Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic
subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Other people say that subjects
such as music and sports are also necessary.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
One highly controversial topic today relates to whether the school curriculums ought to
consist solely of invaluable subjects which are associated with students’ future professions
or if they also need to incorporate other musical or sporting courses .courses. This essay
examines this contentious question from both points of view and then states my own
perspective.
On one hand side of the argument, some suppose youngsters should be taught only
subjects that will seemingly be of benefit to their future careers. The main motivation behind
this belief is that they would be able to concentrate on gaining a far deeper related field of
knowledge. With outstanding academic performances, many would be likely to seek great
employment opportunities, ending up being tremendously successful in the long run. Another
key driver can be seen in significant pressure mitigated thanks to a limited number of
subjects. If youngsters have to learn extra classes such as music or physical education
besides as well as numerous compulsory counterparts, many would be utterly stressed or
even deeply depressed, thereby giving up their studies.
Notwithstanding the aforementioned considerations, it is also possible to make the opposing
case. It is argued that those who are blessed with natural talents in terms of music or sports
need to enroll in such related classes so as to harness their potential. Otherwise, they would
waste their talents and turn out to be unsuccessful adults. Furthermore, performing musical
or sporting activities can allow learners to unwind and keep them in good shape. Having a
healthy mental and physical well-being would motivate them to perform effectively at school
and foster a strong sense of satisfaction.
In conclusion, I believe both sides of the argument have their merits. However, on balance, I
gravitate towards the assertion that educational institutions should prioritize future field-
related subjects as youngsters’ futures and psychological health are the most crucial while
not all of them enjoy or have innate abilities in terms of music or physical activities. In my
view, these subjects ought to be optional and based according to individual desires only.
332 words is far too many
Estimated
Grade
Task 8 250 -320 words
Response 332
all parts of the topic are responded to well
all parts of the question are responded to well
main ideas are clear
explanation/examples of main ideas are clear
Cohesion 8 good overall structure
and
Coherence the first paragraph clearly introduces the essay
topic sentences introduce paragraphs well / clear central topic
paragraph development is logical
Vocabulary 7 appropriate word choices and control of word endings/forms
repetition is avoided
spelling is correct
Grammar articles (a, an, the)
8
sentence structures are correct
Punctuation
Overall 7.5 ‘on one hand of the argument’ this is the kind of error you need to pick up while
checking your work. I wonder if you are leaving yourself enough time to do so
considering that you are over the recommended maximum number of words.
Remember to try and have paragraphs of equal length. The second paragraph
obviously stands out as being longer than the third.
Good conclusion.
Some people feel that the design of newly constructed buildings in big cities should
be controlled by governments. Others believe those who finance the construction of a
building should be free to design it as they see fit.
Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
One controversial topic today relates to whether the authorities ought to regulate the
blueprints of city structures which are about to be built or if funders of these projects are able
to come up with their own designs without restrictions. This essay examines this contentious
question from both points of view and states my own perspective.
On the one hand, some argue that governors should seize have (You might use seize
control if you are talking about a revolution but in this case the term is completely over the
top) control over the design of brand-new constructions. The main motivation behind is that
governments are accountable for the lives of their citizens. In turn, they have to ensure that
all the safety requirements are met, thereby averting potential life-threatening accidents.
Another key driver can be found in the whole town planning that the ministries have to pay
attention to. In fact, new buildings have to fit the existing city style and those in power are
expected to provide a far more holistic approach.
Notwithstanding the aforementioned considerations, it is also feasible to make the opposing
case. Without the government control, there would be a substantial number of special and
unique buildings constructed. This indeed fosters a sense of diversity which can therefore
attract countless visitors. Furthermore, it is argued that the phenomenon can even stimulate
economic growth by appealing to more international corporations. These companies are
likely to opt for nations that allow them to erect buildings based according toon their own
cultures, traditions or images.
In conclusion, I believe both sides of the argument have their merits. Nevertheless, I
gravitate towards the assertion that those who fund the construction projects should be free
to choose their design as this would contribute largely to the economy through tourism and
overseas investment while it is my view that safety procedures and related standards can be
published so businesses can follow and adopt them into their blueprints.
