Sh*t I Hear at Work

January

I had just finished engineering school.  I had moved back in with my parents while I searched for a job.  I went on several interviews but nothing seemed to interest me.  A few months went by like this but then one day I saw the job posting that was me:  Space Design Engineer.  The hiring company supported the Navy for decades but had recently partnered with NASA to develop the first nuclear powered spaceship. 

The spaceship’s mission would be to go to the icy moons of Jupiter and search for life under the frozen moon’s oceans.  When I saw that they were also hiring recent college graduates for the project, I knew this was my calling.  I immediately applied.

First Monday of January

For the first Monday in January, Scott had this joke:

An angel is giving away cars to the recently deceased as they approach the gates of heaven.  The kind of car received is dependent upon how faithful you were to your spouse during your lifetime.  A man comes up and the angel says, You’ve been faithful for 30 years of marriage, you deserve a Lamborghini.  A second man comes up and the angel says, You’ve been faithful for 15 years of marriage, you deserve a Corvette. A third man comes up and the angel says, In your 10 years of marriage you’ve only cheated on your wife once, you deserve a Volvo.  About a week goes by and the angel sees the first man who got the Lamborghini and noticed that he looked sad.  The angel asked him what was wrong, Don’t you like your Lamborghini?  The man replies, Oh no, I love my Lamborghini.  I... just drove by my wife on a ten-speed.

For the first Monday in January, Clint had this joke:

A man and a couple of his friends had just finished a round of golf at the country club and they were changing their shoes when a cell phone on the bench rang.  The man picked it up and answered it.  Hi honey, said the woman on the other end.  Hi honey, replied the man.  I was just calling to tell you about this fur coat I found today.  Its beautiful fox fur and I just love the way it looks on me.  It’s on sale too, a real bargain.  It’s down to $2000 from $4000.  Can I get it?  The man thought about it for a sec and said, You’re sure it’s a good deal?  Oh yes, replied the woman.  Okay then, I guess you can get it, replied the man.  The woman continued, Oh, and you know how we’ve been thinking about getting rid of the Lexus and getting a new Jaguar?  Well, I went to the dealership today and the guy gave a real deal.  He said he’d lower the price from $50,000 to $35,000 just for me.  Can I get it?  The man thought a little harder and said, If you’re sure it’s a good deal, then yes, go ahead and get the Jaguar.  The woman continued again.  Oh, one last thing, honey.  Remember that house we saw last month that we really liked, but decided we’d wait and think about?  Well, it’s on the market again, so I checked the price.  It’s down to $450,000 and I checked with the bank and we have enough in the checking account so that I can just write a check.  Should I get it?  The man got a frown on his face and said, See if you can get them down to $420,000.  If they’ll go down to that, go ahead and get it.  The woman was extremely excited.  Okay honey, thank you so much!  I’ll see you when I get home!  Bye!  Bye, said the man.  He hung up the phone and looked at the other men in the locker room and said, Does anyone know whose phone this is?

Second Monday of January

For the second Monday in January, Sara had this joke:

The local bank near a large prison had a problem opening their safe one day.  Seems that the mechanisms working the combination failed, so they called the prison to seek help.  The prison had a convicted safe cracker in custody.  They released him under guard and took him to the bank to see if he could open the safe.  The convict worked on the lock for quite a while but finally he was able to open the safe.  The bank president was delighted to see his safe opened without having to have it ruined in the process, he turned to the safe cracker and said, Thanks for helping us out here, how much do we owe you?  The safe cracker replied, "Well, the last time I was here I got about