Interpersonal Behaviour

INTRODUCTION

Individual behaviour is a complicated and complex concept. It is affected by psychological factors

such as perception, learning, personality and motivation. It can further be apprehended in terms of
interpersonal relationship, or in terms of a group comprising more than two persons. Individual
behaviour unquestionably affects and in turn is affected by the behaviour of others. One of the
dilemmas in organisational behaviour is to analyse and improve interpersonal and group behaviour
in organisations. Transactional analysis and group dynamics are the two basic approaches to study
interpersonal and group behaviour in an organisational system. The former deals with
understanding, predicting and controlling interpersonal relationships and the latter studies group
behaviour. When people interact in organisations, there is a social transaction in which one person
responds to another. If two or more people encounter each other in a social aggregation, sooner or
later one of them will speak or give some other indication of acknowledging the presence of the
others. This is called the transactional stimulus. Another person will then say or do something. which
is in some way related to this stimulus, and that is called the transactional response. From the
standpoint of TA (Transactional Analysis) approach, a transaction is a stimulus plus a response. For
example, if you say to one of your colleagues, "you have really done a fine job on that project", that
is stimulus, if he says, "thanks", that is a response. Thus, transactions take place between people.
They can also take place between the "people" in our heads. If we have a sudden impulse to say
something to someone, we may mentally hear a voice telling us not to say it and then a second voice
agreeing. These people in our heads are called ego states. Thus, transactional analysis is a technique
of analysing and understanding interpersonal behaviour. This article will explain interpersonal styles
and different ego states, life positions and ways to improve the operational effectiveness of your
styles.

ANALYSIS OF SELF AWARENESS

The interpersonal relationships are composed of inner-self. Inner Self is the hub of personality
patterns which provides integration. The interpersonal relationship can be studied properly if one
can perceive (self-perception) one's own behavioural style and at the same time how it is perceived
by others. The Johari Window can be used to identify the self-perception and the other's perception
about one's own personality. A model of Johari Window was pioneered by Joseph Luft and
Harrington Ingham to look at one's personality including behaviours and attitudes that can be known
and unknown to self and known and unknown to others.
Thus, four different quadrants can be created that comprise the total window as indicated in Figure.
Each quadrant is defined as follows:

1) The Open Self (Open area): The quadrant that is known to the self and also known to others- in
any specific organisational setting- is called the open self. It is known to self and others within that
organisational setting. Such type of interpersonal relationship would tend to lead to a little, if any,
interpersonal conflict.

2) The Blind Self (Blind spot): The quadrant that is unknown to the self but is known to others is
referred to as the blind self. Often such blind behaviour is copied by an individual from significant
people unconsciously, right since the childhood. It is not known to the self because of the
unwillingness of others to be open and to give relevant feedback to the individual. Besides, an
individual does not endeavour to perceive the verbal and non-verbal responses that exist in the
system. Jongeward and Seyer note that, “subtle restrictions to our personal effectiveness are often
our blind quadrant. We may speak in a certain way - with a tone of voice, a look on our face - a
gesture - that we are blind to, but other people are actually aware of. In fact, our manner can affect
how they perceive us and whether they believe they can interact with us".

3) The Hidden Self (Hidden Area): The quadrant that is known to the self but not known to others is
named as the hidden self. This is a private window because it is only known to the person
concerned. Further, it may be private since the person has been unwilling to communicate with
other people in an organisational system. Again, it may be hidden because the others are unable to
perceive the verbal and non-verbal behaviour of the person in the system.

4) The Unknown Self (Unknown): The quadrant that is unknown to the self and unknown to others
is called the unknown self. The unknown self is mysterious. Many times motivations and feelings go
very deep and no one, including the person concerned, knows about them. In Freudian psychology,
this would be called the subconscious or unconscious. Freud was the first to recognise the
importance of subconscious motivation. He believed that people are not always aware of everything
they want and hence much of their behaviour is affected by subconscious~ motives or needs. In
fact, Freud's research convinced him that an analogy could be drawn between the motivation of
people and the structure of an iceberg. A significant segment of human' motivation appears below
the surface where it is not always evident to the individual. Therefore, many times only a small
portion of motivation is clearly visible or conscious to oneself. In this situation, there is much
misunderstanding and interpersonal conflict is almost sure to result. The process that affects the
shape of the Johari Window is the-feedback. This is the extent to which others are willing to share
with the person on how he or she is coming across. It is also the extent to which the person is able to
perceive the verbal and non-verbal feedback in the organisational setting. Another important factor
that effects the Johari Window is disclosure. This is the extent to which the persons are willing to
share with others the data that exists in their organisational milieu. In the process of feedback and
disclosures in the system, organisationally relevant data which the others are willing to share with
the person or persons about the way they think or behave, the open self of persons begins to
broaden its horizon. There is also a high probability that something of which was previously
unknown to the self and others will begin to surface into the unknown self.

