credits

design
Justin ford, pete petrusha

writing
Justin Ford, Mitchell Wallace,
Pete Petrusha, Steve darlington

editing
Morgan Weeks, Pete Petrusha

layout
Federico sohns

Art direction
Federico sohns

All art courtesy of Mighty Layman Productions LLC and Rob Guillory, Inc.
Blades in the Dark™ is a trademark of One Seven Design.
The Forged in the Dark Logo is © One Seven Design, and is used with permission.
 About this quickstart
This quickstart is a preview of CHEW: The Roleplaying Game
based on the award-winning Image comics. Inside are the
basic rules, some advice on running the game, an adventure
with pre-generated characters, and more. There’s just
enough information to get you gaming in the CHEWniverse
with our version of the fiction-first Forged in the Dark
rules as soon as possible!

These quickstart rules aren’t final. We’re updating them as

we work toward the final version. If you have any questions
or want to give feedback, email us at
Feedback@[Link].

We appreciate your support!

 introduction
You may have noticed... the world changed.

Everything still tastes like chicken, but you can't touch the real
thing—not anymore. Chicken fingers, chicken and waffles, chicken
wings, even a copy of Chicken Soup for the Soul... all a thing of the
past. It's like a curse or a damn nightmare!

When I close my eyes, I can almost taste it. Good ol' Mother Clucker's
fried chicken. Mmm, mmm, mmm. How a three piece and a soda used to
rock my world. Goddamn, that was good eatin'!

Shit boiled over just three years ago; the damn bird flu killed a bunch
of Mother Cluckers! That chain was global! Everybody ate there. But
that's why I can't get my damn chicken any more. Some government
yahoos said the bird flu was spread by chickens.

Why couldn’t they just leave them out of this!? Now, I'm all for not
getting sick and dying, but my chicken? Oh Lord, why my chicken!?

That's when the FDA started rolling up in their black suits acting like
they’re the FBI. Whatever happened to the FBI anyway? There should be
a damn investigation into that!

Ah well. The FDA showed up and started closing down chicken joints
and confiscating eggs. Not even turkeys were safe.

What the hell are we gonna do for Thanksgiving now!? We can't have
turkey OR chicken? Eat ham? HAM!?

Fuck that, I'm a shoot a damn pigeon!

4 introduction
In a world where all poultry (I’m looking at All the while, struggling for a healthy work/life
you chicken) is illegal after a catastrophic balance when their personal troubles just
outbreak of the bird flu killed over 100 million won’t give.
people, the U.S. Food and Drug
Administration is now the most powerful law
enforcement agency on the planet. Some pillars of the system
include…
As a member of the FDA’s Special Crimes •An enjoyable and easy character creation
Division, it’s your job to investigate food system.
crimes from chicken trafficking and egg
dealing, to fricken (chicken/frog hybrids) •A ruleset that handles multiple character
mutants gone horribly delicious and wrong, approaches with competence and grace.
and put food-powered criminals behind bars.
•A narrative structure that sets players at odds
Yeah, that’s right! Food. Powered. Criminals. with an ever-expanding conspiracy.
No one knows when they appeared in
human history, but some people just have Some pillars of play include…
them. The only solution is food-powered
heroes — like you. Maybe you cook, eat, or •Investigating intriguing cases.
draw food, but when YOU do, something
supernatural happens. You have a unique •Engaging with tense and consequential
experience with a particular food not many action sequences.
can understand. Though, not everything is
what it’s cracked up to be... I can turn into a •Participating in narrative-driven play phases.
pickle!
•Managing personal trouble with the needs of
the case.
CHEW: The Roleplaying Game is a tabletop
adaptation of the award-winning Image •A shared note-taking space, the corkboard,
comic book series. Similarly, the CHEW RPG is for actively tracking progress.
an absurd and dramatic action story set
smack in the middle of a nefarious
conspiracy. Players embody zany,
lovable characters recruited by
absurd government agencies to
solve oddly dangerous crimes.

introduction 5
 The Conversation
Before considering dice or mechanics, it’s The CHEW comics contain many of the
important we acknowledge the core following ingredients in their stories. It’s
conceit of tabletop roleplaying games. important everyone at the table is aware of
Everyone at the table is expected to what content may occur. For the quickstart,
participate in a respectful and mutually we recommend using John Stavropoulos’ X-
engaging narrative experience we call the Card to help protect players from unwanted
conversation. content. Afterall, we’re all here to have a
good time. For instructions on how to
One participant acts as the game implement the X-Card into your games,
moderator or GM. Their role is to understand please visit [Link]
how the game works and guide players in
the process of creating characters. The GM Potential ingredients
teaches players how the rules work and
starts their characters with a case to Addiction, Adult Language, Criminal Mischief,
investigate in play. Consumption of Animal Products, Depictions
of Illness or Disease, Graphic Depictions of
Food, Disordered Eating, Drug Use, Graphic
Players create characters and speak on Depictions of Violence, Emotional Abuse and
behalf of those characters to live vicariously Manipulation, Sexual References
through them. Not for every moment of the
conversation but the parts they find
enjoyable. Sometimes we call player
characters the PCs.

Participation in the conversation is

equally vital to understanding the
CHEW RPG’s mechanics. Players
are frequently asked to make
important judgement calls
regarding the scope or severity
of their actions in the game.

While the game moderator

may provide guidance, it’s
on the players to ensure
everyone understands
the implications of their
actions.

6 The conversation
The basics
The CHEW RPG uses several core mechanics A literal corkboard or poster board isn’t
to advance the story and help players resolve necessary (though it certainly couldn’t hurt),
tense situations. It plays best with 2–5 players it’s important everyone has access to this
and a GM. space. Use or imagine each item on the
corkboard as a Post-It note or photograph.
Player Characters: This is you, unless you’re the When adding elements, keep the
GM. The ones who the story focuses on. You descriptions brief and evocative; the point is
are the Tony Chu or John Colby of the to make associations. The GM and players
narrative. The world literally revolves around are free to add articles and draw
you in every possible way. These are also your connecting lines as they feel fit. The GM has
partners and the best stories are told through final say on what fits or not.
the interactions between the PCs. Dinners are
made better with friends!

Non Player Characters: Most of your A number of online tools can make
interactions with the outside world deal with for engaging visual
NPCs. The people in our story who range from
super important to those who forward you cat representations of the corkboard.
pictures (who aren’t players). They’re If you’re playing online, consider
portrayed by the GM. using an online whiteboard tool
from websites or apps on Roll20®,
Setting: The GM is also responsible for the Miro®, or Zoom® to enhance your
setting as a whole, how it responds to the play experience.
player characters’ actions and what
challenges and obstacles appear in their way.
It’s not unfair to think of the GM as another
player with a different set of responsibilities.
They’re here to have fun too! Corkboard Items (have colored Post-Its as
bullets in parentheses)
Built off the fiction-first basics of Forged in the
Dark, it’s important to acknowledge every
case belongs to the players and is theirs to •Articles (yellow) are pertinent objects,
explore. There might be a food-powered locations, or bits of information (about a
criminal or unlikely accident at the heart, but character or case). Note them with a brief
the story they create through investigation description.
determines the "truth", rather than a pre-
planned investigation the GM has in mind. •Burning questions (?) are outstanding points of
Players’ actions and connections reveal who inquiry. When you KNOW two items are
is responsible for the crime. Besides, who’s connected but you don’t know how, that’s a
going to stop them if they blame the wrong burning question. Indicate it with a question
person? They're the FDA! mark.

The corkboard •Cases (pink) are crimes our agents are

investigating. They’re noted with a simple title
As players in the game investigate mysteries and surrounded by three key details on blue
and unravel the conspiracy, they accumulate Post-Its (a method, motive, and suspect). Each
a wealth of rumors, evidence, suspects, and case evolves as connections are established
more. Track this information and ensure it between it and the three details.
remains accessible with a communal note-
taking space dubbed the corkboard. The
corkboard also doubles for a campaign •Connections (line) are direct relationships
journal. It collects articles about our PCs and between articles noted by a red-string or a line.
their evolving relationships, troubles, and Articles connected to cases are clues. The
interests for all players to see. relationship for connected characters is tangible
in the story.

•Conspiracies are higher-level investigations

connecting multiple cases. Unlike other
investigations, conspiracies are normally
resolved in off-the-clock activities.

•NPCs or Factions (green) are individuals or

groups noted with an agenda.

•PCs (orange) are our player characters. Their

trouble is noted in orange.

The conversation 7
Rolling dice Die results
The CHEW RPG uses six-sided dice and the To determine the result of a roll, players take
highest value rolled determines the result. a number of d6 dice as determined by the
Players typically use one to three dice in any key trait of the roll and observe the single
given roll. highest result.

Players might roll dice to... •If the highest die is a 6, it’s a full success or
good outcome—things go well. If you roll
•Persuade their boss they’re working the multiple 6s, it’s a critical success—you
case even though they’re grabbing a gain some additional advantage.
burger at McBeefy’s.
•Resist the consequences of a cleaver to •If the highest die is a 4 or 5, that’s a mixed
the head from a chef on the run. result—you do what you were trying to
do, but there's a consequence.
•Determine the quality of their research or
observations while on a stakeout. •If the highest die is 1-3, it’s a failure or a bad
•Use a personal quirk in a dangerous way outcome. Things go poorly. You
such as employing a cybernetic probably don’t achieve your goal and
banana cannon! you may suffer a consequence too. The
GM decides.
Roll types
Rolls in the CHEW RPG Quickstart are one of If you need to roll but have zero or fewer
three types. These rolls generally use dice, roll two dice and take the lowest result.
attributes, but can use approaches for You can’t roll a critical success when you
specific rolls as noted. . have zero dice.

•Action rolls are used when characters do

something dangerous.

•Off-the-clock rolls determine the results of

off-the-clock activities (if required).

•Resistance rolls mitigate risk. When players

make a resistance roll, they leverage
their appetite against the
consequence.

8 The conversation
The conversation 9
Playbooks
There are eight playbooks in the base game, Attributes
each defining a particular role or niche When players take actions or make
within the larger investigation. Each player resistance rolls, they refer to a list of four
picks one that defines the character they attributes to help determine their
want to play. competency and how many dice to roll.
•The Expert is a highly educated luminary in ◦Charm: Your ability to influence others
their field. and a measure of your personality.
•The Hotshot is brash and stops at nothing to
crack the case. ◦Guts: Your ability to act with
confidence, stay cool under pressure,
•The Inspector is a shrewd detective and and tough it out.
inveterate professional.
◦Instinct: Your intuition, observational
•The Lowlife is an informant who works accuity, and ability to react quickly.
outside the law.
◦Training: Your ability to recall
•The Mascot is an innocent soul who acts information and act with discipline and
selflessly to support others. precision.
•The Prodigy is a talented newcomer with
unique abilities. Each attribute is given a star rating (0–3).
Players receive three stars to distribute
•The Veteran is too old for this. An between their attributes in addition to the
established leader with a wealth of single star their playbook starts with at
experience. character creation.

