QUOTES

1) WISDOM:

Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat. - Harry Emerson Fosdick

Consider the past and you shall know the future. - Chinese Proverb

You can't get where you want to go if you don't know where you are.

To many time we confuse motion with progress. - Cyclops

If I wished to punish a province, I would have it governed by philosophers. - Frederick II, the Great

The best way to predict your future is to create it.

If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there.

The goal of the works of a genius' existance lies only in itself.

Pleasure and joy are deceptive

Analytic and romantic understanding should be united at a basic level. Reassimilate the passions
from which the rational mind fled. - [Link]

Fear is the mind killer. - Paul Muad'Ib

To have and to want more that is life. - F. Nietzsche

All our wanting comes from needs, thus we continiously suffer. The intellect teaches free will, free
from suffering. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Knowing others is Wisdom, knowing yourself is Enlightenment. - LaoTzu

The Truth is realized in an instant; the Act is practiced step by step. - Zen saying

If you work on your mind with your mind, how can you avoid immense confusion? - Seng-Ts'an

Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the men of old; Seek what they sought. - Basho

Teachers open the door, but you must enter by yourself. - Chinese Proverb

Knock on the sky and listen to the sound! - Zen saying

Anarchism is founded on the observation that since few men are wise enough to rule themselves,
even fewer are wise enough to rule others. - Edward Abbey

Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors. - African Proverb

The man who has no imagination has no wings. - Muhammad Ali

The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life. -
Muhammad Ali

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There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem
to enjoy the waking hours much more. - Woody Allen

I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way,
did not become still more complicated. - Poul Anderson

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not Eureka! (I
found it!) but rather, 'hmm.... that's funny...'. - Isaac Asimov

History does not repeat itself. Historians repeat each other. - Arthur Balfour

Behind every great fortune there is a crime. - Honore de Balzac

...the myth of socialism is far stronger than the reality of capitalism. That is because capitalism is not
really an ism at all. It is what people do if you leave them alone. - Arnold Beichmen, Hoover Institute
Fellow

Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman (1917-1982)

There's nothing new under the sun, but there are lots of old things we don't know. - Ambrose Bierce

Never express yourself more clearly than you think. - N. Bohr

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may
well be another profound truth. - Niels Bohr

You are not thinking. You are merely being logical. - Neils Bohr to Albert Einstein

Ability is nothing without opportunity. - Napoleon Bonaparte

In politics an absurdity is not a handicap. - Napoleon Bonaparte

If you are not an idealist by the time you are twenty you have no heart, but if you are still an idealist
by the time you are thirty, you don't have a head. - Randolph Bourne

There's no government like no government. - Bumper sticker, seen in Berkeley, CA

Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great. - Comte de
Bussy-Rabutin

Whenever man comes up with a better mousetrap, nature immediately comes up with a better
mouse. - James Carswell

How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone. - Coco Chanel

One sees great things from the valley, only small things from the peak. - G. K. Chesterton

A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. - Chinese Proverb

Behind an able man there are always other able men. - Chinese Proverb

In shallow waters, shrimps make fools of dragons. - Chinese Proverb

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Judge not the horse by his saddle. - Chinese Proverb

The palest ink is better than the best memory. - Chinese Proverb

The wise man learns more from his enemies than a fool does from his friends. - Chinese Proverb

When you want to test the depths of a stream, don't use both feet. - Chinese Proverb

I like a man who grins when he fights. - Winston Churchill

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. - Winston Churchill

The best argument against democracy is a five minute talk with the average voter. - Winston
Churchill

Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories. - Arthur C Clarke

Hear and you forget; see and you remember; do and you understand. - Confucius

Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail. - Confucius

The superior man is distressed by the limitation of his ability; he is not distressed by the fact that
men do not recognize the ability he has. - Confucius

Love may not make the world go round, but I must admit that it makes the ride worthwhile. - Sean
Connery

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never
tell. - Joan Crawford

Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood. - Marie Curie

A man who dares to waste an hour of time has not discovered the value of life. - Charles Darwin

There's nothing I like less than bad arguments for a view that I hold dear. - Daniel Dennett

If there are no stupid questions, then what sort of questions do stupid people ask? - Dogbert

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. - Dykstra

I'm interested in the fact that the less secure a man is, the more likely he is to have extreme
prejudice. - - Clint Eastwood

Results! Why man, I have gotten a lot of results. I know several thousand things that won't work. -
Thomas Alva Edison

Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new. - Albert Einstein

Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. - Albert Einstein
(1879-1955)

If I had my life to live over again, I'd be a plumber. - Albert Einstein

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Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an
hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein

An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows. - Dwight
D. Eisenhower

The only way to have a friend is to be one. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Scitum est inter caecos luscum regnare posse. (It is well known, that among the blind the one-eyed
man is king.) - Gerard Didier Erasmus

It is never too late to be what you might have been. - Farmer's Almanac, 1995

It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong, and an even bigger one to keep his mouth shut when
he's right. - Jim Fiebig

If you understand, things are as they are. If you do not understand, things are as they are. - Gensha,
Zen Master

The dogmatist within is always worse than the enemy without. - S.J. Gould

The market is not an invention of capitalism. It has existed for centuries. It is an invention of
civilization. - Mikhail Gorbachev

When a man's knowledge is deep, he speaks well of an enemy. Instead of seeking revenge, he
extends unexpected generosity. He turns insult into humor, ... and astonishes his adversary who
finds no reason not to trust him. - Baltasar Gracian

Knowledge is power. - Thomas Hobbes

A person's maturity consists in having found again the seriousness one had as a child, at play. -
Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

It is my ambition to say in ten sentences what others say in a whole book. - Friedrich Nietzsche

A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them. - P.J.
O'Rourke

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove
the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and
then they get elected and prove it. - P.J. O'Rourke

Most people get a fair amount of fun out of their lives, but on balance life is suffering, and only the
very young or very foolish imagine otherwise. - George Orwell

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly
important. - Bertrand Russell

All great truths begin as blasphemies. - George Bernard Shaw

A pessimist thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it. - George Bernard Shaw

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There is no love sincerer than the love of food. - George Bernard Shaw

Logic is a tweeting bird in a green meadow. - Mr. Spock

The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws. - Cornelius Tacitus

For I am a Bear of Very Little Brain, and big words Bother me. - Winnie the Pooh

You can build a throne with bayonets, but you can't sit on it for long. - Boris Yeltsin

Murphy's First Law: Nothing is as easy as it looks.

Murphy's Second Law: Everything takes longer than you think.

Murphy's Third Law: In any field of scientific endeavor, anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

Murphy's Fourth Law: If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause
the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

Murphy's Fifth Law: If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.

Murphy's Sixth Law: If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go
wrong and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.

Murphy's Seventh Law: Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.

O'Toole's commentary on Murphy's Law: Murphy was an optimist.

Youth and skill are no match for experience and treachery.

2) BUSINESS:

Better three hours too soon than one minute too late. - Shakespeare

Boss or Leader? A Boss creates fear; A Leader creates confidence. Bossism creates resentment;
Leadership breeds enthusiasm. A Boss says:I; A Leader says:We. A Boss fixes blame; A Leader fixes
mistakes. A Boss knows how; A Leader shows how. Bossism makes work drudgery; Leadership makes
work interesting. A Boss relies on authority; A Leader relies on co-operation. A Boss drives; A Leader
leads. - Anonymous

Effective managers manage themselves and the people they work with so that both the organization
and the people profit from their presence. - Dan Kelly and all his friends Illinois

Buying cheap to save money is like stopping the clock to save time neither works. - Quote from Think
and Grow Rich

Excellent firms don't believe in excellence Only in constant improvement and constant change. -
Tom Peters

Feel the power of team work; If you know that a drop of water easily gets dried And a pool of water
hardly gets dried. - Brian Hu

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Advice is like snow; The softer it falls the longer it dwells upon And the deeper it sinks into the mind.
- Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Authority does not make you a leader It gives you the opportunity to be one. - Anonymous

Be thankful for problems or idiots would have your job. - Author unknown

Criticize and complain diplomatically: Praise something else first. - Contributed by Amit Shah

If you don't care, your customers never will. - Marlene Blaszczyk

Lead by example not by force. - Contributed by Dan Kelly and all his friends Illinois

Motivate them train them care about them and make winners out of them we know that if we treat
our employees correctly they'll treat the customers right and if customers are treated right they'll
come back. - J Marriot, Jr.

