Thanks for your interest in

Controlling the Tongue

“The Truth about Talk”

It is my hope that this information will

help you speak ways that glorify God

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About the Author
Chris Losey grew up in
Calistoga, California. He
received his Bachelor of
Science degree from the
United States Military
Academy at West Point, New
York, in 1973. After serving
for five years as an infantry officer in the Army, he resigned his
commission and returned to school receiving his Master of Divinity
degree from Western Conservative Baptist Seminary in Portland,
Oregon in 1982. After graduation Chris returned to the military where he
served as a chaplain in the Air Force retiring in 1994. Since then he and
his wife Sharon have ministered at Valley Baptist Church in San Rafael,
California, where Chris serves as senior pastor. Chris and Sharon have
been married for 35 years and have two children, Christine and Rob, and
two grandchildren, Soren and Belen.

Copyright © 2010 – Clear View Books

Special thanks to my wife, Sharon, for her encouragement, advice, and proofreading.

Bible Quotes - All Bible quotes unless otherwise noted are taken from the New American
Standard Bible (NASB), Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, and
1995 by the Lockman Foundation. All underlines or highlighting of Bible verses is done by the
author for emphasis and is not contained in the original text.

Artwork - All clipart is from [Link] and used by permission.

Questions or Ordering - If you have questions or want

to order more booklets, please call 415-479-3390.

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 Dedicated to those
who hunger for God’s
life-changing truth

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4
Has anyone ever said something that hurt you deeply: a cutting
remark, a disrespectful quip, or an untrue verbal attack on a friend or
family member? All of us have been there. I remember an incident at a
secular camp when I overheard an adult say something quite unkind
about one of the campers. The camper was me. From that moment on I
had a strong dislike for the person, and never forgot her biting words.

All of us have heard the statement, “Sticks and stones can break my
bones but words can never hurt me.” This is what one child might say to
another on the playground when being teased. In essence the child is
saying that although physical things (like sticks and stones) can hurt,
subjective things like words, can’t. Even though this sounds true on the
surface, it really isn’t. Words are powerful and sink deep into a person’s
soul for good or evil. Kind words encourage and uplift a person. Unkind
words bring discouragement and sorrow.

The Bible has much to say about the way we verbally communicate with
each another. It is the purpose of this booklet to investigate that topic. As
the “truth about talk” is unveiled, it should make each of us want to
evaluate how we use words, and seek to bring the use of them in line
with biblical teaching. If we do, we will enhance our relationships and
make our lives a blessing to others and ourselves.

The Bible uses three main words when referring to human speech –
tongue, mouth, and lips. For example in relation to the tongue, Proverbs
6:16-17 states, “There are six things which the Lord hates, yes, seven
which are an abomination to Him: Haughty eyes, a lying tongue…”

In relation to the mouth, Proverbs 4:24 states, “Put away from you a
deceitful mouth and put devious speech far from you.

In relation to the lips, Proverbs 8:6 states, “Listen, for I will speak noble
things; and the opening of my lips will reveal right things.”
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The tongue, mouth, and lips all are involved in human speech. For
example the mouth is essential because a person can’t talk unless his
mouth is open. Try saying “How they are doing?” while keeping your
mouth closed. Although you may understand what you are saying, no
one else will. The words are unintelligible. In like manner, the tongue is
essential for making sounds like “c” “g” t” “h” and “j”. In addition, the
lips are necessary for saying the letters “b” “p” and “m.” All three – the
mouth, tongue and lips work remarkably well together to create effective
verbal communication.

Although the words mouth, tongue, and lips, all are used to refer to
speech, this booklet will primarily use the word “tongue.” As
“controlling the tongue” is investigated, the following will be addressed:

 The purposes of the tongue

 The power of the tongue
 Improper ways to use the tongue
 Proper ways to use the tongue
 Ways to ensure that proper words come out of our mouths

The Purposes of the Tongue

God created the tongue for many reasons. It is an integral part of the
human body.

- It helps in tasting food because it contains tastebuds

- It moves food around the mouth as a person chews
- It is essential in swallowing
- We use it to wet our lips when they are dry
- We lick ice cream cones, popsicles and our fingers
- We stick out our tongues at people who annoy us
- The tongue is essential for speech/forming words
- We use it to talk to one another and to God

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The tongue has many functions, and is quite amazing!

The Power of the Tongue

The tongue possesses great power.

If properly controlled it can help control the whole body

If a person controls his tongue, it is likely he can control his whole body.
James 3:2-4 states,
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For we all stumble in many ways. If anyone does not stumble in
what he says, he is a perfect man, able to bridle the whole body as
well. 3 Now if we put the bits into the horses' mouths so that they
will obey us, we direct their entire body as well. 4 Look at the ships
also, though they are so great and are driven by strong winds, are
still directed by a very small rudder wherever the inclination of the
pilot desires.

It is interesting that the Scripture says that a person who can learn to
control the tongue is a perfect man. The word perfect is the Greek word
telios which means “having reached it’s end” hence complete or mature.
It does not mean moral perfection because we know that all of us are
sinners. A person who doesn’t stumble or get tripped up in the things he
says has a high level of maturity.

The tongue really is a bridle for the whole body. If it can be kept in
check, it helps keep the emotions in check. If a person does not keep it in
check, it can fuel emotions causing things to get ugly fast!

It is interesting how Scripture uses the illustration of horses and bits

when speaking of controlling the tongue. The bit in a horse’s mouth is
connected to the reigns that riders use to control the horse. If the rider
pulls back on the reigns, the pressure of the bit in the horse’s signals the
horse to slow down or stop. If the reigns are pulled to the right or left,
the pressure of the bit causes the horse’s head to turn, and its whole body
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follows. It is remarkable that such a small piece of equipment can help
control an animal that outweighs its rider by many hundreds of pounds!

The same is true of ships and rudders. The helmsman can turn a ship
simply by turning the ship’s wheel which causes the rudder under the
water to turn to the left or the right. If the rudder turns to the right, the
ship goes right and vice versa.

It is essential for people to realize that the tongue, perhaps more than
any other part of the body, controls the rest of the body. It has been
rightly said, “Control the tongue, control the person.”

If improperly controlled, the tongue can defile the whole body, and
harm the course of a person’s life
In this regard, James 3:5-6 states,
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So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of
great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small
fire! 6 And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the
tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire
body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by
hell.

The powers of darkness understand the evil potential of the tongue and
seek to use it for dastardly purposes. The tongue can be like a fire that
sets a whole forest of iniquity ablaze thus defiling a person’s life.

