DR. FAITH G.

HARPER
Calm
down
you f*
cking
head
A provocative method to find happiness
once and for all by overcoming stress,
anxiety and everything that ruins your life

Today's Topics
 DR. FAITH G. HARPER
CALM YOUR FUCKING HEAD
A provocative method to find happiness once and for all
by overcoming stress, anxiety and everything that ruins
your life
Translation by Marta de Bru de Sala i Martí

Today's Topics
138

Original title: Unfuck Your Brain

 © Faith Harper, 2017

© by the translation, Marta de Bru de Sala i Martí, 2023

Proofreading by Harrys Salswach

© Editorial Planeta, S. A., 2021

Today's Topics, a publishing house of Editorial Planeta, S. TO.
Avda. Diagonal, 662-664, 08034 Barcelona (Spain)
[Link]

First edition: January 2024

ISBN: 978-84-19812-22-3
Legal deposit: B. 21.261-2023
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Printed in Spain - Printed in Spain

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INDEX

Calm down you f* cking head........................................................................2

DR. FAITH G. HARPER.............................................................................4
 CALM YOUR FUCKING HEAD...............................................................4
INDEX.........................................................................................................5
1..................................................................................................................23
WHY OUR BRAIN IS SCREWED UP.....................................................23
1.

Second
THIS IS HOW YOUR BRAIN ACTS IN LIFE

2. Anxiety 151

Calm down you f* cking head 2

DR. FAITH G. HARPER 4
CALM YOUR FUCKING HEAD 4
INDEX 5
1 23
WHY OUR BRAIN IS SCREWED UP 23
 1
WHY OUR BRAIN IS SCREWED UP

Do you want a short answer? Because of the trauma.

This book is basically about trauma. And how we respond to
trauma, the shitty things in life, and the shitty attitude of other
people that keep us from making it in this life. It's also about how
we can create coping strategies to deal with all these things that
pretentious doctors call anxiety, depression, addiction, anger, etc.
These strategies are mostly part of the complicated response
process your brain goes through after any event occurs in your life.
In reality, the brain is just trying to do its job, which is to protect
you as best it knows how. But sometimes he ends up being a jerk
and doesn't help a damn thing. It's like that friend who is always
ready to kick the shit out of whoever is bothering you. It's
rewarding, but it's not very helpful in the long run.
This book is also about the shitty things in life in general and
the shitty attitudes of other people. About the things that may not be
traumatic in themselves but that don't make things any easier for us.
About how we deal with everything that isn't quite trauma... but

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HEAD

certainly isn't kittens, rainbows, or stuffed animals. As with trauma,

the coping strategies we create for THESE situations tend to become
less helpful over time and extremely draining.
The good news is that no matter how long you've been stuck in
this quicksand, there's no doubt that you CAN reprogram your
responses and calm your fucking head down.

Why is my head in such a fucking mess?

We tend to separate mental health from physical health. As if they

don't affect each other in a fucking continuous feedback loop or
anything.
Everything we learn about the brain itself usually falls into the
category of “physical health.” Instead, thoughts, feelings, and
behaviors often fall under the umbrella of “mental health.”
So where in the body is all this thinking and feeling? Our mind
seems like a kind of helium balloon that always floats above our
head. We may be holding on to it by a thread, but it is not really a
part of us (even though everything it does is still our responsibility).
That disembodied image of the mind is not very useful. In fact,
it makes no sense at all.
Here's what we really know about the mind: to some extent it
lives in the gut. This part of the body is home to unique
microorganisms that maintain such constant communication with
the brain (through the gut-brain axis... a very real concept) that we
have come to refer to this area as "the second brain." One that plays
a very important role in guiding our emotions. Have you ever had a
visceral reaction? Yes, it is a real fact.
This means that our mind, rather than being an entity that is

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loosely attached to us and constantly getting us into trouble,

actually sits deep within the middle of our bodies and acts as a
control center, processing a ton of information and making
decisions before we even realize we have to make them.
Our thoughts, feelings and behaviors come from HERE. They
are deeply rooted in our physical bodies and the brain's perception
of the world around us based on past experiences and the
information it has about the present moment. So if we were to say
that it is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT to know what happens in the
brain and understand how it works, we would be understating it.
And once we understand this, we'll see that the way we interact
with the world around us is completely normal, given how the brain
works and our past experiences. If everything goes well and the
landing is smooth, it means there is no problem. But what happens
if we land hard? When the brain does not fulfill its role as a control
tower and does not manage all these moves properly, that is when
we begin to see the consequences:

• We're losing our minds.

