice together, choosing our burdens, and that had been the but I ignored the pain so as not to alarm Isabella. I’d told her I cut it on
moment he’d actually done it. That was the true moment Edward Cullen some glass but I was pretty sure she knew differently, considering the fact
had set me free. that she’d fucking thanked me for it when she cleaned my wound out with
That had been my Emancipation Proclamation. peroxide.
It’s the year 2010 and somewhere in the world, a baby girl is being born I pushed forward a bit, just enough for the tip to slip inside, and she
into slavery under the cloak of darkness. She’ll grow up wishing for more whimpered my name as she wrapped her arms around me. “You want it,
from life, dreaming of a world outside of the one she lives in. A world where baby?” I asked quietly, trailing light kisses across her face.
she can have friends and go to school, fall in love and someday even get “Yes,” she said breathlessly.
married. A world where she can go where she wants to go and be what she “Tell me,” I said, kissing up her jaw line toward her ear. “Tell me you
wants to be. A world where people see her and know that she exists. want me.”
I don’t know her name but I have faith that someday, someone will. “I want you,” she said. “So bad.”
“Tell me you love me.”
Alia Fine “I love you,” she said as I ran my tongue along her earlobe. “More than
anything.”
The End “Tell me who you belong to,” I whispered in her ear, making her shiver
as my breath hit her. She moaned loudly and gripped onto me tighter, her
fingernails digging into the flesh in my back.
“Me,” she replied, absolutely no hesitance in her voice. She spoke
assuredly, not even having to think about the goddamn question. “I belong
to no one but me.”
“That’s my girl,” I said, smirking. Her cries echoed through the room as
I pushed the rest of the way inside of her, filling her in one movement. I
started off slow, each stroke deliberate, but it didn’t take long for the
passion between us to push me forward. My pace increased, my thrusts
faster and harder with each passing minute. Her pussy was warm and wet,
wrapping around my dick tightly. She’d been made for me, molded so we fit
together perfectly, and perfect it was...
More perfect than any goddamn thing I had ever felt before.
“You feel so good,” she said, her breathing erratic. She ran her hands
down my back, her nails gently scraping my skin, before resting them on
my ass. She pressed down on me as she palmed my ass cheeks and I pulled
her knees up, pushing her legs open further. The slight shift in position let
me thrust deeper and I started pounding into her harder, knowing that was
what she wanted.
Although she didn’t always say the words, I knew her signals and could
always tell exactly how she wanted it. She moaned as she tossed her head
back and I kissed her neck, running my tongue along her collarbone.
“More.”
I tried to go deeper but it was impossible with the position so I pulled
away from her quickly, grabbing her legs. I pulled them over my shoulders,
lifting her ass up in the process, and leaned back down on top of her. I
pressed my lips to hers as I thrust hard, filling her as deep as I could go,

600 577
and she let out a scream of pleasure. “God, yes, like that,” she yelled into I’d learned quite a bit about Elizabeth by reading her journal, and one
my mouth, the words jumbled as our tongues mingled together. thing that was easy to see was exactly how much she loved her children.
The rain outside started coming down harder as I slammed into her, They were her world, and she believed that as long as they lived she would
rumbles of thunder vibrating the windows. Lightening briefly lit up the never completely perish, because a piece of her would carry on inside of
room in spurts, illuminating her pale body in the darkness. Her eyes were each one of them forever. Carlisle had rescued her from servitude, but
closed and she was biting down on her bottom lip, attempting to keep her Elizabeth actually freed herself through her children. She found freedom
cries at bay but they were escaping her throat involuntarily. I pounded into through love, and through commitment and sacrifice. She nurtured three
her so fucking hard I wouldn’t have been surprised if I knocked one of her charming boys, who grew to be fiercely protective men, and I truly believed
hips out of socket, sure I was going to bruise her pelvis. I could tell she was the world was a better place because of their existence. She’d wanted to
getting close again, another orgasm creeping up on her quickly. I reached make an impact on the world, do her bit to help end the suffering, and she
my hand down and started rubbing her clit as I continued to fill her, had succeeded. It was heartbreaking what happened to her, but I was
wanting to feel her come. Her body seized up and she squeezed her eyes certain that wherever she was, she was looking down on her children with
shut tightly, her face twisting in agonized pleasure as it hit again. She pride.
yelled, her grip on me tightening, and I groaned loudly as I felt her pussy Even Edward...
walls pulsating around my dick. I kept up my pace as the pleasure ran Because despite everything he’d been through and had to do, my
through her body but once she loosened her hold on me I slowed my husband was still a good man. It didn’t matter how people judged him or
movements again. I leaned back and dropped her legs down to the bed what his reputation turned out to be, because I knew his character and that
before lying back down on top of her, being careful not to put too much was what truly mattered. I didn’t like some of the things I knew he did in
fucking weight on her, but I wanted to feel the warmth of her body against life, the stealing and hurt he caused others, but I did have to agree with the
mine again. title they had bestowed upon him at initiation. He was a Man of Honor.
She opened her eyes and gazed up at me, her cheeks flushed and skin And as for Dr. Cullen, well... I’d venture to guess he was exactly where
damp with sweat. Her hands gently roamed my back before running he wanted to be. His very last act was one of defiance, but amid the violence
through my hair as I continued to push inside of her, each stroke deliberate he caused he also found his honor– honor he had struggled to find for a very
once again. We stared into each other’s eyes as I made love to her, my hands long time. He had some mishaps along the way, made mistakes that
caressing her body. “Te amo.” I whispered, pressing a soft kiss against her couldn’t be taken back, but when it came down to it his true colors shined
lips. “Non posso immaginare di non averti nella mia vita, lo combatterd through. It feels like a lifetime ago that I sat in his office with him at the
ogni giorno per essere I’uomo di vostri sogni.”* I knew she would’ve only hospital in Washington, listening to him talk about the situation we all had
understood part of that but it didn’t matter, because she’d get the found ourselves in. He told me that day that he was trying to save Edward
sentiment... I fucking loved her. I kissed her lips again gently as I felt the from something that Edward didn’t even know he needed to be saved from...
pressure starting to mount inside of me, knowing I was going to come soon. that he was trying to find a way out where no one had to be sacrificed. I
I groaned and increased my pace a bit as her fingers continued to run worried about myself and Edward at the time, afraid I would be the one to
through my hair, sending chills down my spine. lose my life or he’d end up hurt as a consequence, never once considering
“Fuck, I’m close,” I panted, feeling the tingling starting. I thrust a few that Dr. Cullen was referring to himself.
