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CAMPFIRE SKITS
THE TREES
BE PREPARED
NAPOLEON`S LAST FAREWELL
THE NUT HOUSE
THE LITTLE GREEN BALL
THE MAGIC DOCTOR`S CHAIR
THREE SCOUT LEADERS
SUBMARINE CAPTAIN
IS IT TIME YET?
RAISIN SKIT
TWO CUBS WASHING AT CAMP
SMOKE SIGNALS
THE NUTTY FISHERMAN
BEE STING
"PATIENCE, JACKASS, PATIENCE!"
CAMP COFFEE SKETCH
RUBBISH (quick sketch)
THE SLEEP WALKER
WE`RE GOING ON SAFARI
CRAZY NEWS FLASHES
THE LIGHTHOUSE

SARGE AND THE PRIVATE

THE ENLARGING MACHINE
UGLIEST MAN IN THE WORLD
THE TRAINED CATAPILLAR
THE TRAINED ELEPHANT
REPORTER LOOKING FOR A STORY
DRY CLEANERS
THE EDITOR
MAKING A BOAT
SPACEMAN
INFORMATION BUREAU
CAMPFIRE SKIT
LOST A DOLLAR
ITCHY PARK BENCH
SOUP SOX
THE GROWING MACHINE
BRICKS
AT THE DOCTORS OFFICE
DOCTOR HACKENOFF
FIRING SQAD

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THE TREES
All the cubs except one lined up in a row facing the audience, spaced at least three feet apart. the
remaining cub was the narrator. an adult "volunteer" was selected; usually this was the scoutmaster. he is
instructed to stand off to the side until he hears the word spring. that is his que to start running between
the trees for a few minutes.
The audience is first told the cubs are trees during the summer. Their branches are strong and sturdy, and
they are full of leaves providing shade to the forest animals. while the narrator is talking, the "trees" raise
their arms and mime what the narrator is saying.
Next the audience is told about a tree in the fall and how it begins to lose its leaves. the "trees" should
begin to sag their branches.
Next the audience is told about a tree in the winter time and how the wind howls through their bare limbs.
someone can supply the sound effects if you desire, and the boys should be moving like their is a large
gust of wind pushing them around.
Finally, on cue as you say the word spring, have the volunteer move quickly between the trees several
times you will finish the skit by saying "...... and also in the springtime, notice how quickly the sap runs
through the trees."
This skit can be as long or as short as you want to make it. as each season is discussed in as great as
detail as you want. The trees should be mimicking what the narrator is saying. Make sure the narrator
places emphasis on the word sap, so the audience reacts quickly to the gag.
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BE PREPARED
First scout walks to centre of stage, stands to attention, salutes and says
"BE PREPARED"
This is repeated by three other scouts. When they are all standing side by side, a loud motor horn or
explosion is let off behind the audience.
The scouts then all say `WE TOLD YOU TO BE PREPARED`
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NAPOLEON`S LAST FAREWELL

The narrator walks to the centre of the stage and says that he would now like to present for his audience,
that historical event, Napoleon`s last farewell to his troops, after his defeat at the battle of waterloo. He
builds up the atmosphere, by asking the audience to imagine these thousands of soldiers, weary from days
of fighting etc. When this has been built up enough, the narrator sticks his right hand, under the left
breast of his jacket, walks forward and says " FAREWELL TROOPS".
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THE NUT HOUSE

This may or may not appeal to American humour.
The narrator says that he is visiting a nut house, and will be interviewing the inmates.
The first person he goes up to is taking imaginary objects out of the sky.
When asked by the narrator what he is doing, he replies that he is taking the stars out of the sky for
cleaning.
The second person the narrator goes up to is pretending to be washing things in a bowl. When asked what
he is doing by the narrator, he replies that he is washing the stars.
The third person that the narrator questions is putting imaginary objects into the sky. He replies that he is
putting the stars back into the sky.
The fourth and last person is walking the index and middle fingers of his right hand repeatedly up his left
arm. The narrator asks him what he is doing and gets the reply. " I`M RUNNING AWAY, ALL THESE
OTHER GUYS ARE MAD."
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THE LITTLE GREEN BALL

First scout comes on and says `Oh no Ive lost it`
He then starts to search around on the floor.
Second scout comes in and asks what he is looking for.
First scout replies that he has lost his little green ball.
Both scouts continue searching the floor.
Several more scouts come on and are told about the lost little green ball.
even members of the audience can be persuaded to join in the search.
After enough time has been dragged out, the first scout, sticks a finger up his nose and says "Dont worry
I will have to make another one"
YUK!!!!!
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THE MAGIC DOCTOR`S CHAIR

