I Never Knew I Had A Choice 11th ED.

Textbook

Chapter 1: Invitation to Personal Learning and Growth

Choice and Change

-Balancing Self-esteem and Other-Esteem
–We are social beings and many of our relationships are affected by relationships with others.
–Other esteem involves with others
Many relationships in life with ourselves rely on our self-esteem to what we feel
Personal and social responsibility

Happiness
-A subject matter: our perceptions and feelings about what we have are crucial in bringing us
happiness
-Ingredients considered very important for overall happiness: love and relationship satisfaction,
work, genetics, and personality
-Largely a function of the choices we make

Choice and Change

-The Serenity Prayer:
“Good, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change the things I can, and wisdom
to know the difference.”
What are your personal reactions to the Serenity Prayer?

The Stages of Change (1 of 2)

-Pre-contemplation stage: one has no interest of changing a behavior pattern in the near future.
-Contemplation stage: one is aware of a problem and is considering overcoming it, but has yet
committed to take action.
-Preperation stage: one intends to take action immediately and reports small behavioral
changes.
-Action stage: one is taking steps to modify his or her behavior to solve a problem.
-Maintenance stage: one works to consolidate the gains made and to prevent relapse

Humanistic Approach to Growth

-Self-actualization is a central concept of a humanistic view of people
-Striving for growth implies becoming all you are capable of becoming
-Self-actualization is a process you work toward, rather than a final destination at which you
arrive.
-Only possible when basic needs are fulfilled.

Models for Personal Growth

-Positive psychology: the study of positive emotions and positive character traits
–Distinguish subjective from objective well-being
—Shares common principles with humanistic psychology
—Motivated to help people flourish
Key Figures of the Humanistic Movement (1 of 3)
-Alfred Alder’s Social Orientation stresses self-determination and views people as creative,
active, choice-making beings whose every action has purpose and meaning
-Carl Jung’s Depth Psychology Perspective believes that humans are not merely shaped by
past events, but strive for growth as well
-Carl Rogers’s Person-Centered Approach stresses the importance of nonjudgemental listening
and acceptance as a condition for people to feel free enough to change
-Natalie Roger’s Person-Centered Expressive Arts Therapy believes the creative arts could be
used to help clients express deep emotions often inaccessible through words.
-Virginia Satir Experiential Family Therapy is highly intuitive and believes spontaneity, creativity,
humor, self-disclosure, risk-taking, and personal touch are central to family therapy
-Abraham Maslow emphasized joy, creativity, and self-fulfillment with self-actualization as the
central theme

Maslow,s Hierarchy of Needs

-Once the lower need is satisfied, then the next higher need motivate us.
5) Need for self-actualization
4) Ego and Esteem needs
3) Love needs
2) Safety needs
1) Physical and survival needs

Core Characteristics of Self-Actualizing People

-Self-awareness (aware of themselves or other in reality)
-Freedom (willling to make choices for themselves)
-Basic Honesty and caring (deep caring for others and yourself)
-Trust and autonomy (independence), value yourself and others
-Self-transcendence

Choice Theory Approach to Personal Growth (1 of 2)

-Choice theory posits that everything we can be explained in terms of our attempts to satisfy our
basic needs: survival, love and belonging, power or achievement, freedom or independence,
and fun
-Our “total behavior” is always our best attempt to get what we want to satisfy our needs

Choice Theory Approach to Personal Growth (2 of 2)

-The key procedures used in the practice of choice theory are captured by the acronym WDEP.
-W = wants and needs
-D = direction and doing
-E = self-evaluation
-P = planning

Are you an Active Learner?

