1

00:00:03,303 --> 00:00:05,503

2
00:00:07,641 --> 00:00:08,740
D'oh!

3
00:00:13,113 --> 00:00:14,546
Oh, are we gonna stay

4
00:00:14,581 --> 00:00:16,381
Roto-Rootered like this
the whole show?

5
00:00:16,416 --> 00:00:18,316
It's rotoscoped, Dad.

6
00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:20,919
Whatever it is,
it's making me sick.

7
00:00:20,954 --> 00:00:24,122
A noble experiment that failed.

8
00:00:24,146 --> 00:00:28,146
<font color="#00FF00"> The Simpsons 27x09 </font>
<font color="#00FFFF">Barthood</font>
Original Air Date on December 13, 2015

9
00:00:32,855 --> 00:00:39,355
== sync, corrected by <font color=#00FF00>elderman</font> ==
<font color=#00FFFF>@elder_man</font>

10
00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:40,839
Why is the sky blue?

11
00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:41,840
Hmm...

12
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,408
I don't know.
Just is.

13
00:00:43,443 --> 00:00:46,077
Why are clouds white?
No clue.
14
00:00:46,113 --> 00:00:47,812
Why are people yellow?

15
00:00:47,848 --> 00:00:49,681
It's the way
God made them.

16
00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:50,949
Why is grass green?

17
00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:52,984
So you can find
your damn golf ball.

18
00:00:53,019 --> 00:00:54,452
Now I have
a question for you.

19
00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:57,155
Why did you leave your
toy car on the stairs?

20
00:00:58,992 --> 00:01:00,225
Why is blood red?

21
00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:01,493
Why do you ask?

22
00:01:01,528 --> 00:01:03,561
It's coming out your ear.
D'oh!

23
00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:05,430
So you'll be staying with Grampa

24
00:01:05,465 --> 00:01:06,965
while your father
is on the mend.

25
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,299
Don't let him
near me!

26
00:01:08,335 --> 00:01:09,667
Ah!
27
00:01:09,703 --> 00:01:11,269
Ow!

28
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:14,873
Do it again, boy.

29
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:15,874
I bet he can't control it.

30
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:17,876
Ow!

31
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:19,577
Aah! Ow...

32
00:01:21,047 --> 00:01:22,380
Bart, you shouldn't...

33
00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:25,550
Maybe one more.

34
00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:28,253
Aah! Ow!

35
00:01:34,628 --> 00:01:37,495
Want to play cars?

36
00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:41,432
Oh, boy, if I go down there,
I ain't coming up.

37
00:01:41,468 --> 00:01:43,835
My dad won't play
cars with me, either.

38
00:01:43,870 --> 00:01:46,404
Calm down,
Melvin Q. Mopenheimer.

39
00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:49,240
There's other ways
of playing cars.

40
00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:50,742
Feast your eyes
41
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,710
on the most beautiful
machine ever made:

42
00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:57,282
the 1954 Studebaker
Starliner Commander!

43
00:01:57,317 --> 00:01:58,616
I bought it
brand-new

44
00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:00,351
and forgot about
it till today.

45
00:02:01,721 --> 00:02:03,121
Can I sit in it?

46
00:02:03,156 --> 00:02:06,324
Well, I don't know
how you expect to drive it

47
00:02:06,359 --> 00:02:07,826
if you ain't sitting in it.

48
00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:09,527
Grampa! I can't drive.

49
00:02:09,563 --> 00:02:11,229
Neither can I, legally.

50
00:02:11,264 --> 00:02:12,831
Now let's get going!

51
00:02:12,866 --> 00:02:16,100

52
00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:19,705
You know you can
season these things

53
00:02:19,739 --> 00:02:21,105
with pepper spray,
don't you?
54
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,374
Aah! Aah!

55
00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:24,410
I need water
in my eyes.

56
00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:31,115
Let's open her up a little.

57
00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:36,354
Homer never showed such spirit.

58
00:02:36,389 --> 00:02:38,022
You got gumption, boy.

59
00:02:38,058 --> 00:02:40,325
I wish this day
would never end.

60
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:41,759
Aw, sorry, Bart.

61
00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:43,328
Time don't stop.

62
00:02:43,363 --> 00:02:44,796
The years go by

63
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,297
and you don't
even realize it.

64
00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:48,333

65
00:02:57,644 --> 00:03:00,245
Grampa, I told you
to get him home by 5:00.

66
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,313
His tutor's here
to teach him to read.

67
00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:05,183
When I was a boy,

68
00:03:05,218 --> 00:03:08,319
I ain't never did not need
no tutor either no how!