Characters required, 1 doctor and four patients.
Props required, two chairs.
Scene begins with doctor sitting on one of the chairs.
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First patient enters twitching their left arm.
DOCTOR: `And whats wrong with you sir?`
Patient 1: `As you can see doctor I have this terrible twitch`
DOCTOR: `Just sit on my magic chair and youll get better`
The patient sits on the chair and stops twitching, but the doctors left arm starts twitching.
Patient 1: 'Oh thank you doctor. you cured me'
The patient leaves, the doctor still twitching calls for the next patient.
DOCTOR: ` Next '...... `And whats wrong with you sir?`
This patient has the hiccups. The process of sitting in the chair is repeated.
The doctor now has a twitch and the hiccups.
The third patient is called in, both his legs keep flicking in the air. The process is again repeated so that
the doctor now has a twitching arm the hiccups and both legs flicking in the air.
The doctor now calls patient four. This patient looks quite normal, enters and sits in the magic chair.
DOCTOR: `And what may I ask is wrong with you sir?`
Patient 4: `Ive got a terrible case of the trots doctor`
The doctor runs off the stage holding his stomach.
Note: TROTS is English slang for cant stop going to the toilet
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SMOKE SIGNALS
1st scout
2nd scout

"Hey george, look over there, smoke signals"

"Oh yes mike, what do they say?"

1st scout
"Help..........My.......... Blankets..........On.........Fire."
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THREE SCOUT LEADERS

The scene is that three scout leaders are sitting around the campfire swapping
yarns, after having had a little too much of the amber nectar to drink.
1st leader: These scouts today dont know theyre born. I can remember the scout hut that we had.
There was a hole in the roof, which let the water in when it were raining.
2nd leader: A roof with a hole in it, that were luxury. We had an old tarpaulin sheet slung over the
rafters. Us older lads had to hang onto it during the meetings, case it blew away in the wind.
3rd leader: Rafters, now theres a luxury. When I was a scout our hut had no roof at all, and we kept out
the rain with some old bits of sack, held up with twigs.
1st leader:
days.

We couldn`t get twigs. We had to hold the roof up with our bare hands. Those were the
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2nd leader: I remember when us lads used to go to camp. We loaded all our gear onto an old army
truck and drove to the campsite singing songs.
3rd leader: We had no time for singing. We used to pull all our gear along on an old cart with wooden
wheels. And the wheels used to get bogged down in the mud.
1st leader: A cart with wheels, now thats what I call a luxury. We just had an old cardboard box to put
all our camping gear in, and when it rained all our gear would get soaking wet, and fall into the mud, but
we were happy.
2nd leader:

Yes, those were the days.

3rd leader:

We had some nice tents though, big green six manners.

1st leader:

Six manners , luxury, our tents were so small, you had to sleep sitting up.

2nd leader: We didn`t have any tents at all in my troop. We used to curl up in a hole that we`d dug in
the ground, but we were happy.
3rd leader:

We couldn`t afford a hole in the ground, we used to sleep in a puddle.

1st leader: Yes these youngsters today don`t know they`re born, but if you told them all these things
they would never believed you.
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THE NUTTY FISHERMAN

Centre stage is a lad fishing from a billy can or bucket, he keeps pulling the rod as though he has
something on the line. A passer by looks at him as he walks by and then walks on, after a few steps the
passer by comes back to the lad.
Passer by:
Fisher:
Passer by:
Fisher:
Passer by:

"What are you doing there then?"

"I`m fishing, what does it look as though I`m doing?"
"Fishing eh!, what are you fishing for."
"I`m fishing for suckers."
"Have you caught any?"

Fisher:
"Yes you`re the third today"
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SUBMARINE CAPTAIN
A line of submarine officers on a Japanese sub during WWII .
Captain sights a ship in the periscope
CAPTAIN;
'Tanker bearing 259, Range 1 mile'
He yells this to the first mate, who in turn tells second mate, down the line until finally the torpedo
operator is told. The torpedo operator just shrugs his shoulders.
CAPTAIN:
`Load main tube # 1 and stand by to fire.'
He yells this to the first mate, who in turn tells second mate, down the line until finally the torpedo
operator is told.
TORPEDO OPERATOR:

'I don't know How.

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Next the captain gives the order to fire down the line, but the
TORPEDO OPERATOR. says "I dont know How..."
This message is returned up the line to the Captain who SCREAMS.
CAPTAIN :

"Press the red button."

