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How to believe in yourself: 6
About ways to build confidence
By Elizabeth Perry, ACC
Expert Reviewed by Laura Lanham, PCC
April 22, 2025 - 18 MIN READ
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How to finally start believing in yourself
Why is it so hard to believe in myself?
6 ways to boost your self-belief and start taking
action
Start believing in yourself today
Everyone experiences self-doubt and fear at times. But it's hard to figure out how to
overcome it and build self-confidence when met with platitudes.
"Just have faith in yourself!" "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps!" These sayings are
well-intentioned, but not helpful when you're in the middle of a negative spiral. When
you’re struggling to believe in yourself, what you need to know is how to increase your
resilience and overcome self-doubt.
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With the right mindset and strategies, you can begin believing in yourself, building
confidence, and taking action—even when you’re scared or overwhelmed.
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How to finally start believing in yourself
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We are constantly bombarded with messages about who we should be. "To be the
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best partner, friend, or person, do X." "To be fully authentic and good, you have to do
Y." These external expectations can make it easy to lose sight of who you are and
what truly matters to you.
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Relying on others to define your value also keeps you from building true confidence in
yourself. Instead of believing in yourself and taking action on your dreams, you
become paralyzed by perfectionism and self-doubt.
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Author and professor Brené Brown writes, "Overcoming self-doubt is all about
believing we're enough and letting go of what the world says we're supposed to be
and supposed to call ourselves." True self-belief comes from within, not from
comparison, achievement, or approval.
Part of believing in yourself is defining success on your own terms. Instead of
wondering how you stack up against others' achievements, turn inward. Consider
what a fulfilling life looks like for you—not just in career or accomplishments, but in
relationships, personal growth, and well-being.
By mapping out a vision for your life and taking small, imperfect steps toward it, you’ll
strengthen your sense of self-belief. Each step forward will reinforce your ability to
trust yourself and create a life aligned with what you truly want.
Why is it so hard to believe in myself?
Maybe you’ve set clear goals, but feel like you self-sabotage your attempts to
accomplish them. Or maybe you know exactly who you want to become but are
plagued by self-doubt. If you're still lacking belief in yourself, one of these three
habits might be to blame.
1. You're playing the comparison game
Your best friend just got her dreamRequest a demo
promotion. Your brother finally got married. While
everyone else's outlooks are positive, your desires are unfulfilled, and you feel like
your life is awful. Login
It may not be easy in the moment, but take a step back. Just because someone else is
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thriving doesn't mean your life is terrible. And just because you think others are doing
amazing, doesn't mean they are.
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If you find yourself stuck in a comparison cycle, try one of these tips to break free:
Unfollow or mute people on social media who make you feel insecure and question your
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Remind yourself that social media shows someone's highlight reel, not the messy truth of
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Focus on gratitude by writing down three things you're grateful for each day.
Challenge yourself to text a friend that you're proud of them.
Reframe your envy into a goal. For example, if your friend just ran a marathon, outline
your own fitness goal and what you can do to accomplish it.
Objectively evaluate why someone achieved your goal. If they got the promotion you
wanted, maybe they have skills you're still learning. This will help you see that as you
grow, you’ll be able to achieve your goals, too.
2. You're stuck on your past mistakes
Self-reflection is a good thing, but not at the expense of your mental health. If you find
yourself ruminating on childhood trauma, unhealthy relationships, a breakup, or
anything else from your past, talking to a mental health professional is a great way to
move forward and heal.
Also, take the time to forgive yourself. You may have failed in the past, but those
mistakes don't have to define you. You're a different person with more knowledge and
experience now. You deserve to embrace every part of yourself and move forward
with courage. Forgiveness is not a weakness. As Mahatma Gandhi noted,
"Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong."
Here are some ideas to help you let go of the past:
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Practice meditation or mindfulness.
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Learn positive visualization.
Make time weekly for self-care.
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Take time to grieve what could have been.
For Explore
Businessradical acceptance—the practice of fully accepting situations as they are, even
when they’re uncomfortable or painful.
