Madras Theological Seminary & College

Subject: Pastoral Care & Counselling

Topic: Types of Listening in Pastoral Counselling

Submitted To: Rev. Daniel Joseph Raj Submitted By: Ravi

Introduction:

Most of us were supplied at birth with two miraculous receiving sets called "ears",
but somewhere along the way we have learned to scramble, filter out and jam
many incoming signals with the result that we make very poor listeners. Like that,
a good counsellor, if he or she is to understand the other and help him/her to grow
in self-awareness, cannot afford to filter out anything. He/she cannot afford to stop
up his/her ears, for listening is the basic and perhaps most important skill in
helping another through an emotional crisis. It is, in fact, one of the greatest
compliments that we can pay to another person, for by listening attentively and
making an effort to understand him/her, we are in effect saying, "You are
important."1

[Link] is Pastoral counselling:

Counseling that is done by pastors must fit within this context of soul-
care ministries. Pastoral counseling is different from Christian counseling because
the pastor is much more than a counselor. The term counseling is used, of course,
in diverse ways, with advice about taxes, travel, nutrition, and many other matters
all being called counseling. When used to describe such activities, counseling
1
Joe Currie, S.J, THE BAREFOOT COUNSELLOR (Bangalore: F.M Pais, 1976), 96-97
refers to information exchange or the giving of advice. Counseling involves a
disciplined form of being-with, and this discipline is shaped by the theory and
techniques of one’s approach to counseling. These guide and direct the counseling,
helping to set the priorities and to determine, secure, and maintain the desired
focus.2

[Link]:

As the counselee expresses the counsellor listens and he must listen

attentively. Hearing is different from listening. For example there may be a lot of
people talking in a room, all these you hear but you do not listen to all of them; you
select someone and listen to that particular person. The purpose of listening is to
understand the person better; to understand his message, his feelings, his problem
situation, his deficiencies and his strengths.

Listening can be of different kinds and not all of them are conducive to counselling
and in fact some of them are very harmful to-counselling. The various types of
listening are:3

2.1. Pretending to Listen:

This is the worst type of listening. When in fact you have not
listened to the message you somehow maintain your non-verbal behavior in such a
way that you give the impression of listening. From the nods of the head, with
wide open eyes and the position of the body the client is duped into believing that
you really listen to him.
2
David G. Benner, Strategic Pastoral Counseling (Grand rapids: Baker Academic, 2003), 24-27
3
D. John Antony, Dynamics of counselling (Nagercoil: Anugraha Publications, 1994), 47-48
2.2. Partial Listening:

During the whole interview you in fact listen but your listening is only
partial in the sense that you get certain snatches and streaks of the messages here
and there and you may be missing a vast area of valuable information. This of
course in a way is better than the false listening or pretending to listen.

2.3. Selective Listening:

Somehow you are inclined to listen to the message of the client and
you determine beforehand what to listen to and what not to. If for example, a client
is talking to you of her strained relationship with her husband along with her
problems with the in-laws, you choose to listen to her strained relationship with her
husband only and you leave out the rest. This is selective listening.

2.4. Preconditional Listening:

This is listening to what you want to hear, not what the client is
telling. There is already something going on in your mind and what the client
speaks seems to be speaking about what you are having on mind. This kind of
listening is often very harmful to the client since the message is not properly
understood by the counsellor and much less can he facilitate the choice of the right
direction.4

4
D. John Antony, Dynamics of counselling (Nagercoil: Anugraha Publications, 1994), 48-49
2.5. Evaluative Listening:

This is a kind of listening which means making a judgement About

the merits of what the client is telling in terms of good/bad, Right/wrong,
acceptable/unacceptable, relevant/irrelevant etc. At times it is also a judgement
made about the person of the Speaker.

2.6. Filtered Listening:

Through the process of socialization we develop a variety of filters

through which we listen to ourselves, others, and the world around us. Personal,
familial, social, and cultural filters introduce various forms of bias into our
listening without our being aware of them. The stronger the cultural filters, the
greater the likelihood of bias. Prejudices, whether conscious or not, are
dysfunctional filters and likewise psychological theories, models, and constructs
can also constitute dysfunctional filters.

2.7. Sympathetic Listening:

Often clients are people in pain or people who have been victimized
by others or by society itself. Such clients can arouse feelings of sympathy in
helpers, sympathy strong enough to distort the stories being told. By over
identifying with the client out of sympathy the counsellor may miss the ‘true’ story
for he hears only one version of the story from the client’s part.

[Link] Listening:
 It is to listen to the whole message without leaving out nor distorting
it. Understanding the client in his internal frame of reference and the core message
with hovering attention and to communicate to the client in your own nonverbal
way the quality of your listening is total listening.

There could be various reasons for inadequate listening.

3.1. The client is either attractive or unattractive and the counsellor might pay
attention to what he is feeling about the client than what the client is telling.

3.2. Physical condition of the counsellor might colour his listening. A tired
counsellor is a poor listener. On account of tiredness or sickness you might tune
out some of the things the client is telling.