Estimated
Grade
Task 8 250 -320 words
Response
all parts of the topic are responded to well
all parts of the question are responded to well
main ideas are clear
explanation/examples of main ideas are clear
Cohesion 8 good overall structure
and
Coherence the first paragraph clearly introduces the essay
topic sentences introduce paragraphs well / clear central topic
paragraph development is logical
Vocabulary 7 appropriate word choices and control of word endings/forms
repetition is avoided
spelling is correct
Grammar articles (a, an, the)
8
sentence structures are correct
Punctuation
Overall 7.5
The term seize control evokes visions of armed men storming construction sites
and handcuffing the owners. It really was a poor word choice that could also
impact significantly on the TR score as it would be seen as a over exaggeration.
Some people say that the government should spend money taking care of elderly
people while others think that government spending should be spent more on
education of young people. Discuss both views and give your opinion?
One highly controversial topic today relates to whether the authorities ought to provide fiscal
support for old individuals or if it is better to invest this money on pedagogy for youngsters.
This essay examines this contentious question from both points of view and then states my
own perspective.
On the one hand, there are those in favour of a subsidy for elderly people. The main
motivation behind is that it is the responsibility of the state to assist senior workers who
largely contributed to the country during their lifetime. In fact, theirthe total tax contributions
unequivocally placed played an essential role in stimulating the national economy. Another
key driver is that as people turn toreach certain ages, aging and health deterioration are
inevitable. At the same time, their savings and support from their relatives seem insufficient
and without government grants, many might in turn suffer from not only their ailments but
also from prohibitively expensive medical expenses.
Notwithstanding the aforementioned considerations, it is also feasible to make the opposing
case. Education is supposed to be the greatest element that encourages national
development which means young learners need to be provided with the state-of-the-art
learning methods and technology in order to thrive sustainably. Of course, the price will be
highly exorbitant and only governments are able to fully cover that. Furthermore, extravagant
lifestyles will become tremendously prominent if citizens know that they will receive welfare
benefits as they get old. In this way, most of them will no longer strive to use their money
wisely, ending up wasting their savings.
In conclusion, I believe both sides of the argument have their merits. Nevertheless, I
gravitate towards the assertion that the authorities should prioritize the education of future
generations since this is the decisive factor to the prosperity of a country while
individuals ,regardlessindividuals, regardless of their ages, should be accountable for their
own monetary needs. In my view, only those in certain circumstances should be given
exceptional aid.
Estimated
Grade
Task 8 250 -320 words
Response
all parts of the topic are responded to well
all parts of the question are responded to well
main ideas are clear
explanation/examples of main ideas are clear
Cohesion 8 good overall structure
and
Coherence the first paragraph clearly introduces the essay
topic sentences introduce paragraphs well / clear central topic
paragraph development is logical
Vocabulary 7-8 appropriate word choices and control of word endings/forms
repetition is avoided
spelling is correct
Grammar articles (a, an, the)
8
sentence structures are correct
Punctuation
Overall 7.5 - 8
Consider this:
Furthermore, people will squander their money on extravagant lifestyles instead
of saving for the retirement.
Your version = overcomplicated and showing off language.
My version = same meaning but succinct and focused on communication will still
demonstrating high level language.
Some people think that prison is the best place for criminals, others believe there are
better ways to deal with them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
One highly controversial topic today relates to whether the most effective punishment for
offenders is incarceration or if there are more useful alternatives to reverse address the
situation. This essay examines this contentious question from both points of view and then
states my perspective.
On the one hand, many suppose that imprisonment is the top priority when it comes to
crimes. The main motivation behind this belief is that governments are accountable for the
lives of their law-abiding citizens. Consequently, criminals need to be put in jail in order to
isolate them from normal inhabitants, averting potential harm to society. Another key driver
can be seen in the rehabilitation of delinquents. In fact, prisons are often incorporated a
number of educational programs that can influence wrong mindsets ofrehabilitate
lawbreakers and in turn incentivise them to turn out to be good individuals (one word can be
used to replace all of these other words).