-Active learner: you assume responsibility for your education, you question what is presented to
you, and you apply what you learn in a personally meaningful way
-Identifying, clarifying, and reaching goals must be an active process related to your values

Fixed Vs. Growth Mindset

-Your mindset can determine whether you become the person you want to be and live up to
your potential
-If you believe that your qualifies are etched in stone (a fixed mindset), you will have to prove
yourself over and over again
-By contrast, if you can cultivate your basic qualities through your efforts

Chapter 2: Reviewing your childhood and adolescence

Stages of Personality Development: A Preview (1 of 2)

-The stages are not precise categories that people fall into neatly
-Different theories have slightly different conceptualizations of how long people remain in a
given stage of life.
-Chronological age is not the only index in considering physical, emotional and social age
Autonomy- mature independence and interdependence
Having relationships with others but having your own personality

Stages of Personality Develop….

-Erik Erikson’s model of human development (psychosocial theory)
-Focuses on the emergence of the self and the way the self develops through our interactions
with out social and cultural environment
-Eight stages
8 stages to resolve in order to move to the next stage

Infancy
-Core task: Develop a sense of trust in self, others, and the environment
-Erikson’s core struggle: trust versus mistrust
-Critical importance of a sense of being loved during infancy
-Infancy provides the foundation for later development
Trust is how the child develops being secure in their home.

Attachment Theory
-Attachment: An emotional bonding with another who is perceived as a source of security
-Infant attachment relationships can be broadly classified as secure or insecure
-A sense of being loved during infancy is the best safeguard against fear, insecurity, and
inadequacy
Emotional and secure safety
Being emotionally there for your child is important so the kids don’t feel rejectment or insecure

Temperament
-The physiological or biological basis of personality encompasses activity level, sociability, and
emotionality.
-Some children are outgoing, quickly irritated, and respond aggressively, whereas others stay in
the background, are rarely in a bad mood, and have a gentle nature
-Affects the quality of their relationship and ability to secure attachments.

Resiliency
-Resiliency is the ability to adapt to adversity
-Innate and environmental factors such as intelligence, temperaments, socioeconomic status,
and level of parental involvement work together to influence the extent to which children develop
resilience.
-Through the delivery of positive education, schoolchildren can be taught skills that will increase
their resilience and improve their well-being

Early Childhood (1 of 2)
-Erkison’s core struggle: autonomy versus shame and doubt
The central task is to begin the journey toward autonomy
-At time for the beginning of an increased understanding means to be interdependent
-Importance of developing emotional competence

Early Childhood (2 of 2)
-A time for learning basic attitudes regarding sexuality
-A time for increasing the capacity to understand and use language
-Importance of learning to accept the full range of one’s feelings

Impact of the First Six Years of Life

-Parenting styles have an impact on early child development
-Adult problems directly related to the early development years include the inability to trust, the
inability to freely accept and give love, issues with recognizing and expressing feelings, and
problems concerning a lack of meaning or purpose in life.

Parenting Styles
-Authoritative parents: accepting, set high goals for children, encourage exploration.
Associated with the most positive behavioral traits in childhood development.
- Authoritarian parents: extremely parents: extremely strict, high demands, control with threats
of punishment
-Permissive parents: few demands; indulge children’s desires
-Neglectful parents: neither accepting nor involved; provide children’s basic needs

Impactful of Parenting Styles (Slide 1 of 2)

-Authoritative parents- produce children with self-reliance, good coping skills, purposeful
behavior, an achievement orientation, a cooperative attitude, and a curiosity about life
-Authoritarian parents- produce children with fear, apprehension, passivity, vulnerability to
stress, moodiness, and a lack of purpose
Impact of Parenting Styles (Slide 2 of 2)
-Permissive parents– produce children with characteristics of rebellion, low self-reliance and
self-control, impulsivity, aimlessness, and low achievement
-Neglectful parents- produce children with characteristics of low self-worth and difficulty
expressing their needs.