My wife Sharon told me the story of ministering to junior and senior

highers on an activity night in a gym when she was single. She was a
youth worker along with a single young man who liked her. During the
evening they played a form of dodge ball called “murder ball.” Kids
would throw a volleyball at each other. If you were hit by the ball you
were out of the game until the person who hit you was hit. Then you
could return. During the evening one of the high school boys pegged the
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single young man. Rather than controlling his tongue, the man exploded
with anger. Not only was this a bad testimony to the junior and senior
highers, it was a major turnoff to Sharon who decided she would not
pursue a person whose temper was so volatile. Indeed this one incident
changed the course of her relationship with him. I must add that I’m
very thankful for this incident because I later met and married Sharon!

Have you ever heard someone you respected get angry and use gutter
language? Most of us have, or perhaps we were the guilty party. I think
you would agree that such language does not raise the respect level of
those who hear it.

The tongue is extremely difficult to control

James 3:7-12 states that it is essentially impossible for a person to
control the tongue.
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For every species of beasts and birds, of reptiles and creatures of
the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by the human race. 8 But no
one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly
poison. 9 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we
curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; 10 from the
same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these
things ought not to be this way. 11 Does a fountain send out from
the same opening both fresh and bitter water? 12 Can a fig tree, my
brethren, produce olives, or a vine produce figs? Nor can salt water
produce fresh.

A person’s tongue is relatively easy to control as long as everything is

going well. But throw in some heated emotions and the tongue can lash
out with reckless abandon.

The Scripture describes the tongue as a restless evil full of deadly

poison. It is bizarre that we use the tongue both to bless the Lord, and to
curse people who are created in God’s image. Such behavior is
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contradictory and ought not to happen. The writer of James says it
doesn’t make any sense that a fountain should send out both fresh and
bitter water, or a fig tree produce olives, or a grape vine produce figs. So
too, it makes no sense that the tongue spouts both blessings and
cursings, but it does. The tongue truly is an anomaly wrapped in an
enigma.

The good news is that God, through the indwelling power of the Holy
Spirit, can help us better control our tongues. As we grow in Christ,
hopefully we can say, “My speech may not yet be perfect, but thanks to
God working in me, it is a lot better than it used to be!”

Every Christian needs to dedicate his speech to God and ask God to help
tame his tongue!

The tongue can destroy or preserve a person’s life

Proverbs 18:21 states, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

In some places of the world tyrants have the power to say a word and
have people put to death, or say a word and have lives spared. The
tongue is powerful indeed! In our own families a careless word from a
parent can crush a child’s spirit. A kind word can make that same spirit
soar.

I remember playing sports in school. My dad usually critiqued my

performance after each game. Sometimes his words were painful, but I’ll
never forget one time our high school football team lost to it’s arch rival.
I had a pretty good game, but our team had been soundly beaten. After
the game I fully expected a rough critique. When my dad told me how
well I had done despite the loss, I felt like the weight of the world was
lifted from my shoulders.

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Proverbs 13:3 states, “The one who guards his mouth preserves his life;
the one who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.”

Someone correctly said, “I have often regretted my words, but have

rarely regretted my silence.”

On a windswept hill in an English country cemetery stands a drab, gray

tombstone. The stone bears an epitaph that is a bit hard to read, but can
be recognized if a person looks closely,

Beneath this stone, a lump of clay

lies Arabella Young,
Who on the twenty-fourth of May,
began to hold her tongue.

Apparently Arabella’s tongue was a loose-cannon until the day she died.

Proverbs 14:3 states, “In the mouth of the foolish is a rod for his back,
but the lips of the wise will preserve them.”

I remember quite vividly attending John Gardner Tennis Ranch in

Carmel Valley as a boy. The counselors for the camp were all college
tennis players from the Pac Ten Conference (then the Pac Eight). One of
the chores was assigned as a camper was to help clean the boy’s
bathroom. Actually there was a group of us who had this assignment.

One day while cleaning the bathroom, we were horsing around when the
head counselor walked in. He told us to quit fooling around and get to
work. As the counselor left, one of boys did a mocking dance, said
derogatory things under his breath, and made obscene gestures in the
direction of the counselor. What he didn’t realize was that the counselor
was looking back through the crack between the door and the door jam.
The counselor re-entered the room, and told the disrespectful boy to

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follow him. The boy was subsequently sent home. His mouth and
actions got him in big trouble, and destroyed his summer.

The tongue can ruin friendships

Proverbs 16:28 states, “A perverse man spreads strife,
and a slanderer separates intimate friends.”

Slanderers can certainly destroy friendships, but other

improper uses of the tongue can be equally damaging.
For example if a person shares something
confidential with his friend, and that friend breaks the
confidence by sharing the information others, the
friendship may go down in flames.

This is a good place to say that words that ruin a friendship are not just
spoken words, but also written ones like on Facebook or in a text
message. People sometimes fail to realize that once something is on the
internet or in a text message, there is no taking it back. Unfortunately,
people will sometimes say something hurtful about someone in writing
that they would never say to their face. Big mistake!

The tongue can stir up anger or turn it away

Proverbs 15:1 states, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh
word stirs up anger.” In the heat of an argument, gentle words calm
things down while harsh words stir things up. If we can speak gently we
can turn away another person’s wrath or at least keep the situation from
getting out of hand. But if we respond with harsh words, it may be like
throwing gasoline on an open flame.

In an arbitration meeting involving two Christians who were at odds

with each other, I laid out strict communication ground rules that simply
stated that we would all try to conduct ourselves with gentleness and
kindness. Although there were some tense moments during the meeting,
both parties worked hard not to stir up anger, and the situation was
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resolved. In another similar meeting other people lost their temper and
the atmosphere deteriorated.

The tongue can make knowledge acceptable

Proverbs 15:2 states, “The tongue of the wise makes knowledge
acceptable, but the mouth of fools spouts folly.”

How many parents (including myself) have blown it when we tried to

get a point across to our children in the wrong way. Instead of sitting
down and rationally discussing things on our child’s level, we responded
in anger and gave our child a scathing lecture. Rather than receiving the
truth we shared, which may have been good and right, our child rejected
it because of the way it was given.

If we want people to accept our vast storehouse of knowledge (I say this

tongue in cheek) we have to be sure we help make that truth acceptable
by sharing it with kindness.

The tongue can bring great good to a person

Proverbs 13:2 states, “From the fruit of a man's mouth he enjoys good.”
The tongue has the potential for great good or great harm and thus must
be properly controlled. Undoubtedly all of us can think of times when
we said something that either brought us good or harm. The memories of
the times when it brought us great good are the ones we like to
remember.

William Norris the American Journalist who specialized in simple

rhymes that packed a punch, gave this helpful advice,

If your lips would keep from slips

Five things observe with care
To whom you speak, of whom you speak
And how and when and where.

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Improper Uses of the Tongue
Regarding the improper use of the tongue, Ephesians 4:29 gives one of
the most powerful statements in all of Scripture, “Let no unwholesome
word proceed from your mouth…” This prohibition is simple to
understand but not so simple to do. The rest of the verse adds, “but only
such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the
moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.”

