Fi Mother "Trout a gee mnt rove sa ones aduleand af mothec “Bue how am I suppose to do that? 1 wanted 10 know. How am T supposed to prove Pm any kind of mother if they rake Lake away? Catch-22," Diy say ke that explained ic Bly was no eb. Lake wae two montis ol and we ‘were tventywhatever bu his ees whe chey tok him way sere ler than any ‘When we got home, Bl said he was sad. He side was ging ‘outto score did] want to come? Bites thee othe sofa and Shook my ead. Lake was supposed be anew star for uP ‘leaned myself up when he wat inside te, but when T came home Bill waned to do sone clebating. Yes” He held Le overhead like the Sealey Cup." dad le ole nel joe a ft 8 cigar and when he pase ito me he cll me Niama-mia and ‘whe slid back ead hin Dado, Pen high on Lake whe Teas pregnant, bu eomiag home all sore o aur apartment in the enverted melon Fery wet» down 1 needed ih pick me tp. Pd Bec clan as sow fo nine mons, afte ll che Dezel ndepedrne dey pomp ito me ding bout I fice ew tokes woulda mach mate erased prety qui, bu then woke up to Lake eying. Billy ol me tony back down Paps got ‘conerad” He was ro prov, he was grinning likes cartoon of ‘imlé Thea ae yl nd il walking up aed down with hin talking soft, eling him it dep wie, ‘Lake, Iam your father ‘sl lnghing to hel i este aby of gin met ave fen back asleep Sometine ater thats when Bily aoe heen 0 bow smoke in Lakes face co mallow im oe ork fine ad ill was smug as fuckin the moering. i the crying ce’ he sd Bur Lake was sil seeping a ane and when {pt my head los his breathing ws ba hist ke a slow At an T screamed TI unt he rook ws te hospital Luke was OX then, but the rurse called social servos on ‘Lake’ toys and ht were everwhere sil ugg one of our ld eashion 9 my seomach aod stoked i Ever since Las a hid Tvelad s habit of sewing feather plows, unl one ofthe ele ‘ula pokes through the fabric and 1 can ease out. There are livays inl wisps of feathers on our rg Twas working on anotherPrez Ho Davies seve plow nw pei sharp pla ais my ge « Ghatceee te core suming bk and forth ally poking $e Ts low tobe plump ad snow it kiya “pod fein on; One oer act or whee Lake ad | Shee ic You cold sl soe fs dap even ugh the soi Sth Ed ake hi soy ars aga made me thik of the ner peed ny fore hbely who changed hi. Fe mele o'r Sometey rn ny nee al over ha sing Bin Sp ile he led and sumed. wondered who ook sft bis 1 Sor fomer nie hy tld ws" methadone nn Bl sd ‘Tha the lnrye explained andthe eying bs ne te ake as coming te age es emer mom, but i Tcl pre ws ay own moti Ss fe mon she wis oposble aa And lok how Tedd 1 Teen wa alalgne dvr ten Arizona had san et SEortran sffin Bey but Yep s PO Box case heen ches ‘Sten Tl hd the lee she wrore me hen Da i! and “Rother hen she moved rom Tes four yes a. And he it aati be she cold come up bar to Eogene ad lp ut {rn i ogee Ise ved wh sme the court wou ‘age is mind sang ake was opin i Twas ng tem in 0. 1 wat ge fo ge him ap nt hut cig Mos up, bu Tha’ done tat for ong sine ad ide tte emg no beso ood. The Shout night il ee noo. Te shame, ns iy. We sould Beene ive down thee Sur hough Die down hee ad flee old Bil hen he got back and he looked a mee "Your Me “Ido av oe! Ei we tbr n weha te Hee ht ok 1 Heed ten tbe nhen T wae stung out iy gator look. 1 Bese loved oud ips, poping sen. They ade im el he Hamer Thompeon, ten tooe'87 Voyager Fic Mother took us eghren hours and when we got there my back war ching be Bly was il wire Howdy” he sai he'd ben ealking like that since apa ging Mors «big hug. "Howey, Ma'am But ten he coulda’ st al He had co sete his legs be