69
00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:09,621
Yes, sirree, ain't!

70
00:03:09,656 --> 00:03:12,423
"S-See... the...

71
00:03:12,459 --> 00:03:15,326
m-m-mou... m-m-m..."

72
00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:16,895
"See the mouse.

73
00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:18,096
"Mouse hits cat.

74
00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:19,998
Cat goes splat."

75
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:21,332
Very good, Lisa.

76
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:22,600
Very, very good!

77
00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:23,935
And with barely
any knowledge

78
00:03:23,970 --> 00:03:27,639
of diphthongs,
sibilants and phonemes.

79
00:03:29,309 --> 00:03:31,342
How come she can read
and I can't?

80
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:32,777
All right,
calm down, young man.
81
00:03:32,812 --> 00:03:35,179
Not to worry,
you won't need to read.

82
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:37,215
You see, customers will
just point to a picture

83
00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:39,484
of the burger that
they want you to flip.

84
00:03:39,519 --> 00:03:43,655
Because you're not
gonna have anything going.

85
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,659
Very nice painting, Lisa.

86
00:03:47,694 --> 00:03:49,360
We're putting it
right over the couch.

87
00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:50,962
I made a drawing, too!

88
00:03:50,997 --> 00:03:52,096
It's on the refrigerator!

89
00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:53,097
And the wall.

90
00:03:53,133 --> 00:03:54,465
And the curtains.

91
00:03:59,539 --> 00:04:01,673
Boy, you've ruined our kitchen!

92
00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:03,107
Do you understand?

93
00:04:03,143 --> 00:04:06,311
This is a place
of pork chops.
94
00:04:06,346 --> 00:04:09,013
But... do you like my drawing?

95
00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:10,448
Homer, please,
please.

96
00:04:10,483 --> 00:04:13,451
Just say
something positive.

97
00:04:13,486 --> 00:04:15,186
Well, it's a...

98
00:04:15,221 --> 00:04:16,888
colorful example of...

99
00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:18,423
something that...

100
00:04:18,458 --> 00:04:20,191
ruined our kitchen!

101
00:04:20,226 --> 00:04:21,926
I can't even find the fridge!

102
00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:23,761
You're not beer.

103
00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:25,530
Where is it?

104
00:04:25,565 --> 00:04:26,597
And who are you?

105
00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:28,299
We're playing
hide and seek.

106
00:04:28,335 --> 00:04:29,634
I'm Milhouse.

107
00:04:29,669 --> 00:04:31,903
Milhouse? What kind of
a wiener name is that?
108
00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:34,238
A very bad one, sir.

109
00:04:36,743 --> 00:04:39,043
That boy is so much trouble.

110
00:04:39,079 --> 00:04:41,045
Never should have
had a firstborn.

111
00:04:41,081 --> 00:04:43,047
Should've skipped
right to the second.

112
00:04:44,517 --> 00:04:46,517
There's one thing
I can do better than you.

113
00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:50,028
I've finished painting the wall

114
00:04:50,056 --> 00:04:51,389
and it's better than new.

115
00:04:51,424 --> 00:04:54,459
In some ways,
this was kind of a bless...

116
00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:58,529
Ha! I got gumption!

117
00:04:58,565 --> 00:05:00,465
Bart's disruptive
behavior

118
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:02,400
is probably caused
by his feeling

119
00:05:02,435 --> 00:05:04,002
that you think
other children

120
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:05,536
are more deserving
of attention.

121
00:05:05,572 --> 00:05:07,805
Mm, I see.

122
00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:10,308
And how can we help
these other children?

123
00:05:10,343 --> 00:05:11,542
We're here for Bart.

124
00:05:11,578 --> 00:05:13,311
In a boy like Bart...
Yeah?

125
00:05:13,346 --> 00:05:15,513
...the attention he craves
most is from his father.

126
00:05:15,548 --> 00:05:16,981
Pfft. Good luck
with that.

127
00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:18,316
Take him camping!

128
00:05:18,351 --> 00:05:19,951
I do want to
help him, I do.

129
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:22,120
And your son is just
looking for your love.

130
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:23,354
Geez.

131
00:05:23,390 --> 00:05:24,555
For a psychologist,

132
00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:26,391
you sure know how to get
into people's heads.

133
00:05:26,426 --> 00:05:27,658


134
00:05:27,694 --> 00:05:28,993
And I brought
my flashlight

135
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:30,628
so we can find our
way in the dark,

136
00:05:30,663 --> 00:05:32,697
and my scissors
to cut wood into kindling,

137
00:05:32,732 --> 00:05:34,699
and an air horn
to scare away bears.