The Greek word for unwholesome is sapros which

means worthless or rotten. It comes from the root
word sepo meaning to make or to become corrupt.
Hence, unwholesome words are any words that
come out of a person’s mouth that are worthless,
rotten or corrupt.

What kind of speech fits into this category? There

are many kinds. Probably most of us would
identify “swearing” as one major culprit, but
swearing is only the tip of the iceberg. In the
following pages, several types of rotten speech are
identified. Christians would do well to avoid them.
We’ll look at them in alphabetical order

Boasting
Boasting may be defined as speaking with excessive pride regarding
one’s own accomplishments, abilities, or possessions. It is not that a
person can’t share about himself, but he needs to be careful when doing
so. If what he shares has a hint of braggadocio it is probably boasting
and inappropriate.

Proverbs 27:2 states “Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a
stranger, and not your own lips.” In other words, if you are good at
something, let others tell the world. It has been rightly said that, “Those
who sing their own praises often sing alone.”
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Proverbs 25:27 states, “It is not good to eat much honey, nor is it glory to
search out one's own glory.” In other words, exalting oneself is as bad as
eating excessive amounts of honey. Both can make a person sick.

Crude talk
The second type of rotten speech is crude talk. Ephesians 5:4 states,
“and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which
are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks.”

The word filthiness is the Greek word aischrotes meaning baseness. It

comes from the root word aischros meaning shameful or disgraceful.
Crude talk is thus anything that is base, shameful or disgraceful. Silly
talk (foolish talk) and coarse jesting fall into this same category. Just
because something will get a laugh, does not mean it is appropriate to
say. Most comedy channels on television get plenty of laughs, but much
of the language used is crude and vulgar.

In our world it seems that many people have little shame about the crude
things that come out of their mouths. It used to be that most women had
relatively clean speech, but today many speak as crudely as anyone else.
In the area of speech it seems that many folks have lost any sort of moral
compass.

Christians need to be sure that crude talk is not part of their vocabulary.

Cursing
Cursing is calling evil down on someone. It can also refer to general
swearing. James 3:9,10 speaks of the human tongue and says,

“With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men,
who have been made in the likeness of God; from the same mouth
come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought
not to be this way.”
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Whether or not people realize it, when they say things like, “God
_______ you.” they are calling evil down on others. They are asking
God to damn the person to whom they are speaking. This is evil. In
addition, many people swear at others using very foul and offensive
language.

Recently I was at a large gas station. As I filled my car’s tank, I noticed

another car pull up in the next aisle. A woman got out on one side of the
car and a man on the other. The woman proceeded to say something to
the man in what appeared to be a normal tone of voice. Instead of
responding in kind, the man proceeded to call the woman a “f”ing “b”.
I’m not sure what the woman said to insight such a response, but she
simply turned her back, hung her head, and walked into the gas station
store. I thought to myself, “Lady, you shouldn’t put up with a man like
that, no matter what you said to him.”

The kind of talk that I heard that day has no place in the Christian life.

Deceit
Deceitful talk seeks to trick or fool another person into thinking that
something is one way when it is not. For example, parents might give
their teenage son some money to go to the movie with his friends. The
boys might decide at the last minute to change their plans without telling
the parents. The boy and his friends might decide to go into a nearby city
to see what excitement they can find. When they return home, the dad
might ask, “So how was the movie?” The son might respond, “The
movie was great” without having seen it. The son might rationalize that
the movie was good whether or not he saw it. He might think to himself,
“My dad didn’t actually ask me if I went to the movie.” Such
rationalization is wrong. Whether or not the son wants to admit it, he
deceived his dad.

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Proverbs 4:24 says, “Put away from you a deceitful mouth, and put
devious lips far from you.”

Discordant talk
Discordant talk is saying things in order to stir up trouble. It is known by
some as “stirring the pot” and can be done in any number of ways. Kids
do it at school when they want to get back at someone who hurt them.
They badmouth the other person and try to get them in trouble. People at
work use discordant talk when they say things that undermine the unity
and cause friction. The same thing can happen at church. Proverbs 6:16-
19 states,
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There are six things which the Lord hates, Yes, seven which are
an abomination to Him: 17 Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands
that shed innocent blood, 18 a heart that devises wicked plans, feet
that run rapidly to evil, 19 a false witness who utters lies, and one
who spreads strife among brothers.

Why does God dislike the “spreading of strife”? Because strife causes
disunity, and God is all about unity. He says that we are to preserve the
unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace (Eph 4:3), and we are to do it
diligently. Preserving unity is important in every area, whether it be
church, home, school or work.

Empty words
Empty word are words a person can easily say, but has no intention of
following up with actions. An example of empty words is found in
James 2:15-17,
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If a brother or sister is without clothing and in need of daily
food, 16 and one of you says to them, "Go in peace, be warmed and
be filled," and yet you do not give them what is necessary for their
body, what use is that? 17 Even so faith, if it has no works, is dead,
being by itself.
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In other words, if we have the means to help someone in need, yet
simply say, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled…” we are speaking
empty words.

To keep from using empty words, our actions must match our words. If
we see a need, we should try to meet it if we can. Obviously we can’t
meet every need, and there will be some needs we won’t feel led to
meet. Even the needs we try to meet, we may not be able to meet fully.
The point is, we need to be careful not to use empty words.

False witness
Giving false witness equates with lying on the witness stand. People do
this for various reasons. It might be to keep from getting in trouble. It
might be to protect a friend, or to get an enemy in trouble.

In school a student might be questioned by a

teacher about something that happened in a
classroom. The student might be tempted to
lie to keep another friend out of trouble, but
he still needs to tell the truth. To twist the
truth is to give false witness. And giving
false witness often catches up with a person
and they get in trouble.

Every once in awhile people may find

themselves in court as a witness. Sometimes
telling the truth might put them in danger,
but they still need to tell it. Only as people
tell the truth and refuse to be intimidated, can justice move forward.
That’s why they have witness protection programs.

Proverbs 19:5 states, “A false witness will not go unpunished, and he

who tells lies will not escape.” Sooner or later, lies are discovered.
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Flattery
Flattery may be defined as excessive praise. It is giving praise when
praise is not warranted. Often those who flatter others are trying to get
something from them. If you sense someone flattering you, beware.
There is danger afoot. Proverbs 29:5 states, “A man who flatters his
neighbor is spreading a net for his steps.”

Foolish speech
Foolish speech means talking foolishly. Teens sometime speak this way
and say things like, “If I had the opportunity, I’d punch out that teacher.”
Adults sometimes speak foolishly, too. Foolish talk at any age can lead
to foolish actions which harm people and property. Such talk has no
place in the life of a follower of Christ.

Proverbs 15:2 states, “... the mouth of fools spouts folly.” Don’t let this
be true of you. Foolish speech is a sign of a foolish heart.