sa, walking abou bow aged like he'd gor off a horse. That made her Taagh. At lest he Boke thee, Bu coulda watch him the whole time, and evry so ofen hed wise and cll out, "You've go some Tigh pry wl ce. Ny, my! He was wzaling Tksew tc Twoulda hve minded, bur that old fay stall wae Lake’, 10, now. "Whatever happened to hat slvr ashay, Mom Task he, wes saw him come bac wth his pockets bulging ‘And that nc able lighter” Bi he cold remem: Then ll ad he had ogo out, ‘get me some smokes told Mor he was shy but se sid he had lovely manners {watched her eer the acu set oe Bt the kitchen andi shook nt anes ike the DT. "fests, Moms Tad “When dy ger 0 old gues ee had se when the wa shires or eve, seedy Fora longtime they ida thnk they could have kids, my fk and then there L wat, Now Moms ir ws white and tia and she walked real slow and stooped. Bur she was pleased f0 se me, ‘though tol her smite figure out who Tw So we st around and talked. We had some laws. People eopped by. Fseadsof Moms Ste ald them ll up tll tem Shelia visto er daughtec Steele them all was town on ‘nines ad I dhought she'd poe i wrong bor then she winked at se and I aid Iwas in—*Compurer” She was stil shazp, Moms, ‘Boag, and se could help me oat wih the cours, Iwas sure of Shelooked lke he prec granda, even if shed now she was cone ye. lean lla, fete nds had gone and we were lone tha Tod he and the se just sat shee ery sl and had ‘ote er again Ue oy Tsai ‘Called Wal? Waker was my Day mae, Fd thought oft inte van onthe way dows. ad been saving up. And ten sa” the tears gleaming in he eyes and we ld ach ode for along tine Told er waned 0 bring the aby sce he, ut tae twas a fix ha needed ee op ad she nodded and sid, yes; yes ye, anything of course. The thing is the dreamer what had gone on Delore—al the shit pled #Pete Ho Davies Jus did’ omens it one bit. ‘Rove and forges! she aid. “And vice vews, Thats my mote.” T as ro alieed. So ong at she ‘remembered who Iwas an that che lowed me Bil cle that night. He wasn doing fn Wayae any mare ‘The cops had picked him up. Buying? Tai. "Bor you had bi seash’ Tien him going into the tun a ex sop every de {eat eo ee bathroom. I thought hed ast paced foe the tp. ‘Selig he told me He waned met bal ity so Iai sre snd hang up. "Who was that?” Moms waned to kon: I took 4 deep breath. Just sme sale guy mi, ‘The hing abou Bs that dd love hi, bs then Luke eae slong sod I really loved him. When Moms asked me what bed banned omy fied, the cowboy hr head oe ff The next morning Isard gating her packed. went doe the condo ocean tod then she'd be aay ar few ante oa ‘cation with me They looked episod. They aed me fT og ‘bat wasa god ide and T ld hem thought # ws pen den On he road se wan quite cle way eyeing hes ed took arm and then tthe winow and ten bck st Toe {adi was bes Ted to a to her booth ld a the Be, Da, bu she did’ say sein ut ted tating et weve ime ico my bes, ie thr old game show we ted co pach My dad was wih Exxon then and they waned | Sold om scout ofthe Neth Sn ol sre wee eg in ‘Abenen fora ea, was calle The Geto Game 2 dumb show, with heny sca and bad tapes rela the Sick as that te eas were moths td sony nes aed hese grandmas and granns Thee wat Si athe ena ‘menor tet whee conta tat arnt of comeyor bok And wed all thse pes sie y. Then thy Bt foe i ‘ogi and eveything thy coal remember oe a they eel ep Taser Benz gl sho chy ty. Thee sng 4 cud The res were sch and eas cry, br worl i lig fei cing am i ey ge conti be a od Mos: "ou ane Hyng The Fit Mother ‘We were real lose that yeas cwo Ameria in Seodand. We sweat hl heels tgater