Module 3: Becoming Your Wife’s
Best Friend
Mahinungdanon Puntos: Kalainan sa Lalake ug
Babae
1. Sense of Self
Lalake Babae
• Pinaagi sa iyang abilidad nga makab- • Pinaagi sa iyang pagbati.
ot niya ang resulta.
• Kung tanyagan siya ug usa ka • Kung makapadayag sa iyang gibati
“unsolicited advice” iyang kining ngadto sa iyang bana, usa ka dakong
tuhuan nga dili siya kaatigo. katagbawan ug “contentment” sa
iyang pagkatawo.
• Busa kung ang babae motanyag ug
“unsolicited advice” o tabang sa lalake • Kini ay usa ka “stress releasing
wala niya huna-hunaa nga giisip kini activity” nga ang katuyuan mao ang
sa lalake nga “unloving” siya. paghatag ug hinalaling solusyon sa
problema.
2. Ways of Motivating
Lalake Babae
• Ganado ug gamhanan nga pagbati kung • Ganado ug gamhanan kung siya
sila gikinahanglan. Busa, kung ibalewala kanunay gidayeg.
ang iyang tabang murag “slow death”
niya.
• Ang gikahadlokan niya kung siya walay
mahimo o ikatampo o walay hinungdan.
• Iyang gikahadlokan mao ang paghatag. •Women are afraid of receiving.
3. Coping with Stress
Man Woman
•To feel better Men go to their caves •To feel better Women get together
to solve problems alone. & openly talk about their problems.
•Man is fulfilled through working out •A woman is fulfilled through talking
the intricate details of solving a about the details of her problems.
problem.
•Under stress, she is not immediately
concerned with finding solutions to
her problems but rather seeks relief
by expressing herself & being
understood.
•At times, to forget her own painful
feelings, a woman may become
emotionally involved in the problems
of others.
4. Intimacy Cycle
Man Woman
•When man loves a woman he •A woman physically follows
needs to pull away before he him.
can get closer. They are like
rubber bands. •When a man emotionally pulls
himself away, the woman
•At times, they need to pull emotionally follows him more.
away again to regain back their
sense of autonomy & •She may also try to pull him
independence. back mentally by asking him
guilt-inducing questions.
5. Mood
Man Woman
•Men argue for the right to be free. •Women argue for the right to be
upset.
•Men want space. •Women want understanding.
•Woman’s self-esteem rises & falls like
a wave. When she hits bottom, it is a
COMPROMISE: For men to support time for emotional housecleaning.
women’s need to be heard, women
must support the men’s need to be •The negative feelings of women
free. should not be suppressed otherwise
the positive feelings become
suppressed as well.
6. Emotional Needs
Man Woman
•Man needs trust. •Woman needs care.
•Man needs acceptance. •Woman needs understanding.
•Man needs appreciation. •Woman needs respect.
•Man needs admiration. •Woman needs devotion.
•Man needs approval. •Woman needs validation.
•Man needs encouragement. •Woman needs reassurances.
Session 2 – Improving Relationship with My Wife
Key Learning Points: Factors Affecting Marital
Relationship
• Both understand on the difference of biological,
cultural & social background.
• Understanding of what values they may
described and believed on.
• Cause of conflict are due to deviations from the
exercise of socially assigned roles of women &
men as well as children in the family, such as:
Inability to provide the needs of the family vis-à-vis
productive roles.
Men & women vices
• Particularly on how they communicate with each
other such as often resorting to:
Blaming – the tendency to blame always the spouse.
Placating – one who keeps saying yes but deep inside
its not.
Computing – the tendency to count on oath other’s
mistake repeatedly.
• Conflicts in husband-wife relationship may result
to:
1. Husband – Wife Relationship
• Reticence or Silence
• Withholding of economic support
• Refusal to talk, dialogue & respond
• Marital violence
• Sexual problems
2. To Children
• Aggressive & undesirable behaviors
• Confusion
• Low self-esteem
• Shame or embarrassment
• Hatred
• Early sexual involvement
• Low academic performance or drop-out
Ways to Improve Husband-Wife Relationship
1. Build each other’s self-esteem through:
• Praising/Mutual Affirmation – giving of positive
remarks & affirming one’s strengths, skills &
knowledge sincerely & honestly
• Focusing on the positives to help boost each
other’s self-esteem
• Mutual understanding, respect & trust
2. Man – Woman Roles
• Sharing of roles, mutual cooperation &
service – sharing of familial roles &
responsibilities according to one’s expertise &
interests & not solely based on gender.