more times before it hit and I grunted as the pleasure coursed through me, Never once did I stop and think that maybe he would be the one having
my dick throbbing. I smashed my lips to hers as she moaned, kissing her to sacrifice. I think back on that conversation often, wondering if he
passionately as I spilled inside of her. I wrapped my arms around her somehow knew from the very beginning that it would end the way it did.
tightly, laying still after a moment as the room filled with the sounds of the I recall walking through the mall with Edward one day, my first
pounding rain and grumbling thunder outside. I could feel the rise and fall Christmas with the Cullens, and how he had nonchalantly declared that
of her chest, her heart rate fucking erratic as she held on to me. someday he was going to issue an Emancipation Proclamation to free me. I
I hissed when I pulled out of her, already fucking missing being inside found it amusing at the time, his naivety endearing, but I understand what
of her pussy the moment I was out. I ran my hand through my hair that he meant by it now. For years I thought about what freedom truly meant
was damp with sweat and groaned as I lay down beside her on the bed, and I realize now that it isn’t about absolute security or perfection, it’s
about being able to choose your burden in life. It’s about finding something
worth living for, something worth fighting for, something worth dying for
*I can’t imagine not having you in my life. I will fight everyday to be the man of your
dreams. and taking a risk on it. Nella vita-chi non risica, non rosica. In that sense,
578 599
We all had our own stories, and had titles forced upon us, but none of it pulling her into my arms. She nuzzled into my neck as she kicked her leg
defined who we really were. We weren’t slaves... we were just people, with up over me, her hand stroking the trail of hair down my stomach.
hopes and dreams and fears like everyone else. Edward had told me that She laughed after a moment and I sighed, closing my eyes. “Please tell
one day, standing in the kitchen of the house in Washington. He said I was me you’re not thinking of Pretty Woman again, Bella.”
no more a slave than he was a mafia prince, and others may have seen us “Actually, I was,” she said with amusement, not a trace of shame in her
that way, but they didn’t make us who we were. We made us who we were, voice. She was going to be the fucking death of me. “I was just thinking that
and it was the truth. the guy in Pretty Woman has nothing on you.”
My life is my example. “Alright,” I replied, smirking as I kissed the top of her head. “I’ll let that
Our life wasn’t perfect, and we didn’t live some fairytale like they do in shit slide. This time.”
storybooks. We were no Cinderella and Prince Charming–or even Fiona “This time?”
and Shrek–but at the same time we weren’t Jack and Rose or Romeo and “Yes, this time,” I confirmed. “Because in about five minutes we’re going
Juliet, either. We were just Edward and Bella, and we were okay with that. again, and I don’t plan to stop until you don’t even remember that
There would be no riding off into the sunset or happily ever after at the end motherfucker exists.”
of our tale, because happy endings are really just unfinished stories. Life
goes on, and at times it will test us and maybe things will go wrong, but as
long as we continue to push on we couldn’t lose. The only people who lost “Are you sure about this shit, Bella?” I asked, looking at her skeptically
were the ones who didn’t try, and we would try, because we could never “I’m positive,” she said adamantly, nodding.
turn our backs on what mattered. “You know once you do this, you can’t take it back,” I said, wondering if
It was our fate, and Edward’s mother had seen to it that we both had a she actually grasped what the fuck she was about to do. It seemed so simple
chance at life. in theory, and I understood why she’d want to do it, but actually fucking
Emancipation Proclamation. Most people hear those words and doing it was a completely different story.
immediately think of Abraham Lincoln and the Civil War and the executive “I know that,” she replied, glancing at me with a strange expression on
orders issued almost a century and a half ago, but it’s really so much more her face. She looked at me like I was fucking crazy, when really I was
than that. It’s a declaration of freedom, of letting go of the past and the beginning to think it was the other way around. “Why would I want to take
things that have held us down in life. It’s a turning point, when we finally it back, anyway? I told you, I’m sure about this.”
realize the strength that lies within us is stronger than anything that may “Fine,” I said with a shrug. I’d given talking her out of it my best shot
lie before us. It doesn’t matter the situation or the circumstances a person but she hadn’t wavered with her decision at all. I wouldn’t fucking forbid
finds themselves in or what it is that ties them down– some of the strongest her from it, because it was her life and she could make her own choices, but
people I’ve ever met were ones who appeared the weakest at first glance. I definitely wasn’t as sure about it as she was.
Everyone has free will, even if they aren’t free... my mother had proven “I don’t know why you’re being so weird about this,” she said, shaking
that. her head. “I mean, it was your idea in the first place.”
While it still hurt to think about a world without her, I realized that my “You’re crazy,” I said. That I was sure of now... she’d lost her fucking
mother had finally gathered enough courage to end her suffering. She had mind. “I’m not,” she said firmly. “You told me a long time ago that I could
freed herself in a sense, making a decision that no one could ever take from do this if I wanted to, and I decided I want to now.”
her for the first time in her short life. It was tragic the way her life ended, I sighed in frustration, knowing damn well she was actually right, but
but the truth was that she’d done it her way, and I liked to think she hadn’t I hadn’t exactly expected her to fucking listen to me. “Alright then. If this
been afraid in her final moments. I believed that for the first time she’d felt is what you really want to do it, let’s do it,” I said, running my hand through
at peace with something, knowing her dreams for me were going to come my hair anxiously. “Christ, it’s hot out here. Fucking first week of
true and she didn’t have to worry for my future anymore. I missed her September and I’m sweating my balls off.”
terribly and all I had left was that single photograph of her that Dr. Cullen She laughed, amused, but I didn’t see a fucking thing funny about what
had given to me my first Christmas in Forks, but I didn’t need possessions I’d said. Alec cleared my schedule and had given me two free weeks so that
to remind me of her. She continued to live on in my heart, my memories of Isabella and I could spend some time together as a couple. I’d told her she
her love and strength unfading. I felt a sense of pride that she’d been brave could choose anywhere in the world she wanted to go and I’d take her on a
enough to take a stand, deciding that enough was enough, and I knew that honeymoon, wanting to give her whatever it was she wanted. I suggested
Edward had come to feel the same way about his own parents over time. Hawaii thinking we could have a fucking tropical vacation or Italy so I could
598 579
introduce her to our culture a bit more, but she’d chosen the last goddamn Clara was an immigrant from Mexico, having come to America at 14 to
place I ever expected her to choose... escape the poverty and violence of her country. She sent money back home
Hell. to help her ailing mother and resorted to stealing to survive when she
Okay, so maybe it wasn’t the real Hell, but it was as close as we’d ever couldn’t find work, frightened and all alone in a foreign country with no one
been before and it sure as fuck still felt like it. The sun beating down on us to turn to for help.
