Train these kidz

By
Dorian Bartecki
mummies
INTRO GAG
ashksfhdskl
EXT. COTTAGE HOUSE - DAY - MISTY
A shot of a cottage house surrounded by trees, with red
tiled slope roof, white walls, with grape plant growing on
the right side of the house just by the window, two small
bushes in front of he door, a brick path leading from the
door to road, a front garden has a small pond, a small
wooden round mailbox which has a number 36 engraved on the
side with the mailbox flag up, a black sedan is parked by
the road.
INT. COTTAGE HOUSE
Three little kids are sitting by the wooden table with a
flower cloth and 1 glass of milk and 2 glasses of orange
juice, and a flower vase filled with orange daylilies,
There is a picture on the wall with the kids in their
trolleys with their parent by a train,
The kids are TIRA a little blond girl with average length
curly hair, MICHAEL a young boy with short dark brown spiky
hair and glasses, and GREGORY a small slick ginger hair boy,
they sit with a middle aged man in a suit named JONATHAN.
Kids are very calm. Jonathan, is slightly nervous.
JONATHAN
Hi kids, are you enjoying your
drinks?
Kids shake their heads in acceptance except Gregory whos
busy playing his console.
JONATHAN
Is there something wrong Gregory?
GREGORY
Where is mum and dad?
JONATHAN
You see kids this is why Im here
today. This morning weve found
your parents dead in a motel, and
we need you to identify the bodies.
(gets up) would you like to come
with me?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 2.
TIRA
(calm)
OK.
Jonathan and kids go out.
EXT. MOTEL - SUNNY
A shot of a motel with an ambulance, with two paramedics who
are drinking beers, and two police cars with four policeman
shooting cans off a railing on the first floor where a drunk
hobo sits.
The motel is two stories high, doors to rooms are green and
red, the walls are painted yellowish white. Jonathan and the
kids enter room 36, in the window next room theres a green
spider with blue stripes thats having a peak at them
entering.
INT. MOTEL ROOM 36
They enter the room, the room is painted purple, the bed has
blue sheets with a giant sun in the middle and dead DAD is
lying just in the centre of it with his hands spread out
with a giant hole in the torso, through which you can see
the sun.
JONATHAN
Is this your dad?
MICHAEL
(cool)
Yeah its him.
They go to the bathroom, the TV on the left of them is
playing a game show, While they pass it.
INT. GAME SHOW
A blue stage of a show titled ANTI-GRAVITY SUCKER, the HOST
of the show is on the left wall facing up, there are four
contestants two on the top BILLY and MERLIN and two on the
bottom KREGINOV and RITA on the right hand side theres a
pit with a shark in it.(the show has a very surreal feel, no
one in the show is showing any signs of worry or awareness
of the nonsense)
HOST
Welcome to anti-gravity sucker, a
show where if you answer wrong we
turn the gravity on, and you fall
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 3.
HOST (contd)
into a pit with a shark, but he
doesnt eat people, no but only
bite them and give them aids, yes
the shark has aids. So shall we
begin. Merlin youre first, if Im
not mistaken, youre a person who
invented taxes am I right?
MERLIN
Yes thats right.
Merlin waves to the camera with a stupid smile.
HOST
Thank you for that, now your
question is, "do people like buying
sandwiches with mayonnaise because
they have no other choice?" And the
answers are "A. I forgot to turn
the stove off" "B. What is
mayonnaise" "C. Chocolate only
contains 3% salt" or "D. We all
like rocks". Remember if youre not
sure you can use the "kidnap a
stranger card" and get answer from
a stranger we kidnap.
MERLIN
No Im fine Im pretty sure I know
the answer, is it D?
HOST
Hesitant I like that, so youve
chosen D, are you sure?
MERLIN
(nervous)
Yes, wait, no Im sure.
HOST
OK lets see if D is the correct
answer? Rita is D the correct
answer?
RITA
(confident)
Well judging by the recent
investments in the card making
factories I would say no.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 4.
HOST
So no, is what youre saying?
RITA
Yes.
HOST
So yes or no... kidding, so Merlin
the D is not the correct answer.
Would you like to know the correct
answer?
MERLIN
Yes please.
HOST
Ok. KREGINOV what was the correct
answer?
KREGINOV
Well I think we all can agree that
its A. I forgot to turn the stove
off. Because I know I did.
BILLY interrupts.
BILLY
I think youre wrong Kreginov, its
clearly C. the 3% salt in
chocolate.
HOST
Well youve got to be right billy
since youre the last person to
give an answer, so the answer is C.
you get 20 points, KREGINOV you
lose 35 points and your wife for
giving the wrong answer, whos hot
by the way, but dont worry youll
get this slightly used toaster.
A lady presenter flies in on a jet pack with a plate and on
that plate is a burned toaster. Kreginov does the yes
expression with his hand.
KREGINOV
Yes!
HOST
Rita you get 7,5 points for
identifying the wrong answer. Now
merlin were sorry. But youre the
anti-gravity sucker, now you shall
fall.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 5.
Merlins gravity turns on and he falls but before he falls
he manages to grab onto billys hand.
MERLIN
(pretty calm)
Dont let me die.
HOST
Billy youll also get a slightly
used toaster if you let him go.
Billy lets go without hesitation and doesnt react. Merlin
falls.
MERLIN
NO!!!!
Merlin lands in the pit, shark bites him.
SHARK
Sorry to do this but I need this
job, Ive got girlfriends and she
like stuff you know.
Merlin gets out of the by climbing a ladder and goes to an
exit.
HOST
The paramedics are waiting for you
at the exit Merlin.
HOST
So whos next?
Merlin does the talk to the camera after the show in an
ambulance.
MERLIN
I believe I did my best, thats
more then any of you can say, ha.
INT. MOTEL ROOM 36
JONATHAN
God I love this show, okay kids now
lets go into the bathroom.
Jonathan walks with the kids to the bathroom.
6.
INT. MOTEL ROOM 36 BATHROOM
Jonathan and kids enter the bathroom, a white tile walls
with a bath and a very small window, the toilet is painted
very ugly green with a white seat. Jonathan flushes the
toilet.
JONATHAN
Wuuf, that, smelled bad.
A woman MUM is dead in the bathtub, shes smiling but her
head is separated from the body and at the moment when they
look at her, the head falls off and down into the giant hole
in her torso.
JONATHAN
Is this your mum?
MICHAEL
(calm and bored)
Yes its her, can we go home now?
Im bored.
JONATHAN
Yes were done here lets go.
INT. COTTAGE HOUSE
Jonathan and the kids sit down. But in the wrong order
Jonathan is sitting in Gregorys place and Gregory is sitting
where Jonathan is suppose to.
JONATHAN
Hey this aint right is it?
Jonathan gets up, so does Gregory and they go to their
original places.
JONATHAN
This is better. No i know this must
be hard on you, but youll get
trough this, youll probably end up
as successful musicians or actors.
(chuckles) no? okay, Now the other
reason why Im here its the will,
youre parents left you a little
something. A train.
TIRA
(excited)
Oh my god, did we get the
Clenserwut train? Ive always
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 7.
TIRA (contd)
wanted that train, but parents said
Im too small.
MICHAEL
This is good news, this train is
awesome.
TIRA
When can we ride it?
JONATHAN
As soon as you sign this, this is a
paper stating that youve received
everything from the will except the
money, which I took because i need
it to pay for my wifes plastic
surgery, so she can look like
Gwyneth Patrlow. Ow yeah.
Kids rush to sign the paper. Jonathan flips the page and
points.
JONATHAN
Okay and another one here.
Jonathan gets up and shakes the kids hands. And gives them a
key with a train key chain.
JONATHAN
Now youre proud owners of a train.
Here are the keys. If you want I
can drive you to it.
KIDS ALL TOGETHER
ROADTRIP!!! yay.
Kids are happy and start clapping.
INT. FRANK AND MARIO HOUSE - SAME DAY
Frank is sitting on the couch reading a newspaper with the
TV on with the news, they talk about a gorilla that escaped
from a zoo. NEWSPAPER READS "Three local kids inherit a
train after their parents have been murdered" "Police is not
very interested in the killer but the device that killed
them"
FRANK
Dude did you hear about those kids,
who got the train?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 8.
Mario comes in from the kitchen and takes off oven mittens
and lifts protective goggles up.
MARIO
What?! A train?
Frank turns around and shows the newspaper to mario.
FRANK
Yeah check this out, it says here
that theyll be giving free rides,
but only tomorrow.
MARIO
Since when do you read newspapers?
FRANK
Since when do you not read
newspapers?
MARIO
What?