couldn’ understand che accents of {nyoae at school and al they knew about Texas anol was Dales ‘Mas and Tad more in common than anyone ee we knew for the fis ane. Bu hat we othe yea T stated pein high. On ts fumes fist, den later sing ple, doing whipits behind dhe fete It fl xo dumb passing around a ube of gles it was just {ames Bat then wen we moved back to Howson, got seis ‘Dope coke, cack snack, Filly, Moms tld we Thad 0 chose fay home or my hai hero te heroin fe was no choice a sineen ‘Necoven coe | hep in ouch with Dad fo a fe year atte ee He would meet me for cole, take me fora big inne, o if was to forked buy me boxes of groceries, He pave me money, too, ‘though he lays made me promise not ro spend icon shit. He ok tne ae lef sh ast aye in et rom for weeks. She aver wet ‘ut dient, kee the deapes pulled. 7 ‘She wont oven anawer the pone be si, meaning in case "Tm aoe as strong as es be sid, meaning he sl had eo see se, bah he back "Te was til hoked, I ld hi, bt she was going old eackey.) Inher int ater to me fr sven years, when she cold me he was gon she said ed ade her promise to do what she cold forme. {ook the money she set be knew eng not to get in touch ‘She did ne ne back in here Not ater she' Kicked me: Ar Yet bere Iwas aan sete road was rough, sounded ke static under thers, Mintle hit one of those patcher of fresh eaxmac when et wen qui fora momene ew ike ying ro ane a ado, sce all could hee i the good spss was Mons’ breathing ‘We stayed ae 4 Snood lan jst ouside Sle Lake (I put on Men’ iy sharod oor oe the sie m went yeas. When the cae out of the Bathroar to go bed, she had er head caught in tee nihtgown and Thad vo getup and ep es sti sag, bt than when her bend appeated se Was all uscered can mange She sid shen 1 fel cmberanod in jst my Be and panesPeer Ho Davies 1 ttc marks and wacks tl showing was ening when oe got to Bagene which saved me giving ‘Moms the tous I woulda have known what co sty ayy ily Always ike so al "the town where he Ses never ied. He Thad oy he came fo elge here on account of Ken Kesey—that lind he fact they lined Animal Hoe dwn the blosk-an syed 1 cause Spring was the cystabmeth capil ofthe west “When we got to our apartment was dark which Uchought would help, beau the bldg looks beter ac night, although 1 Sometimes th oi for Severs keto crise you. Ses took tne lok and vi, ‘Well and rolled er sleeves up and went ght a¢ sts found all the crap onde the ink Wines, Me Clean—from. | setae enon and Hc ap aod maternity res for # rag an ef tha cot wile feched be tal rom the van and made up a bed Feel onthe geodvl sof. Whea red ofa her she told ne tov down, kel wae in the wae was hap, thought. Hapay to be dong, to be need {pes Ba jst when he was ing se Thea! fe give litle ny Se was i he then and when I went init seemed go bef shone, he was mopping here was wate fn the log but thn Ls abe was we An ace he iy ad ould tell she waated go ninco the bathroom, she hep ing her fet, ut she could beste he did't wa to get pe everywhere | and she was biopering thee rasan, Wal Tepe he ot, ‘feourse The mess was mach compared crack houses I've seen, ‘hough Idi ell he ets Gat her canged-—tums ont tere was ‘pek of apes big ones, he se, bur she'd forgoren 0 put ‘ee on thr her dese inthe sundry and cleaned up "You cleaned tp afer me? Told her “Tzn abouts fi lay” tary tow we wa we if wk Mom wat A Geatarcontog sd cing, bt aba aod Tee tCa th ot cole nh he eat pomp: har tT Dale cbr den my tet wale oe Thema Srey ta aap mata cy or ike rN ew tb ont pfe pecan on re tre etl Spd ny oss en eon ec of tapes ayn hc and se et