Biggest Lie I Ever Told

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at [Link]

Rating: Explicit
Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: F/M
Fandoms: Bridgerton (TV), Bridgerton Series - Julia Quinn
Relationship: Colin Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington
Characters: Colin Bridgerton, Penelope Featherington, Minor Eloise Appearance
Additional Tags: Smut, Angst, only a little, Porn With Plot, Vaginal Sex, Vaginal
Fingering, Loss of Virginity
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2024-11-02 Words: 6,808 Chapters: 1/1
 Biggest Lie I Ever Told
by colinscourt

Summary

Penelope tells several lies to herself as she tries to get to the bottom of Colin’s huge
personality switch after a year long trek across Europe. The biggest of these is that she can
survive a game of chicken where her virginity is at stake.

Where will these lies get her and what will she do when she finds out she isn’t the only liar
playing this game?

Notes
See the end of the work for notes
Penelope had been lying to herself, thinking she could deal with this for several hours
without losing her mind. She had told herself it wouldn’t be that bad, he would probably
avoid her most of the night, she could hang by Eloise’s side and avoid trouble. But that was
all before she saw him, before she heard the things he was saying about what he had done on
his latest trip. It was nauseating.

After hearing him drone on for the last hour about his conquests, Penelope was tempted to
make for the exit. Colin’s voice was grating on her nerves for probably the first time ever and
she wanted to pull her hair out. Violet wouldn’t be too offended if Penelope left the
matriarch’s 60th birthday celebration early, would she? As Penelope stood up to leave
though, an arm snaked out and wrapped around hers.

“Pen, you aren’t leaving are you?” Eloise’s eyes widened, pleadingly.

“I’m just kinda tired, El.” Penelope knew the truth about how Eloise’s own brother was the
reason she wanted to make a quick exit would be too harsh, even if Eloise might agree with
her about her older brother’s behavior.

“We haven’t even done cake yet and mum is trying to introduce me to some people she thinks
I’d be interested in... romantically.” Eloise made a gagging motion that elicited a small
chuckle from Penelope. “I need my best friend here to support me.” Just like she always did,
El utilized those big beautiful eyes and who was Penelope to say no to that?

So Pen hung around for another hour and then another hour and she got to hear Colin across
the room talking with some inane group of men (a loose term since their maturity levels had
not progressed past boyhood). These men were enraptured by tales of his exploits across
Europe. Penelope caught some words about someone called the Contessa, some famous
model in Italy, so famous she had earned the title as a nickname. It honestly made Penelope a
bit sick that her (former) friend had stooped so low. She wanted to believe that this just
wasn’t him but then again, she didn’t really know him anymore. He had proven that already.

As she vaguely registered his ongoing prattling, her mind wandered back to their last
conversation as friends, if you could call it one.

“I didn’t mean it the way you thought I meant it, Pen. I promise!” Colin’s eyes were quickly
growing wet and Penelope turned away so she wouldn’t have to see his tears, they would
only anger her further.

“Colin, I never asked for anything from you and certainly not that you would ever date me.”
Her voice was more level than she felt but she was already embarrassed enough that he had
announced in front of everyone that he would never date her. She didn’t want the whole bar
to hear them shouting on the street too.

“Please, just come back inside and let me explain.” He grabbed her shoulder to turn her
around, but she slipped out of his grasp.
Turning to face him, she decided to finally give herself some distance from the boy she had
loved for as long as she could remember, even if he didn’t know it. “I don’t care to hear your
explanations. I just want some space, okay?” Without waiting for a response, she walked
away and let the cold tears run down her face.

He was gone for over a year after that. He sent a few texts but when she didn’t respond, he
eventually stopped. The last text she received was on her 29th birthday and it took everything
in her not to respond.

April 8, 2023

Colin: Happy birthday, Pen

i’m glad you were born, even if you aren’t glad I was at the moment

Something broke in her then. There were many days where she wished she had never met
him, sure. But she couldn’t imagine a world without Colin Bridgerton, even if his world
never touched hers again. It was radio silent after that and for a while Pen believed she might
really be able to avoid him forever. Of course, it was never going to be that simple. Their
lives were too shared and too many relationships crossed over. Of course it had been Eloise
who would (inadvertently) bring them back together.