•The Wronged is obsessive with a dark past. approaches

They're hellbent on uncovering the truth.
Players choose three ways their character
Defining each playbook is a bonus attribute handles things. Approaches are most often
rating, suggested perks, quirks, and gear. used when they dig in and test their limits,
lend a hand to a fellow character, and the
chosen approach is also an important factor
in determining their action’s effect.

10 The conversation
100% raw To everyone’s consternation, you cannot tell a lie.
beefcake You’re an absolute unit.
Bite size People often confuse you for a child.
bitter You hold a grudge!
bold When you see an opportunity, you seize it.
carnivore People often compare you to a wild animal.
chicken You’re not proud.
Conspiracy nut They’re always watching you.
Corn dog Your sense of humor is persistent.
Dark and Stormy You’re tempestuous by nature.
delicious Other people find you enticing.
Egg head You’re a tried and true nerd.
fried You like to indulge in recreational substances.
Jaw breaker You hit hard.
Lemon head You leave a sour taste in other people’s mouths.
mouthy You like to mouth off.
prepper You’re ready for anything.
refined Your tastes are cultured.
rotten There’s something wrong with you.
slimeball Just dripping with it.
spicy You burn with passion.
Sweet pea You’re pleasant as pie.
whipped You’re well and truly under someone’s thumb.

The conversation 11
beat
Players choose a beat: their character’s Trouble Categories
profession or specialty. Unlike a playbook— •Debt (Whom do you owe?)
which describes how they interact with the
game—a beat is how you work for the FDA. It •Family (What’s your surname?)
might be your day job or describe how you
work outside "legal avenues." Regardless, it •Rivalry (Name your nemesis.)
acts as your lifeline to the FDA and ongoing
investigations. Some example beats... •Romance (Who’s your beau?)

•Federal agents work for one of several •Vice (What’s your addiction?)
official government bodies, be it the
FDA, USDA, Secret Service, etc. Certain activities allow the GM to invite
trouble. When they do, the GM complicates
•Civilian experts have specialized the scene with a narrative twist. If the GM
knowledge integral to the investigation. invokes your “Family” trouble, perhaps you
They might be a reporter, celebrity chef, learn the villain you’re chasing is your brother
anthropologist, etc. and it's your fault he turned to a life of crime.
If your “Romance” trouble manifests,
•Informants are double agents working in perhaps your boss calls you in for an
secret. They might be members of emergency meeting on your anniversary.
criminal organizations, cults, etc.
Once you've chosen your trouble’s
•Rogue agents had their investigator status category, consider how it manifests more
revoked. They might be on the lam, specifically in your life and draw a
retired, or have a tenuous relationship to connection between your character and an
the case. article (using an orange Post-It in this case)
representing your trouble on the corkboard.
Special agents of the fda Some example troubles are...
Regardless of their beat, PCs are agents of
the FDA and their loyalty belongs to the •Debt (student loan, the Jersey mob, life
department head. Exceptions exist, but debt)
when they work their beat or report in after
an investigation, they do so as special agents •Family (swapped at birth, estranged
of the FDA daughter, chicken-chef brother)

•Rivalry (boss hates me, friend who never

leaves me alone, an ex-KGB vampire)
trouble •Romance (a journalist, a double agent, a
Players work with the GM to come up with an life coach)
ongoing problem for their character. These
become absurdly present and significant as •Vice (chicken and waffles, Layman’s Own
consequences invite trouble into the Whisky, tripping balls)
conversation. You can work to resolve your
trouble, or embrace it and allow it to run wild.

12 The conversation
quirks
Quirks define special privileges your character characters to effortlessly gather information
has access to. These might be food-related or easily accomplish tasks difficult for others.
powers, cybernetic enhancement, special This is by design. When taking advantage of
training, or even celebrity status. a quirk, the GM considers the details just as
they do for any other action. Some example
While quirks don’t describe game mechanics, quirks can be seen in the table below...
they do have certain mechanical implications.
As broad permissions, they may allow some

Bromaformutare You take on the traits and appearance of whatever you are eating.
celebrity Everyone knows who you are.
cibocelerent You cook with lightning speed.
cibopanthropatic You receive psychic impressions from people eating the same meal.
cibopath You psychically absorb the history of anything you eat, with one exception.
creosakarer You can craft sweets into functional machinery.
cyborg You’re part machine!
De futuro You’re an FDA agent from the future. Why did you come back?
effervenductor You can create mind controlling messages in edible foams.
gelabestiar You can create animal familiars out of flavored gelatin.
mixosecerner You can mix a drink so potent, it influences others to reveal their secrets.
mnemocoquus You can cook memories into your meals.

ninja You have some major martial arts skills.

pharmakischyros You’re nearly invincible under the influence of psychotropic drugs.
tortaespadero You can wield tortilla chips as lethal weapons.
vectociborutare You can produce noxious burps when eating aged food.
victumedicus You heal quickly when you’re well fed.
victuspeciosian You can radically alter your appearance with food-based beauty products.
vireholitorium You get stronger when you eat a very specific vegetable.
voresoph The more you eat, the smarter you become.

The conversation 13
perks
If quirks define the aptitude or personal
abilities of a player character, perks define
the special abilities of their playbook.

14 The conversation
 6) Some Things Are Sacred. As violent and
irreverent as the game can be, it’s important
some things remain special. Respect what
other players established in this regard and
find other ways to challenge them.

Principles aren’t meant to be restrictive; they

don’t describe every action or responsibility
players should participate in. Instead, they
describe a particular perspective, one
players do well to align themselves with.

Action rolls
When a player character does something
challenging, they make an action roll. An
action is challenging if there are obstacles in
the PC’s way. If they're trivial and
uninteresting, no roll is necessary.

1) The player describes their actions in a

simple, straight-forward way.

2) The player chooses an attribute to attach

to their action.
Principles of play A. PCs start with dice equal to the
attribute’s rating.
In any game, there are rules guiding us both
by the letter and in spirit. Hence the following 3) The GM sets the position, or associated
principles of play. threat, of the roll.

1) Consider Other Perspectives. When you A. Position is judged by the GM based on

need guidance, ask the other players. When the details provided. This includes how
you’re at a loss for how to proceed, consider appropriate the chosen action is, any
your character’s approaches. When your special resources available to the PCs, and
character flounders, consider what you the unfolding story. Approaches, perks,
want to happen. quirks, and other factors also play a role
here.
2) The Best Meals Are Shared. Characters are
given the spotlight and asked to show us B. Position Levels: No Risk (0) < Limited (1)
what makes them special. When your time in < Risky (2) < Desperate (3)
the spotlight is over, fade into the
background and allow someone else to GMs and players collaborate to determine
take center stage. what happens after a roll. Tell us how you
escape your bonds. The GM tells us how
3) Embrace the Drama. Sometimes the best NPCs react. The other players may ask
possible decision a player can make is to put questions to clarify matters. Ensure everyone
their character in a difficult position. Invoke is on the same page.
your character’s inner demons and use
them to tell an engaging story.

4) Reveal Your Secrets. Secrets between

appetite
characters are encouraged, but keeping Player characters have an 8-segment
things hidden from your fellow players isn’t all appetite track that starts full. Players erase
it's cracked up to be. Reveal your secrets to segments on their track when they spend
the table and they’ll reward you by playing appetite. They do this to gain bonus dice on
into them. an action roll or to resist consequences.

5) Violence Is Absurd. In CHEW, violence is

graphic and messy. While you should stay
away from triggering content (including
yucks on the corkboard), we can add a little
levity to the situation by focusing on the
gore. When we return to something more
wholesome, the contrast is delicious.

The conversation 15
Spending appetite Devil’s Bargains
•Dig In: As part of an action roll, spend 2 PCs in CHEW are driven by duty and an
appetite and say how you double down or intense hunger for the truth. The GM or
push beyond your limits to gain +1d6. The another player can offer a mechanical or
action must touch upon one of the narrative benefit in exchange for a Devil’s
character’s approaches. This cost may be Bargain (a consequence).
covered by accepting a Devil’s Bargain).
Common Devil’s Bargains include:
•Lend a Hand: When you put your life on the •Accepting collateral damage or
line to help an ally or otherwise lend a unintended harm.
hand, say how you lean on one of your
approaches and spend 1 appetite to •The sacrifice of something useful.
provide +1d6. Any number of allies can
perform this action. If you do, you each •The betrayal of a friend or loved one.
share the consequences. •The tick of 1 or more segments on a danger
clock.
•Flashbacks: When players initiate a flashback,
they propose a scene in the past. The GM •Accepting a condition.
determines an appetite cost based on the
likelihood of the events described. An •Receiving a worse position.
event following directly from the events If the player accepts the Devil’s Bargain, they
may not cost any appetite. A highly unlikely receive +1d6 (this counts as digging in), extra
request might cost 2. If the player pays, effect, or other benefits. The Devil’s Bargain
they play out the flashback, potentially occurs regardless of the outcome of the roll.
making action rolls and incurring You make the deal, receive the bonus, and
consequences as usual. pay the price.
Resisting consequence While it’s on the players to accept the
During action rolls, players risk consequences bargain, GMs have final say over whether a
on a failure or mixed result. These given bargain’s valid.
consequences can be centered in the story—
you lose sight of the perp—or they can be Double-Duty Rolls
mechanical—tick 3 segments of a threat clock. Since NPCs don’t roll for their actions, an
action roll does double-duty: it resolves the
Regardless of their nature or severity, player action of the PC as well as any involved NPCs.
characters may always reduce consequences One roll tells us how those actions interact and
with a resistance roll unless otherwise stated. where the consequences lie. On a 6, the PC
wins and has their effect. On 4 or 5, it’s a mix—
Explain how your character avoids or mitigates both the PC and the NPC have their effect.
the consequence and roll dice equal to the On 1-3, the NPC wins and has their effect as a
most appropriate attribute chosen by the GM. consequence on the PC.
The resistance roll costs appetite equal to 6
minus the highest die result. A critical result When PCs make an action roll, the GM
replenishes 1 appetite! establishes the effect level of the action (what
they stand to achieve) and the position of the
When players resist a consequence, it’s either roll (how risky it is). Both of these factors are
reduced by 1 step (from 2 conditions to 1, from described on a sliding scale as follows.
3 segments of a danger clock to 2) or they may
be eliminated entirely. The resistance roll’s
effect is determined by the GM before the roll
and influenced by the story. GM Note:
NPCs and adversaries don’t
Running on Empty have attributes. All they need
When you spend your last appetite point, is a name, a look, and a goal.
you’re running on empty. To lend a hand, dig You may enjoy describing
in, or cover a resistance roll cost, you must mark them with approaches.
a condition of your choosing. This is true even if
you can partially cover the cost; e.g. you have
1 appetite remaining and must spend 2 to dig
in, you spend 1 and take a condition of your
choosing. If you cannot select another
condition, that’s a KO.

