Before the Streets Raise Her
How to Give Your Daughter the Truth Before TikTok,
Friends, and Pressure Do
This Is What I Wish Someone Told Me Before the World Tried to Teach Me First
I didn’t always know who I was.
There was a time I looked in the mirror and saw a face I couldn’t recognize.
I was changing. My body. My thoughts. My emotions.
Some days I felt too much. Other days, I felt nothing at all.
Nobody sat me down to explain what was happening.
Not just to my body, but to my heart.
The pressure. The confusion. The silence. The shame.
So I learned a lot on my own.
Through mistakes. Through heartbreak. Through nights I cried myself to sleep and wiped my face
before anyone saw.
And that’s why I’m writing to you now.
Not because I have it all figured out.
But because I remember what it was like to wish someone would just talk to me, not like a child, not
like a project, but like a sister. Like a woman who had been through it and cared enough to come
back for me.
That’s what this book is.
It’s not a lecture.
It’s not a rulebook.
It’s not here to scare you or shame you.
It’s a conversation.
A safe place.
A hand on your shoulder saying, “You are not alone.”
There are things the world will try to teach you too early.
Things that sound like love, but aren’t.
Things that seem normal, but leave you broken.
I want to reach you before those things do.
To protect you.
To guide you.
To say the words I wish someone had said to me when I was your age.
You are not too far gone.
You are not behind.
You are not invisible.
You are becoming.
And I’m here to walk with you through it. Let’s begin.
PART ONE:
Becoming Herself
CHAPTER ONE
To the Girl Who Doesn’t Know Who She Is Yet
I was about thirteen when I started shrinking.
Not in height.
But in the way I carried myself.
I stopped laughing too loudly.
I started checking how I looked more than I should.
And I became obsessed with how other people saw me.
I didn’t even realize it was happening.
I just knew something had changed.
There was this growing pressure to act right, look right, and be accepted.
And slowly, I started bending myself to fit into whatever would make me feel enough.
I wish someone had told me then that losing pieces of yourself to be liked is not growing up.
It’s disappearing.
If no one has said it to you yet, let me say it now.
You don’t have to know who you are all at once.
But please don’t hand over your identity to the world and let it define you.
You are not your looks.
You are not your curves or your complexion.
You are not your results in school.
You are not your follower count.
You are not even your mistakes.
You are a girl becoming a woman.
And that process takes time.
Time to ask questions.
Time to unlearn lies.
Time to figure out what feels right in your spirit and not just what looks right to everyone else.
So if you’re unsure right now, that’s okay.
It doesn’t mean you’re lost.
It means you’re still in process.
And becoming is a sacred process.
You were made with care.
On purpose.
With a voice that matters and a mind that’s growing stronger by the day.
You are not random.
And you are not invisible.
Be patient with yourself.
Stay curious about who you are.
And when the world tries to give you a label, stop and ask, does this fit who I truly am or just who
they want me to be?
You don’t need to have it all figured out to be worth something.
You already are.
Affirmation
I am still becoming.
I am not behind.
I am allowed to grow slowly.
I do not need to become someone else to be enough.
CHAPTER TWO:
To the girl who thinks she has to be perfect
I used to feel like I was constantly being watched.
Every move I made had to be right.
Every word I said had to be soft.
Every result had to be excellent.
If I didn’t meet the standard, I would punish myself silently.
No one needed to scold me.
I did it all on my own.
I held myself to impossible expectations and wore my achievements like armor.
It was lonely.
Perfection looks impressive from a distance.
But up close, it feels like prison.
You begin to lose sight of who you are underneath all the pretending.
And the worst part is that most people won’t even notice you’re drowning.
They’ll just keep clapping.
If you’re the girl who’s trying to hold it all together, I need to tell you something.
You are allowed to drop the act.
You are allowed to be unfinished.
You are allowed to be learning.
You are allowed to say you are tired.
Trying to be perfect will not protect you.