138
00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:44,575
<i>Wh... why are we stopping?</i>

139
00:05:44,611 --> 00:05:47,011
This is where
we're camping, son.

140
00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:48,346
I thought we were
going to stay

141
00:05:48,381 --> 00:05:49,747
in a tent in the woods.

142
00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:52,316
Like the kids that got killed
in that movie you took me to.

143
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:55,920
Son, the woods this time
of year are very outdoorsy.

144
00:05:55,955 --> 00:05:57,789
But we'll do
fun things.

145
00:05:57,824 --> 00:05:59,257
Oh, listen!
Do you hear that?
146
00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:03,461
It's the sound
of an ice machine.

147
00:06:03,496 --> 00:06:04,962
Great.

148
00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:06,397
Come on, let's go hunt...

149
00:06:06,433 --> 00:06:08,466
for the registration desk.

150
00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:11,903
Andreychuk passes
ahead to Hamilton...

151
00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:13,071
it's too far in front...

152
00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:15,673
and the ref waves off the icing.

153
00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:18,476
The TV is north
of the bed.

154
00:06:18,511 --> 00:06:20,611
Better hit the hay, son.

155
00:06:20,647 --> 00:06:21,946
Learning this new remote

156
00:06:21,981 --> 00:06:23,314
really took something out of me.

157
00:06:23,349 --> 00:06:26,184
Never saw a menu button
colored green before.

158
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:27,618
Whew!

159
00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:29,687
Crazy buttons.

160
00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:32,090
So, how was

161
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:33,825
your camping trip
with your father?

162
00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:35,026
Okay.

163
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:37,061
We got lots of Starwood points
at the hotel.

164
00:06:38,498 --> 00:06:41,866
Oh, my thrifty pioneers.

165
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:43,434
Lisa, how was school?

166
00:06:43,470 --> 00:06:44,635
The teacher gave me this.

167
00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:48,873
"Student of
the month"! Wow.

168
00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:50,608
How long have you been
in that school?

169
00:06:50,643 --> 00:06:51,609
A month.

170
00:06:51,644 --> 00:06:53,177
I've been there two years

171
00:06:53,213 --> 00:06:55,113
and no one ever
gave me anything!

172
00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:58,883
Aw, poor kid.
173
00:06:58,918 --> 00:07:00,685
Are you taking
his dessert?

174
00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:01,953
Yes, I am.

175
00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:03,988
Up to him.

176
00:07:06,893 --> 00:07:08,392
Are you eating that cake?

177
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:09,861
What? No.

178
00:07:10,897 --> 00:07:14,165
Son, I know it may
not seem like it now,

179
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:15,933
but you're gonna be glad

180
00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:17,735
to have a sister
when you grow up.

181
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:19,837
You're always gonna
like her better than me.

182
00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:21,339
That's not true.

183
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:24,675
I love you both
the same amount: 40%.

184
00:07:24,711 --> 00:07:26,978
Gotta leave room
in the budget.

185
00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:29,013
Then will you put
this on your car?
186
00:07:29,048 --> 00:07:31,682
I'll be proud to.

187
00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:41,058
Hmm...

188
00:07:41,094 --> 00:07:44,228
Ooh, both those bumper stickers
mean so much to me.

189
00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:51,036
Oh...

190
00:07:54,384 --> 00:07:57,518
Happy birthday!

191
00:07:57,553 --> 00:07:58,853
Well, thanks.

192
00:07:58,888 --> 00:08:01,455
But you know I'm not
into Krusty anymore.

193
00:08:01,491 --> 00:08:03,057
You've outgrown Krusty?

194
00:08:03,092 --> 00:08:05,159
First no more
<i>"ay, caramba,"</i> now this?

195
00:08:05,194 --> 00:08:06,160
Mom, don't have...

196
00:08:06,195 --> 00:08:07,228
Have a cow, man?

197
00:08:07,263 --> 00:08:08,462
I was gonna say

198
00:08:08,498 --> 00:08:10,598
"don't have a foolish
attachment to the past."

199
00:08:10,633 --> 00:08:11,732
Come on, boy.
200
00:08:11,768 --> 00:08:12,900
Humor your mother.

201
00:08:12,936 --> 00:08:14,168
Oh, fine.

202
00:08:14,203 --> 00:08:16,070
Don't have a cow.<i> Man.</i>

203
00:08:16,105 --> 00:08:17,638
Yeah...

204
00:08:19,742 --> 00:08:21,108
Oh, my God!