• Commitment to the family – responding to
paternal tasks & responsibilities
3. Marital Communication Process
• Dialogue & language of the heart – loving
confrontation focused on one’s feelings &
expectations
• Use of leveling in communication – where all
aspects of communication is in one direction –
voice, words, facial expression, body position,
tone of voice
• Satisfying sexual relation/sex as a form of
communication
4. Religion in Deed
• Practice of one’s religion – leading the
family in spirituality
5. Others
• Readiness to ask for & forgive
• Resolving problems at the early stage
• Focus on the problem
• Cease from vices
• Set house rules or family rules
• Keep Up the Romance
Session 3 – Sexuality in Marriage
Key Learning Points:
• Human sexuality is not only limited to sexual
act. Sexuality is person’s (man or woman) total
personality, his/her way of thinking, acting,
loving, reaching, approaching & relating to
people & God.
• It is the totality of being – the projection of
maleness and/or femaleness.
• Hence, couples may express their sexuality
biologically & non-biologically, such as:
Holding hands
Simple touch to express simple affection
Communication
Hugging
Kissing
Massaging
Dancing
Doing the sex act
Sexual Characteristics of a Man & a Woman
MAN WOMAN
•Easily aroused (smell, sight, imagination, •Longer time to get sexually aroused,
not necessarily direct stimulation), more direct stimulation of erotic parts.
reaches sexual satisfaction in shorter Longer for her to reach sexual peak & for
time, feelings settle down in much shorter her feelings to subdue.
time.
•Easier for man to deal with sexual •Repeated sexual frustrations is difficult
frustrations, it is more localized & can for a woman.
easily be forgotten.
•Sexual desire reaches it’s peak in late •Average women does not achieve sexual
teens to late twenties then, it goes peak till she is in her 30’s & retains this
downhill & slightly go up to mid 40’s & ability into her 60’s.
50’s.
•Sex & love can exist independently of the •Looks & expects more beyond just sexual
other. relationship alone. Think of sex in terms
•Uses sex as means of satisfying a great more of love, care & security & not just
physical hunger, a physical need that can means of physical satisfaction.
exist even without love.
ESTADO SA PAKIGHILAWAS:
1. MUTUAL CONSENT (Patugot Isig Kapikas) –
sinugdanan sa maayong panagsabot ug senyales
nga andam silang duha sa pakighilawas.
2. FOREPLAY (Pasiunang Dula) – halok ug romansa
3. AROUSAL (Pag-utgan) – parte diin ang matag usa
magpakita na kaayo ug gana sa pakighilawas
4. PENETRATION (Pagpasulod) – ‘full entrance’ sa
kinatawo sa lalake ngadto sa kinatawo sa babae
diin ang matag usa taas na kaayo ang gana sa
pakighilawas
5. COITUS (Pagdugsak-dugsak) – parte sa
pakighilawas diin ang kinatawo sa lalaki
nakighimamat sa intil (clitoris) sa babae nga
makapadugang sa katagbawan sa pakighilawas
6. ORGASM (Saktong Katagbawan) – moresulta
sa pagbati sa katagbawan sekswal sa matag
usa.
7. RELAXATION (Pagpahulay) – Parte sa
pakighilawas diin ang matag usa nakab-ot ang
hingppit nga katagbawan sekswal.
8. AFTER PLAY – ang higayon diin ang matag usa
mopabati sa hingpit and kainit sa ilang pisikal
nga pagbati pinaagi sa halok ug paggakos ug
ang paglitok sa pulong ‘I love you’.
ACCEPTED SEXUAL CONDUCT:
1. Practice of personal hygiene. Couples must be
aware that cleanliness is good health. Partners
must observe good hygiene before going to sex.
2. Both partners must be certain that they are
not infected with any sexually transmitted
disease. The marital act deserves respect &
concern over the welfare of the partners. This
concern tests the dignity of the relationship.
3. The persons involved in the sex act must have
a common goal or direction in life. The marital
act is one of the means to strengthen their
relationship & commitment.
4. Prior to the sex act, both partners must
recognize their respective responsibility to
want, love & care for the offspring that may
result from their union. Such recognition will
assure that the child’s basic needs will be
provided for.
5. One partner should never exploit the other.
Sexual relationship is for the mutual
satisfaction of both partners. Never should it
be degrading to anyone. Every sexual act,
therefore should be with mutual consent of
the partners.