• We avoid the important things we would have to deal with.
• We are always angry.
• We act like jerks to the people we care about.
• We put shit in our bodies that we know won't do us any good.
• We do stupid things even though we know they are stupid,
destructive and make no sense.

None of that helps us much. But it makes sense that it happens.

Horrible things happen to us throughout our lives. And the brain
stores all the information about those horrible things to prevent them
from happening to us again in the future. Then He adapts to the

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HEAD

circumstances of your life and does everything He can to protect

you, bless Him. Sometimes these answers can be very helpful. But
others end up becoming an even bigger problem than the original.
Your brain is not TRYING to screw you over (even though it
definitely is sometimes).
Could the same thing happen to us even if we are not dealing
with any specific trauma? Adaptive coping strategies, bad habits,
and shitty behaviors are all programmed into the brain in similar
ways. Studies have shown that these issues are actually the easiest
to treat with therapy... as long as we address the root cause and not
just the symptoms.
I have found that one of the most useful things I do as a
therapist is to explain what happens inside the brain and how we
design therapy sessions to reprogram the responses we exhibit to
certain situations.
The methods we use in therapy (and the methods and skills
people may discover on their own) are designed to rewire the brain
so that it can process information without triggering a huge
overreaction. These exaggerated reactions are the brain's
mechanism to adapt and protect us when it perceives that a situation
may be a threat... and it does so so that we prepare to do whatever is
necessary to stay alive. Brain fight mode ON. Even if the supposed
enemy is just a random person you passed in a bookstore who
doesn't even know they just triggered a trauma response in you.
By taking back control of our brains, we can respond to these
perceived threats in the safest and most rational way possible.
Let me explain what I mean.

Introduction to the brain

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This section of the book will surely be the one that will be the
hardest for you to understand because the brain is really
complicated. But I will only talk to you about difficult things when it
is absolutely necessary in order to explain to you everything you
want to know about what happens in the brain. So be patient, we'll
do it together.
The prefrontal cortex (which we’ll call the PFC), basically the
front part of your brain, is the part in charge of executive function,
which includes problem solving, goal-directed behaviors, and
managing social interactions based on expectations of what’s
considered “appropriate.” At its core, executive function is about
thinking.
It is located more or less behind the forehead (makes sense from
the name, right?). It is the part of the brain that has evolved most
recently, the one that makes us so different from other species. It is
the part of the brain responsible for receiving information from the
world and managing thoughts and actions accordingly.

The prefrontal cortex is also the part of the brain that takes the
longest to develop as we grow older. It does not reach its peak until
the early twenties. This does not mean that children, adolescents
and young people do not have a prefrontal cortex. And it certainly
doesn't mean we have carte blanche to do stupid things during the
first decades of our lives. But it does mean that our neural
connections are creating increasingly new and complex
communication networks (new communication pathways) as we
grow older and wiser. And, if all goes well, the PFC works better
and better, one of the clear advantages of aging.
Stick with that “if everything goes well.”
So the prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain that is

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HEAD

theoretically in charge.
And so it is understandable that the cerebral cortex is very
connected to the rest of the brain. The ventral part (which is the
back part of the PFC... well, the ass of the PFC, so to speak) is
directly connected to a completely different area of the brain... the
part that stores emotions (I'll tell you more about this mess later). In
addition, the entire PFC receives information about the excitation
levels of the brain stem (don't worry, I'll tell you more about this
later, too).
So any information that the PFC receives from these other parts
of the brain affects that thinking region. The PFC has an area called
the anterior cingulate cortex. The job of this area is to manage the
dialogue between the PFC (the thinking part of the brain) and the
limbic system (the feeling part of the brain). The anterior cingulate
cortex is in charge of the conversation that takes place in our brains
between what we know and what we feel... and then it suggests
what we might do with all this mess.
All the connections we have in this area are WEIRD as fuck. The
cells in this part of the brain are called spindle neurons... they're like
supermodels, tall and long-legged, not like the other neurons that are
everywhere, short and leafy-legged. Those bitches sure know how to
kick some serious ass. They have the ability to send signals much
faster than other neurons, which is why emotional responses affect
us as much as if we were taking a shot of something.
Why do we have these types of neurons and why are they there?
Only humans and great apes have spindle neurons. Many scientists
believe that it is partly thanks to them that we have evolved to reach
a higher level of cognition.
In order to think more, we have to feel more. And then take both
into account when making decisions. Emotions are as important to