When this message finally gets down to the TORPEDO OPERATOR. he follows it, but it took too long so
they miss the ship. (More message passing if you want.)
Finally after about three ships (each time the TORPEDO OPERATOR doesnt remember how to fire.)
The Captain feels disgraced and pulls out a knife and commits Sepuku (or incorrectly, Hari Keri) Each
officer in turn picks up the knife and follows the Captains example until at last the knife comes to the
Torpedo Officer
Who looks at the knife and says;
TORPEDO OPPERATOR:
`I dont Know How..."
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IS IT TIME YET?
Line of 5-8 Scouts sitting with left foot crossed over right, right arm crossed over left.
First Scout in line asks:
"IS IT TIME YET?" Second Scout asks third, etc down the line.
Last Scout says:
"NO"
Word is passed back to the first Scout, one Scout at a time.
After a lonnnnnnnng pause,
First Scout asks:
"IS IT TIME YET?"
It goes down the line as before.
Last Scout says:
"NO"
Again and the word is passed back.
Another long pause...............
First Scout asks again: "IS IT TIME YET?"
etc and,
Last Scout says:
"YES"
the answer is passed back.
Just after the first Scout gets the word, they all change to right foot over left and left arm over right.
Exit groaning
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RAISIN SKIT
1st Scout comes out:

Gets down on all fours, pretending to be a table.

2nd Scout comes out, looks at the table and declares;

2nd SCOUT:
"Ahh, a fly, I think I'll pull it's wings off"
Proceeds to pick it up, pluck the wings, put it back on the table, and walks off.
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3nd Scout comes out, looks at the fly on the table and says;
3rd SCOUT: "Oh, a fly with no wings, I think I'll pull it's legs off",
With great precision and animation, picks up the fly, removes it's legs, and puts it back and walks off.
4rd Scout comes out, looks at the fly and announces;
4th SCOUT:
"Say, a fly with no wings and no legs, I think I'll pull it's head off."
Then proceeds as the other Scout before him.
Last Scout comes out looks at the table, then carefully inspects the object with out picking it up and says
very quickly
LAST SCOUT: "A raisin !" and quickly picks it up and puts it in his mouth
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TWO CUBS WASHING AT CAMP.

CUB 1: Say Eric, your neck is filthy.
CUB 2: Yes I know it is, I didn't come to camp last year!
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BEE STING
1st scout

"OOOOOUCH , OOOOOH , OOOUCH."

2nd scout

"What`s the matter with you?"

1st scout

"A bee stung my thumb."

2nd scout

"Try putting some cream on it then."

1st scout
"But the bee will be miles away by this time."
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"PATIENCE, JACKASS, PATIENCE!"

You can ham this up a bit, but here's the jist of it.
Two scouts enter (one on all fours if conditions allow) and move across stage as the skit procedes. One is
the mule and the other is the driver. A narrator stands just offstage.
Narrator:
day. . ."

"In the heat of the Mojave Desert, the mule driver pushes his beast toward town. The first

Mule:

"Water, master, water!"

Driver: "Patience, Jackass, Patience!"

Narrator:

"Still they drive on relentlessly. The second day. . ."

Mule:

"Water, master, water!"

Driver: "Patience, Jackass, Patience!"

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Narrator:

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"Without mercy, they push to their goal. The third day. . ."

Mule:

"Water, master, water!"

Driver: "Patience, Jackass, Patience!"

Narrator:

"Still far from town, they go on. The fifth day. . ."

Voice offstage: "What happened to the fourth day?"

Driver: "Patience, Jackass, Patience!"
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CAMP COFFEE SKETCH

You need a large dixie or billy in the centre of the stage and four scouts.
1st scout

(Walks to billy carrying his mug. He dips his mug in and brings it up to his lips for a drink.
" THIS CAMP COFFEE IS GETTING WORSE! "

2nd scout

(Walks to billy carrying his mug. He dips his mug in and brings it up to his lips for a drink.
" THIS CAMP TEA IS GETTING WORSE! "

3rd scout

(Walks to billy carrying his mug. He dips his mug in and brings it up to his lips for a drink.

" THIS CAMP CHOCOLATE IS GETTING WORSE! "

4th scout
(Walks to billy, dips his hands in and takes out a pair of wet socks. As he wrings them out
he says)
"I THOUGHT THAT WOULD GET THEM CLEAN!"
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RUBBISH (quick sketch)

1st scout
(Walks to centre of stage and starts talking in a loud voice)
"Empty corn flakes packet, banana skin, old tin can, bottle top, sweet wrappers, broken bottle, mouldy
cheese, milk carton."
2nd scout

"Oi what do you think you`re doing?"

1st scout
"I`m talking a load of old rubbish."
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THE SLEEP WALKER

You will need three scouts or male scout leaders and one girl scout or lady leader. You can do this with
adults or youngsters, but do not mix adults and youngsters.
The scene is that three boys are chatting in a group when from the side of the stage, a young lady walks
on, hands in front of her, sleep walking.
She walks up to the first boy, takes off his tie and walks off taking his his tie with her.
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1st boy
2nd boy
up."

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" Hey she`s pinched my tie." (another word for Pinched is stole or took)
" It`s dangerous to wake sleep walkers, don`t worry she`ll bring it back

when she wakes

The girl walks back and takes the second boys jacket, she walks off carrying it with her.
2nd boy "Hey she`s pinched my jacket."
3rd boy
up."

