CREDITPHOTOGRAPH BY MICHAEL MARCELLE

Themanalwayssatinthesameseat,thestoolfarthestdownthecounter.Whenitwasnt
occupied,thatis,butitwasnearlyalwaysfree.Thebarwasseldomcrowded,andthatparticular
seatwasthemostinconspicuousandtheleastcomfortable.Astaircaseinthebackmadethe
ceilingslantedandlow,soitwashardtostanduptherewithoutbumpingyourhead.Theman
wastall,yet,forsomereason,preferredthatcramped,narrowspot.
Kinorememberedthefirsttimethemanhadcometohisbar.Hisappearancehadimmediately
caughtKinoseyethebluishshavedhead,thethinbuildyetbroadshoulders,thekeenglintin
hiseye,theprominentcheekbonesandwideforehead.Helookedtobeinhisearlythirties,and
heworealonggrayraincoat,thoughitwasntraining.Atfirst,Kinotaggedhimasayakuza,and
wasonhisguardaroundhim.Itwasseventhirty,onachillymidAprilevening,andthebarwas
empty.Themanchosetheseatattheendofthecounter,tookoffhiscoat,andinaquietvoice
orderedabeer,thensilentlyreadathickbook.Afterhalfanhour,finishedwiththebeer,he
raisedhishandaninchortwotomotionKinoover,andorderedawhiskey.Whichbrand?
Kinoasked,butthemansaidhehadnopreference.

JustanordinarysortofScotch.Adouble.Addanequalamountofwaterandalittlebitofice,if
youwould.
KinopouredsomeWhiteLabelintoaglass,addedthesameamountofwaterandtwosmall,
nicelyformedicecubes.Themantookasip,scrutinizedtheglass,andnarrowedhiseyes.This
willdofine.
Hereadforanotherhalfhour,thenstoodupandpaidhisbillincash.Hecountedoutexact
changesothathewouldntgetanycoinsback.Kinobreathedasmallsighofreliefassoonashe
wasoutthedoor.Butafterthemanhadlefthispresenceremained.AsKinostoodbehindthe
counter,heglancedupoccasionallyattheseatthemanhadoccupied,halfexpectinghimstillto
bethere,raisinghishandacoupleofinchestoordersomething.
ThemanbegancomingregularlytoKinosbar.Once,atmosttwice,aweek.Hewould
invariablyhaveabeerfirst,thenawhiskey.Sometimeshewouldstudythedaysmenuonthe
blackboardandorderalightmeal.
Themanhardlyeversaidaword.Healwayscamefairlyearlyintheevening,abooktucked
underhisarm,whichhewouldplaceonthecounter.Wheneverhegottiredofreading(atleast,
Kinoguessedthathewastired),helookedupfromthepageandstudiedthebottlesofliquor
linedupontheshelvesinfrontofhim,asifexaminingaseriesofunusualtaxidermiedanimals
fromfarawaylands.
OnceKinogotusedtotheman,though,heneverfeltuncomfortablearoundhim,evenwhenit
wasjustthetwoofthem.Kinoneverspokemuchhimself,anddidntfindithardtoremainsilent
aroundothers.Whilethemanread,Kinodidwhathewoulddoifhewerealonewashdishes,
preparesauces,chooserecordstoplay,orpagethroughthenewspaper.
Kinodidntknowthemansname.Hewasjustaregularcustomerwhocametothebar,enjoyed
abeerandawhiskey,readsilently,paidincash,thenleft.Heneverbotheredanybodyelse.What
moredidKinoneedtoknowabouthim?
Backincollege,Kinohadbeenastandoutmiddledistancerunner,butinhisjunioryearhed
tornhisAchillestendonandhadtogiveupontheideaofjoiningacorporatetrackteam.After
graduation,onhiscoachsrecommendation,hegotajobatasportsequipmentcompany,andhe
stayedthereforseventeenyears.Atwork,hewasinchargeofpersuadingsportsstorestostock
hisbrandofrunningshoesandleadingathletestotrythemout.Thecompany,amidlevelfirm
headquarteredinOkayama,wasfarfromwellknown,andlackedthefinancialpowerofaNike
oranAdidastodrawupexclusivecontractswiththeworldsbestrunners.Still,itmadecarefully
handcraftedshoesfortopathletes,andquiteafewsworebyitsproducts.Doanhonestjoband
itwillpayoffwasthesloganofthecompanysfounder,andthatlowkey,somewhat

anachronisticapproachsuitedKinospersonality.Evenataciturn,unsociablemanlikehimwas
abletomakeagoofsales.Actually,itwasbecauseofhispersonalitythatcoachestrustedhim
andathletestookalikingtohim.Helistenedcarefullytoeachrunnersneeds,andmadesurethat
theheadofmanufacturinggotallthedetails.Thepaywasntmuchtospeakof,buthefoundthe
jobengagingandsatisfying.Althoughhecouldntrunanymorehimself,helovedseeingthe
runnersracearoundthetrack,theirformtextbookperfect.
WhenKinoquithisjob,itwasntbecausehewasdissatisfiedwithhisworkbutbecausehe
discoveredthathiswifewashavinganaffairwithhisbestfriendatthecompany.Kinospent
moretimeoutontheroadthanathomeinTokyo.Hedstuffalargegymbagfullofshoe
samplesandmaketheroundsofsportinggoodsstoresalloverJapan,alsovisitinglocalcolleges
andcompaniesthatsponsoredtrackteams.Hiswifeandhiscolleaguestartedsleepingtogether
whilehewasaway.Kinowasntthetypewhoeasilypickeduponclues.Hethoughteverything
wasfinewithhismarriage,andnothinghiswifesaidordidtippedhimofftothecontrary.Ifhe
hadnthappenedtocomehomefromabusinesstripadayearly,hemightneverhavediscovered
whatwasgoingon.
WhenhegotbacktoTokyothatday,hewentstraighttohiscondoinKasai,onlytofindhiswife
andhisfriendnakedandentwinedinhisbedroom,inthebedwhereheandhiswifeslept.His
wifewasontop,andwhenKinoopenedthedoorhecamefacetofacewithherandherlovely
breastsbouncingupanddown.Hewasthirtyninethen,hiswifethirtyfive.Theyhadno
children.Kinoloweredhishead,shutthebedroomdoor,lefttheapartment,andneverwentback.
Thenextday,hequithisjob.
Kinohadanunmarriedaunt,hismothersoldersister.Eversincehewasachild,hisaunthad
beennicetohim.Shedhadanolderboyfriendformanyyears(lovermightbethemore
accurateterm),andhehadgenerouslygivenherasmallhouseinAoyama.Shelivedonthe
secondfloorofthehouse,andranacoffeeshoponthefirstfloor.Infrontwasasmallgarden
andanimpressivewillowtree,withlowhanging,leafybranches.Thehousewasonanarrow
backstreetbehindtheNezuMuseum,notexactlythebestlocationfordrawingcustomers,buthis
aunthadagiftforattractingpeople,andhercoffeeshopdidadecentamountofbusiness.
Aftersheturnedsixty,though,shehurtherback,anditbecameincreasinglydifficultforherto
runtheshopalone.ShedecidedtomovetoaresortcondointheIzuKogenHighlands.Iwas
wonderingifeventuallyyoumightwanttotakeovertheshop?sheaskedKino.Thiswasthree
monthsbeforehediscoveredhiswifesaffair.Iappreciatetheoffer,hetoldher,butrightnow
ImhappywhereIam.
Afterhesubmittedhisresignationatwork,hephonedhisaunttoaskifshedsoldtheshopyet.It
waslistedwitharealestateagent,shetoldhim,butnoseriousoffershadcomein.Idliketo
openabarthereifIcan,Kinosaid.CouldIpayyourentbythemonth?