Motivation is what gets you started habit is what keeps you going. - Jim Ryun

Nothing makes a person more productive than the last minute. - Contributed by Jeff Pappas

Obstacles are the those frightful things you see When you take your mind off your goals. -
Contributed by Sophie & Charlotte Burtt

Partnerships are the basis for success. - Neal Prescot Washington

People who feel good about themselves, produce good results. - Submitted by Dan Kelly and all his
friends Illinois

Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go. - William Feather

The bitterness of poor quality remains long after low pricing is forgotten!!! - Leon M CautilloIf

The desire to have things done quickly Invariably prevents them from being done thoroughly. - Sent
by Jody C Burnett California

The most important thing in communication is hearing What isn't being said. - Anonymous

The only safe ship in a storm is leadership. - Contributed by Nadine Bent Pennsylvania

The sale begins when the customer says yes. - Harvey Mackay

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

To lead a symphony You must occasionally turn your back on the crowd. - Anonymous

Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.

Ask five economists and you'll get five different answers (six if one went to Harvard).. - Edgar R.
Fiedler

Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.. - John Kenneth Galbraith

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Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of
things for the greatest good of everyone. - Keynes

Money couldnt buy friends, but you get a better class of enemy. - Spike Milligan

An executive is a person who always decides; sometimes he decides correctly, but he always
decides. - John H. Patterson

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't
happen today. - Laurence J. Peter

Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex: you thought of nothing else if you didn't have it, and
thought of other things if you did.

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. - Mark Twain

When its a question of money, everybody is of the same religion. - Voltaire

A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward. - Anonymous

Use soft words in hard arguments. - H. G. Bohn, 1855

A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to
the trip. - Caskie Stinnett

Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value. - Albert Einstein

There are two rules for success... 1) Never tell everything you know. - Roger H. Lincoln

If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut. -
Albert Einstein

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made. - Jean Gieraudoux

If you wish to be a sucess in the world, promise everything, deliver nothing. - Napoleon Bonaparte

It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.

Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The first 90% of project takes 90% of the time, the last 10% takes theother 90% of the time.

Hard work spotlights the character of people; some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses,
and some don't turn up at all!

I love my work, I could sit and watch it all day long.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

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Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Price. Quality. Service: Pick two.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

After all is said and done, more is said than done.

People who do the world's real work don't usually wear neckties.

Quote from the Boss... "I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you."

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings; they did it by killing all those who opposed
them.

"Granted, Mr Wheeler's ideas are stupid and unreasonable, but he does own the company and I
think we should go along with him..."

"Illegitmitatum Non Carborundum Est" - Never let the bastards grind you down!

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3) CHURCHILL:

A communist is like a crocodile: when it opens its mouth you cannot tell whether it is trying to smile
or preparing to eat you up. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. - Sir Winston Leonard
Spencer Churchill

A joke is a very serious thing. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

A love for tradition has never weakened a nation, indeed it has strengthened nations in their hour of
peril. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every
difficulty. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer
Churchill

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile--hoping it will eat him last. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer
Churchill

An iron curtain has descended across the Continent. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not
a conservative, has no brains. - Winston Churchill

Courage is the first of human qualities because it is the quality that guarantees all the others. - Sir
Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

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Danger - if you meet it promptly and without flinching - you will reduce the danger by half. Never
run away from anything. Never! - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

Dictators ride to and fro upon tigers which they dare not dismount. And the tigers are getting
hungry. - Winston Churchill

Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

For my part, I consider that it will be found much better by all parties to leave the past to history,
especially as I propose to write that history myself. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put. -
Winston Churchill

Give us the tools and we will finish the job. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

History will be kind to me for I intend to write it. - Winston Churchill

I always avoid prophesying beforehand, because it is a much better policy to prophesy after the
event has already taken place. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

I am always willing to learn. I do not, however, always enjoy being taught. - Sir Winston Leonard
Spencer Churchill

I am certainly not one of those who need to be prodded. In fact, if anything, I am the prod. - Sir
Winston Churchill

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is
another matter. - Winston Churchill

I cannot forecast to you the action of Russia. It is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. -
Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

I gather, young man, that you wish to be a Member of Parliament. The first lesson that you must
learn is, when I call for statistics about the rate of infant mortality, what I want is proof that fewer
babies died when I was Prime Minister than when anyone else was Prime Minister. That is a political
statistic. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer
Churchill

I like a man who grins when he fights. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. - Sir Winston Leonard
Spencer Churchill

If we open a quarrel between the past and the present, we shall find that we have lost the future. -
Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

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If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce. - Sir
Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the
point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time--a tremendous whack. - Sir
Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

If you will not fight for the right when you can easily win without bloodshed, if you will not fight
when your victory will be sure and not too costly, you may come to the moment when you will have
to fight with all the odds against you and only a small chance of survival. There may even be a worse
case: you may have to fight when there is no hope of victory, because it is better to perish than to
live as slaves. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

In war: resolution. In defeat: defiance. In victory: magnanimity. In peace: goodwill. - Sir Winston
Leonard Spencer Churchill

In wartime, truth is so precious that she should always be attended by a bodyguard of lies. - Sir
Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have
been tried. - Winston Churchill

It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer
Churchill

It is a mistake to look too far ahead. Only one link in the chain of destiny can be handled at a time. -
Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

It is a socialist idea that making profits is a vice; I consider the real vice is making losses. - Sir Winston
Leonard Spencer Churchill

It is no use saying, 'We are doing our best.' You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary. - Sir
Winston Churchill

Kites rise highest against the wind - not with it. - Winston Churchill

Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duty, and so bear ourselves that, if the British Empire and its
Commonwealth lasts for a thousand years, men will still say, 'This was their finest hour.' - Sir
Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

MacDonald has the gift of compressing the largest amount of words into the smallest amount of
thoughts. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most times he will pick himself up and carry on. -
Winston Churchill

Many forms of Government have been tried, and will be tried in this world of sin and woe. No one
pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the 'worst'
form of Government except all those others that have been tried from time to time. - Sir Winston
Leonard Spencer Churchill

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My wife and I tried to breakfast together, but we had to stop or our marriage would have been
wrecked. - Winston Churchill

Never give in. Never. Never. Never. Never. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room. - Sir Winston
Leonard Spencer Churchill

Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few. - Sir Winston Leonard
Spencer Churchill

No folly is more costly than the folly of intolerant idealism. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

Of course, we are all worms--but I like to think, at least, that I am a glowworm. - Sir Winston Leonard
Spencer Churchill

Short words are best and the old words when short are best of all. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer
Churchill

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink. "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink
it." - a conversation between Lady Nancy Astor and Winston Churchill

Solitary trees, if they grow at all, grow strong. - Sir Winston Churchill

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. - Sir Winston Leonard
Spencer Churchill

The empires of the future are the empires of the mind. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you are likely to see. - Sir Winston Leonard
Spencer Churchill

The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes. - Sir Winston Leonard
Spencer Churchill

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is
the equal sharing of miseries. - Winston Churchill

The optimist sees opportunity in every danger; the pessimist sees danger in every opportunity. -
Winston Churchill

The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself. - Sir Winston Churchill

The price of greatness is responsibility. - Sir Winston Churchill

The problems of victory are more agreeable than the problems of defeat, but they are no less
difficult. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

The reserve of modern assertions is sometimes pushed to extremes, in which the fear of being
contradicted leads the writer to strip himself of almost all sense and meaning. - Sir Winston Leonard
Spencer Churchill

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The whole history of the world is summed up in the fact that, when nations are strong, they are not
always just, and when they wish to be just, they are no longer strong. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer
Churchill

There are a lot of lies going around.... and half of them are true. - Winston Churchill

There is no finer investment for any community than putting milk into babies. - Sir Winston Leonard
Spencer Churchill

There is nothing more exhilarating than to be shot at without result. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer
Churchill

This is the type of arrant pedantry up with which we shall not put. - Winston Churchill

Those who can win a war well can rarely make a good peace and those who could make a good
peace would never have won the war. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

