Forces at Work

CHAPTER 1

waking up

Some of us get woken up by the harsh realities of life. We suffer so much that we wake up. Other people keep bumping into life again and again. They still go on sleepwalking. They never wake up.

— Anthony De Mello

Two days after giving birth to our youngest child, unforeseen complications landed me in a medically induced coma. I was not expected to live.

Pre-coma, I ranked in the top 2 percent of all consultants in a multi-billion-dollar sales organization representing the number-one brand of skincare and color cosmetics in America. I had a wonderful husband and three healthy children. I had acquired all the trappings of success — a beautiful home, a luxury company car, and great vacations.

The problem was, I kept having to remind myself that things were great.

I almost always wore a smile and had a positive outlook on life. I had stumbled into this sales career at a time when I desperately needed a job with good income potential and flexibility. Driven by our financial needs, I hadn’t stopped to consider whether it was a good fit for me or fulfilled a deeper purpose in my life.

If I was good at it, how could it not be good for me?

I assumed I had found success because I knew how to increase my revenue year over year. But I was working on autopilot. I often wondered if I was living up to my potential. I certainly wasn’t enjoying my life as much as my Facebook page would have led you to believe (#blessed). But I didn’t want to complain, so I focused on being grateful.

I knew I had much more to be grateful for than just the flexibility and cash flow my career provided. The year before my illness, our four-year-old daughter had won a hard-fought battle with stage 3 kidney cancer. When it rains, it pours.

During our respective health challenges, I couldn’t have asked for a more supportive team. My sales directors and consultants showed up for me in every possible way — helping with the kids, taking care of my clients, and bringing meals. I was overwhelmed by the love shown to my family. And yet, it didn’t ease my restlessness.

As I started down the long road to my physical recovery, I couldn’t shake the feeling — or maybe the wishful longing — that I was meant for something else.

Slowing Down

These physical challenges had unseen benefits (and not just because the members of Grace Community Church brought cheesy casseroles to my door for almost two years straight). First, my daughter’s illness forced me to slow down long enough for my thoughts to catch up with me, and then my own health crisis stopped me in my tracks completely. In both cases, I faced unimaginable fear: first, the fear of losing my child, and then the fear of my own death. Fear pushed in, landing front and center in my life. It wanted to call the shots, to keep me small and tether me to the safest path.

Walking closely with fear opened my eyes to the other ways it had intruded into my life. I had let it compromise my dreams and influence my decisions. I suppose fear is never a welcome companion, but as we became better acquainted, it offered me two precious gifts. It woke me to what really mattered to me, and it made me recognize and retire my passive acceptance of my life and work.

While I was unconscious, sepsis had ravaged my body, literally leaving me with a broken heart. I woke up feeling weak and powerless. In a blink, this near-death experience had stolen my perfect health and replaced it with a chronic heart condition.

My heart was struggling to beat at less than 30 percent of its normal capacity. Doctors told me I had developed cardiomyopathy and congestive heart failure. They warned that my life would look very different going forward. They were right, but thankfully not because of the condition of my physical heart. It has since healed completely.

Instead, my life looks different because this coma-inducing illness was a severe mercy — a divine intervention that jarred me awake and forced me to accept an unavoidable reality: I have one precious life to live.

Four days later, I regained consciousness. I woke trembling with gratitude. It filled me up and spilled out of me. I was so lucky to be alive! All my senses were heightened. Colors appeared brighter; music brought me to tears; the faces of my family overwhelmed me with love. I had an undefined but unquenchable desire for my life to matter.

I was internally determined to heal my physical heart. For several months, I took ridiculously good care of myself. I enjoyed long, unhurried talks with my closest friends and family. I slept at least eight hours a night, ate healthy food, and eventually started working out again. Nurturing my body awakened my soul. A door to a new life was opening before me — not a perfect life, but a more authentic, purposeful, and extraordinary one.

I became keenly aware that I had some decisions to make.

The first was what to do with my role as a sales consultant and director — a role that was currently paying the bills and supporting our lifestyle. Though I loved the company and the women who surrounded me, I didn’t enjoy selling makeup or mustering enthusiasm over the perfect shade of foundation or the shimmer in an eye shadow. I wanted more meaning and less hustle. I wanted to find my purpose.

Chasing Purpose

I dabbled with finding my purpose by taking assessments and attending webinars here and there. Even though they helped me gather some interesting information about myself, none of it seemed actionable, and I could never see beyond the big wall of what felt realistic. So, I hired a life coach.

