BOLD

212 Charisma and Small Talk Tips to

Engage, Charm and Leave a Lasting Impression

Copyright 2015 by Tycho Press, Berkeley, California

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Illustrations Eli Stein
ISBN: Print 978-1-62315-635-0 | eBook 978-1-62315-636-7

Contents
PART ONE

FROM HERMIT
TO SOCIABLE
PART TWO

FROM SOCIABLE
TO POPULAR
PART THREE

FROM POPULAR
TO SOCIALITE
PART FOUR

CHARISMA
ATTAINED

Introduction
Being charismatic has forever been the holy grail of personality skills. The ability to charm and delight
others, to playfully switch between the serious and the trivial, to make others feel important, interesting,
indispensable; the talent of shining a light on someone and letting them immerse in its warmth, the genius
of transcending cultural, language, age and other barriers and becoming instantly relevant and absorbing,
as well as a myriad other skillsall these combined are what charismatic people do.
You will be told by other authors and all sorts of image and PR gurus, who are as transient as a fabric
trend in a fashion season, that you can feign charisma. That, if only you mimicked that person, or acquired
that habit, or said that thing (and so on to exhaustion), you will immediately start enjoying the same
responses and social success of famous people, keynote speakers, gifted leaders. The truth is otherwise,
however.
Charisma is a gift, the same way writing music like Mozart is a gift. Anyone can learn to play an
instrument, even become extremely skilled and eventually a virtuoso. But composing like Mozart did, no
amount of schooling can get you there. Similarly, you can take all the classes, read all the books, and
watch all the videotapes on how to develop a charismatic personality and become an expert
conversationalist. You can devour the entire pickup artist literature and attend leadership seminars.
Even if you devote all your free time to becoming a charismatic person, the divide between an extremely
skilled person (the piano virtuoso) and the charismatic person (Mozart) will always be there.
There is, however, one way to game the system. Although charisma requires much more than any single
book can directly teach you, it is also not an entirely genetic trait. Schooling, manners, etiquette and,
most of all, practice will build your demeanor, improve your conversation techniques, expand your circle
of friends and acquaintances, increase your invitations to events, introduce you to new people and social
settings. And, who knows, you might have actually had a charismatic person hidden inside you all along
who never had the chance to come out.
This is the purpose of this book, then: I will tell you (and show you) all the things you need to be aware of
in your interactions. Some advice will come in the form of explicit tips, or warnings. Some of it will
come humorously through the use of cartoons and jokes. More yet will be in the form of quotes from
famous people embodying the spirit that makes up a charismatic personality. By working on the level of
the conscious teaching, of the subconscious witticism, the visual as well as the textual, the obvious and
the subtle, this book will turn you into a social genius, a master of the conversation and an expert in
attracting other peoples praise.

From
Hermit to
Sociable

PART ONE

In case your social life has taken a hit since high school, either because of studies or work, its

time to rekindle your interest in other people and their life stories. Its also important to develop
the basic skills necessary to navigate a work lunch, an invitation to a casual dinner, or the opening
night of a friends exhibition. This first part will walk you through lifes least demanding social
happenings and provide you with essential etiquette rules for making a proper (and pleasantly
memorable, but not intimidating) appearance.

Manners are the ability to put someone at their ease

by turning any answer into another question.
TINA BROWN

Use peoples names.

People nowadays have no reservations about standing right next to someone and referring to them with a
pronoun, (him, her, he, or she). Nothing can be more off-putting, never mind rude. Make a point
of saying peoples names when you are speaking about them in their company; they will appreciate it, and
so will others who are present. Also, refrain from reducing them to the role they play in your life.
Designators such as my wife or my boss may get a pass the first time you mention them, just to make
everyone aware of the relationship. After that, use their names.

Look your conversation partner in the eyes.

Address partners, spouses, assistants, friends.

When you are interested in charming someone, make sure you also acknowledge their partners, their
spouses, their friends, their assistants, etc. Focusing just on the person youre interested in might flatter
them, but will most likely annoy and frustrate everyone else. Thats where flattery can backfire. Give
everyone your equal and undivided attention.

Use empathizers.
Every now and then, try to sprinkle conversation with empathizers such as, I see what you mean, I
completely agree with you, or Thats a lovely thing to say. Even if you proceed to take a different
viewpoint, having commending others for the way they think, and the way theyre expressing themselves,
is a heartwarming gesture. Make sure you dont overdo it, lest you get labeled a blatant flatterer. But a
short expression of empathy with the other person will make your consent all the more believable, and
your differences (if there are any) much more agreeable.

Dont look at your cell phone during any

interaction.

Stand tallyes, physically.

Advisors and image makers always have a lot to say about posture and presence. Thats because visual
impact is immediate and long-lasting. Our bodies are canvases on which emotions, temperaments,
experiences, and attitudes become physically manifest. Whether consciously or deliberately, we use body
language and posture to send messages. Standing tall is a metaphor that communicates elegance, sincerity,
dependability, confidence, and composure. It should be one of the most self-evident parts of your public
image. Always be aware of your posture and carry yourselfmetaphorically and physicallywith grace
and self-assurance. The effect on others will be immediately apparent.

Always hold the door open for other people.

Give your undivided attention, body language included.

When you are addressing someone, or someone is addressing you, make sure to signal that you are
completely engaged. That means maintaining eye contact (even when there are distractions), nodding in
agreement, remaining emotionally responsive, facing the person you are speaking with, and presenting a
general appearance of openness. All those elements will signal that you are physically present and, more
importantly, that you are mentally and emotionally receptive. Being this way will also encourage your
partner to offer more.

Keep hand gestures away from your face.

Gesturing is an art, and it doesnt translate easily across cultures. Some people tend to be more physically
expressive than others. They use gestures for even the most pedestrian of conversations. Like the volume
of your voice, loud gestures irritate, and even intimidate, physically subtle people. This is especially
true of gestures around your face. When your hands touch your face, it can signal that youre nervous or
lying (as when you place them in front of your mouth or brush the tip of your eyebrow), frustrated (as
when you clasp your head), or vexed (pinching your nostrils). Remember the famous sculpture by Rodin,
The Thinker? The Thinkers chin rests on his fistindicative of contemplation, solitude, and
introspection. In social settings, avoid even this calm gesture. Signal to your companions that you are
engaged in a straightforward manner.

You have to learn the rules of the game. And then

you have to play better than anyone else.
ALBERT EINSTEIN

Dont yawn when someone is talking.