was harsh and even with my sunglasses on I had to fucking squint to see Someone eventually stepped in and offered her a job as a hostess, a man
anything. The air was hot and dusty, so dry that it burned my lungs to take with a gentle voice and a warm smile that she desperately wanted to trust.
a deep breath. Things went well for a few weeks before the man’s demeanor shifted, and
Yeah, of all places in the world, she asked me to take her to goddamn she was eventually chained in a room and forced to do deplorable things,
Phoenix. “You know, I promised your mother I would never bring you back her life threatened if she ever tried to fight. She’d just wanted to help her
here,” I said, frowning as I recalled the conversation we’d had right before family get away from the violence, only to get trapped in a world even worse
she took her life. She asked me to keep Isabella away from that place and I than the one she’d come from.
swore I would, thinking we’d never have a fucking reason to ever go back. Nonna had been an orphan, bouncing from family to family before
Obviously I’d been wrong, but I’d still promised. finding herself in the home of Aro’s parents as a child. She’d been placed
“I’m sure my mom would understand,” she said. there through a broken foster system and no one ever gave her a second
“You’re sure about a lot of shit, aren’t you?” I muttered, pushing up my look as she lived her life in servitude, never allowed to leave or attend
sleeves. “Fuck, I need something to drink.” school. She never knew anything else, her lifelong dream of having a family
She shot me an incredulous look and I groaned, shaking my head. to call her own unrealized. The closest she’d come was with the Cullens, so
“Water, Bella. I meant water. You know, fucking H20?” I said, doing some it was truly no wonder she hadn’t strived for more by the time she moved
mock sign language in annoyance. “I’m dehydrating here.” in with them, settling on being a surrogate grandmother to the three little
She rolled her eyes. “I don’t remember you complaining this much last boys who adored her like no one had before. Edward said they never knew
time we were here,” she said. “If you’re that thirsty, I have a bottle of water her real name, they just always called her Nonna which was Italian for
in the car.” She motioned for me to go get it and I turned around, walking Grandmother.
the few feet to the silver Volvo convertible parked near us. It wasn’t my Where Janet came from had been a mystery, but that wasn’t rare. There
fucking Volvo, because Alec admitted he’d had that motherfucker destroyed were thousands of nameless victims in the country, ones that seemed to
in California, but it was as close as I would ever come again. It was a newer appear out of the blue and disappear just as quickly. I thought about her
model, a 2010, and we’d rented it for the trip when we landed in Arizona. quite a bit, despite the fact that she’d been nothing but a story to me,
I cursed as I grabbed the door, the metal burning my fucking hand from someone that had come and gone before my time. I wondered if she had a
the sun beating on it. I fought the urge to kick the fucking car as I glanced family out there that thought about her, if there was anyone that missed
around inside, finding the bottle of water and cringing when I took a drink. her and wondered what had become of her. Every victim was someone’s
The water was hot as piss and did nothing to quench my thirst, only daughter, someone’s sister or brother, or even someone’s mother, so there
aggravating me further. I looked over and was about to say something to had to be someone that loved them enough to worry. I couldn’t even begin
Isabella about it, because it wouldn’t fucking be me if I didn’t complain to imagine what that must be like, to have someone I love disappear and
about every goddamn thing, but stayed silent when I saw what she was never know the truth of what happened to them.
doing. She’d finally moved from the spot she’d been in for the past twenty Elizabeth had been kidnapped as a child and held for ransom over a
minutes and was now standing on the porch of the big farmhouse, staring debt that never got paid, and my mother’s parents were murdered in cold
at the front door. I sat the bottle of water back in the car before strolling blood and she’d been sold as a baby. Both had been caught in the middle of
toward the house, joining her on the porch. “Do you want to go inside?” I senseless feuds within the world of organized crime, losing their innocence
asked curiously. to the violence and mayhem their families had gotten involved in. Me? I’d
“No,” she said quickly, her tone firm. been born into that world. It was a part of my DNA, in the blood coursing
“Why not?” I asked, raising my eyebrows questioningly. “I mean, you through my veins, and no matter what I did it always would be. I was
own everything inside of there. You might want to take something...” considered a principessa della mafia by birth, and nothing would ever
“I’m sure,” she said, cutting me off. “I don’t want any of it.” change that fact.
“Okay, then,” I replied, shrugging. We stood quietly for a moment before Some hadn’t survived but others had been given a second chance at life,
she reached into her pocket, pulling out the book of matches she’d taken thanks to those who had been brave enough to take a stand and sacrifice.
580 597
girl who had been lured to Chicago by a man over the internet. The real from the hotel we were staying in. She opened it and struck a match, tossing
question was exactly how many there were... it on the porch in front of her. I tried to bite back my laughter but it was
It was sort of ironic, seeing prostitutes on Dr. Martin Luther King Drive. useless and I chuckled as the fucking thing burned out right away. I’d been
I wondered if they knew about the man the street had been named after, if right... she clearly didn’t know what the fuck she was doing.
they’d ever been given the opportunity to go to school and hear his ‘I Have She struck another match and tossed it down near the first one, that
a Dream’ speech. He’d dreamed of a world where everyone was equal, no one also going out quickly. I laughed again and she glared at me, narrowing
one treated inferior or judged by anything other than the content of their her eyes in annoyance. “Look, you can’t just fucking throw down a match,
character. Did they have dreams themselves? Did they wish for a world Bella,” I said, knowing she was getting frustrated considering she looked
better than the one they currently lived in? I was sure they must have, like she was going to bite my fucking head off for it. “You need more than
recalling what it was like growing up in the barn in Phoenix. At my lowest, that to take this big motherfucker down. You need an accelerant or
when all hope for more had diminished, even I still dreamed. something.”
For a long time I felt guilty for the death of Edward’s mother. Elizabeth “Like what?”