3.3. Concerns – The concerns that your mind is preoccupied with, will definitely
interfere with your listening. Supposing just before the counselling you had a
heated argument with your boss, then that will be uppermost in your mind to the
detriment of listening totally to the client.

3.4. Overeagerness – You are so overeager to respond and you keep thinking
about the right response, meanwhile missing the main message of the client.
3.5. Similarity of problems – The problem narrated by the client might also be
your burning issue for which you are spending sleepless nights. In this situation
you dwell on your own problem and the unpleasant feelings aroused by it.

3.6. Differences – The client and his problem may be too different and the
noncommonality distracts you. For example a client narrates some queer sexual
practices which you may not very much understand on account of its
noncommonality.5

4. Guidance for Effective Listening:

To learn the skill of listening well, we must

work at it. Perez¹ offers the following guidelines and practical suggestions for
helping the counsellor listen more effectively:

4.1. Empathetic Listening:

The counsellor should sit in such a way as to be able

to look at the other person directly. You should be face-to-face with the other, and
on the same eye-level. Some people feel uncomfortable when they have to look up
(even though it be from the comfort of an easy chair) into the eyes of the
counselor. The counsellor and counsellee should also be close enough to talk and
be heard with ease.

4.2. Attentive Listening:

5
D. John Antony, Dynamics of counselling (Nagercoil: Anugraha Publications, 1994), 50
 The counsellor should try to insure that the
conversation will be free from external distractions, like noises, objects and
interruptions. Ideally, the interviewing room should be a quiet one, with no
telephones and free from the symphony of crying children. Objects can also be a
distraction too.

4.3. Focused or Mindful Listening:

The counsellor should also free as much as

possible from internal distraction. Such personal thoughts and worries should be
resisted and even consciously suppressed for the time being. In fact, open ended
interviews as a rule should be avoided. Structuring the time of the interview will
help do away with clock-watching and distractions about what comes next.

4.4. Non-verbal or Observational Listening:

The counsellor must notice the

counsellee's facial grimaces, his verbal ejaculations and his bodily movements as
behavioral communications. Even when the counsellee is silent, he may be telling
the counsellor quite a lot about himself. The counsellor should be sensitive to these
non-verbal signals.

4.5. Active Listening:

Finally, the counsellor should be especially sensitive to

emotionally charged words. The counselor should be attuned to spotting certain
words, themes and topics that have special and strong meaning for one person and
perhaps no meaning for another. This type of active listening with our ears and
eyes-getting the full message and picking up all the signals, verbal as well as non-
verbal can be quite demanding and exhausting. Realistically, one cannot give his
full attention in this way for more than half an hour to forty-five minutes, we shall
limit the time of our counselling interviews.

4.6 Supportive Listening:

First of all, the counsellee is in trouble. He/she is

"down", unable to handle the situation that he/she finds himself in, perplexed,
angry or anxious; in short, "upset". He/she speaks a language of feelings: If the
counsellor is able to set up a "freeing" relationship, the counsellee will be able to
pour out these feelings to him. The counsellor listens to the message of the other.
His head and his heart are at work. He/she Tries to recognize and sense the anguish
that the other is going through. He/she tries to sense as well the depth of the other's
feeling, to see how serious is the hurt-surface or deep-seated. The counsellor must
try to identify just what that message is, the counsellor then verbalizes his
experience of the other in a descriptive way. He/she responds to the message that
they have picked up, communicating his /her reading of the other's experience. 6

[Link] Listening:

The counsellee finds security in being listened to.

He/she feels accepted and his/her self-confidence grows. He/she too wants to find

6
Joe Currie, S.J, THE BAREFOOT COUNSELLOR (Bangalore: F.M Pais, 1976), 99-105
out what the root of his/her problem is. On the other hand, a non-listening attitude
on the part of the counsellor reveals a lack of interest in the relationship. Too much
talking by the counsellor, the counsellee feels that the counsellor is just not
interested in him/her because he/she is not listening. It is always the person that is
more important than the problem. It is he/she who will take the lead in the
interview, and not yourself. It is he/she who has come to you, presumably because
he or she wants your help in working through a difficulty. Your only concern
should be to listen to him/her, to move into their world and sense their inner
turmoil, for you as a counsellor, listening comes before responding, Listening is a
skill that can be learned. We can become quite skilled in reading and interpreting
all the signals the other is sending: verbal as well as non-verbal, like facial
expressions, voice tones, bodily positions and gestures. To learn these listening
skills however, we must want to listen.

Conclusion:

Listening in pastoral counselling is a vital component that

significantly influences the therapeutic relationship and the healing process. It goes
beyond simply hearing words; it involves engaging with the counselee’s emotions,
feelings and thoughts. By employing various listening techniques –such as Active,
Empathetic, Focused, Attentive and Observational listening –pastoral counsellors
can create a safe and supportive environment where individuals feel valued and
understood. Listening is not just a skill but a profound act of ministry that
embodies love, respect and a genuine commitment to the well-being of others.
Through this sacred practice, pastoral counsellors can facilitate transformative
experiences that resonate deeply within the hearts of those they serve.
Bibliography:

Currie, Joe S.J, THE BAREFOOT COUNSELLOR (Bangalore: F.M Pais, 1976),