Middle Childhood
-Erkison’s core struggle: industry versus inferiority
-Increasing understanding of self– gender, race, culture, abilities,
-Relationships are a major focus during middle childhood
-A time for developing the self-concept

Ego-Defense Mechanism
-Psychological strategies we use to protect our self-concept
-We use defenses at various stages of life to soften the blow of reality
-Ego defenses help us cope with anxiety
-These defenses have adaptive value if they are not excessively used to avoid facing reality

Pubescence
-Girls: pubescence generally occurs between the ages of 11 and 13; boys: between the ages of
of 12 and 14
-During the phase, boys and girls experience major physical, psychological, and sexual
changes
-Preadolescent are not treated as mature adults, yet they are often expected to act mature
-Much of the rebellion is an attempt to declare their uniqueness and to establish a separate
identity

Adolescence
-Erkison’s core struggle: identity versus role confusion
-psychological moratorium: a time for experimentation with different roles before making major
commitments
-A key task is individual or psychological separation from parents

Teens & Technology

-Many adolescents connect with their peer groups via cell phones/Internet. Potential problems:
-Cyberbullying: a contributing factor to in altercations that occur on school campuses that can
lead to physical, social, and emotional problems
-Sexting: a more recent tend that entails sending nude images via cell phone texting
-Reduced time for schoolwork & face-to-face social activities

Chapter 3: Adulthood and Autonomy

The Path Toward Autonomy & Interdependence (away from family, moving)
- process of autonomy begins in early childhood & continues throughout life
-Ultimate goal = development of mature and interdependent self
-cultural factors play a key role ; family, community
-Autonomy means knowing yourself and having significant connections with others
Culture: Combination of beliefs and values

Life Scripts
-Combines cultural messages, parental teachings, and early decisions we made as children
-Often unaware of our life scripts
-Often continue to follow scripts as adults

Challenging Early Messages

-Examples of parental injunctions that we incorporate into our lives:
–Don’t make mistakes
–Don’t be close
–Don’t be a child
–Don’t be you
Disputing Irrational Beliefs
-According to Albert Ellis, faulty/irrational thinking is what leads to emotional upsets
-We can best change our feelings and actions by changing our beliefs
-It is essential to identify and challenge self-defeating beliefs (e.g. “should’s”, “ought’s”, and
“must’s”)

A-B-C Theory Personality

-ABCs of Personality: explains how people develop negative evaluations of themselves
–Activating Event- happens to us
–Belief System -the believe in the situation
–Consequences- healthy or unhealthy consequeunce

Common Cognitive Distortions (1 of 2)

-Aaron Beck regards self-defeating beliefs as being more irrational.
-Common cognitive distortions:
–Dichotomous thinking
–Selective abstraction
–Arbitrary inferences

Common Cognitive Distortions (2 of 2)

–Overgeneralization ; assummming you’ll do poorly
–Personalization ; relating to external events
–Magnificent & minimization ; exaggerating events , acknowledging
–Labeling and mislabeling ; portraying your identity to past mistakes

Healing Your Negative Core Beliefs

…
-In this video, author and depression counselor Douglass Bloch explains how negative beliefs
developed in childhood can lead to symptoms of depression in later life. He then shows how you
can replace these beliefs with accurate and empowering beliefs about yourself, others, and the
world.
Challenge Your Inner Critic
-Recognize “inner parent”
-The ‘inner critic’ is the inner voice that criticizes us and makes constant judgments about our
worth
-You do not conquer your inner critic by attempting to destroy it; you lessen its negative impact
by embracing it
-One way of challenging your inner critic is through mindfulness
Mindfulness: Experiences occurring in the pat without judgement

Challenging Negative Self-Talk

-We can acquire position coping skills after becoming more cognizant of our internal dialogue
-By changing our maladaptive internal dialogue, we become open to learning new skills and
behaviors that will enhance our lives

Stages of Adulthood
-Early Adulthood– ages 21-34
-Middle Adulthood– ages 35-55
-Late Middle Age – ages 56-69
-Late Adulthood– ages 70 onward

Early Adulthood
-Erkison’s core struggle: intimacy versus isolation
-The 20s: a time to move away from safe shelter to gain independence and confront insecurity
about the future
-Late 20s to early 30s: inner turmoil increases as values and beliefs are changing and
commitments are being made