Eloise had told Penelope two weeks ago that Colin was coming back for his mother’s 60th
birthday party. It was going to be a huge gathering with so many people that Pen felt
confident she could hide in the shadows for a while but she knew she wouldn’t be able to
avoid Colin entirely. And she certainly didn’t want to have a huge row with him in front of
everyone they both knew.

Turns out she hadn’t had to worry about the awkwardness of their first meeting in over a year
because Colin showed up on her doorstep, three days before his mother’s birthday, on
Penelope’s own birthday with flowers.

“Colin! What are you doing here?” He looked annoyingly handsome and tan still. She wasn’t
sure if she wanted to slap him or kiss him. Or maybe both.

“It’s your birthday.” He said it as if it made his presence on her doorstep obvious, which it
did not.

She grabbed the flowers and turned around to hide the flush of embarrassment on her face. “I
know it’s my birthday.” The words felt dumb as they fell out of her mouth but she wasn’t sure
how to respond to his act of kindness after she had been so angry and distant with him.

“I know that almost everyone you know has been busy with mum’s party and I just wanted to
make sure you got something today.”
Her heart ached a little at the sweet gesture. He wasn’t exactly wrong. She had received texts
from most of the Bridgertons and from her mother, but everyone was far too busy with
Violet’s party to plan anything special for Pen. She had convinced herself she didn’t mind too
much, had assuaged Eloise’s guilt over not even having time to take Pen out for dinner, but
now that Colin had done something so sweet, she wished she’d had the courage to advocate
for some way to acknowledge her own milestone birthday.

“The big 3-0. I remember it like it was yesterday.”

“It was three years ago for you. You’re ancient now.”

“Haven’t I always been three years older than you?”

“Yes and you’ve always been ancient.”

Colin looked slightly offended but also seemed pleased that Penelope was participating in
some banter. They chatted for a little while, and by the time he left, Pen had begun to believe
that perhaps their friendship was worth salvaging after all.

That was until she walked in and heard Colin bragging about his exploits. It wasn’t that he
was being crass or particularly vulgar but it did still feel like he was using his sexual
encounters as trophies, and it reminded Pen of how little she actually knew Colin. She had
fallen in love with a version of him when she was a young girl that perhaps he never really
was. Or maybe he had simply changed. All she knew was that the version of him now wasn’t
one she had any interest in knowing.

She thought she had managed to sneak out of Violet’s party unscathed, with just the disgust
she felt at Colin’s behavior to accompany her, but as she walked toward the door that led to
her escape, a voice rang out.

“Pen! Going home so soon?”

Penelope turned on her heels to face Colin Bridgerton wearing a shit eating grin that she most
certainly wanted to wipe off of his face immediately.

“Yeah, this party’s conversation was a little misogynistic for my taste.”

The smug grin on his face fell immediately. Mission accomplished.

“Pen—“

She held up her hand in a firm “be quiet” motion. “I’ll be honest, there is nothing you could
say to me right now that would make this better Colin. I never thought I would hear that kind
of shit coming out of your mouth, ever. I mean between this and hearing how undateable I
am, I’m reminded of exactly why I stopped speaking to you.”

With that, Penelope spun around and made a hasty exit.

By the following day, Penelope had again convinced herself that her relationship with Colin
was severed forever but found herself surprised once again when she saw him walking up to
the park bench she was sitting on.

“How did you know I was here?”

“I went by your place and when you didn’t answer, I decided to go for a walk. Just found
myself here and saw you across the way.” He looked shyly down at his shoes, seemingly
waiting to be berated for his behavior again.

Penelope sat silently, unwilling to renege on her anger quite yet. Colin glanced a look at her
and quickly deduced he would have to offer more in order to open a dialogue between them.

“I never want to be the reason you are upset, Pen. It seems like that is all I’ve been doing
recently.”