Dress for the occasion.

No detail goes unnoticed. For better or worse, that extends to your clothes. Knowing what to wear doesnt
mean overdressing. Dressing up can be just as off-putting as dressing downalthough its admittedly
safer. But going with the safer choice isnt the same as going with the right choice; it still suggests you
dont know how to dress. Wearing the right clothes for an occasion shows that you understand the nature
of the event. If youre not sure what to wear, spend a little time researching the occasion youll be
attending. It shows respect for your host, potential employer, future business partner, or future life partner.
It indicates that you are a versatile, tasteful, and thoughtful guest.

Match the occasion to the dress code

1 Dinner party at someones home

A Pin-striped suit

2 Job interview

B Tuxedo

3 Romantic date

C Casual suit

4 Meeting with a realtor

D Tracksuit

5 Wedding party at the Plaza Hotel

E Blazer and jeans

6 Hiking

F Casual shirt and khakis

Correct answer: 1-E, 2-A, 3-C, 4-F, 5-B, 6-D

No act of kindness, however small, is ever lost.

AESOP

Respect the private areas in your hosts

home.

Do at least one good deed a day.

Doing good makes us feel good about ourselves. Your good deed can be extremely small, and it doesnt
have to be public. (In fact, a private gesture is better.) You may not be able to change the world, but you
can change one persons life, even if just for an instant. Any good deed, regardless of scale, matters.
Youll feel good about yourself, and that will magnify your self-confidence.

Dont get drunk at social events.

Ask questions that show youre interested.

Showing interest in what another person has to say makes them feel compelling, and important. The best
way to demonstrate that interest is to ask for more. Asking your conversation partners questions about
what they have said sends a message that you are not just a passive listener; you are an engaged and
attentive person who is interested in their story, idea, or plan. Asking questions that are relevant and
specific is central to having a great conversation. But make sure your questions move the conversation
forward, rather than express doubt or interrogate. Displaying suspicion and skepticism is alienating and
divisive; being genuinely curious is a sign of charisma.

People dont care how much you know until they

know how much you care.
JOHN MAXWELL

Be courteous, even if it seems oldfashioned.

Focus first on the delivery, then the words.

If delivery was irrelevant, then anyone could be a great actor. This is not to say that you must act
everything that comes out of your mouth. But the tone of your voice, your body posture, the look in your
eyes, and your general demeanor should be fine-tuned to match the mood and content of your words. An
impassioned speech can be much more impactful than a bland and wooden delivery, even if the words are
identical. Delivery doesnt make your point different, but it will make sure that your point is more
effective and clear. Of course, what you say matters. Good content, coupled with great delivery, is an
unbeatable combination. Dont stumble, dont question yourself at the moment you speakcome across as
confident and give the impression that you own your opinion.

Anyone who ever gave you confidence, you owe

them a lot.
TRUMAN CAPOTE

Dont leave a mess in your hosts

bathroom.

Have a variety of positive reactions, not the same generic

smile for everyone.
If you gave every person you knew flowers on Valentines Day, it would raise an eyebrow, to say the
least. Some gestures are meant to make others feel special. When theyre offered indiscriminately, they
lose their meaning and, ultimately, their value. In the same way, when addressing others, be sure to vary
your approach, your expressions, your reactions, your words. Dont do so in an overdramatic fashion;
people might think youre deranged or just awkward. Introduce subtle differences, individualized treats
that will make others feel special.

Be mindful of your jokes.

Being funny is a great icebreaker. Everyone lists humor as a personality trait they look for in a leader,
friend, partner, or social acquaintance. But jokes have a way of telling the truth, even when we dont
intend them to. Its important, when you are telling jokesespecially in the company of people you dont
know wellto observe cultural boundaries. Be wary of offending, expressing negative thoughts and
opinions, and crossing the line into the unsavory. Excusing yourself with the justification that it was just
a joke wont cut it. (If you say that, you have certainly committed a faux pas.) People are not always as
oblivious as wed like them to be; they can read between the lines more acutely than we sometimes think.

Remember

If your hosts are older than you

If your hosts are professionally senior to you

If your hosts are old-fashioned

If your hosts are Mormon

If your hosts dont like foul language

If there are children around

If you are eager to make a good impression

DONT SWEAR

Try to avoid un-PC topics and jokes.

Remember the little details.

Bits of information that people give you may seem trivial, but they carry a great deal of significance for
them. Names, places, education, career moves, their hometown, the nieces birthday party they attended
last week, their favorite book, a movie they recently watched that made a lasting impressionall these
seem like unimportant details, but they make up a huge part of peoples lives. When you show that you
remember them, it communicates that you pay attention and really care. Thats especially true if the other
person is not so good at remembering these small details; they are bound to be impressed by your ability
to retain information and ask about it in subsequent conversations.

Do your homework.
If the event youre attendingregardless of how big or small, whether professional or socialhas a
dominant theme, do some research on the subject beforehand. Before going to a movie party, read about
the film. It pays to be well-informed about the topic people will be talking about. You will fit in more
naturally, youll have more to say, your company will be more coveted, and you will be less bored
yourself.

Always RSVP, even if it is to decline an

invitation.

Dont show up at a party (dinner or

otherwise) empty-handed.

Dont discuss unpleasant topics over dinner; its the time to

break bread.
There is an old saying: If silence falls over the dinner table, either the food is good or the company is bad.
The dinner table is not the place to discuss controversial or unpleasant topics. The dinner table is a place,
literally and metaphorically, to break bread, enjoy each others company, discuss safe topics, and make
pleasant conversation. Anyone who brings up delicate issues or, even worse, encourages confrontation is
likely to upset othersboth their moods and their stomachs.

Dont leave the television on when

people visit.

Stay is a charming word in a friends vocabulary.

LOUISA MAY ALCOTT

When someone tells you what they do for living, respond,

Wow, thats impressive.
For most people, work is a means to an end. Whether they love what they do or not, they spend a
considerable amount of their life doing it. Giving someone credit for their hard work is extremely
flattering. Even if a persons profession seems easy and pleasant, you can boost their sense of
accomplishment by assuming, and expressing, that it is still hard. You will imply they possess talents and
character traits you admire. It will invariably make them open up and they will leave the discussion
feeling appreciated.

Greet your guests when they arrive.

