Absolution

By Deede The night was eerily quiet as Giles sat in the darkened living room of his home cataloging the new shipment of books he had received that day sent to him by a friend in India. The boxes were full of old, musty relics, volumes upon volumes of literature older then most of the vampires he had run across during his time on the Hellmouth. Most of the books bore warn out leather covers, their pages yellow with age. Giles examined each one gleefully, his continuous pursuit of knowledge making him eager to soak in this new found data. Like a child in a candy store, he was having a hard time putting each one down in order to pick up the next, each book tantalizing him with the promise of interesting reading. Since being fired from the Watchers Council, Giles had been forced to draw all of his information from other sources. He had called in old friends from his college days, as well as other acquaintances he had gathered over the years, imploring each to help out Buffy and himself in their mission. The result had exceeded his expectations, and each new week was becoming a rapid journey of discovery. He was accumulating his own massive library, with text and parchment of scripts that not even the council could claim to have owned, while helping Buffy in her slaying as a result. Cheerfully Giles hummed under his breath as he made small piles of books all around him on the floor, his hands reaching into the last box to grab the final book from its position at the bottom. His eyes quickly skimmed over the cover of the book for its title and what he read made his body go still. The book was lined in dark blue velvet, the writings on the cover of the book etched in gold, obviously ornate and lavish. There were no pictures on the cover, no symbols or other eye catchy illustrations, just two simple words. The book was titled, "The Soul." Quickly Giles skimmed through the pages, his heart rate increasing as he found the one thing he had been searching for since the fateful night of Buffys seventeenth birthday just under two years ago, a way to bind a soul permanently to a body. With urgent speed Giles raced to the phone, his fingers shaking with anxiousness as he called the girl that he loved like a daughter. Quietly he drummed his fingers against his coffee table as he

waited for his slayer to pick up, his mind pondering the trepidation he felt at the possibility of causing his child more pain. Although Buffy tried to hide it behind false smiles and a half hazard attempt to move on, Giles knew that she was still desperately in love with Angel. The months since Angels departure from Sunnydale had not lessened her pain at all and Giles was unsure of how she would react with the opportunity to give Angel a permanent soul. Giles would die to protect Buffy, there wasnt one thing he wouldnt do for her if asked but this was something that needed to be done, even if it caused her further pain. He had witnessed first hand the terror that Angel could inflict on society when he lacked a soul; there was nothing in all his years experience with demonology that had compared to it. To allow Angel complete control over his demon meant that Giles would no longer have to live in fear of the day that Angel would once again become truly happy. It would mean that the threat of Angelus, Angels demonic soulless half, would no longer plague the earth, which was a responsibility that Giles knew he had to take. Giles cringed just slightly as Buffy picked up the phone and said hello, her voice pleasant and cheerful. He hated what he was about to do to her. He hated the knowledge that one name could instantly bring tears to her eyes and throw her into depression, but for the sake of mankind he pressed forward, ready to be there for his slayer if she needed a shoulder to cry after all was said and done. His voice sounded shaky to his own ears as he finally found his voice. "Buffy," he said in earnest, "I need you to come over here right away. I discovered something of overwhelming importance.." ***** Buffy stared at Giles in silent shock as his words echoed continually through her mind. At first it seemed unreal, like her mind was simply telling her the words that she had longed to hear so long ago, back to the days when she and Angel had still been a couple and now, after everything, it was finally happening. She knew what needed to be done and she knew that it was the right thing to do but a part of her couldnt help but die a little inside at the thought of Angel being able to find happiness in his new life with anyone other than her. There were nights, when she was alone on patrol, or when she looked at the sketches of the artists who presented their work at her moms gallery,

or every time she slept, when the clear specter of Angel would flash brilliantly in her mind, his handsome, and ageless brown eyes looking at her in pure and unbending love. The were no words to describe just how much she missed him. She missed his understanding, his patience, his support and most of all the comfort he had always given her. He was the only one who had truly understood her, the only one that knew what is was like to be both the hunter and the hunted, the only one who could fully comprehend her nature as the slayer and the instinct that drove her forward into battle each night. He had brought love, longing, and even lust into her world and the loss of those things had had an astronomical effect on her soul. Despite all of their problems and all of the obstacles they had faced, her time with him had been heaven and his departure from Sunnydale had resulted in her crashing back to earth in the harshest form of reality. There were times when anger towards him would consume her. She would be angry with him for leaving, angry with him for making her hurt, and most of all angry at him for having an unrelenting hold over her heart. For brief moments she would want to defy him, she would try to think of ways to erase memories of him from her mind, think of ways to punish him by trying to convince herself that he had never meant anything to her, but then the night would come. The dusk, to her, was Angel. It was calm and mysterious with the occasional flash of action and the underlining, faint hint of danger. As long as there was the night, she would long for Angel, and she was helpless to stop her heart from doing so. The irony of the matter was that Angel had loved her with just as much passion as she loved him, if not more. He had left in a selfless attempt to give her what he thought would be a better future for her, a future of normalcy, or however normal the life of a slayer could possibly be and now she was faced with a similar decision for him. She loved him enough to let him go, loved him enough to put his happiness over her own, as he had thought he had done for her that fateful night so many months ago. She didnt deny Angel the opportunity to once again find love. He deserved to be happy, he deserved to be caressed and cherished, even if it was not she that was filling that void in his heart. A permanent soul would allow Angel to find the solace in his existence that he so richly deserved and she would be forever damned if she took selfish route and tried to keep that from him. For Angel she would do this, and for Angel she would give the world. Wide-eyed she faced Giles, her face a mask of hurt and hopes, as she nodded her head to indicate that they should start the spell.