Middle Adulthood
- A time of reinvention in work and involvement in the community
-Late 30s: often experiences doubts and reevaluates significant aspects of their lives
-Forties: Erikoson’s core struggle: generativity versus stagnation
-When we reach middle age, we come to a crossroads

Late Middle Age

-People often think of what they want to do with the rest of their lives
-50s: begin the process of preparing for older age
–A time to consider new sources of meaning in our lives
-60s: a time to examine priorities & make new decisions

Late Adulthood
-Erkison’s core struggle: integrity versus despair
-Prevalent themes often include loss, loneliness, dependency, regret over past events and
decisions
-It is essential to challenge the stereotypes of late adulthood
-The attitude an older person has about aging may be more important than chronological age
Older Adults: The “Gift” of Wisdom
-The Elders is an international group of independent global leaders working together for peace
and humanity
-They aim to bring about social change; brought together by Nelson Mandela
-They believe that everybody can make a difference and bring about change in his or her own
way

Chapter 4: Your Body and Wellness

Wellness and Life Choices

-Holistic health versus traditional medicine
-Traditional medicine focuses on identifying symptoms of illness and curing disease
-Holistic health focuses on all facets of human functioning
-The holistic approach requires that we take responsibility for maintaining all aspects of our well-
being

Unhealthy Lifestyle Choices

-Despite the increased emphasis on holistic health practices and wellness, the fight against
unhealthy lifestyle choices is far from over
-Childhood obesity is a formidable threat to the well-being of an entire generation of young
Americans
–Linked to physical, psychological, and emotional repercussions

Accepting Responsibility for Your Body

-The value of preventive medicine, wellness clinics, nutrition centers, and exercise clubs is
recognized
-Many health insurance companies pay for preventive medicine, as well as remediation
-Medication can be beneficial and an important component of a wellness regimen

Taking an Active Role in Health Care

-Installing software applications on smartphones to manage their health
–Plug glucometers into iPhones
–Record electro cardiograms
–More than 97,000 mobile health apps

Maintaining Sound Health Practices

-Maintaining a balanced life involves attending to our physical, emotional, social, mental, and
spiritual needs
-Developing sound habits pertaining to sleeping, eating, exercising, and spirituality is basic to
any wellness program
-How do you take care of yourself?

Sound Habits For Wellness

-Restore yourself through adequate sleep and rest (7-9 each night)
-Incorporate exercise into daily routine
-Manage weight and improve health through proper nutrition and diet
-Find inner strength, calmness, and purpose in life through spirituality

Suggestions for Getting Better Sleep

-Establish a regular sleep routine
-Don’t take your worries with you to bed
-Exercise regularly
-Engage in meditation or relaxation methods prior to going to bed
-Avoid eating heavy meals close to bedtime

Exercise & Fitness

Sedentary vs. Physical Lifestyle
-Sedentary: hazard to health
Risks include: high blood pressure, elevated cholesterol, obesity, depression, etc.
-Regular exercise is a central component of achieving physical fitness & maintaining wellness
30-minute brisk walk

Some benefits of Excerise

-Releasing anger, tension, and anxiety
-Increasing feelings of well-being, and self-esteem
-Reducing the risk of illness (e.g. heart disease)
-Reducing body weight
-Longer life and higher quality of life in later years
-Pleasure/enjoyment
Risks: addicted versus committed ; everything in moderation!
‘

Diet & Nutrition

-” You are what you eat”
-Impacts long-term health
-Poor diet= difficulty meeting demands of everyday life
-Healthy habits do not have to take a lot of time
–easier said than done!