Know that you have the power to move on and heal, whether others apologize to you or not.
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to take one small, messy action each day. You'll feel better about yourself and your
abilities as you make progress.
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Work with a mental health professional or coach to overcome fears and build new skills.
3. Your relationships with others aren't supportive
Motivational speaker and author Tony Robbins says, “Proximity is power.” The people
you spend time with affect your dreams, mindset, and motivation.
If a friend constantly puts you down or a parent or colleague makes you feel small,
their negativity can erode your sense of self over time. By contrast, research shows
that strong, supportive relationships can make challenges feel more manageable.
One study even found that people perceived a hill as less steep when standing
alongside a friend.
When you’re surrounded by people who encourage and uplift you, believing in
yourself becomes easier. Building a network of positive, supportive relationships can
reinforce your self-confidence and help you navigate self-doubt with greater
resilience.
If you’re struggling to believe in yourself, seek out people who inspire you to be your
best self and have faith in you when things get hard. You shouldn't feel drained,
negative, or plagued with self-doubt after spending time with your loved ones. If any
of those feelings resonate with you, you may need to spend less time with those
people. You may even need to cut them out of your life completely.
If some of your relationships are no longer serving you, here are some actions you can
take to improve your social circle: Request a demo
Establish clear boundaries around how you want to be treated—and what you'll do if
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people ignore them.
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relationships in the future.
Learn about toxic personality traits to watch out for so you can better avoid challenging
Spend more time with friends and family whom you trust and who care about your well-
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Connect with people who have shared interests through apps like Facebook or Bumble
BFF.
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Join a group centered around your favorite hobby, like a book club or fitness class.
Volunteer for a cause you're passionate about.
6 ways to boost your self-belief and start
About
taking action
Building self-confidence takes practice, but every step forward strengthens your
belief in yourself. Below are six ways you can make a change and start to feel better
about yourself.
1. Improve your mindset
Your mindset shapes how you see the world, yourself, and others. A critical inner
voice can fuel doubt and inaction. But an empathetic, encouraging inner monologue
will create confidence and self-belief.
There are many ways to improve your mindset. If you're a reader, find books that
teach you how to embrace a growth mindset or educate you on a new topic. If you
prefer audio, listen to empowering podcasts instead. Talk with people you know
who've embraced a growth mindset about how they got to where they are. You can
also work with a coach to form new thought patterns and habits.
Remember to give yourself grace and flexibility as your mindset shifts. Life will still
have its ups and downs, and learning a new way of thinking takes time. Commit to
putting in the work. Over time, you'll be equipped to handle whatever comes your
way.
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2. Learn to advocate for yourself
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When negative thoughts pop up, reply with positive self-talk. When someone pushes
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your boundaries, gently and firmly reiterate your standards. Your voice matters, and
you deserve to be defended.
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As with growing your mindset, learning to advocate for yourself takes time. Start with
small, low-risk situations and build from there. Using habit stacking—pairing a new
behavior with an existing one—can help make self-advocacy a natural part of your
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routine. For example, if you order a latte with oat milk but receive one with regular
milk, practice speaking up by calmly asking for a correction.
Aboutyou practice self-advocacy in safe spaces, you receive positive reinforcement.
When
This shows you that self-advocacy works and isn't as scary as it might feel. This grows
the confidence you need to work up to more challenging situations over time and
stand firm when facing pushback.
3. Embrace failure as a chance to learn
The way you respond to mistakes shapes your confidence. A critical inner voice that
focuses on shortcomings can reinforce self-doubt, while a more realistic and
encouraging mindset helps you see failure as a learning opportunity. Recognizing
that mistakes are part of growth allows you to move forward with resilience and self-
trust.
To rebuild your self-belief, focus on empowering the second track. Learn to welcome
risk and reframe failures as chances to grow. Reflect on mistakes when they happen;
view your failures as feedback. Ask yourself how you can keep growing and building
new skills.