"It`s dangerous to wake sleep walkers, don`t worry she`ll bring it back, when she wakes

The girl walks back still sleep walking, grabs the 3rd boy by the arm and walks off with him.
3rd boy "It`s dangerous to wake sleep walkers, but don`t worry she`ll bring me back when she wakes
up."
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WE`RE GOING ON SAFARI

This is an action chant, which can be performed by as many scouts as you wish.
It can be made into something really good, by dressing up in safari gear and carrying rifles.
1st scout:
ALL:
1st scout:
ALL:
1st scout:
ALL:
1st scout:
ALL:

We`re going on safari.

We`re going on safari.
We`re gonna catch a big one.
We`re gonna catch a big one.
Ooh look a snake.
Ooh look a snake.
Hiss, hiss.
Hiss, hiss.

2nd
ALL:
2nd scout:
ALL:
2nd scout :
ALL:
2nd scout:
ALL:
1st scout:
ALL:

scout: We`re going on safari.

We`re going on safari.
We`re gonna catch a big one.
We`re gonna catch a big one.
Ooh look a crocodile.
Ooh look a crocodile.
Snap, snap.
Snap, snap.
Hiss, hiss.
Hiss, hiss.

3rd scout:
ALL:
3rd scout:
ALL:
3rd scout:
ALL:
2nd scout:
ALL:
1st scout:
ALL:

We`re going on safari.

We`re going on safari.
We`re gonna catch a big one.
We`re gonna catch a big one.
Ooh look a panther.
Ooh look a panther.
Snap, snap.
Snap, snap.
Hiss, hiss.
Hiss, hiss.

AND SO ON.
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To finish you can have someone dressed in a gorilla suit. The last scout starts to sing ooh look a gorilla,
then all the others see the gorilla as he comes on stage and chases them all off screaming.
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CRAZY NEWS FLASHES

Today, Lady Blenkinsop Smythe, laid a foundation stone.
Both are said to be doing well.
A lorry load of artificial hair has just overturned on the motorway.
The police are combing the countryside.
This afternoon, two girl scouts, went for a tramp in the woods.
The tramp got away.
A hundred dollar bill has just been found on the campsite.
Will the owner, please form an orderly que outside the mess tent to claim it.
Doctors have just discovered, that people with hairs starting to grow on the palms of their hands are going
mad.
PAUSE.
They also tell us that people looking for hairs on the palms of their hands are already mad.
Today thieves broke into the local police station and stole fifty pairs of trousers.
The police are looking, pretty silly.
Yesterday a chicken swallowed a YoYo.
It laid the same egg seventy five times.
Here is a late railway annoncement.
The train now arriving at platforms 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10 is coming in sideways.
Will the man who has just left the train standing on platform 5.
Please come and collect it as we have enough of our own.
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THE LIGHTHOUSE.
Cast: 1 narrator, 3-6 Scouts for the lighthouse walls, 3-6 leaders, counselors, kitchen staff, etc., number
to equal the Scouts and will be 'recruited' during the skit
1 flashlight, or 2 if using 5-6 Scouts
Scouts stand in a circle, facing out, feet spread 2' - 3' apart but touching feet of Scouts on each side. The
flashlight is held at eye level and is passed around the circle. Scouts stand tall and hold the beacon's
beam steady.
Narrator:
"Many years ago the people of a seaside village built a lighthouse to warn approaching ships
of a dangerous reef near their harbor. It's beacon could be seen for miles, even in fog and storms. For
many decades, the lighthouse stood firm and a safe passage to all who sailed by the village.
But as the years went by, the villagers grew old and so did the lighthouse. The villagers could no longer
make repairs, the ocean's waves wore away the foundation, the lighthouse started to sag and failed at its
duty."
The Scouts now stoop, heads lean to the side and bend their knees slightly; the light 'travels' a zig-zag
path around.
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Narrator:
"When the schooners and square riggers started to go aground on the reefs, the old villagers
knew they had to call in experienced people to help with their problem. People who were pillars in their
own communities and who were solid as a rock."
Recruit your favorite 'I'm gonna get you now' people and instruct them to go down on their hands an
knees and into the walls. Leaders are facing in with their derrieres out, and are straddled by the Scouts
who again stand tall and
give a steady light.
Narrator:
"Now with these new rocks placed into the foundation, the lighthouse once again shines a
bright beacon and stands firm in the stormy surf to withstand the pounding of the waves."
Scouts drop the flashlight and then hand paddle the leaders.
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SARGE AND THE PRIVATE

Sarge and private walking.
Private:

"I want to rest!"

Sarge: "No! we have to finish this hike keep going!"

Private:
"But my feet hurt" etc. (Whining.)
Here you can be creative, add a few more excuses...
Sarge: "Absolutely NOT!!!"
Private:

"Ill cry..."

Sarge: "Go ahead!"