“Perhaps you should leave well enough alone then and go. If that’s all you can manage to do
in the whole two conversations we’ve had over the last year plus.”

Pen saw his body stiffen and then sag in shame. However, he did not leave as she expected.
Instead, he remained standing awkwardly in front of her.

“Do you want to sit?” Penelope didn’t know why she asked. Everything in her was screaming
to tell him to fuck off but he seemed properly contrite, at least based on his body language, so
she was willing to suffer his presence for now. They sat in a comfortable silence for a
moment or two before Colin spoke up.

“First, I want to say that I am an utter fool. I should have never said what I did at that bar.”

“Do you know how foolish it made me feel, Colin? I have never been as at ease socially and
to watch you undermine that, someone who has known me over half of my life? It hurt.”

“I know and I never wanted to do that. Ever. There is no one more important to me than you.”

“I just feel so behind on so much. You are out there, meeting people, having experiences with
them. And I’m stuck here, floundering… waiting to bloom I guess.”

Colin shifted awkwardly next to Pen and she immediately smelled a trail she could track.
Something that might put them back on even ground with each other.

“But you seem to have bloomed quite nicely over the last year.” It was bait, a test almost to
see how far he would go or how much he would give up. She stole a glance at Colin and saw
the tell tale redness spread over his cheeks.

“What do you mean?”

“Well I know we don’t talk about it much but prior to this last year, you had one major
girlfriend, who happens to be good friends with Pru. So I know for a fact you two never—“

“Had sex?”

Penelope nodded.
“We didn’t, no.”

“But now you have so much more experience. Experiences that I haven’t had yet.”

Colin’s body went rigid again and Penelope thought she could see a bead of sweat fall down
his forehead. Hook, line, and sinker.

“You haven’t—“

“Had sex? No, not with anyone but myself anyway.” She let out a dry chuckle at that but did
not hear Colin react in kind. In fact his eyes were almost bulging and he seemed to choke on
air, taking a few moments to collect himself. It felt nice for once to be holding the cards. She
had often stuttered and stammered around Colin Bridgerton in her teens and twenties, silently
begging for just a scrap of him. Now he was the one on slippery ground, searching for
purchase. Penelope knew he was vulnerable and it was her time to strike in order to get to the
truth of him.

“Would you help me?”

“What!?”

“I don’t want to die a virgin, Colin.”

“Wh— Penelope, you aren’t going to die. Or at least not for a long time.” Colin’s voice
sounded pained, like his heart ached at even just the thought.

“Colin, please.” Penelope worked extra hard to bat her eyelashes. “I want it to be with
someone I trust who is… experienced. Someone who will be kind and won’t expect anything
afterward. You fit the bill perfectly.” She willed her eyes to get bigger and more watery, and
like a mouse with the cheese, he took the bait and fell right into her trap.

“Okay.”

They agreed to meet at her place that night. They could talk more there and figure out what
exactly the experience would be like. Even though Penelope doubted they would even make
it that far. She was mostly doing this in order to suss out exactly what Colin was hiding. She
was starting to believe that all those exploits were a cover for something else, though she was
not yet sure what. Maybe he had a girlfriend he was hiding from the family? Or had his heart
broken by some euro trash and didn’t want to talk about it? She honestly felt kind of bad that
she had judged him so harshly. His behavior was abhorrent but if it was simply a mask for
some sort of heartbreak or embarrassment, that was definitely preferable to it all being true.
She hated to admit it to herself but it wasn’t just the gross way he spoke about those
encounters. There was an element of jealousy there too.

After what he had said about not dating her, him then going off and sleeping with half of the
european population would be more than a little devastating. She had always known that he
didn’t return her feelings and she had spent most of her adult life trying to accept that fact. To
accept that she would do anything for him to love her that way but she couldn’t change his
heart. She couldn’t change that he just was not made for her to love. So there was no way she
was going to backtrack on all that progress by sleeping with him. And certainly not losing her
damn virginity to him. She just planned on pushing him a little until he opened back up to
her. Maybe then they could go back to being friends.