EGO STATES

The ego plays an important role in human behaviour. Sigmund Freud was the first to believe that
there are three sources within the human personality that stimulate, monitor and control behaviour.
Transactional analysis uses Freudian psychoanalytic theory as the background for identifying three
important ego states: child, adult and parent. These three ego states ar roughly equivalent to
Freudian concepts of id (child), ego (adult) and superego (parent). These three ego states have
nothing to do with the chronological age of the persons and they are related only with the
psychological age. A person of any age may have these ego states in varying degrees. According to
Berne, "although we cannot directly observe these ego states, we can observe behaviour and from
this infer which of the three ego states are operating at that moment". People interact with one
another in terms of these three ego states. A balance between three ego states gives way for a
healthy person who can easily move from one ego to another.

Parent (P) Ego State

For better or for worse, parents serve as models and are imprinted on the brains of their children.
The parent ego state is a huge collection of recordings in the brain of unquestioned or imposed
external events perceived by a person before his social birth or before he leaves home in response
to the demands of society or enters school. The father and mother, elder sisters and brothers and
school teachers become internalised in the parent ego state as recordings of what the child saw
them say and do. We often observe the parents or parent substitutes telling children, smoking or
drinking is injurious to health. From where did they learn this advice? They probably learned it from
their parents, who, in turn learnt it from their own parents and so on. This means that the values
and behaviour of parents become an integral part of a person's personality. Persons with the parent
ego state, act like domineering parents. They can be overly protective, loving, distant, dogmatic,
indispensable, upright, stem and critical. Physical and verbal clues that someone is acting with the
parent ego state, include the wagging finger to show displeasure, give standards and rules for
others, and reliance on the ways that were successful in the past. They tend to talk down to people
and to treat others like children.

There are two types of parent ego states:

Nurturing parent, and

Prejudicial Parent or Critical Parent.

Nurturing parent ego state reflects sympathetic, protective and nurturing behaviour not only
towards children but also to other people in interaction. Children who have nurturing parents
develop Parent ego states that contain nurturing behaviour. Unless deliberately deciding against it
when grown, they may repeat to their own children the same sympathetic, nurturing remarks and
gestures that they learned from their parents.

The Critical Parent ego state tends to be filled with opinions about religion, politics, traditions,
sexual role expectations, life styles, child rearing, proper dress, speech, and all the facets of cultural
family scripts. These opinions, often irrational, may not have been evaluated by the Audit ego state
and may be prejudiced. When operating prejudicially with children, parents attempt to set standards
of behaviour on the basis of these erroneous opinions rather than on the basis of facts. Critical
parent ego state shows critical and evaluative behaviour in interaction with others. It makes people
feel that they, not just their behaviour, are not O.K. Thus, Critical Parent behaviour attacks people's
personalities as well as their behaviour. They are always ready to respond with a should or ought to
almost anything people tell them. All parents tend to use Nurturing ego state on some occasion and
the Critical ego state on others.

Adult (A) Ego State

Everyone has an Adult ego state, and unless the brain is severely damaged, everyone is capable of
using adult data-processing ability. The Adult is a data-processing computer, which grinds out
decisions after computing the information from the parent, the child, and the data which the Adult
has gathered and is gathering. One of the important functions of the Adult is to examine the data in
the Parent and the Child bank to ensure whether it is true or false. After having examined the data,
the Adult will accept or reject it. The goal is not to do away with the Parent and Child but to be free
to examine these bodies of data. In the Adult ego state people attack problems in a "cool-headed"
rational manner. People interacting with Adult ego do not act impulsively or in a domineering style.
They assume human beings as equal, worthy and responsible. The Adult has an independent set of
feelings, attitudes and ' behaviour patterns that are adapted to the current reality and are not
affected by Parental prejudices or archaic attitudes left over from childhood. Thus, people, with
Adult ego state gather relevant information, carefully analyse it, generate alternatives and make
logical choices. This ego state can be identified by verbal and physical signs which include thoughtful
concentration and factual discussion.