Gossip
Gossip is spreading rumors about other people. It involves sharing things
that cast the people in a negative light. A person might say, “Did you
hear the latest about so and so?” Again, even if something is true, it
doesn’t give others the right to share it.

Another way to define gossip is, “Sharing things about others with those
who are not part of the problem or part of the solution.” For example,
let’s say someone does a bad job at work and needs to be reprimanded.
The boss might seek counsel with the offending person’s supervisor to
decide the appropriate course of action, but the boss should never share
the worker’s dirty laundry with everyone in the company. He should try
to solve the problem with the fewest number of people involved. If he
does share the incident with others, he should share in general terms and
keep the name of the offending party out of the conversation.

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Proverbs 11:13 states, “He who goes about as a talebearer reveals
secrets, but he who is trustworthy conceals a matter.”

Gossip has been likened to someone going through the woods on a

windy day carrying a down pillow. As he walks he cuts a hole in the
pillow and casts the feathers to the wind. It is easy enough to do this, but
once the feathers are scattered they are nearly impossible to retrieve. So
it is with gossip. Once gossip goes out of a person’s mouth it is
impossible to take back, and can ruin another’s reputation.

Harsh speech
Harsh speech is saying things in a harsh way. Proverbs 15:1 states, A
gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
In this verse the word harsh means rough to the ear.

Yelling at another member of one’s family and using cutting words that
tear them down is harsh. What is said may be true, but all it does is stir
up anger. People may forgive others for using harsh words, but they will
never forget what was said.

Lying
Lying is not telling the truth. How does God feel about lying?
Proverbs 12:22 reveals, “Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD,
but those who deal faithfully are His delight.”

Have you ever asked yourself why God hates lying? Not only does it go
against His nature, but it plays into the hands of Satan who is known as
“the father of lies.” Listen to Jesus’ words in John 8:44,

"You are of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of
your father. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not
stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. Whenever he
speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature, for he is a liar and the
father of lies.
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Christians must avoid playing into Satan’s hands by lying.

Perverse talk
Perverse speech is saying things that
are gross and perverted. It might be a
person speaking to his friends about his
lude exploits over the weekend, or
describing the explicit internet sites he
visited. Perverse talk takes crudeness
to the next level. It is crude talk on
steroids. Don’t do it. It is akin to
wickedness.

Proverbs 17:20 states, “He who has a

crooked mind finds no good, and he
who is perverted in his language falls
into evil.”

Proverbs 10:31-32 says,

“The mouth of the righteous flows with wisdom, but the perverted
tongue will be cut out. The lips of the righteous bring forth what is
acceptable, but the mouth of the wicked, what is perverted.”

The Hebrew word for perverted comes from a root word meaning to
overturn. The idea is that perversity turns righteousness and goodness
upside down. Righteousness and perversity are like the two sides of a
coin. They are exact opposites.

Rash speech
Rash speech is hasty and reckless. It is saying whatever comes to mind
without taking time to think it through. It is engaging the mouth before
engaging the mind. Not good!
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 Proverbs 12:18 states, “There is one who speaks
rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tongue
of the wise brings healing.” Sometimes we get
into verbal duels and feel like we have been “run
through” or pummeled with words. How much
better it is to speak words that heal!

Rash speech is often regretted once a person has time to reflect on it.
That’s why it is so important to choose words carefully. Proverbs 18:13
states, “He who gives an answer before he hears, It is folly and shame to
him.”

Scoffing
To scoff means to show contempt or scorn for something or someone
through words or actions. For example, some schools require their
students to wear uniforms. A student from such a school might be
wearing his uniform while walking to school, and be taunted by students
from another school. The scoffers might say something like, “Oh, look,
there’s a kid from that stupid school where everyone wears monkey
suits.”

Another example would be kids walking home across the school

grounds and seeing a freshly seeded area of grass with a sign that reads
“Please stay out.” Rather than walking around the area, one of the kids
might make a cutting remark about school policy, knock over the sign,
and proceed to trample down the new grass, all the while saying, “Oh,
too bad! Somebody walked on the new grass.” Such actions have
scoffing written all over them!

Proverbs 24:9 states, “The devising of folly is sin, and the scoffer is an
abomination to men.”

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Slander
Slander is slightly different than gossip. Where gossip is sharing
information that may be true, slander is making false statements with the
intent of hurting someone’s reputation. For example, a student at school
might say that someone stole something when in fact they did not.

Proverbs 10:18 states, “He who conceals hatred has lying lips, and he
who spreads slander is a fool.”

Using God’s name in vain

Most people are familiar with Exodus 20:7,
“You shall not take the name of the Lord
your God in vain, for the Lord will not
leave him unpunished who takes His name
in vain.”
Many people equate taking God’s name in vain
with a person using profanity. Although
profanity that includes God’s name is totally
inappropriate, “taking God’s name in vain” has a
much broader meaning. It means to use His
name in any unholy, inappropriate, or empty
(vain) way. For example, a person might say, “Oh, God, I’m tired.” In
this case he is not praying to God, but instead inserting God’s name in a
statement for emphasis. This is is using God’s name in an empty way
and is totally inappropriate.

Every once in awhile I play golf with someone who uses God’s name in
a vain way by inserting it into a statement after making a bad shot. There
have been times when I have said to them, “I’m sure you didn’t mean
anything by what you said, but that’s my Lord you are talking about. I
would ask you not to use His name that way.” Usually after an initial
“dear in the headlights” look, people understand what I am saying, and
try to clean up their language.
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Other people use God’s name in a vain way by saying things like, “I
swear to God I’ll pay you back.” Again, such talk is totally
inappropriate.

It is rather amazing that Jews during biblical times had such a high
regard for God’s name that they wouldn’t even say it out loud! That’s
why the correct pronunciation of God’s name in Hebrew is unknown.
All we have is the consonants YHWH without the vowel pointings.
When we say that God’s formal name is Yahweh, we are simply making
an educated guess.

Christians should never use God’s name in a vain way.

Vows that are false

A vow is a solemn oath or promise to act in a certain way. God told His
people not to make false vows. In Leviticus 19:12 He said, “You shall
not swear falsely by My name, so as to profane the name of your God; I
am the Lord.”

Regarding vows, Jesus said in Matthew 5:33-37:

33
"Again, you have heard that the ancients were told, 'You shall
not make false vows, but shall fulfill your vows to the Lord .' 34
"But I say to you, make no oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the
throne of God, 35 or by the earth, for it is the footstool of His feet,
or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great king . 36 "Nor shall
you make an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair
white or black. 37 "But let your statement be, 'Yes, yes' or 'No, no';
anything beyond these is of evil.

Rather than making vows at all, Jesus instructed his followers to say
“Yes, yes” or No, no.” In other words when they were committing

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themselves to do or not do something they should either say, “Yes, I will
do it” or “No, I won’t.” Anything beyond this would be evil.