FRANK
Exactly. Weve got to check this
train out, we better pack.
MARIO
Road trip.
FRANK
Yeah road trip. But seriously
wheres the home made xds?
MARIO
Theyre brewing.
INT. KITCHEN
A chemical set is set up across the whole kitchen, with lots
of chemical bottles that have the poison logo. And a very
tiny flavouring bottle of strawberry, kiwi and peach. All of
the chemical boil and at the end a drop of these flavourings
drops into the drinks.
MARIO
Well theyre done.
Mario comes in and grabs them.
9.
INT. FRANK AND MARIO HOUSE
Mario gives one bottle to frank. They both have a sip. They
taste the flavour for a bit, and first they gasp with joy,
then they check in their mouths if that how its suppose to
taste. Then they move the drink away from them.
FRANK
Well this is...
MARIO
Shit.
FRANK
Its something thats for sure.
EXT. TRAIN STATION - NEXT DAY - SUNNY
Frank and Mario arrive in a car at the train station, an old
looking train station which has a creepy look to it. Frank
gets out of the car with a big sun hat on, Mario gets out in
very short pants which will change to his normal throusers
in the next shot.
MARIO
Youre seriously going to wear
that?
Frank turns around with the hat hiding his face (dramatic
effect), he slowly lifts his head.
FRANK
(serious that goes to cheery)
Yeah, you never know, what about
you and those pants?
MARIO
Quite frankly these are popular
now.
FRANK
Sure. Lets go.
INT. TRAIN PLATFORM
(mario throusers are his normal throusers) Theres a sign
saying "Clenserwut platform". Frank and Mario walk with
their bags.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 10.
ANNOUNCER LADY
Buy sausages at the sausage stand
for only 3.99, ow and the
Clenserwut train is leaving the
station in two minutes. Have a safe
trip.
FRANK
Wheres the guy thats suppose to
take our bags? This is
unacceptable, I shall sue!
MARIO
Shut up, i swear, few people said
they like your stuff, and you start
acting like a total dick (or
douche).
FRANK
I can get you fired, so shush.
MARIO
Chill out. ow look there are the
kids from the newspaper, we should
say hi.
Michael, Tira and Gregory get a picture taken with an old
camera (on a tripod and a cloth under which you hide that
goes boom when you take a picture). Photographer takes the
picture and grabs the camera.
PHOTOGRAPHER
Ok the photo will be ready for you
in a week.
MICHAEL
Okay now lets get this train
roiling. Hey get this train moving!
Frank and Mario run with their bags.
FRANK
Hey wait for us!
Kids notice Frank and Mario. They jump onto the train.
MICHAEL
Hey hurry up there!
TIRA
Who are those guys?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 11.
MICHAEL
You dont wanna know.
TIRA
Do you know them?
MICHAEL
No.
Frank and Mario throw their bags onto the train
successfully. Frank and Mario are running and jump onto the
train and grab onto it successfully.
INT. TRAIN SMOKER CARRIAGE
Frank and Mario enter the train carriage for smokers, the
whole carriage is full of smoke. old style train, wooden
walls and metal cream white celling. Frank and Mario shake
off, and notice the smoke. Background is forest.
FRANK
Well this is something you dont
see too often. Lets go.
Frank and Mario go to the exit.
INT. TRAIN BUFFET CARRIAGE
Frank and Mario enter the next carriage. this is a food
carriage, a lot of obese people are sitting here, the whole
carriage is painted pink with food drawings.
FRANK
Now this is more like it.
MARIO
I fancy me some doughnuts.
FRANK
Get one for me too, Ill go and
talk to the kids.
Mario goes up to the counter, while Frank comes up to the
kids which are sitting by a table.
FRANK
Hi can I join you? thanks.
Frank sits down.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 12.
FRANK
(serious but with a laugh)
Gee, that was some start, why
didnt you wait for us?
MICHAEL
We didnt see you.
Frank slmas his hands on the table.
FRANK
Make sense, now cut the crap kids.
Where is this train going?
Michael, Tira and Gregory look at each other.
TIRA
Well lets say its going to be a
ride you wont forget.
FRANK
Okay I like that.
Frank relaxes and leans to the back.
Mario sits down with doughnuts held through a paper.
MARIO
They didnt have custard so I
brought jam. What did I miss?
FRANK
(crazy)
Jam? You serious? Give me that
donught.
Frank takes the donught and places it on the table and
smashes it with his fist.
FRANK
Either get me a custard donught or
nothing. I specifically said that!
MARIO
No you didnt.
FRANK
Ow I didnt sorry man, rock
respect.
Frank waits for the rock respect hit back from Mario.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 13.
FRANK
Come on, dont leave me hanging.
Mario looks angry.
FRANK
Im sorry man, I know I screwed up,
but I love you man lets hug it
out.
Frank spreads his arms for a hug and makes the big eyes.
Mario breaks and hug him back.
MARIO
I love you too man, but you got to
stop this.
FRANK
I will, Im sorry. Now lets enjoy
this ride.
Background now changes from a forest to desert.
TRAIN CONDUCTOR
Ladies and gentleman well soon be
arriving at the foretold desert. We
would like to inform all passengers
of the last two carriages that they
might not be making home for
dinner. Thank you for choosing
Clenserwut train.
Kids smile, get up and run.
FRANK
Whats going on?
Frank looks out the window and sees a giant desert worm
jumping out off the sand.
FRANK
I think we better move dude.
EXT. DESERT TRACKS
(a cut in style like in (sa1) when the game changes from
live to a pre-rendered cutscene) Train rides forward, a
giant desert worm jumps out and swallows the smoking buffet
food carriage is bitten off.
14.
INT. TRAIN BUFFET CARRIAGE
Frank and Mario look out the hole in the back.
FRANK
Dude, whats going on.
MARIO
I dont know, but I know I dont
really like it.
FRANK
But you didnt say its wrong to
have boner right?
MARIO
What?
Another desert worm jumps, its getting closer to the buffet
carriage.
FRANK
Run!
Frank and Mario try to run to the next carriage, but so do
the fat people, one of the fat people runs and gets stuck in
the door blocking the exit.
FAT GUY1
Sorry guys this might take a while.
He then takes out a donught and bites it.
FRANK
We dont have time. What are we
going to do?
MARIO
Maybe we climb out the window and
shimmy to the next carriage.
Other fat people over heard it and they jumped out trough
all the windows but they all get stuck and block every exit.
FRANK
No were screwed. Dude theres so
many things i havent done.
MARIO
Me too.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 15.
They hug each other and slide to the floor and lay down on
the floor. They look at the celling, they notice an escape
vent. A drawing of a giraffe legs giraffe and frank and
Mario stick figures is engraved next to exit vent.
FRANK
Dude do you see what Im seeing?
MARIO
Yes an escape vent.
FRANK
No i was talking about that drawing
of this giraffe with two stick man,
one with long hair the other with
hair like yours, funny stuff. But i
like your discovery better.
Frank and Mario get up.
FRANK
How are we going to reach there.
MARIO
Help me move this table.
Mario and frank grab a table and move it under the vent.
Frank is suddenly on the side.
FRANK
Move it a bit to the left. No my
left, you know the shtick. Okay
its fine.
Frank and Mario step on the table.
FRANK
Come on hurry up. I can see it
coming.
MARIO
Its stuck. Is it really coming?
Frank looks out the hole and nothings coming. Mario is
trying to open the vent.
FRANK
(sarcastic)
Dude its like so close come on
hurry.
Mario manages to open it with his head, now hes dizzy.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 16.
MARIO
Gate please. (lifts a finger)
Frank jumps up and grabs mario by his hand, but drops his
hat during that.
EXT. TOP OF THE TRAIN
Frank and Mario climb up, frank check his head for the hat.
FRANK
Dude I dropped my hat.
MARIO
Leave it, theres no time.
FRANK
Im not like you, I dont waste hat
worth 2.55 just because theres a
giant gorilla chasing us.
MARIO
What gorilla? Its a desert worm.
FRANK
Ow I forgot to tell you, I was at a
zoo yesterday and I may have
angered a gorilla, and today Ive
seen he escaped but he left a note
that said hes coming after us,
well actually me but youre going
to help right?
Mario grabs franks hand and pulls him, and they jump onto
the next carriage, while at the same time the worm jumps and
eats the carriage, while one of the fat guys takes out a
donught a sheds a tear, takes a bite and get eaten.
Frank and Mario climb down and enter the next carriage.
INT. TRAIN HOARDER CARRIAGE - AFTERNOON
Frank and Mario quickly enter and shut the door, they enter
this carriage which is filled with clutter, everything from
beer caps, to broken bricks and boxes of confetti. Theres
barely any room to move, and theres only 4 people in there.