Butwhataboutyourjob?sheasked.
Iquitacoupleofdaysago.
Didntyourwifehaveaproblemwiththat?
Wereprobablygoingtogetdivorcedsoon.
Kinodidntexplainthereason,andhisauntdidntask.Therewassilenceforatimeontheother
endoftheline.Thenhisauntnamedafigureforthemonthlyrent,farlowerthanwhatKinohad
expected.IthinkIcanhandlethat,hetoldher.
Heandhisaunthadnevertalkedallthatmuch(hismotherhaddiscouragedhimfromgetting
closetoher),buttheydalwaysseemedtohaveakindofmutualunderstanding.Sheknewthat
Kinowasntthetypeofpersontobreakapromise.
Kinousedhalfofhissavingstotransformthecoffeeshopintoabar.Hepurchasedsimple
furniture,andhadalong,sturdybarinstalled.Heputupnewwallpaperinacalmingcolor,
broughthisrecordcollectionfromhome,andlinedashelfinthebarwithLPs.Heowneda
decentstereoaThorensturntable,aLuxmanamp,andsmallJBLtwowayspeakersthathed
boughtwhenhewassingle,afairlyextravagantpurchasebackthen.Buthehadalwaysenjoyed
listeningtooldjazzrecords.Itwashisonlyhobby,onethathedidntsharewithanyoneelsehe
knew.Incollege,hedworkedparttimeasabartenderatapubinRoppongi,sohewaswell
versedintheartofmixingcocktails.
HecalledhisbarKino.Hecouldntcomeupwithabettername.Thefirstweekhewasopen,he
didnthaveasinglecustomer,buthewasntperturbed.Afterall,hehadntadvertisedtheplace,
orevenputoutaneyecatchingsign.Hesimplywaitedpatientlyforcuriouspeopletostumble
acrossthislittlebackstreetbar.Hestillhadsomeofhisseverancepay,andhiswifehadntasked
foranyfinancialsupport.Shewasalreadylivingwithhisformercolleague,andsheandKino
haddecidedtoselltheircondoinKasai.Kinolivedonthesecondfloorofhisauntshouse,and
itlookedasthough,forthetimebeing,hedbeabletogetby.
Ashewaitedforhisfirstcustomer,Kinoenjoyedlisteningtowhatevermusichelikedand
readingbookshedbeenwantingtoread.Likedrygroundwelcomingtherain,heletthe
solitude,silence,andlonelinesssoakin.HelistenedtoalotofArtTatumsolopianopieces.
Somehowtheyseemedtofithismood.

A
lwaysbillionaireplayboy.Neverbillionairegenius.BUY THE PRINT
Hewasntsurewhy,buthefeltnoangerorbitternesstowardhiswife,orthecolleagueshewas
sleepingwith.Thebetrayalhadbeenashock,forsure,but,astimepassed,hebegantofeelasif
itcouldnthavebeenhelped,asifthishadbeenhisfateallalong.Inhislife,afterall,hehad
achievednothing,hadbeentotallyunproductive.Hecouldntmakeanyoneelsehappy,and,of
course,couldntmakehimselfhappy.Happiness?Hewasntevensurewhatthatmeant.He
didnthaveaclearsense,either,ofemotionslikepainoranger,disappointmentorresignation,
andhowtheyweresupposedtofeel.Themosthecoulddowascreateaplacewherehisheart
devoidnowofanydepthorweightcouldbetethered,tokeepitfromwanderingaimlessly.
Thislittlebar,Kino,tuckedintoabackstreet,becamethatplace.Anditbecame,toonotby
design,exactlyastrangelycomfortablespace.
ItwasntapersonwhofirstdiscoveredwhatacomfortableplaceKinowasbutastraycat.A
younggrayfemalewithalong,lovelytail.Thecatfavoredasunkendisplaycaseinacornerof
thebarandlikedtocurluptheretosleep.Kinodidntpaymuchattentiontothecat,figuringit
wantedtobeleftalone.Onceaday,hefeditandchangeditswater,butnothingbeyondthat.
Andheconstructedasmallpetdoorsothatitcouldgoinandoutofthebarwheneveritliked.
Thecatmayhavebroughtsomegoodluckalongwithit,forafteritappearedsodidascattering
ofcustomers.Someofthemstartedtocomebyregularlyoneswhotookalikingtothislittle
backstreetbarwithitswonderfuloldwillowtree,itsquietmiddleagedowner,vintagerecords