Running on empty is an inherently dangerous

situation. You may need help from your team to
resist incurring conditions or to accomplish
important tasks. If you suffer a KO, you’re at the
mercy of the GM for the rest of the session.

16 The conversation
The conversation 17
18 The conversation
Position and effect
Effect levels •In a Risky position, players face moderate
•No Effect indicates the action or tactic consequences—You race across the
chosen is inappropriate or ineffective for factory floor, barely dodging industrial
the task—You empty a clip into the robots and automated machinery—The
suspect but their food powers heal their GM might tick 2 segments of a danger
wounds immediately—Generally the clock, impose a condition, damage an
GM declares an action has no effect to important connection, or place them in a
indicate the player should try another desperate situation.
tactic or revise their approach.
•A Desperate position is particularly
•Limited Effect indicates an action isn’t dangerous—In this moment you realize, to
particularly effective—You try to your dismay, the prosecution has you just
intimidate a witness but they’re bigger where they want you—Players who act
than you and you’re on their turf— despite a desperate position face major
Actions with limited effect tick 1 consequences and risk ticking 3 or more
segment on a progress clock. segments of a danger clock, incurring
multiple conditions, and other, more
•Standard Effect indicates an action has a serious, narrative consequences.
good chance of accomplishing a
standard task—You thank god you took Assessing factors
that single credit Parkour 101 course in To determine the position and effect levels of a
college and leap across the gap given roll, first start with your gut feeling given
between two buildings—Actions with the current situation. If needed, assess the
standard effect tick 2 segments on a following factors.
progress clock.

•Great Effect indicates an action is highly

appropriate to the given task—You GM Note:
remind your ex they owe you a favor.
Bodies don’t hide themselves—Actions If in doubt, the position is Risky and
with great effect tick 3 (or more) the effect is Standard. Assuming the
segments on a progress clock. action requires a roll at all. Not
every action requires a roll, only
The three positions those with meaningful
•When players are In Control, they face consequences. Too many action rolls
minor consequences—You square up
against this crook and immediately slow down the play and drain
realize he’s no fighter—The GM might characters of resources.
tick 1 segment on a danger clock or put
them in a risky situation.

•Potency: the relative power level of an action

or tactic. If an action has potency, it’s
“super effective.” You may receive
potency by exploiting your opponents’
weakness or by using the right tool for the
job.
• Scale: the effective size or scope of an
individual, faction, or force. If an action
has improved scale, its influence
broadens, or its numbers are
increased. If scale is reduced, it
shrinks, decreases in number, or
becomes more discreet.

•Quality: A broad assessment of skills

and resources employed by either
party. Quality is generally used for items
or gear while tier is used to describe the
power of various factions.

The GM is usually in a position to compare

these basic factors against another. For
example: an agent is attempting to open
a locked door.

The conversation 19
It makes sense to compare the potency of •Devil’s Bargains: Players may enter into
their action (are they picking the lock or Devil’s Bargains with the GM to improve
breaking it?) against the quality of the lock their position or effect at a cost.
(what kind of lock?).
•Gear: Each playbook has access to a small
If these factors offer a small advantage or selection of specialized gear. When
disadvantage, shift the effect or position up players use these items in an action roll,
or down by one degree. If they offer a large their position and effect may be
advantage, shift these factors by two or improved.
more degrees. Extreme advantages or
disadvantages may eliminate the need to •Perks: Many perks improve a player's
roll entirely. Again, go with your gut. position and effect. It’s on the PCs to call
Eventually such judgements become these out in play.
second nature.
•Quirks: A PC’s quirks have a drastic effect
Pc factors on position and effect of certain actions,
so long as the player chooses to employ
Player characters have a variety of ways to them. Consider them carefully.
subtly or overtly improve their position and
effect. Here are a few. •Setup Actions: Players may improve their
position and effect with an action roll to
•Action Rolls: When players make an action set up another action roll. GMs should
roll, they change the fictional reward them appropriately.
landscape. This frequently opens or
closes avenues of success or failure. To simplify, if the PC has a narrative or
mechanical advantage, their effect level is
•Approaches: A PC’s approaches may improved—As you attempt to sneak into the
provide them with special advantages warehouse, you remind the GM you have a
or disadvantages depending on the connection to the faction controlling it.
situation. Once inside, you lean into your Bite Size
approach to crawl quickly through the air
•Attributes: When players make an action ducts.
roll, they pair an action of their choice
with one of four attributes. This pairing is If the PC has a disadvantage, they might
the first factor GMs consider when receive a reduced effect level—You remind
judging the position and effect of an them they have a connection with the
action roll. Yamapalu Military Outpost, so their disguise
is less effective.

20 The conversation
 Trading position for effect
When they attempt to bluff their way past After factors are considered and the GM
the checkpoint, you remind them they announces the effect level, a player might
chose the 100% Raw approach, indicating want to trade position for effect, or vice
they aren’t a particularly good liar—If a PCs versa. For instance, if they’re going to make
effect level is reduced to zero, they need to a Risky roll with Standard effect (the most
improve it before they can have any hope common scenario), they might choose to
of success. push their luck and make a Desperate roll
with Great effect.
These factors are equally relevant to a PC’s
position. If a PC insists on acting recklessly, Bargaining for Position and
their position suffers—You rush into the
Yakuza meeting room with no heed for the Effect
consequences. The GM recognizes your As integral as it is to assess position and
reckless behavior and gives you a Desperate effect accurately, such judgments are
position. As you make your case to the ultimately up to the GM. Players might
judge, you resort to insults and intimidation. leverage their appetite or special abilities to
These tactics are more likely to result in a improve their circumstances, but they can
harsher punishment and the GM indicates just as easily change their tactic or
you’re no longer In Control. Your position approach to gain the same advantage. A
escalates to Risky—A reckless player may character may choose a less effective tactic
continue to escalate their position past a to use a better attribute, minimizing the risk of
Desperate one. Consider this grounds for an consequences, while a character may rely
immediate KO if the player doesn’t resist. on bonuses (e.g. dig in) to improve a weak
attribute and take advantage of a superior
Similarly, if a PC takes measures to ensure course of action.
their safety, they may be rewarded with an
improved position—You rolled to set yourself
up earlier with hard evidence, so you’re In Players are empowered to argue
Control when it's time to convince the jury of
your innocence. You chose the Prepper their case with the GM and welcome
approach so when the mob attacks you in to request a second opinion from
your home, you're ready for the assault. You the rest of the table. As the GM,
start in a Risky position, rather than a judge each argument with an open
Desperate one—If a PC improves their mind. While it’s your prerogative to
position when they are In Control, they may
eliminate the threat of failure entirely, keep the logic of your campaign
bypassing the need for a roll. consistent, it’s equally important to
try and see things from another
perspective.

The conversation 21
 consequences
Enemy actions, bad circumstances, or the
outcome of a roll can inflict consequences on
a PC. The GM determines what consequences
are appropriate to the story.

reduced Effect
This consequence is impaired performance—
They accept your invitation to dinner, on the
condition there’s to be no talk about work—This
consequence reduces the effect level of the
PC’s action by one degree after all other factors
are accounted for.

While this consequence can add drama

and tension to a scene, use it with
caution. If players frequently have
their effect reduced, they might grow
to distrust the action roll process.
As a rule, only use it to add tension to
a potentially decisive roll.

complication
This consequence represents trouble, mounting
danger, or a new threat. The GM might introduce
an immediate problem resulting from the action—
The kitchen catches fire, you’re disarmed, you’re
framed for the crime.

Alternatively, the GM might tick a clock for the

complication. Maybe they’ve established a clock
for the Crepe-Street Killer, and when it fills, the killer
comes looking for you. Tick 1 segment on a clock
for a minor complication, 2 segments for a
moderate complication, etc.

A major complication is more severe—the room

catches fire and falling ceiling beams block the
door, your family gets involved, your target
escapes, etc.

22 The conversation
Whatever complication you choose, it’s doesn’t result in the clearing of the cocky
imperative it doesn’t negate a successful roll. condition.
If a PC tries to capture a suspect and gets a 4
or 5, don’t say the suspect escapes. If the The Rest and Recovery off-the-clock activity is
player’s roll succeeds in an attempt to another way to clear conditions.
capture the suspect, they’re knocked out,
neutralized, or cornered. Maybe the suspect Knock outs (ko)
succeeded in calling for backup. Maybe they
destroyed important evidence. Regardless of When things get dicey, the most appropriate
what you choose, they won’t get away. consequence is likely the most severe.
Occasionally, the GM may threaten players with
a temporary or permanent knockout (KO).
conditions
This consequence is lasting injuries to your In CHEW, KO is a stand-in for a loss of player
character’s mind, body, or ego. There are four agency, be it a literal loss of consciousness, mind
conditions a PC can suffer: manipulative, control, or character death, usually at the hands
ruthless, impulsive, and cocky. Each is of a dangerous criminal. Such a consequence
associated with an attribute: Charm, Guts, shouldn’t be taken lightly. As the GM, reserve
Instinct, and Training respectively. When you KOs for climactic narrative moments or when
suffer a condition, mark it. Until it’s addressed the players pin themselves into a corner.
or resolved, you suffer a worse position on any
relevant action rolls. KOs can be resisted as readily as any other
consequence. If players resist a temporary KO,
In addition to any mechanical implications, they retain some player agency. If they resist a
conditions also inform the story. For example, permanent KO, it becomes a temporary one.
a ruthless character might go too far when Also note players may choose to protect one
they attempt to interview a witness while a another from this consequence (having their
cocky character may find it difficult to see character resist on their behalf) and it can be
their own limitations. These penalties also applied equally to NPCs the players care about.
contribute to the fiction. If they’re especially Threatening a supporting character with a KO
severe, you might find yourself in an may be more impactful and poignant than
untenable position. offing a PC.

