My Quest for Authenticity

What does it truly mean to be oneself? Am I authentic when I’m surrounded by

friends and family, or is my true self revealed when I am alone? These questions, often

asked in moments of self-reflection, is at the heart of our quest for authenticity. In a

world filled with societal expectations, personal ambitions, and hidden fears, discovering

and embracing our true selves can seem like an improbable goal. Yet, this journey is

essential to our identity, as we transform ourselves into catalysts for change (Londyn,

2023). Through our discussion about philosophical perspectives, I was able to see

myself and my own experiences in a new light. Philosophy is the study of seeking truths

about us, our relationships, and the world we live in. It basically deepens our

understanding with life (Kruger, 2022). And I, for one, enjoy philosophical questions and

discussions, viewing it as a gateway to self-discovery. From all of the moments when I

felt disconnected from who I truly am to the instances where I embraced my most

authentic self, my personal reflection and philosophical insights prove the complexity of

this journey.

As I have matured, my understanding of authenticity has evolved significantly. In

today's digital age, social media often blurs the line between our true selves and the

versions we present to the world. Social media platforms like Instagram and Facebook

are filled with curated portrayals of success, beauty, and joy, while vulnerability and

imperfection often are neglected. This creates an environment where authenticity feels

compromised, as the pressure to conform to societal standards of perfection intensifies.

I find myself asking: am I genuinely expressing myself online, or am I conforming to an

for an audience (Litt, 2012), which can foster a sense of disconnection from our true

selves. The desire for validation can also overshadow our authentic self-expressions.

This only proves that it is crucial now more than ever to discover and embrace our true

selves.

Throughout my life, there have been moments when I felt deeply connected to

my true self and others when I struggled to find that authenticity. Oftentimes, I catch

myself thinking about what other people think more than what I actually think. There’s

this one time a friend of mine was sitting on my chair. We were chatting casually, and

when I wanted to sit, I sat on the floor instead of making my friend stand up. Recalling

this situation made me think whether I was being selfless or merely pleasing others at

the expense of my own comfort. Such reflections also led me to question who I truly am

beneath the roles I play and the expectations placed upon me. This sense of

disconnection has allowed me to constantly reflect on what it means to be authentic. For

me, authenticity is not just simply being honest; it involves aligning our thoughts,

feelings, and actions with our personal values, even when external pressures push us to

act otherwise. There have been instances where societal expectations or personal fears

made it difficult for me to express this authenticity. Because of the fact that I think about

other people’s thoughts first, even the simplest question “What do you do for fun?”

prompts different answers based on who is asking. I might respond to my professor by

saying I enjoy writing, tell my friends I love watching K-dramas, and say to my mother

that I enjoy cleaning and organizing my space. It doesn’t necessarily mean these
answers are not true, but it does make me think of how I prioritize myself through other

people’s lens. However, these moments of tension between who I am and who I feel I

should be are central to my understanding of the true self.

Among the philosophical perspectives we explored, one that particularly

resonated with me was that of Immanuel Kant. In his lens, there is no gray area in

morality, only black and white. He believed that if we think we did something right, then

it should be universally right. It should be right in every situation not just in that current

situation we are facing. Kant called this principle the “categorical imperatives” (Manson,

2023). This made me think about the dilemma I used to face almost every day back in

high school. I used to have a group of friends and whenever we have quizzes, it

became a habit of mine to let them copy my answers. At that time, I thought of my

actions as a supportive gesture, thinking I was helping them without realizing the

potential negative consequences. Because of Kant’s Universality Formulation, I began

to realize the ethical complexity of my actions. While I thought I was being a supportive

friend by letting them copy my answers, Kant’s philosophy challenged me to ask, " What

if everyone adopted the same practice?". If allowing others to copy each other’s work

became a universal rule, the process of learning and growth would be undermined. This

realization illuminated the fact that what I thought was an act of kindness was, in fact,

preventing my friends from learning and developing their own knowledge. Kant’s

perspective pushed me to confront the uncomfortable truth that sometimes, doing what

feels right in the moment may not align with what is universally right or ethical. Then, it

made me think of the infamous Robin Hood. Universally, stealing is viewed as immoral.
However, if we look at the intentions and consequences of his actions, some might say

otherwise. While I believe that Robin Hood's intentions do not justify his actions, it is

essential to differentiate his motivations from those of someone who steals with

malicious intent. We cannot categorically say someone is moral (good person) or

immoral (bad person) with the basis of just one action (Faulton, 2023). And this is also

why I think the question “who am I?” is one of the challenging questions to answer in

philosophy. The collection of our experiences and actions is what defines us. And since

we are constantly evolving, our understanding of self is also a continuous process.