spinningonaturntable,andthegraycatsackedoutinacorner.Andthesepeoplesometimes
broughtothernewcustomers.Stillfarfromthriving,thebaratleastearnedbacktherent.For
Kino,thatwasenough.
Theyoungmanwiththeshavedheadstartedcomingtothebarabouttwomonthsafteritopened.
AnditwasanothertwomonthsbeforeKinolearnedhisname,Kamita.
Itwasraininglightlythatday,thekindofrainwhereyouarentsureifyoureallyneedan
umbrella.Therewerejustthreecustomersinthebar,Kamitaandtwomeninsuits.Itwasseven
thirty.Asalways,Kamitawasatthefartheststooldownthecounter,sippingaWhiteLabeland
waterandreading.Thetwomenwereseatedatatable,drinkingabottleofPinotNoir.Theyhad
broughtthebottlewiththem,andaskedKinoifhewouldmindtheirdrinkingitthere,forafive
thousandyencorkfee.ItwasafirstforKino,buthehadnoreasontorefuse.Heopenedthe
bottleandsetdowntwowineglassesandabowlofmixednuts.Notmuchtroubleatall.Thetwo
mensmokedalot,though,whichforKino,whohatedcigarettesmoke,madethemlesswelcome.
Withlittleelsetodo,KinosatonastoolandlistenedtotheColemanHawkinsLPwiththetrack
JoshuaFittheBattleofJericho.HefoundthebasssolobyMajorHolleyamazing.
Atfirst,thetwomenseemedtobegettingalongfine,enjoyingtheirwine,butthenadifference
ofopinionaroseonsometopicorotherwhatitwas,Kinohadnoideaandthemengrew
steadilymoreworkedup.Atsomepoint,oneofthemstood,tippingthetableandsendingthefull
ashtrayandoneofthewineglassescrashingtothefloor.Kinohurriedoverwithabroom,swept
upthemess,andputacleanglassandashtrayonthetable.
KamitathoughatthistimeKinohadyettolearnhisnamewasclearlydisgustedbythemens
behavior.Hisexpressiondidntchange,buthekepttappingthefingersofhislefthandlightlyon
thecounter,likeapianistcheckingthekeys.Ihavetogetthissituationundercontrol,Kino
thought.Hewentovertothemen.Imsorry,hesaidpolitely,butIwonderifyoudmind
keepingyourvoicesdownabit.
Oneofthemlookedupathimwithacoldglintinhiseyeandrosefromthetable.Kinohadnt
noticedituntilnow,butthemanwashuge.Hewasntsomuchtallasbarrelchested,with
enormousarms,thesortofbuildyoudexpectofasumowrestler.
Theothermanwasmuchsmaller.Thinandpale,withashrewdlook,thetypewhowasgoodat
eggingpeopleon.Heslowlygotupfromhisseat,too,andKinofoundhimselffacetofacewith
bothofthem.Themenhadapparentlydecidedtousethisopportunitytocallahalttotheir
quarrelandjointlyconfrontKino.Theywereperfectlycordinated,almostasiftheyhadsecretly
beenwaitingforthisverysituationtoarise.

So,youthinkyoucanjustbuttinandinterruptus?thelargerofthetwosaid,hisvoicehard
andlow.
Thesuitstheyworeseemedexpensive,butcloserinspectionshowedthemtobetackyandpoorly
made.Notfullfledgedyakuza,thoughwhateverworktheywereinvolvedinwas,clearly,not
respectable.Thelargermanhadacrewcut,whilehiscompanionshairwasdyedbrownand
pulledbackinahighponytail.Kinosteeledhimselfforsomethingbadtohappen.Sweatbeganto
pourfromhisarmpits.
Pardonme,anothervoicesaid.
KinoturnedtofindthatKamitawasstandingbehindhim.
Dontblamethestaff,Kamitasaid,pointingtoKino.Imtheonewhoaskedhimtorequest
thatyoukeepitdown.Itmakesithardtoconcentrate,andIcantreadmybook.
Kamitasvoicewascalmer,morelanguid,thanusual.Butsomething,unseen,wasbeginningto
stir.
Cantreadmybook,thesmallermanrepeated,asifmakingsurethattherewasnothing
ungrammaticalaboutthesentence.
What,dontyagotahome?thelargermanaskedKamita.
Ido,Kamitareplied.Ilivenearby.
Thenwhydontyagohomeandreadthere?
Ilikereadinghere,Kamitasaid.
Thetwomenexchangedalook.
Handoverthebook,thesmallermansaid.Illreaditforyou.
Iliketoreadbymyself,quietly,Kamitasaid.AndIdhateitifyoumispronouncedanyofthe
words.
Arentyouapieceofwork,thelargermansaid.Whatafunnyguy.

Whatsyourname,anyway?Ponytailasked.
MynameisKamita,hesaid.Itswrittenwiththecharactersforgodkamiandfield:
godsfield.ButitisntpronouncedKanda,asyoumightexpect.ItspronouncedKamita.
Illrememberthat,thelargemansaid.
Goodidea.Memoriescanbeuseful,Kamitasaid.
Anyway,howaboutwestepoutside?thesmallermansaid.Thatway,wecansayexactly
whatwewantto.
Finewithme,Kamitasaid.Anywhereyousay.But,beforewedothat,couldyoupayyour
check?Youdontwanttocausethebaranytrouble.
KamitaaskedKinotobringovertheircheck,andhelaidexactchangeforhisowndrinkonthe
counter.Ponytailextractedatenthousandyenbillfromhiswalletandtosseditontothetable.
Idontneedanychangeback,PonytailtoldKino.Butwhydontyabuyyourselfsomebetter
wineglasses?Thisisexpensivewine,andglasseslikethesemakeittastelikeshit.
Whatacheapjoint,thelargermansaid,sneeringly.
Correct.Acheapbarwithcheapcustomers,Kamitasaid.Itdoesntsuityou.Theresgottobe
somewhereelsethatdoes.NotthatIknowwhere.
Now,arentyouthewiseguy,thelargemansaid.Youmakemelaugh.
Thinkitoverlateron,andhaveagood,longlaugh,Kamitasaid.
NowayyouregonnatellmewhereIshouldgo,Ponytailsaid.Heslowlylickedhislips,likea
snakesizingupitsprey.
Thelargemanopenedthedoorandsteppedoutside,Ponytailfollowingbehind.Perhapssensing
thetensionintheair,thecat,despitetherain,leapedoutsideafterthem.
AreyousureyoureO.K.?KinoaskedKamita.

Nottoworry,Kamitasaid,withaslightsmile.Youdontneedtodoanything,Mr.Kino.Just
stayput.Thiswillbeoversoon.
Kamitawentoutsideandshutthedoor.Itwasstillraining,alittleharderthanbefore.Kinosat
downonastoolandwaited.Itwasoddlystilloutside,andhecouldnthearathing.Kamitas
booklayopenonthecounter,likeawelltraineddogwaitingforitsmaster.Abouttenminutes
later,thedooropened,andinstrodeKamita,alone.
Wouldyoumindlendingmeatowel?heasked.
Kinohandedhimafreshtowel,andKamitawipedhishead.Thenhisneck,face,and,finally,
bothhands.Thankyou.EverythingsO.K.now,hesaid.Thosetwowontbeshowingtheir
faceshereagain.
Whatintheworldhappened?
Kamitajustshookhishead,asiftosay,Betteryoudontknow.Hewentovertohisseat,
downedtherestofhiswhiskey,andpickedupwherehedleftoffinhisbook.
Laterthatevening,afterKamitahadgone,Kinowentoutsideandmadeacircuitofthe
neighborhood.Thealleywasdesertedandquiet.Nosignsofafight,notraceofblood.He
couldntimaginewhathadtakenplace.Hewentbacktothebartowaitforothercustomers,but
nooneelsecamethatnight.Thecatdidntreturn,either.HepouredhimselfsomeWhiteLabel,
addedanequalamountofwaterandtwosmallicecubes,andtastedit.Nothingspecial,about
whatyoudexpect.Butthatnightheneededashotofalcoholinhissystem.
Aboutaweekaftertheincident,Kinosleptwithafemalecustomer.Shewasthefirstwoman
hedhadsexwithsincehelefthiswife.Shewasthirty,orperhapsalittleolder.Hewasntsureif
shewouldbeclassifiedasbeautiful,buttherewassomethinguniqueabouther,somethingthat
stoodout.
Thewomanhadbeentothebarseveraltimesbefore,alwaysinthecompanyofamanofabout
thesameagewhoworetortoiseshellframedglassesandabeatniklikegoatee.Hehadunruly
hairandneverworeatie,soKinofiguredhewasprobablynotyourtypicalcompanyemployee.
Thewomanalwaysworeatightfittingdressthatshowedoffherslender,shapelyfigure.They
satatthebar,exchanginganoccasionalhushedwordortwoastheysippedcocktailsorsherry.
Theyneverstayedlong.Kinoimaginedtheywerehavingadrinkbeforetheymadelove.Orelse
after.Hecouldntsaywhich,butthewaytheydrankremindedhimofsex.Drawnout,intense
sex.Thetwoofthemwerestrangelyexpressionless,especiallythewoman,whomKinohad
neverseensmile.Shespoketohimsometimes,alwaysaboutthemusicthatwasplaying.She