If a condition the GM would impose is already Lost opportunity

checked, the GM has two options: impose a
new condition, or impose a narrative This consequence is a shift in circumstances—
consequence related to that condition. If all You had an opportunity to achieve your goal
four conditions are marked and the character with an action roll, but it slips away. To try again,
would suffer another, they suffer a KO instead. you need to wait until conditions change or
employ new tactics—You tried to pinch their
wallet but erratic movements make that
Four conditions impossible. You need to create a distraction first.
•Manipulative PCs needlessly undermine Perhaps you flatter them instead.
others. They suffer a worse position when
rolling Charm. To clear this condition, a PC Worse position
must go out of their way to lie to an ally.
This consequence is losing control of the
•Ruthless PCs act without remorse or situation. The action carries you into a more
compassion. They suffer a worse position dangerous position—You leap over the
when rolling Guts. To clear this condition, industrial deep fryer, only to dangle from a
a PC must lash out at an ally. ledge by your fingertips—You didn’t fail at the
task but it left you vulnerable somehow. You can
•Impulsive PCs act without thinking. They proceed under the new circumstance but the
suffer a worse position when rolling consequences are worse. As the GM, choose
Instinct. To clear this condition, a PC must this consequence when you want to ramp up
invite trouble to the scene. the tension or show escalating action.

•Cocky PCs are blinded by overconfidence.

They suffer a worse position when rolling
the Training attribute. To clear this
condition, a PC must intentionally refuse Consequences and
aid in a tense situation.
Position
While the clear-state for each condition is PCs who remain In Control face minor
open to interpretation, it’s within the spirit of consequences: 1 tick on a danger clock,
the rules to ensure they negatively impact or reduced effect, a worse position, or minor
obstruct the character in some way. Refusing narrative complications such as the
aid when no action was required is not a displeasure of an NPC, a lost opportunity, or
difficult or impactful decision to make and some other temporary setback.

The conversation 23
PCs in a Risky position face moderate
consequences: 2 ticks on a danger clock, a
condition (manipulative, ruthless, impulsive,
or cocky), multiple minor consequences, or
moderate narrative complications such as
the displeasure of an important NPC, the loss
of evidence, a temporary KO, or a
manifestation of the PC’s trouble.
Progress clocks
PCs in a Desperate position face major
consequences: 3 or more ticks on a danger A progress clock is a simple circle divided
clock, multiple moderate consequences (be into 4, 6, or 8 segments. The name of a clock
it 2 conditions or two entirely different describes its purpose. The GM might draw a
consequences), or major narrative clock titled “Evidence” to track the progress
complications such as the severing of a of an investigation or “E.G.G. infiltrates
connection, a betrayal, the displeasure of a Congress” to measure the growing threat of
major faction, or even a permanent KO. an in-game faction.

Filling or depleting a clock can have various

Inflicting physical harm effects. Players might be tasked with filling a
You may notice none of the available clock titled “Catch the Cold-Cut Killer” to
consequences relate directly to bodily harm. subdue a suspect. Importantly, clocks track
Even the conditions reflect mental states, outcomes and don’t determine the method
rather than wounds. Injury and illness might by which those outcomes are achieved.
be best represented as narrative
complications. Cut off an agent’s hand or Simple obstacles
infect them with a mutated virus and they’ll
struggle to justify agile movement or quick Not every circumstance or obstacle
action. Characters in CHEW are frequently requires a clock. If a task could be
cut with knives, shot with bullets, or even completed in a single roll, a clock
eaten alive. As a player, consider what it is unnecessary. Use clocks when
means to your character to lose life or limb in situations are complex or layered
service to the FDA. and you need to track progress
over time.
Importantly, the consequences of these
actions rarely last longer than a single scene Example clocks
or the duration of a case in extreme Danger Clocks: The most
instances. When agents return to service, common clock represents a
they may be wrapped in bandages, progressive danger, like suspicion
equipped with cyberlimbs, or sport a wicked growing during seemingly casual
scar, but they’re back in fighting shape conversation, the proximity of
barring they incur a KO. pursuers in a chase, or the alert
level of a criminal gang. When
Going hard the clock is full, the danger comes
If you’ve played games where resistance to fruition—the witness shuts
isn’t an option, you may be hesitant to down, attack dogs wake from
threaten players with a desperate position. their blissful slumber, your boss
Surely, this position is reserved only for the catches wind of your activities,
most deadly of encounters, right? Not etc.
exactly.
Racing Clocks: Two opposing
Thanks to resistance rolls, GMs can go quite clocks can be used to represent
hard in CHEW. If you’re a fan of the comics, a literal or metaphorical foot
you know they’re grisly, frequently depicting race. In the case of the former,
death and dismemberment of bit players the PCs might have a progress
and protagonists alike. You can reproduce clock titled “Escape,” while the
the shock and tension of these scenes by villain has a clock titled “The
using the desperate position to impose Agents Are Captured.” If the
lasting consequences on the characters. PCs finish their clock
before the villain fills
Most likely, they’ll resist, but they may surprise theirs, they get
you by choosing to lose a limb or even to away.
perish in a dramatically appropriate
moment.

24 The conversation
The conversation 25
Otherwise, they’re cornered and can’t flee. •If the question doesn’t have a simple answer
If both complete simultaneously, there’s a or there are distinct barriers to a solution,
compromise of some sort. Perhaps most of getting an answer may require a progress
the PCs escape but one is left behind. clock.

Linked Clocks: A clock can unlock a sub- •If the question doesn’t have a simple answer
clock once it’s filled. For example, the GM requires effort without any immediate
makes a linked clock titled “Lost” after the danger, a gather information roll might be
players fail to complete another clock with in order.
the title “Escape to Safety.” When you
confront a villain in their meat-mecha, you Gather information
might need to deplete a “Defenses” clock To gather information, the player asks a leading
before you can attack the pilot directly. question and rolls dice to discover if your
assumptions are correct. Choose a relevant
Tug-of-War Clocks: Sometimes a clock is action and attribute. There’s no position or
either filled or emptied in response to in- effect for this roll. Players may dig in or take a
game events. The GM establishes a “Food Devil’s Bargain.
Fight!” clock indicating the tensions present
in a workplace lunchroom. Certain events ◦On a 6+, your assumptions are correct. The
tick segments while others empty them. If the GM tells you how. On a crit, not only are
clock fills, a fight breaks out. your assumptions correct but you may ask
a follow-up question which is also correct.
Asking questions
Occasionally, players want to uncover ◦On a 4 or 5, you’re onto something. The
evidence or establish details about their GM supports your assertion, though they
surroundings. When they do, ask them how may not provide you with a straight
they get answers. answer.

•If they take bold and potentially dangerous ◦On a 1-3, your assumptions are tested. The
action to get an answer, that’s an GM provides evidence that seems to refute
action roll and is resolved using the or complicate your framing.
action roll procedures.
If it feels significant, add an item to the
•If the answer is obvious or readily available, corkboard representing your discovery. If you
it doesn’t require a roll. also have hard evidence to support a
connection between this discovery and
another item on the board, note it.

26 The conversation
 The investigation
A series of mysteries or investigations define •In freeplay, the table acts without any
the plot of CHEW. To begin an investigation, specific focus or obligation. Players jump
the GM takes the role of the agents’ into or out of this phase at any time.
department head, and presents a case to
draw the investigators in. This can be in the •In the investigation phase the PCs perform
form of a case file, mission briefing, or actions punched-in or off-the-clock.
directions to a crime scene.
• When players are punched-in, they
pursue the case in search of three
details (suspect, method, motive).
Everyone knows any job is only as good as When they feel they’ve collected
your relationship with your supervisor! They enough, they crack the case to
can make your life a living hell or even a shitty complete the investigation.
job rewarding. While new food-powered
• When players are off-the-clock,
villains come and go, your department head is
they may each participate in up to
likely the one who keeps you up at night. Think two off-the-clock activities to
of them as the rain cloud looming overhead, recover from their trials, make
no matter where you go or what you do, it progress towards a personal goal, or
likely won’t stop the rain. For this quickstart,
stay on the case and resolve a
conspiracy.
we assume the player characters’ boss is
argumentative and rude to the point of being • Once the case is cracked, play
absurdly funny. enters an exciting action phase
where the agents chase down the
perp or enact a daring plan to blow
their investigation wide open.
Play phases •After completing an official FDA
A given session of CHEW transitions between investigation, players have a debriefing
one of three distinct phases. While play to summarize the action.
always centers on the player characters,
their trials, and the larger investigation, each Don’t let the action phase’s name fool you!
phase guides the table through a satisfying There’s plenty of action to go around no
play loop: matter the phase. The action phase is just
the climax of our case.

The investigation 27
 When participating in off-the-clock activities
Identifying a motive requires establishing the
details leading up to the crime. This might
during the investigation phase, we assume you require the agents to uncover detailed
are taking some time for yourself. Maybe you’re evidence establishing a clear basis for
just playing hooky or aren’t really the criminality. Misidentifying the motive
hardworking type in the first place. The point is, might mean you’ve missed evidence
proving your theory or failed to
off-the-clock and punched-in are just game
account for complicated details.
terms for how to look at when PCs are fitting in
some downtime. Your character may or may not Identifying a suspect (or suspects)
actually be off-the-clock. requires accusing a person, group, or
organization with committing a
crime. This might mean identifying
the murderer or uncovering the
specific sequence of events leading
Danger clocks up to the crime. Misidentifying the
Setting the tone for each investigation phase suspect might mean pinning it on
is a looming threat defined by a danger clock. the wrong person or neglecting to
When the investigation phase begins, so must identify all those involved.
a danger clock. When a danger clock
empties, the threat of the case escalates in These activities can play out as a
some way. The killer kills again, a suspect goes series of scenes or a montage.
missing, a player character is implicated in the While they aren’t inherently
crime, etc. Danger clocks are inherent to dangerous, they aren’t
cases and tracked on the corkboard necessarily safe. Characters
alongside that case’s title. performing legwork run the risk of
attracting unwanted attention,
Whatever happens, note the fallout on the starting fights, or following false
corkboard with a burning question and reset leads. When players face
the clock. You might even draw the players consequences during the
into a brief action phase to deal with the investigation phase, GMs should
problem. If it runs down again, the next tick 1 or more segments of the
instance of fallout escalates. As the GM, use danger clock as a
this opportunity to hit the characters where it consequence.
hurts and involve their connections.
Eventually, they have to respond. When characters successfully
identify a key detail, document it
To establish a clock’s threat, consider the on the corkboard. Each one
urgency of the case and draw a clock of 4 or adds +1d6 when they eventually
6 [Link] a danger clock is an crack the case.
excuse for the GM to have the villain or
suspect act out. Make sure players know they Cracking the case
can catch the bad guy, save the victims, or Once the PCs successfully (or
throw a wrench in the evil corp’s plans, but unsuccessfully) establish the
they can’t crack the case until they use the method, motive, or suspect of the
appropriate mechanics. If the PCs seem like case, they may crack the case and bring
they’re attempting to act on a theory, the investigation to an exciting conclusion.
encourage them to make this roll.
To crack the case, look at the clues so far
and build a dice pool.
Resolving the
•Gain +1d6 if you successfully identified the
Investigation suspect(s).
To bring the current investigation to a close,
the player characters must identify at least •Gain +1d6 if you successfully confirmed the
one of three details: a method, motive, or method(s).
suspect. This involves collecting clues,
performing research to answer burning •Gain +1d6 if you successfully identified the
questions, taking bold action to interrogate motive(s).
potential informants, etc. When players are
ready to test their theories, they crack the Once you add up the dice, present your
case and engage in an action scene that theory: where is the evidence leading you?
resolves the case once and for all. Paint broad strokes and settle on a course of
action. How do you wrap up this case?
Three key details
Identifying a method requires uncovering how Roll dice
the crime was committed. This might mean •On 6, your theory is solid and you crack the
finding the murder weapon or reconstructing case on your terms. Start In Control
the crime in its entirety. Misidentifying the (position). If you score multiple 6s, you
method might involve missing a key detail or made significant progress toward
falling for a false lead. cracking the case. It will all be over soon.

