The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters

The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters by Priya Parker wasn't exactly what I expected. It took me several pages to reconcile that the book wasn't what I thought it was going to be, but once I did I found it very interesting and rather helpful. It reminded me a lot of my days as part of a committee organizing a writers and readers conference. I couldn't help but compare and contrast our efforts with her recommendations. Parker made me alternately wish I'd read this book back then and feel proud of the work we did. That said, I could imagine how some of the things Parker suggests would feel contrived to guests and even to hosts even those who were genuine in their efforts, particularly at parties. Maybe this comes from my upbringing where gatherings, or get-together as we called them, were much less formal by design and people appreciated that informality. It also reminded me of parties I attended where there was so much structure, no one seemed to have any fun. Everyone was too busy making sure they followed the rules. While Parker presents her ideas on gatherings complete with fun and interesting examples to prove her point, I often wondered just how well they would work among the people I know. I thoroughly enjoyed The Art of Gathering and the different methods of gathering Parker explored, but I kept feeling this little tug in the back of my mind reminding me of how many parties I've thrown and how the best ones were always the ones where we dropped the pretenses aka formalities and allowed people to be themselves in the moment while the ones with strict activities and/or rules never went quite as well. That said, I loved some of the ideas in the book about keeping things flowing and getting people interacting. All in all, The Art of Gathering is definitely worth the read if one is looking to be a better organizer of or participant in meetings, conferences, and other formal gatherings.

I was expecting this to be about gatherings with friends, but was surprised to see a much wider view of adding value to get togethers in any setting. I found myself thinking of ways I could incorporate the 15 Toasts or specific rules to some of the work events I plan. I loved the idea of making people step out of their comfort zones in order to be vulnerable and make deeper connections. Her attitude can be jarring at time as she suggests shaking things up, but I can see how successful it could be.

I'm too much in my comfort zone I think for this book to work for me as honestly most of the gatherings sounded horrifying to my hermit self. The author definitely doesn't take into account anyone's boundaries (if I ended up at a party where I was told that I'd have to sing a toast, I'd immediately walk out the door...), but the various gatherings she related definitely sounded different than the norm which was something. I did find it helpful when I was thinking about a work lunch gathering that our department had, and it made me think about how we set up the tables which was beneficial. It really does cover some interesting psychology for how people get together in spaces, but I think for me it was a lot and made me want to just stay at home (which is my default anyway).

Priya Parker does gatherings and meetings for a living; she distills her wisdom in The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters. She discusses each aspect of a meeting, from planning to introductions to guest management to the closing.

Much of what she says represent things we should know but do not always apply to gatherings and meetings. The quality of the gathering or meeting is determined in the preparatory phase. Think about the gathering or meeting in terms of the experience of those participating. Find creative ways to get participants to engage with one another. Odds are whatever you don’t actively plan or manage will fall apart or flat. Remember the purpose of the gathering or meeting and make sure everything supports that purpose.

Parker also helpfully reframes many aspects of gatherings and meetings for us. She encourages hosts to leverage “generous authority”: by virtue of being the host, they do have a position of authority in the gathering, and acting as if they shouldn’t is really an abdication and often leads to confusion. “Generous” is an important caveat, for the authority should not come across as controlling. She praises the virtue of defining specific guest/participant lists for specific events: we often want to be more welcoming in a lot of events, but bringing more people in can lead to a complete vibe shift or disrupts the flow of the event entirely. No one remembers meetings in which there is no “heat” or grappling with difficulties or disagreements. Don’t start or end with logistics; logistics should be penultimate, and done as creatively as possible. Be intentional with creating a different space for the event and have clearly defined beginnings and endings. Try to make it so that guests or participants will not try to present their best selves and make it all about puffery; find ways to make it real. Allowing an event to have its end is healthy but difficult.

There’s a lot of good wisdom here to consider for anyone active in hosting any kind of gathering.

Fantastic guide to help you re-think and structure gatherings of all types.

Some bits I found really useful (the chapter on endings, thinking about protecting my guests, the idea of who to exclude), other bits did read as if, as another reviewer said, Tahani from The Good Place had written it (unironically).

When you’re still thinking about applying lessons learned several months after reading a book, you know the book is a winner—which perfectly describes “Priya Parker’s The Art of Gathering” and how it will transform anyone interested in making each gathering/meeting/training-teaching-learning offering as engaging and memorable as it can be.

Described (by its subtitle) as a book on “how we meet and why it matters,” it might not immediately catch the attention of those of us involved in training-teaching-learning—which is a real shame, for in adjusting our thinking so that “lessons,” “workshops,” “courses,” and “panel discussions” are seen through the powerful lens of “gatherings,” we find magnificent ways to liberate ourselves and our learners from the “tedium of learning” and find new ways to turn those lessons/workshops/courses/panel discussions into engaging, transformative gatherings with long-term impact.

The initial chapters of this engagingly-written book focus on social gatherings and the gatherings that occur when, for example, students and senior citizens living together in a retirement community interact over a long period of time. She offers concise reminders that successful gatherings grow out of myriad up-front decisions about the purpose of the gathering, the location in which it will be held, the duration of the gathering, and even the number of people who will be included in the gathering—all of which, of course, are elements considered and decisions made as we design and facilitate effective, memorable, transformative learning opportunities.

One of the sections where she tremendously inspires us in our lifelong-learning environments is in her discussion, near the middle of the book (pp. 172-173), on the importance of providing a memorable opening to any gathering. She reminds us that we have plenty of adaptable models for providing stimulating, memorable openings for our gatherings—including the formats common today in movies and television programs through what she refers to as “the cold open…the practice of starting a TV show directly with a scene rather than with opening credits.” Applying the cold open and its storytelling roots to my own work has completely changed the way I approach the learning opportunities I design and facilitate. And if you take the time to read Parker’s book, you may find it inspiring you in equally positive ways.

Some excellent ideas here. It went on a bit too long in many parts, however some of the concepts were worth it.

In The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why it Matters Priya Parker makes an impassioned case for creating more meaningful gatherings and walks you through each step, from having a purpose to the closing, and everything in between. Using myriad examples from her own life and professional practice, Parker illustrates the ways in which you as the host can create a memorable occasion, whether it's your next business meeting or a social hour with friends.

Almost anyone can get something out of this book. If you're human and not a hermit, you most likely gather in some way over some occasion at some point - weddings, funerals, hosting a few friends to dinner - these are all gatherings. In business, a meeting, a conference - these are gatherings too. Parker takes general principles that you can apply in almost any situation. She talks about having a specific purpose to the gathering, and using that to make decisions about where it is located and how you structure the event. From there, she uses her expertise to explain ways in which you can make a more meaningful, memorable gathering: but unlike most books on gatherings, she's less interested in logistics than in people. I liked that she includes examples of times she didn't get it right. She's not setting herself up as a perfect person who's got it all down; she's learning too, and she's here to explain what she's learned and why she believes in doing things the way she lays it out. I'm hoping to put some of this into practice in some of the gatherings I'm involved in personally and professionally.