Frank looks out the window of the door.
FRANK
Bye bye my hat. I hope theres no
more worms. Okay so where are we
now.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 17.
Frank and mario look around and theyre confused. Theres a
pile of clothes, and something is moving. A man named FRONK
jumps out. Frank and Mario jump. the background changes to a
swamp forest.
FRANK
Shish the fluck, what are you?
FRONK
Hi my name is fronk breadgonzo. And
no theres no more worms ahead
weve now entered the swamp.
FRANK
Youve got an almost awesome name,
theres just something wrong about
it, but I like it.
MARIO
Do you know if theres any danger
in here?
FRONK
Pardon? Im not sure what do you
mean, theres these frogs that
stick the tongues to the sides of
the train and rip it apart but
theres not much danger in here,
unless you count DYNAMITE JACK, he
collect old ready to blow nuclear
bombs.
Dynamite jack sits in the corner on nuclear bombs, he has a
medium long gray beard and wears jeans with suspenders and a
white t-shirt.
DYNAMITE JACK
(crazy)
Hi there (laughs). Why did someone
throw you away.
Dynamite jack strokes the bombs and hugs it.
FRONK
Hes only 25.
FRANK
Ow good, so were safe, but how do
we get out off this carriage to the
next?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 18.
FRONK
Funny story, well maybe not that
funny but funny depends on your
sense of humour (chuckles) so
theres ancient story foretold by
my grandfather who said theres an
exit to every door.
Frank scratches his beard.
FRANK
Mhhhh. Mario?
MARIO
From what I gathered from this
story there was an exit here few
minutes ago, but after the train
started these here people started
collecting stuff and now the exit
is somewhere on the other side of
this mess.
FRONK
Yeah thats exactly what I said.
FRANK
So any ideas?
MARIO
Well every window is blocked with
stuff theres no escape vent.
Fronk.
FRANK
Yes?
MARIO
Not you.
FRONK
Yes.
MARIO
How far does your clothes pile go.
FRONK
Im not sure but at least half a
train.
MARIO
Do you know when the frogs are
going to ambush?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 19.
FRONK
Its kind of like with the thunder
you count seconds to know the
kilometres, its the same principle
here but with croaks.
MARIO
That makes no sense.
FRANK
Question? How do you know about
these frogs?
FRONK
If youre questioning the logic,
well Ive seen it on discovery
channel.
FRANK
Hey he has cable TV. So you still
entered this train even although
you knew this?
FRONK
Well I thought it was a joke, a
legend.
FRANK
What?! Forget it, my bad.
MARIO
I think we should dive into this
pile of clothes and swim to the
end.
Frank mario and fronk jump into the pile.
FRONK
hold your breath.
INT. TRAIN PILE OF CLOTHES
Inside this pile of clothes is a very psychedelic world.
Frank Mario and fronk swim, they see things like cows in
space suits, desert worms smiling and dancing, frogs doing
flips and dolphins juggling a ball. Frank is slowly turning
purple out of the lack off breath. But they see a light a
the end of the tunnel. They jump out.
20.
INT. TRAIN HOARDER CARRIAGE
Frank, mario and fronk get out of the pile of clothes. Frank
quickly catches as much air as possible. They look around,
in this section of the hoarder carriage is full of old
computers stacked up, each one of them displays something
different, most of it is basically random sentences (make
hidden references) and theres the exit door just in the
middle of them.
MARIO
Ow its the exit lets go.
Mario gets ready to go.
FRONK
Ok good luck, Im going back to my
section.
FRANK
What why? Do you wanna die?
FRONK
Id rather die then leave all my
things here, its mine, i might
need all of this at some point in
my life.
FRANK
Hes kind of right.
MARIO
No hes not, Id rather live than
die with this stuff.
FRONK
Bye.
Fronk jumps back into the pile of clothes, Frank and Mario
dont notice.
FRANK
But check this out.
Frank pick up an instruction manual for toilet paper.
FRANK
Look at this, its an instruction
manual for toilet paper, just
imagine you forget your memory and
you dont know how to wipe, youll
need this, and how about this.
Frank picks up an empty can of an old energy drink.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 21.
FRANK
You see this can, if we had empty
cans this yesterday we wouldnt
have had to use glasses for our
home made xds. Dude we need this
stuff just in case.
MARIO
Your stupid we can buy new cans and
empty them out and use those.
Frank picks up a lot of random things.
FRANK
But, mario, it wont be this can,
this is the can, this the first one
i picked up in this carriage we
wont have another one of those,
all of these this have specific
histories that cant be replaced.
MARIO
Youre stupid we have to go.
A croak is heard. Frank suddenly drops the stuff he picked
up.
FRANK
We better get going.
MARIO
You think.
Frank and Mario rush to the exit through all the computers,
just before the exit, MAURICE ACORN jumps out and block
their path, Maurice uses a empty pc monitor shell as a
helmet, he wears a white shirt fully buttoned up, in his
left hand he has a mouse which he uses to swing and hit. in
the right hand he has a keyboard which he uses as a shield,
in his front shirt pocket he has a floppy disk, and for
pants he wears jeans. He looks up.
MAURICE
My name is Maurice Acorn and Im
the guardian of this exit, Password
please.
MARIO
Seriously?
FRANK
o o o is the password contagious?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 22.
MAURICE
Wrong you have only 2 more tires.
FRANK
Mario help me out here.
MARIO
I dont know, is the password
laces?
MAURICE
Wrong you have only 1 more try,
would you like to send a password
reset to your email?
FRANK
No that crap rarely works, ok ok it
it, AcornDosCross?
MAURICE
Correct password, now what would
you like to do?
MARIO
We got the password can we go now?
This carriage is going to be ripped
to pieces in mere moments.
MAURICE
Wrong action, what would you like
to do.
FRANK
Go straight, open door.
MAURICE
You go straight you face a dragon
with three head what do you do?
FRANK
Use sword, run.
MAURICE
Congratulations dragon has been
slayed you win. You shall pass now.
Maurice steps aside and lets frank and mario go.
23.
EXT. SWAMP TRACKS - DAWN
Four giant frogs from both sides (2 on left, 2 on right)
stick their tongues to the sides of the train and pull,
slowly the train rips to pieces, Frank and Mario can be seen
as small people jumping and succeeding.
Frank and Mario are now on the back of the next carriage and
they look back at the wreckage and they see a nuclear bomb
exploding with confetti flying all over the place and
dynamite jack flies to the sun.
DYNAMITE JACK
God bless nukes.
Frank tries to catch falling confetti on his tongue like
snow.
MARIO
I wouldnt do that, its
radioactive.
Frank slowly pulls back.
FRANK
Tastes good thou.
MARIO
Its confetti.
FRANK
So its a sequel to tutti-frutti i
get it.
MARIO
No its paper. But that sounds like
a cool joke?
Frank and Mario enter the next carriage
FRANK
I wonder what crazy thing awaits us
next.
As they enter The background goes from a swamp to a very
long bridge over a water. (Long helicopter view is in order)
24.
INT. TRAIN REGULAR CARRIAGE
Frank and Mario enter a regular carriage, and see the kids
run to one of the cabins at the end.
FRANK
This is odd, hey I see the kids
lets catch them.
Frank and Mario run to the same cabin. But when Frank opens
the door no ones in there and the window is closed.
FRANK
Weird I swear Ive seen them enter
this carriage.
MARIO
Yeah me to, close it.
Frank closes the door and suddenly they hear voices. Frank
looks at Mario and opens the door again. Now inside theres
a family (HUSBAND, WIFE and two KIDS) having an argument.
WIFE
(complains loudly)
I told you to pack the socks just
in case, and what did you do, you
packed 100 pack of chewing gum,
like a stupid moron!
HUSBAND
Kids do you want some chewing gum?
KIDS
Yay, chewing gum.
HUSBAND
Do you want socks?
KIDS
NO!
HUSBAND
(goes from calm to shouting)
I pack whatever the family need the
most, not some stupid socks you fat
cow!
WIFE
Yeah well see about that.
Wife open the window and throws away the chewing gum into
the water.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 25.
WIFE
How do you like that? pig!
HUSBAND
ok but if you, later, at some
point, ask me at, "hey honey do you
have any chewing gum?", Ill kill
you stupid b...
Frank closes the door.
FRANK
I have no idea why I didnt close
sooner.
MARIO
This door is weird. Open it again.
Frank opens the door again, but now theres a DOG uncertain
of where should he sit. SO he keeps going from left to the
right.