Penelope was so lost in her train of thought, she didn’t hear the knock on her door initially.
Once she did, she leapt up and quickly opened the door. He looked so damn good in just a
plain white tee and some slacks. She really hated how the sight of him still took her breath
away, silently ordering her heart to calm.

“I thought for a second you had changed your mind and were going to refuse to see me.”
Penelope’s eyes lingered over a single curl that had fallen in front of his face. Her hands
twitched with the desire to reach up and brush it away.

“I’m sorry, I was… uh… listening to music.” He cocked up his eyebrow in doubt. Damn,
why was she so nervous when she knew she wasn’t going to let this get too out of hand?

“Can I come in?”

“Of course, sorry.” She moved away from the doorway to grant him entry, already starting to
regret this little game of chicken she had made for herself. She was supposed to be the one in
charge but he still held so much power over her.

Colin plopped down on her couch, the picture of nonchalance which reminded her exactly
why she had agreed to this. She was going to get to the bottom of this whole personality
switch, even if it killed her.

She sat down next to him, making sure she sat close enough so that their thighs touched,
hoping that crowding his space would fluster him just as much as it often flustered her.
Allowing the silence to settle between them, she tried to even out her breathing and noticed
he seemed to be carefully taking each breath as well.

“I guess we should–”

“Do you want to talk–”

Colin lightly laughed and motioned for Pen to go first.

“I was just going to say, I guess we should talk about ground rules. What exactly are we
agreeing to do together? As you know, I’m not as experienced as you, so you might need to
help me out.” He shifted uncomfortably away from her and she couldn’t help but mourn the
loss of contact where their thighs had been touching. “I’m not saying I don’t know anything.
Of course, I have watched some online porn and I masturbate pretty regularly.”

She glanced over at him and saw the redness of his face. “What Bridgerton? You really think
I reached the ripe old age of thirty without getting myself off? Do I really come across as that
uptight?”

‘No! I just didn’t expect you to be so frank about it, I guess.”

She couldn’t help but allow her tone to chide him, like a teacher trying to direct a child.
“Colin, I think we both need to be very frank considering what we might be about to do. So
what about you? What all have you done? I hear those girls in Europe can be quite frisky.”

He immediately jumped out of his seat. “I need some water. Do you want anything?”

He practically raced into her kitchen, without waiting for a response from her. Penelope
couldn’t hold in the grin of satisfaction that spread across her face. She knew for sure now.
There was no way all of his stories were 100% true. Now she just needed to get him to admit
it.

Colin re-entered the room with another mask of nonchalance, similar to what he had on
before, but Penelope noticed his hand fidgeting at his side. She patted the cushion next to her,
motioning for him to join her on the couch again. “So, are you gonna tell me? You certainly
had no problem talking about it at your own mother’s party last night.” She knew it was a bit
of a dig but she couldn’t resist. She knew it would take some prodding to get the truth out of
him.

“Well I didn’t know you could hear me.” Colin sounded a little wounded and embarrassed.
Penelope found she didn’t feel that sorry for him. He was handsome, charming, she had seen
personally the kind of attention any interested parties showered him with and he always
seemed to enjoy it. He quite literally had everything she did not.

“I did hear you. And now I want you to treat me just like you treated those women. I’m sure
they all had a great time.” She nudged his shoulder with hers, in what she hoped came off as
a friendly gesture.

He let out a deep sigh before he agreed. “Okay.”

He turned his head toward her but made no move to initiate anything. So Penelope decided to
take the lead, this was her plan after all. She leaned over and placed a light kiss on his lips.
Sparks shot through her at the velvety touch of his lips and a sudden pool of desire formed
within her. She opened her eyes and saw him sitting stony faced and shocked.

Penelope had certainly kissed people before. Her last boyfriend, Alfie, a few people at
university, and Bertie Fife, her first kiss when she was 17. None of those kisses had ever felt
like this. The fact that he seemed so unmoved, so unaffected by it, should have broken her,
should have convinced her to end this little game but it actually angered her. It lit a fire to
affect him as much as he affected her. She placed her lips on his again but did not actually
kiss him, simply mouthing the words on his soft, pillowy lips.