205
00:08:21,144 --> 00:08:24,779
I'm Student of the Month
for 48 consecutive months!

206
00:08:24,814 --> 00:08:27,748
Great, honey, great!

207
00:08:27,784 --> 00:08:30,318
But, you know,
it is Bart's birthday.

208
00:08:30,353 --> 00:08:32,486
No, no, no,
this is fine.

209
00:08:32,522 --> 00:08:34,588
Just let me fix this.

210
00:08:34,624 --> 00:08:35,589
There.

211
00:08:35,625 --> 00:08:36,991
Now it's all about you.

212
00:08:37,026 --> 00:08:38,026
Happy?

213
00:08:39,495 --> 00:08:40,661
I'll go get him.
214
00:08:40,697 --> 00:08:42,697
Oh, it's no use.

215
00:08:42,732 --> 00:08:44,432
He's walking kind of fast.

216
00:08:46,302 --> 00:08:47,268
Blam!

217
00:08:47,303 --> 00:08:49,003
Blam!

218
00:08:49,038 --> 00:08:50,304
Blam! Blam!

219
00:08:52,675 --> 00:08:54,275
Hey, you missed one.

220
00:08:54,310 --> 00:08:55,943
Nope, can't do it,
my Grampa lives there.

221
00:08:56,980 --> 00:08:58,446
Stop! Stop right there!

222
00:08:58,481 --> 00:09:00,848
Well, looks like we
finally put an end

223
00:09:00,883 --> 00:09:03,351
to this light-mare
on Elm Street.

224
00:09:03,386 --> 00:09:06,320
Actually, it's
Maple Street, Chief.

225
00:09:06,356 --> 00:09:08,789
Thank you, joke police.

226
00:09:08,825 --> 00:09:10,591
Please don't
arrest me.

227
00:09:10,626 --> 00:09:12,560
It's a victimless
crime!

228
00:09:12,595 --> 00:09:14,795
Oh, I can't see!

229
00:09:18,301 --> 00:09:21,369
Looks like a case of
Molemanslaughter.

230
00:09:21,404 --> 00:09:23,738
Did that sound
right to you, Lou?

231
00:09:23,773 --> 00:09:25,539
I like it.

232
00:09:27,610 --> 00:09:29,010
Thanks for letting me
hide here, Grampa.

233
00:09:29,045 --> 00:09:30,177
Hiding?

234
00:09:30,213 --> 00:09:32,480
This is the best visit
I've had in months!

235
00:09:32,515 --> 00:09:34,815
Aah!

236
00:09:39,522 --> 00:09:41,288
Now, come get
your birthday present.

237
00:09:41,324 --> 00:09:43,057
Whoa!

238
00:09:43,092 --> 00:09:44,825
I've been asking my
parents for this,

239
00:09:44,861 --> 00:09:46,727
but they said
I'd break my neck.
240
00:09:46,763 --> 00:09:48,763
Hey, you're gonna break
your neck sometime.

241
00:09:48,798 --> 00:09:50,297
It's important you do it
when you're young.

242
00:09:50,333 --> 00:09:51,732
Like chicken pox.

243
00:09:51,768 --> 00:09:54,735
Now get out before I say
something else preposterous.

244
00:09:54,771 --> 00:09:56,771

245
00:10:06,149 --> 00:10:10,017
Mom, it's just the Mayo Clinic
Pre-Medical Summer Camp.

246
00:10:10,053 --> 00:10:12,253
I would've been
totally fine on my own.

247
00:10:12,288 --> 00:10:13,954
No more discussion.

248
00:10:13,990 --> 00:10:15,122
Our cab's here.

249
00:10:15,158 --> 00:10:17,191
Ooh, it's one of
those new Apple cars.

250
00:10:20,663 --> 00:10:23,064
Really think they should've
stuck with computers.

251
00:10:23,099 --> 00:10:24,565
Have a great trip.

252
00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:25,900
Don't you worry.
253
00:10:25,935 --> 00:10:28,369
I'll take good care
of our little guy.

254
00:10:28,404 --> 00:10:29,703
I'm 15!

255
00:10:31,107 --> 00:10:33,974
Oh, our big boy's
getting cranky.

256
00:10:36,012 --> 00:10:37,778
Homer, this summer
may be your last chance

257
00:10:37,814 --> 00:10:39,747
to have a close relationship
with your son.

258
00:10:39,782 --> 00:10:41,782
Don't blow it.

259
00:10:44,087 --> 00:10:46,854
So, boy, look at this.

260
00:10:46,889 --> 00:10:48,889
Just us guys, huh?