28 The investigation
The investigation 29
 The Conspiracy
Stage
•On 4 or 5, there’s a hole in your theory. You Depending on the length of your sessions, a case
start in a Risky position. To crack the could be resolved in a single session or evolve
case, you must work for it. into a two to three session mystery. A longer
campaign is likely made up of many cases.
•On 1-3, you fell into a trap or neglected an
important clue. Start in a Desperate After several investigations are conducted, the
position. You have to save your own GM or players may choose to reveal a farther
bacon to crack the case. reaching mystery in the form of a conspiracy
connecting each of the previous investigations.
Once players perform this roll, they enter into When a conspiracy arises, mark it on the
an action scene and bring their investigation corkboard in the form of a question.
to its climax. If they fail, they come away with
a healthy fear or respect for the villain. If they Conspiracies are similar to cases: they have
succeed, they feel like heroes. three details and a danger clock. However,
they’re not acknowledged by the FDA. As a
result, players need to stay on the case
when off-the-clock to discover the details
Knowing the method, motive, and suspect
and bring the investigation to its climax.
before cracking the case is nice, but nothing is Generally, the FDA is skeptical of agents
stopping the player characters from cracking who peddle in conspiracies. They may
the case earlier than that. All they need is a even work to keep the details a secret.
suspect to crack the case. They may not get to
Unlike most cases, players need to
the root of the crime, but maybe they weren’t collect all three details before they can
in the mood for that anyway! unravel a conspiracy and crack the
case. After they resolve the situation,
they’re debriefed by their department
head as usual.

30 The investigation
The investigation 31
Off-the-clock
activities
Between phases of action and intrigue, To connect with someone, consider how you
player characters have an opportunity to work through your conditions, name another
relax and engage in activities designed to character and say what you do together.
help them recover from their trials or to After the scene is resolved, unmark any
prepare for the next case. Officially, this is conditions you feel you worked through.
done in the agents’ free time but downtime
in CHEW isn’t a passive phase of play.
Improvise
The GM uses this time to foreshadow looming When you have a bright idea or just want to
threats. As the GM, choose one or more do something outside the normal rules of
factions to highlight off-screen and consider play, this is the off-the-clock activity for you.
how the success or failure of the Before engaging in this activity, tell the GM
investigation advanced the plot. what you want to accomplish. The GM
decides how long it takes and how many
This is also an opportunity for player steps are required with a project clock (or
characters to express themselves and series of project clocks).
connect with other agents and their
backstory. Each PC may initiate two off-the- Once you agree on the details, you can
clock activities during the investigation spend an off-the-clock activity working on
phase, either solo or with a partner. this project. Describe your course of action
and choose the most appropriate attribute.
Your partner provides +1d6 if they can name
Partnering up a useful approach. You earn progress
When players choose an off-the-clock towards this project based on the formula
activity, they can team up with another PC below.
or NPC. If they do, that character provides
+1d6 to any rolls associated with that off-the- Results
clock activity. This doesn’t include action
rolls arising as part of freeplay. •On a 6+, you make good progress. Tick 3
segments. On a crit, tick 5.
Going along with another player’s off-the-
clock activity doesn’t take one of your PC’s •On a 4 or 5, you make noticeable progress.
off-the-clock actions, but you also don’t Tick 2 segments.
reap the rewards of that off-the-clock
action. You only benefit when you roll on •On a 1-3, you make minimal progress. Tick 1
your own off-the-clock activities. segment.

Occasionally players may ask if they can dig Standard Project Length
in or lend a hand to aid in a roll associated Simple: 4 segments.
with an off-the-clock activity. As off-the-
clock rolls aren’t strictly action rolls, these Moderate: 6 segments.
special actions don’t apply. Difficult: 8 segments.
Complex: Multiple clocks.

connect
When an agent accrues multiple conditions,
they need to take steps to recover. In CHEW,
this is done by connecting with others.

32 The investigation
 Xp & character
Rest and recovery advancement
You spend time in your happy place After each session, the players and the GM
recovering your appetite. You might take a participate in a debriefing to recap the
trip to the countryside or participate in your game’s events and award experience points,
favorite hobby. Set the scene and take +1d6 or XP. During the debriefing, the GM portrays
for each approach you can describe into the FDA director and subjects the characters
the scene. If your partner touches on an to a series of questions and prompts. This
approach of their own, you take an needn’t take place within the canon of the
additional +1d6. game; players should feel free to add context
or speak out of character if they wish.
Results
During the debriefing, the GM asks the
Recover appetite equal to the highest result. following questions:
On a crit, you recover your appetite entirely,
even if the track is empty.
Individual questions
While you can’t recover more appetite than 1) Did you deal with fallout from your
you lost, the result correlates to how relaxing conditions, trouble, or quirk? Gain 1 XP if you
or grounding the activity was for you. If you did (or 2 if you did so multiple times).
roll a 6, tell the other players why this activity
hits the spot. If you roll a 1, tell them why it 2) Did you embody one or more of your
wasn’t as satisfying as you hoped. approaches this session? Gain 1 XP if you did
(or 2 if you did so multiple times).
Stay on the case groups questions
Sometimes, even a successful investigation 1) Did you advance or resolve a conspiracy or
leaves an agent with more questions than investigation? Gain 1 XP each if you did.
answers. When you stay on the case, you’re
given an opportunity to investigate matters 2) Did you make a new connection or deepen
on your own time. an existing one? Gain 1 XP each if you
describe them.
Point to an incomplete case or conspiracy on
the corkboard and name the detail you want Commendations
to pursue. The GM walks you through the Would you like to commend or reprimand a
investigation as if you were punched-in. When fellow agent? Agents earn 1 XP per
you stay on the case, you’re choosing to flirt commendation or reprimand.
with danger in exchange for answers.
Each player can commend or reprimand one
Once you establish all three key details of this other PC. Reprimands should be fun, too. This
investigation, you can present them to the isn’t punishment for bad behavior but praise
team. Address any dubious or scandalous for good roleplay in disguise.
discoveries as needed. Unlike other cases,
you may crack the case if and only if you Once a player accumulates 8 XP, they earn an
collect all three details. If you pursue this case advance to:
without the support of the FDA, consider how
that impacts your team. Will you lie to your •Improve a playbook specific attribute.
department head to take advantage of
certain resources or will you make a go of it on •Choose a new playbook perk.
your own?
•Earn a custom advance. Work with the GM to
determine what it might be.

The investigation 33
 The chewniverse
The world isn’t TOO unlike our own.

Imagine the busy urban areas of east coast cities like Philadelphia,
Baltimore, and Washington D.C. just five years ago. Most people are
running around trying to make ends meet, just like you or I. Most of
us feel unable to make any real change in the face of politics or
corporate America. Food powers are present but often hidden behind
subtle abilities that don’t draw the weary eye of most.

It’s the spaghetti wearing brutes, rainbow colored gelatinous

animal summoners, and politicians who transform into everyone’s
favorite beer can that catch the eye. They’re welcome distractions
that dominate news and social media feeds. Meanwhile, side-street
drug dealers turn to egg dealing and organized crime like the mob
turns to chicken trafficking as the demand for chicken takes flight.

Food networks provide around-the-clock programming reminding

us of just how good it all USED to taste. but, most of us are checked
out already with our ear buds in—just waiting on the world to
change.

That’s where you come in! The FDA became Homeland Security in the
wake of the bird flu. Funding for agencies like the United States
Department of Agriculture (USDA) and NASA skyrocketed, creating
leaps in robotics and FOOD-POWERED weaponry.

Strange writing in the sky has the chicken prohibition taking a back
seat to the rise of a potential alien threat. And, if that and food-
powered criminals weren’t enough, the poultry prohibition created
the fanatical likes of the Church of the Immaculate OVA and their
“CHICKEN IS DOOM” crazies to deal with.

The FDA needs YOU.

We don’t care if you’re weird. Who else applies?

34 The chewniverse
factions USDA
Here’s just a taste of factions to populate In Brief: The United States Department of
your cities and to pin to conspiracies. Agriculture is the second-most powerful law
enforcement agency on the planet. They
◦FDA: The United States Food and Drug would much rather be first.
Administration is the most powerful law-
enforcement agency on the planet. ◦Possible Clocks: Find a Colossal Mess
and Make Sure Blame Lands on the FDA
◦USDA: The United States Department of (8 segments)
Agriculture is the second-most powerful
law enforcement agency on the planet. ◦More Details: The Department of
They would much rather be first. Agriculture was officially formed in 1862
by none other than Abraham fricking
◦Chicken Colonels: A collegiate league Lincoln, and don’t you forget it. They
of serial killers who find the taste of were given cabinet status in 1888 and
humans finger-licking good. thanks to the Hatch Act were soon given
offices in every state. It was much later
that they were staffed entirely with an
◦Church of the Immaculate Ova: A elite force of highly trained smoking
growing, world-wide cult of fanatics, hotties, each able to kill a man in fifteen
ready and willing to kill anyone who different ways using only their big toe.
partakes of the chicken or the egg (in When ordered to include an equal
either order). quota of men in their ranks, Director
Penya had the brainwave to team each
◦E.G.G.: Your average, everyday terrorist agent with a deadly cybernetic animal
group/freedom fighters, dedicated to companion, and the powerhouse that is
exposing the truth about the fascist the modern USDA was born.
government conspiracy and its chickeny
lies. ◦Notable Assets: Poyo. I mean, he works
for nobody, but he’s on their side.
◦Jersey Mob, The: Just because chicken
is the new illicit product doesn’t mean ◦Notable NPCs: Director
running drugs stopped being profitable, Penya, Agent Jin Sae Woo,
and the Jersey Mob has all the drugs. Jellybean the Rat,
Buttercup the Lion.
◦Kigyoushun Assassins: Why kill people
with guns when you can kill people with
kitchen utensils is a question nobody
asked but the Kigyoushun Assassins
answered.