“A kiss is for two people, Colin. Please don’t make me do this alone.” Something in him
seemed to ignite at her words as he placed his hand on her neck and began to kiss her deeply.
Pen moaned at the urgency of his mouth, at how he was devouring her. It was laughable at
how quickly she melted. All of a sudden she forgot the purpose of this entirely. There was
just his mouth on hers, his hand that wasn’t grasping her neck gripping on to her hip, his
chest offering a satisfying pressure to her breasts, which now ached to be grasped. It didn’t
matter now why she was doing this, it just mattered that it didn’t stop. She wanted him to
have all of her, even if it was just this once that she might get all of him.

His tongue swiped at her bottom lip and when she gasped in response, it entered her mouth,
their saliva mixing and creating a heady concoction that only served to increase her growing
lust. Her hands were limp at her sides, Deciding she needed her fill of him, she brought one
up to cup his cheek while the other wandered over his chest, and then made its way down to
his thigh until she felt it. Her hand ghosted over the hardness in his slacks. She tentatively
grasped him and suddenly Colin seemed to snap out of the spell.

He pushed himself away from her urgently. “Pen! I–”

“What is it, Colin?” Her voice sounded foreign, deep and hoarse with desire. Her mind
started to return to her, trying to remind her of why she was doing this in the first place.

“I’ve never… Pen I am so sorry.”

Never… oh my god.

“You’re a virgin?!?”

Hanging his head in shame, Colin nodded. “It was all a lie. I… I never did any of that stuff
with anyone. I was just… embarrassed I guess. After what happened last year with my
brothers–”

“What do you mean last year?” Pen couldn’t keep the venom out of her tone. She was furious
that he had been so deceitful, that he had been such a prick as to lie about all of that. She also
felt a bit of smug satisfaction that it had only taken a bit of groping to get the truth out of him.

“I never told you because…I know it’s no excuse but… the reason I said that about you was
because my brothers were teasing me about never having sex with Marina. They were asking
if we ever fooled around. It was stupid but I was so embarrassed and I said what I said. Then
when I got back from my trip, I just didn’t want to hear it anymore. So I lied. I made up all
these stories and I… I liked the attention it got. I felt like my old charming self and… God, I
am the worst.”

He slumped back down at the opposite end of the couch, as far away from Penelope as was
physically possible. Pen felt a little pity for him then, understanding that insecurity can make
even the best person act out. She scooted over to him and placed her hand on his knee.

“What do you mean you felt like your old charming self?”

”I don’t know. I guess I felt like I was just in a bit of a slump during this last trip. I did the
same types of things I always did but they just felt… less this time around. That’s why I
stayed gone so long this time I suppose. I just kept trying to find the spark again. Once I got
back and started telling these tales of all the fun times and sex I’d been having, I felt some of
that spark come back. I was charming people again and it made me feel good. Does that make
me an awful person?”
“You aren’t awful. You’re human. We all are.” She lightly rubbed her thumb over the fabric
of his trousers, trying to comfort him. He placed his large hand over her tiny one, completely
encompassing it. She didn’t know exactly why but her breath hitched and her heart started
racing.

“We can still do this if you want. Now that you know the whole truth. I want it to be with
you.”

“Colin…” She supposed if he could be honest, she could too. “I wasn’t planning on sleeping
with you.” She felt the wave of guilt wash over her as confusion draped over his face. “I was
baiting you. I knew something was up with your stories and I thought the best way to get you
to admit the truth was to make you think I wanted you to do the same things you described to
me. I never thought—“

”That I’d never done anything at all.” Colin’s shoulders slumped in defeat. “It just never felt
right. I’d start fooling around, even did some oral with a few people but once it got to the
actual… penetration,” He winced at the word and Pen found herself stifling a laugh, “I’d
chicken out.”

“You weren’t ready. I’ve felt the same way. It would get to that point and I just couldn’t do
it.”