Cullen lost her life trying to save mine, to spare me the same kind of “Something flammable or combustible, something that will ignite fast.
upbringing she’d endured, but I finally came to realize that it hadn’t been Foam works great but wicker’s pretty good, too,” I replied. She cocked an
my fault. It was no wonder Jasper remembered his mother constantly eyebrow at me, eyeing me curiously.
telling them that phrase, Nella vita-chi non risica-non rosica, because it “Burn down many houses, Edward?”
was exactly how she had lived her life. Just surviving hadn’t been enough “Maybe,” I replied, smirking as I shrugged. I hadn’t actually burned any
for her, just as it wasn’t enough for me. myself, unless you counted the fucking catastrophe on the reservation years
She knew there was more to life, and by doing nothing, it guaranteed ago, but I’d seen a few taken out and knew the basics. The organization had
nothing would ever change. She strived for a world better than the one she a talent for making arson look like an accidental fire and did it occasionally
lived in–if not for her, then for the sake of her children–and at the end she to cover their tracks, destroying any evidence they might’ve left behind.
did exactly what most of us would’ve done... what we all sometimes have to The house we’d left Aro in had mysteriously burned down right after the
do. incident, his body found by fire officials during inspection. In fact, the place
Sacrifice. was fucking in flames before we even made it home that night. Alec never
One of the first sentences I ever recall reading came from the Albert admitted it to me, but I knew that motherfucker had it burned... probably
Schweitzer book I stole as a child. It was five simple words that even I could while Aro was still alive.
process without help–’my life is my example’–but they were words I didn’t Again, better safe than sorry.
truly understand until much later in my life. The truth is that what we say “How about gas?” she asked. “Charles used to keep some gas in cans
is less important than what we do, our actions always speaking louder than around the back.”
our words. People can embellish stories and facts, but great deeds never I shook my head. “Gas will work, but there won’t be any back there. It’s
need any explanation. I understand that now, because the truth is that my been years, Bella. It would’ve evaporated by now,” I replied, glancing
life is my example, as was Elizabeth’s and Carlisle’s and everyone else’s around. My eyes fell upon the car and I sighed. “Go grab one of the gas cans,
who had sacrificed along the way to help someone that couldn’t help though. And I need a tube or some sort, a hose or something. You think you
themself. I could talk for hours about how horrible human trafficking is, can find one?”
writing on the subject until my fingers cramped, but no amount of words “Uh, yeah,” she said, stepping off of the porch. She quickly headed
would ever measure up to the living proof. around the house while I walked over to the car, opening the gas cap. She
Maggie, the teenage slave that had come from Phoenix to live in Aro’s returned after a few minutes with the shit I asked for, along with an old
house, had run away from an abusive home when she was only ten years tattered book tucked under her arm.
old. She’d lived on the streets for a while, begging for money on the corner “I got it from the barn,” she explained when she saw me looking at it.
and sleeping under a bridge, before eventually falling prey to a man who “I thought you didn’t want anything of theirs.”
bought her a sandwich and promised to get her some help. Her favorite way “I don’t,” she said firmly, pausing as she eyed the book nervously. “I
to pass the time growing up had been playing school with her little sister– mean, it’s, uh... kind of mine, I guess. It’s Albert Schweitzer.”
she always wanted to be a kindergarten teacher, but never even made it “Oh,” I said, not needing any more explanation than that. It was the
past the fifth grade before her entire world came crashing down. book she’d stolen as a kid, the only one she’d ever really read before coming
to live with us. It looked like it was falling apart and was probably missing
596 581
pages, but I understood why she’d be attached to it. It was pretty much the are lured into prostitution within 48 hours of becoming homeless. The
only thing she had growing up. average age of entry into prostitution and pornography in America is
I stuck the hose down in the gas tank without another word, not between 12 and 14 years old, and while they’re viewed as criminals by most
wanting to make a big deal out of it, and brought the other end to my lips. of society, the truth is that they’re really just victims. Their lives aren’t
Isabella gasped, sounding fucking horrified when I sucked on the hose, but their own, they have no say over what becomes of them nor do they have
I quickly pulled my mouth off of it and stuck it in the gas can before I got a any control over what happens to their bodies.
goddamn mouth full. The slave trade is one of the most profitable criminal activities in the
Yeah, it wasn’t the first time I’d siphoned gas from a car. world, raking in well over 32 billion dollars a year. That’s more than Nike,
I pulled the hose out when there was enough in the can to get the shit Google and Starbucks made last year put together. In 1850, over a decade
going and walked back over to the house, spreading it out around the porch before slavery was abolished in America, the average cost of a slave was
and building. “Barn, too?” I asked, looking at her curiously. She smiled, the equivalent of $40,000, but today one can be purchased for as little as
looking downright fucking pleased with herself. $90. Ninety dollars. Most people own a pair of shoes that cost more than
“Yes, please.” that, completely unaware that they could buy a living, breathing human
I shook my head as I splashed some gas around the barn, sitting the being for less. Dr. Cullen had paid an unheard of amount for me, but even
empty can down inside of it when I was done. I walked back out to where that doesn’t come close to being enough.
Isabella stood by the car and leaned up against the passenger door, crossing A human life shouldn’t have a price tag. People shouldn’t ever be for
my arms over my chest. “Now flick your match on the porch. Just don’t get sale... no matter what.
too fucking close this time.” There’s no way to pinpoint the exact number of victims, because the
She sat her book down on the hood of the car before pulling the matches truth is that most of them aren’t known. It’s almost as if they’re phantoms,
back out and striking one, walking over and tossing it onto the porch from hidden away from society with no identities, but they’re there even if no
a few feet away. It hit a small puddle of gas and the fucking thing ignited one notices. I see them, though, and I know they’re out there, because at
instantly. She yelped and jumped backward, surprised at how fast the one time I was one of them.
flames started spreading. She turned to me briefly, smiling brightly in They scrub floors and cook meals that they aren’t allowed to eat. They
satisfaction, before striking another one and tossing it at the barn. She pick cotton and make the clothes that they’ll never be able to afford to buy.
walked back over to where I was and leaned up against the car beside me They harvest the cocoa beans that make the chocolate that they’ll never be
when she was done, watching as fire started consuming both buildings. lucky enough to taste. Over 70% of all cocoa beans come from West Africa,
“You do realize this shit is illegal, right?” where an estimated 15,000 enslaved children are forced to work in the
“What?” she asked, looking at me like I was fucking crazy again. “Why fields. Every time Edward buys a Toblerone bar at the store, I wonder
is it illegal? It’s mine!” exactly whose hands had been worked to the bone in order for it to be made.
“Yeah, it’s yours, but you can’t just fucking burn it down.” Had some child been promised a new bicycle if he agreed to help, only to
“But you told me I could,” she refuted. end up locked in a small room with dozens of others, forced to work 12 hour
“I know I did, but I’m not exactly the perfect example of a law-abiding days and beaten half to death if he ever faltered? It happened to an eleven
citizen, Bella. There are laws against this shit.” year old boy named Aly Diabate... were there others?