***** Buffy walked quietly through the night, feeling too restless and confused to go home just yet. She had been moving listlessly for hours, her heart both heavy and relieved at the same time. The finality of what she and Giles had done clinched in her mind and she knew that it was time she put her own life together. She would always love Angel, nothing would ever change that, but the time had come to take firm control over her destiny. She was her own person and although Angel did own a part of her heart, she belonged to herself. The time had come to enjoy life the way she expected Angel to. She knew that there would never be another Angel, each being on earth was allowed only one soul mate and he most certainly was hers, but she had her friends and her family, her schooling and her slaying; she had a life of her own that belonged entirely to her and it was high time she lived it. Funny how giving Angel the gift of a soul had shown her that, yet it was inevitable that he would still be there, lurking in the shadows. Buffy heard the light footsteps come up behind her and she knew instantly who it was yet she did not turn around right away, her eyes looking up to the stars before turning to face the man she loved. Angel felt his own heart start to pound wildly in his chest at the sight of the beautiful, blonde woman before him. She glistened under the stars and the street lamps; her body, skin and hair like a beacon of light to a lost ship at sea. She was a wonder to him, an anomaly, a contradiction of confidence yet doubt, of intelligence yet hope, of love and of heart and he wondered what it was he had ever done to deserve having known her and having been a recipient of her love. He had left for Sunnydale the minute he had gotten off the phone with Giles, his eyes tearing at the thought of what Buffy had done for him even after months of separation. Not a day went by when she didnt consume his every thought. She was always there, shining in all of her brilliance, her example guiding him in all of his nightly activities, though she was probably unaware of the impact she still had over him. It had taken every bit of resolve in him to stay away, his heart longing wildly for her hugs and her kisses. She was the only person that could make him really smile, the only person that made him feel worthy of existing amongst humans. She had given him the gift of being truly accepted for the first time in 244 years and now she had given him his soul, never had any one person given him so much and he just wished there was something he could give her in return.

"Hello, Angel," Buffy said quietly, eyes still on the sky. "Hi Buffy," he replied silently, suddenly at a loss of words. Finally she looked at him, her hazel eyes twinkling as a small smile lighted her face. "Its beautiful out tonight," she remarked softly, her eyes drinking in the site of his handsome face. "Yes, it is," he agreed, "entirely beautiful." "Its funny how many nights I can be out hunting and I never take the time to stop and notice how pretty the sky is," Buffy continued, her eyes shining in wonder. Angel smiled softly at the girl in front of them, the one who at this very moment was causing his heart to lurch. "When I agreed it was beautiful out tonight, I wasnt talking about the sky. I was talking about another celestial body in front of me," he finished, a small laugh sticking in his throat at the site of her blushing bright red before him, she had never looked more beautiful to him then she did right now. A few minutes of comfortable silence passed between them, no words needing to be said while each being simply enjoyed the quiet presence of one another. "I wanted to tell you something," Angel said at last, breaking the silence. Buffy looked up at him closely; her eyes consuming him like deep pools of aqua marine water, cool, promising, and unwavering. "I wanted to tell you I was wrong. I left based on the assumption that my immortality would hold you back, but Ive come to the conclusion that you too are immortal." Buffy looked surprised by his words, but wisely, she waited for him to continue, knowing there was more left to be said. He gently reached out and took her hand in his; the contact of their skin sending shots of pleasure tingling throughout her entire being. He placed her hand over his heart on his chest, the fabric of his shirt soft beneath her palm as she lay her hand flat. She eyed her hand on his chest and then her eyes once again locked onto his, their depths lighting in wonder and in wisdom. "You are immortal in my heart, because that is where you will always be," Angel concluded, the tears starting to fall down his cheeks as her own followed pursuit.

Buffy smiled brilliantly through her tears, her face lighting in happiness and in joy. Slowly she removed her hand from Angels chest and held it out for him to take, understanding for their bond filling her being. "Since youre here," she said, "care to join me on patrol? Its been awhile since I had a partner in crime." "I think I will," Angel said with a smile of his own, understanding her light and slightly covered attempt to let him know that she had missed him too. Together they walked holding hands, the night surrounding them in with mysterious zeal. "And Angel," Buffy continued after a long while, "youll always be in my heart, too