Private:
"WaaaaaaHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!"
Here Sarge gives in and they rest. Next the private wants to stop and ' take a wee' (you can always use
the "Weeee!" when the Sarge finally gives in after the same Rigamarole. and next a drink, and finally
food. But this is only a day hike so there is no food. After more tears, the sarge finds a worm and the
private will only eat it (on the threat of more tears) if the sarge eats half.
Of course when he finally does, the private starts bawling again and screams
Private:
"You ate my half."
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THE ENLARGING MACHINE

Two scouts hold up a blanket with a person behind with a large log, large rock, and many gallons of
water. The crowd is never to see the setup of the person behind. The leader says he has invented an
enlarging machine and wants people to come up and try it out. The 1st volunteer is told to throw over the
blanket a small twig (out comes the log -- wow amazing).
A 2nd vol. as told to throw over a small pebble (out comes the large rock --wow again [but be careful
where you throw.] ) A 3rd vol (previously setup) is asked to spit over the top of the blanket (the blanket
falls and the vol. is drenched). Variation -- drench the leader. Just don't get anyone wet without asking
first.
We have a twist to the enlarging skit......The dude showing the machine to the scouts can be the Trading
Post Dir. And at the end insted of ending on water we would take a small scout and throw him in. And
large staff member "me" would come running out and chase the person that tossed me in.
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UGLIEST MAN IN THE WORLD.

Three guys are talking and the leader says "Look there is the UGLIEST man in the world.
He is so ugly he keeps his face covered." [ All look and point at a boy or man with a bag over his head].
1st guy says "I don't believe he is the ugliest man in the world."
Then he goes over and looks under the bag and promptly dies (screaming helps).
2nd guy also looks and dies or faints.
Leader says "I didn't think he was ugly enough to kill my friends.
I'd better check into this." So he looks and the "ugly man" promptly dies screaming.
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THE TRAINED CATAPILLAR

Need 4 or 5 scouts bend over at the waist and hold on to the one in front.
All are covered with a green blanket. Leader says "Hey everyone, this is my trained caterpillar, Hermy.
Hermy can do tricks. Want to see some?"
"Hermy raise your right legs." (hermy does and all clap)
Next do left leg up, all hop, etc....
Finally the leader says "For Hermy's best trick we need a volunteer." So Vol. goes out and is told to lay
down and Hermy, with all of his legs will step over her and never never step on her at even once. So she
lays down and the caterpillar steps over her very carefully, but the last scout dumps a bucket of water on
her and the leader Says " I 'm sooo sorry but Hermy isn't potty trained."
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THE TRAINED ELEPHANT

The elephant trainer goes through a similar routine with an elephant named "Nuts" (2 people under a
gray blanket) but the animal's name is part of the command, as in "Sit, Nuts", "Stand, Nuts", etc. After
the elephant has obeyed 3 or 4 commands, the trainer declares that his elephant can walk over people
without hurting them. He then gets
one volunteer to lay in the path of the elephant and he says, "Walk, Nuts." Since the volunteer is
undamaged, the trainer gets another and has them lay side-by-side so the elephant can walk over both of
them. Increase the number of people as often as you like. Eventually, the (pre-chosen) victim is in the
line of people on the floor. Then
another actor wanders through the audience with a tray of small, brown paper bags and (loudly) calls
"PEA...NUTS", whereupon the back end of the elephant lifts one leg and dumps enough water to be
obvious onto
the victim. Please remember: NUTS, the name of the elephant, MUST be included as the last part of
each command. I have seen this messed up so badly that the audience was totally lost at the end, but it's
hilarious when done correctly.
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REPORTER LOOKING FOR A STORY

A long bench or the edge of a (low) stage is a bridge. One person is standing on it, swaying and saying
"Ready... Set..." The second person comes up to him and asks what he's doing...
1st: I'm really depressed because I just lost my job, so I'm going to jump and end it all.
2nd: Wait, I'll join you. My wife just left me and I don't want to live without her.
Together, they say "Ready... Set..."

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Page 12 of 18
3rd person comes up, asks what's going on, and gets the same responses from the first 2 people. He also
says "Wait, I'll join you. My house burned down and I don't have anyplace to live."
Now all 3 begin "Ready... Set..."
This goes on as long as you can think of reasons to jump. The last person to join them says "I'm a
reporter and I have to find a story by 5:00 or I'll be fired. It's almost 5 now, and the whole city is so
quiet that I'll never make it."
He joins the line of people and they all chant "Ready... Set... JUMP!"
Everyone jumps off the bridge, except the reporter, who walks away writing on his notepad, saying
"What a story: (insert number of people) jump off the (insert local name) Bridge!"

DRY CLEANERS
CHARACTERS:

A person who owns the dry cleaners, 4 to 5 customers, and a last customer.