“That’s silly,” she said. “I own it so I should be able to do what I want Of course there were.
with it. I’m not hurting anyone.” They stood on street corners and in worn down houses, selling
“I agree,” I said, shrugging. “Unfortunately, the police don’t. Arson’s a themselves for money that they’d never see a penny of. When I drove down
felony.” South Dr. Martin Luther King Drive in Chicago and saw the prostitutes
“I’m sorry,” she said, frowning. “I didn’t realize I was asking you to wandering the street, I wondered how many of them were actually there of
break the law on vacation.” their own free will and what their stories were. Had they met a man online
“It’s alright,” I said, reaching for her. I wrapped my arms around her who convinced them to run away from home, promising them the kinds of
from behind and held her as we gazed at the fire, which was really starting freedoms teenagers yearned for, only to trap them once they arrived? Had
to pick up. “How’s that saying go? Go on vacation, leave on probation? they then been forced to perform sexually and eventually had their bodies
That’s how you know you’re doing shit right.” sold to others, threatened and beaten if they ever tried to escape? I knew it
She laughed as she relaxed in my arms, leaning back against me. “Well, was possible, considering it happened not long ago to a 14 year old Kansas
hopefully we won’t get caught.”
582 595
 “We won’t. By the time someone finally catches sight of the smoke and
calls the fire department, we’ll be long gone,” I said. “The place is in the
middle of fucking nowhere. There isn’t anyone around for miles. In fact, it’s
so isolated that we’ll probably wipe out half a goddamn town before anyone
notices.”
“Seriously?” she asked incredulously.
“It’s fucking dry out here, tesoro. This shit could get out of hand quick.”
“Oh God, I didn’t want to cause a wildfire, Edward! I just wanted to get
rid of the house,” she said. “Maybe we shouldn’t have done this.”
“Really, Bella?” I asked, shaking my head. “I’ve been saying that shit
all morning. You said you were sure about it.”
“I was, but I guess I didn’t really think it through,” she said.
“Well, it’s too late to take it back now,” I said, shrugging. “If it makes
you feel better, we’ll call 911 when we leave and report the shit before it
gets out of control.”
“We’re going to get caught,” she said, biting her bottom lip nervously.
“Well, if we do, you’re taking the rap for it,” I said playfully. “I’m already

Epilogue
a felon. You might as well join me in it.”
She rolled her eyes, shaking her head. “No, you did it, not me. You’re
the one that started the fire.”
“You asked me to,” I reminded her.
“Yeah, well, it was your idea in the first place, remember?” she refuted.
Isabella
“Plus, my birthday’s next week. You wouldn’t let me spend my 21st birthday
Sacrifice. in jail, would you?”
It’s something we all do in life. Everyone has to concede sometimes and “Why not?” I asked jokingly. “I did.”
give things up for the sake of others, letting go when it’s necessary even She glared at me and I chuckled, throwing up my hands in surrender.
though they may want nothing more than to continue to hold on. It reminds I’d been married for a week and I was already conceding, but I knew there
me of a phrase Jasper once told me when we were sitting in my bedroom in was no way I was going to win that fucking argument.
the house in Washington, Nella vita-chi non risica, non rosica. In life– “Charles used to always tell us there were people watching,” she said,
nothing ventured, nothing gained. He told me I could play it safe, continue obviously still worried. “Said we couldn’t do anything around here without
on as I had been and I would survive, but he wondered if mere survival was being caught.” “Yeah, well, Charles was a fucking liar,” I said, just the
enough for me anymore. He suggested I venture out and take a risk, go for mention of him angering me. “He just told you that shit to scare you so you
what I wanted out of life while I had the chance. He said there were no wouldn’t try to run away. There’s no one watching.”
guarantees but there were real possibilities, and while he couldn’t promise She quietly stared at the fire for a few minutes before sighing, glancing
I would succeed he could assure me that if I didn’t at least try, nothing over toward the tree line about a hundred yards away. Her eyes scanned it
would change. before settling on the area near the large rock where her mother had been
He’d been talking about a simple party at the time, a party that ended buried. “You want to go say hello?” I asked, unsure of what she was
up bringing Edward and me together, but his words resonated much thinking. She glanced back at me and shook her head before turning her
deeper. attention back to the fire raging nearby.
There are over 27 million people worldwide living in slavery, having “My mother’s not over there,” she said quietly. My brow furrowed in
been tricked and forced into manual labor or sexual exploitation, over half confusion at her words, pretty goddamn sure she was still buried in that
of which are believed to be children. In the United States alone it’s spot. We discussed having her remains removed and taken elsewhere,
estimated that nearly 300,000 children are at risk of being enslaved at any possibly to have her buried in the same cemetery as her birth parents, but
given moment while 3 million currently live on the streets, a third of whom at the end of it, Isabella had decided she didn’t want to disturb her. She felt

594 583
like her mother was finally at peace and now that she was, we should let and maybe a few little redheaded roughneck fuckers like me, and we’d do
her stay that way. our best to give them a good life... a better childhood than we’d had. We’d
“Where is she then?” I asked. A small smile curved her lips as she have birthdays and anniversaries as the years passed us by, celebrating
reached for my hand, pulling it up and placing it on her chest over her whatever it was fate handed us along the way.
heart. There would be broken bones and fights and school suspensions–
“She’s here.” because it was inevitable with my genes– but I knew that Isabella’s
goodness would counter any of the bad.
And she would be my sanctuary, my reprieve from the mayhem...and
I stared at the piece of paper in my hand, my eyes scanning the words we would be fucking happy. Because together, we couldn’t be any other
written all over it for what felt like the millionth goddamn time. The paper way.
was wrinkled and creased from being folded– some of the writing illegible
because I’d scribbled it in haste. Nearly the entire paper was filled and a
few of the lines were scratched out, but most remained. It was almost
mocking and it taunted me, a glaring reminder of how much of an
insufferable prick I’d been most of my life.
“What are you doing?”
I jumped and crumpled the paper in my fist, fucking caught off guard
by the voice behind me. “Christ, woman,” I spat as I turned around quickly,
seeing Isabella on the porch. “I didn’t hear you come out here.”
“I guess I forgot to wear my bell today,” she said sarcastically as she
walked over, sitting down on the step beside me. “The screen door slammed
behind me–I’m surprised you didn’t hear it. Whatever you were reading
must be interesting.” I laughed dryly as I tried to smooth out the paper,
shaking my head. “To say the least,” I mumbled. “It’s my very own karma
list, Bella.”
“Karma list?” she asked in confusion.
“Yeah, you know, the show My Name is Earl? He makes that list for
karma,” I tried to explain, but she continued to look at me like I was talking
in a fucking foreign language. “Whatever, never mind. It’s not important.
It’s a list of all the people I’ve wronged in my life. The ones I can remember,
anyway.”
“Ah, one of the steps,” she said, finally understanding what I was
talking about. Steps eight and nine of Alcoholics Anonymous-make a list of
all the people you’ve wronged, then make amends to those motherfuckers.
