Building Positive Character: 50 Tips on Empowerment, Overcoming, and Success

Acknowledgments

Jennifer Havir for publishing guidance, layout and editing.

Mahieu Spaid for document submittals

Dean Korthof for great thoughts and advice.

Contents

Assertiveness

Attitude

Behavior

Body Language

Busyness

Character

Conflict

Courage

Emotional Intelligence

Empathy

Evilness

Failure

Forgiveness

Freedom

Friends

Guarantee

Happiness

Hope

Humor

Leadership

Learning

Listening

Love

Luck

Mind Rest

Mistakes

Multitasking

Narcissism

Negotiation

Past

Perseverance

Playfulness

Problem Solvers

Promptness

Purpose

Resiliency

Respect

Self Talk

Smarts

Smile

Social Interaction

Talent

Trust

Values

Volunteerism

Worry

Conclusion

About the Author

Preface

You will have character-forming experiences often. These experiences occur when something happens that creates either a good or bad experience and that experience leads to emotions. Those emotions lead to reactions, which lead to behavior, which then defines your character. When you are in a situation and you are feeling something, can you put your finger on what it is you are feeling and why? Can you control it?

Whether the emotions are positive or negative, they must be managed through emotional intelligence, which has two elements: internal and external. Internal emotional intelligence is your ability to detect and manage your own emotions. External emotional intelligence is your ability to detect and manage your reactions to the emotions of others.

Emotional intelligence is one part of the picture, and the things we choose to dwell on in our minds is another. Predominately positive thoughts lead to positive character. Predominantly negative thoughts, on the other hand, lead to negative character.

It seems that often we reflect too long on the negatives and not enough on the positives in our lives—is it because we somehow feel guilty about being happy? This book was written to encourage you to maximize your victories and minimize your setbacks, emotionally speaking. Perhaps this can be a survival guide so when the inevitable setbacks come, you will be more ready to accept them and react through positive character.

Assertiveness

Assertiveness is best when you boldly stand your ground without stomping your feet.

Assertiveness is directly expressing your self- assured beliefs and feelings with principle, sureness and conviction. It is different than the negative nature of aggressiveness. Don’t be intimidated by size, power, or authority. While you don’t want to be known as a pushover, you also don’t want to be the meanest one in the valley.

Assertiveness is positive behavior and is linked to pleasure in the brain whereas aggressiveness is negative and is linked to anxiety. When confronted, use your brain, not your brawn.

Surprisingly, bullies will often back down after confronting you. Why? They are not used to being confronted and become confused as to how to react, so instead they back away from their hostile aggression.

Author Sharon Bower stated, The basic difference between being assertive and being aggressive is how our words and behavior affects the rights and well-being of others. Assertiveness is linked to integrity and is required when the actions of others offend your values. Honesty and transparency are some of my values, so when some of my business partners tried to pull a fast one without my knowledge I decided to leave the company rather than condone their behavior. Asserting what you believe to be right allows you to be proud of yourself and respected by others.

Dr. Martin Luther King asserted his belief and principles in his I Have a Dream speech, but there was a cost. He spent years in jail and faced discrimination, and eventual assassination, for asserting his beliefs.

Those who are assertive are often admired—especially those who are assertive in the pursuit of justice, freedom and truth. Assertiveness is acting in your best interest and is the term that stands between your goal and its realization.

Attitude

Attitude is a matter of personal choice. It is the key that either locks success away from you or opens it up to you.

Optimism and pessimism are attitudes you are free to choose and embrace. Whether good or bad, your thoughts make you who you are and are often difficult to change. They direct your self-fulfilling prophecies. A self-fulfilling prophecy is a conscious message sent to the subconscious part of your brain—and such prophecies will produce either a good or bad outcome depending on what you have forecasted. Success is propelled by positive self-fulfilling prophecy. When you predict that things are going to go well for you, that prediction can alter your actions and cause it to come true. The same is true for negative predictions stemming from your negative attitude.

Positive or negative self-talk becomes reinforced into the paradigm that you have determined and produces evidence to support your belief. If you think you will not get the next project at work, then you are right. As President Abraham Lincoln stated, Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing.

The fact that you have the ability to think also means you have the ability to control your thoughts. Your success is not certain. It is the result of attitude, so consciously send messages of success to your brain. Allow yourself to be optimistic and to expect good things. Your attitude is also expressed in your body language, which can reveal