”But I did feel ready tonight, Pen. I want it to be with you.’ He removed the hand that was
encasing hers and cupped her cheek with it.

She couldn’t believe what he was saying. There was no way he wanted to lose his virginity
with her. “You practically levitated in shock when I touched you, Colin.”

”Out of guilt! It felt good to kiss you and it felt really good when you touched me but I
couldn’t let it go any further without being honest with you.” He sounded sincere and as she
scanned his face, she knew she had lost. She knew she had been lying to herself when she
thought she was in control. Because there would never come a day where she wouldn’t do
exactly as Colin Bridgerton asked.

He leaned in to her, his breath lightly tickling her lips. “Do you trust me? I know it’s a lot to
ask after everything but I need you to trust me, Pen.”

Her body seemed to move of its own accord, shifting closer to him, her hands grasping at his
waist. “I trust you. I want it to be with you too.”

His kiss then was slow and deliberate, eliciting a moan from her and allowing the entrance of
his tongue. Her hands wandered over his chest and back, looking for anywhere she could find
purchase. She finally had to separate for air and Colin took the opportunity to pull his shirt
off, tossing it somewhere behind the couch. His hands wavered at the edge of her shirt, his
eyes silently asking for permission. She nodded her head and let him lift it off of her,
revealing the plain pink bra underneath.

She might have been embarrassed that she hadn’t thought to wear anything sexier, since she
had definitely not planned on anything going quite this far, but the awed look in Colin’s eyes
kept the embrassment at bay. He looked at her breasts like he was seeing the 8th wonder of
the world.

“Holy shit, Pen. Your tits are amazing.”

She half laughed, half spoke when she responded, “You haven’t seen the half of it buddy.”
Reaching around to the clasp, she unhooked it and allowed the bra to fall away. Colin’s eyes
darkened and he licked his lips. Pen felt the desire that had started to pool in her earlier go
straight to her cunt, the slick gathering there quickly.

“May I?” He motioned towards her breasts and she might have laughed at the propriety of it
but she wanted him to touch her so badly, she didn’t want to risk scaring him off. She simply
nodded and watched as he spread light touches all over both of her breasts, creating
goosebumps as he went. At the first touch of her nipple, she gasped and his touches became
firm. He seemed to marvel at how they spilled out of his hands, his large hands. He flicked
one nipple and Pen moaned deeply.

She laid down on the couch, pulling Colin’s shoulders to bring him down with her. Touching
their lips together again, she began to rub on his erection, swallowing the moan he let out as
his mouth covered hers.

“Pen.” He separated their faces slightly, looking sweetly in her eyes. “How wet are you?”

“Drenched.” She wouldn’t have been able to hide the desire in her voice if she tried and what
was the point in pretense now?

His hand slipped into the waistband of her underwear and he drew a line along her folds,
gathering the wetness there. “How are you so wet already? I’ve barely touched you.”

”I’m so ready for you, Colin. Please.” He inserted one finger, pumping it in and out a few
times.

“You are so tight. Gonna feel so good once I’m inside you, Pen.” He added a second finger
and she gasped at the stretch. She had felt her own fingers inside her plenty but they were
nothing compared to his long, thick fingers and she knew for certain even his fingers were
nothing compared to the cock he’d be putting inside her soon.

She began to writhe as he continued to thrust his fingers into her, his thumb occasionally
rubbing around her clit, her hips chasing his hands and her own pleasure. “Colin, please. I
need you. Need you inside me.” She saw a flash of nervousness on his face. She brought her
hand up and gently rubbed her thumb over his cheek in a comforting gesture.

“If you aren’t ready, it’s okay. We can stop.”

He shook his head eagerly. “No, I am so ready, Penelope. I just… I’m worried I won’t be
good enough for you or… that I won’t last.”

“Well I can promise you that you will be the best lay I’ve ever had. Because you’ll be the
only lay I’ve ever had.”
A cheeky smile crossed his face. “I suppose that’s true.”