I couldn’t remember the fucking Ten Commandments, but I damn sure
knew the twelve steps of sobriety now. “Can I see it or is that against the
rules?”
I shrugged and held the piece of paper out to her, having nothing to
hide, but I was almost fucking embarrassed as she started reading the list
of names. “This is crazy, Edward. There have to be fifty names here! You
couldn’t have hurt this many people.”
“I did,” I muttered, running my hand through my hair. I gripped onto a
handful of it as I put my head down, eyeing her carefully.
“There’s no way,” she said, shaking her head as she scanned the names.
“Charles Nash?”
584 593
 “Edward!” she gasped, elbowing me in the side. I laughed and tried to “He was a teacher at the boarding school I went to. I smashed his car
dodge the blow, wrapping my arms around her tighter as a big smile windows my first week there because he pissed me off. I can’t even fucking
overtook my face. “We’re going to have a baby, tesoro.” remember why I was mad.”
“We are.” “Kevin Barrow?”
“We’re going to be fucking exhausted, and I’m not looking forward to “I fucked his fiancée.”
shitty diapers or the goddamn crying, but a baby,” I said. “A part of you.” “Sara Porter?”
“A part of us,” she corrected me. “I was driving drunk one night and hit her mailbox, completely took
“Christ,” I muttered. “I just... I don’t know what to say, Bella. I’m that motherfucker out. It was one of those fancy hand painted ones, too.”
fucking speechless. I’m going to be a Dad?” “Caroline McAllister?”
“You are.” “I hit her car in a parking lot and didn’t give a fuck, just kept going. I
“That’s fucking crazy,” I said, tears starting to force their way from my was drunk, of course.”
eyes as I was overcome with emotion. I was trying to stay strong, trying to “Joshua Sanders?”
keep my composure, but it was senseless. “What if I’m a horrible fucking “I punched him for talking shit and knocked two of his teeth out,” I
father?” replied. “I’m pretty sure he actually never said a word about me.”
“You won’t be,” she said confidently. “You’ll be a good dad.” “Ouch,” she mumbled, cringing. “Anna Hart?”
“You can’t be sure of that shit,” I said, shaking my head. “What if I fuck I cut my eyes at her, trying not to laugh. Laughing would’ve only made
up the kid’s life? He’ll hate me.” me a bigger asshole, but it was hard not to, anyway. “Angry dragon.”
“He?” she asked, pulling out of my embrace to look at me. “Oh,” she said, her horrified expression telling me she remembered
“He or she, whatever,” I said, tensing up at my words. “Shit, I can’t have exactly what that was, no more explanation needed. “Lynette Harris?”
a daughter, Bella. I’d kill any motherfucker that tried to come near her. I “I popped her cherry,” I replied. She looked at me with confusion and I
know what boys are like, I was one! Oh Christ, what if I have a son that shook my head, not even wanting to have to explain. “I convinced her to
turns out like me?” give me her virginity when she was a senior in high school and I was a
“Then I’d be proud,” she said, smiling as I pulled her back into a hug sophomore. She was a good girl, devout Catholic, and I was a complete dick
and kissed the top of her head. My thoughts were a barrage of what ifs, about it afterward. She joined a convent right after she graduated. I feel
panic consuming me at all of the unknowns. My palms started sweating as bad about that shit. Nuns are supposed to be virgins, right?”
my anxiety skyrocketed, that familiar feeling brewing deep down inside of I looked at her questioningly, not entirely fucking sure, and she
me. I wanted a fucking drink but I knew I had to fight it, because I couldn’t shrugged. “I don’t know, but you can’t really blame yourself for that,” she
give in to that shit. Not anymore. I had a wife now and we were going to said. “I mean, she was dumb enough to have sex with you.”
have a baby. I laughed, stunned, and nudged her playfully. “Geez, thanks, Bella,” I
“One day at a time,” she whispered, sensing my tension. “One hour at a said. “That sure makes me feel better.”
time, one minute at a time. We’ll take it as it comes.” She blushed from embarrassment and giggled, turning back to the
“We will,” I replied, not sounding as fucking confident as her. “We’ll be paper. “Okay, so maybe you did some bad things to some of these people,
alright.” but, come on, Tanya Denali? What did you do to her?”
“Of course we will. We’re survivors, remember? If I can withstand “I led her on,” I said, shrugging.
slavery and you can endure the mafia, I’m pretty sure together we can “Oh, give me a break,” she said. “You can’t make amends to someone
survive parenthood.” I laughed, wiping my tears away with the back of my who made a conscious decision to have sex with someone who made it clear
hand. “I don’t know, Bella. It’s not going to be easy,” I said. “Shit, I’m going it was only sex.”
to have to learn to share your tits now.” “If you say so.”
“Pervert,” she grumbled, elbowing me again. “I do,” she replied, continuing to scan the list. “What about Billy Black?
Deep inside I knew that she was right, that we’d make it through, Why’s he on here?”
because that was who we were. There would be chaos in the future, a lot of I looked at her incredulously, because she knew damn well what I’d
fucking sleepless rights and stressful days, but it all would be worth it. I’d done to him. “I burned his house down and nearly blew up his son, Bella.”
do what I had to do so I could come home to her every night, to our house “Yes, but you paid for that,” she replied. “He got a new house. You went
in the middle of goddamn nowhere, and someday soon we were going to away and stayed off of the reservation.”
have a family. There would be children, beautiful little girls like Isabella
592 585
 “That was all my father’s doing, and I’m sure you remember I still took She looked at me imploringly, practically fucking begging me to say the
my ass to the reservation that one day,” I said. “I mean, fuck, I never even right thing, and the sight of her expression sent my heart racing. “I think
told him I was sorry.” so,” I replied. “It would be a part of you so I sure as fuck wouldn’t be
“Are you sorry?” she asked, raising her eyebrows curiously. “Yes.” unhappy. Why are you asking me this shit, tesoro? Do you want to start
“Okay, then,” she said. “You can’t have Jacob on the list, though. You trying?”
can’t make amends to someone who isn’t alive. Your father, too. What do She shook her head slowly, still staring at me with that goddamn
you think you did to your Dad?” expression on her face. “No, I don’t think we have to,” she mumbled. “I think
“I wouldn’t even know where to start,” I muttered. I, uh... I might be... you know...”
“Well, I’m pretty sure he forgave you for it all already,” she said. She “Pregnant?” I asked incredulously, tensing up when she nodded. “You
tensed up as she read some more names, her brow furrowing in confusion. think you’re pregnant?”