likedjazzandwascollectingLPsherself.Myfatherusedtolistentothismusicathome,she
toldhim.Hearingitbringsbackalotofmemories.
Fromhertone,Kinocouldnttellifthememorieswereofthemusicorofherfather.Buthe
didntventuretoask.

Kinoactuallytriednottohavetoomuchtodowiththewoman.Itwasclearthatthemanwasnt
verypleasedwhenhewasfriendlytoher.Onetimeheandthewomandidhavealengthy
conversationexchangingtipsonusedrecordstoresinTokyoandthebestwaytotakecareof
vinyland,afterthat,themankeptshootinghimcold,suspiciouslooks.Kinowasusually
carefultokeephisdistancefromanysortofentanglement.Nothingwasworsethanjealousyand
pride,andKinohadhadanumberofawfulexperiencesbecauseofoneortheother.Itstruckhim
attimesthattherewassomethingabouthimthatstirredupthedarksideinotherpeople.
Thatnight,though,thewomancametothebaralone.Therewerenoothercustomers,andwhen
sheopenedthedoorcoolnightaircreptin.Shesatatthecounter,orderedabrandy,andasked
KinotoplaysomeBillieHoliday.Somethingreallyold,ifyoucould.KinoputaColumbia
recordontheturntable,onewiththetrackGeorgiaonMyMind.Thetwoofthemlistened

silently.Couldyouplaytheotherside,too?sheasked,whenitended,andhedidasshe
requested.
Sheslowlyworkedherwaythroughthreebrandies,listeningtoafewmorerecordsErroll
GarnersMoonglow,BuddyDeFrancosICantGetStarted.Atfirst,Kinothoughtshewas
waitingfortheman,butshedidntglanceatherwatchevenonce.Shejustsatthere,listeningto
themusic,lostinthought,sippingherbrandy.
Yourfriendisntcomingtoday?Kinodecidedtoaskasclosingtimedrewnear.
Heisntcoming.Hesfaraway,thewomansaid.Shestoodupfromthestoolandwalkedover
towherethecatlaysleeping.Shegentlystrokeditsbackwithherfingertips.Thecat,
unperturbed,wentonsleeping.
Werethinkingofnotseeingeachotheranymore,thewomansaid.
Kinodidntknowhowtorespond,sohesaidnothing,andcontinuedtostraightenupbehindthe
counter.
Imnotsurehowtoputit,thewomansaid.Shestoppedpettingthecatandwentbacktothe
bar,highheelsclicking.Ourrelationshipisntexactly...normal.
Notexactlynormal.Kinorepeatedherwordswithoutreallyconsideringwhattheymeant.
Shefinishedthesmallamountofbrandyleftinherglass.IhavesomethingIdliketoshowyou,
Mr.Kino,shesaid.
Whateveritwas,Kinodidntwanttoseeit.Ofthathewascertain.Buthedidntmanageto
producethewordstosayso.
Thewomanremovedhercardiganandplaceditonthestool.Shereachedbothhandsbehindher
andunzippedherdress.SheturnedherbacktoKino.Justbelowherwhitebraclasphesawan
irregularsprinklingofmarksthecoloroffadedcharcoal,likebruises.Theyremindedhimof
constellationsinthewintersky.Adarkrowofdepletedstars.
Thewomansaidnothing,justdisplayedherbarebacktoKino.Likesomeonewhocannoteven
comprehendthemeaningofthequestionhehasbeenasked,Kinojuststaredatthemarks.
Finally,shezippedupandturnedtofacehim.Sheputonhercardiganandfixedherhair.

Thosearecigaretteburns,shesaidsimply.
Kinowasatalossforwords.Buthehadtosaysomething.Whodidthattoyou?heasked,his
voiceparched.
Thewomandidntreply,andKinorealizedthathewasnthopingforananswer.
Ihavetheminotherplaces,too,shesaidfinally,hervoicedrainedofexpression.Placesthat
are...alittlehardtoshow.
Kinohadfelt,fromthefirst,thattherewassomethingoutoftheordinaryaboutthewoman.
Somethinghadtriggeredaninstinctiveresponse,warninghimnottogetinvolvedwithher.He
wasbasicallyacautiousperson.Ifhereallyneededtosleepwithawoman,hecouldalways
makedowithaprofessional.Anditwasntasifhewereevenattractedtothiswoman.
Butthatnightshedesperatelywantedamantomakelovetoheranditseemedthathewasthe
man.Hereyesweredepthless,thepupilsstrangelydilated,buttherewasadecisiveglitterin
themthatwouldbrooknoretreat.Kinodidnthavethepowertoresist.
Helockedupthebar,andthetwoofthemwentupstairs.Inthebedroom,thewomanquickly
tookoffherdress,peeledoffherunderwear,andshowedhimtheplacesthatwerealittlehardto
show.Kinocouldnthelpavertinghiseyesatfirst,butthenwasdrawnbacktolook.Hecouldnt
understand,nordidhewanttounderstand,themindofamanwhowoulddosomethingsocruel,
orofawomanwhowouldwillinglyendureit.Itwasasavagescenefromabarrenplanet,light
yearsawayfromwhereKinolived.
Thewomantookhishandandguidedittothescars,makinghimtoucheachoneinturn.There
werescarsonherbreasts,andbesidehervagina.Hetracedthosedark,hardmarks,asifhewere
usingapenciltoconnectthedots.Themarksseemedtoformashapethatremindedhimof
something,buthecouldntthinkwhatitwas.
Theyhadsexonthetatamifloor.Nowordsexchanged,noforeplay,notimeeventoturnoffthe
lightorlayoutthefuton.Thewomanstonguesliddownhisthroat,hernailsdugintohisback.
Underthelight,liketwostarvinganimals,theydevouredthefleshtheycraved.Whendawn
begantoshowoutside,theycrawledontothefutonandslept,asifdraggeddownintodarkness.
Kinoawokejustbeforenoon,andthewomanwasgone.Hefeltasifhedhadaveryrealistic
dream,butofcourseithadntbeenadream.Hisbackwaslinedwithscratches,hisarmswith
bitemarks,hispeniswrungbyadullache.Severallongblackhairsswirledaroundhiswhite
pillow,andthesheetshadastrongscenthedneversmelledbefore.