◦Mercury Sun: The biggest paper in the

city. Did we mention print is dead?

The chewniverse 35
 Chicken Colonels
◦Allies: The United States Government, ◦In Brief: A collegiate league of serial
the US Navy, NASA. killers who happen to find the taste of
humans finger-licking good.
◦Enemies: The FDA, the Vampyr, North
Korea. ◦Possible Clocks: Become Sole Suppliers
of the Next Fad Diet (4), Escape Prison
◦Weird Stuff: When it looked like the Wearing Some Guy’s Face as a Mask (8
world’s population might never recover, segments).
the USDA was recruited for an
experiment to repopulate a world ◦More Details: Everybody is eating
without men. Somewhere in the USDA humans these days, it seems. The
basement is a fridge full of sperm Chicken Colonels discovered a lot of
donations from the US Navy. folks are after meat and don’t care
what kind, or if it’s still wearing sneakers.
◦The Situation: After John Colby broke In other words, they could do all their
Director Penya’s heart, the bristling rivalry creepy murder shenanigans and hide all
between the USDA and the FDA the evidence by shipping it to the
exploded into a behind the scenes war. highest bidder. Word got around about
The USDA stops at nothing to get the the idea and the creeps liked it so much
FDA discredited and dismantled so they they started dressing up as
can be the most powerful agency in the certain fast food mascots to
country. get their serial killer jollies.
Some of them were
busted by the FDA, but
the Colonels went
on cooking…

36 The chewniverse
◦Notable Assets: A network of enough That means the hyper-rich need to eat
creepy serial killers to fill a whole library of humans and everyone knows the best
Thomas Harris novels. place to get it fresh (and with the least
carbon debt) is from your neighborhood
◦Allies: Tracy Lee Cobb, Cannibal Soup serial killer.
Kitchen, Bon Vivant Diner’s Club
E.G.G.
◦Enemies: The FDA, Hannibal-wannabees Your average, everyday terrorist group/
freedom fighters, dedicated to exposing the
◦Weird Stuff: Certain ciboscribes looking truth about the fascist government
for a cheap shortcut to a best-selling conspiracy and its chickeny lies.
novel are now hunting down serial killers
just so they can take a bite of their flesh ◦Possible Clocks: Post Bounties on the
and get their next villain. Heads of FDA Agents (4 segments), Blow
up the Moon (8 segments).
◦The Situation: Recently, a Diner’s Digest
reviewer ate some meatballs made of the ◦More Details: Arguably, E.G.G. should
walking dead and declared ethically be considered stronger: they have large
sourced human meat might just be the weapons caches, hundreds of fanatical
hottest new thing on the menu. members, a secret communication and

The chewniverse 37
propaganda network, and can even reach But the CIA would never, ever do that
the President of the United States when they sort of thing. Honest, cross my heart,
want to. The counterargument is they’ve pinky swear.
never successfully pulled off any of their
terrorist attempts because they are a bunch ◦The Situation: E.G.G. is tired of failing
of weenies. and intend to make one final strike
against NASA, who they now believe to
◦Notable Assets: A seemingly infinite army of be completely run by secret chicken
dudes in berets and neck scarves aliens and their lackeys. The goal: blow
up the moon, where NASA is hiding the
◦Allies: Nobody! Everyone else is a truth. To afford a plan of this scope, they
collaborator! need cash. So they began working for
the highest bidder, doing side jobs like
selling lemonade to raise money for their
◦Enemies: Everybody else is a collaborator! spacecraft.

◦Weird Stuff: Rumor says E.G.G. is secretly

funded by the CIA to make anti-government Kigyoushun Assassins
resistance look foolish and violent. ◦In Brief: Why kill people with guns when
you can kill people with kitchen utensils
is a question nobody asked but the
Kigyoushun Assassins answered.

38 The chewniverse
◦Possible Clocks: Become the Hottest ◦Enemies: The Yakuza, the KGB, NASA
New Martial Artist on Youtube (4
segments), Be Activated by the Church ◦Weird Stuff: In its desperate need for
of the Immaculate Ova at High Profile more content, Diamond Excellence
Events (8 segments) Chef Fighting became a new feature on
the Culinary Network this season and a
◦More Details: The Kigyoushun Assassins shit ton of fresh meat is needed.
were born in the world of Steel Death
Salad Chef. When the audience who ◦The Situation: Not needing knives or
originally loved the high-stakes guns to kill, the Kigyoushun can slip into
Japanese sport of competitive salad- any event seemingly unarmed, no
making grew bored and needed matter how thoroughly they’re
bloodier entertainments, Kigyoushun was searched. This makes them perfect
born: a martial art arena with no holds servants for the Church of the
barred fights to the death over various Immaculate Ova who place them at
leafy greens. Two cooks enter! Lettuce food vendors worldwide. When the
leaves! moment is right and the crowds are
huge, the assassins will strike!
◦Allies: The Jersey Mob, the Church of
the Immaculate Ova, the Culinary
Network

The chewniverse 39
 “Long long maaan!”
case summary

A corporate lawyer awakened from his

sexy power
capitalistic nightmare and uncovered a
he didn ’t know he had. Dere k Cho , code -named
lead er of the Thir st Traps
Long Long Man, is the imore,
royi ng corp orat e offi ces in Balt
and is dest
the Charm City.

Like karen’s potato salad, The reason

s of
is plain and simple: Vengeance for year
work without gratitude and respite.

This can only end in heartache...

40 Long long maaan!

How the sausage is
made Side dishes
You don’t start out a fiery, thirst-trap warrior Derek isn’t alone. Along with the Thirst Traps,
with aspirations of world domination. You’re he has his friends from TLC and college,
molded into it. Derek went to NCCU School Annabelle and Zeno.
of Law in Durham, NC with aspirations of
being a public defender. His hopes of doing
right were immediately dashed by massive
student loan debt. So, he ended up on the Annabelle
ground floor of Tiffany and Lium
Consultations (TLC) on a recommendation Second in command of the Thirst Traps.
from his college friend, Annabelle. Head of shredder detail.

He spent nearly a decade focusing on his Precise, Intelligent, and Calm

work and trying to chase the green light of
the American dream. TLC took his Growing up with old money, she decided to
weekends, relationships, and dignity. It do something good with her privilege and
didn’t happen overnight. Like cutting salami, became a lawyer. She takes long pauses to
it happened slice by slice. Eventually, he was articulate her thoughts. Her short, blonde
promoted to a contract lawyer where he hair and thick glasses frame her blue eyes.
found loopholes in documents to protect his Annabelle typically wears suits and always
company and the companies they wears an intimidating aura. She has the
represented. unique power to destroy any evidence with
liquid, hot cheese.
The boiling point was when he was made a
scapegoat and fired. The firm’s losses were
all placed on his lap, which made it difficult
to find another job. A decade of sacrifice all zeno
brittle and discarded. It was during a Third in command of Thirst Traps. Recruiter
drunken binge of eating taffy and and HR.
mozzarella sticks he discovered his special
ability. He became the sexiest person alive Personable, Quick, and Acrobatic
while eating long foods. Stretchy foods. The
longer and stretchier, the sexier. With this
new power, he used his remaining friends at The discount “looks” of the operation.
TLC to schedule a meeting with the C-suite Responsible for most of the recruits for the
of TLC to murder them. By murder, this means Thirst Traps. Zeno adores sushi and has the
eviscerate them. By eviscerate, this means power to animate and control it. He is
came into their conference room and threw African-American with a shaved head and
them out the window to create upside down an enchanting smile. Zeno’s the more
fireworks. He took the predatory legal personable of the three and was head of HR
documents precious to the firm and left at TLC before leaving with Derek. He dresses
without a trace. in loose-fitting business casual clothes and
has an aroma of energetic mischief to him.
This was about a year ago and he just
resurfaced with a gang called the Thirst
Traps. They’re hitting all the firms like TLC and
destroying contracts, freeing everyone from Thirst traps
rapacious obligations. Followers of Long Long Man.

Passionate, Zealous, and Heartbroken

The Thirst Traps were discontent with their

Derek cho relationships and thus captivated by Derek
The Long Long Maaan! while he had a very long, thick piece of taffy.
They operate from Fort Carroll in Charm City,
an abandoned, artificial island just south of
Cunning, Vengeful, and Likes the Dave the city. They’re easy to spot as their eyes
Matthews Band change to pink hearts while under Derek’s
sexiness. Otherwise, they look like average
A vindictive and worn-out former employee people. Except they all carry long, food-like
of TLC. He has the power to captivate weapons such as Laffy Taffy nunchucks and
anyone while eating long foods. Korean corn dog zweihanders.

Long long maaan! 41

 The door is already open and Director Cress
is sitting in her chair. Her armpit-stained,
Cooking tip: white shirt is soaked with sadness and a little
Fort Carroll is a man-made island just east bit of coffee (also from Jumping Bean). A
of the Francis Scott Key Bridge. Built initially picture of a well-chiseled, blonde man is
to repel invaders and train soldiers, it was clutched by her pudgy fingers.
converted to a sanctuary for depressed
chogs. A special breed of creature created
“You're late! I can’t believe you’re willing to
rob the taxpayers’ with your shit
by Montero Industries to have food that performance.” *sniff sniff*
tastes like chicken by mixing a chicken with a
frog. These particular ones were deemed “We have an important case for you to
too depressed for consumption. Protected resolve quickly. You have till the end of the
by several non-profits native to Baltimore, day to complete it or you're fired! Why are
it’s mostly left alone, though the bright-
you staring at me like that?” *sniff sniff*
colored chogs are seen at night wobbling
“The criminal in question is Derek Cho, alias
around.
Long Long Man. He’s the head of the Thirst
Traps; a gang of sexy proportions. The crew
recently took one of our best: Jonah Welby.”

