Module 2: Understanding the Self and Others
Overview
Understanding the Self and Others is the key to building healthy and
successful relationship socially, economically, culturally and politically. It has
important aspects of understanding your self-concept, self-esteem, and ideal self
and become a fully functional individual having a clear understanding of what is
happening and how you can contribute. This unit will help you explore how you
see yourself through the lenses of personal identity, your skills and talents, roles,
values, personal core, and how you meet your psychological needs as it transcends
to help you understand others.
1.1. Introduction
The self is not something that one finds; it is something that one creates.
One should understand himself/herself truly for realistic, satisfactory and truly
optimistic life. Our self should be developed in a right direction from early years of
age so as to develop our personality as it encompasses our life’s need. In this
respect understanding self is crucial in education.
1.2. Self-Awareness (Self-Understanding)
a. Self-awareness was first defined by Duval and Wicklund (1972) as is the ability
to focus on yourself and how your actions, thoughts, or emotions do or don’t align
with your internal standards. If you’re highly self-aware, you can objectively
evaluate yourself, manage your emotions, align your behavior with your values,
and understand correctly how others perceive you.
b. Sutton (2016) broadly defines self-awareness as ‘the extent to which people are
consciously aware of their internal states and their interactions or relationships
with others’.
c. Self-awareness allows us to see things from the perspective of others, practice
self-control, work creatively and productively, and experience pride in ourselves
and our work as well as general self-esteem (Silvia & O’Brien, 2004).
In a nutshell, the definition of self-awareness is having a clear perception of
your personality, including strengths, weaknesses, thoughts, beliefs, motivation,
and emotions. It encompasses not only understanding our self but allows you to
understand other people, how they perceive you, your attitude and your responses
to them in the moment.
1.3. Why Self-Understanding
1.3.1. Benefits of self-understanding:
Knowing exactly what is bothering you instead of feeling bad without
knowing why. This in turn will allow you to take the first step towards
happiness.
Not feeling lost because you will know exactly where you fit in life.
Whether it’s a career or a relationship.
A solid understanding of others, the more you understand yourself the more
will you understand others.
1.3.2. Understanding self can be focused mainly as.
a. The physical self
Who you are physically is important to many people and being physically fit
and strong is a big part of how they define themselves.
b. The social self
“A‟ doesn’t have a lot of friends, but those she does have are very close to
her. She likes to spend time with her friends and get to know them deeply.
This is part of her social self; that is, how a person relates to others.
“B‟ Is different from A here, too. She has lots and lots of friends and is
always surrounded by a bunch of people. She likes to spend time in the
midst of a party crowd. Her social self is still part of her self-concept, but it
is different from ‘A’ ‘s.
c. The competent self
Competence is the ability of a person to provide for their basic needs.
d. The inner self
Also sometimes called the psychological self, is made up of the feelings and
thoughts that a person has deep inside them. (Simply Psychology)
1.4. Self-Concept, Self-Esteem, Ideal-Self
While understanding about self-one can get three important aspects of self,
they are;
• Self-concept- picture or concept of ourselves
• Self-esteem- feeling we have about ourselves
• Self-ideal the way we would like to be
1.4.1. Self-Concept
Baumeister (1999) defines Self-Concept as;
“Self-Concept is individual’s belief about himself or herself, including the
person’s attributes and who and what the self is”.
Self-Concept is an important term for both social psychology and
humanism.
Lewis (1990) suggests that development of a concept of self has two aspects:
a. The Existential Self
This is ‘the most basic part of the self-scheme or self-concept; the sense of
being separate and distinct from others and the awareness of the constancy
of the self’ (Bee, 1992). The child realizes that they exist as a separate entity
from others and that they continue to exist over time and space.
b. The Categorical Self
Having realized that he or she exists as a separate experiencing being, the
child next becomes aware that he or she is also an object in the world.
Purkey suggests that self-concept is
a. Learned
b. Organized
c. Dynamic
Carl Rogers (1959) believes that the self-concept has three different
components:
a. The view you have of yourself (self-image)
b. How much value you place on yourself (self-esteem or self-worth)
c. What you wish you were really like (ideal self)
1.4.2. Self-Esteem
Self-esteem refers to the extent to which we like to accept or approve of
ourselves or how much we value ourselves. Self-esteem always involves a degree
of evaluation, and we may have either a positive or a negative view of ourselves.
High Self Esteem i.e. we have a positive view of ourselves. This tends to
lead to:
a. Confidence in our own abilities
b. Self-acceptance
c. Not worrying about what others think
d. Optimism
Low Self Esteem i.e. we have a negative view of ourselves. This tends to
lead to
a. Lack of confidence
b. Want to be/look like someone else
c. Always worrying what others might think
d. Pessimism
There are several ways of measuring self-esteem.
Even though self-esteem might fluctuate, there are times when we continue
to believe good things about ourselves even when evidence to the contrary
exists. This is known as the perseverance effect.
Miller and Ross (1975) showed that people who believed they had
1.4.3. Ideal-Self (What you’d like to be)
If there is a mismatch between how you see yourself (e.g. your self-image)
and what you’d like to be (e.g. your ideal self) then this is likely to affect how
much you value yourself. Therefore, there is an intimate relationship between self-
image, ego-ideal and self-esteem. A person’s ideal self may not be consistent with
what actually happens in life and experiences of the person. Hence, a difference
may exist between a person’s ideal self and actual experience. This is called
incongruence.
