Is that sopressata in your pocket, or ....

Hat Tip Eatocracy, via Dave Singer

Put the "cute" in charcuterie and the sexy in saucisson sec when you bestow a meat bouquet upon your beloved this Valentine's Day. You surely could arrive on your paramour's doorstep with a song in your heart and a hunk of knockwurst in your sweaty mitts, but we suggest you leave it up to the professionals at Portland's famed (yes, that was them on Portlandia) Olympic Provisions.

KPTV reports that for the bargain price of $75 for a three-stem salami bouquet, or $100 for six, the salumeria will dispatch owner Tyler Gaston - the lead singer of local band The Tumblers - to hand-deliver the "Salamigram," along with a smoking hot rendition of his original song, "Love Is Where the Meat Is."

Should you fear that the troubadour's carnivorous charms might outstrip your own, you're still in luck. Portland locals may opt out of the song or pick up the porky package at Olympic's retail store, and those outside the delivery zone may order online and devise a meaty little ditty for their darling.

We'll get you started. "Roses are red, violets are blue, there's a sopressata in my pocket and..."

You're on your own from there. Post your best meat-related love song lyrics in the comments below and we'll share our favorites in a future post.