To build may have to be the slow and laborious task of years. To destroy can be the thoughtless act
of a single day. - Sir Winston Churchill

True genius resides in the capacity for evaluation of uncertain hazardous, and conflicting
information. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

Vast and fearsome as the human scene has become, personal contact of the right people, in the
right places, at the right time, may yet have a potent and valuable part to play in the cause of peace
which is in our hearts. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give. - Winston Churchill

We shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas
and the oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall
defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the
landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall
never surrender. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

Well, dinner would have been splendid... if the wine had been as cold as the soup, the beef as rare
as the service, the brandy as old as the fish, and the maid as willing as the Duchess. - Winston
Churchill

Where does the family start? It starts with a young man falling in love with a girl - no superior
alternative has yet been found. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

Why Sir Churchill you are drunk! "And you are ugly, but I shall be sober in the morning!" - a
conversation between Lady Nancy Astor and Winston Churchill

Without tradition, art is a flock of sheep without a shepherd. Without innovation, it is a corpse. - Sir
Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else. - Sir
Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

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4) EMERSON:

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers
and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him, I may think aloud. - Ralph Waldo
Emerson

A friend might well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A good intention but fixed and resolute - bent on high and holy ends, we shall find means to them on
every side and at every moment; and even obstacles and opposition will but make us "like the fabled
spectre-ships," which sail the fastest in the very teeth of the wind. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A man makes inferiors his superiors by heat; self-control is the rule. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A man of genius is privileged only as far as he is genius. His dullness is as insupportable as any other
dullness. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A man's library is a sort of harem. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A man's wife has more power over him than the state has. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

All conservatives are such from personal defects. They have been effeminated by position or nature,
born halt and blind, through luxury of their parents, and can only, like invalids, act on the defensive.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

All mankind love a lover. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

All our progress is an unfolding, like a vegetable bud. You have first an instinct, then an opinion, then
a knowledge as the plant has root, bud, and fruit. Trust the instinct to the end. though you can
render no reason. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Art is a jealous mistress, and if a man has a genius for painting, poetry, music, architecture or
philosophy, he makes a bad husband and an ill provider. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Bad times have a scientific value. These are occasions a good learner would not miss. - Ralph Waldo
Emerson

Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Build a better mousetrap and the world will beat a path to your door. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

By necessity, by proclivity, and by delight, we all quote. In fact, it is as difficult to appropriate the
thoughts of others as it is to invent. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

By the rude bridge that arched the flood, Their flag to April's breeze unfurled, Here once the
embattled farmers stood, And fired the shot heard round the world. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Can anything be so elegant as to have few wants, and to serve them one's self? - Ralph Waldo
Emerson

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Children are all foreigners. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Commit a crime and the earth is made of glass. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Common sense is genius dressed in working clothes. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Condense some daily experience into a glowing symbol, and an audience is electrified. - Ralph Waldo
Emerson

Conversation is an art in which a man has all mankind for competitors. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more
experiments you make the better. What if they are a little course, and you may get your coat soiled
or torn? What if you do fail, and get fairly rolled in the dirt once or twice. Up again, you shall never
be so afraid of a tumble. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. - Ralph
Waldo Emerson

Do the thing we fear, and death of fear is certain. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Do what you know and perception is converted into character. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Every great and commanding movement in the annals of the world is the triumph of enthusiasm.
Nothing great was ever achieved without it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Every hero becomes a bore at last. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities
have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely
and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Finish each day before you begin the next, and interpose a solid wall of sleep between the two. This
you cannot do without temperance. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Foolish legislation is a rope of sand, which perishes in the twisting. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Great men are they who see that spiritual is stronger than any material force, that thoughts rule the
world. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Happiness is a perfume which you cannot pour on someone without getting some on yourself. -
Ralph Waldo Emerson

He is great who confers the most benefits. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

He who has a thousand friends Has not a friend to spare, While he who has one enemy Shall meet
him everywhere. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Hitch your wagon to a star. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I dip my pen in the blackest ink, because I am not afraid of falling into my inkpot. - Ralph Waldo
Emerson

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I like the silent church before the service begins, batter than any preaching. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I look on that man as happy, who, when there is question of success, looks into his work for a reply. -
Ralph Waldo Emerson

If a man knows the law, find out, though he live in a pine shanty, and resort to him. And if a man can
pipe or sing, so as to wrap the imprisoned soul in an Elysium; or can paint a landscape, and convey
into souls and ochres all the enchantments of Spring or Autumn; or can liberate and intoxicate all
people who hear him with delicious songs and verses; it is certain that the secret cannot be kept; the
first witness tells it to a second, and men go by fives and tens and fifties to his doors. - Ralph Waldo
Emerson

If the colleges were better, if they really had it, you would need to get the police at the gates to keep
order in the inrushing multitude. See in college how we thwart the natural love of learning by leaving
the natural method of teaching what each wishes to learn, and insisting that you shall learn what
you have no taste or capacity for. The college, which should be a place of delightful labour, is made
odious and unhealthy, and the young men are tempted to frivolous amusements to rally their jaded
spirits. I would have the studies elective. Scholarship is to be created not by compulsion, but by
awakening a pure interest in knowledge. The wise instructor accomplishes this by opening to his
pupils precisely the attractions the study has for himself. The marking is a system for schools, not for
the college; for boys, not for men; and it is an ungracious work to put on a professor. - Ralph Waldo
Emerson

If we encounter a man of rare intellect, we should ask him what books he reads. - Ralph Waldo
Emerson

In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts: they come back to us with a certain
alienated majesty. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Intellect annuls fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Is not marriage an open question, when it is alleged, from the beginning of the world, that such as
are in the institution wish to get out, and such as are out wish to get in? - Ralph Emerson

It is not length of life, but depth of life. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. - Ralph Waldo
Emerson

It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life, that no man can sincerely try to help another
without helping himself. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is very easy in the world to live by the opinion of the world. It is very easy in solitude to be self-
centred. But the finished man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the
independence of solitude. I knew a man of simple habits and earnest character who never put out
his hands nor opened his lips to court the public, and having survived several rotten reputations of
younger men, honour came at last and sat down with him upon his private bench from which he had
never stirred. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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It makes a great difference in the force of a sentence, whether a man be behind it or no. - Ralph
Waldo Emerson

It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, "Always do what you are afraid to
do." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life is eating us up. We all shall be fables presently. Keep cool: it will be all one a hundred years
hence. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Man is a piece of the universe made alive. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Man was born to be rich, or grow rich by use of his faculties, by the union of thought with nature.
Property is an intellectual production. The game requires coolness, right reasoning, promptness, and
patience in the players. Cultivated labour drives out brute labour. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Men are conservatives when they are least vigorous, or when they are most luxurious. They are
conservatives after dinner. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Men are what their mothers made them. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Money, which represents the prose of life, and which is hardly spoken of in parlours without an
apology, is, in its effects and laws, as beautiful as roses. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nature hates calculators. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nature is a mutable cloud, which is always and never the same. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nature is full of freaks, and now puts an old head on young shoulders, and then takes a young heart
heating under fourscore winters. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Never read any book that is not a year old. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Next to the originator of a good sentence is the first quoter of it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

No great man ever complains of want of opportunity. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

No man ever prayed heartily without learning something. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of our own mind. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nothing is beneath you if it is in the direction of your life. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nothing is rich but the inexhaustible wealth of nature. She shows us only surfaces, but she is a
million fathoms deep. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Often a certain abdication of prudence and foresight is an element of success. - Ralph Waldo
Emerson

Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we can. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Our knowledge is the amassed thought and experience of innumerable minds. - Ralph Waldo
Emerson

Peace cannot be achieved through violence, it can only be attained through understanding. - Ralph
Waldo Emerson

People only see what they are prepared to see. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