SCENE:
In a dry cleaners shop.
The first customer comes into the dry cleaners and asks for his piece of clothing to be washed and dry
cleaned (all customers have a similar piece of clothing such as a jumper).
The dry cleaner takes the clothing and says come back at two o'clock. The customer then leaves.
This happens to all of the customers.
When the first customer comes back he asks for his piece of clothing. The dry cleaner gives him the
wrong piece.
The customer says, This isn't mine".
The dry cleaner then replies, "Same size, same shape and the colour doesn't matter." The dry cleaner then
asks for his ten dollars. The customer gives it to him.
This happens to all the customers except the last one.
The last customer comes and asks for his clothing.
The dry cleaner gives him the wrong piece. The customer says "This isn't mine." The dry cleaner says,
"Same size, same shape and the colour doesnt matter." ,
The dry cleaner then asks for his ten dollars. But the customer only gives him five dollars. The dry
cleaner says, "This isn't enough," and the customer says, "Same size, same shape and the colour doesnt
matter!!

THE EDITOR
Narrator:

"An editor's office with a desk and an editor sitting at it writing. Suddenly a reporter
rushes in."

Reporter 1:
Editor:
Reporter 1
Editor:
Reporter 1
Editor:
Reporter 1
Reporter 2:
Editor:

"I've got news, sir." (breathless).

"Good, what is it?"
"A bus crashed in High Street, two people hurt."
"When did it happen?"
"Yesterday. "
(Shouting) "What? 1 want news, not history. Go and get me some news.
rushes out and Reporter 2 runs in a short while after.
"I've got news, I've got news." (Breathless).
"Good, what is it?"
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Reporter 2: "A plane crashed at Tullamarine, 3 people killed 17 admitted to hospital."
Editor:
"When did it happen?"
Reporter 2: "Two hours ago."
Editor: (Shouting) "What? 1 want news not history. Now go and get me news."
Reporter 3:

The same thing happens again but the time goes down to about half an hour.

Then a fourth reporter enters.

Reporter 4: "News, I've got news."
Editor:
Reporter 4:
Editor:
Reporter 4:

"What is it?"
"Editor shot in his office."
"when?"
"just now." He then draws a gun and shoots the Editor.

MARKING THE BOAT

The scene is a rowing boat with the fishermen not having much success.
They move on to another part of the lake and immediately they pull in lots of fish.
The first man says, "We must come here again tomorrow."
The second man says, "Yes, let's mark the spot", and he marks a big cross on the side of the boat.
The fisherman land and on leaving the boat the first man explains, "We are stupid marking the boat like
that, we might not get the same boat tomorrow."

THE SPACEMAN
Enter a weirdly dressed scout who is supposed to be from a Space Ship, an alien ...
To the audience at large, "Take me to your Leader."
He is directed to the Campfire Leader and says, "I have a message from the people on my planet for you
Earthmen."
Campfire Leader (feigning fright), "Yes."
Space Man says, "Stop singing 'Ging Gang Gooli', it's our National Anthem.

INFORMATION BUREAU
This is a classic and depends entirely on the ability of the Information Clerk. The scene is an Information
Office at a Railway Station.
The clerk lies sleeping at a desk.
A man comes in. "Can you tell me the time of the train to Little Munching? (or some similar name,
which will immediately raise a laugh).
The clerk looks blank and has obviously never heard of the place. He reaches under the desk, gets out an
enormous book and looks it up.
He mutters "Sub Section D" and gets a further bigger book, looks it up and says "Paragraph 4". He then
gets another huge book and finally says "2.15" (comedy can be played into this scene).
The man goes out and the clerk puts the books away.
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He resumes his sleep.
A second man comes in. "Can you tell me the fare to Little Munching?" The clerk almost collapses and
has to go through the routine again.
He finally says "$3.50". The second man goes out and the clerk puts the books away.
A third man comes in. "Can you tell me the platform for Little Munching?"
By this time the clerk is really upset, brings the books up with a bang and snaps out in the end "Platform 1
4".
As the third man goes out, a fourth comes rushing in and stands in front of the desk, hopping from one
foot to another. Before the man can speak, the clerk bursts out, "the time is 2.15, the platform is 14 and
the fare is $3.50. What more could you want?"
The fourth man stutters, "Er ... where's the toilet?"

CAMP FIRE SKIT

First cub walks on and says, 'Ladies and gentlemen'.
The rest of the Six rushes across; the first cub says, 'Wait! Stop" but the Six just rush across the other
way,
First cub apologises to the audience. Repeat this two or three times. Last time, The Six all Stop and line
up. First cub asks: 'Just who do you think you are, to come bursting in like that'?'
To the tune of We're Happy Little Vegemites the Six sings: We're happy little cubs, we're right
Into the thick of things. You'll find us every meeting night, Showing off our grins.
Akela says that every week We get some more prepared. To help the people who we love 'Cos we are
proud to be a cub, And show the world what Scouting brings.