Fit Mother her finger to ea ike i, She made mee ie hots Sterile and store tia std re ep ash of ter the ide 2 Sly the socal worker when Tw her each week Lake da ike ontul, she tok me, and ade me gad to eink of him sil Fonts foe me, Mom coal tl look afer me and the hovse ike {he old days Bu looking afr here, the were F came in. The ‘Shower ws ucky for er al we ot ber plate we cain here, find acewacds Pel dey her of ie ee with al abd wosk the loon, Ac night rubbed er back aed be legs ad fet. Her os tree noted wih vets, ehe mses ard ke wood, bu iked ul them untl they loosened up and she pared with pleasure “Te only problem with al hie leaning ws {could no longer small Like asyvbae sep with his wufled eae fo a while, bot foun i ut sell! ike me. At ight Tkepe waking up thinking faa hi, butt was oa the whining of neighbour dogs the hooting and bleating of tris inthe yrds over by Filth. Teld ‘Moms and she rook my tand and mae me gti wth he Till, woke u,b aso bad a alone Th partment was looking ret shape when the social wockes, ‘Me Rove cae fara vine Pd mee ht before ate eurtboure Sie asked me to top outde to tll so she could smoke, She tld ‘me how would go, and when we were dane she stubbed our the Bat before ews lf gone, Tying to she od me. "Yea, tough; Tid and ake Blake ‘Nowy she looked around er atthe tidy Living oom, the swept ‘ors ands eee sured. Se asked abou Bil nT ssi bd | Spy oat told tnt go If yu'ee not part ofthe olan, {OM he arb 'So yo single monn she a malng a note a herbook “How'd yo fe aout rising acid aioe?” Which was eet reilly, hecnse [got to go,‘ ike you 1 meet someone" It ‘va like vein + matted told Moms to dees rice and wat in {hetieoom efor ald es aed now she ease outa her make ‘ip hat Foal biped her with a ele as great and she had ona ‘ee sats her pel only she sil had her hair roles ‘ide know what to say Bo the socal worker did’ see 0 ind, ‘Marts us same on ina sid, Helo, Pleased to mez you, ends aeter Ho Davies | herself down, I tucked an afghan around her and we went on just ss happy as you plese. Aterwards Moms ant aughcd about tT took out her eulers and she ped er fair inthe rae ade | both speed ihnd come ont ne, ‘When she lei, the soil wrkr tld me he was pleased with ny progres. She said she cou se that fly was important om, ‘and thin she got back in ber Sata, When she waved st, ade her lve, that she was wearing «patch T wet fa and gave Moms ‘hug and she beamed like Me Ces We had is thet every wees and they were well On the second visit Lake was allowed come a play fora whi. Ife kim while Moms and the soa work (her mime wat Bath watched and cated He was so grey ‘tad me laugh. The social worker kep talking shout Lake Uke ‘hi Loe that and Mons kept saying how Walt was gre aby, oo, uni I explained that is ame wat Wale Lake. Beth locked atbee paperwork gain and hen te, and Lai Yes and ned atbee an I sw her weit i down, Whe Walt pooped t gor ont the baby works nd changed hin. His lar sna so soll compared to Mow; hb skin as Urn the wpe overs sft. Aerwards is ld hr a eld hi an a ike the best fxn he won ‘When I gave him up atthe end of he day Iwan swesting, salen, and Moms held te and cold me, Oh, ding, know its hae” “About sweets Bill showed up atthe dr He lef few ‘metas on Mon’ machine bck in cenit iene ose cased, bur been half expecting him. gee go» filendaman * ‘0 get im out, but Twas prety sure he wat breaking some law ot ‘ther coming sl the way t Oregon ike that. Iwas aking shoes, but I head hie voice atthe daoe when Meats opened She was ‘ey nie to him, bur she made ike she dda now who te el ne | was. ila