Once you've reflected, push through the obstacles. Release the past and embrace the
actions you can take now because of your new knowledge. Messy action is better
than inaction; incremental progress is better than perfection. Failure is inevitable.
Remember that you are a person who is allowed to fail sometimes and see mistakes
as one step on the path to success.
4. Celebrate your wins, big and small
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Big achievements, like a major promotion, often get the most recognition. But true
confidence is built in the small, everydayLogin
victories, like choosing to walk around the
block for 30 minutes despite feeling unmotivated, speaking up in a meeting, or
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following through on a commitment.
Coaching emphasizes the importance of sitting with these wins, fully acknowledging
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and appreciating them. Taking a moment to recognize your progress reinforces self-
belief and helps you trust in your ability to keep going.
For because
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it's a small win doesn't mean it's not worth celebrating. Noticing the
small things helps you grow in mindfulness, honor your humanity, and increase your
self-esteem. You're reminding yourself that you can make steady, consistent
About Even the smallest steps can help you achieve the greatest distances.
progress.
Celebrate your wins in whatever way feels right to you. For some people, celebrating
looks like getting a massage or booking a spa day. For others, it could mean getting a
cup of coffee and reading a book at their favorite cafe. Spotlight your achievements,
build momentum, and move forward in self-confidence.
5. Learn and leverage your strengths
Some people will tell you to work on your weaknesses. In reality, you'll often end up on
the fast track to discouragement, disappointment, and frustration. Working on
weaknesses is hard. It takes time. If it's coming at the expense of your confidence and
self-belief, it might be time to change course.
You'll increase progress and boost motivation more by focusing on your strengths. If
you're not sure what your strengths are, start with a free personality test online. Or,
take some time to reflect and journal on the activities you enjoy most. For example,
do you love pitching new ideas at work and giving presentations? Or do you feel most
at home taking instructions, running with them, and supporting your team?
Seek out opportunities to leverage your strengths. Set goals based on them, and lean
on others in the areas where you need and want extra support. You'll see success
more quickly and boost your self-belief.
6. Take care of yourself
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If you don't take care of your body, growing your self-belief will be that much harder.
Your mind and body are deeply connected—numerous
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health directly impacts mental well-being and anxiety levels.
To begin
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believing in yourself, start with simple self-care practices like eating healthy,
whole foods. Stay hydrated and try to limit alcohol, caffeine, and sugar consumption.
Settle into an exercise routine you enjoy, and make sure you're getting sufficient
sleep. These healthy habits will lay the foundation for a strong mindset and empower
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you to start believing in yourself again.
Start believing in yourself today
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Believing in yourself is about more than a Pollyanna attitude. It's about embracing
your uniqueness and opening yourself up to new possibilities. By adopting a mindset
that knows you're worthy of success, you'll develop lasting self-confidence.
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BetterUp can be the trusted guide and accountability you need as you learn to
believe in yourself again. Through technology, coaching, and evidence-based
behavioral science, we help people unlock their potential. If you're ready to do the
work, a BetterUp Coach can help you get started today.
Growth doesn’t happen by accident
Coaching helps you build habits, confidence, and clarity—so you can become the version of
yourself you know you're capable of being.
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Growth doesn’t happen by accident
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Coaching helps you build habits, confidence, and clarity—so you can become the version of
yourself you knowLogin
you're capable of being.
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A B O U T T H E AU T H O R
About
Elizabeth Perry, ACC
Elizabeth Perry is a Coach Community Manager at BetterUp. She uses
strategic engagement strategies to cultivate a learning community across a
global network of Coaches through in-person and virtual experiences,
technology-enabled platforms, and strategic coaching industry
partnerships.
With over 3 years of coaching experience and a certification in
transformative leadership and life coaching from Sofia University, Elizabeth
leverages transpersonal psychology expertise to help coaches and clients
gain awareness of their behavioral and thought patterns, discover their
purpose and passions, and elevate their potential. She is a lifelong student of
psychology, personal growth, and human potential as well as an ICF-certified
ACC transpersonal life and leadership Coach.
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