Lost a Dollar
One Cub stands in centre of "stage" pretending that he is looking for something, under the light of a lamp
post, or campfire.
A second Cub comes and asks what he is looking for.
The first Cub explains that he has lost a dollar note.
Second boy helps him look for it.
A third Cub comes in and asks what are they looking for...
The explanation is given again, and so on until the last lad in the six comes in. He asks, "What are you all
looking for?" All of the Cubs say that they are looking for a dollar that "Tommy" has lost. Last Cub asks
"Tommy" "Where did you lose it?" and "Tommy" replies "Over there." (Which is out of the light of the
lamp post - or campfire.) Last Cub to come in says "Then why are you looking for it here?" Tommy
replies "Because it's too dark over there to see!" All other Cubs raise their hands, grumbling as they walk
off.

ITCHY PARK BENCH

You will need a bench with a "Tramp" lying down with a newspaper over his head pretending that he is
asleep.
A man comes along and sits near "Tramps" feet so that "Tramp" has to bend legs a little to fit man on.
Next comes along a husband and wife, who also sit on bench. First man pushes up so that "Tramp" has to
pull his legs up to his chin. Then along comes a little boy, bouncing a ball or something, who also wants
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to share bench, this time "Tramp" has to sit up to make room. Along comes another person (making six in
all on bench) so everybody has to cramp up. The "Tramp" starts reading his paper, then starts to scratch,
the scratching gets worse and worse until he starts writhing with his scratching, really getting stuck into it.
The first man to sit on bench starts to scratch also, and in the end gets up, gives the "Tramp" a filthy look
and walks off. The husband and wife spread out a little, so all have a little more room, then they start to
scratch (the "Tramp" is scratching the whole time) and scratch and scratch until in the end they get up and
walk off, muttering to themselves and looking back at the "Tramp". The "Tramp" spreads his legs back
on the bench a bit, but really gets stuck into the scratching. The little boy starts to scratch, until he also
gets up making faces at the "Tramp", this also happens to the last person, until the "Tramp" lays right out
on the bench again and places his paper back over his face, and comments (quite loudly so all can hear)
"That scratching bit always gets me my bench to myself."

SOUP SOCKS
A big boiler is sitting on a pretend campfire, with a Cub stirring with a big spoon. He is making
comments like "Looking good, coming along nicely". He walks away, and another Cub comes up to the
boiler, stirs once or twice then takes a taste from the boiler with the spoon, "Gee, that stew is going to be
great" he says and walks off. A third Cub comes to the boiler and does the same actions, but says "Gee,
that is going to be really great soup when it's ready", and walks off. Fourth Cub comes in does the same
actions but says "Wow,when this is ready it's going to be a really tasty pie filling" and of course walks off.
Fifth and sixth Cubs walk in together, go to pot and say "Boy, that stinks, I hope we don't have to eat it."
First Cub comes back to boiler as all the other Cubs come back near him, he puts the spoon into the
boiler, drags out a pair of socks and says: "Well, they should be clean by now!" Other Cubs that have said
"nice" comments faint, while the fifth and sixth Cubs give a big

THE GROWING MACHINE

You will need a screen, or perhaps two leaders holding up a travelling rug.
One Cub stays behind the screen, with a beach ball, a draught stopper, and a plastic bucket with ripped
paper in it.
A Cub walks up to the audience and says 111 have just invented this growing machine, now I need some
people to try it out."
Along comes another Cub and the first Cub tells him all about his growing machine. Second Cub asks if
he can see if it really works. "Sure, try it" says the Inventor, "here is a tennis ball." No. 2 Cub throws the
tennis ball over the top of the rug, and the Cub who is behind the rug throws back a beach ball.
"Wow! It really does work." say Cub No. 2.
Another Cub comes along and the second CUb tells him that this gentleman has invented a growing
machine and it really does work. (First Cub - the Inventor - stands with chest out and looking really proud
of himself). The second Cub asks Cub No. 3 if he would like to have a try. Cub No. 3 has a worm in his
pocket and asks "If 1 throw this worm over will it grow?" The Inventor says to give it a go, so over comes
the worm and back comes a big worm (the draught stopper). Next along comes a little girl (Cub No. 4)
with a doll, dressed as a baby. The baby doll goes over and
the boybehind the screen (rug) jumps over and runs back behind the screen. The last person to come in
has a glass of water, (just.a little Akela). He throws it over the screen, the screen is lowered and the lad
behind runs forward with the bucket of ripped paper and throws it over the audience.

BRICKS
Scene: A girl and guy out strolling - both a bit on the sleazy side of life.
The girl and her boyfriend were passing a Jewelry store and she said "Oh honey, if I had that diamond
brooch in the window I'd be the happiest girl in the world". So he reached into his pocket, took out a
brick, threw it through the window, took the brooch and gave it to her. Continuing their walk, they came
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upon a furrier's with a mink coat in the window and she said "Oh honey, if I had that mink coat I would be
the happiest girl in the world".
Again he reached into his pocket and took out another brick, threw it through the window, took the coat,
put it round her and they walked on. Finally they came to a Rolls-Royce dealer with a Silver Cloud Rolls
in the window and she said "Oh honey, with the brooch, the coat and that car 1 would be the happiest girl
in the world!"
And he said "Hey, do you think I'm made of bricks?"