DOG
Should i here, then Ill have the
view in front of me, but if the
train stops everything from the top
will fall my way, or should i sit
here Ill be save from stuff
falling but my view is horrible
plus if the train stops I will fall
forward.
Frank closes the door.
FRANK
Thats one uncertain dog.
MARIO
Is that a joke. It sound like a
statement.
FRANK
It is a statement. Ill only try
one more time.
Frank opens the door again. And they find a life boat in a
can and a poster that says "Whale watching some time soon"
and in a small print in the corner "the whales like to hit
two train carriages of the track, bring your swim suit"
FRANK
Woa woa woa, they have a boat in
can cool.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 26.
Mario grabs the poster.
MARIO
It says here that whales will hit
this carriage.
Frank plays with the can.
FRANK
How do they do it. Ow and the thing
you said, we should do something
about it.
MARIO
Maybe go the next carriage.
Frank puts the can into his pocket.
FRANK
After you.
Frank and Mario go to the next carriage while closing the
door. The door opens and the kids have a peak.
INT. TRAIN PARTY CARRIAGE
Frank and Mario enter, loud music is playing, people are
dancing, some people are drunk (maybe put some hidden
character). Mario points to the door at the end of the
carriage.
MARIO
Look theres the exit.
FRANK
Okay lets go, Im not much of a
party person.
Frank and Mario. Frank shouts around to the people.
FRANK
Hey, people theres a whale coming
to drown this carriage.
Two girls are dancing DANCER GIRL 1 and DANCER GIRL 2, they
notice frank is saying somehting.
DANCER GIRL 1
(Loud over noise)
Whats he saying?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 27.
DANCER GIRL 2
(loud over noise)
Something about a fat people
getting marriage, or something like
that.
DANCER GIRL 1
(loud over noise)
Cool.
Dance girls go back to dancing.
FRANK
Well i tried.
Frank and Mario are almost close to the door, but suddenly
GILLY and JOSIE show up grab Frank and Mario respectively to
dance.
FRANK
Hi gilly, what are you doing here,
this train carriage is going to
drown.
GILLY
What do you mean im here dancing.
Dance with me.
FRANK
Are you drunk?
GILLY
(seductive)
No, whats wrong you, dont you
want to dance with me?
FRANK
Come with me, we really need to get
out of here, or were going to
drown.
GILLY
Stop being silly, and dance with
me.
FRANK
This is not funny, come now.
Frank grabs gilly by her hand.
GILLY
(angry)
get of me you freak.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 28.
Gilly turns into a squid like alien with tentacles. Frank
stands still.
FRANK
(scared)
Mario.
Mario is dancing with Josie.
MARIO
So what are you doing here.
JOSIE
Dancing, cant you see.
MARIO
You know i dont think i ever told
you that but i...
FRANK
Mario!!!
Mario turns to frank.
MARIO
(pissed of)
What!
Mario looks at the monster and josie behind him tunr into
the same monster.
MARIO
Thats a you problem.
Mario turns around.
MARIO
What the heck.
Gilly monster and Josie monster grab frank and mario
respectively. Now theyre side by side.
FRANK
(struggling)
what do we do?
MARIO
I dont know. This is just weird.
A whale noise is heard. Frank and mario struggle faster in
the arms of these monsters.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 29.
FRANK
Release us or were all going to
drown, because of the whales.
(relises) hey i have the boat in
can this might get us free.
Frank gets out the can out his pocket, while his hand are
tied by the monster he struggles but he succesedes. The can
explodes end frees frank, frank falls down on the ground,
the gilly monster is pushed backand hits josie monster
releasing mario as well. Theyre both on the ground on their
"four legs".
MARIO
Thanks, weve got to get out of
here.
Frank looks to the left where a mirror is and he sees him
self as a unicorn.
FRANK
What the?
Frank gets up and he changes into the human in the mirror.
frank is confused. Frank and Mario turn to the door but the
door is blocked by everyone from the carriage.
FRANK
No not this again, no one is
blocking the path to exit again.
Frank grabs marios hand with his right hand and drags him
trough the crowd while he moves his left hand in circle.
FRANK
You better move people Ive got a
helicopter hand and it will chop
you bad if you dont move (makes an
engine sound).
All of the people move away confused. Just before the door
the carriage gets hit by a whale.
EXT. BRIDGE OVER THE WATER WITH A TRAIN
There are two whales, one whale hits the magic door
carriage, the whale blows a bubble with his bubblegum on the
right. The explosion shakes the carriage and then shortly
after the whale hits the carriage it self and it falls into
the water.
30.
INT. TRAIN DANCE CARRIAGE
The carriage is now falling and everything is in slow
motion, gilly monster grabs frank whos holding mario and
she throws them out a tiny door with success, and waves bye
with the tentacle. Frank looks down at her and smiles.
EXT. BRIDGE OVER THE WATER WITH A TRAIN
Frank and Mario are in the air and they look forward where
the train is, and notice that the track ends soon, but at
the end theyre bend upwards. Frank and Mario fall down
through a roof into the next carriage. Only 3 carriages plus
the main locomotive are left. A whale gets out the water and
blows another bubble.
INT. TRAIN SKATEPARK CARRIAGE
Frank and Mario land face down in the carriage. The carriage
is a skatepark with skaters skating around a mini ramp and a
rail. Frank and Mario get up and grab their heads, they look
around and everything is shaky (distortion effect slowly
focus in) Frank and Mario look around they see a wooden
skatepark, theres a mini ramp with slide on the ride and a
diving board on which a guy sits with a beer in his hand (or
XD to seem less mature) a guy jumps over the diving board
and grabs the can and lands, another guy in the mean time
manuals trough the middle of the mini ramp while at the same
time just next to the mini ramp, some guy grinds a rail, and
next to frank and Mario some skater does a flip trick.
Theres crowd in corners contained by metal barriers, lots
of different skatenboarding brand flyers on the walls.
FRANK
Wow, this place is awesome. But
wait isnt the train going to crash
any second.
MARIO
Ow yeah weve got to warn them.
Frank and Mario are about to warn everyone while the train
shakes.
EXT. BRIDGE OVER THE WATER WITH A TRAIN
The train reaches the bended upwards rain and flies up to
the sky without any problem.
31.
INT. TRAIN SKATEPARK CARRIAGE
Frank and Mario get pushed to the wall by the gravity while
everyone on the skateboard is not affected. Frank and Marios
faces go like they would at high speed.
EXT. SKY/SPACE
The train flies fast in the air into space where it lands on
space tracks which are made from, rainbows as rails and
spacedust in the middle. While the train rides on the rails
it makes spiky fire (imagine jsr boost from Rollerblades).
Cows in space suits are flying around doing nothing.
INT. TRAIN SKATEPARK CARRIAGE
The train lands and shakes the carriage, frank and mario are
finally free to move.
FRANK
(Breaths heavily)
Okay this is definitely one of the
coolest and strangest rides Ive
ever been on.
MARIO
(Breast heavily)
Agreed.
Frank and Mario do the rock respect while being slightly
bend over. They go to the back door to see where they are
now. They look out the door window, and they see the space
with stars and planets, the train tracks keep disappearing
soon after being ridden on. A space cow passes the window
looking creepy. Frank and Mario jump back.
FRANK
Wha!!! That was weird.
MARIO
To be quite honest, Im a bit tired
from all this running and fighting
things.
FRANK
Yeah me too, I just want a break.
Frank and Mario sit down on the floor to watch the
skateboarders. Frank sits with his arms in the back as a
support and legs to the front, Mario sits with his legs
crossed.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 32.
FRANK
(relaxed)
This is nice, watching
skateboarding in space on a train,
how many people can say theyve
done that. I dont want to sound
like pessimist but I dont see how
were going to survive this train.
MARIO
I know Im hoping that Ill wake up
soon and all of this would just be
an awesome dream from which I would
write a movie.
FRANK
Yeah and hopefully it would sell,
cos this is just crazy enough to be
entertaining.
A skateboard suddenly arrives at franks feet, frank looks at
the skateboard and then looks up and notices JULIA CARNITAS.
FRANK
(amazed)
Wow who are you?
JULIA
Im Julia, and you are?
FRANK
Im frank, is this your skateboard?
JULIA
No its yours, silly.
FRANK
I get it, youre giving me your
skateboard to skate here.
JULIA
No I would never get rid of my
skateboard, its got your name on
it on the bottom.
Frank slightly lifts the skateboard with his hand and looks
at the the bottom of it.
FRANK
(confused, scared)
How did you do that? Seriously Im
scared. Are you another monster?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 33.