Child (C) Ego State

Everyone carries within one's brain and nervous system, permanent recordings of internal events
(feelings) in response to external events (mostly father and mother) between the birth and age five.
The Child ego state is the inner world of feelings, experiences and adaptations. It is associated with
behaviours like conformity, anxiety, depression, dependence, fear, creativity, emotional,
sentimental, submissive, joyful, insubordinate and rebellious. In each case, the child ego is
characterised by very immature behaviour. For example, a worker tells a co-worker, "my boss makes
me so mad sometimes, I could scream," and then proceeds to break into tears. It is childlike
behaviour. Physical and verbal clues that the person is acting in the child ego are silent compliance,
attention seeking, temper tantrums, giggling and coyness. Like an actual child, the child ego desires
approval from others and prefers immediate rewards. It can be identified by its emotional tone, as
when an employee comments to the supervisor, "You're always picking on me".

There are several forms of the Child ego state. Muriel and Jogeward in their book, Born to Win, have
said that the most popular child ego states are: Natural Child, Adaptive Child and Little Professor.

1) The Natural Child

The Natural Child is affectionate, impulsive, sensuous, uncensored and curious. For example, the
Natural child responds impulsively to his bodily feelings, crying when hungry or wet and cooing
when full or comfortable. Nevertheless, he is also fearful, self-indulgent, self-centred, rebellious
and aggressive. When frustrated, for instance, the Natural child responds rebelliously. Children
may assert this will by throwing a bottle, refusing to eat or screaming with anger, etc.
2) The Little Professor
The Little Professor is intuitive, creative and manipulative. When a child acts like the Little
Professor, he figures things out and often believes in magic. He responds to non-verbal
messages and plays hunches. For example, a person can intuitively guess the meaning of the
boss's tense jaw or the twinkle in a friend's eye. However, the little professor is sometimes
wrong. The boss may have a toothache and the friend may be enjoying a fantasy. People who
express their creativity purposefully use their little professor in conjunction with their Adult ego
state.
3) The Adaptive Child
The adaptive child is the trained one and he is likely to do what parents insist on, rational or
irrational, and may learn to feel non-OK. A child's first adaptations to the world begin in the
mother's womb, as her emotions, chemical make-up, nutrition and health leave their effect on
her unborn child. Immediately after his physical birth, an infant begins to adapt to the demands
of the outside world. The Adapted Child is a socialised one. Children may be adapted to be
courteous and to conform to rituals and to standards of dress. Briefly stated, an Adapted child is
characterised by experiences and parental training that influence the child. Each individual has
three unique ego states and also behaves from these states at different times. However,
according to Wagner "a healthy person has a personality that maintains a balance among all
three". Practically speaking it would be difficult if not impossible to maintain a balance among
all the three ego states. At times, some people tend to be dominated by one or two ego states.
Empirical evidence shows that the human behaviour is a product of constant interaction
between the situation and an individual which may lead to good or bad consequences. Thus, an
ego state from which a person behaves would depend to a large extent, on a situation in which
an individual operates at that particular moment.

LIFE POSITIONS

Very early in life, a person develops certain specific perceptions based on his or her experiences
about the self and other's behaviour. These perceptions tend to remain with the person for life,
unless major experiences occur to change them. Such perceptions are the most deterministic
decisions of one’s life and permanently influence everything one does. In transactional analysis
approach, such perceptions* are called life positions or psychological positions. This approach
constructs the following classification of the four possible life positions held with respect to one-self
and others:

(1) I am not - OK - You are OK.

(2) I am not - OK - You are not - OK.

(3) I am OK - You are not - OK.

(4) 1 am OK - You are OK.

I'm Not - OK - You're OK : This is a common position of persons who feel powerless when they
compare themselves to others. This position leads them to withdraw, experience depression, and in
severe cases, become suicidal. Persons with this life position always feel themselves at the mercy of
others and grumble for one thing or the other. Managers behaving from this position tend to give
and receive bad feelings. In this position, there is a need to give positive strokes to motivate the
workers to produce more. Those who have this position operate from child ego state.

I'm Not OK - You're Not OK: This is a position of those who lose interest in living. They feel that life
is full of frustrations and exhibit schizoid behaviour. In extreme cases, persons with this life position
commit suicide or homicide. Those persons who were ignored by their parents in their early life and
brought up by their servants usually take this position. At times, persons with this life position begin
to use intoxicated drugs. Managers behaving from this position are not competent, energetic,
efficient and effective. They are indecisive, confused and make uncalled for mistakes. They provoke
others to give them negative strokes in order to relieve themselves from stresses, and strains.

I'm OK - You're not OK: Those persons who have this position feel victimised or persecuted, or they
victimise and persecute others. They blame others for their miseries. This is a distrustful
psychological position. It is an outcome of a situation in which the child was seriously neglected by
his parents. Delinquents and criminals often have this position and take on paranoid behaviour
which in extreme cases may lead to homicide. In this position, persons operate from the parent ego.
Managers behaving from this position believe in negative strokes. They feel that workers are lazy,
irresponsible and un-trustful, therefore, they need to be closely controlled and often coerced to
achieve organisational objectives.