Penelope gently grasped his chin, bringing his eyes up to hers. “Ready?” He nodded and she
let out a sigh of relief. She needed him inside of her as soon as possible. “I pray to god you
brought a condom.”

“Absolutely”, he reached into his pocket, producing an aluminum wrapper. He stood up and
rid himself of his trousers and underwear, granting Penelope her first look at his weeping
cock. It was intimidatingly big, slightly curved to the left, and strangely beautiful to her. Or
maybe she just found everything about the man standing in front of her beautiful. His deep
green eyes, his unlimited capacity for kindness, his mop of brown curls, even his insecurities
about pleasing people. Why not his dick too?

Once he had the latex rolled on, he leaned over and grasped at her waistband. She nodded in
approval and he slipped off her bottoms and underwear in one swift motion. Before tonight,
she might have thought she would feel some insecurity being completely naked in front of
him but any potential embarrassment was washed away by the awestruck look on his face,
like he was seeing a goddess in person. She pulled him down to her, bringing his large body
over hers, feeling small in the shadow of him.

He kissed her then, fiercely and possessively, like he was claiming her for his own. Her mind
went fuzzy as she gave in to him, allowing him to have her, because she knew he truly always
had anyway. He lined up his cock and slipped just his tip inside her. Penelope gasped, it felt
strange but also amazing, better than even the dextrous work of his own fingers. While she
got used to the sensation, Colin spent his time lavishing her collarbone in kisses, leaving a
few red marks behind. After a few moments, Pen spoke up, “I can take more.”

Colin’s head snapped up to look her in the eyes as he put in another inch of himself. Pen
groaned in a mixture of pleasure and pain and Colin went completely stiff. “Are you okay?
Do you need me to pull out?”

“No, no, please don’t.” She would deal with any small amount of pain to get the pleasure of
Colin Bridgerton. He could have all of the jagged pieces of her and when he was finished he
could hand them back to her, even more broken and sharp. She felt so silly now thinking that
she could play this game with him and not lose. He had house money from the moment they
met. For as long as they were connected like this, she could convince herself there was
something there. Something he felt too for once.

She nodded at him and he slipped in another inch. Her whole body felt on fire, like it was
turning itself inside out, offering itself at the altar of Colin Bridgerton. Once he had sheathed
himself entirely inside, she expected more pain but instead she felt a peaceful calm fall over
her at how full she felt. It just felt right and she tried to commit every little feeling to memory
since she was certain this was the only time she would experience it.

“Pen.” Colin’s voice came out pained, clearly exerting a great deal of effort in staying still.

“You can move Colin. Please. Fuck me.” He searched her eyes for any hint of doubt and Pen
knew he would find none. So he began to thrust, gently and slowly at first, and waves of
pleasure began rolling over her. She had wanted to commit this to memory but she could not
keep her eyes open, snapping them shut as she entered a brainless haze.

Colin’s thrusts became faster and more erratic. He was close so Pen snaked her hand down
and rubbed circles around her clit, wanting to join him in bliss.

“Pen, I’m gonna—“

”It’s okay, Colin. You can come.” At her direction, he let go, letting out a groan and thrusting
into her a few more times, wildly. Penelope followed him over the edge as her closed eyes
burst with light. He collapsed on top of her, managing to keep some of his weight off of her
with one of his arms.

She was surprised at how at peace she felt, she would have thought she would be panicking
over the implications over what they had just done, how it would impact their friendship or
her own feelings for him. Instead, she felt like it was a wonderful goodbye, a conclusion to
her decades plus unrequited love for Colin Bridgerton.

Colin felt dizzy. He had, of course, come many times in his life but never inside someone. A
small part of him regretted the condom, wishing he had been able to paint Pen’s insides with
his seed, marking her as his.

Whoa. That thought seemed to come out of nowhere. But as Colin layed over top of Pen and
they both caught their breaths, he realized it didn’t come out of nowhere at all. In fact, he had
felt like Pen was his for a long time. And having sex with her only confirmed it. If he was
honest with himself, he had started to realize it before their fight at the bar, before he said he
wouldn’t date her. Because he was lying to himself. He was telling himself that he and Pen
were just friends and part of him had always believed that but now he was old enough to
know better.