261
00:10:48,925 --> 00:10:50,191
Mm-hmm.

262
00:10:50,226 --> 00:10:51,826
Glad we've got
the whole summer,

263
00:10:51,861 --> 00:10:53,461
'cause we got a lot
to talk about.

264
00:10:53,496 --> 00:10:54,862
Yeah, I guess.

265
00:10:54,897 --> 00:10:56,831
Let's see.

266
00:10:56,866 --> 00:10:58,599
Um... oh!

267
00:10:58,634 --> 00:11:00,768
When you replace
windshield wipers,

268
00:11:00,803 --> 00:11:02,503
you only need to switch out
the rubber part,

269
00:11:02,538 --> 00:11:04,004
not the whole blade.

270
00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:06,006
Huh, where can you buy
just the rubber part?

271
00:11:06,042 --> 00:11:08,042
I don't know.

272
00:11:08,077 --> 00:11:10,311
Well, I'm glad I told you
that before I died.

273
00:11:10,346 --> 00:11:14,048
So, uh, I'll go to Moe's
while you sort it out, huh?

274
00:11:18,721 --> 00:11:20,721

275
00:11:26,996 --> 00:11:28,996
Yes!

276
00:11:30,833 --> 00:11:32,733
Hey, thanks for coming.

277
00:11:34,203 --> 00:11:36,504
After washing dishes for a year
they bumped me to prep,

278
00:11:36,539 --> 00:11:38,839
which means I draw up
the schedule, babe.

279
00:11:38,875 --> 00:11:41,709
Wow, no more
Mr. Minimum Wage.

280
00:11:41,744 --> 00:11:43,611
I didn't say that.

281
00:11:43,646 --> 00:11:46,347
So I just got out of juvie
for the streetlight thing.

282
00:11:46,382 --> 00:11:48,048
But I'm not mad.

283
00:11:48,084 --> 00:11:50,651
I've learned that the
greatest crime of all

284
00:11:50,686 --> 00:11:54,188
is a life without faith.

285
00:11:54,223 --> 00:11:55,689
What's wrong?

286
00:11:55,725 --> 00:11:58,159
Is the cross not big enough?!

287
00:12:01,564 --> 00:12:04,798
Wow, you make out just
like Terri said you do.

288
00:12:04,834 --> 00:12:06,534
Wait, you're not Terri?

289
00:12:06,569 --> 00:12:07,902
No, I'm Sherri.

290
00:12:07,937 --> 00:12:09,336
But the further we go,

291
00:12:09,372 --> 00:12:12,173
the more you'll
know the difference.

292
00:12:14,977 --> 00:12:16,177
Oh, weed.
293
00:12:16,212 --> 00:12:18,012
That can get me
into a lot of trouble.

294
00:12:19,649 --> 00:12:23,317
Hey, idiots, the bong
stays in the tree house!

295
00:12:23,352 --> 00:12:24,852
Hey, boy.

296
00:12:27,323 --> 00:12:28,689
Are you crazy?

297
00:12:28,724 --> 00:12:30,824
What if the cops come?

298
00:12:32,795 --> 00:12:35,296
You're here, too?

299
00:12:35,331 --> 00:12:37,531
Yeah, must be weird for you.

300
00:12:37,567 --> 00:12:39,867
And-and think about this, man--

301
00:12:39,902 --> 00:12:42,369
the whole world
is happening right now.

302
00:12:42,405 --> 00:12:45,039
I mean, India, China.

303
00:12:45,074 --> 00:12:47,107
It's crazy.

304
00:12:47,143 --> 00:12:48,742
Can you just leave me here
with my dad?

305
00:12:48,778 --> 00:12:50,578
All right, sure.

306
00:12:50,613 --> 00:12:52,313
I can fly!

307
00:12:52,348 --> 00:12:54,782
No, no, I can't!

308
00:12:54,817 --> 00:12:56,617
I can't!

309
00:12:56,652 --> 00:13:00,588
Dad, why is it you and I
are never on the same page?

310
00:13:00,623 --> 00:13:03,424
Officer down, man.

311
00:13:03,459 --> 00:13:06,827
Boy, when you arrived,
I was terrified.

312
00:13:06,862 --> 00:13:09,029
Because it meant
I wasn't a kid anymore.

313
00:13:09,065 --> 00:13:11,065
I had responsibilities.

314
00:13:11,100 --> 00:13:13,500
Truth is, I'm just like you.

315
00:13:13,536 --> 00:13:17,037
A misunderstood guy who wants
his family to love him.