It will not make them love you more.
It will not silence the part of you that is aching to be real.
Some of the most beautiful women I know are not perfect.
They are soft.
They are honest.
They are growing.
They are human.
You do not have to earn rest.
You do not have to prove your value.
You do not have to carry the weight of everyone’s expectations just to be accepted.
Being real is more powerful than being flawless.
So take a breath.
You are still enough even when you are undone.
Affirmation
I am not here to perform.
I am allowed to rest.
I am still worthy, even when I am not perfect.
CHAPTER THREE:
To the Girl Who Wants to Be Liked So Badly It Hurts
I remember changing the way I laughed.
Not because I wanted to.
But because someone once said it was too loud.
And from that day on, I became careful with my joy.
It sounds small, but it is the little things that chip away at us.
I started dressing like the girls everyone praised.
I stayed close to people who made me feel anxious, just because they were popular.
I learned how to shrink my voice and shape-shift into whatever version of me felt most acceptable
at the time.
There is no peace in living like that.
If you are the girl who feels the need to be liked by everyone, I see you.
I know the ache of being left out.
The silent hope that someone will notice you.
The fear that maybe you are too much or not enough all at once.
But here is what I want to say to you, gently but firmly.
You do not have to lose yourself just to belong.
You do not have to break yourself into smaller pieces just so people can handle you.
Sometimes the people you want to be close to are not meant to walk with you.
Sometimes the attention you are craving is not the kind that will keep you safe.
And sometimes, trying to be liked by everyone makes you invisible to yourself.
You were not created to perform.
You were created to be known and loved exactly as you are.
The right people will not require you to become a version of yourself that feels heavy to carry.
You will not have to overthink every word.
You will not have to earn their approval.
They will love you where you are, not just when you meet a standard.
It is not your job to keep everyone comfortable.
It is your job to be true to yourself.
You are already worthy.
You are already lovable.
You do not need the world to agree for that to be true.
Affirmation
I am not here to impress everyone.
I do not have to shrink to be loved.
I belong to myself first.
PART TWO:
Love, Pressure, and Mistakes
CHAPTER FOUR
To the Girl Who Thinks Love Means Sex
The first time someone told me they loved me, I wanted it to be true so badly that I believed it
without question.
He said all the right things.
He held my hand like I was precious.
He made me feel seen in a way I had been craving for so long.
But slowly, his words turned into pressure.
He started asking for things I was not ready to give.
And when I hesitated, the compliments stopped sounding sweet.
They started sounding like guilt.
Like I owed him something for his attention.
Like love had to be proven.
I stayed longer than I should have because I thought that is what love required.
That it was about giving everything.
Even the parts of me I had not even fully understood yet.
If this is where you are now, I need to tell you something I wish someone told me sooner.
Real love does not rush you.
It does not push past your boundaries.
It does not make you feel like your worth is tied to what you give away.
Sex is not a requirement for love.
And your body is not a bargaining chip.
You are not something to be earned.
You are someone to be respected.
If someone threatens to leave unless you do what they want, they were never going to stay.
If someone uses love as a way to pressure you, that is not love.
That is manipulation dressed up in soft words.
You are not here to be used.
You are here to be whole.
And you never have to prove your value by crossing your own line.
Even if you have already said yes before, you are not ruined.
You are not dirty.
You are not disqualified from love.
You are still becoming.
You are still allowed to choose differently.
You are still allowed to protect what is [Link] are still worthy.
Affirmation
I do not have to give my body to be loved.
I am allowed to have boundaries.
My worth is not tied to someone else’s desire.
CHAPTER FIVE
To the Girl Who’s Already Made Mistakes
I didn’t talk about it for a long time.
What I did.
What I allowed.
What I thought I could handle but couldn’t.
I kept it buried because I was scared of what it meant about me.
Scared that if people knew, they would look at me differently.
Scared that maybe I had lost something I could never get back.
I wore my shame like a second skin.