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our survival as thoughts. You can totally see where I'm going with
this, right?
The amygdala of balls

Well, do you remember that part I mentioned that is located more

or less in the middle of the brain? The part that's connected to the
PFC's ass? Well, it's the limbic system. This part is a bit buried
between the folds of the brain, behind the PFC. If the PFC is in
charge of thoughts, the limbic system is in charge of emotions. And
emotions greatly influence how we store memories.
The amygdala and hippocampus are two key parts of the limbic
system. Almost everything we know about the effects of trauma on
the brain is related to studies of the amygdala. The amygdala's job
is to connect memories with emotions. That is. Although, to be
more specific, it has been discovered that the amygdala does not
store all memories, but only specific ones. The amygdala doesn't
give a shit where you left your car keys. The function of the
amygdala is to manage autobiographical episodic memory (EAM). -
It basically stores all the knowledge based on the events we have
experienced. Moments, places and people. The amygdala doesn't
remember your great-aunt's banana pudding recipe, but rather
stories about the world and how it works. The things that happen to
you.
And why the fuck is that important? The episodic memories
stored in the hippocampus are our stories, our interpretations of
events linked to our emotional response. And these memories are
connected to important emotional reactions. When something very
meaningful happens to us in life, the emotions associated with that
memory cling to it like cat hair or static electricity. In this way,
when we have an emotional response in the future, the amygdala

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HEAD

will immediately consult the EAM file to decide how to respond.

What is activated at the same time is linked.
Let's say someone gives you a bouquet of flowers. Flowers are
great, aren't they? Sure... as long as the previous memories you have
associated with receiving bouquets of flowers are happy ones.
Maybe your partner once gave you a bouquet of flowers and
proposed to you. If this is the case, every time you are given a
bouquet of flowers, see a bouquet of flowers, or pass by a flower
delivery truck in the future, what will you feel? A pleasant sensation.
But now imagine that you had been given a bouquet of flowers
after the death of a loved one... a horrible, sudden death. That some -
well-intentioned person, knowing that you were grieving, had
decided to send you a bouquet of flowers. Surely just noticing the
aroma of the flowers would make your stomach turn.
The amygdala has turned the memory of a bouquet of flowers
into a true mnemonic rule for certain emotions. A mnemonic rule
like SALI-GEP to remember the seven deadly sins or "Today -
Benedict Got the Title of Lazy Chromeo While Felipe Was Eating
Loquats Covered in Carrots. Barcelona Con Navarra Offers Frozen
Strawberries» to remember the first chemical element of each
column of the periodic table of elements. These tricks have been -
stuck in my head since elementary school.
The amygdala's job is to make sure you don't forget the really
important things. And remembering the good, important things is
great. Nobody complains about good memories. On the other hand,
repeatedly remembering important bad things can be a real pain.
It sucks because the amygdala is not very good at
differentiating between the two types, especially when it's trying to
protect you. It forces you to swallow that SALIGEP stuff so that you
associate bouquets of flowers with death. And then one spring day

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you'll be walking down the street and smell the flowers blooming in
your neighbor's garden. And suddenly you'll feel like you've lost
your fucking mind, because even though your body will still be in
your neighbor's yard, your brain will have been transported to your
loved one's funeral.

Fight, flight or freeze... it's the brain stem!