316
00:13:17,073 --> 00:13:20,107
And maybe we could
start with a hug?

317
00:13:21,611 --> 00:13:24,411
Aw, I'm so glad
we're sharing this.

318
00:13:24,447 --> 00:13:26,880
And I'm glad I have
one kid who's never

319
00:13:26,916 --> 00:13:29,450
gonna go anywhere
or do anything.

320
00:13:29,485 --> 00:13:30,517
Damn it, Homer!

321
00:13:30,553 --> 00:13:32,987
You ruin everything!

322
00:13:40,630 --> 00:13:42,630
Grampa, got to talk to Grampa.

323
00:13:49,138 --> 00:13:51,672
Grampa, I sure miss you, man.

324
00:13:51,707 --> 00:13:55,209
What would you say
if you were here right now?

325
00:13:55,244 --> 00:13:58,479
If you ever get a chance to
pitch woo at Myrna Loy, take it!

326
00:13:58,514 --> 00:14:01,248
She has eyes
like a Persian cat.

327
00:14:01,284 --> 00:14:03,584
Of course in my day,
Persia extended

328
00:14:03,619 --> 00:14:06,020
from Algiers
to Constantinople.

329
00:14:06,055 --> 00:14:09,790
Till the revolt
of the eunuchs in 1916 when...

330
00:14:09,825 --> 00:14:12,826
Ooh, you got gumption, kid.

331
00:14:12,862 --> 00:14:16,096
Find what you love
and follow it to glory.

332
00:14:16,132 --> 00:14:18,132
Yes.

333
00:14:20,670 --> 00:14:22,202
So, we're headed
into the final round

334
00:14:22,238 --> 00:14:25,339
of the Duff Extreme BMX
vert competition.

335
00:14:25,374 --> 00:14:27,141
Let's check the scoreboard

336
00:14:27,176 --> 00:14:31,312
while the half-pipe is being
cleaned by the Blood-Zoni.

337
00:14:31,347 --> 00:14:32,980
Dad, one more
round and I win!

338
00:14:33,015 --> 00:14:35,349
First achievement
I can call my own.

339
00:14:35,384 --> 00:14:37,251
Thank God whatever
this thing is

340
00:14:37,286 --> 00:14:39,386
is considered a sport.

341
00:14:39,422 --> 00:14:42,222
Bart Simpson
to the gate, please.

342
00:14:42,258 --> 00:14:44,325
Oh, good, we're just in time.

343
00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:45,693
Hmm.

344
00:14:45,728 --> 00:14:47,628
It's not the size
of the pennant.
345
00:14:47,663 --> 00:14:51,265
It's what you do with it.

346
00:14:51,300 --> 00:14:53,534
All right, nobody
likes a showoff.

347
00:14:53,569 --> 00:14:54,902
D'oh!

348
00:14:59,141 --> 00:15:00,341
Oh, man, I love to see this.

349
00:15:00,376 --> 00:15:01,909
Simpson's setting up
for his signature

350
00:15:01,944 --> 00:15:04,878
suicide no-hander
540 crank-flip!

351
00:15:20,529 --> 00:15:22,162
<i> I'm doing it!</i>
<i>I'm doing it!</i>

352
00:15:22,198 --> 00:15:23,564
<i>Finally, I'm me.</i>

353
00:15:23,599 --> 00:15:26,400
<i>Finally out of Lisa's shadow.</i>

354
00:15:28,204 --> 00:15:30,471
No!

355
00:15:32,942 --> 00:15:34,875
Yes! Yes!

356
00:15:34,910 --> 00:15:36,477
Thank God I aced
chest compressions

357
00:15:36,512 --> 00:15:39,113
at Mayo pre-med camp!

358
00:15:39,148 --> 00:15:40,647
And Bart's okay!

359
00:15:40,683 --> 00:15:43,117
The real star of this
BMX tournament is

360
00:15:43,152 --> 00:15:44,551
Lisa Simpson!

361
00:15:44,587 --> 00:15:46,720
Lisa! Lisa! Lisa!

362
00:15:46,756 --> 00:15:49,289
You've ruined everything
I've ever done!

363
00:15:49,325 --> 00:15:51,225
Move, quick!

364
00:15:51,260 --> 00:15:52,493
No!

365
00:15:52,528 --> 00:15:54,228
Warned you.

366
00:15:59,145 --> 00:16:00,812
Biker, huh?
I used to bike.

367
00:16:00,847 --> 00:16:02,680
I used to have dreams.

368
00:16:02,716 --> 00:16:04,816
I used to think disco
was coming back.