Thewomancametothebarseveraltimesafterthat,alwayswiththegoateedman.Theywould
sitatthecounter,speakinsubduedvoicesastheydrankacocktailortwo,andthenleave.The
womanwouldexchangeafewwordswithKino,mostlyaboutmusic.Hertonewasthesameas
before,asifshehadnomemoryofwhathadtakenplacebetweenthemthatnight.Still,Kino
coulddetectaglintofdesireinhereyes,likeafaintlightdeepdownamineshaft.Hewassureof
it.Anditbroughteverythingvividlybacktohimthestabofhernailsintohisback,thestingof
hispenis,herlong,slitheringtongue,theodoronhisbedding.
Asheandthewomanspoke,themanwithhercarefullyobservedKinosexpressionand
behavior.Kinosensedsomethingviscousentwiningitselfaboutthecouple,asiftherewerea
deepsecretonlythetwoofthemshared.
Attheendofthesummer,Kinosdivorcewasfinalized,andheandhiswifemetathisbarone
afternoon,beforeitopened,totakecareofafewlastmatters.
Thelegalissueswerequicklysettled,andthetwoofthemsignedthenecessarydocuments.
Kinoswifewaswearinganewbluedress,herhaircutshort.Shelookedhealthierandmore
cheerfulthanhedeverseenher.Shedbegunanew,nodoubtmorefulfilling,life.Sheglanced
aroundthebar.Whatawonderfulplace,shesaid.Quiet,clean,andcalmveryyou.Ashort
silencefollowed.Buttheresnothingherethatreallymovesyou:Kinoimaginedthatthese
werethewordsshewantedtosay.
Wouldyoulikesomethingtodrink?heasked.
Alittleredwine,ifyouhavesome.
KinotookouttwowineglassesandpouredsomeNapaZinfandel.Theydrankinsilence.They
werentabouttotoasttotheirdivorce.Thecatpaddedoverand,surprisingly,leapedintoKinos
lap.Kinopetteditbehinditsears.
Ineedtoapologizetoyou,hiswifesaidfinally.
Forwhat?Kinoasked.
Forhurtingyou,shesaid.Youwerehurt,alittle,werentyou?
Isupposeso,Kinosaid,aftergivingitsomethought.Imhuman,afterall.Iwashurt.But
whetheritwasalotoralittleIcantsay.

IwantedtoseeyouandtellyouImsorry.
Kinonodded.Youveapologized,andIveacceptedyourapology.Noneedtoworryaboutit
anymore.
Iwantedtotellyouwhatwasgoingon,butIjustcouldntfindthewords.
Butwouldntwehavearrivedatthesameplace,anyway?
Iguessso,hiswifesaid.
Kinotookasipofwine.
Itsnobodysfault,hesaid.Ishouldnthavecomehomeadayearly.OrIshouldhaveletyou
knowIwascoming.Thenwewouldnthavehadtogothroughthat.
Hiswifedidntsayanything.
Whendidyoustartseeingthatguy?Kinoasked.
Idontthinkweshouldgetintothat.
Betterformenottoknow,youmean?Maybeyourerightaboutthat,Kinoadmitted.Hekept
onpettingthecat,whichpurreddeeply.Anotherfirst.
MaybeIdonthavetherighttosaythis,hiswifesaid,butIthinkitdbegoodforyouto
forgetaboutwhathappenedandfindsomeonenew.
Maybe,Kinosaid.
Iknowtheremustbeawomanouttherewhosrightforyou.Itshouldntbethathardtofind
her.Iwasntabletobethatpersonforyou,andIdidaterriblething.Ifeelawfulaboutit.But
therewassomethingwrongbetweenusfromthestart,asifweddonethebuttonsupwrong.I
thinkyoushouldbeabletohaveamorenormal,happylife.
Donethebuttonsupwrong,Kinothought.

Helookedatthenewdressshewaswearing.Theyweresittingfacingeachother,sohecouldnt
telliftherewasazipperorbuttonsattheback.Buthecouldnthelpthinkingaboutwhathe
wouldseeifheunzippedorunbuttonedherclothes.Herbodywasnolongerhis,soallhecould
dowasimagineit.Whenheclosedhiseyes,hesawcountlessdarkbrownburnmarkswriggling
onherpurewhiteback,likeaswarmofworms.Heshookhisheadtodispelthatimage,andhis
wifeseemedtomisinterpretthis.
Shegentlylaidherhandontopofhis.Imsorry,shesaid.Imtrulysorry.
Fallcameandthecatdisappeared.
IttookafewdaysforKinotorealizethatitwasgone.Thiscatstillnamelesscametothebar
whenitwantedtoandsometimesdidntshowupforawhile,soifKinodidntseeitforaweek,
oreventendays,hewasntparticularlyworried.Hewasfondofthecat,andthecatseemedto
trusthim.Itwasalsolikeagoodluckcharmforthebar.Kinohadthedistinctimpressionthatas
longasitwasasleepinacornernothingbadwouldhappen.Butwhentwoweekshadpassedhe
begantobeconcerned.Afterthreeweeks,Kinosguttoldhimthatthecatwouldntbecoming
back.
Aroundthetimethatthecatdisappeared,Kinostartedtonoticesnakesoutside,nearthebuilding.