AT THE DOCTORS OFFICE

Scene: A doctor has just finished examining a patient. As he buttons up his shirt, the doctor speaks.
DOCTOR: 1 cant find anything organically wrong with you; however, many illnesses come from
worry. You probably have some business or social problem that you should talk over with a good
psychiatrist. A case similar to yours came to me only a few weeks ago. The man had a $5000 bill due
and couldnt pay it. Because of his money problems he had worried himself into a state of nervous
exhaustion.
PATIENT.
And did you cure him?
DOCTOR: Yes, I just told him to stop worrying; that life was too short to make himself sick over a
scrap of paper. Now he's back to normal. He has stopped worrying entirely.
PATIENT.
Yes, I know, I'm the one he owes the $5000 to.

Dr HACKEMOFF & Dr STITCHANSEW

Two doctors walk into surgury already prepared for an operation
Dr H well Dr S are you ready for your first patient at our new medical centre.
Dr S

Sure Dr H - I hear we have to fix up a Cubscout

Dr H Yeh these cubscout leaders sure are rough on the cubs these days
Dr S

Apparently he is all mixed up inside and Aint working like he should

Dr H Well we had better get it over with then

BRING IN THE VICTIM I MEAN PATIENT
Dr H Well Dr S - he sure looks bad
You had better knock him out for this operation
BANG

(hit hammer on table)

Dr H

Wow is that your new anasetic

Ds S

Yep and it works real well too

You can go ahead now DOC

(he lifts up a floppy arm a lets it go)

Dr H SCALPEL Good Nice and sharp

Will you hold him open for me doctor
Dr S

I can see the problem already.

His bowel is all knotted up.

(extract a knotted hose or rope)

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Dr H So thats what happens when Akela tells them to get Knotted
Dr S

What do we do with this um scout knot

Dr H Lets just cut it out he wont miss a little bit of his bowel
Dr S

Hey - now I can see a real problem

His mecha---Mecha ahh gears are broken

(cut with very large snips)

(extract a small broken COG)

Dr H Any wonder he wont work

Well I happen to have a spare one that will fix his problem ans maybe GEAR HIMM UP A
LITTLE
(hold up large COG)
Dr S

Now that we have fixed his BOWEL and GEARING problem his ARM aint workin

DR H Well lets HACK it off

Dr S

(hold up saw)

But hell be an ARMLESS CUBCSOUT

(hold up fake arm)

Dr H Well maybe you had better STITCH it back on

Dr S STITCHES
This needle really is blunt
(holding a very large needle and thread)
What will we do what is that - NO you idiot thats GLUE
We cant glue his on
Then lets use some masking tape to hold him together and hide it with a bandage
TAPE
BANDAGE
Dr H Just look at that PERFECT IT ACTUALLY WORKS
Dr S

But we still have a problem here something is leaking

Dr H Oh of course you forgot to turn off the waterworks

(hold up hose with tap)

Dr S

Can I sew him up again NOW

Dr H

OK but do neat job he is still cub uniform

Dr S

SCALPEL OOPS I mean STITCHES

Oh damm this needle really blunt--------give me the TAPE

Dr H AH HAH ----- now I know why they named you stitch and sow
Nurse enters
Ds S

OH HELLO NURSE
Where have you been

NURSE

Just looking for a cubscout who could not work because he had a HEADACHE
Have you seen him

FIRING SQUAD
Characters : Officer, 4 Soldiers, 3 Prisoners
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The prisoners are escorted on the stage by the officer and his soldiers.
Officer

: "Halt!"
: "Prisoners forward"
: "Firing Squad fall in"

The soldiers line up in preparation for a firing squad.

Officer

: "Prisoner Number 1"

The officer prepares prisoner #1 for the execution.

Officer : "READY, AIM, "
Prisoner #1

: Yells "Earthquake!" and runs away

The officer and Soldiers look around for signs of an earthquake.

Officer : "Oh no! We have let him escape! Oh well, Next one."
: "Prisoner number 2"
The officer prepares prisoner # 2 for the execution.
Officer : "READY, AIM, "
Prisoner #2

: Yells "Hurricane!" and runs away

The officer and Soldiers look around for signs of the hurricane.
Officer : "Oh no! Not again! We must do better next time."
: "Prisoner number 3"
The officer prepares prisoner # 3 for the execution.
Officer : "READY, AIM, "
Prisoner #3

: Yells "Fire!"

The soldiers fire and prisoner #3 falls down dead.

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