JULIA
(slightly cheery)
Hehe, no Im just a regular girl
from Dandelion Valley who got on
this train because it was free,
what are you doing here, are you a
monster?
FRANK
I got on this train with my friend
for the same reason, and we also
live in dandelion valley, Ive
never seen you there, then again I
dont go out much outside.
JULIA
I think I remember you from the
skateboarding competition, from few
months ago, you won didnt you?
FRANK
You were there? I dont remember
seeing you, wow this is awesome, by
the way, do you know how to get out
this train?
JULIA
Not really.
FRANK
Well me and my friend Mario
(interrupted).
MARIO
Finally, (gets up) hi Im Mario.
JULIA
Whats up Im Julia.
Mario and Julia fist pump.
FRANK
(slightly jealous)
We need get out this train because,
I guess this carriage is also in
danger of being destroyed.
JULIA
What are you talking about?
FRANK
Look outside, the rest of the train
is gone.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 34.
Julia looks outside.
JULIA
(amazed)
Wow this is amazing, were in
space. A skatepark on a train in
space this is awesome, we should
skate it. Wow I didnt know were
in space this is going to be cooler
now that I know that.
FRANK
Heh, were screwed why not enjoy
the last moments huh? Lets skate!
Julia goes skating, she jumps over the diving board then
does a lip tricks lands fakie and does a fakie kickilip to
tail stal on a box on the miniramp.
FRANK
Wow shes amazing, and she didnt
win? Now its my turn.
Frank gets on the skateboard and tires to skate into the
ramp but other skaters keep getting in the way.
SKATER 1
Move out of the way looser.
SKATER 2
Hey move Im trying to skate here
noob.
FRANK
sorry.
SKATER 3
Who let this kid in here, get out
of here kid, youre in the way.
Frank throws his skateboard.
FRANK
This is why I hate skateparks you
never get to enjoy it. Come on
Mario lets see whats in the next
carriage.
Frank and Mario go to the exit, while 6 COWS in space suits
come in with gun. Frank and Mario turn around.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 35.
FRANK
Whats going on.
COW 1
Hands in the air, skater boys and
girls its a robbery.
COW 2
(speech disorder)
Yeah, give us your cash or die.
SKATER 4
(sounds kind of dumb)
Why should we give you anything
youre just cows.
Skater 4 turns around and laughs to the other skaters. Cow 1
shoots the laser gun at skater 4, he turn into a patch of
grass.
COW 1
(evil)
Bring in the grass eater.
A COW 3 in glasses comes up to the grass, takes out a ruler,
measures the height and width of the grass, thinks for a
moment, takes of his helmet and eats the grass in a cow
position.
COW 3
Has a bitter after taste to it, but
not bad, not bad.
Cow 3 gets up and cleans his face with a tissue, and puts
the helmet back on.
COW 1
Whos next? you girl come here.
Cow 1 points with the gun to Julia.
JULIA
Who me?
COW 1
(mocking)
No me, (normal) come here.
Julia comes up to the cows. Cow 1 grabs Julia and points the
gun to her head.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 36.
COW 1
Okay everyone give us the money or
this ugly girl gets it.
JULIA
(offended)
Hey!
COW 1
Pretty? I dont know Im a cow Im
not into humans. Did any of you
amigos knew she was good looking?
Cow 1 asks the other cows they shake their shoulders.
COW 1
Okay enough of this, my friend is
going to go around with a bag
youre going to put your valuables
in there, no buts or whys or she
gets it.
Cow 2 goes around with a bag, and skaters put their stuff
into the back, on puts a wallet the other puts a necklace,
next one puts a banana.
BANANA SKATER
What? thats valuable to me.
Cow 2 goes up other skaters they throw stuff in, then cow 2
stops by frank and Mario. Theyre not throwing anything in.
COW 2
(speech disorder)
Come on, give stuff.
FRANK
(heroic)
Ill only put stuff if you let the
girl go.
MARIO
(whispers)
Dont be stupid dude!
FRANK
You hear me cow.
MARIO
(whisper to frank)
Its not a good idea dude they have
laser that turn you into grass with
bitter after taste.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 37.
FRANK
She cant die here shes too
awesome and hot for a skater chick.
JULIA
(confused)
Thanks?
COW 1
You think you can make bargains
with me. I dont think you know me
Im cow number 1, yes Im the first
one to be seen, so you know Im the
guy. Now stop moaning and put the
stuff or shell go green (maniac
laugh).
FRANK
No!
Frank kick a skateboard to hit the cow 1 in his feet, the
skateboard goes fast but just before cow 1 it turns like
skateboards tend to do.
FRANK
What, why cant it ever go
straight?! (shouts but not worried)
Im sorry Julia Ive tried!
MARIO
(whispers)
So what do we do now?
Cow 1 looks down and slowly up.
COW 1
I think you missed.
FRANK
(in the distance, not visible)
No I actually did that on purpose.
Cow 1 looks and at frank but theres an obvious cardboard
cut out of frank instead of him.
COW 1
What?
Cow 1 shoots at frank and it turns into a glass of milk.
COW 1
Cardboard. Where are you boy?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 38.
FRANK
(in the distance, not visible)
Im closer that you might think.
COW 1
Hey kid I dont have time for
games, come out or she gets it.
Frank can be seen slowly showing from behind the cow.
FRANK
Im behind you.
Frank kick the gun from cow 1 hands while it turns around
and he catches it.
FRANK
Let her go. Or youll be my diner
tonight.
COW 1
Go on shoot (laughs).
Frank shoots, the laser hits the cow but it doesnt do
anything. Frank looks confused.
COW 1
(laughs) these gun cant harm cows.
Cows shoot that peasant.
Frank drops the gun, he quickly grab Julia by her hand and
jumps on a skateboard that he kicked previously.
FRANK
Mario run to the door!
Mario runs to the door. Frank and Julia avoid laser by
moving left and right and jumping, (co-op ollie, slo-mo)
Julia kicks the tail to jump franks foot regulates the jump
with his front foot and they land. Frank and Julia arrive at
the exit door where Mario is waiting to close it. Just
before they arrive frank jumps off the skateboard.
JULIA
What are you doing, frank?!
Frank looks around.
FRANK
(to himself) Theres got to be a
self destruct button somewhere. (to
Julia) Im going to blow these cow
into the outer space!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 39.
Frank notices a button just above the diving board above the
mini ramp.
FRANK
Got it! Pass me the skateboard.
Julia kicks the skateboard to frank.
JULIA
Be careful.
FRANK
I dont have to, I cant die, the
show must go on!!!
Frank jumps on the skateboard, and skates to the mini ramp
while avoiding shots.
FRANK
(in his head)
I can do this, shes looking I
cant make a fool of my self.
CUT TO
Cows are shooting, cow 1 is standing, while behind him, a
cow 5 pours sand and cow 6 is putting a palm tree.
COW 1
Seriously, why are we just standing
here and doing nothing, I know
shooting at main cast is pointless
but come on. Cows grab boards and
stop that kid from pressing the
button.
2 Cows with capes go on skateboard with grass instead of
grip tape to chase frank one has his hands forward the other
back, and Cow 1 sits down on a wooden beach chair, cow 2
gives him a drink in a coconut with a umbrella and straw.
COW 2
(speech disorder)
Here you go sir.
Cow 1 has a drink.
COW 1
Is this milk?
COW 2
(speech disorder)
Yeah, but no, its coconut milk.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 40.
COW 1
Do you think I dont have enough
milk? Im a cow for crying out
loud. Bring me a mango, pineapple
drink with a kiwi slice.
Cow 1 gives back the drink to cow 2.
CUT TO
Frank is just at the mini ramp, the two cows with capes are
same distance from the button as frank.
FRANK
(in his head)
Okay this is going to be tough,
Ive never done this.
Frank gets ready to launch from the mini ramp to press the
button. Frank launches hes just about to touch the button,
he smiles, while he suddenly realises he doesnt know what
hes doing, he falls down on the diving board with his face,
the skateboard jumps over him, he falls down on the actual
mini ramp. Mario and Julia look worried. The two cows jump
and the one with hand in front presses the button they both
land and skate back. Frank lays on the floor knocked out
while the cows pass him.
NOTIFICATION
Self destruction has been
activated, you have 2 minutes and
30, 4 seconds. We hope you enjoy
the explosion, thank you for
choosing H.M.L. destruction buttons
inc.
Cow 1 hears the notification, as he receives the drink in a
pineapple holder/cup. He has a sip and spits it out for
dramatic effect.
COW 1
Well this is good drink, leaves my
mouth feeling refreshed. But yeah
were screwed.