Where a person’s ideal self and actual experience are consistent or very
similar, a state of congruence exists. Rarely, if ever does a total state of
congruence exists; all people experience a certain amount of incongruence.
The development of congruence is dependent on unconditional positive
regard. Michael Argyle (2008) says there are four major factors which
influence its development:
• The ways in which others (particularly significant others) react to
us.
• How we think we compare to others
• Our social roles
• The extent to which we identify with other people
Part 2: Understanding Others
2.1. Introduction
Developing a better understanding of yourself may also improve your capacity to
better understand the thoughts and feelings of other people. Thus, learning how to
better put yourself in other people's shoes is a useful social skill in everyday life
that could also be important in promoting more cross-cultural understanding in our
society.
2.2. The Three Keys to Emotional Intelligence (EI)
“Emotionally intelligent people know how to be smart in their interactions with
people. They adapt their words and actions to the needs of particular people in
changing situations.” Daniel Goleman, Harvard University
The three keys to being EI smart are:
1. Using social skills to communicate effectively with others.
2. Controlling one’s emotions to deal with anger and cope with stress.
3. Being flexible to adapt when change happens.
2.2.1 Emotional Intelligence is ...
• Being intelligent about emotions.
• The capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others.
• It fuels our motivation.
• The ability to successfully manage emotions in ourselves and others.
• An emotional competence is a learned ability that contributes to
satisfaction in all aspects of life.
• It is a different way of being smart. It is connected to IQ and technical
expertise, but EI is more important to success in work and life.
• EI is based on studies of thousands of people, and it reflects the
character traits or personal qualities of an individual.
2.2.2. Emotional Intelligence is Not ...
• merely being nice
• only developed in early childhood
• women vs. men
• the same as IQ – cognitive intelligence
• genetically fixed
2.3. Cognitive Intelligence vs Emotional Intelligence
Cognitive Intelligence is the ability to:
• concentrate and plan
• use words effectively
• analyze
• interpret facts
• understand and assimilate
information
Emotional Intelligence is the ability to:
• understand oneself and others
• get along in the world
• deal with life’s demands
• develop positive relationships
• adapt to change in our environment
2.3.2. Social Awareness
The ability to:
• understand other people
• accurately pick up emotional cues
• sense others’ needs and concerns
• understand what people are saying and why
• connect with different kinds of people
• understand power relationships in the workplace
• know who can influence and who are the real decision makers
• accurately read workplace expectations
• be motivated and proactive to help or serve others
• 2.3.3. Social Skills
• The ability to:
•• understand other
people
• • accurately pick up
emotional cues
• • sense others’
needs and concerns
• • understand what
people are saying and
why
• • connect with
different kinds of
people
• • understand power
relationships in the
workplace
•• know who can
influence and who are
the real decision
makers
• 2.3.3. Social Skills
• The ability to:
• • understand other
people
• • accurately pick up
emotional cues
• • sense others’
needs and concerns
• • understand what
people are saying and
why
•• connect with
different kinds of
people
• • understand power
relationships in the
workplace
• • know who can
influence and who are
the real decision
makers
• 2.3.3. Social Skills
• The ability to:
• • understand other
people
•• accurately pick up
emotional cues
• • sense others’
needs and concerns
• • understand what
people are saying and
why
• • connect with
different kinds of
people
• • understand power
relationships in the
workplace
• • know who can
influence and who are
the real decision
makers
• 2.3.3. Social Skills
• The ability to:
• • understand other
people
• • accurately pick up
emotional cues
• • sense others’
needs and concerns
• • understand what
people are saying and
why
•• connect with
different kinds of
people
• • understand power
relationships in the
workplace
• • know who can
influence and who are
the real decision
makers
• 2.3.3. Social Skills
• The ability to:
• • understand other
people
•• accurately pick up
emotional cues
• • sense others’
needs and concerns
• • understand what
people are saying and
why
• • connect with
different kinds of
people
• • understand power
relationships in the
workplace
• • know who can
influence and who are
the real decision
makers
2.3.3. Social Skills The ability to:
• understand other people
• accurately pick up emotional cues
• sense others’ needs and concerns
• understand what people are saying and why
• connect with different kinds of people
• understand power relationships in the workplace
• know who can influence and who are the real decision makers
•• accurately read
workplace
expectations
• • be motivated and
proactive to help or
serve others
• 2.3.4. Competencies
within Emotional
Intelligence
• • accurately read workplace expectations
• be motivated and proactive to help or serve others
2.3.4. Competencies within Emotional Intelligence
Self-Awareness
• Social Skills
• Emotional Self-
• Awareness Accurate
• Self-Assessment
• Self-Confidence
Self-Management
• Self-Control
• Trustworthiness
• Conscientiousness
• Adaptability
• Optimism
• Achievement
• Orientation
• Initiative
Social-Awareness
• Empathy
• Organizational
• Awareness Service
• Orientation
Social Skills
• Developing Others
• Leadership
• Influence
• Communication
• Change Catalyst
• Conflict
• Management
• Building
• Relationships
• Teamwork and
• Collaboration