There are so many ways to use the tongue in the wrong way. Going over
these inappropriate ways lays a foundation for learning how to use our
tongues in the right way.

Proper uses of the Tongue

Blessing
One of the most powerful things we can do with the tongue is to speak
words of blessing into the lives of others. The Bible has examples of
fathers speaking words of blessing into their children’s lives. One
example is when Isaac blessed his son Jacob. Genesis 28:3,4 records
Jacob’s words,
3
"May God Almighty bless you and make you fruitful and
multiply you, that you may become a company of peoples. 4 "May
He also give you the blessing of Abraham, to you and to your
descendants with you, that you may possess the land of your
sojournings, which God gave to Abraham."

In Genesis 27:19 Jacob had sought to get a blessing from his father,
Isaac. In Genesis 27:27-29 Isaac mistakenly gave Jacob the blessing that
he intended to give to Esau. Esau was later emotionally distraught over
his lost blessing.

Words of blessing were spoken to invoke God’s blessing; to ask God to

fulfill the words spoken by the one giving the blessing.

In Numbers 6:22-27 God told Moses to tell the high priest, Aaron, to
speak words of blessing over the children of Israel. God said that if
Aaron would speak these words of blessing, that He (God) would bless
the people. Listen to God’s instructions,
25
 22
Then the Lord spoke to Moses, saying, 23 "Speak to Aaron and to
his sons, saying, 'Thus you shall bless the sons of Israel. You shall
say to them: 24 The Lord bless you, and keep you; 25 the Lord make
His face shine on you, and be gracious to you; 26 the Lord lift up
His countenance on you, and give you peace.' 27 "So they shall
invoke My name on the sons of Israel, and I then will bless them."
Although a blessing can be any positive words spoken into a person’s
life that ask God to bless that person, it is interesting to note the
categories of blessing Aaron was told to say over the people of Israel.

1. General Blessing – “The Lord Bless you” – Aaron was asking

God to give His blessing in a general way to the Jewish people.
2. Protection – “and keep you” – The word keep means to guard
or put a hedge of protection around. Aaron was asking God to
protect the people.
3. Favor – “the LORD make His face shine on you and be
gracious to you” – A shining face is a smiling face. It speaks of
the person doing things that bring a smile to God’s face and thus
win His favor. When we walk in God’s light, He is pleased and
smiles on us. Aaron wanted God to smile on the Jews.
4. Approval – “the LORD lift up His countenance on you” –
“Lifting up one’s countenance” means to turn one’s face
towards another in approval. Aaron wanted God to approve of
everything the Jews did.
5. Peace – “and give you peace”—Aaron was asking that God
would give peace to the Jews. All of us long for peace!

Here are some examples of things we can say today to invoke God’s
blessing in the various areas mentioned above –

The Lord bless you (General Blessing)

- May God bless you in every way today
- May God fill your life with His goodness
26
 - May God bless you at home today and encourage you as you
teach your children
- May the Lord bless you at work and give you favor with your
co-workers and supervisor
- May the Lord bless you at school and allow you to experience
friendship and to do well in your classes

And keep you (Protection)

- May the Lord put a hedge of protection around you
- May He protect you as you travel
- May He protect you at school
- May He place His angels around you and protect you through
His abiding Holy Spirit

The Lord make His face shine on you and be gracious unto you
(Favor)
- May the things you do today put a smile on God’s face
- May you please God today by showing love to others
- May you look to the needs of others
- May God give you a sensitive and kind spirit
- May the Lord pour out His grace and mercy in your life
- If you make a mistake, may you be quick to confess

The Lord lift up His countenance on you (Approval)

- May the Lord approve of everything you do today
- May your decisions be wise and in tune with God’s will
- May you sense God’s approval in your life
- May you listen to the promptings of His Spirit and be obedient
- May your relationship with God grow as you follow Him

And give you peace (Peace)

- May the Lord give you His peace and joy today
- May you have peace in your relationships with others
- May you be a peacemaker who brings God’s blessing to others
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 - May you be filled with the peace that passes all understanding

Blessing someone is a little different than praying for them. A prayer is

not necessarily done in the presence of the one being prayed for. A
blessing is. A blessing is a spoken, face-to-face event where one person
speaks blessing into the life of another and asks God to unleash His
blessing in the person’s life.

How does it make a person feel when someone speaks blessing into their
life? It makes them feel fantastic! How does it make children feel when
parents speak blessing into their lives? It makes them feel loved! One of
the greatest things we can do for each other is to speak blessing!

But when does a person speak words of blessing? Anytime he thinks it is

appropriate! For example, some husbands like to say a blessing over
their wives in the morning. It may sound strange, but it’s not. A husband
might sit with his wife before she leaves for work and say, “May the
Lord give you a great day. May He help you breeze through the day with
minimal distractions. May you sense His presence with you today, and
may He protect you and give you favor with your co-workers.” Some
husbands make it a point to speak a blessing over their wives every day.

Mom’s might speak a blessing into their children’s lives as they send
them off to school. They might look directly into their eyes and say,
“May the Lord give you a good day at school. May you feel strong and
confident in your school work. May you work hard and be diligent. May
your friends be good to you, and may you be good to them. May the
Lord give you a fun day.” Such words of blessing give confidence.

We not only get the privilege of blessing each other, we also have the
high privilege of blessing God. Psalms 103:1-5 states,
1
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His
holy name. 2 Bless the Lord, O my soul, And forget none of His
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 benefits; 3 Who pardons all your iniquities, Who heals all your
diseases; 4 Who redeems your life from the pit, Who crowns you
with lovingkindness and compassion; 5 Who satisfies your years
with good things, So that your youth is renewed like the eagle.

I always thought it was God who blessed us, but God also invites us to
bless to Him. In Deuteronomy 8:10 Moses said to the Israelites, “When
you have eaten and are satisfied, you shall bless the Lord your God for
the good land which He has given you.” Blessing God is equivalent to
praising and thanking Him, which will be addressed later on in this
booklet.

Suffice it to say, we have the awesome privilege of blessing people and

blessing God with our mouths, tongues and lips! How awesome is that!

Comforting
In this fallen world, bad things happen.
Many of these can make us sad or get us
down: People get sick or hurt, family
members lose jobs, people we know are in
car wrecks, friends get divorced or move
away, and people die.

When we go through these or other tough times, each of us can use

words of comfort. And the comfort we receive from others is a
springboard that allows us to comfort others. A simple word of comfort
can make the difference between being stuck in the doldrums of sadness,
or lifted from the pit of despair.

Part of comforting others is just being there for them, but part is also
saying comforting words. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 instructs us in how God
has comforted us, and calls us to comfort one another,

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 3
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the
Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all
our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in
any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are
comforted by God.