COW 2
(speech disorder)
But sir, we can exit through the
door right now.
COW 1
No we cant.
Cow 2 opens the door.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 41.
COW 2
(speech disorder)
Yes we can.
COW 1
(serious)
Id rather die then live with the
shame that my cows did this mess.
Its not why we became space cows.
Cow 2 puts his hoof on cow 1 shoulder, while cow 1 has
another sip.
COW 1
Seriously, you did a good job, this
drink is amazing.
COW 2
(speech disorder)
Ow it wasnt me, it was ERNESTO.
Ernesto is a slightly darker skinned human, who is now
packing to get out of the train, he waves to the cows as
hes mentioned, he puts a parachute bag and jumps out.
CUT TO
Julia, and Mario run up to Frank whos knocked out on the
mini ramp. They arrive at him.
MARIO
Hey lets put him on the skateboard
quick, we dont have time.
Julia grabs the skateboard and they lift frank and put him
on the skateboard.
NOTIFICATION
1 minute and 20, 6 seconds left.
MARIO
This a very strange amount of time
to notify with.
Julia looks at frank on the skateboard.
JULIA
(worried)
are you okay frank?
FRANK
(concussion talk)
Did I do it?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 42.
JULIA
Well not really. But almost.
Mario and Julia push the skateboard to the exit.
COW 1
Hey kids, catch this.
Cow 1 throws a little bottle that looks like milk bottle.
Mario catches the bottle.
COW 1
It will help you. It was nice
meeting you.
MARIO
(confused)
Thanks?
Mario and Julia go quickly and run leaving frank on the
skateboard. They stop mid way.
MARIO
I think we forgot something.
Mario and Julia go back and grab frank and get out.
EXT. SPACE TRAIN TRACKS.
Mario, Julia and frank on skateboard get on the next train.
Mario stops and pull out the thing that holds the carriage
with the other carriage.
MARIO
Ok, that should do it.
INT. TRAIN SKATEPARK CARRIAGE
Cow 1 is sitting while the rest of the cows stands.
NOTIFICATION
13 seconds left. Counts down in the
background.
COW 1
I knew this day would come. It was
nice while it lasted.
COW 2
(speech disorder)
It sure was boss.
43.
EXT. SPACE TRAIN TRACKS.
The skatepark carriage explodes. A shot of explosion going
from the end to the front of the carriage.
Mario, Julia and Frank are on the end of the next carriage.
Frank is still partially unconscious. Mario gets out and
opens the bottle he got from Cow 1.
MARIO
I wonder what this does (sniffs).
Yuck smells very chemically. We
should feed it to Frank.
JULIA
Let me smell it (sniffs). Well that
is strong.
Julia feels slightly light-headed. Mario pours some of that
stuff into Franks mouth. Frank suddenly jumps up and punches
the air.
FRANK
Wow, the, just happened, I feel
like I could defeat an army.
Mario hugs frank.
MARIO
Oh thank god that worked.
FRANK
(confused)
Okay? Shall we enter.
INT. TRAIN XD CARRIAGE
Frank Mario and Julia enter a xd energy themed carriage.
Frank from now on carries a skateboard on his back. Frank
and Mario are amazed with the carriage. Frank comes up to a
BARTENDER.
FRANK
How much for an XD?
BARTENDER
Its free, you can drink as much as
you want its all free.
FRANK
(chuckles)
You serious? Oh my god is this
heaven? Mario, were moving in
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 44.
FRANK (contd)
here, from now on this is our new
home.
MARIO
Hells yeah.
TRAIN CONDUCTOR
Hello ladies and gentlemen i hope
youre enjoying your ride with us
on the clenserwut train, we would
like to inform you were very close
to our destination. Thats it.
FRANK
And there doesnt seem to be any
thing that could be dangerous in
here.
Julia is looking out the window.
JULIA
Guys look out the window.
Frank and Mario get up to the window, outside they see a
asteroid field with a lava like liquid jumping from one
asteroid to another.
FRANK
That aint good.
TRAIN CONDUCTOR
Sorry to disturb you again, but I
forgot to mention were entering
the asteroid field, if youd like
to put your seatbelts on, the road
might get bumpy. Ow and the last
two carriages that are left, are in
danger of being melted by the lava
that travels from one asteroid to
another, but its a 50/50 chance so
we would like you keep calm and
enjoy the ride. thank you for
listening.
Frank and Mario look at each other.
MARIO
I think we need to leave this
carriage.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 45.
FRANK
But wait he said its a 50/50
chance of getting hit by the lava.
MARIO
True but Im not taking the chance
dude.
FRANK
But how do you know the next
carriage wont be the first to get
hit by the lava.
MARIO
True. Julia what do you think?
JULIA
What me? Wow you put me on the spot
like that, well I dont have a
speech ready yet, but I think we
should stay and the moment we see
that the lava can hit us we quickly
jump on to the next carriage (not
sure) simple i think?
FRANK
Yeah we should enjoy this place,
its a dream come true. I always
wanted to be in a room filled with
xd.
MARIO
Yeah me to, but not with the
possibility of being burned alive
dude.
FRANK
I tell you what we take as many xds
as we can and we move to the next
carriage, how does that sound?
MARIO
Sounds like a god damn good plan.
Julia you in.
JULIA
Yeah sure, lets do it.
Frank Mario and Julia grab free xd backpack and fill them
with as many xds as possible, and head to the exit, but
theyre stopped by a XD MAN, a dude in a xd can costume.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 46.
XD MAN
Im sorry but youre not allowed to
leave with the product.
FRANK
Hey but its not Xd its, its,
its shampoo which I bought for my
bald grandma apparently this will
help her hair to grow back you know
how it is.
XD MAN
What do you think Im stupid.
FRANK
Well youre in a quite ridiculous
costume, which suggest many thing
to me.
XD MAN
Im sorry but I need to take these
bags from you.
XD man gets his hands out to take the bags.
FRANK
Okay, okay, how about a deal.
MARIO
Yeah a deal, we do something for
you and you let us go.
XD MAN
What kind of a deal?
FRANK
How about 1 more episode?
XD MAN
5 more and its a deal.
FRANK
Well, Mario what do you think?
MARIO
Well Im not going to lie that
sounds way to risky it would be
easier to do ...
MARIO AND FRANK
a spin-off.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 47.
FRANK
Yeah a spin-off, but no, 2 episodes
and 3 cameos?
JULIA
What are you talking about guys? do
you know him?
FRANK
Shhh, sorry to shush you Julia but
were doing business here.
XD MAN
4 Episodes and 5 cameos, and were
done Im not going any lower.
FRANK
Okay then no deal.
Frank finger gestures to Julia and Mario to drop the bags.
They drop the bags and go the next carriage. XD Man lowers
his head in sadness.
XD MAN
My dad always told, dont go into
the entertainment business,
(Italian accent) start a pizzeria
thats where the money lays (end
accent).
Frank re-enters the carriage. In a sneaky way. Grabs the bag
by putting his hand under the xd man. Empties it out and
pull it back, XD man looks confused at frank.
FRANK
Sorry I just came for the bag.
Frank Exits again.
INT. TRAIN ARCADE CARRIAGE
Frank Mario and Julia enter the last carriage besides the
main train. This is an arcade carriage filled with arcade
cabinets, tons of them and just them and a little vending
machine. Fatso is sitting in his chair playing a shmup
arcade. He notices Frank and Mario. He comes to them. Its
very loud in here.
FATSO
Hi guys what are you doing here?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 48.
FRANK
What are you doing here fatso?
FATSO
Ahh you know free train ride and
carriage full of arcade machines,
hehe how could ive missed that.
FRANK
You do realise were in space now
and theres a possibility of this
train melting.
FATSO
What?!
Fatso goes to the window and sees the space and the oncoming
asteroids.
FATSO
What the hell happened?
FRANK
Didnt you hear the conductor?
FATSO
Hear what? this place is louder
than a than a baby without candy.
FRANK
But look at this place its
awesome. I swear these last to
carriages are my favourite so far
its like someone knew us and made
the perfect train (realises) Wow I
think I know whats going on here.
MARIO
What?
FRANK
These kids.
MARIO
Yeah what about them?
FRANK
I think they knew us, or maybe hate
us, so they tricked us onto getting
on this train, and they want to
kill us because they know I wont
leave this place, I left the xd
place because I think I would get
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 49.
FRANK (contd)
bored with that in a week, but
this, oh man Im not leaving this.
FATSO
What kids is he talking about?
MARIO
The kids that own this train.
FATSO
Oh those kids, theyre here,
theyre playing Train Exploder 3x.