Thefirstsnakehesawwasadullbrownandlong.Itwasintheshadeofthewillowtreeinthe
frontyard,leisurelyslitheringalong.Kino,abagofgroceriesinhand,wasunlockingthedoor
whenhespottedit.ItwasraretoseeasnakeinthemiddleofTokyo.Hewasabitsurprised,but
hedidntworryaboutit.BehindhisbuildingwastheNezuMuseum,withitslargegardens.It
wasntinconceivablethatasnakemightbelivingthere.
Buttwodayslater,asheopenedthedoorjustbeforenoontoretrievethepaper,hesawa
differentsnakeinthesamespot.Thisonewasbluish,smallerthantheotherone,andslimy
looking.WhenthesnakesawKino,itstopped,raiseditsheadslightly,andstaredathim,asifit
knewhim.Kinohesitated,unsurewhattodo,andthesnakeslowlylowereditsheadand
vanishedintotheshade.ThewholethinggaveKinothecreeps.
Threedayslater,hespiedthethirdsnake.Itwasalsounderthewillowtreeinthefrontyard.This
snakewasconsiderablysmallerthantheothersandblackish.Kinoknewnothingaboutsnakes,
butthisonestruckhimasthemostdangerous.Itlookedpoisonous,somehow.Theinstantit
sensedhispresence,itslippedawayintotheweeds.Threesnakeswithinthespaceofaweek,no
matterhowyouconsideredit,wastoomany.Somethingstrangewasgoingon.
KinophonedhisauntinIzu.Afterbringingheruptodateonneighborhoodgoingson,heasked
ifshehadeverseensnakesaroundthehouseinAoyama.
Snakes?hisauntsaidloudly,insurprise.Ilivedthereforalongtimebutcantrecallever
seeinganysnakes.Iwonderifitsasignofanearthquakeorsomething.Animalssensedisasters
comingandstarttoactstrange.
Ifthatstrue,thenmaybeIdbetterstockuponemergencyrations,Kinosaid.
Thatmightbeagoodidea.Tokyosgoingtogethitwithahugeearthquakesomeday.
Butaresnakesthatsensitivetoearthquakes?
Idontknowwhattheyresensitiveto,hisauntsaid.Butsnakesaresmartcreatures.In
ancientlegends,theyoftenhelpguidepeople.But,whenasnakeleadsyou,youdontknow
whetheritstakingyouinagooddirectionorabadone.Inmostcases,itsacombinationof
goodandevil.
Itsambiguous,Kinosaid.
Exactly.Snakesareessentiallyambiguouscreatures.Intheselegends,thebiggest,smartest
snakehidesitsheartsomewhereoutsideitsbody,sothatitdoesntgetkilled.Ifyouwanttokill

thatsnake,youneedtogotoitshideoutwhenitsnotthere,locatethebeatingheart,andcutitin
two.Notaneasytask,forsure.
Howdidhisauntknowallthis?
TheotherdayIwaswatchingashowonNHKcomparingdifferentlegendsaroundtheworld,
sheexplained,andaprofessorfromsomeuniversitywastalkingaboutthis.TVcanbepretty
usefulwhenyouhavetime,yououghttowatchmoreTV.
Kinobegantofeelasifthehouseweresurroundedbysnakes.Hesensedtheirquietpresence.At
midnight,whenheclosedthebar,theneighborhoodwasstill,withnosoundotherthanthe
occasionalsiren.Soquiethecouldalmosthearasnakeslitheringalong.Hetookaboardand
nailedshutthepetdoorhedbuiltforthecat,sothatnosnakeswouldgetinsidethehouse.
Onenight,justbeforeten,Kamitaappeared.Hehadabeer,followedbyhisusualdoubleWhite
Label,andateastuffedcabbagedish.Itwasunusualforhimtocomebysolate,andstayso
long.Occasionally,heglancedupfromhisreadingtostareatthewallinfrontofhim,asif
ponderingsomething.Asclosingtimeapproached,heremained,untilhewasthelastcustomer.
Mr.Kino,Kamitasaidratherformally,afterhedpaidhisbill.Ifinditveryregrettablethat
itscometothis.
Cometothis?Kinorepeated.
Thatyoullhavetoclosethebar.Evenifonlytemporarily.
KinostaredatKamita,notknowinghowtorespond.Closethebar?
Kamitaglancedaroundthedesertedbar,thenturnedbacktoKino.Youhaventquitegrasped
whatImsaying,haveyou?
IdontthinkIhave.
Ireallylikedthisbaralot,Kamitasaid,asifconfidinginhim.Itwasquiet,soIcouldread,
andIenjoyedthemusic.Iwasveryhappywhenyouopenedthebarhere.Unfortunately,though,
therearesomethingsmissing.
Missing?Kinosaid.Hehadnoideawhatthiscouldmean.Allhecouldpicturewasateacup
withatinychipinitsrim.

Thatgraycatwontbecomingback,Kamitasaid.Forthetimebeing,atleast.
Becausethisplaceismissingsomething?
Kamitadidntreply.
KinofollowedKamitasgaze,andlookedcarefullyaroundthebar,butsawnothingoutofthe
ordinary.Hedid,though,getasensethattheplacefeltemptierthanever,lackingvitalityand
color.Somethingbeyondtheusual,justclosedforthenightfeeling.
Kamitaspokeup.Mr.Kino,yourenotthetypewhowouldwillinglydosomethingwrong.I
knowthatverywell.Buttherearetimesinthisworldwhenitsnotenoughjustnottodothe
wrongthing.Somepeopleusethatblankspaceasakindofloophole.Doyouunderstandwhat
Imsaying?
Kinodidntunderstand.
Thinkitovercarefully,Kamitasaid,gazingstraightintoKinoseyes.Itsaveryimportant
question,worthsomeseriousthought.Thoughtheanswermaynotcomeallthateasily.
Youresayingthatsomeserioustroublehasoccurred,notbecauseIdidsomethingwrongbut
becauseIdidntdotherightthing?Sometroubleconcerningthisbar,orme?
Kamitanodded.Youcouldputitthatway.ButImnotblamingjustyou,Mr.Kino.Imatfault,
too,fornothavingnoticeditearlier.Ishouldhavebeenpayingmoreattention.Thiswasa
comfortableplacenotjustformebutforanybody.
ThenwhatshouldIdo?Kinoasked.
Closethebarforawhileandgofaraway.Theresnothingelseyoucandoatthispoint.Ithink
itsbestforyoutoleavebeforewehaveanotherlongspellofrain.Excusemeforasking,butdo
youhaveenoughmoneytotakealongtrip?
IguessIcouldcoveritforawhile.
Good.Youcanworryaboutwhatcomesafterthatwhenyougettothatpoint.
Whoareyou,anyway?