People wish to be settled. It is only as far as they are unsettled that there is any hope for them. -
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Proverbs are the literature of reason, or the statements of absolute truth, without qualification. Like
the sacred books of each nation, they are the sanctuary of its intuitions. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Science does not know its debt to imagination. Goethe did not believe that a great naturalist could
exist without this faculty. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Self-trust is the essence of heroism. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Solitude, the safeguard of mediocrity. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sooner of later that which is now life shall be poetry, and every fair and manly trait shall add a richer
strain to the song. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Speak what you think to-day in words as hard as cannon-balls and to-morrow speak what to-morrow
thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to-day. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Stay at home in your mind. Don't recite other people's opinions. I hate quotations. Tell me what you
know. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Strong men greet war, tempest, hard times. They wish, as Pindar said, to tread the floors of hell,
with necessities as hard as iron. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Take egotism out and you would castrate the benefactors. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Tell them dear, that if eyes were made for seeing, Then beauty is its own excuse for being: Why thou
wert there, O rival of the rose! I never sought to ask, I never knew: But, in my simple ignorance
suppose The selfsame power that brought me there brought you. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The adventitious beauty of poetry may be felt in the greater delight with a verse given in a happy
quotation than in the poem. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The ancestor of every action is a thought. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The best effect of fine persons is felt after we have left their presence. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The best lightning rod for your protection is your own spine. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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The essence of all jokes, of all comedy, seems to be an honest or well intended halfness; a non
performance of that which is pretended to be performed, at the same time that one is giving loud
pledges of performance. The balking of the intellect, is comedy and it announces itself in the
pleasant spasms we call laughter. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The faith that stand on authority is not faith. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of
companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else
believes in him and is willing to trust him with his friendship. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The greatest homage we can pay truth is to use it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The imbecility of men is always inviting the impudence of power. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The invariable mark of wisdom is to see the miraculous in the common. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The key to every man is his thought. Sturdy and defying though he look, he has a helm which he
obeys, which is the idea after which all his facts are classified. He can only be reformed by showing
him a new idea which commands his own. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The less a man thinks or knows about his virtues, the better we like him. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The life of man is the true romance, which when it is valiantly conducted, will yield the imagination a
higher joy than any fiction. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The louder he talked of his honour, the faster we counted our spoons. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The measure of a master is his success in bringing all men around to his opinion twenty years later. -
Ralph Waldo Emerson

The moment we indulge our affections, the earth is metamorphosed, there is no winter and no
night; all tragedies, all ennuis, vanish, - all duties even. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The next thing to saying a good thing yourself, is to quote one. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The only reward of virtue is virtue. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The only way to have a friend is to be one. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The peril of every fine faculty is the delight of playing with it for pride. Talent is commonly developed
at the expense of character, and the greater it grows, the more is the mischief. Talent is mistaken for
genius, a dogma or system for truth, ambition for greatest, ingenuity for poetry, sensuality for art. -
Ralph Waldo Emerson

The power of love, as the basis of a State, has never been tried. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The reward for a thing well done is to have done it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The sufferers parade their miseries, tear lint from their bruises, reveal their indictable crimes, that
you may pity them. They like sickness, because physical pain will extort some show of interest from

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bystanders, as we have seen children, who, finding themselves of no account when grown people
come in, will cough till they choke, to draw attention. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The years teach much which the days never knew. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

There are no days in life so memorable as those which vibrated to some stroke of the imagination. -
Ralph Waldo Emerson

There are two classes of poets - the poets by education and practice, these we respect; and poets by
nature, these we love. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

There is always room for a man of force, and he makes room for many. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

There is no strong performance without a little fanaticism in the performer. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

There is no thought in any mind, but it quickly tends to convert itself into a power. - Ralph Waldo
Emerson

There is nothing capricious in nature and the implanting of a desire indicates that its gratification is
in the constitution of the creature that feel it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

This time, like all time, is a very good one if we but know what to do with it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Those who cannot tell what they desire or expect, still sigh and struggle with indefinite thoughts and
vast wishes. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not. -
Ralph Waldo Emerson

To be great is to be misunderstood. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all
men-that is genius. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

To different minds, the same world is a hell, and a heaven. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

To fill the hour-that is happiness. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to
earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty,
to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch,
or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded! - Ralph Waldo Emerson

To share often and much; to leave the world a little better; to know even one life has breathed
easier because you have lived. That is to have succeeded. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

To the dull mind all nature is leaden. To the Illuminated mind the whole world burns and sparkle
with lights. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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To the poet, to the philosopher, to the saint, all things are friendly and sacred, all events profitable,
all days holy, all men divine. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Trust your instinct to the end, though you can render no reason. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Truth is the summit of being; justice is the application of it to affairs. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Universities are of course hostile to geniuses, which, seeing and using ways of their own, discredit
the routine: as churches and monasteries persecute youthful saints. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

We aim above the mark to hit the mark. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

We are always getting ready to live but never living. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

We are born believing. A man bears beliefs, as a tree bears apples. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

We are prisoners of ideas. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

We are shut up in schools and college recitation rooms for ten or fifteen years, and come out at last
with a bellyfull of words and do not know a thing. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

We are students of words; we are shut up in schools, and colleges, and recitation rooms, for ten or
fifteen years, and come out at last with a bag of wind, a memory of words, and do not know a thing.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

We are wiser than we know. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

We boil at different degrees. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

We but half express ourselves, and are ashamed of that divine idea which each of us represents. -
Ralph Waldo Emerson

What a searching preacher of self-command is the varying phenomenon of health. - Ralph Waldo
Emerson

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph
Waldo Emerson

What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Whatever games are played with us, we must play no games with ourselves. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the
beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare
away the timid adventurers. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Who so would be a man, must be a nonconformist. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Without a rich heart, wealth is an ugly beggar. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Women see better than men. Men see lazily, if they do not expect to act. Women see quite without
any wish to act. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Work is victory. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year. No man has learned anything
rightly, until he know that every day is Doomsday. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late. - Ralph Waldo
Emerson

You cannot do wrong without suffering wrong. - Ralph Waldo Emerson.

5) HUMOR:

"The History of every major Galactic Civilization tends to pass through three distinct and
recognizable phases, those of Survival, Inquiry and Sophistication, otherwise known as the How,
Why and Where phases. "For instance, the first phase is characterized by the question 'How can we
eat?' the second by the question 'Why do we eat?' and the third by the question 'Where shall we
have lunch?'"

"The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do
the job.

Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the
Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million
miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so
amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea...

There is a theory that states: "If anyone finds out what the universe is for it will disappear and be
replaced by something more bazaarly inexplicable." There is another theory that states: "This has
already happened...."

This planet has -- or rather had -- a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were
unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of
these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd
because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.

All my life I said I wanted to be someone...I can see now that I should have been more specific.

Life is wasted on the living.- Zaphod Beeblebrox IV

In the beginning I was made. I didn't ask to be made. No one consulted me or considered my
feelings in this matter. But if it brought some passing fancy to some lowly humans as they
haphazardly pranced their way through life's mournful jungle then so be it.- Marvin the Paranoid
Android

To be, or what?- Sylvester Stallone

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Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you wont either. - Joseph Fischer

"Oh dear, I think you'll find reality's on the blink again." -- Marvin The Paranoid Android

"Laugh and the world laughs with you; snore and you sleep alone. " Anthony Burgess

"Space...is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly hugely mindbogglingly big it is. I mean
you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist, but that's just peanuts to space. "
Douglas Adams

In the beginning, the universe was created. This made a lot of people very angry, and has been
widely regarded as a bad idea. - Douglas Adam

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.

Save a tree. Eat a beaver.

Sorry, no quote today.

There are three kinds of people in the world, those who can count, and those who can't.

Gravity doesn't excist, the earth sucks.

Blind men don't bungi jump, it scares the dog too much.

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing - Mark Twain

Humor is the shortest distance between two people - Henry Youngman

The trouble with my wife is that she is a whore in the kitchen and a cook in the bed. - Geoffrey
Gorer

"It is a good thing to follow the first law of holes; if you are in one stop digging. " Denis Healey

In his novel ''Dog Years,'' Gunter Grass parodies Heideggerese in the character of a German Air Force
auxiliary named Stortebeker, who ''created a philosophical schoolboy language that was soon
prattled by many, with varying success.'' Every commonplace incident or object can be rechristened
in Stortebeker/Heidegger's hilarious language. Underdone potatoes in the mess kitchen, for
example, are ''spuds forgetful of Being.'' Stortebeker relaxes by catching rats, so they are the object
of some of his best ruminations: ''The rat withdraws itself by unconcealing itself into the ratty. So
the rat errates the ratty, illuminating it with errancy. For the ratty has come-to-be in the errancy
where the rat errs and so fosters error.''