Still showing up.
Still smiling.
Still pretending like I had not been changed.
The worst part was not even what happened.
It was the silence that came after.
The way I punished myself over and over in my head.
The way I convinced myself that I deserved to feel broken.
If you are carrying something heavy right now, this is for you.
You are not what you did.
You are not what happened to you.
You are not dirty.
You are not disqualified.
You are not beyond healing.
There are things we wish we could undo.
But shame will not protect you.
Guilt will not fix it.
And hiding it will only deepen the wound.
You deserve a life beyond the mistake.
You deserve love that sees you fully and stays.
You deserve to heal without constantly trying to prove that you are sorry.
God is not waiting for you to clean yourself up before He comes close.
He is already near.
Not to judge you, but to carry what you were never meant to hold alone.
You can start again.
Even from here.
Even with the tears still fresh.
You are not too far gone.
Affirmation
I am not my past.
I am allowed to heal.
I still deserve peace and love.
CHAPTER SIX
To the Girl Who Can’t Say No
There was a time when I said yes to almost everything.
Yes to favors I did not want to do.
Yes to people I did not trust.
Yes to situations that left me feeling drained and uncomfortable.
And every time I said yes to them, I was saying no to myself.
But I did not know how to stop.
Because I wanted to be liked.
I wanted to be easy to be around.
I did not want to seem rude or difficult or selfish.
So I kept pushing my own feelings down.
And every time I did, it got harder to hear my own voice.
If this sounds like you, I want you to hear me clearly.
You are allowed to say no.
You are allowed to change your mind.
You are allowed to choose what is right for you without explaining yourself to anyone.
Your voice matters.
Your feelings matter.
Your peace matters.
Saying no does not make you mean.
It does not make you cold.
It does not make you unkind.
It makes you honest.
And honesty is a form of self-respect.
People who truly care about you will not be offended by your boundaries.
They will not leave just because you did what was best for your soul.
And if they do, let them go.
You do not have to carry the guilt.
You do not have to stretch yourself until you break.
There is strength in softness.
There is courage in being firm.
And there is peace in knowing that your no can be holy too.
Affirmation
I am allowed to protect my peace.
Saying no is not selfish.
My voice is strong. My boundaries are sacred.
PART THREE
God, Growth, and Becoming Whole
CHAPTER SEVEN
To the Girl Who’s Tired of Pretending She’s Okay
One evening after school, I closed my bedroom door and slid to the floor with my back against it.
My friends thought I was the strong one.
My teachers said I was well behaved.
My parents told everyone I was their easy child.
Inside, I felt like none of those things were true.
Keeping the act together drained me more than my classes did.
I laughed on cue, helped with chores, answered messages, and handed out advice.
Then, when the house grew quiet, my chest grew heavy and I could not explain why.
Carrying silent pain is a lonely job.
You wake up tired even after sleep.
You feel tears pressing against your eyes while you smile at someone’s joke.
You say you are fine because you do not want to ruin the moment.
But the ache does not disappear when you deny it. It buries itself deeper.
If you are tired of acting strong, let this be your permission to lay the mask down.
Crying will not make you weak.
Talking will not make you a burden.
Admitting you need help will not make you less of a light for others.
Choose one safe person and speak the truth.
Write the feelings you cannot say yet.
Pray with words or with silence.
Take a slow walk without earphones and let your mind unclench.
These small actions are not dramatic. They are lifelines.
Healing never looks as neat as hurting yourself to keep everyone else happy.
Healing is messy.
Healing is honest.
Healing is worth every uncomfortable moment it takes.
You do not have to be the strong friend every single day.
You do not have to laugh when you feel like breaking.
You do not have to keep pouring out of an empty heart.
Your softness is not a flaw.
Your tears are not failures.
Your truth is the beginning of freedom.
Affirmation
I am allowed to feel everything I feel.
My honesty is healing, not weakness.
I will no longer hide my pain.