And this brings us to the final part of the talk about the brain where
we will talk about one last part of this organ... the brain stem.
The brain stem is located at the base of the brain (makes sense,
right?). It is the first part of the brain to form and is attached to the
vertebrae of the neck and back. Look, we all know that the brain
looks like a bunch of stale spaghetti, right? Well, the brain stem
would be the part of the brain that is a little untangled from the rest
of the spaghetti, more stretched, and that ends up transforming into
the spinal cord.
The brain stem is our fundamental survival tool. While the heart
muscles regulate basic needs like breathing in and out and making
the heart go boom boom boom throughout the day, the brain stem is
responsible for controlling rhythm, speed and intensity. This is why
breathing and heartbeat can accelerate during a panic attack, for
example. BECAUSE PAY ATTENTION BECAUSE WE ARE
FUCKING DYING. You know, important stuff.
Be alert, be aware and pay attention to what's around you? That's
what the brain stem is responsible for.
So when the brain stem says, “OW, OW, OW, SON OF A
BITCH,” or “Danger, Will Robinson, danger!” what it’s actually
doing is flooding the prefrontal cortex with a bunch of chemicals

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that change the way the PFC works.

The brain stem may be a basic bitch, but it's certainly in charge
of a lot of things.
When it detects danger, the prefrontal cortex responds by
FIGHT, FLIGHT, or FREEZE.
Fighting is GIVE HIM A BEAT BEFORE HE BEATS YOU.
Running away is GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, IT'S NOT
SAFE.
And blocking is IF YOU PLAY DEAD AND DON'T MOVE A
MUSCLE, IT MAY BE ALL OVER.
Don't get me wrong... these three responses are essential
survival tools when faced with danger. They are fucking important
for our survival. This whole process is our emergency broadcast
system where you hear a lot of electronic beeps in the background.
The prefrontal cortex assimilates external information. Instead,
the amygdala says, HEY, I REMEMBER THAT! THE LAST TIME
THIS HAPPENED IT HURT ME! PAIN IS CRAP! And then the brain
stem tells the prefrontal cortex GET OUT OF THIS CRAPPY
SITUATION RIGHT AWAY! WE DON'T LIKE TO SUFFER PAIN!
So we respond with, “Bye, threatening situation, I’m out of
here!” Or we confront it. Or we freeze up and play dead and wait
for the situation to end. We can feel threatened by all sorts of
things... like, say, a final exam or a crappy deadline at work. But
those kinds of situations don't require us to respond like, "HOLY
CRAP, I'M GOING TO BE EATEN BY A DINOSAUR ." The thing is,
the brain stem evolved to keep us from becoming a dinosaur's
snack, NOT to deal with shitty traffic jams or people who hit our
heels with their shopping carts at the grocery store (although
arguably those people can be even bigger bastards than a hungry
dinosaur).

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What if we put it all together? The Narrative Brain

I think everyone understands this idea to some extent. I mean that

human beings are storytellers. But only to a certain extent. Because
we don't talk much about the fact that this is an evolutionary
function in itself. Partly because these are very recent studies, and
also because when you stop and think about it, it seems a little
strange.
We don't tell stories just because we want to... but because we
HAVE to. It is a biological human drive. In fact, we are so
programmed to tell stories that we even do it while we are asleep.
That's why we dream.
The brain has a default setting. Basically everything has a
default setting, right? A kind of state of rest. For example, when a
switch is off it is in its default setting. And when we turn on the
light, we activate it.
When the brain is activated it is to concentrate on some type of
external information. A problem to solve, someone to attend to,
something we have to do that requires us to be consciously focused
and concentrated. Otherwise, the brain stays in its default settings.
Awake and alert, but generally at rest.
Researchers have managed to map the brain when it is in its
default configuration... and this is the really interesting part. The
brain in its default configuration is a narrator.
When the brain is at rest is when it starts telling stories. I'm sure
it has happened to you at some point. For example, driving on the
way home without having to pay attention to anything because you
know the route so well that you don't have to pay attention to it.
Narrator mode ON. You start telling yourself a story about what
you're going to cook for dinner, or what TV channel you're going to

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watch, or what errands you have to run. But those internal

conversations aren't to-do lists... they're more like play-outs of your
plans inside your head.
Having a storytelling brain is almost always a fucking wonder.