God’s Word through the power of the Holy Spirit has brought each of us
comfort. God has also used His people to bring us comfort. We now
have the privilege and responsibility to comfort others.

Edifying
Edifying others is another appropriate use of the tongue. To edify means
to build up. That’s why large buildings are called edifices.

Sometimes people use words to cut down others. It happens at school on

the playground when kids call each other names. It happens in business,
it happens in the home and sadly it can even happen in church. But as
God’s children we have the great opportunity to speak words that build
people up rather than tear them down. Ephesians 4:29 states,

“Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only

such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the
moment, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

One way to speak edifying words is to look for needs, and then speak
into those needs in a way that builds others up and helps them
experience God’s grace. Here are examples of edifying words:

- You did a great job!

- Thanks so much for all you did to make this a super event
- Thanks for your ministry
- Your work has touched the lives of many in a significant way
- Great game. Even though your team lost you gave it all you had!
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 - Wonderful job on your grades
- I’m proud of you!

Proverbs 25:11 refers to edifying words when it says, “Like apples of

gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances.” Just
as silver jewelry inlaid with gold is beautiful, so are edifying words!

Encouraging
Closely related to edifying others is encouraging them. To encourage
means to infuse with courage or hope. How do we do that? We do it
through words and actions. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 states, “Therefore
encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are
doing.”

The word encourage is the Greek word parakalew. Para means

alongside, and kalew means to call. A person who encourages another is
one who comes alongside that person and speaks words that foster
strength and courage. Words like:

- I know you can do it!

- I know you can pass that test
- I know you will do well in that job interview
- I know you will get through this difficult health challenge
- Don’t give up! I believe in you.

All of us need encouragement, and all of us need to be encouragers. It is

awesome how God came alongside Joshua as he was about to lead the
Jews into the Promised Land. Over and over God told Joshua, with My
help you can do this thing I am asking you to do. Only be “Strong and
Courageous.” Listen to God’s words in Joshua 1:3-7,

3
"Every place on which the sole of your foot treads, I have given it
to you, just as I spoke to Moses. 4 "From the wilderness and this
31
 Lebanon, even as far as the great river, the river Euphrates, all the
land of the Hittites, and as far as the Great Sea toward the setting
of the sun will be your territory. 5 "No man will be able to stand
before you all the days of your life. Just as I have been with Moses,
I will be with you; I will not fail you or forsake you. 6 "Be strong
and courageous, for you shall give this people possession of the
land which I swore to their fathers to give them. 7 "Only be strong
and very courageous; be careful to do according to all the law
which Moses My servant commanded you; do not turn from it to
the right or to the left, so that you may have success wherever you
go.

Notice that God told Joshua that He would be with him. Undoubtedly
this infused courage into Joshua’s heart. God is with us today, too, so be
encouraged!

When Jesus sent out His twelve apostles in Matthew chapter ten He
spoke words of encouragement. Over and over he said, do not be afraid.

Proverbs 12:25 states, “Anxiety in the heart of a man weighs it down,

but a good word makes it glad.” Encouraging words are good words and
bring joy to the heart of the hearer. Let’s commit ourselves to speak
more words of encouragement!

Healing
Our words can bring hurt or healing in the lives
of others. If we say mean things we can wound
people’s souls. If we say good, kind things we
can bring healing. Proverbs 12:18 states, “There
is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a
sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

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Here are examples of words that heal:

- I’m sorry I was wrong

- Would you please forgive me?
- I didn’t mean to hurt you, I’m so sad about what happened
- I want to make things right
- I was hasty in what I said, I will try to do better
- I love you and feel so bad that I hurt you
- Would you forgive me for yelling at you?
- I was acting like a jerk. I’m sorry.
- I’ve missed you, I’m so sorry that I didn’t stay in touch with you

Proverbs 15:4 states, “A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion

in it crushes the spirit.” Proverbs 16:24 says, “Pleasant words are a
honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”

Before we say something we ought to ask ourselves, “Is what I’m about
to say going to bring hurt or healing?” If it is going to hurt others, we
might want to keep our words to ourselves.

Praying
There may be no greater use of the tongue than prayer. But often when
we think of having our own personal prayer time, we think of praying
silently and simply forming the words in our minds. But the Psalmist
encourages us to pray out loud with audible words. Psalms 5:3 states,
“In the morning, O Lord, You will hear my voice; in the morning I will
order my prayer to You and eagerly watch.” Praying out loud is
powerful. We can pray out loud:

- In our personal prayer times

- Before meals
- With our spouse or children
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 - With a disciple or someone at church

Praying out loud helps keep the mind from racing or wandering because
we can think many times faster than we speak. Praying out loud keeps a
person focused on the task at hand. I personally love to pray out loud,
although quietly, when I walk my prayer hill. I walk with my eyes open
taking in the beauty around me as I pray things like:

- God, thank You for this beautiful day that You have made
- Thank You for creating the blue sky, the hills and trees
- Thank You for the privilege of exercise and breathing fresh air

Audible prayers are uplifting, and I believe that God loves to hear the
prayers of His people.

Praising and thanksgiving

Praise and thanksgiving are closely connected with prayer and are great
uses of our tongues! Praise is praising God for who He is. For example
we praise God when we tell Him:

- God, You are awesome

- I praise You that You are merciful, loving, and full of grace
- I praise You for Your forgiveness and Your awesome power
- I praise You that You are the same yesterday, today and forever

Thanksgiving on the other hand is thanking God for what He has done.
For example we might say:

- God, thank You for saving me

- Thank You for giving me such a loving wife and children
- Thank You for a supportive church family
- Thank You for the measure of good health You have given me
- Thank You for making such an awesome creation for us to enjoy

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Certainly we can praise and thank God in the quietness of our hearts, but
there is something extra special about praising Him out loud! Hebrews
13:15 states, “Through Him then, let us continually offer up a sacrifice
of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that give thanks to His name.”
Audible praise and thanksgiving are the fruit of our lips!

And we can praise and thank God when we sing praises to Him on
Sunday in worship service or at home. Psalm 92:1 states, “It is good to
give thanks to the Lord and to sing praises to Your name, O Most High.”

It is amazing that God allows us to know Him. To know God is to love

Him. When a person loves God he wants to sing praises to Him! Psalms
96:1-3 says,

1
Sing to the Lord a new song; sing to the Lord, all the earth. 2 Sing
to the Lord, bless His name; proclaim good tidings of His salvation
from day to day. 3 Tell of His glory among the nations, His
wonderful deeds among all the peoples.

Reading Scripture out loud

We may not realize that reading Scripture aloud is a
great use of the tongue. In 1 Timothy 4:13 the apostle
Paul said, “Until I come, give attention to the public
reading of Scripture, to exhortation and teaching.”

At a recent multi-church gathering, one of the pastors stood up and read

the entire creation account. It was powerful!