Social Heat

Be emotionally expressive.
Displaying emotion can be perceived as a sign of weakness. But being emotionally responsive is one of
the best ways to get others to open up. Without exaggerating your reactions, show that you are in touch
with your feelings. This makes you look more human, which translates to compassionate and
approachable. People who are emotionally expressive are more likely to win the attention and
sympathy of others, and are far more successful at making spontaneous connections with strangers.

Be punctual, especially for seated dinners.

Even when you know where the conversation is going, dont

interrupt.
This is elementary. Being interrupted while speaking is extremely annoying. Talking isnt just the
expression of a fully formed thought; sometimes talking is part of the thinking process. In other words, we
are sometimes forming a sentence or processing an idea as we are expressing it. Speaking seems natural,
but to express a coherent thought takes effort; some people have more trouble than others. Interrupting
others isnt just bad manners; it sabotages your partners ability to think and speak. Even if you know
where the discussion is goingeven if youve heard it all before, even if you are becoming anxious or
impatientnever, never interrupt another person in the middle of their thought.

Throw away those books and cassettes on

inspirational leadership. Send those consultants
packing. Know your job, set a good example for the
people under you, and put results over politics.
Thats all the charisma youll really need to
succeed.
DYAN MACHAN

Ask What about you? after youve answered a question.

Humans crave reciprocity. Whether its love or gifts, giving back is polite, gratifying, and pleasing. When
youre asked a question, regardless of whether the topic is mundane or deep, extend the same interest to
your conversational counterpart. It will not go unnoticed. Many questions are asked with the sole intent of
being asked back. (When someone asks how your weekend was, often theyre hoping to talk about theirs).
A balanced environment for exchange can only be positive. Keep the giving in line with the receiving.

Dont bring along uninvited guests.

Remember to call or write the next day and

thank the host.

Read the news before any social engagement.

Before any social engagement where theres likely to be conversation, find out whats going on in current
affairs, politics, art, and popular culture. Paint yourself as a person with a wide variety of interests; show
you are engaged in many areas. This insures that, whichever way the conversation veers, youll have
something to say. And, if you get stuck in a slow conversation, drawing attention to todays most
newsworthy item can get you gracefully out of the spotlight. Before you head out, turn on the television or
read the paper online to get the latest news. Make a few mental notes and off you go.

Dont ask if its okay to smoke unless

your host has already lit up (and even then,
you still need to ask).

Expand your vocabulary.

The art of conversation hinges on the beauty of language. Part of telling a tale well is knowing and using
the right words. A good vocabulary also makes the speaker more sophisticated; it intrigues most and
intimidates opponents. Of course, simply opening the dictionary and inserting big words into your
conversation wont work: thatll make you seem pretentious and silly, rather than charismatic. Instead,
read long, well-written articles (articles that are more than just informational and news-focused), become
engrossed in documentaries (about any topic), or simply watch Masterpiece Theatre on PBS.

Respect the private space of others at work,

even if its just a countertop or a cubby.

Practice positive reinforcement.

Positive reinforcement is a psychology term for rewarding others when they do something you want
them to repeat. Punishment shapes behavior by penalizing a wrong choice or action; positive
reinforcement works by rewarding right ones. Most studies agree that positive reinforcement is not only
more effective than punishment in the short run, it actually creates long-term behavioral patterns and
changes a persons perspective. In your relationships, make sure you acknowledge the correct, virtuous,
and productive elements, rather than punishing the ones that bother you. The results will be better, and
everyone will feel happier.

Your clothes should always be clean and

properly pressed.

Dont eat all the food on any plate

except your own; show some restraint.

Dont discuss others failings and shortcomings.

Unless you are expressly interested in diminishing and belittling another person, there is no reason to
publicly advertise their shortcomings. Constructive criticism and objective judgment should be used when
the time is right. But demeaning another person in public is useless, especially as a means to make
yourself look good. This technique inevitably backfires; it makes you look mean, miserly, and completely
insensitive. You will come across as someone who cannot be trusted, who will use any opportunity to
promote yourself, even at the cost of embarrassing and hurting othersthe least charismatic thing you can
do!

Be aware of your body language.

Dont point out speech mistakes.

People make mistakes. Tempting as it may be to feed your ego by pointing out grammatical mistakes,
dont. Its ridiculous and pointless. It aggravates everyone, creates unnecessary interruptions, and
subconsciously discredits the person speaking. Helping someone who is at a loss for a word is perfectly
acceptable, even commendable. But thats very different from interrupting anothers train of thought to
point out the correct use or pronunciation of a word.

If you make bodily noises, such as a burp,

simply say, Excuse me and move on.

Delete fillers (like, you know, sort of )

A filler is something crammed into open spaces to seal them. The more gaps in your speech, the harder it
is to follow. In order to prevent yourself, and others, from falling into the gaps, you plug them with fillers.
You may be covering the hole, but everyone still knows its there. It takes practice and determination, but
you need to delete the fillers from your speech. They make you look unsophisticated and slow.

Dont ask taboo questions: salary, age,

marital status.

Im competitive with myself. I always try to push

past my own borders.
TYRA BANKS

Sin is alleviated through penitence. Crime is followed by

punishment. Bad social skills find their justice, too.

SIN

PENANCE

Didnt greet the host

No socializing for a week

Texting during talking

Watch one hour of late-night infomercials

Got drunk and punched guest

Police custody

Stole silver

Return (polish first)

Ate last canap

30 minutes on the treadmill

Dont touch other people, unless they

invite you to.

Dont stare (regardless how weird the

outfit).

If you want to conquer fear, dont sit at home and

think about it. Go out and get busy.
DALE CARNEGIE

Not all your thoughts need to be expressed.

Learn to edit what you say. That means paying close attention to the content your mind produces before it
ends up on your tongue. You need to shape your thoughts, improve them, and only then should you express
yourself. This invariably means that most of your thoughts will remain yours alone, forever hidden from
everyone else. The trick is to make this process deliberate. Develop an acute sense of what is
appropriate, useful, interesting, constructive, inspiring, and worthwhile. Share that with others and keep
the rest to yourself. You will acquire the reputation of a person who speaks less, but says more.

Dont ask whats to eat before accepting

a dinner invitation.

From
Sociable to
Popular

PART TWO

As your social life begins to expand beyond the familiar and intimate and into the deeper waters

of social prowess, you must be getting used to the idea that socializing can be an extremely
delicate, and exhausting, experience. People may be social creatures, but that doesnt make
everyone automatically sociable. You will face challenges, irritable and irritating people, difficult
conversation topics, and awkward silences. This section will prove invaluable in conquering
them.