sod there and whined abot his beng is pace and ‘Moms told him gue tha coun bean he coulda comet, ad then se started sbouing Rape in er lise old lady voce and "Bll bea ie afer tac. The ae I heed of hin ws hi oop | owanging down the mesa sir oat He took the van, wish was | his anyon, bu I igucetwas worth ic see the bck of him, He | Hit os ico the bondsman ana, when Teale in phat he'd lee the stat. He was a too Bil so Tnew he'd do OK ide Fie Mother dhe did on ny Sometimes after bath I lok at the le ard be ‘hone pd Phin You wer ati ily a el an assole ‘Moms and laughed over aight, and se kept i ap che wh time saying she'd never een bi before ia he ie, Come ont" Tsai. the pent Ys Bath aed et ein Wt down othe car Sv fe ead been en te Mors a been plying with Sea pectaon and wi is ne forthe baby 0 sed Bell fora second hie “He sl js he You dy Shell me, banding Hover “kes me bck = ine ete me Be ate ig nya ney Yue ir Js es Tarte athe two Ye ond tt ak {ered to Yoo heads hgh my sae Would us bre ‘Spon "Thay si, bur quiy bese the baby as ‘Taping "har you Tas you, Tank you Bat Ret) shook ber end fa lke ty the sad u've proved your a response ‘Steir Youtd bea yood motes Buthm ae me he cumstances Shou ome ar for cl 7 Rr mat hie oy cdo yo ele ‘Tn yume wi Sh cea ei ce soa clang bl sd oe ay Whe ow ‘hd Wr rere plying Ls bore upto make te, phe Ke tithe stove and sur th ps on, ba forge oie Thad co carn | elf mpl Ls vse po af pacage nthe iowa ro Gheta mere si ped er mek as bt just modded and I wanted to bite my tongue. What I tel SoReal ne or meta ve ad oie "The an cles pent sys She pase 0 pop a pic of unin ber mt ont know could do what you doin. Fr sympaty cl Du itm ty op Wal est Can you ‘dmyoucan atch in an your Mr ven our nus a ay ets She sok ee SS what you' ayia i OK forme o be a sige mom, bot nt ase dpe” ej chewed 03Peter Ho Davies Wel, what an T supposed o do?" She looked at mean all you that she sid holding oot her ade forthe Baby. stood nthe patking lot for Jong ane after she ef. watched smother walle by wih a empey seller anda lite okde than ‘ale walling longed, pushing oy seller with dll in ‘When Tene back in {ogked at Moms. Ske sid ate and si like your fiend Beth, Wht lovely bay she's ot ok he bus with Moms back to Phoen dhe next week, Hee reds weteplessed to see her, Everyone’ so fend bere she ‘sid, bean She marched around te oom ke was a hotel or Something. She ran er Sager over the shelves looking for dist Finny she si TI fakes "wit Tad Wah Wale she nodded. "You're the bests Morn’ Tol! her and she sid, ‘Not hardly. ‘Look atthe mess made with you” "Phot made me jp, batten sae she was joking "Noy she si. "You mace me provi” 1 ae al ny ier Bear hee sy iy and when she sid ew she meu itand she was wong, Dont sou eemerbes, I wanted to yell uate you remember what was ike? The dope. The coke. “The era. The smack Tote crying then bat ecole ‘Sh, sh, shh "Tike bere she sid She looked ot ofthe window. "You can see the mold go by.’ I sto with er and we watched a bunch of {Sison robetlade, Mowe waved a ie thought they give her the dingo, bt they diese be. A line of ees turned the crae, the sa sing ff each winds in tor, ikea ashbul, “Tike here she sid again Tate on the sree tsi, Looked back upc her rom and {waved coulda ee he that deer sun was shining on the as. hoped she was there, bu Thought maybe se was. 1 go on the tu ad rode down the set with my acm ou ofthe window the whole wey std then we took tie comer Thought of her a her ‘inom hes eyes dated by he ge, orang around, her atm gone {ore fom waving, her eer adjasting to the dines of he room.