Pretty sweet game, you are on a
train and you encounter lots of
crazy things like desert worms and
giant frogs, and space cows. Its
pretty addicting.
FRANK
Thats almost everything that
happened to us.
MARIO
You dont think that were in a
video game?
FRANK
No we cant because weve seen the
kids before this carriage.
MARIO
Well we have to talk to these kids.
Frank and Mario go to the kids by the arcade machine.
FATSO
So who are you?
JULIA
Im Julia, and youre Arnold.
FATSO
(concerned)
What? How do you know my name?
JULIA
I use to be big fan of yours till
you stopped skateboarding. I use to
come to all your skate events.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 50.
FATSO
I stopped because I lost to a
cheater, and I couldnt bear to be
a loser, you dont know what its
like.
JULIA
Maybe not, but you dont give up
just like that.
Fatso gives a dramatic look.
CUT TO
Frank and Mario come up to the kids. Kids notice frank and
mario and they decide to run.
FRANK
Dont run we got you surrounded.
Frank and Mario are on one side and on the other is Fatso
and Julia. Frank cracks his knuckles.
FRANK
Okay, kids what in the train is
going on here? We were almost
killed here, and i believe its
because of you kids.
MARIO
Question Frank.
FRANK
Yes Mario?
MARIO
That "what in the train" bit is
suppose to suggest train is hell?
and you swapped it.
FRANK
Yes, you got the joke.
MARIO
Cool. Just checking. Its not very
funny.
FRANK
So kids come on I want answers.
TIRA
It doesnt suit you, you know this
serious talk. So... lets start at
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 51.
TIRA (contd)
the beginning, we got this train
after our parents died. This train
was in the family for years. And
yes it always lost its carriages,
were not going to bore you with
the budget stuff.
All the kids do an air quote each time the word problem is
said.
MICHAEL
We know this train kills people but
if notice most of these people
deserved to die or wanted to die.
They had "problems" like, Smokers,
Obese, Hoarders, Abusive, Obsessed,
danger seekers, addicts. This train
is technically a purifier this
world needs.
TIRA
All of the passengers were offered
their paradise, but with a little
angle. Its good dying what you
love rather than, from a disease or
something worse.
MICHAEL
We actually didnt want you to get
on this train, because you dont
fit any of these "problems", except
for you two (points at Julia and
fatso) you should be dead now, but
you two although you seem like you
fit some of those "problems", you
never actually sacrifice your lives
for the "problem", youre different
and at the moment youre just
confused but it will all get better
with time, youll find your
purpose, right brothers and
sisters?
TIRA
Correct.
GREGORY
(stops playing his game)
Yeah whatever.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 52.
MICHAEL
Now if you excuse us.
Kids grab their hands, Michael throws a smoke bomb, and
disappear.
MARIO
(amused, confused)
Where did they go?
FRANK
(confused)
Theyre there.
Frank points at the exit door where the kids exit.
MARIO
They pulled the oldest trick in the
book on us, should we catch them?
FRANK
No. Something aint right. Im all
confused, most of the stuff they
said doesnt make sense.
JULIA
Like?
FRANK
(kind of serious)
I dont know, I think this carriage
might be mine "problem" I dont
wanna leave it to be honest.
FATSO
Is anyone else wondering why was
the "problem" in air quotes?
JULIA
What?
FRANK
Im serious, this is paradise, I
thought maybe xds but I would get
tired of the taste after a while.
The XD carriage gets burned by the jumping lava.
MARIO
Good we left that carriage, its
gone now.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 53.
FRANK
I guess we should do something
about it, but I, I, dont think I
want to. (frank goes around to
different arcades) just look at
this place, the arcade near us
isnt quite like this, its got
everyone of my favourite games, and
theres a 50/50 chance this
carriage will get burned.
MARIO
Dude, youre just saying this
because the kids messed with your
head, you can be too easily
influenced sometimes.
FRANK
(crazy, childish)
No Im not, you can go, Im
staying.
MARIO
I would never leave you dude, were
best friends.
FATSO
Well I was thinking about leaving,
but I guess we are kind of friends
in a weird way.
JULIA
You technically saved my life, i
say technically because I was never
in danger.
FRANK
What about the moment when the cow
had a gun to your head.
JULIA
That was your fault.
FRANK
Technically yes, but you cant
prove it wouldnt happen without me
there.
JULIA
eh.
They all stand now awkwardly.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 54.
FRANK
so, anyone wanna play a game with
me?
FATSO
Yeah sure.
MARIO
Fatso! Grab him.
Mario, Julia and fatso grab frank.
FRANK
No you wont take me alive.
Frank spits at them. They drop him, he runs and hide behind
an arcade machine. They all wipe their faces with their
hand.
MARIO
Dude! What do we do?
FRANK
(crazy)
Just leave me here, Im happy here.
JULIA
So are we leaving him?
MARIO
Never, I couldnt live with my self
if he died.
FATSO
Im not going to lie, its getting
a bit too serious here, have you
ever see me juggle cactuses then
catch them in a bun and eat them,
slightly grilled cactus is awesome.
Mario and Julia look at each other, fatso start to juggle 3
cactuses which he pulls from under his chair. After a while
he tries to catch them in a bun but he fails they drop, one
on his leg, one on his head and one on the floor.
FRANK
(in the distance)
ha I knew he couldnt do it. Hes
fat.
FATSO
hey hey, Im just slightly above
average weight, and I dropped them
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 55.
FATSO (contd)
on purpose, acupuncture is good for
you.
MARIO
denial, its not good in a long
run.
FATSO
Anyone gonna eat the one from the
floor?
Mario and Julia cross their arms.
MARIO AND JULIA
Fatso.
Fatso picks up th cactus from the floor and drops on his
grill, then looks at the camera confused.
FATSO
What? (canned laughter)
They all look at each other and laugh. freeze frame.
NARRATOR
laugh all you want, but fatso
didnt cook the cactus enough to
soften the spikes an in the end he
died from multiple cuts inside
cause by the spikes, we can all
stop this from happening, by
donating 5 pounds a month, your
donation will be sure to be put
into stopping this, but only after
I afford my Ferrari.
Fatso puts together his cacti burger and bites it.
MARIO
okay i say we set a trap.
Mario, Julia and fatso gather to talk in whispers.
MARIO
(impossible to understand
whisper sounds)
pssspsspsss. (end whisper) get it?
JULIA
can I be the one to break the wall?
please Ive never done it.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 56.
MARIO
okay.
JULIA
all you said was psspss what does
that mean?
Mario grabs his head. Frank comes out to talk to them.
FRANK
you call that a forth wall joke?
horrible just horrible, you never
ask to do you just do, otherwise it
doesnt work. (frank walks of)
bunch of amateurs. (frank hides
behind a arcade) amateurs!
MARIO
hes right, you had your chance and
you blew it.
JULIA
But... I...
MARIO
Okay so onto the trap.
CUT TO
Few moments later. Frank made a box with a stick on a string
trap with an xd inside.
MARIO
Okay now we wait.
JULIA
So thats your plan?
MARIO
Julia weve been through this.
(looses his cool) I cant work like
this.
Mario walks off in anger. Julia is confused. the trap
closes. Mario comes rushing in. The trap shakes.
FRANK
What is this made off. Is it
cardboard, if it is, smart move you
know I cant work cardboard its my
only weakness.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 57.
MARIO
I didnt think that this would
work. Okay now do you have masks
ready?
Julia and fatso put on gas masks, then soon later Mario.
MARIO
Okay now he cant spit at us.
They grab Frank from under the box and pull him hes
squirming like a worm. They got the exit.
MARIO
Stop that, youre not staying here.
FRANK
(crazy)
Its my new home.
Theyre just by the door, frank manages to get his hands out
and grabs the ends and doesnt let go. Theyre holding him
by his legs.
MARIO
Okay plan b Julia do it.
FRANK
Wait what is plan b? I hope its
not an anal probe, (excited) or is
it?
Julia comes up to frank and kisses him.
JULIA
You good now?
Frank lets go and hits the floor.
FRANK
(stupid, happy)
hehehhe, okay lets, this carriage
sucks, theres some much to live
for.
MARIO
I dont trust him keep holding him.
58.
EXT. SPACE TRAIN TRACKS.
Frank, Mario, Julia and fatso stand out side the main train
and look at the arcade carriage as it passes through the
lava from asteroid field, the lava is actually jumping over
and around the train crating some nice things to look at.
They soon leave the asteroid field.
FRANK
See i could have stayed there and
be okay.
Lava from the last asteroid jumps a long shot and melts just
through the middle of the carriage.
