Prácticas

Discursivas IV

Sentence Focus

Using Active Voice

Using Concrete Nouns as Subjects
Eliminating Unnecessary There + To Be Structures

The focus of information in a sentence

(a) Grammatical theme (within a sentence)

The sentence theme, which is the information before the main verb in a sentence,
usually tells us what the sentence is about, or what the writer wants the reader to
focus on. It is a signpost saying to the reader, " This is what I want you to pay
attention to". Themes can be:

• The subject, e.g., Mat usually does Rob's car on a Saturday afternoon...
• Conjunctions, e.g., Until the two years is up....
• Elements of an interpersonal nature, e.g., Amazingly, the back wall of the
garage is OK....
• Experiential elements such as prepositions, e.g., By the end, he’s
sweating and puffing....
• Adverbial elements of circumstance, e.g., By 1840, many missionaries had
settled....

Theme (within a sentence) as a source of difficulty in comprehension

You need to understand that a variety of linguistic elements can serve as

sentence themes. You also need to understand that a writer will move an element
to the front of the clause to give it emphasis, e.g., "The waters around New
Zealand are abundant in delicious seafood such as squid. Although not easy to
prepare, squid are..."

(b) New and "given" information

There are usually two types of information in a sentence. One part tells us
something new. The other part tells us something that we are aware of already
(either from a previous sentence or from our general knowledge), in other
words, its information is given.
 • A: Where did you put your bike?
• B: I left it / at my friend's house.

The first part of B’s sentence is "given" (by A); the second part is new. "Given"
information tells us what a sentence is about; it usually provides the sentence
theme which appears first in a sentence. New information, however, provides the
point where we expect people to pay extra attention.

New and given information as sources of difficulty in comprehension

You will need to understand that, although given information is usually in the
theme position, new information is sometimes the theme.

• Electricity makes light by....

• Candles make light by....
• The sun makes light by....

When this is the case, as it sometimes is in texts written for young children,
tracking the development of the text is made more difficult. Difficulty in
comprehension can also occur when texts are written in ways that inadvertently
draw the reader's attention away from new information. In the following example,
the theme contains new information, vital to the completion of a task, but the word
'After' draws attention away from the new information.

• After reading the text,

• complete the chart.

Instead, the instruction should read:

• Read the text,

• then complete the chart.

Sentence Focus:
Strong sentence focus means using vivid, active verbs and choosing concrete
nouns to serve as the grammatical subjects of sentences. If your sentences are
focused, your writing will be clear, direct, and concise.

There are three strategies for ensuring strong sentence focus:

1. using active voice,
2. using concrete nouns as subjects,
3. eliminating unnecessary there + to be structures.
PRINCIPLE 1: Whenever possible, use active sentences rather
than passive ones. That is to say, follow the word order “who
does what”.

Practice
Exercise 1 Instructions: The sentences in the following exercise tell a story about
Bob and Roberta Roberts. Using principle I, rewrite the sentences to improve the
sentence focus. Some sentences may contain one or more clauses that need
stronger focus, while others may be fine as they are written. Write “ok” if the
sentences already demonstrate strong sentence focus.

Note: If a sentence is poorly focused with a passive verb, the actual subject may
not be stated in the sentence. If a sentence does not seem to contain a logical
subject, you may need to assume or create a subject for that sentence. The first
sentence is revised for you as an example.

• A new car was bought by Bob Roberts for his 20-car garage.
Bob Roberts bought a new car for his 20-car garage.
• A new BMW was wanted by his wife, Roberta Roberts, to match her fox
stole, but new models were not made in lavender.
• In the end, a white Mercedes Benz was purchased with leather seats, pearl
inlay on the dash, and a 25-CD changer in the trunk.
• One year later, the car had been driven twice by the Roberts.
• It was realized by Bob that driving his Honda Civic was loved by him.
Using Concrete Nouns as Subjects
Strong sentence focus means not only using vivid, active verbs but also choosing
concrete nouns to serve as the grammatical subjects of sentences. A concrete
subject (for example, book, baseball, person, Mom) is something you could touch,
whereas an abstract subject (for example, faith, anger, kindness) is an idea.
Abstract subjects tend to force the use of the to be verb (am, are, is, was, were,
been) and can make writing very difficult to understand.
Let’s consider some examples of abstract subjects. Identify the verbs and
underline the subjects of each of the following three examples.