Not only is the public reading of Scripture a blessing to those who hear,
but private reading is great, too.

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Reproving and correcting
Reproving and correcting means interacting with erring Christians and
using words to get them back on the right path. This can be difficult, and
requires wisdom and tact. Matthew 18:15-16 gives specific instructions
on how to do it,
15
"If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he
listens to you, you have won your brother. 16 "But if he does not
listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth
of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. 17 "If he
refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to
listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax
collector.

How do you show a person his fault in private? You talk to him about it.
As you share, hopefully the person will listen and repent. If he listens,
you have won your brother. If he fails to listen you do the process over
again, but this time take others with you. If he still won’t listen, you
bring the situation to the church leaders who then deal with it.

Words are tools to bring restoration.

Teaching and admonishing

Teaching and admonishing often are used together in the New
Testament. For example Colossians 3:16 states,

Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom
teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and
spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God.
Teaching has to do with teaching truth about God. Admonishing
involves warning people about falsehood. We teach people so they know
the truth. We admonish them so that people don’t get pulled away by
cults or other false teaching.

36
Teaching might also be expressed as spreading knowledge. Proverbs
15:7 states, “The lips of the wise spread knowledge, but the hearts of
fools are not so.” In addition, Proverbs 15:2 says, “The tongue of the
wise makes knowledge acceptable, but the mouth of fools spouts folly.”

Witnessing
In Acts 1:8 Jesus called His followers to be witnesses. He said,

“but you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon
you; and you shall be My witnesses both in Jerusalem, and in all
Judea and Samaria, and even to the remotest part of the earth."

When the apostles heeded this call, they went into Jerusalem and the
surrounding areas sharing the good news. We are called to be witnesses
as well. First we must walk closely with Christ in order to show others
what the Christian life looks like. Then we share our faith verbally as
God gives the opportunity. It is a high privilege to use our voices to
share the good news of Christ’s forgiveness with others.

There are so many ways to use our tongues to bring glory to God. We
should be like the Psalmist who said in Psalm 19:14, “Let the words of
my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O
Lord, my rock and my Redeemer.”

If it is your desire to honor God with your words, then I encourage you
to commit your speech to Him with a prayer similar to, “Lord, thank
You for giving me a mouth, tongue and lips to speak. Help my speech be
honoring to You. Help me, Lord. In Jesus Name. Amen.”

Ways to Ensure that Proper Words Come Out

Hopefully all of us want right words to come out of our mouths on a
regular basis, but making this a reality is easier said than done. Part of
making “right talk” happen is understanding the improper uses of the
37
tongue and avoiding them. The flip side involves understanding the
proper uses of the tongue and choosing to integrate them into our lives.
Besides these, the Bible has some very practical advice.

Listen before responding

The first bit of advice to help ensure that right speech comes out of our
mouths is to listen carefully to what people say before responding to
them. This must be a conscious choice. We need to cultivate our
listening skills. We need to determine in our minds that we will not
respond to people before hearing them out. This will help us engage our
minds before engaging our mouths! No wonder God have us two ears
and only one mouth. He wants us to listen more than we speak. Someone
said, any old faucet can turn water on, but after a few years, only a good
faucet can turn it completely off. Listening means keeping the “mouth
faucet” off until after hearing what the other person has to say.

Proverbs 18:13 states, “He who gives an answer before he hears, it is

folly and shame to him.” It is foolish to give an answer before fully
listening. Too often we form a response to what someone is saying
before they have even finished speaking. As we form our response we
stop listening. This prevents us from really understanding the other
person’s heart. James 1:19 has great advice, “Be quick to hear, slow to
speak, slow to anger.” Proverbs 25:8 adds, “Do not go out hastily to
argue your case; Otherwise, what will you do in the end, when your
neighbor humiliates you?

If you want to get a person to embrace your view, first listen carefully to
his. Show respect. Perhaps even ask a few questions to be sure you
understood his position. Once he has shared his heart, share yours. It is
likely he will show you the same courtesy of listening that you showed
him. He then may even surprise you and embrace your view.

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Use restraint
Not only should we listen to others before
sharing what’s on our heart, but we need to
learn to show restraint regarding our words.
Restraint means choosing to hold back some
of what we know or feel. We should do this if
we see that sharing would be inappropriate.
Using restraint means sharing only those
things that are helpful in the situation. It
means limiting our words and not blurting out
whatever comes to mind. Proverbs 10:19
makes this point clear, “When there are many
words, transgression is unavoidable, but he
who restrains his lips is wise.”

Regarding holding back information, Proverbs 17:9 says, “He who

covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates
intimate friends.” Just because a person knows something about
someone else, does not mean he has the right to share it. If he chooses to
cover (not share) another person’s transgression, he shows love. If he
repeats the matter, he may cause trouble. Perhaps before we share
something we should ask ourselves, “What is the logical outcome of
sharing this information?” If the outcome is negative, we might choose
to keep what we know to ourselves.

Have a cool spirit

Having a “cool spirit” does not mean to turn a cold shoulder to people.
Instead it means to have a controlled, calm countenance. It is the exact
opposite of being a hothead. Having a cool spirit is closely connected
with using restraint, because a person who is calm usually does better at
restraining his words. Proverbs 17:27-28 states, “He who restrains his
words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of
understanding.”

39
Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted to fly off the
handle, but worked at keeping your emotions in check? If so, you were
seeking to have a cool spirit. Way to go!

Exercise good timing

Exercising good timing is simply saying the right thing at the right time.
Proverbs 15:23 states, “A man has joy in an apt answer, and how
delightful is a timely word!” When we choose our words carefully and
then speak at the right time, it brings a sense of joy to the heart of both
the speaker and listener. Perhaps there is something we want to say, and
even should say, but maybe the timing is not right to say it. In this case,
wait! Listen to the inner promptings of the Holy Spirit. If you hear Him
saying, “Don’t say this now!” then don’t say it. Perhaps there will be a
much better time and place to say what’s on your heart. On the other
hand if after thinking it through, you still feel compelled to say
something, say it, and hope for the best.

Exercising good timing is kind of like the husband who buys his wife a
very special birthday gift. He knows he should wait for her birthday to
give the gift, but may feel he can hardly wait. If he doesn’t wait and
gives the gift early, he will likely not have something as special to give
when her day arrives. There is great wisdom in right timing!

Along these same lines, one spouse may feel compelled to tell the other
about what the kids did wrong that day, right when the spouse walks in
the door from work. It might be better to wait to share it after the spouse
has had time to unwind and to have a nice dinner.

Whether it is giving a gift or sharing a word, good timing is important.

Be gentle
The word gentle means tender, delicate, or soft. Choosing to speak
gently with people is a great choice. Gentle words tend to calm tense
situations. When we say things gently, people are much more likely to
40
receive what we say. This applies to talking with a spouse, children, co-
workers and friends. Again, Proverbs 15:1-2 states, “A gentle answer
turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the
wise makes knowledge acceptable, but the mouth of fools spouts folly.”