Eating Well for Optimum Health

-Eating for health and eating for pleasure are not incompatible
-What and how we eat is key to how we feel and how we age
-We can make choices about what we eat and what not to eat
-Critical to become informed consumers when determining how we nourish our bodies

Your Bodily Identity

-A healthy body and a positive body image allow you to do what you want physically
-Has much to do with choices in other areas of life
-Social media and entertainment bombard young people with unrealistic standards of what
constitutes an ideal body

Weight and Body Image

-Many people are preoccupied with maintaining the “ideal weight”
-Media and cultural considerations
–Media portrayals: thinness linked to success, happiness
–Standards of ideal body size
Frequently changing and difficult to achieve
-Males are not immune

Eating disorders
-Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa, Binge Eating Disorder

A First Person Account of Binge Eating Disorder

-BED affects far more people than other eating
disorders do. It’s believed to be the most
common eating disorder in the U.S., striking
more than 6 million Americans at some point
during their lifetimes. But the disorder is often
misunderstood. This video is a moving, first-
person's account of living with BED and what it
takes to overcome it

Chapter 5 Managing Stress

Managing Stress
-Learning to cope with stress is essential to maintain wellness
-Stress has both positive (eustress) and negative (distress) effects
-Either we control stress, or stress controls us
Distress; exhaustion, danger
Eustress; anxiety for test

Sources of Stress
-Stress is present in each stage of the life cycle
-Environment and psychological sources of dress may include frustration, conflicts, pressures,
and change

Effects of Stress
-When stress is not handled constructively, it often produces adverse physical/psychological
effects
-Under stress, our bodies experience the “fight-or-flight” response
-The stressed brain causes rampant hormone release, which causes bodily wear and tear
-Negative emotional states of anxiety and depression are the result of prolonged stress.

Stress & Personality

-Some people seem to be especially resilient and are better to cope with stress
-Distinguishing characteristics of hardy people:
-A liking for challenge
-A strong sense of commitment
-An internal locus of control

Ineffective Reactions to Stress

-Burnout -exhaustion, tired all the time
-Cynicism - focusing on what's going wrong
-Defensive behavior - emotional, mental, and personality arguing
-Drugs and alcohol - feeling stressed out they use drugs to numb

Recognizing & Dealing with Burnout (Slide 1 of 2)

-Burnout: a state of physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual exhaustion characterized by
chronic fatigue, weakness, low energy, and feelings of helplessness/hopelessness
-Striving for unrealistic high goals can lead to burnout
-We must recognize subtle signs of burnout to prevent it.

(Slide 2 of 2)
-We should allow ourselves to recover after intense periods of work
-Prevention is better than remediation
-Self-care

Addictions
-Addictions can be a self-defeating reaction to stress
-Those who struggle with addiction often substitute using alcohol or drugs for meaning
connections
-Other problematic behaviors, such as compulsive overeating, gambling & shopping may have a
self-soothing function but inevitably perpetuate a vicous cycle

Post-traumatic stress Disorder

-PTSD may occur after a traumatic/stressful event
-Symptoms: flashbacks/nightmares, avoidance, numbing, hyperarousal, intrusive thoughts,
insomnia, poor concentration, panic, anger, irritability, depression, anxiety, shame & guilt
-Example: surviving combat, natural disasters, terrorism, serious accidents, sexual assault

Healing From Trauma

-Chances of developing PTSD are diminished if help is available within 24-72 hours after the
precipating incidine t
-Therapists must help connect a survivor’s past pain and present reality
-Survivors need to tell their stories and be heard/understood

Treatment Approaches for PTSD

-A holistic approach that involves focusing on body, mind, and spirit with the goal of restoration
of health and well-being
-Individual psychotherapy, group therapy, and/or support groups
-Crisis intervention programs

Sexual Exploitation
-Incest, rape, & sexual harassment are three forms of sexual exploitation that lead to trauma
-All involve misuse of power or betrayal of trust
-Victims tend to be reluctant to disclose the abuse; often feel responsible & guilty
-Male victims frequently experience barriers in seeking help in the aftermath of sexual trauma

Rape Aggression Defense Program (RAD)