Notwithstanding the aforementioned considerations, it is also feasible to make the opposing
case. It is argued that those committing minor crimes or misdeeds should be fined only. This
can act as a deterrent against reoffending because otherwise, these offenders will suffer
from a significant financial burden. Furthermore, many believe that there are felonies such
as murder or rapes which are utterly disastrous for the whole community. Those in charge of
these offences should be given death penalties because they cannot be rehabilitated under
any circumstances.
In conclusion, I believe both sides of the argument have their merits. From my perspective,
the punishments need to be based on the levels of crimes. IndeedThis is because it is my
view that, (far better to add another opinion comment than use indeed) the authorities have
to take into account different factors so as to give fair judgement and sentences for each
situation.
Estimated
Grade
Task 8 250 -320 words
Response
all parts of the topic are responded to well
all parts of the question are responded to well
main ideas are clear
explanation/examples of main ideas are clear
Cohesion 8 good overall structure
and
Coherence the first paragraph clearly introduces the essay
topic sentences introduce paragraphs well / clear central topic
paragraph development is logical
Vocabulary 8 appropriate word choices and control of word endings/forms
repetition is avoided
spelling is correct
Grammar articles (a, an, the)
8
sentence structures are correct
Punctuation
Overall 8
This highlights the difference between a write struggling to be a level 8 and a
level 8 heading for a 9. One is showing off words and using more words than are
necessary to make a point and the alteration I have made highlights how to use
advanced language to say more with less.
Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things.
Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
One controversial topic today relates to whether the advertising industry has succeeded in
swaying customers to purchase their commodities or if advertisements as a whole are not
effective anymore due to its their excessive ubiquity. This essay examines this contentious
question from both points of view and then I will give my own perspective on the matter.
On the one hand, some suppose advertising has been successfully affecting people’s
purchase decisions. The main motivation behind this belief can be seen in a deeper
understanding of customer insights thanks to numerous related researches conducted. By
approaching scientificallya scientific approach, these companies tend to tempt a substantial
number of clients, generating huge profits as a result. Another key driver is that commercials
are now available everywhere, especially on social media, due to the proliferation of
technology. If individuals have seen particular adverts so many times, they would be likely to
eventually opt for the products or goods promoted eventually.
Notwithstanding the aforementioned considerations, it is also possible to make the opposing
case. It is argued that human beings nowadays are highly literate and able to comprehend
the techniques of marketing campaigns. In turn, many tend to ignore appealing adverts
which are popping up everywhere, averting themselves from wasting money. It is also
unequivocal that financial pressure also renders endeavors to advertise futile. Since most
citizens need to afford the tremendous costs of bare necessities or indispensable aspects
such as healthcare, accommodation, or their offspring’s education, they would be unlikely to
buy any new products even if they have been advertised many times.
In conclusion, I believe both sides of the argument have their merits. However, on balance, I
gravitate towards the assertion that the advertising industry has been significantly impacting
people. In fact, companies have always come up with creative strategies and taken
advantage of the technological processes while humans tend to buy things emotionally
rather than rationally. In my view, businesses also need to provide products or services that
contribute great values to the public in order to thrive sustainably.
332 words
Estimated
Grade
Task 8 250 -320 words
Response 332
all parts of the topic are responded to well
all parts of the question are responded to well
main ideas are clear
explanation/examples of main ideas are clear
Cohesion 9 good overall structure
and
Coherence the first paragraph clearly introduces the essay
topic sentences introduce paragraphs well / clear central topic
paragraph development is logical
Vocabulary 8 appropriate word choices and control of word endings/forms
repetition is avoided
spelling is correct
Grammar articles (a, an, the)
8
sentence structures are correct
Punctuation
Overall 8 if advertisements as a whole are not effective anymore due to their
excessive ubiquity.
I know you said as a whole which might justify the use of its instead of their
but I would suggest that their is more appropriate.
I also did not like the use of the term excessive ubiquity.
If we remove the word and put its definition in then it might give some insight as
to why it sounds awkward.
Are not effective anymore due to their excessive fact that the seem to be
everywhere.
Consider:
Are not effective anymore due to the fact that they are ubiquitous.