ImjustaguynamedKamita,Kamitasaid.Writtenwiththecharactersforkami, god,
andta, field,butnotreadasKanda.Ivelivedaroundhereforalongtime.
Kinodecidedtoplungeaheadandask.Mr.Kamita,Ihaveaquestion.Haveyouseensnakes
aroundherebefore?
Kamitadidntrespond.Hereswhatyoudo.Gofaraway,anddontstayinoneplaceforlong.
AndeveryMondayandThursdaymakesuretosendapostcard.ThenIllknowyoureO.K.
Apostcard?
Anykindofpicturepostcardofwhereyouare.
ButwhoshouldIaddressitto?
YoucanmailittoyourauntinIzu.Donotwriteyourownnameoranymessagewhatsoever.
Justputtheaddressyouresendingitto.Thisisveryimportant,sodontforget.
Kinolookedathiminsurprise.Youknowmyaunt?
Yes,Iknowherquitewell.Actually,sheaskedmetokeepaneyeonyou,tomakesurethat
nothingbadhappened.SeemslikeIfelldownonthejob,though.
Whointheworldisthisman?Kinoaskedhimself.
Mr.Kino,whenIknowthatitsallrightforyoutoreturnIllgetintouchwithyou.Untilthen,
stayawayfromhere.Doyouunderstand?
Thatnight,Kinopackedforthetrip.Its best for you to leave before we have
another long spell of rain. Theannouncementwassosudden,anditslogiceludedhim.But
Kamitaswordshadastrangepersuasivepowerthatwentbeyondlogic.Kinodidntdoubthim.
Hestuffedsomeclothesandtoiletriesintoamediumsizedshoulderbag,thesamebaghedused
onbusinesstrips.Asdawncame,hepinnedanoticetothefrontdoor:Ourapologies,butthe
barwillbeclosedforthetimebeing.
Faraway,Kamitahadtoldhim.Butwhereheshouldactuallygohehadnoidea.Shouldhehead
north?Orsouth?Hedecidedthathewouldstartbyretracingarouteheoftenusedtotakewhen
hewassellingrunningshoes.HeboardedahighwayexpressbusandwenttoTakamatsu.He
wouldmakeonecircuitofShikokuandthenheadovertoKyushu.

HecheckedintoabusinesshotelnearTakamatsuStationandstayedthereforthreedays.He
wanderedaroundthetownandwenttoseeafewmovies.Thecinemasweredesertedduringthe
day,andthemovieswere,withoutexception,mindnumbing.Whenitgotdark,hereturnedto
hisroomandswitchedontheTV.Hefollowedhisauntsadviceandwatchededucational
programs,butgotnousefulinformationfromthem.TheseconddayinTakamatsuwasa
Thursday,soheboughtapostcardataconveniencestore,affixedastamp,andmailedittohis
aunt.AsKamitahadinstructedhim,hewroteonlyhernameandaddress.
Thinkitovercarefully,Kamitahadtoldhim.Itsaveryimportantquestion,worthsome
seriousthought.But,nomatterhowseriouslyheconsideredit,Kinocouldntworkoutwhatthe
problemwas.
Afewdayslater,KinowasstayingatacheapbusinesshotelnearKumamotoStation,inKyushu.
Lowceiling,narrow,crampedbed,tinyTVset,minusculebathtub,crummylittlefridge.Hefelt
likesomeawkward,bumblinggiant.Still,exceptforatriptoanearbyconveniencestore,he
stayedholedupintheroomallday.Atthestore,hepurchasedasmallflaskofwhiskey,some
mineralwater,andsomecrackerstosnackon.Helayonhisbed,reading.Whenhegottiredof
reading,hewatchedTV.WhenhegottiredofwatchingTV,heread.
ItwashisthirddayinKumamotonow.Hestillhadmoneyinhissavingsaccountand,ifhed
wantedto,hecouldhavestayedinamuchbetterhotel.Buthefeltthat,forhim,justnow,this
wastherightplace.Ifhestayedinasmallspacelikethis,hewouldnthavetodoany
unnecessarythinking,andeverythingheneededwaswithinreach.Hewasunexpectedlygrateful
forthis.Allhewishedforwassomemusic.TeddyWilson,VicDickenson,BuckClayton
sometimeshelongeddesperatelytolistentotheiroldtimejazz,withitssteady,dependable
techniqueanditsstraightforwardchords.Hewantedtofeelthepurejoytheyhadinperforming,
theirwonderfuloptimism.Buthisrecordcollectionwasfaraway.Hepicturedhisbar,quiet
sincehedclosedit.Thealleyway,thelargewillowtree.Peoplereadingthesignhedpostedand
leaving.Whataboutthecat?Ifitcameback,itwouldfinditsdoorboardedup.Andwerethe
snakesstillsilentlyencirclingthehouse?

A
reyousureyoucancuremeoflegcramps?BUY THE PRINT
Straightacrossfromhiseighthfloorwindowwasthewindowofanofficebuilding.From
morningtillevening,hewatchedpeopleworkingthere.Hehadnoideawhatkindofbusinessit
was.Menintieswouldpopinandout,whilewomentappedawayatcomputerkeyboards,
answeredthephone,fileddocuments.Notexactlythesortofscenetodrawonesinterest.The
featuresandtheclothesofthepeopleworkingtherewereordinary,banaleven.Kinowatched
themforhoursforonesimplereason:hehadnothingelsetodo.Andhefounditunexpected,
surprising,howhappythepeoplesometimeslooked.Someofthemoccasionallyburstout
laughing.Why?Workingalldayinsuchanunglamorousoffice,doingthingsthat(atleastto
Kinoseyes)seemedtotallyuninspiredhowcouldtheydothatandstillfeelsohappy?Was
theresomesecrethiddentherethathecouldntcomprehend?
Itwasabouttimeforhimtomoveonagain.Dontstayinoneplaceforlong,Kamitahadtold
him.YetsomehowKinocouldntbringhimselftoleavethiscrampedlittleKumamotohotel.He
couldntthinkofanywherehewantedtogo.Theworldwasavastoceanwithnolandmarks,
Kinoalittleboatthathadlostitschartanditsanchor.WhenhespreadopenthemapofKyushu,
wonderingwheretogonext,hefeltnauseated,asifseasick.Helaydowninbedandreadabook,
glancingupnowandthentowatchthepeopleintheofficeacrosstheway.