Among the various perspectives discussed in our class, I resonate the most with

Gilbert Ryle’s perspective that the self is a product of our actions. Ryle emphasizes that

our identities are constructed through the choices we make and the behaviors we

exhibit. I would like to link a quote by a French philosopher Albert Camus, “Life is a sum

of all your choices”. It tells us that we are the ones responsible for our own choices,

values, and thoughts. Thus, the totality of our choices is what makes us ourselves

(Desautels, 2022). This perspective resonates with me deeply because it emphasizes

the idea that our actions define who we are. I often reflect on the decisions I have made

and their impact on my sense of self. One significant moment of my life that stands out

was when I had to make a difficult decision about choosing my college course. I was

torn between pursuing a path aligned with my passion for screenwriting and film and

adhering to the expectations of those around me, who urged me to select a more

"practical" course of study, such as accountancy. At that time, I felt so much pressure to

make a decision that would meet others' expectations. However, deep down, I knew that
my true interests lay in creativity and self-expression. After so much reflection, I decided

to follow the more practical route and study accountancy, but I never let go of my

passion for writing and the arts. While I made the decision to prioritize practicality, I also

made a promise to myself to keep nurturing my creative side. Looking back, that choice

was a pivotal moment in shaping my values and sense of self. It taught me that life often

requires balancing practicality with personal passion, and that we can shape our path by

integrating both. Every decision we make, whether it’s choosing a career path or

handling personal challenges, contributes to the person we are today. These choices,

for better or worse, reflect our beliefs, values, and authenticity. What I find particularly

empowering about Ryle’s and Camus’ perspectives is the power and responsibility they

place on each of us. It tells that our true selves are not something we discover easily,

but something we continuously create through the decisions we make. The experiences

we had, the values we uphold, and the actions we take all contribute to the person we

are becoming.

While Kant’s perspective has remained a significant influence on my ethical

considerations, the viewpoint that has impacted me the most is that of Sigmund Freud.

Before we began discussing, we were given a forewarning that Sigmund Freud’s

perspective often stir controversies. His theory on psychosexual stages not only is

generalized, but is also focused almost entirely on male development. Although there

are some of my block mates who can relate and agrees to Freud, I still do not believe

there is enough evidence and data to support his claims, as he based it upon his own

patients. On the other hand, I agree to his notion that the ego must effectively mediate
between the demands of superego and id. Initially, I believed my ego could successfully

balance the two, but when our professor described how a dominant superego works, my

perception about myself changed. I realized I am not able to do things that I want,

because I am more afraid if it is right or wrong. Before I buy something, I used to always

ask myself, “Am I going to die if I don’t buy this?”. Thus, I end up not buying the things I

want to buy. Truthfully, regardless of my efforts to please my superego, I often found

myself feeling unhappy and unfulfilled. The discussion definitely made me reevaluate

myself and my actions. Right after the discussion, when I got home, I treated myself

with a pat in the back and a Netflix and chill as a small act of self-compassion. Freud’s

perspective has illuminated the internal conflicts that influence my actions and

decisions. It made me realize that my overemphasis on pleasing my superego was

hindering my ability to fully enjoy life and make decisions that bring me joy. This

reevaluation of myself has pushed me to seek more balance between my id and

superego, allowing myself to indulge in the things I want, without always feeling guilty or

overanalyzing every decision. Although Freud’s theory is known to be controversial, it

made me reflect on how my internal conflicts shape my actions. It’s an ongoing

challenge to find harmony between my desires and my moral compass, but this self-

awareness has helped me take steps toward living more authentically, where I’m not

constantly constrained by self-imposed limits on what I can or cannot do.

Through the exploration of various philosophical and psychological perspectives,

I have gained a deeper understanding of the complexities surrounding the concept of

the true self and our authenticity. Immanuel Kant’s categorical imperative has
challenged me to scrutinize my actions and reshape my views on ethical decision-

making. On the other hand, Gilbert Ryle’s belief that the self is a product of our actions

reinforced my understanding that I am constantly shaped by my choices. Most

significantly, Freud’s theory of the ego, superego, and id revealed an internal struggle

that I was previously unaware of, helping me to see how I sometimes allow moral

constraints to hold back my own desires and happiness. I, now, realized that the quest

for authenticity is not a destination but an ongoing journey. It demands self-reflection,

courage, and the willingness to embrace the imperfect aspects of life. I have come to

appreciate that authenticity is not about perfection, as it involves embracing our unique

qualities, experiences, and even our flaws. Exploring philosophical perspectives on the

self helps us explore ourselves too. It delves deeper on how we see ourselves, our

relationships, and the world we live in. Philosophy helps us understand our lives by self-

reflection and critical thinking. As we continue to evaluate ourselves with different

perspectives, we get to know ourselves more in different perspectives. Ultimately, these

reflections have made me more mindful of the balance I must strike between my values,

my desires, and my sense of authenticity. My journey to discovering my true self is far

from over, as it is an ongoing process of self-reflection, learning, and growth. Each new

experience, along with the wisdom I’ve gained from these perspectives, will continue to

shape who am I and who I strive to become. While the quest for authenticity is not

always clear, I am now more equipped to navigate it with a greater sense of awareness

and responsibility.
References:

 Desautels, B. (2022, August 9). Life is a sum of all our choices. Bob Desautels.

[Link]

albert-camus

 Faulton, A. (2023, May 30). Are there ‘Good’ and ‘Evil’ people?. Medium.

[Link]

 Kruger, L. (2022, January 6). The Importance of Philosophy. Medium.

[Link]

 Litt, E. (2012). Knock, knock. Who’s there? the imagined audience. Journal of

Broadcasting & Electronic Media, 56(3), 330–345.

[Link]

 Londyn, B. (2023, August 1). Embracing your personal identity: a journey of Self-

Discovery and healing. Medium. [Link]

embrace-my-identity-a-journey-of-self-discovery-and-healing-1477b1f63aa9

 Manson, M. (2023, February 8). The one rule for life. Mark Manson.

[Link]