• Stories are like a rehearsal for real life, so they come in really
handy when we want to test out a new skill.
• Stories are the method that allows us to retain more
information. The PFC is designed to hold about seven units of
information (plus or minus two). When we try to increase this
number we start to lose information elsewhere. Stories,
however, help us retain much more information because they
create pathways that allow us to remember many more things
than with any other method.
• Stories are the most primary way we have to communicate
with others. According to researcher Lewis Mehl-Madrona, a
physician and doctor, stories are the neural pathways of our
collective and cultural brain. It's not just about how we retain
information inside, but how we share it with the outside world.

But it's clear that the storytelling brain also has the potential to
become a serious fucking problem. Because we may start telling
(and believing) ourselves certain stories about ourselves and the
world around us. The brain is programmed to crave certainty. We
WANT to see patterns in what's happening so we can make better
decisions about the world and what we're supposed to do to stay
safe. The brain is stubborn as a mule and has already built its story
about the truth of the world.
I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Do you know that
person who, no matter how many proofs you present to them that

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they are wrong, they still insist on sticking to their guns? That's why
elections can be a real madness. And that's why people lose real
fortunes at the casino. In these cases, the emotional brain makes the
decision for us, and the thinking brain has to figure out how to find
some reason to justify it.
The brain is capable of rationalizing any shit.

Yes, the brain can be retrained

The brain is a super-adaptable bastard, but I promise you it can be

re-educated. You don't believe me? Well, first of all you should. I
am a pretentious doctor. But if you're one of those people who says
"Fuck titles, I want proof!", go to YouTube and search for
"Lumière Brothers: Arrival of the Train." It's a forty-five second
video. I'll wait for you here.
Picture the scene: Paris. 1895. These brothers were pioneers of
photography and presented the first "moving image" to the public at
an art exhibition. They were excited as hell about their project... but
they didn't get the response they were hoping for. The people who
went to see it lost their temper, screamed in terror and hid under
their seats. Seriously, every single one of them.
The brains of the spectators perceived the information and
shouted "YOU'RE ABOUT TO BE HIT BY A FUCKING TRAIN, GET
OFF THE TRACKS!"
Because yes, trains were dangerous and until that moment there
was no moving image of any train. So their brains perceived that
train as reality instead of a movie.

When you watched the video, did your brain freak out? Of

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course not. You sure know what a movie is. Your neural
mechanisms have been trained to understand that there are
representations of trains and then there are real trains.
And now your brain has to learn to differentiate between real
danger and perceived danger. Remember that all brains have a hard
time differentiating between the two types of danger, especially
when it comes to survival. Just like children who call all animals
"puppies" until they learn that there are also "horses," "kittens,"
"llamas," and "white sharks." Their brains are going around
screaming “PUPPY PUPPY PUPPY” all the fucking time.
That is, your brain assumes there is danger until it is convinced
otherwise. Right now the amygdala does not trust the PFC
interpretation. As soon as the PFC starts thinking, “hmmm, is that an
animal?” the amygdala takes over with a shout of “DOGGYYYYY.”
I think I've mixed up a lot of metaphors. I'm sorry. Do you want
the simplest version? We need to get the PFC back in control of your
brain. We need to convince the PFC and the amygdala to hug each
other and let each other do their job, which means they have to work
TOGETHER, dammit.
It's official: YOU'RE NOT CRAZY (a doctor tells you)

Yes, you've had to read a lot of stuff about the brain, but it's
important. Because that means what we do, think and feel makes
fucking sense.
Whether you get defensive or combative, whether you lose
your cool or completely zone out and enter a dissociative state,
don't worry, it's just your brain's response when it goes into survival
mode. The problem comes when this occurs in situations that are
not actually potentially fatal emergencies. In these cases, it means
that the amygdala has taken over your ability to deal with situations

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rationally through the prefrontal cortex.

