Thank you message: thanks for a favor
Dear Jorge Jimenez,
I hope this message finds you well. As I reflect on my academic journey, I
am compelled to express my deepest gratitude for the invaluable support
and guidance you have provided.
Your recommendation as a job reference played a pivotal role in securing
my current full-time position. Your advice to pursue an internship program
not only enhanced my skills but also paved the way for this opportunity.
Your exceptional mentorship during the cooperative education experience
has left a lasting impact on my professional growth.
I am truly grateful for your unwavering support, and I wanted to take a
moment to express my heartfelt thanks. Your contributions have been
instrumental in shaping my career path, and I feel fortunate to have had you
as a mentor.
Thank you once again for your guidance and support. I look forward to
staying connected and continuing to learn from your insights.
Best regards,
Alisha Soto
787-652-6267
Document for analysis: claim request
Strengths:
• The letter is clear in expressing the issue faced with the treadmill.
• The customer provides specific details about the problem, such as the
resistance issue with the spin-wheel system.
Weaknesses:
• The tone could be more formal and professional.
• The letter lacks a greeting or salutation, which can make it seem
abrupt.
• It would be beneficial to include the order number or any relevant
details for easier identification.
• The customer's contact information is provided at the end; it's
advisable to include it at the beginning for quick reference.
Revision:
Subject: Urgent: Defective Treadmill - Request for Resolution
Dear Mr. Berkin,
I trust this message finds you well. I am writing to address a concern
regarding my recent purchase of a Precor treadmill, ordered on January
12th.
Having been impressed by your commitment to cardiovascular fitness
during our initial discussion, I eagerly awaited the delivery of the treadmill.
Unfortunately, upon setting it up and following the provided instructions, I
encountered a significant issue with the spin-wheel system, causing
resistance and instability.
I have carefully reviewed the instructional materials, and despite my efforts,
the machine's performance remains faulty. This has hindered my ability to
use the treadmill safely.
I kindly request your assistance in resolving this matter promptly. I propose
either sending a replacement treadmill at no additional cost or arranging a
refund upon the return of the defective unit.
For your convenience, my contact number is 706-555-3800. I would
appreciate your guidance on the next steps to address this concern
efficiently.
Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.
Sincerely,
Alisha Soto
787-674-9736
Document for analysis
Strengths:
• The letter is clear and concise in its purpose of seeking information
about Paradise and its surrounding area.
• It maintains a professional tone throughout.
• It explicitly states the information needed, showing a structured
approach to data collection for the new facility.
Weaknesses:
• The letter could be more specific about the type of information
required, providing a detailed list of data points needed for a
comprehensive evaluation.
• The tone, while professional, could be slightly more formal to align
with business communication standards.
• It lacks a closing statement expressing gratitude for the anticipated
cooperation.
Revision:
Subject: Request for Information on Paradise Area for Operational
Assessment
Dear Ms. Fondren,
I hope this message finds you well. I am writing to seek information about
Paradise and its surrounding area as part of our evaluation process for
potentially opening a new facility in the South within the next two years.
As the Vice President of Operations for Jemison Corporation, a manufacturer
of golf ball components, I am particularly interested in collecting
comprehensive data to ensure that the new facility benefits both Jemison
and the local community. To assist us in our evaluation, I kindly request the
following information about Paradise:
* Population demographics
* Major employers in the area
* Geographic description
* Weather patterns
* Educational opportunities
* Cultural offerings
* Cost of living
Your insights into these aspects will greatly contribute to our decision-
making process. I appreciate your assistance and look forward to your
response. If there are specific procedures or forms to follow for this request,
please advise accordingly.
Thank you for your time and cooperation.
Sincerely,
Alisha Soto
Vice President of Operations
Jemison Corporation