People will forget what you said, people will forget

what you did, but people will never forget how you
made them feel.
MAYA ANGELOU

Dont give away your smiles.

Smiling is one of the core human communication tools. It is universal; across cultures and nationalities,
everyone smiles. Like everything good, though, its value decreases if its overused. If you smile all the
time, at everyone, on any occasion, it will stop being something special and will, gradually, become your
default facial expression. Find a middle ground, where you are neither stiff and reserved nor overly
excitable and affectionate. This builds your reputation as someone who is generous and also sincere.
Timing is everything.

Dont over-compliment.

Prompt a story with, Tell us about that time when

One of the most effective ways to win the admiration of others is to be a friends conversational wingman.
Prompt your friend to tell a story with an opener such as, Remember when or, Tell the story with
This is a priceless piece of camaraderie and support. Being a wingman makes your friend look great,
and makes you look even greater because it accentuates your generosity. And, rest assured, the favor will
be returned.

Be warm.

You are being introduced to someone in the middle of a

meal

WRONG

With your mouth still full, take a big gulp of wine to wash the
food down. At the same time, tilt your head carelessly back,
slightly turn toward them, and mumble, Hey, Im
_________________(your name). Continue with your food.

RIGHT

Put your silverware down, wipe your mouth, rest the napkin on
the table, and get up. Then give them your hand and say, Nice to
meet you.

Turn the conversation toward your partner, not yourself.

People sometimes tell stories as an indirect way of saying something about themselves. Listening to these
tales can sometimes be tiresome. But do it anyway. Be forgiving of the fact that others might want to focus
on themselves. You should practice selflessness and turn the conversation toward the other person. Avoid
the temptation to refer to yourself and, instead, ask about your partner. Be eager to hear their story, their
stance, how the topic at hand relates to and concerns them. Few things will make them feel more
important.

Dont point your finger at others.

Pick keywords from what your partner says and build on

them.
People prefer acceptance to rejection. The way to say, I accept you, without saying the words, is to
echo anothers concerns. Listen carefully for words your partner uses repeatedly; then use them yourself
when your turn comes. This takes some practice, and an open ear, but if done properly it can never go
wrong. The other person will be pleased they found a conversation partner who shares their vocabulary.
If they suspect that you are deliberately using their words, they will be flattered and will admire both your
willingness to listen closely and your ability to improvise.

Dont push a conversation to its limits.

Make a bold statement, and substantiate it.

There is an excellent way to make a lasting good impression: Make a bold, even audacious (but true)
statement that will draw everyones attention to you. When everyone is hooked, deliver the rest of the
story. But be careful; you must deliver. If you dont, youll look like a brazen sensationalistand thats
the kind way of putting it. Also, make sure your statement is engaging and bold enough, but not insulting or
deliberately abrasive, provocative, or contentious. There are good ways and bad ways to get others
attention and arouse their curiosity. Be sure to choose a good one!

A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn

his back on the crowd.
MAX LUCADO

Embroider thanks with a bit more.

Thanking another person for their contribution, support, help, or service is a given. Enrich a dry and short
thanks with some informal particulars of what you liked, or in what way their action was valuable. You
can magnify your expression of gratitude and turn a clich into sincere appreciation.

Be compassionate.

Always look for opportunities to improve yourself.

The world is always changing. Our personalities, talents, and skills should keep changing too, and
adapting to new circumstances. Our brain is a very sophisticated feedback machine. Charismatic people
are always on the lookout for ways to improve their personality, expand their skills, and become better at
whatever they do. Self-improvement is worthy and rewarding in itself. Whether it comes naturally
through repeated successes and failuresor consciously by reading books, taking on projects, and
embracing learning experiences, the idea is to get better and be better.

Dont lose focus and let your mind

wander.

A good leader takes a little more than his share of

the blame, a little less than his share of the credit.
ARNOLD H. GLASGOW

Eat before you go to a party.

Going to a party on an empty stomach is a bad idea. Not only will you be gorging on all the food, which is
terribly unattractive, you also will lose valuable networking time staying in the buffet line, filling up your
plate, looking for a place to put your empty plate, and so on. You will reduce your active participation by
at least 30 to 50 percent just by getting your food and eating it. Although its not advisable to eat just
before going to a dinner or lunch invitation (not touching your food will suggest dissatisfaction), going to
a cocktail party or similar function with a full stomach means you maximize what you are there to do in
the first place: network.

Party drinking behavioral flowchart

Dont talk to anyone for longer than 10

minutes at the beginning of a party.

Make others feel like the most important people in the

room.
This is one of the oldest adages of charisma, leadership, and magnetism. And for a reason: it works. Ask
questions, make compliments, be engrossed in what you are hearing, let yourself be impressed and
affectedin short, behave in ways that will make your conversation partner feel like the most important
person in the room, the center of your universe, even if for just a little while. Nothing brings out your own
charm like shining the spotlight on another person in a way that makes them feel significant. Remember
that light is always reflected.

People buy into the leader before they buy into the
vision.
JOHN C. MAXWELL

Echo the language of others.

The words we use reveal our thoughts, moods, and beliefs. When you are about to address another
person, or a group of people, listen to how they speak. Are they restrained, do they avoid swearing, are
they loud-mouthed and informal? Being different may intrigue them, but it might also send a message of
rejection or condescension. Try to match your audiences style; make them feel comfortable. If you are
unfamiliar with specific words and jargon, try to match the general tone of the majority of the people
youre addressingor at least of the person you are trying to impress.

Listen more than you talk.

The most basic of all human needs is the need to

understand and be understood.
RALPH NICHOLS

Try something new.

Every now and then, try an unfamiliar activity or hobby. Eat something youve never eaten before. Learn
about something online, find a friend whos good at it, and get them to show you the ropes. Stepping out of
your comfort zone will teach you how to deal with new and unknown experiences. It will help you be
receptive to instruction and guidance. Charismatic people are good at experimenting and trying new
things. The farther removed you get from your typical self, the more you will impress others with your
daring nature.

Dont assume everyone loves pets or

kids (especially not their own).

Remain cool and in control.

One of the most attractive characteristics of charismatic people is their unfailing ability to stay in control
not of other people, but of themselves. Regardless of hardship or the inconvenience of a situation,
keeping your composure is a sign of emotional maturity and sophistication. Conversely, being
psychologically volatile, resorting to emotional outbursts and hysteria, is fundamentally unattractive. It
communicates to others that you are a person who is erratic and undependableexactly the opposite of a
charismatic person. Remaining cool takes practice. But the payoff in internal serenity and external poise
is well worth it.