Does anyone REALLY read these stupid quotes?

ebius tagline. This is a moebius tagline. This is a mo

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a
mile away and have his shoes.

Love your enemies just in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards.

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All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Okay, who stopped payment on my reality check?

Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students.

Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.

What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?

Life is sexually transmitted.

A good laugh is sunshine in a house. (William Makepeace Thackeray)

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. (Ashleigh Brilliant)

I have great faith in fools--self-confidence my friends call it. (Edgar Allan Poe)

I never make mistakes. I thought I did once, but I was wrong. (Anonymous)

If Karl, instead of writing a lot about capital, had made a lot of it ... it would have been much better.
(Karl Marx's mother)

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me. (Ambrose Bierce)

I'd probably be famous now if I wasn't such a good waitress. (Jane Siberry)

Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow
isn't looking good either.

Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as
they go flying by.

Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?

Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.

Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a
suitable application of high explosives.

Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

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Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the
statue.

Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first
time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.

Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to
myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!"

Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: My Reality Check bounced.

Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.

Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, 'cuz, like, you are crunchy and
taste good with ketchup.

Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

Red meat isn't bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is.

If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

He who laughs, lasts.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. - A.

Ford Prefect: We're safe. Arthur Dent: Ah. Good. Ford Prefect: We're in a cabin of one of the
spaceships of the Vogon Constructor Fleet. Arthur Dent: Ah. This is obviously some strange usage of
the word "safe" that I hadn't previously been aware of.

Announcer: Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm
of the galaxy lies a small, unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly 92 million
miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so
amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a really neat idea.

Arthur Dent: You know, it's at times like this, when I'm stuck in a Vogon airlock with a man from
Betelgeuse, about to die of asphyxiation in deep space, that I really wish I'd listened to what my
mother told me when I was young. Ford Prefect: Why? What did she tell you? Arthur Dent: I don't
know. I didn't listen.

Announcer: Men were real men. Women were real women. And small, furry creatures from Alpha
Centauri were *real* small, furry creatures from Alpha Centauri.

Marvin: It gives me a headache just trying to think down to your level.

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Zaphod Beeblebrox: Computer, if you don't open that exit hatch pretty damn pronto, I shall go
straight to your major data banks with a very large axe and give you a reprogramming you will never
forget, capisco? [Pause] Okay. Get the axe.

Marvin: Life. Loathe it or ignore it. You can't like it.

Slartibartfast: Is that your robot? Marvin: No. I'm mine.

Dish of the Day: Good evening, madame and gentlemen. I am the main dish of the day. May I
interest you in parts of my body?

Zaphod Beeblebrox: Hey, Ford! How many escape capsules are there? Ford Prefect: None. Zaphod
Beeblebrox: You counted them? Ford Prefect: Twice.

"Life without you would be like a broken pencil." "How's that?" "Completely pointless." (Blackadder,
Series II)

98% of all statistics are made up. (Anonymous)

Blind people don't bungee jump. It scares the dog too much.

I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming, terrified, like his
passengers.

When it's fall in New York, the air smells like as if someone's been frying goats in it, and if you are
keen to breath the best plan is to open a window and stick your head in a building. -- Douglas
Adams, Mostly Harmless

...and the aptly named 'Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Film'. -- Monty Python

10 out of 5 doctors think it's OK to be schizofrenic.

2 + 2 = 5, for sufficiently large values of 2.

Roses are red Violets are blue Some poems rhyme But not this

Quotations are for people who aren't saying things worth quoting.

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets anyways?

I'm a great housekeeper. I get divorced. I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Save a tree. Eat a beaver.

There are three kinds of people in the world, those who can count, and those who can't.

6) MOVIES:

The greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing the world he didn't exist.

You either surf or you fight.

I love the smell of napalm in the morning... Smells like victory.

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When I was here, all I could think of was being there. When I was there, all I could think of was
getting back.

First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss [Link]... Bad... I'm the guy with the gun.

It's so small, they recently had the whole country carpeted.

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.

The chip. The British contribution to world cuisine.

You don't wanna get laid, man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you gotta talk to 'em.

Linda Emery: A philosophy major? Now, what can you do with a philosophy major? Bruce Lee: You
can think deep thoughts about being unemployed.

"Shakespeare once said: Life is pretty stupid, with lot's of hubbub to keep you busy, but really not
amounting to much...I'm paraphrasing of course." --L.A. Story

Sally:"So a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?" Harry:"No, you pretty much
want to nail them, too"

Women, you can't live with 'em, you can't kill 'em.

"An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition! It's not just
saying 'no, it isn't'!" - "Yes it is!" - "No it isn't!!"

Men should be like Kleenex- soft, strong and disposable.

Sometimes I even amaze myself.- Han Solo, Empire Strikes Back

Jamie Lee Curtis -"You think your an intellectual, don't you ape?" Kevin Kline -"Apes don't read
philosophy." Jamie Lee Curtis -"Yes they do Otto, they just don't understand it!"

"I wasn't kidding. I do have a test today. It's on European Socialism. What's the big deal? I'm not
European. I don't plan on becoming European. So why should I care if they're socialists? They could
be facist, anarchist pigs. It still wouldn't change the fact that I don't have a car." --Ferris Bueller
(Ferris Bueller's Day Off)

Some people play hard to get. I play hard to want

Evil Robot Ted: Aim for the cat, dude! Aim for a cat!

Bill S. Preston: You totally killed us, you evil metal dickweeds!

Epstein: Why do you think I'm a homosexual? Eugene: I guess it's because you never talk about
girls. Epstein: I never talk about dogs either. Does that make me a cocker spaniel?

Sgt. Toomey: You would need three promotions to be an asshole.

Deckard: I have had people walk out on me before, but not when I was being so charming.

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Leon: Nothing is worse than having an itch you can never scratch!

Leon: Wake up! Time to die

Roy Batty: I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of
Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be
lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.

Frank Booth: Nobody fucks with me! Jeffrey Beaumont: Oh - maybe if you find the right girl...

Elwood Blues: Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

Elwood Blues: They're not gonna catch us. We're on a mission from God

Elwood Blues: It's a 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's
dark and we're wearing sunglasses. Jake Blues: Hit it!

Matty Walker: You're not very bright, are you? I like that in a man.

John Bender: But face it. You're a neo maxi zoom dweebie, what would you be doing if you
weren't out making yourself a better citizen?

Molly: ...you have no respect for women. Joe: I guess dinner and a blow job's out of the question.
Molly: I guess. Joe: We'll forget dinner..

Ugarte: You despise me, don't you? Rick Blaine: If I gave you any thought I probably would.

Yvonne: Will I see you tonight? Rick Blaine: I never make plans that far ahead.

Rick Blaine: And remember, this gun is pointed right at your heart. Captain Louis Renault: That is my
least vulnerable spot.

Wife: Didn't your mother teach you to wash your hands after you went to the bathroom? Bobby
Grady: No, she taught me not to piss on my fingers

Juliette Forrest: What does "Foc" mean? Rigby Reardon: It's a slang word. When a man and a
woman are in love, the man puts his--- Juliette Forrest: No, no. Here: "F. O. C."

Rigby Reardon: My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face.

Big Boy Caprice: Wait a minute! Wait. Wait. I'm having a thought. Oh yes. Oh yes. I'm going to
have a thought. It's coming. It's coming. ...It's gone.

Elliot: How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?

Han Solo: That's a good story. I think you just can't bear to let a gorgeous guy like me out of your
sight. Princess Leia Organa: I don't know where you get you delusions, laser brain!

C-3PO: R2 says that the chances of survival are 725 to 1. Actually R2 has been known to make
mistakes - from time to time... Oh dear...

Princess Leia Organa: I love you. Han Solo: I know.

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Demon: I'll swallow your soul!! I'll swallow your soul!! [Ash points his shotgun at the Demon's head]
Ash: Swallow this

William "D-FENS" Foster: I'm the bad guy??? How did that happen?

George Banks: And don't forget to fasten your condoms! ...Seatbelts, I mean seatbelts.

Ferris Bueller: Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass,
in two weeks you would have a diamond.

Ed Rooney: I don't trust this kid any farther than I can throw him. Grace: With your bad knee Ed,
you shouldn't throw anybody.