Scene 1: new case Director Cress looks longingly out the

window of her office towards the Employee
Today was going to be good. Woke up early of the Month plaque featuring Jonah
just in time to get coffee from the Jumping washing a car in an FDA bikini.
Bean Cafe. Smiled and told a joke to the
barista that didn’t get a sigh in response. The “Derek and the Thirst Traps also destroyed
sun was shining. People were smiling. It felt as important documents at some of our most
if today was going to be a—wait for it—a beloved law firms here in Baltimore. It’s a
beautiful day. That is, until… typical revenge story, so get your asses out
there and take care of it. END OF DAY!”
You stepped into the office and heard your
names screamed over the intercom along She throws a folder at your face, scattering
with the hints of that sappy song by James pieces of paper all over the floor. You’re no
Blunt. The boss wants YOU and you longer her concern as she stares at the
immediately notice the weather shifting to a picture in her hand.
more foreboding gloom.

42 Long long maaan!

 The details
Per the Case File, these should be added to
Director bale cress the Corkboard.
Head of the FDA office in Baltimore
1) Suspect:
Hopeless Romantic, Angry, and Loud Derek Cho — Ex-TLC Contract Lawyer
Jonah Welby — Employee of the Month
A no nonsense sort of person who has all the
education tailored specifically for the head 2) Method:
of the FDA office. She thinks about retirement
and continues to phone it in while pushing Half-eaten sushi roll — Turned into sushi?
work on her employees. Cress was secretly Eviscerating Board of Directors like at TLC?
having a sexy rendezvous with Jonah Welby.
3) Motive:
Revenge, but against whom? TLC is gone.

The Case File Scene 2:

1) Employee ID of Derek, aka Long Long
Man. Recovered from his TLC employment INVESTIGATING THE
records. Not sexy, but not not sexy. A slight
Asian man with thick-framed glasses. His act INN AND OUT
of eviscerating the Board of Directors at TLC
is noted (page 1 above).

2) Address to a recent crime scene at a The Inn and Out

motel, The Inn and Out, where perpetual If you want to have creepy sex in a mold-
Employee of the Month, Jonah Welby, was infested motel, there are better rated places
last seen. Looking over the case file, the to go. It sits just behind a kink club named
agents can tell it was quickly thrown Like Groceries and the Itisfactory 24/7 diner
together and is spotted with tears. The crime in Baltimore’s Little Italy. Parking is in the
is just a missing person report with a hastily center of this U-shaped, two-story motel with
scrawled remnant of a broken heart. There’s a green roof. It has a rusty metal stairway
also a photograph of a discarded, half- leading up to large windows with torn
eaten sushi roll where Jonah was last seen. curtains for the aspiring voyeur. Rooms are
available by the minute, if you’re so inclined.
There’s a camera pointing at the entrance.
The booth looks like a convenience store
with the owner behind a fingerprint-
covered, thick wall of plastic. An old Atari
arcade cabinet of Food Fight and a vending
machine with a mix of sushi and condoms
are helpfully located nearby.

Long long maaan! 43

The owner, Jiffle, is a rustic looking man from
Alabama who married into the motel
business. His wife passed away some years
ago and he’s milking this place for all its worth
to pay for their children’s college. He talks jiffle
slowly and licks his fingers as he thumbs Owner of The Inn and Out Motel
through an old magazine, Sucks. It’s all about
vacuum machines, you weirdo. Slow to Speak, Shy, and Old School
Jiffle keeps quiet about his patrons. Each is
none of his business as he’s a Gawd-fearing Used to live in Timple, Texas. Jifle raised a
man. He can be convinced to show some of family there before marrying into the motel
the security footage, revealing a sexy business. He’s not used to city life and often
rendezvous between Cress and Welby. Later finds it too chaotic for his taste.
that night, when Jonah’s going to the
vending machine for a different kind of
snack, Derek Cho is seen leaving room 68 and
eating a long piece of sushi burrito before If they investigate room 68, it’s mostly barren.
enticing Jonah to come with him. The images Two twin beds lay on haphazardly-put-
are blurry black and white with no audio. together, knockoff IKEA furniture. The carpet is
rough and the shag fibers are matted
together in a way that makes you think you
should never take your shoes off. The TV was
Jonah welby replaced with a single Nintendo Switch with a
FDA pretty boy and office Employee of the third party controller attached to it that’s still
Month vibrating. The bathroom door is ajar and you
can hear city sounds coming from an open
rectangular window leading to a back alley.
Brown Noser, Dull, and Smells Stuff
A truly perceptive detective notices someone
Jonah Welby is a fresh-out-of-the-academy, spilled Everclear in the corner. Licking the
pretty-boy detective with a bald spot in the spilled beverage shares the schematics of the
middle of his head and dull, brown eyes. He major law firms in Baltimore. You can give a
enjoys orange soda and sniffs his finger at his hint by having a character discover the
desk. Despite poor hygiene and being the empty bottle it was delivered in with a note
cause of several accidental murders, he’s saying, “Here is the information you need.”
often the Employee of the Month. How does
he do it? Well, you can figure it out. Read Looking out the window, there’s the silhouette
between the lines (porking the boss). You in the distance of someone running away
can do it, we believe in you! from the motel. Cue chase scene.

44 Long long maaan!

 Charm City citizens. The “Vehicle to Mouth”
column has who is trying to sell the food. The
“Sushi” column has what Zeno is using to get
How to catch zeno ahead with his power. All of this goes into
chasing Zeno as Baltimore, even at night,
The moment the players step foot in the can be a busy place. Chasing Zeno is just not
motel, the GM should start a 4 segment tug- going against his powers, which are kinda
of-war clock. Each check is overcoming an lame, but also the street vendors hoping to
obstacle in the way. push off their products to salivating agents.
Zeno is here to recruit the love sick and lonely For example if I rolled a 3, 1, and 4 this is what
people who come to the motel. His food transpires…
power animates and controls sushi rolls.
These dastardly tasty little devils can cause As the agents are running down the
an extreme amount of mischief, but they’re alleyway desperately trying to catch up to
still just sushi rolls. Except the ones with the shadowy figure ahead, a creepy ice
wasabi. Those are dangerous. cream truck pulls forward and blocks the
path. The smell of baseball hot dogs fills the
How to Use the Chart Below alleyways and a man pokes his head out
The chart below helps create several hurdles with an odd smile enticing you to try his Xtra
for your agents as they give chase. Roll a d6 Thick Hot Dogs. If things couldn’t get
three times and go down the chart to create stranger, out of a storm drain shoot two eel
an encounter. The “Food” column dictates rolls that slap against your knees, then roll
what food is being served to the local around unable to right themselves.

Roll 1d6
For each serving vendor Sushi?
1 Sexy gummies Creepy ice cream candy truck Isn’t that creepy enough?
2 Pho king Woman (suki) with a red wig A slippery mayo slick!
and a very large coat

3 Xtra Thick Hot Dogs Weinermobile Wasabi sushi roll attack!

4 Shawarma Charm City cart “like a regular cart, An army of Old Bay Baltimore
just with 89% more Old Bay” sushi rolls singing Hamlet!

5 Children of the corn One of the characters’ moms Mafioso tuna rolls have a
proposition you can’t refuse.
6 Second hand pork A cybernetic panda Baltimore crab roll with a knife.
CRAB BATTLE!

Long long maaan! 45

Interrogating Zeno
◦1-3: Bites down on a sushi capsule in his
mouth, which releases a sushi toxin that Cooking tip:
makes his head explode. Zeno is a believer. An idealist and firebrand.
◦4 or 5: Provides the wrong time and To make the above scene more potent, we
place for their next attack. Go ahead suggest Zeno divulge his belief and reason
and grab one of the law firm locations for following Derek no matter the result.
below and run the post scene when
they arrive. The capitalist system takes the souls of
everyday workers and forces them to do
◦6: Spill the beans. Provides the most
accurate location Derek will be at next, horrible things to people without power.
along the number of Thirst Traps with him Predatory loans, contract agreements
and the powers of Derek and Annabelle. that disadvantage those without a law
This information is also in the bottle of degree paid by their daddy, and companies
everclear spilled on the floor. So if
violating environmental laws by finding
someone was willing to lick the carpet,
they also get some information loopholes. For humanity to regain itself,
regarding the Thirst Traps someone must punish them. Derek is that
If the agents investigate the room Director punisher. The hero Baltimore needs, not the
Cress and Jonah Welby inhabited, describe one it deserves.
a room clearly used for sex with chocolate
food play involved. We believe in you.

For any of the following locations, the PCs

SCENE 3: can arrive in time for the finale or just after it
PUNISHING THE LAW was hit (see Post Crime Scenes) depending
on their result in Scene 2.
FIRMS Each location also has an NPC who can
The race is on. Derek and the Thirst Traps are divulge Derek’s next target. If that doesn’t
hitting law firms and destroying predatory work, try one of the following hooks.
contracts by dipping them in hot cheese
and eating them like nachos. This takes •Annabelle must be getting fresh cheese
place throughout the week at different from somewhere before hitting these
times. There’s no pattern, except they’re spots. Identifying the cheese store
making the firms hurt. The locations below nearby helps the agents learn where the
are where characters can investigate further LLM crew is heading next.
or encounter the gang for an epic finale.
•Thirst Traps left behind can be interrogated
to determine the next location.

•A few misspoken words by the Thirst Traps

reveal the next location.

•Plans for the next target.

46 Long long maaan!

Bilgerts Utility and Threat
Testimonials (BUTT)
A firm focused on keeping construction He blows on a tissue leaving large gobs of
companies cheap and profitable. They find brown and green snot upon it before placing
loopholes in contracts to ensure asbestos in it back in his pocket.
retirement homes and lead paint in daycare
centers aren’t just the problems of the past, If pressed on what occurred, he reveals, “The
but also of the future. corrupted patrons of this here society
expropriated with all of our well-organized
The corporate office is near the waterfront of litigations.”
Baltimore and consists of several trailers
linked together. This was to cut costs, though He weeps again; his body shaking like a small
the trailers for the executives look like mini earthquake. Bob blows his nose and wipes
villas inside. It’s close enough to the noise of the remaining snot on the picnic table.
the harbor you can barely hear yourself think
unless you're in a trailer. “We were organized in our passion to
complete the paperwork. The ends allowed
us to extract the asbestos we needed to
place in a secure and most costly locale and
instead place them in a cheaper region, thus
Bob the Litigation Builder saving us quite a fortune. The location in
Strong man for BUTT question of course is Druid Hill Park, a most
perfect place for the youth to enjoy the
asbestos and, more importantly, to secure us
Swole, Loud Chewer, and Mathematician more funds for future endeavors.”
A powerful man who is easily 7 feet tall and He’s an emotional wreck, but can provide
weighs well over 300 lbs. He’s the welcoming some information regarding what occurred. A
committee and is chewing on a piece of a woman, Annabelle, led a group of Thirst Traps
4×4 the whole time. to destroy all the files. Security was
overwhelmed and started making out with
some of the gang. The executives fled in their
yacht before any damage was done to
them. There are remnants of hot cheese on
POST CRIME SCENE the filing cabinets and the papers are just
The place is quiet. Too quiet. A slight sobbing gone. No residue. Nothing left behind. Any
sound can be heard between the two research into the digital files shows they’re
trailers. Sitting down on a picnic bench, the also gone and the smell of gorgonzola wafts
agents find a mountain of a man, tears from the computer when searching for them.
falling down his face into a puddle below
him from which a puppy is licking. As the
agents approach, he whispers through
chapped lips.