Always err on the side of kindness.

Let others talk first, then have the final say.

At social engagementsbe it a dinner party, a group of people having a drink, a work lunch, or a
receptionthere will be a lot of people who want to express themselves. Dont contribute to the
cacophony; no one will remember what you said (not even you, probably), and there will be fewer
chances of someone actually engaging with you. Instead, wait until the racket quiets down, find a sweet
spot of momentary silence, and then drop your phrase, idea, or comment. This will make what you say
stand out (hopefully, its something interesting!). Others will have time to process and respond, and you
will come across as someone worthy of attention, rather than part of a chorus of disjointed sentences and
idle cackling.

If you need your conversation partner to shut up, dont say

it in so many words. Instead, use this cheat sheet.

ANNOYANCE LEVEL

REACTION

Not even caring

Excuse me, I will be back in a second

Somewhat annoyed

Excuse me, I will be back in a second

Simmering

Excuse me, I will be back in a second

Boiling

Excuse me, I will be back in a second

Frothing with frustration

Excuse me, I will be back in a second

Dont brag.

Own your opinions. Dont say, I may be wrong all the

time.
Some people make a habit of distancing themselves from whatever they are about to say by issuing an
array of disclaimers. These usually begin with, Its only my opinion, or, I may be wrong, or, I dont
know much about this, but . This way, they cannot be held liable for their views. They create exit
strategies out of anything they say. Listen to an ambassador talk, or watch a UN conference (both of which
epitomize the art of diplomacy and discretion). Notice that no one prefaces their opinion with a
disclaimer. To be careful, to avoid offending, or to keep away from confrontation doesnt mean disowning
everything important you have to say. Youll just come across as spineless. Say what you truly believe and
stand behind it. Otherwise, whats the point of talking?

Be maturebehave like an adult.

Dont linger; make sure you exit at an

appropriate time.

Give praise, immediately.

Timing is everything. To praise someone in the moment gives them a jolt of euphoria. Even if they later
doubt your sincerity, the feeling your praise gave has stayed with them. Thats what matters, much more
than the actual or perceived truth. Dont shy away from giving praise, and doing it on the spot. People
will love the momentary elation and want to be around someone who makes them feel that way.

Offer to help the host.

I have yet to find the man, however exalted his

station, who did not do better work and put forth
greater effort under a spirit of approval than under a
spirit of criticism.
CHARLES SCHWAB

Appreciate the other persons time.

When calling a person, ask if its a good time to talk, especially if you anticipate a long discussion. If you
meet them at a party or social gathering, check if they are in the mood for serious conversation by asking
if theyve got a minute to chat. Just because youre in the mood, dont assume the other person wants to
indulge you. They may, but checking shows that you appreciate their time, that you are considerate of their
mood, and that you are aware of social conventions.

Prefer positive to negative gossip.

Gossiping is not the most praiseworthy of activities. Most people consider it sly, low-minded, and
improper. Even so, very few dislike hearing or telling a good story about someone. Gaining the reputation
of being a gossip is unsavory, and you should avoid it at all costs. If, however, you find yourself stuck in a
situation where gossip is the topic of the day, try to stick with the positive. Whispering behind someones
back about their achievements or a recent accomplishment can make you look really goodas long as its
done with genuine admiration, not spite and envy.

Dont tell one person how much you

dislike another.

A creative man is motivated by the desire to

achieve, not the desire to beat others.
AYN RAND

Avoid teaming up.

A debate can be an exciting intellectual exercise. Even if it becomes a heated argument, it can still be
mentally and emotionally stimulating. This, however, presupposes that all parties involved are of
relatively equal stature and can argue in a constructive manner that advances the discussion, rather than
their own egos. To aggressively go after a person with the sole intent of demeaning and embarrassing
them is a terrible tactic and shows absolutely no social skills. To do so as part of a group is even worse.
Teaming up with others and turning them against a single person is an outrageous act of bad manners.
Make it a rule never to team up against a single person. Likewise, take the weaker persons side
whenever they are being attacked.

Admit your mistakes.

Create intimacy.
One of the oldest tricks for creating a sense of intimacy is to use the word we shortly after youve met a
personespecially in the presence of someone else. After sharing a brief conversation or activity, refer
to it as something that we shared. Referring to someone next to you as one half of a we triggers in
their subconscious a sense of connection and togethernesseven if its entirely your construct. Be careful,
however, not to take liberties. Creating an impression of false or unearned intimacy can be perceived as
intrusive and clingy. Avoid coming across as presumptuous.

Always remember to introduce yourself and

others in your group.

Be aware of your surroundings.

Being a great communicator isnt just about your message. A lot hinges on the deliveryfor instance,
good timing. When the person youre speaking to is distracted, the effect of your message can be reduced
dramatically. One way to make sure that the time is right is to remain aware of your surroundings. If you
see a waiter coming your way, pause before you are interrupted. If you hear your conversation partners
phone ring, ask if theyd like to take the call. You are not just being caring and observant; you are making
sure your message is delivered and can have maximum impact.

Dont have a private quarrel in public.

Conditions for giving your business card:

You have one.
Its factual.
You are important enough.
Youve been asked for it, or offered one.
You intend to conduct business.
You are over 30.
Its rectangular and printed on paper.
You didnt make it at an airport booth.
You are not a drug dealer.
You intend to respond.

Have someone you trust point out your flaws.

Few things are as refreshing (and useful) as hearing someone tell you the truth about yourself. We
constantly invent stories, make excuses, and buy into all sorts of delusions just to live with the one person
we cant avoid: ourselves. Having someone else hold up a mirror can be an intimate, and potentially
hurtful, exercise, but it will keep your ego in check. Choose someone you absolutely trust, a very close
friend or a relative who knows you well.

Be ready to accept that you might be wrong.

Dont just apologize; offer to help.

A sincere apology is a great gesture. Even better is a sincere apology followed by a tangible offer to help.
People always trust actions more than words; offering to help make a wrong right will always be
appreciated.

Exude trustworthiness and dependability.

Learn some quotes that can spark a conversation.

Quotes are a brilliant way to spark a conversation. They can be funny, pithy, sarcastic, compassionate, or
obvious. But most good quotes have one thing in common: They sum up a lot in a few words. Quotes can
be used to diffuse an uncomfortable situation, spark a discussion, lend a helping hand of authority, or
make you look well-read. They are brilliant because they are short and easy to remember. Choose wisely,
and dont worry too much about who said it. Just remember the quote.