Ming the Merciless: Pathetic earthlings. Who can save you now?

Kees Flodder: He Sjonny, geile wijfe!

Forrest's Mother: Life is like a box of chocolates, Forrest. You never know what you're gonna get

Brian Kelly: Can I ask you something personal? Tina Trac: Sure... Brian Kelly: Where's the
bathroom?

James Bond: Do you expect me to talk? Auric Goldfinger: No Mr. Bond! I expect you to die!

Manolo: You must be Sasha. Jonathan: You must be going.

Phil Connors: Can I talk to you about a matter that is not work-related? Rita: You never talk about
work.

Felix's Wife: Dr. Connors. I want to thank you for fixing Felix's back. He can even help around the
house again. Phil Connors: I'm sorry to hear that, Felix

David Greenhill: ..see people like us Miriam, we're ... we're warm; but she's a ... she's an attorney.

Kurgan: Nuns. No sense of humor

Kurgan: It's better to burn out, than to fade away!

Myerson: Now I know what the FBI stands for. `Fucking, Ball-busting Imbeciles'!

Ed Okin: Are we under arrest or what? FBI Agent: I think you fall into the 'or what' category.

Mr. Miyagi: No such thing, bad student. Only bad teacher.

George Kuffs: I got women to do, places to see!

Baldrick, you wouldn't recognize a cunning plan if it painted itself purple, danced on a harpsycord
and sang: 'Cunning plans are here again'.

The certain proof that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that no one has bothered to
make contact with us

Going to church does not make you a Christian anymore than going to the garage makes you a car

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It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so ingenious.

If my grandmother had balls, she'd be my grandfather.

Flattery is all right, if you don't inhale.

Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that
is original is not good.

That's a great outfit you're wearing . . . I have just the perfect hanger for it.

In this life all that I have is my word and my balls and I do not break them for nobody - Al Capone

7) TECHNOLOGY:

There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third one works.

The personal computer market is about the same size as the total potato chip market. Next year it
will be about half the size of the pet food market and is fast approaching the total worldwide sales of
panty hose. - James Finke, President, Commodore International Ltd. (1982)

Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than
nothing. - Dick Brandon

A bad random number generator: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 4.33e+67, 1, 1, 1

A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.

A bug in the hand is better than one as yet undetected.

A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.

A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken.

A computer's attention span is only as long as its extension cord.

A fault tolerant system must report the faults even as it tolerates them.

A hacker does for love what others would not do for money. - Laura Creighton

A list is only as strong as its weakest link. - Don Knuth

A low level language is one whose programs require attention to the irrelevant.

A paperless office has about as much chance as a paperless bathroom.

A successful tool is used to do something undreamed of by its author. - Johnson

A)bort, R)etry or S)elf-destruct?

A)bort, R)etry, I)gnore, V)alium?

A)bort, R)etry, I)nfluence with large hammer.

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AAAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse Anonymous

APATHY ERROR: Don't bother striking any key.

ASCII to ASCII, DOS to DOS.

Abstraction is achieved by data hiding and enforced by encapsulation.

Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later. - Brook

Advanced design: Upper management doesn't understand it.

After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.

All computers run at the same speed...with the power off.

All the simple programs have been written, and all the good names taken.

All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

All you need to know is the user interface. - J. Redford

An algorithm must be seen to be believed. - D. E. Knuth

An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.

And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode.

Another megabytes the dust.

Any given program will expand to fill available memory.

Any nitwit can understand computers. Many do. - Ted Nelson

Any program that runs right is obsolete.

Any programming language is at its best before it is implemented and used.

Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature. - Kulawiec

Artificial Intelligence: Making computers behave like they do in the movies.

As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error. - Weisert

As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.

Asking if computers can think is like asking if submarines can swim.

Asking whether machines can think is like asking whether submarines can swim.

Avoid GOTOs completely if you can keep the program readable.

Avoid temporary variables and strange women.

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Avoid the Fortran arithmetic IF (or better yet, just avoid Fortran).

Avoid unnecessary branches.

BASIC is to computer programming as QWERTY is to typing. - Seymour Papert

[Link] halted... cereal port not responding!

Backup not found! A)bort, R)etry or P)anic?

Backup not found: A)bort, R)etry, M)assive heart failure?

Bad command or file name. Go stand in the corner.

Bad style destroys an otherwise superb program.

Base 8 is just like base 10, if you are missing two fingers. - Tom Lehrer

Be careful when a loop exits to the same place from side and bottom.

Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers. - Leonard Brandwein

Brain fried; core dumped.

Breakthrough: It finally booted on the first try.

Breakthrough: It nearly booted on the first try.

C:\BELFRY is where I keep my .BAT files.

C:\GRAPHICS\GIF\NAUGHTY\FILTHY\DISGUSTING\WOW!

CCCP:> format CCCP: /u

CCITT - Can't Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today

CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..

Capt'n! The spellchecker kinna take this abuse!

Choose variable names that will not be confused.

Close your eyes and press escape three times.

Compatible: Gracefully accepts erroneous data from any source.

Computer Science: Solving today's problems tomorrow.

Computer and car salesmen differ in that the latter know when they are lying.

Computer possessed? Try DEVICE=C:\[Link]

Computer programmers do it byte by byte.

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Computers are a more fun way to do the same work you'd have to do without them.

Computers are only human.

Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. - Gilb

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. - Pablo Picasso

Computers talk to each other worse than their designers do.

Computers... are not designed, as we are, for ambiguity. - Thomas

Congratulations! You are the one-millionth user to log into our system.

Controlling complexity is the essence of computer programming. - Kernigan

Customer: A primitive life form at the bottom of the food chain.

DYNAMIC LINKING ERROR: Your mistake is now everywhere.

Debugger: A tool that substitutes afterthought for forethought.

Design simplicity: It was developed on a shoe-string budget.

Design: The activity of preparing for a design review.

Diagnostics are the programs that run when nothing else will.

Disc space, the final frontier!

Disclaimer: Any errors in spelling, tact, or fact are transmission errors.

Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped?

Do you like me for my brain or my baud?

Document code? Why do you think they call it "code?"

Don't comment or patch bad code; rewrite it.

Don't compare floating point numbers solely for equality.

Don't diddle code to make it faster; find a better algorithm.

Don't document the program; program the document.

Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.

Don't let the computer bugs bite!

Don't stop at one bug.

Dreams are free, but you get soaked on the connect time.

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EBCDIC: Erase, Back up, Chew Disk, Ignite Card

E Pluribus UNIX.

Earth is 98% full...please delete anyone you can.

Emacs is a nice operating system, but I prefer UNIX. - Tom Christiansen

Error 13: Illegal brain function. Process terminated.

Esc key to reboot Universe, or any other key to continue...

Every bug you find is the last one.

Every program in development at MIT expands until it can read mail.

Every program is a part of some other program, and rarely fits.

Every program is either trivial or it contains at least one bug.

Everybody needs a little love sometime; stop hacking and fall in love!

Exclusive: We're the only ones who have the documentation.

Expert systems are built to embody the knowledge of human experts. - Kulawiec

Field tested: Manufacturing doesn't have a test system.

Finish your mail packet! Children are offline in India.

Foolproof operation: All parameters are hard coded.

Foolproof operation: All parameters are hard coded.

From C:\*.* to shining C:\*.*

Futuristic: It only runs on the next-generation supercomputer.

Futuristic: It will only run on a next generation supercomputer.

Gotta run, the cat's caught in the printer.

Hackers have kernel knowledge.

Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.

Help! I'm trapped in a Chinese computer factory!

Hex dump: Where witches put used curses...

Honey, I Formatted the Kid!

Host System Not Responding, Probably Down. Do you want to wait? (Y/N)

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How an engineer writes a program: Start by debugging an empty file...

How do I love thee? My accumulator overflows.

How do I set my laser printer on stun?

How was Thomas J. Watson buried? 9 edge down.

I am a computer, dumber than any human and smarter than an administrator.

I am still waiting for the advent of the computer science groupie.

I am the computer your mother warned you about.

I bet the human brain is a kludge. - Marvin Minsky

I came, I saw, I deleted all your files.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. - - Isaac Asimov

I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere.

I just found the last bug.

I modem, but they grew back.