“Wait, why am I on this list?” “Yes,” she said. “I mean, the signs have been there for a while but I
“I hurt you,” I said quietly. wasn’t really sure. I mean, I’ve never been pregnant before, and then I
“Oh, now you’re just being ridiculous, Edward Cullen,” she said firmly. missed my period...”
“Your brothers, too? And Alice and Rosalie? You are being way too hard on “So you don’t know for sure?” I asked. “You might not be?”
yourself.” “Well, the test said...”
“No, I’m not,” I said, laughing humorlessly. “I haven’t even gotten “You tested? When?!”
around to the people I hurt since I initiated.” “Earlier, in the house,” she said. “That’s why I came out here, so I could
She sighed and held the list back out to me, shaking her head. “We all tell you, but I got sidetracked.”
do things we’d rather not do, but we do them because we have to. It sucks “Christ, Bella,” I said, so fucking stunned I couldn’t think straight. “And
when people get hurt because of us, but that’s life and if it weren’t for the you’re sure it was positive?”
bad that happens, none of us would ever truly appreciate the good. Sure, “Well, it said two lines meant pregnant and there were two lines,” she
you did hurt some of those people. The ones whose things you wrecked, the said, her voice starting to shake as she spoke. I could see her eyes were
girls you did bad things to, the guys you hurt for no reason... I get that you filling with tears, the blush rising into her cheeks. “So, yes, I’m pretty sure.”
feel you owe them an apology. You were careless and did all of that “How did this happen?” I blurted out, trying to make sense of what she
senselessly. But you can’t let guilt control you. You’re hurting yourself just was telling me. Pregnant?!
as much as you hurt the others, and you don’t do it callously. You get no joy “Uh, I mean, I think it’s pretty obvious,” she responded. “I don’t think
out of it. It’s either them or you, so that’s basically self-defense in a way. you need me to explain to you how it happens...”
That’s how I see it, anyway. Isn’t that enough?” I folded the list up as she I laughed awkwardly, shaking my head. “No, I get it, but I thought you
spoke, slipping it in my pocket. “I don’t know,” I said, answering truthfully. were on birth control.”
“Well, it needs to be. You can’t spend the rest of your life trying to make “I was, but with the wedding and everything I guess I forgot to take
up for the bad you’ve done in the past, because you’re just going to miss out some of my pills,” she replied, some of the tears breaking free and slipping
on all of the good that’s going to come in the future,” she responded, down her cheeks as she gazed at me. I reached over and brushed them away
standing up. She walked across the front lawn and to an old mental mailbox quickly, my chest constricting. My eyes were starting to burn, a lump
along the road, opening it up and peering inside. She pulled something out forming in my throat as I fought to contain myself. A bunch of different
of it and walked back over, sitting back down beside me. We sat in silence emotions overwhelmed me, from fucking confusion to elation to even
for a few minutes as she looked at the mail, which seemed to be a card of paralyzing goddamn fear. A baby... we were going to have a fucking baby.
some sort, neither one of us saying another word. What the fuck was I going to do with a baby?
A phone started ringing in the house after a few minutes and Isabella I reached over and grabbed a hold of her, pulling her into my arms as
stood back up, scurrying inside to answer it. The screen door slammed she started crying harder. She wrapped her arms around me tightly,
loudly behind her and I cringed at the bang, reaching over and picking up burying her head in my chest as I started stroking her back. “A baby,” I
the mail she’d sat on the step. I glanced at the front of the post card and whispered, trying to come to grips with the shit.
smirked, seeing the picture of the fucking palm tree on the beach. “A baby,” she echoed.
Oceanside, California was written along the bottom of it and I turned it “My baby,” I mumbled, “With my DNA.”
over, not even having to read the return address to know that it was from “Half of you,” she whispered.
Clara. “Poor little fucker.”
586 591
 “I think I want one, too,” she said. I looked at her with shock and she She’d moved out there the year before with Maggie, the girl that had
blushed at my expression. been recovered from Aro’s. They knew each other from being at the Swan’s
“Shit, really, tesoro?” I asked, smirking when she nodded. “You gonna and decided to embark on the next leg of their lives together, wanting
get my name tattooed on you?” someone around who fucking understood what they’d been through. I’d
“No,” she said. “I thought about getting the silhouette of a bird... for my given them part of my inheritance so they didn’t have to worry about
mom.” money, but Maggie had also been awarded a lot of fucking cash as a
“Nice,” I replied. “You know, I used to want a pet bird. A parrot that I settlement from Aro’s estate. His wife was in prison, serving an eight-year
could teach to say ‘fuck you’. That shit would be funny.” sentence for her part in enslaving Maggie.
“We’re not getting a cursing bird, Edward. Not if we’re going to have She would’ve gotten away with the shit had Maggie not been brave
married friends and throw barbecues for them,” she said playfully. “I would enough to testify, risking her life to rat out the people who had harmed her.
kind of like a cat, though.” It concerned me at first, afraid she was going to be fucking killed for
“No way,” I said, shaking my head. “I don’t like cats.” testifying, but Alec said there was no reason to worry. Maggie didn’t spill
“Why not?” any organization secrets she might’ve known and Alec credited that to me,
“They’re fucking creepy. They stare at you like they’re plotting against saying it was my kindness toward her that made her decide not to implicate
your ass. Fuck, they probably are. No, I’m not bringing a goddamn cat in any of us.
my house. Maybe a dog. A pitbull for protection.” Isabella returned after a few minutes, the screen door banging once
“We’re not getting a pitbull.” again, and sat back down on the step beside me. “That was Esme,” she said,
“We’ll, we’re not getting one of those little sissy dogs, either. Fucking taking the postcard from me when I held it out to her. “She wanted to know
ankle biters.” how we were settling in.”