-The Department of Public Safety in partnership with the Woemens Resource Center, holds 15-
hour physical training courses for women on escape and evasion from physical attack. The
course includes a simulation phase where students put training into practice against protective-
suited aggressors. RAD is a nationally recognized course taught at many colleges. The
Women’s Resource Center will periodically offer one or two-day self-defense classes for
women.
Vicarious Traumatization
-Helping professionals are vulnerable to experiencing vicarious traumatization (secondary
trauma)
-Symptoms include anxiety, depression bodily symptoms, intrusive thoughts and feelings,
emotional numbing and flooding & increased sense of vulnerability.

Constructive Response to Stress

-Confront the problem directly
-Accurately & realistically appraise stressful situations
-Apply conscious effort to reduce stress
-Learn to recognize and manage potentially disruptive emotional reactions to stress
-Learn to exert behavioral self-control in the face of stress
-Make a plan

Time management
-Establish clear/attainable goals
-Be realistic
-Before accepting a new task, consider your schedule
-Keep a schedule
-Ask for help from others

Mindfulness
-Awareness of present experience with acceptance
-Individuals themselves to intentionally focus on their present experience with an attitude of
curiosity & compassion
-Mindfulness requires an ongoing commitment to cultivate & practice its principles in each
moment

Deep Relaxation
-Breathing is an effective way to control unhappiness, agitation, fear, anxiety, & anger
-Progressive muscle relaxation

Meditation
-A process of withdrawing attention from the external world & reducing thoughts of the
future/past
-Main task: eliminate mental distractions & to let the body relax
-Sorts out confusion & may bring about tranquility

Other Practices
-Yoga
-Pilates
-T’ai Chi
-Acupuncture
-Therapeutic Massage

Chapter 6: Love

Love Makes a Difference

-Love and intimacy are factors directly linked to our overall health
-Giving and receiving love makes a difference in all facets of our lives, including our physiology
-People who may not have close human companions can receive similar benefits from the love
they share with their pets

Learning to Love & Appreciate Ourselves

Self Love:
-Not narcissistic
-Means accepting and respecting ourselves
-Entails caring about our life
-Striving to become the person we want to be

Authentic & Inauthentic Love

-Authentic love: enhances us and those we love
-Establishing and maintaining relationships present challenges
What we want in a long-term intimate relationship
-Inauthentic love: has a detrimental effect on those we say we love

Meanings of Authentic Love: A Personal Perspective

Love means:
-Knowing the person
-Caring about the person
-Having respect and dignity for the person
-Having a responsibility toward the person
-Growth for both people in the relationship

Ingredients of a long-term relationship

-Self-acceptance
-Acceptance by one’s partner
-Appreciation of one another
-Equality in decision making
-Effective communication
-Communication
-Realistic expectations
-Ability to let go of resentments
-Shared interests
-Shared dreams and goals
-Ability to manage conflict effectively

Scientific Perspective: Love and Intimate Relationships

Key characteristics of a successful relationship:
-Intimate familiarity -know each goals
-Fondness and admiration -honor and respect
-Connectedness -appreciate one another
-Shared sense of power -disagree but on common ground
-Shared goals
-Open communication

The Link Between Love and & Attachment

-Attachment Styles
Secure
Avoidance
Anxious-ambivalent
-The link between love and adult attachment shares a functional purpose
-How did attachment style impact your adult relationships?

Barriers to Loving and Being Loved

Myths & misconceptions about love:
-Love is eternal
-Love implies constant closeness
-True is selfless
-Love and anger are incompatible

Our Fear of Love

Common fears associated with love:
-Fear of being “discovered”
-Uncertainity of love
-Fear of isolation
Alienation
Hardening ourselves
Refuse to trust

Is it Worth It to Love?
Relationship is always a possibility
-If a love relationship ends, it is worthwhile to honesty evaluate your part in contribitung to this
situation without being overly self-crtitical

The Power of Love

-Study done in hospice care: All participant found it vital to discuss love and powerfully
recounted some of their smallest acts of love
-What are the most loving moments of your life?