As a host, always introduce your guests to

one another.

The most important thing:

At a dinner party

Manners

At work

Conscientiousness

With friends

Honesty

In your relationship

Trust

At a social gathering

Attentiveness

At a gallery opening

Mingling

On an airplane

Silence

In a cat caf

What?

Leave compliments with third parties.

If you want to make someone feel good, give them a direct compliment. If you want it to seem especially
sincere, compliment the person through a third party, someone you know will pass it on. Any doubt about
your intentions will be dispelled. Complimenting someone via a third party also makes you look good in
the eyes of that person. They hope you might feel the same way about them. Overall, third-party
complimenting is a much more effective way of flattering someone.

Dont ask questions and expect others to

answer them without reciprocating the
favor.

Dont underestimate others intelligence.

Becoming an inspirational and charismatic person will boost your confidence. However, if you get so
wound up in your reinvented self that your ego inflates beyond repair, you may pay dearly. Regardless of
how successful you becomehow well you end up commanding the social sceneremain constantly
aware that the people around you (even if less gifted and charming) can be equally smart, informed, and
contentious. Remain respectful of their intelligence and dont underestimate them, take them for granted,
or treat them as anything less than equals.

Dont be paranoid about a little mess.

Politeness takes time to pay off.

Being pleasant, cordial, and courteous isnt necessarily rewarded on the spot. Some might consider it
simply good manners. Others will take your gracious demeanor for granted. Some will not even notice. A
few people might find it fake or think you have an ulterior motive. But being consistently polite and tactful
will, over time, dispel any suspicions about your intentions. Knowing that you arent hoping to gain
anything from being polite, others will gradually relax and open up to you.

Be patient.

Dont name-drop.

Pay attention to details.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

WOODY ALLEN

Praise the host in conversations.

Continuous effortnot strength or intelligenceis

the key to unlocking our potential.
WINSTON CHURCHILL

From
Popular to
Socialite

PART THREE

Now that you have left the safety of solitude and graduated from the comfort of intimacy into the

unchartered waters of an active, colorful, and diverse social life, it is time to expand your skills
and stand the test of being a true socialite. That means no less than being the perfect host, the ideal
guest, an engaging conversationalist, and an avid and refined dinner table companion. This section
is dedicated to those most elegant and sophisticated traits that a person with a prolific social
calendar has to possess. Heres to the afterparties at the Oscars.

The key with any gift is in the way that you use it.
It doesnt define you as a person. Rather, its an
asset to be used judiciously and with an
understanding of how it is just a small part of who
you are.
DALE ARCHER

Treat others as ends in themselves, not as means to your

ends.
This should go without saying. People are precious beings, whether we like them or not. They deserve
better than being reduced to a means of facilitating your goals. You will certainly alienate someone by
signaling that their only value lies in what they bring to the tablein other words, how they are useful
to you. Steer far away from this mind-set and focus on making everyone feel specialeven if there is no
direct benefit to you.

Dont compare yourself to others.

Help someone out when you see them struggling.

When a person is telling a story and you see them getting stucklooking for the right word, trying to
remember the name of a place, or struggling to get their facts straightcome to their rescue if you can.
Your help will be appreciated and possibly reciprocated. You will also come across as a great
conversationalist and a pleasant, generous person. Letting someone simmer in their awkwardness is
unkind; helping makes you the good guy. Lend your assistance gallantly, but dont overshadow them or
make them look or feel stupid.

The test of good manners is to be patient with the

bad ones.
SOLOMON IBN GABIROL

Be humble; all great people are.

Make your compliments about qualities, rather than

people.
Complimenting someone is easyso easy that it can sound forced or insincere. Worse, it can be seen as
an attempt to boost your own image. The way around that is to compliment traits or accomplishments,
rather than people. For example, instead of expressing your admiration for someones generosity, mention
how highly you esteem generous people. An added advantage: Everyone in the room who considers
themselves generous will take it as a personal endorsement. Be sure to do this artfully and sparingly to
avoid being obvious.

Care about every person, not just the one

youre interested in.

Be authoritative, but considerate.

Charisma is all about achieving balancebetween boldness and compassion, authority and
thoughtfulness. Being confident can distort your ability to be attentive and patient. Too much
authoritativeness and your demands or expectations can come across as unreasonable. On the other hand,
worrying too much about others opinions can derail you. The trick is to balance your idea, plan, or
intention with consideration for other people. Remain assertive, but dont offend others or overstretch
their abilities.

Dont micromanage others.

Be generous with your time, resources, and attention.

Generosity is universally thought of as admirable. But many people think generosity is limited to the basic
act of giving, or giving away. Generosity is much more than that. It is a state of mind. People who are
generous in one area of their life (say, financially) tend to be generous in other areas (empathy, support).
Generosity is an extremely attractive quality. In the short term, it makes others feel good about what they
are receiving. In the long term (and this is what matters most), generosity shows you are a confident and
bold person, one who doesnt cling to what they have for fear of losing it, who has limitless emotional
resources, who knows that they can easily regain what they give away.

Dont be self-important.

Match your conversation partners mood and mind-set.

Humans are social animals, and social animals imitate one another. By mirroring someones mood, you
are making them feel endorsed. You are reinforcing their state of mind, giving the impression that you
understand and support them. You communicate that you stand united with them, whatever mood theyre in
and that is enormously comforting. In conversations, try to match your partners or groups general
disposition. If they are feeling downcast, treating them with contempt or lightheartedness is not only
inconsiderate and counterproductive, it is rude. It can make the general mood even more unpleasant. If, on
the other hand, they are feeling upbeat and cheerful, bringing them down will seem annoying, even hostile.

Handle being the center of attention with

grace.

Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without

asking a clear question.
ALBERT CAMUS

Show empathy, but temper it with a bit of cynicism.

Empathy is the fundamental quality that makes us compassionate. The ability to relate to another person
and their state of mind is central in human interaction. Lack of empathy is the first step to being a
sociopath. But being empathetic doesnt mean being an empty container for everyone elses emotions. Too
much empathyespecially when the situation is far removed from your own experiencecan come
across as fake. You have to know where to draw the line. Adding just a dash of cynicism will help you
and your conversation partner see the larger picture (the world doesnt begin and end with them). It will
reveal a positive or funny side to an otherwise dramatic story, and even alleviate some of the gravity
weighing them down. Finally, remember that people are surrounded by feigned emotion (from sales clerks
to politicians). They are invariably drawn to people who seem (and are) real.