And once that happens, you can't just be like, "Hey, let's
analyze this situation, have a rational conversation, and figure out
how we want to respond based on what we think will benefit us the
most in the long run." As soon as your amygdala screams “ DROP
AND TAKE COVER!” all your rational responses go out the
window.
There's nothing wrong with the idea of ducking and taking
cover. In fact, that's what we should do when we hear gunshots or a
tornado alarm. If we accidentally put our hand on a stove, we need
the amygdala to take precedence over the executive function.
Otherwise we would burn our hands trying to intellectually
deconstruct what happened while the amygdala and brain stem
would be screaming at the top of their lungs in the background.
This is not a postmodern experimental film. This is real LIFE. We
want a brain whose job is to keep us alive, right? Not just
remembering the fifth grade locker combination or all the lyrics to
Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off," for God's sake.
But in the process it also protects us from everything it
PERCEIVES as danger, not just REAL dangers. Our ability to
differentiate between real danger and perceived danger is an
imperfect system. The brain will always err on the side of caution,
even if that means turning itself off when it really isn't necessary.
Let's say you're trying to do some grocery shopping, but as you
pass the gardening section, your brain goes, " FLOWERS!" GET OUT!
"ABORT MISSION!" And suddenly you find yourself in the middle
of a panic attack trying to get out of the store before you pass out.
And on top of that, without having been able to do the fucking
shopping to prepare dinner.
You might be like, “Damn, that was just the gardening section.

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They were nothing more than carnations and roses. No one has died,
and now I have to eat instant noodles again. Or maybe you're not
even sure why you've gone off the deep end and you're like, "Jesus
Christ, Yo, do you really have to act all Fifty Shades of Crazy?"
That rational part? The one that says "it's just carnations and
roses, calm the fuck down"? This requires knowing how to
discriminate stimuli.
You already know. Having the ability to decide whether
something is really a problem or not.
Stimulus discrimination is a rational part, not an emotional one.
Which means it happens in the prefrontal cortex, but when the brain
stem goes into crazy mode it's very difficult to get the prefrontal
cortex to become active again. But it can be achieved. And we're
going to talk about how we can retrain the brain to respond in a way
that is more suited to what life is like now rather than what life was
like before.
Our discrimination of stimuli is based on all our habits and past
experiences, and the more traumatic these experiences were, the
more ingrained they are. If a stimulus is linked to an intense
memory, the body begins to release hormones and chemicals to
prepare to respond. In reality, the brain does not produce many new
thoughts, but rather it mixes and reconfigures old thoughts.
That's why an Army veteran might be scared to see a pile of
trash on the side of the road after having been in Iraq and driving
through areas littered with IEDs.
This is why a person who has been abused may become
frightened by smelling a certain scent that they associate with their
abuser.
The brain knows its history. And he's been trained to do
everything he can to stay safe. You are dedicated to creating stories

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about your present experience or the experiences you might have in

the future based on information about your past. He doesn't realize
or trust that you are REALLY safe.

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 TAKE ACTION
It's not just Django that's unleashed

The word “trigger” is thrown around like it’s confetti or something on the internet.
But when we talk about a trigger in this context we are referring to the cause part
in a cause and effect type situation.
Sometimes we know in advance what our triggers are going to be. For
example, it may be that in your case the little devil stuck to your back is anxiety.
And just know that a first date, speaking in public, or meeting with your boss can
all kick-start your enthusiasm. Or if you go on a road trip and can't find a single
rest area with decent bathrooms, you'll go nuts (why isn't there an app for this? It's
a very REAL problem).
But other times? We may not have any idea why we respond the way we do.
As with all other mental health issues, we may have a genetic predisposition to
certain responses and/or they may be a product of the environment in which we
grew up or currently live. And that can make it harder for us to figure out what our
specific triggers are.
The next time you start to feel yourself getting close to a rampage, ask
yourself the following questions. And then, when you've calmed down, write down
your answers.

• What specific emotion are you feeling?

• On a scale of 0-100%, how would you rate this emotion?

40
 • What specific symptoms are you feeling (what is your emotional response)?
• What was happening when you lost control? Write down everything that
was happening, no matter how mundane it may seem to you. Because only
when you detect repeating patterns will you be able to find out what your
triggers are.

Another method is to keep a mood tracking journal, either digitally using an

app or old-fashioned with pen and paper. I know it sounds like a lot of work, but it
can really help you figure out what your triggers are until you get the hang of it and
can do it inside your mind throughout the day. Here's a quick guide on how to
create a mood journal:

WEEKLY MOOD Am I in a bad mood... or are you the worst?

Situation Magnitude Symptoms

Mood
(0-100)

MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

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