Numpty Solutions to Everyday Problems: (Including 'How to Try to Prevent World War Iii' (And Fail) to 'Going to the Toilet')

Copyright © 2017 by Andre F. Depuis.

ISBN:  Softcover   978-1-5245-9877-8

          eBook       978-1-5245-9878-5

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 04/13/2017

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Contents

‘Believe in Bigger’

‘Double or Nothing Forever’ (Also known as ‘one half or divide by 2 forever’)

What’s Mine is Mine and What Yours is Mine

Crash Courses/An Idiot’s Guide To…/

The Way To A (Man’s) Heart Is Through (His) Stomach

Counting

An Apple A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Bedside Talk

What’s Left Is Right And What’s Right Is Being Left. Right ?

Heading South With The Swallows

Going To The Toilet

How To Save One Self From A Watery Fate

Excuse Me

Senselessness

Hangover Cures

Self-Help

A Plague Of Locusts

Like Riding A Bike

Catch 22

Occam’s Razor (complex explanation)

How To Avert World War III (And Fail)

Toast

What To Do…With Books

Monkeying About

How To Prevent World War Three (And Failing Again And Again…)

Notes

Picnick Lics

Slipping On That Thin Ice

Transmigration Of The Soul

Temperature/Weather

Travel Travails

Everyone A Winner

Recipes

Gardening

Sport In General

Specific Sport

Television

What can one say ? ‘If you don’t know you are a numpty by now then it’s too late.’.

In case you are still wondering though, here is The Numpty Song (unabridged)

THE NUMPTY SONG

‘Right’ Fred said.

‘A one, a one, a one, two,