Charismatic Person vs. Sociopath

Dont tell the same stories to the same crowd.

Repetition breeds tedium. Telling the same stories to the same people time and again will turn those
stories into a joke. Strive to renew your material. If you find it hard to conjure up new stories, an old trick
is to change the perspective on the existing ones. Add some information or details that were missing
before. If all else fails, theres nothing wrong with weaving some fictional element into a true story.
Writers and artists all pump up the drama, even when dealing with facts. Since youre not testifying in
court, theres nothing morally wrong with enriching your stories with a bit of tall tale.

Be smart about assigning seats at the

dinner table.

Learn to read others by their appearance.

How we dress is a form of nonverbal communication. People make statements by the way they curate
their appearance, with the most informal and careless-looking choice of attire tells a story. Even a look
that says I dont care about how I look is a representation of what that person believes. Learning to read
these subtle statements gives you a lot of information about the other person, and will arm you with a
wealth of conversation topics. Next time you are with a large group of people, see if you can make up a
story in your head about each persons choice of attire. Youll soon realize that picking something to wear
is not as simple as you thought.

Exchange contact details discreetly.

Dont question others sincerity.

Few things can be as alienating as questioning another persons intentions. Doubting someone may be
productive if theyre genuinely wrong, but personally attacking their credibility, especially in public, can
have disastrous consequences. Nobody likes being discreditedless so in the company of others. And
after all, you cant read someone elses mind. Only they know for sure what their intentions are. If you
have suspicions about someones sincerity, keep them to yourself and act accordingly.

Know your enemy and know yourself and in 100

battles you will never be in peril.
SUN TZU

Dont be a bully.

Dont shy away from a sincere apology.

To apologizesincerely and in a timely mannershows others that you are generous, open-minded, and
kindheartedthe traits all charismatic people share. Negotiating your accountability, making excuses, and
denying your culpability sends the message that what is clearly important to others is insignificant to you.
That makes others feel they are insignificant to you, and is certain to alienate them. If you are unsure about
your culpability, or believe that being blamed will not serve the truth, communicate that fact soberly, in a
spirit of cooperation and mutual desire to uncover the facts. At the very least, you can say, Im sorry you
feel that way, without actually shouldering the blame. But remember that, as a general rule, taking the
blame for something that wasnt your fault will make you look better in others eyes.

Choose your words wisely.

Be optimistic.
We all know people who make us feel gloomy and others who make us feel light. Much like laughing and
yawning, optimism is contagious. Being hopeful, confident, and upbeat transfers to others around you.
When people are in the company of a cheerful, bright, and confident individual, they instinctively share in
that optimism, even if theyre not exactly sure why. If you are the cause of their optimism, good feelings
will be associated with you. In the future, thoughts of you will conjure feelings of lightness and wellbeing. Try to be optimistic and inspire people around you to be the sameyou will always be in good
company.

Dont whine.

Create a shared history.

A brilliant way of getting closer to someone is to create the illusion of a shared history. Shared
experiences inspire trust, even if the experiences are few and took place a long time ago. Some people
refer to their relationships with others with phrases like, We go wa-a-ay back. Even people who met a
long time ago, and have scarcely kept in touch with each other, still value their shared history. If youve
only met someone recently, you can create a shared history by finding a common experience or memory.
Perhaps you both follow the same sports team and recall the last time they won a championship. Maybe
you both loved a vacation in Spain or enjoy the books of a particular author. Thinking you both hold the
same things dear can inspire intimacy.

There is only one thing in life worse than being

talked about, and that is not being talked about.
OSCAR WILDE

Weave some storytelling into your answers.

A list of standard questions asked at social engagements would not be longer than half a page. Where are
you from? What do you do for a living? Do you like your job? Where do you live? These are the
openers everyone uses. Answering these questions with single-word responses automatically signals that
you are tired of the same old questions. While this may be the case, theres nothing more off-putting than
indirectly telling another person they are trite and boring. To prevent that, enrich your answers with some
storytelling. I work in a department store, and just the other day someone came in and Storytelling
will delight the other person, highlight your ability to turn something mundane into an interesting episode,
and unfailingly trigger a genuinely interesting exchange.

Know when a conversation has come to an

end.

Command respect.
We are drawn to people whose overall attitude communicates respect. Respect, of course, must be
earned. A good start is to practice mindful self-respect. Feel confident in your abilities and you will act
the right way. You will be compassionate with others, serious when the situation demands it, courteous in
all situations, bold when necessary. As people observe your everyday exemplary behavior, they will start
to respect you.

Dont feed your ego.

Flatter, but do it sincerely and with authority.

Flattery that comes off as absolutely sincere is a hard thing to master. Complimenting, congratulating, and
praising have become so ubiquitous that people know when they are simply being wooed. To let people
know they are sincerely being commended, develop a two-tier plan: For the first tier, be courteous by
applauding everyday things, such as someones appearance. Even if the praise is perceived as
unnecessary, it will still make the person feel good. Our brains are wired that way. Do it with grace and
only when you mean it. For the second tier, flatter someone for more significant accomplishments, such as
a job promotion. But do so with the self-assured tone of a person who can afford to extend their respect to
others.

Dont come across like a salesman.

Find the Cretin.

A multiple-choice question.
You have just finished having dinner at a nice restaurant and are walking out. Its a rainy and cold night.
Neither you nor your date has a car. You both live far away. What do you do?
a. You open your wallet and take out two $5 bills. You fold them and put them in your dates palm,
whispering meaningfully, For your cab. You take off.
b. You two-finger whistle and swiftly hail a cab thats passing by. You rush inside the cab, lower the
window, and wave good-bye.
c. You ask the restaurant if they have an umbrella you can borrow, go outside, and find a cab. You
open the door for your date, ask your dates address and give it to the driver. You then close the
door and take down the cabs number plate.
d. You hail a cab, rush yourself and your date inside, and give the driver your home address.
Correct answer: All are cretins except c.

Work hardand dont make a big deal of it.

Make sure you elaborate on your compliments.

Praising someones professional accomplishment, personal milestone, or even choice of garment is an
extremely effective way to boost their self-confidence. As a result, it makes them positively disposed
toward youmore open, more interested, and more congenial. But if a one-liner can work well,
following up your initial remark with a qualifying statement about what you find praiseworthy, and what
inspired you to make your statement in the first place, will be truly impressive. It can be as simple as, I
love that hat. It makes you look like a movie star.