I deserve help, rest, and peace.
CHAPTER EIGHT
To the Girl Who Thinks God Only Loves Her When She’s Good
I used to think God only wanted me when I was at my best.
When I prayed the right way.
When I read my Bible every day.
When I kept all the rules and avoided the mistakes.
So whenever I messed up, I stayed quiet.
I avoided prayer.
I felt dirty inside.
And I told myself God was probably disappointed in me.
But I could never keep up.
I would do well for a while, then fall short again.
And every time I did, I thought I had to work my way back into His love.
Like His love was a reward I only got when I behaved perfectly.
But that is not who God is.
He does not change His mind about you when you fail.
He does not pull away when you are struggling.
He does not wait for you to fix yourself before He draws near.
God loves you fully.
Even when you are uncertain.
Even when you make mistakes.
Even when you feel like you are not enough.
He sees you at your worst and still stays.
Not to scold you, but to walk with you.
Not to shame you, but to hold you.
You cannot earn His love.
You do not have to fight for it.
You do not have to be perfect to receive it.
You are already loved.
Right now.
Just as you are.
Let Him meet you in your mess.
Let Him hear the truth you are scared to say out loud.
Let Him remind you that you are still His.
Always have been. Always will be.
Affirmation
God’s love for me is constant.
I do not have to perform to be close to Him.
He sees all of me and still chooses to stay.
CHAPTER NINE
To the Girl Who’s Ready to Grow but Doesn’t Know How
Growth is not loud.
It does not always announce itself with big changes or dramatic moments.
Sometimes it starts with a quiet question that won’t go away.
I used to feel it late at night, lying in bed after scrolling through people’s lives that looked more put
together than mine.
I didn’t want to be anyone else, not really.
I just didn’t want to feel stuck anymore.
I wanted to become someone stronger, clearer, softer in the right places and firmer in others.
But I had no clue where to begin.
If you feel that too, I want you to know that this is where growth starts.
Not in a perfect plan.
Not in a brand new version of you.
But in that quiet awareness that you are ready for more.
More peace.
More wisdom.
More truth.
More strength to walk away from what no longer fits.
You do not have to know everything yet.
You do not need a ten step routine.
Start where you are.
Maybe you start by paying attention to how you talk to yourself.
Or by letting go of a friendship that drains you.
Maybe it is returning to prayer.
Or forgiving yourself for the version of you that didn’t know better.
Every small choice to grow is sacred.
Every soft yes to yourself counts.
And every no that protects your soul is an act of love.
You are not behind.
You are not too late.
You are not broken for not knowing what to do next.
You are blooming in real time.
Not perfectly.
But fully.
Affirmation
I do not have to grow all at once.
My small steps matter.
I am allowed to start where I am and still become whole.
CLOSING CHAPTER
To the Girl Who’s Becoming a Woman, Here’s a Note Before You Go
We’ve come to the end of this book, but not the end of your becoming.
This is just the beginning.
I wrote every word hoping it would feel like a hand in yours.
Not to drag you or push you, but to walk beside you as you found your own rhythm.
Your own voice.
Your own truth.
If any page in here made you feel seen, held, or understood, then I am grateful.
If it made you cry, pause, smile, or think, even better.
That means it found its way into the parts of you that matter most.
I won’t always be here with a book.
I won’t always have the right words.
But I hope something from these pages stays with you.
Something you can carry into rooms where you feel unsure.
Something you can whisper back to yourself when you forget who you are.
Something that reminds you that you are never alone.
Keep becoming.
Keep asking better questions.
Keep choosing peace over pressure.
And when the world gets loud, come back to the stillness inside you.
The part of you that already knows what matters.
That already knows you are worth loving.
That already knows who you are.
You are not a mistake.
You are not too far gone.
You are not a problem to be fixed.
You are a story still unfolding.
And I’m proud of you for turning each page.
Goodbye for now
But not forever.
You’ve got this.
With love,
Your big sister.