369
00:16:04,851 --> 00:16:06,851
Now I'm just Stu.

370
00:16:06,886 --> 00:16:08,986
Nothing Stu.

371
00:16:09,022 --> 00:16:12,724
Hey, Bart, you are coming
to my graduation party tonight?
372
00:16:12,759 --> 00:16:14,559
I don't know, man.
It's humiliating.

373
00:16:14,594 --> 00:16:17,795
My little sister's graduating
the same year as me.

374
00:16:17,831 --> 00:16:19,797
Haw-haw!

375
00:16:19,833 --> 00:16:22,700
Nelson, how can you say that
with what's happened to you?

376
00:16:22,736 --> 00:16:25,937
Yeah, well, I bought
a totally bitching car

377
00:16:25,972 --> 00:16:29,741
with the money I got
selling my pituitary gland.

378
00:16:29,776 --> 00:16:32,710
So cool.

379
00:16:39,285 --> 00:16:44,088
I knew I'd break down
when Kearney Jr. graduated.

380
00:16:44,124 --> 00:16:45,323
It's okay, Dad.

381
00:16:45,358 --> 00:16:47,458
We still got K-3.

382
00:16:50,363 --> 00:16:51,329
Right.

383
00:16:51,364 --> 00:16:53,297
Ralph, you joined the army?

384
00:16:53,333 --> 00:16:57,401
Yes, because I needed
a costume for this party.
385
00:16:57,437 --> 00:16:59,904
At college I'm gonna
reinvent myself.

386
00:16:59,939 --> 00:17:02,640
I'll pretend I have
a girlfriend in Canada.

387
00:17:02,675 --> 00:17:06,477
I'll say she lives in Alberta
and her name is Alberta,

388
00:17:06,513 --> 00:17:10,381
so I don't have
to remember two lies.

389
00:17:10,416 --> 00:17:11,983
Bart!

390
00:17:12,018 --> 00:17:13,417
I was getting worried.

391
00:17:13,453 --> 00:17:14,852
I'm your oldest buddy.

392
00:17:14,888 --> 00:17:16,320
I was there when you
got your nose done,

393
00:17:16,356 --> 00:17:18,990
then I was there when you
had your nose undone.

394
00:17:19,025 --> 00:17:22,226
Friends, family, and
a few people we hired

395
00:17:22,262 --> 00:17:24,662
to make our son
look more popular...

396
00:17:24,697 --> 00:17:26,430
I love Milton!

397
00:17:26,466 --> 00:17:28,199
Dad, you're embarrassing me!
398
00:17:28,234 --> 00:17:30,434
As usual.

399
00:17:30,470 --> 00:17:33,104
Yes, it's the only thing
your father does well.

400
00:17:33,139 --> 00:17:37,008
Can't you two put it aside
for one night in honor of me?

401
00:17:37,043 --> 00:17:38,509
No!
No!

402
00:17:38,545 --> 00:17:40,711
Oh.

403
00:17:40,747 --> 00:17:42,046
Ah, what the heck?

404
00:17:42,081 --> 00:17:44,215
Congratulations, Milhouse.

405
00:17:44,250 --> 00:17:48,152
You made it through adolescence
and you're cuter than ever.

406
00:17:48,188 --> 00:17:50,421
Oh, sweet Lisa!

407
00:17:50,456 --> 00:17:52,290
You know I had
a rocky childhood

408
00:17:52,325 --> 00:17:54,125
with all the rocks
they threw at me.

409
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:57,662
You're the most amazing
thing at this party.

410
00:17:57,697 --> 00:17:59,697
Well, excuse me!
411
00:18:02,335 --> 00:18:04,602
I'm not even the best Simpson
at my best friend's party!

412
00:18:04,637 --> 00:18:07,738
Do you know what it's like to
be second-best at anything?

413
00:18:07,774 --> 00:18:09,006
Yeah, I do!

414
00:18:09,042 --> 00:18:10,408
I'm going to Yale!

415
00:18:10,443 --> 00:18:12,109
Listen here, Bart Simpson!

416
00:18:12,145 --> 00:18:13,911
I am sick and tired
of you blaming me

417
00:18:13,947 --> 00:18:16,247
for every setback
you have ever had!

418
00:18:16,282 --> 00:18:18,616
And you have talents, too,
you idiot.

419
00:18:18,651 --> 00:18:20,318
You're a hell of an artist,

420
00:18:20,353 --> 00:18:22,253
even though you don't
do anything with it.

421
00:18:22,288 --> 00:18:25,022
You think I'm an artist?

