Introduction

‘You don’t have to be ill to get better’

Eric Berne

I spent 13 years at school. I learnt a lot. I learnt about algebra, how to use a Bunsen burner, how bad I am at woodwork, a few things about dinosaurs and the joys of life under the Romans. On reflection though, I don’t feel I learnt much about life and how to make the most of it. I explored the inner workings of a frog, but I never learnt about how to understand myself and other people. I learnt to stand up when a teacher came into the room and to hand in my homework on time if I wanted to avoid detention, but I wasn’t taught how to set goals, manage my emotions or how to handle conflict. For me, school prepared me for exams. It didn’t prepare me for life. I appreciate a lot has probably changed in education now, but that was my experience.

If you asked me 12 years ago, ‘would you like your life to be a brilliant and wonderful experience both for you and those around you?’, I would have answered a resounding ‘yes’. However, if you then asked me how I intended to make this happen, I would probably have waffled on for several minutes before coming to the conclusion ‘I’m not so sure’. But I’ve learnt a lot over the last few years. My answer now would be very different.

Over these next six chapters, you will get to hear what my answers are. They are based on over ten years studying psychology, running my own business and more importantly based on my observations and conversations with tens of thousands of people. My job as a professional speaker and my experience of running workshops on subjects related to ‘people, motivation and communication’ has given me a fascinating insight into what does and doesn’t work in people’s lives. My work has taken me from Tanzania to Todmorden, from Hong Kong to Halifax, from India to Islington and from Malaysia to Manchester. Whatever the country, whatever the culture, I learnt this - people are basically the same. They have similar hopes, dreams and challenges. They want to improve their lives, be happy and create a better future for their children. Of course there are differences, but if you dig beneath the surface, you find overwhelming