I'm OK - You're OK: This is potentially a mentally healthy position. People with this position express
confidence in themselves as well as trust and confidence in others. Their expectations are likely to be
valid. They accept the significance of people and feel that life is worth living. Those who have this
position behave from Adult, Nurturing parent, and Happy child ego states. When managers behave
from this position, they have complete confidence and trust in subordinates. They -disperse
decision-making authority throughout the organisation. They believe in giving and taking positive
strokes. They encourage communication flow not only up and down the hierarchy but among peers.

Every person has the above four positions and takes one in life, about one self and about others. The
last is the winner's position (I'm OK - you're OK). But even winners may occasionally have feelings
that resemble the other three. The best position is one that provides an adult-adult transaction, i.e.,
I’m OK - You're OK. It is the most desirable position because it shows acceptance of self and others.
Psychological understanding and conscious choice can help people to move to OK - OK position.
Education, understanding, positive & mature psychological experiences help individuals to learn this.

Transactions take place between people and consist of stimulus (verbal and non-verbal) plus
response. People interact with each other from ego states. Transactional analysis can help us to
determine which ego state is most heavily influencing our behaviour and the behaviour of other
people with whom we interact. On the basis of ego states, transactions can be classified as
complimentary, crossed and ulterior.

WAYS TO DEAL WITH CONFLICTS

The main or primary unit of any organisation, large or small, is the individual. If a manager knows
what factors influence an individual's behaviour, including his own he would be able to manage
more effectively. To understand behaviour it is necessary to consider attitudes, perceptions and
personality. There is no magic formula to gain an insight into human behaviour but, these factors do
give us some knowledge and information on human interactions.
Criticism, anger, sarcasm, aggression, fear, tears, low performance etc. are largely connected to
feelings and emotions of individuals. The causes of all these have more to do with factors such as
needs, interests, roles, pressures, personality, resources, lack of awareness and skill. Ultimately
these factors lead to conflicts among individuals or groups. Conflict is not necessarily bad, but at
times some very useful or productive outcome may be expected out of a conflict. Conflict
management is necessary to remove unpleasant feelings, anger, criticism and aggression, etc., that
affect good interpersonal relationships. The following ways could be helpful in dealing with conflicts:

1) Try to channel the drives that produces rivalry into constructive effort
Most of the people in an organisation want to do better. They want to excel in whatever
they are doing. It is because of these feelings, motives drive and desires that people get into
conflicting situations or because of which the frictions arise. (In case with the help of
superiors and associates these drives are channelled in the right direction the organisation
as a whole would benefit and this will also be an asset for the organisation)
2) Watch for the points where conflicts may become destructive.
There is no formula that tells us when rivalry and controversy have gone too far and when
they haven't. One has to play this question by the ear and observation and make individual
judgements in each case. One important aspect to be remembered is that the gains of
conflicts such as new information, new understanding and education etc., must be weighed
against the cost in terms of hurt feelings and sleepless nights that the conflict produces.
3) Keep focusing on the benefits of having men with ability, irrespective of their personal
weaknesses
While appraising performances of an employee his character or the personal side is rarely
isolated. This may lead a manager to overlook the positive traits of a doer/achiever, and this
may result in frictions or conflicts which may be resolved by pointing out the plus points of
an employee and also by giving a particular job responsibility.
4) See that your very ambitious subordinates work for you and the company
In case your subordinates have s lot of time to spend on backstage manoeuvres it means
that they don't have enough work. It is always a good idea to see if the long term plans/
developments of the organisation are being effectively managed by your subordinates. It is
also important to take stock of whether the employees care for developing the abilities of
subordinates and assignments or not. The jobs of the employees should be enriched as well -
as enlarged. This will keep them occupied.
5) See that the friction happens for the right reasons
Whenever you get concerned about any rivalry/conflict or argument that is going on, ask
yourself a question. "Is this happening because of the groups forward progress or because I
haven't been providing the right quality of leadership"? Try to put people's efforts in such a
way that conflicts come from bona-fide attempts to move the organisation ahead and not
for selfish or short term gains. If you are an autocratic leader, your subordinates will come
for guidance each time they face a problem as they are highly dependent on you and at the
same time they will not show but hide their feelings. They may hide problems also. In this
case there will be a negative result. On the other hand, if you believe in building self-
reliance, encouraging initiative and make your people work for achieving certain
organisational goals, then also there may be conflicts but of the kind that comes naturally
from forward progress.