I must have slipped a disk; my pack hurts.

I smell a wumpus.

I suppose when it gets to that point, we shan't know how it does it. - Turing

I used to have a life, then I got v32bis!

I'm a modemer and I'm OK. I post all night and I sleep all day.

I'm not a sysop, I just play one on the echoes.

IBM: I Blame Mathematics

IBM: I Breaks Monthly

IBM: I Bring Madness

IBM: I Broke Mine

IBM: I Built Mine

IBM: I bring manuals

IBM: I'd Be Misinforming

IBM: I'd Buy Macintosh

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IBM: I'll Buy Macintosh

IBM: I'm Being Manipulated

IBM: I'm Beyond Mistakes

IBM: I'm Buying Macintosh

IBM: I've Become Magnanimous

IBM: I've Been Mangled

IBM: I've Been Mauled

IBM: I've Been Mesmerized

IBM: I've Been Misled

IBM: Ici Beaucoup Merde

IBM: Iconoclastic Bilateral Monopoly

IBM: Icons Bygones My Mom's

IBM: Idealistically Backwards Microcomputers

IBM: Ideas Bring Money

IBM: Idiots Became Managers

IBM: Idiots Being Mental

IBM: Idiots Built Me

IBM: Idle Brain Malfunction

IBM: Ifs Buts Maybes

IBM: Ill'manners Being Mandatory

IBM: Ill-mannered Besotten Macrocasm

IBM: Illustrious Bankruptcy Malenfactor

IBM: Illustrious Busy Mice

IBM: Imbecile Bad Micros

IBM: Imensa Bola de Manteca

IBM: Imitable Boring Microcomputers

IBM: Immeasurable Bigheaded Malapert

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IBM: Immovable Brash Monolith

IBM: Impeccably Blue-dressed Managers

IBM: Imperial Bellicose Marauder

IBM: Imperialist by Marketing

IBM: Impersonal Bellicose Magnate

IBM: Impious Bacchnalain Metropolis

IBM: In Business (for) Money

IBM: Inadequates Becoming Millionaires

IBM: Inane Brutish Merchandising

IBM: Incompatible Blue Machines

IBM: Inconsistent Business machines

IBM: Incontinent Bandolerisimo Moloch

IBM: Increasingly Bad Manufacturing

IBM: Increasingly Banal Movement

IBM: Incredible Bowel Movement

IBM: Incredibly Bad Merchandising

IBM: Incredibly Ballsey Marketeers

IBM: Incredibly Belligerent Merketing

IBM: Incredibly Big Manufacturer

IBM: Incredibly Bloody Minded

IBM: Incredibly Boastful Mercenary

IBM: Incredibly Boring Manuals

IBM: Incredibly Broad Monolopy

IBM: Incredibly Bullying Menace

IBM: Indecision Breeds Mistakes

IBM: Indecorous Big-named Medusoid

IBM: Indigestion Bothers Me

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IBM: Industry Bowel Movement

IBM: Industry's Biggest Mistake

IBM: Industry's Bulging Monolith

IBM: Inept Bulling Menace

IBM: Inevitably Bad Marketing

IBM: Inferior Before Macintosh

IBM: Infernal Biggest Mistake

IBM: Infernal Blue Machines

IBM: Infinite Budget Merchandising

IBM: Infinitely Baffling Motives

IBM: Inherently Bad Manuals

IBM: Innovation By Management

IBM: Insanely Better Marketing

IBM: Insensitivity Begets Mediocrity

IBM: Inshallah Burak Ma'lesh

IBM: Insidious Byzantine Mentality

IBM: Insignificant Bothersome Machine

IBM: Insipidly Bankrolling Millions

IBM: Insolent Bickering Mal-der-mer

IBM: Install Bigger Memory

IBM: Insulting Boorish Manner

IBM: Insultingly Boring Microcomputers

IBM: Intensely Boring Machines

IBM: Intentionally Braindamaged Machinery

IBM: Interesting But Mediocre

IBM: Interesting But Mundane

IBM: Intergalactic Bottomline Mistake

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IBM: Internals By Mediocrity

IBM: International Bit Mangler

IBM: International Bowel Movement

IBM: Intersmashable Byte Manipulators

IBM: Into Building Money

IBM: Intriguingly Blue Motif

IBM: Invented By Maladroits

IBM: Invented By Marketing

IBM: Invented By Murphy

IBM: Irresponsibility Behaved Multinational

IBM: It Broke Be

IBM: It's Become Monolithic

IBM: It's Been Malfunctioning

IBM: It's Better 'morrow

IBM: It's Better Manually

IBM: It's Beyond Monolithic

IBM: It's Broke Ma'am

IBM: It's Bugging Me

IBM: It's Bullshit Mommery

IBM: Itty Bitty Machines

IBM: Itty Bitty Mentality

IBM: Itty Bitty Mouse

IBM: Itty Bity Maharishi

If I had it all to do over again, I'd spell creat with an "e". - Kernighan

If a program is useful, it must be changed.

If a program is useless, it must be documented.

If a train station is where the train stops, what is a work station?

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If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0

If at first you don't succeed, you must be a programmer.

If it was easy, the hardware people would take care of it.

If only women came with pull-down menus and online help.

If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong. - Schryer

If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some.

Implementation is the sincerest form of flattery.

In /dev/null no one can hear you scream

In computer science, we stand on each other's feet. - Brian Reid

In the long run, every program becomes rococco, and then rubble. - Alan Perlis

Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?

It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.

It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.

It is now pitch dark. If you proceed, you will likely fall into a pit.

It is ten o'clock; do you know where your processes are?

It said, "Insert disk #3," but only two will fit!

It wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought. - Wilkes, 1949

It's 10 o'clock. Do you know where your child processes are?

It's here at last: We've released a 26-week project in 48 weeks.

It's redundant! It's redundant! - R. E. Dundant

Justify my text? I'm sorry but it has no excuse.

Kiss your keyboard goodbye!

Know Thy User.

LISP: To call a spade a thpade.

Last one out, turn off the computer!

Let the machine do the dirty work. - Elements of Programming Style

Life would be much easier if I had the source code.

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Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code.

Lisp Users: Due to the holiday, there will be no garbage collection on Monday.

Logic is neither an art or a science but a dodge.

Logic: The art of being wrong with confidence...

Long computations that yield zero are probably all for naught.

MC Hammer, n. Device used to ensure firm seating of MicroChannel boards

MIPS: Meaningless Indicator of Processor Speed.

Machine independent code isn't.

Machine-independent: Does not run on any existing machine.

Maintenance free: It's impossible to fix.

Maintenance-free: When it breaks, it can't be fixed...

Make input easy to proofread.

Make it right before you make it faster.

Make sure all variables are initialized before use.

Make sure comments and code agree.

"Make sure your code ""does nothing"" gracefully."

Managing programmers is like herding cats.

Maniac: An early computer built by nuts...

Manual Writer's Creed: Garbage in, gospel out.

May the bugs of many programs nest on your hard drive.

Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology. - R. S. Barton

Me and my two friends... GIF and Wesson.

Meets quality standards: Compiles without errors.

Meets quality standards: It compiles without errors.

Memory dump: Amnesia...

Microwave: Signal from a friendly micro...

Modem: How a Southerner asks for seconds...

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Mommy! The cursor's winking at me!

Multitasking: Screwing up several things at once...

My BBS is baroque now. Please call Bach later with your Handel.

My Go this amn keyboar oesn't have any 's.

My computer NEVER cras

My computer isn't that nervous, it's just a bit ANSI.

My computer's sick. I think my modem is a carrier.

My mail reader can beat up your mail reader.

My sister opened a computer store in Hawaii. She sells C shells by the seashore.

Netnews is like yelling, "Anyone want to buy a used car?" in a crowded theater.

Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.

Never put off till run-time what you can do at compile-time. - D. Gries

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle. - Steinbach

Never trust a computer you can't lift. - Stan Masor

Never trust a computer you can't throw out the window. - S. Hunt

Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes. - Jackson

Never violate the Prime Directory! C:\

Never write software that anthropomorphizes the machine.

Never write software that patronizes the user.

New: It comes in different colors from the previous version.

Nice computers don't go down.

No extensible language will be universal. - T. Cheatham

No line available at 300 baud.