Now he knew what her lips felt like touching his. How her breasts spilled out of his hands.
How she moaned when he touched her in just the right way. Now he knew what her cunt felt
like wrapped around his cock, he could never go back. He was hers and he hoped to god she
wanted to be his.

“Colin. You’re crushing me.”

”Oh shit, I’m sorry.” He rolled over slightly, pulling himself out of her. Not caring if the
condom stayed in place (he would buy her a new couch if he had to), he pulled her body into
his so they were spooning, with him wrapping his arms around her waist and her nuzzling in
to his shoulder. Fuck they even fit perfectly just like this.

His voice felt small as it exited his throat. “I hope that was okay for you.”
”Colin, it was more than okay. It was perfect.” She sounded sincere and he wanted to believe
so badly that she felt the way he did. “Thank you.”

Thank you. As if he had just helped carry up her groceries or offered her a ride home. As if he
had done her favor by fucking her and realizing he was in love with her.

“Are you okay?” Her voice was tentative and he realized quickly he had screwed up by
staying quiet for so long. Looking down at her, he saw fragile eyes that were threatening to
become waterfalls.

“I’m good, Pen. I promise.” He had decided he wasn’t going to lie to her anymore and he
supposed it wasn’t a lie. He was great, he had just realized the girl of his dreams was right
next to him. But it also wasn’t true because she had thanked him. He didn’t know what to say
or how to make her understand how he was feeling so he stayed silent.

Penelope became somewhat stiff in his arms and he knew it was the wrong choice. She
extracted herself from his hold and stood up. Colin couldn’t help but allow his eyes to wander
over her backside, since he had not really had the chance to admire it as she lied back on the
couch.

“Do you want to get cleaned up first?” He nodded and prodded into the bathroom, ridding
himself of the condom and getting dressed again. His mind swirled the whole time with
thoughts of what he could say to Penelope. How he could make this okay between them.
How he could tell her he loved her. He exited her bathroom and saw a blur as she raced into
the bathroom and slammed the door shut.

He slumped onto the couch after inspecting it for any stains. Luckily he would not have to
buy her a new couch but it might have been better if he did. It would give him something
tangible he could do, something he could do for her. Instead, he sat, uselessly, on the couch
feeling like the world was crashing down around him.

“Do you want to order some food and watch a movie?”

His heart burst. All was not lost. She wasn’t going to throw him out and demand they never
speak again. He had maybe just this one chance. He just had to be honest with her.

“No.”

Her face fell and his heart broke.

“I mean, not right now. After.”

“After what, Colin?”

”After we talk.”

”Talk about what?” Her voice was light but there was a hint of apprehension, she clearly read
the seriousness in his tone.
He patted the space next to him on the couch and he breathed out a sigh when she sat down
next to him.

“I lied to you again. I didn’t mean to but I did.”

Penelope’s face became confused in an adorable way that made him want to kiss her
senseless.

”When you first asked to do this, you wanted someone who wouldn’t expect anything after.
And I agreed to be that person for you but I can’t. I want something after… with you.”

Her face remained confused, not truly understanding what he was saying. “I still want to be
friends with you, Colin. Don’t worry.”

He shook his head, “I don’t want to be friends. Or at least not just friends. I want to be more
with you.”

“Colin, you don’t mean this. Please—“ He saw her eyes become panicked and her hands
jittery.

”I do mean it, Pen.” He said it with a quiet calm, like it was the simplest truth in the world.

Her eyes seemed to sparkle as they traveled down to his lips. His mouth watered a bit at the
reminder of what her own lips felt like on his and then suddenly, his back was on the coach as
she tackled him and crashed her mouth into his.

“Dinner and movie can wait. I want to try riding you.”

End Notes

❤️
Hope you enjoyed this weird idea I had about hag virgin polin! Also special thanks to the
Horner (don’t ask) for help with the title

Please drop by the Archive and comment to let the creator know if you enjoyed their work!