“Maybe we should just get goldfish.” Settling in. Six weeks after our wedding, Alec officially handed control
“Bella, a goldfish would be dead in a week.” of Vegas over to me. Isabella and I packed up our belongings and hired a
“What about a gerbil?” moving truck to relocate, wanting to make it easier on my schedule so I
“They look too much like rats,” I said, shuddering at the thought. “That wouldn’t have to be away from her as much. I knew she was glad to be
shit would give me nightmares.” getting away from Chicago, away from the center of violence, because she
“Hermit crabs?” wouldn’t have to deal with always fucking being chaperoned places
“Who seriously wants crabs? They’re fucking ugly. How about a snake anymore. She was getting her independence back, her ability to take a
or an iguana?” fucking walk down the street if she damn well chose to without me having
“Yeah, because they’re so much cuter,” she said sarcastically, rolling her a fit about security. But I also knew she was losing more than she was
eyes. “What about horses?” gaining, and for that I felt guilty. She was leaving behind the only family
“Are you going clean up their shit, Bella?” she’d ever really had, people she’d grown to love, and I knew she was going
“Okay, so no pets,” she said, sighing. “How about a baby?” to miss them. Fuck, I was going to miss them. She had kids there she was
I opened my mouth to respond but no sound came out when her words attached to and she was having to leave school again, dropping out of the
registered. I sat still for a moment as she stared at me, her expression art program I knew she enjoyed. She acted like it was no big deal, but I
guarded. She looked on edge, panicked, like she was on the verge of getting knew better than that shit– she was sacrificing for me.
up and fucking running as far away from me as possible. “A baby?” I asked, I told her she could pick where we moved to, wanting her to be able to
wanting clarification to make sure I’d heard that shit right. decide where we started our lives over. I half expected her to choose
“Yes,” she said hesitantly. “A baby.” southern California, considering that was the state she’d gone to before and
“Uh, alright,” I responded, running my hand through my hair anxiously. that was where Clara was, so I was stunned when she’d instead chosen
I wasn’t sure what to fucking say, not expecting her to blurt that shit out. Blue Diamond, Nevada. It was a small community about thirty minutes
“I mean, if that’s what you want.” outside of Las Vegas, and by small I meant motherfucking tiny. It was
“Well, what do you want?” she asked. “Would you want one?” about twice the size of the town of Forks but had only about one-tenth of
“I guess,” I said. “I haven’t really thought about it much. I know we the population, around 300 people. I went to high school with more
talked about having a big family someday but that was before, you know...” motherfuckers than lived in Blue Diamond and outside of a gas station and
“Yeah, I know,” she said quietly. “But would you be happy? With a a post office, there wasn’t a goddamn thing there. Nothing but trees, roads
baby?” and fields with a few houses spread in between.
590 587
 And that, I realized, was exactly why she’d fucking picked it. We were this one’s okay, fucked up door aside, but we should have our own if we’re
isolated. She found a way to give us a piece of our goddamn bubble back, going to stay here.”
where we could go and it just be us, but we weren’t ignorant about it this “Wow, that would be great!” she said. “We could build it somewhere
time. We knew we were still a part of that other world and always would down the road. There’s a lot of land for sale in the area, plenty of space for
be. us.”
“Did you tell Esme we have a fucked up screen door?” I asked, glancing “We’ll buy a few acres and build a nice two story house. Not too fucking
at Isabella. big that we can’t manage it, but bigger than this one. I need some more
“No, I didn’t tell her that,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I told her we were space.”
doing fine and getting used to it.” “With a nice yard,” she said, smiling. “We could fence it in, but I guess
“Are you getting used to it? Do you like it here?” I asked curiously. She we wouldn’t really have to.”
smiled and nodded, reaching over and grabbing my hand. “Yeah we’re going to need a big ass yard, because I want a pool,” I
“Yeah, I do. It’s quiet, very peaceful,” she replied. “We have the big city declared. “Summers are going to fucking kill me around here.”
right down the road if we get bored, but I really like it here.” “I’d like a pool,” she said, smiling. “I still can’t really swim, though.”
“Yeah, it’s nice,” I said, looking around. We were surrounded by trees “You should probably learn, then,” I said, chuckling. “Just don’t fucking
and on a dirt road, the closest house over a mile away. I could strip naked ask me to teach you.”
and run around in my backyard with my fucking balls flapping in the wind, “Don’t worry, I won’t,” she replied. “We could have a bunch of trees in
and not a single motherfucker would be able to say a word about the shit. the yard, too, for shade. Maybe even build a tree house.”
“So, what’s next, Mrs. Cullen? We’re starting over again and have a whole “You want a tree house?” I asked, amused. “Yes,” she said, shrugging.
life in front of us here. What now?” “A porch swing, too.”
“I don’t know,” she replied, shrugging. “Maybe give school another try? “Okay, then,” I said, smirking. “You want a trampoline while we’re at
I always heard the third time was a charm.” it?”
I chuckled, nodding. “Yeah, it is. I’m pretty sure there are some decent “Sure,” she said seriously, even though I’d been fucking joking. “It would
art schools in Las Vegas you could apply to.” be cool to have a deck, too. We could have one of those tables with the big
“I’ll have to look into it. I think I’d like to teach some painting classes umbrellas.”
for kids again, too. I really liked doing that,” she said. “But what about you? “And a grill,” I added. She laughed and looked at me with disbelief.
You consider going back to school again?” “Are you going to grill?”
“I’ve thought about it,” I said. “Thought about picking up some more “Yeah, why not,” I said, shrugging. “I mean, even I can cook a fucking
piano, maybe get a degree in music. I mean, I can’t do shit with it for a hot dog. Just because I don’t do it doesn’t mean I can’t. We could have
career, but I don’t exactly need a job for the money, you know? I’m not really barbecues and shit in the summer.”
cut out for medical school or law school or anything like that, and honestly “We don’t have anyone to invite to barbecues, Edward,” she said.
I don’t have the time to dedicate to it. Forcing myself to try would just stress “Maybe not now, but we will,” I said assuredly. “We’ll meet people,
me out more.” whatever. We’re married now, Bella. We’re supposed to have married
“Makes sense,” she said. “Hey, you could teach, too! Give piano lessons.” friends and shit.”
“I can’t fucking teach, Bella,” I said, laughing. “Are you forgetting when She laughed, shaking her head. “Maybe the family will visit. Emmett
I tried to teach you shit back in Forks? That’s better left to the and Rosalie can bring the boys down,” she said. Rosalie had given birth
motherfuckers with patience.” while we were on our honeymoon, having another little boy. They named
“Yeah, maybe you’re right,” she said. “So I’ll take some art classes and him Emmett Jr because he looked just like fucking Emmett, sturdy with
paint with kids, and you can take some music classes and play the piano. dark hair and his father’s features. Poor kid.
Sounds nice to me.” “I’m sure they will,” I replied.
“Yeah, it does,” I said. “We can build you an art studio in the city if you “I’d like to grow a garden, too,” Isabella said.
want. You could have your classes there.” “With some pot plants,” I added. She laughed and rolled her eyes. “We’re
“Really?” she asked, her face lighting up with excitement. “You’d build not having pot plants in our garden,” she said. “Maybe some rose bushes.”
a studio for me?” “I’d kind of like another tattoo,” I said randomly, something about what
“Bella, I’d build a fucking spaceship for you if that’s what you wanted,” the fuck she’d just said making me think of it. “Something on my forearm.”
I replied. “We probably ought to build a house, too, while we’re at it. I mean,
588 589