422
00:18:25,058 --> 00:18:28,226
And you already have a true
artist's most important asset.

423
00:18:28,261 --> 00:18:30,428
A miserable life.
424
00:18:30,463 --> 00:18:33,598
So if that's all my fault,
you're welcome.

425
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:55,920
Hey, man.

426
00:18:55,955 --> 00:18:57,521
You're looking good.

427
00:18:57,557 --> 00:18:59,991
Thank God Lisa invented
the artificial pituitary.

428
00:19:00,026 --> 00:19:02,326
Sorry, didn't mean
to use the "L" word.

429
00:19:02,362 --> 00:19:05,329
Listen, man,
a certain someone convinced me

430
00:19:05,365 --> 00:19:08,099
to go around giving back
the lunch money I took.

431
00:19:08,134 --> 00:19:10,468
Here's the first $5,000.

432
00:19:10,503 --> 00:19:11,569
Wow.

433
00:19:11,604 --> 00:19:13,571
Thanks.
What got into you?

434
00:19:13,606 --> 00:19:15,106
Nelson, come on!

435
00:19:15,141 --> 00:19:18,309
We'll miss day six
of the Bolivian Film Festival.

436
00:19:18,344 --> 00:19:19,877
You guys are dating?
437
00:19:19,913 --> 00:19:21,345
Is there any other reason
I'd be going

438
00:19:21,381 --> 00:19:23,314
to a Bolivian Film Festival?

439
00:19:23,349 --> 00:19:24,815
I'm sorry I didn't
tell you, Bart.

440
00:19:24,851 --> 00:19:27,585
I don't really know
how you feel about me.

441
00:19:27,620 --> 00:19:30,288
Well, you told me I was
an artist, and you were right.

442
00:19:30,323 --> 00:19:32,590
I am, and

443
00:19:32,625 --> 00:19:34,959
I get to write on the walls.

444
00:19:34,994 --> 00:19:37,495
Wow, that's beautiful.

445
00:19:37,530 --> 00:19:39,997
I do notice
there's no me.

446
00:19:40,033 --> 00:19:41,832
Ah, those are the breaks.

447
00:19:41,868 --> 00:19:44,201
Why don't I buy you and your
boyfriend a couple beers?

448
00:19:44,237 --> 00:19:45,336
Just let me close up.

449
00:19:45,371 --> 00:19:46,671
That would be nice.
450
00:19:46,706 --> 00:19:49,106
We'll see you at the car.

451
00:19:50,810 --> 00:19:53,444
Aw!

452
00:19:53,479 --> 00:19:55,346
You weren't supposed to see.

453
00:19:55,381 --> 00:19:57,381
Well, I'm glad I did.

454
00:20:00,019 --> 00:20:01,752
Hmm?

455
00:20:01,788 --> 00:20:03,587
You're El Barto?

456
00:20:03,623 --> 00:20:05,623
How is that possible?

457
00:20:16,016 --> 00:20:17,916
Why are clouds brown?

458
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:19,083
Pollution.

459
00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:20,852
Why is the grass green?

460
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,920
'Cause it's artificial.

461
00:20:22,956 --> 00:20:25,723
Then why are
the sprinklers coming on?

462
00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:28,426
'Cause I was too
lazy to unhook them.

463
00:20:28,461 --> 00:20:30,828
Why aren't we moving?

464
00:20:30,864 --> 00:20:33,564
Because you're drunk
and I'm stoned.

465
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:36,400
Why does beer
taste so good?

466
00:20:36,436 --> 00:20:38,970
'Cause you've
just had seven.

467
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:40,705
<i>Did you like the movie</i> Boyhood?

468
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,406
<i>Oh, is that what this was?</i>

469
00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:45,076
<i> How many years</i>
<i>of hair do I have left?</i>

470
00:20:45,111 --> 00:20:48,045
<i> It disappears as soon</i>
<i>as girls like you.</i>

471
00:20:48,081 --> 00:20:50,014
<i>What's the secret of life?</i>

472
00:20:50,049 --> 00:20:53,117
<i> You can avoid</i>
<i>a lot of awkward situations</i>

473
00:20:53,153 --> 00:20:55,086
<i>by pretending</i>
<i>to be on the phone.</i>

474
00:20:55,121 --> 00:20:56,154
<i>Like what?</i>

475
00:20:56,189 --> 00:20:58,256
<i> Hold on,</i>
<i>I got to take this call.</i>

476
00:20:58,291 --> 00:21:04,791
== sync, corrected by <font color=#00FF00>elderman</font> ==
<font color=#00FFFF>@elder_man</font>