Come across as a generous leader.

Find a lesson in failure.

Charismatic people are constantly engaged in bold pursuits that may or may not succeed. That daring
attitude is a trait other people find attractive. Nobody likes to fail, and yet, it is through failure that we
learn lifes lessons. From emotional separations to professional disappointments, the things we get wrong
inform our future decisions and gradually build our wisdom. So keep a positive attitude about failure.
Dont fear it, dont deny it, acknowledge its usefulness. If you embrace the knowledge that some of your
projects will fail, when the moment comes, you will be prepared to make the most of failure. You can
accept it, learn from it, and then leave it behind.

Dont overreact.

Be absolutely honest.
In an age of perpetual trickery, nothing is as refreshing as a hearty serving of truth. Honesty is sometimes
uncomfortable, even painful. But when choosing between being a cowardly minion and being a person of
substance, you would be well advised to select the latter. The path to becoming substantialand bold
lies in being utterly honest when the situation calls for it. Remember, though, that being honest does not
mean deliberately causing pain. Compassion should always be the companion of honesty.

There is a kind of beauty in imperfection.

CONRAD HALL

Dont exert pressure.

Grant autonomy.
People have fought wars to attain and maintain freedom. But freedom doesnt only happen on the grand
social scale; it also exists in everyday things, such as the ability to choose ones working hours, or to go
out for a few hours without feeling answerable to an overbearing partner. Charismatic people never try to
suffocate others by limiting their freedom, sanctioning their independence, or punishing autonomy. People
were not made to live in captivity. The more freedom you give other people, the more youre allowing
them to be themselves and flourish. Granting autonomy makes others happy, and makes you look kind,
benevolent, and trusting.

Dont doubt yourself in public.

Be fun.
Being fun is not the same as being a lightweight, a clown, or a fool. Being fun is a vibe you exude that
makes people around you relax, be themselves, open up. Be fun but courteous, kind, and polite; know
when to draw the line. Being fun can be easily combined with seriousness. Some of the most charismatic
people are extremely serious about their goals, but that doesnt make them boring and somber. Quite the
contrary. Fun people can be effective, interesting, smart, and resolute while still being pleasant,
enjoyable, and positive.

Act like you own the room, but dont

overstep.

There can be no power without mystery. There

must always be a something which others
cannot altogether fathom, which puzzles them,
stirs them, and rivets their attention.
CHARLES DE GAULLE

Lead by example.
Famed statesmen do it; legendary military leaders do it; charismatic entrepreneurs do it. Such people
never expect others to do what they cant or wont do themselves. They master and demonstrate the
attributes they expect to find in otherswhether its a quality, like honesty, or a particular job skill.
Learning a new skill (or even trying to) shows that you dont set double standards, dont make
unreasonable demands, and dont hesitate to get your hands dirty.

Give more than you receive.

Be a yardstick of quality. Some people arent

used to an environment where excellence is
expected.
STEVE JOBS

Learn the customs.

Every place, every group, every business has its own moral and behavioral codes. Disrespecting them,
even out of ignorance, will only brand you as ignorant. Before venturing into the unknownwhether its a
new professional environment, a foreign land, or meeting friends that observe a code of conduct different
from yoursdo a bit of research. Find out how they do things. If its not possible or agreeable to do as
they do, youll at least be prepared to excuse yourself, preemptively explaining your differences, and thus
showing respect for others. Even as a host, make sure to acknowledge your guests differences. It is a
little trick of great manners: When in Rome, do as the Romans.

Are you traveling?

Dont make a fool of yourself.
In Mexico theyll think you a snob if
you ask for a fork and knife.
In Bulgaria its considered rude to bring
yellow flowers to your host.
In Tanzania its improper to show the soles
of your feet when dining on the floor.
In Japan, never show up late.

Be witty.

Act as if.
If you dont feel confident, bold, and charismatic in a particular situation, imagine a leader you admire,
maybe even a character from a book or movie. What would they do in this situation? How would they act?
Play the scene out in your head, and then act like that character. Act as if you are confident. Act as if you
know exactly what to do. Act as if you are the most charismatic person in the room. It doesnt mater if you
feel like youre faking it; most people have that feeling much of the time. Our actions are based largely on
habit, and you can change your habits. Act as if you are the person you want to be, and you will become
that person.

Life is 10 percent of what happens to me and 90

percent of how I react to it.
JOHN MAXWELL

Dont advertise your intelligence.

True charisma is invisible.

Charisma should not be displayed like a badge of honor. It operates under the radar; it is not to meant be
advertised. Theres a saying: Money talks. But big money whispers. When you feel confident in your
own skinwith who you are, with how you arethere is no need to turn up the volume and let everyone
in the room know. Your qualities will shine through. Being charismatic is nothing to brag about; it is the
self-assurance that there is no need to brag. Charisma shines through in subtle nuances, in small gestures,
in common courtesy. There is nothing pompous about charisma.

Dont be presumptuous.

The ideal handshake

Be a bit mysterious.
The unknown is inherently more compelling than the known. Injecting a small dose of mystery into any
story lends excitement, arouses curiosity, and creates an irresistible aura. We ourselves are stories; we
are the accumulation of experiences, fables, incidents, anecdotes, and memories. Keeping certain parts of
ourselves hidden is not only normal and necessary; its a genuine way to inspire interest and even
fascination. Curiosity is a strong motivator. It pays to keep people guessing about you.

Be vigilant and adaptive.

Reward effort, not just results.

When someone is making an effort, they are spending time and skill. No matter if the task is as everyday
as setting the table, or as complicated as launching a business project. Whatever the magnitude of the task,
its important to recognize effort. Dont wait until the full results are in before you give credit. This will
keep everyone motivated. People will be happier and more fulfilled. The final results will be better for
everyone.

Charisma
Attained.

PART FOUR

There is just one last thing that you need to remember. After youve learned all the

etiquette rules; tried, failed and eventually succeeded in an array of social settings and
circles; mastered the art of combining conviviality with enigmatic magnetism; and learned
how to finally relax and exude that air of effortlessness its time make a mental note.
Wherever you are, with as many or as few people, intimately or in a room full of strangers:
to be memorable, to leave a lasting impression and to be thought of as a charismatic and
charming person you need to do one more thing

BE BOLD.