Lana’s hope is to earn an “A” in her history class.

His appearance was snappy and elegant.
The suffering of laboratory animals is needless.

• What do you notice about verbs?

• What do you notice about subjects?

You probably realized that the verbs are all to be verbs. Did you notice the strong, active
verbs buried as nouns in the subjects? Many times, in the abstract subject we find what
really should be the verb of the sentence. In the first example, the subject “Lana’s hope”
contains the strong, vivid verb hope.

Principle II: Use concrete specific nouns as the subjects

of the sentences rather than abstract, general nouns.
Make the logical topic of the sentence the grammatical
subject of the sentence.

By using Principle II, we create sentences that give our reader a strong mental
image of what we are trying to communicate.

Instructions:
Using Principle II, rewrite the following sentences, using concrete subjects.
Some sentences may contain two or more clauses that need stronger focus, while
others may be fine as they are written. Write “ok” if the sentences already
demonstrate strong sentence focus. The first sentence is revised for you.
Note: If a sentence is poorly focused with a passive verb, the actual subject may
not be stated in the sentence. If a sentence does not seem to contain a logical
subject, you may need to assume or create a subject for that sentence.

1. My mom’s biggest worry was for my safety.

My mom worried for my safety.

2. Dustin’s greatest fear was of spiders.

3. My use of Tylenol is to control my headaches.

4. The appeal of the candidate was to the gay/lesbian community.

5. The result that he hoped to achieve was convincing his parents to allow him to
have a party Friday night.
6. The intention of Louisa was to arrive on time for class.
Principle III: Avoid over-using the there + to be construction. Use there+ to be
only when you need to say that something exists.

Instructions:
Using Principles I, II, and III, rewrite the following sentences to improve sentence
focus. Some sentences may contain two or more clauses that need stronger
focus, while others may be fine as they are written. Write “ok” if the sentences
already demonstrate strong sentence focus.

Note: If a sentence is poorly focused with a passive verb, the actual subject may
not be stated in the sentence. If a sentence does not seem to contain a logical
subject, you may need to assume or create a subject for that sentence.
1. There is a thorough inspection of the engine done by the pilot before takeoff.
2. Because of the Republican Congress, there were important goals that Obama
did not accomplish during his first term in office.
3. There were three bees in the kitchen.
4. There was strong agreement among the students that the best candidate for
student body president was Uto.
5. There are many doctors who worry about the spread of tuberculosis
throughout California.
6. There are many students that don’t understand the principles of sentence
focus.

Instructions:
Using the three principles of strong sentence focus, revise the following
sentences, which when combined make a paragraph about the gorilla (adapted
from information found in the Gorilla Foundation website:
http://www.koko.org/foundation). Some sentences may contain one or more
clauses that need stronger focus, while others may be fine as they are written.
Write “ok” if the sentences already demonstrate strong sentence focus.

1. Gorillas are gentle and intelligent creatures.

2. However, because of the actions of male gorillas protecting their groups with
such determination from hunters, there is a folklore developed by humans about
the ferocity of gorillas.
3. Like all tightly knit social groups, their young are defended by gorillas, and they
defend them with their lives.
4. Their babies are cared for by adult gorillas with great affection, patience, and
playfulness.
5. Gorillas are generally quiet, and they are not physically capable of making the
same sounds as humans; however, about 25 distinct noises are generated by
them.
6. There are laws that have been passed by many countries protecting the
gorillas.
7. There is agreement by most zoos around the world not to purchase gorillas
from the wild.

Instructions:
Using the three principles of good sentence focus, revise the paragraphs below.
Some sentences may contain two or more clauses that need stronger focus, while
others may be fine as they are written. Note: If a sentence is poorly focused with
a passive verb, the actual subject may not be stated in the sentence. If a sentence
does not seem to contain a logical subject, you may need to assume or create a
subject for that sentence.

Review your essays or one that you are working on, and
incorporate good sentence focus in your own writing
Source:
Sentence Focus Writing Center. (n.d.). College of San Mateo. Retrieved June 23, 2022, from

https://collegeofsanmateo.edu/writing/tutorials/13_PS_SentenceFocus_Final.pdf

The focus of information in a sentence | Assessment Resource Banks. (n.d.). Assessment Resource Bank.

Retrieved June 23, 2022, from https://arbs.nzcer.org.nz/focus-information-

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