ASSERTIVENESS
WHAT IS ASSERTIVENESS?
• Assertiveness is a skill regularly
referred to in social and
communication skills training.
• Being assertive means being able to
stand up for your own or other
people’s rights in a calm and
positive way, without being either
aggressive, or passively accepting
‘wrong’.
WHAT IS ASSERTIVENESS?...
Direct, open & honest
communication with others
Asking for what you want & saying
“no” to what you don’t want
Not negating, attacking or
manipulating others
Respecting the dignity of other
people
Standing up for yourself & your
rights without apologising or
feeling guilty
Taking responsibility for your own
needs
“Energy”!
WHY BE ASSERTIVE ?
• Because - its more than subject knowledge that makes you
successful at studying & fulfilling your career aspirations.
• Because - assertiveness is a communication style that can be
useful in job or academic interviews, presentations, public
speaking etc.
• Because – assertiveness “energizers” your communication
with academics, friends, partners, family etc.
WHAT IS NOT ASSERTIVE ?
Being selfish
Being aggressive
Being passive aggressive
Being manipulative
WHAT ASSERTIVENESS WILL NOT DO ?
• Guarantee you happiness or fair treatment by others.
• Guarantee that you will automatically get what you
want in life.
• Guarantee that others will be assertive & not
aggressive towards you.
• Solve all your personal problems.
• BUT – a lack of assertiveness will be one reason that
your feelings or needs are not acknowledged or met by
others.
WAYS TO COMMUNICATE
PASSIVE
AGGRESSIVE
ASSERTIVE
ASSERTIVENESS QUESTIONNAIRE
• Take a look at the “assertiveness
questionnaire” handout. Read each
situation and define each of your
responses as either aggressive,
passive or assertive. Share your
answers!
CASE 1
• If you ask Paula what movie she wants to see, she's
most likely to say, "I don't know — what do you want
to see?" She usually lets others decide things, but later
she regrets not saying what she wanted. It bothers her
that her friends do most of the talking. But when
Paula tries to break into the conversation, she speaks
so softly that others talk over her without realizing.
CASE 2
• Jenny has no trouble speaking her mind. But
when she does, she comes across as loud and
opinionated. Janine dominates the conversation,
often interrupts, and rarely listens. If she
disagrees with you, she lets you know — usually
with sarcasm or a putdown. She has a reputation
for being bossy and insensitive.
CASE 3
• When you ask for Ben's opinion, he gives
it honestly. If he disagrees with you, he'll
say so — but in a way that doesn't put you
down or make you feel wrong. Ben is
interested in your opinion, too. He listens
to what you have to say. Even when Ben
disagrees with you, you still feel he
respects your point of view.
HOW CAN I BE MORE
ASSERTIVE ?
Learn to also say “ no ”
Saying “no” sets limits on other
people’s demands for your time,
especially when it conflicts with
your own needs
You can acknowledge the other
person’s request by repeating it
back, explain your reason for
declining & then say “no”
If appropriate suggest an
alternative proposal where
both your needs will be met
TO SUMMARIZE !
Assertiveness is about
Being clear about your needs & rights, asking for what you
want, saying no to what you don’t want
Using direct, open & honest communication, taking
responsibility, respecting others & not violating their rights
When you are assertive
Others will feel comfortable, know where you stand &
respect you for your honesty
Your needs get met, you experience less stress & more
satisfaction with life in general