No program done by a hacker will work unless he is on the system.

No program done by an undergrad will work after she graduates.

Nobody has ever, ever, EVER learned all of WordPerfect.

Nostalgia: The good old days multiplied by a bad memory...

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Objects are closer than they appear.

Old mail has arrived.

Old programmers never die; they just branch to a new address.

On a clear disk you can seek forever. - Computerworld Button

On a clear disk you can seek forever. - Denning

On a clear disk you can seek forever...

One if by LAN, two if by C. - Paul Revere, as told by John Karwoski

One man's constant is another man's variable. - Perlis

One person's error is another person's data.

One picture is worth 128K words.

Overflow on /dev/null; please empty the bit bucket.

People who deal with bits should expect to get bitten. - Jon Bentley

Performance is easier to add than clarity.

Performance proven: It works through beta test.

Portable: Survives system reboot.

Press [ESC] to detonate or any other key to explode.

Printed on 100% recyclable phosphor.

Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.

Programmer: One who is too lacking in people skills to be a software engineer.

Programmers do it bit by bit.

Programming Department: Mistakes made while you wait.

Programming is an art form that fights back.

Programming is an unnatural act.

Programming just with goto's is like swatting flies with a sledgehammer.

Programs: What software used to be, back when we knew how to write it.

Protect your software at all costs; all else is meat.

Quality assurance: A way to ensure you never deliver shoddy goods accidentally.

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RAM DISK is not an installation procedure!

[Link] not found. Atempting to restore Universe......

[Link] corrupted- reboot Universe (Y/N)?

Random access is the optimum of the mass storages.

Real programmers use: COPY CON [Link]

Real programs don't eat cache.

Remember the good old days, when CPU was singular?

Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU.

Replace repetitive expressions by calls to a common function.

Resistance is useless! (If < 1 ohm)

Revolutionary: Disk drives go round and round.

Revolutionary: The disk drives go round and round.

SCCS, the source motel! Programs check in and never check out! - Ken Thompson

SCCS, the source motel! Programs check in and never check out! - Ken Thompson

[Link] found... Out Of Memory.

SET DEVICE = EXXON to screw up your environment.

Satisfaction Guaranteed: We'll send you another copy if it fails.

Save energy: Drive a smaller shell.

Shift to the left! Shift to the right! Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!

Software engineer: One who engineers others into writing the code for him/her.

Software is best understood as a branch of movie making. - Ted Nelson

Software is mind work. Having the right frame of mind is essential.

Software is to computers as yeast is to dough. - Chuck Bradshaw

Some programming languages manage to absorb change but withstand progress.

Spellchecker not found. Press -- to continue ...

Spelling checkers at maximum! Fire!

Stack Error: Lost on a cluttered desk...

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Stack Overflow: Too many pancakes...

Stack manipulation: The use of inflatable falsies. - -Datamazing, 4/1/78

State-of-the-art: What we could do with enough money.

State-of-the-practice: What we can do with the money you have.

Steinbach's Rule: Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle

Stock item: We shipped it once before, and we can do it again, probably.

Structured Programming supports the law of the excluded muddle.

Supercomputer: Turns CPU-bound problem into I/O-bound problem. - Ken Batcher

Sure it's user-friendly...if you know what you're doing.

Swap read error. You lose your mind.

System going down at 1:45 for disk crashing.

System going down at 5 pm to install scheduler bug.

Systems programmers are the high priests of a low cult. - R. S. Barton

Terminal glare: A look that kills...

That does not compute.

The Soviet Union does not exist any more in its present format.

The attention span of a computer is only as long as its power cord.

The best packed information most resembles random noise.

The best way to accelerate a Mac is at 9.8 m / sec^2l.

The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer.

The computer is the Proteus of machines. - Seymour Papert

The computing field is always in need of new cliches. - Alan Perlis

The determined programmer can write a FORTRAN program in any language.

The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.

The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.

The less time planning, the more time programming.

The moving cursor prints, and having printed, blinks on.

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The next generation of computers will have a "Warranty Expired" interrupt.

The number of UNIX installations has grown to 10, with more expected. - June, 1972

The program is absolutely right; therefore the computer must be wrong.

The program is absolutely right; therefore, the computer must be wrong.

The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH'. - Weinberg, p.152

The purpose of computing is insight, not numbers. - Hamming

The steady state of disks is full. - Ken Thompson

The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.

The whole is the sum of its parts, plus one or more bugs

The wise person writes bomb-proof code.

The world is coming to an end... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!

The world will end in 5 minutes. Please log out.

The world's coming to an end. Log off and leave in an orderly fashion.

There are always at least two ways to program the same thing.

There are never any bugs you haven't found yet.

There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.

There can never be a computer language in which you cannot write a bad program.

There is no problem that, when programmed just right, isn't more complicated.

There must be more to life than compile-and-go.

This BBS is ancient. Some say from the echocene.

This fortune soaks up 47 times its own weight in excess memory.

This login session: $13.76, but for you: $11.88.

This message transmitted on 100% recycled electrons.

This screen intentionally left blank.

This system will self-destruct in five minutes.

This time it will surely run.

Those who can't write, write help files.

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Those who can, do. Those who cannot, teach. Those who cannot teach, HACK!

Thrashing is just virtual crashing.

To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.

To define recursion, we must first define recursion.

To err is human; to forgive, beyond the scope of the Operating System.

To err is human; to really foul things up requires a computer.

To iterate is human; to recurse, divine.

To iterate is human; to recurse, divine. - Robert Heller

To understand a program you must become both the machine and the program.

Todays assembler command : EXOP Execute Operator

Trojan: Storage device for replicating codes...

Try not to let implementation details sneak into design documents.

UNIX is a computer virus with a user interface.

UNIX is many things to many people, but it has never been everything to anybody.

USER ERROR: Replace user and press any key to continue.

Unprecedented performance: Nothing ever ran this slow before.

Unprecedented performance: Nothing ever ran this slow before.

Use GOTOs only to implement a fundamental structure.

Use IF...ELSE IF...ELSE IF...ELSE... to implement multi-way branches.

Use free-form input where possible.

User: A harmless drudge.

Variables won't; constants aren't. - Osborn

Virus detected! P)our chicken soup on motherboard?

Volume in Drive C: TOO_LOUD!

[Link]: Great Shareware, but be careful of viruses...

[Link]: A great program, but it doesn't come with documentation...

Was that your wife I saw in that GIF?

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Watch out for off-by-one errors.

What do computer engineers use for birth control? Their personalities.

What this country needs is a good five-cent microcomputer.

When a program is being tested, it is too late to make design changes.

When all else fails, let a = 7. If that doesn't help, then read the manual.

When we write programs that "learn", it turns out we do and they don't.

Where the system is concerned, you are not allowed to ask "Why?".

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?

Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users?

Years of development: We finally got one to work.

You can't go home again, unless you set $HOME.

You can't make a program without broken egos.

You depend too much on computers for information.

You don't have to know how the computer works, just how to work the computer.

You forgot to do your backup 16 days ago. Tomorrow you will need that version.

You forgot to do your backup 16 days ago. Tomorrow you'll need that version.

You had mail, but the super-user read it, and deleted it!

You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.

You have junk mail.

You know it is going to be a bad day when you forget your new password.

You might have mail.

You never finish a program, you just stop working on it.

Your e-mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage.

Your fault, core dumped.

Your password is pitifully obvious.

ZAP! Process discontinued. Enter any 12-digit prime number to resume.

ZMODEM: Big bits, Soft blocks, Tighter ASCII...

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 QUOTES
[If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses]

[Unix] is not necessarily evil, like OS/2. - Peter Norton

f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.

fortune: No such file or directory

grep..grep..grep... (Frog with UNIX stuck in its' throat)

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where
we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents. - Nathaniel Borenstein

There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be
a coincidence. - Jeremy S. Anderson

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would
today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside. -
Robert X. Cringely

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a
submarine can swim. - Edgar W. Dijkstra

The only ""intuitive"" interface is the nipple. After that, it's all learned.

Never trust a program unless you have the source.

How should I know if it works? That's what Beta testers are for, I only coded it.

If it aint broke, don't fix it!

Our programs never have bugs, they just develop random features.

ID10T ERROR!

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