ItwasaMonday,soheboughtapostcardinthehotelgiftshopwithapictureofKumamoto
Castle,wrotehisauntsnameandaddress,andslappedonastamp.Heheldthepostcardfora
while,vacantlygazingatthecastle.Astereotypicalphoto,thekindyouexpecttoseeona
postcard:thecastlekeeptoweringgrandlyinfrontofablueskyandpuffywhiteclouds.No
matterhowlonghelookedatthephoto,Kinocouldfindnopointofcontactbetweenhimselfand
thatcastle.Then,onanimpulse,heturnedthepostcardoverandwroteamessagetohisaunt:
Howareyou?Howisyourbackthesedays?Asyoucansee,Imstilltravellingaroundby
myself.SometimesIfeelasifIwerehalftransparent.Asifyoucouldseerightthroughtomy
internalorgans,likeafreshcaughtsquid.Otherthanthat,ImdoingO.K.Ihopetovisit
sometime.Kino
Kinowasntatallsurewhathadmotivatedhimtowritethat.Kamitahadstrictlyforbiddenit.
ButKinocouldntrestrainhimself.Ihavetosomehowgetconnectedtorealityagain,hethought,
orelseIwontbemeanymore.Illbecomeamanwhodoesntexist.And,beforehecould
changehismind,hehurriedouttoamailboxnearthehotelandslippedthepostcardinside.
Whenheawoke,theclocknexttohisbedshowedtwofifteen.Someonewasknockingonhis
door.Notaloudknockbutafirm,compactsound,likethatofaskilledcarpenterpoundinga
nail.ThesounddraggedKinooutofadeepsleepuntilhisconsciousnesswasthoroughly,even
cruelly,clear.
Kinoknewwhattheknockingmeant.Andheknewthathewassupposedtogetoutofbedand
openthedoor.Whateverwasdoingtheknockingdidnthavethestrengthtoopenthedoorfrom
theoutside.IthadtobeopenedbyKinosownhand.
Itstruckhimthatthisvisitwasexactlywhathedbeenhopingfor,yet,atthesametime,what
hedbeenfearingaboveall.Thiswasambiguity:holdingontoanemptyspacebetweentwo
extremes.Youwerehurt,alittle,werentyou?hiswifehadasked.Imhuman,afterall.Iwas
hurt,hedreplied.Butthatwasnttrue.Halfofit,atleast,wasalie.Iwasnthurtenoughwhen
Ishouldhavebeen,Kinoadmittedtohimself.WhenIshouldhavefeltrealpain,Istifledit.I
didntwanttotakeiton,soIavoidedfacinguptoit.Whichiswhymyheartissoemptynow.
Thesnakeshavegrabbedthatspotandaretryingtohidetheircoldlybeatingheartsthere.
Thiswasacomfortableplacenotjustformebutforanybody,Kamitahadsaid.Kinofinally
understoodwhathemeant.
Kinopulledthecoversup,shuthiseyes,andcoveredhisearswithhishands.Imnotgoingto
look,notgoingtolisten,hetoldhimself.Buthecouldntdrownoutthesound.Evenifheranto
thefarcornersoftheearthandstuffedhisearsfullofclay,aslongashewasstillalivethose
knockswouldrelentlesslytrackhimdown.Itwasntaknockingonadoorinabusinesshotel.It
wasaknockingonthedoortohisheart.Apersoncouldntescapethatsound.

Hewasntsurehowmuchtimehadpassed,butherealizedthattheknockinghadstopped.The
roomwasashushedasthefarsideofthemoon.Still,Kinoremainedunderthecovers.Hehadto
beonhisguard.Thebeingoutsidehisdoorwouldntgiveupthateasily.Itwasinnohurry.The
moonwasntout.Onlythewitheredconstellationsdarklydottedthesky.Theworldbelonged,
forawhilelonger,tothoseotherbeings.Theyhadmanydifferentmethods.Theycouldget
whattheywantedinallkindsofways.Therootsofdarknesscouldspreadeverywherebeneath
theearth.Patientlytakingtheirtime,searchingoutweakpoints,theycouldbreakapartthemost
solidrock.
Finally,asKinohadexpected,theknocksbeganoncemore.Butthistimetheycamefrom
anotherdirection.Muchcloserthanbefore.Whoeverwasknockingwasrightoutsidethe
windowbyhisbed.Clingingtothesheerwallofthebuilding,eightstoriesup,taptaptapping
ontherainstreakedglass.
Theknockingkeptthesamebeat.Twice.Thentwiceagain.Onandonwithoutstopping.Like
thesoundofaheartbeatingwithemotion.
Thecurtainwasopen.Beforehefellasleep,hedbeenwatchingthepatternstheraindrops
formedontheglass.Kinocouldimaginewhathedseenow,ifhestuckhisheadoutsidethe
covers.Nohecouldntimagineit.Hehadtoextinguishtheabilitytoimagineanything.I
shouldntlookatit,hetoldhimself.Nomatterhowemptyitmaybe,thisisstillmyheart.
Theresstillsomehumanwarmthinit.Memories,likeseaweedwrappedaroundpilingsonthe
beach,wordlesslywaitingforhightide.Emotionsthat,ifcut,wouldbleed.Icantjustletthem
wandersomewherebeyondmyunderstanding.
Memoriescanbehelpful,Kamitahadsaid.AsuddenthoughtstruckKino:thatKamitawas
somehowconnectedwiththeoldwillowtreeinfrontofhishouse.Hedidntgrasphowthis
madesense,exactly,butoncethethoughttookholdofhimthingsfellintoplace.Kinopictured
thelimbsofthetree,coveredingreen,saggingheavilydown,nearlytotheground.Inthe
summer,theyprovidedcoolshadetotheyard.Onrainydays,golddropletsglistenedontheir
softbranches.Onwindydays,theyswayedlikearestlessheart,andtinybirdsflewover,
screechingatoneanother,alightingneatlyonthethin,supplebranchesonlytotakeoffagain.
Underthecovers,Kinocurleduplikeaworm,shuthiseyestight,andthoughtofthewillow.
Onebyone,hepictureditsqualitiesitscolorandshapeandmovements.Andheprayedfor
dawntocome.Allhecoulddowaswaitlikethis,patiently,untilitgrewlightoutandthebirds
awokeandbegantheirday.Allhecoulddowastrustinthebirds,inallthebirds,withtheir
wingsandbeaks.Untilthen,hecouldntlethisheartgoblank.Thatvoid,thevacuumcreatedby
it,woulddrawthemin.
Whenthewillowtreewasntenough,Kinothoughtoftheslimgraycat,anditsfondnessfor
grilledseaweed.HerememberedKamitaatthecounter,lostinabook,youngrunnersgoing
throughgruellingrepetitiondrillsonatrack,thelovelyBenWebstersoloonMyRomance.He
rememberedhiswifeinhernewbluedress,herhairtrimmedshort.Hehopedthatshewasliving
ahealthy,happylifeinhernewhome.Without,hehoped,anywoundsonherbody.She

apologizedrighttomyface,andIacceptedthat,hethought.Ineedtolearnnotjusttoforgetbut
toforgive.
Butthemovementoftimeseemednottobefixedproperly.Thebloodyweightofdesireandthe
rustyanchorofremorsewereblockingitsnormalflow.Thecontinuingrain,theconfusedhands
oftheclock,thebirdsstillfastasleep,afacelesspostalworkersilentlysortingthroughpostcards,
hiswifeslovelybreastsbouncingviolentlyintheair,somethingobstinatelytappingonthe
window.Asifluringhimdeeperintoasuggestivemaze,thiseverregularbeat.Tap tap,tap
tap,thenoncemoretap tap.Dontlookaway,lookrightatit,someonewhisperedinhis
ear.Thisiswhatyourheartlookslike.
Thewillowbranchesswayedintheearlysummerbreeze.Inasmalldarkroom,somewhere
insideKino,awarmhandwasreachingouttohim.Eyesshut,hefeltthathandonhis,softand
substantial.Hedforgottenthis,hadbeenapartfromitforfartoolong.Yes,Iamhurt.Very,
verydeeply.Hesaidthistohimself.Andhewept.
Allthewhiletheraindidnotletup,drenchingtheworldinacoldchill.
(Translated, from the Japanese, by Philip Gabriel.