Coaching was powerful. It wasn’t long before I started to believe not only that I had a unique and important purpose but also that I could use it to create the life I wanted. Intrigued and impressed by this powerful transformative process called coaching, I decided to become a certified and credentialed life coach myself. As I found my own way, I eagerly shared what I was learning with my team. Then I began sharing it with other executives, entrepreneurs, coaches, and consultants. Eventually, I left my career in sales and started coaching full-time.

Navigating purpose on our own is like sailing a wide ocean of possibility in a tiny boat with no compass or map to guide us. An extraordinary adventure lies ahead, but how can we know if we have enough energy and resources to find it? As the sun burns hot and the day draws on without discovering a new shore, we are forced to paddle back to our familiar island. Collaborating with a coach is like having a map and a guide with us through the treacherous waters of uncertainty.

Without a working understanding of our purpose, we are baffled by our own behavior. We waffle over decisions. Everything feels harder than it should. We wonder: How can we feel bored and exhausted at the same time? And without a meaningful purpose to ground us, we become susceptible to fruitless distractions and addictive behaviors. Our best efforts and good intentions seem only to frame us into a role or a career we no longer love — or maybe never loved at all. All of this further dims our belief that change is possible. Having parked our potential in a garage far away, we rarely speak about our passions and dreams. Instead, we numb the pain of misalignment with endless entertainment and Kardashian-infused Kool-Aid. We argue for our own limitations and hear ourselves say things like:

That ship has sailed.

It’s too late to change.

I made my bed, and now I need to lie in it.

I should just be grateful.

And the worst one of all, This is just the way things are.

We keep climbing the corporate ladder because this is what successful people do. Even if others applaud our work ethic, we compare ourselves with co-workers or neighbors and come up lacking. Endlessly scrolling through social media, we wonder if we are measuring up. Comparison leaves us feeling empty and lost. We have become vogue on the outside but vague on the inside.

In the meantime, we may be missing our real work — our unique and important contribution that will ignite our souls and positively impact the world. Children in underdeveloped countries are waiting for food and lifesaving surgeries. Vulnerable kids in our own foster care system are experiencing trauma and neglect. A confused and angry teenager is taking a gun to school. Underfunded arts programs leave our future creatives without mentors or direction. Our own families lack the time and connection they need to feel loved, supported, and nurtured. Our planet heaves under the weight of exploitation, and our political system has become a circus.

We lament these realities on our social media pages. We wish we could do more, and we might have even identified a specific cause in which we want to become involved… someday. Because, for all our stunning professional achievements, we are surprisingly hesitant when it comes to actively embracing what really matters to us on a deeper level.

Like tired sailors rowing a small boat, we assume more arduous work is required. We don’t notice that a beautiful vessel carrying our purpose is docked at the shore, its sails waiting to unfurl, catch the wind, and carry us far beyond the horizon we see today.

So, we grab another glass of wine and commiserate with the other unfulfilled souls around us, settling further into our belief that this must be as good as life gets.

But if we listen carefully, we’ll hear our soul whisper that there is more for us. And if we trust this voice, we can find our way.

Your Ship Has Not Sailed: It Is Waiting for You

I don’t believe your ship has sailed. It is still there, docked and waiting.

And your wild hope is real, too, though sometimes you don’t want to let yourself believe it. You can attain the life you dare to dream of.

You can become a Force at Work.

Forces at Work are extraordinary, open-hearted, compelling leaders who know who they are and what they bring to the world. They are confident and secure in their ability to start and finish work that matters to them — and they intuitively recognize that their work is much more than where they spend the hours from eight to five. Their greatest work is investing their precious, limited personal energy to make a difference in their lives and in the lives of others. Though they are well acquainted with success, they resist complacency and are first in line when an opportunity to learn or grow arises.

Becoming a Force at Work is about becoming the truest, most authentic, empowered version of yourself. Forces at Work are connected to a higher power, and they believe they serve a purpose that is larger than themselves. They have a big appetite for life. They operate as if pleasure and purpose are intricately entwined and are waiting to be discovered and rediscovered as the seasons of life change. Forces at Work respect themselves and their abilities, and they enjoy rich, collaborative relationships with others.

Sadly, many of us are not experiencing this kind of life. We have gotten stuck somewhere along the path by making compromises we thought were necessary. Like unrelenting weeds in a beautiful garden, work, stress, and other people’s expectations strangle our joy and limit our growth. We confuse service with sacrifice and martyr ourselves beyond recognition. We point to our past successes and keep mailing it in, but we are emotionally disconnected from our souls. Abandoning our vision requires us to choose limiting beliefs about ourselves and others. These beliefs are as real as steel bars, and they trap us in a status quo prison of our own making. Being stuck at a high level still feels stuck.

Fortunately, the answer is simple and available to all of us: Awaken the Forces within. This book delivers an empowered approach to living by aligning five