Chapter Seven Relationships

Types of Intimacy
 Emotional
 Intellectual
 Physical
 Spiritual
 A combination
 Exclusive
 Non-exclusive
 Long-term
 Brief

A Personal View
Each person in a relationship:
 Has a separate identity
 Able to give and receive honest and respectful feedback
 Assumes responsibility for his or her own level of happiness
 Willing to work at keeping the relationship healthy

Meaningful Relationships: A Personal View (2 of 3)

 Enjoys spending time together and able to have fun and play together
 Assumes responsibility for the employment of the relationship
 Both are equal in the relationship
 Finds meaning and sources of nourishment outside the relationship
 Is moving in a direction in life that is personally meaningful
Meaningful Relationships A Personal View (3 of 3)
 Maintain this relationship by choice
 Able to deal with conflict in the relationship
 Does not expect the other to do for them what they are capable of becoming rather than
being controlling

Anger & Conflict in Relationships

A few tips in dealing with anger:
 Value the recognition and expression of anger
 Express anger without attacking the other person
 Don’t hold on to anger or nurse grudges
 Recognize danger signs
 Talk more about yourself
 Decide when it it better not to express anger
Anger- secondary emotion
Disrespected, jealous= primary

Dealing Effectively with Conflict & Confrontation (Slide 1 of 2)

 Conflict can be healthy sign of individual differences
 See confrontation as a caring act
 Resist the temptation to plan your next response while the other person is speaking
 Identify your motivation

Dealing Effectively with Conflict & Confrontation (Slide 2 of 2)

 Clarify your intentions
 Accept your responsbility for your own feelings
 Try to make dogmatic statements
 Tell others how you are struggling with them
 Try to avoid walking away from conflict
Dogma: assuming what is true

Forgiveness & Letting Go of Anger

 To be forgiven, we have to take responsibily for our behavior and make amends
 Holding onto grudges toward those who have hurt us inhibits intimacy
 Forgiveness is good for our physical health as well as our emotional well-being

Intimate Partner Violence & Abuse

 Involves excerting power and control over others
 Physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, or economic abuse
 Abusers use tacts to increase their victims’s dependence :
E.g. Gaslighting, Stonewalling
 Victims may rationalize their choice to say and excuse the partner’s behavior

Dealing with Communication Barriers

 Hearing only what you want to hear
  Being overly concerned with getting your point across
 Becoming overly defensive
 Making assumptions about another person without checking them out.

Relationships in a Changing World (1 of 2)

 Technology shapes the way people meet, develop relationships, and communicate
 Technology can be effective tool that enhances our ability to connect with others
 It can be risky to disclose personal information online

…
 A potential advantage of using an online dating service is that it offers a mechanism for
matching for compatibility
 Relationships that develop online often move successfully to the offline realm
 Intimacy may develop more rapidly than in face-to-face relationships, resulting in
hypersonal relationships

Gay & Lesbain Relationships (1 of 2)

 People in same-sex relationships have een subjected to discrimination and oppression
 Some states affirmed same-sex marriage, but strong opposition remains in other states
 Adopting children continues to reveal discrimination & legal barriers
…
 Sexual orientation: sex or sexes a person is attracted to
 Homophopia- irrational fear of gay people; strong negative attitiude about homosexuality
is the root of many hate crimes
 Gay-affirmitave therapy - helps inddicivuals to accept their sexual identtyiy and learn
strategies and learn strategies to deal with those in society who harbor negative social
attitudes toward them

Seperation & Divorce (1 of 2)

 Allow yourself the time to grieve
 Express your anger without violence
 Depersonalize your partner’s actions
 Take responsibility for your own part in the relationship

Seperation & Divorce 2

 Find a support network
 Make use of writing in your journal
 Make amends
 Seek closure and learn from the experience
 Learn and love