This reminds me of an incident when two neighbors hired a contractor to

build a new fence between their property. A plan was agreed upon, but
one neighbor decided to take it upon himself to alter the plan without
consulting the other neighbor. When the other neighbor realized what
was going on, rather than lambasting the neighbor who made the
alterations, he simply spoke gently but firmly to him and they worked
things out and remained friends. This fragile situation had the potential
for ruining a friendship, but because the one man chose gentleness, the
relationship was preserved.

So it is with every encounter. Gentleness builds bridges rather than

tearing them down.

Be truthful and loving

Closely akin to gentleness, are truthfulness and love. Ephesians 4:15
instructs us, “but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all
aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ.” When we communicate,
we need to speak truthfully and do it a loving way. Keeping truth and
love connected is essential but not easy. Some people hammer others
with the truth while neglecting love. Others are afraid to share the truth,
but only ooze compassion. Both truth and love are vital.

The Old Testament also stresses the importance of keeping truth and
love connected when dealing with others. Proverbs 3:3-4 states,

Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your
neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor
and good repute in the sight of God and man.

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In this passage King Solomon instructs his son to keep kindness (love)
and truth connected. If his son does this, he will have a good reputation
with God and with his fellow man. What a great combination!

Perhaps all of us know people who work hard at speaking truthfully and
doing it in love. They are the kind of people others enjoy being around.
When a person gets the reputation for telling the truth and being kind,
others know they can count on him. Proverbs 12:19 states, “Truthful lips
will be established forever, but a lying tongue is only for a moment.”
Proverbs 16:13 adds, “Righteous lips are the delight of kings, and he
who speaks right is loved.” Those in positions of authority love those
who speak truthfully with them.

Be willing to learn and be corrected

The biggest room in all of our lives is the room for improvement. If we
use our mouths in the wrong way we should be willing to be corrected.
Not only may others correct us if we stumble in what we say, but God
has placed a mechanism inside us to help. The mechanism is our
conscience. In this regard, listen to Proverbs 16:23, “The heart of the
wise instructs his mouth, and adds persuasiveness to his lips.” This verse
states that a person’s heart can teach his mouth. But how does this
happen? Consider the following example. A dad has a verbal exchange
with his daughter about keeping her room clean. The daughter makes
some rather lame excuses regarding why she has been unable to keep her
room picked up. Rather than staying calm and reasoning with his
daughter, the dad verbally explodes in a tirade. His daughter
subsequently bursts into tears and runs to her room. As the dad reflects
on the verbal exchange, he is convicted in his conscience that he was
much too hard on his daughter. In other words his heart convicts him
that he should have taken a different approach. After a time he goes to
his daughter’s room apologizes, and the two of them have a thoughtful
and calm discussion. During the discussion, the daughter apologizes for
her inattention to her room, and makes a commitment to do better.

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In this instance, the dad’s heart taught his mouth. By reflecting on the
incident, he realized it turned out badly the first time because he lost his
temper. When he went back to his daughter’s room and apologized, he
took a kinder, gentler approach which ultimately caused his daughter to
commit to cleaning her room. Because the dad’s heart had taught his
mouth, he changed the way he communicated. This added
persuasiveness to his words.

If a person is a Christian, he has double help. Not only does his

conscience convict him, but so does the indwelling Holy Spirit. If we
listen to His promptings ahead of time, we likely will avoid a lot of
problems. If we fail to listen, He can convict us of our mistakes and help
us get back on the right track. We can then take the necessary steps to do
better in the future.

When it comes to communicating with others we need to be willing to

learn and to be corrected.

Guard your tongue -

All of the things mentioned above have much to do
with guarding one’s mouth.

- Listening before responding

- Using restraint
- Having a cool spirit
- Exercising good timing
- Being gentle
- Being truthful and loving
- Being willing to learn and be corrected

Proverbs 21:33 says, “He who guards his mouth and his tongue, guards
his soul from troubles.” If we are careful about what comes out of our
mouths we can save ourselves a lot of grief.

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Prisoners are guarded to keep them from getting away and polluting
society. Nuclear material is guarded so it doesn’t fall into the wrong
hands and get used as a bomb. We need to guard our mouths, too, so that
hurtful things don’t come out and injure others or ourselves.

Guarding one’s mouth can be likened to the security measures at a

pharmacy. The drugs inside can be very helpful to those who need them,
but if given out indiscriminately they can be devastating. Pharmacists
and pharmacy workers strictly guard what is on the pharmacy shelves
and ensure that only doctor’s prescriptions are filled. So we must guard
our mouths and give people only what they need.

Ephesians 4:29 provides a great summary for using our tongues, mouths,
and lips in the right way. We would all do well to memorize the verse
and to reflect on it on a regular basis.

Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only

such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the
moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.

Through our words we have the high privilege of taking God’s grace to a
hurting world. Let’s be sure we do our job well.

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Reflection Questions
1. List and describe the various purposes of the tongue.

2. What are the three words mentioned in this booklet that the Bible
uses to describe human speech?

3. What reasons are given in this booklet for why the tongue is so
powerful?

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4. List and briefly describe the various improper uses of the tongue.

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5. List and briefly describe the right uses of the tongue.

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6. List and briefly describe the various bits of advice the Bible gives on
how to control the tongue.

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7. Memorize Ephesians 4:29 and spend some time meditating on it.
Write it in the space below.

8. Do you struggle with any particular areas regarding your tongue?

Take some time and commit your speech to the Lord in prayer.

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 Some Key Bible Passages on the Tongue

Ephesians 4:29-32 (NASB)

29
Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a
word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so
that it will give grace to those who hear. 30 Do not grieve the Holy Spirit
of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all
bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from
you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted,
forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
James 3:1-12 (NASB)
1
Let not many of you become teachers, my brethren, knowing that as
such we will incur a stricter judgment. 2 For we all stumble in many
ways. If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man,
able to bridle the whole body as well. 3 Now if we put the bits into the
horses' mouths so that they will obey us, we direct their entire body as
well. 4 Look at the ships also, though they are so great and are driven by
strong winds, are still directed by a very small rudder wherever the
inclination of the pilot desires. 5 So also the tongue is a small part of the
body, and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set
aflame by such a small fire! 6 And the tongue is a fire, the very world of
iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the
entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by
hell. 7 For every species of beasts and birds, of reptiles and creatures of
the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by the human race. 8 But no one
can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison. 9 With
it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have
been made in the likeness of God; 10 from the same mouth come both
blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way.
11
Does a fountain send out from the same opening both fresh and bitter
water? 12 Can a fig tree, my brethren, produce olives, or a vine produce
figs? Nor can salt water produce fresh.
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Notes

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Notes

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