“The absence of that most sacred invention

by the Chinese before it could be cultivated
by our business has left me with a hollow
feeling within my bowels.”

Long long maaan! 47

 SCENE 4:
Penicillin Plus (PP) JUST DESSERTS
You don’t get into healthcare without first It’s a tough operation arresting Long Long Man
knowing about PP. Their predatory practices and his co-conspirators or choosing another
can be traced back to World of Warcraft, path. Regardless, you need to report back to
where their healers trolled people for money your boss by the end of the day.
or they wouldn’t heal. This turned into a very
profitable business as they’re working with There are three locations to use for the finale:
over 30 hospitals in the DC and Baltimore one of the two law firms or Fort Carroll after the
area. Their HQ is located at John Hopkins agents just missed him. All allow for a beautiful
and has several offices in the basement. picture as the final moments of the case.

GM, if you haven’t by now, you’ll want to push

the players to crack the case to help them find
Bitch Brulee “BB” their position for the final scene.
Financial Officer for PP
Playing Derek
Vulgar, Aggressive, and Funny Derek appeals to the kinder parts of the
agent’s hearts. Describing how capitalism took
everything and how he should be allowed to
A woman with curly dark hair and large finish his mission. Otherwise, Derek is a
green eyes. She’s wearing a yellow top and weakling. His only power is to be super sexy
bonet. BB is well built and short. She has a while eating long food.
gravelly voice with a lot of attitude.
Derek’s power can cause characters to
become enamored and ultimately side with
him as if under a love spell. Read the following
Post crime scene text and gauge the reactions to see who is
vulnerable.
It’s fortunate there’s a hospital nearby
because the body count is in the tens. BB is His lips part ever so softly under the
available to chat as she pulls out people bits fluorescent lights of the street. Slipping a
from her hair. The hallways are littered with
Thirst Traps. flaky, fried crust of mozzarella in his mouth,
he bites down. An explosion of flavor. You
“Yeah, they got the files, but I got plenty of see his nostrils flair. His pants clutch two well-
them too.” —BB tailored buns as he turns and pulls his mouth
down to release the golden breading and
This provides the opportunity to chat with white cheese from within. A bead of sweat
some of the Thirst Traps who are recovering traces the valleys of his stomach down to the
from their fight with BB. trail that marks greener pastures. A little bit
of cheese slips from his mouth and catches
on his chest. A slight sizzling sound is barely
heard and his gorgeous nipples stand at
Johnny vorez attention.
Thirst Trap Bruiser Hope that helps.
Huge, Love Sick, and Idealistic Describe how one or more likely player
characters turn on their fellow team members
A Thirst Trap of tremendous size and girth. He to disarm, distract, and delay the group from
was recently separated from an arm and stopping Derek’s mission. After describing how
leg, but is stable at John Hopkins. He directs they do that, the players may resist the
the agents to some of the pieces if they ask. consequences. We have some actions a
taken over agent might do below…

•A super duper friend hug that smells of

Things for Johnny to reveal: cinnamon.
•Try to teach you bachata.
•BB is an apocalyptic entity who makes •Make awkward dinner plans with your
Thanos look like Mr. Rogers. estranged, right-leaning uncle.
•They still succeeded in getting the files. •Talk to you thoroughly about Little
Annabelle can make them vanish Kenny.
forever with cheese.
•Attack you with a form of
•Fort Carroll is their hideout massage martial arts
where every hit
releases tension.

48 Long long maaan!

 Cooking tip:
True love’s divulgence is the only way to
counteract LLM’s consequences without a
roll. It allows the agents to stop another
agent’s actions even if they failed the roll.
The catch is you must look into the agent’s
eyes and tell them how much you appreciate
them and love them. Acknowledging the
obstacles they overcame in their life and
how much it’s admired. If you have a crush at
the table, now is a good time to not so
secretly tell them how awesome and
adorable they are.

Derek is just a sexy guy after using his powers.

His minions are the troublemakers, the Thirst
Traps wield Laffy Taffy nunchucks and
Korean corn dog zweihanders to stop the
agents from foiling their plot. Numbers are
their greatest asset.

Close this case down and debrief!

Long long maaan! 49

Want a short and sweet twist on the
Long Long Maaan! case to run at
your table? Give this a taste and
4
improvise with the prompts below.
Danger Clock
In Baltimore, a corporate lowlife awakens
from his capitalist nightmare to discover sexy Share this with the table
new food powers. He is a cibolongumamore, The core threat of long long man comes, not
capable of captivating the hearts of anyone from the suspects, but from the external
who witnesses him eat long foods! Bread forces that promise to pluck the investigation
sticks, hot dogs,mozzarella sticks! The longer
from our protagonists and turn it into a
the better.
public spectacle of epic proportions.

Dubbed “Long Long Man,” by an adoring

local fanbase, Derek Cho and his entourage At the beginning of this investigation, present
of Thirst Traps patrol the streets of Charm City the stakes and emphasize that the team should
fighting back against injustice with the do their best to keep this matter under
power of love and one thick piece of taffy on
control. Each time the danger clock ticks
their side.
down the gm will raise the notoriety of the

But when a series of crimes break out case, escalating it from a matter of municipal
targeting Cho’s former bosses, some begin pride to one of national importance and
to wonder: Is the Long Long Man truly a beyond!
defender of the law or is he just another
disgruntled employee?

The crime Potential details (corkboard)

Across the city, an uptick in property •Methods: Seduction ♦ Random Violence ♦
damage is traced back to local hero, Derek Inside Job ♦ Mob Justice ♦ Taffy-Based
Cho, aka Long Long Man, after taffy bricks Weaponry ♦ Swamp Gas
and weaponry are found at the scene.
Though his long-time supporters and allies, •Motives: Revenge ♦ To Impress Cho ♦ Political
the Thirst Traps, defend his innocence, the Upheaval ♦ Insurance Fraud ♦ To Frame
hero himself is nowhere to be found. the Thirst Traps ♦ For the Likes

•Suspects: Long Long Man ♦ The Thirst Traps ♦

That is, until Long Long Man is caught on Mob Flunkies ♦ Punk Kids ♦ Greedy Execs
camera, beating up a battalion of ♦ Rowdy Sports Fans
Baltimore’s finest. That’s where you come in!

Retrace Cho’s steps, investigate the

vandalism, and make an arrest. If you don’t,
who knows what might happen next.

directive
Investigate the vandalism and determine
whether Cho or his Thirst Traps are at fault.

50 Long long maaan!

Potential complications Baltimore long food truck table
•A member of the Thirst Traps takes it upon Roll 1d6 for each category!
themselves to interfere in the
investigation. Serving Vendor Sushi
•Execs offer the agents a bribe to arrest Cho. 1 Sexy Creepy Ice Isn’t that
Gummies Cream creepy enough?
•Taffy weapons found at a crime scene turn candyTruck
out to be a cheap knockoff.
2 Pho King Woman (suki) A slippery mayo
with a red wig slick!
•A PC’s family member joins the Thirst Traps. and a very
large coat
•Local paparazzi harass the agents for info
relating to their investigation. 3 xtra thick Weinermobile Wasabi sushi
Hotdogs roll attack!
•The mayor instigates a crack-down on Thirst
Trap supporters and fans. 4 Shawarma Charm city An army of old
cart “like a bay baltimore
regular cart, sushi rolls
dossier just with 89% singing hamlet!
more bay”
•Bale Cross — Romantic, Angry, Loud
FDA Baltimore’s absent director has 5 Children of one of the Mafioso tuna
phoned into work for the last thirty days. the corn characters’ rolls have a
So why did she return to oversee the Long moms proposition
Long Man case? you can’t
refuse
•Derek Cho — Vigilante, Local Hero, Hot Stuff 6 Second A cybernetic Baltimore crab
AKA Long Long Man. Former corporate hand pork panda roll with a
knife. Crab
shill turned vigilante crime fighter. Has the battle!
means and motive to commit the crime.

•Annabelle Schmaltz — Precise, Intelligent,

Calm factions
Thirst Trap ringleader and Cho’s •Thirst Traps — Vigilantes/Fan-Club
confidant. She and her gang support Devout friends and supporters of Long
Long Long Man in all things. Long Man. They take to the streets armed
with Cho’s special taffy weapons in
•Johny Vorez — Huge, Love-Sick, Idealistic defense of justice and the common man.
Proudly refers to himself as Long Long
Man’s #1 Fan, but you’re pretty sure he’s •Penicillin Plus — Cutthroat Insurance Co.
just in love. Winner of Baltimore’s “Most Profitable
Business” award. Their offices were
• Besty Rogers — Sweaty, targeted in the attacks.
Libertarian, On the Take
Baltimore's romantically •TLC — Corrupt Baltimore Law Firm
repressed mayor's once deep Tiffany and Liam Consultations employed
pockets are running low since Cho when he was just a lowly law clerk.
his re-election prospects are One of the vandals’ first targets.
drying up.
•BUTT — Law Firm Slash Mob Front
• Brandy Brulee — Smart, Bilgerts Utility + Threat Testimonial was
Impeccable, Type A founded “with a mind to keeping
The CEO of Penicillin Plus is construction cheap and profitable.”
Baltimore’s favorite business
personality, or was, until she •FDA Baltimore — Overworked
brought charges against Cho Tasked with the impossible job of keeping
and the Thirst Traps. Baltimore’s food truck’s in line.
• The Brother Bilgerts — Oily,
Shrewd, Twins
Ambulance chasers through and
through, these lawyer twins found
bigger fish to fry in Derek Cho.

Long long maaan! 51