FRANK
(despair)
No! So close.
Mario release the last carriage by pulling the thing that
hold it.
TRAIN CONDUCTOR
Okay ladies and gentelen, weve
passed the asteroid field i hope
that everyone enjoyed their ride
because were about to drop to
earth. plase fasten your seat
belts, as the drop might reach the
spead of 3000 miles per hour. And
sorry weve just run out of ink, we
wont be able to return to your
stupid letters about scince facts,
sorry, i could buy some ink at
local post office, but who has
time? Heh.
MARIO
What the hell, lets go inside
quick.
They all try to inside, but dont succed because the train
is dropping down. They all fall back but they grab each
other. Frank is at first, then its mario, then its julia
and last its fatso.
EXT. AIR BETWEEN SPACE AND EARTH - DAY
Clouds and blue sky thats whats seen and oh the train
falling down with the thing created from entering the
atmosphere.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 59.
FRANK
I cant hold on to you all.
MARIO
So what should we do?
FRANK
Well theres only one solution.
FRANK AND MARIO
Lose the excess weight.
FRANK
Yes all woman need to drop their
clothes.
JULIA
What?!
FRANK
(says it loudly)
I said all woman need to drop their
clothes to lose the excess weight,
so I can hold on to us all.
JULIA
Ive heard you, pig.
FRANK
Then dont, what me? its
confusing.
JULIA
Im not doing that by the way.
FRANK
I thought you might say that. Drop
fatso julia!
Julia kicks fatsos hand with her other leg and fatso falls.
JULIA
Thats for quiting skateboarding
you loser!
Fatso is falling.
FATSO
You bi... (realisation) ow i almost
forgot.
Fatso pulls a leaver on the left of him and releases a
parachute.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 60.
FATSO
No hard feelings! See you on the
ground.
Fatso bites his cacti burger.
FATSO
It feels funny in my tummy.
Frank hold a giant arcade machine in his hand.
FRANK
Okay thats way better. Although
Im not sure if I shouldnt have
had dropped this arcade machine in
my hand instead of fatso, but hey
it all worked out good. Any one
fancy a round?
Frank now is no longer holding the train, theyre falling
down they release each other.
MARIO AND JULIA
Frank!
FRANK
What? I asked if you wanted to
play. Ow i get it were falling.
Dont worry ive got a plan. Now
close your eyes.
Frank pulls on his xd bag which suddenly contains a
parachute.
FRANK
I love this bag.
MARIO
What about us?
FRANK
Ow you get the balloon bounce
treatment.
EXT. CLOSE TO GROUND STILL IN THE AIR
Six hot air ballons are flying theyre aligned in a way that
Mario and Julia will bounce from one to the other down,
safely landing on the ground.
61.
EXT. EARTH FARM
Mario and julia are on the grass sitting and grabbing their
heads from pain. Frank slowly lands. Frank comes up to them.
FRANK
That was smooth, how was your fall?
MARIO
(from angry to happy)
Frank I would kill you if, only,
this wasnt the best landing ever.
I felt like I was in video game
where youre a human falling down
and bouncing from balloons.
FRANK
(dissapointed)
ohhhhh
JULIA
Yeah i would punch you for your
selfishness, but that was really
fun.
FRANK
(disapointed)
ohhhh.
Frank tries to give his xd bag to mario, and makes sad eyes.
FRANK
(innocent witha touch of
disapointment)
can i now fall and bounce from
baloons while you get the
parachute?
The train lands and stopps moment after to stop at the
station.
JULIA
the train is here, lets see who
drove that.
Frank, Julia and Mario run to the train.
62.
EXT. TRAIN STATION FARM
Frank and mario and julia are next to the train. The kids
get out of the train and just runecited to an old couple.
KIDS
Grandma, granpa!
FRANK
What the?
JULIA
Do we ever see them again?
FRANK
Not really.
MARIO
I wonder who drove that train.
FRANK
I bet you it was some guy with a
beard and maybe bald.
MARIO
my money is on guy with a trukers
hat and a white tank top.
Frank and mario look at julia.
JULIA
oh im suppose to have a guess?
since the person was as stupid as a
monkey, i guess it was probably a
gorilla.
FRANK
ha a gorilla, woman and their
imagination.
Frank hits mario with his shoulder and they both laugh,
mario makes more of a fake chuckle.
FRANK
(realisation)
ow no wait.
Crazy zoom in zoom out on frnak. Out of the train a gorilla
comes out.
FRANK
(scared)
Shh... its the gorrilla i was
telling you about earlier mario.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 63.
MARIO
(scared, swallows his spit
loudly)
Thats the gorilla? Its huge.
The gorilla does the thing gorllas do, hits his fist over
his chest.
FRANK
(scared)
By the way julia good guess, with
the gorilla, (realisation) to good
of a guess.
Julia goes up to the gorilla.
JULIA
yes frank were lovers, me and
gorilla of course.
julia kisses the gorilla.
FRANK
Now i didnt expect that at all,
did you mario?
MARIO
What the? is going on here.
GORILLA
(very posh voice)
let me explain.
MARIO
he sounds weird, doesnt he.
FRANK
He sure does.
Flashback.
GORILLA
It all started, the day you came in
frank and started to make fun of
me.
EXT. ZOO OUTSIDE THE GORILLA EXHIBIT - FEW DAY BEFORE, DAY
Frank is standing in front of the groilla exhibit where the
gorilla is while holding a bag of peanuts.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 64.
FRANK
Ha youre a gorilla, youre hairy
and stuff, here you go heres a
peanut, gorillas like peanuts,
because theyre zombies, or
something like that i know it has
something to do with brains.
Frank walks off, the gorilla comes closer to the bars and
looks with anger at frank whos walking away. Gorilla roars
and shakes his fist at frank.
FRANK
(scared and concerned)
Oh...
GORILLA
The things you said really hurt me,
so i planned a perfect revenge.
Kids Mom and Dad pass the gorilla exhibit.
MOM
If we died tonight, our three kids
would be left with a train, that
technically kills people with
"problems" where someone could get
a revenge on a boy that made fun of
him or her.
DAD
Dont worry honey, the only thing
that could kill us is a gorilla
with some sort of a thing that
would leave a hole in our bodies in
a motel in room 36 tonight.
MOM
Youre right honey we have nothing
to worry about, the only gorilla in
this city is here in this cage
were fine.
GORILLA
(narration)
Then it hit me.
Gregory throws a rock as he walk by with his game console.
GREGORY
Hey gorilla, ill set you free
okay?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 65.
GORILLA
(makes a gorilla sound)
woohhajsh.
Gregory open the latch and releases the gorilla. The gorilla
get out and shakes gregorys hand and runs.
Imagination
GORILLA
(narration)
As i ran i thought of a way to
remove these parents from the face
of the earth, at first i thought
that when they go to get some gas i
would ignite fire from sticks,
creating the explosion and removing
the parents from existance.
RUN
GORILLA
But then i realised theyve proably
tanked up on they to the zoo
because its quite far, so the
chances were low.
IMAGINATION
GOILLA
So i thought that i would swing on
wines and push their car of the
cliff. But the i realised there are
no cliffs on the road they;re
taking.
RUN
GORILLA
So then i thought about what the
parents said about the motel and
holes in the stomach.
FRANK
What did you do the holes with?
only asking because the cops wanna
know.
66.
EXT. TRAIN STATION FARM
Frank and mario are sitting confortably on the grass while
the gorilla tells the story.
GORILLA
it was...
Fatso suddenly falls down on the gorilla and squashes him to
a pancake.
FATSO
What did i land on, it was
definetly the softest landing ever.
(looks down) ow a pancake.
FRANK
im not going to lie im glad the
gorilla is gone, but boy did i
wanted to know the rest of the
story it sounded awesome.
JULIA
(despair)
Gorilla! no! (normal) okay griefing
part is over, arnold you free this
weekend?
FRANK
Theres something ill never
understand.
Frank and Mario stand up.
MARIO
lets go home dude.
Frank and Mario put arms over each other shoulders.
FRANK
yeah i wanna play some games, and
we should try less flavouring in
the homemade xds, i swear thats
why they tasted so bad.
Frank and Mario turn around and see a horde of zombies.
FRANK
Fatso! julia!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 67.
Frank and mario seperate. Fatso turn back to julia, she
opens the back of the chair and takes out guns, which she
throws to frank (shotgun) and mario (double pistol) and one
for her self (small machine gun). She offers one to fatso
(machine gun).
FATSO
no thank.
Fatsos chairs arm rest on the front open and miniguns come
out on both sides.
FRANK
Lets rock.
THE END